So we return now to the ship, just as we left off.
You guys just killed what seemed to be the captain of the ship and the first mate and
a couple of the other pirates.
You all stand around on the first deck and Shmi is starting to loot the bodies.
But before anything happens and before Shmi you're able to find anything, you all look
up to see the hat that Captain Coxton just put on his head.
And standing next to him is still the old mad wizard.
But the hat that Coxton put on his head slowly begins to shrink and Coxton's head itself
almost magically begins to grow underneath the hat.
And it grows and he starts breathing hard and yelling and he turns to you the crew but
all three of you are too far away down on the poop deck of the ship searching the bodies.
So you all look up to see the wizard standing next to him smiling, happy.
He's getting revenge to the man who just pushed him off the ship like a fucking asshole.
And the hat continues to shrink and his head continues to grow and then Coxton's hands
start to grow and his nose grows in length.
Really really long.
As if he was Pinocchio and he lied about a bunch of things and his nose gets so big and
his head gets so big and the hat continues to shrink and his hands get too big and as
they're growing they're turning this strange bluish pinkish color.
And as you all stand there and you even try to run up to try and help him or get the hat
off of his head while he's standing up on the second deck of the ship there's this weird
popping noise and then everything goes quiet.
And all you hear is the intestines and the blood and the brains of Captain Coxton hit
the top of the deck and the hat slowly floats down to the ground and lands there.
The old wizard man laughs excitedly, claps his hands and then skip hop and jumps through
a portal that was right above Coxton's dead body.
Leaving you three on the deck with a pile of intestines and four dead bodies.
What do you do?
Shmee runs over to the hat and he's like, eh, eh, eh, picks it up and he runs over to
what's left of the captain and he looks down and he goes, you dropped your hat captain,
eh, and he just tries to like put it back on his head.
He's like, there, that's better.
As you get closer to the body, you can see that his clothes are still there, his weapons
still there, the gold that he had was carrying for all of you, it's still there, although
covered in blood and shit and what have you.
Help is going to start trying to eat everything.
Help?
Let's do this instead.
And I cast shape water, I think is my spell.
Is it?
Yeah.
So it's my cantrip.
I'm gonna cast shape water and clean the yuck off the deck because she's very much about
everything always being clean and shiny and pretty.
Okay.
So you're going to like shape the sea water or I was thinking you're like straight up
shaping the blood itself.
If the DM wells it, I shall do that.
Cause I mean like that's brutal as hell and I love it.
I don't know if she would do that, but then she does.
I just think she's hurt.
She's more worried about getting this stuff off of the deck and cleaning things up so
that people don't get hurt or whatever.
I don't know if she really knows how to process what just happened because it was extremely
sudden and like, oh my gosh.
So like you're going to shape the water, you're going to turn it into like a cube and then
float it over the sea and let it drop into the water.
Yeah.
And almost like, I guess a gelatinous cube just kind of picks up the guts because they're
all kind of water too, I guess, and just kind of get rid of it.
And so then
imagine that some of it is, yes, it's, it's, it definitely looks like a gelatinous cube,
but it's like dark red and like dripping and you just float it off the side and drop it
over.
Now, while she's doing that, I will say this hat, as you try to put it down on the ground
or hold it or whatever, you, you know, Shmee that this hat must've had some crazy powerful
curse on it.
And so you're still kind of like standing there and holding it all the while, help do
you actually eat some of the entrails?
Cause you can if that's what you're trying to do.
That's definitely what help would do.
Okay.
Oh my.
Okay.
And which one of you picks up the gold that Coxen had on him?
Oh, I'm sure I'll pick it up.
Like start just gathering his stuff and putting him in a bag or something that I've got.
I'm sure he had a bag.
So just stuff all his stuff in a bag.
Like literally she's all about just cleaning up and making sure the whole surface is clean
and we, you know, like she doesn't know
what else to do about the information she just saw.
She has never seen that happen and she is just going back to what she knows needs to
happen, which is this needs to be clean and everything needs to be put back in its place.
Right.
That's what she knows.
Well, that was crazy.
Time to be a Roomba.
Yeah.
I feel like as, as it was getting dropped into the ocean, Shmee would have just been
sitting there saluting.
He's like, he was a good captain, but you know, we move on.
And he looks over and he sees Halp just devouring the entrails and he's like, just kind of smitten
with, with him.
And he runs over to Halp and he just kind of admirably looks at him as he devours the
old captain.
Nice.
Like, ding, ding, ding.
You can like fire off a shot.
It's the bodies dropped into the ocean.
I feel like he would have been playing a horn when it was going on.
Little tiny horn.
What if like even in the little blood cube, you can see a tiny little cock and then as
it falls into the ocean, it's like, yep, cocks in the sea.
I just didn't see it there.
It was kind of small with the rest of the stuff.
There you go.
Okay.
You guys now stand on the poop deck of this ship.
Now all three of you guys have big time experience with ships on and off.
You've been around ships for a long time.
So you kind of know the basic layout of this ship.
The only deal is you don't know kind of what is inside all of these rooms on the ship.
You don't know if it's laid out normally or you don't know what, but you do know you're
here to stop the smuggling ring.
Now, even though this captain might be dead, there are still some things you guys could
accomplish here on this ship.
And even if you wanted to, you could try to take the ship for your own.
So what I'm going to say here now is you guys are standing on the old poop deck.
There are a couple of doors.
All right.
There is a door that leads downstairs into the bottom deck of the ship.
And there are a couple of other doors that would lead to what could be like the captain's
quarters, the first mate's quarters, and even the crew's quarters here on the ship.
There's a door to the left and two doors to the right.
And you guys are all standing up here.
But also you do loot the bodies there, Shmee.
And because it's one of the last things you said before we ended the last podcast.
I remember you were very adamant about it.
Yes.
You know I want my loot.
So you don't find any gold.
But what you do find is a couple of swords on these bodies.
And you do get the hook hand of the captain.
It just pops right off his little stump.
You get a little hook hand.
Is it like a cap?
Does it have a handle on the inside of it?
Do I have to take off my hand to use this?
Hmm.
You could probably shove your fist into it and use it.
We'll do that.
Because you have smaller hands.
So even if it was a humanoid, like a big human wrist, you'd be able to hold in the inside,
I guess.
Yeah.
He's totally going to go for that.
And he is jazzed.
He's just waving it around in the air, kind of like.
And he's like, look, look, so much better than old Shmee hand.
This one actually does stuff.
And he just starts scratching his butt with it, picking his nose, kind of licks it a little
bit.
Shmee, you know who might, who won't have one of those?
Uh, orphans?
No.
Orphans.
Old man Jenkins.
He will not have one of those.
Old man Jenkins isn't even a smelly orphan.
Shmee might be able to trade with him.
I thought you tried to be, have things that he didn't have.
I mean, maybe Shmee can get some of the stuff that he doesn't have that, yeah.
Or he has that Shmee, Shmee doesn't have.
That's true.
We can do that.
Or I stab him in the neck and take it all.
Um, let's not do that.
We might have problems with the guard.
And then new captain, eat him.
No evidence.
Perfect crime.
If he digests quickly enough, yes, there will be no evidence.
Let's, let's pursue looking through the rest of these quarters and see what we can find.
If there's anyone that we need to dispatch or save.
Right.
So there are two doors to the right and there is two doors to the left.
And there is like a door in the center that goes downstairs.
So would you want to go through the door?
That seems could be what you would know would be the captain's quarters, the first mate's
quarters, the crew's quarters, or maybe the kitchen.
Or do you want to head right downstairs?
Let's go to the kitchen to feed help.
Good call.
Ench me.
I do not require food.
Okay.
He kind of like looks at help and he like rolls his eyes.
He's like this one.
It just means more food for you.
Ah, you reach out and open up the door.
It opens.
You guys step inside this small little room.
You could see there is a crude metal stove that's not lit.
It leans against the whole of the ship.
It has adjustable metal chimney that can be placed through a vent hole when it is opened.
But next to the stove there is an open metal bin containing sticks of wood and kindling
and stuff.
And besides this is a large wooden table that is bolted firmly to the deck with a thick
top cross crisscrossed with score marks.
The table has a large drawer in it.
Hanging from the hooks set into the hole above the table are two iron frying pans, two saucepans
and a skillet.
Set against the bulkhead opposite is a large cask filled with clear liquid.
Besides this stands a wooden cupboard.
Against the bulkhead besides the forward door is an upright wooden chair and hanging from
the center of the deck above it is an unlit hooded lantern.
It's basically a pirate kitchen.
And there is another door on the far side of this room opposite where you entered that
leads further into the ship.
Halp would like to check the table.
Alright.
You walk over to the table, Halp, and you open up the large drawer on the table.
The drawer was unlocked and as it slides open you can see that it holds an assortment of
butcher's knives, saws, and choppers, and like forks and wooden spoons.
I would uh...
It helps me to pull the drawer completely out and not necessarily hand it to Shmi but
kind of like show it to him to see if Shmi is of interest.
Yeah.
Shmi want shiny teeth?
He just like looked at it and it was like, it was kind of like why would I want that?
Then he heard you say shiny teeth and he's like, ah, shite.
And he kind of like starts feeling his teeth and looks at the hook hand and realizes how
much the hook hand has improved his life already, clearly.
So as he moved that to let Shmi look at it, um, Carwin obviously is very interested in
anything that is made of wood.
So she would like look in the typical hiding spots like underneath the drawer or taped
to the back of the drawer.
Was there anything taped or contained on the underside or the back or something of that
drawer?
Why don't you roll me an investigation roll?
So Shmi, this is a random idea.
You could totally like put knives in your mouth, like as if you were a walrus or something.
I think, I don't know how they would stay.
So I think he's going to take what he can for now.
I'll just take a half sort full of like knives and forks and shit.
Okay.
And he's, uh, yeah, he's going to look for a dentist back in town.
Oh, look at that.
It's a fucking dirty 20 Carwin.
Awesome.
Oh, jeez, Carol.
Um, but here's the deal.
Uh, you inspect the shit out of this wood and it's nothing of any kind of fanciness.
But during your investigation, you remember that you do need a piece of wood to return
to the gnome woman.
You need a piece of wood for my stolen pirate ship.
And as you're under the table, kind of looking around, you can see on the deck of this pirate
ship, it's almost exactly what you need.
There's a little piece of wood that is like sticking out.
It's a large plank, like three inches by six inches long, sticking out of the hole of the
ship.
Perfect.
You need wood, Odie.
With a story.
That's right.
Yes.
I shall take it and put it into my knack sack or whatever adventurers call those things.
Okay.
I'm assuming at this point you guys continue walking through the ship.
You walk across the room to the next door and you guys, uh, open it with ease.
It's unlocked.
There's, uh, on the other side, you can't hear anything, but help you do smell a very
sweet sickly smell.
And as the door kind of swings wide, you guys see that iron hooks set into the ceiling of
this room hang three long strings of sausages, a large ham and a hunk of meat.
And against the whole, all three sacks set against the bulkhead besides the door are
a cask and a ceramic jar.
And against the other bulkhead set a large and small cask and another ceramic jar.
There is an opening in the ladder bulkhead about three feet square with its lower edge
and about three feet above the deck.
So there's an opening that goes back up.
But there are three hooks with hanging meat in the center of this room and another door
opposite side of the one you just came through.
As the door opened, Shmi would see some of the hanging meat and he's just going to jump
at the largest one, almost like it's a father he's really united with.
And it just kind of wraps his arm around and sinks his teeth into it.
I imagine you're like half the size of this thing that's hanging on the ceiling.
Why don't you do me a favor and roll me a deck save to see if you can actually jump
across the room and hang and swing on this thing with ease.
Can I do acrobatics?
Absolutely.
Halp, what do you do?
23.
Oh, Halp's definitely attacking the hooked meat.
23.
I mean, that's just too much for Halp to ignore.
There's like strings of sausages.
Carwin steps in and it's the only one looking around the room with these two savages just
running.
Oh, it's fine.
Carwin has learned in the previous, when we were going through the house, that she needed
to get to objects before Halp does.
So she's using it as a distraction so that she can inspect all the little bottles and
casks and things and look and see what they are and attempt to, you know, rudimentary
figure out what they are.
Inspect these jars.
These jars sitting on the casks are definitely the jars they were using to carry around fresh
water around the ship because the casks below them contain fresh water.
It's not salt water.
So this is some kind of consumable storage room of some kind.
And you can see that it's actually been kept finely clean compared to all the other rooms
as if they might have been at least a slightly bit sanitary when it came to this room here.
But your two co-patriots kind of completely broke that rule and are now making a mess
of it.
It sounds disgusting.
Yes.
It is awful sounds.
It's all washable.
Like a bulldog eating a bowl of pudding.
So you said that there was a...
Oh my gosh.
That's going to stay with me forever.
Sorry listeners.
Now you have that memory too.
You said there was a hole in the wall?
It is in the roof of this room.
It leads back up to the deck of the ship.
At least I'm pretty sure here.
After gobbling down this large thing of meat, leaving not but a bone hanging from this hook,
you guys shared a beautiful meal while Carwin inspected the whole room.
Your face is now covered in grease and blood and your tummy's full.
You get a nice warm feeling all around you and you are satisfied.
You waddle your full stomachs to the next door that leads into the next room.
Now you guys being fair experienced ship goers, you know this next room contains usually storage
that is not food.
And you open the door, sure enough, easy peasy, to see that there are indeed...
I'm going to try fucking...
There's a lot of rope in here.
There are two coiled lengths of rope and three rolls of sail cloth.
They lie on the floor alongside what looks to be a large box.
A large wooden cask sits next to it with six lengths of wood planking set into a wooden
rack fastened to the bulkhead by the door.
Are two metal headed hammers, two wooden mallets, two saws and in a daze.
There is an opening about three feet square and with its lower edge about seven feet above
the deck and the other bulkhead.
And once again there's one door that leads to the cruise chambers.
And as you guys step into this room you can hear snoring coming from the other side of
that door.
Can I stealth and just kind of poke my head through?
Yes, but you will have to open that door first.
But before we get there is there anything you guys want to do in this room before we
move on?
I mean does it look like...
These are just our typical things that we would use to repair a boat or like extra supplies
like our typical stuff.
There's nothing out of the ordinary.
Like certain ones are covered by more dust than others.
Blah, blah, blah.
No, nothing out of the ordinary.
Being completely honest it seems like everything in here is covered in dust and no one has
done any kind of repairs on this ship in a long time to be completely honest.
Sweet.
Yeah.
Good thing I know how to repair a boat.
So can help roll an investigation check to see if the snoring is a fey, feynd or undead?
Sure.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
I got a six.
Nope, I got an eight.
You got an eight.
I do not think...
A fey, feynd or undead?
No, sir.
It is not.
It's your eight.
You're trying to investigate through the door and you're like, I don't know.
I don't think so.
Yeah.
So help is going to lean towards Karwin and say, I do not think it's fey, feynd or undead.
That is excellent information to have.
You gathered that all from a snore.
I'm very proud of you, help.
Help is good boy.
You are.
Shmi, would you like to investigate what may be in that other room very quietly?
Yes.
So Shmi, you can roll me a stealth now and open the door.
We're going to do a stealth.
Would you like sleight of hand for the door as well?
Sure.
Yeah.
We'll go into stealth mode, roll me stealth and do sleight of hand to open this door
as quietly as possible.
Well with a plus seven, I rolled a nine.
Jesus.
On stealth.
So I don't know what you want to make of that, but it's not good.
Please don't have any passive perception.
Please, please.
Do sleight of hand as well?
Yes.
Please, please.
I rolled a nine on the sleight of hand.
Okay.
Very good.
The door doesn't make but a squeak.
You open it real quietly, but your goblin foot on the ground does make a slight squeak as
the door opens and all of your hearts stop.
But the snoring continues.
A distinct odor flows out of this room that reminds you, Shmi, of a marsh or a swamp.
It's not strong.
It's not an oppressive smell, but it is definitely noticeable.
In the center of this room-
It smells like Shmi's underwear.
Yeah.
As you open the door all the way is a wooden table again bolted to the deck.
But on the table sits a silver jug half full of red liquid.
With it are three mugs.
Around the table are set three upright wooden chairs and an unlit hooded lantern hangs from
the ceiling above.
In the gloom of this room you can see that there are three hammocks.
One at each end of the cabin slung between the poles and one of the ships ribs.
And the third is hanging from across the corner of the cabin from next to the aft door to
the central bulkhead.
Each hammock is occupied by a scaly figure.
A small chest or box of some sort lies under the most forward hammock and there appear
to be weapons under each of the hammocks.
I'm going to kind of poke my head back out to the crowd and just kind of hold up three
fingers.
He's going to hold up four and then put down one because he's unsure.
And he's going to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's three.
So he's going to hold up three fingers to help and carlin.
Help is going to whisper to carlin, shhh me has three fingers.
I think he means that he has three unknown people in that far room.
Oh.
So from here, I'm not confident with this stealth role.
What level of the ship are we on?
Are we on the bottom level or the second level?
We're still on the base level as the ship stands.
Yes, they're on the outside of the ship above like the poop deck.
There are two like slightly higher raised levels, you know, but like.
You're still basically on the.
Yeah.
Where you would put your things in the at these.
Yes.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm hanging with us on the gaming streams.
So I guess.
Shmi is going to kind of advance into the room a little bit just to see if I can get
a better look at who these people are.
Can I eye them up a bit?
Do I know if they're obviously they're pirates?
But can I tell what race they are?
Maybe.
Yes, step further into this room.
It's kind of dark and kind of marshy in here.
There's no actual real light.
I know you're a goblin.
You have dark vision, right?
Yeah.
Why don't you roll me a perception as you kind of get in a little closer now.
Each step you take, the boat kind of does squeak under your feet a little bit.
Very careful.
But.
With a negative one, I got a nine.
OK, that nine keeps coming up.
As you step further into this room, you hear some scratching on the floor behind the box.
That is the chest that is furthest behind the larger hammock.
And out from behind the box comes a small pseudo dragon.
It's very small.
It's orange.
And it kind of comes up to even your knee to me.
And it comes out around and it kind of wanders up to you.
It sees your green skin, which almost matches the skin on the hammocks.
And it doesn't realize that you may not be what it thinks that it is.
And it rubs on your leg before even looking up at you.
Me, he's going to be really excited at this rabbit he just found.
So yeah, he's totally going to disregard everything he's doing right now.
But I don't care.
He's just going to lean down and kind of like pat on a little bit.
Quickly, you're only animal handling.
OK.
12.
One second.
Not a one.
A 12?
OK.
It looks up at you and then it doesn't seem to do much.
And you kind of like pet it behind the ears.
And as you're petting it behind the ears, though, the largest hammock back kind of shifts.
And no one here speaks lizard folk, do they?
Draconic, I mean.
No.
Primordial and goblin in common.
OK.
You hear in another language someone almost yelling at this animal as if it was a dog.
But it's like, you know, in a draconic language.
And then they roll back over in the hammock.
Can I try to pick this thing up?
You can.
You can try.
But it is a small little pseudo dragon and it may be a lot heavier than you think.
So if you want to pick it up, you have to roll me a strength save.
OK.
All right.
13.
OK.
Yeah, you pick it up.
OK.
Yeah.
Shmi's just going to be like, it's OK.
Shmi found Ham in the other room.
And he's just going to walk out with the dragon back towards hell.
OK.
Shmi found funny rabbit.
It's got wings.
It probably likes lettuce.
It sounded like somebody almost woke up and noticed you.
Yeah, rude, right?
Still asleep.
Yes, I think so.
I mean, do you want to murder them?
Shmi can murder them.
I really like this boat, Shmi, but I don't know.
We can't keep them here.
They're going to be like, oh, boy, new people killed old people and took over.
Now we're totally cool.
That is true.
So maybe you put like, you know, Shmi closed the door tight and then Karwin like maybe
fills it with water or, you know.
OK, well, you guys are standing there talking, I'm assuming back in the storage room, right?
Because there's no way you're having this conversation in that room.
While you're standing there talking, you hear like a thud thud as if someone stood up and
then you hear this creature.
Sounds like it's almost calling for its its pet.
Beams like whistling.
Beams.
Me, he's just going to look down and he's going to put his finger on his mouth and be
like, shh.
And he can be like, remember ham.
And it oh, yeah, ham.
It's going to start wiggling around in your hands, trying to get out and go back to its
original owner.
Do you have the ham on you?
Because if you do and you want to try to calm it down and keep it in your hands, I will
let you roll animal handling with advantage.
If you like, we could say it was definitely in the other room, right?
Because we're in the storage room beside it.
So it would at least be 20, 30 feet away from me.
Yeah, run over and grab it and be like, yeah.
OK, all right.
Fair enough.
We'll do it with an advantage animal handling.
That's a 16.
OK, it stays.
It stays.
OK.
All right.
Yeah, I'm just going to let it kind of like I'm just going to kind of let it out of my
arms and like I've held a cat before.
So I just go out of my arms and just allow it to kind of grip onto the giant log of ham
spinning from the.
The thing and just let it have itself a time.
OK, well, in the meantime, she's going to make us.
I want to allow these two to do something you've done a lot and I want to do something
before anything else happens.
Help so help is going to prepare.
Both of his tridents and he's going to growl, you know, take beans.
And he's looking at wherever the noise was coming from.
Beans.
That's that's 100 percent what he's convinced the creature's name is.
Beans.
Romi intimidation.
Let's do it.
I got a nine.
Shit.
He rolls guys.
These last two episodes he rolls as you yell that two more thuds hit the ground and then
out of the room stepping into the storage room is one lizard folk.
And you could see standing behind him are two smaller lizard folk.
All three of them bearing clubs and shields that look to be made out of large turtle shells
with spikes on them.
And it comes out of the room and it looks at you and it's like.
Is the bomb the beams means is he who's the guy looking at?
Is he looking at me with beans?
He's looking to help.
You're like in the other room with the food.
Yeah.
So he doesn't see.
Perfect.
Yeah.
He's in the other room.
Help is is going to yell no be and rush and attack with his training.
And he goes yes.
Beans.
This is the weirdest custody battle.
If you actually want to swing your trident at him, I guess roll to hit.
Let's do it.
OK.
Oh, son of a.
13.
OK.
You missed.
So what I'm going to say happens is that he throws up his tortoise shell shield and your
weapon hits it.
And then he looks you right in the eye and sees your big gaping maw.
And he's like, give back Bims.
So I have two weapon fighting.
Can I swing again?
Yeah.
If you want to.
There's no initiative.
He isn't attacking you, but you can continue to fucking.
All right.
Let's do it.
Oh, seven.
He throws up his club and gets the other side and he's like bands.
Well, guys, exhausted.
What I could do.
You got it.
What do you do?
And because they've been making a lot of noise and I just state the fact again, Ben's is
in the other room, gentlemen.
And you like kind of looks at you and he's like.
I do.
Ben's.
Yes, I do believe Ben's is yours.
Yes, I understand that.
He is safe.
He's eating.
In the other room.
He like opens one eye real wide at you and he like lowers down his shield.
And the other two kind of like step out of the room.
And then all three of them.
What help?
Will you just roll me a D20 real quick?
Yeah, I got it.
You got what?
That can never be good.
When the DM asks you to roll a random 20, it's never good.
You got a two.
OK.
No, it is good.
It's real good.
He's not convinced.
He takes a step back.
But then the other two come out of the room and look at you help.
And they kind of like they get down on their knees and they like lay down their weapons.
And the one, the large one standing behind.
Like yells at them.
He's like, no.
And then they yell back.
And then he pulls out his club and his shield.
And he like waves you away, Carwin, with his club.
And then he just points his club right at you.
Help.
And he's like, you all have no idea what the fuck is going on.
I didn't know no one knew Draconic.
It's fine.
We're still we're playing it out.
It's fine.
Roll me initiative.
And Carwin and I wanted to be persuasive.
Dang it.
You guys made the wrong team to be persuasive.
Also, roll initiative if you like.
But I just want you to know it's kind of seeming like.
He is a personal thing.
Yeah.
He thinks you've taken his pet and he wants to fight to the death for it.
That's what I figured.
Yeah.
OK.
Now roll me initiative.
I'm going to counter up now.
Sorry.
It auto does it.
Oh, yeah.
Fifteen.
Eight.
Yes.
And Shmee, you could also roll as well if you would like to do anything.
Of course.
I am in the other room, but.
Yes.
You're just in the other room this whole time.
You're just petting this little pseudo dragon.
He would.
Exactly.
He would have heard the noise, but he's back to enjoying some ham himself.
Eating with the thing.
Well, it is your turn first there, Shmee.
What do you.
OK.
Yeah.
Seeing the noise, Shmee is going to kind of tear himself away from it and leave the dragon
to kind of gorge himself on this giant ham that's hanging ten times the size of either
of them.
So he's going to come back in.
He's going to see the whole situation.
Can I place myself kind of, I guess, in the doorway of the encounter?
So leading to the other room.
Sure.
Small doorway.
Normal size.
Yeah.
Five feet across, five feet up.
It's not a very large doorway.
One person at a time could fit in there.
Absolutely.
Shmee.
He's going to look at a little car when he steps into the doorway and he's going to be
like, why you attack the crew?
We need the crew.
Shmee can't drive a ship by himself.
And from there, I guess I'm going to ready in action.
I'm going to ready a shot with my crossbow for if they swing at help next.
I'll fire.
Nice.
So as you look into the room, you could see helps kind of standing in the center and there
are two lizard folk on their knees with their hands on the ground, like praising help.
Then there's one larger lizard folk behind both of them brandishing his weapons ready
to attack and car ones kind of like next to you by the doorway, you know, watching this
shit go down.
So yes, clearly not happy with helps decisions.
Help it is your own.
Nate's very happy.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Help.
What do you know?
So help is very confused, but the lizard folks growling.
So help is going to attempt to growl back because he thinks growling is a language now.
So you are.
Well, you've rolled me a persuasion or something, please.
Oh, gosh.
I just want to see.
Maybe you actually got some words out there.
OK, that's a 10.
All right.
You didn't.
But I just had to check.
Talking is a free action, so you could still attack.
All right.
I'm going to do it.
All right.
Dirty 20.
Sweet, sweet.
Try to attack.
Roll me some damage.
Let's go.
Five days.
Nice.
I'm going to attack with my second Trident.
OK.
No, I'm not.
Nope.
Eleven is an 11.
Whoops.
Five damage.
All right.
Carwins, what do you do?
I'm going to go to the
Was there a flame of some sort in the kitchen or the storage room where that food was?
A flame?
No, I don't think so.
Any even a candle lit?
You know what?
Sure.
There's probably little candles.
There was the lantern.
Hooded lanterns.
Yeah.
In the storage room.
And probably in the meat room.
I know there is one, though, in the lizard room, but it was out.
But there is probably one in here for sure.
What I want to do, Carwin, you see her reach out her hand because she's kind of in the
doorway and she just kind of leans back a little.
She's super frustrated with what's going on right now because she feels like it's just
a lack of communication and we just need to understand each other.
And so she kind of leans back.
She doesn't actually step anywhere or move anywhere, just kind of leans back and points
at a flame and controls the flame to make it expand in five feet and gets it super,
super bright so that it cast a shadow of the little dragon thing hanging on the meat into
the room so you can see the dragon eating the meat in the other room on the floor, like
or cast on whatever the shadow is.
I love it.
Yeah.
Um.
You do that.
But the shadow is so large it looks like there is a gigantic dragon eating a ham on the wall
and it scares the large lizard.
Who is the only one who sees it?
The other two's faces are towards the ground worshiping help currently and he gets kind
of freaked out.
And he's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
And I say, see, probably not going to work with persuasion.
I'm just saying see, see, see, in there, see, eating in there, see, yells back.
I think about the intelligence level of these creatures, which is a minus two on what I've
got here.
Okay, um, lizard folks turn.
I'm assuming that ends your turn, right?
Carwin?
Yeah, I'm just, yeah.
He goes, see, bims.
You got a 22 to hit you with his club help.
Oh, that definitely hits.
Yes, he does six damage.
Now, now, now, now, now, now.
And he like kind of like stepped to the right before he swanked.
So now he's like a little bit to your left.
Um, but you're technically surrounded by these fucking lizards now.
Although two of them aren't attacking you, but technically they're like basically surrounding
you.
It is Shmee's turn.
Shmee, what do you do?
Uh, it's back to Shmee.
Can I, he's just going to try to unintelligently because he's yelling at Goblin.
They're going to be yelling back at lizard folks.
Shmee just kind of like trying to yell to them and be like, you and I make more respect
to new captain, new captain, better than old captain.
He crazy wizard.
He gone.
Maybe what wasn't captain now he's just thinking out loud to himself.
It's a mess.
Uh, and the whole time he's still going to ready in action.
So if this lizard folk takes a swing at a help, he's going to shoot him with the crossbow.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah.
It's like talking nonsense and he's just looking at you the whole time.
You could tell he doesn't understand a fucking lick of it and how kind of mime it with my
hands, but I'm also holding a crossbow, right?
Because he's talking in Goblin.
So now help.
You've got one person going behind you and then in front of you, you've got
Help is so good.
Yeah.
And guess what?
It's helps turn.
So help is going to attempt his, his growl, uh, mimicry again.
Sick.
Just all three of us making noise at each other.
Boy I'm just not rolling.
I'm trying.
All right.
He's going to swing again.
Hell yeah.
And got 16 hits for six damage.
Nice swing again.
Oh, 12 does 12 hit?
No, but the current damage you've done, he's like bleeding.
He doesn't look good.
He's definitely hurt, right?
He's got like a hurt condition going and he's like, how many feet is it to the stupid sausage
hanger thing?
Less than 20, but technically you'd have to push Goblin boy out of the way.
Cause he's standing in the doorway.
I can't step over him.
Well, maybe you could jump over him.
Roll me an acrobatics.
Nine.
You like running, like kind of like push him back a little bit and stumble into the room.
It's not graceful, but you do make it.
That's fine.
I just want to grab this thing that the sausage, whatever the ham that he's, I don't want to
grab him.
I'm just going to grab the sausage or the hook and undo it and bring it back in the
room and shake it and say, see?
Okay.
I'm going to let you run into the room and grab it.
All right.
And then next turn you can run back out with it.
All right.
So you can run in there.
You can grab it.
Yeah.
Yeah, fucking look, was she a stupid?
Yeah.
He's going to try to chunk at you with it.
What's his fucking club again?
Help.
This is just you and him hitting each other.
He's like, if he, if he swung at help, I could take a shot with the crossbow there.
He got a natural 20.
So do you, do you get to do like a reaction with it?
Like, is that like a feat you have to shoot your crossbows, a reaction whenever one of
your friends gets attacked or something?
Yeah.
It's as soon as he would have declared an attack against health, I would have been able
to fire.
Really?
Yeah.
Cause he was holding an action.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's cool.
Well, go on ahead.
Why don't you roll that for me first?
Cause I did get a nat 20 on this and it might put help down to the ground if you miss.
I got a 10.
You fucking miss.
All right.
I'm going to roll this back.
Help's going down, but this is going to be hilarious.
Okay.
So it's a three plus two plus six, which makes it 11 help.
You're going down.
Yep.
Yeah.
Going down.
And, uh, here's what happens after he hits you and you fall to the ground, the two lizard
folk that were worshiping you turn around and stand up.
And both of them make swings at the larger lizard folk with their clubs in your honor.
Yes.
Help minions.
They both miss.
This is going so well.
Now it is Shmee's turn.
On your turn, we'll start doing death saving throws and all the other kinds of stuff, but
it was just a club hit, so hopefully you'll be all right.
Shmee, it's your go.
All right.
Perfect.
He's going to see the captain go down.
He's going to be like, no captain.
And he's going to just run forward with the two daggers drawn, jumping off the captain's
body and attacking the, uh, the, uh, the man's there.
Now could you consider that those two are on our team?
I think now, yes.
I would.
Yes.
Although that's not a complete yes, but halfway.
Yes.
Would you say that them being on the team and him being surrounded would give me advantage?
Sure.
Yes.
Excellent.
I like where this is going.
So I'm going to attack with my sneak attack as well.
All right.
So yeah, I'm going to jump in with a short sword for the first hit with a plus five and
a 24 meaning I rolled a 19.
Fuck yeah.
Um, so yeah, I'm going to add sneak attack dice as well as damage with that too.
So I'm cool with it.
Piercing damage seven sneak attack six.
So we're looking at 13 damage going out.
You kill him.
Oh my God.
So yes, he just, he jumps off this guy and just kind of buries his sword into him and
he's going to look at him and gobbling and he's going to still start keep talking at
Goblin he could have been like, I warned you not to touch new captain.
And he's going to look at him with the most psychotic look that nobody would figure would
be pulled off as he just lowers this guy to the ground and pulls his blade from his chest.
It's bloody.
Love that.
He falls to the ground.
But the two lizard folk that we're worshiping help both walk over to him and begin rubbing
his chest and rubbing him all over to try and stabilize help.
I don't have a way to roll medicine with them.
So I'm going to do this.
They're going to both make medicine rolls to stabilize how well they got a six and a
seven so they both fail but they are trying.
They're just like mashing the blood around.
They're trying.
Well, there's no blood.
There was no like wounds.
It was all like bludgeoning damage from a club.
So like rubbing your bruises, you know, Jesus Christ.
Okay.
But initiative is over.
Carwin, what do you do?
So she hears this sickening thud.
She knows what that sounds like when people fall down and they are unconscious.
She knows very much what that sounds like because she was with Melowen for a while who
tried to teach her some healing stuff.
She wasn't really into the healing stuff.
She was more into different kinds of magic.
So she literally drops the sausage and dragon shit in the storage room and bolts to help.
And while she's running, pops the cork on that healing potion that she's got in her
backpack and like does a slide to his side and like dumps it in his mouth that I'm sure
is very wide open.
Sick.
Even if it wasn't, you could still get it in there.
All them teeth and shit.
Also for flavor text, can we say you just drop the whole thing in there like glass and
all?
I mean, this is how I can.
Like I, my hands are probably really slimy from that stupid sausage.
And so as I'm trying to shake all the potion out, it just, the last little shake, it just
goes thump and gets out of my hand and into his mouth.
Okay.
Um, and this was the healing potion, correct, that we had bought in.
Um, yes.
Which means he will be stabilized.
Now what happens if we do, does he get that HP back from the healing and he's okay?
I think he does.
Stabilize character.
Hold on.
I'm going to look up.
Because we don't really deal with this a lot.
This is fun.
Um, right.
There are some ways to stop a character from dying.
Spare the dying.
Just in case it's a cantrip.
If nobody has spared the dying, DC 10 wisdom medicine, which is what the lizards tried
and they failed.
Um, while the stabilized character is still at zero hit points and unconscious, at least
they have saved off death.
Right.
Do not take damage while you're down because then you may die.
Massive damage.
Yes.
Doesn't say anything about potions here.
Why it should.
Y'all ever dealt with this before?
How did you heal it?
Well, I mean, other shows have, if, as long as somebody's administering it to them, then
that whoever's administers it then has to do the role because either the person drinks
it or they get administered a potion.
Okay, cool.
Yeah.
That's what I was kind of curious about.
So cool then.
Cody, roll me the dang old healing.
Hey, let's do it.
Two D four plus two.
Nope.
No.
There it goes.
Okay.
Eight.
That's pretty dang good.
Help your eyes slowly open as you see two lizard faces and Karwin above you.
You have eight HP.
So help says how save beans.
I don't think car whenever needs to actually sigh because she doesn't really breathe or
smell or do anything like that.
She definitely makes a very large sigh and attempts to find the correct words
and then BIMS, B I M Z the little pseudo dragon comes in from the other room, still dragging
a link of sausage with him.
I'm sure his shadow looks like he's enormous because he's still, that shadow is still active
for an hour with the sausage in his mouth.
He jumps up onto Schmi's shoulder.
Yeah.
Oh, hello rabbit.
The two lizard folk both hold out their hands to help you stand up.
Help.
Help takes her assistance and attempts to stand up.
Both of them.
Roll anything.
No, no.
And both of them in draconic say some words that you don't understand with a slightly
smaller tone.
They're smaller lizard folk.
They're definitely shorter than you are.
Both of them are like, and then they walk back into the lizard room.
You kind of like wander and follow a little bit and you see they bring out the chest that
was underneath the larger lizards hammock and they set it down on the ground and open
it up and on the inside.
Hold on.
The chest opens up and it contains 10 Electrum ingots worth a hundred gold pieces each.
These ingots are branded though and they seem kind of odd, but they are branded with a strange,
what looks to be like lizard folk brand on the top of them.
And they open up the chest to you, Help.
Also Help looks at them and says, grr, grr, and then takes the chest and brings it to
Carwin.
I honestly was expecting him to take one of the ingots and try to eat it.
He's going to have to make more food.
House been down that road before.
They're hard to get out.
So she's still sitting on the floor on her knees where she kind of slid right up to his
body and she just has both of her hands on top of her legs that are folded underneath
her and she just kind of looks at him.
And then slowly gets up.
Still trying to find the words, giving herself some time to say kind words right this moment.
Help.
I think those two little lizards are now going to follow you.
They might actually help us.
We just need to learn some draconic, I believe.
The big beans brought box.
Big beans.
Big beans?
Because little beans?
Yeah, dude.
Nice.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
In the podcast private chat, I sent the link for the pseudo dragon, Nate.
I sent the link for that.
That's so funny.
Help, I don't think that means what you think it means, but that is okay.
Since the dragon is happy and these two lovely gentlemen are possibly going to help us, how
about we just thank the two dragons by a very small bow because they bowed very big to you.
They have much respect for you, help.
So you are going to show that you as a larger person have respect for them as well, but
a very small bow.
See what happens when you do that.
We always knew you'd be captain ever since we first saw you in town.
You're big and captainy.
How could they not want to follow you?
That is very true.
How eight captain.
That's why you're new captain.
You gained his power.
Technically, you did eat pieces of him.
Yes.
Shmi might've had too much hand power.
We need to basically tell them thank you for this electrum and then continue on hopefully
turning this boat into ours because I do, help, I really do like this boat.
So help is taking Carwin's advice.
It's walking over to the little lizard folk people and he slightly bows.
He looks like he's confused, like he's trying to interpret what Carwin told him.
So he slightly bows and then pats them on the head.
Okay.
They look at you as you pat them on the head and you can kind of see that, well, maybe
not you, but Carwin, you realize that they don't understand and they're like, thank you
help.
That works wonderfully.
They receive the patting and then they walk back through their little lizard room and
they open the door on the other side of this lizard room that goes back out onto the deck
of the ship.
You can see both of them, they both pick up like mops and they begin mopping up the blood
that is still like left on the ship from all the dead bodies.
And then you hear like a splash as they throw the captain of the ship off the ship into
the water.
They're like cleaning up to the deck of the ship.
Carwin puts her hand to her chest and is so very happy right now that someone is cleaning.
Help, I do believe we have some other rooms to investigate very quickly while others are
distracted.