Hello everybody! Thank you all so much for joining us right here for another episode
of Love, Death and Dice the Wild Beyond. Tonight is episode four and I will be your humble,
fantastical, but sometimes whimsical dungeon master, Turkey Dudes! And I'm here with three
of my favorite dang old best friends that I love rolling dice with and having some fun with week
in and week out! Hello! Hello everybody my name's Carter and I'm playing the uh Rhino van Ritter.
This is what I'm playing, okay, and I am the musical bard guy, the fairy, okay, next. Uh,
hi I'm Proteus or Kate or Fish Jetty. They keep changing my name on this program. I'll be playing
Violet Phams, the Hic Paladin. Hello I'm Fishy and I'll be playing Dr. Yimmy Osmarts. It's gonna be
a good time! Next! That's it and all you lovely folks in chat, hey thank all of you guys so much
for joining us. Oh wrong pipe and thanks to James for buying me some more Sunny D. Vodka Seltzers.
Fucking gross! Thanks James, appreciate you. Thanks James. We've got some fun stuff in store
for you guys tonight. I'm going to be trying out some tail spire tonight. I'm only doing it on one
computer so hopefully there's no lag. It's already open as it is and I can see a little bit of
lagginess so if you're watching live bear with me we're gonna see if it's worth it. Now, now
we're gonna run our intro to get ourselves into the vibe of the Feywild. To get ourselves into the
bit of the wild beyond! We're gonna, we're trying to get into it here but after that we have another
recap. We have the PP show. Hi Kyla! Welcome on in here friend! Cheers! We have the PP show coming up.
Our very favorite PP show. We're talking about Pavlo's pay playback you friggin' nasties because
we love PP around here. We do. No matter the length of the PP we always enjoy it because
it's just the best and again I'm talking about Pavlo's pay fucking playback you bastards. It's
PP time. We do have a PP emote and it's a follower emote so you can feel free to spam that bad boy
but we're gonna run the intro first and then we're going to the PP show. So let's fucking do it!
Episode four! Cheers everybody. Happy fucking Sunday! All right. Chahears.
Chahears. I just said you were wonderful.
Wrong season. Sorry what?
Hi everybody my name is Pavlo P-O-L-VO and welcome to the PP show! Today we are talking about
Love Death and Dice the Wild Beyond. And so we start out with a very interesting encounter.
Encounter a wandering gang of harangons trying to rob people of their happy memories. However they
had an item that we needed so we made a deal with them where Violet showed them how badass she was
by smashing a Cadbury cream egg between her biceps and they taught her a secret handshake.
Then we stumbled upon a crashed balloon in a tilted tower and then we ran into technical
difficulty so Reiner played for about 10 minutes. But then we made our way into the tower and Hobbs
fell into a trap over barrels of carrots. You just couldn't keep it together could you bub? Anyway we
found ourselves a pet guard dog and made our way to the top of the tower and uh there was a monster
there. Yeah. So our heroes decided to promise to bring him back his thumbs because because he needs
his thumbs. He would remove the curse to let the fairy dragon which was that balloon that was outside
go free! And then by the end of the episode we made it to an end at the end of the road.
And Violet had a little touch moment where she got to eat a plum pie and think about her childhood
and Reiner well he went and fucked a bartender. You know typical D&D shit. And now you're all
caught up with LD&D love death and dice. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I hope this was good
pee pee because you should only be getting good pee pee and by pee pee I mean Pawpaw's playback
don't get it out of the gutter. What are you just you're so disgusting.
Well that was a good recap. I think um yeah yeah yeah pretty good pretty good pretty good pretty
good pretty good. Covered pretty much everything I wanted to cover yeah. Wonderful. You can always tell
that pee pee watches almost all of it. Yeah almost all of it. They skimmed almost most of it.
I send notes. I send hell yeah. So my fair maiden friends this is where our story continues tonight
with you three inside of the walking in tavern and you guys of course were given reciprocity
from the owner Sue whom you had sex with with a guinea pig. Now opening up tonight's show after a
night of rest and long rest here in the walking in I would like each one of you guys to maybe
describe a little bit of where we'll find you this morning as our story begins all right. And since
you guys got a lot of love last episode we're going to start over here with hops. Where are
we going to find you in the walking in here hops? Yeah you would find me in like wherever
they would keep all the chickens and the hogs and stuff. That's where the best hay is at.
The chickens and the hogs I don't know if this inn has chickens. I'd rather hang out with the animals.
Okay.
In the kitchen there are guinea pigs if we remember.
So that's where you are hops. You're in the kitchen.
Oops ceiling go away ceiling. Oh thank you. There you go bod over here hanging out with the guinea
pigs. That's fair. Why does it keep doing that? Stop doing that you bastard. All right
Violet where do we find you here in this tavern?
I'm probably washing dishes because I promised I would do some cleanup around the tavern.
For giving us something to eat and somewhere to sleep. No we actually find you.
I'm gonna drop you outside here. Oh I'm fixing the roof? On the roof yeah.
I'm fixing the thatch and on the roof. But in the meantime I am while I'm fixing the roof convening
with myself in my plan in ways about how I am grateful that my old lord has shown me the path
to getting vengeance on my family. I don't know where your mini just went so I'm just gonna bring
you in a new one. Here we go. Okay say that again. Now there's two violets. Trying to get vengeance
on your family. No I'm as I'm fetching the roof I'm doing my daily my daily affirmations for my
oath of vengeance to my old god Dano and letting him know that I am thanking him for his
knowledge of my family. Because the bartender knew my papa. So if someone were listening into that
happening what would that sound like to us? What would that sound like? Well that's that's an
excellent question let me tell you what uh but yeah no I'm like I'm fetching down the roof I got big
bundles of like hay and as I'm like strapping them down and yanking them tight down to the roof I'm
living in a country with a lot of thanks roofs uh and then bundling them down I I am praying and
I'm like thank you oh lord thank you for showing me the way to find the wickedness that has caused
a curse against me in my entire life I will bring justice to the rest of my siblings and make sure
that no one is hurt by his misdeeds ever again thank you for showing me the path that you've
given me and bringing me righteously to that end. Okay all right I'm rather dark and twisted.
Could you make me a religion check while you're doing this? I can try yeah. There is a religion
stat. Tail spire yes Steve yes just noticed a sword what sword there's a sword oh you're a
mod Steve yeah don't fail me now oh well that was shit that's a five okay well so nothing happens
yeah nothing happens yeah it's just my daily affirmations you can't expect God to listen
to every single one of them that's so very true you gotta reroll oh gangers you're so sweet yeah
yeah
it's an 11 it's an 11 it's a little bit better
I feel like with an 11 you don't get a lot what you do get when you ask this question um
your god says uh I'm just saying thank you it's daily affirmation
with a 12 okay I'll do this then
then plus or minus one
okay
Violet Vim
your father
Vengeance must be had
he deserves everything you're going to bring to him
you'll find him here in the Feywild
that's what you're here thank you lord oh blaze Lee guy you know please call me gay
please call me gay I'm just kidding I kind of ruined survive a little bit so yeah
hey Reiner Reiner my friend we're in this tavern we're gonna find you after this night of
of reciprocating is there like a bathroom in there let's just see you and I there isn't upstairs
let's take you up there they got a high class shitter or is it just a hole in the floor
oh it has to be a high class shitter uh well you got some bathrooms doesn't look like there is a
shitter here in this tavern some bedrooms I mean sorry oh this is unfortunate um in that case I
would be like in the room uh like trying to wash my new Kaleili because it was up your ass it was um
um and yeah I'm just like gingerly washing it and picking like you know hair out of
mine butt crack it's not my hair but you know this is what I'm doing just like cleaning
Steve do you think tail spire has a guinea pig
I don't think so there's no way maybe they have a capybara that you could like scale down
maybe they have a rat I don't know do you have the ability to speak with animals Reiner
uh I don't think so let me check
let's see if he does no I just have like bonus proficiencies with like animal handling
okay and things like that I can speak goblin
well remember right this here um a raccoon they got a rat that's good remember you had a sexual
encounter with this guinea pig the bartender sue um and yourself it was very adequate and you ended
off the night kind of cuddling with this here guinea pig a little bit um so while you're cleaning
yourself up you can see the guinea pig still on the bed kind of like laying there just looking
at you watching you do this whole process what does this what what does this animal need from me
me do you want to roll an insight and see
should I roll yeah like inside I do this it's like a 15 okay um you can tell that he um he's just
kind of giving you compliments seems like maybe he enjoyed your company oh that's cool um listen
I don't really engage in likes interspecies you know types of deal all the time this was like one
off things that happened because the lady wanted to include you so please don't get attached
don't get attached uh yes it was probably good for you but just knows that you will not be included
in my sexual escapades anymore nice yeah jumps off the bed writer and uh you have like your
your vest on the ground because you're there naked cleaning out your butt and he goes into the pocket
of your vest I don't know I know this so yeah roll me perception
what is that a 19 it's a 22 yeah you notice you notice for sure okay well I'm not going to make
it apparent that I notice and I'm going to grab my vest to go wash it
it you put the vest there's like a bucket of water you gotta put the vest in the water and he's like
I'm gonna roll a constitution for this here guinea pig
uh it's a 14 okay so he lives but he comes out of it in the water like
it's oh were you in my vest oh I'm so sorry I did not know you were in there
maybe you should not sneak into people's clothing yeah
he's mad yeah he goes he gets down on the ground for sure fine he's like fine you don't want me
Ryan are just waterboarding guinea pigs that are going to become part of the stew later tonight
like and you know that's like signs of a sociopath you're gonna end up some sort of murderer that
eats people and like wears their skin he doesn't like that keep dick trophies on top of your your
mantle thanks Steve I appreciate that someone's familiar or a shape-shifted druid god damn it's
not viable let me tell a story okay let me tell a story goodness so after that um you guys head
back down to the you you head back down to the bottom floor you meet up with everybody you're
all cleaned up you can see sir talivar our fairy dragon friend he's on the counter as well as you
um violet you come back to the bar and uh but before you do you guys get there you see hops in
the back now hops when you're back there with all these animals you see there's a bunch of cages
which is like a bunch of guinea pigs in them um and there's a big old pot of stew and all of these
guinea pigs are looking at you with big open eyes like
one particularly shit caked uh no he's upstairs
yeah
yeah i don't remember if i hate them
like them
how many are there of them there are four cages each cage has
four guinea pigs in it there's 16 of them math what so she's only got enough for one more stew
hmm because she had she said she puts 15 in every stew yeah
is there still going no
but like from the night before there's like one pot that's still kind of cold it's like what from
you guys ate out of oh i ate the guinea pigs too i must have oh no you were served it what have i
become yeah
but they're not mine
and is this gonna have a very like teary-eyed moment with all of them
moment with all of them and i don't remember i don't
are these guinea pigs or sex guinea pigs i just remember
i also don't have speak with animals
i wish them the best of luck and they just kind of walk away all right
that ends that so uh you guys all drop back here um instead of dragging y'all back from the roof
and shit i'm just gonna drop in new ones because whatever here we go nice
nice
hold your horses hold your horses ryan is on the counter
what you doing on the counter so um we returned back here you guys you're hanging out the bar
now um sir talivar he's in a cage and remember sir talivar from the night before sir talivar
is a very i don't know how to say this a very rules following but sexual kind of night he's
very fancy very noble but he's a tiny little purple fairy with a beautiful mustahash
and he sees you return all three of you together and he's will you see me
see is this good to see all three of you i hope you slept well in your beds or whatever have you
i know i can't open the cage but like are we able to like squeeze things through the bars
like i mean i don't know if your big red fingers could fit in here but what would you like to fit
say again i was like we could fit some scraps of like blanket and pillow in there so you can
have somewhere comfy to lay down that would have been very very nice if you would have done that
last night but instead i curdled up on this hard cold steel all night by my lonesome hearing this
you didn't bring it up when you were eating your plums i know i figured maybe a friend would know
you i thought we were friends i mean i ate out your ass how was that supposed to know your needs
was there no connection between me and you hops
no so what i'm just an object to you you just use me and then throw me to the wayside
it no if we would have told you to the wayside you'd be sleeping outside be lucky
a man of honor yes i understand it you win this argument today you do i appreciate that
hops i respect you for the other two okay
okay
well hops is brutal and ungrateful yeah he is sloppy yeah he is get your ass eaten out and you
don't even care so as you can see my cage here has been locked up by a very special magical lock
there must be a key to unlock the key the lock the cage yes now before my bully woke friend died
we were on the search for the key and he had told me that there is a goblin by the name of jingle
jangle that has the key you see jingle jangle is a collector of keys that's what she does
and i know the jingle jangle she lives on a teleme hill so i believe our next destination should be
teleme hill which should not be too far from here and i would like to remind you that
if you guys do manage to get me there i will give you my sword it is a magical sword
he sticks it to the holes of the cage as a trade for helping me free like this big isn't it it's
like a toothpick it's like a little dagger well this is like a dagger to me should be like toothpick
to violet true that is very true yeah still has magical properties though so there's that
stab it in the back of people's necks like a hairpin yeah so we connect together to this place
yeah i believe jingle jangle is fairly friendly it should not be too much of an issue
now but where are you headed after that are you guys trying to find the hag are you trying to
find a way into hither tither or yawn i mean where are you headed where are you here
well i mean yeah we gotta go fight that hag because we promised the big spider looking guy that we
would as as you know reciprocity for for letting your your bum ass out and then uh you know we're
actually here to find sablina oh so you want to get to sablina well you see the hourglass coven
remember these it's important yeah yeah the hourglass coven is the coven of hags
all right you see the hag here in this realm of heather she's a beach but she has two sisters
yes bavlorna is her name she has two sisters whom she loads together the three hags forms
the hourglass coven they use some kind of artifact a cauldron and they've split the feywild into
three pieces and i believe they've trapped sablina in her palace now if you want to get to tither
and then to yawn you're going to have to find a guide through the fog i'm sure there is one
somewhere there might even be one that bavlorna keeps close by so she may go to see her sisters
so maybe killing her you can get the guide and then you can go to the place you got to go
wherever it is if you're trying to find sablina that must be the only way but that's as much as i
know well you're just full of all kinds of useful information well yes i am zenite i am yes i am
the knight of the seelicourt i am a loyal vessel of the of the summoner queen and it was my task
to go out on a scout and figure out the information and bring it back before i was trapped in the cage
so that's literally what i do yes so once we get you the information like we get you out of here
where are you headed back to to give information well because i wanted to free sablina to return
everything and oh
hey james raided why you've just been raided why you've just been raided i wonder who it is
just been raided i wonder who it's from it's from the big gym hell yeah big gym it's a big gym
slay hey thank you for joining us dog thank you so much for joining us and being here um hello
everybody what were you playing i i was lurking what were you playing big gym what were you playing
oh yeah it looked it looked mighty keen i was i was lurking a little bit while i was putting my
makeup on mm-hmm you sprouted i mean this comes naturally yeah
yeah it does it does pretty well good thank you for joining us thank you for the raid everyone
here is not ready you already know how much we love big gym slave from big gym slay gaming
make sure you go over there and follow big gym slay from big gym slay gaming it's a good channel
over there we love big gym slay that's not even jim's real name you believe that that's crazy
big jim is starting to come up in the people i may know on the book of faces
really he his real name is gaming his real name is gaming yes yes he's big gym slay gaming big
gym slay from big gym slay gaming yes so welcome y'all um what were we talking about what does he say
oh oh see my plan was once i was free was to try to find a way to free sabrina i want to go and
help her free to impress this summer queen of course i can return back to the summer queen to
try to give her the information uh but if i could just free sabrina i could be rewarded so if you
will have me maybe i will join you on this adventure or i will go off on my own i mean let's let's say
let's see how we work together on an actual mission besides just you know a rescue and a
dinner date let's let's uh let's see how we work together and we'll play it by ear sounds good
it is good to be in the presence of another fairy that's right reiner oh yes like you know
it's cool but it's not like you know it's the presence of like a three-breasted goblin
that's like you know super horny but it's cool you know no yes no see i agree if the three-breasted
goblin was of course super horny for me then i would be all over her you know or him hey
i am not we made a three-breasted goblin i i'll i'll pay for all of our drinks i bet i could get
her first this three-breasted goblin you see see right now maybe violet femz is not what we think
at all what would she be she's attracted to three-breasted goblins oh maybe this is true then
did you know there was three of them that means there is two cleavage we could each take one side
this is true we could do this but just like keep in mind like this is not a competition okay
no love is not a competition it's just like you know get it where you can get it and if you can't
then you know keep living this is wise words
very wise words he sits he contemplates he two rows his mustache
they love his their love but what say you right now if someone could only find their love in the
form of two fairies then i suppose i could do this for a time but i am a free soul i cannot
stay trapped down for long eventually i will wander off and find someone who else
okay now don't break my heart before it is even growing right now
there
at least you say it boundaries now that way you don't get too attached later this is true
it's very true okay well we're off hey so bartender comes around she's like yeah
anything you have for us before we go yes uh well wishes of course to all of you thank you so much
for joining us here at the walking and wandering in the tavern wanders around all of the fey wild
um so if you see us feel free to jump on board and uh of course violet uh i wish you luck sweetheart
i hope everything turns out okay right now thank you mayim oh yes thank you for last night it was
very enjoyable did you um manage to stumble into my familiar
your familiar yes there's a guinea pig that joined us oh zucchini pig yeah he tried to crawl into my
vest pocket oh and um it didn't really work out for him uh so he he's somewhere upstairs
soaking probably if he tried to do that that means he's fond of you and he was probably trying to go
on an adventure he's very useful but it sounds like to me he that you have rejected him so i
should probably go check on him to make sure he's okay
did you i mean he was in your vest what what happened oh nothing really you know uh i i had
found him in my vest when like i went to bosh it i did not know he was in there and he was
in there so i've made that mistake
yeah very good very good um i actually really want for my story notes i really want to name
this guinea pig familiar chat will you use the name of thing command and throw out name suggestions
for this here guinea pig um i have one in my mind but throughout names it's a name suggestion
command use it throughout name suggestions she's like okay well i'm sure he will forgive you if um
oh i watched my cat kyle greg butt pirate i'm sure he will forgive you if you ever change your mind
and you would like a friend on your journey he's here um he's gone with plenty adventurers and come
back he's a very good um scout so okay maybe i i consider this at a later time maybe when our
paths crossed once again brownie but pirate craig okay i really like craig is that from something
no no not unless he is old craig am old craig leslie nopers nopeson leslie nopeson
ellen the l anal i appreciate big jim's answer of richard greer
yeah okay because he had the whole thing about jorples and an anus rumor
okay his name shall be richard i'm cool with that yeah so richard's really good um if you ever
change your mind and you want to go on an adventure with richard greer then we could do that
but for now um it seems that the tavern has stopped and i wish you all good luck
i mean you guys can kind of feel the shift as it stops somebody pick me up it's time to go
oh i i can carry him this time i he looked a bit big for you last time rounder i i can just carry
him oh thank you yes i would not like to carry a cage the size of my own body
yes i would not like to carry a cage the size of my own body yeah hops would you like on my other
shoulder while we get on our way of course all right get my road sturdy yeah so i got i got hops
on on my shoulder here but i'm holding i'm holding the cage essentially just in my other hand
and nice we are going to use this one this one's pretty
okay how whimsical how whimsical i'm just gonna step down out of the tavern
and as you do the tavern slowly walks away and you can see richard greer in the window
and of course sues waving but as you guys step out of the tavern you are greeted by the scent
of sweet smelling fruit damp downy silvery green moss blankets a gentle upward slope before giving
way to some kind of craggy ridge that marks the top of a hill dozens of enormous willow trees
dot the whole hillside swaying as though in a breeze despite the absence of one
and you three stand at the bottom of uh telome hill
well i guess we start walking up the hill it seems like yes we are here now i suggest you be on your
best manners i've never been here before myself but i have heard stories that it is defended by nature itself
by nature itself well it seems like a nice enough place this smells nice
the rolling hills the big trees
hell yeah um you can tell standing here um the telome hill is approximately like half
a square mile wide um there's a small game trail that leads all the way up and you can see it
whirling and winding throughout the trees as you guys take a few steps forward where did my mouse
go there it is you guys take a few steps forward up the hill and then
and then
a huge awakened tree stands in your path and he looks down at you guys
oh i gotta do this i just have to
who dares walk the trail
oh this is me sir yeah this is me rhina i walk well i'm really floating
so does this break the rules if i'm floating
you think you're clever
uh no i'm not clever i'm just asking for you know so i don't offend anyone
no little wings are fine why are you here
yeah we are looking oh sorry i don't know hey runner no no no go ahead runner i'm just
gonna hold up the cage with with with mr nighty pants in it yes we are looking for the goblin at
the top of the hill that will give us a magic key to unlock a cage for our friend here
but jingle jangle she is friendly she collects keys
yes we would like to maybe purchase or trade one of her keys that will unlock our friend
may we have passage up the hill for this task
he looks you like up and down like looking at the three of you to kind of determine your intention
and you can feel his like bark eyes gazing upon you and it kind of makes you a little anxious
and so you stand still but try not to seem like you're you have any kind of ill intention
and i would like each one of you to just roll me a a present
and i would like each one of you to just roll me a persuasion roll
can i do something before rolling mine persuasion absolutely this will be a group persuasion
oh go ahead right so can i do druidcraft um to basically
hold on
wait no i saw this there was a scene there was a scene that i had in here
yeah that was cool for this specific reason you got it i believe in you oh no where did it go
oh all right buddy you got this no i cannot find it it had something to do with making plants grow
yeah druidcraft does that oh it does yeah okay yes i would like to do the druidcraft
kentrip to like you know sprout some flowers on the tree and make him grow a little bit
maybe you had some damage that i've repaired as a bard do you have druidcraft uh is a fairy i have
druidcraft oh our college spell casting anywhere i know that uh i'm gonna have to double check
it's in features and traits it says fairy magic you know the druidcraft spell at the third level
you can cast fairy fire at a fifth level you can cast an orange reduce um
oh yeah it's the features and traits i will give you plant growth it says very far whatever i'll
give you plant growth that's awesome so how does it what does it look like exactly
um just i mean if it's a kentrip does that mean i have to say something
as a bard i feel like i would require you to yeah
well yes in that case i'm going to sing a little song
about growing flowers and hopefully that sprouts them on the tree
okay grow that is the song
the flowers begin to bloom on his arms and he's you guys don't need to roll persuasion
because i love that so the flowers grow and he's like
how pretty yeah i will guide you to jingle jangle please
climb a ball and he puts down his hand and like these branches like come out like
and he holds out his hand
and i sit politely on his palm
and i will just like float in the general vicinity of the hand
i i'm still on violet's back so i just i'm riding violet nice where she goes i go
hey he's here and i got i got the cage in my lap guides your his palm up to his shoulder and like
sets you guys on his shoulder and begins walking like forward and as he does you see
trees like parting and you hear the cracking of more branches like
is more tree that's what people's bones sound like when you're crushing them they just emerge and
they look and they see and then they nod to each other and go back to their tree ant business there's
like dozens of them all around and he's like how are you enjoying the feywild so far oh it's like
cool you know this is like the weird place that uh i was born and raised here but i do not you know
remember too much of it but it is you know like cool i guess
this is easily my favorite part it's not often i get to feel small yeah wait yeah
i always feel big amongst mortals but we are but
immortal humble awakened tree i am very very old my hair and god friend
so not immortal well no but i do not see death inside
it actually it actually shakes when i move him you see this is kind of cool yeah he's like so
so jingle jangle is very nice but three days ago while rooting through the swamp for truffles
she's a fan of food she was attacked robbed by a hair and gone gang
she has not left her hilltop since she returns to this hill she must be pretty hungry by now
we were attacked by like a group of hair and gone as well but they seem to be kind of dumb
and we like fooled them um but they steal like her happy memories no
no from what i heard they stole her truffles oh nuts at truffles yeah it's like really
hardcore is there any like food on this hillside that maybe we can grab on our way up
you can flutter off with your little wings off of his shoulder writer and i want you to roll me
a survival to look for what you can find and if you hit in that 20 you'll find another super rare
cadbury cream egg tree but there's no way you're gonna hit in that 20 do you know who you're saying
that to this is a 15 okay um this book everyone watching and listening um actually provides you
with a chart of things you can find food wise in the fey wild and it's actually pretty cool
and it's actually pretty neat um so since you succeeded on this i'm going to one second find it
and then actually tell you a thing of sustenance that you find here in the fey wild it's actually
from the book kind of a neat thing one second here super neat thing i'm beginning the adventure
hold on give me more about prismir pretty please
sorry sorry y'all i hate when this happens because i think i could just easily find it and then
i'm late but i have arrived what's up frog thank you so much for joining us buddy hello frog
daddy oh okay i found it now you succeeded go ahead and roll me a d8
reiner everybody say hi to hi frog hi frog
this is a six when you're looking you find a brilliantly covered sunrise flower
which you know being from here when plucked it sheds light like a lantern for eight hours
but it can also be eaten and it tastes like spicy honey so when you pluck it light illuminates
from it okay well i suppose it's like maybe she can like snack on this
steve gifted the frog toys thank you no thank you so much yeah that's i'm saying spicy honey
just sounds delicious right now wait is this like is this in like a patch of them or absolutely
is it just a singular flower there is let me roll eight of them i got an eight there's eight of them
can i use the druid craft again to make more of them grow yeah sure absolutely i do think there's
limitations on your druid craft not being a druid let me double check you um let me see here you
can cast very fifth level in terms of you can cast you these spells with this trait you cannot cast
a spell with it again until you finish a long rest but i'll give it to you one more time
because it's fun oh i have like the slots for it um
okay yes so like if this is a successful spell will it
it will uh i you can cast grow like more spell slots you have you don't have spell slots you
have i don't have spell slots no that's weird because under spells in bound uh not does the dnd
beyond it shows me my spells and i have slots you have slots yes this is weird okay well if you have
slots and that's totally cool i'll take it i'll double check later bards have spell slots thank
you steve appreciate that i trust a fellow dungeon master hell yeah buddy okay cast away what is your
plan i just want to increase the number of them that i can harvest why don't you then go ahead
and also roll me a d8 play plenty of a bar four wall there's 12 in total
great so i will pick up all 12 oh wait right after i sing my song of growth okay grow
bugging night all right and they grow
right out from the ground in front of you the trees like
oh one with nature very good very good
i try to like you know hang out with the nature as much as i can i did as a small child so it's
nothing to me okay so you pick all of these do you give them to your companions do you guys want to
like the the sunflowers that you can eat are you hungry i'm pretty full from breakfast but i can
carry him if you like i am planning to give it to the the ladies that we are going to be
meeting at the top of the hill because she must be hungry from losing her mushrooms
i love that that sounds very thoughtful runner i like that idea it's so good oh yes there's no
other connotations that are attached to this action for that whole oh goodness why'd you have
to say that i was gonna say for that whole thing you just did especially with your actual like
future thinking i was gonna give you a couch coin but we'll see couch coin for now there you go
congratulations couch coin um all right wait does that mean you're gonna re rebuke the
coin if it's for horny purposes i do not think i have the ability to do that but it's all right
um
he's lost power what control is this
control is the system i keep telling you set my own rules reality's a simulation you're just a
bunch of ones and zeroes yeah so i love the the idea of this scene actually um with you three
like sitting on the shoulders of this giant awakened tree eating these glowing sunflowers
as he's like walking and he's got all these flowers growing out of his head like if we had
if you had more time proteus like this would be a perfect thumbnail for this episode y'all just
like walking on this tree and just like beautiful little scene as you're going up this hill um i
love the idea of it well say if i i finish the horny watermelons right hey those of you guys
you don't know our lovely artist dear proteus is very soon to start working on their comic again
it's very exciting as shit and once that happens y'all gotta go over there and show them love
book six y'all it's very exciting stuff all right well yeah this is a honey flowered flower
make you grow it does not it doesn't do anything special it's just kind of like sustenance but it's
kind of cool although we could this is dnd we can't tell me how to fantasy wrong um but
um after walking with the triant he eventually reaches the top and uh you guys finish your
flowers and he sets you down with his hand and he's like when you go in there be very nice to
jingle jangle she is a wonderful goblin and we protect her i'm trusting you now thank you sir
we were nice to her you have no way okay i had my doubts being that you are with
the heron i hope you are not with the heron gone brigade
it's racist yes yes it is
well i gave you a chance but i'm ready to smash that tiny little bunny ass into the ground the
second that you do anything wrong especially if you're wearing a blue scarf
it is a blue scarf significance let me know yes and he turns and walks back into the floor
you guys stand in front of this opening and i'll explain what it looks like after we come back
from our short little five minute break we're gonna let fishy take a break from this mask
pinching his face we're gonna all go hit the bathroom um yeah smash that ass that's right
that's right um so after she eats them does that mean she'll have sun shining out of oh who knows
35 well who knows who knows we'll be right back smash smash her past aaron hi aaron love you
buddy good to see you here love you love you um you did come back we're gonna take a quick
five minute break before we go we're gonna do a quick little thumbnail pose
also don't forget to make clips that we can watch at the end of stream
uh they say you're muted jerk
yeah i didn't have my audio source on this scene thanks you guys i appreciate y'all in
chat for always letting me know what's up i appreciate that so much um so go ahead and
screen throw out random poses these guys to pose as that's right um and then um they'll do their
best to do that thing and we're gonna make screenshots out of them we're gonna use it
for prenotional material other kinds of stuff and again i really love this idea of the scene
you guys sitting on this tree ant while he's like walking through this forest so if you guys want
to try to pose as maybe what you would look like sitting on the tree ant that would be awesome um
the awakened tree anyway i guess it's not a tree ant but i'm the lorax i speak with the trees
please all right give me a pose you guys on the awakened tree go
very good very good um now all the smashing big jim good to see you a pose go
what what's this pose all the smashing big jim good to see you go
nice that's what i think about you got your back like a butt crack go
gears of war 3 reference steve love it
hello one and all welcome back to love death and dies right here the wild beyond this is
episode four i'm your lovely dungeon master turk and i'm here with a couple of lovely folks i love
everyone dice with that's right connor children of produce and fishy hello guys hello hello
there hello hello good to have you cheers you guys good episode so far so lovely no you're
lovely slappy balls don't you tell me this you're breathtaking your mom's breathtaking yes so i mean
that's true well that's left off you guys just made it to the top of telling me heal
um anything i want to say before we get back into the story here you want to tell
you want to say anything you want to but
butternut squash nice
curse your breathtaking oh so turn my headphones again i thought she said breathtaking
your breast has been taken your that's right free mastectomies trans rights you want a mastectomy
we're here for let's go you don't want that boobies i'll take them oh guys look at my boobies
yeah i'll slice off your titties if you like and i'll give them to someone else who needs them
that's right we offer that service as a service i'll tell you what i'll tell you what oh no
oh there yeah okay uh let's get us back into this here um let's see if we have any kind of
like fun little i don't think we do maybe i could do this
that's last that's last campaign that doesn't work here okay warn steps no no no no
no awareness that's the birds crickets and birds
rac and raven tweet tweet tweet
you like rain no all right that's it that's all we've got i'll prep some shit so
worn steps stone steps lead down into what feels like
forever to the entrance of a door. The entrance of a door up ahead. No, no, no, on foundry.
They had a hard time making this. But the door is shaped almost like a keyhole with
a wooden door at the front. You three stand in front. What do we do? I'll knock. All right.
You knock on the door. From the other side, you hear. Yes. We're looking for jingle jangle.
Who is this? Well, my name is Violet. I'm here with three companions. Yeah. Oh, you're not
supposed to give your name in the Feywild, sweetie. You didn't ask to have it. I can tell you it freely.
Ah, a smart one. A smart one. Are you amongst company? I am. I have companions that go by
Reiner and Helios and a little dragon fairy filler named Televar. Yes, it is me. Okay. All
right. Well, go on ahead. Open the door into freely. Before you do, you hear like jingling,
like crazy, like so much jingling. Yeah. Open the door here. She kind of cool. Thank you,
ma'am. But here we go. Open this bad boy. Open. Yes. Open sesame seeds. Pull this down.
The visual representation isn't great, but it is what it is. We're just going to put you guys in
there. All right. Now I'm going to describe what happens. So it's hard to see. Go away, Stone.
There we go. So these warrants steps continue to lead down into a cellar for what feels like
forever. It's super chilly in here and you can detect a subtle scent of iron and copper in the
air. From a distant spot in the chamber, sputtering candles illuminate the multitude of keys that are
hanging from taut strings that crisscross along all of the walls and the ceilings. Hundreds of
other keys lie strung across the dirt floor. You're literally stepping on them as you're
walking down the stairs. I imagine because she's a goblin, it's a really low ceiling and like my
my my horns and everything are just like brushing against all the keys as we go through. Yeah, dude,
for sure. I love the idea of that. As you guys take in the scene, you hear the sound of jingling
geese as a goblin emerges. We have just been raided. We have just been raided. We have just been raided. I wonder who it's from.
It's from the Cougar Slayer. Cougar Slayer? My goodness. Welcome to the GrouchCatch friends. Hello. Thank you so much for joining us.
I'm ready with the party of 13. Nice. Welcome friends. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Connor. They know you, Connor. What is this?
I have an idea of who it may be. But I'm not entirely positive. From Saturday stream. I remember you from yesterday.
Hi. Hello. Yeah, we had a visitor yesterday. We did indeed. Thank you so much for joining us, you guys.
How did your stream go? What the fuck were you streaming? Thank you so much for joining us. Hey.
What are you up to? Being a nerd? If anyone else here in our chat is interested in what they got going on, hop over there and show them some love right back.
Welcome to the nerd herd. Oh, Story Dad. This motherfucker doesn't even say hi. He doesn't even fucking say hi. He just comes in like,
I want to say hi. Rupid pictures. That's right. He's believable. Lacey, we praise, we stand for Story Dad here. We stand, we stand. We stand. Cheers, buddy.
Don't stand for him. I can't stand really high. I've actually had to put Helios down because I'm too tall for this place, so I can't really stay in a more hudged.
Hooters! Welcome friend. Cheers. Thank you so much for the follow. What a lovely delightful
bunch of names. We got Cougar Slayer and Hooters. What? This is like a fancy night out. My goodness.
Yeah it is. Gonna give you some of them wangs and girls with big tube socks. Girls with
big tube socks. That one bad as a ringtone. Hi guys. Thank you so much for joining us.
Welcome in Story Dad. Hey look we got a lot of lovely people in chat right now y'all.
You guys should all follow each other because a rising tide raises all ships. We are working
against the mainstream of all the big fucks and fuck them because you know what we have
our own community and we will help support each other to rise to the top because we're
more talented and we work way harder than those fuckers do. You don't get a platform
just because you're famous. Go fuck yourself. How about this? We're gonna support each
other. Alright? So everyone here go follow Another World Tabletop. Go follow Children
of Proteus. Go follow Knights of Silver Moon. Cougar Slayer get in there. The Grow 11, the
Grow 11E, the Grow 11R, the Grow 11DS, the Grow 11Roccon. Roccon. GF Powers. Cheers
brother. Thank you so much. For the 26 months. Everybody support each other. Everyone go
follow Slappy Balls. He's here too. Go follow Gangrezz. Right there. Cheers y'all. Hell
yeah. We'll all be aggressively supportive. Now, we're gonna get back into our story now.
I hope you guys enjoy the show. Thank you so much for joining us. We have a lot of commands
you guys can activate to be involved and please feel free to do so. We enjoy community involvement
while we play here and that's why we do what we do. That's right. Because if we didn't
have that, we could just play offline. A home game. But no. We want to play with you. Alright.
Did you hear that? Click their names and follow you fools. It's so easy. It's like two clicks.
I'm gonna upload a tutorial. Shit. Okay. Moving in. I mean Steve, you also have the power
to do shout outs now. You got yourself a moderator sword. You can do all the shout outs as well.
You can go crazy with power. Yeah, you can just start with movie people from chat aimlessly.
Sorry. I mean,
you're muted. You're muted. Drink. Every time I do that, we're gonna drink from now on.
It's a drinking game. Congratulations. Thank God I don't drink. So last time we were here,
these three lovely lads, those guys just catching up, made it to the top of a hill. They're
on the search for a goblin by the name of Jingle Jangle, who is the key master here
in the Feywild. They would like to get a key to be able to help their friend Sir Talivar
escape from his magical cage. Sir Talivar is a tiny fairy dragon who is very pompous,
but very nice. He is a knight. He's a tiny purple fairy dragon. And so they finally made
it to the top where Violet has knocked on the door and they have been let in. Yes. Show
them your love. Follow everyone here and shower them with your sweet, creamy viewership. Creamy.
I don't like it. I don't like it. Thank you for the 500. You like your viewership creamy?
I like mine a little dry. I'm gonna be honest with you. If it's too creamy, there's just
too much lubrication. You just go sliding right on by. You got to have a little friction.
Oh, at least a little bit. You know, dry it off. Scoop it out. Dry it off. Okay. Moving
it out. I don't know. I'm deeply concerned. You should be. Thank you. I appreciate that
so much. For the love of God's. Okay. As you three take in the scene here in this area,
you hear the sound of keys jiggling as the goblin emerges from the dimness. She wears
a coat lined with metal keys and carries a flail. But when you look at it, the flail,
the heads of it are actually padlocks for heads. She manages a faint smile. She looks
at you guys and I actually do fucking have an image of this to share with you guys. She
manages a faint smile though. And she looks at you guys and she's like, how might jingle
jangle unlock a bit of happiness in all of your lives on this day? Oh, she's adorable.
Yes. Thank you. My tiefling friend. I appreciate that. This is where you show her the cage.
Drink. I was muted. Ha ha. Cheers everyone. Well, for riding the cigarette. Not right
away. We heard, we heard that you were robbed the other day. Is this true? Yes. Yes. I was
robbed by some herring gone. Be you herring gone. She holds up her flail. She's like,
I see that white fur. You cannot hide from me. Right. Right. Right. When she does that,
I'm going to speak in goblin and say, oh, no, no, he's cool. He's cool. Like, don't
mind him. He's not one of them. I also can't speak goblin. So I'm just preemptively. I'm
a scoop up Helios by by his his his cloak, just so he's out of reach. Nice. Nice. So
when Rainer says that, that's all you guys hear. And she responds. But Rainer, you hear
he's cool. And then I come back to common tongue and I'm like, yeah, he's cool. Like,
don't worry about him. Oh, good. I don't know. Anyways, we heard that, you know, they took
all of your like food and stuff. So we grab some food on our way up here to nourish you.
Jingle jangle was digging for truffles in the swamp when a bunch of herrigons leapt
out from behind the reeds and shrubbery. They took jingle jangle's truffles through jingle
jangle down in the mud and wax jingle jangle with their wooden clubs.
It's just something terrible. My goodness, you've been through quite the ordeal.
What have you brought in to jingle jangle?
I brought these like spicy flowers that are like spicy honey, I guess. You know, they grow on
the hill where you live.
Flowers of the sun. Delicious. Here you go. I had 12 of them.
Oh, thank you. Now, in the sake of reciprocity, I must have a trade. What brings you here?
What do you want from jingle jangle?
Well, we were looking to see if you oh, god damn it. I'm sorry. I'm just like taking over
the whole thing.
It's all right. Don't worry about it. I'm just going to lift up the cage of televar.
That's you can keep talking. I'm just going to lift up the cage of televar.
Oh, thank you, Cougar Slayer.
Thank you. You can always put the message in there.
I know him. I know him. It's crazy.
Hell yeah, dude. Cougar my guy. Cheers, bud. Thanks for 100 bits.
Cheers.
Thank you for the jingle jangles.
You have brought in jingle jangle cage.
Oh, it seems to have been magically locked and we heard you have and we can see you have
quite the affinity of keys and we might we might be hoping you might have something we could open
with.
Sir Talivar on the inside uncoils himself and goes up to the top of the cage and he's like,
Do you know what you have jingle jangle? You have the key to my cage. You better not hold it back.
My friends have been very generous to you. Now it's time for you to return the favor.
Hey, hey, Manners, Manners.
Sorry.
Manners.
What would you do if you had been trapped in a cage for weeks?
I realize you've had quite the ordeal, but you need to be nice to someone who is about to
possibly be able to help you. Manners.
I apologize to you, but I'm very sorry.
I apologize to you, jingle jangle, for my attitude.
It's okay. But now in an apology, you must go out to the nearest field and bring me back a
suburb of grave.
I can do this.
Sorry. Monty Python, everybody. Cheers.
Fishy nose. That joke comes way back from season one. Oh, baby.
Yes.
Knights of Nii.
That we know of. Yes.
I was fucking mad and everybody drank.
God damn it. Cheers, y'all. Holy shit.
Yeah, I thought you said stew robbery.
Like she got robbed. Like a sor-rob-ery.
Not a sor-rob-ery.
Yes. So back to the story at hand here. You see, I have...
I do have keys. Now, maybe I could find the key that he has. I collected them.
Maybe I can do this.
And I'm going to roll a dice for her real quick. She walks over to the cage and grabs the lock
and starts inspecting it. And you can see Sir Talivar in the cage has this little
like toothpick knife out. He's like ready to stab her in the hand if she makes any sudden movements.
He's like, don't you do it, goblin. He's like, calm down.
What an asshole.
Yeah, can I like, can I just stick a finger in the back of the cage and just like
hold him back with a finger like by the shoulder? Can I just...
Just fucking calm down.
Fuck, there you go.
She's like, I am not scared. I know that Telamihill is so well defended. I am not concerned about my
own well-being at the moment. However, I will have skipped this food as form of payment for this key.
I believe I do have it. And one other thing though before I give you the key to this lock,
if you shall so appease Jingle Jangle.
What is it that you need?
Agdon, the leader of the Herringon.
She snorts and looks over at you, Hobbs.
She goes back.
Okay.
Is this how Tess felt last season? This shit sucks, man.
Yeah. Yeah, I would say yes. This is exactly how Tess felt.
That's why she got so attached to a certain gnome that was nice to her.
Oh, sad. Please, Cougars Slayer for the sexy sacks. Cheers.
She says, uh, yes.
Yes. There is a Herringon and he has a bright blue scarf. He moves as fast as lightning.
If you want to make it across tether to get to tether, you must go through the Brigand's
tollway, which is the home base of the Herringon. You will encounter him there. You see, Brigand's
tollway is a series of wooden catwalks that encircle a giant tree stump. The Brigand's
camp is upon a top of this stump. You must go there and promise me she will take care
of this asshole for stealing my truffles. Why did you sound like? Sounded like the role
from the Ed Ed and Eddie. Yeah, did I? The five shoe beating the asshole
for stealing my truffles.
Anyways, if you make this deal, you take care of him. And if you find my truffles,
you eat them before he can get to them. Do we have an accord?
Yes, we have the Honda Accord.
So they're good. Yes, I have an accord.
Oh my God, no violet has the accord. I have the accord.
How do we have an accord? You get a couch coin for Ed Ed and Eddie.
Was the Ed Ed and Eddie reference? Yes.
You bet your Bibi I do. That's right, Eddie.
I like my tech toast. That's it.
So if you promise to kick the shit out of that asshole, I will give you the key.
I mean, what makes the promise?
I can promise you like I could punt a motherfucking herring guy at least 50 yards.
No offense, Helios.
I will always uphold the promise to do anything to an asshole. So, you know.
Okay, this is fair. This is fair. She jingles over to a side of the room
and she starts digging through a bucket of keys. I mean, she's just throwing keys out.
There's keys on the ceiling, keys on the floor, keys on the walls. And she's just throwing out
bronze keys. There's some keys that just like hit you guys like then they're just going all over
the place. Eventually, she comes to a silver key that seems to have a faint glow to it.
She holds it up and she's like, this is it. It is. She waddles over and jingles.
Sir Telefar, are you ready to be free? Yeah, you fucking idiot. Let me go.
Maners! Sorry, sorry. Yeah, maners.
Just shakes the cage if he does that again. Okay.
Oh, gladly. Are you ready to be free?
Yes, let me go, you fucking.
She shakes the cage. Here we go. She puts the key into the lock and it shines bright like heat,
hot. And he goes, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. And then the lock breaks like it was tiny,
tiny little bits of like C4. And it just shatters. And then the lock opens. The door. And he goes,
I am free. Well, cross the threshold, find out.
I am free. And he, his tail comes out and in like a flutter of magic, he flurls around the room.
And you can see now he's about, I don't know, 20 inches long. And he's this dragon with little
tiny wings and little tiny legs. And he just lights up the whole room in purple as he flutters
around the whole room. And as he's spinning around and flying everywhere, he's like, yes,
say I'm free once again. Sir Telefar, force a win. And he lands on Hop's shoulder and he goes,
baby, would you like to have a go another day I'm not stuck in the cage?
Do you have a task to do?
I do have a task, but time is always made for love.
God, you're like the cat from the cartoons. Get off my ass.
Fair enough. Say I'm free, Sir Telefar. And he swirls around and jingle jangle's like,
I can see now why he was trapped in a cage. That's fucking annoying.
Okay, well, we have a deal. You Ki take care of Agdon. You don't have to kill him, but you know,
embarrass his ass and eat the truffles if you find them. And this will be a fair trade of reciprocity.
And thank you so much. Fousefut, I was starving.
You're welcome. No one should go starving. It's like, you know, you need to keep your energy and
metabolism up. Because if you don't, you're going to pass out during the sexy times. And it's not good,
because like it's non consensual at that point. So, you know.
Sure. Everyone must stay awake. Yes, you must be awake while we go. You see, I am free and finally can use
my full potential. What say you, jingle jangle? Sorry, but I'm not attracted to dragon fairies.
Can I just catch him in mid air? Grab him by his neck. He's like,
I respect the fact that you may have had some struggles and been trapped for a while, but that does not mean
you get to come on extra strong to everyone in the room. Sorry, I am very pent up. I see that.
You can have a wank once we leave the room. What they call ze blue balls. Reiner, you know.
Oh, no, I've never experienced this. You've never had ze blue balls? No, I can get off my rocks like when
I was a kid. Say hi, please.
It's coming in hot. OK, well, it almost ends our scene. So we'll finish it off with that.
But you've made a deal with jingle jangle and you have Sir Talivar freed.
And you guys start walking outside. But before you do make it outside, we're going to draw a chaos card
for I don't know who the fuck she is, but for Dr. Hopps. And Reiner gets to do a crotch speech on whether
or not wings make sexy time easier or more complicated.
Oh, this is this is so easy. Like, hold on one second. Yes, I need to be standing for this.
Hopps, say again. I want to put in a vote for easier. OK, all right.
Go ahead, Reiner. Well, what you don't realize about having wings in the sexy time is that, you know,
when you're doing it, you have access to many other positions that you don't really think about, you know.
So like, you know, you have the floating, the back and forth floating like this.
Or maybe maybe you want to do like in the circle as you're going around.
But it's also like the tried and true favorite where you get down on like your stomach.
Hold on. And then you do this and then you can like spin around while you're doing it.
Something like that. I love that, dude. That was tight.
Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, the cast description said pick a player.
So I said, Fishy, gotcha. Yeah. Yeah. But then you did.
The crotch speech for Reiner. So, Fishy, your card.
You gained the service of a phantom steed slash wagon for the rest of the day. Oh, my God.
So as you three exit this area with Sir Talivar, he's flying around around you guys.
Before I talk about what that is. Chat.
I would like all of you guys to use the name suggestion command and throw out things that could be a phantom steed
slash carriage driver, something intelligent that comes to the rescue of Dr.
Hopps. I'll work it into the story. Use the name suggestion command and throw out anything.
Any suggestion is a good suggestion. All right.
There is never a bad suggestion. So if you're worried about throwing out something dumb, that's not what it is.
Throw out whatever you want. Be creative. It's totally fine.
Now, yeah, we have a treatment that makes Cadbury cream eggs.
Sir Talivar flies around and lands on a rock in front of you guys as you exit whenever Jingle Jangle is waving goodbye.
And Sir Talivar looks at you, Violet, thinking that you are the leader because of how big you are.
And he says, so now that I am free, we have we have come to an agreement that in exchange for my freedom, I will give you my sword.
But if you allow me to keep it, I will stay with you for a little while on this journey.
If you would like my company, where I can be very useful.
And he stabs around his little toothpick.
For you see, I am talented.
Now, before we agree to such terms, how critical is it that you've gone so overdue of replying your your findings to the people that you're a part of about the witness?
The summoner queen. Yes.
She has sent out multiple knights on this quest.
She told us, come back with information or come back when you have freed Zablina.
So I have two options. I have some information of the hags. I can go home now or I can continue on my quest with you.
Fielas.
Rainer, you're muted.
Cheers.
I'm going to pee my pants. This is sorry, everyone.
Well, I don't really care about, you know, like keeping him around or anything like he's cool.
But, you know, if we just want to take his sword, I'm cool with this as well.
Probably best to just take a sword. Too much sexual tension around here.
Yeah, for real. This is like killing my vibe.
Just well, how about this then?
I think we can come to an accord.
Also, this is the size of his sword. That's what I've decided.
I think we can. You keep your sword for now.
But go deliver your information. And if we are to cross paths again, maybe it will be in the Walken Tavern.
And at such time, maybe you can rejoin our party and help us free Zablina.
Yes, they will do this. And not only in the name of you, but also in the name of Richard the guinea pig.
Good land. Okay. Well, I will see you three adventurers later then.
Thank you so much for freeing me from my shambles. And I hope all of you have a good time.
Sir Talavar. Night. Salute.
Salute.
And he flies off in the air.
All right. Now, chat went a little bit fire on this and I love that you guys are killing it out here.
We've got a lot of options here. I'm just going to read through these real quick. All right.
Why did they laugh super hard with Don Toronto and I could just imagine him rolling up in like a really sick ass muscle car and shit.
He's like, with the power of family, we'd be able to take you wherever you need to go inside the Feywild.
A new nerd follows the shit show.
Hey, Long Live Chaos, Twitch scam three.
And then we go on like a 30 minute movie montage of us just driving around the Feywild and then we just get dumped out at our next quest spot.
A sentient carrot named Alfred. That's pretty good. Bugs Bunny, Jerry Springer. Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Who?
An insane cook, Fish Daddy.
So if an Odin's eight lady horse.
Fish Daddy? Imagine if Fish Daddy came as a wagon.
Roller blades.
Don't get me wrong, her ass is a dump truck, but I don't think she'd be doing well in a fantasy world.
Fire chicken. Oh, dude. A Phoenix.
A Phoenix is cool though.
One word out of all that. Yeah, but so is a 30 minute movie fasted to Feywild montage.
Family. All right. Well, he has to be like some kind of fantasy race. What would Dom be?
What kind of fantasy race would Dom be? An Orc.
In Geth Yankee. An Orc.
Yeah. And it has to be like, it's not a muscle car, but I picture it's like a carriage.
You know what I mean?
A muscle carriage? Fire, I guess. As long as it's got sick haters on it, dude.
It's a carriage made out of muscles.
It's like wooden, like completely, but it's like a clockwork carriage.
Maybe he's like moving his legs to make it go like fucking Flintstone style, but it's like a spinny thing.
It's covered in big like adamantium dragon scale design all the way down.
It brings fire out the front. It does like a oil slick piss like acid drip behind it.
It's like he's an artificer. He's an artificer orc. He just mods shit.
Named Dom. OK, if I can find the sound bite, I'll agree.
Dom says, right guys, we're going to be closing this season after this episode.
We've officially made Fests in the Feywild and now we're going to be a part of Universal Studios.
We're going to make 10 of them, all of varying degrees of goodness, and then eventually just become Saints Row live action.
I live, die like four times and then come back. If this is good, we'll take it.
Wait, so this is literally like Dom from The Fast and Furious.
Just rolls up and he's like, it's all about the Feywild.
The fuck was that?
We don't know what you're looking at.
I know.
Family. That's all I want. I just want him to go family.
Oh, look, it's Orc Dom riding in on Lightning McQueen.
Dom, OK, chat, use the name of thing command. I need a fantasy version name of Dom Toretto.
Fantasy version. All right. Use the name of thing command. I guess this is what we're going with.
I got family.
This is an Orc? Yeah, this is an Orc. Yeah, I got family.
Drow Soletto. Oh, pretty good. Dante Riddle. Fuck, dude.
All right, Hobbs, you get to pick the name that they suggest. OK, this is your phantom steam.
I know, but Drow Soletto sounds pretty good.
He's not a Drow, though. He's an Orc, but, you know, Orcs.
Yeah.
Family. Family. Family. Family. Family. Family. Family. Family. Your family.
Dim Toretto.
It's pretty good. I wonder if I like snork a lot, story dad, but it's not up to me.
It's me. Snork. That's the voice I'm using so I get used to it.
Dom Stiletto.
Hold on, I'm submitting one.
Don Torpedo.
Family. I ain't got friends. I got family.
No, because now I really like the idea of like, like Feywild fucking illegal races, man.
Like, imagine race war weekends in the Feywild.
It's like clockwork fucking cars, dude.
Jason Statham.
Vin Diesel. My name is Jason Statham.
Hey, you could check out Jason Statham on SideQuesters, OK?
Doug Stupido.
Alright, if it's your pick of names, we're gonna move on.
Vim Kegel.
Was this already a name thing? I think it might have been and I wasn't paying attention.
Alright, we're gonna go...there's so many good voices, this sucks.
Mmhmm, yeah it does.
Oh. We're gonna go with Vim Kegel.
Kegel? Was that Connor's suggestion?
Vim Kegel, for real? Alright, fishy.
Fishy picked.
Vim Kegel.
Do you want to pick a better one?
No, no, no. You guys walk out of the cave.
Sir Talivar.
Drink. Fuck. Sir Talivar flies away.
And then up the road comes this clockwork wooden car.
And it stops. And all you hear out the window, you see like this orc balding head, big nice smile, chiseled jaw, muscle shirt on, it's like made out of leather.
It's got his hand on a wheel. He looks out and he says,
I don't have friends. I got friends.
And then he's like, where are you headed?
We are going to, we are going to, we are going to, shit, where are we going? I don't know anymore.
We're going to the Harringon village to go kick the ass of that blue scarfed bunny rabbit that was dicked nuts and sold truffle.
Take us to the Harringon village where we can kick their ass one quarter mile at a time.
Here's to Brazil.
And you guys are headed to Briggins Tollway, if you missed that.
That's where Agdawn kind of operates with all the Harringon. And you have to get through Briggins Tollway to be able to make it to downfall where the hag lives.
All right. So that's where you're headed. And he's like,
do you guys get in the car? Who's sitting where?
I just want to like sit. I want to sit. I want to sit like in the Senate council area.
All right.
Family.
That's all I've got.
Can we have some families and chaps?
Good.
Where do you guys sit in the car?
I'm going to sit in the Senate council.
I'm going to sit in the front passenger seat. Since he's an orc, he must have a big enough front seat that I can sit and not be cramped.
He turns. He looks at you and says,
I got family.
Family.
Wouldn't be so weird if Vin Diesel actually sees this.
Where do you sit, Hobbs?
I'm in the back seat. In the middle.
Family.
I don't have rock Johnson. I have family.
Family.
Cheers, family.
Okay. The car takes off.
The orc looks at you. He's got these two little teeth and his balding head.
And he looks over at you guys and he says,
I live my life one family at a time.
And then he hits the gas pedal.
You guys take off down the hill.
Holy shit.
You guys head off to Triggins Trollway.
We're going to take five, everybody, and we're going to come back in a minute after we get over our families.
We're all dying here together.
I'm going to get over my family. I'm going to take them down. I'm going to kill them dead.
Every last one of them. No, that's not true.
I live my family.
He looks at you. He says, I live a quarter mile of family at a time.
Okay. So we're going to take five and we're going to come right back, everybody.
So don't go anywhere.
We're going to let fishy rest his face in the mask out of the mask.
And we're going to come right back to finish off tonight's story with all of our.
So don't go anywhere.
I live my life a quarter family at a time.
Nothing else matters. Not the family. Not the family. Not my family.
For those 10 families or less, I'm family.
I'm 100 percent.
I'm 100 percent. Put this on Steve.
This is all Steve's fault.
Steve, you know what you did.
Debbie snacks. Holy shit. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Take a muted.
This is for Debbie's next.
Here you go, Debbie. Cheers. Thank you so much. Hi, Debbie. 40 fucking months, dude.
I'll blame Steve for this fucking Steve, dude. What the fuck?
Olive Garden. When you're here, you're been.
Nailed it.
I literally just caught my breath. Come on.
So if you guys are just joining us, we've had a lot of shenanigans tonight.
And thank you, Court of Chaos, for making all that happen.
But we're having a lot of fun. Our three characters here are in the Feywild.
They just managed to help their friend Sir Talavar escape his little cage.
And in exchange, they agreed to help Jingle Jangle once and for all put a stop to Agdon,
the leader of the Harren Gan Bri'Gand, the gang.
So our heroes left the cave and got a ride from.
Vinkiegel.
In his muscle car carriage over to the Trollens Brigade.
They made it over there. And along the ride, he was saying family the whole time,
because he's an orc that can only say the word family.
So that's where we're at. That's where we're at.
Any words before I continue on? Here we go.
We are family. I got all my sisters with me. We are family. Get up, everybody and sing.
That's a good song. I can't believe we've had a hype train over family.
I can't believe this shit.
Yeah. So.
I mean, like, that's it. Should we just end now?
Because I mean, like, there's no better that's going to happen after Don Torito drops you off.
That's it. We've peaked.
Yeah.
The best episode of The Grouch Couch you'll ever see will never be better than this.
This is this is Pete Grouch Couch. This is any everything you're ever going to get.
If you weren't here for it, you miss the greatest things.
So Vin Diesel is the key to Twitch success. Swear to God.
Somebody call. What are the degrees of separation between most of y'all Vin Diesel?
Somebody what he is going to have his phone number. Swear to God.
Let him know he's now an orc.
So in the car, he turns back to you, hops. He looks at you and his orc face and his teeth, all pointy bottom pointy teeth.
He looks at you and he says family.
Family. Family.
Peak family family.
Inspired by his wisdom.
Oh, you got it.
Family.
That's right.
I would like I would like to do.
Hold on, Connor. Let hops do a thing.
Oh, what are you going to do?
Do that in the car. You can't close it.
Family all over yourself.
You stand there. What do you say?
Yeah.
I guess.
He looks at you and he's like family.
Family.
Something's wrong with the audio here in the world.
Family.
Okay.
Thanks.
He looks at you and he goes, that's Vin Keagle.
He revs the car. Reiner, do you want to do something before he goes?
Oh, no, I was going to do it while we are driving on our way to, you know, Zaheer and Gon hideout.
Flashback a little bit. What do you do?
Oh, I would like to do bardic inspiration for everyone.
Oh, nice.
I'd like Vim Keagle to help me with this.
Okay.
Yes. He'll know when to chime in.
Okay.
Lord, why?
I'm ready.
In this world, it's all about family.
In this car, it's all about family.
And you don't ever abandon your family.
Because if you do, you're a piece of shit and you're going to get kicked out of this family.
That was my song. That's all I do.
Nice. Love that. Worth. Fucking worth.
All right. You guys all get out of the car. He looks at you and nods at each one of you.
And he makes direct eye contact with Hopps. This was your steed, by the way.
So remember that. He looks right at you and he revs his little muscle car and skids off through the mud and through the marsh.
And you guys turn around to see yourselves at the Briggins trollway.
I miss him already.
Can we get a golf clap, Fizzy?
Golf clap for family.
Part of the couch. Part of the crew.
Know what I think about family? Family can suck my dick.
The car reverses.
He looks at you and he's like...
No, not your family. Chosen family's fine. The blood ones don't matter.
He revs his horse. Yeah.
Okay. So you guys find yourselves now after all them shenanigans.
Not here. Not with the jingle jangle.
That is the screen share. It's not where you find yourselves.
Get rid of jingle jangle. Here we go.
Look at his horse. His horse is amazing.
Don't start that.
You guys find yourself now in a foggy marsh that stretches out before you.
Rickety causeways made of wooden planks from a wide web-like structure above the bog floating.
All different kinds of these pathways meet in the center.
Many of these causeways converge on an enormous ivy-covered tree stump
that rises a good ten feet above the twenty foot high fog that enshrouds it.
Here you are.
What do you do?
I'm too afraid to speak.
What are we waiting for?
I'm going to start floating towards like the direction of the pathway.
Nice.
You know?
Yeah.
Everybody follow?
Yeah.
You better. I'm not fighting these rabbit dicks myself.
No, of course not. I'll take the physical lead so y'all don't get fucked up.
Remember you have bardic inspiration as well.
That's what that was. That's right.
We're going to put you guys down here.
Now you start to...
Can we get you up there? Can we get you up there?
Oh, thank you.
Walk through a little bit and then an odd feeling suddenly comes over you.
All three of you look around.
Everyone roll me an investigation.
This is an 18 for me.
Nice.
We got the three.
It's also an 18 for me.
Coins rain from above.
We do not have...
Okay, that's fine.
What do we got?
You all see a family.
Family.
Every time someone says family with a bit command, I'm going to actually play it.
All right? Just because. Yeah.
Just because. Just because.
You got to make it one of the redeemable like cheers now.
I have to. I fucking have to.
God damn. Okay.
Here's what happens.
An odd feeling suddenly comes over you.
Ryan, I think you got the highest roll.
As you look around and you suddenly become aware along the way that a hunched hooded figure has actually joined your group
and started walking with you along the causeway.
Is that Hobgoblin for more?
Yes, it's the Hobgoblin on the stilts that I made friends with.
It is not.
Ah, shit.
What do you do?
I also got an 18 by the way.
Me and Ryan are both the same.
Then you also absolutely notice this.
I don't have a hair and gone mini.
What the fuck?
Hops, can I use yours?
I'm going to use yours.
You can't stop.
You have to use me.
It basically looks the same.
It's a little confusing during the battle scene, but it'll be fine.
Yeah.
And are they behind us or in front of us?
You said they joined our walk in party.
Are they just coming up from behind?
How are they joining us?
You don't know how they ended up there, but they just are there now.
Okay, but they're just in our little grouplin?
Yeah, and you guys are just walking with them at this point,
like questioning what's going on.
Oh, don't drop me in the water.
I cannot swim that good.
I bet I'm taller than how deep this water is.
Bet you have to throw a football over them mountains.
A quarter at a time, a quarter of her family.
What do you do?
Hi there, little failure.
What brings you by these parts?
You notice and you say that.
He pulls back his hood and like throws off this coat and bunny ears pop out of it.
And you can see this big blue fluttering cloak.
And he starts jumping around.
All three of you. Wait, hold on.
I bet I can throw a football over that family.
Family.
He starts jumping around, all three of you.
And he stops like a pattern over.
And you look and see this bunny standing very tall, very straight, very particular.
He's got this long blue flowing cloak like a scarf coming off of his neck.
And he looks at the three of you guys and he's like, hello.
I am Ag Don.
Thank you so much for joining us here on, of course, the Notorious Tollway.
Speak.
Well, I've been hearing, we've heard quite a bit about you in the few days we've been here.
Really? Good things, I hope.
They're all good to know.
Yes, very good, very good, very good.
Well, my people.
And then from up the platforms and up like these boats comes another harangon literally playing the bagpipes.
And they start playing a song and they start singing.
And all three of you immediately recognize the song they're singing as the same very song that all of the harangon were singing when you first came to the Feywild.
Singing these songs boasting of Ag Don.
And as they're singing, he's like looking around and like clapping and whirling around his scarf.
As you could see, you've come to my home.
Why are you here?
Can I, can I hold out my hand to him?
Or at least two fingers to him to do the harangon handshake?
That I know by heart.
I don't forgot about that.
Yeah, that's right.
My dumbass remembers something.
Yes, I fucking love that.
When you hold out your hand, it's like for a second, it's like he's, he stopped, like as if he was when you went to go hold out your hand.
He was like zipping around.
And then he stopped in front of you when you were holding out his hand, like as if he was moving so fast, you didn't even see it.
And Hopps and Reiner, during that time, you've seen this like blue wisp of a scarf going in front of your face.
And you're holding out your hand and he's holding out his and he smiles.
And he's like, do you know?
The harangon handshake?
I sure do.
Good.
And he reaches out his hand and you guys do this crazy complicated shake.
And he's like, respect, my tiefling friend.
So you are a follower of me.
Good to know.
But at the very end, at the very end of the handshake, I just want to grab his arm.
Like with a firm grasp.
Hell yeah.
You got to hand it to family.
Family.
No.
Okay, say that again.
So at the end of the handshake, as we're about to break apart from the handshake, I just want to grab his forearm.
Yeah.
You cannot grab his forearm, but what you can grab is his scarf.
He's tiny.
Flurling in the wind.
You can reach out and try to grab his scarf after he lets go.
And what we're actually going to do in the Wild Beyond book actually says that you can try to grab his scarf.
And we're going to be doing it.
I believe it is an athletics contest.
We're both going to be rolling athletics and whomever wins takes away the family.
Which one's athletics?
Oh, there it is.
All right.
My guy's got a plus sign.
I'll go for a scarf.
And then I got, I got, okay.
And then we'll roll it.
But then I got the bardic inspiration, right?
That I can use.
Oh yeah.
Advantage or disadvantage.
And you get advantage from certifiable giving it to Violet.
Thank you, certifiable.
Appreciate that.
Okay.
We're going to roll at the same time.
Mine is the orange one.
Ready?
Three, two, one, go.
Oh, goodness.
I got an 11 plus five, which is a 16.
But you got a dirty 20.
Okay.
I got a, yeah, I got, I got a dirty 20.
So I guess I don't need to roll the D6 as well.
You can, but you don't need to.
As an action, you okay.
You reach out after the handshake.
He, and you grab him by the scarf.
And as you grab him by the scarf, he stops in motion.
Like he can't move away from you on this little bit here.
And you look and his other hand has Reiner's ukulele in it.
But you've grabbed him by the scarf and he can't move.
And he looks back at you and he's like, no, please come on.
Just, just let go.
I was doing something really cool.
Just let go.
See, here's the thing though, that I can't abide.
I've been hearing you've been causing a great mess of trouble for a great many people in this land.
Yeah, I can explain.
And I don't know, I don't know if you've ever heard of a Paladin before.
I haven't.
And possibly the fact that some of them, myself included,
find righteousness through seeking vengeance against those who have committed wicked deeds against the innocent.
Oh God, please just let go of my scarf.
Please.
And I'm going to wrap it a little bit farther around my wrist as I go.
And I'm like, now you're going to have to give me a good old why.
Can I, can I, can I, I just want to float over and take back my ukulele.
Okay, you like take it out of his paw.
He lets go.
He's like, and then when I do that, I'm also going to hit him across the face with my ukulele.
Roll to hit.
Since he's grappled, do I have advantage?
Yes.
I would like to hear him out of what, yeah.
No, I just, this is, this is for stealing my ukulele.
Oh, that's fair.
You get your vengeance.
We're all about vengeance.
It was an 18 ignore the other four.
It was, it was an 18.
Yeah, you had advantage.
You hit him across the face.
Roll me.
This is an inanimate object.
It's just a D4 damage.
Go ahead and roll it.
Just a D4.
Yeah.
This is two.
Gotcha.
You hit him across the face.
And you've got him by the scarf and he, please, my Herringon friend, you know what the deal
is.
You're here following me as well.
Please tell them, tell them it's all about the family.
Please.
It's awfully quiet.
He didn't say anything.
Is he mad?
He's muted.
Cheers.
Cheers everybody.
I thought you were talking to a whole bunch of other Herringon.
No, to you.
But whenever you do hit them, hit him, Reiner, there are like three other Herringon.
The one with the bagpipes drops the bagpipes and holds up a bow.
And the other one whips out a sword.
And another one.
And a word.
The word muted.
Nice.
Certifiable.
He's like holding out this bow.
So all of them like draw their weapons on you, Violet, when you're holding him by the
scarf.
And he looks at you guys and I actually have some details here.
He's like, look, do you want to know the truth?
I'll tell you the truth.
That will be a refreshing thing.
So I made a deal with one of the hags.
Lorna.
She wanted to take my scarf from her, but I love my scarf.
So I told her no.
So she said fine.
And she permanently attached the scarf to my neck.
And then she nailed the scarf to a tree that grew a million feet into the sky.
And I was attached to this scarf in the clouds.
And it wasn't before my team of harangon managed to chop down said tree that I came back to
the Feywild.
But still, this scarf is attached to my neck and I love it.
For I tell you, I made this scarf out of three thunderbolts that I stole from the storm clouds.
And it allows me to go fast as lightning.
But because of this, she let me go.
And now I am forced to rob and give to her every day.
So yes, I stole the staff from your harangon friend.
And yes, I stole the ukulele from your fairy friend.
But I wasn't going to keep them.
And you look.
And what were you going to do with them?
Holding your magical staff in his other hand?
I was going to give them to Lorna.
You know.
I see.
V-Kill him.
Now, what's this about your fellers that praise you stealing happy memories from people?
Well, she likes those the most.
She.
If she gets the happy memories, then she'll leave me alone.
Because like we steal things that is for us.
But then if we steal the memory, we can just give that to her and then that's fine.
Well, hell, I mean, listen, I did make a promise that I'd kick your little ass.
Oh, God.
But I mean, this, if it's attached to your neck.
This is a pretty good dog on leash.
And I think you could just leave us right to Lorna.
When you say that to him, he puts his head down and his ears flop over like this.
And Dr. Hopps, you're standing a few feet back so you can kind of see the other herring gone that are standing about kind of like his gang.
I want you to roll me an insight on them.
God, Jesus Christ.
You didn't roll five.
I don't see it.
Where did you roll this?
I didn't come through.
Did you be on?
Try it again.
There it goes.
That's a two.
Was there?
OK, that's a five.
God damn, that's really bad.
Really bad, y'all.
You rolled really bad.
A million feet in the sky.
Well, certifiable think characters exaggerate.
Right.
Hey, you got a reroll from Frog.
Thanks, Frog.
One second.
Allergies are terrible.
No worries.
Popping others in.
I love that you grabbed the scarf.
You.
Goodness.
I'm going to talk about this during the short rest, but I love that you grabbed the scarf.
You did the thing.
Reroll it.
I did the thing.
Yeah.
A 12.
Nice.
You look and you can see the other Herringon.
A lot of them are starting to lower their bows and you can see their ears kind of twitching
a little bit.
And you know this as a sign of like distrust.
Like they used to follow him.
But now Violet has embarrassed their leader in front of his whole gang.
Completely embarrassed him.
Put him down into the ground and all of them are starting to lower their bows like questioning
their very own leader.
And they look at her, all of them just astounded.
Hey.
The best bet is for Violet to just like, I mean, are we here to put all these Herringon
out of business now?
Well, here's the thing.
If we take out the ringleader and get him to take us to the hag, which was one of the
hags that's been causing all the trouble that we're here for, we can, you know, we can just
keep him around and he'll be a good boy for us as long as, you know, you're going to be
a good boy as long as I got a handle on this scarf now, ain't you?
That's right.
And I would like to run up and jump up on top of Violet's shoulders and look at the
other Herringon.
I'm just going to be like, alright, scatter you beast.
Your allegiance is no longer needed here.
Shit.
Okay.
Well, first of all, he looks back up at you, Violet, and he's like, yeah, if you just let
me go, then I'll be a good rabbit.
I promise.
His Agdawn has always said I will be good.
And then you stand up on her shoulders.
You say this.
I want you to roll me a persuasion.
Actually, you can do performance if you want to, but I want you to roll me persuasion and
remember your bardic inspiration.
Yes, you do have bardic inspiration.
I'll do persuasion just because I have not good rolls tonight.
It doesn't matter.
Ten plus bardic.
Three.
That's a 13.
Wait, bardic is a D6.
Yeah, he's a higher level now.
We're going to take that three.
We'll take that three.
Baby, we'll take that three.
Alright, so it's a 13 in total.
So you stand up on her shoulders and say one more time what you're going to say.
I'm going to react to it.
Skylar, you beast!
Those services are no longer needed!
Hi.
Huh?
Those are services?
What about Agdawn?
He's a bitch.
Hey, look at him.
Getting manhandled by the tiefling.
What a bitch.
Fine.
You even hired him to be your steward?
He called himself a rabbit!
A rabbit!
They put their bows and stuff away.
And then almost all of them leave.
Except one of them.
Smaller.
Younger.
He's like got ruffled up fur.
His fur is kind of like dirty from the mud and the muck.
He hasn't been taken as well care of.
And he walks over across the planks and looks up at you and he's like...
Are you going to lead us now?
How about this?
Not you!
What?
Him!
Oh.
Have at it.
Oh, me?
Absolutely not.
You faintly disgraceful animals.
How hell no.
Maybe if you learned to read a book and out of joint civilized society instead of hanging out in the sticks,
robbing people, or shriveling people.
I don't know.
Don't bat an eye.
To robbery.
Okay.
Fine.
I will read a book.
For my family.
Just for you.
And he waddles off.
Yeah, family.
And then Agdon looks back and he's like, all right, so what do you want, man?
You gonna let me go?
What do you want?
I think for payment of the pain you've caused across the land,
in effort to bring vengeance to all that you have wronged,
I think we need to take you on a little walk to Lorna, your master.
Oh.
Well, Lorna's in Tether.
You can't get to Tether without a guide.
I don't know how to get there, but we can go to the Balvorna.
She's the hag here.
She's in the downfall.
I can take you there.
One hag to start off with will be good enough.
I think we'll see how you do, see how you behave.
And you know what?
Maybe you'll earn your freedom.
But for now, you are our prisoner.
We will respect you and we will feed you and make sure that you do not come to harm before justice is served.
Advantage or disadvantage?
And then I would like to speak to the heragon a little.
What do you say?
Listen, I know all you've done to me is take my new Kaleili, but this ukulele was given to me by my master.
And what I want to promise you now is if you ever resort back to your life of violence and robbery,
I will make sure the big red one kills you as painfully and as woefully as she possibly can.
I will do this.
Okay.
Can I roll intimidation for this?
Yes.
Yes, you may.
No, you roll intimidation and then I got something to add on to the end of it.
So, yeah.
Oh, shit.
That's a one.
Fuck.
He's like, fuck you.
I'm going to use my couch coin.
You're a little bitch.
You're going to do shit.
Okay, it's a 13.
13.
Okay.
Couch coin reroll.
It's like inspiration, everybody.
He's like, okay, I want to.
The big red lady scares me.
Well, it's good because I can tell you some stories about back in the day when people used to show me how to skin rabbits behind the shed.
Using violence.
Hanging them up by their toes, slowly skin them from the toes all the way down to the ears, ripping the skin off like a rubber glove, and then ripping it, slicing down the middle, ripping out all the insides, flipping it upside down, chopping the head off, feeding that to the pigs and then hooking the rest.
Roll me an inspiration to or an intimidation to there, Violet.
Go ahead.
I mean, you know, they ain't going to go my way, but all right.
I'm not.
I hope you remember.
Plus four is a 13.
Violet, you also have a friends.
It's a rabbit.
So you've like chill on the rabbit skinning talk.
Oh, no, I want to whisper this.
I'm whispering it at the hair and go.
Okay.
Like, we'll make it.
We're going to make it a whisper.
It was a 13.
Okay.
13.
He's like, all right, big lady.
You've taken you guys have taken this leader who was the most pompous, like confident guy who is zooming around, taking your stuff. You've beaten him down to the ground.
And now his head is down.
He's looking at his feet while he's walking.
He's scared.
He's captured.
You've got him.
He leads you up through all the walkways to his area where up there you can see not only a huge pile of carrots, but also a bunch of gold and like a throne that he was sitting at.
As we can see here, you guys search around the area for anything you can find.
It's worth anything.
Each one of you guys, roll me a perception.
Feast of.
What if they get nose out of skin of rabbit?
I've done it.
It's a 22 for me.
Nice.
You're 13.
Nice.
13.
Nice.
I think I got an 18.
Yeah, 18.
All right.
So on your 22, Reiner, the most important thing that you find is a map of downfall, which is the area where this hag lives.
It is a crudely drawn map that this harangoon gang has put together.
You find a full on map of downfall.
Whenever we get to downfall, if you want to know more about downfall or you want to roll to like an insider survival to see the direction that you might need to go, you will be getting an advantage on that roll because you have this map.
Okay.
I'm like the navigators.
That's cool.
You find a map with your 22.
There are also a bunch of trinkets kind of scattered about.
And if you guys want to take any of these that you find, you're more than welcome to.
Hold on.
Did we find the truffles?
Yes.
You find a bag of truffles.
They're like little mushroom truffles in a bag.
Let me see here.
Where is it?
Feywild trinkets.
Where are you?
Do you think we can call on Ven Kegel to transport the truffles back to the Goblin Lady?
It's up to Hopps if Hopps wants to do that.
It's up to Hopps.
Hopps has the connection to Ven Kegel.
Yes.
Okay.
You also find a, write these down if you want to ever use them, a silver hand mirror with a nymph shaped handle.
You find a salt shaker shaped like a tiny wizard's tower.
You find a large iron fingernail.
You find a ball and cup toy that plays a short victorious jingle whenever you get the ball to land inside of the cup.
And lastly, you find a tiny, unfurnished dollhouse sized for a fairy child.
I want that fingernail.
Yeah.
I'm already done.
Kind of like shared inventory.
You guys have these things.
Yay.
On top of that, you find 200 gold.
Cougar Slayer with 100 bits.
Thank you.
My cups is empty, but I'll give you.
Thank you, Cougar.
It's time to hydrate now.
Oh, yeah.
It is Tail Spire.
This is Tail Spire.
Indeed-a-le-dee.
See?
This is Tail Spire.
Okay.
That is what you find.
You guys, also there's a bunch of carrots all around.
Hopps has food for the whole night.
At this point right now, you guys have him as like a little slave.
All the Herring Gone folks have fucked off.
He knows the directions to downfall, which he will lead you to next time around.
But right now, you guys are going to gather around and set up camp amongst these tents
to rest for the night, because it is about nighttime now.
And we're going to kind of go through a nice little long rest session here.
Let me see.
So during this long rest, there's a little fire pit in the center of this log that has
like some spigots to cook like carrots and things on.
There are about eight or nine tents kind of scattered about that the Herring Gone were staying in.
And you guys are elevated way above the water, so you're kind of in a safe little area.
Is there anything specific you want to do during this long rest or anything you can give me role play-wise
so we can visualize what you're doing sitting around this fire as the night is rolling over?
Also, you guys don't have very much food.
So if someone wants to scavenge for food, unless everyone's going to eat carrots, that's what you've got.
I can scavenge for food because I can fly, so I don't have to wait around in the mucky muck to do this.
Very true. That is very true.
And I'll actually just prepare carrots.
I'll be roasting the carrots and preparing them for everybody.
And I would like to even though I have, in fact, scared the fuck out of this little this little bun,
I'm actually going to very graciously be like, here you go. Eat up.
It's going to be a long day tomorrow. Need you get your strength up.
It's going to be a complete emotional reversal from what it was like an hour and a half ago.
Am I going to spend like the whole time looking for food or do I have like time to rest by the fire?
You could also rest. You could also rest. This will be like before.
OK, well, while I'm resting by the fire, I'm going to sing a song about how much of a bitch that eggnog is.
Like right in front of him? OK.
But first, I want you to roll me a survival.
That is a 15.
That's a success. And then go on ahead and roll me a D10.
If I can find you want a D10. Yes, sir.
For what you find to eat. Say it is a nine.
All right. I could find it again, bro. It done disappeared.
Where are you? Hello. Oh, I know where it is. Sorry.
I know where it is. It's not. It's not that I went back a chapter like, oh, it's probably over there.
It's not back a chapter. It's a seven. Thanks for the seven there.
Also, Frog Toys got a seven. Nice.
OK, here's what you find, my friend, with your seven.
You find a small, flaky meat pie that is wrapped in a colorful cloth.
The pie is hearty and delicious. It's like a pot pie.
Oh, this is great. Are these grown here locally? Wow.
Yeah, it might have been left behind, but yeah, that's what you find.
Did I find it on this pot pie tree or? Yeah, it's a pot pie tree. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
All right. Now I'm going to close that.
Yes. Closing tail spire.
Well, I'm going to take that and share that with anybody else that say would like it,
because I only need a very small piece because I am likes a very small person, you know.
All right. I'll take whatever you don't eat. I know. I know.
Helios doesn't eat meat, so I'll take whatever you don't eat.
OK, now move on to the next bit. Hops, what do you do for your short rest here? Anything special?
You can just see me like laying halfway on a log with like carrot fingers, but it kind of looks like Cheeto fingers.
And like a little like beer belly of like carrot.
I'm so full. You filled yourself up. All right.
So I'll give him head scratches as he falls asleep. Nice. I love that.
I love that. I want to do this.
I want to set the scene here. I want to make it a little moody because there's one. Where are you?
I'm so sorry.
I cannot sleep. I cannot dream tonight.
I'm trying to find one single background that I know that we have because I've seen it before.
There it is. This is what I want.
There we go.
All right. I'm going to find that real quick. I saw dog butt down here. Yeah, there was a dog. I do have one of them.
I got one of them dog is.
Let's see what this sounds like. We're going to set the mood here.
It's pretty good.
All of you begin to relax and fall asleep.
It's actually been a while since you just had a nice good night's rest.
So all of you begin to doze off into your dreams, into sleep.
And in your dreams, each one of you has fantastical dreams, but
it isn't until Violet
in your dreams are visited by someone.
If it'll load.
She knows it's coming. You see that face?
And I don't remember what voice we agreed on, but I'm just going to do what comes out of my mouth. Here we go.
Thank you. Let me stone her. Yeah.
Bill and Ted's epic.
It's super like, dude, I literally closed tails fire. What's going on?
Sorry, everybody. Thanks for being patient.
Also, I may or may not have one of these coming in the mail.
I don't know.
Also, I may or may not have one of these coming in the mail.
Really? Yeah.
There we go. Thank God she's blushing. Yes, she is.
She may or may not have drawn this. Should let me resize it.
There we go. Is it here or is it too small? It's hidden.
OK, hopefully that'll just work. Stay.
In your mind, this capybara shows up.
Green eyes, big fluttering green wings, joint in hand.
In your dreams.
And as you're dreaming, you stand up and you're standing in a big field of green.
And he flutters over on his back. He looks at you and he's like.
Just saw it.
Hello. Hi. Hey.
How are things going?
Ah, interesting. It's weird being back here.
Dude, I bet. Violet, my guy.
Things are going good.
You're on the path of vengeance.
And that's where you should be.
Yeah. Yeah.
Don't take too deep of a deep of a talk.
You're going to you're going to ruin your throat.
It's a whole myth. You're right, dude.
We're in the realm of the fey reciprocity.
Took. Oh, no, I need to keep my wits about me.
We have a prisoner.
So you're on the search for the thing that you've lost on the path of vengeance.
You know, yeah.
Vengeance is tough.
Taking it out on those that, you know, deserve it, man.
Make sure you follow that path.
If you punish someone who is undeserving, you will break your oath, man.
And you don't want to fuck with that because then you're an oath breaking paladin.
And that's not. Oh, no.
I asked. I may may want.
You know, I'm on the path of vengeance because fuck my mom and my daddy.
They are right. They have a great so many things coming to him.
I tell you what. But I still believe in mercy where it's due.
Everybody deserves a little bit of mercy.
Yeah. Vengeance is good.
So look, the advice I'll give you here in the Feywild is you're on the right path.
You must go to downfall.
You must either persuade or kill the hag that roams this realm.
You need to find a guide, my guy, like.
Like you?
Sorry. Mouth is dry. No.
There's someone else out here, man, that can guide you to tither.
That's where you're out to next.
Just keep an eye out.
You got it. I'll keep both eyes out.
I got I got two of them.
It's just so good to see you again.
Yeah. What was my name?
That's a great question, Court of Chaos.
That's true, chat.
That's a great question, Court of Chaos.
What is this Capybara fairy stoner's name?
Yeah, man.
What's my name?
So if you guys don't know, Violet is actually has a background
that makes them have a Feywild visitor when they sleep, a guidance kind of person.
And this is the creature that they chose.
Dom Toretto. Fuck right off.
Don't you give me family.
Don't you fucking Pibliobledle.
Nice. Toki. I love that.
You get to pick, though. You get to pick.
Oh, my God. Can it actually be two of them?
Fairy Barra. Yeah, you can pick whatever you want.
Could it be Toki Fairy Barra?
Yeah. But wait, Connor might get a first intellect.
OK. Smokechew. Nice.
Tiddlywinks. Love that.
No, this is this is Smokechew.
Smokechew. Nice.
Now, as your guide, Toki Fairy Barra, I'm here if you have any questions.
You can meditate, man. I'll come. I will help you.
Whatever. The last advice I'll give you before I finish my joint, my guy.
Your Herringon friend seems to have some kind of connection with these guides.
He knows. He's seen it.
Talk to him about it, man.
I don't know. He might know, though.
He's got a connection to this world, whether this fucking asshole knows it or not.
I'll keep that in mind when he's not too jumped up on crystals.
Good. Any other questions?
What happens when I complete my vengeance?
Do I retire or does it?
I mean, I could keep defending the wicked, but what about my own personal? If I if I succeeded in that, what do I do then?
Well, I guess time will tell, dude. I'm in.
Everyone changes.
Thank you, Toki.
You're welcome. Now, for now, let's enjoy the stars together, my guy.
That sounds lovely.
Yeah. You know, there's a big one, man, that like looks like a spoon.
Oh, yeah, I could see that. Yeah, it kind of looks like a big old ladle for stew.
Yeah.
But how many cornflakes you think you could fit in that spoon?
Oh, I bet like a couple thousand easily.
I bet. I bet.
Good show. You know, I used to like study astronomy, man.
There's like so much cool shit out there. Other worlds.
Sidequest world, you know.
What about what about those three over there?
They said I heard that was called like a belt or something, or is that just lazy writing on the effect of astronomers?
I don't know. I heard it was called the belt as well.
Could be more. It just seems seems lazy.
So I'm going to say you rest with your capybara friend and talk over the course of the night.
You reflect on everything you've been through and that, my friends, so we kind of in the night.
Thank you, other two boys, for hanging out with us throughout that little shenanigan there.
But that's where we're going to end it. Yeah.
Everyone here watching on YouTube or Spotify, thank you so much for checking us out for real.
Please subscribe or rate the show on Spotify.
We don't ask for that kind of stuff enough, but we really do appreciate it because we do work hard around here with our costumes and our overlays and other kinds of stuff.
So thank you so much for hanging out. Everyone here live, part of the couch, part of the crew.
Thank you all so much for hanging out with us. Yeah.
Family, we're going to get out of costume and then we're going to come right back and we're going to do our what we like to call our short rest, which is our 10 minute kind of breakdown where we're going to talk about the show and the stream tonight.
Answer any questions and just hang out and talk with you all and chat because we don't get a lot of time to do that while we're role playing.
And honestly, we kind of always miss it a lot. So we're going to come back for our short rest.
Oh, no. She sneezed inside of the mask, you guys.
Oh, no. Not good. Not good.
So we're going to come back for a short rest. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back for that stuff.
If you have any questions for these guys about their characters, about the story, about the show, about how they're feeling, whatever the fuck, literally anything, save it.
Because when we come back, we're going to answer all of those questions.
Can I Scott? Thank you so much for hanging out, buddy. Good to see you, by the way. I see you in chat earlier, although I didn't say hi. So hi and goodbye.
We'll be right back. So don't go anywhere. Appreciate you guys. All right.
That's right, baby.
I know next week.
I don't have show next week. What am I supposed to tell them?
The week after that.
Two weeks. Find out in two weeks. If Helios pops, finds what's going on with this hair gone.
Will Violet get the vengeance that she needs?
And then will Raina be able to put his Raina in somebody else's Raina?
Find out in two weeks.
On Sunday for love death and dice.