Hey, hello one and all and welcome back to Metal Omnicon.
Tonight, episode two, our metal band gets into some more
shenanigans and the story develops like crazy.
Here and I am your chaotic dungeon master, Turk.
But it is not only me here, I am also joined by the band.
Say hello, band.
Hello, band.
Good to see you guys.
Hi, I'm Emmy from Emmys Art Stuff.
I'm also from Forge of Lore and yeah, that's me.
Roger, how you doing?
I'm doing good.
I'm Roger.
And I'm played by Connor.
Hello, everyone, other known as Psycho Stash.
And you can find me here on the Grouch Couch.
This is where I reside.
It's where I live.
Hi, I'm Chilter Perdeus.
I'm at Comic Books about fish people.
I'm here on Twitter.
And I make stupid voices and do makeup.
And that's why the Grouch Couch allows me to be here.
That's right.
Yeah.
The day you stop is the day you leave.
The day I show up is to be like, I'm going to be a human character.
They're going to be like, you out.
You imagine?
Cool.
And of course, I'm Turk.
If I remember turkey, dude, I'm the band manager here.
Music video, kill them all, went live.
You know, already almost got ding all 500 views.
Thank you guys for checking that bad boy out.
Make sure you go over there and give it a thumbs up
and leave us a nice little comment, all right,
so all the haters can go fuck themselves, all right?
Make sure to go check that shit out over there on YouTube.
Additionally, our Spotify has been updated.
All right, it's just the Grouch Couch now.
Check out us up over there on Spotify.
And please, for the love of God, if you haven't already,
please give us a rating on Spotify.
We have two wonderful boyos here on the couch this evening
repping some cool ass merch.
I know we already mentioned the merch shop,
but like look how cool it looks in practice.
All right, cheers, you fucking metalheads and dice rollers.
Tonight, we're gonna run the intro, all right?
It's what we're gonna do, and we're gonna let Cranium Carl
give us a little recap of what the shit happened
last episode, and yeah, then we're gonna get into the show.
If you guys are just listening along,
I know listening to Cranium Carl
is probably differently than seeing him visually,
but if you look in the about section here of the episode,
you can get the YouTube link as well if you want.
Okay.
It's a long gun.
Yo metalheads and dice rollers.
Cranium Carl here floating to give you the low down
on the latest bat shit crazy episode of Metal UndieCon.
Buckle up, cause this ride gets wilder
than a mosh pit at a ghost concert.
Alright, so picture this dudes.
We kick off at a gas station where our goblin rocker Roger
is straight up hustling the attendant for the bathroom key.
Turns out the key's in the dudes prison wallet.
Yeah, you heard that right.
So Roger goes full on metal and retrieves it
along with the mystery flash drive.
Talk about digging deep for a mission.
Meanwhile, our vampire bae-bae on is scoping out snacks
and runs into her neighbor Jeff Jefferson.
This guy gives her a sentimental gun and some blood tea
like only at a gas station, right?
And then there's Ananka, our astral traveling water genasi
who's outside chatting up a raven spirit
about being the chosen one.
Classic mystical mumble jumbo,
but hey, she's got to prove that she's the real deal, man.
Back inside, the band dives into some deep philosophical
debate about the supremacy of Walt Weiner shaped foods.
Yeah, that's right.
Roger's all about that sausage life, man.
Then things get spicy.
Their manager hooks them up with a new heist.
They got to help this freaked out sorceress chick named Mira
rob some kind of a pawn shop.
Meeting her at a gnome run coffee shop,
Roger starts off by stabbing his own hand
to show that he means business.
Badass or bonkers, I don't know, you decide.
Cue the heist montage.
Roger and Ananka cook up a fog distraction
while Aeon sneaks Mira out.
They hit up the pawn shop and bam!
Roger's blasted locks with his gun like he's in a western.
But here's where it goes full metal Omnicon.
Ananka touches a raven skull necklace
and whoosh, an air spirit pops up.
Normal weapons?
Useless.
But Roger, this mad lad rigs up seven vacuums
to suck the spirit up.
Then takes a celebratory dump in each one of the vacuums.
Only this band, folks.
Only this band.
Ha, then they bail, fooling the dwarf owner
that there's some random band named the Balloon Knots.
Genius or what?
And the night winds down, back on their trusty bus
gearing up for the next insane adventure,
but not before Mira gifts the crew
some crazy mystical page to some weird ass book that has
something to do with metal Omnicon.
So there you have it.
Another day, another demented dilemma for a metal Omnicon.
Tune in this week for more madness.
And remember, stay metal, stay wild, and rock on, dudes.
Fuck yeah!
Thank you, Carl.
Appreciate it.
Ha ha ha.
Oh, I love him so much.
We're going to start our episode.
How else shall we, my friends, start the very next,
the second episode of the Story Story that has yet
to have been storied right here on Metal Omnicon,
but we will be starting off this story at a concert.
A show.
A show that all three characters are putting on
for their lovely underground audience of rebels and riff
raff rebels trying to take down the Supreme Ten.
That's right.
Our three metalheads.
Now, let me set the scene here before we get into this.
A little description of our venue.
This venue here is called the Electric Anvil.
Now, the Electric Anvil is a legendary venue
known for its pulsating energy and its iconic stage.
The walls are plastered, of course,
with vintage band posters and graffiti giving it
its rebellious charm.
The stage is set against a backdrop
of dynamic color changing lights and the air vibrates with bass.
As the crowd pours in, the atmosphere becomes electric.
A mix of excitement and anticipation,
the audience is a diverse blend of punks, metalheads,
and casual music lovers all gathered
to experience the raw power of live music
here at the Electric Anvil.
Now, before we begin, Eon here has a ritual
that they must perform before every concert.
Now, you've sent out a message to your followers
to see whom you'd like to be fed on during this concert.
Would you like to improv a little bit
of maybe what this message was?
Oh, yeah, on her socials it says,
hey, who wants to be fed on tonight?
Gonna be a bloodbath.
Yay!
Send.
Ha ha ha.
All right, well, after some time,
you're standing by the backstage door
and three quote unquote groupies show up.
Now, you know that's usually only picked from one person
to take up on stage with you.
So from these three, you look them up and down
and you have to pick one.
The first one looks like, well, they say their name is Mara
and they are a vibrant young woman
with shockingly pink hair and an array of glowing tattoos.
Her energy seems kind of infectious
and she carries an aura of positivity as she talks to you.
And she says, your music, it ignites a fire in my soul.
Can I hang out with you guys backstage after the show
if I do this?
The second person.
Banner word.
Sir Underscore Puberty just redeemed banner word.
Fire.
Fine, Puberty.
No more fire for you.
Cheers, bud.
The second person is a man, a man by the name of Victor.
He is a tall mysterious figure that's
draped in a dark hooded cloak.
His eyes gleam with a deep appreciation
for the darker side of music.
And he says, your sound, it transcends the ordinary.
It would be an honor to discuss lyrical themes with Roger
Moore intimately as a trade for this blood sucking.
The last person.
They call themselves Jesse.
They are a charismatic and unpredictable kind of person.
They have a little bit of a twitchy presence about them,
but they're sporting a leather jacket adorned with, you know,
all different kinds of patches.
Their style is kind of androgynous, you know?
You don't know what they might go as.
But they look like they carry a neon lit tambourine.
And they say, you guys, you rock harder
than anyone else out there.
How about I can show you some of my moves
even after you're set?
Ian will look them over with a really slow kind of look.
She's not wearing her glasses, so she can barely
make out their figures at all.
But this is stage presence time.
So she looks at Jesse and goes, I like the cut of your chip.
Why don't you come with me tonight?
She picked me.
She points at the other two.
She's like, ha ha, ha ha.
She picked me.
He follows you.
Easy, easy.
Backstage to the wing and up onto stage.
Is there anything you say to him before you perform?
Is there anything you need him to do?
Yeah, keep that tambourine close at hand.
He's like, OK, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I knew I brought it for a reason.
I'm so excited.
Excellent.
Now, before you guys perform, you other two,
do you have any traditions or anything
you do before you perform?
I hang out with Lucy.
That's what I do.
Come on.
He's got a path here.
Come to daddy, yeah.
Hi, Lucy.
Hello.
Oh, hi.
Yeah.
Good girl.
Good girl, Lucy.
Good girl.
OK.
She comes immediately and sits right next to you
and looks right into your eyes and just kind of stares,
waits for your next action.
She sees where your eyes go.
She mimics.
She looks, scans the room.
Sorry.
I sometimes I get a little nervous before a show.
Nice.
OK, Ananka, anything you have to do for the show?
I usually do like PR stuff.
Like I just do interviews and shit.
And then I go up on the stage and just spend 800 hours
tuning my own guitar by sound, waiting for Aeon
to get on stage so I could get the magical auto tuner.
I go up to outside backstage of the venue.
There's a woman standing there.
She's a human woman with blonde hair wearing like a pantsuit.
She looks normal as hell.
Way out of her place.
She's holding a little microphone
that has a red topper on it.
And it has a little badge on the microphone.
It says GCTV, of course.
And she says, Ananka, you're playing another underground
show here today.
We heard about your guys' band, your antics.
We saw you guys show up for how crazy you guys get.
I mean, Roger literally shitting on the crowd.
And of course, Aeon eating people.
Do you have any antics planned for the show tonight?
Well, you know, I mean, there's nothing
like having the entire audience just
overjoyed with a frenzy of being in an astraly projected
to another universe.
Yeah, that does sound fun.
How much longer do I have to be in here?
OK, another question.
What's the deal with the old music thing?
Do you think it's just a fad or?
Oh, no.
It's for life, baby.
It's going to go on forever.
There's a taste of it for everybody.
There's baby time for all expression, just hard rock.
And then it goes even deeper than we do.
It takes all kinds to make the world go around.
Takes all kinds to make the world go around.
Well, you heard it first here, folks.
From the band Metal Omnicon, check them out tonight
at the Electric Anvil.
Coming to you live, this is reporter Karen with the news.
I can't wait for you to see me, because I can't see you.
Without even like saying goodbye or anything,
she just turns and leaves, like rudely.
She's wearing the very heavy perfume.
I think it's Chanel No. 5, because it smells like oranges
and menthol.
So like I can smell her leaving.
It was really strong.
So I know she's good.
Nice.
I love that.
OK, a little bit of time goes by.
And all three of you guys, assume your positions on stage.
The band that was performing beforehand,
opening for you guys, of course, get off stage.
And roadies bring in your stuff.
Venue workers bring in stuff and start loading up
the stage for you guys.
And the lights go black.
All three of you guys stand up on stage.
And you could hear the crowd.
They're like, metal Omnicon, metal Omnicon, metal Omnicon.
Ah!
And then the lights come on.
Yeah.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
Your iconic metal Omnicon song plays out to the crowd
as all of them chant and scream with you.
The whole crowd goes in a wave as the lights blink on and off.
Different kinds of colors go all over the place.
Beach balls are thrown around, and water bottles
fly on stage, and everyone goes crazy.
But in this moment, of course, you guys are going to do OK.
This is what you do all the time.
But I would like each one of you guys
to make me a performance check just to see
if anything weird goes off.
And we're going to do it one at a time,
because I am going to be rolling a glitch
die for each one of these.
And I know you're thinking, performance, turkey, what?
So it's something to do with charisma.
And you can combine it with charisma,
with anything else if you have a special idea for something
you want to do on stage.
Oh, is that it?
Yeah, there it is.
I got furry success.
There we go.
That's three.
That's very good.
I just want to roll a trivial roll here.
You guys don't have to beat any.
So congratulations.
I'm going to roll you a glitch die real quick.
That's a one, which is really bad for you, Roger.
But we're going to continue forward.
Next, we'll have you, Ananka, roll for us.
Let me turn these redeems on for us.
That's four.
That's really good.
And you got a six, which is a critical hit
on your performance.
Congratulations.
Yes.
Well, I have an idea.
Hell yeah.
I'll let you explain in a sec.
But last but not least, Eon.
All right.
Four.
As well.
Four successes.
Very good.
That's only a three.
Average.
First, we'll start with the good.
And we'll let Ananka go first.
You know what?
We'll go with the one that we just launched our music video.
Halfway through Kill'em All, I'm actually mid-strom going
to cast Chaotic World on the entire venue.
As I said in the interview, Astro project the entirety
of a second world into the venue,
complete with flying half goat, like bats,
and eyeball monsters with giant stalks of trees
that are just covered in fingers.
It's like an evil Salvador Dali painting.
Fucking cool.
I'll go ahead and give you CouchCoin for that.
I love that.
It's like, oh, sick.
When we're doing this future fantasy thing at a metal
concert, that's what you expect to happen.
And I didn't know it, but you did it and killed it.
It's awesome.
I love it.
Hell yes.
Hell yeah.
Roger.
While you're singing, roll me a perception check, my friend,
which is logic willpower.
You got to beat a two.
Here we go.
Three.
You look down into the crowd and you see your brother,
Pickles.
He's standing there.
Everyone around him is enjoying the music, jumping up and down,
but he's standing very still.
You can see the little orange light of his cigarette
as he hits it.
And he's standing very still just staring at you.
Wait, did you say my brother?
No, that's just one of my friends from Ork.
From Death Corp, right?
He's from Ork.
Yeah.
So Toki is your brother then and Pickles is not?
He's just from your work?
No, Toki isn't my brother either.
See, Pickles used to be a friend, but Toki stayed my friend
after I left work.
My brother?
I have two brothers, Nathan and Swisgar.
Nathan and Swisgar.
Got it.
All right.
Hell yeah.
Well, you still, you see Pickles, your old work friend,
staring at you from the crowd.
Now, you did get a couple of successes on your performance
and you did succeed.
So do you want to tell us something cool
you might do while you're performing?
I kind of was going to play into the fuck up a little bit.
Oh, Dan, hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
Do it up.
As we're singing, I see, or as I'm singing,
I see a water bottle on the stage.
I get pissed off and I go to kick it
and I kind of fucking Charlie Brown it, you know?
So I like fly up in the air and land straight on my back
and it knocks the wind out of me,
but it makes my voice sound super cool and like a little,
like, oh.
Nice.
I love that.
That's very cool.
You also get a couch coin for that.
I love that.
Very good.
Last but not least, the moment we've all been waiting for.
You look to the side and Jesse's waiting,
swinging around his neon fucking tambourine.
What do you do, Eon?
Eon is really into playing riffs and having a real good time.
And she likes to do a lot of acrobatic kind of movement,
where she's like almost upside down doing like bending her back
and her guitar up to her face and just fucking shredding.
And while she's kind of in that upside downish manner,
she looks at Jesse and kind of raises her eyebrows as like a,
come on out.
And when they do, she's going to have them come in front of her
and she just sinks her teeth into their skin
and just blood starts spurting everywhere
as she is still shredding.
And while she's shredding and drinking this person's blood,
she is also healing them with her powers.
So you're like, you don't want to hurt them,
but you're doing it for a stage presence.
So you're like, absolutely.
You're healing to heal them while you're hurting.
Yes.
And also getting a meal, even though she hates the blood.
Yeah, your eyes are closed.
She's like, oh my god, this is so gross.
Very cool.
All right, couch coins all around, one for you as well.
So remember, you all, you guys have one of these.
Roger actually has two.
And you guys can spend them throughout the episode
to get extra dice, bonuses, things like that.
Towards the end of the concert, things are winding down.
You guys are building up for your finale.
There's blood just sprayed everywhere.
The lights get real dim.
And yeah, you guys talk to the crowd a little bit
about what you're representing, the rebellion,
taking down the Supreme 10, shit like that.
And in this moment, is there anything
you want to say that you say through your mic to the crowd,
Roger?
Whoever drives a Boyona Tias, you left your lights on,
and you're parked illegally.
Nice dude.
I was told to say that by the guy in my ear.
OK, and then that's how your show ends, I guess.
Ha ha ha.
All right, you guys run off stage.
The whole crowd goes wild.
They all clap.
The house lights come back on.
All of the visuals fade away.
The janitor comes out to mop up the blood, as he always does.
And you guys run off stage.
All right, Scruffy.
Yeah, it's OK.
I am Scruffy.
They are cleaning up the blood.
After the electrifying performance
that you guys played here at the Electric Anvil,
the atmosphere backstage is buzzing
with excitement and chaos as you guys
begin to mingle with fans and groupies, stuff like that.
Yeah, you guys are all chilling backstage.
Now, do remember, back here there
is fresh guitar strings.
There's a whole cheesecake that your band manager provided.
It's bloody right there is.
If he skint on us again, I was coming for blood.
Amongst people, it's a lot of the usual fans and folks
you get, but there is a mysterious figure
that catches your attention.
But as they approach, where do we find you three sitting
together here backstage?
Paint a picture for us.
I am actually set up on like a, there's a couch backstage,
and I'm set up on that surrounded
by my own set of groupies.
But what I like to do with them is essentially do like,
like touch magic and tell them how they're going to die.
That's brutal.
But they want to know.
They think it's great.
Yeah, they eat that shit up, dude.
Yeah.
I'm just kind of like standing on a wall.
And there's like, you know, groupies walking past going
to eat either of the girls.
You know, I'm just like, hey, lead singer of the band.
Lead singer of the band.
Hey, you, I'm the lead singer of the band.
But they're just walking past me.
Can one of them just turn and be like, yeah, all right,
boy, out the tree is and just keep going.
Yeah, for sure.
But then I feel like there's one like awkward guy
and he's wearing like a really old like fucking t-shirt.
You remember the ones that has like the dogs on them,
but it's like dragon dog Z.
And it's like a bunch of dogs.
The big dog shirt.
He's wearing a big dog shirt and he's got like some stains on it.
And he's like, hey, you're the singer of the band, man.
That's like super cool.
Yeah, thanks.
Thank you.
Thanks, bud.
He starts talking to you about something
that's totally irrelevant.
Like, yeah, I'm going to go get a tattoo,
I think, of like my grandma's rosary like over my arm
or something really cool.
But I had my motor school and I forgot
that like I had to put gas in it.
That's OK, because like my mom, she was going to give me gas.
She forgot to give me gas money.
But that's actually because last night she bought me Lunchables.
And they were like really good.
Yeah.
I'm just slowly getting more and more bad.
You make this joke, but I've had this conversation
with people at Bonds.
And I get sick of it and I just start beating the shit out
of this guy with my mic stand.
Gonna roll.
We're just going to do a quick little contested roll
to see how this goes.
And if he wins, it turns out he was a martial artist as well.
So we're going to go on ahead and roll this.
He does basement karate.
Yeah.
He got five successes.
Beat a five.
Ooh.
You got a four!
God damn it!
Unless you want to spend your couch coin,
you're getting beat up by this kid.
Couch coin or fucking re-roll.
Chat, do not re-roll.
Do not do it.
I love this.
Failures are so much fun.
And this is one of those occasions where, yes, I
kind of want it to happen.
Cool.
Thanks, guys.
If you want to spend a couch coin,
the way the couch coin re-rolls work is you get to re-roll
one failure dice.
So you keep your four and you just re-roll
one of your failure dice.
All right.
Well, can I describe how this happens then?
Sure.
The viable undisconnished re-roll took.
Oh, damn.
God damn it.
Shit.
He got a four, then it ties is what it means.
Mild success.
That's very clever, Southpaw.
But this basically neutralizes everything.
So you guys basically are slap fighting each other
and nothing happens.
But I'll let you continue to till explain it.
Yeah.
Well, I want to wind up with my mic stand.
Like, it's going to be a really devastating hit.
And as I swing it, this guy in the shirt just, like,
grabs it out of midair.
It's just, that's not very nice.
I'm like, oh, you're fucking dumb!
And we just start slap fighting each other.
God, I'm fucking.
And he's like, no, my mom told me that whatever this was
going to happen that I was going to have to take my gloves off.
But I don't want to take my gloves off because my mom
bought my gloves from Walmart.
And Walmart's on my face.
God damn it, son.
I'm fucking going to try to get them all.
Get the fucking leg back.
And you're just going to repeat this shit.
I hate you.
You still were fucking down on me.
You're a goddamn dude out here.
All right.
To break this up, can I actually just be like, hold on, my loves,
and just send a gust of air pushing them apart?
No, we're building a scene.
Let it happen.
Now we're moving over to Eon.
Eon, what are you doing?
Eon is draped across a leather couch holding a cocktail that
is blood that has been dyed blue so she's not
as grossed out about it.
And she is just watching.
And she's uncharacteristically super calm, chill,
and just gazing at them fighting.
And she's like, cheers.
And takes a sip.
Hell yeah.
And I think, lastly, Bob the drummer, Bob Zombie.
If you guys don't know, the drummer of the band
is a zombie by the name of Bob.
He's got green hair.
And he's a zombie.
And his head is detachable.
And his body and his head work simultaneously,
but separate at the same time.
And I feel like Bob has met up with a friend
and he's rolling his head up against a bunch of beer bottles.
And every time it knocks over, I feel like Lucy
is grabbing the head and bringing it back to Bob.
And him and some other guy are just literally rolling
his head into a bunch of bottles.
Boosh.
As you guys mingle and all this is going on,
a mysterious figure catches your attention.
And this individual is known as being
kind of like a figure in the underground, magic and music
and relic scene.
And they approach.
You know them being named Cassandra.
They are a renown figure in this whole world.
And they dress in layers of mitchmatch silk
and velvet and leather.
And it's all kind of sewn together.
And their hair is silver and black.
And it's all curly.
And their eyes are like a piercing violet.
And when they look at you guys, they
seem like they just look right through you.
And they approach in the center of the room
and everyone kind of goes quiet.
Even you two fighting.
Hi, Rob.
Both look at her.
And she says, I couldn't help but notice the energy
you bring, not just to your music, but something deeper.
I believe in this band's possession
there is something of quite rare, perhaps even more
than that value.
And perhaps I could offer some insight.
Once you are done, maybe we can talk somewhere more
discreet.
Oh, thank god.
A lady's finally interested in me.
Hi.
I'm the lead singer of the band.
Yes, hello, Roger.
Not so fast, Roger.
Hello, Roger.
Oh, yeah, right.
No, you did a very good job today.
She says, completely patronizing you.
But I don't think you notice that.
Ah, thank you.
Yes, I did a great job.
I'm the lead singer of the band.
I know.
Good job, Roger.
Thanks.
Aim behind me and shoot the guy who is slap fighting.
First, you're going to have to roll a small arms check
against his agility.
What are you going to have to do?
He got a five, baby.
This guy is crazy.
A three.
Couch coin.
God damn it.
So I'm just going to give you the just-redeemed couch coin.
Roger.
She got a couch coin.
You can reroll one of them failures.
It'll only make you do a four, though.
Wait, wait.
But let's say he misses.
But one of the people I just told them,
they died to a gunshot wound to the head.
Yes.
Do you want to spend your couch coin
to make that happen in the narrative?
Because I love it.
I love it.
Yeah, yeah, I'll spend it.
But yeah, just be like, I just finished telling someone
about five minutes ago that they would get shot in the head
and that's how they did.
And they'd be like, oh, that's so middle.
And it just happens now.
And then they're walking away to leave the room.
And he's like, you turn and try to shoot him
and the bullet misses and just random walker by.
He goes, oh!
God damn it!
Someone tell them what the fucking hell
about this bitch, fuck!
Damn it!
I loved everything about that.
Anyways.
Couch coin.
Certifiable underscore nerd just-redeemed couch coin.
Anonka for the perfect story ad.
Yes.
Hell yes.
She says, yeah, so like I said, somewhere more discreet.
To the bus?
Sure.
All right, Cassie, as long as you lead me, darling.
She says, sure, I can lead you wherever you want to go.
Completely patronizing you, but I don't think you noticed.
Oh, I noticed, but I like being kink shamed, so it's fine.
You guys nudge up Bob Zombie and he stands up with the keys
and he puts his head back on his shoulders.
And Lucy runs over to your legs, Roger,
ready and prepared to follow, loyal as ever.
And you guys walk with Bob back out to the bus.
Of course, skiing out of the bus when you guys just listening
or tuning in that don't know about the ghoul bus.
The magic ghoul bus.
Creona drew it.
And Creona did draw it.
Check it out in the Metal Omnicon chat in Discord.
And I also did see Southpaw said, where do the clips go?
Metal Omnicon, buddy.
Looks like party's helped you, so hell yeah, dude.
Anyways, the magic ghoul bus is a converted tour bus
that's been transformed into a mobile fortress inside.
It's a mix of comfort and chaos filled with instruments,
recording equipment, and magical artifacts,
as well as purple lilacs and little paintings.
And of course, Bob Zombie, the band's drummer,
is always behind the wheel ready for a quick giveaway.
And the bus's exterior is adorned with runes and charms.
And of course, a big painting of Roger on a mountain
being struck by lightning.
You guys sit down towards the back.
She lays out on one of the larger couches in there.
And you three join her.
Lucy runs over to her nice little dog bed
and begins squeaking one of these toys
that I'm sure Roger picked up for her on a previous date.
Oh, Lucy, one of these days, we got to teach you
how to play the keyboard.
She says, your performance was captivating.
I am an expert in ancient magics and artifacts.
I do believe that there is something
that you stumbled upon that might have fueled
your performance tonight.
Is there anything recently that you've come across
that might be of interest?
Do we know this person personally or just know of her?
I think Anonka has heard of Cassandra
from Jillian Vanderbeek.
And I do think you guys have heard of her just being around
and doing all these jobs and stuff.
Anytime you deal with an ancient relic or something like that,
Cassandra's name gets brought up.
You could say that.
We came across a few things.
Anything in particular you're thinking about?
There has been rumors recently of, well,
people coming into contact with an old ancient magic.
And I've even heard from some Death Corp workers
that the Supreme Ten has also been after similar pages.
And you three have a glow about you
that is a similar glow to what I've seen from other people.
What's your interest?
Well, I'm just looking to help you guys.
I don't want it.
You can keep it to yourself.
Even if you do have one of these pages,
I can't identify it myself.
But what I can do is lead you to someone who I think can.
Which you want in return?
Nothing.
Nothing at all, just that you don't let it fall
into the hands of the Supreme Ten.
I mean, mostly, because fuck those assholes.
Yeah, fuck those assholes.
I was about to get out of the bush just for bringing them up.
And did I mention that I sleep here?
Yes, Roger.
Good job.
You do sleep here, yes.
I don't have my pants on currently.
I'm just sprawled across the couch.
I believe this is called free balling.
Tell me.
OK.
We're making a bunch of spoof album covers for this band.
And Connor had the idea to do the Nirvana album cover.
But it's him, it's the goblin in the swimming pool with his dong out.
That never happened.
But it was an idea that we had.
Yeah.
It might be sketched.
The Never Mind album cover by Nirvana with the baby is a fool.
Hell yeah.
Jeff Powers.
Powers for subscribed fan art.
Can we chronically make it so Roger has a tiny willy,
but he has gigantic testicles?
Is that what you got going on, Roger?
Is that true?
It looks like a field mouse sitting on a bean bag.
Play.
Mr. Underscore abstracto just redeemed.
Pause.
Dextracted.
Looks like a hamster.
The timing.
Everyone's just quiet and he's like, field mouse sitting on a bean bag.
Love it.
OK, well, back to the story at hand.
She says, yes.
If you want my advice, that's fine.
I can guide you to my friend.
Maybe figure out what the hell's going on with this whole thing.
But just promise me that you guys will handle this well.
I know your work.
I know you've been working with Mr. Johnson.
And I think you'll be able to handle this.
Yeah.
You know what?
I mean, one of my teachers spoke very highly of you.
So you know what?
I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.
Jillian, have you heard from Jillian recently, actually?
No, I've been rather busy.
And it's not like I can dial a phone very effectively.
So I just kind of wait to hear from her.
So being a knower of ancient artifacts,
I do see the necklace you're wearing.
Oh, yeah.
And I would suggest you go to her.
Find her.
Seek her out.
Talk to her about this whole necklace and thing you got going on.
Of course, I can't give you any advice on it.
Sounds like a plan.
No, about this page.
Yeah.
Who do we go to?
Sorry, I'm just distracted by the hamster sitting on the beanbag
chair over there.
I'll pay him no mind.
It's a different color than you would think.
It's really just a matter of free balling, really.
You know, I'm in your space, OK?
So I'm not going to tell you what to do in your space.
And if you're enjoying yourself, by all means.
You know I was on Smokeroonie magazine.
Yes, Roger, very good for you.
This is the closest he gets to bathing.
So we got to let him out every so often.
Ah.
Yeah.
Otherwise, it starts smelling like a fucking from under cheese.
Yeah.
OK, well, you want to just pull that curtain,
and then maybe I can talk about this,
about being distracted by the goblin's nose over there.
Here, I'll help Anonka find the curtain.
You pull it shut.
She goes, OK, so I have a friend who is also
an expert in ancient magics and artifacts.
They are only known as the crow.
They frequent the underground market.
The expert could potentially unlock secrets of this page
that you have found.
I mean, providing not only historical context,
but possibly revealing what it does,
because I don't actually know.
But I think if they have it in their hands,
they might be able to tell us.
And maybe we can prevent any future catastrophes together,
maybe, possibly.
How much you want to bet the crow's real name
is Brandon Lee?
No.
Actually, the weird thing is that we'll get to that later.
We'll get to what the crow's real name is later.
OK, yeah, she gives you the information,
and she tells you where you can find him
in the underground market.
You guys know the underground market.
You've been there before.
It's actually called the Shrouded Bazaar,
and you guys have been there before.
She reopens the curtain, and before she leaves,
she looks down at Roger, naked, with no pants on.
She looks over at Lucy.
And Roger, you notice her just kind of like staring
at Lucy for a little bit, like almost like weirdly,
I don't know, way interested in your hellhound.
Stop looking at my dog, you fucking pervert.
She goes, OK, all right, OK, yeah, I'm sorry, sorry.
Just keep an eye on her.
Keep an eye on her.
OK, you guys pack up.
Your curiosity is piqued by Cassandra's mysterious allure,
and the promise of figuring more about this magical artifact.
You guys can head to the Shrouded Bazaar.
Now, the three of you sit in the bus.
You have the information of a man only
by the name of the crow who currently resides
at the Shrouded Bazaar.
You guys know where that is, but all three of you
are in the bus together.
What is it that you guys would like to do now?
Well, Eon is, as we're going along, she's just, Roger?
Are you sure you wanted all gray?
Or for what?
Your scarf.
I mean, it's just kind of boring?
A little sad?
Well, I told you.
I didn't want a scarf.
I wanted a G string.
But it looks like you're on the right track for one.
So just, you know.
Well, I can alter the design, but I, yeah.
No, OK.
G string it is.
Just make sure there's plenty of room for my boys in there.
For the balls.
Because I like to free ball.
You're up for the
I can do that at all.
Great.
Oh, great.
Yeah.
Great.
OK.
The crow, huh?
What the fuck?
If I can ask, does anybody know who that is?
Have you ever heard of this person?
I bet he's going to get shot.
I think he's probably a pro.
Oh, yeah.
Well, like an actual.
Sorry.
Lucy.
Shut up.
You can say I want just to 100.
It's good.
Yeah.
I think it's 100 bits, Brian.
Thank you so much.
Well, I mean, I can turn into a bat, so I guess then they could probably be an actual
pro.
Yeah.
Do you like eating crickets in your bat form?
Yes, they're actually quite tasty.
They're a little saltier than you might think.
Yeah, but I was we.
We used to take like handfuls of dried crickets out at like sunset and just toss handfuls
up in the air and watch the bats swoop down and catch them.
Yeah, that's probably like some family.
Yeah.
Oh, that's lovely.
Who knows?
We go way back.
Not like literal blood family, but like family, you know, like.
Yeah.
Cool people.
Oh, it's nice to know that back in the days of the commune, like, we were helping simultaneously
live side by side with vampires in a peaceful way.
Yeah, that's a beautiful thing.
Definitely not something that you get to hear about very often these days.
Do you miss it?
Oh, daily.
But you know, once I dismantle the government, it will be fine.
I think that would be lovely.
Well, if it makes any difference, I consider you my family.
Oh, you wee lass.
I love you.
Roger, you're mediocre at best, but we like you.
You're pretty all right.
I love myself.
That's important.
Yeah.
So all great.
Yeah, all great.
I'm sorry, you can move on.
I'm going to let you guys keep going.
I'm not doing nothing until you tell me what to do.
All right.
That's the deal.
How's it coming up there, Bob?
Hey, man, just waiting on whatever you guys want to do, man.
I'm just chilling.
Oh, we're not going to the shrouded bazaar?
What's that?
Oh, it's the place that we got to go.
Does anybody have directions?
He hasn't been driving this whole time.
I have my driving underwear on.
Driving is clearly not right.
Well, I'm just waiting for direction, man.
I didn't know what, you know, is that where you guys want to go, man?
I like Texas there.
Yes, I am wearing my driving underwear.
That means this bus is supposed to be moving.
Does he not see the glitter, the purple?
Nobody sees that.
I see the underwear, man.
That means driving.
Yes, we are traveling.
We just did a long show.
Many people see the shape of my dog.
I mean, listen, we've done a long show.
Get some freeze dried brains from the mini fridge, pop them up to Bob and that'll get
his brain going enough to drive us to the underground bazaar.
Oh, OK.
We're going to the shrouded bazaar.
We've been there before, but he's slow after shows.
You know this.
I need to get the dehydrated brains out and he'll have his little brain jerky and we'll
be on our way.
Oh, fuck it.
Here you go, Bob.
Cool.
You hand him dehydrated brains.
I feel like when he eats them, you can see his eyes kind of like line up a little bit,
you know, he like definitely feeling way more energized.
And instead of like, oh, yeah, man, he's like, yeah, man, very cool.
Oh, sick.
So look, there's this thing I've been working on, man.
What?
I take freeze dried brains, put it in my mouth, then I put this up to his ear and blow it
into his fucking head.
He's like, oh, look, man, there's a thing I've been working on, man.
It's really cool, man.
Look, you know how there's like this thing, man, that everyone's connected to, man.
It's like all over the world, man.
You know, like whenever you say, OK, Simon, tell me a thing.
You know what I mean?
Like, and then Simon says things back to you, man.
Have you heard that, man?
Well, I've been working on this is Alexa.
If you're paying attention, I've been working on this thing, man, because it's connected
to the government, dude.
So we don't want to fuck with Simon, dude.
Fuck Simon.
But what I did, man, you know how much I love this bus, man, what I did, man, was I got
our very own man.
I've been working on it for a long time.
And I think now is a good time for me to unveil it to you, man.
And I have a name for it, man.
And I want to know if you guys are cool with it.
I'm going to.
Hey, Alfred, man.
Alfred.
Yeah.
So if we need directions to the shady bizarre, man, we can just ask Alfred and he can take
us wherever we want to go, man.
I thought about this.
Yeah.
I haven't even hooked it in, though, yet, because like I figured this is like a band
decision.
I don't want to do anything without you guys like being cool with it.
I don't want to hook it up to the bus if you're not cool with that, man.
Oh, you're such a lad.
Fire to Weebub.
Let's give it a cool.
Let's do it.
I don't care.
We need to go to the goddamn bizarre and find the crow.
He stands up and he rubs your bald head.
Roger, because you're shorter than him, and he's like, calm down now, man.
I'm going to let you do the honors, man.
And he hands you this little cube.
It's like completely lit up and like neon light.
And he walks over to a cupboard in the bus and he opens the cupboard and behind the cupboard,
there's all these crazy screens and the electronical things with wires that just run throughout
the bus.
And he's like, here you go, man.
All you got to do is put it in, man.
I'll do it with you, man.
And he grabs your hand.
Here we go.
Ready?
And then you guys slide the cube in together.
And as you do, he goes, he's too short.
You got to pick him up.
Give him a boosty.
I've got him up, man.
You guys put it in together and it boots up.
And then this little hologram shows up right at the front of the bus.
And it's like this man in a suit.
And he goes, oh, shit.
Don't shoot the boss.
Bullet holes out the windshield.
And Bob's like, man, I told you to calm down, dude.
Come on, man.
This is my bus.
There's a fucking random guy on the bus.
Don't worry, guys.
I'll kill him.
And he grabs your gun and he puts it down.
He's like, no, just listen, man.
And the suited guy goes, hello, Mr. Lumnikon.
I am Alfred 1.0.
Hello.
How may I serve you on this day?
We'd like directions to the Shrouded Bazaar, please.
Done and done.
And then it boots up on the thing.
And Bob's like, wow, now can you just let this sit?
See, man, if you ever want to call upon Alfred, man, all you got to do is say, OK.
Alfred, that's it.
And he shows up like that, man.
Future technology, dude.
And if you want me to, I can actually hook him up for you guys to have on the go.
For now, he's only in the bus.
But if you hook me up with some money or some parts, I can have him on the go, dude.
He could tell you anything about anything.
Great.
Can you read to me?
That would be lovely.
I love books.
It's my job, Ananka.
I know, but sometimes you sleep during the day.
Yeah, you're right.
He goes, yes.
What would you like me to read for you?
A Bad Boogie Bitches 4, please.
I heard.
Good choice.
Ducky Jones.
Fifty Shades of Grey.
Starts playing the Beatles.
Alfred, stop.
Read me my shopping list.
Cheese.
Alfred, stop.
Cheese.
No flashbacks to General Electric.
No.
Open Spotify.
Play Metal Armored Car.
Nice.
Alfred, stop.
Alfred, turn off.
For the love of God, Alfred.
I love you.
Alfred, stop.
Alfred, turn off.
For the love of God, Alfred.
I love you.
Alfred, stop.
Alfred, Google.
How many lists does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
The world may never know.
Alfred, stop.
Alfred, check my grocery list.
Grocery list.
Alfred.
Checking.
Cheese.
Refrigerator.
Alfred, when should you be concerned about the size of someone's testicles?
Checking.
Alfred, stop.
Stopping.
All right, I was trying to look up a children's book to read to you, but I'm wasting time
doing that.
I'm not doing that anymore.
Alfred, how many times does one pee in a day should we be concerned about their prostate?
Alfred, stop.
Do you want me to look up this information and tell you right now?
Cheese, is that what you want from me?
Incognito mode.
I'd say we're an educational channel.
We got to let the people know.
Alfred, film me picture the centaurs naked.
And he shows you pictures of centaurs naked.
He does that.
Oh my god.
No, Roger's search history is just my brother's search history on my PS Vita back in the day,
where it was nude boobs and naked Star Wars.
Jesus, I love that.
Naked boobs.
Full disclosure, I first came up with this idea because I wanted to make a command to
where chat could, okay, Alfred, that's what I wanted to do.
So we'll see if we get there.
But for tonight chat, just at the grouch couch and then say, okay, Alfred, if you want me
to Google something and if it's cool enough, maybe I will.
All right?
Because I do have this thing and all I have to do is mute this here.
According to the NIH, the average adult human has anywhere between three bowel movements
per week and three bowel movements per day.
They have it.
Three a week or three a day.
Completely normal.
Any more than that.
If you're only taking a night once a week, there's a problem.
And if it's coming out and it feels like it's made of pins and needles, see a doctor.
There you go.
If you're taking five plus shits a day, it's time to change the diet.
Stop living off corn dogs and tornadoes and eat a fucking vegetable.
Or maybe, you know, just stop eating things you lactose intolerant fuck.
You know, that's...
Cheese.
Okay.
I am looking at one last thing and then we're going to move forward with the story.
Anything else you want to ask, Alfred?
You know what?
No, I'm just going to move on.
Oh, okay.
Have some fun.
Okay, Alfred.
Which heart do you stake a centaur vampire in?
The human heart or the horse heart?
That's what certifiable nerd says.
Oh, shit.
That is a good question.
Because I'm not allowed to answer that question, but we can ask.
Alfred, stop.
Repeat after me.
Furry balls plopped menacing on the table.
Sorry, I don't have an answer for that.
You don't have an answer?
Fair enough.
That's it.
Okay.
That was a good question.
Moving on.
This episode now is going to transition from high energy concert to the dimly lit corridors
of an underground market.
We're now setting the stage for a night of revelations and negotiations, potentially
altering the course of your guys' quest moving forward for the next few episodes.
But first, we should start with, I think, maybe a little bit of description about this
location.
As you guys arrive to the shrouded bazaar, and as you descend down into the shrouded
bazaar, the air grows cooler and the light dims.
There are casting long shadows on the cobblestone floor.
The entrance was hidden beneath an old derelict building.
Its facade is crumbling and covered in graffiti, and there's a faint hum of magical energy
that vibrates through the walls, mingling with the distant sounds of hushed voices clinking
metal.
Stepping inside, you guys are greeted by a labyrinth of narrow passageways lined with
stalls and tents, each one brimming with exotic goods and enchanted artifacts.
The atmosphere here is thick, with the scent of incense, exotic spices, and the tang of
metal from enchanted weapons.
Hazy, colorful lights illuminate the bazaar, casting a surreal glow on the faces of the
merchants and the patrons.
You can see strange creatures and beings from all walks of life, about their eyes, darting
suspiciously, as they exchange whispered secrets and guarded glances.
But the air here is filled alive with a cacophony of sounds and the haggling of prices and the
clinking of coins and the occasional spark of magic.
Every corner of this bazaar holds the promise of hidden treasures and dangerous secrets,
beckoning you to go deeper and deeper into its mysterious depths.
But the important things.
Stepping in here, there are three main stalls, with people standing behind.
One of them is a kinkou, who stands in a cluttered stall filled with rare artifacts and enchanted
items.
The other one is a dwarf, who is an elf.
An elderly elf.
Kugislayer won just you 100 bits.
Thanks for 100 bits, bro.
Thanks, Kugislayer.
Proteus had a serious thought about the centaur vampire thing.
I see.
Oh, I typed the question into short GPT.
Oh nice.
Hell yeah.
The second one is an elderly elf standing behind a stall.
He's got silver hair and intricate tattoos that cover his whole body, it seems like.
And the last one is a tall, graceful woman with flowing robes and a serene expression
on her face.
And her stall is filled with vials of glowing liquids and strange herbs.
Yes, there are three main stalls.
Which stall did you guys approach?
What do you do?
Okay, so there's a kinkou, an elf, and a hot lady in a robe.
Yes.
Is she human?
Yes.
Oh.
I describe each one in great detail to Anonka, quietly.
Nice.
Hell yeah.
Where do you think we should go?
One of them's a bird, and we're looking for someone named The Cruel, so we can just ask
it its name.
They can usually only repeat a couple of phrases that they've heard before, but they should
know their own name.
So just loudly?
Just be like, who's the crow?
No, go up to the kinkou.
Go.
Oh.
Go up to the kinkou and ask for its name.
Yeah, like now?
You want me to go now?
Like me?
I mean, if you lead me over there, I'll do it.
But you can do it as well.
I'm just saying, if we're making a plan, Roger's already probably halfway running up the way
going to yell at each one of them going, who's the crow?
So I was going to give you a chance to say whatever you were saying, but since you already
brought it up, I go up to the woman in there and I scream in her face, are you the crow?
Oh.
Oh no.
I'm not playing his character.
Yeah.
It deserves a cap coin for you to play a character like that.
You are.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, she goes, but, um, no, but I do sense a powerful aura about you, my goblin friend.
Perhaps you need a potion to unlock your true potential or a drought to heal your wounds.
I don't know.
I'm looking for the crow.
All right.
You said that before, my goblin friend.
He's not here.
Okay.
Bye.
I walk up to the next person I see and I ask him, are you the crow?
No, my goblin friend, but are you looking for something special?
I am Varys and perhaps an amulet super against, against dark magic or a charm maybe to enhance
your abilities.
Hold on a minute.
I just, I just put my hand in like on his face and push him back.
My do sir.
Not good menace.
I'm already walking away.
Next person.
Are you the crow?
Oh my God.
Are you guys following along with him as well?
I'm standing in shock.
Okay.
As you approach this third stall yelling, there is a Kinkou.
It stands behind a cluttered stall filled with rare artifacts and enchanted items.
As you approach, you can see his eyes, sharp eyes, and he has quick movements with his
eyes that kind of betray his experience in this danger, you know, dangerous world of
underground dealings.
But his presence is kind of unnerving when you approach.
And as you approach him, he opens his beak and a voice comes out that doesn't match
like a crow.
It just sounds like a normal person.
But a lot of the words don't have like consonants at the end of them.
Like he is mimicking a voice that he has heard before.
And he goes, ah, hello, fellow troublemaker.
I have items might interest you.
You call me the crow.
Yeah.
Are you the crow?
If I agree to this explanatory statement that you have given, we must promise that our dealings
stay pleasant.
Okay.
Do you understand normal dialect or shall I speak in the fey?
I understand you kind of.
Hey guys, I found him.
Oh, thank the gods.
Take Aeon's hand as she leads me down.
Yep.
I will lead her down.
And he's like, hello, more troublemakers.
I see fellow troublemakers.
Yeah, talk to them.
I, I, uh, I think Frank's the smallest finding people.
I have items that might interest you, but let's make sure our dealings do stay pleasant.
People do refer to me as the crow when coming from Cassandra.
But my real name is this is a wild creature who will be needing a wild name.
And this is for the team leader of the wild to decide.
And I have one in my mind, but if you would quickly check the wild discord chat, maybe
see one of the people who sent a message in that discord there.
And pick a name for me to name this.
Oh my God.
Why am I blank?
ChatGBT won't help with my question.
How does Zeus a goblin?
What a shame.
Well, I think if you just touch him, I think he'll probably, you know, I got this.
I got this.
Okay.
Uh, understand the desires, show respect to their culture, be cunning and witty, give
gifts, demonstrate strength and be able to understand sarcasm and never forget the balls.
Amy's fitting in just fine around here.
Y'all.
If you were worried about it, don't be.
Thank God.
Pick a wild name for me there, Connor.
Oh, okay.
So, goes out for the rest of you guys.
Make sure to send messages and talk about in the discord chat.
Cause that's how you get your names used as NPCs.
This campaign at least.
Nobody, nobody is post.
I see that.
Oh, you choose from one of the wild members names.
Oh, that's what you mean.
Okay.
Really a second.
Wild chat.
Yeah.
Roger just likes to do the yelling.
Yeah.
Well that was hilarious though.
I love it.
Hell yeah.
The order 50 rolls of single black toilet paper.
God damn it.
The roll, the gross name is K just the letter K is that for Kriana?
I'm assuming.
I think so.
All right.
But I like that.
It's very simple.
We're talking Australian.
K.
Yeah.
He goes, well, people call me the crow, but my true name of the fey, Kriana, but people
call me K.
Now, my three friends, what can I do for you?
Wait, we're not killing this guy, right?
Roger.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Thank you.
Put that away before you hurt someone, including yourself.
I never do that as I put it away.
No, not the balls.
Yeah, we were sent here by Cassandra, as you know, already it seems.
We've got in our possession a specific item that we would like to know more information
on.
Well, I wish for us to not draw any kind of suspicious activity.
Certainly.
So let's do this nicely.
And he holds out his big bird wing.
He says, please, the item.
Oh, Ananka, you have the...
God damn corpse, Shinobi, and he takes the page.
And as he takes it, there's like this yellowy glow about it that kind of engulfs him.
And you three feel it leave you.
And it goes into him as he holds it.
And he goes, oh, yes, let me examine.
And he pulls out this little monocle and he puts it on his little beak and his balance
between his beak and his eye.
But you know how bird's eyes are on the side.
So he like puts it on the side of his head and holds up the page to the side.
He's like monocling this thing and looking over it, like examining it.
And as he examines the magical page, a shock comes over his jaw and his jaw drops.
And then he takes in a different voice that he had before.
It's no longer calm and collected, but it's kind of scared and excited.
But still not his own voice.
And he says, this page, this page is connected to ancient books, a very, very ancient book.
What did you three say your names were again?
We didn't.
The band metal Omnicorn.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
And he turns around and some of his feathers come off of his body as he flips around and
goes over to all these books and just starts throwing them down on the ground and all this
other stuff and comes back with this large ass book, slams it on the table with a thud
and like stuff falls off his little barter table and opens it up to a bunch of pages
like and he gets to it and it stops and it's just a bunch of like demonic runes and pause.
Pause, pause.
And shit that you guys can't understand, but he stops at a page and points and there's
like this illustration of this like gigantic sea monster with crazy tentacles that have
green spots all over them, like these bluish nasty tentacles.
And he goes, this page is connected to a book, a piece of a book, a book that this book states
was separated years ago.
There are pages to summon this creature.
There are pages to put this creature to sleep.
A lullaby some would say.
And this is a single page of a part of the song to put this creature back to sleep.
If you have found this page, that means the pages are starting to resurface, which is
not what we want because if someone figures out how to resurrect this creature back from
the sea, the world may be ending as we know it.
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.
Is this a page from the thing to summon it or the lullaby to cast it away?
This is a page of the lullaby.
To put it back to sleep.
Yes.
Could we know the lyrics?
Well it might take some deciphering if you know how to speak a demon language.
But it's not only lyrics.
There is a full composition that must be played along with the lullaby itself.
Guys, we were born for this!
I mean if the thing gets summoned, yeah.
And the name of the book that these come from?
The Metal on the Con.
Yeah.
You're going to tell us the name of our band is the name of the same book that's supposed
to summon and put away some crazy creature.
Yes.
Who came up with the name of your band?
Well yeah, Roger and Aeon have been here before I have, so that would...
Which one of you started the band?
Well, it was kind of a mutual thing.
Roger was really really high.
Yeah, that kind of happens when you huff your own feces.
Yeah I told him to stop doing that years ago.
Why the fuck are you doing Jenkum?
It's free.
You're fucking degenerate.
Sorry.
I know you're supposed to yes and, but my gods.
I got some IT still.
There you go.
The crow, Kay, hands you back the page.
He says, yes I can try to decipher these words, but I will not hold on to this for you.
This is scary business.
Keep it secret.
Keep it safe.
Good.
I've heard that somewhere.
You three are standing there and to the left of your feet, Roger, you're standing a little
bit back under this bit here and to the left of your feet a clay pot smashes on the ground
and you look up, all three of you do, Romi perception everybody.
Willpower logic.
Holy shit.
You gotta beat a five y'all.
God damn it.
Yeah.
Not even close.
I said, holy shit.
I got all successes.
Jesus.
Unless somebody does a reroll on Turk.
I mean, it would be smart.
I got a four.
The blind lady got a four.
I love this.
Bitch.
Mira Morgris used reroll Turk.
Fair.
Thank you Mira.
It's seven somehow.
I can't even see it.
Yeah now I only got a one.
So as the clay pot hits the ground, you see orange dreadlocks in the face of a man like
whip back from over a balcony that's over top of you.
And with your four, Ananka, not only do they see this, but you hear the sound of him on
the phone with somebody.
You can hear him talking in the murmurs.
And one of the things you hear him say is they have it.
I seen it.
Send them.
And then.
Oh shit.
I'm gonna quickly snatch away the page from the Kenku and then stuff it up my corset.
Nice.
Hell yeah.
You said this was on a balcony above us.
Yeah.
How, how far above us?
Maybe like 10 feet or so, maybe 12.
I think 12 feet.
Is it like a fire escape or something?
So like you're in this like underground area.
That's like a bunch of busted up as buildings that have all kind of like fallen on top of
each other.
So picture just like brick walls and like outcoves and alleyways and stuff.
But in this one particular spot, you can see up to the sky and right above this guy's tent,
he like put this tent up underneath the shade of a balcony that had fallen over.
So right behind his tent, there's like a brick wall that goes up to this balcony of this
broken building.
Can I, can I use my athletics and wall run up?
Cheers.
Grab onto the balcony and pull myself up.
Yes, you absolutely can.
But first I set the bandwagon and I already finished my beer.
So hail hydrate.
My bad.
You're not supposed to breathe it.
As you see him do that and he ducks away, Crow also looks up and goes, what, what was
that?
And he like grabs a chain that's connected to like this metal thing.
There's like metal door that he's about like ready to, to pull it down.
But now I want you to roll me athletics to climb up this wall and all you gotta beat
is a one.
Okay.
Well, I'm going to use my new specialized skill.
Just redeemed random item.
The Roger Rage face.
May your potential for catastrophe skyrocket.
I'm using my new skill, which is gymnastics or other known as parkour parkour parkour.
Hold on.
As long as point a is delusion and point B is the hospital.
That's I got a four.
Hell yeah.
So underscorp, you've been used to reroll Roger.
Hey children.
I need one.
They give and they take.
Is that a reroll everything or reroll my failures?
Everything that's a reroll.
I think it's a reroll everything.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, cause I'm in sound.
Three.
Nice.
That's good.
It means you succeed.
Let's die.
Is this it?
Let's die.
Two.
All right.
You climb up this wall.
You two watch and listen as he scatters up this wall using his goblin nails to dig into
the brick and grab.
You get up to the top and you hop up to the top and you just see the back of a man.
There's just like orange dreadlocks and he's balding up in the center and he's running.
He's on his phone and he's wearing like a suit.
As you can see, he's got combat boots on and he's just running down this brick wall.
That was super cool.
I don't know if chat saw that.
That was very cool.
What do you do?
Oh Roger.
I shoot him in the back of the knee.
Nice dude.
Roll me small arms.
Firing with my bolt.
Beat a three.
1911.
You also got a three, which means nothing happens.
You fire and it's almost like you hit like a piece of metal on the back of his knee and
it bounces off.
And now he's twice as far away because he keeps running.
God damn it.
Oh, glitch die.
That's a one.
Your bullet actually bounces off the back of his knee.
This is a glitch.
It's a bad thing.
Bounces off the back of his knee and hits like a hole that hits a wall that smashes
a bunch of bricks down in the middle of the wall.
Now there's a bunch of bricks all over this wall separating you and him.
God damn it.
Shit.
Anonka?
If you want to physically stay here with the crow, I'll be back.
Bat!
And she turns into a bat.
Hell yeah.
You know I can just astral project and follow him.
She goes squeak, squeak, squeak, which means that's what I meant.
That ass.
Okay.
Do you have to roll anything to turn into a bat?
Nope.
I can just turn into a bat.
Okay.
You do that.
I'm going to try to chase him down.
I have no idea what kind of roll you want.
So you get movement.
I don't think it's probably not going to say anything about extra movement as a bat, right?
It's not going to say anything about that.
Now let me see here.
Shit.
Bat form.
Critter power.
You can just slip through cracks and just turn into a fucking bat.
That's one thing you can do.
Okay.
So what you can do then as a bat, I'll let you make an agility.
Check to chase him down and I'll make it versus an easy roll because you're a bat.
Oh my God.
You got two out of fucking 14 dice.
Oh my God.
But thankfully I only got a one.
So that means you succeed.
Glitch die.
That's a three.
Nothing happens.
Okay.
We're fine.
So you fly as Connors bullet bounces off.
Roger's bullet bounces off the wall and the bricks fall and you fly through the bricks
like through the sun and you see this man just running on the phone and you hear him
and he's like, they have the page.
They have the page.
Send everybody.
They have the page and he's just running.
What do you do?
Unless we cut back to Astral.
Can I land on his shoulder?
Let Astral take a turn.
Do you want to go first?
Yeah.
That was my name in the first season.
My name is now Anonka.
Anonka is Astral shifting.
We got it.
So the crow has already closed his big garage door.
Yes.
Not yet.
But he's scared.
Yeah.
Kind crow.
If you will be so kind as to lead me back to my bus.
I need to be somewhere safe.
Come in here.
And he pulls you in and he pulls down the garage door.
All right.
I will be motionless for a while.
Don't worry.
As long as my body stays safe, I can come back freely.
So I'm going to use my power of clairvoyance to essentially Astral project, which allows
me, an effect that allows me to see far distances as if I was truly there.
And I'm going to essentially use that to follow pickles in an Astral sense.
Your Astral body comes up out of your physical form and you float up through the balcony
and fly past Roger.
As Roger's just running with his gun like, you son of a bitch.
And you just fly past him and you zoom through all the bricks and then you catch up to Aeon
as a bat.
Now Roger.
Imagine my Astral body, by the way, just for visual, is actually like with being wings.
Like it can't be seen because she is part of air.
She's an air Genosse.
So her spirit is just ghost of air.
Yeah.
So I would like to ride with Aeon as like a, like a undercurrent.
Is that the word I'm looking for?
Essentially like a speed boost.
Yeah, that's cool.
That's super cool.
Badass.
E.
Hell yeah.
Okay, Roger.
Cut.
If you're chasing on foot, you got to roll me acrobatics, get over all these bricks
and then what do you do?
But first, acrobatics.
Do you want me to roll gymnastics?
Sure.
My athletic skill?
You got to beat it too.
Definitely.
I'm going to give you a gift and item.
Frog toys to just redeem random item for an OCA to deal with whatever shite roll he gets
in with their random item.
Hell yeah.
I still have them here.
Just waiting for very good.
You hop over and now you're still a long distance away from this man.
As you're running.
What do you do?
Basically, since this is my gymnastics or parkour, I did like a front flip over the
bricks and while flipping through the air, I grabbed two bricks off of the ground.
I'm flipping over them and when I come back to my feet, I throw the bricks at the guy.
Hell yeah, dude.
In case why, this will be an agility check is what you're going to do unless you have
a specific skill you want to use with this.
I mean, wouldn't that be agility strength for how hard he can throw?
Good argument.
Yeah, good argument.
Okay, agility strength.
Here it comes.
You got a four, I got a one, which means you succeed.
Now I'm actually going to roll his defense here.
Is that what that is?
I was doing like a check to hit, but the guess is you were actually making an attack action.
You're supposed to be attacking against his defense.
Technically, we're just in the middle of a high speed chase.
So whatever, I'm going to re-roll that.
This is a defense.
He's paying attention.
So it will be a sneak attack, wouldn't it?
Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah.
Does sneak attacks get any bonuses in the system?
I don't think they do.
I don't know.
Well, maybe.
I'm sure they actually do, yeah.
Anyways, if you want to use a couch coin, now is your time to do so because I got a
four, which means his defense matches your attack.
Fine, I'll use a couch coin to re-roll one of my things.
All right, just roll me one d6.
Oh, that's a two.
Sad lad.
But, glitch die.
That's a three.
Dammit.
Yes.
I ruined all this cool shit, but nothing's happened.
It's so badass, dude.
It's so badass.
Like, what the hell?
Hello, Shinobi.
Hey, Stoonie, what's up?
Everybody's here in chat.
Hi, guys.
Okay, shall I move forward?
Do you want your items now?
Sure.
Yeah.
Okay, that's Shinobes.
Remind me if the glitch die.
It's basically critical hits or fails on a six or a one.
Shinobi 190 used to re-roll, Roger.
Hey, look at that, Roger.
Is that everything?
I'll let you choose since you re-rolled your couch coin.
You could just do the one dice or you can do all of them.
Oh, I'm doing all of them.
That's a five, baby.
Hell yeah, that's very exciting.
And now before your damage, you get the Ares Predator 6.
It's a heavy pistol.
Oh.
You don't.
Yes, Ananka.
You got the item I wanted you to get.
The chainsaw.
Yes.
It's a blind person swinging a chainsaw as they enter.
Also Mira, I appreciate you, but it's Shadowrun Anarchy and there is a difference.
So you have to double check and make sure that's on there because you're using DV, which
I don't think that that's right.
But anyways, chainsaw.
Yes.
So I'm assuming it's back in the shop with Crow.
So you don't currently have it, but he's probably going to give it to you afterwards.
Well double check.
Word.
Also, thank you, Mira, for fact checking.
That's fucking awesome.
And I love that.
Thank you so much.
A valued member of Earth, the studious members of the Power Faction.
Hell yeah.
Okay.
So you chuck your brick at the man, which means this is going to do trivial damage.
I think a brick, two bricks maybe, will do like three damage.
And since you got one success over, his defense will call this an extra damage.
We'll call it four in total.
So what's going to happen?
Just the music.
He jumps up.
You chase after him.
You shoot a bullet and hits his knee pad.
A bunch of bricks come falling down.
A bat comes from out of nowhere.
No gust of wind.
You guys catch up to him and Roger does a backflip and grabs a couple of bricks and
chuck some of them.
They hit them both in the back of the head and he falls to the ground and his phone goes
sliding all the way towards the edge of the wall.
And his phone is about to fall off the wall down a cavern.
You guys see that happening, but he falls down onto the ground and trips and falls and
slides on his face.
It's like road rash.
Can I try to catch the phone?
Yes you can.
Roamy agility agility to catch the phone.
As a bat, hell yeah.
All right.
You got little feetsies.
Six.
We'll call this easy.
You beat the two.
You succeed.
You fly and you grab the phone out of midair and you still hear someone talking on the
other line.
Anonka what do they see?
I want to hear what they see.
They say you're still there.
Hello.
Who is this?
Salty cucumber has been compromised and the phone hangs up.
Oh no.
Now this might be a stretch of how this works.
Is there any way that the signal provoking from the phone through the astral plane is
something that I might be able to track?
Basically.
That's crazy.
But this is fantasy future magic.
So these are the questions we are here to ask.
So I'm going to have you do is I'm going to have you make me sorcery check using one of
your powers.
Which is not astral combat.
Conjuring.
Yeah.
Which is four plus willpower.
It's a nine in total.
This is super cool.
How many successes was that?
That was zero.
Oh, that's a two.
You got to make sure you unclick your glitch guy.
Oh, if every time.
Two.
All right.
I don't think you're going to beat this because this is for sure going to be an average difficulty
roll.
And I got five successes.
That's fair.
It was a stretch anyway.
And there's a one on the glitch die, meaning complication.
So when you try to track the signal, the fact that it's cut off would be immediately like
fuck.
Yeah.
I'm going to say when you try to track the signal, it cuts off your astral projection
and you go back into your power.
How do you work for?
Hold me a melee attack.
Close combat.
B to three.
Amazing space work.
Thanks, Steve.
Five.
How much damage do you do?
Well, it's just with my elbow.
So like common damage or something.
I think there should be.
Improvised weapon.
Yes.
Improvised weapon.
It was the people's elbow.
The people's elbow.
Yes.
Actually, the thing here.
Hold on.
Hold in.
Hold.
That's what I tell my dog.
Let's see.
Close combat.
Oh, with no arty to wait.
We just go wait.
Wait.
And then she throws a wee big tantrum.
It's a wee big because she's small, but it's a big tantrum.
She's small.
Amp powers.
I don't want amp powers.
Show you my amp powers.
I feel like you'd do two stun.
That's what I think it is.
And then because you went over the damage, it's an extra two.
So that's four stuns.
What you're going to do to this man.
Again, so that's eight stun in total so far.
I'll have to double check that.
But I see another character sheet that has it as two stun.
But I don't think that's right, especially because you have all kinds of stuff.
We'll double check.
But for now, no worries.
You jump on top of him and you elbow him right in the stomach and he goes, oh, dude, why
did you do that, dude?
And he rolls over on the wall.
And you look, and for the second time today, you look at your old friend, Pickles.
Oh, Pickles, god damn it.
Why are you doing shady shit?
No, dude, it's not shady shit, dude.
It's good, dude.
Oh, it's good.
It's OK, guys.
It's good.
Yeah.
I would like to drop the phone on Roger's head and go back to find an Anka.
OK.
The phone bounces off your head.
Leaving the chaos goblin.
I think it lands in your hands.
Shit.
He stands up.
He dusts himself off.
He's like, oh, doodly doodly, dude, what's going on, dude?
How are you?
I'm OK.
I'm the lead singer.
Oh, dude, that's cool, dude.
I'm still working for Death Corp.
They got me as a field agent now, dude.
It's pretty sick.
Ah, yeah.
That's cool.
But yeah, you heard how I'm a lead singer now.
Oh, yeah, dude.
That's so cool, dude.
You guys make money or like?
Yeah.
I mean, you know, I sleep on a couch and I got a dog.
Sometimes I wear pants, which is cool.
Yeah.
You're sick, dude.
You still, you know, I know you quit Death Corp because you didn't want to wear pants
anymore, dude.
So like that's, you know.
Yeah, totally.
So this conversation is happening.
You fly back, Eon, to the garage door and you tap on it and it opens crack and Anonka
is standing there now holding a chainsaw.
Think of a blind woman.
Hey, hi.
Hey, so there's somebody up there with Roger.
We should probably get back there as soon as possible because I don't trust him at all.
Yeah, no shite.
Thank you, Mr. Crowe.
Thank you for your time.
You're welcome.
Closing up again.
So I won't be here when you get back.
Not until all this is over.
We'll be in touch.
Sure.
Yeah.
You can step outside, you look over and you can see there's a ladder that goes up to a
fire escape that now connects to the bridge because of where all the bricks had fallen
down.
And you guys...
He said the thing.
I'm using my C and I key to kind of navigate my way around the bricks under feet.
Nice.
Okay.
So you guys get back up to where Roger is.
As you guys are approaching, the guy with the orange dress is just like, yeah, dude.
So I don't know, dude.
I'm just doing what I told dude.
So like, what's up with you?
Why are you throwing bricks at people, dude?
Well, we thought you were a bad guy or like some weird, weird kind of guy that likes,
you know, looking at people and running away really quick.
Which, you know, that kind of pisses me off.
Dude, I wouldn't do that, dude.
Who does something like that, dude?
Why would you look at somebody?
It wasn't some other orange haired guy then.
Yeah, dude.
You did.
Hey, you have my phone.
Can I have that back from you, dude?
That'd be cool.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to reach out and touch Roger's arm before he hands it back.
What were you doing?
What does she touch?
She touches your arm.
Yeah.
It just grabs him by the balls.
What were you doing?
Oh, you know, dude, just hanging out and getting looking at the views, dude.
Look at how nice it is out here.
The Kenyan, the rotting trees, the broken buildings.
To be quite honest, it seemed like you were maybe saying something nefarious.
So here's the thing.
I'm blind, but I'm not deaf.
And you distinctly, distinctly said the words, they are here.
They have the page saying to everyone.
Oh, no, dude.
But I said, we're all queer and we're in a cage.
Once again, I'm blind, not deaf.
So I hope you look as stupid as you sound.
Oh, dude, maybe.
You know.
Can I go ahead and use this?
So if we take this phone, Eon honey.
Could you see if you can get into this phone and see, you know, what what things he maybe
has in his most recent messages, maybe an email or two?
Yeah, can I can I do that's not my phone, dude.
That's not mine.
Oh, but I saw you talking on it and I caught it when it fell out of your hands.
So that's why I was just I was just holding it for a friend, dude.
You know, yeah, no, no, for real, though, does he look as stupid as he sounds?
Um, a little, if I'm being honest.
You guys heard him.
He was just holding it for a friend.
Yeah, does he look as stupid as Roger?
No, it's Roger's old phone anyway, dude.
I came here to give it to him.
That's why.
What?
Yeah, dude.
Oh, so we can keep this then.
Oh, no, I just wanted to show it to him.
Actually, is what I want to say.
Oh, can I go ahead and use a shadow amp to analyze truth?
Yeah.
Castor can determine whether or not the subject is telling the truth.
I don't know if there's a role for this shit.
You got to roll your truth.
Why?
What does it cost just to spin spell amps just to spin?
You call me a liar.
I ain't calling you a truther.
That's it.
OK, let me control F here real quick for us.
No, Southpaw.
That's a different guy.
I only have one gun.
He's committed to her and also should be committed.
He's committed to her to the point of he stuffs his little Willie into the viral.
He uses it as a flashlight, a metal flashlight.
Yeah, it's too big.
It's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.
Yeah.
Put some respect on it.
Pencil, bake, or udger.
Trying to do it in there.
That didn't work.
All right.
Rules are meant to be broken.
Oh, I see why it was doing that.
That's fair.
Shadow amps, augmenting bones, flesh and muscle, red and contrasting technology.
Shadow amps represent more human than human improvements.
Yes.
OK, how to cast.
Doesn't say condition modifications.
Shadow amps, shadow amps, catch all term.
Gotcha.
Much like how skills supplement attributes, amps also enhance related actions by granting
effects.
For example, one shadow amp might allow rerolls.
Another one might allow bonus die in certain situations.
Another one might act like a cue to a narration, et cetera.
So I think you still have to cast something and then you are due an action and then you
get to use your shadow amp, right?
I think is what it is.
OK.
Yeah.
So I have a spell called analyze truth.
Is that what it is?
Oh, it's a spell.
It's not an amp.
It's both.
Spells go in humps.
Oh, I see.
Yeah.
So yeah, it's both.
Gotcha.
So then it's still an amp.
Yeah.
So what you can do.
Hold on.
I lost my page.
Depth, power, cyberware, bio-ware.
Instead of casting spells, adepts use mana to perform physical magic.
The killing hands adept power allows the player to deal physical damage instead of stun damage
and using the unarmed weapon in close combat role in the missile parry.
Jesus.
Ha ha.
Fair enough.
Yeah.
OK.
Yeah.
So that's what we're going to do.
Roll me, my friend.
You're trying to see if you're telling the truth.
So I want you to make me a charisma logic check and then you get to use your analyze
truth spell with it, right?
So we're going to do charisma.
All righty.
So we're going to take it an easy roll because you're using a spell.
You only had to beat a one and you got a three.
Solved up.
Solved up, friendos.
First of all, yeah, he's lying his fucking ass off.
Every single thing he has said since you got up here has been a lie.
Anonka, he's really lying a lot.
It's a lot of lies.
Everything he said is a lie.
No.
Well, you know what?
I'm going to walk closer to him.
I can smell his musk.
I'm going to walk closer to him.
I'm going to actually, if you'll be cool with this, I like to use my fear shadow amp, but
in conjunction with like, just as an after effect of it, of chaotic world and making
him see horrible hallucinations in an intimidation tactic.
So fear, the fear would be the intimidation plus charisma.
But how I do that is showing him horrors.
Nice.
Does that, is that okay?
Yeah, that's cool.
I love that.
Okay.
So I'd much rather you tell me the truth about this whole little gag you have because I know
what your deepest, darkest fears are.
And I'll use it if I have to.
Nice.
Okay.
Make sure my, it's turned off.
That's right.
Roll me some magic.
It's only a one.
For folks sake.
It's only a one, Anonka.
It's only a one.
Oh my God.
But I do want to say something narratively that does happen here.
All right?
If you'll allow me as well.
You get really close to him and you say, I'll do this if I have to.
Nikan Tera is not scared.
He's like, eh, dude, whatever.
You can't do shit to me.
DM Steve underscore forge of law used reroll Anonka.
Hit it.
It's a two, which is better.
Oh, glitch die.
Glitch die is a four.
Nothing happens.
It's better, but you still don't beat it.
But here's what happens.
Unless you want to use couch coins and things.
Do you have one?
I think you have one left.
Do you have one left?
I have one.
Yay.
You have one.
So you could get to a three.
Potentially.
Pinger?
Sir Underscore Puberty subscribed Pinger.
Pinger.
That's right.
Y'all pubert.
Thanks so much for the four months, dog.
As you get close to him and you touch him, you're going to cast fear on him.
I feel like one of the things your fear does is it actually allows you to see the person's
worst fear and then make them see it.
So as you touch him, you can see that he has a family that are currently being like trapped
and kidnapped by Death Corp.
And you can see in his mind this vision of him looking at them through a window and they're
tied up.
Pickles.
And I won't make him see it.
I won't make him live it, but I'll.
How's the family?
Oh, dude, right is rain, dude.
You're just killing it.
Yeah.
Now, what were to happen if you were to fail Death Corp?
What happened to your family then?
Oh, nothing good, dude.
Nothing good.
When you say that now, I want you to make me a charisma check.
Okay.
Yes.
Lots of dice rolls tonight, my friends.
Lots of dice rolls.
Peter won.
You got a one.
Sad.
He's like, yeah, nothing good, dude.
Really nothing good.
Well.
I'll think Roger.
This is a mirror.
More Christus.
We're all on.
On.
All right.
Yes.
Okay.
Three successes.
Congrats.
You beat it by two.
You say what's going to happen to your family?
And he looks you in the eyes and you can see that there is a sadness in his eyes.
I can't see anything.
I can feel it though.
I know.
All right.
Only that's true.
But he's got a sadness about him.
Even though he's talking positively, he's saying things positively.
It's just kind of who he is, but he's super sad about it.
And then I say, Roger, this is your friend back from business.
And you look at his phone and you can see his phone background as a picture of a woman
and a kid.
And you know it's his kid because the kid also has orange dreadlocks.
And you look back up at him and he's like, oh, nothing good, dude.
Just nothing good.
I go to work.
Dude, I do what they say.
If I don't do what they say, dude, then it's over, dude.
Yeah, there you go.
Do you know what the likes of Death Corps did to my family?
I have no idea, dude.
And that's us.
Well, do you remember the Genosci communes about 15 years back?
And the raids?
Yeah, dude, actually I do.
They were killing people for magic powers and shit, dude.
Yeah.
And I wish that on every Death Corp employee that helps them carry out their plans.
Oh shit, dude.
You're going to kill them all?
Look, I didn't hear that, dude.
You can't tell me that, dude.
I work for them.
I mean, no, I don't.
I'm just here in a stroll, dude.
Oh shit.
I didn't say that.
So if I were you and you have any love for Roger left in your...
I touch his head.
Say my balding noggin of yours.
I'd take your family and skip town.
But, dude, I can't skip town with my family, dude.
I have to work for them, dude.
Roger, are you cool, dude?
Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty cool.
I don't know if I told you this, but I'm a lead singer of a band now.
Pretty cool.
And you vouch for this lady?
Yeah, she's pretty cool.
She'll hit you in the balls if you don't tell her what she wants to hear.
So I just kind of lie to her.
So she hits you in the balls?
Payson, he likes in constant litigation.
Something like that.
Listen, enough fucking around, Pickles.
Tell us where the fuck...
What's going on?
He doesn't even...
Tell us where the...
Who the...
What the fuck?
What's going on, asshole?
I've been sitting back here being a lead singer of a band and you don't even give a shit
about it.
I do care, dude.
Now you're going to do me an intimidation check.
That's how you do it, Roger.
Roll me fucking charisma.
That's how you do it.
Just go to counseling.
Just charisma?
Fuck.
Yeah, charisma, charisma.
Or you could use something with it if you want to.
Since you're using your gun, you could use charisma small arms.
Charisma small arms?
Yeah, that's cool.
That was my nickname in high school.
Charisma small arms.
She's got that ADHD T-Rex arm raise.
Sorry to God.
So four.
Okay.
All right.
Finally.
Here we go.
Tell me.
He's like, okay, dude, I work for Death Corp, dude.
They want to know where the pages are, dude.
I've been working for them, dude, because they have my family.
And if I don't do what they say, dude, they'll kill my family.
I know we're longtime buds.
I know we're longtime buds, dude, but how about this?
No, no, no.
Go ahead.
Continue.
Keep telling me what's going on, but you better be quick.
How about this?
Uh, I will continue to work for Death Corp.
But hold on.
Hold on.
I'll do it undercover, dude.
I'll be your informant, dude.
I'll work for them.
I'll tell you what they have going on, dude.
Uh, because we're friends, dude.
Don't shoot me, dude.
It's okay.
I swear.
Look, man, I don't like them.
Be quicker about it.
Tell us more.
I hate them, dude.
Tell us!
That's it.
He says he'll work undercover for you.
Aeon, is he telling the truth?
Can I go ahead and analyze the truth on that one, sir?
Yeah.
He's still active, if you're cool with that.
Okay.
And I will say he's telling the truth, for sure.
Oh, yeah, no, he's being very honest.
That's very kind of you, sir.
He is honest?
He's telling the truth?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, cool.
Did you shoot him anyway?
Nope.
You're lucky it was empty, you idiot.
I wasn't even allowed in.
You're stupid.
That's not...
Dude, that's not funny, dude.
I'm not stupid.
That's not funny, dude.
That was bloody good.
That's kinda funny.
Roger, that was brilliant.
You are an absolute champ.
Yeah, yeah.
Keep praising me.
I deserve it.
You bloody legend.
Yeah, yeah.
You guys know I'm a lead singer of a band.
Yeah, we're in your band.
Yeah, right, okay.
Yeah, we're there.
Yeah.
You know the two people that stand behind you while you're screaming?
That's the toast.
You guys?
Yeah, all the time.
It's like, okay, dude, can I put my hands down now, dude?
No, say I'm a lead singer in a band.
Say it.
You're a lead singer in a band.
Yes, say it again.
Say, no, say I'm a lead singer in a band again.
Do it.
I'm a lead singer in a band again.
Do it.
That's right, motherfucker.
I'm better than you now.
If you can't sail, he still has a lot of unresolved insecurities.
He's not telling the truth anymore, Ananka.
He goes... That's funny.
That's funny.
Yeah, we'll do the couch time for that, Ion.
Yeah, for sure.
He pulls up the sleeve of his shirt and he still has a little tattoo on his arm, Roger,
and he's like, look, we're still bros, dude.
And it's a matching tattoo that you also have somewhere on your body, but I would like you
to describe it to us of what it is.
I guess it looks like a boat, like a Viking boat, some shit.
A little cartoon Viking boat.
This is on his arm.
Mine's on my tape.
I don't know if you can see it down there, but it's in between my balls and my asshole.
How did I know?
He didn't even have to say it and I knew.
I knew where it was.
Okay, dude.
As my first act of being your undercover agent, dude, before I go, I called Death Corp.
Death Corp is one of the companies of the Supreme 10 and they have sent agents to the
underground market to look for you guys.
And if you don't go back there soon, your friends might die, dude.
So I'd go there, dude.
Maybe sneak up, get the upper hand or something, dude.
I don't know, but can I have my phone?
Yeah, just one more stipulation.
We must make a pact.
Blood brothers.
We're gonna do blood brothers here.
Here, take my knife.
Okay, dude.
Okay.
Oh, this could take all night.
I'm heading back to the market.
Yeah, I'm gonna go with the Manka.
He rubs it on you, you rub it on him.
You guys are all just bloody and faced and shit.
He's like white suit shirts just covered in blood now.
It's like, all right, dude, I'll see you later.
You guys walk back up the bridge and look from the bridge down into the underground
market.
You can see almost all the stalls have brought down the garage doors, except a couple of
them are being held at gunpoint from what to be two security guard officials.
When you look at them, they have helmets on that have visors on them with a bunch of cyber
letters going across the visors and they have full suits of armor and both of them are holding
these futuristic cyber guns, holding the elves at gunpoint.
You hear them, they're like, where are they?
Speak now.
Which way did they go?
The elf there, the elven man, he's like, I don't know, I don't know.
And the woman's like, who went where?
There is a saying here in the underground that is mind your business, right?
So people don't talk about where people went.
People don't, you know what I mean?
If someone sees something going on, they leave it be.
That's one of the rules that they have here in the underground.
So they don't say shit out of respect.
It's been an ongoing rule for a long time.
Now as you look down, exactly, exactly.
They're about 12 feet down from you guys and you're standing up above looking down on them.
Can I use essentially my astral wispy form to send out essentially my, just an astral
projection of my voice throughout all the stalls other than the two that just is the
word flee?
Like for anybody that's hiding in their stalls?
Yeah, you could do clairvoyance.
I mean, they're trapped in there.
They got the garage doors down, but I guess people who might have the ability to could
then, yes.
They all have hatches that lead into sewers and shit.
It's an underground market.
Where have you been?
You said there's only like two guards outside?
Yeah.
Roger about to Snape some people.
Wait, hold on.
If my math is correct, we have more people than them.
There's probably going to be more people than they have currently.
All I see is two.
Probably we can just go for it.
Very good.
There is two.
Very good.
We can at least help out the goddamn underground and solidify our name as the underground music.
As you say, help out the underground, Lucy's right by your side all of a sudden and she
like licks your hand and then like bears her teeth and looks down at the guards.
She's like ready to go.
Man, I really want to put on an old school song I used to listen to for this.
I just want to like, I don't know, I just want to like find a radio in the apartment
and turn on the music and just fuck the police coming straight from the underground and just
like jump down from the balcony and just hit both of the guys on the head with my fucking
mic stand.
Well, I guess we're going for it.
Yeah, I guess we're going for it.
Want me to roll defense first?
Or you want to roll attack?
And I'll allow you to try to attack them both.
I'm cool with that.
You got the upper advantage.
That's cool.
Strengthen the deal, lady.
Start walking down.
It would be baton specialization, which you should be able to click.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Staff fighting.
Strength.
Yeah.
Oh, that's not great.
It could be better.
So only a three.
That's a one for one of them and a five for the other.
So you get one of them and you get two more on top of them.
What is the stats on your staff?
Sir, Underscope, you've been used to reroll, Roger.
Oh, you might be able to get both of them.
My mic stand.
Six P, whatever that means.
Piercing.
Somehow your mic stand does piercing damage.
Your mic doesn't stun people.
It does lethal damage.
It's studded.
It's got studs on it.
You can't see it, but there's studs on it.
It's like a morning star.
And really what it is is he's just put rusty nails on it.
He has to constantly get technique shots.
Yeah.
Ow.
Okay, six piercing.
Go on ahead and reroll your attack first.
You got to be the one and a five.
A what?
One and a five.
One, faith.
That's what you're trying to be.
Reroll your baton.
You got to reroll from people.
Oh, I got to reroll my shit.
Yeah.
God damn it.
Pause.
Play.
Edgy Onyx just redeemed pause.
Hello.
How you doing, bud?
Welcome in, Onyx.
That's a four, which is better, which means you're doing a four.
A four, which is better, which means you do more damage to the one guy.
So every success you get above their defense, you do an extra point of damage, right?
So this here is a total of not six, but nine damage to the guys who jumped down on top
of them.
And the other guy you just miss as he jumps out of the way.
And now we're going into initiative.
And I'm going to have, we're going to do it clockwise.
So whichever direction you think should go next, Roger, since you acted first, to your
left, to your right.
And which clockwise direction?
Well, I feel like, uh, uh, uh, uh, Amy, Amy, Eon should go next because she's the only
other one that can see what's happened.
True.
Ananka has just noticed that I have left the chat and that's about it.
Oh, also, do you want to command Lucy to do something?
Was that a question for me?
I didn't hear it.
Yeah.
Do you want to command Lucy to do something?
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
Lucy sick balls.
Sick balls.
Let me, I sent you the stats before, but I'm sure you don't have them up in front of you.
So let me grab them for you.
There it is.
Um, okay.
So she's got athletics.
Um, she's got a shadow amp of essence.
Um, she has no critter amps sadly, but she does have an elemental attack.
Um, that is fire.
Um, it does six piercing armor avoidance.
Dang it.
She's got enhanced senses.
She gets plus three dice to any perception tests.
She has fear so she can reroll any two dice on intimidation texts against people and she
has immunity to fire.
Drink.
Um, yes.
It's a heckin spiked mace.
Yeah, it is.
She knows me, um, just blindly swings chainsaw.
So you say sick balls.
Sick balls.
All right.
So she's going to do her bite attack.
I'm assuming.
Well, can it be like a bite and then breathe fire?
Sure.
Why not?
Um, it is combat.
The defense is agility, um, intelligence.
I see.
Okay.
Let's do it.
So strength, agility, anxious 10.
She got five on her role and their defense.
A three.
Jesus.
So she does eight damage as she hops off the wall, flying through the air.
She's like, and like slams down on the guy's balls that you missed and bites in her mouth
glows red hot and just burns all over his crotch.
And I feel like the armor he's wearing is like one of those armor suits where for some
reason the crotch doesn't have any armor on it.
So it's just like cloth.
So she just grabs right into it and burns his whole crotch away.
He's like, yeah, now anybody remember the show mansers?
There was an episode where they said barbecue and bull.
Hell yeah, dude.
And that's all I'm thinking about right now.
Eons go.
Eon would do.
That's all I'm smelling right now.
Um, yeah.
Um, drink.
Good Steve.
Are you, are you, are you good here?
I'm going to ask Anonka.
Okay.
Um, let me know if you need help in some way.
Um, I'm going to jump down on the one who is more hurt.
Nice.
And attack him with my umbrella baton.
Nice.
Does it do stun or piercing?
It is piercing.
Nice.
Three.
Oh, son of a bitch.
Oh, so you just jump down, swing right in front of him and he just barely dodges out
of the way and he's like, huh?
Oh hi.
Oh, you're like, oh, you look angry.
I'm Steve underscore forge of low use three role Leon.
All right.
Okay.
I'll do that thing that you said.
Hey, that's a five, which is two over his three, which means it does an extra two damage.
What's that in total?
Okay.
So that's six total piercing.
Piercing total.
All right.
So his armor is completely gone.
You've like, you smack him with this thing and pieces just fall off.
And now he's just like, and you can see that he's got like some wounds going.
He's definitely bloodied is what I would say.
He's not looking very good.
I don't like the blood though.
Okay.
Oh yeah.
You're struggling with this.
He pulls up his mask.
This is fine.
And he looks like classic white man cop with a mustache, but like a, like a, you know,
one of those like classic, like shaved it way too close, but it's still handlebars, like
Hulk Hogan head ass.
Um, and it's like blonde.
Yeah.
And he looks right at you and he goes, stupid fucking vampire, huh?
Hey, nasty, nasty, nasty.
And he pulls up your one of those.
Yeah.
And he shoots his rifle.
Hey, Matt, because he watches vampire porn.
Oh yeah, he probably does.
Yeah.
You got a three.
I need you to make me a defense check, um, which will be agility.
Hold on.
Um, agility logic.
All right.
Oh, three.
So he all around you.
Um, I want to say that you quickly turn into a bat and then land right back in front of
him.
And he's like, nasty, nasty, nasty.
You're just jealous.
That's okay.
Yeah.
And it's the other one's turn and he pulls out his stun baton and tries to smack Lucy
on the back of the head with it as she's.
Yes.
He got a three.
Lucy has four agility to logic.
So that's six in total.
Lucy got a four.
She succeeds.
She's still she like whips to the side, still holding on to his dong and he like hits whips
to the other side and he's like, stupid dog.
Yeah.
Now it's Anonka's turn.
What do you do?
Oh, I'd like to astral project using my astral combat to calm down in a, the wind form and
essentially use the wind in such a whipping way that it's like wind blades.
Anonka.
As you astral project and you fly down to the bottom of the other two are, you see a
third one standing there that the other two can't see.
But it's an astral like spirit kind of person that's like following one of them around like
a protector.
And you see him standing there like hovering around the other guy, like protecting him.
All right.
Then I'm going for him.
Let's go.
Fair.
In the astral, astral combat.
So you fly down and you're going to do what?
Wind blades?
Essentially, it's going to be like cutting slices of blade.
Nice.
Okay.
Let's do it.
You're going for him.
You only have to beat eight two.
Hold on.
I gotta make sure my glitch die is turned off.
You think there aren't spirits and ghosts in the astral?
Jesus.
Six.
So that's four extra damage that you're going to be doing.
This astral combat.
So we're going to figure out how much damage you're actually doing in the first place.
Do you have a weapon you're attacking with in the astral?
No.
But you do have that chainsaw.
We got to figure that out.
Yeah, but you can't take physical things into the astral plane.
You're essentially just fighting naked.
That's so very true.
I want to say it's going to be unarmed.
Your strength determines the damage you do when doing unarmed combat.
The damage you inflict is stun damage equal to your strength rounded up noted as strength
2S.
Equal to half your strength rounded up equal to strength 2S.
Okay, but here's the issue.
You're not doing unarmed.
You're doing the other thing.
What I want to say is this is willpower, half your willpower rounded up.
So this is going to be three because you're doing magic, right?
Magic is willpower.
Yeah.
It's a magical thing.
Yeah.
So we're going to do that.
This is three.
Do I roll for it or is it just three?
It's just three plus your net bonuses, which were a few actually four.
So in total that's seven damage.
So good day running by in the ether.
Hell yeah.
I know.
I see no faction channel.
Suni, you better join one, baby.
If you go to self rolls, join power for hot witch shit.
No.
Suni joins mortalis because mortalis is red faction and I'm the leader of mortalis.
Suni!
We're just dark as hell.
Come on.
You know you're in the hot witch shit.
Hot witch shit.
Seven damage.
Now we're going to cut back a sec.
Editing turkey later.
We're back here.
You do seven damage in total being unarmed for a magical attack like this is going to
be willpower rounded up in half plus your net bonuses.
So you're going to do seven damage.
So you send down your wisps of air at this thing and it slices through it and you can
see it is visibly affected as it kind of seizes and fissures and it takes a step back from
the man no longer protecting him but it looks up and gets eye contact with you.
But it looks like half of its form that it was before.
You did so much damage to it.
Yeah.
Roger.
To recap, there's one man with no more armor who's trying to shoot Eon.
There's another one that still has armor but your dog is on its nuts and is trying to hit
your dog.
And there's a spirit thing that Ananka is fighting.
We can't see.
Yeah, I'm going to go ahead.
Welcome to my life.
Take care of my dog.
Shoot the guy.
Nice.
Hell yeah.
Shoot the guy, bud.
Shoot the guy.
Beat a two.
Three.
Hell yeah.
How much damage did your gun do?
As six P plus one.
Nice.
So that.
Oh, I think the P stands for physical.
Piercing.
So it was piercing and stun.
Or it could be physical and stun.
But either way, physical and stun.
I always thought it was piercing and stun.
It works.
Yeah, yeah.
Physical and stun.
So your dog already did nine.
You do six.
You shoot him.
You blow his face mask off and he's got this crew cut with like this blonde hair on the
top and he looks over at you.
He's trying to hit your dog with a baton.
He's like, ah, ah, ah.
His face mask is gone.
His armor is all blown off.
He's looking all bloody and he's fucked up and there's just blood everywhere.
And it sucks for you.
But he looks right over at you and he's like, nasty goblin and stupid hell hound.
Gross.
Before he does that, I just want to add to the visual of this.
I'm firing three shots all at his head and it's bang.
Helmet stays on.
Bang.
Helmet stays on.
And then on the last one, bang, it flies off.
And as I fire each shot, I go fuck five.
Oh, nice.
Nice.
Comes right from the underground because we're in the underground market this way.
All right.
Eon.
Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and hit him again, I think with my umbrella.
Nice.
It's pretty bloody.
Like, this is going to suck for you.
Oh, God.
I got a three.
Son of a bitch.
And you got a one on the glitch side.
I got a two.
Oh, my God.
Oh, OK.
So when I when I go to hit him, I accidentally kind of it triggers an instinct in my head
of what just happened.
And I turn into a bat and drop my umbrella and then after like turn back into myself
and Steve underscore forge of law used to reroll glitch die.
Is a four.
No, I like my flavor.
That shite.
He tries to shoot you.
Oh, no.
Yes, you got a beautiful.
Too bad.
It was agility plus logic.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
Sure.
That's a one.
All right.
He does with a three net bonus.
He does seven piercing damage to you.
Remember.
Oh, my God.
It's your armor first.
Your armor first.
Yeah.
Does he break any of your armor?
I've got two armor left.
OK.
All right.
About to break.
It's about to break.
The other guy.
It's not great.
No longer trying to hit Lucy pulls out his gun and fires back.
Roger Roger.
Pretty logic for me, be the four.
Oh, totally misses the wind spirit.
The spirit that you just attacked with your wind, the protection spirit leaves him and
flies up to you and stands right next to you.
And I don't know if I guess you do see this in the astral because you can see astral things.
So you see the energy come right up to you and it looks at you and then it looks down
at your necklace and it goes.
The crow.
And then it just fades away.
Looks me and I look at him.
He looks at me.
Now look at him.
Nice.
Now it's your turn, Ananka.
Well, that's lovely.
I can't I don't even know what to do now.
I'm all thrown off.
I just the guy I was fighting just dissipated then.
Well, for fuck's sake.
Then what I would like to do over the square of where they're at, of where everybody's
fighting is essentially to throw the police off their guard.
I would like to like as I enter back into my own body, cast out chaotic world.
Nice.
And essentially bring the same sort of show that I brought to the concert, but in a much
more confined like make it look like the grounds breaking apart into open pits of lava.
Jesus.
Yeah.
Jesus.
OK, they're going to make a defense check against this.
I think that's what it was, right?
I don't know.
It's essentially just.
We did it during our test.
Yeah, it's they have to reroll one of their successful dice.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, straight up.
OK, straight up.
So you can tell they are visibly shaken as they dance around hot lava that no one else
can see on the ground.
They are scared dancing around hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot,
hot.
Roger, what do you do?
Am I caught in this?
No, no.
Plus you guys are so used to it, it doesn't matter.
You know what they say.
They're saying it's my turn.
Yeah.
It's pretty dead.
You push this fucker and he'll fall.
Evada Kedavra!
Shoot the guy.
Voldemort looking at us.
It's actually how you look, dude.
That's pretty good.
I'm gonna try to roll it.
Except with advanced nose.
This is like if Voldemort got two nose jobs to replace his no nose.
Ended up with a nose fetish and just kept getting more noses stacked on.
Five, which is four net over the one.
You.
Yeah.
Hold on.
How do you finish?
That's ten total piercing.
Wait, no, no, no.
Yeah, that's a lot.
Nose cruxes.
That's.
Oh shit.
He's dead.
No nose.
Stop, stop.
He's already dead.
It's, it's, it's.
Tea bag him and be done.
It's nine damage.
Hell yeah.
How do you finish him?
Tea bagging.
Gross.
The corpo luft.
Come to die.
Then I shoot him.
Nice.
And his brains just explode.
And I picture like on the wall behind him, there's like a graffiti art of like an explosion.
And he's just like head hits the wall and he slides down and there's just like blood
and like graffiti art of now brains and explosion.
You're next.
What the fuck?
You laugh like bogus the animal for Minion Black 3.
Me?
What do you do?
One guy left right in front of you.
Yeah.
I'm going to try to hit him again.
Yep.
I'm doing that thing.
I'm just taking my umbrella and just trying to whack, whack, whack.
I know this is hard for you because of all the blood everywhere.
So yeah, let's do it.
I'm having a rough time.
She's holding her breath.
Got to be.
Oh my God.
Four.
That's three net bonuses.
How much does your umbrella do originally?
So four.
So it'll be seven total.
How do you finish it?
She is.
She kind of closes her eyes and she stares like she's trying to stare him down, but she's
like, oh, the blood, the blood is just hitting him over and over and over on the dome.
And he's like, does your umbrella, your umbrella does piercing.
That's what she said, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
So you kill him falls down.
Oh God.
Sense of relief and everything kind of gets quiet.
But then you guys hear like a slopping noise and you look over and Lucy's licking the
brains off of the wall of the dead cop.
Oh, good for.
We could try to get smart on me, dog.
And all the garage is open all around here in the underground market and people clap.
And then, yeah, everyone starts singing and cheering, you know, the song you sing earlier.
Fuck the police coming straight from the underground market.
What's up?
Yeah.
Everyone's pretty excited.
And people put things out on their tables.
Some of them even come around.
They said they will offer you a discount for helping them fend off what just happened.
Everyone's on a mind their own business basis, but the fact that you guys helped them, they're
super happy about it.
And they just want to say thank you.
So a lot of them put a lot of items out for offer for sale for you guys.
And one thing I did forget to mention earlier, but profits from the show that you guys played
since you all succeeded on your performance roles, each one of you guys are going to get
the maximum amount of gold that I was going to give you, which is $666 each.
Money that you made.
So you have that much money.
And if you will so allow me, I would love to explain some items that you might see out
here on the tables.
But first, chat, successful battle chat.
How did we feel?
Cheers.
It's a shopping episode.
Yes.
Now that we know that items can and will be useful, it's a shopping episode.
So one of the things you see on a table looks like a ruined microphone that will enhance
performance checks by plus two D six.
If you're interested in now the crow crow has three things for offer.
One of them is a whip that costs 500 bucks, but it adds plus two D six to melee checks
with this whip.
And it's a thin, almost invisible wire that can slice through nearly anything.
It's a thin whip.
He also has a shadow cloak, which is an enchanted cloak that blends with shadows, making you
harder to detect.
And we'll give you a plus two D six to stealth checks.
Lastly, he has a hardened cyber deck, which is a rugged cyber deck that's designed for
heavy duty hacking operations, and we'll give you plus three to hacking checks, plus three
D six to hacking checks.
Before I move on to the next, anyone interested in those things?
I'm actually interested in the wire whip and on the cloak, honestly.
Okay.
Here's the deal.
The whip is 500 and the cloak is $600.
So I mean, you might be able to barter with Crow and trade him maybe some things that
you have, but I think the only item you've been given was the chainsaw, right?
I got a shotgun last episode and then I traded it with Bob for I think a pulse rifle or a
gun, I traded it with Bob for something, but I don't remember what it was.
It was a smart gun that had Zendadi etched on the side of it.
It was the Ingram smart gun.
Yeah.
Smart gun, that's what it was.
Yeah.
And I got a chainsaw.
Now how about this, as a total, if you guys are ever given any chat items.
Thanks Contra Knight.
Contra Knight subscribed.
Cheers.
Oh dude, since Nate's here, can I do a quick little thing?
Because Nate, you guys, everyone who watched the show for a long time, you know that Nate
was my old music teacher in college.
She's wonderful.
I wouldn't be streaming if it wasn't for him, et cetera.
We love Nate.
We're actually doing a metal band campaign, Nate, right now, and we've actually made music
for this metal band campaign.
If Steve's still here and has the link for that on Spotify, please, I would love to show
Nate.
Nate's actually a wonderful mixer and I didn't mix the music at all, so he's probably going
to get mad at me for that, but we've also released a music video and other kinds of
stuff.
It's really fun.
I did all the instrumentals and Connor down here did all the vocals.
Fun shit.
Yes.
So please check it out.
I would love to hear your opinion on the music we made.
Hook me up.
He actually was like, make fun music.
Fun music is cool, but you're always going to be known for that fun music, so be careful.
I remember he gave me a lecture about it, like funny music anyway.
So very good.
We love Nate.
Thank you, Nate.
Thanks for being here.
Not now, send it to Discord.
We'll do.
Thank you so much.
Hell yeah.
OG right there, everybody.
OG.
Look, he's still got the first badge on the GrouchCats channel.
You all believe that?
That's crazy.
Okay.
So as a rule, I want to say that all chat items that are given to you guys with the
course of this campaign, you can sell them for about an average of 500 bucks, all right,
to not ruin our economy.
So if you do get something, just know it's probably about 500 bucks you can get from
it.
If I cut out its power, ah, it's raining here too, Pee-Wer, it's crazy.
Would it be rude to trade the crow for back his chainsaw for the cloak instead?
Well, that's rude.
Because maybe he gave me the chainsaw in like a panic of like, oh no, you're going to have
to fight, not thinking blind woman with a chainsaw.
Not a good idea.
So that's fair.
But the cloak is worth 600, but hey, actually you will have enough almost.
So if you want to spend all of your money on the whip and the cloak, we can do that,
all right?
Yeah, that's fine.
So shadow cloak plus 2d6 to self checks and plus 2d6 to melee attacks with the mono filament
whip.
All right.
Moving on.
The elf has an amulet of protection he is selling, it's a silver amulet imbued with
protective spells that gives you plus 2 to defense when you wear it.
And the defense actually comes back every day at dawn.
So like, you don't have to worry about repairing it, you just always have the two defense,
right?
Because in this system, whenever your armor and ship breaks, you have to buy new armor.
But this one comes back every day.
He also has a ring of strength that gives you plus 2 to strength checks and like damages
and stuff while you wear it, you'll just add to strength to your strength pool.
And he has lastly, a magical wand of firebolt.
You can cast firebolt once per day.
Strength.
A few times.
Strength again.
Hydrate.
Anybody interested in those things?
No.
No, I'm gonna keep looking.
The woman, Selene is her name.
She's a graceful woman with flowing robes and a serene expression.
She's you know, the beautiful black and silver hair.
She has an elixir of speed that gives you plus 2 agility for one hour.
She has a healing potion that can heal up your physical, not your stun, but it can heal
up your physical track.
And she has a mana potion that when you drink will allow you to cast an additional shadow
amp or spell in a turn.
That last one there.
So it would essentially be like a second spell to cast?
Yeah, it's like second action.
And it lasts for...
How much?
Yeah, okay, so that is only 300 bucks.
All three of the potions are only 300 bucks.
Yeah, I think I'm gonna take that last one if you don't mind.
Okay, mana potion.
There you have it.
All right.
And since Roger wasn't interested in anything else, the fan that you fought with earlier
was actually gonna give you a gift, but you fought with him for whatever reason.
I could say instead they're selling it here.
There is a spiked leather jacket that has extra one defense.
And there is a guitar pick.
Hold on.
No, there's not a guitar pick.
Sorry, I took that off.
Roger, any purchases for you or you'll be keeping your money?
I like my day.
Okay, fair enough, friend.
All right, now that all is said and done, you guys purchase some things.
You hang out here in the underground market.
You meet these people.
You hang out with your dog for a little bit.
You guys do some stuff.
Roger, you hanging out with Lucy, who's eating the brains and stuff.
You guys are hanging out laughing at the body of the cop for a little while together.
You do begin to sense that you're having maybe an even deeper connection with Lucy, who just
continues to support you silently.
All right.
Dog.
And Crow basically says just keep a lookout for more pages.
Continue to do your thing and if you find anything else to come back to him.
And that's kind of where we end the episode.
So as we're as we're Indian can I be up with my little phone device going like phone takes
Gillian Vanderbake because everything I do is text to speech because you can't fucking
text.
I love that.
That's cool.
Nice.
What about Alfred?
Can you use Alfred?
I could.
Now it's like a way for you to text.
It's like a good thing.
Oh, I can text now.
Yeah.
Like, hey, Alfred, can you send a message?
Set yourself to Scottish mode.
What do you what do you say?
It's going to say, hey, Gels, it's Anonka came across some interesting pieces lately
would love some insight on what they mean and how to focus my energy on them.
Cool.
You send out the text and you first you just get one text back and Alfred reads it to you
and it says he says new text from Jillian.
Okay.
And then he says new text from Gillian will contact you soon.
Currently busy.
We'll meet soon.
What is it that you found?
I'm going to say, hey, Alfred, text Gillian Vanderbeek.
New necklace seems seems to have a raving connection, but understand busy life.
Xoxo talk soon.
Let me know.
New response from Gillian.
Good to hear you're accessorizing.
Would love to see it.
Because it's a necklace.
All right.
So what do you want to do anything while we end up in here?
You want to say you're doing anything in the van talking to anybody going anywhere?
Do you have any plans or anything like that?
Let me know.
And I guess we'll just go in a row here.
So Roger, anything for you?
I know I'm just hanging out with Lucy and you know, I got inspired to start writing
the lyrics to a song that might summon a tentacle demon.
Do you want to send it?
Because I mean, it might actually be cool if we record and release the.
Oh, absolutely.
And then we also release the lullaby.
So it's like both the actual songs.
Awaken, awaken, awaken, awaken.
Yeah.
Take the land that must be taken.
Hell yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's a death clock song.
Eon, what about you?
Yeah.
So when we get on the bus, she's going to get to work again on what she was crocheting.
She completely rips back because she has to.
Roger, is this something that's going to work for you?
Do you think there's enough room for?
Yeah, I'll do it.
Yeah.
Got a little little black.
I know you just want it gray, but black also is your color.
I split my balls apart like it will my ass cheeks.
So I'll have an ass in the front and an ass in the back.
Exactly.
Comfortable for the taint, if you will.
All right.
Well, it's done.
Please add to your inventory knitted G string from Eon.
That would be sick.
Thank you.
A front.
Show it again, says Mira.
They want to see it again.
There we go.
It's a little goblin G string.
Love that.
Yup.
That's beautiful.
I can't believe I just did that.
I'm going to go ahead and do it.
I'm going to do it.
I can't believe I just did that.
It needs a screenshot.
Oh yeah, you right.
You right.
I'm so proud of you.
Yeah, there we go.
Roger, can we get you, you know, being excited about the G string on this screenshot here?
Very good.
Love that.
We'll mail it out.
Incredible.
I want pictures in that thing. Hey, you know one day when we get that Patreon going we'll see what's up
You know I'm saying it'll be the number one seller. Yep g-string pictures of Roger
Incredible that my friends is what we're gonna end the story for tonight. I hope it was fun
I'm roller coaster for sure
chopped economics
Summer
Will Aeon be able to knit a bra to match the G string?
Will Roger be able to remember his own name?
Probably not!
And Herky finds out that his mustache can in fact be too sharp.
See you on the next time of Love, Death and Dice!