Hello one and all and welcome back to the sixth episode of Metal Omnicon.
I am your chaotic band manager here for this campaign of Shadowrun Anarchy Turk.
But of course it's not only me here playing this fucking show that you all know and love.
I'm here with the band. Say hello band!
Hello band!
Good to see you guys. Hell yes.
Usually have some fun little bit thing. I don't know.
But you know what? It's staying on theme here.
We're gonna go right to left starting with Emmy.
Introduce yourself and then tell us what your favorite fruit or vegetable is.
And the last time you ate it. Go.
Oh. Oh. Okay.
Well hi I'm Emmy and I'm from Forge of Lore and Emmy's art stuff here on Twitch.
And my favorite fruit is apples.
And I had a slice of an apple this morning.
Hey.
Connor.
Hello.
I'm Connor but I play Roger.
And I'm from the Grouch Couch.
And my favorite food are fruit.
I like limes. Okay. I put limes in literally everything.
My drinking water.
Cereal.
You know my toothpaste. Whatever I need. I just put limes on it.
Okay.
Proteus.
Hi I'm Proteus. One half of children of Proteus. I hang out here on Twitch under that name.
I make comic books.
My favorite fruit is dragon fruit because it makes your poop come out with seeds in it.
And last time I ate it was like two years ago but I'm growing a dragon fruit cactus in my kitchen right now.
And my favorite vegetable is carrots.
Let me fix the bot. Thank you Steve.
I do love me a fucking carrot. God damn it. Cheers.
I love fucking carrots.
I will just mow down on whole ass carrots from the fridge.
Oh what's up doc?
Well I'm Turk. You can find me at Turk. That's right. You can find me all over the internet.
You can hire me as a dungeon master at Start Playing. I have albums of music you can check out.
I'm Turkey Dude. I have my own YouTube channel called Turk's Adventures.
You can check me out all over the fucking internet. But mainly I'm right here on the Grouch Couch.
My favorite vegetable is cucumber. I will eat a cucumber like a banana. Straight up.
Delish. You know what I mean? All about it.
You not peeling your bananas?
No. You peel bananas.
I'll peel your bananas.
Is that a normal thing? I don't know. I watched Connor eat a banana one time and I was like oh that's how it's done.
And that's how I did it.
Shout out to the photographer.
Is that on the stream? Yeah. I ate it from the side.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Goodness. Hey. Homework. Look. Check it out. We're working on our brand new show.
We're working on it. It's going to be called Improv Quest. We're practicing it.
We're having some fun. It's going to be a new system.
Well a new system. We're going to be playing D&D with it of course so everyone can follow along.
But it's a really cool thing that we're making together that contributes all the powerful amazing things from our show
with chat involvement and our voices and characters. Whatever.
It's the best fucking thing ever. We're practicing it.
If you want to see our practices you can actually see them all.
You can get access to them on our Patreon and check them out.
I know. That's weird. I've never said that before but you can.
You can watch all of them on Patreon.
We have a link to our Patreon in the about section down there.
But we're practicing. We're doing this new show thing so keep an eye out for it because we may be doing a live practice eventually.
Before we go live with the whole ass show and we're going to need your help to come in and activate chat command so we can practice it.
See what works. See what doesn't work.
So when you see us go live on a Friday at 530 to 6pm on a Friday PST come and click that button and join us.
We might not be in costume because we're just practicing but still come and join us.
If I miss anything. I think you got it.
There will also be fun art stuff that may never ever get posted anywhere else so it will be going on the Patreon as well.
I do a lot of concept art for campaigns and stuff like that.
The four campaigns I've been on so far. I do a lot of concept art.
Not all of it gets finished but you guys can see it when it goes to Patreon.
Because I'll make sure even if it doesn't get finished you guys get to see it in some capacity as it happens.
That's right. Also, Connor has always wanted a place to post feet pics.
So if you ever wanted to see the couch crew's feet or nipples or butts that would be the place to check it out.
Very nice. I know all of you are more excited.
I can do butt bruise pics all over Patreon.
Yes you can.
Hot.
Yes.
Boudoir bruise pics. Let's go.
Y'all ain't never seen our private crew chat. Our private crew chat is full of feet pics.
I don't know why. No idea why. It's even got Steve's feet in it.
Sometimes she's going to help a homie through a breakup. Let me tell you what.
And sometimes letting them know that they have a career that they could have in feet pics.
Because they have excruciatingly weird dexterity in their toes that they can grab things and pick things up.
Fishy's missing a toe. He's not actually.
But there's like this space between his big toe and his pointer toe.
His feet are like this. What happened here, Fishy?
If y'all want to see that, check out the Patreon.
Fishy's toes are fingers.
There it is. There it is.
There's pictures of my mom's feet in this Discord as well.
Yes.
Before we get into the show, cheers everybody. We're at the halfway point of this campaign.
Thank you all for joining us being here thus far.
Oh my god, how?
Things are about to get dark. They're about to get wicked and they're about to get hellish.
So cheers to that and stay tuned, my friends.
Fucking skull. All right, it's time for musical intro.
I hope all of you are head banging at home and just destroying everything in your surroundings while the music is playing.
You know, knocking over cups like a cat. That's what I expect from all of you beautiful couch crew out there.
Metal Omnicon.
That's right.
It's a rock the gun.
Hell yeah. Welcome back everybody. Good to have you here. Right here at Metal Omnicon. Yes, episode six.
Let me wet my whistle and I say we get into the story.
The story story that's never yet had to have been storied.
The best story of all the story stories that have ever been storied.
This one. This story.
Story you say?
I do say.
All right.
Oh, we puffers neifs.
Oh, boy.
Sniffles.
Puffers neifs.
Good boy, Lucy.
Oh, Lucy.
So our story continues tonight.
A few days, you know, after we last left off, of course, when we last left off a lot of things happened.
Connecting with gods, learning about vampire overlords, and of course, the some effects show where you guys hung out backstage and even allowed Mr. Johnson to join you for the fun, which ended in a little bit of sodomy and what have you with the bands.
But of course, Emy, Eon managed to get the van fixed by persuading a couple of boys who wanted to become vampires.
But our story continues now.
The story story that's never been storied.
Do you guys riding in the van?
Of course, you guys are driving, as you always do, to your favorite food spot here in Grimory.
I would like you three to take a second to think about what your favorite food spot is.
In my notes, just so you know, I have Wiener schnitzel.
But it's up to you guys to think about what your collective favorite food spot is here in this world.
And if you have that, please feel free to throw out some fantasy sci fi food names for these guys.
Let's create a place in our world where Emy might feel at home.
All right.
There's a restaurant that is based.
It's supposed to be a themed restaurant, kind of like Rainforest Cafe, but it's themed after Vikings.
And the restaurant itself is just called Skald.
It serves a lot of things like blood sausages and baked fruits and what have you.
And so that's the place you guys are headed to.
I've never been so glad I'm blind because I'm terrified of animatronics.
There's a bunch of animatronic Vikings and shit.
They all have Steve's voice for some reason.
Holding like severed heads, screaming.
There's children that are just terrified.
Alright.
Here's where things get a little bit intense.
As you guys are driving.
Bob the zombie is driving away up the freeway.
All these flying cars are zooming past the van.
As the van is just puttering along, you know, the magical ghoul bus.
All these people looking at you like you guys are weird for driving an old school van.
But as you're driving along, you drive past in Central City this large chapel.
One of the most ancient chapels of the city.
All of you have heard of it. You know of this place.
Because in the past year or two, they even thought about throwing concerts in this chapel
because it's abandoned, covered in graffiti and grime and moss.
But as you're driving past, Anonka, you don't see this.
You don't have your eyes on right now.
But as you're driving past, you're looking out the window.
And what you see, Anonka, is a large crow statue in the front of this chapel.
It's just like glowing with this energy in your blind eyes.
And the eyes of the crow make contact with your eyes.
And you zoom past it.
But as you zoom past it, Anonka, you start to seize a little bit.
You don't know this, but the other two see this happening.
And Lucy starts barking like crazy, baa baa baa, barking at you.
And she's like, danger, danger, something's wrong.
And as you're seizing, your eyes go black.
And you have these visions of these feathers and crows, ravens, ahhh, like cawing in your vision.
And you just see the chapel and what it once was and what it is now.
And you, like, wake up with this vision of this sickness.
And all you can think about is this chapel.
But as you're seizing and you're driving past this thing,
Emi, you're sitting, or Eon, you're sitting in the passenger seat.
And you're holding the monster book.
And the monster book opens and starts fluttering pages without you having even meditated on it.
And it opens up to a page that has, hold on, let me grab my notes here.
Hell yeah.
Sorry.
It's not loading.
Son of a bitch.
I'm gonna get a new note thing.
It opens up to a page that has a rake on it.
Yeah, the page is, phhhhhh, sitting in the front seat.
And the page, the book opens up to a page with wraiths.
And it talks about how wraiths are nasty creatures that suck spirituality and energy out of everything.
And they just destroy everything in their path, sucking in life as they can.
Wraiths, yes.
Now, as you're feeling sick and down, and you have this vision of this chapel in your mind,
Roger?
Yeah?
You're looking out the window.
You've passed by the chapel at this point, going on the speedway.
As you're looking out the window, on the sidewalk you see a man walking.
He turns, he looks at the van, and you recognize his face.
He's your old manager from Death Corp.
He's wearing the Death Corp getup.
It's like a jumpsuit that has a star on the side of it in red.
You know he's got some connection to the Supreme Ten.
Lucy sees him too, out the window.
And even Lucy goes, Roger, this man, we must murder this man.
Now could be our only time to do so.
And Roger, you look, it's your manager from Death Corp.
He's a bus slowing down to a stop at a stoplight.
You look back to see the chapel.
As you look back to see the chapel, you see Ananka is sick.
And all she's talking about is this chapel.
You are kind of guiding the way right now.
You have to make a decision.
Do you pull the bus off and fight your manager here in the streets?
Or do you turn around and go back to the chapel?
We're in the bus?
Yeah.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, we're at a stoplight?
Yeah.
Fact.
Do you whip around and go back to the chapel to help your friend?
Or do you fight your own desires and go to kill your manager at Death Corp?
Fuck.
Bob, turn around, turn around.
I'm gonna lean out the window and take a pot shot at this motherfucker.
Maybe I can do both.
Alright.
This is going to be the first roll of the night and this is going to be a very difficult check.
Alright.
It's gonna be very hard.
There you go.
I need you to beat me a four, Roger.
You're rolling on me, Lucy.
Not a single one.
12d6 and you've got zero successes.
As Bob flips around the car, you're driving up, you drive past him and you're out of rage.
DM Steve underscore forge of low use re-roll, Roger.
Fine.
Hit it again.
Fine.
That's a four.
Which means you succeed.
Oh.
Yes.
What is, what's your damage?
I do nine P.
Nine, nine piercing.
As you're flying by.
Glitch die?
And oh yes, glitch die.
Thank you for the reminder.
That's a four.
Oh, I can't even see it.
Nothing happened.
As you're flying by, you just start firing on bullets out of rage like mad.
He sees you and he's like, fuck you and you all over the wall.
He's standing in front of this strip club and bullets just go all over the wall.
But one of them hit him right in the chest and he falls to the ground.
You don't know if he's dead, but you did pop him one good time.
As you guys turn around and you're going back up the road to the chapel, it's coming close within sight.
And Lucy talks to you and she goes, well done, Roger.
Fuck that guy.
Yeah, fuck that guy, Lucy.
Why are we not going to kill him now?
Because the non-cuts, you know, haven't or freak out.
We need help.
You choose your friends over your own desires.
Listen, there's a lot of people that don't like me at all.
These people are forced to be with me, so I got to do something.
Oh, you're a good leader.
I will stand by your side.
I will.
Yeah, you know, here's a fucking treat.
Milk bone.
He eats it, but he eats it like in a non-cuts lap.
He's like protecting her.
As you guys pull around, you're getting closer to this chapel.
The book in front of you begins to glow, Eon.
Like the closer that you're getting.
And the ghouls or the wraiths on the book almost seem to be shifting and moving.
As the letters all start to shift and move from this weird ancient language.
I'd like you to make me some form of intelligence check here.
Probably be a willpower, I think.
Let me see.
Let's look at your character sheet here.
Let's do logic.
Logic.
Okay.
Four.
That's two above.
So you read about these wraiths and all the words kind of come into focus.
And to you, they look like English somehow.
Like you can just read this all of a sudden.
And it talks all about wraiths and where they came from, how they're developed, and all this other stuff.
But the thing that you focus in on is their weakness.
Right?
And, uh, dang, I'm going to check my notes again.
Okay.
You learned that wraiths are vulnerable to any kind of light-based attack.
Okay.
Hey, guys, I don't know if this is going to be relevant.
It feels like it's going to be relevant, seeing as how this is all happening and right in front of our faces.
But wraiths are super vulnerable to, like, light attacks and stuff, just so you know.
In case we, you know, stumble across any in the next, like, five or 10 minutes.
Ah.
Oh, gods.
Ananka, are you okay?
This fucking grave.
I love your role-playing.
You came out of my dirty socks.
Here, Ananka, so I'm going to give you a couch coin.
I love your role-play.
But I do want to say you can still talk and, like, function like normal, but you just feel like there's this heavy weight on your shoulders that is, like, pulling you to the ground.
That makes you just feel down.
So normal?
Yeah.
Yeah, so normal.
Yeah, for sure.
All right.
The bus pulls to a stop and Bob throws on the brakes as you guys pull into the parking lot of this chapel.
And this temple, you guys are looking out the windows together while Bob pulls in.
This temple is ancient.
It has a crumbling structure that's here deep in the city's oldest district.
The walls are just covered in these crazy ancient glyphs and carvings of ravens.
The air is heavy with the scent of decay and ancient magic.
You can hear the sound of cawing ravens just echoing through this empty parking lot.
And there's this light from the clouds above just, like, shining down on it where all this moss and shit is, like, growing.
And I'm gonna pause the music here because Bob throws it into park and turns around holding his head and he's like,
Dude, man, what's going on, man? I was really excited to go to Skal.
You guys know that that's my favorite restaurant, dude.
What's going on back there?
Churches has got bad juju.
Churches has got bad juju. Yeah, man, I believe that, man.
You know, I'm an atheist myself.
Not this one.
Yeah.
Something's wrong, Bob. We've got to go in there and find out what's going on.
All right, man. Well, you want me to stay here, man? Or like, I don't know, man.
No, you come in.
Okay.
Can I look for, like, a gun store or something real quick?
Hell, yes, you can. Roll me a perception check.
Yeah.
A B to six. Fuck.
A six?
Ooh. So I kind of wanted to use this as like a luck check.
You do not see a gun store, but you do see a hardware store that might sell a couple gun things on the side.
You know how they do that.
Oh.
Okay.
Fuck.
Well, I'm not specifically looking for a gun, but a hardware store might be good.
Let me walk in there.
Okay. You walk in there. Did someone say titties? They did. I'm going to read a little chat for a second, y'all.
Don't trust the titties. Okay.
Quick, Roger, flash them.
You just take your ass out of your manager. It's probably what they were talking about.
Geez.
Ruins at the window.
Take this loaf. Nice. Okay.
You, my friend, are going to walk into a hardware store. And what better music than...
I can't see my keyboard.
Is it going to make this grocery store my bitch?
I'm down with that.
You walk in.
I feel like there's an orc back there.
He's got like a brown vest on with the logo of the hardware store.
And I feel like it says, hard.
And then little tiny letters that says, where.
And somehow the H has a circle on it that makes the logo look like a hard penis.
And he's like, welcome to hardware hardware.
As you walk in, ding ding.
There's like, cleaners for your sneezing.
There's also an aisle for like shovels and rakes.
And there's, you know what I mean, like actual drills and shit, like saws and hacksaws.
And he's standing in front of a little counter that has like bulletproof glass.
And there's like a couple of handguns in there.
What do you do?
Hey, um...
You got any like, grenades?
Highs or lows, Roger?
Fucking highs, yo.
Motherfucker gonna make a pleat bone.
That, my friend, is a 15.
He goes, well, it might be your lucky day, Goblin Man.
I have one single grenade.
Well, it's not like one of those explosives, but that would be like crazy to get in the city.
I'm just looking for a flashbang grenade.
Might be your lucky day, Goblin Man, because it's one single grenade I have.
It just so happens to be a flashbang grenade.
Ah.
I would like to purchase such grenade.
Alright.
Do you happen to have a discount card with us?
Hardware's hardware's card?
I don't, but do you guys do that like quick sign up thing where it's like 10% off after I sign up?
Yeah, you can sign up today.
We're just gonna need your email, your phone number, your social...
Your first and last name.
Okay.
Alright.
Your first pet.
And he's like, what's your email address?
Um, I made this when I was 12, so just...
Uh huh.
Okay.
Hamster69ing at fml.com.
Okay.
Alright.
First and last name, sir?
Uh, it's gonna be Roger Rageface.
Rageface, Rageface.
Is Rageface, Rageface, Rageface one word or are there spaces?
Well, Roger and then Rageface is my little middle name, and then Rageface, Rageface, my last.
It's hyphenated.
Yeah, hyphenated.
Okay.
And we'll want to take each other's last name.
Birthday, sir?
Um, fucking...
June is the sixth month of the year, right?
It is, yes.
Yeah.
Uh, it's gonna be June 6, 1966.
Uh, you mean...
How old are you?
It's, uh...
Yeah, don't worry about it.
You mean 2166.
Oh, 2166, yeah, that's right.
Alright, thank you, sir.
And as he puts the information, he presses enter.
Immediately on your little chip, you get a ding and you look and it says hardware is hardware,
and it's got a bunch of light penis logos and it says thanks for signing up for 10%.
We're gonna give you updates every time we have a sale.
And then he gives you 10% off on this flash bang grenade, which makes it, you know, it's
$20, this flash bang grenade.
$20.
Yep.
Thank you.
And he presses the right, he's like, thanks for shopping here at hardware is hardware.
You're welcome.
Now, is the door a push or a pull on the way out?
I think it's automatic.
Stand there, and you're like looking.
Wave your arms around a little bit.
No, but like lower.
Shh, the door opens.
Okay.
Okay, what do you do?
Run back out to the lads?
Yeah.
Hey guys, I'm back!
What the fuck, man?
Sorry, I needed to buy something.
Oh, okay.
I'm glad you took your time doing that.
All right.
Ready to go in?
Meanwhile, Nanka is just seizing on the ground.
Yeah, I grab Nanka by the ankle or just drag her.
Nice.
And I'm like, stop it, stop.
God, Roger, stop.
Are you this strong?
I'm two times the size of you.
What are you talking about?
I got a strength of eight.
I'm the strongest in the party.
Fuck with it.
You're like three feet tall.
I'm six foot three.
Yeah, and I can lift your bitch ass over my head.
See, just like this.
I need to make a roll for that, yeah?
Sure, yeah.
Hi-yah!
Jesus Christ!
What are these DM rolls tonight?
You got a three.
Oh my God.
You try.
You fail.
Oh.
Well, that would have been hot, Roger.
Did you do double strength or did you just do one strength?
Oh, I did one strength.
Hit it again.
Big Jim Sly gaming used to reroll Roger.
We'll just add up the total.
Oh, look at that, three and three makes six.
You got to reroll it anyway.
Thanks, Jim.
Oh.
Hi-yah!
Six.
All 16 dice, you got two successes.
Very good.
That would have been hot, Roger.
So, in this, he tries to lift me up because he's gotten me essentially to the bus door,
and he tries to lift me up over his shoulder,
but essentially he lifts too quickly,
and I just go tumbling face forward into the pavement.
Oh, Ananka!
Oh, you crazy fucking short bastard.
Drop some dirt in it.
Oh, well.
I'm going to punch your ass to the next county.
Oh.
How's the weather down there?
Sir, I thought we were protecting Ananka, not throwing her out of the bus.
Yeah, no, no, Lucy, we're protecting her.
This is just, yeah, this is me.
Don't worry, Lucy, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
We throw our friends out of buses.
Yes, sir.
Um, not all.
With consent, with consent, you ask first.
Ah, yes.
That's how you do a ranger roll, or not.
Okay, you guys get out of the bus, walk slowly.
Roger, you're rushing up to the door,
and I'm just going to say this because I know I picture you running up the stairs
and grabbing the door handles and just trying to like open the door.
Yeah.
As you do this, it's locked, and as you either to make it up the stairs,
Eon, you see all of these runes, and they kind of resemble a little bit
of what you just read in the book about wraiths.
And as you make that connection, the book feels hot in your hands,
and the eye, you look down at it, it starts spinning around like crazy,
and it opens up to this crazy language.
And once again, I want you to make me a double logic check for me, please.
Okay.
Now, did the book say if it was light magic,
like turn on the lights magic, or like sun shining rainbows magic?
Like, it's bright.
Okay, so just turn on the lights.
All right.
That's not...
I got a five.
Five, okay.
What were you supposed to beat? Oh, a two.
A two.
So you nail it.
You read through the book, and once again, the runes like turn into like an
English language that you can understand, but to everyone else,
they just look like these crazy runes, and you look up to the wall all around
the runes and this archway with all these runes, and they're also,
they've turned into this English language, and it says, here lies the raven.
Here lies the raven.
That's what that says.
As you say that, the magic goes all together.
The runes magically, and everyone can see this, and the runes turn into this
bird symbol above the door, and you hear the door unlock.
Did that door just give us the bird?
Kind of.
I'm always giving you the bird.
I actually love that.
It's like a middle finger.
Makes the same sound our dice make when it goes six.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, light magic, I think, probably work on these kind of things or light based
attacks in general.
Does anybody have any light?
Yeah.
Oh, well, I can just do this.
I can just.
Connor's so smart.
I just connected that shit.
That's why he bought a flash bang grenade.
Connor is so smart.
I did not make that connection at all.
Wait, I just want everybody to be blind for a few seconds and can't hear shit.
That's right.
Be blind like me, motherfuckers.
I'm not going to close their eyes.
I'm just kidding.
I'm not throwing it yet.
All right.
Should we go in?
Yeah.
Don't see why not.
I mean, if this fucking temple is going to make me feel any more sick, you know, might
as well just vomit inside it.
All right.
Sounds kind of fun.
The doors creak open, heavy dust falls from the ceiling as if they ain't been opened in
a long time.
You can visibly see the runes go back to their original shape as the door opens.
You shut it behind you.
And as you step inside, the temperature drops noticeably.
And a heavy sense of foreboding settles over you.
The temple feels alive as if the walls themselves are watching you as you stepped inside.
I just got cold in here.
Yeah.
I think I have the same background from last week because we were in a church last week.
I'm going to get you a nice potted brawl, Roger.
Yeah.
Ooh.
I feel like I got fucking radar going on.
Yeah, I can help you get sized, buddy.
As you can step forward, your footsteps echo on the cobble.
You just walk up these, it's like a bunch of pews, wooden ones, like velvet.
You imagine probably were beautiful purple velvet at one point.
But now the dark wood and the velvet is dusted over and it's all fallen apart.
They've all cascaded down in the ground.
There's big graffiti marks and moss and rust growing up the windows.
And deeper into this temple, the chamber opens up into a large chamber where you can see
an elderly elf woman standing before an altar.
Her long white hair that cascades over her tattered robes.
She turned and her deeply black set eyes lock onto you with a penetrating gaze.
She says, Why have you come to this sacred place?
She asks as her voice, soft, yet filled with a weight of countless years and wisdom, echoes
throughout the chamber.
A church made me vom on a bus.
She stares at you.
I don't know why we're here.
She doesn't understand a word that just came out of your mouth.
Oh.
We I can't I can't say I'm blind and when we drove by I saw a raven.
Sounding crazy to me and I was there.
She looks you up and down and you other two notices her face gets a little bit brighter.
And it almost looks like she recognizes Anonka after she says that, which comes full circle
when she speaks up and she says, The Raven God seeks you, Anonka.
His will is strong.
His purpose is clear.
But beware, child, for the path he sets you on is fraught with danger.
And she reaches down and picks this thing up she was working on at the altar as if she
knew she was supposed to be working on it for this moment.
And she says, I just finished just in time.
She steps down the stairs and walks over and she drapes Anonka real delicately in this cloak
of feathers.
She reaches out with her frail hand and dusts it off, pats it on you.
And she says, This was blessed by the Raven God himself.
Wear it with pride.
Let it guide you through the shadows that lurk here in the temple ahead.
Who are you?
I am Elysia.
Two, I was called by the Raven.
My job is done.
But why is your job to make me a coat?
One day, my child, you will learn.
We do not ask questions.
We follow the Raven.
Why do?
I haven't made it this far in life without asking quite a few questions.
But thank you.
I take it with I take it with with great kindness and and whole solidarity in my heart.
Thank you.
You're welcome, child.
She steps back and just kind of stands there like as if waiting for her next order.
But as the cloak settles on your shoulders, the chamber around you feels a little less oppressive,
as if the very air around you starting to kind of lighten up a little bit with this ancient power that resides here.
And as you guys step back from the altar and look around, you feel a little shift in temperature again.
You get a sense that maybe the Raven God is watching you as you move.
And you can see ahead the large door that goes further into the temple.
Are we permitted to explore the ground?
She says, if you were told.
Oh, can I?
OK, can I?
Can I actually like touch my necklace and summon out my crow spirit?
You can absolutely try.
All right.
Yeah, you're gonna make me a check, though.
Willpower, definitely.
Willpower, willpower.
Two.
So you touch your necklace and then you remember the necklace is kind of faulty now that you have the tattoos.
So you hold up your arms instead and you look at the tattoos on your arms and they're slightly moving.
But as you try to summon the Raven, nothing happens.
Oh, even as I beat you.
Yes.
That's bullshit.
Oh.
So what does that mean?
Like, do we do we not go in?
Do we do?
This is making you sick.
There's got to be something wrong here.
Hold on.
I'm going to try to go.
I'm going to try to astral project into the spirit realm.
OK, I'll sit with you.
OK.
I'm just going to go here in this space.
I want you to make me a check to do it.
I'd be here for.
Roger, there's a lot of shit in this room.
And I just want to know what is what is what is what is Roger?
What are you doing?
I just had that was a real fucking shit behind me.
There's like so much shit to just go knock over.
I think I'm going to just.
I got a sevin.
So they're knocking over candlesticks.
Kicking over chairs.
Going into the confession stand, just sitting there.
Hey, father.
All right.
Seven.
You get to your knees.
Meditate here in the temple.
Now, what I will say is.
It feels easy for you to do this.
You've had some struggles in the past meditating, taking from what you've learned from
Gillian Vanderbeek and concentrating as hard as you can to perform this magic.
But here it feels like second nature.
It's like riding a bike.
This is the easiest thing you've ever done.
You just sit down and it just just happens.
And it's noticeable to you.
But as you emerge from your body and go into the astral plane,
you can see and you look around here and you can see the energy is so bright and strong
that it's almost blinding for a second.
But all of the statues have glowing eyes in them.
Everything is just lit up all over the place.
And there's this huge raven at the very top of the chapel in the ceiling where the painted glass is.
And it's just gawking down at you.
And it does say something to you as you finally get your bearings.
It says.
Forward.
Well, it's good because I was going to approach it anyway.
So I'd like to approach the big raven.
Why am I here?
Why do going past here make me so sick?
What's what's this?
What's happening?
I really feel like talking to a god right now, right?
So, yeah, the god responds in like single words like.
You don't mean they stop.
It's kind of got the sense that it's kind of just like.
Listen, but it does say.
All will be revealed.
First.
Continue.
Deeper.
All right.
Well, thank you.
It's good to see you.
I'll.
I'll be going.
And I'll.
I'll bury my head.
And proceed back down into a nail in position to re enter my body.
Nice. Nice.
You do that and you reawaken and just hear Roger just destroying shit, shooting stuff.
Now, I moved on to cleaning my god.
Nice.
But every time Roger knocks something over and every time Roger shoots something, you feel a little bit more sick on the inside.
You feel more safe.
Sick. No, stop. Stop.
Dissecret in the church.
All right. Should have made this place more fun. I ever heard of like a McPlay place.
The scald.
Listen, this could be a future venue.
Try not to destroy it before we are allowed to use it.
We're not a church band.
Says.
I thought to introduce you to something later.
All right. Anyway.
I'll look at Aaliyah and tell her, thank you.
I will proceed.
Thank you for your kind gesture of the cloak.
She says, I will keep it with me.
She gave you coke?
And yes.
To be careful.
Thank you.
Scald gets sued by parents because they maim children a lot.
Y'all ever seen that?
Read the Discworld where death pretending to be Santa Claus gives a child a sword and her mother freaks out and he goes, well, it's educational.
And the mother says, what kind?
But she could get hurt.
And he goes, and that will be a very important lesson.
That's a.
That's called that skulls mission statement.
It will be a very important lesson.
Yeah. Hell yeah.
I love that.
Love it.
Goodness.
OK.
You push forward and they sink them.
Once again, reaching another large iron door.
Similar situation where there are ruins covering the archway of the door.
Pull out your book.
Yeah.
Roll on it.
See if it'll open for you.
All you got to do is beat a zero.
Oh, I got six.
Very good.
You meditate on the book and the book opens once again to a new language.
Similar to the runes in front of you.
And again, you can read it and you look up and above this archway, it says, Ahead lies the Guardian.
Tread with care.
Ahead lies the Guardian.
Tread with care is what's written there.
Oh, so be on our guard, essentially.
Yeah, we've been seeing a lot of guardians.
Don't anger deities, Roger.
What?
Deities what?
Deities nuts?
Almost.
For fuck's sake.
Second doorway going further down inside and the doorway opens.
You guys step inside.
Deeper in the temple.
You guys find a large chamber shrouded in darkness.
The walls are lined with statues of ravens.
As you step inside, the book lights up and flips to a page.
And in the darkness, the books just are lighting up your face.
The page it flips to, it says, Night Gremlins.
And as soon as you read that, Roger is immediately attacked by ten tiny little creatures with tails in fluff and shit all over their bodies.
Everybody roll me initiative.
I ask every time. It's logic and what?
Well, thankfully it's not a d20 because Connor rolled a nat 1.
Yeah, it was logical power.
Right.
You know, this is that's the one.
So Anonka and Roger are going second.
But Eon, as this book lights up, you're the first to see these little gremlins jump out of the darkness.
They have sharp little teeth and beady little red eyes as they all just jump on Roger and they're like,
they're just crawling all over him.
What do you do?
What does the book say about the Goblins?
Nice.
Roll me logic.
They're all over me.
I don't know where they are.
Help me.
You had to be the one.
You got a three.
So the letters in the book turn into a language you can read once again.
And there's a couple things you learn about these little guys.
They're scared of light, any kind of sunlight.
They like to live in the darkness.
They also love the smell of stink.
So any kind of stinky smell attracts them.
So that includes rotting, that makes it who anything like that.
Yeah.
And Roger.
Yeah.
The reason they would have to.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
What else do they like?
Does it say anything else besides stinky things?
What do you think it should say?
I don't know.
Sound like you have something in mind.
No, I just want to befriend them.
Okay.
Highs or lows?
Lows.
That's a 10, which is kind of low.
So we could make it something.
We could do you something.
What do they like?
They like music.
Okay.
But first, it's Eon's turn.
Okay.
I'm going to set the book down for a second and pull out my phone and I start playing.
Oh, my God.
I'm blanking on the name.
The dog song.
Roger's dog song.
My dog.
That one.
My dog.
Nice.
I want you to make me charisma check.
You can connect it to anything you want, but if not, just do charisma, charisma.
I see if they're into it.
You got to be to five.
Oh, my God.
And I rolled so many ones.
Only a three.
Shit.
Sad.
I mean, they don't react to your phone.
Oh, shit.
Really good idea.
Yeah.
All right.
That's it for me.
DM Steve underscore forge of low history role Leon.
All right.
And that's worse.
That's a two.
An ad pops up on my phone and I'm like, oh, shit.
Hang on.
Well, just like Chad is saying, apparently they don't like that song.
But we're moving on to Roger and Anonka.
Now, we do a thing around here, chat, in all of our campaigns we've ever done.
We do a thing called combined initiative, which allows these guys, if they roll the same number on initiative, they go at the same time.
They can do a combo move, which will give them bonuses that I deem necessary.
So Anonka and Roger, it's your turn.
What do you do?
I don't necessarily know.
I remember I care about the whole these creatures are afraid of light things at this point.
I'm just freaking out because they're crawling all over me.
And my instant reaction is to fire my pistol as fast as I can by doing a Mexican adios, which is putting your finger in the trigger.
Well, just moving it back and forth as fast as you can.
And I imagine that the flashing the muzzle flash, what's scared of away could be.
All right.
Beat three.
This is still a firearm drill.
Yeah, it is technically.
Yeah.
That's a four.
As you shoot, I'm going to say that you hit.
Let's roll a D4 on it.
You hit one of them and it goes and dies and flies off and all the other ones jump off of you.
And you as you're firing, you can see they're all on the ground next to you now.
You're like just darkness everywhere.
And they're not on.
Anonka, this is no different from you.
This complete darkness.
You live in this already.
Yes, I was born in it.
Born in it.
I would like to.
All right.
So I'd actually like to get down like crouch on the floor and just put a hand out and I'm going to.
You said they like music, but you got ads, right?
Yeah.
Yep.
I mean, what?
Just just a little something like something nice, something lullabyish.
These these creatures are from like fairy tales.
They're not going to be into metal music.
My heart will go on.
I'll play that one.
I was I was going to say we actually sing to them.
Oh, like a nursery rhyme.
Yes.
Like, I don't know.
The only thing that's coming to my head is Jack and Jill went up the hill.
Maybe they like that one.
Maybe he's kind of depressing, but you know what?
The ring around the rosy works for me that that that we can do that.
It's dark as shit.
Do it.
Yeah.
Oh, so I roll for charisma.
Correct.
Yes.
All right.
Beat it to.
Yes.
Four.
Queen.
Please.
The ring around the rosy pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes.
They all fall down.
Nice.
That sounds like the intro to a metal fucking album.
Pretty good.
As you sing, they squeak a little bit and you can hear them around you crawling back up the columns.
Like going away.
Crawling up the columns.
You can still hear them up there, but they aren't attacking.
Thank you, my love.
And the one on the floor is for sure dead.
We can't use any of Aon's healing to bring it back.
Yeah, he got shot.
He's dead for sure.
Yeah, no, fuck that guy.
I'm going to shoot him a second time.
What did I say?
It's dark as hell.
Roger can't see where the body is.
He's just like.
We're not trying to desecrate a church.
I'm going to take out my phone and get rid of the song.
Get rid of the ads and stuff, and I'm going to push the flashlight on my phone.
Hell yeah.
You could have done premium, you know.
And you light up around the room and you can see this chamber almost seems like it swallows
up the light from your phone.
It's so dark.
The walls are lined with all these ancient statues of ravens and their beady eyes seem
like they're watching you from the shadows.
In the center of the room, as you all step forward, you can see a towering figure.
His form almost blends into the darkness.
As you draw nearer, the figure steps forward, revealing a tall, imposing man clad in black
leather, adorned with raven feathers.
And his eyes kind of gleam with otherworldly light.
And then he says, I am the Raven's blade.
His will be made manifest.
The figure intones.
His voice echoes ominously throughout the whole chamber.
And once again, he says, prove your worth or be consumed by darkness.
He raises up a massive scythe, the blade gleaming dangerously in your phone light.
And as he raises his scythe, the statues on the walls begin to tremble, their stone eyes
glowing faintly.
The shadows in the chamber on these statues come alive, swirling around him as he prepares
to strike.
And the air around you feels charged with this darkness energy.
And a cold, unnerving sense of dread washes over you three as this happens.
It is initiative time once again.
Oh, another initiative, we're not just staying in order.
Oh, actually.
Well, yeah, no, let's reroll it.
All right.
I'm just waiting on Roger.
It looks like Ananka is going first.
Oh, yeah, Ananka is going first.
I don't have a battle map, but just picture him about 10 feet in front of you three as
you're looking right at him.
Okay.
So I'd like to...
I don't know how this would work.
I'd like to do like a...
I don't know if it'd be a combo move, but I'd like to use my stealth to kind of use
the cloak to shield me into the darkness, but move around to him and use my Shadow Amp
of Fear.
It's very cool, but first, let's roll us a stealth, shall we?
All right.
And what does your cloak give you exactly?
Bonuses on this?
You get to reroll things or?
No, it's the cloak you just gave me.
I don't know what it does.
I don't remember.
Oh, yeah.
It's covered in raven feathers.
Right.
I do have notes on that, do you, Ty?
I have no idea what it does.
Does it call ovens?
Well, is it you do?
Does it call ovens?
Yeah, the Raven's Feather Cloak grants plus 2d6 to stealth checks and allows the wearer
to blend into shadows.
So yeah.
Oh, excellent.
All right.
So we're going to put an extra 2 on it.
All right.
There we go.
Four.
All right.
What did you have to beat?
A three.
All right.
So you wrap the feathers around you.
You go invisible, blending into the shadows.
And my plan is to essentially move right up close to him and essentially come up from
behind him and use my fear shadow amp.
But by doing that, just whisper, I'm the avatar of the Raven.
How dare you strike at us?
And and use the fear shadow amp, which is 2d2 intimidation rolls.
Melee opponents must roll two hits on charisma and willpower or run away.
Oh, God damn.
Cool.
So what am I trying to beat?
I don't know.
Say that one more time.
Say what the dice are one more time for me.
Hold on a second.
I'll read it without I'll read it without the accent.
OK, so fear level four plus two dice to intimidation rolls.
Melee opponents must roll two hits on charisma plus willpower or run away.
OK, so you're making an intimidation roll then.
So you're going to be doing charisma strength.
That's what I imagine intimidation is.
Plus 2d6.
And then OK, he's going to be rolling a willpower or he has to fucking he's going to run away.
All right.
Oh, it's a five.
Oh, come on, baby.
You got a three.
Jesus, you know, we're going to play it like this.
Look around, you say that in his ear and he goes, the avatar of the raven.
Forgive me.
I was starting to think about what he's going to do is either going to kneel and wait for
approval or he was going to run away.
And I feel like it's way funnier if he holds up his sight and goes.
Yeah, but as he runs past both of you two, I want to give you guys opportunity attacks
if you want to do anything to this man.
Trip him on his way.
Roger I mean.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Roll to hit Roger.
That's six, which is four above, meaning you do 13 damage.
I think as he's running, you just like hold up your gun real slightly like, you know,
stealthy like and just shoot him through the armor like in between the crevice.
Just get him right in the kidney.
And he's like, try to make it through the door.
Dripping blood.
No effort needed.
He's right next to you.
Okay.
Eon, do you do anything at all?
Eon just goes, oh, oh god.
Go away.
It's like you match the cathedral behind you there for a second.
God damn it.
I'm gonna die.
God damn lights.
What?
Where's the technical difficulties?
Hey, there we go.
Yeah.
You match the cathedral behind you, Roger.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Oh, all right.
We're good.
Okay.
As you defeat him or scare him, he runs out to the doors and you can hear Lysia.
She goes, oh, hey, Corax.
He goes, they shot me.
She goes, oh, well, quit scaring people then.
Sorry.
And the door shuts.
Quit scaring people.
And boom.
As the door shuts, the shadows dissipate.
They kind of retreat back to the corners of the chamber as if magically.
And you hear an echo of a voice that says, the Raven God has chosen well.
As if it came from him as he was leaving.
Sick.
Behind this second altar, there's an all too familiar door.
An archway.
I feel a door.
It's got, it's got Irving's on it.
Yeah.
Where's, where's that handy dandy book?
Oh, oh, yeah.
Right here.
Well, if I can get the thing to open.
You just gotta caress it lovingly and say, I haven't opened the door.
Come on, baby.
You know you love me.
Look at that winky little eye.
Ooh la la.
You're so strong.
You're such a good little book.
You're strong, good little book.
Um, winky, winky eye.
You're real pretty and stuff.
Pet.
You succeed.
You pet the book and the runes once again go into form and you can read the runes around
the archway.
And the runes around the archway say the inner sanctum to means or to man's precision.
Um, the inner sanctum demands precision.
Um, and then so up above, above the archway, these little targets lower.
There's three of them.
Oh, fuck.
Well, do we each got to hit one?
This is good for the blind person.
There's targets you say.
Yeah.
I can hit two of them.
I look down at my tattoos and I'm going to be like, don't suppose you'd be willing to
help me with some eyes.
They fizzle.
Oh no.
Roger's a good shot.
Fire and the target moves a little bit near a voice.
Try harder.
I'm looking for a silver place.
Metalist.
You're looking for a silver place metal.
What?
Maybe someone from Turkey.
From what?
A silver what?
Have you guys not seen the Olympics memes?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
I see it.
We don't, we don't have him with us.
I write my story from my players and Connor loves memes.
Okay.
So I wrote this in for Connor.
All right.
Is a target practice where he gets to pretend to be the Turkey guy from the fucking Olympics.
You know what I mean?
The target demands silver.
I love that he, he, he immediately goes to the javelin thrower that got disqualified
for hitting his own deck instead.
And said, oh, the guy who was on the shooting range.
I love that that's what he went with.
You have any idea what we're talking about, Connor?
Are you talking about the guy that?
Put his hand in his pocket.
Yeah.
You want to stand back and uh, do me a thing and then make a check.
That'd be sick.
Stand up for him.
Damn it.
You need to beat a two.
I think that's all right now.
Let me check it like that.
Yeah.
Then I,
Nice.
Yup.
There it is.
Thank you, Connor.
Now I want everyone to wait, go back.
Everyone needs to screenshot this and recreate the meme please.
Can everyone recreate the meme?
Pretty please.
I'm looking at y'all chat.
Help me out here chat.
You just recreate the meme for me chat.
Come on screenshot this for me chat.
Hold it downwards.
Connor.
There you go.
Very good.
Yeah.
All right.
What are you doing standing there?
Sit your ass back down.
Hey, yeah.
That's a four.
You effortlessly, almost carelessly, no extra devices needed, nothing.
Shoot the target almost in the exact center with ease, earning you a second prize medal
that lowers from the sky.
Yeah.
You're looking looted from the sky.
As you grab your silver place medal, you feel accomplished.
And the runes turn.
In Eon you read it says, access granted to the inner sanctum.
And they turn into a burger.
Hand in the pocket does help to balance.
All right, Mira.
Mira, I hear what facts.
My goodness.
From you here audibly the door unlocks and then it's quiet.
All right.
I guess this is it.
Lead the way, blind person.
Oh yeah, I'm going to film away to the door.
Nice.
As you touch the door, the pressure on your shoulders feels a little bit lighter.
You start to piece together that every step forward you've made here has relieved this
pressure on you, as if the further you were going from the Raven God's goal, the sicker
you felt.
See?
As you push the door, you open this heavy door, you step inside of the inner sanctum.
Once again, the air is thick, but this time with the scent of blood and decay.
And the walls are covered in ancient symbols etched into the stone.
Eon, you look at these symbols, you can read them, but it doesn't make out too much.
It seems like nonsense.
In the center of the room, in a large altar stands, it's draped in raven feathers, dark
stains marring its surface.
The oppressive atmosphere makes it hard to breathe for the other two, but Ananka, you
feel like you're breathing with ease.
And all of you can sense the presence of the Raven God here.
Standing by the altar is a young half-elf woman.
Her short black hair framing, sharp, sorry, her short blue hair framing her focused face.
Her fingers are stained with ink and she wears a mix of modern clothing and futuristic clothing.
She looks up at you, you approach.
Her piercing gaze locks onto Ananka and you immediately remember her from episode one,
it's Mira.
Mira says, the temple secrets are not easily unlocked.
She says her voice calm, but edged with curiosity.
Then she says, but perhaps I can be persuaded to part with a few secrets.
If you can afford it.
Mira?
The Ravens.
That is me.
Yes.
Hello, Ananka.
I thought you were going into hiding.
Is this where you're hiding?
This is where I'm hiding.
The Raven God's power is ancient and vast and if you seek to wield it, you must understand
it.
I've been trying to understand it.
I seen your fight in the pawn shop that day.
Although you may say that the balloon band are those who did it and I've heard the rumors,
but I was there.
I know what happened.
Is this extortion?
Are you trying to blackmail us?
Is that what's happening?
I want the power that you have, Ananka.
Why didn't you just say at the shop, oh, that's the thing I was looking for?
Well, I didn't know what I was looking for at the time, but now I do.
Sounds like buyer's remorse to me.
A clever phrase.
Yes.
Now, as Mira kind of finishes speaking, a sudden gust of wind sweeps through the room.
It extinguishes all of the torches and plunges the sanctum into once again almost complete
darkness.
The air grows colder and you hear a faint rustling of feathers as dark shapes begin
to emerge from the shadows.
Wraith like creatures with glowing red eyes materialize their forms, shifting and undulating
as they move towards all of you with malicious intent.
She says, this place is cursed.
One of the race then moves forward.
Its voice like the sound of dry leaves kind of rustling in the wind and it says, leave
now or join us in eternal torment.
Once again.
Oh, so Mira, you're cursed.
That's what's going on.
You're attached to these fellows.
She says, uh, well, I was just trying to exploit the power of the Raven God and apparently
shouldn't have done that.
No, that's the thing.
You should never exploit the God.
Apparently not.
Those are the things.
Those are the those are the rates.
That's Eon.
Yes.
You finally see the rates.
Oh, that's thank you, Buck.
We're doing it for the warning.
Yes.
Yeah.
Or Anonka.
It's me again.
Roger.
Mira.
Eon.
Rates.
Mira says sounds like my life normally.
Oh, Eon, you said these things don't like light, correct?
Nope.
They don't like light at all.
All right.
So I'd like to do widespread elemental attack with electricity.
Sparking all over the ground in front of us.
Nice.
And moving it forward as a wave.
Hell yeah.
What is that?
Is it a two?
It's less than a two.
I got a one.
Yeah.
Okay.
How much damage does your electricity do?
Oh, I will look.
Combat damage of 6 PAA.
Defense of strength plus willpower.
Nice.
So it's six physical and it has armor avoidance, which means if they have any armor, it just
goes right past it, right?
So that's what that means.
So you send out this wave of electricity.
It goes up the altar and up the columns.
The whole room lights back up and there's like eight of these wraiths that just disappear.
But as that happens, Mira begins chanting once again at the altar, like this crazy language,
which Eon, maybe another logic check.
Hey, that's what it sounds like to you.
Chaka ooga, chaka ooga, ooga, ooga, chaka ooga, chaka ooga, chaka ooga, chaka ooga, chaka
ooga, ooga, ooga, ooga, chaka ooga.
You're gonna feel it.
Yeah.
I'm high up in the evening.
Nice.
I got a three.
You know that she's trying to summon the Raven God into herself.
That's what she's doing.
She's got this book open in front of her.
She's trying to summon the Raven God.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
As she continues, more wraiths appear from the darkness.
Anonka just knocked out eight of them.
Six more reappear.
I'm high on believing that you're in love with me.
Okay.
I believe Roger was next, right?
Yeah, Roger is dealing with a waiting fiasco.
I'm like that.
Yeah, it's my turn, right?
Yes.
Fucking flash out.
Yo.
I love that.
I love that so much.
All I want you to do is make me a check to make sure you throw it wherever you're trying
to throw it.
That's it.
That's all I want you to do.
Throw it at me, yeah?
What do you think?
Like agility?
We gotta be the two.
Yeah.
Agility, agility.
Yeah.
Jesus.
That's also a two.
So, where are you throwing it?
Right at the feet of all six of those thingies.
Nice.
So, this flashbang goes off.
Everyone's ears are like fucked up and you can apparently make out the sound of Mira
still chanting, but she's louder now because she can't hear.
She's like, Oh, oh, but as it explodes all six of these wraiths disappear.
It's her turn.
She can't see.
She can't hear.
Oh, it is.
Oh, never mind.
Yeah.
Sorry.
She continues chanting.
I'm gonna make a check for her.
She got a four.
A chanting check.
A four.
She succeeds.
The darkness moves in further towards her standing at the altar.
And then six more wraiths emerge from the darkness.
Aeon?
Okay.
Um, seeing all this go down, not a fan.
I'm gonna go ahead and cast my red mana bolt out of panic and fear straight at the book
that she has.
And I'm holding up my book going, go, go, go, go, go.
Nice.
The book.
Let's see.
Beat it too.
Oh, God.
That.
You are.
Love you all, but I'm cheering for myself.
That's right, Vera.
Hi, Suni.
Sinima Harris subscribed.
Hello, friends.
I am still alive, apparently.
Thank God for that.
Yay.
Because I miss you, bro.
What a pleasure to hear.
I miss you, bro.
It's good to see you.
Thank you for joining us.
Hell yeah.
Suni.
All right.
You got a three.
So how much damage does your mana bolt do?
It does six physical.
Six physical.
Nice.
So you shoot this bolt out and you're holding up the book and you feel like the book is
with you in this.
It understands your feelings.
You almost feel like the book is empathic and the eye looks a little scared when you
look at it.
It's taking in your feelings, but it protects you a little bit and you shoot out this bolt
and it hits the thing that Mira is reading and the pages just fucking scatter everywhere.
When she's trying to see them, she can't see.
She's got this flashbang.
She's trying to reach up and grab these pages to continue her ritual, but the pages are
not scattered everywhere.
And we're back at Anonka.
Oh, actually, sorry.
We're at the wraiths.
The wraiths are gone.
Roger Flashmore appeared.
Every time.
While she was chanting.
The first one flies over and tries to hit.
Anonka.
How many are there now?
Six.
Beat a three to a defense check.
What am I defending?
It swings its demonic claws at you.
So you're going to make an agility logic.
Go and get ready to make defense checks because that's what's coming.
That's a four.
You succeed.
One more time.
Another one flies right at you.
Beat a two.
Me again?
Sorry.
That's a one.
You fail.
Sad.
You take a little bit of damage, my friend.
Oh shit.
Sugar, we're going down.
That's only four physical.
Roger, one of them flies at you.
Only four physical.
Beat a two, Roger.
Defense check.
Bad defense check.
Have an affection from a bad burn at work.
Oh, fuck.
It sucks, dude.
Suni's like big top cook guy.
That sucks, Suni.
That's a five.
You succeed.
One more time.
You're seeing the urge to help Turk.
That's a four.
You succeed.
Eon.
One of them flies at you.
You got a five.
You succeed.
One more time.
Beat a two.
That's a five.
You succeed.
Now, we're back at the top.
I'm just like...
Yeah.
No, dude.
The book for sure is helping you push away these demonic claws for sure.
We're back at the top with Ananka.
What do you do?
Oh, good.
Oh.
Oops.
I think...
Can we stop for a second?
Does this feel like another PlayStation boss battle?
Sweet.
Go ahead, Ananka.
Is it?
Is it really?
All right.
Nice.
This time, I'd actually like to do the elemental attack again.
But what I'm going to do is essentially focus it directly at the pulpit at which Mira is
standing.
Essentially focus it directly at her core, like a big one boat like Zeus coming down
to smite one individual person.
Hell yeah.
You give me a Thor accent when you do it.
A Thor accent?
Yeah.
You know, some kind of something, you know, calling down lightning.
Which by the way, if like you can control any element and you had to specialize in one
of them, I think I would for sure choose lightning because it's like badass.
What do you guys chat?
What do you think?
One element.
You can only pick one.
What are you picking?
But go ahead, Ananka.
It technically lightens an air element, which is fun.
Which makes no sense in Avatar the Lost Airbender why the fire people have.
That's a two.
So I'm going to say you succeed.
But I've been freaking through.
You got a six on your glitch die.
Oh, I'm past the skies.
A six is a super success chat.
So can we get some 90 20s in chat chat?
Basically this means double effect.
You can choose to strike two targets.
You get an extra effect if you're choosing that helps the party for a good benefit.
As long as I approve.
What do you got?
Oh, no, I would like to just fucking smite Mira.
She's trying to listen.
You don't go trying to just fuck with a god because you want the power and you're great
not getting the thing.
If you were chosen, you were chosen.
If you're not, you're not.
I don't know how to tell you this.
Sometimes a god just doesn't want to fuck with you.
Yes, it's true.
OK, how much damage does it do?
Oh, it does six physical physical and armor avoidant.
So when it strikes the bright light scares all the wraiths away.
All six of them disappear.
And then it springs off the thing and it hits Mira.
And Mira's blue hair all stands up on it.
She's got like this crazy static hair just standing up.
And she like feels that her face is kind of burnt.
And she's like, I thought we were going to be queens of the Raven together.
I guess I was wrong.
Girl you you sneak to the wreaths on us.
Girl, you seek the wraiths on us and on top of that, sometimes a god just doesn't want
to fuck with you.
I don't know how to tell you.
I didn't seek wraiths on you.
Twas but a drawback of trying to summon the Raven God.
You don't think that's a backfire?
Not of something like maybe someone putting up a trap door for you?
We could have been sisters.
That's over.
I'm saying, I'm saying, look at what's going on.
Those are what happened when you tried to summon the Raven God.
That sounds to me like a certain god just went, flipped you the bird.
If you would have stayed quiet and kept your mouth shut, the wraiths wouldn't have attacked.
It's your own fault.
And if you knew what it was like to truly have fear and be a scavenger for just your
basic needs in life, maybe the Raven God would have wanted you.
Yeah.
I see now why you have a connection.
Instead of accidentally, accidentally using magic in front of a big guy one time and then
going into hiding, some of us have been running our whole lives.
All right.
Roger, what do you do?
Is it my turn?
Drag her.
Yes.
Well, I'm going to sprint right towards her and I'm going to yell, my god is part of this
balanced breakfast.
And I'm going to shove it in her mouth and pull the trigger.
Nice.
Uh, roll me some arms, buddy.
Beat a five.
That's a three.
She moves her head out of the way and grabs your gun and she says, I ate my wiener.
I ate my weedies today, bitch.
DM Steve underscore forge of law used real Turk.
That's smart.
Five.
Damn.
I still win.
Yes.
I like that mirror in the chat.
It's like, yeah, no, Steve.
As she's gripping onto your gun, she touches her necklace and focuses magic herself.
And she sends an electric shock from her hand through your gun into your arm.
Roger, I need you to make me an agility logic check.
I will lower the difficulty if you drop your gun.
I will not.
Right.
That is a D 12 then.
Beat a three.
Agility logic.
Yeah.
That's a four.
You pull your gun out of her hand is it sparks, but your eyes look over and she's holding
the page in her hand that she needs.
She sets it down.
She begins chanting again.
Ooga chaka ooga chaka.
Eon, here you go.
Well that's just really inconsiderate.
I'm gonna try to, I'm gonna try to grab the page that she just set down.
Nice.
Hell yeah.
Open the book and see if the book will like suck it in like a vacuum cleaner and just
add it to the pages of the book.
Okay.
You have two options.
Agility, agility to run up and get it before she can hold it down or you can do agility
willpower to have it be a little bit magical.
So you run up and also use the book.
And if you use the book, I'll give you a plus one plus one D six.
I am gonna fucking use the book.
I'm gonna run up there and just kind of hold the book out like, all right, do your thing
and, uh, there we go.
Oh my God.
Pitiful three.
Do I win?
Three.
We're at a contested spot here.
But when so what happens?
Good run glitch day.
Oh yes.
Thank you for the reminder.
That's a four.
You run up, you swing the book and the book's eye opens excitedly.
And this red blood magic just spurts out of the book and it sucks in all the pages that
are floating in the air and all over the ground.
And this beam comes out and grabs the page that she's holding onto and she goes, no,
no, no.
And she's like holding the page and holding the book.
And both of you guys are like, no, no.
We're gonna do a strength check now.
Oh God.
Oh, that's going to go real well for me.
Yuck.
Um, I got a zero and you got a two.
So you rip on it hard and the page flies out of her hands.
Mira Morgres used real tech.
Oh, you son of a bitch.
I only got a one.
That was so close.
That was so close Mira.
The book comes out.
Just a little bit.
And it goes into the book and then slams shut and the eye begins to spin.
And there's like a latch on the outside.
You've never seen it locked before, but it locks.
And the eye just begins to spin as if it's registering new information.
Oh God.
I hope that was okay.
You look up to Mira and she goes, you ruined my chance.
On the crescent moon was the only time to summon the Raven God to get its powers, to
prove myself against Elysia.
What are you proving yourself for?
And against Korrax to get his power to join the ranks of the Raven.
You ruined my time.
I'm gonna lean in.
There's no wraiths.
That's crazy.
It's Ananka's turn.
I'm gonna lean in after she says that and go, oops.
So here's the thing.
As I was invited to this church because there was a sickness here and a sickness that was
affecting me.
And the thing that I found at the center of this sanctum causing the sickness within the
church of the Raven was you.
Now that tells me you can worship the Raven.
Be one with the Raven.
Earn its respect.
Instead of just trying to take it, trying to take anything from a God without permission.
Haven't you ever read a myth?
What is divine smite on its face?
You are to be respectful of a God and they will give you their power freely.
So after you say that, she.
Alright, Brennan, she nods.
She says, okay.
That's fine.
I'll get my revenge.
She walks real slow down the steps.
Towards the exit.
Can I actually like for my turn, can I like internally communicate, like just send out
a vibe to be like, what do you want to have done with this person?
To the Raven.
Like you can make me a willpower check.
Yes.
To three.
Four.
You had a four in a glitch as well.
I bumped it.
A voice comes back.
You succeed.
And it says.
Remove her.
However needed.
Oh shit.
Oh, so here's the thing.
Me and my dad again.
Scam likely.
I hope it's not your dad.
News.
Okay, now is just element vape calling to confirm my order of vape stuff.
Okay, continue Anonka.
Oh, so feel as.
The Raven, the Raven spirit says remove her.
Any means necessary.
Oh, you want me to kill her?
I didn't kill her.
And in that moment, I'm going to use essentially my chaotic world powers to essentially envelope
her in that kind of sticky darkness that keeps her blinded and and stuck like I did the vampire.
Nice.
Yeah.
Okay, chaotic world.
Just to make a willpower check, right?
It was I don't know where those days came.
Oh, it's because I have.
Oh, drain.
I'm damaged.
So oh, shit.
How damaged are you?
A lot.
I don't have any armor on.
I would have healed you.
I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
Either way, Turco effects.
You know, and I got so yeah, I got a three.
You cast out your magic and it almost looks like it hits this magical shield and she turns
and eyeballs you real quick.
You think I didn't know you would do that?
She continues.
DM Steve underscore forge of low used real tech.
All right.
I got a fire.
Not beer.
Steve.
Roger.
Okay.
We're still doing this.
We're still dated.
Yeah, killer.
Ultimate technique.
Money shot.
For those of you who are just listening.
There you go.
Roger had his gun in his pants.
Thank you.
Podcast.
Four.
I also got a four.
How much damage do you do?
Nine.
Okay.
I picture in this moment you stand you're like on this up the stairs like on this, you
know, this area, this stage and you step up on top of the pedestal, the altar that's there
that she was reading off of and then you just push out your crotch and this bullet just
shoots out of your gun and you can see it go through her magical shield like it this
physical stuff doesn't matter and then it just hits her right in the head and her frizzled
crazy hair as she turns after it enters into her skull she looks at you she winks and then
her blue hair turns red from the blood and she falls to the ground.
Then I'm gonna run over to her body I'm gonna go bang bang bang just shoot four more rounds.
Every time Roger shoots her with his crotch gun the oppressive energy pushing down on
your shoulders Ananka disappears and disappears and disappears until you feel wonderful you
feel refreshed you feel great the voice in your head says well done you are free for
now.
Only when you need me friend.
Yeah and then you look down at your arms and it looks like the wings get a couple more
feathers and you feel a little bit stronger.
I'm gonna rush over to Ananka and heal the shit out of her.
Nice.
No, no, this is a church you don't want to have poop in a church don't like make the
shit come out.
Well that just all depends on her digestive system.
Be respectful this is a church.
Bang bang.
Sick of it.
Guys.
Let's be quiet.
Shut up.
Okay how much do you heal Ananka for?
Okay so for the spell it says heal one box of physical or stun damage per hit on a sorcery
plus willpower test and then it says remember to adjust for the essence of the target.
I don't know what that means.
We're not really doing essence.
Essence deals with cybernics.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh right right.
Oh my god.
So that's a two.
A healer.
Two.
A healer for two physical points.
I can cast it again if necessary.
But first tell me what does your healing magic look like?
Okay so as I come over to her I go Ananka it looks like you're really hurt.
Do you want me to help?
Yeah that'd be great.
Do you want to drink first?
A drink?
Well it's open.
Yeah well it's open.
Oh god thank you.
I got swallowed by a rain.
You're so sweet.
Oh my god.
You're so sweet.
Do you want a drink?
No.
We'll get a drink at skull.
It'll be fine.
Okay.
So I reach out and I put my hands on her shoulders and there's like this pulsing light that comes
from within inside my arms that makes like the dead veins in my vampire arms just glow
and pulsate and it just rushes into Ananka's body.
Healing.
Pulsing veins.
Yeah.
Metal.
I got nothing about that.
Yeah me either.
Alright now everybody hold me perception.
Look around this room.
It's the final boss room.
You're like there's always something here.
Go ahead and look around.
Whoever beats a five.
Wait I got a five.
Yeah what's perception?
At the top there's an eyeball under where Karma is.
Brilliant.
Alright.
It is what it is Mira.
We did our best but have no fear.
Keep hanging out.
There will be more NPCs.
Don't worry about it.
You got a three.
Okay.
Ananka.
You see nothing.
Roger you see nothing.
Eon as you're looking around in here you look over her body and there's a little
coin that has a raven on it.
And you pull that out of her pocket.
And also could be important.
Could not be.
I don't know.
All my things are mixed up here.
You also find something that she didn't use for some reason.
And it is the.
Oh you find a.
A diuret.
Manrique chain.
I don't know what the hell that is.
Maybe you can tell me.
Reiki?
Oh.
It's like a wire.
An exotic melee weapon.
To choke people out maybe.
Oh.
Yeah.
Like a garrote?
Yeah.
I'm gonna look it up.
Hey Alfred what's a manrique chain?
Manrique chain is a chain that looks like something to choke someone with.
Well I found a chain and a coin with a raven on it.
Nice.
It's a ninja self-defense chain.
Look at videos for that.
That's some good shape.
Manrique.
Oh thank you Mira.
Alfred says the manrique, a hand-held chain weapon used in feudal Japan, can be thrown
by swinging overhead or popping like a whip.
It is made of coated stainless steel, links with heavy balanced weights on either end.
This is a very effective concealable self-defense weapon.
Nice.
Thank you Mira.
Well I found this coin.
It's got a raven on it.
Ananka do you want it?
Sure.
Okay.
Are you guys still hanging out in here?
Whatever you want to do.
Time to leave.
Well.
Yeah.
Anything else you've noticed in the rest of the room?
Not really.
But on your way out you get back to the first chamber.
What the fucking, what Streamlabs updated as I'm streaming.
Streamlabs says welcome to Ultra.
We picked out a few Ultra benefits for you.
What in the fuck.
Thank you Streamlabs.
Moving on.
What the fuck.
As you get back to the front room you see Elysia, the elf with the long gray hair and
standing next to Elysia is the guard that you guys shot in the side.
Looks like he's been healed.
But on the other side of Elysia is Bob the Zombie.
And he's holding up his head and he is chatting up Elysia as you guys walk out.
He's like yeah man so like where you from dude?
And she's like oh I've been here and there and everywhere.
He's like oh hey that's super cool man.
So like you with the raven too.
She's like oh yeah I um yeah I've been worshipping for a while.
He's like yeah that's cool.
Someone in our band you know bass player fucking loves the raven.
She's like oh that's cool.
Hey you should like come to our show sometime.
I'll bring you backstage or something.
You know man.
My head's detachable so like super cool stuff.
Um yeah if you're interested you know.
And he uh you can see he hands her a little card and he goes alright.
Oh there you go.
Hey guys.
Hey.
How's it going?
Hello.
Hi.
Hi Bob.
See you met Elysia.
Yeah super cool super cool.
We good to go?
Uh I think so.
I'm gonna actually check in with these two and then I'll be right on the bus.
Alright sounds good.
I'm getting on the fucking bus.
Lucy.
Lucy come here.
Hey.
Come here.
Hello.
Yes sir.
Here I come.
I'm in your lap now.
Hello.
Come here.
Here I am.
I'm in your lap.
Okay.
You check in with them.
They both look at you and they they bow.
Which you find a little awkward but uh you realize being.
Yeah cause I can't see it.
Yeah you can't see it but um Eon at least you see this and uh it's a weird thing of
respect for the avatar of the raven.
They bow to her.
Oh you you don't have to do that.
I'm not I'm not so formal or anything but like we got a show tomorrow if you'd like
to come.
Uh I'd love to get to know you both a bit better.
Since apparently we're all doing things for the same reason.
And I'd like to know more about that.
Yes.
Oh.
Glitched out a little bit there.
You good?
I see that.
Yeah.
I think so.
Uh they both shake their heads down in agreeance and uh you can tell like they agree but you
can tell it's it's even one of them even says we go where the raven avatar says we
go.
Oh you don't have to be that formal like you're allowed to live your lives.
Like I know we're also a part of the same murder but like you can shill.
Uh I love that.
They're like yeah it's a murder of crows.
Wish us to live our lives.
Yeah.
Why wouldn't we want you to have free will?
In what way?
Shall we get jobs and partners and.
Are you telling me you've been living your life not doing any of that?
For the Raven.
Yes.
Yeah but part of you know yeah go out and live your life go get hobbies and shite.
Go discover your favorite food.
The guard secured his name's cracks he's like I will I promise I will go out find a hobby
and bring it back to you.
You can keep it for yourself it can be just for you.
I promise I will find a hobby and then keep it to myself you will not know of it.
Oh lord you're.
Oh my god.
At least you're pretty.
Oh I just yeah I just want to cuddle him.
That's so sweet.
And oh this is you're like your type.
Is this what you wish of me?
What let me introduce you to Aeon.
Oh gosh.
Hello.
Stop.
I am Crocs.
Hi.
Hello.
Hi I'm I'm Aeon.
Do you wish me to speak to this individual?
Yeah you know what why don't you and Alicia come with us we're going to Skald you guys
clearly haven't lived enough so Viking themed entertainment and food might be a good way
to get you to loosen up.
If that is what you wish of us we will follow but who will protect the inner sanctum.
Well there's nothing in it anymore.
So the god still lives here.
Yeah.
Oh but he's always with us as well.
So what you're saying is if he needs us he will call.
He is all seeing and powerful.
Yeah.
Yeah that's a way to put it.
Well do you guys have the deed to this place?
Deed.
No.
Why?
Who owns it?
Well the god.
Who owns the building?
I guess we do.
I assume you are the avatar of the raven are you not?
Do you have a room with a bunch of paperwork in it?
I'm sure.
All right Aeon can you text Mr. Johnson and ask him about getting the deed for this place?
Oh yeah of course I can.
I'm just where did I put my gosh darn phone?
Okay there it is.
All right.
Okay you do that.
You get a text back from him that goes I'm on it.
He's on it.
Easy peasy.
All right in that case my loves onto the bus.
Everybody on the bus we're going for food.
All right.
Woo.
You all leave the chapel together.
As you leave Elysia and Crocs they seem like they haven't seen the light in a while.
They're like oh god what the fuck is this?
But as they get back to the bus you see Bob and Roger and Lucy.
What do we see back at the bus Roger?
What's going on there?
Wow Lucy's just all over me like why do you smell different?
Why do you smell different?
It's from all the little creatures that were crawling on me in there.
But yeah I'm just kind of hanging out with Lucy and Bob is you know trying to ask me
what was going on in there and it's like I don't know man we showed up we killed shit
and then I got to fuck out.
I think I fired a gun with my penis.
It was a great time.
Yeah right on.
It was a crutch rock.
Super cool that Elysia girl man you know I have a thing for older elves so like I'm oh
hey how's it going Elysia?
Good to see you.
She's coming to dinner with us.
Okay I'm not prepared for.
Give me one second please.
He grabs his head and he goes into the bus's bathroom.
He's in there for a little bit and he comes back out and his clothes have been cleaned
and his head is attached.
There's like strings around his neck and he's like I'm ready.
Ready to scald we go.
He whispers into Eon's ear.
I've never been on a date before.
Is that what this is?
Only if you want it to be.
I mean like I've been with women you know like after shows whatever we're met a lot
of the time but I've never been on a date before.
Is there something I should do?
And as I'm going past onto the bus ushering them on and I've never been the leader of
the fucking religion we're all making adjustments.
I mean one thing seems way more tough than the other one but thanks for.
Here give her a flower.
Could be the love of my life.
Thanks.
He takes it from you and then he looks up at her and he goes hey man I got this for
you man.
He hands it to her and she goes oh it's alive.
I haven't seen live plants in a long time.
She looks at it she goes what do I do with it and he goes I'm not really sure.
She goes should I eat it?
He goes yeah eat it and she eats the flower.
It's not very good.
It's lavender.
I don't know.
I don't know what they're for.
It's super awkward but they're both really awkward so it's kind of like cute in this
awkward kind of way.
You know what I mean?
I don't know what I'm getting at here.
I want to see Aeon take down Krokk.
That's what I want to see.
I want to see her climb the mad mountain.
He's ten feet tall.
That's how you described him earlier.
I want to see her climb him like a spider monkey.
She does love a big tall man.
Explain to your neighbor.
Mr. Darcy.
You guys look back to him and he's sitting in a seat just like pushing buttons on your
like bus like he's never seen them before so he's just like oh.
Oh my god.
Like he's wearing medieval armor.
You know what I mean?
I was trying to hint at the fact that he's been there for a long time and you just pull
him out of there.
You don't know what he's like.
He's my age.
Could be.
I'm going to walk up to him and go you want to play some chess.
You know.
Something I understand.
Cover up your ankles you whore.
Yes.
I mean you're showing a lot of skin but it's fine.
I don't mind.
Not too much.
Indeed.
Now I've won a few chess tournaments back in my time.
Prepare to have your chess chest.
Chest.
I will win.
I'm going to put my white guys all over the chess board.
Yes.
All over your chest.
Just white guys everywhere.
One.
Two.
Three.
Chesticles.
Well this got out of hand.
I can't figure out what to do with a big black piece though.
I don't know.
It's almost as if I was meant to die and now I'm here.
I wasn't supposed to be here.
This is weird.
It's only weird if you let it be weird.
Oh yeah right.
It's not weird.
Here's just Roger and Lucy just hanging out.
Everybody's got someone right now.
All right.
Very good.
Oh no I'm hanging out with Roger.
I'm laughing.
I'm watching the show but I'm hanging out with Roger at the same time.
There you go.
Okay, tonight's episode is going to end as you guys are entering into the Longhouse of
Skald.
Now in the center of the city, it's all buildings and metal and concrete and shit, but there's
this wooden, Viking longhouse surrounding by this huge parking lot.
And there are cars and hover cars parked all in this parking lot.
This place is packed and chilling.
As you guys walk inside, of course you are greeted by a waitress who's wearing a fake
prop Viking hat.
They have a little apron that has a bunch of Viking pins on it that aren't correct.
They all are very wrong.
Like loka instead of Loki and stuff like that.
They don't know what the fuck they're talking about, but they're trying.
And as you walk in, they have this fake Nordic accent.
They're like, hello and welcome to Skald.
Is Sidork working today?
I want to be in Sidork section.
Sidork is management now.
Sidork no longer greets customers.
If you come into back or into table, we can feed you family style.
Come with big roast goose.
We believe goose is what Vikings ate.
So let's bring me the asshole of a lamb.
The asshole of lamb can do.
That's a great appetizer, Roger.
Yes.
Yeah.
I'm a little Mari, a little extra kid on it.
I also feel like they totally missed the idea of drinking horns and instead they're like
drinking feet.
They know it was like some kind of buffalo, like animal, like horn thing that they drank
out of it, but they didn't.
They didn't.
It didn't make sense.
So they're like feet that were drinking out of like they're like boots.
Yeah, but they're like buffalo boots.
You know what I mean?
Instead of horns.
They missed that.
They get it.
Yeah.
Anyways, no, they should be because of the portion size that would save them money in
the long run.
Yeah, they're hooves.
Yes, indeed.
Yeah.
It's like a shot of beer.
You asked all the like, I don't know what to tell you.
That's what Vikings drink out of.
You say it means Brunner and he goes, what we've it's one of the IPA's with a shot of
blood in it.
I'll take two.
Gotcha.
Yeah, we don't have very many vampires here.
It's like they're not interested in Vikings, even though like they were alive back then.
Whatever.
They're so fucking cool, right?
Yeah.
What are you alive in Viking times?
So we're going to go vampires in the circle here.
And I would like everyone to describe a little bit of this scene as the cameras kind of like
fading away as you guys are sitting in this restaurant together eating after all that
dramatic shit that just happened.
And instead of going in the circle, if someone has an idea, they're welcome to go first.
I think that I would have ordered most of the menu of like appetizers and like little
bites and essentially just place them in front of Alessia and Croc just to have them try
different things because clearly they've just been eating unsugared oatmeal for the last
century.
So we got to find them some new things.
They like little taster bites.
Nice.
And I think Bob is like helping Alessia.
He's like, yeah, man, I don't know.
Should I feed you?
And she's like, do you do that?
I don't know.
Like she's asking if zombies feed elves, but he's asking like on a date.
You know what I mean?
Like there's big miscommunication happening.
And so he's just like feeding her like oysters and shit, but he doesn't eat food anymore.
So he doesn't really know how it works.
It's real awkward.
Oh, my goodness.
Ian is going to be sitting next to Cortexifan or whatever his name is, and she's going to
be drinking those Mimi's bruners one right after the other, just like getting a little
bit hammered and being like, oh, my God, it's so cool that you're here and you're alive.
Neat.
Yeah, I'm going to be very not too likely sitting in the booth and casually stacking
spitballs on the back of a orc father's head as he's trying to enjoy dinner with his family.
And as soon as he stands up to confront me about it, I just raise my gun at him and he
sits back down.
He's like, well, no reason to pull that out here.
No reason.
He sits back down.
Meanwhile, the kid looks over and is like a huge metal Omnicon fan.
The kid's like, dad, don't embarrass me.
Dad, dad, let him shoot you, dad.
It's so cool.
Let him shoot you, dad.
God.
And I feel like Crux is way too big for the booth you guys are sitting in.
And he's like, he feels at home.
He's like, here we are.
This is it.
And he like points at the waitress and like shouts out some Viking food that she doesn't
understand.
And he's like, what do you mean you don't have it?
What kind of fucking establishment is this?
Take me to the y'all.
Oh shit, I fell in love.
I'm starting to think that Aeon was alive in Viking times.
You're like 700 years old.
Is that what I'm hearing?
No, what?
What are you talking about?
That doesn't matter.
You like spears and untrimmed pubic hair, don't you, Squidward?
Oh, listen.
Here, there's nothing sexier than a mercantile.
Oh, mermaid.
It's a pubic hair wig.
Oh, so like a bushy mermaid.
He's like, yeah, you keep your pubic hair where it belongs.
You do not cut it off.
Yeah, it's a sign of wisdom.
You got a nice trail going from a super long beard.
Like, you only cut your hair and your beard when you have been defeated in battle.
My pubes are the same.
As you can see, he stands up and there's like kids and shit.
I have never been defeated.
And he pulls his pants down.
The father at the other table gets up and goes, I think that's inappropriate.
Sit down, old man.
So what I'm hearing here is that you have to shave after today because I beat you.
Oh, damn.
Oh, baby boy.
I guess this is true.
I've lived for thousands and today I was defeated.
Maybe we may fight once more.
Two out of three.
I really like my beard.
You can keep the beard.
I was just joking with you.
You're fine.
Keep yourself manscaped however you like.
I was just messing with you.
Can we go together?
I must ask the Jarl, the king, if he agrees.
Waiter, take me to the king.
She's like, sir, this is a Denny's.
And then the father at the other table to get up again.
I can you guys please quiet down and say, listen here, Fed Sanders, if you get up one
more time, I'm going to make sure your kids have a little extra marinara sauce for the
marinara sticks.
Sorry, mozzarella sticks.
Fuck ass.
And the little kids like, dad, let him shoot you, dad.
It's so cool.
And then he leans in real quick and he's like, look, me and my wife just got divorced and
I'm taking the kids out.
I really want them to think I'm cool.
So they want to spend more time with me.
I don't know who you are, but can you like shoot me in the foot or something just so
like I seem cool to them?
Is that, is that okay?
Oh my God.
Bless.
So you're saying your wife is newly single.
Indeed.
If you shoot me in the foot, you can have her.
Okay.
So you're saying there's a chance.
So what I'm hearing is you're single hot stuff.
Yeah, I'm going to shoot him in the knee.
See kids, I used to be cool just like you until I took a bullet to the knee.
Oh, Aeon, would you heal him?
Oh, of course.
And as she's working on that knee, I'm going to shoot the other knee.
Well, you can see, he sits down and there's like blood just draining and the kids are
like, oh, we love you dad.
And then out from the bathroom comes the mom.
It's an orphan.
She's got like mad green skin, but she's wearing like big way too much red lipstick and her
blonde hair does not match her green skin at all and she's way overweight and she goes,
here I come.
I'm the mom of this party.
What are you doing?
Sit down.
There you go, Roger.
Go take it.
Go shoot your shot.
I'm going to continue hitting spitballs at the back of this guy's head.
He's like, and the kids are just throwing shit around.
Anyways, that was a fun little improv scene, but that's where we're ending our story for
tonight, you guys.
Oh my God.
That's it.
You can get more of shit like that on ImprovQuest starting soon on Fridays.
But for now, that's kind of where we end it, y'all.
So what we're going to do is we're going to take our final break.
We'll get mostly out of costume if we're feeling it and we're going to come back.
Cheers.
From Forge of Lore with seven.
I need a second.
On the next time of Metal Omnicon, Turkey finds out that mustache wax also doubles as a laxative
and finally sees that she can indeed be whited out by a flashbang and Aeon King realizes being
a horny vampire is not as easy as it seems.
Tune in with us next time for Metal Omnicon.
What about Roger?
Oh, and Roger fucking does some, he shoots some shit, whatever.
Turn it back time.