Hello everybody, welcome back to Love, Death and Dice the Wild Beyond.
Tonight is another episode. Thank you so much for joining us.
My name is Dungeon Master Turk and I will be your humble and awesome Dungeon Master for the night.
I'm also joined here with the lads. Say hello lads.
Hello lads.
Yes, Connor, Proteus, Kate and Fishy. How we doing?
We ready for some fucking dice rolling or what?
Hell yeah.
The fourth member of our show here, all of you guys in chat.
Thank you so much for joining us. You guys are the Court of Chaos.
Can we get some We Love Steves in chat? I know I requested it already in typing form,
but now I'm bullying you in real life.
Cool. I'm excited to roll some dice tonight, everybody.
The story's really become something fun as fuck and so I'm very excited to do that.
But hey, before we get into any of that shenanigans, we do have an intro to run
and we have a lovely PP show that was performed by the lovely fucking Spice Teal illustrations.
And this one, I think, is probably my funniest, my favorite funny one of this far.
I watched a little bit of it and it actually made me laugh and I thought it was fucking awesome.
Elia makes everything amazing. I love Elia so much.
Their editing has like a spot that hits my funny bone that I just love. I fucking love it.
All right, we're gonna run the intro, everybody, and we'll be right fucking back.
Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Sunday Service Edition of Pawvo's Playback, aka The League.
My name is Pawvo, P-O-L-VO, and have I got another recap for you.
Family.
Let's see what happened last time on Love, Death, and That's the Wild Beyond.
All right, get ready because we got a lot of action. Let's go.
We open up on our heroes traveling to tither via balloon. However, they encounter a magical
darkness and they were attacked and blown out of the sky by a darkness demon-looking dragon.
Reiner lost his pants when they fell out of the balloon and he continued the whole episode without
pants. You know, barred shit. After landing, they encountered a cursed man in a cave that was haunted
by spirits. This man made them an amazing bag of holding for the team. If you've never heard of a
bag of holding, it's a bag that you can put everything in. You could put the couch and me
inside of it and it will not change shape. It's a really cool item. If you destroy it, you're dumb.
Not saying that the person who gives me a voice destroyed one in the campaign was, but we're not
going to talk about that. It is a really cool item. And then the squad found an owlbear and Reiner
saved it and rescued it and recruited it as part of the team. And now it pulls a chariot first to
get around. Look at that. Friendship and transportation. What a great combo. But the
true highlight of our journey was a little heartwarming moment where the team met a group
of children living with a giant tenant. They made breakfast for them and had some good moments
and then the leader revealed himself to be a demon. His name was Will. And what Will
happened next now. See what I did there. And that's what you missed last time on
Love Death and that's the Wild Beyond. What's going to happen today? Will we learn more about Will?
I'm done. Get ready, grab the popcorn. Not the popcorn, it's the motherfucking popcorn.
And enjoy today's Sunday service everyone. Devout to the couch. Although over and out.
Thank you for that Steve. A lot of pee-pees. Yeah, there's a lot of pee-pees right there.
Maybe there's so many pee-pees. Hell yeah. My goodness. Well, shout out to Spice. Didn't I
tell you the editing was fucking hilarious? I don't know what the fuck. It's just so good.
Here we go again everybody. Tier 69 pee-pees.
I love the way she slows down at the end there. Table Mancers, hello. You are also
a wonderful storyteller. Thank you so much for joining us. How the hell are you? How's it going?
My goodness. Exciting pee-pee time. Table Mancers. Yes, the whole family is here. Whole family.
So we're going to go ahead and get started into our story tonight everybody. Thank you so much
for joining us. It's been awesome. Make sure to show Spice some love for that intro. Time for the
sweater to come off. It's time to do. What kind of knowle is that on your shirt? Welcome to the
nerd herd. You dang nerd. Oh, it's just a regular knowle. Another world gifted to Faber Mancers.
Thank you. Cheers buddy. Thanks Aaron. Sorry Dad. Okay, as we last left off, before I play the music
here, when we did leave off, you guys were sitting in this tree house inside of this giant elderly
tree. And there's a tree house built inside of it that all these lost kids were living inside of.
You guys were sitting around a table whenever Wheel revealed himself to not be Will. To not be
a child, but to be an Ooni. A demon. A shapeshifter. And that's right when we left off the last episode.
Well, that's a neat trick to look less imposing most of the time. I wish I could do that.
Right. So, no, I actually say that. Oh, there's like this intense like awkward silence with this
demon. You look around all the kids are sleeping. That's why he finally decided to reveal himself.
And then you just say, that's a neat trick. And he looks at you and he's like, yes, a neat trick.
And I go, oh yeah, check out this end. And I cast Enlarge on Violet.
Shit. I'm already six foot ten. In the tree house? Okay, we're starting off with Chaos Boys.
Goodness. Do you want to read Enlarge for the class, Reiner? All right. You cause a creature
or an object you can see within range to grow larger or smaller for the duration. Choose either
a creature or an object that is neither worn or carried. If the target is unwilling, it can make
a constitution saving throw. On success, the spell has no effect. If the target creature,
wait, if the target is a creature, everything it is wearing and carrying changes in size with it,
any item dropped by an affected creature returns to normal size. Enlarge, the target size doubles
in all dimensions and the weight is multiplied by eight. This growth increases the size by one
category from medium to large or from large to like extra large, you know. For example, if there
is any, if there isn't enough room for the target to double in size, the creature object attains the
maximum possible size in the space. Until the spell ends, the target also has advantage on
strength checks and strength saving throws. Gotcha. So you just made me, you just made me 13 feet tall
well inches. What about like how tall is the ceiling? Is this tree house? I mean, I'm sitting
down. My exact point. I believe it's about eight feet, but here's what happens. You cast Enlarge
and slowly you begin to grow. Violet, the chair below you breaks and you hit the ground
and then you grow all the way up to the ceiling like this. You're like, huge. Well, this is not
at all how I expected today to go. As you're growing though, there's like some things in the
ceiling, like little makeshift chandeliers and little things that little kids have hung up.
And you see all this stuff up in here and you're trying your best to like avoid it as a big person.
I want you to make me a dexterity check to not go knocking all this shit down because that'll
kind of determine what happens next. How dare you. Dexterity. Weight of his peen. I'm dying. 20! A dirty 20!
Hey! Nice. First of all, the night's the dirtiest. So you move around the things,
nothing falls down. You're like, you move right in between everything. You stay kind of quiet though,
too, because all the kids around you are just like sleeping and the Ooni, Will, looks up as you grow
and he's like, well, if my trick is neat, that too is a very neat trick. Thanks. I wasn't expecting
to be bigger today. Well, I reveal myself to you three to get on a level with you to make you understand.
Are you gonna gonna be able to hear me up there? Yeah, I can hear just fine. My ears are quite large.
They were large to begin with. Violet does still have the potion to get even larger if they wanted.
Yes. Yes, they do. We ain't doing that. I don't need to be 20 feet tall. Big lady. Big lady.
I'm just not even paying attention to the conversation. I'm like floating off in the
corner of the room just like playing a song. Reiner's in the other side of the room just
singing all I wanna do. I see you turning to a giant woman. There's a big lady in a tree house.
She's stomping all over the place. I just wish that big ass lady would sit right on my face.
Not a chance, Reiner.
Okay, Will the Ooni says,
Yes, I am a demon. I am an Ooni. He's got this bluish pale skin and these teeth that are crazy
sharp and pointed and his hair's all matted and patchy and all of his limbs are way too long for
his body and his fingers are like super long with fingernails on them and he's like tapping
his fingernails on the table as he talks. But aren't like blue Oonies like the, I don't know
if this follows like Japanese logic or nothing, but like aren't aren't blue Oonies like the nice
protectory ones? They're just menacing looking. Well, I don't know what that is, but maybe.
I used to work for Scabitha. I was one of her main people until a curse that was placed upon me made
me good. I was an evil demon and this curse has changed me. So I helped all these kids escape
from Scabitha's clutches and my goal is to get them all free for this place here that I'm building
to prosper. All the kids must be here and they must all live free as I do now.
I like that plan. I'm not a big fan of kids getting mistreated. So I do appreciate you taking
I do appreciate you taking such good care of them. I try. Yes. I have a question for you, Violet. You
did manage to get a Displacer Beast kitten earlier. Were you still holding this thing when you grew in
size? No, it's actually still down there. We didn't take it up when we made breakfast because I just
finished making breakfast and I was holding Trinket. Okay. All right. That's fair. So
then moving on from that. Yeah, it's very terrifying. Star's underneath the table giving me
eat me eyes and I'm fucking scared, man. What's underneath the table giving you eat me eyes?
Yeah, Star's still down in the pen. We didn't bring her up. Yeah, she's down in the pen. We
didn't bring her up here. We said we'd get her on her way out. How long does this big lady
spill last? As long as I wanted to, which is forever. Oh, no. All right. Will you change me
back if I try like I try to like squash you between my toes? Like, is that a thing you're into?
Are you in defeat? No. Well, yes, very much. But I thought we were going to do something like cool,
you know, but we didn't do anything like cool. What? Well, yeah, he takes care of a bunch of
children. I don't I don't know why we think he'd be that bad. How long we just made the kids break.
It's just concentration up to like one minute. So like, yeah, you know, I just looked it up. Yeah,
I couldn't I deactivate the thingy with my mind.
If you want to. So he looks at you three and he says, I have a plan
before the kids awaken. I have a plan to set the rest of the kids free. And I could use your help.
I have been hospitable, giving you my cat, letting you stay. And I figure in exchange, you can help me.
I'm down for free and children.
Okay, for the kids wake, let us go outside. And he gets up all tall and gangly and shuffles across
the floor like, now, do the kids know that you're an oony because I know you saw them with with me.
Kids are actually pretty good with monstrous things. I'm just saying. I am scared if they know my true
colors, they will not follow me any longer. They must not know. I mean, you just pitch it right.
They'll be fine. I'm a giant demon. I'm a giant tiefling myself. And you saw them they thought I
was great. I made them apple fritters for breakfast. Everything was fine. Listen, damage kids
recognize damage adults and they can connect with that I had a shit childhood. I know what it's like
to struggle. And they connect with that and me. You could you you've had a hard time in life. If
you trust them, they they'll probably like you just the same for being true to yourself.
Speaking of negatively affecting child's development. Can I look around the room for some pants?
Finally, writers putting on pants everybody. Can we get some pants and chat? The runner is the
fucking Winnie Poo anymore. We need a poo fucking also I got a for persuasion. Yes, you did.
Finally getting his pants with your 17. You can see he eases a little bit because if you shared
something with him, you know, he appreciates and he says, well, I'll think I'll think about this.
I'll think about this. I'll think about this. But for now, the task at hand
and roll me perception writer.
Is this perception for payments? Yes, perception for pants. Virtual tabletop not found. What is
this? Oh, wait, hold on. You got it. Okay, so do you want me to roll it again on screen?
I'll tell you what I got. What did you get? I got like the 13. Okay. Well, I didn't see it.
Okay, I guess I roll it again. Yeah. One moment, please.
Do squirrels wear pants? He only finds chaps. That's gaybeard sure don't. Hell yeah.
You guys were wanting me to use the enlarge cast on like my penis or something so I could walk
around like the tripod, you know. But like it would just make it a big limp. Lamp like listen,
unless you have excuse me, I have no problems in that area. No, I'm saying like it doesn't have
like a bone skeletal structure in it. Yeah, you can't walk with it. It's not posable. It's still
like a chance to your body and drag it on the ground behind you. You just added a tail in the
front with a couple of bird eggs just scraggling behind it. Sorry, I'm very tired. I don't know.
I'm very tired. So, Witcher 19, Reiner, you look around the room and there are some dressers,
but looking through these dressers, they are all child pants. Some of them a little small.
Being that you're a fairy, there are also some of them that might fit okay, but none of them are
of your kind of taste. Almost all of them are of like a bright kind of color, like a bright green,
a bright red. Is there a specific kind of pants you're looking for here? Well, I would think that
I would think that like child pants would fit on a fairy pretty well. I'm smaller than those.
He's the size of a toddler. Just what I'm saying. Some of them are small, but some of them will fit.
I was thinking like, you know, maybe I find like some like, I don't know, they are supposed to be
like shorts, but then on me, they look like capris, you know.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. You do find this and you slip them on. While the kids are sleeping,
you're like hovering over next to a bed, shuffling in a dresser while a child is sleeping, stealing
their pants. I can tell my mom finally. You have been visited by the pants fairy.
The pants fairy. Yes. And in exchange, in exchange by visiting by the pants fairy. Hold on.
Okay. I will put a disguise self kit under their pillow.
Nice. I was literally going to make you make a check for me. You were going to go under a curse
because in the Feywild you cannot steal, but because you did reciprocity, awesome. You will
not come over to a curse and you put the disguise kit self thing under their pillow. Wonderful.
Wonderful. Hell yeah. It's the pants fairy. You leave your pants in your dresser and the fairy
comes and takes the pants and they give you, they give you super secret agent disguise self kits
in return. This is why I wear dresses. Yeah, sure. That's how that works. Always saves the pants you outgrow.
Okay. So you guys go down the ladder. You go out into the field and Will sees that you've,
you got a really awesome magic item last week that allows you to paint things and they come
into existence for everyone that missed it. It's called Nosers Marvelous Pigments. You can look
it up as an official item. It's pretty awesome. And Reiner has painted our owl bear that pulls
our chariot to look like a unicorn. And so it kind of looks like this awful repainted unicorn.
And he compliments you on your art and says that it's smart because going to the wayward pool,
you would need something like this. But he goes out to the dirt and he grabs a stick
and he begins drawing out his like plans. He's like,
like, and it seems that Will the Feywild has conceived some kind of daring plan to free the
children that are still being held under prisoner in a place called Loom Lurch, which he puts at the
top of the map that he draws. And he explains to you guys that Loom Lurch is where Scabatha,
the hag currently resides. He writes down plan number one. He says, the approach, Bobby, Sloan,
and Zinner, they will creep through the woods to the west and they will hide out of sight.
There are screaming scarecrows that will alert the hag if we show. So they will hide.
Meanwhile, I will sneak around to the entrance to the kitchen on the east side of the tree.
This is where you guys come in. You will be the distraction.
You three will go to the goblin market posing as travelers. Because you're not really of this realm,
at least not of recent. You will purchase some sweets and arrange for a meeting with the hag
somehow. During your meeting, the children will alert the screaming scarecrows and thereby lure
all of her guards and soldiers into the garden. While everyone is distracted, you three will free
all of the captives from the workshop, while I climb into the textile mill and free all the other
captives there. Once all the children are set free, we will all come back here to Little Oak.
That sounds like quite the plan. You can kill the hag or whatever if you want to.
I don't mind. As long as the children are free first.
Yeah, that is the plan. I got to take some vengeance out on these hags.
They're doing all kinds of raffling. There you go.
Hops, after he explains his plan, will you roll me an intelligence check?
Does that mean? Not like that.
Too stupid to understand the plan. Roll intelligence.
I mean, he's drawing it on the ground. I'm hoping it's mostly pictures because if he's
writing words down, I'm fucked. True, huh? I didn't think about that.
I'm gonna transfer over.
You got this. We believe in you.
It was the 16th at first, but now it rolls the three, so it's a six.
We could take the 16, but everybody gets one. You stand there as he talks, hand on face, thinking.
And to you, Will's plan seems sketchy, but you can tell the way he speaks that as a demon,
he likes to live by the seat of his pants, pun intended.
Regardless of how all the events kind of unfold,
you worry a little bit because Will will not show his true form to the children.
Will not show his true form to the children. So if something bad happens,
what is Will gonna do to fight back?
For he's already stated that he refuses to use any of his own abilities in the presence of children.
Is this our only plan?
Well, yes. Do you have a plan?
I'm sure we could probably come up with a better plan than that.
Well, I know you three spoke on going to the Wayward Pool and meeting with the unicorn to
and meeting with the unicorn to learn more about Sablina and you can go there.
Maybe the unicorn has something, but me being a demon, I cannot go to the Wayward Pool.
Wait, does that mean I can't go?
You're fine. You're a tiefling. You're fine.
My plan was-
Like a demon, but not like a full demon. Do you understand?
To enact the plan. And then once you guys made it there, we would continue the plan.
For we will not be going to the Wayward Pool with you. So here is this.
And he holds out this like flower that when he holds it out in his only hand,
it like grows out of his skin and blossoms into this like black flower.
And he plucks it out of his skin.
You're doing so many tricks.
And he hands it to you, Hops.
Ew, gross. It's like a fingernail.
He says, if you have a message, you want to change the plan.
You can write your plan in the flower.
Not in it, but on a piece of paper.
And then you shove the paper into the flower and crumple the flower.
And then I will receive it.
Sister Blue?
Hello. How's it going? Welcome here.
What say you, Alex?
I don't see you.
What say you, Alex?
OK, thanks for your skin flower.
You're welcome.
Your messaging skin flower.
This is like a little bit way grosser.
Yeah. Careful of the thorns. They are horny.
I know you're trying to get a rise out of me with this commentary, but it's not working.
You're very good.
I'm sorry, Fairy. I am speaking to this Herrington.
So, do you just get up like wait until we go and talk to the unicorn?
Yes. When you arrive.
Hey, to the Hags Palace, send the message.
Now you're going to get a message. That's for sure.
Good. Oh, no.
You know, there is a darkness about you, Herrington.
And I find it very comforting.
Oh, well, that's pretty fucking gross, man.
What's going on with my darkness?
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry. So that's like the best line for like an emo teen in like a fantasy realm.
Quit staring at my darkness, mom. It's not a phase.
Don't stare at my darkness.
It's who I really am. This is my darkness.
I lost the example.
Slams his dawns and Ramstein starts playing.
Does this obi have a map?
Hey, the demon guy.
Got the map of the surrounding areas?
A map of Tidur? I can show you my map.
Eastville.
Now, let me grab it for you.
Nope, that ain't it. Hello, me.
It's me again. Sweet infinity shot, though.
Oh, yeah. Let me tell you what, though.
I like Will. Will of the Feywild, he's all right by me.
Taking care of a bunch of wayward children.
That's all you can really ask for when you're a kid.
Is someone that cares for you and takes care for you and looks after you like not all of us are that lucky.
Finally, he's literally cursed at you good, which tells me he's complete fucking evil.
You know that, right?
You understand that, right?
If we help him, he becomes the next enemy.
He's like dying inside. You understand?
He's like, oh, my God, I want to do nothing but butcher and slaughter these kids.
But now I have to provide for them and shit.
You realize we're going to have to put Will down before we kill the Heron, right?
The darkness you speak of, Heron gone, is very comforting.
The more and more you speak of killing me, the warmer and warmer I become on the inside.
Oh, my God, he's getting off to this shit.
Finally, you hear this shit?
He said warm come inside.
That's funny.
Exactly.
I'm not seeing a problem.
Listen, I've met plenty of people who do evil in my life.
You know what?
Nothing like a little vengeance that can take care of it.
You you smite any of these children, you come after them, you go and turn against them.
You know, we just come and smite you.
That's all we just come and avenge all the children.
I actually have a thing to build on that.
Before I do, he hands you this map here.
Hops, you guys started here at Nib's Cave.
You went around all these hills and through the forest with the mushroom little guy,
and you made it to Little Oak.
A little oak is actually a tree that kind of wanders around at different places here
in Tether because it is a treant.
So their little house could be anywhere around here.
But as you can see down here, here's the werewood pool, kind of the direction you're headed.
And up here in Sloom Lurch, and that's where the hag kind of resides.
Are those Geely Beans all over the place?
What are all these fairy rings worth seeing on the map?
These are mushrooms.
Fairy, I like those things.
My favorite.
Fairy, fairy rings are dangerous.
My goodness, you step into one of those, you could lose 80 something years or turn into a baby
or get addicted to some other kind of fae food.
And then you can never eat regular people food ever again
because everything else turns ash in your mouth.
Those are dangerous.
Or you could have sex with a fairy.
He says, well, when Sablina ruled Prismier, the forests of Tether were home to the fairy rings
that functioned as fae crossings to different worlds in the material and astral plane.
Granny Nightshade has corrupted all of these rings, as many as she could find,
making them very dangerous to any kind of visitors.
And no one has used them in a long time.
Oh man, you're telling us the lady that's named after a famous poison is a bad lady?
That's crazy.
It is crazy.
And it's crazy.
Yes.
So he gives you the map.
You kind of know where you're headed.
You do, Violet, speak on vengeance for a little bit.
One second.
As you speak on vengeance, the sword in your hilt grows red hot.
Son of a bitch.
Wait, aren't you immune to like fire and shit?
I don't know.
Maybe.
A little bit.
And you made a fire?
Or do you pull it out?
No, I won't leave it where it goes.
It's it.
Listen, I'm just saying it's got an awful big attitude.
Like I know for a sword called sword vengeance, it's got an awful big attitude.
I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.
I'm just here to do right by people.
I'm trying to right wrongs.
You can't just be in like, I'm going to go chop up somebody's dick.
I don't want to get rid of it because it's called the sword of vengeance.
That's like my whole thing.
But it needs to chill the fuck out.
It can stay right where it is for now.
Good.
You refuse the sword's calling.
It can tell and it goes back cool and it's hilt.
But after that happens, you get vibes.
You get a message from Gaylo almost in your mind.
You get visions of this uni murdering children, whipping them, forcing them to work in a workshop.
He killed him.
He would eat them.
He would pluck out their eyes.
This uni deserves vengeance.
Now, was I seeing the...
Was I seeing the past or the future?
You want to make me a wisdom check?
Sure. I was hoping God might tell me, but yeah.
The 22.
You believe it to be the past.
So he has done wrong in the past.
So Mr. Will of the Feywild.
He turns and he says, yes.
I have a special sort of connection with the God of Vengeance.
And I may or may not have been shown some of your past indiscretions.
And I realize who in fact put the curse on you to do good.
I don't know.
But I do know I have done a lot of wrong in my past.
As well as a few of us have here in Tether.
And my newfound sight of helping these children has set me on a new path.
I do.
Ask him what the curse talk is and don't believe him by that.
I have done wrong.
I have.
Now let's say this.
If for some reason, someday someone came along and lifted that curse on you for whatever
fucking reason, what would happen to you then?
Well, I assume if I did not learn my lesson by then, I would go back to my old way of
thinking and I would murder and eat all of these children.
You should put it down.
Now I can't abide that.
Now I would like to maybe make a deal with you in the future.
Because I do believe we shouldn't fix all these children free, but I'm on a path right now of
writing some wrongs from my own past and making things right with my family by putting them in
the ground.
That's what we should do with this damnit, Violet.
What I'm saying is after I have righted my wrongs,
I would take this off your hands if you found yourself to be a danger.
I would take your visage of taking care of these children and being guardian over them if you so
found yourself feeling like you would draw back into your dark ways.
You promised they would be free?
I'm all about freeing children.
Children don't deserve a penalized life.
They're children.
They're
growing.
They don't have control over their emotions yet.
Roll me another persuasion check, Violet.
All right.
Oh man, why are you doing all this?
Certifiable's got some fun points.
Well, fuck me, that's a semen.
That's what I'm saying, Certifiable!
We shouldn't let him live!
We should put him down now!
Why would the witch?
Hold on, wait everyone.
Why would the witch?
Calm the fuck down.
Hold on.
Let me talk to him.
Curse him to do good.
Let me talk to him.
Because it kills him to do good!
Let me talk to the demon guy.
Talk to the demon guy.
Talk to Will.
We are giving you like the free reign to like kill, you know, her family peoples that she doesn't like.
Okay.
And all we ask in return is that you don't harm the children.
And you need to honor this or else we will have to, you know, like end you.
So why are we giving him an opportunity?
Well, who says we are?
Shut the fuck up, you dumb rabbit.
Anyway.
Yeah, we, you know, like you go after the family of this one who's troubled, you know, the daddy issues.
You take care of the daddy issues for her.
I believe she said that she wanted to murder them.
Okay, well maybe, maybe she does.
Maybe you guys do it together.
You hold hands, sing a song after the guy's dead, whatever.
But all I'm asking is that you don't do anything to the children after this happens.
And you keep your word.
Well, after Violet murders her family, the Oscar, maybe you could come.
Oh, please Anvil, from the sky.
There was no time.
Anvil from the sky.
Fine, I'll draw it first before I say, um, Jesus, please Anvil from the sky.
Random draw.
Oh shit.
Okay, hold on.
Let me read.
I'm doing the day six.
Yeah.
All right.
See you in three minutes.
All right.
Not like that.
Turn it back on.
I'll do it.
I'll do it from my side.
Oh, no, I got you.
I know what you need me to do.
Like you're being visible or like just in a pocket dimension.
This is kind of like a blessing for her to be able to relax off camera for a second.
That's what that is.
I deeply appreciate it.
I am so jealous.
Yeah, that's what that is.
So he looks at you, Reiner, and he says, uh, I can come to terms with this, but there's no saying that once I'm evil,
I will keep if I ever become evil, I will keep to this deal.
But the deal I can make to make sure is Violet can come back here and help me raise these children together.
And if the curse is ever broken, then she may seek her vengeance on me.
Hey, yeah.
This is like a win win kind of.
I think she agrees.
Yeah.
Violet just sometimes blinks out of existence.
All right.
You guys shake on it.
And as you shake on it, the vines grow out of his hands and go around your hand.
And then they kind of like seal for a second and the thorns kind of prick.
And then he does the same with you.
Violet as well.
And he says, thank you.
Remember, call me if you need and good luck speaking with the unicorn.
You guys are quiet and awkward.
I'll see you later.
Hey, do you think it's actually a good idea for if the hag was the one that cursed you for you to go anywhere near the head?
Because if we are all in the same place at the same time and she knows you're there,
like she can just lift the curse herself if she was the one that cursed you.
And then you're you're back to evil all over again.
Shouldn't you just keep your distance and keep the children that you got already safe?
I don't know if curses can be lifted that easily, but this is a risk we have to take.
The kids must be free.
Like this.
Yeah, he uses polymorph right in front of your guys' eyes and turns back into the young looking will and then looks out and he goes, bye, guys.
Have a good time.
And then climbs back up the tree.
And you guys are left next to the chariot and the owl bear.
And to remind everyone listening and watching, these guys have a low key slew of followers at this point.
You have your cat, hunting worth the third, who can speak.
You have the owl bear, which I don't remember that.
What was the owl bear's name?
Goodness, it's escaping me right now.
Uh, Pete Townsend.
Pete Townsend.
Yeah, because he's an owl bear and the who and yeah, love that.
P Townsend.
And then, of course, the mushroom guys that you have with you, the two little singing.
And Agdon.
And Agdon the heron gone as well with his blue.
And now star the displacer beast.
Yes, the displacer beast kitten.
Do you do you think like maybe I can find like a sheet or like a blanket or something?
There were some back in the treehouse.
You can run a moment, steal one or just grab one.
Ask if you could borrow one.
What for?
I just need like maybe a couple of them.
Oh, we got our bedroll for you.
Do you have bedrolls?
Well, we have that we have, you know, the arrow bear unicorn, but maybe we could be a unicorn ourselves.
Like all dress up in the unicorn costume.
You know, the main body would consist of like violet because she's the biggest.
And then maybe like.
Hops could be like the tail, maybe.
And I could be the unicorn's big fat penis.
If you wanted to do that, I would allow you to do that.
You just make me a survival check to see how well you put the costume together.
But you have your bedrolls and you can absolutely use those.
I was also going to paint it with the magical paint.
Hell yeah. Hell yeah.
You could absolutely do that.
Hi, Shinobi. What's up, buddy?
And you want me to roll survival for this?
Yeah.
Oh, fuck yes.
It's a 19.
Hell yeah.
So it looks pretty good.
You guys all pile together.
Do you like get on the chariot and then like paint and do the towels like on the chariot?
I was actually thinking we could like free balls this one.
You know, it'd be kind of weird for like, you know, a unicorn to be pulling a chariot with another unicorn in it.
True.
I'm a queen unicorn.
I want to say then you put together this costume like on the ground and you have it prepped and ready to go.
And so you guys can climb into it once you get to that part of the forest.
But for now, I'll see if you guys sit in the chariot with your companions and you head off through the forest to the wayward pool.
This thus ends this here scene happening here on our show.
We're going to take a quick five minute break, everybody to get fishy break break for his face.
I'm grab some drink.
I hope all you guys also grab things to drink.
Yeah.
And we're going to come right back, everybody.
Hell yeah.
Nice horns is Creana.
Hell yeah.
It's pretty sick.
Pretty sick.
I grew up myself.
I should be a jackalope next season.
Oh, my God.
That's like my favorite cryptid jackalopes.
My favorite.
That's one of the black power tattoo left for the thorns pricked.
Well, no one checked their hands.
So who knows?
Who knows?
Rude.
No anvil.
Yes.
Yes, indeed.
Wow.
Oh, actually, with this costume, I have a vision in my head.
I have.
So I'm adding after I rolled it.
But can I for the back legs, can they be like stilts for me?
And I'm just the ass of the unicorn.
All right, good.
So like hops is in the middle.
Hops.
Yeah.
It's like somewhere in the middle, maybe just like holding on to your butt or something.
It's fine.
As long as it's hops and not runner.
That's all it matters.
Until you find out Violet has terrible gas all the time.
Did you imagine what tiefling farts smell like?
Oh, my God.
They smell like sulfur.
In brimstone.
But we all know from playing this campaign that I'm not the one with terrible gas here.
Yes, this is why I'm the ass of the unicorn.
Makes sense.
Yeah, that's why we're just finding out that you have terrible gas.
That's right.
OK, everybody, we'll be right back.
Do it anywhere.
Yeah, that's how I was kind of picturing it there, certifiable.
But, you know, to each their own.
All right.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome back.
Hello, lads.
Hi, lads.
Appreciate you all for joining us.
These guys.
We last left off everybody.
Sup?
Sup, Robo-O-Jack?
How's it going?
These guys just left the treehouse with all the lost kids, making a deal with the demon.
A smart move.
Who knows?
They also have a plan to get into the hags area.
All right.
To get in there and do the things.
Hopefully some of them wrote it down.
It was a little bit memorable.
I guess you could rewatch stream or whatever.
Yeah, should be good.
Big yawn.
So now, you three are on the chariot going through the forest.
The owl bear pulls it up front, dressed crudely like a unicorn as you guys are getting pulled through everything.
You three are sitting on...
How nice to have two hands.
You look fantastic.
There you go.
The chariot.
Will you guys help me paint a scene?
Where are you sitting on this chariot?
Where are your companions?
How do you envision this kind of working as you're strolling through this here forest?
I'm riding the owl bear backwards, facing everyone.
I'm the chariot.
Kind of like lounging, you know?
Yeah.
I mean, you probably got...
I know Huntington Woodworth III, he likes to hang out on the owl bear as well, so he's probably cuddled up somewhere in his neck fluff.
I'm sitting in the back seat.
I got agged on by me on one side, but I am straight up snuggling.
My snuggling star, and I'm playing with all her paw pads.
I'm playing with the beans.
Nice.
I love that.
Will you actually roll me an animal handling roll on the...
How dare you.
Baby kitten.
And then you see Dr. Hopps up there fighting with the two mushrooms over his carrots, and they're like running around with frying pans trying to cook my carrots.
And I'm like, hey, get back here, you little shit!
You're going to stay with my carrots!
You little son of bitches!
Goddamn stupid mushroom!
Love that. What a beautiful scene.
I got a seventh scene for animal handling.
It's pretty good.
You can tell that Star is starting to get a little bit closer to you.
Absolutely.
Yay.
I'm tickling those paw pads.
I'm playing with the little tentacle bits with the little spines on it as well.
Like I'm getting her used to being touched so she doesn't freak out.
You got to socialize them properly.
Otherwise, they're just a manace.
Hell yeah.
Okay, up ahead.
I would like each one of you to roll me a perception, and Reiner can do it at disadvantage since he's facing the other direction.
I got a 24.
I got a 12.
I got a 15.
Okay, 24. Very good, very good.
Hops.
Up ahead.
Re-roll.
Reiner gets a re-roll.
Go ahead and hit it, buddy.
Up ahead, Hops.
You see...
Now it's a nine.
Nice.
What looks to be a tree.
A tree!
It's a tree!
But coming out of said tree is a dryad.
Oh.
Is she pretty?
I like dryads.
I've dated one or two dryads in my time.
Is she pretty?
It looks a little something like this.
Is she a ripe pretty?
And she's coming out of the tree, Hops, with your 24. I'm going to give you some extra details here.
She's coming out of this tree like...
But she has like no color on her.
She's like all black and white.
And she's moving really slow.
It's her feet are touching the ground.
Ahhhh.
That's weird.
Does she look friendly?
Not really, actually.
It's a tree person.
Once you get closer, the owlbear sees it and pulls the chariot to the stop.
You two haven't seen it yet, but Hops, you get out of the chariot.
And you look and you want to see if she's friendly.
Roll me an insight check.
Why are we stopped? Who stopped?
I got a 6.
You got a 6.
It's a tree. It's a tree. Sound that good?
You've got no idea.
But she turns and looks at you and you can see in her eyes there's this faint bluish gray.
And you remember it's the same color of the millions of eyes you've seen in the darkness.
And she sees you.
She takes two steps forward, doesn't say a word.
And she holds out her finger.
I don't want her to touch me.
Do I see her now or no?
Now you see this happening.
Can I use my divine sense?
Yes, you can.
I'm going to use my mouth and suck her finger.
First we're going to let Violet do divine sense.
It's an action and you can detect good and evil until the end of your next turn.
You can sense anything affected by the hollow spell or know the location of any celestial fiend undead within 60 feet that is not behind total cover.
I can use this three times.
So detection of good or evil, that's fine.
So you cast it, right?
And your flames kind of get hot in your body.
And fire glows in your eyes.
And you look out to this dryad.
And from your experience, detection of good and evil always works.
It gives you straight answers.
This is good.
This is evil.
You know it.
But you reach out to this character and as you look at this dryad, it's like it doesn't even exist.
It's like it's not even actually here anymore.
There's no good.
There's no bad.
There's no nothing.
She's like a ghost.
She's like a hollow shell.
Don't worry, I can fill her up.
There's no one there to consent.
Life's alone but nobody's home.
Reiner, you fly up.
You fly over and you want to like put your, you know, your mouth on her hand.
But as you get to you fly straight through her.
And like some of her body like turns into mist.
As this happens, I would like you to make me a constitution save.
Ghosts!
There she goes.
It's a nine.
A nine.
Okay.
Close this here.
There it is.
You, my friend, take six damage as you fly through her.
Damn.
What kind of damage is this?
It is darkness damage.
Just then.
Ow.
Nothing damage.
Yeah.
So your skin gets a little bit more pale.
Your vest loses its purpley color and you get a little bit gray.
And then you, the other side, you appear and then you take a deep breath and your color starts to come back a little bit.
She appears right in front of you, Hopps.
As the ghost is running around, she stops you in your tracks.
She holds out her finger.
She touches you on the forehead and she says, remember.
And then she disappears.
Hopps, are you all right?
If you would like to try to remember something from this, you can make me a wisdom check.
It's a five.
Nothing.
Come on.
And she disappears.
Everything goes back to normal, like as if nothing even happened.
Was that was weird.
I am so strange.
Yes.
That lady was so hot, but so sad.
Yeah.
Do you have scorch marks on you?
What's happening?
You got like scorch marks on you.
You got like, you know, it was like I flew through with like the horniness of a thousand suns.
And when I got through, I didn't feel that way for like a split second.
I was like, you know, it's like I post not clarity.
Like, oh, why did I do this?
But then I took a breath and it came back to me.
Yeah, it's kind of weird.
I feel like you always got the preen up cloudiness, even if you get off the preen up cloudiness.
He's just pretty clean.
Don't know.
Don't care.
OK.
You guys all just get back up into the old cart there.
A new nerd follows the shit show.
Who's this thing?
The new war, the new war, new way, enigma.
Cheers, friend.
Welcome to the show.
The enigma.
OK.
Aver enigma.
Cheers.
That's right.
OK.
Go back to the cart.
Very confused.
It's a little confusing.
I'm going to get back on onto Errol Bear and start singing a song about how I almost fucked
a ghost.
Nice.
What does that sound like?
I almost fucked a ghost.
I was really fucking close.
I almost fucked a ghost.
I was so goddamn close.
I mean, technically you went inside her, so I mean.
You're right.
I definitely fucked a ghost.
I for sure fucked a ghost.
Very good.
OK.
After a while of travel, you guys follow this map.
Eventually you come to a very thick, dense forest and the owl bear pulls the chariot
through this part of forest.
And eventually things start getting hazy and dark.
I would like each one of you to make me an arcana check, if you would please.
Ectoplasm on you.
Wait.
13.
How is that to 16?
OK.
I guess it was 16.
I still think my Dice of Curse from my party is so dim for me like three weeks ago.
I only used your profile on side questers.
I didn't use it on this one.
Yeah, it's a different profile.
And it closes so bad it transfers.
Oh, it's saying.
Listen, listen, get the fuck out of here just because I'm finally having good rolls for the
first time ever.
It's my last four dice rolls.
It's not your fault.
I got a 16.
This is my third campaign.
I should be allowed to have some sort of nice.
I should have some sort of niceness every so often to have some good rolls.
I just want one or two good rolls.
I'll take one good episode.
You pull the chariot to a stop because up ahead you see this magical veal.
You realize you've been going in circles for a while.
You finally pull it to the stop if you see this magical veal surrounding this part of the forest.
You mean a veil?
Yes.
Veal is a type of baby cow meat.
Indeed.
Oh, there's a bunch of dead baby cows.
Is it magical?
I stand by my statement.
It's magical baby baby cows.
Yeah.
So, Rhino, what do you do?
Well, I inform the others.
We have been going in a circle.
We are in a magical veil.
Are you sure somebody?
Not like a sea creature.
Not a veil.
Like, you know, a covering that conceals what is really there.
Like a veil.
Not the sea creatures like the Moby Dick and shit.
I'm thinking about, you know, surveil.
Oh, a veil.
No, no, like surveil, like a magical...
Like it conceals what's really there.
I knew you meant veil, but now I'm starting to think you mean veil.
Like I knew what you meant the first time you seen it correctly.
Well, anyway, we've been going in circles.
For once you didn't say it incorrectly.
Oh.
Thank you, Noir Enigmas. Those are nice words. Appreciate you.
Okay, what do you guys do?
Well, didn't they say something about having to be a unicorn to get through, like, this shit?
Or do we have to find the unicorn first to get through this shit?
Welcome to the nerd herd, you dang nerd.
Oh, Big Jim. Big Jim Slayers from Big Jim Slay Gaming.
Cheers, buddy.
Well, for turk, but not veal.
Don't you mean to veal?
Don't you mean to veal? Yes.
That's how you make schnitzel.
Uh, do we like...
Try to do a...
I want to keep the carriage like moving towards the wall of veals.
Towards the wall of whales.
I'm not sure what's in front of me anymore.
The freeway is a scary place.
Okay. You keep pushing.
And then you push through it for a little while.
And then it seems you end up right back where you were.
Oh, fuck.
Can I try something weird? I don't think it'll work, but can I try something?
The unicorn thing. Put it on.
Whales.
That's what I was saying. Yes, put on his unicorn costume.
I throw on my stilts, and then I cast Enlarge Reduce on my penis.
Why?
Because you can't have a unicorn with a ginormous flat-headed penis.
We could be a female unicorn.
Well, this one is male, unless you'd also like it to be female.
It could be false. I am down for compromise.
Okay. All right.
You do that. How about that?
Geez.
You guys get...
If I'm the one talking, it's a unicorn. I'm just saying.
I'm a female unicorn. We don't need a dick.
Hey, don't judge.
I mean, there's no reason why you can't be packing.
Yeah. You guys get in costume?
I do like a chick with a dick.
And then you guys walk through this veil.
And once you get to the other side, it reveals this big, open waterscape,
covered in mist, enshrouded in vines and trees, sparklies all over the place.
After you guys get through the veil, you walk for about a minute or so,
and you get out to the water.
You drop the costume off of each one of you three, and in front of you, there is...
Oh, you already did? Subscribe to our YouTube.
Hey, thanks, buddy. Appreciate you, bud.
Thank you so much.
Bye, everybody.
Oh, hi, Suni.
Oh, hi.
You know, whatever those monogamous unicorns sounds like is terrifying.
Hell, yeah.
Mist drifts over the surface of this small lake.
Forested crags line the shore on one side of the lake,
and mossy rocks protrude from the shallows.
But near the center of the lake is a rocky islet.
But sitting in front of you guys is this small, like, pedestal with a bowl on top of it.
You look into the bowl, and you see a bunch of coals.
Do you have anything to light a fire?
Yes.
I can cast Sacred Flame on this?
Is this pedestal? Light it up, baby.
Yeah, I think Sacred Flame would work. You want to cast Sacred Flame on it?
Yeah.
Hell, yeah.
Okay.
Hi-yah.
Hi-yah, you. Hi-yah!
Right on this thing, she says, can you cast a fire? And you go, hi-yah!
And it goes up in flames, almost burns some of your bunny fur.
You step back.
This is the coal's light, and it goes up into the sky.
And then it turns into like this crazy unicorn-esque shape.
And the unicorn in the fire comes clomping down through the sky
and goes on the water out to the rocky islet.
As it reaches, it goes into the mist. You can't see it.
But the lakeshore mist then parts to reveal a fully white horse
with a single gleaming horn on her brow.
And she stands perfectly still, silent, observing you three.
See, aren't you glad we were a male unicorn now?
No.
Ah! Blessed be the unicorn! Hello!
We come in peace and only have questions!
Let's bail.
Can I speak that in Celestial, though?
I feel like he would understand me better.
Can you speak Celestial?
Yes, I can.
That's awesome.
Hell, yeah.
I can't imagine Celestial would be.
What the fuck is that?
All right.
You guys bow.
Reiner's going to get an item.
Don't let me forget.
We're going to go through this first.
Don't let me forget, Reiner.
You guys bow.
And then you speak in Celestial.
You know, we come in peace.
And the horse locks eyes with each one of you, one by one.
And you feel a complete sense of stillness and peace as it does so.
And then in your minds, you hear its voice.
And I'm going to try to use voice mod here.
I'm glad you said one by one, because I just imagined locked eyes with all of us,
and it just did like split eye.
It's like a third eye grew out of its forehead.
That's a weird unicorn.
Complete sense of still, and then...
What brings you to my lake?
What a deep voice she has.
Thank you.
We had questions.
Oh, great unicorn, Lord.
My name is LaMorna.
LaMorna.
Like the witch who drowns children?
No, that's La Llorona.
Ah, that's right. That's right.
That sounds the same.
We seek knowledge of Zablina.
Yes.
The domain of Prismir once belonged...
The domain of Prismir once belonged to the Archfey Zablina.
And her brother, Timmy Pickles.
But it was usurped by her cruel hag stepsisters.
Scavatha Nightshade, Bavorna Brightstraw, and lastly, Indolin Moongrave.
One of them's dead.
Good.
Zablina was inglorious and deceitful at times.
Her magic kept Prismir safe, isolated.
That situation ended when the hags of the Hourglass Coven captured my mate, Illidan.
They stole his horde and used its magic to imprison Zablina in their stronghold.
The very place of heart's desire.
The very place of heart's desire?
Like they just chopped that shit off?
That is the name of the stronghold.
The horn on his head.
Ah.
No, I mean...
I mean...
You know what? I'm very sorry.
So...
Do you know which one of his evil hands has him captured?
My mate?
Yeah.
I believe...
Nightshade has my mate.
Oh, that's good. We're going to kill that bitch.
Good.
He no longer has his horn, but he is still magical.
I believe...
She has put some kind of curse on him.
Turned him into something else.
But I know he's not dead. For if he was, I would feel it.
Oh, that's so beautiful. You care about each other so much.
Wow.
When you meet a mate, you stick with that mate. Isn't that right, Rhino?
Totally, yeah. I don't know why you'd ask me, though.
I mean, I was headstrong coming into this thinking I was going to have to fuck you to, you know, advance to the next part.
But now that I know you're faithfully horse-married,
I think I can't do that.
Well, Rhino, you know, you can be faithful as long as your terms of coming to being faithful are still faithful.
If you're in a relationship where you are adventurous folks who like to fuck other people, that's fine, as long as you are still faithful in your heart, Rhino.
It's called consensual non-monogamy.
Indeed.
Let's read.
Sure.
Now, Eladon's horn might be needed to free Zablina, but I do not know its whereabouts.
I believe Eladon to be this hag's prisoner.
I also believe you should seek out the horn to peny out for me.
For if you intend to free Zablina and everyone else trapped underneath the hag's curse, you will need it.
Hmm.
And if you bring me back my husband...
I don't know why I said husband. Rhino put that in my head.
If you bring me back my maid, I will bestow upon each one of you a gift.
Oh, I love gifts.
Speaking of gifts, did I find one on the ground in this marsh or...
Is the tip of my penis just dragging in the mud for nothing?
This is delightfully wholesome and boring. That's what Rhino's thinking.
Don't you hate my story, Slappy?
Don't you hate my story?
I love the idea of magical unicorn. Um, okay.
What were you looking for, Ryder? Sorry, dude.
Well, I imagine...
He got a random item.
Yeah, I imagine my dick is like dragging through the mud and it hits something.
I hate this.
Oh my god, you had pants on. What happened to it?
Well, I had to take my penis out to fulfill the role of the male slash female unicorn.
I hate... I hate how often I see your nipples.
I also specifically said, you guys wander for about a minute,
just so that would fade off first before you spoke to the unicorn.
I hate how often I see...
This is a diff-ing rod for gifts.
Oh, it's pointing this way, guys.
That's so funny.
There's a gift over there.
Okay, I'm shuffling. I'm going to draw a card from the...
This is official Magic Cards of the fifth edition. They're magical items.
They range from potions all the way up to literally one of my favorite items,
the four-pole sword. So we'll see what happens.
I got one of them.
Yeah.
Bullshit, I've gotten potions like the last three times.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
No, you're not.
The Wand of Binding.
Oh, and there's a wand.
Oh my God, he gets a fucking bondage wand!
This wand has seven charges.
A bondage wand that looks like Ben Wilde beads.
It has seven charges. Once you use the last charge, it crumbles.
While holding this wand, you can use an action to expend some of its charges
to cast one of the following spells.
Hold Monster or Hold Person.
Assist at escape. While holding the wand, you can use your reaction
to expend a charge and gain advantage on a saving throw you made
to avoid being paralyzed or restrained.
Or you can expend one charge and gain advantage on any check you can make
to try and escape a grapple.
This regains 1d6 plus one expended charges daily at dawn.
Hold Person or Hold Monster.
Wand of Binding.
Big Jim said, I feel like finding the Vorpal Sword with your dick
is a save roll against the circumcision.
Hahaha! Yeah it is.
I am the best.
I have it! I have some wand of bonding.
You're bonded, boy!
Hell yeah.
Sweets has a picture too.
There's one last thing this unicorn says to you guys.
When Zablina ruled Prismaire, no one could enter the Palace of Haunt's Desire
without an invitation.
It's much likely that the Hourglass Coven is capable of enforcing
the similar restrictions on the palace as it stands to this day.
There is a library on the second floor of the palace that contains
Zablina's most treasured tomes.
Additionally, there is a dragon-like creature that lives around Zablina's palace
and frequently prowls the forest.
It is a Jabberwock, an ugly creature.
It always tries to come here, but is always turned away by the lake's protective magic.
I emphasize that you guys would be wise to avoid the Jabberwock,
for once it sets its eyes on its prey, it never gives up the Haunt.
I said the thing that blew down our balloon?
I don't know, probably. Sounds like him.
Indeed.
Unified!
That's okay, I got something just right to fight a giant dragon.
Oh yeah? Got some badass shit?
Kind of.
Yeah?
Oh, the tone of this unicorn just changed vastly.
Sorry about that. I changed it for stream, but didn't change it for y'all. My bad.
The unicorn was just suddenly like, suh.
You got some badass shit?
Oh, wassup dude?
Wassup, Rosseady?
I didn't know that the unicorn was being possessed by Tokibara.
Whoops.
Okay.
As the unicorn finishes their statement, what are your guys' passive perception?
13 for me.
16.
Nice.
Oh, hops. They're the only one that notices.
But...
In the trees behind you guys, there is a cloaked figure,
watching with a toothy smile.
Toothy?
Toothy.
Interesting.
This is a good timing for this.
Alright, my hands are gonna start glowing.
And then that's all.
What's this?
Go.
Using a second level spell slot, we're gonna turn around and choose home person.
Choosing humanoid that you can see within range, the target must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or be paralyzed!
No shit.
At the end of each of its turns, the target can make another wisdom saving throw.
Me to 14.
Okay, it has a plus two. Here we go.
Hello?
Now it's a four!
Is he jerking off? Asking for a friend.
Getting distracted watching y'all.
Well, hey, no art in enigma. Appreciate you. Appreciate you for saying that.
Okay, well he got a four, so he fails.
Wait, like you're playing a game but getting distracted watching our game?
Do we notice this now?
Set hops did that?
Can I tell them?
Yes.
Then I'm also going to use my new bondage wand and cast it at set guy.
And it's gonna put him in Shibari-like bondage, rope bondage, that accentuates the titties.
Flavor text on hold person? Love it. Love it.
Yeah, mine was more just like a bright flashing light that holds it there.
I can't explain the ropes, man.
And now he has a ball gag.
He got a seven, so he fails twice. He's double held person.
Congrats, you guys. And he has a ball gag, so he cannot speak.
That one was just for the aesthetic.
This magic, though, the unicorn, Lamorna, turns back into the fiery mist and dissipates all over the lake.
It just disappears, leaving you guys on the shore with this creature in full on bondage.
Can I menacingly walk towards this person with my enlarged penis and try to intimidate him?
His eyes get real wide.
Alright guys, you're heading here first. This is the first time raiders walked this entire season.
And I'm dragging my dicks through the mud. But I want to stroll up to him and say,
now listen, I'm going to take your ball gag out and you're going to tell me anything I want to hear.
If you do not, you know what happens. And I just look down.
Roll me intimidation with advantage.
Yeah, raiders appear. That's a 16.
Who's the HR for the grand catch?
Yeah, who is HR for the grand catch?
His eyes are wide and he just nods.
Cool.
I undo the ball gag.
He cannot speak. Why are you here? Who sent you?
I'm here because...
I'm going to say spit it out and I spank him really hard.
Roll me a strength check, will you?
Minus one. That's an 11.
He speaks up. You smack him in the ass.
He swings in the bondage swing.
And he's like, I was on the hunt.
I was on the hunt for a unicorn horn.
And I didn't know how to get to him. I'd been trying for years to get into this place.
When I seen you guys put on your dumb little unicorn outfit, I strapped a pine cone to my forehead like a unicorn and walked right in.
I didn't need a unicorn horn.
There's some kind of magic stopping anything that isn't a unicorn from getting in here.
A new nerd follows the scene.
Yeah, but why did you need a unicorn horn? You said you would...
Hello? I needed it to get in.
Oh! But why do you want...
Yes, because...
There is a self-reclaimed leader of the League of Malevolence.
He's a human named Kielik.
He wants to take custody of a magic staff belonging to his most hated rival, the wizard Ringelrum, who is among those frozen in Sibleena's palace.
Apparently, a unicorn's horn is needed to free anyone from inside of said palace, this temporal stasis, which would then enable Kielik to steal Ringelrum's staff.
So what do you get out of it?
Ah, I'm helping my leader. But you know, I could totally give up my quest for some gold.
You know where a big ass pile of gold is?
You want gold from the Feywild?
Yes, I do.
Oh, all right. Well, um, what would you consider a big ass pile?
I don't know.
Maybe some cursed gold?
Oh, I can give you gold as I unsit my pants.
Well, I don't want to see your genitals anymore.
They're already out.
I hate it.
It's already out. You just unzip even more.
So I'm going to reach into like my side pouch and I'm just going to pull out like a stack of 20 gold coins.
Roll me persuasion with your 20 gold coins.
Go ahead.
All right.
Say, Kielik, my love! screams in soul caliber.
14.
He goes, that's good enough.
I see.
Still got over a hundred left.
There's a fifth member of the League of Malevolence.
A human warlock named Skyla gets her magic from an archfey named Baba Yaga.
Skyla knows more about Igelwiv's caldron and the hags of the Hourglass Coven more than anyone else.
As far as I know, but she's also gone missing and none of the other members of the League know where she is.
So if you come across a wizard named Skyla, maybe you could ask her about it.
I heard your conversation with the unicorn.
And if you're planning to go where I think you're planning to go, you might want to look into this cauldron thing.
Does does Baba Yaga use it as transport?
Because that's what I've heard.
Baba Yaga uses her cauldron for she uses to have like a little canoe to fly.
Well, Baba Yaga has nothing to do with the cauldron, but you said it gets her magic from an archfey named Baba Yaga.
And Skyla knows about Igelwiv's cauldron.
Yeah, you got all kinds of colorful facts, mister.
Well, I'm a part of the League of Malevolence and I listen as is hinted by me listening to your whole conversation.
Well, how about you shut your trap about any of this conversation?
Well, you tied me up in bondage.
You gave me 20 gold.
So now if your friend does what he's planning to do with that big old dong of his, technically, I'm now a prostitute.
We did pay him.
I mean, we can make you a porn star if we can paint pictures of it.
Yeah, if you want.
Can I go now?
Nah.
Depends.
Are you going to keep your goddamn mouth shut about what you heard here today?
Yes, reciprocity.
You paid me.
All right, then.
Then I see no problem whenever these boys see fit to let you go.
But that's up to them because I wasn't the one that put you in bondage.
Yeah, I might just like let him go.
I can undo this.
Yeah, I think a whole person's concentration.
All right, I undo this on him.
And as he, you know, it's like rubbing his wrists from where the ropes were.
Not yet, the bondage disappears, but he's still there because also hops his whole person on him.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Well, before Hops lets him go, I spank him one more time.
Why are we doing this?
This is how we get paid.
All right, you got to get out of here.
We already paid him.
Yeah, but you got to get sued after the fact.
I'm going to get my muzzies worth.
OK, it's not your money.
It was mine.
I know.
Thank you for paying for the prostitute.
Now, I deserve to say it's not a prostitute.
You better get out of here.
You gotta say a safe word first if you're going to be spanking anybody.
You gotta say a safe word.
That's like baseline.
The safe word is don't stop.
Go harder.
OK.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Y'all make it like flip flop or banana or pineapple or spiders.
Parmesan cheese.
So you guys let him go and he scurries back off into the forest and giggling,
and you could hear him counting his gold.
He seems very happy about it.
Now, you guys are here inside of the Wayward Pool,
underneath the protection of the Veal, the Veil.
He knows this is a safe place to get a rest.
It's been about a day.
You had breakfast this morning, which you guys haven't had any kind of good rest in a while,
and coming close to facing a level of exhaustion, you know that it's time to get a good rest.
So you guys set up camp here next to the lake.
During this moment of downtime, do you guys make a fire?
Do you hang out? Does someone go fishing?
Do you have any special food that you eat?
Is there anything specific you guys want to do during this downtime?
You could take a few couple downtime actions, like reading a book, you know, attuning or de-attuning to items, anything else like that.
I would like to go find...
I'll start with the miner.
I want to forage for like the food and fruits.
Nice, dude.
Once again, roll me survival.
Oh, no, this is not good. It's a seven.
There's a lot of shit out here.
Roll me a d10.
Oh, you want me to roll a d10?
Yes, sir.
A four.
Nice.
Another pot pie.
You don't find any food.
But you do find a orange flower that whispers to you.
Eat me.
I never had a flower tell me to eat it before.
Well, I mean, if vaginas could talk, then they would, so...
Eat me.
Oh, you want me to eat you, you little delicate flower?
Yes, please.
Okay, whatever. I eat the flower.
What the fuck are you doing, shit? What are you doing over there, man?
The miner's just in the corner, dong still hanging out, zipper down, licking a flower going, boo, yes, yes.
That's so funny. That's all you find. And nothing happens. You literally just eat a flower.
Cool.
Yeah, cool. Is there anything else you want to do for your downtime activity?
I guess we're next to the lake. I'll try my hand at fishing.
Nice. I can't do it. You can roll me another survival.
While that's going through, Violet, is there anything you want to do?
So I have a question. Can I unattune from this crazy ass sword? I know it's cursed, but like, am I allowed to unattune myself from the cursed ass sword?
So, cursed items, you do not get to unattune to them willingly.
You have to fulfill some kind of goal with the cursed item, or you have to get a remove curse spell put on you to be able to get rid of it.
All right. Well, that's not going to happen anytime soon. All right. Fair enough.
Can I take the Displacer Beast kitten out for like a little bit of like trial hunting?
Yeah, that sounds super cool. Roll me an animal handling check.
And since you played with them earlier today, I'll let you do it with advantage.
And if you succeed, I will actually, if you do enough of this, I'll send you stats for the Displacer Beast kitten and you could actually use it in battle and stuff.
All right. I have Vantage.
Natural 20, baby! Okay. You explain exactly what happens to us and I'm going to get these stats over to you right now. What happens? What do you do?
All right. So me, I would say starts listening pretty well. So me and Star, we're going to go out and I'm going to kind of like culture through where I'm going to show her like in a kind of tramper way, like little things that you look for, like little holes in the ground that might hold voles and shit in it.
And I like seeing her in there, like I point, I kind of guide her like tentacle in there, like towards the holes and she goes in, swipes them around and try like pulls out like a vole or two.
And we kind of just go around like finding different little woodland creatures that we can cook up for a good meal.
Yeah. Hell yeah. And what kind of woodland creatures do you find?
Well, I went with voles first. Is that what the first thing?
But you know, like, I don't know what something you might find the Feywild that might be tasty.
Roll me a D10. Here we go. And the stat sheet is there. I'm also going to share the stat sheet in the Love, Death and Dice chat for the Displacer Beast kitten. If anyone else wants to check it out, we use it in their campaigns.
I got a nice.
Let me go back here. I got a night. Remember, I got the dirty 20 on my fishing.
Yes. And we're going to get to that in just a minute.
But I'm going to make a luck check. Yes, something special might happen. So.
All right. Well, I'm finding this hops.
Planning to do anything special during your time.
Yeah, this is like the first time that.
As hops pulls out his little baggie of drugs, realizing he no longer has any.
He's been finally getting a clear head.
The first time speaking Celestial to an actual fucking Unicorn. This is the most he's ever really felt connected to his clerical powers.
But his Jewish powers are also trying to take over him and go and find whatever Reiner's eating, because that sounds interesting.
And I'm just going to go over to the pond of like my level and see a like put his like front to pause in there.
And I want to do like a religion check because like, I don't know where my powers actually come from.
I don't know what like what deity or what they look like or any of that. I just know that I have them.
Hmm. OK. Make me a religion check.
I can't see it. It didn't come through. Yeah.
It's such bullshit. Screen share for us.
Just, I mean, put it behind you so we can see what it is. It's so fucking stupid, man.
This is why I don't like doing the D20 fucking between boundaries stuff. But you got to like have all the strength. I don't like it.
It's not fucking that 20. That's why I'm pissed off right now. It's stupid.
OK, I see your face. So I believe you. You just got to make sure to fix it before next run around. All right.
I don't know how to fix it. It's like I'll show you. I'll show you. Don't worry. Deep breath. I'll show you.
Do you literally want five rolls? What are you talking about? Sorry.
Ryan, will you play a tune, please, to calm his ass down? OK.
No! I like this shit as fucking bullshit. I'm so tired. Like, why can't we pick this one? Like what?
We're going to go to this boundary. We might as well set up the whole boundary so we can have some years of rules properly.
It's just like, it got too much going on and I can't fucking see.
It sure is a nice night to fish with my penis. Think I feel a fight tugging on my dick.
Thanks, Ryder. Appreciate that. He's going to catch a reverse mermaid giving him a blowy.
I just tied to strength at the end of my penis and this is how I'm fishing.
God damn it. Why'd you say that? OK, I'm going to make a luck roll. But first, you wander over to the water.
You put your paws on the water and you meditate a little bit. Where do your clerical powers come from?
Your druidic powers even, that have grown since you've made it to the Feywild.
And you touch the water and think. And at first, the water sits still.
But then you push your hands a little bit into the water and the clear, beautiful water grows darker.
Out of your paws for a second, it looks like there's this black mist coming out of your paws into the water.
And all of the beautiful purple sparkles and flowers inside of the water lose their color.
And you get your face closer to look. And you're looking down in there at all of it.
And then something pushes the back of your head into the water and your whole body goes into the water.
And you're completely wet and you have this immediate vision in black and white and mist.
You're somewhere else. You're on a farm, a pumpkin farm.
And you're approached by an older man. And you see this as your patron, the one who's been teaching you at the church for however long.
And he looks down at you and he says, Oh, are you lost?
And you look down at your paws and you're a little child sitting in a puddle of black tar.
He reaches down and he picks you up. And he, as he picks you up, he kind of like cleans you off and avoids the tar as best he can.
And he puts you in his arms and walks you back to the church.
And then in a flash, you come out of the water and you're completely dry.
And everything in the water has its color again.
The people wonder why I'm fucking crazy. Jesus.
I didn't want to. I'm just going to like quietly yell at myself.
Just on the coast.
And then we cut over to Reiner, who's got a piece of string attached to his dick and he's fishing it.
And as you're fishing, something starts tugging on that line. You rolled pretty high on this.
Something starts tugging on that line. And as you're looking out at your dick, it gets starting to get pulled on real hard.
You're losing circulation. And there's a hand on the string and it pulls itself up.
And as it pulls itself up, it's a reverse mermaid.
And it swims around and it sees you big old dong and it's like...
You're muted, Reiner.
Drink. Drink.
Well, of course I'm going to like dive in after it.
You guys are just swimming in around there together.
You could paint us a picture if you like to tell us what happens with this reverse mermaid during this downtime.
I look at it right in its fishy face.
And I try to do like my sexiest fish face where I'm like...
Yeah. And what does it do back?
I'm not going to walk through this with you. You got it.
And for me, it goes...
And starts moving down towards like my undercarriage area.
You know.
And then...
You know, just float right in there.
Oh, that's not good.
No, this courtroom is way better. Way better.
Nobody knows this.
Anyways, since it's a reverse mermaid, there's no cloacas involved.
You know, there's no guessing game.
Slappy Ball said fish reduction is a dangerous game.
Be careful, Reiner.
But you know, we get into a wonderful like, you know, underwater 69 situation.
You know, we're going in a circle as we're floating just, you know, at each other.
It's like a beautiful...
It almost looks like a yin-yang moment is floating in the water, you know.
You ever see like, you know, is that cartoons, the avatar with the fish in the water and they're surrounding each other?
And that's what it looks like. But it's a 69 with the fish person.
How long can you hold your breath?
Oh, you'd be surprised. I have some experience with holding my breath.
Oh, Jesus.
Okay, fair enough.
And that, my friends, is pretty much it unless anyone has something to add here.
Did we find out what I got from my roll with my kitty cat?
You were looking at something or you told me to roll when I got an 8?
Oh, yeah, food. Food, food, food, food.
So you get a... It's actually really cool. You get...
What? The ghost of Sivir.
Um...
Oh, man.
She's horny.
Uh, you get a gourd shaped like a plump little dragon.
Any creature that eats more than half of this gourd gains 2d4 plus two temporary hit points.
You actually got the coolest thing on this list.
So you guys eat together and you get 2d4 plus two temporary hit points.
Which basically means it adds it on top of your max and once they're gone you don't ever regain them.
But you add this on top of your max.
Alright.
So 2d4 plus two.
Speaking of that, Dr. Hops are doing a rest so you're gonna roll for your stuff as well.
Oh, it's a 6.
So it's 8 in total.
Oh, alright.
Yeah, Dr. Hops is a magical mom tattoo that gives him an additional hit points on a rest.
A 3.
That's a 3.
Alright.
Fair enough.
And you spend the whole night with the star.
You do.
You have dreams as well, Violet, of your Capybara spirit.
But he comes to you and basically says he has nothing to really talk about yet.
He's kind of jealous of your new friend Star.
But he's just chilling, man. Everything's good.
And keep killing it.
Keep killing it, killer.
But he does warn you of not following your pact of vengeance could turn you into an oathbreaker.
You were very close to breaking your oath with the Ooni.
But the deal that you made with him stopped you from breaking your oath.
We show people mercy when they have shown that they have worked a better path.
That is part of vengeance.
Yeah, I could have kept that little guy high.
He's fucking crazy. He has no choice.
He's gonna scream at you while you're sleeping.
But Tokey, was that little teethlin' my sister?
Well, man.
Do you know?
With little buck teeth and everything?
Yeah.
I don't know, man.
But here in the future, I mean, you're gonna be going into this Hag's Lair.
She's gonna be there.
So be careful.
Because maybe knowing the whole truth isn't what you always want to know, you know?
Yeah.
But yeah, no, she totally is. I think she is, you know, as far as I know.
So be careful.
All right.
I will. I will. I just want to keep her safe.
Are we taking the short rest or the long rest?
The long rest.
That's it for tonight, folks.
Next week we return and we go into another Hag's Lair.
That's right. Easter stream, baby. We're streaming on Easter.
And last year, I was like, I remember last year I wanted to do like an Easter thing, but then everyone was like busy, so we ended up doing it.
But I had like this whole like Easter thing planned for story where we're gonna like hunt for eggs and all that kinds of shit.
So I'm happy that this year there's already like a planned out thing we're gonna be doing because my ass would totally go way overboard with some wild shit again.
Because I love holiday streams, man. I'm all about it. I'm all fucking about it.
Easter for a favorite holiday.
Yes.
Oh shit.
Yeah, I gotta make a bunch of stupid...
Round of the darkness is coming for you.
Sorry, in my bed.
Hold on.
I have to make a bunch of stupid shit.
Round of the color is raining from you.
Yeah, I do. Just a bunch of stupid shit.
We gotta record something for fucking...
Alright, well while Connor's light is broken, we're gonna let him fix that and we're gonna be right back in a few minutes, everybody, for our breakdown.
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We actually have plans to make some new sketchy thingies coming up in the next month, so you want to subscribe, in case you don't miss it.
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Help out the...or on Spotify, rate the show.
Because you can listen to everything on Spotify as well.
And you can listen to it at 1.2x speed, which is what I usually do, and it's fucking rad.
So yeah.
Thank you all so much for watching and listening.
And if you would like to join for the short rest, you only get it on the live, babies.
You better come join the fucking live.
I'm working right back for our short rest.
Let's get it, everybody.
Thank you so much.
We'll be right back out of costume.
That's it.
Hootles bootles.
See you in a minute.
Here we go!
We've done it!
Cheers!
We love Steve.
That's right, baby!
Fun out next time!
Unlove death and dice!
Does Reiner have calluses upon his cock like nobody's ever seen?
Will Violet become the new orphanage maiden of the Feywild?
And is Dr. Hopps slowly falling into the darkness that he told before that he would never become?
Find out next Sunday on Love Death and Dice!
That's right, baby.
We also have another show this Thursday called Sidequesters, where Oz wants meets back up with the party after doing crazy camel stuff in space.
As we meet back up with the party, we'll figure out how to move forward with Scruffy's Great Plans.