Hello one, hello all and welcome back to Love, Death and Dice right here on the Groundscouch.
Happy to see you guys, happy to have you guys here.
Yes, I will be your lovely dungeon master for tonight, Turk!
And I'm here with three of the besting all performers and actors and lovely folks that I love rolling fucking dice with every single Sunday right here in Love, Death and Dice.
The lads! Say hello lads!
Hello lads!
Connor, Kate, Proteus and Fishy!
Hi guys!
Sorry we're late, it's my fault.
Thanks James! Shout out James!
Cheers, bot!
Maybe you've been missing anything in chat. Coolness you guys.
Well hey, thank you so much for joining us.
What we're going to do now is we're going to run our intro.
Ticket into the vibe of the wild beyond.
And of course afterwards we've got a little PP show for you guys.
Because Spice just back in the saddle.
So make sure to show Spice De-Li-A-Stration some fucking love.
Because they did a PP show.
They did one without even notes.
Because I forgot to send it because I was so busy.
And I think it still came out fucking awesome.
So shout out to Spice De-Li-A-Stration you guys.
And we're going to run the intro.
Cheers everybody!
Cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers! Thank you for being here!
Happy Sunday!
What the fuck was that?
Welcome back to the wild beyond.
Our heroes found themselves at the mysterious location known as Downfall.
Where they encounter a quirky court of bullywugs amidst the swampy terrain.
Oh wow.
Navigating through the murky waters, they cross paths with unexpected allies and peculiar creatures including talking scarecrows and reverse mermaids.
Our adventurers navigated the challenges of the swamp to earn the favor of the bullywug court.
We gotta discover the secrets within.
Have you gotten the secrets? Will we get the secrets?
Well what's going to happen today?
I don't know. I guess we just have to watch.
You can't click away now. I took control of your screen.
You can't move. You can't feel anything.
I'm just kidding. I'm not a fascist.
Thank you for coming to Sunday Service.
This is PP Tappin' In Tappin' Out.
Hi everybody. My name is Paul Vo.
P-O-L-VO.
And welcome to Sunday Service.
Oh why is it looping again?
Let me fix. Let me fix.
No more loop. There we go.
Huh.
Okay. Hello. Welcome back everybody.
What a PP show.
Am I right? Am I right? I think I'm right.
I think I'm fucking right.
It's so nice having PP back. It was an awful mighty quiet last week without him.
Yeah.
It was fun though. It was fun.
Tappin' In Tappin' Out. That's right.
That's right.
I gotta get us some music here going boys.
Reiner's a pro at Tappin' In.
Oh yes. I do a lot of tapping.
Sometimes I do like the fast tapping.
Sometimes I do like the slow tapping.
But it's still hard.
So you know like slow tap.
But hard on each tap.
Very intentional tapping that I'm doing.
It's cool.
Do you play your ukulele at the same time and get like a good rhythm to go at the same time too?
It's just for note taking.
Yeah it's good to look something like this like.
Y'all are fucking on with me.
You guys are crazy.
Alright.
We ready for story?
No.
Wait.
I forgot to put my wings on.
Violin's gonna stop.
What? What? What?
What's behind you?
Behind me?
Right there.
Aw. You need scratches?
No not there's scratches.
There's nothing there.
It's a black line.
Hold on. Hold on.
I'll see you back there.
Be gone demons.
Is that better?
There's so much better thank you.
There you go.
I told the demons to be gone.
Mmm.
Alright here we go.
Last time.
You three went through the swamp of downfall.
All the way through you met the Bullywog Court.
You fought.
And you joined their nightism.
To be able to get all the way to the Hag's Hut.
That floats above the swamp in the center of downfall.
You guys climbed over a clothes line and got all the way to the balcony of the Hag's Hut.
You now must go inside and defeat the Hag's.
And you will be able to get to the Hag's hut.
You now must go inside and defeat the Hag's.
And figure out a way to get out of Tither.
Over to Hither.
And we have a map for tonight everyone.
So strap the fuck in.
Here we go.
As you can see it's...
We also have Agdon with us.
We also have the bunny rabbi Agdon.
Who's still our prisoner.
Oh yes.
Don't let me forget about that.
Do we not have the scarecrow?
He's behind. We're going to bring him back his head.
We're going to bring it back and then he'll show us how to get to Hither.
Is this like seven other things that we need to grab for people?
Yeah we got to get thumbs.
And we got to figure out how to take his scarf off.
And then we got to find his head.
Maybe a scroll that teaches me how to read and write.
And maybe a clue on where you're probably not legal sections.
What legal sexual union partner is.
I think that's everything.
Something like that.
So we're going to be treating this as a little bit of a hex crawl.
Each one of these players are going to take turns moving through this dungeon.
They could follow each other. Go on their own paths.
Whatever.
So what I want you guys to do now is roll me initiative.
Alright.
Yes.
I got an eight.
Hmm.
Strapping in says Balthazar.
Hell yeah buddy.
I like you dragging on more personally.
This is a 14 for me.
Nice.
You got a nine.
Okay Reiner.
That means you're first.
Then we've got Hops and then Violet.
So we're going counter clockwise.
Reiner.
On this map here what do you do?
What do I.
Oh man.
So like can I like fly just like straight up to get the lay of the land and what we are on.
You've kind of seen it. It's a hut hovering in the center.
This area.
Reiner's going to get an item.
But it's like a hut hovering on like some stilts in the center of the swamp.
A couple of doors.
Is there any windows?
Let me check here.
Yeah.
So the two empty gaps there in the wall are windows.
And the door is the door.
And how much space are we counting each square as?
Five feet.
And you say okay we can work up 30 feet because that's how far we can do the walkie woos.
Alright I got this.
Probably math.
Yeah.
Everybody watching.
We don't usually do like hex crawls like this here on the show.
We mostly do a lot of improv and stuff like that.
But we thought it might be fun to do something a little bit different tonight.
So this is what we're doing.
So that's why I said strap the fuck in.
Okay Reiner what do?
Can I like hover and see if I can see like inside the window.
Yeah I'll do this for you real quick.
Oh wow.
I can see inside now a little bit.
This is like a bath house.
It's kind of very sexy.
Mmm.
What did you see Reiner?
I see like a big tub with a lily pad in it.
And I also see like a table with like some broken dishes.
And there's also like a little stairway that goes into the little like bathtub.
I think there's a chair in there.
Family.
Another world.
That's right Story Dad my guy.
Hey you guys you gotta go over there and follow Story Dad.
Guess what?
The only way to get to Story on Another World Tabletop is Ozwats for a charity stream.
Make sure to follow Another World Tabletop you guys.
Go over there and follow them.
I just sent that into the chat.
I'm bringing Ozwats baby.
I'm gonna bring the hate.
Alright Reiner.
Moving forward buddy.
Can I attempt to open the windows that I'm looking through?
Yes you may.
It's a little tight.
I'm gonna go ahead and do a hand check to see if you can get your little fairy fingers under there and lift it up.
Oh yes.
My little fairy fingers.
They are like so squirly.
So get in there.
Slide to the end.
They're like a raccoon ripping out insulation in an attic.
Hello say it is a 23.
Okay.
Yeah you slide the window open.
You kind of get a better look.
Because it's not like you know the window is all foggy and what have you.
And you step over onto the broken dishes.
Oh you float.
I'm sure you float.
Yes I float.
Onto the inside.
You can see in here.
Music.
Okay.
Hold on.
You can see in here.
A recessed pool.
Lined with moldy clay tiles that take up most of this large square room.
Stagnant water.
Feels the depression to a degree.
Rises from the pool's center.
Is the head of a stone well that gives off an unpleasant pungent odor.
In one corner of the pool stands a tall dirty free standing mirror.
In an oval frame.
And floating on the water is a large lily pad.
Creaky wooden floorboards arranged in a 10 foot wide raised walkway.
Run around the pool.
This walkway is crowded with shelves, tables, stools and all shapes of different styles.
Almost every available surface is covered with a layer of stone.
And the water is filled with a layer of sand.
The sand is filled with a layer of sand.
And a layer of dirt.
Almost every available surface.
Is littered with stacks of dirty plates
and scraps of food and junk.
There are dressing dummies.
All pushed together.
Up in the back far corner.
And a wooden staircase.
It spirals up
from another corner
To the next level above.
There are five doors in this room.
That lead somewhere else
Do something else or are we giving someone else a turn?
I believe that's your turn.
Can I like go open the door that was leading out?
Can I check the door first for like some creepy shit?
Sure, roll me a perception.
Steve, where?
Steve and Emmy?
Oh my goodness.
You have an item.
Oh, is it?
Oh yeah, did you give?
Did you give Reiner his two items?
He's getting fucking two now.
I have not.
We can do that now that it's into your turn.
I am like item rich.
Yes you are.
You're like item rich.
Okay, what was your perception roll?
It was a 21.
All right, from the inside,
you can see that there's nothing up with the door.
It looks completely fine.
Cool, I opens it and I say to my companions,
it's like, hey, it's all clear.
Cheers.
It's good to go.
Hell yeah.
What?
Cheers to.
Cheering for Reiner to get that item.
I wanna see the loot before going to bed.
Ooh, okay.
Well, you're getting one.
I'm gonna draw from the two different stacks here.
One of them is gonna be floating on the lily pad
because that's what story dad says.
And the other one is gonna be there on the table
when you hop through the window.
And these are official D&D 5e items.
So these guys actually get to add them
to their character sheets, et cetera, et cetera.
And they range from epic down to just simple healing potions.
So you never know what the hell they're gonna get.
Official cards, baby.
Yeah.
Last episode, I got a Vorpal Sword.
Mm-hmm.
That's one of the best. I got a potion.
Oh, fish-all.
You did.
All right, from the bottom.
Ooh, you get the Wand of Secrets on the table.
Wand has three charges.
You can use an action to expend one of the charges.
If there is a secret door or trap within 30 feet of you,
the Wand pulses and points at the one nearest to you.
The Wand regains 1d3 expended charges daily at dawn.
And it doesn't require attunement,
so it's just an item that you just have.
The Wand of Secrets.
Lollipets!
Cool.
I actually think I can use this.
Hell yeah.
Have a useful item here.
Now, floating on the lily pad.
I was just shuffling and I seen a magical loot in there,
but there's no way that's what I'm gonna pull out of here.
But it is in there.
Oh, I've seen it again.
All right, from the bottom.
Now here.
In the lily pad, there's a sword sticking out.
If you decide to go for it, this is what it looks like.
Yes, I go for it.
Is it like my size or like regular people's size?
Regular people's size.
Or violent size.
Yeah.
Shit, so this is like,
it doesn't even matter if it's a one-handed sword.
It's like a great sword to me.
Right.
Yes, I'm gonna go for it.
Okay, well you can't yet.
Hop, so you do. Damn it!
Son of a bitch.
I have my one hundred times back engine.
Can I like,
and can I change my initiative order
so I go after violent?
Sure.
It's air force of darkness.
I think I'm gonna pick it back up.
I got bunny backpacks.
I got a bunny on each shoulder.
Nice.
It's just me and my bunny rabbits.
So I'm all heading through the door
cause I ain't no way I'm fitting through a window.
All right.
From the top here.
How am I still connected to Reiner?
Are you moving him?
Every time I move myself.
You denied him.
I, uh.
My computer's like,
I'm probably having a stroke trying to do anything
on Foundry right now.
Every time I move myself,
Reiner moves with me.
Let me see here.
It has to be something on,
let me see.
Cause it doesn't do that for me,
so let's check here.
Token friendly appearance, gotcha.
Reiner van Ritter.
Let's double check this.
Let's go to ownership.
Observer.
Save.
I'm gonna do one other thing.
Prototype token, vision hunting.
I agree, Forge.
I agree, Steve.
I'm gonna need you to pull your head out of your ass.
Just like, click and drag a square
to make sure you're not clicked on him.
Just like, you know, just like this.
Just like, get a square to make sure you're not clicked on.
Yeah, I'm clicked off of him now.
There you go.
All right, I'm not moving him no more?
Nah, fixed and fixed.
All right.
All right, and then,
Dr. Hopps, you're attached to me,
so you can just come by me.
Yeah, yeah, that's the plan.
All right.
All right, move in.
You see the similar things.
And another item for you.
We're gonna bunch tonight, you guys.
Before you tell me what you wanna do,
you get the Sword of Vengeance.
So that's fun.
Another Sword of Vengeance, you say?
Of course I want that.
Give me that right now.
Put it in my veins.
So, you have to, it requires attunement,
like I said before.
If you wanna know what it does,
you have to attune to it.
I mean, I'm fine.
You say I can only have three, right?
Well, I got two attuned to me,
so I'll attune to this one, too.
That's fine by me.
Because, I mean, if we get any more,
I mean, Sword of Vengeance, we gotta do that.
That's the whole thing.
That's my whole thing, DM God.
I know.
Okay.
That's my whole thing.
As you attune to this item.
Oh, I can't wait to die to it.
Oh my God, what?
You attune to this item, Violet.
Your hand glows and your hand burns.
This is a cursed item.
When you attune to this item,
this sword is cursed and it's possessed
by a vengeful spirit.
Becoming attuned to it extends the curse to you.
As long as you remain cursed,
you are unwilling to part with the sword,
keeping it on your person at all times.
While attuned to this weapon,
you have disadvantage on attack rolls
made with weapons other than this one.
In addition, while the sword is on your person,
you must succeed on a DC 15 saving throw
whenever you take damage in combat.
On a failed save, you must attack that creature
that damaged you until you drop it to zero hit points,
or it does, or until you reach the creature
to make a melee attack against it.
You cannot break free from this curse in usual ways.
Alternatively, casting banishment on the sword
forces the vengeful spirit to leave it.
The sword then only becomes a plus one.
The only benefit you get from this weapon
is that you get a plus one bonus
to attack and damage rolls made with this magic weapon.
All right.
So, the voice comes through the sword
and it's like, fight, kill, fight, fight,
vengeance, fight, kill.
So those are just my normal thoughts though,
so nothing new?
Yeah, I guess so.
Nothing new for you.
All right.
Yeah.
So you just, all right, nothing new.
Just put it away.
Hey, all right.
Gonna have shit time rolling so nothing new.
Yeah.
Shit time rolling.
All right, you've moved in here.
Is there any action you wanna take?
I mean, I know, listen,
I feel, hold on, hold on.
What's this there shadowy thing I see over in the corner?
In the pool?
I think that is connected to something.
Go straight from above.
Fishy item.
No, Fishy hasn't gotten one yet.
Yeah, Fishy got an item too.
Oh, I see that.
I don't get it, he's going past it.
It's a doctor, Hops.
All right.
From the top then?
No, actually I'm gonna shuffle again.
I swear to fucking God if I get a curse sword,
I'm kicking somebody's ass.
No, you get the Perept of Health.
It's necklace.
It's a necklace.
Yeah, it's necklace.
You are immune to contracting any diseases
while you wear this pendant.
If you're already infected with the disease,
the effect of the disease are suppressed
while you wear the pendant.
Just a straight up good item.
Immunity to disease.
Yeah.
That actually might be useful.
That kinda does.
It matches my sick mom tattoo.
Yeah, it does, yeah it does.
You got a homo teeth going.
I am checking real quick
because I don't know why that's on the map
because I didn't read anything about that.
All right.
Because if that's nothing, I mean,
do any of the mannequins have heads
that look like they're the Scarecrow's head?
It's a fun question.
Roll me perception.
All right.
Yeah, why are you here, guy?
There's just a commoner here.
Why are you here, guy?
Oh God, I may have rolled it twice.
I'm not, apologies.
It's okay.
I'll put a four.
And that's a five.
Both of them are fit, so it doesn't matter.
Nothing, nothing for you.
All right, yeah, that's it.
Yeah, I don't know why that's here.
That thing's a nothing?
All right, as long as it's a nothing.
Okay, Hops, what do you do?
I want to just start burning spell slots.
All right, I'm gonna cast a first level spell,
detect magic.
Nice, dude.
Add concentration.
Concentration, you sense the presence of magic
with that dirty fan of you.
Oh, I know what it does.
Have you sensed magic in this?
Well, it's a magic chart, doesn't it?
You're right in my ear.
Did you know that?
You're right, you don't need to yell that loud.
Like, you are right there.
Sorry.
It's okay.
You can use an action to see his face
or around any visible creature or object in the area
that might bear his magic.
You learned its school of magic, if any.
Okay.
When you cast detect magic, Hops,
it reveals an aura of conjuration magic
around the freestanding mirror.
Well, you can't ban a character's name.
Try again, Moby.
It reveals an aura of conjuration magic
around the freestanding mirror.
What does conjuration mean?
Basically, it's like a subunit,
or like making something out of nothing.
Could be very scary.
I would say, Reiner, you should proceed
with caution and check it out.
Okay.
I'm going to go ahead and cast detect magic.
I'm going to cast detect magic.
I think you're muted, Reiner.
Yeah, you're muted, Reiner.
Oh no.
Reiner, what can I hear you then?
My darkness has got him.
Maybe I don't want to go near the mirror at all.
Thanks for the info, but that sounds like a bad idea.
I have a question.
Yes.
What about the child Bollywogs?
They are like bigger than me, right?
Like very big.
Yeah, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Fuck.
This is not good, then.
What about like a child Bollywog?
Might be the same size as you.
Might be the same size?
Yeah.
In that case, nevermind.
I was going to do something cool, but.
Nobody said drink, Connor.
That's okay.
Well, you know, I totally forgot
there's like curse swords out there,
so maybe I don't want to pull the one from the lily pad.
All of a sudden, huh?
But what I will do is I'm going to like tie
my detection wand to like my belt in front of me.
Mm.
I see what you're doing.
And then, you know, like,
I want to expend one of its charges in this room.
Okay, what does it do again?
Any kind of traps within 30 feet of you?
Secret doors or traps?
Goodness, there are five doors in this room.
Let me see.
Is there any secret doors or traps?
And the mirror is within 30 feet of them.
Mm.
Secret doors.
Or traps.
Yeah, I know.
It points towards the staircase
in the top left, the spiral staircase.
How the hell would that be?
Oh, guys, my wand is like pointing out some like
secret door or it could be a trap on the staircase.
So watch out for that.
You guys see where it's pointing, right?
You see it?
I'll take your word for it.
It's pointing over there.
I'll take your word for it.
Okay, that's all I wanted to do.
All right, I'll start walking towards them, their stairs then.
Cool.
Yeah, and there's also a bunch of doors in this room.
So y'all moving really slow here.
I'm gonna need y'all to speed up because come on now, do stuff.
Hopps, you're on Violet's back.
Connor went through the window and just,
I'm staying right here.
I'm not fucking moving anywhere.
What the fuck?
I am so squishy.
If I get like, you know, surprised or fucked with, I am dead.
Mm.
Well, maybe not now.
Hopps, I see you moving around.
You said Violet could go first, so Violet's going.
I went.
Mm-hmm, and you're on her back, right?
But I wanted to hop off.
Okay.
So you're over here now?
All right, well, what do you do?
Hopps, you should go.
Okay, I'm gonna open this fucking door.
All right, open it.
That's my friend.
I like that door nice.
It's an empty room.
No, that is rickety stairs.
You step out there, don't move too far yet.
A flight of stairs runs along the outside wall of the cottage
with wooden doors at the top and the bottom.
A rickety railing hangs the edge of the staircase,
which looms above the foggy lake.
A steady droning sound comes from a shadowed corner
above the door at the top of the stairs.
Like,
Like that.
She forgot to turn off her vibrator when she put it back in the drawer.
Been there before.
Can I roll perception to see what the noise is?
Sure.
Yeah, roll it.
Can you do that again?
That was guys turn cute.
Fuck me.
They're nine.
It just looks like,
I mean, on a nine, it's not that bad.
It looks like some large nest.
We roll.
Oh, thank God.
Oh, Steve.
Also later, Moby.
And earlier, Connor, you did say the word fuck.
So you got to drink, buddy.
Smobies.
I've been drinking.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's a seven foot long,
five foot wide wasp nest that clings to the shadowy corner above the door at
the top of the stairs.
The nest is a big, it's a medium object.
And there are a bunch of wasps.
Five foot by seven foot is a medium object.
It's fucking huge.
That's bigger than me.
That's medium.
Dr.
Hopps is a medium object.
Small.
He's a small creature.
Yeah.
Hey, he's a small creature.
Medium object though.
I would argue if he was an object, that'd be a medium size object.
I don't know, man.
That's what the book says.
No idea.
That's a huge bitch.
I'm a huge object.
I'm not a large object.
I'm a huge object.
Big woman, big creature, large, huge object.
Big lady.
That's fair.
Big lady.
All right.
We're back to you, buddy.
Okay.
Well, I'm going to like fly over all this nonsense and go to like the stairs.
All right.
Your flight's you got flight.
Yeah, that's where I'm hitting as well.
Yeah.
Okay.
Violet.
I'm following Rainer.
Hopps, don't you get lost now.
You better come back this way.
Yeah, I don't think I'm going to take a me size hornet's nest.
Literally a you size hornet's nest.
Fucking literally.
Is it?
I mean, I don't think so.
It's a violet sized hornet's nest.
Oh, I have a question.
Is it?
Is any of the mannequins over there?
Are they like my size?
A little bit.
Yeah, there's some small ones.
There's some big ones.
Okay, great.
Just making sure.
Okay.
Yeah.
We're not going to be carrying one of those around with us from this point forward, are
we?
Not necessarily.
Okay.
Hopps, what do you do, man?
I want to follow.
Can somebody move me?
My foundry is like lagging out.
It won't let me pick up my character.
I'm just going to go back and go back to follow them.
All right.
You go like straight across down the middle over the top.
Around to make sure my reflection's never inside that mirror.
Okay.
All right.
Well, you go around the top then.
And as you get close to the mannequins, hands reach out and grab you by the ears and try
to rip your ears off.
Everybody roll me initiative.
Shit.
Got a nine.
Nice.
Mine is also a nine.
I got a one.
Oh, you got a one.
I got a 19.
Sick.
Bam.
How do I?
Oh, I can't do that.
Okay.
That's fine.
Display in VTT.
Virtual tabletop not found.
Fine.
Fucker.
Well, it looks ugly.
It looks ugly anyway.
I'll do it this way.
See y'all can see.
My ears.
What is that?
They can't see it yet.
What in the fuck knuckle was that?
Yeah, it looks like that.
This is what grabs you by the ears.
You said hands.
That thing ain't got no hands.
Where's its hands?
You said hands.
Well, it felt like hands.
What in hentai is going on?
It's going to try to crush.
It's going to try to crush your ears there, Hops.
While it's got you by the ears, it's got a plus five to attack and it's going to squeeze.
Fuck.
Cool.
Got a natural one.
I haven't seen this episode of Beastars.
All right.
A natural one.
Great.
Great, great, great, great, great.
So he's going to deal four damage to himself right off the bat.
That's fucked.
Squeezes his own tentacle.
Yep.
One of the tentacles pops.
Let me see here.
Crushes the attack roll.
Oh, if it's attached to you, it gets advantage.
Exciting.
Sounds like some backdoor DMing right there.
It does, doesn't it?
It's still only a four.
Sounds like someone really wanted to do some damage.
All right.
So me and Reiner both got nans.
Okay.
I think Reiner's faster than you with his wings, so Reiner, you're first.
Okay.
In this case, let's see.
Can I cast like a spell?
Maybe.
What does this do?
Oh, no.
This is like, this is like not even...
Oh, it's a debuff?
How is it a debuff if like it just makes them glow?
It's a fairy fire.
Hi, Steve.
Hi, Puberty.
Hi, guys.
Oh.
And it also illuminates them so they can see them where they're at.
Well, in this case, I'm going to cast fairy fire on the squid guy.
That hits me too, buddy.
Nice.
Yeah.
So in radius, you cast fairy fire, and so everything in that radius, if something tries
to attack it, gets advantage on it.
So that means the thing will get advantage on Hopps.
Oh, shit.
No, it's like really bad.
Maybe not.
Yeah.
Fuck, I didn't want to use this until later because it's an expendable spell each long
rest because I took a feat for my level up.
But I'm going to cast Viscish Mockery on the squid guy.
Nice.
So you unleash a string of insults laced with several enhancements at a creature you can
see within range.
If the target can hear you, it must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or take 1d4 psychic
damage and have disadvantage on the next attack.
This crazy squid creature doesn't have ears.
Well, it says it's immune to death.
Well, in backseat DMing is happening right now.
Though it need not understand you.
True.
Does this sound like Turks just making up rules on the fly?
I'm not making up nothing.
It literally has to be a home group games here, Proteus.
I'm just saying he's just making stuff up that you think is being true.
Steve is right.
If hops can succeed on a dexterity saving throw, but because this thing has hops kind
of like grappled by the ears for fairy fire anyways, in fairy fire, you make a deck save
to jump out of it.
But this thing's literally attached to hops.
So if hops jumps out of it, it's coming with.
So you could use the vicious mockery though.
We'll take it.
Okay.
Yeah.
In that case, I'm going to call it a dollar store hentai version of Davy Jones.
Nice.
Now, I believe there's a save.
Yes, there is a wisdom saving throw.
It's got plus zero.
It's a six.
It fails.
Hell yeah.
Hit me your damage.
Let's go.
One D four.
Oh, that was wrong.
Oh, wait, no.
Dollar store version of Davy Jones.
Hentai version of Davy Jones.
One damage.
Nice.
Hell yeah.
And it has disadvantage on its next attack roll.
Oh yeah.
Re-roll your damage.
Oh, we do that?
We'll take it.
I take it sometimes.
Usually not though.
It's a three.
Nice.
It's way better.
You could tell it's mad about it.
Okay.
Violet.
Just what he did.
He's like glimming at tentacles.
Yeah.
He's like, oh.
He's mad about it.
Oh, I'm going to, I'm going to take this opportunity.
So like, okay, just to make sure I can move and attack or?
Yeah.
Okay.
So I'm going to like, I'm going to like slide underneath, underneath Reiner here.
Like I'm not going to try to duck around.
I'm just going to slide around Reiner here and I'm going to go, I'm going to go a leaping
towards the creature that's got hold of our dear little bunny hypes.
And I'm, I'm going to use a bonus action to, to channel divinity and vow of amenity, amenity,
ameninity, amenin, M&Ms.
I'm going to use the vow of M&Ms.
Uh, I choose a creature within 10 feet and you gain advantage on attack rolls for one
minute or until it drops to zero HP or falls unconscious.
And yeah, on top of that, I'm going to use, uh, you're going to have to tell me what I
got to do for this new sword of mine.
Uh, cause I couldn't find it in the D and D, uh, the D at the D and D beyonds.
I couldn't find it.
So I couldn't add it, but I'm going to, I'm going to go swiping at the main proboscis
of stabbing through the proboscis of the big head bit.
The part that it's a flesh light, not the part that's a dilda.
So Jesus, um, if you just roll a 20, you get proficiency bonus and strength bonus.
So for you, um, I think your strengths plus three and your proficiency is plus two.
So it's a plus five and you get plus ones while using the vengeance sword.
So it's a plus six to hit.
Roll me a D. All right.
Roll a D 20.
Leaving.
I got 17.
That'll hit.
That's good.
Okay.
And then what do I roll to hit it with?
Like what, what, what do I roll for damage?
I believe it's just short sword plus one or long sword plus one.
So if you want to fucking find a long sword here, I'm looking right now for you.
Right here.
Okay.
That'd be great.
I don't got that.
He knew that I could attack with two weapons.
I can do two, but do I get, do I get the disadvantage if I attack with it, the vengeance sword and
another sword or does it cancel itself out?
Cause I am in fact using that sword to, I'm doing what it wants.
I'm using the sword, but I'm also using a friend.
I'm making it be friends.
Play dates.
It's supposed to be.
Yeah.
If you use any other sword, but if you're dual wielding, we could probably cancel it
out.
Um, but if I'm thinking we could play it by ear, but if you're building, that's fine.
But the fun thing with dual wielding is that you just, you don't get bonuses on your offhand
so you don't get that extra plus six.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Short sword.
Yeah.
D eight.
Roll me a D eight plus one for damage.
All right.
D eight plus one.
D eight.
That's a night.
Nice.
Hell yeah.
I got seven plus one.
It's a night.
That's a full night.
Yeah.
Um.
Stab it in the perbuscus.
The perbuscus.
Perbuscus.
I like saying perbuscus.
Me too.
You stab it right in the perbuscus.
And its noodles are like noodling and it's still got two noodles gripped onto Hop's ears
being pulled back.
It's just trying to pull its ears.
It's like, like trying to get its ears off.
And then it sees you.
One of its little tentacles is trying to get out of your horns.
It's like, trying to get out of your horns.
Yeah.
But it hasn't taken an action yet, but it's bleeding Hop's.
If you want to try to get out of its, out of its grip, you can try to get away from
it by making me a strength check.
No, what we're going to do is we're going to try and twist our body around so we can
face the beast in its eyeballs.
My eyes are going to start glowing and we're casting charm person.
You attempt to charm a humanoid that you can see within range.
It must make a wish and say it so.
It does so with the thing that it.
It's not humanoid.
It's monstrosity.
Yeah.
I will take it.
If you want to do it though, I'll take it.
If you want to do that and you succeed, I can use another spell.
I just don't know what its intelligence is.
Is there a way that I could, is there a skill that I can roll to kind of maybe know what
its intelligence base is?
I will let you, you spent some time in the Feywild.
You know these creatures.
I'll let you make a history check for memory.
Come on baby.
Is it a sword actually?
Let me see.
Sword of Vengeance.
I did stab it in the brain so it's not thinking too good right now.
It actually says weapon any sword.
Is what it says.
Any sword.
So if you want it to be a rapier, it can be.
It can also be a long sword.
You don't know if it's intelligent or not.
This could be like a mind flayers penis or something.
Yeah.
That's an 11, you have no idea.
But you're betting it's probably really low.
I mean I did stab it in the brain.
I'm going to scream out, hops watch out I think it might be a mind flayers penis.
Alright.
There are lots of ways they do, they do the whole thumb packet and they shoot their arm
off.
That's crazy.
Crazy.
Alright, we're gonna cast beastbond.
You establish a telepathic link with one beast in front of you.
How it's friendly to you or charmed by you.
David, it's a charmed person.
Can I charm them?
Yes, sure buddy.
Wait.
They must make a wisdom saving throw.
Beat it 13.
Okay.
It beat it.
It's got an 18.
Die still all my friend.
Alright we're back to Ryan.
Well shit I, I uh, I'm going to do bardic inspiration for these guys to help them out.
Nice.
Turd, just do something.
Just do something.
It reminded me of that meme with the guy with the stick and he's poking it.
He's like come on do an adventure.
Like.
Do it.
Do something cool.
Do something my goodness.
But yes I do bardic inspiration for Dr. Hopps in Violent Femmes.
What does it sound like?
Um.
Kick that fucking squid's ass right in it's asshole.
Kick that fucking squid's ass right in his asshole.
Nice.
Hell yeah.
Okay.
Now Ryan I know you don't like cloaca's but what do you think about mouth cloaca hybrids?
I feel like that's what this got.
You mean the mouth is also the butthole?
Baja blast shelter.
This could work.
But uh I don't like the possibility of there being a beak.
Mmm.
You're not down with the bird people you never got down with a king coo?
No.
Not with the beak.
It's not you know inviting.
It's not inviting.
Okay.
Violet we're back on you now.
He did his bardic inspiration.
Oh actually after that thing it's it's turn.
Yay.
Remember he has disadvantage.
Yes.
Because he's not he's attached to hops.
The only thing he can do is attack and because he gets advantage on attacks when he's attached
to something this just makes it a neutral roll because of your disadvantage.
If you roll one time plus five.
Fuck.
I got a natural one.
He hurts himself.
Jesus.
That's a two.
All right.
He squeezes too hard one of his little eyeballs pop like.
He squeezes too hard.
Violet it's your go.
All right so I'm gonna I'm uh this time I'm gonna I'm gonna stab down with one sword.
I'm gonna attack with both two weapons.
I'm gonna attack with the vorpal sword in one hand and I'm gonna go for the try to swipe
down with the on the tentacles but I'm gonna stab it through its giant proboscis again
to keep it in one place.
Nice.
We're dual wielding now baby.
So it's a stand down and a slap.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Okay so you're only gonna get bonuses on that sword of vengeance.
That's fine.
Which is fine.
Yeah.
So you could do you could roll two 20s at the same time if you want to.
Yeah all right.
The first roll will be the sword of vengeance.
Yeah.
All right.
Well one's a one's a oh well that was hold on.
Yeah combine them.
Can I see what they were?
If you click on it.
One was a 14 the other one was a 8.
So the 14 was the sword of vengeance which makes it a 15 which hits the other one's an
8 which misses.
All right.
So sword of vengeance hits.
So that's the one that went through the brain was the sword of vengeance.
Yes.
So roll me a d8 plus one.
D8 plus one.
That's a nine.
Change!
Maximum damage.
You slice right through its head and you hit like in its head and then you go down through
a head of one of the mannequins and it lets go of Hop's ears.
He's dead.
I'll tell you what.
It also reminds me of Turkey's college days.
What?
It's chat stuff.
I'm sorry.
I'm okay.
I want to like get up and like kick the squid and like kick it a lot.
Like angrily fighting the dead squid.
But I'm not like doing any damage.
It's just kind of like funny taps.
You're just fucking mad at it.
Well while they are doing that I'd like to use one of my new spells.
And I'm hoping that they don't notice it.
I'm using disguise self and I'm going to disguise myself as one of the smaller mannequins.
I'm just going to stand by the stairs.
So what is your guys' passive perception?
It is on your character sheet.
What we're going to do is you're going to make me a stealth roll.
It's underneath your saving throws.
Mine's in a leaven.
Make me a stealth roll.
You got to beat a 16 and they won't see it.
It's a deity 20.
Nice.
So you turn into a mannequin.
And we're back to our round robin here.
His passive perception hops so you didn't have to roll anything.
I thought we were rolling for stealth.
No just him because he's turning into a mannequin.
Damn it.
Wasted natural 20.
Damn.
Sad though.
Sad 20.
Sad feels bad.
It does.
Okay we're back around.
Hops just moved.
Technically it means Reiner so he turned into a mannequin.
Now it's Violet.
What do you do?
I mean now that I'm closer to the mannequin heads can I perceive again whether or not
any of this is the head we're looking for for that scarecrow?
Now that I'm closer and I'm not by the door?
Even need to roll.
But there are seven humanoid shaped dressing dummies that are in this corner.
Four of medium size and three of small size.
Six of them are adorned with a bunch of like shoddy home stitched garments.
The other one is bare except for an ugly black pointed hat.
That was in fact the thing you just fought.
It transformed away from the hat and turned into that.
Let me see here.
And there really isn't, there's no heads here.
There's nothing.
They're just mannequins.
Alright fair enough.
I'm gonna scoop hops up again.
We're gonna head towards the stairs.
I think that's for the best.
Okay.
Reiner, do you do anything at this point?
I'm just going to just.
As he does it I'm gonna raise my sword into like a fighting stance like I'm about to swipe
at him like he's gonna flash before your eyes buddy.
No just kidding just kidding guys guys I made a disguise.
Why would you do that?
We're just fighting a mind flayer's penis what's wrong with you?
Sorry sorry I just thought it would be a good idea if like you know we get caught or something
I could stand still.
Ah shit.
I swear to god one day you're gonna wake up without a wang dang doodler and you're gonna
know what's for.
Alright I'm assuming you guys go up the stairs.
Yeah that sounds nice.
Yes we're going up the stairs.
But I will go first.
Oh yeah?
Seems like.
Alright.
I want to peek in there and like you know clear the area for them.
Oops hold on.
This is a fun little map situation we got going on here.
Hold on.
Peek through the area.
Go ahead and roll me perception then while I try to fucking do this.
Ah.
You say rolling for perception?
This is like a nine.
It just moves you to the whole house huh.
There we go.
Let me do this.
I got a 16.
Ooh.
There we go.
Okay.
When you guys get in here.
Your little wand first of all starts pointing.
But the walls of this dark hallway after you make your way up the stairs.
Fuck I said it.
Make your way.
Cheers.
Shit.
Fuck.
Cheers.
I mean hell else would you say that though.
Like reword that.
Just give it another go.
Once you get to the top of the stairs.
You wander over yonder.
Once you get up to the top of the stairs you can see that the walls of this dank hallway
are covered with scores of portraits depicting grumpy, sad, frightened, and angry people.
The figure includes humans, elves, halflings, bullywugs, and goblins among others.
The portraits are rendered in a variety of mediums including paintings, etchings, and
sketches.
All are displayed in gaudy gilded frames.
A framed oval mirror two feet wide and five feet tall hangs in the middle of one wall.
Your wand points down Reiner.
Right to your right where you are right now.
Right to the right.
And this is like.
It's not pointing at the mirror?
It is pointing at the mirror.
Yes.
Okay.
I'm going to tell the other guys to maybe like avoid that mirror.
Like stay away.
All right.
How big's the mirror?
Well, it's about the size of a person.
So it's a full length mirror?
Yeah.
All right.
Can I, in the pictures and sketches on the wall, is like the background of those pictures
in there or is it just like the being?
Some of them.
Yeah.
They're crudely drawn though.
What does the backgrounds look like?
You know, the swamp, the forest, it doesn't, it doesn't look like the inside of this building?
No.
Okay.
Then I don't know.
But I'd stay away from that mirror.
That mirror is bad news.
My my wand says though.
I mean, you can try, I guess.
I mean, so let's just say this.
I'm going to approach where Reiner is, but I'm going to have my back to the wall facing
away from the mirror.
Like I'm going to be facing at work.
I'm going to be facing away from the mirror and I'm just going to take this part of the
Sword of Vengeance and I'm just going to essentially backwards jab it into the mirror.
Sick, dude.
Show me a strength check.
All right.
Yeah.
That's something, that's something I can do.
Where that strength at?
All right.
There we go.
Oh, that's a 13.
Okay.
That's good enough.
It's a mirror.
So you smash the mirror.
Glass goes all over the ground and kind of like scatters and it's fucking loud.
And as you smash it, the frame of the mirror, you can see there was hinges attached to it
and it swings open revealing a secret door.
Oh, it was a door and not a trap.
What does your wand do?
Reiner?
Yeah.
It points out secret passages and traps.
Yes.
Well, now we know.
Some more you know.
Everything was smelling like a trap.
That's all right.
So I'm going to go back and I got Abaddon on one shoulder still.
He's just hanging out, but I'm going to scoop hops up because I'm not having his bunny
paws walk over glass.
I don't know when you're going to swing him around like a fairy flail.
We'll see what happens.
Abaddon's a good boy, though.
He's very well-behaved.
Nice.
All right.
Do you step into the secret room?
Sure, I'll do it.
I smashed it.
I'll walk and do it.
Okay.
As you step in, a moldy scent hangs in the air in this dark L-shaped hallway.
I think it's a mothball, something fierce in this place.
Have you ever heard of the breeze?
Walk forward in this hallway.
You feel like things around you are beginning to get smaller and smaller and smaller and
smaller.
Once you get all the way to the end of the hall, you are at one half of your normal size
and you blend into the tiny, tiny hallway.
This is fun.
I feel weird.
If I go...
Hold on.
Can I take a little bit of bonus action if they're still out in the hall waiting for
me to do something?
If you guys do...
Can I run back while I still be small?
You happily run back.
As you run back to the other end, you grow back in size and you're normal by the end.
You look over and see tiny hops and tiny Reiner.
Even tinier.
They're super tiny and you're fucking huge.
Looking down this hallway, they get smaller and smaller as it goes down.
Fantastic.
All right.
Anyway, all right.
We'll just move forward then.
Do we need a visual?
We can do a visual.
They're like, hello.
You guys have a giantist fetish because I feel like this is where it's headed.
My goodness.
Oh, I do.
Yes, absolutely.
I think this is one of those things where I feel like you see scrolls of people in between
people's toes.
I feel like this is where this is headed.
I'm about to reenact the Ant-Man Thanos theory.
You stay away from my butthole.
That's all I gotta say.
All right.
So you see, is there another door or is it just...
What's going on?
I was a pain in the ass.
I was too excited about being small.
At the end, there is a tiny door.
There's a solid wall that seems to block access any further, but as we begin to inspect it,
it reveals a two inch wide, four inch tall little mouse hole at the beginning and the
base of the wall.
The mouse hole seems to be blocked though by a tiny wooden door that is barred on the
side by a steel needle.
There's little like bars and there's like a needle set in the bars from this side.
All right.
So from this side, do you say?
So you could lift it if you wanted to.
It's meant to keep something in.
Maybe.
Yeah, that's what I'm hearing.
Fuck it.
Let's meet some sting.
Oh, good Lord.
All right.
Well, if you're sure, if you're sure.
And yeah, I'll lift the needle off of the door.
Nice.
But you're going in first.
If I take this needle off, you're going in first.
That's how this is working.
Okay.
Fun stuff.
Hold on.
Let me pause this.
There we go.
You lift open the needle and the door creaks open.
You can see on the other side what looks to be the underside of a dresser.
I will let you guys know that as you step out, you can feel the magic slowly releasing
from you guys.
And you can kind of guess that you might have about a minute or two before the magic completely
disperses and you go back to your normal size.
But you step out and you're standing underneath a cabinet.
You look out into this room underneath the cabinet and you can see a study.
And is the study empty?
Good question.
Do we see anything?
Are there just two giant cats just roaming around and we're the size of mice?
You think you hear something.
But you guys are tiny.
So I don't know how much you think you guys can actually see.
So while you're tiny, roll me perception.
Roll for refraction.
As you walk into the room, you see Stan's parents making love in their beds.
That's right.
I'm not real.
Natural 20 coming from Reiner Van Ritter.
I see everything.
I can hear colors.
Two creatures having a conversation.
What looks like over tea in the middle of this room.
The first figure is seated in a armchair.
Big nice armchair.
It's a female.
She is tall, lean woman of gray complexion, dressed in black with a wide brimmed hat obscuring
her eyes.
The other figure is a toad like creature with bulging eyes and cracked skin.
It is clad in a shapeless garment and sits on the end of a love seat with legs pulled
up beneath it.
Flies flit in and out of its mouth, which hangs agape when it isn't speaking.
Two tiny versions of the creature cling to it like pets.
The room is filthy.
Dirty dishes and bits of discarded food lie everywhere.
The furniture was perhaps once of fine quality but now stains of mysterious origin model
every surface.
And the upholstery has been patched numerous times.
Set with its back to the wall in one corner, a hulking wooden cabinet, sturdy legs support
the bottom of it, the cabinet six inches above the floor, a decrepit wooden staircase climbs
the wall in another corner.
You guys are under this sturdy cabinet.
You hear a conversation.
The toad like creature speaks in a low voice to the other one.
Like I rule this swamp.
You cannot come to me even if you are darkling elder.
Indolin you are thief.
I know you are.
You come thinking you're going to be a traveling merchant.
You're going to sell the hag stuff?
I think not.
And the other voice is like, look, yes, we steal, but we sell.
We're here.
Our balloon is outside the swamp.
We're here ready to sell.
Whatever.
We're here to make a trade with you.
They seem to be having a basic conversation about some kind of trade agreement.
In this room, is there any like mannequins?
That's funny.
Let me see if I can do this actually.
Can I do it all at once?
Size token size.
I can.
I love that.
I have to do it to bring it back or whatever, but that's just fucking fun.
You three guys are together underneath the cabinet, but there you are.
Okay.
Yeah.
No, there are no mannequins in here, Reiner.
Okay.
Well, there's about to be one.
I am going to sneak into like the top right corner of the room.
Okay, roll me a stealth, you could do it with advantage because you're tiny.
Oh, yes.
Tiny Reiner with the advantage on stealth plus four.
So that's an 11 or how about fucking 23?
Nice.
Yeah, you stealthy right up there.
All right.
And then I'm just going to stand still in like a mannequin position because I'm still
disguised self as a mannequin.
Oh, nice.
Okay.
All right.
That's fair.
Okay.
Hopps, you want Violet to go first again?
Yeah, probably.
Okay, Violet, what do?
Oh, wait, I only heard you describe two people and there are three creatures in this room.
So that's like a thing.
Yeah.
Cleaning to the hag.
Yeah.
It's like it's a little.
There are ones that we can we can use the hag.
Is it the one that's hooded or is the one with the big eyes?
Probably is the one that looks like a hag.
Oh, no.
Which one said I rule this swamp?
We obviously saw the conversation.
Which one said it?
Well, probably not the dark, mysterious, sexy guy.
Probably the ones that has the bulging eyes and the weird blonde hairs that swoops down.
Reiner got the 20.
He has all the info.
Is that info correct?
Yeah, yeah, I would assume so.
It's probably not the guys that looks like he's from the Twilight series.
I think it's the ones that's ugly in bulging eyes.
All right.
It's not Mr. Edgelord 5000.
It's fucking Bursas, the abomination down there.
All right.
I'm going to try to like.
OK, so hold on.
Yeah, I guess I'll try to position myself like I'm going to try to sneak against the
wall behind behind where the hag's at.
And she's like on a chair or something, right?
The first stealth role with advantage because you're tiny.
All right.
They deal.
They deal with a varnish.
14.
It's good enough.
All right.
He used to be known on Twitch as Edgelord 420.
Fuck it.
Each sick name.
All right.
So 14.
What do you, son?
I think any of us really know what to do.
Could I like could I like press their dialogue button to let them keep talking?
I'm like, I guess it's a doubt.
Yeah, I stood out.
OK.
What I will say.
They continue talking.
They continue gossiping.
One of them is talking to the hag, Balvorna, Bavlorna, about her sisters, Indalyn and
Scabatha.
They continue talking and you three start to realize that while they're talking, it
looks like the one in dark is almost pandering to the hag as if to keep the conversation
going as long as she can.
And with your natural 20, Reiner, you can also tell that the one in all black isn't
casting a shadow as she picks up and drinks her tea.
Oh, wait, hold on.
That's super weird.
Yeah.
They're talking about the hag sisters and Bavlorna basically is like, I fucking hate
my sisters.
Send me to the swamp.
We will take all the happiness from everyone and keep it.
I don't know what to do.
I'm just standing here.
I want to draw a perception.
Is there any other entrances to this room that is not the way that we came through?
Yeah, how did they not hear the glass pattering in the hallway?
Because I'm standing near the door.
Maybe they did.
There are three other doors that lead out of this place.
You can see and one of them is a stairwell that goes up.
We need a stairwell that goes down.
Yeah.
One last thing.
Bavlorna looks at the lady and she's like, look, I'm willing to help anybody that wants
to help me.
You come into my place of home and if you do things for me as a sign of reciprocity,
then maybe I'll buy your wares.
There are some things missing.
I also have a missing book I've been looking for.
Also my preservation pool in the bottom floor seems to be clogged with something.
If you want to help me, maybe I'll help you.
The other one just starts asking immense details about it, trying to get as much out of her
as she can.
Hi, Suni.
Another cursed sword.
Let's go.
Here we go.
Time to shuffle.
All right, Hopps, you got to make a move for me, buddy.
What do you do?
I'm going to jump down and run.
How many squares can I go as a tiny buddy?
Thanks.
Your speed's halved.
So 15.
So you can go three squares.
I'm going straight down.
Okay.
Now, we're back up to Reiner.
Reiner, the last one to get a move before you guys get big again.
Unless someone else wants to take an actual move, one of you gets one more move before
you guys regrow in size.
Yeah, I'm just reading the thing real quick because I do want to cast a spell.
That's cool.
I'm just reading which one will be the best.
I have a bunch of that are like channel something or channel another thing or channel this specific
to do that on the 9th of December 1865 or so ever hold your pace.
And I got to read through them.
But I'm not so good at the reading and writing because I it's all written in it's the one
language I can read in is written is written in herring gone thievery.
And that's like the one thing I can read.
So I'm trying real hard, but it's a struggle.
Okay.
I have your item as well.
I got it ready.
Oh, hey, industries.
This is a difficult moment right now, y'all.
What do you guys in chat think that they should do?
Huh?
What should they do?
Should they kill the hag?
What should they do?
Mm hmm.
So walk in the room.
You see Stan's parents.
Yes.
Squits of beaks.
Indeed.
You're on the wall.
Seduce says Steve.
Yes, Steve.
Yes.
Also, hey y'all shout out to Forge of Lore right now.
Did you know Steve from Forge of Lore is going to be DMing on side questers this Thursday?
How exciting is that?
The side questers are going into the world of Thorin.
It's fucking exciting.
I love doing crossover stuff.
So cool.
Mm hmm.
I did not.
I've just drawn it.
Violet's thinking about what she wants to do for her move.
So I don't want to over stimulate.
The barge should seduce the hag.
True.
Make best friends with the hag.
Ooh.
Yes.
I have kind of a plan.
I don't know how well it worked but I have some kind of plan.
Do you want me to not know?
You can talk amongst the class.
I'll take my headphones off.
No, it's like, it's fine.
We're about to turn big anyways.
We're in this shit.
I mean, we're here to kill the hag, aren't we?
Mm hmm.
Yes, we are.
Yeah, Ryder, you're muted.
Yes.
Shit.
Alright, well I hope this works.
I was trying to say, I can do the distraction for you.
The distraction?
Well I was also going to do, so I have this racial trait that's loaded.
It says Infernal Legacy.
You know, the Thermal Aturgy Tantrip.
You can cast Hellish Rebuke once per long turn.
You can cast Darkness once per long rest.
Does Darkness make everything around us dark?
If I cast Darkness?
It has a radius.
It don't say that for me.
It just has, it just says, under Infernal Legacy, it says you can cast Darkness once
per turn.
Right, so it doesn't give you the Darkness details?
No worries, I'll pull it up right for you right now for you.
Oh wait, maybe it's because I can't do it?
I don't know.
I don't understand.
So Magical Darkness spreads from a point that you choose to fill a 15 foot radius sphere
for a duration.
The Darkness spreads around corners and a creature with Darkvision can't even see through
it because it's non-magic, because it's Magical Darkness.
Well that ain't gonna work for me none then.
Alright.
Because I need to be able to see through it.
Darkness emanates from an object and moves with it.
You can cast it on an object as well.
Completely covering the source of Darkness with an object.
Yeah.
Yeah that ain't gonna work for me.
That's, alright.
I was hoping for something better than that.
I don't think so.
Alright, so instead can I do the Hunter's Mark on, or Bane on them?
Uh huh.
Bane, up to three creatures of your choice you can see within range.
Must make Charisma saving throws whenever a target fails a saving throw.
An attack roll, target must roll a D4 and subtract that number roll from their attack
roll.
That's Bane for both of them.
But I think if you look where it says, um, components on this spell, verbal, semantic,
or material components.
So verbal means you have to say something to cast it.
Semantics means in stealth you will no longer be hidden and they will know that you've done
this.
I'm under the witch's chair.
True.
Not for long.
Yeah.
Uh, but what's semantics?
Um.
It's like, it's like you be like, I cast Bane!
So the verbal is the yelling part, the semantics is the hand part.
Or foot part, or in Reiner's case his penis part.
Yeah, semantic, you must be able to move one hand freely.
I mean I can move a hand freely.
Yeah.
So I can just cast it by hand?
It's both.
Verbal and semantic.
That's a funny clip there, Sumi.
I gotta do it three way, you gotta do it three way.
Alright.
Well nevermind then.
Alright.
Then I guess Reiner go ahead and do distractions or what not.
Okay, I'm going to do the distraction.
I'm going to do Druidcraft.
And um.
You create an instantaneous harmless sensory effect such as falling leaves, a puff of wind,
sound of a small animal, or the faint odor of a skunk.
Would it be okay if I just made the sound of a fart appear in the other corner of the
room?
Just like, just like over there somewhere?
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Just the opposite corner of the room, just to get the two people to like look in that
direction away from everyone else.
I love that actually.
So there's a fart noise, right?
And then the hag stands up and the shadowy creature stands up, they both look at the
other corner of the room.
And as they do, you guys grow in size.
Now Violet, are you actually underneath the chair?
No, I'm behind it.
You're behind it, okay.
So, you all grow in size.
There's no sound that happens when you grow in size.
But they're all looking over there.
Let me give you all a chance to act as they're looking away.
One other person besides Reiner can do something before they turn around and see you guys.
Yeah, also, before you decide, you get a cloak, Violet.
It does require attunement though.
Is it cursed?
No, it's not cursed, but it does require attunement.
If you want to attune to it, you get a plus one bonus to AC while wearing this cloak.
Simple.
Well, that's great, but I got three things already attuned to me, so I can't attune
to it without attuning.
How do you unattune?
How do you detune to tune?
When we do a short rest, you basically just say that you're going to unattune to something.
But I can't unattune to the Sword of Vengeance because it'll get angry at me and be a toxic
ex that constantly checks me and doesn't leave me alone.
They find my new job, they find my new apartment, and they just carry on and make my life a
living hell until I can banish them by getting a court order.
Then I take them outside where I can see them and I just shank them in the street because
it was self-defense.
Yes.
What a rant.
Sounds like you're talking from personal experience.
What we're actually going to do before you guys, we're going to give you a minute to
think.
I think Hopps just got off screen because they didn't realize what time it was.
I know we started a little late today, so I didn't know when to take our break.
I think Hopps needs a rest for his face.
We're going to take a five-minute break.
Then we're going to come back and you guys can figure out what the fuck you want to do
with this hag here and see what the hell's going on.
Before we go, let's do a quick little thumbnail pose.
Yeah.
You guys do something crazy.
Do something crazy.
Yeah.
Actually, give me classic thumbnail pose faces.
Like, wow, and oh, and look at this, and ah.
And hold them for a few seconds.
Nice.
Perfect.
And then do like an angry one.
Nice.
Perfect.
Nice.
Perfect.
Bernie's fucking killing it.
Holy shit.
All right.
We're going to be right back, everybody.
Don't go anywhere.
We're going to take a break.
Hi.
How are you?
Hi.
Hello.
Oh shit.
Let me take that back for a second.
Hold on.
One time I was muted.
Let me take that back.
Hello, everybody.
We're back.
Welcome back.
Hello, back.
I'm Dad.
I will be your fucking dungeon master for the night.
Turk and I'm here with the lads, Connor Fish and Proteus Cage.
Can I get some hi hellos and chat?
Hi, hello.
Hi, hello, everybody.
Things are about to get fucking intense.
I hope you guys are ready for some dice rolls and rerolls and fucking chaos because it's
about to get intense.
Cheers, everybody.
Hi.
Hello.
Hi, hello.
Hi, how are you?
Hi.
How are you?
Hi.
Hello.
Konichiwa.
Carney.
It's Anna.
Hello.
Yes.
We return now as the two, the hag and the shadow creature sit up.
They heard the sound of the fart.
They looked to the corner.
No one was there.
They turn around to sit back down and you three grow in size back to your normal sizes.
Let me fix it on the map before I continue.
Everyone hold.
Hi, one more.
Madoka may scar.
No, he did.
I could get this.
Can I cast a spell?
Not yet.
Era, era.
Derbal issue.
Era, era.
Unce, Vontashiwa, Raina Desu.
Yeah.
As they turn around, the shadowy creature sees you three and it goes, oh shit.
Time to bounce.
It pulls out a pair of scissors and cuts what looks to be an invisible string.
As it does, it vanishes in a puff of smoke.
Then the hag turns, the toad-like creature speaks to you in a low, croaking voice and
says, what a lot of desperation compels you to enter my home, my little darlings.
Well, you know, there's a great many people who you've been hurting in this land and
they'd like their things back.
They'd like their happiness back.
You raggedy old bitch.
A bitch, you say?
The things I collect are the things I will keep.
You cannot have them.
Why, you person people.
Little like viney thorns come out from underneath her feet and she floats above the ground on
them a little bit and pulls out this like staff.
It's got like all these dangling crystals on it.
Everyone roll me initiative.
Better music.
So this is a 15 for me.
Nice.
We got a 21.
Nice.
Oh, Violet got a natural 20.
Yeah.
Well, yours was natural.
So you're first, Violet.
Yeah.
Hag got a 19.
What do you do?
Wait, can we combo move?
Yeah.
Great.
I'm going to cast a spell on Violet Femmes.
Well, no, not like that.
Well, you guys are at the same time.
That's true.
We do have combined initiative for cool shit.
So yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who let in the rock gnomes?
Hi.
Hello.
I'm going to cast a bears endurance.
It has advantage on constitutional checks.
Also gets two D six temporary hit points, which are lost.
What's the spell ends after I can maintain concentration up for an hour.
Hell yeah.
How much was it?
Temporary hit points.
How many?
Who do you six?
Roll me two D six, Violet.
All right.
Two D six.
Four.
Damn.
That sucks.
We get four extra hit points.
All right.
That's hold on.
Where are my hit points?
I mean, so that puts me up to 36 hit points.
That's not so bad.
No, it's not.
It's not.
I know it says 11 on the overlay.
That's from level one, y'all.
Don't worry about her.
I'll update it later.
What do you got?
Yeah.
I'm up to 32 normally.
So what my plan is, is I'm going to cast divine smite as I go in swinging with my verbal
sword and my vengeance sword.
Nice.
Hell yeah.
Badass.
Do you have, I want to ask you your God of vengeance.
What was their name?
His name is, his name is Blazely Gano.
Yeah.
Gano.
Does he request that you do something, say something whenever you use his magic?
His divine smite comes from your Paladinic connection to your God of Gano.
Is there something you do?
You know, it's fair.
I can actually, I will righteously say that in the power invested in me by my, my Lord
and savior Gano, I do bring with me the vengeance of everyone who has put their faith in me
to right their wrongs where they cannot.
Their innocence that has been stolen by you, I will take back with my blade.
Sick.
Now you have to say that every time.
Okay.
So remember that.
It changes by the situation.
You got, you got to flavor case it for the situation.
If it's just like you stole my ice cream cone, you numpty whore.
You know, you got it.
You got to like flavor text it a little bit.
That's fair.
I rolled a hit.
So I roll, I'm rolling a hit.
First one's vengeance blade.
All right.
So that's a five.
Plus one to six.
Well, it's not a five because you have plus six in total.
So it's actually an 11 to this one.
All right.
But your 11 misses now with your vorpal blade.
Okay.
Vorpal blade.
An eight.
It is an eight.
It's off hand.
You get no bonuses.
So you miss.
So you try to, I think, do you have to hit before you can activate divine smite or do
you have to burn the spell slot first?
No, yeah.
I think it's on hit.
It's on hit.
All right.
So you don't have to burn a spell slot.
If she did like the other stuff, like a searing smite, then you have to burn beforehand.
That's what I thought.
Okay.
You did now.
Reiner only got a 15.
Both of you guys did your turns.
Before we end initiative, I want a bonus action cast spirit weapon.
Oh.
Does spirit weapon can require a concentration?
No.
No, it does not.
Sick.
Okay.
Hell yeah.
It's a greatsword.
And I want to cast it on the other side of the head.
Can it be a giant greatsword carrot?
Yeah, sure.
Sick.
So it's like a giant floating sharpened carrot.
No, it's a carrot lance.
Sorry.
Carrot lance.
Bad ass.
OK, you summon your greatsword now.
When you summon it, it now goes on your turn.
It doesn't act immediately.
Oh.
It could be a lance shaped like a bass.
I think it rolls its own initiative.
It's shaped like a carrot butt plug.
Damn.
damn it's a 19 which means it goes now what does it do
oh it's it's stabs stabs stabs oh wait you got I wrote damage first my bad I'm
sorry I gotta roll it's got a plus five no it rolled a one it rolled a fucking
white damn dude so it fails fails wait that was just the that was just the
damage wasn't it that was just oh no oh yeah we were all from pubert nice
this is a bad time to mention I have a migraine yes this is 16 16 hits go go
eight damage it's nice okay the hag the carrot stabs her and she goes my pretty
stabbed me with a carrot have you know smart now Bav Lorna has multi-attack
she whips around her staff she doesn't cast it Reiner because Reiner is just a
mannequin she hasn't even seen Reiner yet and she casts withering ray there's
a plus six to hit and a range of 60 feet she's going to cast it at you hops or
she knows this carrot was connected to you
that is a 14 I'm in over class of 12 oh damn okay you take 11 plus 314 damage
from this withering ray as this beam of sickness comes out of her charmy staff
what you see this did you put on that necklace it is withering ray it is
necrotic damage but he's immune to disease yes hello tiny Irish Viking so
secondly she stamps her slams her staff into the ground and she creates a one
foot tall duplicate of herself from the ground it's small but it looks just like
her and we're going to use this as the character sheet for it which ends her
turn and this thing goes at the end of initiative now it's Reiner's turn what
do you do Reiner I'm going to cast vicious mockery nice is there ways that
I can do this while still staying hidden no no no no damn it
well then I think is a bonus action I can undisguise myself yeah okay yeah yeah
I'm gonna cast vicious mockery and I'm gonna say if a dog had your face I would
shave its ass and make it walk backwards very good wisdom check what does she
have plus four damn dude that's a 14 it meets the wisdom okay you're the player
I'll let you win roll me your damage great hell yeah she takes two psychic
damage and she has disadvantage and her next attack she has disadvantage
hell yeah all right now we're back at the top violet what say you all right well
I'm gonna try again I want to try again I'm gonna go out lunging at her I'm
gonna I'm gonna try to slice at her I'm all dual wield that slice it dice of
action stupid teething what do you think you're fucking bitch coming into my
house no rule of reciprocity go ahead roll to here I think at this point the
amount of damage you've done across this land relinquishes any reciprocity oh to
you I got 13 and an answer try them at the same time if that natty 20 was your
offhand there was a chance you could be headed this bitch yeah but it was your
main line let me let me so was it yeah yeah but exciting news you get to do
divine smite we do a thing around here chat pay attention this is a homebrew
rule we call it crunchy crits whenever someone critical hits on an attack roll
they get to do their normal damage dice and then we just add the maximum of
their other damage dice to it you are casting divine smite with your sword
which has an extra 2d8 which means this is 3d8 that you get to roll one or plus
your plus your strength and actually only plus one it's plus sorry for it's
gonna be plus four it's 3d8 plus four so go ahead and roll that first 3d8 and
then add four so that's 12 plus that's 16 16 damage where my fucking pin go
getting a new pen I got a marker 16 damage yeah now because if you're a
critical hit on this we haven't even done your vorpal sword yet because what
your vorpal sword only got a 13 which is a miss so it's fine but because you got a
critical hit on this we do the maximum of 3d8 all right which is 24 so it's 16
plus 24 you do a total of 40 damage as you strike down on this hag who deserves
your vengeance so you say your vengeance speech to you about your god and stuff
and as you strike down you can feel with the vengeance sword you're putting pain
and radiant damage on this hag that deserves to be avenged she deserves the
vengeance and the death for all the bullshit that she's done justice to all
the people in all of this part of tither of the Feywild you strike down and she
goes up and like this yellowish radiant flame then it burns some of her like
vines she like goes down a little bit she's like no nothing gay oh god ah
disgusting disgusting we've been call worse things you can't hurt us you're
not our mom she takes 40 damage but she stands hops you're next man all right
doesn't break concentration right I don't think so
cutting ball doesn't need concentration absolutely but it then
hasn't taken any damage right now not you okay so we're gonna cut him both
evil hand
but the dirty party to hit nice that hits and then 46 radiant damage
yeah it's a lot of fixes I'm 20 guiding both damage what how come I didn't see
any of that I'm having it's cuz I'm rolling it on D&D Beyond so it's like
being really slow for some reason
there they are let me make sure 15 hits so it does 15 nice 20 and 20 15 plus 5
so it's 20 to hit I did 20 damage Jesus Christ so you throw out this guiding
bold and it hits her in the back and she's like hearing God come into my
house and done you're a little bitch aren't you hanging out with these people
you leave him but you did him enough harm I can do more it is her turn 19 well
actually yes your sword gets to go first your your Lance go ahead
lands their lands goes to attack has advantage because of guiding bolts good
thing too
I think he misses or 13 13 misses good try though good try with the shot yeah
inside yeah there's a something I have here on this character sheet that you
guys learned about I don't know if you remember it or not but just want to
remind you I do remember it I do I thank you for the reminder yeah I remember it
hmm she tries to bite you she provides slow over and she tries to bite you
right in your friggin neck just got a mate nine to hit that's a 24 yes you
all right my yeah my AC's a 16 yeah she got 24 to hit oh damn okay yeah she deals
12 damage if she bites you in your neck the taste of tiefling blood she swings
around her staff and cast swithering ray she tries well she wants to get away
from you so she's gonna try to move backwards before she casts it and as she
moves away you get an attack of opportunity violet so roll to hit for me
do I all right yeah hold on I was I was putting in damage and yeah okay
she's right there ah I got 14 plus your sword bonus strength proficiency plus
one oh that's what okay is plus three plus two plus one plus two like 18
that's 30 19 yeah dirty 20 yeah 30 20 so you absolutely hit going ahead roll me
1d8 unless you want to spend another spell slot to divine smite which you
absolutely can I know I'll just hear I'll just hear it
plus one that's a that's a night isn't it cuz it's I'll be hitting with my sort
of engines yes yes that's a that's a flight nice perfect she casts withering
ray at Reiner she gets to do is a disadvantage because of because of me
isn't that her turn why she get to go again she gets two attacks she gets
multi-attack she is a legendary one of those isn't okay that's fine yeah so
he's got cool passives disadvantage at a plus six fuck either an eight or a 14 so
at an eight she misses you Reiner damn yeah steps close yeah now I forgot to do
this thing's turn last time but there is a little creature she summoned and this
little creature is now going to run forward here and it's going to try and
stab violate with a dagger it's got a plus eight to hit that's a 27 pieces
damn yeah that hits obviously you take seven damage is it tiny little things
stabs at your feet Reiner is your go what do you do going to cast vicious
mockery once again how much damage did you just do seven seven all right
gonna direct it at it's a hag and I'm gonna say the only ways that you would
get laid is if you crawled up a chickens ass and waited that's so funny wisdom
that is a nine plus three is twelve ah maybe with your damage to do this vicious
mockery get spell bonus to damage um let me see I don't think it does throw or
take 1d4 psychic damage disadvantage on next turn the spells damage increases by
1d4 when you reach fifth level so there's no bonuses to this I don't think
all right yeah it's just 1d4 psychic roll it three three damage and continue
to have disadvantage you dumb hag you dumb bitch you're done bitch all right
we're at the top violet it's your turn okay what do you do it's a great question
yes I have a secondary backup plan do you remember her her weakness yeah we
also have a disposable spirit weapon that can move 30 feet to ladies true
it is true maybe I just remembered just waiting for the tab I think I think
that's that's a good idea okay so I think what I'm cuz I think I've
picking up what you're laying down can I stay a burry in the foot and pin her to
the floor yes but there is a creature in front of you I kick it yeah it's a
try to move around it you can attack it or you can move around it and if you
move around it it gets an attack of opportunity can I just can I just punt
it like a football it's a foot tall and I'm six foot ten can I just punch you
roll to hit and then you can make me a strength check if you yeah yeah okay
just add your strength bonus plus three okay so roll the hit first yeah nope
you here's what you try that you try to kick it and it jumps on your foot and
it's attached to your foot now and you're trying to like shake it off and
it's like I was thinking more like you tried to kick a lead soccer ball and it
just didn't move fire all right there goes your action for feet worth it all
right hops hey I'm gonna break concentration then we're gonna cast a
new spell it can't show the face on fun it pants nice I'll shoot a face uh
there's a rounded creature of your choice within rage grants the plus two
to AC bonus for the duration which is ten minutes oh thanks nice
I was it a plus two yeah plus two as in as an action we're gonna channel to
video game preserving life you can restore 15 HP up to any chosen creature
with that dirty feet of you to find those hit points about them this feature can
restore creatures with no more than half of its maximum HP but I'm just gonna
restore top off on it fans 15 ceiling you know 15 all right you should be on
top off and then I think in turn and then command spirit weapon to go around
the head and it's click counterclockwise right
yay it's counterclockwise that's correct yeah did this be what is gonna start our
spirit lands is gonna start moving around the head in a counterclockwise
motion nice as it does that she gets you could tell she starts to get dizzy
technically it's her turn she starts to get dizzy and she goes what is this
counterclockwise no I can't see her whole turn is wasted the little guy on
violet's foot starts to start to stab her in the foot oh this will fuck her
again you have a plus two to your AC he has a plus eight hit with his dagger so
that's still 23 so he hits you that is a d4 plus six that's ten damage now it's
Reiner's do I get an attack of opportunity on this shithead no cuz he
doesn't move away from you know um um shit don't get him say one more chance
to use this is mockery good good cuz there's nothing else I can do
wait a second come out with this scarf yes so I'm going to cast this is mockery
on us the witch once again okay hold on yes and I'm going to say did your
parents keep the placenta and throw away the baby they did thanks for having my
second cousin Virginia that's a six she fails and as a bonus action I'm also
going to do bardic inspiration but let me roll my damage first so it is for
psychic damage hell yeah all right bardic inspiration to these guys as well
both you guys get a d6 to add to any role remember that all right now we're
back at the top violet what do oh can I can I actually tell Agdon to like come
down and choke this little fucker out with his scarf and I can I tell him like
I'll be like Agdon listen it is time to repay your the vengeance that you have
taken out it is time to avenge those that you have hurt in the name of this
heck fucking finally and he jumps off little daggers and he's like it's like
swinging his daggers around and he just chucks them both with the little guy
right at your leg that is a 15 and a 4 I'm gonna plus 2 so one of those hit
just gonna do a d4 plus 6 that's total damage that's 10 it hits the thing in
the head and it falls off your leg and dies oh you beauty look at you go swings
around some daggers and puts them away and he's like finally sent me to action
I've been waiting bitch damn had to wait for you to be worthy kitten there now
what do you do all right so I'm gonna come a swiping in on this this is
sneezing which I'm gonna try to like go for her neck she bit me in the neck it's
gonna get infected they know clean water in the Feywild is gonna get
infected nasty what am I supposed to do so I'm gonna go straight for like I'm
gonna I'm just gonna like scrape off some of the wall gunk onto my sword and
I'm gonna go swipe and wear with my sword of vengeance and try to slice at
her neck to at least get some fucking if I'm gonna get an infection she's getting
it an infection you're not gonna give me Steph to caucus and then expect me to
not do what for my goodness who who does that who just bites somebody in the neck
Jesus Christ yeah okay so because she's sneezing she's in this fit right now you
get advantage to hit on both of your swords. Oh hell yeah. So I roll normal like I roll a d20 with
advantage but I roll two of them it's right all right
well hot darn one of those is a natural 20. You don't need it now for the second
sword. All right all right is that also with advantage? Yes. One of those was yeah
that was a 12 for the other one. First one hits are you burning divine smite
slots? You bet your sweet Bippy I am she gave me a staff infection. Hell yeah.
So roll me 3d8. All right. What's 4? 3 of them. That's a 14 plus 4 that's 18. 18 now you deal the
maximum 24 damage because of crunchy critch. Crunchy critch. Yes. 18 plus 24.
And I might add that d6 on there as well from Reiner. That's like to hit not to damage.
That's like to hit. Oh boo okay. Which you could actually add to your
Vorpal sword. You could add that d6 to your Vorpal sword. Fuck yeah. That's an extra 2 on the Vorpal sword that was a 12 so now it's a 14.
That still misses but good try. Fuck me. All right. 4d2 that's a hundred okay she's
sneezing spinning in circles freaking out. And you stab her right in the chest.
Go make me sick fucking bitch. And the goop and your shit goes into her and she
bursts into flames of divine smite and all of her vines just completely
disappear in flames and she's just like
aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. And she goes down to the ground in a puddle of ashes.
Quickly scoop up all the ashes into a jar real quick. Sure. Yeah sure. Put a top on it.
Fucking grab that top. Fuckin like steal it. Are you okay? Do you need any hailing?
Me? No, I'm fine.
Look, I got this like bleeding flesh wound over here that kinda hurts.
But, like, I could use like seven points of hit points.
Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, I'm gonna burn seven points of my lay on hands for Mr. Hopps.
Nice. Hell yeah.
Nice.
Okay.
That cap's for you, baby.
As everything ends here, you guys still find yourself in this room.
There is a potion cabinet, which you guys were hiding underneath.
There is a potion cabinet, there's three doors that lead out of this place, and there are stairs that lead up.
But before you leave, is there anything you wanna do? Reiner, you're first here. Is there anything you wanna do right now?
Hmmmm.
Think it's safe to take a nap in this bitch's place?
Probably not. I wouldn't.
Yes, Fire.
Um.
Can I, can I grab a couple of the dishes that are intact on the floor?
Sure.
Yeah, I'm just gonna grab them in my hands.
Okay.
Yeah, so there's a potion cabinet, three doors, and stairs.
Alright, member feelers?
Feelers? I say we split up in the house and look for stuff. We're looking for thumbs.
Also, oh, she dissolved into ash, so at least we got the ashes in the jar now. We can prove. So we can't chop off her thumb, but we're looking for thumbs.
I got a jar of thiiiiiimes.
But at least we can show that to the feeler to let her know, let him know that she's, she is in fact dead.
Uh, so we got, we got a jar of ash. We need to find his thumbs.
And then we're also looking for a spell. I might flip through this book that we have of hers.
Uh, but we're looking for a spell that can release our, our sweet Agdon from, uh, from his, his scarf so he can go back to living a normal life and maybe make his way right in the world.
And then we're looking for a pumpkin head. We're looking for a little head for our little, our little, uh, feeler that's going to show us to hither.
Well, can I just like search through the potion cabinet and see what I find?
Yes, you absolutely can. Um, first off, Hopps, you're looking at this. I got a jar of hag and you're shaking it around and it's got bones and teeth and other kinds of stuff in it.
But then you see a key in the jar of ashes. Reiner, you go over to the potion cabinet and underneath like a bunch of moss and muck and duck, you push back and then you try to get to the handles and there's a tiny little lock on the potion cabinet.
Can I use my magical key ring to unlock it?
Use the dusty hag key.
Oh, okay. Nevermind. Give me that fucking key in the jar.
All right, you get the dusty hag key. You unlock it. Um, as the cabinet opens, Reiner, you see the bottom shelf of this holds three potions.
They all have labels in elvish though. Do any of you guys speak elvish?
I speak sylvanian. Sylvian? Sylvian? Sylvia?
Nope.
Okay, there are three potions though in here. They all seem pretty nice, pretty fancy. The top shelf though holds a stuffed cat that shambles to life when the cabinet is opened.
The cat jumps out and it looks around. It looks like it's hostile. It's pissed off and it's confused and it's a literal cat and it's like, Reiner!
I can't be spawned on it! Oh, it still has to be friendly though. God damn it.
It looks to be hostile.
It looks to be all confused. I would like to establish a telepathic link with one beast that you can touch that is friendly to you or charged. The spell fails if the beast's intelligence is four or higher.
Hmm. Nope, its intelligence is three.
Great! The spell fails if the link is active and the beast within the line of sight of each other through the link. The beast can understand your telepathic messages and you can telepathically communicate simple emotions and concepts back with you.
Where the link is active, the beast gains advantage on attack rolls against any creature within five feet of you. I just want to like, convey the simple emotion of safety and serenity.
I don't know how simple those emotions are. He locks eyes with you and he goes, Good sir!
Yes, yes, your ears are very nice. Maybe one day I might like to pat them while I lay on my back. But for now, good sir, your emotions have tantalized me.
I didn't mean to scare you!
I was very frightened.
Just give it up right away!
Yes.
Chat, use the name of thing command and give me a super fancy name for this cat. Super fancy name, chat. Name of thing command.
But he looks at you. Yes.
I shall in the jar of hag.
You have killed the hag.
Pavlonia, what a bitch. For I belong to her sister, Indalyn. I suspect that Pavlonia stole me, but I have no proof of this. Trapped me in this cabinet.
You know, it's like, you're free now. You can do whatever you want.
Liz. Yes, Liz. Asparagus is so good, Proteus, but we gotta go with Liz. Also, Pooverts is really good too, but we gotta go with Liz's ear.
Asparagus.
I'm gonna call. So good. My name good, sir. Is Gunther Huntington Woodworth III. I am a cat who used to belong to Indalyn. The hag's sister of Tither.
No, I, your friend asks if I have a mortgage. Please inform her I do not. I like to lay around the house all day and bat at flies and mice. Yes, relay the message. Yes, yes. Go, go, go.
Okay, she likes to bat flies and like doesn't have to rent a pay freeloader. So.
I mean, that's how animals work. They don't, you know, they, they listen, they.
Like you can just like turn into a stuffed animal whenever you want.
For I believe it was a curse that Pavlonia's put on me. But.
Oh.
I am free now.
So I freed you and you owe me a life debt.
I do indeed the rule of reciprocity.
Mr. Hobbs.
I will do more for you if you might.
If you might let me bat at your balls every once in a while.
He rolls on the floor.
I mean, does it have to be eyeballs? I could probably get you a volunteer.
Well, there are fuzzy bunny balls, I assume. I would love to bat at those.
But it's like kind of fuzzy.
Well, I just catch me a bird to eat every once in a while and we may have a deal.
For I do not know her weakness.
Not yet.
For the dungeon master hasn't read that far in the book.
But maybe once we get there, if you do me a favor, I will tell you.
No, fantastic.
This is the type of friends I've been trying to use this stupid spell for.
I took Druid as a fucking class so I could use this one spell.
Does the cat know? Can you ask Mr. Kitty Cat if there's a place, if he knows where any of the things we're looking for are?
My name is Gunther Huntington Woodworth III.
Up the stairs, tell your friend.
The hag keeps her good stuff up the stairs.
But there are other doors.
Well, there's a door across the way that contains birds that I am interested in, if you're fair to go that way.
Like we can go catch you a bird, man. That's fine.
Well, there's me.
A bird, man? There's King Cuth here?
No, no, no, not a bird, man. Or an air cocker.
The Kitty Cat just wants a bird to eat.
You old famish, she's been a beady baby for far too long.
Indeed.
Alright, GH, we got you. We'll get you a bird.
Ah, tell your friend I hate the name G.S. Jubbier and she shall call me Gunther Huntington Woodworth III from here moving forward.
Tell her, please.
Yeah, he hates that. He wants to be called Gunther Woodworth Huntington III.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. Gunther Huntington Woodworth III. The third of his name.
Gunther Huntington Woodworth III.
Indeed.
Gunther Gunther Huntington Woodworth III.
Yes, my lady.
Listen, I'm good at hunting not saying names. I don't know. Listen, this is Glitter Wings and this is Puddin' Paws. I don't know what to tell you. I ain't good with no names.
You're gonna end up with a pet name if you're hanging out with us.
You've finally introduced yourselves. Puddin' Paws and Glitter Wings. Nice to meet you, acquaintance. And he rubs on your legs.
Hello.
Yeah, okay.
I guess you could just hang out in Violet Ben's empty shoulder now.
All right.
Can we take this scarf off the other guy?
I didn't know nothing of that.
I don't know.
Yeah, what do you guys do? Tell me what to do. I loved that. That was my favorite interaction. Cheers.
Well, since Pops can read.
Welcome to the Nerd Herd, you dang nerd.
Baby Dolls, Contranate!
Cheers.
I was just talking about you. I was wondering where you ran out to.
Oh, hi. What's up, Nate buddy?
I don't know if you remember this. A long time ago in college, I said one day I'm gonna grow out my mustache. And here I am.
What do you think?
So I'm actually gonna hand that book over to Hypes because he can read the book that we got from the Bulldogs that was said to have some secrets. I'm gonna hand it to Hypes because he can actually read.
So maybe he can find some information. But I'm more than happy to head upstairs and see what we can find as well as where'd you see them birds were at?
The room right across from the potion.
Oh, well, shit. Well, then we'll do that first. I'll get the birds first and then we'll head upstairs.
Great. I'm strapping Gunther Huntington Woodward III into the Herring Gun Saddle-Dots on one of them's back.
Nice. The cat's on your back. Yes. Put me in here.
At this point, I got Papoosa.
Got the front Papoosa for carrying one of them. I got two Herring Gun Saddles on either shoulder. I got the backpack for the cat.
When Reiner's wings get tired, we just put him down the front. We put him on the front and we just everybody just uses me as a fucking pack mule.
Hell yeah. All right. You're gonna go upstairs. Reiner, let's save you buddy. It's been a while since you said anything. What do you think?
Well, I can't read any of these potions. I guess I will take them.
Okay. All right. But other than that, like I'm just here to hang around and have fun.
So there's a door straight across here. You're gonna go upstairs. We're gonna put your mini there. You guys are gonna go into this room.
All right, Reiner hops. We're gonna cut over you for a bit. We're gonna open this door. So loud.
It is. It's a loud door. You guys step into this room here.
Now, slivers of light enter through cracks in the shutters that cover three tall windows in this room.
The light reveals the shapes of several pedestals. On each one rests an object with a patchwork cloth draped over top of it.
Wilting ferns in crumbling clay pots give the room its earthy, earthy smell. The floor is covered in a layer of straw.
Each one of these cages have a piece of cloth over top of them.
Cages?
Yeah.
Hmm.
I would like to take the cloth off the one that's right next to me.
Okay.
Unclothed.
It reveals a bird. Each, well this bird here, has the head of one avian species and the body of another.
As you pull it off, it squawks and flutters about anxiously as if the drapes covering its cages was keeping it in silence.
It freaks out.
Oink, oink, oink, oink, all over the place. It's got like a, the head of a hawk but the body of like an ostrich.
Like a baby ostrich. And it's like, in there like, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink.
Hey. Hey, I want to go for my little, to come here.
Marlin!
Yeah!
I got titty food!
Alright.
I'm going to write down this name. Gunther Huntington Woodworth III pipes up and he says
Is this a gift for me?
This is a gift for you.
Okay, well, who's gonna kill it?
I'm not gonna kill it.
Oh that's easy.
I'm just gonna stick, I'm literally just gonna jab my sword through the cage, just shank
it and then...
Eventually you're gonna get there, but I wanna see if you can get it first try, so roll to
hit for me.
Alright.
Use your offhand.
I got a 14.
It's a 14, it has an AC of 13, so you hit it.
And it's like eeeh!
And it falls over and dies and he's like, please, my friendly red demon, release me
from these things.
Relay the message, pudding paws, pudding paws, tell her to release me.
He wants to be released so he can eat the bird.
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, I got you, I got you.
There you go.
Put him down, he eats it.
You guys go one by one around this room.
Reiner, you as well, my friend.
You go one by one around this room taking off the cloths, or at least peeking underneath
them, and you can see that all of them are just crazy ass looking birds with the heads
of different avian species and the bodies of different avian species.
All of them are like taxidermied together, but they're all very well alive and all of
them are stuck in these cages.
And every single one of you pull the cloth off up they get scared.
Do any of them have thumbs?
No.
Okay, then, it's whatever.
Okay, alright.
Wait, what's the scarecrow guy's head look like?
Pumpkin.
Oh, it's a pumpkin.
Really?
Yes.
Wait, no, the ones that he's looking for?
So the pumpkin that was downstairs on the mannequin?
No, there was no pumpkin downstairs on the mannequin.
You said there was a pumpkin one that had a hat on it and the hat turned into the squid.
Did I?
Oh, I didn't mean that.
Am I having a stroke?
I think so.
Maybe.
My bad.
You might be.
My bad.
You said you were having a migraine.
Yeah.
I am having a migraine.
It's real great.
Let me tell you what.
I feel all of the nerve endings in my eyeballs.
Okay, that ends this room.
So where do you guys go now?
Upstairs to the next door?
Where do you go?
I don't know.
I think we should go upstairs.
I'm gonna head upstairs like I said.
Okay.
Hops, if you could look at that book and see if you can get any information from the Hag's
book, that would be great.
Oh, yes.
Please make me a wisdom check on this book, Hops.
Actually, you can make me an arcana check if you want.
Damn.
I can't read, so unless it's written in Haringan thievery, I can't read shit.
You got a four plus two.
I just have four.
What language is the book in?
It's just kind of drawn badly, scribbled badly, but it is in English.
In common.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh, can I hand it to Agdon then and maybe he can read it?
Fuck yeah.
Fuck yeah, you can.
You hand it to Agdon, he's like, finally, something to do.
And he starts flipping through the book while he's on your back.
All right.
Oh, he got an 18.
It's an 18.
Nice.
We'll talk more about that.
Can we remove the scarf from Agdon now?
In a minute.
In a minute, he's reading the book first.
For now, you guys go up the stairs.
As you get up the stairs into this room, feel free to move around if you want.
Just don't go through the door.
As you get up the stairs to this room, you can see a ball of light bobs above the rafters,
casting shadows all over this room, in which the owner, you assume the hag, their messy
habits are on full display, rumpled in moldering rugs, share floor space with food scraps and
stacks of dirty dishes and the tipped over clay pots whose plants have long since died.
There is a bed that occupies one corner of the room and it has a pile of straw in place
of a mattress.
In the opposite corner stands a squat chest of drawers with a watering can resting at
top of it.
The only other furnishing of note is a stocky wooden chest with a sturdy iron padlock and
it sits in the other corner between two closed doors.
Can I try to use the dusty key on the padlock?
You fucking damn sure can.
Now I'm just gonna start opening drawers.
Okay.
When you get close to the chest, you can see this padlock chest has clawed iron feet and
it has the initials BB crudely carved into its lid.
Bad bitch, got it.
You put the key in.
Let me see.
My moon bear?
Is that the king consort's luggage?
Could be, could be.
Holly Blaze ready with three, what's up Holly?
Cheers.
As you put the key in you can see like this magical energy fades away from it.
And the chest opens.
It contains three of the following items.
A 12 inch tall marionette that you gather could probably be worth a good amount of gold.
There is also an unpunched ticket from the Witchlight Carnival that seems to be signed
by somebody.
Like it has a signature on it.
And there are three spells.
They're spell scrolls of identify tied together with a loot string.
Can I try to see what the signature says on the ticket?
Sure.
While you read it, it spells out I sold, like I S O L D E.
But you can roll me a history check to see if maybe you know what it means.
Also yes, welcome in friends.
Cheers.
I sold.
That's a 12.
This signature is the signature of the carnival's original owner, which Violet would have known
right away had you had seen it first.
For this is the owner that you worked under when you were younger.
Well I guess I'm going to take the scrolls of identify.
Nice.
Oh you can use them on the potions.
Oh yes.
Can I do that?
If you want.
I want to know what all three of them are.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let me get it here for you.
So you use all three potions.
Fucking family dude.
Good good good good good good good good good good.
Family.
Mmm another world cheers buddy.
How's your day been going so far in other world story dad my guy Aaron.
How's your day been going?
Cheers man.
You beautiful baby boo.
You wonderful canine.
Yeah so one of them is called a potion of dominion.
When you drink this potion you gain the reduce effect of enlarge reduce for one D four hours
making you tiny.
The other one is a potion of growth.
When you drink this potion you gain the enlarge effect for one D four hours and makes you
big.
The last one is a potion of invisibility.
Drinking it makes you invisible for one hour.
I forgot I had a potion from certified level.
Yes.
If enlarge potion lasts for longer than more four hours call your nearest apothecary.
You better call him dude because it's not supposed to work that way.
Okay lastly the drawers.
There are folded dresses and other garments in here.
None of them seemed like they were made for the hag but might have been stolen.
And it's mostly just clothes.
The watering can on top is kind of rusty but it contains about a gallon of water.
Alright fair enough.
I don't think there's anything else in here what's the value?
There's a door.
Let's go through the door.
Alright.
Loot-tacular spectacular.
You guys get up to the door the door is locked.
Can I try to use the dusty key?
Yes there you go you use the dusty key and the door opens.
I am industrious.
Oh man this is like the ye old equivalent of having the same password for every site.
I just think about what type of locksmith she had to be able to have like all of her
locks unlocked by the same key.
This musty room looks like a miser's attic.
Lying in tall heaps are discarded blankets quilts cushions and clothing of all shapes
and sizes not to mention the musical instruments toys dolls jewelry boxes flower cases child
side caskets and broken furniture.
Among these heaps of junk are a few oddities including a stag skull hanging on one wall
a white porcelain jar with chicken legs standing on a table a fancy helmet placed on the faceless
head of a wooden mannequin and a five foot long bronze statue of a giant frog squatting
in one corner its mouth agape and filled with impenetrable darkness a weak cloaking croaking
sound calls all of your attention to a tiny shriveled figure laying on the floor it lets
out one final gasp before dying and it turns to ash much like the ag did the hag did you
guys can gather that this was another one of his longlings that it had summoned and
forgot about a shape moves in the gloom dark of this area a humanoid figure lurking among
the junk it clutches a large spool of thread in one hand as it heads for the door as soon
as you guys enter.
When you see it you can make out that this is the merchant you saw earlier it runs for
the door each one of you can try to stop her if you want to but you need to make me a strength
check to grab her.
Oh yeah I'll make a strength check.
Alright.
The frogs name is frogbert hell yeah.
This is a crafter lock.
I won't foot me.
That me in your drawers then oh yeah baby.
Oh I'm sorry I'm reading chat.
Homie it's been dope.
Should have popped in for a minute while at work.
Hell yeah dude good to hear.
You can't just go looking around in people's drawers.
He's dead it's fine.
No his name is Aaron.
Alright what is your strength check?
An eight.
It was an eight.
She zooms past you.
I think you still have bardic inspiration it lasts for an hour doesn't it so you can
roll me a d6.
Oh yeah alright.
Yeah.
It was a five so that's a fourteen.
No thirteen.
Fourteen.
Thirteen.
Yeah you grab her up.
You grab her.
She's like please let go.
Let go.
Why?
I've come here for something.
I've gotten strong.
Now I must leave.
Yeah but that's the thing we came here for things as well and what if you got what we
need?
That's right you know the forge of lorat.com.
Cause what's that spool of thread there for?
Cause we got a fella that's got like a special thing stuck on his neck so what you got that
thread for?
You hold her.
You can tell she doesn't really want to answer you what the spool of thread is.
Roll me intimidation while you hold her up.
Alright.
I just added some other things to add an extra d4.
Nice.
Oh my god what are these rolls?
A seven.
You got guidance and bardic still so roll me a d6 and a d4.
What do you got?
Oh if it fails I also want to intimidate.
That's a nine.
That's a nine and then a four.
That's ten eleven twelve.
Twelve success.
She's like.
This thread connected to my magical scissors.
It allows me to send my shadow in place of my own.
I cut the thread to return to my body.
Please it's the only thing I have for myself.
Don't take it.
Well if it rightfully belongs to you then you are more than welcome to keep it.
We are here to make sure that those who have lost items to the hag are getting them returned.
Good.
By the way she's dead.
The hag stole.
Oh good.
Good good good.
The hag stole something from me when I was young.
I'd been working for a long time to get it back.
She holds up a jar and in it's like this like misty energy.
And she's like.
It's her motto.
Well yes.
Serotonin my happiness.
The hag stole it from me when I was younger and I finally retrieved it.
I just want to leave.
Do you know where she's keeping a supply of that because I know the harangam we're stealing
that for.
Is there a supply that we can maybe break open the jars and they'll return to their
rightful owners of happiness.
I don't know.
Look around in here.
I don't know.
All right.
That.
Well thank you.
You're welcome.
Can I go now?
I mean unless you'd be willing to help us return stolen items to those that we.
I have my own business.
I'm sorry.
Hey Hobbs you want to try to charm them.
Wait why are you using him to charm her?
We're on two trips only.
All right.
Fair enough.
Do you want to do something?
Yes.
Seduce this bitch.
If there was any time to be a part it's now.
If you have a minute.
You know me and you could go in the other room and I can restore your happiness a different
way.
Oh Jesus.
I'm going to start searching.
I'm going to put her down.
I'm going to start searching through things.
No no.
Okay.
Let's go.
Persuasion.
This is a plus eight.
It's a 26.
She looks at you and she goes.
Well I've never been with a fairy before.
I've heard stories.
Fairies climbing up inside.
Well.
Oh I won't need to do that darling.
Just then I pull out the enlargement potion and I pour it all over my crotch.
You used the enlargement potion already.
Your dong gets big and your wings are too.
They aren't strong enough to keep you flying so you fall down to the ground.
You're just like holding it up and she's like let's go.
And you two together she helps hold it up and you walk to the hay bed on the other room
where the hag is.
You guys might want to close the door.
Yeah I'm going to go through it.
We can search this room.
Agdoll get in here.
I'm not going to be able to find mine for the next few minutes.
There you go.
Hi fabled mancers.
What's up gators.
Thank you guys for joining us.
How the fuck are you?
Thank you so much for popping in here.
You two will you join or roll me Perception to search around this room.
Did you say are we going to join in?
No I didn't.
No.
Roll me Perception.
If you roll Perception high enough you're going to be able to hear me and everything's
that's happening.
I can hear you clearly hear the squeaking.
I got an 11.
14 and 11.
Okay so.
What agdoll get?
10.
There is a lot of junk in here.
It is considered the hag's treasure hoard.
There is a stag's skull.
The skull of a stag that hangs on a wall hook about five feet above the floor.
Isn't that the scarecrow's head?
He said it was a staghed.
You will start to remember.
Roll me a wisdom.
See if you can remember exactly what he said.
Alright.
It was like cloudy like.
I remember it wasn't a pumpkin.
It was something weird.
Staghed that sounds about right.
What are these rolls?
That is a really bad four.
It's a really bad four.
I have a voice number four.
I think.
I got a 23.
Yeah.
22.
It comes back to you in your memory.
He definitely said staghed skull.
You think for a second why was I thinking pumpkin this whole time?
You realize maybe stepping into this hag's hut has done something to your minds.
You're like.
The staghed skull sits above the door.
Alright.
I'm going to reach up and grab it down because I'm tall.
Nice.
You grab it.
There is also a porcelain jar made of varnished white clay that rests on a wooden table.
The jar has legs that have been painted to look like the legs of a chicken.
Inside the jar as you look are two broken pieces of wishbone.
Yeah.
So that's that for that.
Over in the corner there is a wooden mannequin that has a helmet on it and the helmet is
super shiny.
And then additionally there is a bronze frog statue in here.
And at this moment.
Once you guys see all this stuff.
Reiner you finish but will you please roll me a performance with advantage to see how
well you seduce this merchant woman.
No.
It's either a 17 or an 18.
Nice dude.
17 or 18.
Nice.
You guys lay there for a bit.
She's a merchant.
She pulls out not Cuban cigars.
What is like an equivalent of like the Feywild cigars?
Intoxicant cigars.
Candy canes and just light it.
What's the handle called again?
She freebases pixie dust off your ass.
Dubin.
Dubin cigars.
I like that Steve.
She pulls out some Dubin cigars.
She doesn't get to it.
It's a dragon's hot heroin.
She hands one to you.
You guys are just puffing on the cigars a little bit and she looks at you and she says.
So if you before you leave tither you know if you want to come by my shop I maybe can
give you a discount.
Reciprocity of course.
I must give you something in exchange for the orgasm.
It's been a little while and I can't get there myself so I appreciate it.
And when we do get there just don't tell my friend about this.
You know if you ever want come by my merchant shop.
Who's your friend?
Well she's a.
Oh she.
I've been leading her on.
We work together.
You know I used to be into men and then I was into women you know but it's nice to go
back a little bit.
Hmm yes I will not mention anything to this female friend that you have.
OK just good to know.
Yeah come by the shop.
She gets up and pulls up her drawers and stuff like that and she grabs her jar and she nods
to you and heads down the stairs.
And as you go you can tell her legs are a little wobbly.
She goes down them stairs.
I'm stuck like this for four hours.
Yeah.
So you hold up your dong and you walk back into this room.
You got it over your shoulder and you got to make sure to call your local apothecary.
There is.
Don't you have an ensmalment potion.
Jesus.
I'm not using it.
Actually it lasts for one D4 hours so why don't you roll me one D4 to see exactly how
long it lasts for.
How long does the enlargement spell last.
Well we're gonna find out right now.
Why do we gotta look at it.
That's all I'm saying.
Can you sling it in the air.
Three hours.
Better call your doctor.
Yeah OK.
When you go back in this room Reiner this bronze frog statue calls to you.
It croaks the darkness is something else.
You can feel an energy coming from this statue.
No it's a bad idea.
It's a bad idea.
Can I like.
I guess I don't want to stick my hand in it.
This is such like a such a fucking conundrum.
Yeah I guess I guess I stick my hand in the frog's mouth.
OK your limb disappears into the darkness and it feels as though your fingers are pushing
through cool mud with like eels squirming around it.
Oh wait maybe I should have put my dick in here.
As your hand goes through you feel like you could grab on to something.
But before you can you get the sense that you need to tell this frog the thing you're
looking for the thing you desire in this extradimensional space.
And then maybe you can pull it out.
I'm looking for my spider man's thumbs.
Nothing happens try again.
What you truly desire.
What I truly desire.
No.
I'm picturing Selena tracks and I'm just pulling.
And what does Selena tracks look like.
How does she act.
Very nonchalant cool laid back.
Think as far as like quick personality traits think like Marceline from Adventure Time.
And as you grip around something in this space it feels familiar and you pull your hand out
and as you pull you pull out an axe but not an axe axe it's a stringed axe.
It's a guitar.
And it's got golden inlays on it and it's badass.
It's got like red on it and stuff.
You hold it up and you look at it and it kind of shimmers for a second and you can feel
this is Selena tracks is old loot.
As you do.
No more than that your hair goes back.
It's like light shimmers around your whole body like this beam and you're like oh as
you're holding it.
And then you hear her voice in your head as you're holding the loot as if her spirit is
attached to this loot.
And she says hello.
Selena Selena it's me Reiner Reiner Reiner where am I.
I don't know.
I just stuck my hand.
Good thing it wasn't my penis into a frog's mouth and I pulled out I pulled out the classic
Reiner did you almost stick your penis in the loot.
Almost this would have hurt this thing.
I told you not to do that.
You don't stick your penis between the strings.
It's not good right now.
How are you communicating to me.
This is so weird.
I don't know.
It's dark where I am right now.
It's just dark.
You can't see or feel anything else.
I can't see.
I feel as if I'm changed down to something.
Hmm.
The it.
Well how have you been.
Well just fine.
How's the penis.
Oh huge.
Maybe it's a normal.
That's good.
That's very good.
Have you you know dipped into anything fun.
Oh absolutely.
Just recently actually.
Really.
How recently.
Ah like the last five minutes.
Oh I'm proud of you Reiner.
I'm proud.
I'm very proud.
You know I like it when I get dipped as well.
I try.
It's been a long time for me for I've I don't know where I am.
I've been trapped here but maybe you can show me the things you've learned once I'm not
here.
Well I'm trying to get you out of there.
So yes absolutely.
All right so third wall breaking.
This is a magical loot that somehow has a connection to Selena tracks while using this
loot.
You get a plus one to performance.
You get plus one to any kind of like spells use.
So like your if you use your loot whenever you use vicious mockery you get a plus one
to damage etc.
You basically get a plus one to any kind of performances made with this here loot.
Cool.
Yeah.
Now before the casting ends is there any last things you want to say to Selena.
I will find you Selena.
However long it takes but I'm just glad to hear your voice again.
I am too glad to hear you Reiner.
Make sure it hangs low and you know keep it wet.
Just in that instant I have an erection again and I fall over because of the weight.
No because all the blood that loses it leaves your brain.
There's too much blood.
And then you hear the voice of the loot on the ground.
Reiner?
Reiner did you pass out from an erection again?
Reiner.
I love when we can have a wholesome moment over boners.
That's the grouch grouch baby.
New tagline.
I love to have a wholesome moment over boners.
Okay as he's doing that you guys are still kind of looking around this room.
You do actually find a jar of thumbs additionally in this here room.
And you've got the head you've got the thumbs and the only other thing in here you guys
haven't touched that looks of interest is the helmet that sits on the mannequin.
Do you guys want to mess with that or no?
I'm still pretty determined to find a way to free Agdon from his neck thing happening.
Yeah and you could see he's still in the corner like reading the book.
Yeah.
I'm trying to find maybe something that could release him and then you know maybe maybe
raffle around for some scrolls or some shit if there's anything of interest that way but
that's fine.
I already picked up one cursed item today I'm not about to do it again.
I'm just here for the dick jokes.
Well you got it baby.
So Agdon stands up with the book and he's got a very serious face on and he looks at
you three and he shuts the book and he goes there's some very demented shit in this book
y'all.
Well I feel like I'm a changed rabbit.
Are they better?
But I don't know.
On top of that it's gonna take more to get this cursed scarf off my neck even if I want
to.
I mean I kind of like it.
I don't well it's having the ability to take it off though you can always keep it you know.
The book mentions that Pavlonia's sister knows the way to get the scarf off.
I don't even really mind.
I mean I'll just keep it on forever.
That's cool makes me run fast.
I mean if you want to keep it you can but I mean if you wanted to come with us you also
could.
You could keep you know working your way towards enlightenment and doing right by the people
you've wronged.
Okay yeah I could do that.
With you guys though on my own I'm I will fucking no with you guys you keep me in the
straight and narrow I'll stay with you guys.
I don't mind having you.
I got plenty of room on my shoulders for all my bunny fillers and now a cat.
One of y'all is gonna have to start carrying that cat though.
Listen I'm down for the bunnies that aren't mean to me.
I'm just passed out on the floor but I hear something about a cat and we're like save
some pussy for me.
I'm looking at the rusty helmet on the mannequin.
No sir no you're not when you go up to the rusty helmet you go to touch the helmet and
the mannequin turns animated and lunges out and tries to stab you Romy dexterity.
Damn I touched one cursed thing already.
You and mannequins today.
I know.
Where dexterity hello.
I make dexterity sorry.
Little darkness my old friend.
I'm here to fuck with you again.
Because it's awfully creepy.
Waiting for it to come.
My anal beads seem to be sleeping.
You got a 12.
And my dick made me pass out from the blood.
So as you pull the helmet off of this mannequin it looks like it comes to life whenever you
get close to it and it tries to stab you and then as you pull the helmet off it goes back
to like nothing and its arms just dangle.
As you look at this helmet it definitely has magic qualities but it does require attunement
and I cannot tell you exactly what it does until you get it identified or until you attune
to it.
Damn it Ryder why'd you burn all them identify scrolls.
I will hold on to it I don't want to put it on yet.
Sounds good.
Alright so here's some fun little art of our tiefling friend sticking their hand in the
frog because why not I guess.
What did I do?
I didn't stick my hand in a frog.
I know but it's just a tiefling so that's fun.
So here's a little bit of art for you guys for visualization.
Kind of fun kind of fun kind of fun.
I want that frog though I want by it.
That's awesome.
It's like the best glory hole I've ever seen.
Smiling yeah.
Well then stay buddy pal.
Yeah don't be passed out on the floor with an erection.
Yeah.
Geez sorry.
So at this moment you guys have everything you've basically came here to search for.
You guys leave the Hag's hut.
Yeah sure.
Okay.
I mean can we tape in just a couple doors on our way out like just like peek your head
in see if there's anything interesting then like duck out.
Like is there any rooms of interest like as we walk by rooms we just.
Looks like there's a meat locker there's kitchens there's a pantry there's a dining room there's
a booze distillery.
You also poke your head in what looks like a study.
And there is another little trove of stuff.
You poke your head in one of the rooms on the bottom floor that you went past earlier
and it looks like there's a large cupboard that stands alone in this dark room.
Fine scroll work frames.
The cupboards two doors which are bridged by a circular panel of dark wood.
The panel is inlaid with silver a silver hourglass sigil.
Interesting so is it locked is that what you're saying or is it just inlaid.
Do you guys open it yeah.
Yeah I'll open it I'll take a peeky poo.
There are loose buttons of various materials there are stray cutlery they're all like golden
from different kinds of sets.
There are unopened love letters that look like they were not written or addressed to
Bavlorna but to long dead people probably from the you know quality of them.
There are old frayed coiled up belts pressed flowers and loose dried petals there's a
horseshoe there's feathers from various birds and a chipped teacup.
Can I go ahead.
Oh man if you're about to say the same thing I am we got to split them all right.
You can take.
Yeah you can take them.
Okay I can use them.
I was also going to take them but I was going to use them like if we find anybody who's
still alive from them just like hand them out but that's fine.
But I would like to stop in the pantry and or kitchen to see if there's any like food
supplies we could take with us.
Okay the pantry has two exits.
As you poke your head inside you actually see a couple of Bavlorna's quicklings in there
ready to attack.
But wouldn't they.
Okay well then I'm not going to fuck with that.
They wouldn't like die because she she she dead but all right apparently not.
Yeah apparently not.
Sorry that was the dining room the pantry contains dozens.
The pantry on the outside of the dining room contains dozens of pickling jars and wooden
racks most of the jars are filled with pig snouts toads small birds onions mushrooms and
other cooking ingredients.
One of the jars contains a campestry.
Looks like a mushroom that seems to be alive.
Oh and when he sees you he smiles.
I'm taking him with me.
Inside of the jar.
I don't care if he's evil I'm taking him with me and then I want to take the jar of
snouts as well because I ain't I ain't above eating some pig snouts.
Listen that's some good cartilage it gets you your vitamin like your calcium up it's
good for you.
I'm gonna take them snouts.
Nice.
Hell yeah.
I'm gonna take a couple of jars of canned birds as well for Mr. Gunther hunting toad
Woodward the third.
Is there maybe some like pickled eggs or anything like that?
Like what would that be?
Sure.
Yeah.
Couple jars of pickled eggs some snouts and that little mushroom killer.
Age sees little mushroom penis and goes mushroom penis.
I love you Age.
Hello.
Thank you for joining us.
He's in the jar you can tell that you can't hear him because he's trapped in that bitch.
Wait does he does he have like a lore book name already?
He doesn't have a name no.
He doesn't have a name just a species yeah.
Please let him.
His name shall be toad and he will forever have that same voice.
Oh god.
Okay great.
I can do that.
I'm the best.
I can do that.
Hi.
Yep I got you.
Whenever you decide to open it.
Yep.
Yeah yeah he's coming with me I want him.
Okay.
I don't care if he turns out to be the most evil being in all of creation look at him.
I will collect yourself.
You actually look at it.
Violet you spent some time here in the Feywild why don't you roll me a history to see if
you know more about campustry.
Oh wait wait wait I got divine sense I could just tell if something's evil.
Oh yeah this thing's not evil at all.
Not evil at all.
Then yeah I just use one point of divine sense to see if it's a good or evil thing.
Okay.
But yeah there we go.
Do you want to learn more about it or do you want to open it or do you want to open it?
Yeah let's go.
No yeah we'll open it that's fine I'll open it.
Yeah you open it and right away he begins singing.
You can tell he has almost no few cares or worries and he's like don't worry about a
thing every little thing.
I'm Toad.
It's gonna be alright.
Hi Toad.
Hello.
Yeah.
I don't know how your species reproduces but here you go you're free to do whatever you
want now you don't have to stay in that jar.
Cool.
Have a good day and I'm just gonna leave him there.
No he for sure follows you on the ground he's like following you.
Where are we going?
We're gonna go return some things at the hackstowel.
Okay.
Do you guys like music?
Oh yes we do like I like music.
Can you sing me a song?
Sure I'll talk I guess I could sing you a song.
Okay.
Little mushroom man happy as can be.
He's the shape and size of a tiny peepee.
We mushroom man's tiny as can be.
He's the shape and size of a tiny little peepee.
Yeah that was great.
Was that about me?
Yes it was about you.
Tiny mushroom man.
Yeah.
Oops.
What a little little failure.
Can he do anything special?
He can't.
Nope he's a little mushroom guy.
Campus trees are happy-go-lucky mushroom like creatures with few cares.
They're captivated by music.
If anyone plays an instrument around them the little creatures will happily sing along
and dance.
They have an obloxiously nasal falsetto as they dance and taper around.
So that's correct.
Campus trees can imitate music.
They come in a variety of different colors.
The mushroom all they eat is soil and they can filter out salt from soil and give salt
to people.
They excrete a slippery paste of purified soil whenever they shit.
Eating salt is also a defense mechanism because it makes them taste salty.
That's it.
It's a defense mechanism to make himself more tasty?
I guess so.
Protects this man with your life.
You're telling me these tiny mushrooms will just start tasting salty?
Oh god.
We are no longer the priority in keeping alive.
You will keep that small mushroom alive.
Eventually you guys make it down to the bottom of the Hag's Hut where you actually see a
boat in the opposite direction of where you entered.
There's another exit of this Hag's Hut.
You guys hop in the boat and Violet you begin rowing you guys back over to the bridge here
in Tether in Downfall.
You guys get over to the bridge.
At the bridge you can see the scarecrow still trying on different kinds of heads and he
sees you guys and happily waves.
He's like, hey buddy we got something for you.
And the heads on the pikes are like, here they come stupid fuckers.
He's like, come on man.
Stupid fuckers.
You guys park your boat and you get around to where the scarecrow is and he's like, hey
guys, it's me Clapperclaw.
How's it going?
How we doing?
And I produce from my bag and I hand over the steak head that we got off the wall.
Believe this is yours.
Let me see one second here.
How does he react to this thing?
He turns evil.
The clouds turn dark.
Lightning looms overhead.
I am complete.
I am who I am.
Is Elijah.
Clapperclaw can't really see it and he holds out his claws and he's trying to grab it but
he feels the horns and he grabs the horns and he takes the gourd off of his head and
puts on the stag head on his little body.
And as you do the light, his eyes light up on the inside and there's a little tiny purple
flame on the inside of the stag head where his eyes are.
He looks and he, oh my god.
Is that what you look like?
Yeah, yeah.
It's not what I thought you looked like.
Hello.
Wow.
You guys are ugly.
You guys are great.
You're great.
Damn.
I get that a lot.
I get told a lot.
My voice doesn't match what I look like so I'm used to it.
You're a big lady.
Yeah.
That's what I get a lot too.
Okay.
Well, thank you so much for the head.
I mean, thank you so much for the head.
Thank you so much for giving me head.
Thank you so much for giving me back my head.
I appreciate that.
And a deal is a deal.
It's a deal of reciprocity.
I am finally complete and I can leave Hither and we can go to Tither and I know how to
get there if you guys want to follow.
Fortunately for you, you've come to the right place for you see.
Hither and Tither and Yon are all separated by a darkness.
A darkness that envelops everything.
A darkness that kills.
A darkness that takes away the light of people.
Takes away their feeling.
Takes away everything.
The darkness has separated Hither and Tither and Yon for there are only a few paths through
each way to be able to make it safely.
And you've come to the right place.
I can absolutely help you guys out.
Damn, that was intense.
All right.
Do you mind if we make another stop first?
We do have a set of thumbs we need to return.
I don't know if that's...
Do you mind if we just make one more stop?
We can just say you do that.
You go with him out and it takes a while.
But we can just say that you do that.
Let me go back to him real quick.
Unless do you guys remember what he promised you before I have to look?
You remember that?
No, it was a back-ended deal.
It was a back-ended deal.
We got to say...
Right.
Yeah.
We just had to buy him a convention.
So you guys give him those thumbs back and there's just like a...
And the ashes of the hag we put in a jar.
To prove that she's dead, right?
It's just like a montage where you guys give him the thumbs and give him the head and he
shakes her hand and he just thanks you guys and he's super happy about it.
He puts his thumbs on and gives you thumbs up for the first time in a long time and he's
just real excited.
So now let me get down here to the actual next part before we do this.
You guys struck a bargain with the scarecrow for the head to be able to make it over to
Tither.
He explains to you guys that he actually has permission to use one of the balloons that
the Bullywogs have built to be able to go back and forth.
He actually helps them deliver supplies and stuff sometimes so he's just allowed to use
one of the balloons.
And he basically guides you guys over to this balloon and you guys get in this balloon and
begin floating up in the air over to Tither.
You're officially done with this section of the map.
All right.
Look at us go.
We're all friends.
And all you guys now have reached level five.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Well, well, well.
And that my friends is where we're going to end it for the night.
You guys floating over the darkness over to Tither.
Can I add one thing?
Sure.
I would like.
I'm going to start reading.
I'm going to start readings of love letters that I found to the axe.
OK.
Are you going to improv this or do you want me to?
I was going to improv it.
Cool.
And you're going to read them to the axe like to your friend on the other side?
Yes.
Nice.
OK.
Go ahead.
Whenever you want.
Man, I kind of want to like change my voice to be more sexy about it.
OK.
Do it.
Like, do you like a serious performance voice?
Listen, you're showing off.
Let's be honest here.
You're showing off for let's be real.
You engross my thoughts too entirely to allow me to think of anything else.
You not only employ my mind all day, but you intrude on my sleep.
I meet you in every dream.
And when I wake, I cannot close my eyes again for ruminating on your sweetness.
That's like ones that I read.
I feel like the voice calls back for like a second.
She's like.
Raina, I'm in the dark.
You can't tease me like that.
Well, so this is, you know, this is how I'm going to pass time from now on.
It's just making you horny.
I can't even touch myself because I'm chained up right now.
This isn't fair.
Oh, you're chained up.
Yes.
The agent.
Well, I mean, keep going.
Maybe if we create a big enough puddle, I can swim out of here.
Wait, do you want me to do another one?
Sure, Rainer, if you want.
Should I draw you the picture of my heart?
It would be what I hope you still would love, though it contain nothing new.
The early possession of you obtained there in the absolute power you have ever maintained
over it leaves not the smallest space unoccupied.
Raina, that was a smart one, Raina.
You know, I like it when you're intelligent to me, Raina.
That was so smart.
Oh, yeah, this is like, you know, just how I always talk.
Okay, that's what we ended for tonight, everybody.
We're going to get the fuck out of costume and we're going to come back for a quick little
short rest to talk about what the fuck happened tonight.
So don't go anywhere.
Thank you guys so much for watching today.
And you know, YouTube, if you do the things, please do the things.
Subscribe, we're working hard.
We're almost 800.
It's fucking sick.
We plan to do a giveaway once we hit a thousand.
So help us get there.
Look, y'all, just thank you so much.
And we'll be right back in a couple of minutes.
What a fucking story.
I'm ready to talk about it.
So let's do that.
Are you not subscribed to the YouTube yet?
Get off of here and go do that real quick and then come back and then see the short
rest, which you can only see if you see the live videos.
That's right.
That's right, baby.
All right.
We'll be right back, y'all.
Fishy give it to him.
That's right.
Check us out next Sunday for love, death and dice.
Will Reiner find the love that he's truly wanting to get back to or at least near near
round?
Will Violet Femmes be able to read right now that she is this this hack?
And who knows?
Dr. Hobbs going to become a little bit more powerful than you would ever believe.