Hello everyone, welcome back to the Grouchcouch 101.1 FM Dungeons and Dragons. Tonight, Love,
Death and Dice, The Wild Beyond, Episode 7. I will be your humble moderator, Turkadur,
and I'm here with the lads. Hello, lads! Hello, lads! Yes. Hello! We're going to get into
some fun shit tonight. Thank you all so much for being here and joining us. If you're watching
the VOD, please make sure to subscribe right here on YouTube. We're trying real hard to
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out of that. Have you bought yourself some Grouchcouch merch yet? No? Well, go do it.
Thank you so much for joining us. Of course, we do have a PP show tonight. I'm pretty excited
about that. Of course, it's going to run after the intro. Polvo. Hello, everybody. Welcome
to Sunday service. I mean, Polvo's playback, aka the PP show. This is the Sunday service
that matters. Thank you so much for tuning in. Let's check in on what happened last time
on Love, Death and Dice the Wild Beyond. Well, you remember the hag from last time? Yeah.
Well, we're in her house now. Our heroes found a secret passage that made them tiny. So here
we are. We're little people in a tiny world. And we also found a little magical cat named
Sir Huntington Woodsworth the third. This is very important information. I hope you keep
this in your noggin. Thankfully, our heroes found the old hag stash and away we go. And
our heroes killed the hag and Reiner seduced the thief while we were there. Hashtag barge
shit. So our heroes found the scarecrow's head and Reiner put his hand in a big bronze
frog and pulled out his old master's loot. And so he communicated with her with it. She's
trapped somewhere dark. The party then met a tiny little mushroom friend and sang a song.
So he also joined the party. Look at that. It's the Fantastic Four, the new Fantastic
Four. That's that's right. Hashtag new Fantastic Four. And so then our heroes returned to the
scarecrow to give him back his head. Then they head off on a balloon to tither to find the
next hag. Will we find the next hag? I don't know. That's why you're here. You're here
to watch the damn show, aren't you? You asked me for the recap, not the future. I'm not
a fortune teller. Listen, I'm a little dust bunny with a very limited skill set and the
future is not one of them. I will work on it though. I would love to tell the future.
I'll see you here next week. Same time, same place. If not, then I know you're not devout
to the couch. This is a very important Sunday service. Get good.
Good.
Can it be devout to the couch?
Yeah, dude. So good. So good.
I will best be devout to the couch.
The sound of wind. That's right, baby. That's right, baby. Well, thanks to Pawpaw. Shout
out to Spicy Illustrations, you guys. Couch Paladin. Yeah, couch potato is more like. Cheers,
y'all.
All right, room for two couch paladins. I take up most of the couch.
That's right. Now, we return to you guys floating on the air balloon in the sky from hither
over to tither. It is you three, your tiny toad friend, your cat, Sir Huntington Woodsworth
the third, and of course, Agdon, the heron gone. And lastly, your scarecrow friend who's
guiding the way. He's pulling on the little flame's coming out. You guys are floating
over the sky over to tither as you are floating through, though, somewhere about in the middle.
After you guys have had some resting time, you've been talking to each other. Reiner's
been telling sweet nothings to his loot to speak with his his friend, of course.
And then things get a little bit darker. And you begin floating quietly.
Is all around you guys as you go from hither to tither. The clouds lose color. The light
begins to fade and darkness sets in. The scarecrow friend reassures you, he says, Um, just stay
calm. Um, we'll get there. Just everyone stay quiet.
As you go through the darkness in the sky. I want each one of you guys to roll me a perception.
I mean, to roll it twice. It just happened. All right. So I'm talking about hops. So I'm
talking about. Well, Violet, you rolled it twice, but it was a 90, 20. I told you I didn't
mean to roll it twice. I didn't mean to. It's all right. Um, right now. Got a 17 as well
is 16 and a 90 20 there from hops. Hops. You look out into the darkness. You feel an itching
sensation coming from inside of you. You pull out your very last divination crystal and
you stare at it. You have an urge to take it. What do you do?
Yeah. I would like to make a constitution. Say, but don't guess myself. This would be
a wisdom or wisdom to stop the urge. I have lots of urges, but that's a 15. I can stop
myself knowing I must save this for later. Nice. I'll, I'll, I'll break off a little
bit. I just, I just, I just want to get a little high. Okay. When you get a little high,
you have this vision of the future of this crazy snake looking thing with legs and wings
and it comes out of the darkness and attacks and it comes right at you and then you wake
up and you look out into the darkness and in the darkness in the sky, it's completely
engulfed all of you. Now at this point, everything is stock. You can't see the floor. You can't
see the clouds, but as you look out and you look at yourselves in this darkness, it almost
looks like you guys losing a little bit of your very own color in yourselves. The only
thing giving you light currently is the flame from the hot air balloon. He keeps reassuring
you guys. Everything's going to be okay, but hops out in the darkness. You see faint little
blue eyes. It looks like as if they're watching you and the blue is a gray blue. There's not
much color in it, but I can see the blue eyes. Yes. Thousands of them. Thousands. Thousands.
And the scarecrows like, okay, everyone just quiet down, quiet. And he pulls one last fire
pull on the hot air balloon and then lets it sit as you guys float. I need all of you
guys to make me stealth checks. Violet, I need you to make me a stealth check for Agdon.
All right. Jesus. Reiner got a nat 20. Pops got a 12. Oh no. Violet got a natural one.
I'm too big and I glow in the dark. Lots of ups and downs. It's this first part of the
episode. I got 13 as well. So Agdon's stealthy enough. You got the very first reroll tonight
comes from Pooper. Thank you Pooper. Thank you. It's in a leaven. It's not too bad. You
guys stroll through the darkness, staying as quiet as possible. Eventually. Why did
we land? No. All right. Eventually you make it out. The mist parts to reveal a primeval
forest far, far below you. The verdant sea of canopies of trees is only broken by the
occasional rocky hills and small mountains and a river that snakes through the forest.
You can see a large lake in the middle of the forest, a colossal huge dead tree to the
west and a cave opening, shining with cozy torchlight in a wooded hillside of the south.
The Scarecrow goes, well, we made it out. So the you guys can see over there, the lake,
supposedly the lake is home to unicorns. The dead oak tree is home to scab at the hag here.
And I don't know what resides in the cave below us. But yeah. OK, big tree. So it's
where the like the witch is. Then we have the cave unknown occupancy. And then. Yeah.
OK, this is the lay of the land. Zito said this is tether. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is
tether. OK. Then. As you're taking in the wondrous realm, you suddenly hear a loud screech
behind you. All of you turn to see coming out of the darkness, a huge, spindly, six
legged dragon comes hurling out of the mist, the darkness mist less than about 100 feet
away, its mouth wide open and its bright eyes focused on the hot air balloon. Oh, wow. Look
at that. I wonder if he likes music. Here we go. It looks like it is. Oh, I like him.
I like his little doodling, this little doodle beard. Does anybody else feel like he would
be slimy but not wet? Yeah, yeah. Like likes a snake or something. Yeah, but colder. Yeah.
You can try to do it right now. So if each one of you guys wants to try to react to this
thing coming at you, you can. But I need each one of you guys to roll me initiative to see
who has an opportunity to go first. There's less than a round before he hits you guys.
Is that a dirty 20? Nice. I got a 23. OK, hops. You're up first. What do you do? Now,
I'm going to use an action. It's a turn, but whatever you want. It hasn't done anything.
It's just running at us. Fantastic. I'm going to use an action and I'm going to summon wildfire
spirit in the shape of me. Oh, shit. As an action, you could spend one of your wild shape
features to summon a wild spirit rather than assuming the form of a beast. It's something
right in front of the creature. Each creature within 10 feet of the spirit must make a dexterity
saving throw or take 26 fire damage. Sick, dude. Wild. 26 fire damage, you say? You got
to be the dexterity team. OK. Staying as a plus five, so let's do what happens. Yellow.
There it goes. Oh, it's a natural one. So it it fails. It takes 26 fire damage. Hell
yeah. Roll it, buddy. Kevin. It should be rolling over on that side soon. OK, I'll take
your word for it. So. It's beaming right at you. You step out in front of everyone and
just summon this flame spirit out into the sky and it lights up this huge bunny rabbit
and it tries to fly to move out of the way, but it just goes right through it and all
the flames get all up on its wings and stuff. And it's a little singed, but it's still heading
right towards the balloon. Right now. Oh, that's what we're doing. We're like we're like fighting
it. You're doing OK. You think you should. In this case, I'm going to cast vicious mockery.
Nice. Wait, wait, you want OK, yes, this is what I do for the vicious mockery. Stupid
little dragon boy would go eat some shit. We were having a nice balloon ride. Now you
ruined it. Badass badass. OK, this is a wisdom check. Yes, you have to be to 15. OK, you
got a 12, so he fails. Cool. Now this is 2D4 because I'm level five. Hell yeah, dude. Exciting.
And since I since I use my loot. Wait, is that plus one to the damage too? It is. Yes, it
is. OK, 2D4 plus one. Oh, wait, that was not. Yes, OK, ignore that. Oh wow. God damn max
damage of nine nine damage. He really did not like that song. You sing right at him
and his sins. He flies to the giant flaming bunny rabbit and you sing at him and you can
see a tear coming down his eye. I know they're rude. Violet. Can I can I just cast darkness
on the balloon? Oh, that's fucking smart. Will you explain darkness to us? So darkness
is a magical darkness that spreads from a point you choose within range to fill a 15
foot radius sphere for the duration, which is 10 minutes. The darkness spreads around
corners. A creature with dark vision cannot see through this darkness and non magical
light cannot not illuminate it. If the point if the point you choose is an object you were
holding or one that isn't being worn or carried, the darkness emanates from the object and
moves with it, completely covering the source of the darkness within opaque object such
as a bowl or a helm that blocks blocks the darkness. Nice. So you're going to have to
cast it on something you're holding because you guys are moving to the sky, so it can't
be on a point because you'll move out of it. You know what I mean? Well, no, I'm casting
on the balloon so you can cast it on the balloon. Hell, yeah, dude. Badass. Do you do anything
cool when this happens? Well, it's part of my infernal heritage, so this is going to
probably sound a little frightening to like them. But I'm going to reach up to the little
like two to part, you know, the one you pull down, it makes the flame go higher. I'm just
going to reach up to it because hate don't really bother me anyway. Take that, Elsa,
you bitch. And I'm just going to go. And I'm going to emanate darkness from that part because
I'm going to talk infernal at it. You cut out when you said that, but it sounded super
creepy more. It was more creepy because of it. That's excellent. We like it. Yeah. Yeah.
That sounded like a hairball too. I mean, that's kind of what infernal sounds like if
we're being honest. And then, you know, when the darkness emanates, you know, you know, like
when it's the beginning of the dog round in zombies because BEEEW, bitch, means their
souls. And then we're encased in darkness. So you reach up and grab it. The scarecrow's
looking at you like, oh god, what you going to do? And you grab it and you speak infernal and
then just complete darkness and everything goes quiet. And you guys can't see shit. But
you hear outside the fluttering of wings outside the darkness. And it sounds like the dragon's
fucking pissed off. Going like all around you. Can't see shit. And then eventually it fades
away. And the scarecrow's like, is it gone? I can't see anything. I can't, I can't see
anything. And the balloon shuffles like you guys just hit something. When all of a sudden
branches are just hitting you guys in the face as you're going down in the forest. I need,
I need, I need one of you guys to make me a dexterity save. To see if you can not get
stabbed by. This is a saving throw? Yes. Saving throw. Oh well fuck me. Okay 18. Oh we're
15. Oh no. We probably won. See the all the way at the top of all the way at the bottom.
We got a one. That's funny. Okay. So. Oh I like this. You guys wake up after falling.
The darkness is gone. The magical darkness. And all your little friends are standing up
dusting themselves off. And all you guys look over to Reiner. And it looks like Reiner's
pants somehow in the fall got ripped off. His pants did. And his penis is inside of
his lute. In between the strings. And you're on your side Reiner. You're like. Oh. I need
a, I'm gonna roll for your damage here. Cause you're gonna take some damage. Penis damage.
Take two damage. All wrapped in the strings is it? Jesus Christ. That was really good
bro. The scarecrow looks over to the balloon and it looks like the balloon has like big
holes in it from the branches. And he's like. Okay well I guess I'm gonna stay here and
try to try to fix the balloon. But we're here now in Tether so good luck you guys. Good
luck. Thank you. Thank you Clapper Claw. Yes. I wish you guys good luck. And he right away
begins like pulling out branches and fixing shit. And you guys. I need this here. Oh thank
you. You look up to see you guys crash down right next to the cave you seen previously
when you were up in the sky. You look over to the cave and you can see cozy torch light
radiating from inside the cave. In a wooded hillside. Looks like 20 feet from the cave
is a weathered sheet of parchment nailed to its trunk. As you guys get a little bit closer
you can see inside the cave looks like a wizened old man sitting at a spinning wheel and you
can hear it. Not one of these rumpled still skin sons of bitches. They're always up to
something. Yeah like stealing babies. You know women. I can't read the thing that's on the
tray but can either of you read it. I'd like to try to read what's on the tree. Nice. So
it looks like a wanted poster and it says wanted will of the Feywild special offer and
underneath it it says bring this wisp of a thief to me alive and unharmed and I'll ensure
that no sword can ever break your skin again. Is there a picture of Agnarr? Who's the picture?
It looks like a little kid almost. Make it bigger for you. Hmm. Yeah and it's signed
Granny Nightshade as in Scabatha Nightshade as in the hag of this realm. Oh so this kid's
probably great then. We don't have to worry about that. Who knows he could be a little
fucking asshole. I mean that's fair but I mean we keep you around. Yeah that's true.
I'm going to take the wanted poster with me. Nice. Alright and the old man continues on
his wheel. What now? Sir I'm going to talk to him. I'm going to open this can of worms.
I can't wait for how my fetch quiz we end up on this time. Alright sir. Nice. As you
step in you see the old man is blindfolded and he's spinning and sitting in a spinning
wheel and he is surrounded by piles of gold. As he spins he reaches down and grasps handfuls
of coins and which transform into like gleaming gold fibers as he runs them into the wheel
and continues spinning. He's like hello who is there? Hi there sir could I have your name?
With my name well you can well hey now. You may not have but I will tell you what it is.
I accept. Fair. My name is Nib N-I-B. Whatcha doing there Nib? Well I've been cursed to
do this for all my time. If you will let an old man tell you his story. It's been a while
since I've had company. Come in sit down sit down. You're sitting outside. He says come
in and sit down but there's no chairs anywhere. I just sit in the air. Nice nice. I mean it's
not like he can say he's blindfolded. Right. With his eyes closed still blindfolded he
says I've led a cruel and heartless existence. I've earned all these riches by exploiting
my tenants and all their misery. Buying up condemned property and renting it out for
an exorbitant fee. But Granny Nightshade is. She's helping me to make amends. I told her
I wanted to put my bad deeds behind me and my ill-gotten gains to good use. So she's
cursed me to dwell forever in this cave spinning my gold into useful items for literally anyone
who comes my way. So if you would like I can make each one of you an item. I have a few
here and if you have something to trade I can make something specific if you want. Anything
of common or rare value from the Dungeon Master's Guide or anything like that. But of course
I do ask for one thing in return if you will. Reciprocity. And you just ask for something
in return you say. Yes. I will tell you first dear. So I do not have much. I do not need
much. So I don't really want anything. But when I give you these items all you must do
is do a good deed selflessly for someone in need within three days. If you do not in three
days the items will disappear. But if you do something nice for someone in need you
can keep them forever. That's all I ask. I can't think of anything I really need other
than maybe taking a curse off a sword. But that's all I need currently. Well let me tell
you what I have on stock. My most common items. I make emulet of proof against detection and
location. I can make a bag of holding. I can make boots of elven kind. Bracers of archery.
Cloak of protection. Gloves of thievery. Wand of secrets. And last but not least a tiny
hourglass that functions much like a elemental gem. Allowed you to conjure a elemental.
Nate? You fellers need any of that? I mean I would like a bag of holding. I really like
that hourglass. Okay. I can do that for you. Then he grabs another pile of gold and puts
it into the wheel and starts spinning it. Then he looks at you guys and he's like so
tell me what brings you together? I'm here to like find someone I'm looking for. Possibly
get laid on the way. Much more than I already have. Yeah. Not enough. Well I will tell you.
Can you all stay here together to look for somebody? Oh. What's there? Who is this somebody?
Her name is Selena Tracks. Oh. I have not heard of this name. She's a gnome bard that's
taught me how to you know like play music and like fuck good. So. Well. Tell me what
Nib? Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt you. You go ahead. I can wait. I'm pitching. Oh
I don't know about Selena Tracks but I do know that the hags have captured people. They're
keeping them frozen in time somewhere. Somewhere. Some kind of magical darkness. Interesting.
I mean your best bet must be I mean dealing with the hags go and saying hi to them. The
one here in tither her name is Granny Nightshade. What are your feelings on the hags Nib? Well
I wanted help and she cursed me like a bitch so I think she's a fucking bitch. I mean did
you learn your lesson though? That capitalism is bad? Yeah it is bad. Alright. Now if let's
say a hag were to suddenly drop dead would you be free of this curse? I'd like to think
so. I do know maybe a wish spell or a remove curse spell or even a greater restoration
spell might do it but also maybe her being dead might do it. I will ask you guys a question.
What are your guys' passive perception? I got 15. Mine is 13. Oh no wait now hold on.
Passive. Mine's 11. Nice. Okay. Which one is it? This one. Passive perception. Wait. He's
talking. Everyone that has a passive perception of above 11. Above 11. You glimpse apparitions
like lurking behind Nib. They take various different forms. One of them looks like a
grubby child peering over Nib's shoulder. The other one's like an older man. One of
them includes like a long-faced woman dabbing at tears in her eyes with a handkerchief and
as the candles flicker one of the apparitions like vanish and another one appears where
that one was. But Nib just adjusts his blindfold. Nib are you actually blind or are you covering
your eyes on purpose? Very perceptive my friend. I am haunted by my own words. As long as my
ill-gotten gains were put to good use my bad deeds will remain behind me. You are beholding
the restless and relentless apparitions of those that I have hurt. They lurk behind my
back tormenting me with pokes at my ribs and whisperings in my ears. I can't bear to look
at them. I mean not after what I did to them. So I've blindfolded myself. Have you apologized
to them? I have tried. But they do not listen. Now if you were to say because you know I
I say you were not saying the curse was the right thing to do but like you were due some
vengeance so I'm not like that mad at this situation. But I would say you know everybody
also that deserves vengeance should also be shown mercy if available. If say you were
freed from this curse at some point why not seek out those people and make it right with
them in person? I love what you're trying to do here Violet so why don't you roll me
up persuasion. I just hope you follow your own advice down the road. No I'm killing my
father. Do as I say not as I do. Yeah at least I have sworn an oath. He's like well that
sounds like an awfully good plan it's just I am not capable of making it happen. That's
fine. Even if I didn't have the curse I mean why do I go? Who do I talk to? How do I know?
Well in the meantime have fun painting reparations. That's right. You guys are searching out granny
nightshade now because you've been so kind to me and helping me with conversation I may
tell you something that I've learned about her. Granny nightshade. I guess no one will
notice this down. You run clockwise and she begins to fart. No granny nightshade has a
key protruding from her back that indicates her mood by how fast it turns. When she's
happy it turns quickly. When she's upset it turns slowly. If she loses her temper the
key will stop completely. Now he also says there are many children that toil away in
granny nightshade's workshop crafting toys for her delivering the creepiest toys to children
on other worlds to fulfill their heads with nightmares. She he assumes at least. The hag
makes her deliveries on the back of a giant flying rocking horse and granny nightshade
is obsessed with capturing Will of the Feywild who is a boy who helped a bunch of children
escape from her den in loom lurch and Will of the Feywild's motley group of rascals is
known as the getaway gang and the gang seems to be protected by a large triant. Now Nib
also mentions that his curse prevents him from ever leaving the cave but he can point
you in the direction of little oak and where the getaway gang is if you prefer. Yeah that
would be great. Why is this music calm down it's not an intense moment but. So he likes
information it's so powerful. Yeah he's like you know to the west what have you and he
reaches out and he hands you the tiny hourglass Dr. Humps and it looks like it has if you
want it for your D&D Beyond character sheet you can type in elemental gem it is the blue
sapphire elemental gem it's the blue sapphire and you get a bag of holding there I know
everyone knows the bag of holdings do it's a very long description it has okay so the
bag has an interior space considerably larger than its outside it's like four feet deep
it can hold up to 500 pounds not exceeding the volume of 64 cubic feet the bag weighs
15 pounds regardless of its contents if the bag is overloaded pierced or torn it ruptures
and is destroyed and its contents are scattered all inside of the astral plane this is how
a lot of weird shit gets inside the astral plane if the bag is turned inside out its
contents spill forth unharmed but the bag must be put right before it can be used again
breathing creatures inside the bag can actually survive up to a number of minutes equal to
ten divided by the number of creatures inside placing a bag of holding inside an extra dimensional
space created by some kind of portal or something will instantly destroy both items and open
a gate to the astral plane which we actually have experienced before in the long live the
king campaign the gate originates where one item was placed inside the other etc so we
can just hold on shit up to 500 pounds of crap it's basically like a portal inside
a bag yeah cool so he nods his head this is blindfold on he's like okay I'll be here if
you want anything else any more advice and where to go if you do not decide to seek out
will and his band of kids it also might be a good idea if you're trying to get to granny
night she to go to the lake here I believe last I heard there was a powerful unicorn
there but to get to the lake there's a trick to it I could never figure it out so maybe
the kids know I don't know what are the unicorns around here like are they giant assholes no
very nice very magical kind of people Zablina Zablina used to keep them all in in cahoots
they would help you know the Feywild before the hags came and the darkness started taking
over and Zablina disappeared so yes do you got anything on Zablina I do not all that
I know is that she has disappeared fair enough anybody knows indeed hi Phyllis do you want
to go look up a hoodlum or do you want to go straight to the hag at the lake near that
unicorn or something we could like do either or I mean what if the kids are all right I
mean there's no reason in checking up on them other than maybe like they know a way to get
to the lake or I mean the kid kids survived on skathe and got a bunch of other kids out
of the hags house yeah they might know a secret passageway maybe yeah I know is I'm not like
magical unicorn I'm going to be the unicorn I'm surprisingly good with kids for how big
and menacing kids trust me for some reason adults they fear me kids they love me they
look at me I'm a giant jungle gym I can just climb all over and swing that's what they're
doing for sure oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah I was kidding Rainer doesn't like kids okay good
to know I didn't say I didn't like them I just said I don't do well with them half of
them don't understand my jokes and then every time I talk about like ladies they are like
you girls are icky and oh true huh yeah you know see growing up with like nine siblings
I was so used to care taking care of the youngins so I do really well kid nice nice okay so
as Violet as you step out of the cave there's a couple of things here that happen um Rainer
you're debating on going to see the kids and you have this wanted poster out in your hands
and you're like looking at it and as you're looking at it Violet you look at this wanted
poster and the letters like shake and like jumble you have dyslexia and for a second
right almost looks like you can read it says will like his name but then if they shake
and jumble again and you get this itching feeling much like how hops it earlier something
connected to your reading and writing is here in tither oh I hurt all right hi slappy balls
hi Alan's here he was in my house yesterday hi Alan I was so tired that we didn't really
hang out but we were chilling it was very nice I'm over another white cloth that he
left here cheers Alan cheers buddy thank you sponsor of today's love death and die gangers
shout out to gangers y'all James hey James has been been booted this week today it's
Alan drink them all sounds good buddy okay um so that happens to you do you share that
with the class now they don't give a fuck okay sounds good no not really um secondly
you guys begin walking and you pass by the balloon you got all your friends with you
um what is it why is it playing that it's playing the slushy slushy water again I don't
want to slushy slushy water you don't want that plopping mac and cheese sound I really
don't um because we can walking walk past the balloon and and clapper claw gives you
a nod as he's fixing things and you guys got all your friends with you and as you're walking
to the forest in the direction which are we going to the kids or the lake because you
come to an impasse in the road there's a fork actually what I'm gonna do is actually tell
clapper cloth he needs anything that filler in there is a a former purveyor of capitalism
and he's inclined to help if you do a selfless good deed I love that he's like okay I'll
ask I think I do need some stuff I'll ask he's going to get hands
this will grab Guinness hey dude it's patchers day so grab a Guinness you come to a fork
so before I proceed which direction do you guys go let's go west to the kids children
yeah as you're walking your sword of vengeance shakes on your hip like in it's wrong with
you and you pull it out and it right away begins talking to you and it's just you they
can hear the sword talking to you as you pull it out natterjacks whiskey oh hey there you
go and it's like yo what's up motherfucker oh my god hey can y'all hear this yo mother
what we gonna we gonna kill some shit or what people need to die oh don't worry you're you're
gonna serve a very special purpose of which blood that you will taste oh sick so you were
like a fucking badass or what dude now I'm just a big lady good cuz I'm just feeding
off your internal energy to want to fucking kill something dude I was like you know demon
type shit but as I've been sitting here inside of you bitch I've learned so much about you
motherfucker and you just want to kill shit huh so we gonna fucking do that dude together
hell yeah but we only kill those that deserve it that's how that works well I just want
blood so you give me blood they could deserve it or not deserve it I mean that's how we
both feel inside anyway isn't it nah just one person really needs to die let's be honest
just the one our dad our dad needs to die we gonna kill that motherfucker as soon as
we see him we're gonna cut off his dick and we're gonna eat it uh no no I will not be
doing that uh that's we're gonna fry it up with some soy sauce or something we're gonna
eat it or we're gonna make him eat it that that is we'll make him eat it is more likely
but I also do not want to look at or be around or touch my father's genitalia we'll just
think about it big old tiefling balls we can cut his tiefling balls off and cut them up
and serve them to our friends because they're assholes our friends are all right our friends
are all right my goodness is that what you really think she is losing her marbles yeah
so you're just walking in the forest and you just go no I don't want to be around my dad's
penis looking at your sword they can't hear the other side of the conversation so this
place is making us crazy no I don't want to kill my friends they're cool this is concerning
and he's a conversation was like good motherfucker we're gonna kill some real shit if you want
me to come out and help you do some cool shit again I'll do it and the more blood you give
me the stronger I'll get so all right I'll see what I can do Shug you you have take a
nap how about that you you you take a quick little well it's hard for me to sleep because
I heard we were going to kill some youngins and I'm all about slaying young we're not
killing the children we're gonna kill another hag oh come on dude please listen they only
get killed if they deserve it now calm down fine fine he just goes quiet did you know
must that sword I picked up in that way the hag's house can talk emotional damage are
you talking to us now yeah the house did y'all know that the sword I picked up at the hag's
house can talk well we haven't heard it talk at all it doesn't talk it's just a sword I
think it might be cursed are you feeling okay emphatically no emphatically no yeah you were
talking about your dad's children all this time I tried to ignore it that's fair it
was not a pleasant conversation the sword seems a little bit crazier for blood than
I am like it was I know that's what I'm saying I say I'm pretty level-headed though and I
only take out those that deserve it but like it's like wants to kill kids it wants to like
cut off my dad's balls and serve them to you it wants it wants all kinds of crazy shit
and I don't know if I can abide by it but like I can't bring myself to put it down like
I just like I feel like I gotta keep it with me and I'm that's that's giving me an inkling
that something might be off cuz you know I've been cursed once before evisceration of one's
genitals probably indicates that something might be a little off with it just like a
tiny bit maybe yeah yes I'm saying indeed before I move on to the next thing a real
little chat looks like Debbie's gonna have some single malt whiskey no I exciting she
also said another week another penis that's right further cast strength that is cat cask
strength that doesn't come in nice so cool though Irish cheese nice hell yeah guys happy
St. Patrick's Day hell yeah okay here's what happens next
hey we're next Turk I can't wait oh wait as you guys are going to the forest you begin
to hear a faint whining like you guys are like pushing through bushes on this path someone
is tied up in BDSM gob maybe but you look out to see out through the trees on this trail
and it looks like there's an adult owl bear that is harnessed to a chariot behind it there's
no one sitting in the chariot do you look out I want you 20 guys to roll me an investigation
on what the fuck is happening in front of you 14 since the 16th nice so that looks
like almost all three of you guys clock you look out and you can see on the chariot there's
like claw marks and there's four claws just like there was on the dragon of darkness earlier
on the chariot and the owl bear is just sitting there now by himself still attached to this
thing I'm going to sprint up and up to the owl bear you sprint up to the owl bear and
it stands up right away and tries to take a claw swipe at you as you run at him I want
to beautifully dodge this in a spiral motion and we will see if you manage to claw attack
here we go beak or claw claw Jesus it's got a plus seven fuck it's a natural one I rolled
a natural one which means I want to like actually no I want to like slide under the call swipe
like and I pop right up and I just like unhook its harness oh no shit okay you can see the
harness is kind of like put together I want you to roll me a sleight of hand to unhook
the harness and when he's doing that you guys have anything to say about this I mean I know
he loves animals I'm not gonna get these why this is a 16 mm-hmm okay you unhook the harness
and it falls to the ground and the owl bear turns its head and looks at you make me an
animal handling check I can't see it no way shit advantage or disadvantage oh how's that
helps that does help make certifiable there we go nine eight good sir yes the actually
seven EST is when we start frog toys so now it's a 21 but then I got a reroll do I have
to reroll it now yes with advantage okay that or that 24 nice okay he's gonna like
pat it on the head nice the harness falls to the ground and then he turns and you pat
it on its head and he whimpers and then his feathers kind of like flutter like and then
he rubs his head up on you and his head is about the size of your body and he rubs it
up on you and almost like pushes you like pushes you big whoa whoa whoa easy there baby
easy there boy now there is a golden chariot now without a harness and you two look out
and just see this thing rubbing and purring all over Reiner pops what do you do yeah yeah
I'm gonna walk towards it scared did I'm gonna get kind of behind violence and kind of like
push violent to keep violent in between me and the owl bear just keep up on my shoulder
you don't like to hide behind me okay I feel like right up wants to do something that or
he's blowing the owl bear no I'm not blowing the owl bear but I just thought of I didn't
I find a mushrooms that had like telekinetic properties telepathy properties I think so
yeah oh and if they eat one then yeah yeah it's the man it's the mint leaves it's the
mint yeah the mint leaves all the mint leaves yes can I can I try to give some to the bear
and eat some or on a 21 he definitely eats it out of your hand and then you eat some
of it and there's like this pressure in your mind after you eat it and you can see the
owl bears pupils and a word nice fuck you Moby cheers man that was fucking late there
is a pressure and his pupils get huge and he looks at you and he doesn't really say
words but you can feel emotions at first you can he's like scared but happy that you were
there and that you saved him what do you say I am in your mind now I can understand you
so if you need anything you just let me know okay and it nods and it purrs and rubs up
against you and then it sounds like it's trying to put words together and its head it's like
trying to but all that you make out is okay and he rubs right up against you and then
here's what I'll also give you while you're in its mind he says okay and then he points
towards the chariot with his nose and points towards the sky and he says owner eaten dragon
oh guys this owner was eaten oh no poor thing he must be frightened out of his mind that's
sad do you remember what you were called was this an opportunity for chat to name you this
is the first time chats ever been able to name a pet owl bear so name away motherfuckers
pet owl bear use the name of thing man bears have cloacas yes oh god not this conversation
again so fuck punk said oppa that's pretty good no it has to be it has to be uh hoody
mcconnors the the the being who knows a thousand things
owly i don't know no idea oppa hoody owly now um violet what do you do in this moment
uh i'm gonna approach but i put i put hops on my shoulder because he's being a big big
old wussy so i got agged on and i got i got my menagerie of animals just all over me and
i'm gonna approach slowly but i know i'm i'm a i'm big too i'm big with it so i i want
to make sure i'm slow because i'll look like a threat if i come too quickly uh when violet
approaches rhino you feel scared and agitated and angry and you look over to the owl bear
and he's gotten an attack stance and he's like pointed right at violet and he's like
oh oh wait wait wait can you ask the owl bear what its intelligence is no i don't think
so it doesn't seem very intelligent three hey this is like your language three oh fantastic
i'm a cast beast bond on us uh concentration at the ten minutes you establish a telepathic
link with one piece that is friendly to you or time to you is he friendly yes but not
not to you and violet yet because he is to rhino he's like who the hell are these people
he's asking rhino currently i have an idea that might put him at ease
can i cast enlarge reduce on don's owl bear and make him like bigger so everyone else
seems tinier all you gotta do is talk to him my friend and you want to make this vicious
owl bear that can murder everyone giant sized oh i can tend to be like but you can save
that for later because that's a really good move uh okay okay yeah in that case i'm just
going to let him know like oh it's okay is that cool it's a big one she's not scary she's
like the opposite she's you know she's cool they're like cool i guess you're fine all
right um so yeah he's friendly now uh can i one one will you up there can i actually
take out some of the pickled snouts i stole from the hag's house and feed the owl bear
a snout nice you can tell he appreciates that now uh he like eats them out of your hand
but it's like it's like a beak so he like throws them up in the air and he does like
the gagging thing yeah and you wonder why that your life i don't have like of course
i give cold lake is uh hops do you still want to do beast bond
uh no i'm gonna switch spells i was trying to stay away from it but i guess i'll just
do it um i don't want to do it on myself though i want to cast it on writer if that's okay
can i speak with the animals on writer sure
you can the ability to properly communicate with the beast with the duration which is
10 minutes the knowledge and awareness of many beasts is limited by their knowledge
nice so you put out your hands and cast speak with animals on rhino he could already speak
with the owl bear because of his bond um but now the cat jumps off of violet's shoulders
hunting with the third and lands on the owl bear as the owl bear is eating and the cat's like
hello good sir do you care to share those pickled beaks and the owl bear is like i guess
and he gets down on the ground and they're like eating together
i don't know what the intention was here but that's kind of what happens
well now we can lay on the owl bear's back and make biscuits yes
yes what do you do right now
um well i just want to ask him if he wants to come with us and we are going to like we're
going to like find you know like a village of children and like talk to the leader and stuff
it'll be like a cool hang if you want to come there's probably going to be food there if you're
cool he's like starts adopting your language and now that he could speak with animals he like
actually kind of talks out loud instead of mentally and he's like i'm cool
chain me back up i'll take you but i do want to be chained up cool
i pulled the chariot that's what i do okay because i'm cool
i guess i i'm going to put the harness back on but i'm not going to make it like super tight
you know like to wear it friendly way nice in a friendly way going to ask him like is this is
this okay like does this feel good insane chew harnessing i like it that's cool
cool and then making biscuits on his back sir hunting hid woodsworth the third like
he's like my good sir your feathers are perfect for kneading i do ask you on this fine day and
this is the first time you've heard hunting worth's like voice the cat uh by the way reiner
because you couldn't speak to animals before um he's like i ask you on this good day my friend
what is your name mr owl bear and in this moment reiner you must pick your name
i like pete townsend
pete townsend p townsend pete townsend yeah i really liked opa i was a fan of opa man all right
p townsend remember that everybody be down so yeah it was also booty blow shift blowfish as well
yes it was a little on the nose for me it's pretty good the hooter um is my name's doctor who
yeah he looks at the cat and he goes my name is p
is p p townsend and he's like my name is sir hunting woodsworth worth the third sir nice
to meet you i will ride on your back this day and make the biscuits if that is okay with you
or i like to do this he's like sure right tell you the uh get in
in all right everyone pile on i'm going to be riding pay townsend everyone else can get in
the chariot nice i mean i'm carrying all the bunnies on me so it's just really me sitting
hell yeah i come with bunnies equipped a new member joins the party p townsend
um boy i p townsend was lead guitars for the who yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's pretty good
um okay he begins leading you guys um as you're going through this forest um there's a lot of
crazy things all about this forest is way different from the swamp you run before there's magical
flyer fives buzzing past you and all their kinds of stuff like that i mean all you guys kind of
settle into this carriage and while you're sitting in this carriage um hops you cut you pull your
car and you're in this carriage um hops you cut you look around there's like little compartments
and like doors and stuff like that from the previous owner um so while you're looking around
in here um you as well violet because you're back there both you guys can roll me a perception
does i don't get to do one too it's a 19 sure if you want him to get some stuff cool with that
uh
okay we got a 19 and an eight and a 19 okay so you begin looking through stuff um in one of the
cabinets um you find a bunch of buttons that are in like a tiny little leather sack for like really
nice buttons like made out of all different kinds of colors and shapes and sizes um literally a sack
of buttons you don't know what they do but it's a sack of buttons um and next to that there's
another sack that has a bunch of gold coins in it you find 50 gold in here um which is kind of not
usual for the fair wild people don't really trade in gold they trade in reciprocity as you know
um so this is kind of strange this must have been a foreigner that came here um and you also find an
item which i'm going to draw randomly and you guys can can decide who's goes to yes right from
the middle here um you find pigments typically found in pots inside a fine wooden box with a
brush looks like a box and you open it up and there's a bunch of little pots in there with a
brush these pigments allow you to create three-dimensional objects by painting them
in two dimensions the paint flows from the brush to form the desired object as you concentrate on
its image each pot of paint is sufficient to cover a thousand square feet of surface which lets you
create inanimate objects or terrain features such as a door a pit flowers trees cells rooms or weapons
that are up to 10 000 cubic feet it takes 10 minutes to cover 100 square feet when you
complete the painting the object or terrain feature depicted becomes real non-magical object
thus painting a door on a wall creates an actual door that can be opened uh to whatever is beyond
painting a pit on a floor creates a real pit and its depth counts against the total area of objects
you create nothing created by the pigments can have a value greater than 25 gold though
if you paint an object of greater value such as a diamond or pile of gold the object looks
authentic but close inspection reveals that it's fake if you paint a form of energy such as fire
or lightning the energy appears but dissipates as soon as you complete the painting doing no harm to
anything you literally found doodle bob in a little box box of paint yes
like so good
pigments i want that in real life that's a box of paints dude there's a carrot in there you see that
there's a carrot in there it was meant for hops it was meant it was meant for hops there's some
creative shit yeah that's a lot of pps you could paint that's right that's fucking right cool so
that's what you find now up ahead you guys see some stuff but this brings us to about our half
point tonight um i think i mean at least i don't know how much i have prepared here but we're
gonna take a quick five minute break to stretch our legs and do the things and we're gonna be
right back y'all hey one and all and welcome back to love death and dice the world beyond i'm your
humbly lunch manager turk that's right i'm here lads hello lads
hello
it's just like that oh jeez you've nailed it is this game like fortnight as it is
thank you my friend appreciate that so much 10 000 would all we do is hop around and build things
that's it that's it duck and wave motherfucker oh we throw up brick walls
back to our story um you guys are traveling through the forest of tether
on your carriage that the owl bellers pulling the wheels turning through the mud and dirt
the cat purring in your lap reiner as you're riding on the back of p townsend
you guys looking at your paints in the back the owl bear eventually slows down so it starts to
smell something you're speak with animal spell till active you hear it say
you hear it say something something smells good it slows the sun is beginning to set here in the
forest and you can see over to the left a small little campfire as he's slowly walking you guys
are going through the dirt do any of you want to look and see the campfire would you like to keep
going uh oh i mean the roads be dangerous here in the fair wild probably not best to stop
yeah probably we shouldn't should keep going to meet these band of rebels before nightfall
oh the um you guys keep going and as you're going past it's right to your left and you can hear a
faint singing happening to your left and it's like i sing hi butter and your little toad sitting
next to you in the chariot goes hey i know that song and he jumps up out of the chariot into the
mud and starts hopping towards the fire as you guys are continuing to roll and you can hear the
chorus now of toad and whatever else is singing singing together i see a thing
toad
damn it i guess we have to stop just stop pete down and he's like okay smells good
you guys come to a halt the cat jumps off in the mud and he's like oh no the mud not for me
and he jumps back into the chariot and begins licking his feet
yep that dog kitty cat oh my goodness all right you can you uh mr mr hgw would you
would you just like stay put for a second no i'm not going anywhere but all you hear violet is
all right all right don't go running off now hey everybody steve is here shut out steve team
meeting dude steve how does it go good good stuff i hope dude cheers steve man uh fishy had an idea
we we do team meetings like once a month as well and fishy was like you know we should ask steve
to attend some of our team meetings sometimes because a lot of it's just brainstorming and
shit and you should come around my friend we'll see what happens we'll see what happens but we
love you steve hope everything's great i'm putting us in all right you talk to the cat
we all do we love steve we do he's so yeah we love steve yeah we love steve
i'm gonna need you to calm down my goodness oh steve oh no oh no stop
stop all right you talk to the cat uh and you guys turn pete townsend the owl bear still
chains of the chariot you three walk across the street to see next to this little fire
let me actually find it here in my notes here sorry
uh in the fire you guys get closer and you can see a cauldron of water bubbles over flames
and a frying pan that holds a big stick of butter that's currently melting rests on a nearby rock
standing on that rock is a lone campstree which is another mushroom much like toad and toad runs
over singing to this lone campstreet and you look and you can see that it's singing merrily as it's
dipping its cap into the butter singing along and toad jumps up and joins in on the fun both of them
are rubbing their mushroom caps in the butter as they begin singing together can't get buttered
we're gonna get buttered mushrooms and butter for camp history
what do you guys do
what do you guys do though do you know this other campstree um he's like no
but he knows good songs songs of my people yeah you have songs about dipping your heads in butter
here well i didn't think about it that way but yeah
friend little why are you doing this and he explains he's like well my friend uh croa
asked me to rub my head in my flesh in the butter and promised me a nice hot bath before
dinner tonight he should be back soon and he goes back to singing oh oh no planning to eat you
what no he wouldn't do that
is your bass gonna be in sight of the deck pan maybe
my friends went in there before i wonder why they went
oh well your friends got turned into shit huh well that sounds fun no it's not about that no uh
no i don't have one currently but probably should make one now
now he continues rubbing his head singing loudly
what what what little guys what what do your people think about death
i don't know you could ask him when they get back no i meant you your people the campstree
i don't think we do he looks at toad and toad looks at him and he's both like
death hold on we're over
54 oh 45 when you say that it's almost like the caps the red caps on their heads darken a little
bit and they're like and then they just go back to red and they're like and butter
there's no other reason with them there are already food well if you can't beat them then
well not without these mushroom guys they're too cute to let them die and if one of you wants to
do something you can say some you can make me a persuasion check if you want to
well okay yeah sure hey little mushroom guys if you come with us we'll make sure you get like
the coolest cleanest bath and you can sing your songs in the baths all you want and after your
baths you can stay alive and sing more songs later isn't that like so much coolers and you know having
a bath that just ends and everything ends and everything just turns out like a light and it
goes all dark you don't see anything forever roll me persuasion um but when you say your baths will
be so much cooler you hear p towns and still attached to cheer it you hear him in your head
he's like cool cool i have a plus 10 to persuasion so this is a 15 nice um you needed a 15 you've
nailed it they're like okay and they hop off the rock and they stand next to you guys and just as
they do you hear rustling in the bushes do you stay do you know let's get the fuck out of here
yeah but as we're going i'm gonna like hook like into the pan i'm gonna hook a bunch of the pickled
eggs that i stole from the hag putt into the pan and then fuck off so like yeah i'm gonna leave
those there and then we essentially we stole the mushroom but like we replaced it equal or lesser
value buttered pickled eggs you guys want to go as fast as you can or do you want to roll me a
stealth because you can either do stealth or you can do athletics we should do stealth let's like
do the sneaky tippy toe away in my case i'm just floating but i'm still like acting like i'm tippy
toeing nice i technically apparently have disadvantage to my heel my stealth just yes
this is what makes it fun i can't see your roll hops
mine is a 13 i got a 10 nice
nice
that's be way better if milk and blood wasn't so damn expensive nowadays so true so true
i'll take your word for it hops you're gonna fix it in a minute oh there it goes 16
let's do 18 and 18 nice if you have like both tabs open they can't be like maximized over
top of each other if that makes sense so well i just have them on the same window you guys sneak out
and get to the chariot and violet you're clunking along as they come out who's that
and you look back and you can see in the flame and fire it looks like there's four goblins
and each one of them have these like crazy like headdresses of like flowers and all other kinds
of stuff and other ones like holding this like glowing jar and they come out and they're like
why did this thing instop you guys are just hiding next to the chariot
next to the chariot i don't know and one of them walks over to the pan hey hey there goes
down mushroom turned into pig snouts he did what he did let me fucking see walks over in his life
oh my god he did fucking mushroom turned into pig snouts guess we're eating good tonight boys
that's right all right and they grab the pan and start cooking
all right pete townsend let's get the fuck out of here cool
cool cool cool that's what he says when you guys slowly take off
you hear like who's that i don't know shut up and eat your snaps
must have been the wind must have been the wind and must have been neat so you guys travel through
the night um here on the carriage nothing else exciting happens you guys take your rests together
you're kind of relaxing pete townsend is all about the night time he's totally fine he knows
he's gonna rest tomorrow he's got no worries and you guys travel through the night you take turns
kind of keeping watch and stuff like that nothing exciting happens um but whoops why is that down
there wow oh are we gonna get one of those oh i would love one of those it was adorable
it might be a little hard falling hard to tame but it looks adorable
they've seen something um so let me open this up eventually you guys
can see as the sun is rising um up ahead
nope not that
there we go um up ahead is what looks like a small group of children they're all frolicking around
a large oak tree laughing joking pushing each other around their gleeful yelps carry all the
way through the forest painted swings dangle from the trees branches nestled in its crown is a
ramshackled tree house and as the kids run around the tree the tree kind of moves a little bit
it tickles
then you guys approach slowly
as you get closer the kids all stop and line up
and the treant moves its arms down around the children
one of them steps out through its fingers the chariot comes to a stop
you immediately recognize this is will will of the fey wild short little spindly kid with poofy
black hair good morning will he's like holding like a pretend wooden stick and he's like
why are you here
why are you here uh we heard a rumor that you know how to fuck with the hag
uh
and then as you say yeah as you say fuck with the hag all the kids go oh bad word oh
do he's like yeah we don't have to frick with the hag
what's it to you well we're interested on getting in on that action really
well show me a sign of reciprocity
how do we know we can trust you uh i got this cloak that i can't attune to because i got to
a cursed sword i'm attuned to oh which uh which cloak is this i don't know i was never able to
add it to my inventory it was like a cloak of either invisibility or an invincibility one of
those i think it was a cloak of protection it gave you a plus one to your armor ac yeah yeah that one
yeah i have it here still he's like well that is a mighty fine cloak i'll take it and in exchange
we may talk and he looks up to the treant and he says little oak all is good and the tree goes back
to normal and all the children scamper up the ladders and they kind of take cover in their
tree house he's like yep stay safe stand down follow me friends and he walks holding the cloak
checking it out he's got like the wooden stick behind his back and he's like so tell me what do
you know already i'm gonna change the tunes because it's not intense anymore it's it's a happy well
we know that's a just it's it's this hag is a bad lady and we don't like bad ladies we don't like
and we don't like bad ladies we want to not like bad ladies yeah she is about to like
get rid of she's a piece of toys yeah uh that she has some sort of connection to a bunch of people
going missing possibly even zeblina and uh why can't abide by none of that okay so
so i'm gonna tell you i used to work for
i don't know if the music is loud or quiet i can't tell let me turn it down some just in case
i used to work for scabbotha my true name is moogan she could call me will yeah
i worked for scabbotha nightshade uh i'm you know doing different jobs maybe one day i'll tell you
about that um but i have managed to you know sneak in there and get some of my friends free
a little loud gotcha still because it was fucking screaming at me dude there we go maybe that's
better yeah calm down turn it down for me stu what do you think steve i bathe on your shoulder deep
in the penguin okay good now sweet
okay he's okay he used to work for so i have some information i can help you guys i've been here in
the fey wild for a while uh man i you know i know a lot about a lot so i'm gonna tell you about
a lot so what are your questions what do you need to know what do you what do you got going on what
are your plans you got any tieflings in this camp kids yeah yeah of course well we've got a bunch
of people here we've got bobby slone and zener um they're they're nice they're not tieflings
they're all about eight or so um why who you're looking for oh no i just got a lot of siblings
and and you know we apparently all got given away in weird circumstances so i always like to make
sure when i come across youngins i'm just checking in to see if i can find any of them okay well maybe
once we're done i'll take you up to the top and and we can see there's a lot of people in and out
so i don't know who's all here yet fair enough only if i could trust you adult lady again that's
that's fire you just met me yeah so if you want to get to the heck you got to get to the unicorns
i mean truthfully um and the only way to get to the unicorns is to be a unicorn we like to play
pretend but we all dressed up as unicorns to go and mess with the unicorn and we actually made it to
the unicorn dressed up as unicorns i don't know what that means but if you guys want to play pretend
all right i mean they worked just playing pretend worked for you yeah
dumb as fuck unicorns all right
all right let me see here yeah that's right that's right um so he leads you to the back and um
towards the back there's like this tiny little pen and it's got um like the back of the tree it's a
big old tree you can tell the tree hasn't moved in a long time um there's like a big old tool shed
and around it there's like a like a cage like a fence um and in the fence you are correct um you
can see i'm actually fixing some um you can see what looks like in the tool shed a bunch of
different kinds of like tools that are all rusted and shit like you haven't used in a long time
but there's a tiny little oil can that has like a mouth on it and it smiles at you guys as you get
closer um and then in the little fence there's a tiny little kitten um and as it rolls over and
gets up it has tentacles attached to it and they like flurl out to the sky and Reiner still being
able to speak with animals you hear woodsworth the third he says nope not for me good sir i will be
at the chariot meet me back there and he runs back and there's a little displacer beast kitten
in this little pen there little guy wills like yeah this is star um it's uh at least i call him
star i uh don't really know where he came from but he showed up here one day and i just started to
take care of him and you hold out your hands violet roll me an animal handling like through the gate
all right frito how's work going it's a tan tan okay so it's it's
hmm yeah it's him but it gets closer and as it does you see around its neck it has a collar
and the carnal the collar represents the carnival and you recognize this to be a similar collar
nice there you go go ahead and hit it frito
it's an 11 11 it's a little better um pretty much the same um you recognize this collar to be from
the carnival um only because at the carnival there is a displacer beast that works at the carnival
it has for a long time so you immediately put together this could be a kitten cub of the
displacer beast that works at the carnival um and will looks at you and he's like yeah i don't know
the little thing might be cursed i don't really have time to take care of a cat so we just leave
it back here oh the poor little thing i like that you called it star yeah well you know it came from
the stars i think the stars you say yeah oh you see these colors here uh-huh you know they they
symbol around the little dude a bit that that's the witchlike carnival right there oh man i got a big
old displacer beast mama that does a lot of tricks and stuff she's she's she's ferocious but she's
beautiful how do i know you ain't lying you seem like a big old liar to me i i'm i was just crowned
the queen of the witchlike carnival sure you were and i'm the king of the witchlike carnival and he
puts his stick on his head and he's like
you're precious
well if you're telling truths miss then you could maybe get this thing home right
yeah probably okay well you can take him you can rename her i don't know
oh no i like star star is adorable oh there we go oh i was gonna take a screenshot of it to send
over to stat block but it didn't work that's fine i'll send it later he's like okay um so i uh you
guys are here to see the hag huh so well killer probably i've got a reputation now
we do have an old wise friend here that um i brought you back here because they know a lot about
i don't know getting from here to there and back wherever um we call him squirt and as he says
squirt the oil can sitting on the cupboard its mouth like opens and it coughs out oil and then
it's like yes that's me squirt hello and it's a little oil can it looks uh let me see if i can
open it up over here it looks like an oil can yeah with like a mouth and eyes
that then looks malevolent it looks like a sorting hat yeah he's like you'll be travelers
me sir nice to meet you squirt i'm still playing with the can
nice i can uh help you get from a to b i know my way from tither to yawn
if you want to get there through the darkness
but we have to dress up like unicorns yeah we have to we have to go against the hag first but
that's fine you can come back here i know the way to get there and i am always willing to help a
heron god hello how are you which one there's two of them ah the good one hello how are you
the good one
hello if you like i can stain you black you want to be black bunny
no that's very controversial but thank you you're welcome you want to smell like oil i can do it
please come are you sure you don't want this nice creature to empty all of his fluids on your fur
yeah sure come on now that could be fun give me a squeeze hand gone please just one just one
squeeze no because the last guy asked me to squeeze and got all over my hands yes did you like it
no oh a little oil comes out okay i'm fine i'm fine well i will be here if you want to got to yawn
i will be here thank you squirt you're welcome
go ahead uh will is like okay well um yeah um you may take the cat with you and he like brings out
this little like makeshift leash that he made out of like rope and stuff and puts it around the cat
and hands it to you and he's like uh for now um i guess i mean it's kind of early maybe we could
eat some breakfast i could take you guys up in the tree house and um we could hang out and talk plans
and talk about the hag and stuff okay that sounds lovely i i could help make breakfast if you like
oh that would be great we i mean we don't really know how to cook so
that would be awesome do you have supplies at least he's like yeah we got some we got some
um you guys head up the large ladder up the tree you get to the tree house and the floor of the
tree house is like covered in blankets and cushions and piles of straw um hanging from the six foot
high ceiling by a rope is a bathroom and a bathroom is a bathroom and a bathroom is a bathroom and a
by a rope is a basket that holds apples and berries and sugar cane and a few crumpled up
sheets of parchment in one corner lying on a cushion um is what looks to be a tiefling child
that looks out of place heaped in another corner is a crude unicorn costume made out of polka dot
quilts and wooden horses and a wooden horse's head that has a wooden horn attached to it um
um and you guys step up in there and there's like a little table that's kind of rickety and a lot of
the kids are sitting at it as you walk in some of them are just like eating berries and stuff
and they all go quiet as you walk in and will's like had these kids these adults might help us
or help themselves i don't we might be helping them i don't know but they're cool
and then as he says that a lot of the kids run around off the table and just start like grabbing
it your stuff just like super curious and a bunch of the kids like latch on to a huge your huge legs
violet they're like and you're like stepping around and all the kids are just like attached
and will goes and sits at the edge of the table uh now i heard apples but uh are there any by chance
like eggs or flour you might be able to find some in the surrounding area if you want to roll me a
survival um but first greetings king hello thank you for joining us cheers man hello
you can roll me a survival but first you must roll me a dex to get out of these children's grasps
why would it do they i love kids well i can go look for the eggs if you want me to
that would be lovely ryan or that would be lovely okay pops do you have that paint can thing you
know like the magical paint set yeah can i borrow it yeah you can just you can have it here
oh okay i'm going to put it in my bag of holding nice all right reiner and i'm gonna go outside
the tree and float around look for nests for the eggs but i'm also gonna go check on the owl bear
yeah pete townsend nice you check on pete he seems to be doing good he's taking a nap because he
rode through the whole night um and sir huntington's woods was the third is on the chariot just
chilling and um you fly around for a little bit but i want you to roll me a survival
also do i recognize that tiefling that was in the corner
we'll get there that's only a three um so you find it's a six but it's uh
can i can i do it on my way back because there's something that i'm going to do to pete townsend
while he's sleeping oh sure sure sure sure you can do that first go ahead um i'd like to paint him
to look like a unicorn with the magical paint you got a reroll from steve um the magical paint
there's no rolls you have to make you just do that um now it's a 10 for survival nice that's better
um so you whip out the paints and you spend some time out here while they're in there messing with
the kids and you're painting him while he's sleeping to look like a unicorn and he wakes
up a couple of times and looks at you and sees you painting and he just says to you he goes
make me look cool you're going to look cool it's going to be all cool i'm so cool to be cool it
will be cool and then you paint him to look like a unicorn and after you're done painting just like
you can imagine magically the owlbear shifts into like a unicorn but i will say he still has his beak
and coming out of the hooves he still has his claws cool right i draw outside of the outlines
too so he's got like weird color blotches hanging off of him yeah it's really gross yeah yeah it's
like brutally drawn there you go ubed he's a male owlbear because then he would lay eggs
a unicorn's that laid an egg that seems on par for fey wild shit yeah it does
okay you fly to this guy and you find a couple of eggs and some of them are large and like
polka dotted um i was gonna give you catberry cream eggs but since you only got a 10 you don't
find them um so you only find some normal eggs that are kind of polka dotted and weirdly looking
wait wasn't there a re-roll though yes it was a 10 after the re-roll hot grease
special what's the normal egg in fey wild
uh strange polka dotted eggs indeed um and you grab those up it's pretty normal to be
now while he's out there painting violet you're in there you approach the tiefling in the corner
the tiefling child it's the only one that didn't jump up to greet all you guys
she's kind of sitting there like really timid she has this little journal and she's like
writing in it and as you get closer she closes it scaredly and she looks up at you and in
infernal to you she says hello um what do you want
um do i recognize her is that a thing is that it may be roll me a wisdom all right
well um her eyes are a little similar to something maybe you've seen before but you're not sure
um i don't know what that is i don't know what that is i don't know what that is i don't know
but you're not sure um i
what's a youngin like you doing all the way out here well
i don't know where i came from but
last thing i remember i was working for the hag making toys and will save me
you don't remember your mama or daddy at all no mama and papa must have thought i was an ugly
because they didn't they didn't want me no more and i just
was i don't know all i know is how to make stuff i just been making stuff
i bet you could make a great career as an artificer one day
yeah maybe they're playing i've been writing down things i know how to make but
i don't know how to write very well so i made my own way of writing
i understand that i can't read or write anything
yeah ain't nobody taught me how to do that yeah my my parents sold me to a circus long ago and
i had a whole mess of siblings and i haven't seen them in a long time so it's just nice to see
another face yeah well it's cool to talk in infernal again because it's the only thing i know how to do
really so i try to talk in english with all these other people and they don't understand
very many words hey it's it's a struggle it sounds real weird talking in common let me tell you what
i'll tell you what right back because that's just it's tough you want to see some of my drawings
i would love to see some of your drawings uh i mean you she hands you the book and you can tell
that all of it is in your head and you can't see it and you can't see it and you can't see it and
you can tell that all of it's written in some strange infernal language like recipes for
like food and potions and other kinds of stuff and a lot of it's like makeshift toys like combining
one toy into another toy to make a cooler toy cool but yeah very cool stuff but while you're
scrolling through it give me a perception roll for me will you all right i am rolling sheet tonight
i got saving all right so it's really it um yeah you just scroll through it and then you hand her
back her book and she's like yeah so you know i've been working on stuff and uh i don't know where
to go from here uh you know well do you got a name there kidding no they just called the tiefling girl
yeah yeah one oh i think will be a great name for someone who likes to build stuff who will say it
trinket oh oh oh you see her eyes like a light up and she opens up her book
and on the front page she writes down some letters and again you look at it and it shuffles like
vibrates and for a second you see she wrote down trinket and then it disappears back into jumbled
mess she goes oh i love that you call me trinket i will thank you now you all help me cook breakfast
yeah what we making all right just in that moment reiner flutters back to the door holding a bunch of
eggs perfect i have all right thank you reiner so i'm gonna take a bunch of them apples i always
say you go get me those apples trinket and i'm gonna send you to peeling and chopping them up
because i trust you with a knife because you like building things so you chop them up real fine for
me wait hold on probability okay yeah she's good with a knife that's a 73
all right and then i'm gonna like rustle through their like little like cupboards and contraptions
they got around and i imagine i'm gonna find some sort of flower like sure powder around
yeah you look around you find everything you need for an apple pie i can tell what you're making
oh no we ain't making apple pies i would have to you know how many apple pies i have to make for
all these kids no we're making apple fritters we're making donuts we're making apple donuts for
breakfast nice um so while you're cooking that i want to give hops a chance to do whatever you like
currently you're sitting at the table across from will hops
oops you haven't had a chance to do anything in a minute
guys it's more than just trying to find a way from the kids
i was really terrified about the violent speaking demon in the corner with the other
with the other tiefling yeah
oh i don't really have anything that i need to do okay that's fair that's fair
so you make your pies but i want to see your fritters i want to see how well you make these
fritters so please make roll me a survival check pilot 24 nice natural 20 baby cheers everybody
hell yeah these fritters are so good all the kids gather around the table you set them in the middle
you say come and get it and it's absolute fucking chaos as these kids gather around and they're
slamming these like makeshift forks under these fritters and just eating them you 100 gain the
trust of all of these kids by this food um it's absolute fucking anarchy and trinket it's the very
last one and she's the only one sitting at the table proper eating it real nice and real slow
everyone else is running around they're like throwing them at each other and eating them off
each other's faces and all their kinds of shit it's absolute chaos um and uh eventually kids
they're so happy and full they all kind of lay down for a nap
and as they're laying down for a nap you three sit around the table with trinket and will
and will says all right well it's time for me to be truthful
and his body shifts away from being a kid into being an adult
and he is an uh you can tell right away that he is not a human species he is an oni
it looks like that diamond if you pull up a picture of michael jackson right now i'm gonna
be so upset okay and he says hello and that's where we're gonna end it for tonight oh wow all
right yeah okay hello and that's it
and that's it can we i am 100 percent concerned for these kids even though i don't like them but i am
concerned for them good you should be no that's returned to us next week to figure out what
happens with the getaway gang um yeah i like that last night this unicorn horn i found and i'm gonna
stay with you would you take away from this sir pubert does you like that cloak these kids are in
danger you gave him a cloak of protection yeah you did dude yeah yeah yeah so we're gonna come right
back in five minutes so we can talk uh add a costume and talk about this episode a little bit
tonight was a shorter episode we all had long weeks um i didn't have a lot of time to prep a
lot of extra stuff so it's a shorter episode but um that's what we're gonna end it we're gonna come
back for a short rest everyone watching on youtube spotify stuff like that please subscribe if you
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really close to a thousand subscribers and we're trying to get there so help us get there and um
we'll be right back in a few minutes once uh violet is out of costume we'll be right back y'all so
don't go anywhere let's do it yeah be patient with me quick credits y'all it was funny to listen to
the story and i bet he does slay some cougars that's right everybody check us out next sunday
for the wild beyond will dr hops be able to harness the power that he's finding out that he
truly has will violent fems be able to be cured of her past traumatic experiences and is she
actually learning to be able to read and will rina find pants check out the next time on the wild
beyond try baby for now