We return now to our party and the wine cellar of the old haunted house.
Just after they defeated a couple bandits and looted a bunch of footlockers.
So and in total you guys got 63 gold and you can divvy it out if you want altogether unless
you want one person to hold all the gold which...
Uh, Shmi would be very much inclined to try to keep some.
Can I try to pocket, out of the three chests that I opened...
Can I try to pocket them?
Yeah, if you want to.
Depends on how much these guys are paying attention.
You can roll against their passive perception if you want.
What are your guys' passive perception?
I got a 15.
I have an 11.
Alright, so you gotta beat a 15.
17.
17, alright.
Pocket one of the golds.
Shmi just doesn't like, just kinda looks so giddy and so guilty but he puts one of the
gold sacks in his chest and he's like, Shmi only found two gold sacks in these three?
So weird!
Yeah!
Very strange.
Oh yeah, so he's at 56 now.
Interesting.
And I guess technically Shmi already took the one earlier, right?
So now Shmi has 14.
Yeah, which means there is 49 left.
And Coxen you took one as well, so that means there's 42 left.
And Karwin, you took one as well, so that means there's 35 gold left to divvy up.
I mean, I would think Karwin just holds hers out, cause you know, she was...
Like to the captain, like, here you go captain.
Yeah.
Alright, so 42 gold then.
Coxen, add it to your sheet.
Yep.
Now that you guys have made it through all of these wooden chests in this room, on the
very far side of this room there are two wooden doors on the east side.
Yarr.
Alright, there folks, we've been doing some enough here, let's get to move on.
Which door do you think we should go through this time, help?
Oh, as you approach the doors on the east end of the room, the door to your left appears
normal, but the one ahead has a wooden bar across it, held in brackets on the frame,
and the door itself reads the word danger.
It's scrawled on the door in common tongue using chalk.
Ugh.
Anybody else up for another fight?
I do believe this one might be keeping a beastie inside.
How still hungry.
Does Harwin know that that's where they came out, because you said earlier that it looked
like they came out of the shadows or out of the walls?
They totally.
Does she have remembered that that's?
I think so, roll me insight.
That's a seven plus two, a whopping nine.
That's a nine.
Here, you're not sure.
It's definitely this direction though.
Help 100% wants to go through the bar door.
Okay.
Yeah, so do I.
Okay.
We're not going to even check the other door, we're just going to go today.
Oh, we can do it.
Yeah, she's not kind of just following along with the gold on him just being like, I got
gold.
I got gold.
Sweet.
Sorry, what was that?
Shmi.
Nice.
We all got gold, Captain.
Look.
Hi.
Hi, we did all get gold.
You just seem a little more cheery than usual.
Like you may have got a little more than you say.
But you wouldn't do that now, would you?
No, Captain Shmi is happy because no more ghosts and Shmi got gold and shoe.
He kind of holds up the shoe that it's like happy now.
You know, there was an old tale about a shoe once and the reason why we didn't see any
ghosts in here is because the shoe was the only thing that had a soul left in here.
Well, you've given me something to think on, Captain.
I'm going to crack open that door with a bar in it and fling the door wide open.
As you get a little bit closer to this bar, you can tell before you open it, I want you
to know that you examine the bar and you can see that it is a little bit damaged and bent
as if something has tried to push this door open from the other side.
Yeah, well, the information I assume that there was a beastie inside here looks to be
rather true.
Are you all up for a fight?
Help prepares his trident and growls a little bit.
And perhaps there, Karwin, you do have those two healing potions.
Perchance Help and I might take a swig of them to get our health back.
Indeed.
Here you go.
Two healing potions.
I thank you.
Help is going to just eat the whole bottle at all.
That's one way to do it.
All right.
So only one D for healing at one D for damage.
So when you guys drink or eat, I guess, assuming the magical red fluid in this vial, you get
two D for plus two hit points back.
Oh, damn.
That Max rolls.
Make sure to say them out loud.
I rolled a five.
I rolled an eight plus two.
Help nods to Karwin as a thank you.
You are very welcome.
I'm glad you enjoyed eating something not on the improved list.
Okay, you, Captain Coxson, you lift the bar.
It is easily lifted from the door.
And as you lift it, the door almost opens easily as if the bar was also kind of pinning
the door shut.
It creaks open.
And the light that spills in from the large room behind you barely shows that the chamber
ahead of you is only about 12 feet across and the corners are filled with shadow.
What little you can see is dingy and dirty.
Is there a torch I can grab and toss in there easy?
We have our many in our adventures.
We can see kind of I have dark vision.
You guys cut to me and he's kind of like throwing up into the shoe that he had and he's like,
they're all better, all better.
And he kind of like puts it down and then like, and steps forward.
He's going to take a peer into the darkness.
Can you see anything?
So straight ahead, it only goes about, I'd say maybe eight feet across.
So if you look straight ahead, you can't see very much.
If you want to see anything off to the left, that's about the 12 foot length of the room.
You're going to have to step inside to be able to get around that corner.
I would like to, but can I check for like traps at the entrance of the door?
Is there a way I can like look over some drip wires, maybe a pressure plate?
Sure.
I am tiny.
You can roll me a perception if you want to.
I got a four.
Even with your four, you can kind of tell there doesn't look to be any traps around the area,
but you aren't positive.
Shmi kind of does like the keep his body behind the door frame and stick his head like a little
bit in and kind of looking around it.
Okay.
There's like a wall.
So you're going to like step past the door frame, like into this room to be able to see
anything.
So you can't really do it.
You can't really do a Scooby Doo, but you can step in there and do that.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
As you step inside, uh, you three, you hear Shmi kind of shriek and scream at what he
sees in front of him.
On the other side, there must've been a mirror in there of this 12 foot room.
There are six old looking skeletons.
They rise and they pick up their swords and bows and attempt to attack as soon as Shmi
had already stepped into this room.
I feel like as Shmi would have walked in, he would have saw the skeletons getting up
and like animating and picking up swords and he would have tried.
I'd be like, nothing in here.
Nope, nothing.
Let's go.
Yeah.
So, um, everybody roll me initiative and you can say that to them and try to convince them
to just shut the door, but it's up for them to do that if they want to.
Um, additionally, when you do look across this room, there does seem to be a light kind
of coming through like a crack in the wall on the far side where the skeletons are.
I would like to point out that I just rolled a second nat 20 tonight for my initiative.
Damn dude.
Dude's sick.
Okay, Shmi, you are first.
What do?
Shmi is going to do exactly what I mentioned.
He's going to kind of like walk out and then can I close the door on the other side and
just be like, nothing in there.
Yeah.
I don't see why not.
You absolutely could, but you're going to have to lift this heavy bar and put it back
on the door and try to like balance it because the bar had the door kind of pinned before.
And now that you've lifted up this bar, um, it's going to be hard to do.
So you could shut the door.
We're going to do some, some skill checks here.
We're going to take an action to do this, but first I'm going to need you to roll me
a strength save to be able to lift this wooden bar on your own.
21 has a nat 20 on a strength.
Yeah, you lift it.
You lift it.
Second nat 20 in five minutes.
What the heck?
Jeez, dude.
Okay.
Now I need you to roll me.
Fuck it.
Let's say sleight of hand to be able to perfectly lay it in there and shut the door at the same
time.
15.
That works.
15 works.
You shut the door and then what do you say to your party?
In a very Scooby Doo like manner, you get to kind of, she's like legs before move before
his torso does.
And you're like, when he comes in, he's like nothing in there.
And just like very quickly, like bang, like a bugs bunny character.
And then puts the thing up in the, into the slot of the heavy door.
And he goes, yep, nothing.
Just might as well turn around and go.
Okay.
Um, well that's going to end your turn.
I'm going to let these guys do something first.
So Coxen it's your turn.
What do you do?
How wide is this door?
I'd say it's probably about bucket six feet across maximum.
It's not much bigger than an average sized door.
And to me, you said there was six skeletons in there.
Not nothing, Captain.
There's nothing in there.
We should just go.
If there's nothing in there, why'd you run so fast?
You know, it's good for exercise.
Same thing.
Well, we're trying to keep this in congruency here.
So I'd still be saying the same thing.
Damn it.
Me and my inner monologue again.
Damn it.
Arrrrr.
We didn't cut anything out.
I promise.
Perchance we'll just come back to this later because you never know.
We might get into a clusterfuck we don't want to deal with.
Yeah, Captain.
I've seen I've seen glimpses of the future in my sleep and you know, I got some bad deja
vu.
I I think I'd be feeling you on that one.
Weird, right?
Yeah.
It's all good.
TPK is six skeletons.
Right.
So if you don't want to open the door, then that is going to end your turn and end initiative.
But I will say after you kind of finish your conversation with Shmi, there is a bunch of
banging and clanging on that door behind you.
And it seems like almost the tip of a short sword comes through the door like it was aiming
right for you.
Like as if in a different, distant alternate universe, that sword hits you.
This be dangerous.
Let's get some stuff and throw it in front of the door.
Like these dead bodies.
So I do want to remind you guys that there is a nether door to the left that is completely
like it's pretty much cracked open and there's like lights on the inside.
And that was the right door, you said?
Yeah, it's the one that doesn't say danger on the front of it.
I mean the right door.
Let's let's go through that one instead for whatever crazy reason that would be a better
choice.
Unlike the barracks, this small room holds comfortable furnishing furnishings and appears
to be actually well cared for.
A comfortable looking bed is in the northwest corner and it has a wooden locker at its foot.
There's a small wooden table.
It stands against the east wall with a padded leather chair beside it.
On the table, a brass three branch candlestick with three burning candles provides the room
with bright light.
The candles, though not fresh, are far from spent.
Under the table you look and see is a small wooden box and an unlit bullseye lantern with
a movable shutter over the lens.
On a shelf above the table sits three books and in the northeast corner is a closed wooden
wardrobe.
I would like to go investigate this bullseye lantern.
Okay, hell yeah, dude.
You reach under the table and pick it up.
You kind of look at it.
Roll me an investigation check on this bad boy.
That was a 17.
Nice.
This, you could tell with your successful check that this lantern is only used infrequently,
but this is a bullseye lantern.
It can cast a bright light and a 60 foot cone and dim light for an additional 60 feet.
Very nice.
I'll hook that onto my belt.
Keep that for later.
Help is going to look for food.
Carwin's going to check out the books.
Oh, okay.
I hope you step into the room and start smelling everything.
Carwin you step in past him and look at the books.
The books consist of the following volumes on the shelf.
You read The Spines.
There's a volume of erotic poetry that is fully illustrated.
There is a naval almanac listing tide times for the area of the coast around Salt Haven.
And a triatees concerning the demigod Luz and his minions.
So Carwin picks up all three.
She's going to throw them in her backpack.
As you pick up all of the books, the third book, A Sheet of Parchment falls out and falls
onto the bed below.
Carwin picks it up and reads it.
You can read it.
Inside the third book, there's a few simple words and phrases in the common tongue and
their equivalents in goblin, which apparently you said you know how to speak.
The words include stop, fight, lift, come, and so forth.
They are some kind of keywords that you assume people were using to command some kind of
hobgoblin mercenaries or something.
It's like a translation sheet.
And then she also, without looking at the inside of the pages of the erotic book, opens
it up thinking that there's something in that one too.
Like opens it up upside down and shakes it.
Nice.
You open it upside down.
Shake it.
Yeah.
And then before you go to close it, you see the author says, illustrated by Michelle
Abstracto written by Turkey Terror.
She means like, shme back these on Kickstarter.
You go to the back and it says Kickstarter credits, shme.
She just leaves that one on the bed because there wasn't anything in it.
That's her only, she doesn't have any interest in those kinds of books.
Okay.
All right.
I'm just going to walk over and grab that book and put it into my pocket.
Not much.
There's a wardrobe.
Look out for lions and witches.
They love these things.
There might be something in there without blood stains.
Let's take a look.
Nice.
You open up this fucking wardrobe together.
Shme, you are blown away because right away you see a fancy floor length oil skin coat
and it hangs in the wardrobe.
Too big for shme.
Yes.
It has a numerous different pockets and it is trimmed in an iridescent green silk.
It's like a captain's coat.
Is it too big for shme?
I mean, it's really nice.
Shme might be able to have a little bit here.
Hey, shme, you could wear whatever you want.
I love the idea of little shme running around in a coat that's way too big for him.
Dexterity saving through on every step.
Plus seven acrobatics.
We're good.
At first he was like, nah, too extravagant for shme.
But in his new fully loaded with gold feeling like a baller status, he takes the coat and
he's like, just too bad it won't fit.
And he's like putting his arms through it.
It's kind of like sagging off and he's like, ah, let me try it out.
And he just kind of walks away from the wardrobe holding this arm that looks like a fully grown
adult shack jacket on a three year old.
That may need tailoring.
True.
Help while you're standing next to this wardrobe, not paying much attention to the coat, you're
looking at the fine seasoned wood.
And before you go to take a bite out of it, I want you to roll me an investigation check
on this here.
Wardrobe.
Ka-chow.
Ooh, nice.
21.
Very good.
So before you go to take a bite out of it, you see that the wood is kind of a little
bit different colored in a certain spot and you find that weird.
So you go to like rip it off because maybe it tastes different, you think.
And as you push on it, it opens to a hidden compartment.
Behind it, it holds a book and on the front it reads, San Bellet's Spell Book.
San Bellet's like as in a belt?
Like S-A-N-B-A-L-E-T-S.
Yes.
Also, there's a small wooden box.
Halp is going to sniff the book.
Additionally, I would like to roll an arcana check.
Nice.
It says to recall information about fey, fiends, or undead.
So I guess if any of that information is relevant.
Okay.
19.
Okay.
There's nothing about fey, fiends, or undead, but you kind of skim through it and it looks
like it's a book that contains a bunch of spells that someone had previously prepared
for themselves.
Halp is going to toss it to Carwin.
Nice.
Carwin catches it.
This book's for you.
Thank you.
You do know I love books.
Thank you so much.
So since he tossed it to me, do I need to do something for that or do I just catch it?
Because I'm awesome.
You just catch it.
Sweet.
Because you're awesome.
One thing I had to look at, so it also contains a small wooden box that's sitting there that
was behind the book.
Does he pick it up and smell it?
Oh yeah.
Halp definitely picks it up and smells it.
It smells like wax.
Halp is going to attempt to open it.
Okay.
You open it.
So it holds 12 candles, flint and steel, and a peach of parchment that details some kind
of method of SOS.
Halp's going to remember that Carwin likes to read.
So he pulls out the parchment and then eats the rest of the box.
Oh.
Wax and all?
Yep.
All right, very good.
Thank you, Halp.
In like the most dejected.
I saved this for you.
Thank you.
Like as dejected as she can muster into her voice.
She's beginning to realize that she needs to get to things way before he does.
You see Shmi still standing there with the same plate and knife from before and it's
like, ah, ah.
There is seasoned wood.
That is on the approved list.
Shmi's okay.
Let's go back.
We got money.
Shmi, go buy a bread.
Make a sandwich.
It's fine.
So you guys have searched this whole room and kind of gathered everything.
You spent some time in here double checking, but eventually you step back out of this room
and out into the common rooms.
All of you were kind of sitting around wondering where to go next.
It seems that all is lost.
But as you all look around, you start investigating things.
And I want all of you guys once again to roll me an investigation.
See if maybe you can remember what even led you down here in the first place.
14 plus one.
And then I have, I don't know if this is going to be like DM allowed in any way, shape or
form.
But because there were swords sticking out of that door and I'm assuming they're still
swords sticking out of the door that are moving around.
She uses a very loud voice to say stop in Goblin.
At the skeletons.
Yeah, I don't know.
She's just trying something stupid.
Oh shit, bitch.
That's so clever.
What the fuck?
I don't even think that is in here.
I don't fucking think that's in this book.
That is so clever.
I want you also to roll me an intimidation check when you say it.
Oh shit.
Okay.
Seven.
You think for a split second that this was going to work, but then your lady robot voice
doesn't say it loud enough and they don't listen.
The stabs continue on the door.
Well, seems easy to me.
Shmi kind of backs up with his bow and he goes, they make a hole.
Shmi shoots through.
They break down door.
We stab as they come out.
Then we go in, collect stuff.
Shmi goes home, gets sandwich.
Shmi, do you react whenever Karwin says stop in your Goblin language all loud?
No, because I think he would understand what she's trying to do.
I think if anything, subconsciously he's kind of like critiquing her accent.
Yeah, close.
And you're not smart enough to give it a shot yourself.
You don't think?
I mean, he could yell back at me.
Why did you yell stop and say the same thing?
And then maybe it works.
No, I feel like in this scenario, Shmi would just be critiquing their Goblin.
He'd just be like, it's not the best, but you know.
Shmi, it did not work.
Did I not say it right?
Now, I see you got to say it like this.
She kind of like yells.
Roman intimidation, Shmi.
With a plus three, I got a 12.
12.
Okay.
So, it means you're not positive.
This is so not in the book.
You're not positive.
But you think for a second, if you're willing to risk it, you think that the swords on the
door might have stopped stabbing when you yelled stop.
I feel like Shmi's reaction to that would just be like, fine, geez, they stopped finally.
And he kind of just like goes back and just like pulls out the boot that he was trying
to chew on before and just start considering if she did it again.
I want to walk up to the door.
Is there are there holes big enough for me to like jam my quarterstaff through?
See if I can hit something.
Yeah, you know, I think so.
I definitely think so, especially because of all the stabbing they've been doing this
whole fucking time.
Yeah.
So I'm gonna thrust through with my quarterstaff.
You know what?
Roll to hit.
No, you thrust through there and you don't think you hit anything.
You pull it back out.
But there's no movement, no rustling, no nothing that I can perceive after that.
I don't know.
Why don't you perceive for me?
Perceived shown perception.
Perceived 2222.
Yeah.
From what you can see, there is no here.
There is no movement.
Nothing like that.
Hi there.
It seems quiet in there.
Do we want to go check it out now?
And you had us do it and we just did nothing because I was asking you a question if you
would allow something and we just went down that rabbit trail.
We went the other way.
Yeah.
So the reason you guys did the investigation was because who actually got high enough here?
Help.
You actually refound the muddy footprints that you followed down here in the first place
and they lead off to a wall on the very far side of this room by the stairs that you came
down in the first place.
And they just stop at the wall.
I'm going to go check the wall.
Okay.
I picture you walk over like, help do it.
Wait, help was doing something else.
You just, everybody just walks with you.
Help easily disrupted.
Yeah.
You walk over to the wall, you look down and you could see that the footprints literally
lead.
It almost looks like someone just walked face first into this wall.
Oh, help's going to try to walk into the wall.
Stupid.
Well, how hard are you going to try to walk into the wall?
Cause if you're going full force, I'm going to need you to roll me a D4, but if you're
just going to walk normal, then maybe not.
No, yeah.
He would have just attempted to walk normal.
Okay.
Yeah.
You could just walk into the wall and then take a step back.
You'd like bump into it.
Like it's completely solid.
Okay.
Uh, now I'm going to investigate the wall cause help is confused why the feet go towards
the wall and then stop.
Okay.
Go ahead.
Roll it for me.
Ooh yeah.
21.
Nice.
You could see that this part of the brick and stone wall, as you run your hand along
it help the stone, you could almost see that it, it has a seam in a certain place.
And then you look and you see that there is another stone in this wall that is completely
discolored.
Like it doesn't belong there.
Help is going to push on the discolored stone.
You push on the secret stone.
I mean you push on the discolored stone and then the whole wall slightly moves and shuffles
over to the left, revealing stone and rock stairs that lead down into what seemed to
be caverns below.
And as the door opens, you could hear water.
Help turns to his compadres.
Help find new room.
Uh, a good job, help.
Hell yeah.
So now you guys have two different things you could do.
What do you want to do?
I think this is a good fortuitous circumstance we have here.
Shall we go down and explore this one?
Yes.
I would think help is curious with the water being a water creature.
Okay.
Yeah, if it gets you guys out of here faster, let's go.
You guys head out that door.
You can see that this passage of these stairs beyond this secret door in the south wall,
the passage declines perceptively.
Like you could see that it declines down towards the sea and then it runs all the way down
into an uneven naturally formed cavern about 20 feet in diameter.
There's another tunnel that leads off around to the left and this cavern leads off around
to the right.
And this specific slimy cavern, there really isn't much, but there are like two patches
of green slime that hang on the ceiling roughly between the two passage mouths.
Well, help's going to try to grab the slime.
Okay.
You want to jump up and grab it?
I want you to roll me an acrobatics check.
Is that what that sigh was for?
You're like, I have to eat this.
I've set myself up for this.
It has to happen now.
15.
You jump up and grab one of these mossy, soggy slimes hanging from the ceiling.
Help is going to take the opportunity to sniff it first.
Nice.
You do that.
It smells mossy and slimy and wet.
Now help's going to eat it.
Help eats it.
In the notes, it literally says if a player passes underneath them, they fall on their
head.
It's moss.
But instead, you eat it.
All right.
Very good.
But still, it's just moss.
You have to come up with a bunch of different rules for him eating things.
Cool.
So it wasn't poisoning.
No.
All right.
It was not poisoning.
Yay me.
So do we still hear water in the cavern?
Yeah.
But we don't see any.
No.
It's like as if it's raining outside or as if there's a river somewhere.
Yeah.
I think help would continue walking towards the water sound.
All right.
This cavern that you pass into, much like the passage leading to it, has a couple of
torches held in simple iron brackets all around the walls.
You can see five small bolts of cloth stacked against the wall to your left.
And to your right are eight small casks and a neat little row.
This once again is like a 20 foot open cavern that has another mouth tunnel that opens once
more out to the right.
Like to investigate the casks.
Hell yeah.
Help will assist.
Good.
Yes.
Very good with the six.
OK, well, I like how very good with the sticks.
But even with your low rolls, you guys are sailors.
You're pirates.
You look at the cask.
You could see with the small nozzle on the front of it, you kind of open it up and some
liquid falls out onto your hand.
You bring your hand to your face and smell it and it's brandy.
Oh yeah.
These are eight casks of brandy.
Help is going to eat an entire cask.
OK now, I'm feeling like this cask is half your size.
I was imagining like a little cask.
OK, it's like a full on cake.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, he definitely can't eat that.
No, doesn't mean he can't try.
Carwin picks up the one of the bolts of cloth and investigate, like holds it up to the torch
light and looks at the thread count and how good it is and judges.
So these are five bolts of silk.
Yeah, very nice silk, much like the new silk coat that Shmi is wearing.
It's much like that.
I don't want to brag, but it's pretty nice.
It is.
I'm going to turn around and be like, I who said that?
As I just see this like lump of a jacket on the ground.
That's pretty good.
Wait, is this jacket oilcloth or silk?
It's oilcloth with silk, like inlaid on it, green silk.
Oh, OK, so this is green silk as well.
Yeah, sure.
After you guys are done in this room, you continue walking, help leading the charge,
trying to find the water.
See, Mrs. Home.
This next passageway is kind of like an incline and the passage is perceptibly, the water
is perceptibly louder in this area.
And you can see that some coarse kind of matting has been laid in pieces on the floor to try
to like negate some of the slopes slipperiness.
And as you guys reach the very end of it, you can almost see the water.
But before you do, up ahead, it kind of opens into a area.
And as you guys round the corner, you could see down below, water runs all through this
cavern.
And at the very edge, there's a small boat.
But next to that boat, you hear voices talking.
And as you round the corner, you see what looks to be a tall man with a shaved head
and like piercing green eyes.
And he's kind of like talking to another bandit and a hobgoblin down by this boat, telling
them to lift things and put them inside of this small little boat that's down there at
the river.
They have not yet to spot you, being that the sound of this water is so loud, you can
barely even make out what he is saying over there.
But you for now stand at this corner.
And down below there are people.
I would like to go into stealth and sneak up to them.
Okay, roll me stealth son.
What's that Shmi?
I say I'm gonna go with him.
15.
Oh yeah, roll me a stealth Shmi.
15.
Oh yeah, both of you guys nice.
So you sneak up past around the corner, there's a couple of like empty crates that they look
like they've already unloaded goods out of and you guys hide behind.
What you can kind of make out from what he's saying and his pirate slang is that he's talking
to these two as if they're kind of like helpers in this operation.
And he's like, I want to expand this operation.
You know, eventually we can inhabit a more secure location to, you know, better pursue
all of me magical studies and all of me trade.
We'll be smuggling for a long time here boys.
We just got to keep up the good work.
And you know I'll sacrifice both you fucking losers to make sure that we meet our goals.
There's more shit at stake than whatever you want.
I'm gonna pull the dart from my belt, look to Shmi and give him a wink.
Captain wait, wait, Captain wait.
What if matching pants are in one of those crates?
Shmi would like an outfit and he kind of does like a little twirl with his jacket.
Nice.
I just sort of put a hole in Shmi's pants.
Shmi, that's why you aim for the head.
Oh, how many?
As I flick a dart out towards the tall person.
Okay dude, roll me to hit.
Let's do it.
Ah, it's a 21.
All right.
Remember you also get stealth damage on this bad boy.
Yeah.
How do I add stealth damage in this?
1d6 my friend.
Oh, 1d4 plus 3 plus 1d6.
Oh, that was some damn fine stealth damage for a total of six.
All right, you guys, roll me initiative.
And remember Shmi, you are still hidden.
You have not attacked.
You're still hidden behind that crate.
19.
Nice.
Car win three.
Hey, it auto puts it in.
If I create the encounter first.
Yes.
Sick.
Nice.
All right, help.
You are first my friend.
What do you do?
How close am I?
About 15 ish feet, 15 ish 20 as the crow flies at least.
I'm going to charge and attack the person that coxswain shot with the dart with my trident.
Hell yeah.
Let's do it.
25.
Yes.
Is that a nat 20?
Yep.
Yeah, it is.
Hell yeah, buddy.
That's it right there.
That's double damage.
Roll it.
Let's go.
I also picture like he still hasn't even turned around yet.
So you're charging at him with this trident when he's even fucking paying attention.
11 damage, bro.
It's still a lot.
You stab him right in the back.
And he's like, oh, what the heck?
And he's got a dart in the back of his head.
He's like, shit.
It's his turn though.
He turns around and looks and sees captain and he sees you help standing there.
And he's like, what the why?
What are you doing here?
And he casts ray of frost at.
Well, I guess you help your closest.
For aesthetic.
Yeah.
Before he cast that at me, help is going to roar.
Help is here for dinner.
Okay.
He's making a rain spell attack against you at disadvantage.
If it hits, you will take one to eight damage and your movements speed will be reduced by
10 feet.
So that is a 17 or 16.
Yeah, both hit.
Okay.
You take eight damage and your spells reduced by movement speed reduced by 10 feet.
He will also be using a first level spell slot of magic missile against you, captain
Cox from the sea.
So he creates three glowing darts of magical force.
Each dart hits a creature of his choice that he can see within range.
A dart deals one D four plus one force damage to his target.
The darts all strike simultaneously and you can direct them to hit one creature or several.
So straight to you.
Instantaneous.
Okay.
That is two, two, four plus one.
That is nine damage.
As an aside, this is a level one encounter.
Okay, just count double check.
Yes, it is.
We really got to remember to take short rest.
Well, we can.
Every HP counts.
What do you do?
Shmey?
He, he's he's still in stealth here.
So, you know, kind of hanging out, enjoying the jacket.
And then he realizes, oh, shit, the captain.
And he peeks up over the edge.
And I feel like fires at this guy just as he completes finishing his magic missile with
his his newfound crossbow.
Hell yeah.
So let me know if a eight with a plus fire or an eight.
You're too short.
You're hiding behind the boxes.
You can't see.
Okay.
So yeah, I feel like you would fire the crossbow.
Well, he misses, but I'd like to use a bonus action of hiding again.
So kind of will still go back.
You have that ability.
I do as a goblin.
As a goblin.
Nimble escape.
I can take disengage or hide action as bonus action on each of my turns.
Okay.
Fuck yeah.
Sick ass.
Let's do it.
Twenty twenty.
Yeah.
You come out and miss and then hide again.
And he's like, where did that come from?
I feel like he just kind of like when a guy looks over, it's not that Shmey actively tried
to hide again.
He just sees a jacket.
He just hides in the jacket.
He's he's reloading right now.
He didn't even try to hide.
He's just not holding it over himself because he's reloading.
So it is now the bandits turn one of the bandits he was talking to the bandits sees this shit
going down behind him.
And after just taking all the awful words he just got from this guy, he turns to him
and he's like, screw you, dude.
You're on your own.
And he hops in one of the boats.
There's two small boats down there and he hops in one of the boats that is empty completely
and he grabs the oars and begins kind of getting away.
And you can see the hobgoblin next to him kind of turns and he's like, what?
But it's not his turn.
So he can't do anything but cocks in the sea.
It is your turn.
I'm going to rush up to the tall guy and come in with a tavern brawler strike.
Hell yeah, dude.
One screen move.
There we go.
Plus five to hit.
That is a 15 15 hits.
One D four plus three damage for six damage.
All right, six damage.
Hell yeah.
He's like, ah, six damage.
Then I shall go into my grapple.
All right.
For 17 to grapple.
That's pretty good.
He's going to try to, should I guess get out of the way?
You got a six.
So you succeed.
You grapple him.
Nice.
Oh, yeah.
Got him in a rear naked choke.
Yeah, get him, Captain.
So you hear from a nearby jacket.
Yeah, he had a coat speaking up again.
Yeah, it is now the hobgoblin's turn.
You see he turns and runs out into the water and leaps into this boat.
And they both start rowing away together.
Now it is Carwin's turn.
Now, Carwin, I want to tell you just a little bit of insight.
That book of spells you got earlier.
Yeah.
If you were to read it or want to read it, you could actually learn exactly all of the
spells this guy has prepared.
A little bit of metagaming here, but yeah.
Okay.
I don't know if she would do that in the moment because she doesn't know this dude's name
because it said his name on it, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
But I will do that probably in the future because she's all about getting the most knowledge.
But so she casts shape water and she makes it into a five foot cube and she sticks it
on the first guy's head.
And so now he's actively drowning.
You mean like, yes, the sand bullet guy.
What the fuck?
So like the dude that, wait, wait, the guy that Coxwin is grappling.
Wait, wait.
No.
Okay.
All right.
The guys that are trying to get away.
Okay.
All right.
Cool.
After one plus con bonus minutes of holding your breath underwater, they fall unconscious.
Your hit points fall to zero and you can then survive for a number of rounds equals to your
con modifier.
After that, you begin your death saving throws per the standard rules.
However, if you become stable, there is a problem.
If you are still underwater, you can't remain stable.
So you must start making death saving throws again.
This continues until you die or you are saved.
So one plus con bonus minutes.
First guy.
His con bonus is one.
So for two minutes he can hold his breath.
Realistically that's pretty impressive.
One minute.
I mean, I'm sure it's very disconcerting.
One minute is 10 rounds.
That's a long ass time.
What?
Don't they mean turns?
That doesn't make sense.
Okay.
So 20 rounds.
Yeah.
Each round is only like three seconds.
Yeah.
Then nevermind.
It's a good idea.
It was so smart though.
Yeah.
Damn it.
All right.
Well, hell.
Oh, you know what I can do?
How far away?
Now that I've run up to the edge, how far away is that boat?
They probably made it about 20 feet so far.
I'm imagining they went 10 for the movement speed and then 20.
Why?
Because I need them to be in 15 to grab one of them with my lightning lure.
Why don't we let the dice tell us if he's within range?
How about that?
Let's see.
And because I'm hoping talking is a free action, I can yell, um, Gush-dookie or whatever it
was in Goblin to tell him to stop.
Gush-dookie.
I don't know what it was.
So I'm saying you cast out your lightning to try to grapple him and pull him in and
you yell Gush-dookie as this lightning comes at him, but it misses because he failed.
He succeeded on his save.
Right.
And he's like, what?
And he totally looks over at you.
And then he looks at his, his pal whose face is just covered in water and he's like, uh,
like what the fuck is going on?
Oh yeah.
Okay.
Well, does that end your turn?
Help.
That's your go.
Your buddy is grappling this guy.
Um, so the blood that is, uh, seeping from this guy's back from where I stabbed him,
um, it starts to make me kind of excited.
So I'm going to do a blood frenzy, which, um, gives me advantage on a single melee attack
roll I make against a creature that doesn't have all of its hit points.
Once I use this trait against a creature, I can't use it again until after a short or
long rest.
Nice.
Come at him with my Trident again.
Fuck yeah.
Yes.
You hit another Nat 20.
I got another, yeah, another Nat 20.
Nice.
Dude, what the fuck?
Let's do it.
Let's go.
All right.
Okay.
And to clarify, after rolling the, the Nat 20, it automatically puts it on crit damage
for me.
So.
Oh, cool.
13 damage.
All right.
You kill him.
Yes.
Yeah.
You kill him.
Do you want to tell us how you do it?
Well, I mean, also Cox one is grappling him.
So you kind of like stab the shit out of this guy while Cox one's just grappling him.
You know what I mean?
You guys are like a team giving him the one to, you know what I mean?
He's like choking him out and you're just like stabbing him in the stomach and you're
like, die bitch.
Yeah.
Well, he, he does die.
And as he falls to the ground, he says, you've killed me.
But you can't, you can't stop us.
It will grow.
Help looks at Cox in and says, dinner is served.
As you just see me sort of twist and flex my arms and you hear this little simple crack
as I just break his neck for just double security.
Cool.
So initiative is over.
You guys for killing him get 200 XP split between the four of you.
So 50 each.
Wait, I was still doing the dudes.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Well, yeah.
Oh yeah.
They're floating away in the water.
Do you want to continue?
Yep.
Oh yeah, I do.
Hell yeah.
Okay.
He is dead then.
Shmee, it's your turn.
What do you do?
Shmee kind of like finally gets done with the crossbow and pops up out of his coat, like
kind of fight to get out of his eyes and he sees the other two trying to get in a way
in a boat.
I don't take a shot at him.
All right.
Yeah.
So yeah, that's what I'll do.
He's going to run out and give it like and stay out.
And he's going to just fire blindly of the 14 at the guy in the back of the boat.
Nice closest to him.
Well you hit the guy with the water on his head.
Absolutely.
Roll me some damage.
Six damage.
Six.
It's his turn.
He's currently drowning.
I'm trying to figure out what he would do in this situation.
It's not like magically attached to his head, right?
No.
So like.
I mean, I shaped water and just kind of put it in his same spot.
Yeah.
So he's just going to kind of like row forward out of the water and then like turn around
and be like, what the heck?
Because he's got like an arrow sticking out of his shoulder.
He's like, I don't need.
And he's just going to use his movement speed to keep rowing to get further away from you
guys.
The guy that's in the boat, I just took the arrow.
How far away is he from me now?
Now probably 40 feet or so.
40 feet.
Yeah.
OK.
Well, I'm going to run up 30 feet and toss a dart at his head.
OK.
So you run all the way to like the edge of this cavern.
They're like cavern walls that kind of run around the shore.
Yeah.
And you guys are kind of like underneath some kind of cliff.
So this is like a river that runs like underneath and through this cavern.
So you could run up to like the wall and you can get just close enough to go on ahead and
roll it for me.
Let's see what happens.
And 19 to hit.
19 is going to do it.
Let's do some damage.
And for seven damage.
All right.
He dies and falls off the boat.
Down into the water.
He got one, Captain.
I did.
As the boat continues to float away, the hobgoblin just stands up on the boat and flips you guys
off as they float out of this cavern area out into the open sea.
He just stands there flipping you guys off.
Is he still at the 90 feet?
He doesn't have any range.
Yeah, he's probably I'd say 60 feet away, maybe 70.
Yeah.
You guys want to keep attacking him.
It is your turn, Carwin.
What do you do?
She's going to cast Chromatic Orb with a range of 90 feet.
She's going to do 3d8.
Let me think.
Lightning damage.
OK.
3d8 lightning damage from Chromatic Orb.
So 18 plus 5, 23.
That hits.
He's dead, Jim.
That's 10 damage.
Oh, you almost killed him.
But you don't.
That's amazing.
He still he takes the lightning damage to the face like he's still standing there, like
flipping you off.
Help.
It's your turn.
What's the movement speed of the boat?
It's a real small dinghy.
But he's not using orcs as he's flipping us off.
That's true.
So he's not like actively pushing it.
So it's moving pretty slow, but it is still going with the current.
So it's only like and it's a small dinghy.
So like 20 feet maybe at a time.
It's not very big.
OK.
I was going to say, I would like to point out we could just end this.
We don't need this.
It's so deep to happen.
You've committed to killing them, just finish them off.
Yeah, I'm just going to let him go.
OK.
You let him go.
He floats off.
Now you guys get 225 experience to split between the four of you, whatever the fucking math
on that is.
Yeah.
You've got an extra 25 for killing off that first bandit.
So you guys now stand on this shore in this outcove behind you.
There are empty boxes in the other little outcove.
There were casks of brandy.
I'd say like, what did I say?
Five of them or there's eight of them.
Yes.
There's also five bolts of silk.
They're still an unexplored room.
There is a boat here.
This boat can fit probably, I'd say, up to six people.
It's not very large, but it has like a small little sail and room for six people to be
rowing at a time, like six little seats.
It's not very big, but it is a boat.
What do you guys do?
Let's loot his body.
Hell yeah.
So he is carrying a item.
It is a wondrous item.
It is a long, delicate wooden pipe that features a bowl made from smooth river stone.
When the pipe is lit, smoke exhaled from it does not dissipate, instead lingering around
the bearer.
After 10 minutes, the smoke forms moving shapes that reenact the bearer's most impressive
and heroic achievements for five minutes.
When this realistic performance is complete, the smoke dissipates and then the pipe can't
be used again until the next dawn.
This thing is called the pipe of remembrance.
Pretty cool, huh?
What was it called again?
The pipe of remembrance.
Remember this, damn it.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
He's also wearing some armor that looks real fancy to you.
You take it off.
It is uncommon armor that is scale male.
The enchantment on it.
While wearing this armor, you have a swimming speed equal to your walking speed.
In addition, whenever you start your turn underwater with zero hit points, the armor
causes you to rise 60 feet to the surface.
The armor is decorated with fine fish and shell motifs.
This armor consists of coat and leggings and perhaps a separate skirt, if you like, of
leather covered with overlapping pieces of metal, such like much like the scales of fish.
Hmm.
Well, I'll fetch a nice price.
Fetch a nice price.
I don't know about you, but let's say we load up the boat with as much of this brandy
and bolts and stuff as we can and head on back to the city and sell her off.
Hell yeah.
Help will just run back to the or swim back to the city, though, because help swims faster
than the boat.
Oh yeah.
That's true, huh?
Yeah.
My my walking speed is already my swimming speed.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
Then I'll throw on the armor and do the same thing.
If you want to.
And then you could leave these guys.
You're going to leave a war forging a goblin to row a ship, a heavy, heavy ship.
No, no, it's fine.
Schmin's got this every time.
You said it has a sail on it so they can sail it in.
Yeah.
So we're going to put, you know, these eight casks of brandy, five bolts of cloth, the
other like, um, just that we couldn't open up, like get away with all this crap because
they're full on kegs.
You might be able to do six with two people.
I would give you six with two people.
We could do some math and some weight and shit, but if you want all of them, you're
going to have to come back for them.
That's fine.
We know where they're at.
Yeah.
Schmi get the load and you guys just sit there.
Look nice like you always do.
He just starts to reluctantly like pick things up and put them into the boat.
So again, this cave opens directly into the sea.
The tide is out at present.
You guys are in these caverns.
It's kind of cool at the top.
Like it's like large brown and black kind of like rocks that the tide has kind of beat
up over the years and it goes up over this whole area and at both ends there is an opening
that leads out into open sea, like around, um, salt haven.
So you can go either direction that you want and either way you'll make it back around
to the main city after a little bit of sailing.
When it isn't actually that far, you guys will just be sailing around the way that you
actually walked up the path previously if you want to, or you can sail out to sea with
these fucking casks of brandy if you want.
But yeah, that's pretty much all I got for you if that's what you want to do.
While help is swimming back to this city, he's going to be muttering, da, da, da, da
while he's swimming through the water.
Really trying to put together the musical piece.
All right.
And I also will say that Captain Cox, and if you want to, because Shmi is such a small
goblin, you could fit on the boat as well with six casks.
Okay.
Yeah, brandy if you want.
Yeah.
So I'll just sit them up on my knee.
Exactly.
Yeah.
You guys can fit that.
Captain my captain.
Oh, you guys begin rowing back to salt haven.
And you could see that after all of this time, it seems that the sun is actually starting
to rise over salt haven as you guys leave.
It's kind of beautiful in a way.
There are some seagulls chirping, the rain is finally settled and disappeared.
And you guys row.
And even in the water next to the boat, you could see help.
You could hear him singing to what he thinks sounds like da, da, da, da.
But to you guys, it kind of sounds like, yeah, you're gonna do.
Eventually make it back to the docks and find a nice little place to park your brand new
little dinghy.
And you do your best to try and park your dinghy as close to the empty net tavern as
possible.
So you have a less bit of time to walk.
But it's weird because as you approach, it seems that the empty net tavern isn't as
bustling as it was before.
It's very quiet.
You can't hear much on the inside.
You guys step up on the shore together, ready to turn in and see, maybe get some answers
about some of the weird shit that you just experienced in this odd haunted house.
Next time, our heroes return to parry the pirate to get some money for their plunder,
get some answers, and they go on a little shopping spree and meet the people of Salt
Haven.
Thank you so much for joining us, tuning in and letting us keep you company.
We will see you once again next Friday for the next episode of the Grouch Couch Cast.