Oh, welcome back to the Grouch Couch right here.
Tonight, we're continuing Metal Omnicon.
It is episode seven, which is very exciting.
I will be your humble band manager, Turk.
I will be the one controlling the chaos around here.
And we are a little bit over the halfway point
of this here podcast.
At the top here, if you're listening on YouTube
or on Spotify, something like that,
make sure to subscribe, rate the show.
We appreciate that so much.
There's a lot of you out there that haven't done so,
so do so.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
But again, it's not only me here.
I'm here with the band.
So now, we're gonna cut to the band
and a special guest for tonight.
Say hello, band.
Hello.
Hello, band.
That's all right.
I'm here with Kate, Connor, and,
guest during tonight is very fucking exciting, Fishy.
Hello, Fishy, welcome back, my guy.
How you doing?
Good to see you.
Life is crazy.
We're surviving.
It's nice to throw it on some shit
and maybe forget about the real world for 30 seconds.
That's fucking right.
That's fucking.
And one other little thing.
Big shout out to our not sponsored,
but unofficial sponsor, James.
He bought me a couple IPAs.
He actually bought them for me two weeks ago,
hoping I would shout them out on the show,
but we went on our break, which he didn't know about.
And I'm sure he's listening right now on Spotify.
So hi, James.
Wave to the camera in our office
and say hello to them as well.
And thank you for the beers, my friend.
This is DTLA, a West Coast IPA.
It's good.
It's an IPA, baby.
That's right.
You're nothing wrong with that.
James, you beautiful baby boo,
our official sponsor of the Grouch Couch.
He says unofficial.
I say official.
You provide so much freaky for the show.
You're the official sponsor.
I said so.
It's canon now.
Speaking of you being our sponsor,
we're gonna need to take a look at that contract rewrite.
I have a few points that I'd like to insert in there
because the way it's written right now,
it's just, there's a lot of sloppiness
that can be corrected,
but we'll get back to you on that.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah, Connor.
Hell yeah, Roger.
Mira said no, Amy.
No, Amy, tonight.
We'll be shortening, but we have Fishy.
Mira, Fishy's sitting in in the spot.
Hello, yay, it's very good.
Cool.
And again, if you guys are just listening here
anywhere else, thank you so much for joining us
and being awesome.
We're only doing 11 episodes of this here campaign
and then we have something very special
that we're gonna be starting afterwards,
so look forward to that.
Cool.
Did I miss anything?
Anything else anybody wants to say
before we run the intro, get into the show?
I mean, get your, I mean, we're halfway through the campaign.
If you haven't gotten your Metal Omnicon merch yet,
what are you doing?
Go get your merch, go get your band merch,
go get your beautiful things that you can wear
on your body to be like, I'm a couch maniac.
Put me in couch, let's go.
Get yourself some nice swaggy swags.
They don't have big enough shirts for James to wear,
so he's like, you gotta make a Metal Omnicon hat
and I guess I gotta do that.
So we gotta figure out what logo we wanna put on a hat
for James to get.
Turkey, send me James' size,
cause if anything we can just make a separate link
and upload one on my website that is the correct size.
See James, we love you, see?
Oh, everybody, we're gonna run the musical intro
and Fishy ain't on there, but Fishy just do a little dance
and be like, ding ding ding ding ding.
It's Fishy, he's playing a character on the show,
Metal Omnicon.
The name is Metal Omnicon.
All right, fantastic.
Very good, we'll be right back, y'all.
Don't go anywhere, intro time.
Metal Omnicon.
Hell yeah, baby.
So we're gonna turn to the show.
Look, I know it's been two weeks.
We should probably do a little bit of dango recap
and so far there's only a couple important things
you guys need to know.
You have two of the pages to the Metal Omnicon.
You know that some of the fucking supreme assholes,
the ones that rule the world,
are trying to raise some kind of demon
from a large lake nearby
and you're trying to collect these pages
to be able to stop that from happening
because they basically want to destroy the world
and you want to stop them from doing so.
Yes, so you're collecting magical pages
all across this realm here
to try and put it back to sleep.
And one thing you have learned is that these pages
actually have musical notes on them
that form up a song that you're gonna have to perform
to be able to put this thing back to rest, which is cool.
You know the location of two pages.
You know where one is, it's in an ancient library
and another one is in the grasps of a mechanic
that is also the vampire overlord to Emi's character Eon.
All right, and this mechanic used to work
for the same people that you work for,
the agency that is kind of pushing you guys around
and helping you to do things, including Mr. Johnson.
Mr. Johnson's basically your handler,
he's your band manager,
he's been helping you do stuff and get stuff done.
Couple other things, we've recruited a couple people.
Lucy is Roger's dog, but Lucy also turns out
to have been transformed into this dog, wasn't originally,
and Lucy is actually Lucien,
who used to be the leader of a rebellion
against the Supreme Ten.
And so Lucien has attached to Roger
believing that he's the new leader of the rebellion
or could be, and Lucy has complete and uttered loyalty
to Roger no matter what, for some strange reason.
Yeah.
Also, we have Crux.
Crux is a Viking who was trapped
inside of the Raven Temple for a long time.
He was just there defending it.
And it turns out that Ananka is actually the avatar
for the Raven, kind of the new Raven godly-like leader,
and she kind of inherited this church.
And so these people listen to her 100%,
even though they don't know shit about the world around them,
but they listen to her, including Alicia,
I believe her name was, and Crux.
They are two people who used to defend the temple
until our band showed up and fucking destroyed the place
and then recruited them.
Right.
Fair enough.
Did I miss anything else that was important?
Did you get the part where the Fire Nation attacked?
I did forget that part, and then the fucking Fire Nation.
Okay.
How crazy is that?
Yes.
Okay.
And then the Fire Nation attacked.
Little bit of our recap.
Here's where the story is going to begin.
["The Magic of the Google Bus"]
You guys are driving along in the band van,
the Google Bus, the magical Google Bus,
the place where you guys live and sleep and relax.
And,
Alicia happens to be driving the bus
because Bob the Zombie, Lucy, and Eon have left.
Those three went together to go and investigate
the mechanic shop, to go and figure out what to do
about this vampire overlord to get the page from them.
So they're going in undercover to try and do some research,
which leaves you guys by yourselves.
This music is playing through the radio,
and Alicia's bobbing along.
She's like, I've never heard anything like this.
I'm really, really into it.
I think this is amazing.
And, as she's saying that, she's driving
because the other guys can't do it.
The other guys can't drive.
Roger doesn't know how to drive, and Anonka, you're blind.
So you're leaving the old Elven woman to drive.
And she's really into this music.
And out from the back, coming out from one of the bunks,
comes out Crux.
Now Crux, again, is a Viking.
This Viking guy was trapped away for a long time.
He's got these crazy long hair braids
because within this world,
Vikings believe that you only cut your hair
once you've been defeated in battle.
So his hair and his pubes, apparently,
have never been cut before.
And he comes out almost half naked,
just wearing brown pants.
He comes out of the bus, and he's like,
What is this foul music?
It's the universal rule.
Driver picks the music.
My goodness.
I don't know what to say.
Where is the vampire woman?
Bring her to me.
She's gone out on a mission, big guy.
So you need to just like chill the fuck out.
I seek companionship.
You seek companionship?
Yes.
Here, here's a pair of, actually no,
here's one of my crusty socks.
This is companionship.
And I throw it at him and it sticks to the wall.
Like a throwing star.
He looks at it and he's like,
These things you wear on your feet are squishy.
Oh, I don't wear it on my feet.
Oh.
Well, then your codpiece is squishy.
Are your balls leaking?
No, but I make them leak.
Listen, guy, the vampire woman is not gonna be here.
Just go back to sleep or just fucking,
I don't know, put it into the background,
blink every once in a while.
You know, regular fucking non-main character shit.
He's like, indeed.
But I do not answer to you, goblin.
I only answer to the avatar of the raven.
What will you have me?
All right, first of all,
are you looking for like coital companionship?
Well.
Or are you just looking for someone to talk to?
I was looking for a coital companionship,
but the sticky codpiece of the goblin has changed my mind.
All right, well, listen, when Aeon gets back,
you can discuss that with her.
For now, just relax, bud.
Try out the Alfred system if you wanna learn some stuff
about the general society.
Hmm, yes, I will do that.
And whatever you do, don't jujule two goblins, one cup.
Don't jujule that, I'm telling you right now.
You should, Roger, send that video.
I will look this up.
I will return to you with my research.
Okay.
Roger send that video.
Here, look it up.
The avatar of the raven tells me to Google this
and I wiggle.
He turns and walks to the back of the butt.
Now the music.
You think I'm gonna let you live that down, Roger?
That's gonna be plastered all over the internet forever.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know.
What's the internet?
Sorry, the minternet.
So no, sorry.
Anyways, is there any people outside the bus
like pedestrians that maybe look like good targets?
I absolutely do think so.
While you're looking out the bus,
why don't you go ahead and roll me a perception check.
We'll see what you can see.
And I also did notice on the top
of the Foundry character sheet,
there's a little button you can click
that does perception checks.
It's pretty dope.
Yeah. Yeah.
I didn't.
I got a four.
A four.
Very good.
Let me see here.
We'll make this an easy check.
Pull this up.
Dastrel Unicorns, that's a pretty cool jacket
the orc is wearing.
Hey.
Orcs and goblins, you know how it is.
You only had to beat a one.
Okay.
So you do see some stuff.
And what I'm gonna do is we're gonna cut back to you.
So save that for just a sec
because we're gonna cut over to Fishy's character.
All right.
We're gonna cut over to Fishy's character.
And I would like you to describe, you know
tell us your name and describe a little bit
of what you look like.
And also maybe tell us where the camera might zoom around
and see you in this world.
Maybe what you're doing.
If you're prepared to improv that much.
I'm ready for it, baby.
Well, as you can see, I'm a water Gnazzy.
I almost said Paladin.
I'm a water Gnazzy that is standing out on the streets.
Looks really crusty, really dirty
maybe a little bit smelly.
I'm outside in the rain playing my saxophone panhandling
cause my last bandmate left me and it's never been the same.
And it's really hard to book gigs
in a world of filled with corruption.
Nice.
Hell yeah.
Also unicorns, dastardly unicorn.
Hello again, makes sense.
No one need but I listened to a lot of LIT RPGs.
Hell yeah dude.
It's a guess.
Trying to get into it though.
Well, welcome here friend.
You have any questions along the way.
Please make sure to go on ahead and ask them
cause we're here to help my friend.
Welcome to the party.
Sewer water Gnazzy.
That's what I'm talking about.
There's a problem with all the pollutions.
All the waters is sewers now.
Yeah, the sewer waters.
Okay, so Roger.
On top of when you look out the window,
looking for, you know, just bored,
trying to find some targets, something to shoot.
The music fades to a stop as you guys hit a stoplight.
You guys are headed to meet up with Mr. Johnson
for he has a lead on where to go next.
But as you hit the stoplight, you look out the window
and with your four, I'm gonna tell you,
you can see a few different things.
First of all, you can see compared to usual,
there are way more Supreme 10 security guards
walking the streets.
They're all in this like white armor uniform
and they have like these face masks on,
real kind of sci-fi looking stuff.
They're walking around with their laser guns
and standing on the corner,
you do see this homeless looking water Gnazzy
playing a saxophone for people.
And all the security guards are just walking past him,
kind of harassing him.
And at the corner of your eye,
you see an ad for Twinkies on a big screen
and it catches your eye and you look and you go,
ah, Twinkies.
But then it shifts and the screen goes to the next slideshow
and it says wanted by the Supreme 10, metal Omnicon.
And it has all three of your faces plastered on the screen.
That's clearly the balloon notes, clearly.
God, they're all wanted by the government.
At least somebody wants me,
but this is bullshit.
This is some fucking rich asshole
that doesn't want us to succeed in life.
Let me tell you something.
You know what?
That guy looks rich, him with his blue fucking hair.
Fuck you, guy.
You're gonna throw a shoe at Fishy's character?
Is that what's happening right now?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, go ahead and roll to attack.
Fishy, your first roll in this campaign,
you get to make a defense roll, my friend.
Now again, at the top of your character sheet,
there is a little defense button you can just click
and it'll do the things.
It's one of the little yellow squares.
Yeah.
Roger got a six.
Strength, agility, defense.
You've got a zero.
What did you roll?
Let me see.
Oh, yeah, no, you rolled five to six.
I rolled the defense.
You got a zero on your defense.
So this shoe comes flying out of this magic gulbus
and it just nails you right in the face
while you're playing your saxophone.
And you take a few steps back,
you bump into one of the Supreme 10 security guards
and they're like, watch it, buddy.
And then they keep on walking.
But you look up at the magic gulbus
and you see this goblin through the shoe ad.
She says, fuck you, buddy.
And sitting next to the goblin,
not even looking out the window,
because she's blind, is Ananka.
And you know and remember Ananka, your old bandmate.
Ananka?
Yeah.
No, my name's Roger.
You're an asshole.
No, I was talking to you, you fucking goblin fuck.
Ananka.
Anis.
Oh, are you telling me you made it all big and famous?
Traveling with this asshole
is not making me big and famous.
What are you doing?
Let me translate for you.
You have a whole bus.
You're telling me you're not famous?
Your face is on the side of the bus.
Is my face on the bus?
I thought it was just Roger's face on the bus.
You wouldn't know either way now.
Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.
You can't fool me, honestly.
Get on the bus.
Come on, come with us.
Wait, you're letting this rich asshole come with us?
He's just one of us.
All right.
I'm gonna slam my saxophone case,
throw it through the window at Roger.
So once again, in the reverse,
you roll an attack,
which a ranged attack would be strength agility.
And then Roger's gonna be rolling an agility logic
to defend against it.
Do I roll strength agility?
Yeah.
I don't.
That's not how it's roll.
So if you click on strength,
if you click on strength,
the little window will come up.
And when that happens,
there's a little drop down that you can add the other one to.
So you pick it up.
You got a one, he got a four.
You pick it up.
You succeed getting it through the window,
but it's real slow.
It's like a slow, you're like,
ugh, and you go to throw it through.
And he just kind of moves.
Well, it's a very slow one.
You just move out of the way, Roger.
It's straight up just hit me in the face and do nothing.
Sure, sure.
It hits me in the face and drops.
Yeah, it drops down.
I go, hey, asshole.
That would have hurt if you were strong.
You run around the side.
Oh, you only have done it the whole time.
That is one thing I am not.
There you go.
You run around the side and hop up into the bus.
And when you get in the bus, it's a marvelous sight.
You're not used to fancy things like these.
These digs are digging.
Whoa, that's beautiful.
It's like a whole space.
Oh, don't sit on that couch.
That's Roger's wanking couch.
That's exactly where I want to jump onto and sit on that couch.
As you do, you kind of sink in.
It's a little squishy and wet.
Years of hard work on the voice.
Now my shit is
it's dirty by your richness.
You're an asshole.
You know that.
You ruin it.
I don't know.
I said to my name there, Goblet, I'm a fart into the couch
and it's going to sound really, really wet.
Nice. Can we do a thing when he farts on it?
I want to see if you react to it well or badly.
Roger, I don't know if you'll like the farts or not.
Can we do a charisma check versus a logic?
You want me to roll to see if I like his fart?
Yeah, into his couch, his wet fart. Yeah.
Wait, so if I if I succeed, does that mean I like it?
So we're going to contest it.
And I would like for you to make a charisma charisma check
versus logic logic for you, Roger.
I got a four.
Wait, you want me to do logic logic?
Yeah, sure.
OK.
You got a five.
OK, so you decide.
Did you like the fart or no?
This is bullshit.
I'm going to go hang out with a Viking
and I'm just going to crawl on top of him while he's laying down
and lay down like the couch.
And he says, finally, companionship.
And he puts his big old muscly arms around you and squeezes a little bit.
And then I fart.
He goes, hmm.
You've been eating pancakes.
And so the process begins. Indeed.
Anyways, Stannis, what are you doing?
What are you what you what you do in here?
Well, super, super simple.
So after the band started apart, I decided to try out my own band.
But it's really hard to sing and play saxophone all at the same time.
So now that I've lost my wife, my kids in my house,
I'm a traveling saxophonist, finding any good street lamp cornered
lit alleyway or anywhere that won't kick me out
because due to my flies, it is just like a bunch of flies buzzing around him.
Like a comic book.
They're also totally like stuck to the chair.
They're like, they're like stuck to the sticky chair.
Oh, do you want a shower?
We got a walk in.
We got a walk in shower in the back if you want a bath.
Now, you know, as well as I know, that any water
you get out of any tap in this entire city is complete sewage water.
That's probably why it doesn't smell very good in here.
No, it's just the reason why.
Yeah, it's it's Roger is the reason this place smells disgusting.
As you talk, the Viking puts his arm tighter around you, Roger.
And it's just like his armpits just like on your face.
He's like, hmm.
He's coping a pic.
He's coping a pic like a tea.
Oh, man, we're currently in a pheromone duel.
Ridiculous. And I bet you I'd win.
I'm going to stuff my hand down into Roger's couch, pull out a half
eaten corn dog and start eating it.
No, no, we're saving that.
The.
This is a really, really wet fart out.
And there was going to be like, oh,
that's probably going to be worse later.
Oh, that's going to it's when it dries.
Oh, God. OK.
I want to give you two a minute to catch up about your old band
before I move on to the next bit.
And if I don't say that, we're going to chaos improv for too long.
So, yes, please feel free to catch up.
What have you been up to, Anonka, since you decided to go and start a revolution?
And listen, we are people that are getting slaughtered out there.
There's only so much you can take until you're just like, you know what?
I'm just going to take down the government.
But, you know, got recruited by these douchebags in a metal band now.
I think I might be the head of a religion.
Which is weird.
But yeah, other than that,
I mean, yeah, just hanging with these douchebags.
There's Roger, the goblin that you met.
You won't meet her today, but there's Aeon.
She's a vampire. She's pretty nice.
She's like a sweet old bitchy.
You rolling around with the vampire?
I mean, listen, it's not like I'm going to notice anything.
It's...
After all we went through during the vampire circles,
you're just going to let another vampire in your life?
It took us years to get out of them drum circles back then.
Stupid vampires drum all night long.
Oh, listen, you don't know this vampire.
She's like a...
Listen, like, I'm pretty sure she looks about like a little girl.
She looks about like 24, but like she's like a proper granny.
Like she just sits around nits all day.
It sounds like the nicest vampire I've ever heard.
As you guys are talking, you look to the back of the bus,
you see Roger's laying there by himself now,
cuddling a big body pillow,
and the vikings on the ground, like listening to you talk about Aeon.
He's like...
Crocs, what are you doing?
I can hear you scuffling.
Oh, hell.
I'm blind, not deaf.
Sorry, Avatar of the God.
I was excited when you speak of the vampire.
She is sweet.
She knitted me this.
And he stands up and around his balls and his penis,
he has this knitted like sack holder.
It's kind of like a Speedo, but there's no back.
It's just like a single string that goes around and holds up a sack.
And he's like, keeps me balls warm.
How is that knitted?
It's just the wondrous thing.
I don't even know.
She's the best knitter.
She knows how she did it.
Whatever, man, I roll over with the body pillow and fart.
Okay.
As this conversation is happening, I want to move on here a little bit.
The magical bus comes to a stop.
The music that Alicia is playing up front, she turns it down and she looks back and she says,
Well, guys, I think we're here.
I followed Alfred's directions exactly.
And you three look out the window to see you're here at this old busted up,
broken down ass building.
And standing out front of the building is Mr. Johnson with pickles.
But one thing you notice about Mr. Johnson is he's not only wearing his suit now,
but his nails are also painted black.
He's still rocking that spiked collar and his hair is kind of messed up a little bit.
And he has one single left earlobe earring.
Amazing.
I can't see it, but I love it.
Hell yeah.
Crochet, actually.
Thanks, Creon. Appreciate that.
Also, Mira is saying really good things about you, Fizzie.
You're fucking busting them up, dude.
I don't know if you read that.
Stanis, you up to do a job?
You up for like a little side gig with us?
The side gig? Shit, I don't even have main gigs right now.
What's the jam?
We essentially break up corruption in the Supreme 10, causing chaos.
Well, that sounds like fun.
My question is, is how much ketamine do you pay me?
Sir, and is copulet subscribed, huh?
What's this now?
Thank you for five months, Puberty!
My god. Cheers, bud.
I mean, we get shit like that with our riders anyway.
So, I mean, we just bring it up to Mr. Johnson that you want to be paid in ketamine and karma,
and we can probably work that.
He's not paying any on this time.
The other things we also need a vial of acid, a bunch of cocaine, and then...
Do you think they got black dragon tar heroin around here?
Oh, I catch that like 15 years ago.
I don't even know anymore.
Man, times have changed.
Oh, I know.
But no, cocaine, absolutely.
How do you think I put up with these knuckleheads?
That's also probably why you can't smell how bad the bus is.
Yeah, I do got a pouch of ayahuasca if you're interested, if you want to see God for a while.
Uh, Mr. Johnson's not so much of a...
I thought you were good.
He is in there.
No, Johnson, come in.
Here I come.
Alessia, open the door.
She unlocks it.
He opens the door and steps in.
He's like, well, hello, everyone.
Good to see you guys.
Yes, me is Mr. Johnson here.
I've figured out some things.
Who's our new friend?
Which of the three?
Up there we have Alessia and back there we have Crooks.
They're part of the Raven Church.
Apparently, at the time, the head of the hell, remember, I asked you about getting the deed
from that church.
And over here is Stanis.
This is my old bandmate, Stanis, from when I was part of Deep Sea Blues.
Right, yes.
Stanis, he's saxophone player from Deep Sea Blues before the water Genasi rebellion and
desecration happened.
I do know a lot about Stanis.
He was in a rebellion.
Right.
They were the ones that desecrated us.
That's not fair.
No, you're right.
Absolutely.
I do have your file.
I've read it.
Welcome here.
I'm not going to say that I'm jealous of these people.
I mean, you know how much I've always wanted to hang out and ride around in the van.
And you've chosen them over me, even though we have a history.
I want to throw one of the sticky socks of Roger's at the fucking suit and yell at an
uncle, why the fuck are we listening to a suit right now?
He's getting better.
We're teaching him.
We're teaching him the correct ways.
He's working his way up.
He got a free...
He stopped throwing the pizza parties and trying to like...
We're doing the defense role?
Oh, he's fishy.
For the sock.
You got a zero.
He just...
I got his...
He's...
I got his...
He's used to this from Roger.
He does this a lot.
So he just moves out of the way easily.
He's used to this.
Roger does it all the time.
He's like, well, good to know that Stainless and Roger are going to get along just fine.
Anyway...
I hate him.
What are you talking about?
You never know what's going on with me because he's angry.
How do we even give you opinions?
Someone's at my front door.
You guys are all yelling and then the thing went off at the same time?
Oh, it's just sprinkles.
She ordered food.
Got you.
He's like, okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
Everyone calm down.
I have our next mission briefing.
And this is very important.
So everyone pay attention.
Okay?
Even all of our new friends gather around.
Gather around.
As far as we know, it seems to me that...
Oh, sorry.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
One thing.
And he pulls out this piece of tin foil and unwraps it and it's got cheesecake in it and
he hands it to Roger and then he continues talking.
He's like, yeah, of course.
Yeah.
Right.
As we know, it seems to us that the third page of the Metal Omnicon has been kept safe
inside of this hidden library, this ancient library.
And I don't know what you're going to encounter in there, but what I will say...
What I will say is that could be dangerous, but this is very important for our future,
to stop the Supreme 10, the fucking pieces of shit rich bastards that they are, and keep
our civilization moving forward.
So this here is the location.
Any questions?
Can you do something about hacking the billboards with our faces on it?
Yes, I did see that.
And it seems to me that the Supreme 10 knows that you're trying to find these things, so
they've put out a warrant for all of your guys' arrest to stop your progression.
So we have to do our best to not let them find us.
And I can work on maybe hacking those billboards.
I also do want to say we did find the deed to the Raven Church and we've got it now.
We're transferring over it into your name.
We have the processes of that.
So you will have a place to hide out away from them in the future.
Real.
Alright.
So where is this secret library?
Well, it's right here.
He points out the window and it looks like there's a mausoleum just like there, but it's
just like a gate and like a square concrete entryway.
And he's like, well, it's a hidden library that is underground.
It seems to be why it's been so safe for all of these years.
It may be guarded by something.
We don't know.
But the entrance here is hidden beneath an old forgotten cathedral here.
The stone archway leading to the library, as you can see, covered in moss and ancient
ruins.
So good luck.
It's not like you just show up to the actual place where it's going to go down.
Anonka, this is important.
That's very uncharacteristic.
Yeah, but usually you're like, meet us at Shady Gas Station where Roger sodomizes a
gas station attendant and then send you on your way.
You go off in your fancy car.
It's not often you meet us at the actual place we need to do things.
This is true.
But this is important, Anonka.
And I also, you know, I've just I've been enjoying, you know, getting to know the band
a little bit.
You know, I've actually dropped a couple of other bands I've represented.
There was a country band I wasn't a fan of.
And I did that so I can spend more time helping you guys and getting to know you.
Mr. Johnson, can I get a word with you in the back of the bus?
Let's take a walk.
Yeah, of course, of course.
And he walks with you to the back.
I put my arm around him and I'm like, hey, man, I just want to say thanks for the cheesecake.
And, you know, I just kind of throw it over my shoulder in the bus.
Really appreciate that.
Viking catches it and he's like, what is this fermented goat cheese?
Oh, you try that.
It's delicious.
I will.
Mr. Johnson is like, yeah, of course.
Mr. Johnson, I just I wanted to say that, you know, your new get up is looking pretty
snazzy.
It's looking it's looking good, but I, you know, I just got one question for you.
Are you wearing any underwear?
Well, if I'm if I'm being completely honest, I know when I grew up, you know, my mother
always told me I had to wear underwear, but I I have seen the way you you are.
And I well, I'm not.
I was I wanted to try something new.
What do you call it?
I believe this.
I believe it's called free balling.
Yeah.
I wanted to try out free balling, as you would say.
Yeah, you definitely should, because I really think it would complete look for you, because
when you leave and somebody's free balling, you really know that they're free balling.
Right.
It's a sense of freedom.
You know, they just hang out there.
Yeah.
Speaking of freedom, I thought it'd be a great time to tell you in the interest of protecting
our freedom, I don't think we should trust this new blue haired rich guy.
You know, it's on our whole point that we like fight against rich people.
But he's like.
He's got all those patches and stuff on his vest and everything.
You know, those cost money.
He's saying he's homeless.
But I've been trying to upgrade my getup.
And that's not cheap stuff.
He's got that.
Well, you know that all those rich eccentric guys just slather themselves in sewage to
make them blend in with the general population.
Like, come on, this guy can be trusted.
He can't.
Does he look like he's free balling?
I don't think he does.
There's no way he's free balling, Roger.
There's no way.
I don't think he's free balling.
He doesn't.
Listen, Johnson, I wonder we had this talk.
You're a good guy.
Give me a favor and keep an eye on that non free balling blue haired rich guy.
Yeah, I will.
Yeah, like a hawk.
Like a hawk.
Yeah.
Cool.
I'm happy we had this talk, Roger.
It's good to get to know you.
Yeah, totally.
You're totally like a cool guy and whatever.
I'm done talking to you.
Bye.
All right, bye.
There's no way he's free balling.
Favorite part of the episode so far.
OK, he steps out the van and he's like, all right, guys, you have your mission.
Get in there and get that page and please page me when you have it.
And I'll let you know when I hear from Eon and Bob and Lucy.
I'm surprised Lucy wanted to go.
I do believe that Roger told him to protect Eon.
And so that's what he was on about.
Yes, some of that affects.
Roger, you old softy.
Shut up.
I don't have feelings.
Let's go kill people.
So looking at the bus, this is still in front of a streetway.
There are still a shuffle of Supreme 10 security guards in between the crowds of people.
There's like picture the bus is parked.
There's a sidewalk and then on the other side of that sidewalk, there's a gate into a cemetery
and you can see the mausoleum entrance down.
It goes down to the hidden library.
So there's only Supreme 10 security guards walking up and up and down the street.
What do you guys do?
Is it daytime or nighttime?
What benefits you?
Nighttime.
It's nighttime.
OK, let's all get on top of the bus and jump over the gate.
You're going to put the blind person on top of it on top of a bus.
Don't worry, I'll throw you out.
I'll toss you.
OK, first of all, Roger, we've we've pulled this.
We've shown this before.
You can't throw me.
I am literally more than twice your size.
We tried this last time.
Fine, I'll take one of the boards off of the bunk bed and span it between the bus and the
gate.
You're happy you want me to put some fucking braille on it, too, so you know which direction
to walk.
Oh my God.
No, so you're going to drop it down from the bus to the gate like a bridge.
OK, because like I just picture you trying to be stealthy and it's just this bridge is
just like head level to all these security guards on the street and they're just like
watching you walk across this bridge.
What do you mean?
A bus isn't six feet tall.
It's like fucking 12.
True, that's true.
We can say that this gate is also about 12 feet tall.
But what I do want you guys to do is roll me a strength or a stealth check to get across
this bad boy.
And I do believe what is stealth in this fucking system?
It's agility.
Yeah, OK.
Agility.
And I actually would like to summon my crow to actually just like with my little weird
cape they gave me that adds to my stealth checks.
OK, you got to beat a four.
So hell yeah, summon your crow to do the thing.
Roger got a four.
He succeeds.
Stannis got a one.
Stannis fails.
You got a three, but don't you get to reroll something or something like that?
Let me see.
Catapult her.
Use leverage.
Yeah, pubert.
Roger, look him right in the eye.
Rotate your left arm.
Dutch rudder and get to know him better.
Well, I get to add plus two to my stealth rules.
I think that's what it was with my stealth checks.
Nice, roll me two more d6.
So technically it's five.
About eight.
Two more d6.
What you get to add.
Oh.
Both of them failure.
So at this point, I'm going to ask you if you want to spend a couch coin to add one success,
which will make you succeed.
Everyone starts with one, but Fishy did really well during our improv warm up.
Check it out on Patreon.
So Fishy actually gets to start with two.
Oh, yeah, I'll use my couch coin.
I'll use my note.
Cool.
So you two, Roger and Anonka, go across this bridge and you hop down into the cemetery.
You look back across and you see this is named Stannis.
Stannis, you're just wobbling across this thing and there's all these security guys
are like looking at you and they're like, sir.
Sir.
What?
Sir?
Hold on.
Hold on now.
We're not looking for this guy, right?
He's like, no, blue hair.
That's not them.
Sir.
Hold on now.
Why are you up there, sir?
You see, I'm practicing my balance beam routines.
And yeah, also heard there's nice flowers in this here cemetery over here.
Great for smoking.
Right.
Well, once you're done, sir, please come down.
We can't have you practicing balance beams here in the central city.
There are places on the coast for you actually to practice balance beams and just use the
gate into the cemetery, sir.
It's open.
There's a gate?
Yes, sir.
Oh, OK.
And it's just kind of like kind of like try to get down from the balance beam, slip, fall,
land on the ground.
It's kicked and stepped on and then finally like stands up and be like, do a day to you
gentlemen.
And then go through the open gate.
You're like all clear here and they keep they keep walking.
You just walk into the gate and see them do stand in there.
Crux follows behind.
Yeah, you guys find yourself in the cemetery.
There are gravestones everywhere depicting different kinds of stuff and all other kinds
of things.
But as you're walking to the cemetery, I do want to give me a willpower logic check just
real quick for me, please.
OK, I only got a three.
OK, so as you're walking through, you can see there are a couple of gravestones that
have ravens on top of the gravestones and you're kind of attracted to them a little
bit and as you walk over, you get this like sense of fullness and like can like content
from your God, like spiritually in your body.
And you read these gravestones and the names don't really stick out to you.
But you can see that all three of the dates on them, they all died the same day.
And you're reading them, you're like, they all died the same day and got buried the same
day.
And your God sees you reading these and he says, Ananka, these three previous avatars
of the raven died for me, will be remembered forever.
There was a battle and they fought well.
They all died at the same time?
Doing the same battle, indeed, on the same day.
Well, at least I'm in for a brutal death if I do, you're down.
Well, we hope so.
And you die in a cool way.
That might be nice.
But I didn't mean to say it like that.
He's more, he's more, you know, collected.
You taking God, are you taking dabs of my awoska?
He's like, those three are with me here together.
Happy, content.
Goodie.
I'm just going to tap on the top of the gravestones as I pass them.
Just a little tap, tap, tap, tap.
Like a head pat.
Hold on.
A little head pat.
Oh, actually, I should ask you highs or lows?
Uh, lows.
Okay, nothing happens.
All right.
Yeah.
All right.
Just hold, it's like a head pat.
You never done that to a gravestone of a friend?
I have, yeah, yes indeed.
You guys approach this mausoleum entryway.
The gate here is open already for you.
You can see down there are stairs that go all the way down the entrance to this ancient
library.
It does seem to be hidden beneath this old forgotten place here.
This stone and gate is covered in moss and ancient ruins.
And as you three step down in one by one, you feel a strange shift in the air as if
you've crossed into another realm of some kind.
Stepping down into the area, it opens into this big open entryway.
It doesn't have any kind of books or anything in it, but it has a bunch of stone mausoleum
statues like people were buried here and stuff.
Couch coin.
And certifiable underscore nerd just redeem couch coin.
Anonka, respect.
Respect.
Headpats of respect.
At the end, there is a tall, elegant elf.
She's a spirit.
She's long, silver, brown, and blackish hair, like it's all dyed in different colors.
She's got glowing eyes.
She wears a robe of shifting colors.
And as she sees you guys, her robes go a grayish tone.
She speaks and she says, I am Artemis, the keeper of the gate.
Only those who seek knowledge of pure intent may enter this sacred place.
Prove yourself to me or be turned away.
And she stands still.
Greetings, Artemis.
Yeah.
Brown, black, and white.
Greetings, Artemis, little Arte.
We come seeking knowledge of the Metal Omnicon to put an ancient evil back to sleep when
it is brought up by those who wish to destroy.
Understood.
I'm just here to do a job so I can get my fix.
Understood.
What they said.
What deems you worthy of the Metal Omnicon page?
Likely nothing.
It's got our name on it.
Our band.
You wish to assume the page of music.
Are you talented enough to play?
And then her robes shift a different color, like this pinkish color, and her eyes shift
over to the saxophone case that you're carrying.
And she goes, play for me.
Play for you.
Play for me.
Okay.
I know that you've moved and shit, Fishy.
I don't know if you have the prop with you.
There's no way you have the prop with you, right?
It's all the way down in my car, but I do have.
Everybody cheers.
Fishy's going to run to his car.
Cheers, everybody.
Thank you for joining us.
Thank you guys for being here.
Next time for Crotch Bitch's Artemis Cameo.
That's right.
Also, Fishy's daughter's name is Artemis.
Can you believe that?
And his son's name is Hunter.
It's a very, very cool theme he's got going.
Shaxa boom, baby.
Can we respect the fact that I'm Fish Daddy and that's Fishy, and then we have Artemis
and Artemis.
Artemis and Artemis.
Can y'all believe that shit?
How cool is that?
Who fishes with Artemis?
It's pretty cool, man.
I've always been into Viking stuff.
Hey, shout out to Forge of Lore.
We're going to be raiding them in about an hour.
It's their stream-aversary.
That's right.
That's pretty much what our whole community is, you know, and we're going to join them
very soon.
It's fun stuff, everybody.
Look, there's Artie, the old bitch.
Hell yeah.
And I mean bitch in the end.
She's a ghost.
She's a library ghost.
Woo.
That face.
She's like, what the fuck?
She's like, put me the fuck down, mom.
You see my face?
Hey guys, now we're going to be raiding them in about an hour.
She's like, put me the fuck down, mom.
You see my face?
You guys know that bitch moaning Myrtle?
Her name was just Myrtle before I got done with her.
I got to go get checked though, because I think she gave me Hogwarts.
Sauce.
Fucking sauce.
Artemis, the Greek goddess of moon and hunt.
Indeed.
It was Greek, not Viking.
Thank you for the check up there.
And it was good because his other son's name is Hunter, which I think is very fun.
So he's going to run down to his car.
He lives, I think, on the second story.
He's going to be out of breath.
I shouldn't have set up this bit.
I didn't even ask him if he had a sense.
You feel better yet, baby?
Yes, that's what this is for.
This is practice for his possible new character for ImprovQuest, which is going to be a lot
of fun.
It's starting very soon.
This is going to have a lot of chat involvement, and it's going to allow every one of us to
improv and create a story together.
Nothing is pre-written.
It's going to be a lot of fucking fun.
So make sure to come and join us for that.
We're actually going to be using D&D 5e until the new one drops, and then we're going to
make characters in the new one.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
You guys know the way it goes.
Demetrius, my daughter's is Chloe, both named after the same goddess.
Oh, cool, man.
That's very cool.
Demetrius.
More very cool.
One of the supervisors that I manage at work, his name's Demetrius, spelled that same way.
Yeah, I'm a manager now.
You don't believe that?
I made it.
Welcome, pizza death.
We are stalling because Fishy went to go get a quick little prop for an amazing bit that
we're going to do.
So we're stalling.
Oh, there he is.
Okay, everybody, reassume the position.
She looks at you and she sees the saxophone.
What was your name again?
I keep forgetting.
Stannis.
She looks at you, Stannis.
She sees the saxophone and she says, if you are worthy to pass, please play for me.
Okay, well, he plays.
If you guys want to assist and play instruments as well, I'll give you guys the help action
to help him assist on this.
I guess I'll bang my pistol on my ass like a tambourine.
Nice.
Hell yeah.
Can we get some doo-doo-doos and chat, please?
Please?
All right.
I need you to make me a, this is basically a performance check.
You could do charisma and then connect it to anything else that you have.
Any other kind of style.
Here we go.
And now, sax man.
Fishy Bose.
You got it now.
Oh God, this had so long.
Oh God, this is so long.
Why is it so long?
Couch coin.
Sir Underscope, you have just redeemed Couch Coin.
Fishy.
Hell yeah.
Thank you.
Charisma, willpower.
Very good.
So, first of all, thanks for the sub there, Abby.
32 months, my friend.
Two months straight.
Appreciate you, guys.
Cheers.
I got a little out of ones.
I got a three.
Only three successes.
Hey, use a cash card to make one of those successes.
You're also gonna get two extra D6s from your two partners assisting you.
Because both of them, looks like they both succeeded.
So, um, well, they didn't even need to succeed.
The help action just helps.
So, you get two extra D6s.
You got a three and you need to beat, well, I guess only a two anyway.
I roll them for me.
Both ones.
I rolled a lot of ones.
Jesus.
I say our glitch day as well, because he did get a three, so he did pass.
But is there a glitch day?
Also a three.
So, nothing happens.
Um, does he actually play that instrument?
Well, he can fuck it.
Anybody can play anything.
Can he play it well?
That's the question.
You know what I mean?
That's, that's all we get.
That's right.
Maybe.
Um, so you succeed.
You play the sax as you guys sing together in the script.
Tambourining and strumming guitars and, and Stannis goes crazy on this saxophone.
You even have your saxophone case out there and she places a couple spiritual dollars
into your saxophone case.
And she goes, oh, it's like not three monies.
That sounds real monies.
You fucking.
Yeah, I was gonna like kick the case closed, very angrily pick it up.
No, where do you get off being some type of ghost?
This is ghost is gatekeeping.
The monolith.
I'm out here trying to do a job, man.
God, I want to start walking down.
He's coming.
He's coming off of a fence.
Hold on.
Okay.
Uh, before you walk down the stairs, she says, uh, she's like, okay, well that was
satisfactory.
You have deemed yourselves worthy.
Excuse me.
Of being able to play music, thus granting you access to the hidden library for it was
the grand master's library's intent for only musicians to be able to enter the hidden library.
For he believes musicians have a level of respect and artistic ability.
She steps back and waves her spectral hands and her robe turns this greenish color and
she waves open in the wall behind her opens.
Like she said, apparently now because of in broth, there are more stairs leading down.
She says you may pass.
Thank you, Artemis.
Thanks, I guess.
Yeah.
Um, okay.
Now that's done and done.
We're going to take a quick little break everybody before you guys enter this next location.
We're doing a short stream tonight, so we're only going to come back after that for a little
bit of time.
We'll see how the hell everything goes.
So hang in there with us.
So we're going to have some fun and we'll be right back.
Everybody, we're going to go use the bathroom.
Hope you do as well.
We'll be right back.
All right.
No, do we want to, do we want to do, I need a thumbnail pose of Fishy's character for
possibly putting him on the thumbnail for YouTube.
Yes.
Do you feel better yet, baby?
Hell yeah, Fishy.
Can you turn the other way?
So I don't have to cut out that stupid shadow.
Nice.
It's pretty good.
All right, we'll be right back everybody.
Don't go anywhere.
Hello one and all and welcome back to Metal Undie Con.
I'm your humble dungeon or band manager, Turk.
That's right.
I'm here to control the chaos and have all the fun.
Tonight is episode seven.
We've got, counting tonight, I guess five episodes left.
We're only going to 11.
Hello, Slappy.
Good to see you, bud.
We're having some fun, telling some stories and we have our lovely guest player tonight,
Fishy, which is weird to say because Fishy's a long running couch crew, which is crazy.
But he's here filling in for Emmy while they're doing their Forge of Lore stream-aversary.
So very cool stuff.
We've got a short stream in store for you guys tonight.
So this last hour is going to be kind of hectic, but thank you so much for joining us.
That's right.
We're going to have some fun.
And of course I'm here with the band.
Say hello, band.
Hello, band.
Good to see you guys.
Yeah, so music.
As we last left off, you guys just made it down into the mausoleum trying to find the
hidden library to get the third page of the Mental Omnicon book.
Our friend Stannis impressed the elven spirit by playing his saxophone and lets you entry
into the stairwell to the final area in this hidden library.
You three walk down the stairs as your steps echo.
There are torches, but they're not fantasy torches.
They're electricity torches on the walls.
But they're like shaped like torches.
They're like themed like torches, but they're still like lights.
And they're like flickering as you guys are walking down.
There's like wires that are like leading from light to light all the way down.
As you guys walk down these stairs.
Eventually you reach the Hall of Tomes.
A massive chamber that's just lined with towering bookshelves.
And at the center of the chamber, past these bookshelves, it can just go for as long as
the eyes can see, stands a towering golem made of stone, enchanted books.
Its eyes glow with an eerie light.
In the center of its chest, kind of like Iron Man, there's a glowy metal bit.
And spinning in the middle of that glowy metal bit is a large brass key.
He has not moved yet.
He's not done nothing as you guys enter into the library.
You have a second.
What do you do?
You all good to deal with whatever happens with the golem if I astral project and try
to find what we're looking for?
Yeah, should be fine.
I'm pretty good at talking my way out of situations.
I don't care what you do.
Just make sure you leave some room for me to do some crazy flips and shit.
That's fair.
Crooks, how about you?
Because I know you came off the bus with us.
He says this place reminds me of the library where I grew up.
Didn't know you could read.
Well, I can read at a first grade level.
That's right.
Do you think they have picture books here?
I'm sure we could find you one.
Batting a hat would be nice.
If you would have me, Avatar of the Raven.
Once we destroy this foul beast, I will look for books.
Sounds like a plan then.
I'm going to like age myself up against like a back wall.
Like kind of in a crevice and kneel down and and let my spirit go.
Nice.
Can I astral project?
Yeah.
Cool.
This is an easy roll for you.
You got a four.
You only had to beat a three.
You succeed.
What is the goal here?
Oh, I'm going to.
Well, this is the thing is that like magic books, magic pages,
give off a certain aura.
And we have two pages of the middle Omnicon before.
So I imagine I recognize that aura as well as anything cruel related to.
Because let's be honest, I'm looking.
But I'm I'm I'm looking for that same magical aura from the pages.
Nice. OK.
While we'll go in through.
Here's what I'm going to give you.
I'm not going to make you real perception or anything like that.
But I'm going to give you this.
You float up out of your body as your body hides in the corner.
You float up above these bookshelves.
So tight, close to the ceiling.
You're floating above them, looking down.
And you can see behind the large golem is your spirit floats above.
There's this little box that has a cage over it.
And inside of that box, there's the energy of the page.
And it's on this little this little wooden structure.
And on the front of it, there's a large brass lock. Excellent.
But now one other thing.
As you're flying around in here, you can see as far.
I mean, as you can see, these lines of books go like this
probably has history way back into 2024, probably.
And as you're looking, you can see far, far back.
There's 22, 22 Stannis.
Yeah, there's like this purple glow in the shape of a book
as far back as you can see.
And you recognize that as maybe history on the Raven.
All right, Bril.
All right, so I'm going to get you back on into my body.
All right, fellas, Page is behind the golem in a book with a big brass key lock.
And it looks like the key lock, the key is in the golem.
How about it, boys?
And Crux says, all right, attack now.
No, not yet.
Let me work my magic first.
OK, I'm going to walk out.
Or the golem.
Anonka, I made a Crux character sheet that you get to control in this battle.
He's got a great axe.
He's got strength.
It's all he's got.
And he's still naked, only wearing the ball holder that Aeon made for him.
He fucking would be. Yes.
But it's OK, because it's really, really long pubes cover everything.
There's just a little tiny penis head sticking out of them pubes.
Good. Good. I love it here.
Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good.
OK, continuing on Stannis, what do you have for us?
Yeah, I'm walking out towards the golem.
As you know, I would like to be.
Oh, great golem.
So you got OK, as you step forward and you say that.
Excuse me, as you approach
the center of this hall, the ground begins to tremble below your feet
and a couple of books fly off the shelves and they swirl into the air
before being sucked into the goblin.
And then its eyes light up.
And with an eerie glow, it like comes to life as the cracks in its body
assume that same glow that's in the side of its chest.
And it towers over you and it says,
intruders must be tested.
And it rumbles, raising its massive fists in the air
and smashes them on the ground and the bookshelves tremble a little bit.
We were allowed. We were given permission to be here.
And you say that it doesn't phase him.
Do you want to say anything before we roll initiative, Stannis?
Eat shit, fuck ass.
And I'll.
Shoot one around.
I said, Stanis, damn it, Roger, you don't get a free outfit.
Stanis, what do you do? What do you say?
I say, please it be, O great Golem, for let the test be.
Do not hurt me.
OK, you know, I'll give you the charisma check,
but I'm going to make it a difficulty, a very hard difficulty.
So I'm rolling D12 here.
Go ahead and make me charisma charisma check.
Dammit, you only got to be to four.
No, you got to four.
I'm going to spend my couch coin that I received from Ananka
spending her couch coin earlier because the DM gets coins
whenever the players spend theirs.
And I'm just going to reroll my whole thing.
Seven. What?
I don't even beat a seven.
Mr. Underscore abstract, I used to reroll fishy.
Now, maybe you can if you get the right number
and you spend your couch coins because you have three of them now.
Well, remember, you're doing charisma charisma.
You're doing to charisma.
Couch coin.
You have Miramorgus just redeemed couch coin fishy.
You made it incredibly, very subtractive.
Thank you.
Stanis, what is your charisma?
Your charisma is six.
So whenever you roll here, fishy, you roll them together.
So you do charisma charisma.
So you should be rolling 12 D6, not 66.
Nobody told me this.
This is why I've been failing the entire time.
That's a four.
I still got a four.
And you have four couch coins.
Now you can spend a couch coin to give yourself a success.
So you can spend all four of them to make yourself succeed on this.
Oh, yeah, that's exactly what I would do.
OK, you spend all your couch coins and you succeed.
As you say, I don't remember what the fuck you said.
Oh, great Lord Gollum, don't hurt me.
Basically, something like that.
Oh, great Gollum, for let the test be.
But do not harm me.
He turns down at you and he goes.
Stanis.
The saxophone player from the great reggae band.
I will not hurt the for I have the album on vinyl.
He pulls out of his pocket.
He's like, will you sign?
True fad. Yes.
Oh, the reggae band.
When were you in a reggae band?
I'm excited. Yes, I am frozen.
Not anymore. You're good.
You're good. He's like, sign it.
Sign it for me.
Yeah, I was a part of a reggae band.
It was a little bit before your time, back when I used to smoke
an incredible amount of seaweed.
And I went to sign it and then now.
We know how powerful that the key inside your chest is.
So let the test be just one of trade.
We will give you something to encapsulate inside your chest
for the rest of the millennia.
And you give us the bronze key to take the page and go.
Holy shit.
It's very cool.
I'm going to have to give you a couch coin for this proposal.
Hmm. He looks at you.
He looks at you. He takes the signed vinyl and puts it in his back pocket.
He looks back at the other two, looks at crux standing there naked, and he goes.
But Stannis, these three must prove themselves.
No, the only person that needs to prove themselves is crux.
For he is looking for a companion.
And what's a better companion than being inside of you?
Oh, shit.
Amy will be so mad.
Oh, this is every day PC.
Yeah, even better.
He will serve you and fill you with life.
And he goes, well, three muscles.
I do like the crocheted thong he is wearing.
I would like to get like right at knee level and point to his massive bush
and crocheted thong.
This could be all yours, Great Golem.
Jesus Christ.
He's like, no.
From crux, I will take the thong, proving himself worthy.
And his big ass arm extends out and pushes you, Stannis and crux to the side.
And he goes, the other two, prove yourselves worthy before I release the bronze key.
I never. You got to give a shit, too.
Do something, be something or fight me.
Be something or give me something.
Oh, be something.
All right. I'd like to summon the crow from within myself and become like a half crow.
Like essentially, like when it took over my body, like going to that stance of
I'm being something cool.
But you mean the avatar state?
I mean, the raven mode or whatever.
I need you to do a dice roll, though.
We're going to do a dice roll here.
You're trying to do it to impress somebody.
So you can do like a willpower or charisma if you want to,
because you're trying to do it to impress him.
That's so crazy, Fishy.
You just disappeared and then came back from off camera.
That was wild.
Yeah, the Internet, terrible, terrible.
You only got to be the two.
That's a faith.
So you go down into your meditative stance and pray to your raven god.
And the god calls back and says, the page is valuable.
I will help you in this.
And the tattoos on your arms once again turn into raven wings
and extend out from your body, magically.
And your eyes turn yellow and you can see once again,
and you can see this towering Gollum figure and you step forward.
You're a big boy.
Yeah, as this newly formed raven.
And he goes, this one is blessed by the god of the raven.
I've read this book.
You are worthy.
And his big ass Gollum hand grabs you and grabs you.
And your little wings and he sets you to the side.
And it's just him and Roger.
And he's just staring you down, Roger.
Prove that.
All right, is the hole in his chest, like, does it go all the way through?
Or does it just? Yes, it does. Yeah.
OK. Well, I take my mic stand like a javelin and throw it through his chest,
trying to get it through the keyhole on the ring or the key ring on the key.
Nice. That's badass.
This is going to be a really hard difficulty,
but I know how good you are with ranged weapons.
So here we go.
Dang, I only got a four. That's it.
Be fighting.
You're using it as range, so you can do strength agility if you want.
Although I'm trying to see what would give me more here.
Work. Give it Roger's sock.
Reaching in, you can't get the key extracted.
True, huh?
Burned out in the house stuff. Dude, I feel that.
Abby, sometimes I work for fucking nine hours and I come home and I clean
and then I sit at my computer and try to still do grouch couch stuff.
And sometimes it's a struggle.
But you know what?
Whenever we're passionate about something, you know, you got to let that passion
take over, you know, but never get burnt out because that's also really tough.
You know, do the proteus method where every three months
you take a week off and you don't do nothing, you get super bored.
So when you come back, you really want to do it. Hell, yeah.
That's a four.
Do you want to spend your couch coin to make it a five? Yeah.
Yeah. OK. I get me another coin.
Hell, yeah. You spend it.
Would you like to describe this?
So we want me to take the reins here.
Well, I'll describe it on my part, at least.
Cool. He tells me something, do something.
And I go, yeah,
and throw the shit and it perfectly goes through his chest,
through the key ring on the key and then out
the other side of his body and sticks into the wall behind him.
Nice, nice.
As you miss that, I can only do it once with the nightstand,
but I'll try again with something else if you want.
His chest dims a little bit and he takes a knee down in front
and he almost smashes the other guys around when his hands hit the ground.
And he looks up at you in a seductive pose as his back
arches and his ass is up and he's like.
That was good.
You penetrated me perfectly.
I am impressed.
Are you in a bad? Yeah, yeah, whatever.
OK, man, whatever you say.
And I sign his forehead with a sharpie.
He goes, oh, my stars.
Are you the singer of the band?
Yeah, I am.
And while I'm talking to him, I'm like climbing on top of his body.
One second, Fishy's got technical difficulties on this.
There we go. Thank you, Fishy.
You're climbing on his body.
Yeah, no, I'm just climbing on top of him,
going behind him to grab my staff from the wall with the key on it.
Nice. But as you climb on him, he's like, oh, yes.
Climb on me, my king.
Climb all over me.
And then he sees you.
And he turns, he looks and he goes, oh.
You were using me.
Understood.
Home people are dominance.
Is this little rock formation back here, your asshole or something?
Yes.
Oh, you don't say he goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Thank you.
For this.
And he spits the bullets out of his mouth.
Yeah. Know your place, trash.
I love to be disrespected.
You are worthy.
And he stands up, takes two steps forward
and goes back into his pose, leaving the box in the cage
completely open for you guys to.
Open.
All right.
You got the key.
Well, I was going to say, you have the owners.
You got the key, you got the.
Oh, yeah, I threw it on the ground.
Hold on.
I think it.
OK, see if this works.
Put the key in there and I twist it.
Grab this key and twist it.
Nice.
So.
What is this? Does this work?
Does.
The.
As you insert the key,
the cage unlocks and the bars drop to the ground.
And the bars drop to the ground.
And you open the chest.
Inside of the chest is the page.
And as the chest opens, the page begins to vibrate and glow.
Oh, it vibrates.
Then out from your pocket, Anonka,
the other two pages fly out up into the air.
And this page flies out of the chest
and connects with the other two pages.
And there's like this big burst of energy.
As this happens.
The room begins to shake and dust falls from the ceiling.
And an ominous voice echoes to the library.
And as you hear this voice, it kind of sounds like someone
has deepened and distorted their voice so you won't recognize them.
But it says.
You've taken.
What does not belong to you.
You will not stop us.
Face the consequences, metal Omnicon.
And the ground beneath you cracks.
In the ceiling, where the dust was falling, cracks
revealing the moonlight up above and from the ground.
Dark energy swirls and like a vortex, and then all of these like
ghostly dark spirit things
just start flying out into the sky.
And then after a second,
it stops revealing just cracked earth. Mr.
Johnson with a voice modulator.
No, I mean, you could roll me willpower if you want to to double check.
But I like Mr. Johnson too much to make him come back as the villain.
I'd eat food. Oh, I only got a wooden.
Had to be a two.
Yes, so you know, you're unsure.
OK, you have the pages, they fly back into your hands
and the third page has been completed.
You now have the intro, the first verse and the first part of the first chorus
of the song in this book.
Brilliant.
Brilliant. Mr.
Johnson, Mr.
Johnson's twin brother.
You three stand here in this library fast.
What do you guys do?
I'm going back for that book in the way back of the library.
Nice. So you head towards the back.
And you get there to see simply a book that says
Grimm's knowledge of the Raven King and Queen.
Oh, brilliant.
Going to nick that off the shelf.
Nice. And of course, you read it because it's written in Braille.
Of course.
No, I still got my throw eyes in.
I'm still half transformed.
Sweet. I'm just not putting context in right now.
You nick it off the shelf.
Put it in your pocket for later.
The Gollum stands up and returns to his pose,
and as he does, he eyes you the whole time.
Roger, he's like.
Singer of a band.
Always welcome here.
Shut up, slave.
Just like dance him in the forehead.
Who knew you had, as I'm walking back from the back of the library,
who knew you had a spot in the like the sub bear community?
This whole time, Roger's like, no one wants to talk to me.
All the groupies, no one cares about Roger,
but the fucking Gollum in the fucking hidden library is all about him.
Anyways.
You just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just,
you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just.
You're just talking the wrong people.
You've got to go for the bears that are so so bears that.
Can I can I grab can I grab a book from this library before we leave?
Sure. What are you looking for?
Can I go into the self-help section?
Yes.
I want, I want to try to find a book that the title is.
how to make non-sexual friends for dummies
ok nice you do that
I feel like it's got like a yellow cover and it has someone on the front of it
yellow and black cover half naked but they're like no you know
nice Stanis what do you do
yeah yeah yeah I kind of like it here in this library
or like find some type of cauldron like thing just take a handful of books and make a hobo fire
nice well they're off kind of like doing their own thing looking through books
I'm just cold couch coin nice
character development
there you have it all right you're warming yourself up and as you do
Crux the viking approaches from behind and warms himself up as well and he's reading a children's
book um says like one fish two fish three fish blue fish and he's like
this is a good read you read this before
yeah I can't read oh I don't I don't I can I can teach you
read want me to teach you how to you could teach me how to read well yes
back in my village I had the highest reader I was the best reader
he uses the light of the trash bin and holds up the book and he's like this one here is an f
f sounds like
yes and then the eye is the one with a little dot on it
that's for e and then you have the sh the sh is together it sounds like shh like be quiet you know
like that and then put them all together
there
yes fish very good very good
between the lions between the covers of a book it's time to look between the lions
behold the tails beyond the tails behind the door you guys ever watch that show between the lions
no but very good lions that turn our library my raven glee very good song
yes
the boomer food was better also true I mean anything with the crap brothers work was great
hell yeah hell yeah um okay you know the boomer food's granddaughter had babies
yes well the boomer food's been dead since like 2015 so his grandbaby lemur had babies
right anyways I say we blew this popsicle stand we have what we came for right
yeah I just hope there's not anybody around here named popsicle stand yeah
yeah golem what's your name hey man 20 bucks is 40 bucks the golem's like that just happens
to be my name okay let's get the fuck out of here
uh no just gonna purposely leave like a poster for one of our upcoming gigs on the library
floor for popsicle stand to find nice hell yeah um you guys leave uh as you're leaving you look
back and you can see the golem puts on little tiny reading glasses on his big ass face when
he tries to read the fucking flyer for your next show um but as you guys are leaving uh you just
head up the stairs you get back to the back to the area with the elf and she goes hope everything
went well and she closes the gate behind you late on our infamous he goes bye bye Ananka do thee well
and you guys head up the stairs get back to the cemetery and get back to the bus of course where
Elysia is waiting for you guys ready with the bus already warm she's listening to pop music she's
ready to go but before you can run out to the bus you got to get back across the street into the bus
you look through the gate and you can see now there are even more supreme 10 guards walking
up and down the streets and every single one of those large tv screens on the buildings have your
faces plastered on them
is there an intersection that we can see from where we are sure yeah for sure
um
um all right i need to make two shots here
i'm gonna shoot out the street light and then i'm also gonna shoot out a tire of a motorist
and cause a big car accident to distract them nice okay let me roll your difficulty you only
got to be the one it's gonna take two shots though so i need two rolls from you yeah this one's for
the street light five success and this one is for the poor fuck ass whose tire i shot out because
i should roll another difficulty probably two well no it's fine you succeed okay
i feel like i want to describe this thing a little bit um you guys go to the gate
of this cemetery you guys are standing around even still standing this is like what we just go but
you guys are standing there and you see all these guards and you get this quick thinking roger and
you look up there's a street light above you and you whip out your guns you flip them around like
crazy everyone's looking at you and crux is like these projectile shooting devices impress me
and you shoot out the lamp and shoot through the iron bars of the gate to shoot out a tire of this
motorist he's wearing a helmet but he's only got like some shorts on and like some skater shoes
and he skids all across the road just screaming his face off because he's not wearing the proper
protective gear if you're gonna fucking ride a motor cycle wear the fucking proper protective gear
and he's skidding across the ground just screaming like and there's just like blood as he's
screeching across the ground of his leg just being disintegrated and all the security guards are
like someone needs help someone needs help and all the supreme 10 guys run out into the middle of
the road and they're like trying to help this guy yeah there's fucking road pizza like mirror set
and he's like trying to protect this guy and help and help him they're like lifting him up one of
them's like calling in an ambulance and the light is just like the sparks drip down and catch the
gasoline on fire from this motorcycle okay um highs or lows roger uh fucking highs always highs
all right that's a natural 20 baby oh check can't see it
natural 20 on a highs check so
a lot of these guys these security guards are gonna die right now i'm gonna leave you the reins
to describe it has ever cool this is like a fortuitous circumstance kind of situation
go on ahead and take it well i shoot these two things perfectly oh that explosion shit happens
and i turn to the group behind me as the motorcycle explodes behind me and i go it's called free balling
and then i open the gate and we get on the bus nice dude and there's just supreme 10 security
guards just blown away everywhere like just like bodies and status teleports out of existence
yeah um and alicia hits on the gas and you guys ride through the fire and the camera just sees
the ghoul bus coming through the fire on the other side as these bodies are just flying everywhere
pretty dope pretty dope i love that here buddy buddy just like call out the window to crows and
vultures and shit come get dinner i love that ravens come down start eating their eyes and shit
love that um sanus did vanish it's all right he's having bad internet issues
oh if you shoot past gravestones it'll mess with the echoes difficult to find the source
it's good even pre-cooked yeah uh cooked food so you guys ride away in the bus you have the final
page and at this point you need a rendezvous with eon to see what's going on with the mechanic
and the vampire overlord and how you might accomplish that situation but as you're riding
away you guys get settled back into the bus and you have a conversation to have with with
stannis um if he's gonna stick around or if he's gonna bounce
here uh first off we're gonna text mr johnson to let him know that the page is better achieved
uh and while i'm texting mr johnson uh i'm gonna text him about possibly giving uh stannis a
pay cut like a cut of the pay as well as maybe even you know a record deal of some kind just to
kind of get his career back on the on the level nice because he's still got chops you know get
get him some gigs or getting us gigs you can get him a gig you'll be like your opening band a
couple times your opening act yeah yeah okay well i wish we could know how he feels about that but
it seems his internet's too bad to respond all right that's fair you do that and we'll
discuss that more next episode i guess roger how do you end this episode here
um i well since stannis isn't here to protect it i'm gonna get back on my couch fucking spread out
oh yep and lunker's back get on the bus i'm spread out on the couch it's i'm gonna walk in
and i'm gonna grab roger by one leg and just throw him off the couch now
contested strength yes
i don't think you know how strong i am
uh five for roger versus a five from stanis so we have a standoff in the bus you guys are just
dragging each other off this chair back and forth arguing over it trying to get in this chair but
no one's moving no one's budging you guys are just going back and forth dragging each other off the
chair i imagine it's like really really violent fighting like i throw him up against the bus wall
breaks a window he falls down shoots me two times in the foot i crawl out in pain come back break a
bottle over his head like just really aggressive hell yeah dude hell yeah dude i love that
oh this is just like the good old days fighting over the couch
remember that time we went to phoebe jibes and we had to like
fucking glass and a curb stump the fella that tried to stiff us on the bail
hell yeah oh yeah fuck that guy yeah also that what reminds me of it's been good having you back
me i have a question for you stanis um ananka is going to try to work with mr johnson to have you
be the opening act for metal omnicon in the future what is what would be the name of your opening act
as a saxophone player opening up for these guys
stanis the sax man oh stanis froze yeah yeah okay sit yeah oh there he is no no it would be
it would be
it would be it would be a new band called sewage pipes sewage pipes nice because like pipes for the
sack i love that very good very good hell yeah um okay that my friends is kind of where we end
the episode um you guys have the page everything's good and done we are going to take a quick little
uh five minute break probably less than that and we're going to come back for our short little
break down here we want to do that with fishy before we get out of here so don't go anywhere
um yeah yeah right right right uh johnson's gets you guys up both you guys are going to get 10
karma points um as well as you stanis they could also be ketamine points if you want to call them
that um and yeah we got 10 ketamine points hell anybody else want to go into a canhole
that's right so we're going to take 10 minutes and then we're going to come back for our breakdown
don't go anywhere everybody hell yeah there one minute we're going to take like one or two minutes
we'll be right back