See, it was kind of hard to like find anything because they keep that shit locked down, you know, because Anna's quite protective of her things.
You can probably imagine. But so I really didn't want to get too close to the building itself. I did however manage to find a manhole cover.
And with the help of Bob, we pulled it up and I think I figured out a way to get in through their basement.
They never think of the fucking basement, you know what I mean? They never think of it. But that manhole cover is pretty heavy.
Other than that, I think it might be a way in. I don't, I don't know.
Right.
I'm bad at recon.
Alright, manhole cover. You guys have any issues with sewers? I know, Roger, you're excited about this. Ananka.
Excited? Why would I be excited about it? It's worse.
Your smell matches.
Wait, is this like one of the situations where you only like the smell of your own brand?
Are, are you calling me stinky?
What? I'm, I'm so clean and clean all the time.
I, I don't know what to say.
Roger, last week I saw you stuff a half eaten corn dog in that couch.
Yeah, I was saying when after later, I'm being conscious and, you know, to conserving, you know, resources, you know, recycling.
I remember two weeks ago when we went to the Crow Church and those little night gremlins came up.
You know they're attracted to pungent smells. That's why they jumped all over you.
That's so insulting. I, I, I'm so, I care about my hygiene.
What did you guys do to Roger while I was gone?
He just made his match.
What are you talking about? I, I, I'm a clean boy. I'm, I'm so clean.
Oh.
Yes, well.
And, you know, he found his place in the bear community.
Besides the point.
Ah, goodness. I'm learning still. This is, you know, culture shock as always, but this is besides the point.
We have our way. We know how to get in. And being that this is a number one mission right now for us to save the world.
I am going to be giving all of you guys $1,000 a piece.
And don't say never did anything nice for you.
I already talked to Bob here at a place where you can.
Ban a word.
Mobile was taken soy, Joseph has just redeemed ban a word.
Shoot. Fuck.
Fuck. Cheers.
It's fucked up and damaged.
Wait. $1,000 to save the world.
Well, it's all I could come up with at last minute. We'll get you more later.
I'm just saying, you know, the guys that one movie, you know, they got a blast off to blow up an asteroid before it hits the planet.
And I feel like they got a little bit more money than that.
Well, not necessarily.
Well, you gotta think how much money goes in the building of fucking rocket. Damn it.
Well, that went to the rocket people, not them.
Right.
One, one, one, one.
Still, what I'm saying is when the world is at stake, they tend to show out a little bit more.
Slappy balls, you can't say it in chat either. That's the name of the man a word.
We can't say it. Neither can the community. It's a full on drinking game, baby.
If you say it in chat, you say it while you're watching the show. You also have to drink this first one's on me. Cheers.
I'm going to get a drink from water.
Drink everybody do the Connor gun.
Oh, yeah.
Emo and chat.
Drink.
That's right.
So anyways, me and Bob were here. We brought you to a nice little area for you to be able to buy some things before we follow Eon's lead.
So yeah, here we go. And he scoots up and steps off the bus into this nice cool breeze of the city.
It feels strange. It feels as you step off the bus. Something is different amongst the city when you step off.
Something has happened. Everything seems calm still.
But you look up, you can see it's like a flea market, but for guns and armor.
And there's a man standing out there in a trench coat.
I'm going to take Mr. Johnson's arm.
I'm going to let him lead me around.
Do you feel his muscles through his new sleevelessness?
Have you been working out? You got your tints.
Like, have you been? What's been going on there, John said?
Well, I have actually been hanging out with Bob. He's been teaching me how to drum a little bit.
I do fancy myself a drummer and I think, you know, it was a new calling for me.
You're going to have to show us your chops at some point.
Alright, big boy, show me where some good armor is. You laid my way.
Nice. Any input from the other two?
Oh, armor for sure. Mine's getting a little ratty. It's a little torn up. I should probably invest.
I should probably pull up the... Do you guys have the PDF in front of you guys?
This is a shopping episode. You guys need to tell me what you want to get.
Oh, I did.
Yeah, hell yeah.
Okay, as you guys...
Gift and item!
So, Undiscop you've just redeemed random item. Roger.
Hell yeah, baby.
For me? Oh yeah, I love free shit. It's the best.
So, weapons are on page 206.
Let me set the scene before you decide what you want to buy.
Sorry.
As you cross the sidewalk, there is a hulking orc with cybernetic enhancements covering most of his body.
His arms have been replaced with mechanical limbs and his eyes glow with a dull red light.
And he speaks in a deep, gravelly voice and he says, hey, I'm Boris. What you buying?
Oh, hi.
You're right. I don't know.
Oh, I'm fine. It's a good day. Good day for customers.
Very much. Beautiful.
Gift to potion!
I'm gonna give you a...
Dayum Steve underscore forge of Lord Just Redeem custom potion.
Eon finds a potion that doubles damage for one cast of a spell.
Well, fucking take it. Sick.
Holy shit.
Write it down.
Alright.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, how about this?
Me and Orc, same family, is the goblin there.
I don't really know you goblin. I ain't never seen you before.
But I know you are the guys. You're from that band, Metal Omnicon, right?
How about I help your random goblin friend out and give him something for free?
What?
He's the lead singer of the band.
I'm from the band, too.
Oh, you really?
I'm the lead singer. I'm this guy.
Oh, a part of the couch, a part of the crew.
Debbie Snacks subscribed.
48 months, Deb! Oh, 46 months, Deb. Very good.
Cheers, friend. Thank you for supporting the show.
Mm-hmm.
Hell yeah.
Um... He's like,
Alright, well, I guess maybe you're part of the band.
It's weird. I've never seen you before.
What do you do in the band?
I sing.
Oh, right, right.
Alright. Anyways, I'm gonna give you something for free.
And this is your item. These are combat boots.
Yes.
You get a pair of combat boots.
Nice!
I'd say maybe give you two armor.
Mm-hmm.
Oh!
Yeah.
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah. Peruse.
And he lets you guys underneath this, like, tarp.
And she walks through this whole ripped and tattered,
and you step in and there's just, like, racks of guns and armor and stuff.
I'm looking for something quite special.
I think you might have it in the back.
Who was that?
I'm looking... I'm looking...
I'm looking for a rocket launcher.
If you could give me one.
Oh, my God.
You're looking for a rocket launcher, then, are you?
What kind?
You're duggin'.
The kind that fires rockets.
Oh!
You know, like, grenade launcher that fires rockets,
but you want a rocket launcher that fires rockets.
But you don't want, like, a rocket launcher that fires grenades.
You want a rocket launcher that fires rockets.
Oh, listen, buddy, if you want me to get specific,
I need an RPG-17.
Oh, tough guy knows the numbers, huh?
Would you get a military background or what?
No, I just play duty of calls.
Yeah, that video gave me, you know, everybody plays it all the time.
I played it, like, once at a friend's house
while I was crashing on his couch,
and I saw some guns on there.
It's so loud, bro.
Okay!
Heavy weapons.
Launcher.
You can get a rocket launcher.
You might take damage as well.
They do 12 physical damage.
Crime cannon, Onitari Innoceptor, the Panther XXL,
or the Assault Cannon.
And honestly, you can come up with a name and describe it yourself if you want to.
Give me the stats of the Panther XXL.
It does 12 physical.
Players take damage as well as DM discretion.
But it doesn't have anything else on it.
But I'm going to say it'll do, like, an area of effect explosion, you know,
that'll blow shit up, but we can get there when we get there.
Yeah, but all the time it goes.
Okay, yeah.
Pretty much the same.
We're going to call it RPG-17,
but I'm choosing this one because it sounds like a sex toy.
Hell yeah.
Roger's Gamer Tag.
There it is.
A part of the couch, a part of the crew.
GIFT AN ITEM!
Or a morgue-ish just-redeemed random item.
Hell yeah it is.
First of all, thank you, certifiable.
Appreciate you so much for supporting the show.
My guy, just killing it, dude.
Just killing it.
Can't wait.
Are you excited for the new edition of D&D?
Pretty excited for it.
We're going to be creating characters and learning the rules on Friday.
Pretty exciting.
Cheers, bud.
Alrighty, Anonka, you're going to get something free.
And I have an idea for that.
Alright, you pick up this rocket launcher.
The guy says,
Alright, you're buying an old chow.
A part of the couch, a part of the crew.
I'll sell this to you.
Pizza's subscribed, holy heck.
Did you see certifiable?
33, wow.
Dude, I know.
Pizza's deaf.
What the hell?
Wow.
Cheers, buddy.
Thank you for the friggin' subscribe 16 months.
I think it was important to show, brother.
I'll sell this rocket launcher to you for 400 credits, dollars, money.
Okay.
Alright.
Here you go.
Thanks, bud.
Appreciate that.
And then, as you guys are walking around, Mr. Johnson points down to something on a table,
which you can't see, Anonka, but Mr. Johnson's like,
Hey, I think maybe you could use this.
I think I'm going to buy this for you.
And I don't even know what it is yet.
He pulls it up and it's a Unutari Arms Warhound Assault Rifle.
It's a shotgun.
You got to start giving that blind person a shotgun.
The next one was this really cool thing called the Hornet,
but too bad you didn't get the Hornet.
You got the shotgun.
There it is.
And he buys you a shotgun.
Oh, if I...
Bars!
Play!
Taven talks just redeem pause.
Don't worry, I am here now.
Good to have you here.
And everyone's like, you don't got to aim with a shotgun.
That's a good point.
But that also means you don't got to aim at your teammates either.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Alright, shotgun for the blind.
What's it do?
Shoot my Pritt and Dairns?
Shoot shotgun bullets.
Firearms, here we go.
Pistols, armor, gears, heavy pistols, assault rifles, shotguns.
It does nine physical.
Woo!
If you take a minus two, you may attack two targets
that take half damage each.
Hmm.
You said how much damage?
Nine.
Nine?
Nine physical.
Nine?
Nine!
And then I can do two people also get half damage.
Right.
Okay, now we're over to Eon.
Eon, you got anything?
Yeah, I'm looking for some armor.
I just, I need to fix this up.
I really like this corset, but I might have to find something else.
You have anything, corset-y?
He goes, oh you fancy one of them corset wearers, huh?
Oh yeah, it's very form fitting, flattering.
So, do you want to go up, stay the same or go down?
Because I can get you a corset with like some cybernetics in it, costume all.
I can get you the same corset, it'll be, you know, an even amount.
I can get you a shit corset, it's been worn before, but I clean things, you know.
Sure, I trust you for sure.
So, how much for just a regular one?
I give you a whole armored corset just like the one you got for $200.
And how much for a cybernetically enhanced corset?
I'll give you a cybernetically enhanced corset.
A corset for $400.
Oh my God, that is, you have a deal.
You sold me, do you have one in red and black?
Yes, I got a couple different ones actually.
I got one that glows and lights up, it's really cool.
I also got one that has guns that come out of the nipples, and then you like shoot guns.
Nipple guns!
Oh, that might make Roger jealous.
Of course it will.
Yeah, I've also got a corset that'll give you a shield as a reaction.
Reaction shield.
Reaction shield, that one, that one, that one.
Okay, reaction shield.
It's like black and red, looks just like yours.
Hands it to ya, here you go.
Reaction shield.
Yes, when you get hit, I think once per long rest you can use a reaction to then not take any damage.
Yes!
Nice!
A part of the kids.
You got a steel farmer.
If powers for subscribed, I want nipple guns.
Yeah, we all want nipple guns powers.
We all do, and that's why we include them in our fantasy games.
Cheers, bud!
Thank you for 32 months, hey!
Mmm, make Roger jealous?
Sold. Say again, Ananka.
You got a steel farmer.
Well, I got some hooded stuff.
I got some invisible stuff.
Make it go invisible, you know, give you advantage on stealth checks, you know.
I've got the old cloak of invisibility.
In real life it's just a green sheet, but in our world it makes you invisible.
I got one of them actually.
I already have one of them.
But I need something that's going to beef me up for armor.
I keep getting hit by wayward shite.
You're looking for. I know what you're into.
And he brings out these things and sets them on the table and you can't see them.
But he's like, these will make you walk as quiet as the night.
I'm not going to say what they look like because you can't see them.
Well, I can touch them. I can touch them.
You reach out, you touch. It's like soft. Soft and fluffy.
Alright, I mean, yeah, boots work for me.
You got anything for like the chased and or arms, things that could get hit by shite.
I need an armor.
You want like armor? You want a bulletproof vest?
You want a fully armored night suit from the medieval times.
What do you want? I mean, you got to describe to me.
I mean, you got anything like no black widow. You know, cat suit with armor in it.
Right. Full leather bulletproof skin tight.
Is that what you're looking for? Yeah.
Yeah, I got a black leather suit. I could give you a black leather suit.
It's got bulletproof stuff.
It'll probably be about the same as the armor you're currently wearing.
I'll sell it to you for 200.
Yeah, right.
And how about the boots? How much are the boots?
Boots. Yes, you can't see that he did that.
He definitely goes like this though.
He's like, yeah, well, yeah, 300 bones for the boots.
Don't send, you think that's a good deal?
He looks at you and he goes, well, if it'll help your abilities, I think so.
I mean, they'll be really comfy as well.
Listen, you're my eyes on this. Am I getting ripped off?
No, but I don't know. Don't wear them on stage or do.
It could start a new trend, I guess.
Are these just slippers?
He goes, I don't know. I've never been shopping. I don't know.
You've never been shopping.
Are these just slippers?
Oh, oh, sweetie. Oh, oh, oh, God.
Oh, God.
Somebody be my eyes.
She yells at you, you look over and there are two white bunny slippers
with huge pink ears on the table.
Oh, I don't think those are really your bag.
They're adorable, but maybe not for the whole Raven Queen look you got going on there.
Thank you. That is what we're looking for.
Aion always can count on you, my love.
All right, just the armor, please.
You can do. I mean, you'll walk as quiet as night in these bad boys.
These are slippers from Kmart, quiet as the night.
For $300, so you're gone unmind.
Well, Kmart's went out of business. You can't get these anymore.
Yeah, but I'm going to ruin them the first time I walk through a puddle.
You notice that I'm blind.
He inflates a bitch. Thank you, Steve.
Yeah, me. Yeah, you're one of them. You walk through. Just don't get wet.
That's the drawback. These bad boys will give you fucking great stealth checks when you walk in.
But if you walk through a puddle, they're done forever.
They aren't Vessie.
Hashtag non-spawn.
Yeah, maybe one day.
Vessie, come for us.
We lost our time at X. Let's go.
Which you guys will have more time to buy things if you want.
The tarp throws back and standing there is a very tall buff man,
only wearing a knitted thong holding an axe.
And he goes, I demand a new axe.
Shopkeep, bring me an axe.
Oh my.
Is that your friend?
Yeah, it's her friend, all right.
Yeah, friend. Friend.
He realizes that we're in a time of laser pistols. He wants an axe.
Oh, he's a Viking for God's sake. Don't judge.
Okay, well, I've got to-
Look at the beard. Look at the pubes.
They've never been shaved.
It's almost like he's never lost a battle in respect.
Except for the tame that he did.
Yeah.
Anyways, he's like-
He didn't lose, he just never began it.
My knitted thong is absolutely not itchy, GF powers.
That's what he says.
Shopkeep's like, well, I think I-
Maybe he might like something.
And he pulls out this stick.
And he's like, take a look at this.
And he pushes a button on the stick.
And like a lightsaber, the stick turns into a lightsaber axe.
And he's like, I'll say, it ain't for you.
This is very powerful axe.
You could buy it for me for your friend if you're interested.
And he runs over and he goes, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Please, please.
And the big man standing there like, please.
Kiss her boots.
Uh, who's? I listened to the Raven Queen.
You know who's boots?
Kiss her boots.
He waddles over, he starts kissing the boots of the shopkeeper.
And he's like, oh man, man, man.
How much for the laser axe?
Yeah, that'll be 500 bucks.
Yeah, right.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
He grabs it as you give him the money.
He's like running around, pushing the button.
And it's turning on and turning off.
He's like, laser axe.
He walks over to the tarp he just came through and like,
cuts it open and runs through it.
Ha ha.
That man's from the field.
Oh, he's so tall.
I prefer mine with a little bit more brains,
but you know what? To etch their own.
He's smart. He just doesn't understand now.
You know what I mean?
Yes, that's exactly what I got from the.
He was excited.
I don't know.
He's the real man.
Yeah, coming from Mr. Viking, Steve.
Hell yeah, dude.
He's excited.
Okay. Yeah.
All right.
Is there anything else you guys would like to purchase?
Roger's been quiet for a little bit.
Anything else you got for us, Roger?
I'm just really enamored with this rocket launcher.
Oh my God. It's pretty, pretty, pretty cool.
Yeah.
It looks nice.
You only got one rocket in there.
You want to buy like 12 rockets?
Oh yeah, sure.
Let's get some more ammo for this thing.
Rad, how much money do you have?
I think about $6,000 left.
Oh, wait a minute. Sorry.
$600.
I added a zero there.
I'm not great at math.
12 rockets for $600.
You got it, buddy.
Done deal.
He shakes your hand and takes the money and gives you the rockets.
You got any like healing tonics or anything like that?
Ooh.
I don't know, Chat.
What's the cooldown on give a potion?
What's the cooldown on that?
Anyways.
Or like bandages or field stitches or tampons to put in bullet wounds.
Oh, tampons are great for that.
So it's a box on the table.
It's a box of extra strength, extra large tampax.
He's like brand new.
Popsicles?
In this economy.
First of all, vampire gross.
Second of all, in this economy, you cannot get a box of tampax.
All right. That's $100 right there.
I'll give you 60.
Hmm.
Ooh.
He looks you real strong in.
Finally, the first charisma check of the shopping episode.
Can you all believe it?
That's right.
Beat a four.
Pure raise.
All right.
Let's go.
Mm-hmm.
Six.
He's like.
Fine.
I bet you all need him more than I do anyway.
Slides him across the table.
And Johnson's like, um, I don't believe you can say that anymore.
I mean, we're, it's 22, 24, my guy.
He's like, oh, sorry.
I don't know.
Anyways, anything else you guys want to buy?
Hmm.
Do you have any books?
He looks you.
He said.
No.
Okay.
Never mind.
It's fine.
You're fine.
You've done great.
I don't know.
I only sell a few things and that would be an armor rocket launchers and tampons.
That's what I sell in.
Okay.
So you wouldn't have like a Jane Austen kind of guy.
So I just thought I'd ask.
No, you wouldn't have to have any silver nets coated in garlic.
Would you?
Oh, no.
Tom.
Hmm.
How about holy water?
Oh, no.
Damn it.
I'm just kidding with you.
This is a weapon place.
I got stakes and everything.
He smacks open up fucking like a suitcase that just rolls open.
It's got silver crosses and nets and bits of garlic.
And he's like, I fucking hate vampires.
What do you think this is?
What you want?
I got all kinds of shit.
What?
Sorry.
Listen, I was about to tell you as useless as the bull.
It's useless as the bull's on a dildo, but you're proving your worth here.
Aeon, choose what the how you want your maker today.
Oh, um, holy water would probably slow her down a bit.
Um, stakes probably are good.
Also, hey, it's 22 22.
We have flashlights.
Hmm.
Oh, UV flashlights.
Yeah.
Oh, do those work?
Let's see.
He grabs one.
Should I turn it on?
I don't know.
I'm brain instinctively calls out the raven just big dark shadow arms.
Not this one.
Oh, thank you.
You have to test the product right so okay.
Well, um, a finger.
Will that work?
Yes.
We test a thingy.
You hold out your finger.
He points the flashlight.
I want you to make me an armor check against this UV flashlight.
Oh God, what's an armor check?
It's just the defense.
Oh, there it is.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm going to see.
You got a four and you got a four.
That's right.
Um, which I think untied things since you're the player I'm supposed to let you win.
So you want to know you're gonna take any damage but because it was the tide for the
DiceTel all right.
So what I'm going to say is, as it hits your finger, it does kind of burn a little
bit and you pull it back.
You're like, Oh, you don't take any damage.
Okay.
Yeah.
Alright.
OK, so that works.
Hmm.
How much for the light?
Twenty bucks.
That's very expensive.
I'll take it.
And then do you guys want anything like holy water or steaks?
I'm buying.
Yeah, I'll take some holy water.
Nice.
He pulls out a bottle.
It's a glass bottle.
Sets on the table.
You take a look at it and the bottle has holes in it.
It's holy water.
It's got holes in it.
My guy.
The, the bless kind you just.
Oh yeah, it's been blessed.
But it's also holy.
What do you think this is?
It's holy holy water.
Yeah, again.
This is twenty-two.
It's holy water squared.
We've learned a lot about that.
In the past 200 years and the water needs to be holy.
Okay.
Well, you're still alive, so you know nothing about it.
How much for the holy holy water?
No, it's just water, a dollar.
A dollar.
What can he hear?
You don't know what a bottle of water for a dollar.
This motherfucker.
Okay, a dollar.
Please recycle.
What? I'm thirsty.
You would know what, drink that.
I would drink that.
Actually, hand over the, hand over the holy water.
Hand it over.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
And I'm going to open it up and I'm going to stick my mulling
filament whip in it.
It's smart.
It's very smart.
But certifiable is the question.
You still got a fingerprint on that finger?
Hey, you can tell us.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
It's still there.
It was the top of my finger where the knuckle was.
It hurt.
That thing can sling a steak 300 feet right into the heart
of a sicker.
There you go, Steve.
Okay, anything else?
Steaks?
Are you talking like food steak?
No.
You might be interested in that.
I don't sell food.
No, I'm not really hungry.
Do you have any, do you have any steaks in sex panther cologne?
Oh, no.
I don't think he has it.
What the fuck?
He doesn't have books.
Why would he have that?
I used it for me in college.
Fucking JC Penney.
The fuck?
It's the best smelling mace on the market.
I don't know what you're after.
No, I understand your meaning.
He goes over.
That's one of us.
He walks over to Roger.
And he goes, can you hold up your arm for me?
And he takes a little knife and he scrapes some of Roger's armpit
and his hair is into a bottle.
He walks over.
He puts, you know, all different kinds of liquid in it and shakes it up.
And then it glows bright green and he goes, that'll do her.
And he sits it down.
Oh, good.
Goblin friend, you're just so clean that I needed the cleanest skin cells.
Oh yeah, yeah, you're right.
I have a pretty clean person.
Let me tell you, I had some tips on hygiene.
You see, you don't want to shower for about four or five weeks at a time
because your natural must is what attracts mates.
Yes.
So I believe it's called pheromone maxing.
It's been working pretty well.
I do say so for myself.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, a bit.
Anyways, that'll do her.
That's free.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Alright, get the fuck out of my shop.
Mr. Johnson's like,
Sorry.
Thank you again, Boris.
You know, I appreciate your time.
Yeah, anything for you.
Oh, they're friend.
Yeah, I have some connections in the underground weapon market.
You know, he is what I say.
Well done, Johnson.
Yeah.
Thank you.
You are going to let me buy bunny slippers, Johnson.
Don't let you, don't think you're, I'm letting that slide.
Well, I'm just getting to know you now.
I don't know if you like those kind of things.
I didn't want to assume that you didn't.
Yeah, but you, but you know the work we do.
When are we going to find out that Johnson is married with like six children?
Yeah.
Loving me.
Yeah, it's a good one. Good one.
Goes together like a horse and carriage.
That's right. You guys arrive back to the bus.
When you get there, you can see Krach's showing his beautiful new axe off to Alicia and Bob.
And he's like, you push this button and they're like pushing it together.
He's like,
Oh, cool.
Is that?
Marcus Viking.
That's what we're looking at.
He's going to walk up to him and be like, hey, Krach's.
Hi.
How are you?
I'm having a good day.
You're here.
Oh, good.
First of all, I'm here.
Also very cool.
Yes.
I see it's wonderful.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
So icebreaker here.
I don't know if you noticed, but I picked up this lovely little medallion.
It's Thor's hammer.
I thought you would get a kick out of that.
Yeah.
Was just like, you'd love it.
Did Oden give you permission to wear this?
Drink it.
Of course I asked.
Meal your God.
I mean, I'm kind of a fan of a lot of different ones, but this was the only one the shop keypad.
And I had like five minutes because we had to go recon that place.
But yeah, I thought that maybe you'd like that.
I do.
It is good.
Mm-hmm.
I more let's follow Oden myself being that he is kind of an asshole.
I believe he treats you as shit, but some of us do.
You follow the crows on Oden's shoulders.
Who the hell are you?
What are you on about?
Hold on one second.
Don't tell her anything I said just now.
I love the crows that Oden sends.
I do the raven.
Oh yes.
Very important.
Very.
Dress for the job that you want.
You know what I mean?
Exactly.
Very cool.
And I am.
Find another.
Maybe you can get one for me.
We can match.
Oh, that's funny.
And she's got to open her pouch and she's going to go.
I didn't know if you'd like it or not.
So damn it.
I actually have one of those.
I don't have it here.
It's in my closet.
I have one of those.
Excellent.
I'll bring it in.
He goes, a gift.
Two gifts in one day.
Hey, crocs.
Crocs, look what I got.
What did you get?
Oh, what is this?
It's like it can make explosions happen way over there.
But you know, I'm right here.
And look, it was a big bag of shit too.
It's got a bunch of rockets in it.
Be you blessed by the all seeing sister to have such magic.
I don't know.
I wait to see this in battle together.
We will go.
Me too.
It should be fun.
You guys should probably stand clear though when I'm using it.
I hope to die at your side.
And he holds out his arm.
Oh, yeah.
You guys like Viking shake, but it like.
The shake of brothers.
I can't tell if I was me or you.
It was probably you seeing is how you're biking and your hygiene is enough to stand in like mine.
This is true.
But if you were to insult me, I will say you are too afraid to hide away your tiny goblin penis for I am not ashamed as he stands there naked.
Well, you see, I'm a busy practice and something called free ball and now I don't know if you're free ball and I certainly am.
He is going to point out like me.
You got a single string thong that he's wearing and goes.
Would you consider this free ball?
Now, there's still some constriction.
See the key to free balling is just to not wear underwear and it seems like you are wearing underwear.
One second.
He takes it off, puts it on his head.
Aw.
Was a gift from me.
I will keep wearing it.
But I am now better than you for I am free balling.
Yeah, I guess you are free balling, but you're also left wide open for an attack and then I flick him in the testicle.
Oh, this war over who will run this bus will end one day.
You may have won this battle, but the war shall be mine.
Whatever you say, big guy.
Get on the bus.
Sorry, that was too funny.
I just fucking say a bit.
You all get on the bus and travel together to your next destination.
Now the bus drops you guys off across the sheet, across the street from the mechanic shop.
As you guys step off the bus, you can see it's lit up and neon signs and the fucking place is huge.
Just like six different car parks for people to go in and get their breaks checked.
There's like this huge office area.
It's like a full on two story building.
And the bus Bob looks out and he goes, all right.
Look, man, I'm going to go find a parking spot, dude.
And I'll meet you around back in a few hours.
Good luck.
Okay.
And he puts away.
He's like, yeah, good luck.
He pops away.
And you guys are now standing in front of this huge mechanic shop, all holding new weapons, adorning new armor, ready to go.
And is going to be like, okay, I can do this. I don't know if I can do this. I can do this.
I can do this.
And then she poofs into a bat and then back into her vampire form and then back into a bat and then back into her vampire form.
I'm fine.
We're ready.
And come here.
Come to me.
Take mine.
You can do this.
This is your destiny.
You won't be controlled anymore.
You will not be at the whims of this woman.
He has forsaken you so many times and tortured you to get her away.
It is time for Aeon to have her way.
It is the time for Aeon.
But maybe you guys should stay behind because what if she sees me, she's going to be like, kill them.
And I'm going to be like, okay.
Roger, or sorry, Johnson leans in because he's still with you guys.
And he's like, so, you know, like, we don't, if you're not ready to do this today, we don't have to.
I mean, we can, we can go to graveyards and start digging up bodies to see if we can find the person who turned Anna.
Oh, no, we have to do this.
We can do this.
So are you guys going to knock or should I just take care of this door?
Well, I was thinking if Anna's still working with the company that Mr. Johnson could go in the front door as if it were a meeting,
as a nice distraction for us to get in into the series.
That's a great idea.
We're going to go sneaky, deaky like until we get loud.
Well, I should tell you that we did hire that group of punk rockers to fix our cars now instead of in a bathroom.
But I can go in and pretend like I'm not, but I do actually have a plan.
I have a lead on the next page and I was going to skip off and see if I could get it for us because I want to be a part of this too.
I thought maybe I could put in some effort, but I could do this instead.
Absolutely.
I just don't know where I'll go.
Do you want a partner?
Like I could go with you.
Has she seen your face?
Oh, yeah, she knows me.
I'm her number one contact.
Oh, I mean Ananka.
Oh, I mean, I was part crew at the time.
True.
Depending on what I look like in that form.
She might recognize me.
Was.
Yeah, was Roger in the bus?
Roger was in the bus.
Maybe she didn't see Roger.
Oh, we don't want Roger to go in there.
Do we Roger?
Do you want to go in there?
I'm coming this fucking up regardless.
It's part of my nature.
What about Crocs?
She hasn't met Crocs.
Crocs is like, he's like not just Roger and he's like.
I think it's time for you to show us that magic.
What?
The cool magic thing with the explosions in the distance.
I think I know what he's talking about.
You guys want me to shoot the front door?
I can do it right now.
I've been itching to try this bitch out.
Do it.
Oh, no.
We're going to die.
Oh, he's saying we're shooting it.
It's all right, buddy.
Oh, no.
He's going to be like, before he shoots the rock.
At least, there are two of you on the eight.
It's our break time.
I'm going to go let my dogs outside.
I let them out at five every day.
So they're on a schedule.
He's ready.
So I'm going to let them out.
You guys have a decision to make before we come back.
Oh, God.
Yes.
Very exciting stuff.
Very good first hour.
That was a lot of fun.
We'll be right back in a couple of minutes, everybody.
Don't fucking go.
You're all done.
That's such a good intro.
I'm in adult swim.
Hyrus.
What's up, dude?
Anyways, welcome back, everybody.
I'm Turk.
I'm the band manager here.
And I'm here with the band.
Say hello, band.
Hello, guys.
Good to see you guys.
Hell yeah.
We're right back at it.
For those of you guys just joining us, these guys said a little bit of shopping.
And now they find themselves out in front of the large mechanic shop.
And for those of you guys who don't know, this mechanic shop is run and owned by our very
own Anna Bathory.
Anna Bathory is apparently a vampire queen, one of the only that actually turned Eon.
And from what we know, is currently in possession of one of the pages of the metal omnicon.
She stole it on episode three, I believe.
So we return to you guys all standing out front across the street while this place is
doing its normal processes with cars and stuff like that all around.
What do you do?
Um, well, what do you guys think?
I think you guys are taking too long.
Back glass, back glass, back glass.
Rock it all!
And it's like, which rocket at the front door?
Call you a dude.
Okay, what we're going to do, Roger just shot a fucking rocket launcher at the place.
I'm going to make this an easy check because you're shooting a fucking rocket launcher
at a building, but just beat a four.
Jesus Christ.
I'm going to make this an easy check.
I did.
I rolled a D66.
They got four successes.
Heavy weapon.
Here we go.
He lines it up for the green and the putt is off.
And he fails.
No, no, no.
The RPG goes.
They have Steve underscore forge of low used re-roll Turk.
I still got four, baby.
Still got a four.
The RPG goes, well, you could spend couch coins because remember you start with those.
You could do that in this campaign.
We're adding successes.
I'm going to go ahead and do that on this one.
Okay.
All right.
So it still spins out of control, but it hits a streetlight and then goes and goes all through
the front door of this area.
It explodes.
They're like people running out and as soon as they hit the sunlight on the outside, they
start screaming and burning and they're also on fire.
And then your book like starts freaking out in your pocket.
You pull it out and opens and it flips to a page that says vampire spawn.
And on the vampire spawn page, it says vampire spawn are not strong enough to deal with sunlight
and will die immediately in sunlight.
Vampires that have recently been turned cannot go out into sunlight.
So all these guys are just running out screaming already on fire from the RPGs.
There was like a civilian.
I imagine he was probably, I'm going to say he was an owl in an owl in guy who was parking
a van inside to get his brakes fixed, sees this happens and you see him.
He goes, hell no, and backs up and just leaves.
Where was croc standing when I fired this thing right next to you?
So he looks at you and he goes, it's, it's beautiful.
And then tears down his.
Oh, I wanted him to be standing behind me.
Yeah, so he's just like, singed a little bit everywhere because of the back glass.
His face is all just black, but there's also a tear.
So it's a little bit of both.
He's like, that was beautiful.
Reloading.
All right.
Moving on in initiative order.
Who wants to go next?
Ananka or Yon?
Go for it, Ananka.
Listen, I just felt, I just felt backblast.
I, I, uh, I'm going to summon the crow within me to share our, to share strength together.
Nice.
She's going to get down on your knees.
I'm going to need you to make me a check.
We'll make it an easy check because you're so bonded with the Raven.
But what do you say when you do it?
I don't have to do anything.
What, what do you miss?
Oh, I don't have to.
Oh, I yonned.
Oh, okay.
A big yon.
Nice.
Oh, I'm going to say, like, to keep the, I mean, we're, we're still working towards keeping
the dark entity from rising and this is the next step in that path.
Well, in your strength to, to take down the next four in our line.
Nice.
I feel like the Raven God talks back and says, yes, use the power of your new found followers.
Send them in.
All right.
And then you grow wings and turn into a crow and your eyes change.
And your vision comes into your mind.
You can now see the fire in front of you and all these explosions glass all over the street
and people screaming.
I sense what the city normally looks like.
Can we take a few screenings?
So I've ever seen.
All right, Crocs, you want to make a gang way?
Ian's going to poof into a bat and fly into Anonka's hair, clinging to the back of her neck.
Nice.
Stay hidden for now.
Do you want some kind of like stealth check or anything?
Do you want to hide in her hair?
We can say that you didn't back there.
That's cool.
That's fine.
Yeah.
Should we do a thing?
We could do a thing.
All right.
Do you command Crocs?
What do?
All right, Crocs, go gang way.
He goes, Vida, and then he runs across the street and just starts chopping off the burning
heads of vampires.
And he looks back and goes, yeah.
A Viking with lightsabers.
Anything I've ever wanted in my whole entire life.
All right, moving on.
Ian went back into the hair.
That was Ian's turn.
Roger, what do you?
Well, I've reloaded my rocket and I'm just walking across the street medicinally with
a backpack full of fucking rockets and rocket launcher on my shoulder.
I've got I've I've looped a finger into his belt buckle so I can follow behind.
Oh, you don't want to be behind me when I find this thing.
You know what?
I just remember like in senior never mind.
I don't need to do that.
I can just move.
There is such a thing as back blast.
It's actually very deadly.
I'm surprised I'm surprised.
Crucks live because back blasts can actually kill people.
He was lucky.
And I'm not I'm I'm I'm saying that because I'm planning on killing somebody with a
back blast later.
They just lay in the seats.
Four shadowing.
Are you going to suddenly walk across the street and then out from the main building
over the broken glass and through the fire seems to come an elder vampire.
But they're wearing a polo shirt and on the polo shirt it has a name tag that says
shoot me.
In this chat.
Anybody else in the creatures that you fuck it.
It says Steve.
She's here.
Oh, the night.
The night.
Fishy with the night.
No, no, no, no.
She's with why you build.
So it says Steve his name tag and he floats out.
Any out of the fire stands when he's like why have you come.
You've got a couple pages when they're.
Pages.
They elaborate.
Well miss Anna took some pages that we were we were trying to acquire to keep from a deep
darkness raisin.
You request the presence of Anna.
Then why not make a fucking appointment.
You foul.
I think Anna wouldn't want to see the likes of me.
So we figured we'd just come for the street through the front door.
I think she would.
She takes appointments.
She's very professional.
She is our queen.
She's also a right butcher Clint.
So you know, here we are.
He's going to spend his turn walking out and you know, avoiding the fire and everything
else like that.
So we are coming back to a non-convict.
What do.
I'm going to pull out the monofilament whip out of the the holy holy water.
And I'm going to essentially crack it right at him trying to loop it around an ankle.
Nice.
Badass.
Okay.
Roll to hit.
Yeah.
Give me a second.
I forgot where I had crooks up.
Beautiful.
Oh, please make it fall down.
I have something bad.
Suggestion.
Shoot.
Tommy.
Steve's polo shirt.
Does the holy.
Go ahead.
Does the holy water add anything to this role?
Roll play wise.
I think yes.
But we could do some extra damage.
Yes.
I think we'll talk about it.
Just roll to hit first.
I don't regularly use weapons.
So I don't exactly know how I'm supposed to do this, but we're just going to roll the whip.
Nice.
Two.
That's it.
That's a two.
And it splashes a little bit on him and you can see his skin burns a little bit.
There's like sizzling like smoke.
Any eye contacts with you and he goes holy water.
Blessed from a holy bottle on the whip.
You are the enemy.
And his collar gets a real straight like classic Dracula vampire style and his cape whips out.
He gets whips it himself.
He's like hold on.
Hell yeah.
Hide himself from the sun.
He's ready to attack.
But guess what?
It's Eon's turn.
Eon, what do?
Watch me whip.
Part of the cast.
Part of the crew.
Town subscribed age MMNPH.
He's out.
I think not.
Feels longer because fam.
Oh, because fam.
It's been a hundred months.
Be town.
Who cares?
All that matters is that we love you.
Cheers man.
Thanks for the fun.
We love you, be town.
So much.
We do.
All right.
So as his collar flips up, Eon's going to dive out of Anonka's hair and turn back into
her normal self.
And she's going to be like, well, this sucks.
And then she's going to grab the flashlight off of her belt and aim it at him and turn
it on.
You say, well, this sucks.
Before you, you're like fiddling with it, trying to get it out.
He goes, Eon, you've betrayed us.
And then you turn it on.
Oh, his face.
I would like you to just roll me a d20.
Oh, okay.
A d20.
That's, that's sexy.
Let's do it.
Not bad.
A 14.
Nice.
I got a nine.
When you aim the flashlight at him and hit him with it, all the flesh begins to burn off
of his body.
And he's like, sorry, Steve.
Sorry.
And you're killing Steve.
He's like, why would you do this to me?
Steve.
We were so close.
Me and you building things together.
Why would you do this to Steve?
You're killing him with a flashlight.
Oh, we shared that one checkers game that one time, Steve, calm down.
We have a house.
We were married.
Oh, you should have put your socks on the hamper.
You filthy fuck.
You fucking bottom.
Oh, boy.
Here we go.
Damn, Steve, under the cork of the largest shared 50 bits, are still better than killing
me with a flashlight.
I don't know what it is.
What do you love, Steve?
50 bits, Steve.
Then he turns into a bat and he flies away.
Oh shit.
He's going to go tell her I'm here.
Oh, no.
Oh, Roger hit him with a rocket.
Standing here, which you could do, Roger.
But first, I want all of you guys to give me a perception check as you're standing here.
We need all to just roll me a check.
I want to see how well you're seeing things.
But just for games.
Excuse me, I did do three.
No.
What are you rolling?
Perception.
The little eyeball at the top.
Yeah, I got it.
Nice.
God damn, sir.
Yeah, you look around through all the glass.
So underscore, he used to be a roll, Roger.
Wow.
Oh, no.
You just gave you pure, that stink.
Oh, no.
I was looking around.
Damn it.
Fucking puber.
So.
Fucking.
It's going to be the next one today.
Yeah.
I was looking around.
You were going to be the next one today.
You look around.
Sorry.
Through the smoke and the flames and everything.
You can see in the office.
There's a big steel door that is now open because all the
concrete has collapsed from the explosion.
You can see through it looks like it goes into an office.
After your left.
There's a bunch of other stuff.
Not really important, but there looks to be one mechanic guy
still working away.
He's got headphones in, might be listening to, I don't know, some kind of band or something,
but you see he's wearing a red polo and his name tag says Poobert.
Is that what I was trying to see? That's all you get from your track, yes. Okay.
I don't see the guy that's trying to get away or...
Oh, he's a bat flying away, that's still happening, yes.
Oh, okay, yeah. I know I'm trying to kill him.
Okay.
You're gonna shoot a rocket launcher at a bet.
Yeah, you're gonna shoot a rocket launcher at a bat. All right, this is going to be a very hard check.
A five. Beat it.
Oh, jeez.
I have a chance here, buddy. You can do this.
Please help me.
Annihilate that bat, turn it into a bat smear.
Oh no.
The girl photo pap, son of a bitch.
It's not good.
You look around, you get smoke in your eyes, you're so frustrated.
You see this rocket.
Certifiable under this corner, juice tree roll, Roger.
And?
Certifiable is an absolute homey.
You got a full homey.
Ow, so close.
Can I use a couch coin to help him?
Sure, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Ananka sees you.
I will do that.
Wrong. And you grab the back of his rocket launcher, Ananka.
For some reason, you also, Ian, you grab the back of his rocket launcher.
And some reason you also have military experience.
No one understands the past, but you see that he's aiming wrong and you slightly move it,
which gives him the extra angle and he fires rocket.
Wait, wait, before I fire, this is what I say.
Okay, you've experienced holy water.
Now let me introduce you to a little bit of holy shit.
And the bat explodes.
Oh my God.
Good God.
You stopped him.
Yeah.
All right.
Holy shit. Batwing.
Ananka into the office.
You can see a door that goes back further.
And then again, there's stuff going on, but that's all I can give you for now.
What do you do?
Oh, I'm going to run up to Crooks and see.
Couch coin.
See that?
Certifiable underscore, nerd, just redeemed couch coin.
Roger for explosive flavors.
Very good. Hell yeah.
All right.
So I'm running up to Crooks and I'm going to pat on him and be like, throw me at that door.
He's like, because he is he's cute.
All right.
Certifiable underscore, nerd, just redeemed couch coin.
Aeon for being a good battle buddy.
Nice.
Thank you.
He puts out his axe lightsaber and spins it around like all cool
like and she sits in his back.
That doesn't he's not wearing clothes.
So how's it there?
We don't know.
He grabs you and just he's holding it between his his tricep.
Yeah.
He's holding it.
We're doing his back and grabs you and he hugs you.
You have wings currently.
Yeah.
I want to make this.
But I need more momentum to go.
Yeah.
I need more momentum to go through.
Just be the one.
Get it.
I want to know me on one on acrobatics because of his assist.
I'm going to make it super easy.
All right.
For him or for me?
For you.
All right.
So I'm getting that.
He does the clingship rates.
It's in between his cheeks.
It is a long staff.
So it could be in between the cheeks.
I've really pictured.
I've got you.
Have you guys ever seen that Tarzan meme where he's like holding
Jane in the cartoon?
How is he swinging?
His hands are on the rope.
And like it's like the back.
It's in between his cheeks.
Yeah.
OK.
He's some weird AI shit.
Yeah.
You got a two.
So he throws you and you extend your wings and you fly through
the smoke and the flames.
What's really cool.
And you fly over this front desk.
You can see like computer parts and shit scattered everywhere.
And you put your wings together and you fly right through the
doorway and you stop and you land on the desk in this office.
Now there are filing cabinets everywhere.
The ceiling looks like a normal ceiling.
A little fan.
Nice little light.
You're standing on the desk.
The computer.
Nice little what you're used to for computers.
You push a button and the screen comes up.
It's not like a what we're used to computer screens.
It's futuristic type shit.
And you're just looking around.
There is a safe in here that you can automatically see.
But as you land I want you to make me a perception check.
What'd you get.
You got four sick.
So as you're scanning the room you can see that underneath the
desk there looks to be a hatch that goes lower.
Brilliant.
I imagine I can't take another turn right now.
You can do.
I just wait.
In action.
Technically that was movement believe it or not.
So you can do in action.
Yeah.
All right.
Um I'd actually like to use my astral powers to try and see if I can identify the energy of the book.
Oh because we're looking for pages.
Look for hand page.
Cool.
Yeah for sure.
That's cool.
That's very cool.
Oh.
It got stuck to the front of it.
It's a hood ornament.
Um okay that's a four.
Sir underscore puberty used to reroll an uncle.
Good.
Yeah.
Good because I also got a four.
So very good.
And I rolled 46.
So that's crazy.
That's nuts.
Oh you got a four.
Well you're still the player.
So I'll say you succeed on the four versus four.
You can see down below you about a hundred yards north underground the glow of a page.
And there is also four other glows but they're red.
They're not like the same color as the book the purple book page.
They're like red four glows.
And they almost look like they're in the shape of people.
Yeah I imagine I would be able to form out the shape of people.
Yeah.
All right.
We go ahead lower.
And I'm on it because it's down the hatch essentially correct.
That's where I'm seeing it.
Yeah that's what you think.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah so I'm gonna yell to them that we got ahead down the hatch.
And try to just open the hatch.
That's okay.
See if it's locked or no.
Moving back to the top here.
I don't have anybody.
Okay the only NPC I have poobert pooberts over there fixing the brakes.
You hear still got his headphones in crux is ready.
You know Lucy and the dog Lucy she's ready.
Both by Roger and we're gonna cut back to Roger the top of initiative here.
Wait Roger shot and then Ian do you want to do something?
No because you're the vampire in the sky.
Yeah I haven't gone yet.
And that motherfucker made me re-roll.
Yeah I think I'm gonna take the advice from chat because they are all knowing and I'm gonna go
ahead and back into a bat and I'm going to fly directly into crux's pubes to hide.
His glorious bush.
You turn into a bat.
Yeah picture like you fly into his pubes and he goes who is this creature.
Escape my pubes creature.
Escape.
Cut to the cut to the where the butterfly lands on the on the crotch.
I like swinging he's like my pubes seems to be comforting for this creature.
Exhilarating hang tight.
And he jumps through the fire and like the pubes swing into the fire you're like on the hammock.
A tiny machete to forge a path.
Yuck.
All right Roger we're back to you.
You're the only one left outside with Lucy what do you do?
I go argue down in the hall too.
Let's go do it.
So you look at Pubert with your rocket launcher and you're thinking about killing him and then you go
and you go inside and you live for now Pubert.
But mark my words I will show him one of these rockets up your ass and fire you into the sky.
As you say that I feel like he pulls out a headphone he goes what's up.
And nobody's there because we're all in the hole.
And everything's in flames around him.
Normal day at work.
Normal day.
Hey. Okay.
That fucker's seen some shit.
You guys all huddle around this latch.
You okay first of all you try to budge it open and it it doesn't just open.
Crocs ox it.
Ox it what?
Exit.
Yeah. Ox it.
Hold on little buddy.
And he pets his crotch and you guys are like what the fuck.
We'll swing.
I lean over to Roger and I go is that Aeon.
You got a four.
I posted a video at Mad Alarm to better relate this exact situation.
Nice.
Chouc coin.
Miramogus just redeemed catch coin Aeon for using the poop hammock.
The fuck you guys.
He swings his axe and starts cutting a hole in it.
I picture at this point he like pulls down a welding mask.
He's naked welding mask comes out of nowhere.
Cut the hole hole and then it just falls the wooden latch down a bunch of stairs and he's like good to go.
This is the welding mask me pulling back up.
Yes.
Good to go.
He used the crocheted ball catcher.
Just listening to keep pantomime just.
I did.
The perfect welding mask.
Good space work.
Thanks Steve.
Appreciate that man.
All right.
What do you guys do?
I hate to do this Aeon.
Do you know where this leads?
Yeah who?
My crotch is speaking.
Meanwhile I'm in a tight corridor clearing corners with a fucking bazooka.
Now like jumping around corners this thing.
Meanwhile Roger's in the office thinking he's in a tight corridor.
Do you go down the stairs?
Roger's like filing cabinets.
I'm gonna lift my my crotch all over my shoulders because it helps with stealthiness and I'm gonna head on down.
Nice.
Taking full of feel like but I'm gonna since it makes me a little bit more invisible.
I'm gonna load another a different rocket because it helps me with my stealthiness and then we'll go.
All of you step down these stairs as you get down there it's fucking dark as dark and you look over
to Lucy kind of in the middle of the pack and her flames begin to get brighter on her hellhound body
like and it lights up the walls and all down the walls you can see these crazy old runic like
vampire fucking runic scribblings and scrawlings it looked like they were put on the walls as
this thing was being developed and as that happens your book begins to shake Aeon.
Do you pull the book out?
Oh god.
Nice.
The eyeball on it as you're holding it and it's presuming this magic it's not like a
normal eye anymore the eye itself is no longer like blueish it's red much like matching yours
and if you want to open it to get these this information I need you to make me a sorcery j.
Also does Croc's not react to Aeon just pooping out of his pubes?
No she's a tiny bat reading a tiny book what of it?
Oh I poofed out.
Oh did you?
Okay then he goes oh I assumed I couldn't take out the book.
As you jump out he goes
Vampire woman you find my pubis satisfactory?
It's great it's appealing.
Can I just ask a question chat also everyone here what color are we picturing this pubis?
Red ginger ginger firecrunch okay come on.
Actually white here and there because I mean he is old.
Mira said blonde sort of five was said red Sir Puberty said reddish brown yep firecrunch
everyone is picturing a firecrunch viking yeah ginger wow I was picturing brown like dark brown
hair personally but I guess this is our story in our imagination chat we're in this together so
they're a ginger so if we ever get any fan art of butt cheeks with a lightsaber sword through the
butt cheeks everyone just know red ginger okay oh no I got this I got this I'm making a pool
like Turk's mustach yeah make make us a poll there we go what color pubis very good very good
very good okay now what did you roll a seven so you pop out he freaks out but then you begin to
read on the walls and the book flips open and it's kind of a moment because there's like this
red like dust coming out of the book at this point it's like this reddish energy
much kind of like matching your magic and everything and it stops on a page talking about this
this sacrifice this ritualistic vampire sacrifice to presume power and that you need people to be
able to do this and you have to take the power from others and take it into yourself it's basically
just talks about this whole crazy powerful sacrifice that a vampire could make to do this
I'm all over the walls is what you translate and it's just like repetitive nonsense like
almost psychotic like the person wants this to happen oh whoa actually freaky gray one gray
great yeah he's got gray pubes that gray one he is an old Viking so fair he is yeah I'm picturing
completely different now that you said gray I was on the red it stayed the same in my head but with
gray completely different guy all of a sudden that's fair that's fine all right now he leans in
with his gray beard and hair and pubes and goes vampire woman what does the text say of these
magic um it's like ritual shit and I will relay the information to the rest of the group
oh we walking into a trap here probably likely yeah I'm thinking likely hopefully
Lucy says I'll follow your lead Roger we can take them down yeah we can I got a fucking rocket
launcher yeah hell yeah don't forget the page is in there we need the pages I need we need them unburnt
yeah the pages will be fine they're extra magical and whatever
um
all right you guys continue descending down these stairs step by step and the torches on the walls
they're like again they're not torches like you would think of in a medieval setting but they're
like lights on the walls that are like mounted all crazy and wires running down and as you're getting
further and further deep they go from being bright yellow lights to white lights to blue lights to
red lights as you get down to the bottom and as you get down there I think I might have actually
written me a description oh shit it's ain't going at the top of my head maybe thank you past Turk
thank you past Turk fucking four weeks ago me I've planned things ahead I mean you can't plan
Viking with a thong but you can plan important things dungeon masters listen up all right
best advice ever look shit okay as you guys at the bottom the you guys know what it is
Anna's sanctum is large it's a circular chamber it seems to be here at the heart of this workshop
the walls are adorned with intricate carvings of symbols and the floor is covered in one large
massive ornate rug at the center of the room stands a grand throne-like chair seems to be
anabathri sitting upon it floating around her are four other people which you can only assume to be
vampires by the clothing that they are wearing they are all glowing this red bright red glow
and the glow is beaming to the center of the throne as she sits upon it she almost seems to be
containing their power and as you get closer oh she's not meant for ever ring it all right
she's doing like what the ridler did eon is there any equivalent of an arcana check here
can you do me a sorcery check as you look upon what's happening here and with the information
you've gotten from the book i'm gonna make it an easy check i got a two you got a six you look out
you see Anna and you can only presume she's doing this ritual but you look over to the frontish left
side and you can see there is an empty spot for another person that doesn't have anyone in it
oh no there's one spot left that is empty oh no you guys are still walking down the stairs
and so what i would like to do right now is give each one of you an opportunity to prep
something or do something before you hit the bottom of the stairs oh i'm gonna set myself down
and get into my nailing position and i'm going to summon crows from within me to form essentially a
storm of birds to go whirl up the room like a storm of birds okay while that's happening eon
do you want to do anything yeah i'm gonna cast my armor spell on myself it is um while sustained
the spell adds three points of armor to the target hell yeah badass roger wow it looks like it's a small
room per combat i don't think i'm gonna be able to use my rocket launcher but i just fucking with
you i'm firing the first shot when we get down there well this is roger i'm down for you using
the rocket launcher but if you let me stir up the chaos they won't be able to see you coming and you
can get a closer shot are you cool with me blowing up your crows they're spiritual crows
okay whatever you need yes give me enough time to get down there to get set up yep all right
so i'm gonna send all of them down into the chamber and essentially just wildly flying around
it's fucking cool it's picking at the the vampires that are suspended going after a
ana bathory like just swirling like madness of feather squat deafening squawks and and just chaos
badass i think that's very cool and we can maybe explain a little bit more of what that's
gonna do whenever turn initiatives come so it's fresh on the brains but for now it's chaotic world
it's just part of that your foot it's the bottom step and you guys can't hear this but eon hears
a voice that comes through yes and it says come and eon floats up from above where she's standing
and flies into the crows just directly through all the crows and disappears to the vision of you guys
and you're now almost nose to nose with ana bathory you're floating in front of her completely
in a red glow she says finally the ritual may be completed i've been waiting for you
yeah i kind of noticed that the whole empty spot there sort of a a dick move yeah
but you've always been a dick so it fits allow me eon to take your power
and vampires will rule over the land once more we will emerge from the dark and take over everything
yeah the thing about ruling everything is that you have to do it well
you believe me i don't think you got the chops ruler
hmm no no i will prove you wrong there is no stopping me now your friends awaited the stairs
i didn't believe there's oh they're gonna fuck up your day so hard sorry good
good i welcome a challenge jill's up her hand and you too along with the other crew
see her float out of the crows and into the spot where your arms are locked back
and your head goes straight up and as soon as she does the beam from eon
eon goes into the chair and comes out of the chair and goes right into anabathory
and she says soon i will become all powerful the ritual has begun there's no stopping it now
and that was technically anabathory's turn so we cut over to roger
and remember now you have other people that you can control including the dog also remember
there are five innocent vampires floating in the area along with anabathory who is innocent innocent
yes well i i i guess that eliminates the need for the rocket launcher for now
this is my turn yeah this is my turn right
hmm um okay well i don't have any holy water bullets or anything but you know for a father
to turn a hardly spirit bang and i shoot at the lady nice hell yeah roll to hit my friend
this is with my fire bolt 1911 fucking beat the two dang i rolled like shit
it's seven damn that's five above how much physical damage does your 911 do
9p 9p 14 yeah that's pretty good dude the hell yeah
yeah sores across as you fire it you could see it in like slow motion and it hits her
right in her arms like she goes ah and then the red beam like heals up her arm and she goes
you can't stop me i know i could think of a few ways what do you do
do you have another action oh i don't think so okay you do have movement
oh hey i'm going to move to the right of the circle nice and you can command
and oh yeah i can command Lucy um Lucy i need you to uh do some sort of ranged attack at the ceiling
she goes the ceiling understood and steps back and her butt wiggles in the air you know like how
dogs do and then she's like her throat gets real red and then she spits a fireball up to the ceiling
i'm not going to make a roll to hit the ceiling but then fire just drips down
good and i need this to be right above where the witch lady is the head bitch vampire
Ananka your turn
uh i'm going the the crows that are still under my command essentially as part of k-oric world
uh i'm going to use them as any bits of flesh as they start to like open on the lady have
crows swoop down and try to pick at them make them bigger that's fun hell yeah okay and then for your
action uh for my action you can also command crux don't forget oh yeah no i just figured crux
was next but yeah crux fuck the lady in the chair up if you whatever i want to say aeon in your pubes
again nice he runs ah for honor for aeon runs and as he's running across i want you to make me a quick
uh insight check we can do perception it's also fine ananka for me yeah okay perception
so one you think i can't give it to you on a one i just can't well let me try oh man we need a
re-roll yeah i can't give it to you on one because i got it okay i'll feed you yeah you can spend your
couch coin which haven't done yet this episode what's not certifiable and this corner juice tree
roll ananka oh there you go certifiable you absolutely legend being oh are you fucking kidding
i mean all right yeah i'll use i'll use my fucking okay couch green you feel like you miss it for a
second and then the couch coin activates and you can kind of see it as crux is running across
he steps right in front of where aeon is and as he steps on it it looks like the beam for a second
goes from the chair to the floor it's like and then it continues going to the chair and he runs across
and tries to attack her he rolls oh shit one fucking shit i'm rolling like s she got a five so he's
just swinging wildly like uh fread now for your turn ananka
uh near and old christmas from the roll crux oh baby
that's a three oh what she's still got a five on defense so it's not yeah that sad a little bit
better though a little bit better good try mirror all right ananka so describe that again it went
like he stepped in front of aeon and the beam went down or the beam like it interrupted it
all right uh in that case i'm gonna make my way down the stairs make your way
oh i knew i knew it was coming and i still did it
sometimes yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna move down the stairs and i'm gonna go stand in front of aeon
nice um as you walk it's gonna be like full max movement speed to get there but as you walk you
step right in front of aeon and the beam coming from aeon's head goes down to the ground and it
hits the floor in front of you and it then this red energy illuminates this pattern of like this
rune on the floor as the energy flows through it and it's like in a circle on this circle pad that
you're standing on is this long enough to aeon to have consciousness aeon's still stuck but the
beam is no longer going to the chair but it is aeon's turn before i let the vampire queen take
her turn and aeon i'm gonna need you you're just gonna be making me a mental check
all right we're gonna make this really hard so logic logic yeah beautiful or yeah okay
it's a six oh so you succeed now you don't break out of the red energy but you break out just enough
with anonka standing on it to allow you to do one thing vocal or ranged you can't move or change
your body which you can try to do something can you see this do you know what it means
ooh would i know what what the fuck she's looking at looking at based off of that ritual thing
i feel like your eyes yon go down to your book at your side and anonka you could reach up and grab
her book yeah and you grab the book and the eye is still red you're gonna need to make me a source
retract to open it okay i'll have me or a pondering anonka okay okay i have astral combat and conjuring
which do you think would fit i'm gonna go with astral can you can you do willpower something
willpower make anything you want yeah
even could be like willpower come on yeah willpower and res nice oh girl the book
resists you it really doesn't want to open you're trying to open the pages and it's stuck shut and
then you just fucking look at it with your crow eyes and as soon as it sees your crow eyes the eye
on the book turns to a crow eye and then opens and it opens to this ritual and you can see on the
book itself it says this ritual and at the very like bottom there's like bold text it says stopping
this ritual is almost impossible you must defeat the person performing the ritual but you must stop
them from getting the energy is what it says all right stop the energy am i able to do anything or
was the book thing my like you can you can still do an action that was like a communication i'm
so cool for you to do something okay yeah sorry were you gonna say something don't go no no i was
gonna i was gonna start commanding everybody but go ahead um can i possibly aim a manna bolt
at the chair yes because the energy seems to be surging through it right yeah okay i think i'm
more i'm gonna go ahead and do that so let's see i got a one you got a four how much damage does
your manna bolt do it does let's get back there six physical six physical nice your bolt shoots out
and hits the chair through the crow's and shit and it knocks like a section of the chair off
and you look up you could see anna bathery's eyes she goes back to the chair and she goes what
she's confused oh shit oh shit um let me get up her sheet here
okay anna on her turn she goes down to the ground all this energy is flowing into her still
four of the five energies are flowing into her still which i need to take into account here
she goes down to the ground and then like pushes up like her whole body like and she like screams
and all this like red blood energy just rushes out of all of her and i need all of you to make
me a defense check against this thing and i would like ananka you will be rolling for crux
and roger you will also be rolling for lucy okay oh boy
all of you have to beat a five oh well there's no way i'm ever gonna do that so
roger got six
that's a zero i'm gonna need one more for lucy
i'm hoping certifiable underscorener g3 roll tuck
spicy still six still assist but good try certifiable okay so roger and lucy are taking
half damage but you guys are taking full damage which is 10 physical
so holy shit make sure to hit your armor first first yes
and all right my armors and ian you don't take any damage oh
oh no she needs to suck my energy so
no fuck you bitch well my new armor is toast it's gone already
yeah i should have fucking lose that armor spell on you in the middle of battle so we
want to take our five minute break now or do you want to do one more round
roger are you ready it's up to you guys i'm ready i've been waiting for a plan saying i don't know
it seems a little too outrageous to be like you're gonna shoot me down but we'll see okay give a shot
do let's go let's do it um can i roll let's see what would this be logic will power i
basically i want to take the explosive element out of one of the rockets you could do that
yeah well you want me rolling like logic and will power sure yeah and i'll make it an easy roll
because of your weird background just be the one
that's a five you remove it and i'll count that as a bonus action as well okay cool
cool um is this lady like floating or she's sitting down in the chair no she's in front
of the chair the beam is shooting from the chair into her she's about five feet in front of the
chair she's stand but she's floating or she's standing or what she's standing all right stick
with me here what's she wearing
eon will you tell us what anabas is wearing
so i have an idea she i don't want to ruin your lore
oh my god i feel like she has got the tightest ass like power suit on
on pinstripes that are silver and shimmery and um red thread trim
well with a red silk shirt underneath i'm gonna have to make this an extra hard thrust because
i want to shove my whole rocket launcher into her ass and point it up so first we're gonna have to
roll to hit here so we're gonna have to do all right so this is a melee attack you got to be the three
yeah let's see could i consider this close combat
staff fighting yeah so close one might even say intimate yeah okay yeah
yeah oh you got a two dog you have one couch coin that cert gave you
certifier behind this corner juice tree roll roger never mind let's see what this looks like
i don't think combat can be perfect swear to you all right that's a three so you run up behind her
she's completely focused in on these ravens she can't see very well um so it's lowered her agility
check here and she's just focused in on eon and how they're taking her power and you run up behind
her that are even looking and shove this rocket right through the tights band ex
into the tip of her cheeks and then what
uh
first off uh how much damage does the rocket launcher do
uh well this one after i loaded it in with the stats because i have a heavy weapons skill
mm-hmm that's characterized by strength it does 16p nice okay so as you pull the trigger
the explosion happens and there's just like smoke like black like all over your face
what's gonna happen is i need you to make me an agility check as well roger this is what
needs to first happen and if you succeed you'll take half of your own damage which is only eight
and i'm gonna roll the check why is my mouse not working hello hello my mouse isn't working
okay i'm gonna do it manually that means it's free okay i swear
here my mouse isn't working sorry about that here we go that is one you only had to be the one
i got a five yeah so you take eight damage and she explodes there's like blood mist everywhere
and then you guys already know what's about to happen the beam reconnects with the mist and she
reforms right in front of you no
chair roger so very cool very funny but unsuccessful
that's my mouse not working
okay anonka you're next oh also you get to control lucy roger don't forget
oh lucy fucking grabbed the book or something i don't know no i have lucy stand on another
one of the platforms in front of one of the floating people okay lucy do what anonka said
there we go mouse is fixed okay lucy goes yes sir and the one closest to you at the front she goes
over and steps on the platform and the beam shoots down to the floor and the room lights up
and the beam on the chair gets a little bit thinner and anna goes what no
is this what we're doing okay
come on now you guys know how i designed boss battles what did you think
hell yeah this is a playstation
i was overly strong and comical force would solve the situation looks like i was wrong
not always i'm is it my turn yes i'm actually gonna have the all the rest all of my crows
essentially like guide them into the spots in front of each of them like just piling on top of
each other so they weigh down the buttons nice on the other three but they're spectral crows
as they all land the air clears but nothing happens
oh for fuck's sake and on the fucking platforms i guess geez
all right well crocs get on with it get get on the platform
platform for you and
if this was dnd as he runs away i would give her an opportunity attack but being that this is
shadow run he skitters off onto the platform and the beam goes down to the ground
oh what what is happening
she's gonna be so pissed
it's a orange turn right oh i was gonna ask is it me anonka okay you commanded your crows
you commanded crux what are you gonna do my crows okay uh
let's see i'm gonna take out my monofilament whip once again uh and because it is an invisible
thin wire that can slice through nearly anything and i'm going to aim it at the top of the chair
nice the top bit of the chair and see if i can loop it and yank nice it's very cool all right roll
to hit beat a three okay so how's this work with this whip do i roll something else and then roll
the whip or do i just roll the whip on the chart i think you just roll the whip
just roll the whip you got a two so it whips and you try we'll have to double check it later
but you try and you miss but some holy water splashes off of it and it gets her she's like
well it's a minute the cheer so yeah yeah all right now it's the on starting on i need to
make me a mind check here again to be okay willpower check oh logic willpower sure
did you do last time do the same thing i oh i can't remember i i think i did logic logic okay
you have succeeded twice here you're fighting this thing it's holding you down now with your
help of anonka two rounds in a row you can see your hands are no longer in the red and you can
move your hands as well as your mouth i'm gonna i'm gonna act like i'm still stuck for the moment
as another um red beam of like liquid magic comes out of my chest and goes for the chair again as
i do a man about bolt hell yeah hell yeah roll to hit beat a three that's a six
fuck yeah six physical plus two sixes in a row but um plus three so that's nine right
mm-hmm okay you hit the chair a bunch more the chair comes off there's only like one
side of it left and the beam seems to be like fizzling it's like yeah i'm gonna pretend like
i'm still fucking like stuck here i don't know if she knows yet or not but she's she's gonna try to
i imagine anonka is just like pretending like it's her doing it just like nice nice
you have your arms up in like a flash she turns into a red mist and then
she appears right in front of you and she like grabs you by your arms and she's like
you're fighting for the wrong side power allow me to have it
who's she doing this to you me right um and then and i have can i have my crow god just
take over my body and become a cold crow skull and just eat her head it's not your turn but
i'm pretending like the god has its own free will and just takes over this
we can all pretend while we're pretending can't we just eat her hair i mean her head i don't know
why i said hair i don't know that's a one uh she takes a bite icon how do your neck
she doesn't inject poison but she takes a bite out of your neck and you take five physical damage
i guess shoulder then shoulder ish area college yeah i'm covered in specks right
five physical damage and then she pushes back to go back to the center where the beam is she
turns into this mist like and i need you to make me a strength checker she's gonna push you off the
pad all right and beat a two oh come on in on god i'm sure i can that's a three three yes
let's try six that's cool which reminds me i haven't rolled that at all i do i will all right so you
stay in your place okay that's another round down do we want to take our five or do we want to keep
going sure i'm doing a little five minute break i have to pee fair enough me as well all right
we're gonna take five everybody we're gonna come back to see this really i'm turkey and thank you
so much for being here i'm your band manager yes very excited to be here doing this dang old thing
but also tonight is episode eight we're coming towards the end of metal on the con can you
fucking believe it and i'm here with the band say hello man hello band good to see you guys
through last left off our three band members were in the heart of the vampire queens lair trying to
eliminate her and get the fourth page to the metal omnicon but when they got down there to find she
was putting up some kind of crazy ritualistic sacrifice to be able to gain power that involved
eon and we return at the top right here in the middle of initiative right back into battle
we return with roger eon yes i have a quick question um i just realized you didn't do a
thumbnail pose do you want a thumbnail pose we could do one sure everybody pose
all right very good someone please give me an rpg
there is somebody use photoshop of penis into connor's arms yeah
she's in rice okay top of initiative it is roger's turn but roger as you look around
in this room right behind you because you're right in the center now you can see this throne
this throne is half like beaten up but the energy from the throne is like like fizzling
and it looks like the energy the throne might be keeping the other vampires floating there
like there
if you want to investigate more before you take your turn i'm gonna have you make me a check
okay
you can do let's do it any kind of wisdom smots check uh
uh logic logic to be the zero logic logic zero
you got a two so you can gather for sure that the throne itself is keeping all the vampires
floating in stasis alive all the energy has been taken from them and the throne is keeping them alive
so she can extract more energy as it comes through so throne itself is keeping these
other innocent vampires as well as anonka or eon if she would too have gotten that low on energy
it's keeping them alive it's from what you can gather
huh how do i kill a chair without killing my friend i don't want to use explosives because i imagine
they're too close entirely too close so in this case we're gonna have to resort to something smarter
could be shooting a lot with a gun okay but hey we'll also say there are two more free
pads quote unquote
three pads yeah do you look around you see yeah like what and crux and everyone are standing on
these platforms so all the pads are taken except two except two
okay well can i shoot at this throne as i get on a pad sure yeah
but let's roll to hit
beat a two
four very good so as you run past her you're shooting at this throne and pieces of wood
stuff are just coming off of it and as you shoot all this wood off of it a bunch of
it crumbles and you can just see a staff there that at the top of the throne there was like a
like a gym but that gym appears to be the top of a staff
and you run over and you step on the pad and the vampire behind you gives you eyes like thank you
as the energy from the throne fizzles and it kind of begins to die but then you stand on the pad
and the energy goes down at the ground as you stand on the pad instead of hitting the staff
there's currently only one more vampire being drained of energy it's going into the staff
into the queen
hmm it's an orchestra oh by the way when he says thank you i just tell him shut up nerd
not doing this for you idiot nice oh also uh lucy's standing on the other pad do you want
to commander do anything uh lucy uh fucking do your fibrous shit at that chair yo
she's like sir i follow you to the end there is no more chair but i will attack where the chair was
oh no yeah hit that staff tis but a staff so she goes okay uh see if she can hit with this fire
she's got to be the leader she got five so she fire like embers on all the wood pieces that
are still there on the ground from the old throne but she doesn't affect the staff at all ananka
here go dame steve underscore forge of law used real turk i rolled twice but i assume that's for me
see that's a four oh instead she got it some of the fire hits the staff
and the staff weevil wobbles and falls to the ground under the heat
and the beam is still hitting the staff and hitting the queen vampire but the other vampires
behind you and even eony filled a little bit like in your body like there's nothing like
helping you survive anymore um and the other vampires seem to like go like slump and like
their eyes close like as if they're unconscious and barely alive ananka
uh i want to summon my cruel familiar to go and grab the staff to like swoop down and grab the
staff and bring it to me nice okay uh do you need to make a check to summon your crow i don't think
you do i don't i don't i don't think i do i think you do at all so then what i want you to do instead
is i want the crow to make a check to grab it mid-flight all right so agility probably yeah
and he's beat a three
that wasn't a good face
two sad
the first uh-oh actual glitch that i rolled on an attack action tonight and it's a one
would you like to explain to the class how this doubles over and fails no certifiable
and this corner juice tree roll ananka even if you succeed now there are still the the the
the glitch doesn't go as well ah sure sure but this time i'll take it
that is four successes do you succeed now still a one oh all right so the crow
somans out my chest and goes right down but it grabs the scepter but as it's coming back it's
it's wings have slightly become a light from the fire that's on the floor and it starts burning
as it comes and it cut as it bursts back into my chest i get a bit of fire that kind of just
scorches across me as i catch it nice um you catch the staff and your hair goes up as you're
just imbued with this power and now the power from the other vampire is now going to the staff
and into you and you feel heightened for as long as this you're sucking the power from this other
vampire you're going to do an extra five physical damage on anything that you do also you're going
to heal one d4 every time you take damage um and this staff does more shit that we can cover later
but for now that's what's important all right um i'm gonna hand it to a on she can't move her hands
can she that's cool i didn't even think about that oh do you take it i will take it nice yep
i feel like i need a dinner in bed that's what this feels like
you're not supposed to do that let you do it anyway holy shit uh
uh google google i feel like sure as this happens we need some positive music so i changed it
as this happens she hands it to you and instead you will gain all of that power it goes right into
your body you feel overpowered you feel amazing you feel the power of all these other vampires
around you like more powerful than you've ever felt before and uh you heal you immediately fall
to the ground like superhero pose like yeah and you just look up and anabathre's looking at you
and now you can see without this power her ass is scorched her shoulder has a bullet hole in it
and she's like no my oldest child please give the staff back together we can rule me and you please
yeah i told you they were gonna fuck up your day and once she says that she is gonna release
a manna bolt from her chest shoot it through the staff and right into anna nice so here's
the cool thing um whenever you use this staff to attack if you're missing any hp it has a drain
effect you actually get half the damage back as hp it doesn't heal armor but it heals life so you're
like draining life out of her with this staff it's a drain staff that would have helped anonka
yeah it would have yes yes it would have yeah but here i will heal the shit out of you
here's the thing though it's a vampire staff you deserve it it doesn't belong to me
fuck you bitch up five and a four she dodges it oh no i will use my couch coin
fucking shit okay all right you spin your couch how much damage does your manna bolt do
um it does what did i say six oh god where'd it go um yes six physical damage
all right it hits her right and then it doesn't but then it does an extra d4 right
that's what you say no it was an extra
yeah i'm steve underscore for the law just redeem couch coin kick her in the dick yeah
he does an extra five damage because the staff is still connected to the other vampire it hasn't
been broken yet there's one left mm-hmm so it does 11 damage and so after that happens for like a
split second eon is tempted she is definitely tempted by this shit it is it feels amazing
and she is really considering for just a split second and then she's gonna kind of do a little
take a second this is a choice that you can make you could 100 go through with this ritual and gain
all this power to take down this demon that the supreme tenor trying to take or you can save your
fellow people that have been turned around the same time as you you look around you can gather a
lot of these people a little bit older they're dressed from your timeline ish whatever the fuck
that is we don't know mm-hmm you can tell they're your siblings so let's let you could kill them in
a heartbeat and put Anna in your place for that split second she turns and sees a nonca who is
bloodied and beaten the fuck up and she's gonna do a little little twirly spin and skip to the last
space that needs to be filled to stop this ritual from happening nice nice there it is yeah that's
the end of my turn if you guys hear mac whining that's mac by the way it's because the other
dog's playing so he's like i want to be okay that's what that is just everyone
mac is he's very he's very anxiety he's anxiety dog all day hi mac turn over give mac some love
oh little mac are you mean some love no puppy little macgers like two hours the
goombas gonna be watching our dogs while we're at wasteland so he was just out with her for
like a long time okay oh how cute you step on the platform the last beam ceases to your staff
the power drains from you goes back into the other vampire and all for the vampire still alive but
unconscious falls to the ground the ritual has ended anabathre looks not okay
she turns and looks at all of you she goes
hellound a viking
a goblin an heir genasi
me and my very own
they've come to end me
without the staff i have fallen my child has bested me
i will not go down without a fight and she and a flash jumps right in front of you
and tries to take a bite out of your neck me eon yeah all right
oh six she tries how do you get her off you as she tries to uh to bite at me i just swing the
staff and like baseball bat hit her away nice like smack she falls to the ground and i feel
like she falls right to the ground right in front of roger and it's roger's turn
get her get her
teabagger to death i just i just feel like i'd look down and be like oh you about to go for a
ride short stack i don't know why my voice changed anyway star
all arms beta zero bro she's on the ground she's defeated
and how much damage does your pistol do nine right
uh uh
it does nine p yes so four okay nine was just enough you shoot her in the head
or where however you shoot her and the energy settles in the room no as as i shoot her in the
head and she's clearly dead to everybody else i'm just gonna keep fucking shooting because
of how many times she regenerated for me shooting her you're like it's kind of like bang bang bang
bang click click click reload bang bang bang bang bang bang nice dude um as her body is disintegrated
into the stone just mush her energy flows into the staff and the gym the red dark gym on the top
of it lights up and then goes dim oh well that's what you get for not signing the fucking divorce
papers i'm a spit on her nice nice are you married what was she your wave i mean
i mean long time ago crux is like you're married no not now she's dead yeah you gave me a necklace
uh yeah yeah listen it's just paperwork it's legalities we've been we're not no we haven't
been a thing for hundreds i mean a long time he walks over to her skull and kind of steps on it
like thank you that's nice this one
i win as she says i win his pubes grow a little bit but i'm not gonna say that you can
oh my god yes there you go what about the page we gotta find the page also do i feel like that
release like am i no longer controlled like i feel free describe it to us because yes um if you
guys are looking at eon she seems a lot brighter and pepier than normal um which is a fucking
accomplishment as she's kind of skip hopping around the room trying to find the page nice uh
you look around and you can't really find it anywhere but then you see anna bathery's skin
tight leather suit and one of her legs still on the ground and the blood and mush and your hatred
for blood almost makes you puke a little bit eon but you know you must do this
oh okay i'm just gonna squat over that lady's body and just
nice push out a huge can i snatch the paper before he does that i'm gonna shoot so please
yes you can uh you pull the page out of her pocket and as you grab it the book flies out from ananka
and flutters up into the air with like butterfly wings almost all the pages and connects with the
fourth page close a little bit brighter and then closes and falls back down into ananka's hands
you guys now officially have an intro a verse chorus and a second verse
uh i know what happened happy times because she's dead but i i could use
i am gonna go over there and heal the fuck out of her i think i have also hurt but i don't really
give a shit because you know i'm tough and i don't need help are you okay roger i could i could i
could i know you don't need it but maybe just let me let me help her real quick and then you know
we'll we'll figure something out cool since we're not like in the middle of turn based initiative
or anything you can heal her up all the way because you can just do it repetitively um so you do that
yeah um yeah and uh gift an item sinima hara just redeemed random item roger unless he doesn't
need the help greater than greater than i love that you want to pick which one yeah i'm fine i
don't need anything which one that end one obviously it was one of the ones on it i'll say this one
does this look good is that one right mac oh my god for sure this is a snub nose colt it's a
secret agent pistol ooh noise hell yeah um okay one last story serious thing and then let you guys
tell me how we end the night but um you guys are heading up the stairs leaving this area
and as you get back into phone service you get a phone call um whichever one of you wants to
say that you get it um but it's from mr johnson oh he always calls me what fair you answer it
and he says hello hey um hello hey formalities are not needed now this is a serious moment
so i went to the office of one of the supreme ten on a lead of the fifth and final page of the
metal on the con and i have failed they have what captured me they are keeping me in this room
it's dark my foot is chained to the wall they have the page hold on i gotta sneeze
it's dusty in here but i have been captured they have the final page the biggest office building
in all of the city go there murder them all get the page and stop them from resurrecting the monster
yeah and then he breathes really heavy and then the phone disconnects
um while he was talking is there any way i could do my analyze truth shadow amp
sure see if he's like being forced to say like how did he get his phone this fuck right
also at the same time as he's talking i imagine eon has him on speaker i'd like to also use my
clairvoyance where koster can see a distant location as if they were there through the phone
okay since it's going to stand here and not pay attention
through a phone for both of you um eon i need you to beat a four and anonka need you to beat a three
i would say and more along the lines of uh because he said the biggest building is
essentially just yeah i'm i'm essentially swooping through the city clairvoyantly
to the biggest building to see what he's at okay so you got a one but you it doesn't matter i got a
one willpower logic you can call it um you might know where this building is um and if you can you
can do a different kind of check for me um because you're right you can just fly over there but i'm
wondering if you know it is the biggest one hmm okay how about this since it's a well i'll give you
a partial failure all right how about this because i don't like the idea of feeling on that um what i'm
gonna give you um you fly up into the city and you go towards the center of the city like way down
south and there's this huge bank building right and you fly inside of it and it's just as about
you're about to get to like this basement door that you think you see him on the other side of
the door shuts and you're shot back also eon it sounds like to you that he's telling the absolute
truth whether he was told to say that or allowed to say that you don't know so it could be a trap
oh it's most definitely a trap that's that's for damn sure yeah you're right what are about to become
fucking roasters for the supreme 10 all right now you guys head up the stairs you walk over the
broken glass and halfway burnt down building you look to the right and you see pubert still just
working on cars with his headphones in doing his job oh he's not like he should yeah yeah oh i'm gonna
bless i'm going to with the power of the crow bless his gun as he goes to shoot so it hits with a
holy bullet nice um pubert i'd like you to do me a favor and roll me one d12 and chat that's your
amount of defense successes exclamation point one d12 my friend better making good come on poobs
uh what did that not work oh goodness the bot let me reset here give me a sec give me a sec
give me a sec you guys heard that noise give me a sec delicious i did macaroni tell him
um he's a little lap dog so if anybody needs character art i'm uh i'm doing a character
art for 30 bucks over at forge of lore dot store what's up badass healing we need art
i'm also good i'm also taking commissions for for charity over on on my end all right the only
time that i do i do commissions so do it for charity come on not to undersell emi but mine's
25 no all right you've just gone ahead and hit now buddy hit it now and then roll to hit roger they
got a six that's a four oh it's a you shoot and you miss sir and this cop you've been used to
me roll roger what he's he wants to do that that's still a four baby uh i was gonna make you
re-roll pubert oh shit you fire putting in it like ricochet is off one of the cars and he pulls
his headphone off and he goes oh shit and he runs out the back door pubert is now free in our world
he'll be back all right um is there any quick things you guys want to mention that you might
be doing on the bus or anything until next time around you're gonna have a few days to prep things
before you have your big-ass heist on this building um what do you do um i'm gonna try to do repairs
on my brand new armor that got trashed immediately nice okay all right um i'm gonna be doing
oh sorry go ahead no you're cool
go ahead what me oh i'm sorry i mine was absolutely just stupid i'm gonna be doing
little ballpoint pen drawings on crux's muscly arms of um like a symbol of the raven god and um
oh the or not oh then uh thors hammer with it well uh sitting on his lap uh maybe undressed
you don't know well i don't think crux ever wears clothes so you can definitely pan to the muffler
yeah good goodness roger what do you got
mm-hmm incredible well i'm gonna i'm gonna take account of my rockets i think i had 12 i used
four five five four yeah um and i'm gonna be doing some work with that rocket just to make it a
little better all right sounds good all right guys that's where we end tonight's episode we're
gonna come back for a quick little short rest but that's where we end for now everybody uh so don't
go anywhere we'll be right back in five and uh yeah if you have any questions the way that our
breakdown works is we're gonna talk about our favorite moments of tonight's episode we may even
be doing a little bit of faction stuff so if you guys haven't voted in your factions yet please make
sure to go on there and do so give us a good old vote and we'll be right back to do all those fun
little things all right see you bye macky
prepare
The gym?
It missed me though.
It made some moods are!
Or braiding with 10.
On the next pie, the metalonic card.
Roger finds out that rockets can be fired
not only from the rocket launcher,
but from his penis as well.
Aeon King finally grasps with the fact that her mommy's dead.
Fucking Anonka uses crows to see shit again.
whoopty-doo and DM Turk finds out that torturing his players isn't as easy as it seems.
Tune in with us next time on Metal Amniturk's
Finally laughs at a queef next time!