Hello, one and all, and welcome back to your favorite Dungeons and Dragons show.
Or not.
Love, Death, and Dice!
This is The Wild Beyond, episode two.
Yes.
And tonight, I will be your, I don't know, dungeon master.
DM Turk, of course.
And I'm here with three of my favorite friends, people that I love rolling dice with, doing
the fucking thing that I love doing the most in the whole entire world, my friends down
here.
Hello.
Hi everyone, I'm Connor.
I'm going to be playing Reiner this season, the overly sexual German guy.
Und ja.
Hi everybody, I'm Perodius.
I'm going to be playing Violet the tiefling Paladin.
I'm Fishy and I'll be playing your crack-tart-terrie-tart-terr-tart-terr-terr-terr-terr-terr-terr-ter-terr-terr-terr-terr-terr-terr-ter-terr.
He's got a self muting.
He's got a self bleeping ability.
So I'm another super fucking fun recap intro tonight that we will be playing that was made
by Spiced.
Here we go everybody.
Cheers, friends.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Cheers.
Thank you guys for being here.
Cheers buddies.
Hell yeah, dude.
It's recap time, everybody.
Let's do this thing.
I mean, intro and recap time.
Whatever.
New shit.
Run the intro, baby.
Hello everybody.
Welcome to Paul Vo's Playback, aka the PP Show, right here underneath the Grouch Couch.
I am Paul Vo, P-O-L-VO, and I am the dust bunny that lives underneath the Grouch Couch.
I see everything, so I'll tell you everything.
Today we are going to be going over Love, Death, and Death, The Wild Beyond.
Look at me, I'm in the Feywild.
So let's meet our characters.
First up, we have Connor as Reiner.
Next we have Kate, aka Children of Proteus, as Violet.
And then we have Fishy as…
What the fuck?
Well, it looks like Dr. Hopps is trying to copy my luck.
And so we start out with our heroes finding out that the Feywild Queen Ziblina has gone
missing.
And so now we have to go find her in the Feywild.
However, we're not in the Feywild, I think.
We're not in the right…
We're not in the right Feywild…
The Feywild?
Listen.
And so we head to this carnival because we're trying to find a portal to the Feywild.
It makes sense, I promise.
Heroes must now find a way to increase the happiness of the carnival to be crowned the
witch-like monarch and win an audience with the carnival owners.
How do you think they're going to do that?
It's kind of important because the carnival owners are the only ones who know how to open
the Feywild.
How convenient.
It's like when the fire alarm goes off in an apartment and no one can find whoever has
the key.
You know that fucking inconvenience?
Anyway, that's what we're into right now.
And now you're all caught up with what happened last week on Love, Death, and Dice.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of Povo's Playback and if you didn't, the complaint
box is the motherfucking trashcan.
Shut the fuck up.
Well, hello everybody.
Welcome to Povo's Playback.
Pretty good.
Pretty fucking good, dude.
You're at the fucking Dice Party, Cagnota Hands!
I swear to God, I'm not going to let you go.
I'm not going to let you go.
You're at the fucking Dice Party, Cagnota Hands!
Pretty good, dude.
I, uh, Spice Dunn fucking killed it on these things.
Literally they are killing it and I'm just like, holy shit, man.
You know, they're just coming up with this shit and I'm just fucking eating it up, dude.
Like, nom nom nom, so good.
The cutest dust bunny in the whole world.
That's right.
But don't talk shit to Povo because they'll tell you to fucking go eat it, apparently.
Yeah.
So thanks to Spice.
If you guys haven't already, make sure to go give Spice a follow on their Twitch channel.
They deserve all the love.
They are super fucking talented and they fucking deserve it, right?
And you can always find that link in our description here on Twitch.
Now, um, we're going to get back into the story here, you guys.
Hello, Rhino.
Yes.
Hello, Violet.
Hi.
Hello, Helios Hops.
Good to see you guys.
Yes.
Welcome back.
Oh, that was, that was a burp.
Okay.
That looks spicy.
As we last left off, you three, of course, we're heading to the big top for the big event.
Tonight's wonderful event.
You got a little bit of information, you see, you need to find a way to be able to get an
audience with the owners of the carnival, Mr. Witch and Mr. Light.
So you can leave Intoxica and get into the portal to the Feywild to be able to find the
Feywild Queen and find your missing things.
So you've been adventuring around the whole carnival, playing some games, making some
skill checks, having some fun.
Even Dr. Hops themselves managed to drug up and then buy a snail by the name of Zubulba.
I have not forgotten about Zubulba.
Zubulba!
Yes.
So the goal now is to increase the happiness of the carnival so the crowning of the Wishlight
Monarch can commence and in hopes that one of you will be able to become the Witchlight
Carnival to win the audience with you.
Gift an item!
Eww!
Reiner gets a random item.
We'll start off with that.
Oh, I get the item.
It is me.
Look at me.
I have an item.
Looks at him.
I will shuffle.
All right.
You tell me when to stop.
Here, Suni.
Send me your good luck through your screen.
I have a Reiner.
I have a Reiner item.
Okay, stop.
That's enough shuffling.
You do this too much.
Oh, the Aetherspear.
It's the Aetherspear?
The Aetherspear, yes.
It's the Aetherspear.
I remember this actually.
This is an old item.
Do you want me to keep it?
Do you want me to reshuffle?
This is a spear that can slip through the ethereal plane to reach its destination.
You get a plus two bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this bad boy, which deals
force damage instead of piercing.
And when you take the attack action with the spear, you can choose a point that you can
see within 20 feet, and the tip of the spear vanishes and reappears at that point, allowing
you to make melee attacks with this spear against a creature in or adjacent space 20
feet away.
You ignore half cover with these attacks and treat three-quarters covers of half cover.
You could use a bonus action to see 60 feet into the ethereal plane as well for one minute.
I would like to not take this because, you know, I'm not like about the sharp weapons
and such.
If it was like, you know, the ethereal dildo, I might take this, but...
Would you like to re-flavor this text?
We can re-flavor this item.
We can re-flavor this item to be ethereal dildo?
If you want, ethereal.
Okay.
I would do this.
Yeah.
All right.
But Suni gave you the item, so Suni has to give us the okay on it.
All right.
You get the spear or you can re-flavor it, but it's up to Suni.
The ethereal strap on.
That's it.
Do it.
All right.
We got the okay.
There you go.
I'll send you a follow-up.
So you can penetrate from 20 feet away.
You could penetrate from 20 feet away.
I'm terrified.
Yeah.
Okay.
Here we go.
The roof of the tent in front of you reaches towards the night sky in three swooping peaks
topped with spinning gold stars.
Painted wooden panels on tent walls whirl with colorful motion, displaying vibrant circus
performances.
You can hear the sound of music and laughter drifting throughout the canvas door.
Each three of you step closer to the tent and the whiffs of smoke come out.
The smell of farm animals fills your nostrils.
As you step inside of this large tent, you can see people all taking their seats.
Of course, you see Nikki Midnight over in the corner by the stage sitting with their
legs crossed.
You look over and you see John Wayne Gacy laughing to himself by the stage talking to
a stage hand.
As you step inside, you can see stands to go all the way around where people are sitting.
But off to the left, there's a small little wooden stand that says signups for performances.
What do you guys do?
Have to sign up for a performance?
Hell yeah.
I guess I will sign up for this performance, you know, since it's like my duty as a bard
to like perform.
So I'm going to do this as well.
Hell yeah.
Let me see here.
You approach the stand and standing behind the stand is a burly ogre and on his head
sits a pumpkin that has little eyes cut out and he holds a little squirrel in his hand
and he looks at you three and he's like, you like to set up to do a performance?
You sign up.
That'd be lovely, thank you.
All right.
He like scoots papers towards you guys and it just says like name and what you're going
to be doing.
Just like, what are you performing?
He's like, write it down.
Send you back.
Okay.
I guess we will fill out this.
I like your friend, by the way.
Your friend is nice.
He's a her name.
If y'all know me in the joke, I've been telling recently my brain immediately went Frodo.
No, but we're going to allow chat to name the little pet squirrel chat.
So if you want to use the name of thing command, give out the name to the squirrel.
But he's like, well, my name's Burley.
I've been working at the carnival a long time.
What was your name?
I am Reiner.
I'm the bird, but like a fairy, you know, so it's like cool kind of.
They're a cool bird.
The kind of cool bird fairy.
I look forward to your performance.
World's name secret squirrel.
Skitsy fuzzy bridges.
There we go.
Certifiable.
That's what I'm talking about.
It is.
It fucking is.
But Cashew is so cute.
Can we take Cashew fuzzy britches?
You okay with that chat?
I think we have to.
I like it.
His name is Cashew fuzzy britches.
Is my pet squirrel.
Good.
Can I can I like, can I like hold out my hand to like, can I can I hold him?
He opens his hand like this.
You're a tiny fairy, Reiner.
The squirrel is going to need two of your hands to be able to hold it.
Not one.
Even still, it's going to be a little big in your hands.
But the squirrel's butchers like a cat like twitches.
And then he looks down at the squirrel and he's like, it's okay Cashew.
If he hurts you fucking smash him.
And then the little tiny squirrel hops out of his hands and lands in your big old hand.
And his tail is just like.
Oh, yes.
You got the big belly.
Yes.
Good.
Good Cashew.
Yes.
It's a big belly.
It's a big belly Cashew.
Oh, good.
Good Cashew.
But I love every bit of that.
It's just so wholesome.
And it makes me happy.
I did it.
Pretty pretend squirrels.
I'm going to hand the squirrel back to Mr. Burley.
Hops over into Burley's hand.
But before he does, he turns and his big old poofed out cheeks and just like releases like
this acorn that's just like covered in spittle into your hand.
And then goes back into his hand.
He's like, it looks like Cashew's giving you a gift.
Oh, thank you Cashew.
I will make good use of it later.
All right.
You guys decided what you're going to be performing.
Look, you know, I don't really need to know.
But you can proceed.
What about the rabbit?
Burley, can you go ahead and write my name down?
No, I can't read rat.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sorry about that, Violet.
I'm sorry about that.
How do you spell your name?
You don't even know.
Violet.
You look and he spelled it like D-I-A-L-I-G-H-T.
Violet.
That seems right.
What about your bunny friend?
Are you going to perform?
He moral supporter.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I mean, you're too well for the crowds.
He did.
He did his maximum performance earlier tonight.
He won the snail race.
And oh, that's right.
You said Boba.
Oh, that's good.
I was voting for his bubble.
He was the fastest snail, clean and sober, I always say.
That snail never any kind of drug enhancing, nothing ever.
And he was the best.
Get the muncher, you muncher.
Yeah, he was the best.
OK, well, then you could take a seat over there.
And come on, Boba.
He's with you now.
I'll take it.
That's fine.
You go over and sit down.
I've got him.
He's mine.
With the Boba on the stands.
And you two go to the back.
Now, there's like this kind of like a dark area just full of like stuff.
And then you walk past it to these stairs with this little lights coming through and
you step up the stairs into like a behind the stage kind of curtain area.
And there's this little gnome.
As soon as you step up, he's holding a clipboard.
He's got this fancy hat on and he's like, he's got his little like, I imagine he has
a microphone thing, but those don't exist here, so maybe she's like a stick over his
ears, like a stick.
And he's like, OK, well, we do require you guys are performing.
Yes, yes, both of you together, separate, doesn't matter.
Now, if you're going to be performing here at the Witchlight Carnival on the stages,
we do require that everyone wears something whimsical and funny.
So we've got a whole bunch of stuff over here.
Go over there and you will be assigned whatever you're going to wear during this performance.
You two, both of you, go ahead.
Show me a D8, this book provides us with a roll chart.
You'll be forced to wear whatever it is.
I was going to say, I got a whole room full of costumes.
I can go pick something.
All right, stick with the sending stone.
I got a six.
Six and a three.
So a six.
That's a three.
You get a pair of stilts and long, bright purple trousers that will probably make you
talking to ten feet.
We need to file it.
Oh, yeah.
So they're ten feet tall stilts.
They will probably make you ten feet tall, but you get a pair of stilts.
So they're only four foot stilts.
Yeah, they're only three foot stilts.
They're tiny stilts.
OK, then they're big stilts.
How big do you think these stilts are?
Well, normal stilts.
Normal stilts are about eight feet tall.
OK, so you'll be like 17 feet tall.
You got it.
All right.
Sounds good.
And then on a three, Rhina, you get a casket of different kinds of costume jewelry that
you must put on.
All plastic fake shit.
You guys grab your items and you step forward into a dressing room.
Now this dressing room is a scene of colorful clutter.
There are tables strewn with makeup kits and glass jewelry.
There are mirrors trimmed with glowing orbs of light and chests and drawers of wardrobe
stuffs and garments.
And there's a line of people waiting to go out to perform and a couple of gnomes kind
of going around, kind of pushing everybody and kind of organizing everything.
How the hell are you going to put on your shoes?
You look so fancy, Rhina.
He does.
Oh, thank you.
You clean up so nice.
You'd never know you're a degenerate.
No, you would not, because I do not look, you know, this is not me, but it is flashy.
It could catch the eye.
Maybe.
Maybe I get laid tonight.
DC.
I would like you the first role tonight.
I really just want you to make me a dexterity acrobatics check to see if you can get on
these stilts or at least how well you do it in front of everyone watching.
You are an experienced carny, but.
21.
That's a natural 20.
All right.
Tell us how you do it.
I'm a natural carny.
You know, fuck.
There's everybody not 20.
All right.
First thing.
First things first, I'm going to find me a chair or a ledge, like on the side of the
stage area where I can sit down.
I'm going to strap them.
We're strapping them from we're planting our feet firmly on the little planchette that
comes out.
We're strapping them to our calves.
And then we do a little lift off from from our forearms and we just push ourselves up
with momentum and we swing right up and we stand up, start straight and we are reaching
for the sky.
Yeah, like like inside of the tent.
The tent has like swoops, you know what I mean?
So like if you walk the wrong way, you're going to be inside of the swoop and having
to like push it out of the way as you walk.
For sure.
OK.
So you guys in this line, as is that, by the way, some of the gnomes and everyone do see
this happen and they clap.
They're like, wow, big lady.
Oh, you know, you all miss me.
Yeah.
There are a couple of different acts that are going out in front of you and they do.
So they start calling them out.
There is a Seder fiddler whose music causes dancing plants to burst from the ground.
Oh, you suck.
There is a goblin juggler who catches and throws tiny objects tossed by the crowd over
to her, up to eight objects at a time.
Hops would be thinking about that one.
You're the one in the crowd.
So I'm feeding off you right now.
Can I throw can I like throw something like fucked up inside of that rotation?
Yes, if you have something.
I mean, it's sort of like a divination crystal.
Somebody was juggling.
Welcome to the nerd herd.
You dang nerd.
No audio just popped into say hey, hey.
Everybody wave to me town.
Because they have given nine.
I throw a lit candle into his juggling act.
Yeah, I'll make a I'll make a roll too.
We'll see.
We'll call it a DC 15 as you throw this lit candle.
That's an eight.
So yeah, no, it fucks him up.
And he's hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot,
things go falling on the ground.
Hot, hot, hot, hot.
Boom.
Last one is a bunch of pixies that set up a little racetrack on the stage and they're
racing chariots that are pulled by little weasels.
There's eight of them in a row and they allow the crowd to bet on who they think is going
to win the race and all the pixies just run around racing for a while.
Hopps is not interested.
Can I throw stuff on the track?
Throws another lit candle on the fucking.
What are you going to throw?
I was going to throw it because I have like crossbow bolts, like kind of like land darts
from like afar.
Sure.
But why don't you roll day?
I don't know about that.
It's a 14.
Nice.
Sure.
If you totally hit one of the weasels and it's like and the little chariot goes.
I'm going to forget myself.
Now the gnome comes over as they're cleaning up and you could see the little pixies crying
over the death of their weasels.
They dragged the body out.
Welcome to the nerd herd.
You dang nerd.
Another world.
Grouch couch forever.
I did the world.
Thank you.
Another world five ever.
Yeah.
Happy late birthday story.
Dad.
Cheers, bud.
I know I got to play some mungus with him.
Oh, hell yeah.
Oh, hey there.
I told him my piss on his grave.
Nice.
Um, he said they're cleaning everything up.
Little gnome comes to you to.
Cheers.
But here's buddy.
Yeah, man.
Oh, yeah, man.
He's like, which one of you guys is going up first?
You guys are next.
You going together?
Is it one of you?
Is it two of you?
Yeah, it's one each.
OK.
Doing.
Ryan, are you want to do high roll low roll?
See who wins and whoever gets higher goes first.
OK, we can do this.
I bet you I'm higher than all of you.
All right.
D20 is is roll for it.
I have said nine.
I got the four.
You go.
OK, I guess I go first.
Right.
You step out onto the stage and as you step out, the crowd is quiet.
They wait for you to say something.
Going to start playing the ukulele.
And as I do, I'm slowly going to float off the ground.
I'm going to take the material out of my pocket and shove it backwards.
It's going to appear in his mouth.
That's not a good thing.
Pallywags.
Oh, another world gifted us on the Pallywags.
Oh, dude.
Sorry, Dad.
He is always higher than everyone.
You have to roll to hit Reiner with the dildo.
You have to roll the hit.
So whatever his AC is.
Oh, wait, hold on.
It's a 10.
But what I didn't use the dexterity to do it.
It's strength, actually, because it's a male.
Oh, strength.
The ethereal point.
Oh, OK.
So it's a nine.
I mean, I imagine there's someone sitting next to him, you know, like a goblin.
He's like, oh, advantage.
Disadvantage.
Did he go?
Did he go sit next to Nicky Midna?
Where did you sit?
Where did you sit, Dr. Hobbs?
Oh, wait.
He gave me.
He gave me advantage.
Disadvantage.
So I roll again.
And you get a reroll.
Yeah.
So you roll twice and take the higher one.
OK.
That's a one or a five.
So it's a five. Yeah.
So you hit a goblin next to him and he's like, hey, where did I come from?
Where did I come from?
What the?
How it's going to violent.
Hey.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
OK.
Anyways, what do you perform?
Yeah.
Well, do you want me to actually do it or do you just want me to say what I do?
It's totally a Hobbs gets one.
Nice.
It's totally up to you.
If you want to perform and do it, then maybe chat will help you.
But if you want to just say what you do and then roll me performance, you can also do that too.
I'm going to sing the love song.
All right.
Yeah.
I only do one verse that way.
This doesn't take forever.
My baby don't mess around because she loves me so and there's a no for sure.
But she really wanted and I can't stand to see me walk through the door.
Don't try to fight the feeling because the thought alone is killing me right now.
Thank God for mom and dad is sticking together because we don't know how.
Yeah.
My roses performance.
Yes.
Now, chat, you want to help me better help them.
So I would like to cast bless from the audience.
You get to add a day for.
Oh, the first cleric bless.
Oh, no.
Add a default.
Only the sticks.
It's a six plus six.
You have six or minus one.
So it's a 12.
You get a plus one from chat makes a 13 and you get a disadvantage and you get a D for from Dr.
Hopps is cleric less.
OK, so I get to default and advantage and a real.
They really love that.
Everyone wants to help.
OK, start from the top.
Just reroll it with advantage.
So I'm sorry.
Oh, my God.
OK.
No, no, no.
Oh, well, it was 18 twice.
So it's 18 plus your six, which makes it a 24 plus one makes it a 25.
And you get to roll the default.
That's a three, the 28 on your performance.
And the crowd goes wild.
Some of them are tearing.
There's like the goblin that you accidentally shove the dildo into the mouth of.
They're like crying, just rubbing their jaw, but like clapping.
The whole crowd is just like super happy.
Like everyone loved it.
And as the song finishes, the large fireflies scoot up their butts and the lights go out.
You walk to the back and the gnomes like, wait, wait, before I walk off during during the cheering,
is there anybody in the audience that I can like see is like.
Sexualized by my performance.
Let me see.
Hold on.
Yes, there is.
I want to give you a random race.
I'm going to say there's a Loxodon, which is an elephant woman.
Who is.
Very happy with your performance.
She is very huge.
Well, OK, I'm going to see this and I want to use my serial dildo and just like.
Point it and then hopefully it will appear like next to her cheek and like I can slowly like caress her cheek with it.
Oh, here's the thing with the serial deal, the ethereal dildo.
You're going to have to roll the hit to make it do what you want it to do.
And I'm rolling with strength or dexterity.
This doesn't make sense.
I'm trying to make this soft and like gentle.
I know, but it's that's the whole thing.
It's a male. I'm still doing it.
It's a 12. Nice.
OK, you do what you do.
I'm going to roll DC on that and it rubs her cheek and she looks at you and he's like.
And then I walk off the stage.
She watches you the whole way.
And the little gnome back there is like, Oh, goodness, I didn't.
That was probably one of the best performances I think we've had in a while.
And you see the glint and the gnome's eyes kind of gets brighter and his smile gets a little bigger.
And all of the fireflies in this back room start to shine a little brighter and buzz around.
The magic feels thicker, happier, heavier.
Yes, I know this is good performance, but like, is there like a sign seating in here?
Like you pay for the tickets that you sit in an assigned seat or you can sit anywhere.
You can sit anywhere you want to sit. That's fine.
OK, I'm going to sit next to the Loxodon lady now.
OK, you go off the back, sit down next to it, looks at you.
You walk past Violet, of course, and then she she looks at you and she's like, Oh, hey.
And then and then, you know, while I'm waiting for the next performance,
you can just see me like putting my hand in and out of an ethereal portal.
Oh, she's sitting there and she's like. Who knew there'd be fistfucking at the carnival?
Actually, everybody knows there's fistfucking at a carnival.
That's a lot. There's always fistfucking at the carnival.
Every carnival I've ever been to has fistfucking, never mind.
Yeah, every carnival I've ever been to. Who said it was mine fist?
It's going to be, you know, the same.
The same. Yes.
Oh, we know. Yeah, we do.
BBEG incoming. Yeah. Big bad evil girl. OK.
As you're doing that, the gnome looks at you now, Violet,
standing 17 feet tall on your stilts. And he's like, OK, big lady, it's your turn.
You have to follow up that asshole. Good luck.
Yeah, I usually have to follow him up anyway.
While I've been backstage, I've been hiking up my dress on the side to show off some leg.
We're bringing out the gams.
Now, one of these we're going to have to use our imagination for,
because the prop I ordered for it didn't come in time.
And I was hoping either it would be like here yesterday or next.
We would just do this next week, but that's all right. We can use our imaginations. OK.
Well, you walk out on stage with your big old stilts and the crowd is quiet,
except for a weirdly excited Loxodon you can see off to the side that Ryan are sitting next to.
She's just in the crowd.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, I was laughing at Hoffs.
That's OK. Violet, what do you do?
Well, hi there, Intoxica. You thought the big lady couldn't get any bigger.
Well, here I am back is requested after eight long years in retirement.
What's up, y'all? Yeah.
Nikki Midnight's like, hey, I know her.
And the crowd is like, is it the strong lady?
There's like murmurs all across the whole crowd.
Is that the strong lady? I know. What? That's the strong lady.
Now, we'll start off with something nice and easy.
You know the drill. We'll start off with something nice and light.
We'll take, let's see, this thousand pound weight on the floor here.
And I'm going to take my stilt and kick it up in the air and catch it in my hand.
I love that. I love that so much.
To catch it, we're going to do a sleight of hand check to catch it, which is a dexterity.
You can just click sleight of hand on there.
And then after that, we'll do a strength to see if you can then hold it.
I would like to press.
You get a D4 from Ops.
Oh, thank you.
I'm probably going to say that was a six.
That's no good.
And then it was a D4. I think I would like to do some bardic inspiration at this point.
So her performance, you know, does it suffer?
And it was a D4 from Hopps, he said.
Yeah.
You could cast bardic. If you want to, Reiner, you could use one of your bardic inspiration points.
Cast bardic for her. I'm going to lose one of your points, but then she also gets a 1D6 to add.
So that's a D4, which makes it a seven in total.
And that's a two from that six.
That's a nine in total.
Makes it a nine, which isn't good enough.
But what do you do to activate this bardic there, Reiner?
You know, if you are trying to lift something heavy, I imagine you play something along the lines of heavy metal.
So I'm just, you know, I can't exactly play that on this.
So I'm just singing it like, you know, lift that shit because it's really heavy.
Lift that shit because it's really heavy.
Something like this that I sing.
Okay, so you kick it up and you try to grab it and you miss and it falls down on the ground and it kind of dents the stage a little bit.
And the whole crowd's like, oh.
And then you bend with your stilts all the way down and you're just going to lift it.
So there's no shenanigans here.
But now you can make me the strength check to just lift it.
All right.
And you can do a 1D6 if you have not already used it.
Oh, I already used it.
Oh, God, this is like this last season all over again.
Oh, 16.
That's last for 10 minutes, isn't it?
So that's another day for.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
So it's a 17.
Nice.
You lifted above your head and the crowd's like, yeah, that's a strong woman.
We know that's a strong woman.
And then if you want to, you could do something with the weight and Romeo performance if you want to.
Yeah, you could twist it around, do cool shit like that and then Romeo performance.
You got it.
It's all good.
Is this like is this like the sword swallowing?
Is she going to swallow the weight?
Can you imagine?
Yeah, you imagine.
That's a five.
So everyone's not like super impressed by the performance, but they were impressed by the fact that you lifted it all in the first place.
And then once you're still spinning it around, you see this large red hook come out on stage.
I know I grab you and get you off like, oh, you wait just to see him trying to get you.
You're going to die.
And I just hook the weight at it.
It's a little gnome with the stick.
Sure.
Roll to hit just the hook.
This is the hook.
It's just.
Yeah.
All right.
And he's like, no, it's time.
You got to get off stage.
It's not one more thing we're going to do.
One more thing.
I promise, Nikki.
I promise, Nikki, a little thing.
And this is the thing I thought I wish I had the prop for.
I may or may not have bought a foam melon to crush that didn't come in time.
Oh, no.
That would have been awesome.
OK, we're going to do the same thing.
Then you go and crush a melon with your thighs on stilts.
Yeah.
Bad ass.
You're going to roll me a strength.
Y'all better help me out.
Say that again, Hopps.
I want to get in the splash zone.
You get off the stage.
Yeah.
And true Nikki sees you.
Nikki follows.
You pull out the melon and Nikki's like, is that what I think it is?
And she's like, it's to me as if she brought that melon like she said she was going to.
This is very exciting.
Dr. Hopps.
Have you seen anything like this ever done before?
Oh, yeah.
Guess who's this?
Well, no.
I mean, there was a one time Rainer in the bar, but I don't think that counts.
Yeah, I don't know if that counts.
I'm very excited.
I don't think so.
Right in front of the stage looking at you.
Roll me that.
Roll me that strength while you hold this melon in between.
All right.
Help me out there if this is a shit roll.
This is the important one.
Jesus.
Come on.
We cannot have bad luck for Proteus two campaigns in a row.
We cannot.
This is like three campaigns in a row, except for that one episode in season one.
That thank you for one episode.
Oh, there we go.
It's a 20 dirty 20s.
And you get the D for from bless.
Remember that if you need it, why don't you hold on to that advantage for the next one?
All right.
OK.
You squish that dirty 20.
You're holding it in between your thighs and the tilts are kind of getting off kilter, but you're holding balance here and experience Carney.
And you got that Melanie between your thighs and you're just squeezing it and it starts to crack and seeds pop out.
And one of them hits Nicky midnight in the face and they grab it and they're like, oh, and then you just keep squeezing.
And then all the juices come out and it's like all over the ground and your whole dress is just wet right in the front.
But you look down and the whole crowd is just shock and awe.
It's the melon has been splooshed.
I want you to say one final line when it explodes and roll me a performance.
You get one.
Give me a one liner.
You know, now that's what we do in the country, friends.
This is awakening something in me.
Oh, no.
Oh, fuck me, man.
Well, you have advantage from fog toys.
So, oh, hell yeah.
Yeah, just pretending I'm the melon.
We all are.
It's not much better before before from bless.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, it's not great.
People aren't mad.
They're like, yeah, country.
Got it. Got it.
And the hook comes back out and kind of grabs you and pulls you on in with it.
I want to scoop some of that mashed up melon off the stage.
I just like sit back down with it.
Start eating it.
Nice.
You're like looking like a rabid bunny with red stains all over your mouth.
Yeah.
As this finishes, you can see that everyone in the crowd is happy.
They're a little bit more happy than the way whenever you came in.
You're a little bit more excited than you were whenever you came in.
Both of your collective performances did pretty well.
I mean, everyone seems to be having a good time.
You can feel the magical energy.
There's like sparkles and flickers in the air just from the energy of the
witch like carnival, like maybe coming through from the Fay energy.
You can feel it.
And as you do, you can see.
You can see the little gnome comes out on stage and he's like, OK, everyone,
we have one more performance for you tonight.
And this is the one we always do.
So we're just getting it ready back there and everything should be fine.
And then.
As he says, everything should be fine.
Everything's going to be good.
Another gnome comes running out on stage, like screaming and like running.
And he jumps off the stage and keeps running.
And then following the gnome comes a lion.
And lands on the stage and the other one goes, oh, oh, no.
And he runs over to the side and tries to grab like some meat out of this
thing, but knocks it over.
And the lion just like jumps out on the stage and roars at everyone.
And then from the back comes a baboon wearing a top hat.
He's like, and he like jumps up on the curtains and starts pulling them down.
When we get back, we're going to roll initiative on this chaos.
But we are going to take a quick five minute break after our performance is here.
Oh, thanks. I love the new emotes. Hell, yeah.
We're going to take a quick five minute break before we come back to rest our
faces and grab some more drinks and what have you.
That's right.
But before we go, we're going to do a thing we always do run here called
thumbnail poses.
And as you can see, we have been making GIFs and emotes and other kinds of
stuff.
So if you guys have an idea, not only for a static pose, but as for a GIF or
something that you want me to make from these things here, please throw them
out into chat and these guys will do their best to pose as those things.
All right.
Let me scoot you over.
I want to get you all singular here.
There we go.
Whoo.
Yes.
Carnival chaos.
What are we going to do?
I don't know.
Who knows?
Well, each one of you do me a pose like a like a.
All right.
We'll get to that one.
Everyone do me a pose like a disappointed face.
Like, no.
But do it like as in like a GIF.
You know what I mean?
Over and over.
I can't change my face.
I don't.
It's really good.
Pretty good.
All right.
Now strong woman pose for violet.
Let's go.
You got to take a step back so we can get it full frame.
And then do the flex though, like like turn it into a GIF.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
We'll be right back in a couple of minutes, everybody.
I'm going anywhere.
You're mine, but fuck the clown.
Try to get me.
I'm going anywhere.
I will still file our
town.
Try you can do anything.
If you put it in your mind, but fuck the clown.
I was just stolen Fisher's back.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome back to
know. There's wild, there's wild shit. That's crazy. You don't say that about produce! That's right!
Yeah, I have high quality produce that I squashed between my thighs.
That was pretty cool comment, sorry. Distraction! As we left off,
you guys just were about to get into a battle as we can see. Here we are. Here we are, everyone.
This is our battle map as we can see. So we're going to be rolling initiative.
Gonna be good. But as we can see, we've got Violet here on the stage still. This is the lion that
we've got here. This is Witchlight Hand. These are the two gnomes that we're actually helping out.
This Witchlight Hand over here on this side is actually next to what looks to be a like lion
like feeding bin. It's got a bunch of like meat in it. This is an elephant that also left its
cage but it seems to just be confused. Doesn't know what's going on. Now up here we've got Reiner
who was sitting next to a Loxodon and we've got Mr. Hobbs. Yes, and this is the baboon that is
swinging from the curtains and he's up near you. He's wearing a crazy top hat and this is where
we are at. So right now I'm gonna need each one of you guys to roll me some initiative chat.
We're getting into battle. It's the first actual battle of the campaign if you can. Spam the chat
with emotes. Let's see them. It's the first battle. Very, very, very, very exciting. Now Violet,
what's your initiative? Yeah, I got an 18. You got an 18. All right. I have an eight. Yeah,
and you rolled it in D&D Beyond so add it here. Dr. Hobbs got a 10. And a 14.
Five.
Looked it twice. Is it rolling over there? It's not rolling over there. That's fine.
Virtual tabletop not found. Fuck right off. What about now then?
Sorry, y'all. Rolling initiative. There it goes. Yay. That would be a seven.
Nice. All right, Violet Femmes, you're up first. What do you do?
That I am. Because you are.
Okay, so I got some questions because this is my first time doing things with the actual D&Ds.
All right, ask away. So in the foundry, there's a place called
a spell book. Yeah. And it says I got something called Fumaturgie. Yeah.
I don't really know how I do it, but it says I can make
harmless tremors on the ground for one minute.
It's not in my hit. Fumaturgie is mostly for like a intimidation kind of thing. So that's
what you're trying to do to intimidate these bad boys. You can do that. Yell at them, get them to
go a different way. You can create a sound that originates from any point that you see within
range. Cause flames to flicker. Harmless tremors in the ground. Yeah, basically you can yell.
A wider sound of supernatural power within range to create one of the following effects. Nice. Yeah.
So if you would like to do that, absolutely can. And there's just a range of effects you can kind
of do to kind of persuade or distract. Yes. Soon he's got it. Dextractions out here. That's
kind of what Fumaturgie is for. Yeah. So I was thinking, cause one of us in this party is actually
quite good at like, he has quite the experience with common animals, but I'm thinking if I can
de-strap myself from my stilts and like just jump down to the stage and cause the Fumaturgie
to happen in the tremors on the ground to unsteady all of the animals that might be going buck wild,
just make them a little unsteady for a while. Okay. I just don't know how to, how we roll for that.
One action. It's um, I think it's just instantaneous. Multiple times. Okay. Yeah.
So it just kind of happens. And because I'm a cool dungeon master, what I can do is I can half
their movement on the ground. If they walk through the ground, I can half their movement
because it's shaking and they're having a hard time moving. If that's what you want.
Yeah. It'll just, it'll just distract them a little bit and make them have to move a little
slower. And cause one of us got a little bit of experience with, with animal handling more than
I knew for sure. Oh yeah. Okay. Bad ass. So what is the sound that kind of like echoes or do you
just say something and then the sound starts to echo? I mean, think to your like Paladin of
Vengeance kind of roots. What do you do to make this happen? Uh, I, I might just murmur something
to myself as I'm, I'm de-strapping my legs from my stilts. Uh, and uh, I, I might say something along
the lines of, Oh Lord Gano, thou who smites those that are wicked, give me the strength to keep these
animals from causing a ruckus. And I'm going to de-strap and just jump straight down to the stage.
And the thunder is from my like six, 10 form going straight down to the stage.
Hey story dad bought a tank top and one other. Dude, sick bro. Thank you so much bro. Yeah. Um,
Connor, hold on Connor. Connor, Connor's excited. Can you tell? Um, yeah, send me pictures. I don't
know if you noticed when you're on the store, people who've sent me selfies in the merch,
they're actually featured on the store now. So make sure you send me pictures. And if you want
to be featured on the fucking merch store underneath the merch page, I can do that shit dude. But thank
you so much for supporting the show, buddy. Fucking chairs, man. I can't wait to see that sexy ass in
that tank top. I mean, that's fair. He is pretty to look at. He is not sore on the eyes. Let me tell
you what. That's right. Oh, can we get, can we get, can we get Grooch cooch, uh, fucking booty
shorts with like names on the bot, but I want it so bad. Our merch store doesn't supply them,
but I really want to make them and like screen print them ourselves. Fucking Grooch cooch. I'm so down
sold. Yeah. Yeah. Um, okay. You jump off the stage and from your thunderous thighs covered in wet
watermelon juices, thunder echoes from your God as he calls down and it shakes the ground. You can see
the lion and the baboon kind of go off balance and they're like, and the elephant just seems like
distracted. Dr. Helios hops. Your turn. What do you do? Hey, so that's the baboon. My guy bought
that son of a bitch. Yeah. I don't, don't like, don't like monkeys. All right. Okay. Roll it.
Roll it. Trying to roll it on here is interesting. I guess what this go over.
You tried a guiding bolt and the baboon goes and jumps out of the way and it like flips
its hat to you. Like teases you as you shoot it. Like,
now you want to use me. I can't. You can't. All right. No, I just stay with
it. Jesus. That Connor's sick. Thanks for the lie. Try this again. It's an 18. That hits.
It's going to be damaged. I need more channel points. Yeah. Well, you go and get them baby.
Tears another world. Yeah, buddy. Hell yeah. Dude. What the fuck?
I think so much for supporting the show, buddy. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
What if I'm on the bits? Yeah, I do. Okay. That was a fuck ton of damage.
Hops. So you shoot your guiding bolt. Now from your life God, when you shoot off this bolt,
is there something special you do? These are like first time. Oh shit.
Slappy balls about the word. Not okay. Oh shit. Remember it's okay to not be okay. Thank you so
much. Slappy tears, man. All three characters in this campaign are definitely a testament to
that slogan. Thank you. So what? Where does your power come from? This is like the first time that
first time we're doing attacks in this campaign. So if you're using magic or anything, I really
want you to describe it so we can start visualizing it over the course of this campaign. So what do
you got for us, Hops? Just knowing how to bind the life essence around me. You kind of see like,
I would say kind of like a spirit orbs kind of form into his head and his eyes start glowing
bright. And he's like, ah, it's just a ball of energy and it hits like radiates into like fire,
like radiation, fire. Yeah. Not like mean radiation, like silly steel radiation. Cool.
Hell yeah. Well, when you do that, the ball goes across the room at like lightning speed and this
baboon tries to jump out of the way like, ha ha. But then the tremors in the ground kind of knock
it off balance and he falls down the stairs. And as he's falling, your bolt hits it and the baboon
just explodes into blood. And there's just a hat that just floats down the ground and lands on where
the baboon was. Oh, wow. The baboon had three health. That's violent. You did triple damage
to this fucking baboon. So you literally explode it. It's like dead. Yeah. Yeah. Stupid baboon.
Stupid baboon. Did we lose Proteus? You might have. Wow. Chaos just went off.
Phones are ringing. Everything's going crazy. We've lost Proteus. All right. What about
Boone's dead? At least right now it's still looking good. That's right. Yes, I'm here. Fabulous as always.
Damn it. Damn it. The key to fighting is pretending that you are dead.
That way, you know, you do not appear like fresh and tasty.
Stop cutting. Stop. Dude, swear. Swear. If you have some ideas, let us know. He gets very high pitched
and the issue we found is like the mask kind of muffles his voice a little bit. So Discord just
thinks, you know, it's background noise and it surprises it out. And he can't turn off Discord
suppression too much because he lives with his family. So we're we're working on it.
Proteus. I mean, I think you try, but you're going to start hearing the other guys come out of my
headphones too. True, huh? True. I'm kind of stalling waiting for her to come back. But we're moving on.
After you cast his bolt and the baboon explodes, the lion looks at you, hops and he looks mad. He
turns, looks right at you and he moves. As the tremors go off, he only gets half movement speed.
He only gets to about here and he does not have any kind of long ranged attack, but he's looking
directly at you. Ready, fire. Right on fuck it with the other. Yeah, sorry. No, no, it's not that one.
I am violet fems. Yeah, we switched for a little bit. We've heard return. So we're going to skip
her turn for a sec. Wait for them to return. So what about me? Do I not have a turn? Yeah,
you're after the lion. So what do you want to do? Oh, well, I was going to. Is there is there an
action taken up by talking? No. Talking is a reaction. OK, I would like to turn to the
Loxodon lady I'm sitting next to and lift up her trunk and just absolutely go to town with the
French kiss. Just. All in there like your whole and then because you're a little fairy and she's
a whole lot done by picture, it comes out, then you just kind of like lick her tongue.
I guess. Yes, that that is what I'm thinking, too. But I have, you know, the flight. Does that
change my movement speed because of the flight? You have flight and and movement. So like you have
your own set flight speed. You can move a certain amount of feet while flying or a certain amount of
feet while walking or you can take. Will I be able will I be able to reach the elephant from where I am?
What is your flying speed?
Well, it does not say it just says walking 30 feet speed, but it there's no indication about the
flying. It should say I got your features. Features and traits, spell casting, languages.
I am small. Flight because of your wings, you have a flying speed equal to your walking speed.
There you go. You got 30 feet. OK, well, I would like to you won't be hindered by the tremors,
which is good because you can fly over. But each one of these little square in the maps
represents five feet. OK, well, I would like to me fly in the air and get as close as to the elephant
as I can. That's what you can get. OK, and then I would like to call out to the elephant with
with my my animal handling and trying to like coax it over towards me. And I'm going to do this by
going like a boo boo boo boo boo boo boo. What did I come back to? To that elephant sent it.
He's just like, the fuck you doing, dude? I am a person. Can I can I roll this? Yeah,
Yeah, roll me animal handling.
Gonna be a high Dexterity check.
This is a 19.
Oh shit.
The elephant turns.
The whole time it's seen you making out with a Loxodon, which is also an elephant.
So it's already kind of like, well, maybe that guy's okay.
And so it turns when you do that and he goes, and it starts, it's like about to start moving
your way.
It's ready.
Roll for a whoosh-a-boo-boo.
I hope everyone knows what movie I took that from.
I was something with Jim Carrey.
That's what I'm thinking.
Something, right?
No?
All right.
I don't know.
This is true.
Yes.
Luckily after your turn, it's the elephant's turn.
So the elephant has a movement speed of 40.
Yeah.
Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40.
Comes all the way over in your direction.
Now we're back at the top.
It would be baboon, but baboons dead.
Violet Femmes, what do you do?
So what happened while I was cast to another plane of existence?
Dr. Hopps exploded the baboon and then Reiner made out with a Loxodon and animal handled
the elephant.
Oh, okay.
Oh yes, I handled the animal.
Who was looking at me sideways?
It's okay.
Mr. Peepers was always a man.
It was his time to go.
All right.
So we just got the lion, you said, because we're calming down.
Okay.
And you said the lions just pissed off or like what's the-
He's real pissed off.
Lion.
Lion heeled piece.
And the behind you, this guy over here has fallen over on top of a bucket that was full
of meat for the lion.
Oh no.
Well, I'm going to go help the little filler out.
I'm going to go pick him up.
You go over there, he looks at you and he's like, big lady, big lady, the meat, give the
meat to the lion.
It'll calm him down.
Give the meat to the lion.
You got it, sugar cookie.
And I'm going to scoop up a big heaping handful of the sopping wet meats.
Yeah, it's disgusting.
It's covered in dirt and hay and shit now.
You turn, you look at the lion.
He's facing Dr. Hopps, like baring his teeth, ready to fuck him up.
If you want to get his attention, you could do so.
You could roll me an animal handling while holding up this meat.
All right.
Can I do like a su-wee kind of whistle and then like to get its attention like real loud?
Yes.
And you said animal handling?
That just fits your character so much.
Yeah, animal handling.
Yeah.
Oh, well, that's just fucked up.
Why am I, why, why am I cursed with these rolls?
Four.
You say, see, and the lion doesn't move at all.
That's fine.
Yeah.
But you're holding up the meat.
We roll.
You got to reroll some slappy.
I want to take it.
All right.
Let's give it a go.
Oh, that's, that's a 14.
Hey, that's way better.
He hears you.
He turns.
He sees the meat and he bears his teeth at you now with the meat instead.
Come on, Giddy, you big pussy.
Here you go.
Now, Helios Hopps turn.
Helios, what do you do?
I'm going to cast sacred flame on him.
Sacred flame?
Sacred flame, the kind of creature that you can see with their brains.
The target must succeed under these dead bodies every throw.
I take one, D, H, radiant touch.
Jesus.
We got to make a deck safe.
Yes.
I have DC 13.
Oh.
That's a 15.
Yeah.
Does he take half?
He, he says, I'm sorry I can't do.
You try and it does nothing.
So he doesn't phase him.
He doesn't even look.
But then it's the lion's turn.
The lion heads right back towards Violet.
You guys are like this line chasing this fucking lion.
He can get about to there and then he bears his teeth at you.
Now it's Reiner's turn.
Well I think I'm going to fly the rest of the way onto the top of the elephant.
Can I reach?
Let's see.
I could do diagonal, I guess.
15, 20, 25, 30.
Yes.
I'll say yes.
You're right there.
I would like to mount the elephant.
I will slowly lower myself until I'm straddling its neck, which is basically like the splits
for me because it's a big beast.
Yeah.
And I am tiny.
Yeah.
And then from this point, I'm once again going to use my animal handling to attack, to direct
the elephant to attack the lion.
Nice.
What do you say to the elephant?
I'm about to calm this motherfucker down.
You guys are going to make it so much worse.
I'm basically going to point towards the lion and just go.
Oh!
You fucking cray head.
Roll it.
You see I'm the fucking cray head.
Yeah.
Well, you're both acting like it.
You're acting like you got into the divination fruit bristles.
It's a natural 20 there, bud.
The elephant reels up and goes right towards the lion.
And then the elephant, being that it's turn next, is going to use its gore ability, which
is a plus eight to hit.
And it does 3d8 plus six damage on the lion.
So that is a seven, though, plus eight, which is a 15, which does hit the lion.
And then it does 3d8 plus six, which is a total of 15 damages.
He slams his foot down and the lion squeals like as it hits it.
And I'm still just on top of the elephant going, oh, you're a jackass.
Yep.
And now the lion's fucking pissed and it's Violet Femme's turn.
Oh, goody.
Can I use my thermo turkey again?
Yeah, what for?
Well, you said I could change my voice somehow or I make a make a noise or you could be really
loud.
Yeah.
Think of a Thuum like Skyrim like who's oh, oh, type shit.
Although you can't make it happen, but it's like a threatening kind of thing.
I was hoping for something a bit more common, but that's fine.
We don't have to do that.
Multiple times, you could have three effects active at one time.
Wow.
So the ground is already kind of shaken.
Yeah.
You can alter the appearance of your eyes instantly cause an unlocked door to open,
create sounds such as thunder, rumble, the cry of a raven, et cetera.
You can cause harmless tremors.
You can cause flames to flicker or you can make your voice boom up to three times as
loud.
OK.
Well, in that case, I'd like to just like, am I close enough to grab the line by the
scruff?
Because I imagine I'm pretty fucking bigger than a line.
Yeah, definitely.
I'm pretty fucking bigger than a line.
Don't touch the tree.
Yeah, I'm pretty.
Yeah.
So I'm.
Squidbillies.
Sorry.
So I'm going to I'm going to I won't grab the line by the scruff and like offer it a
bit of meat like right in its face and be like, listen, you calm down now, you hear.
Nice.
I will allow you to.
You could do the scruff of their.
If you pull the scruff of their neck, it kind of pacifies them because it thinks their mama's
around.
Right.
And you're you big as shit.
So if you do the meturgy with this to make your voice louder, is you like intimidated?
I'll give you advantage on this role.
Well, she then, yeah, let's do that.
Yeah.
Like intimidating.
All right.
So animal handling, though, it's still not intimidation.
All right.
But but you see it.
I do the thermoturgy to to boom my voice out and I get advantage for it.
Yeah.
All right.
And then I do animal handling twice to get the bigger one.
Right.
Yeah.
That's what you said.
All right.
So there's well, good thing you did that because they all want.
It's only a nine.
It's going to be another season of only nines.
Fuck, dude.
It's it's just the way we roll.
Violet again.
Thanks.
Thank you, Slappy.
I appreciate you all.
You go.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I struggle.
I swear to God.
It's worse.
Advantage, though, still, since I gave you the advantage.
Oh, yeah.
Well, they it's an 11.
All right.
The lion just like really doesn't want to take it.
It's like mad.
It really it doesn't want to take it, but it doesn't fight back at you.
You do kind of like threaten it, but it doesn't like bite you or get released.
Like you're still holding it by the scruff, but it's it doesn't want.
All right.
Well, we'll take that.
Yeah.
You said talking is not talk.
Talking is a free action, right?
Yeah.
Can I can I yield back to that?
No.
Can you get fucking cage out here?
You go.
Yeah, yeah, I could do that.
I can do that.
He takes out.
All right, hops.
You do, son.
You pacify this fucking elephant so we can just cage the line.
It's a big ticket item.
I thought right, I was writing the elephant.
Yeah, I am writing the elephant.
Pacify that dumb shit.
We're trying to get the elephant.
We're trying to pacify these animals.
They work here.
Well, yes, but you know, the lion seems as the danger.
I can I can back the elephant off if you wish.
Yeah, it's a danger.
I got it by one hand by the scruff of the neck.
You can calm the fuck down.
OK, Jesus.
Don't get your like, you know, lady tingles in a in a mess.
OK, you know, they're a riot.
Yes, you saw me crush the watermelon 15 minutes ago.
OK, geez, I will back off the elephant and calm him down.
Shit.
Thank you.
Jesus.
We're trying to make people have a good time and feel safe again.
Very confused on what I'm supposed to do.
I'm going to the.
Yeah, I'm going to walk over to the elephant and like blow a bunch of divination crystal
dust down its trunk.
I'm going to pass the findings.
Divination crystal like three seconds.
And then I'll fucking cocaine.
You go.
You know, this is a weird role.
I'm thinking what the fuck to make you roll.
But I want you to make me a medicine roll there, hops.
I can't see my mouse.
It's OK.
Just say I see your twitching act.
So 18, 18.
Jesus.
OK, so you blow crystals down this elephant's trunk.
And its eyes go, we can go on.
Starting to fall down.
Before anything, I want to also rip a big ass line and then just like lock eyeballs with
the elephant to ride this trip together, baby.
Yeah.
And your eyes go, and you're also like falling over with the elephant and riders just at the
top going, oh, oh, oh.
And now it's the lion's turn.
Sadly, is the elephant and you are falling over the lion going to try to take a bite
at your arm there.
Oh, excellent.
I love it.
I'm here for it.
That would be a nine plus five is 14 or 14.
That hit you.
What's it got plus four for?
It's got a plus five.
You actually have an AC of 16, so it tries to bite your arm and it misses.
Thanks for the leather arm, Madrick.
For the rest of your evening, friends.
Cool.
Aloha.
Thank you so much for joining us, friendo.
Hey, you rock.
You rock.
We're just out here fighting carnivore animals.
You know how it is.
And he misses.
And now it's Reiner's turn.
Reiner.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Elephant is falling down.
She could.
I've never ridden a high elephant before.
I guess I'm going to.
I'm going to like do another animal handling thing that I can like keep him upright.
I'm going to try to talk to him.
Me like.
Whoa.
Okay.
Roll it.
Oh, this is a 10.
Oh, it's not good enough.
The elephant's falling while you're going.
It's falling down slowly.
It's falling.
Kind of.
You said.
All right.
We're at the top.
Violet, are you here enough to take a turn?
Raise your hand.
Yeah.
No.
She's in the same place.
A dildo is.
Yeah.
Yes.
Real plane.
She disappears.
All right.
Well, it's time to end this hops.
You're getting high shit with his elephant.
We're going to go ahead and skip her turn for now.
What do you do?
And I will like animal handling to become one with this elephant.
I'll give you advantage on it too.
Hell yeah.
They'll both trip and hoard.
Hi.
I'm a six.
And I rolled the six as well.
So Mark of the beast.
Maybe.
The voice of reason.
Time to return to chaos.
Everyone.
It's chaos time.
Cheers, everybody.
Hey, you know what?
Thanks so much for being here.
Thanks for being rad.
We.
Hi.
I've been having a lot of fun.
Creating stuff and doing stuff and rolling dice with my friends and it's been possible.
And it's been so much fun because I've been able to do with all you guys, all you other
creatives out there in the Twitch world and all you friends that are just our fucking
friends.
And I've just been having a blast.
Thank you all so much for being here.
Here's to you.
Huh?
Thank you.
This has been great, man.
I love doing this shit so much.
Connor runs off.
It's just us, buddy.
What are we going to do?
I'm going to do the
magic.
Are you good?
I am.
Yes.
How are you?
So I've done a lot of divination, Crystal.
Uh, I'm just really wondering, magic told me to come here to find the lady.
I don't know where she's at.
Well, she's probably in the Feywild.
You got to find your way there.
That's what it's all about.
Oh, that's right.
We got to go to Feywild.
Right.
We got to get an audience with the courts of peers.
Right, right, right.
So, guys, this is why you don't do drugs.
Yep.
That's it.
We're stalling.
I'm waiting to see if she comes back so she could take a turn, but it doesn't look like
she's gonna because after her would be the lion and the lion is going to try to bite
her again.
And I don't want to attack her without her being here.
So this is tough.
What do you think we do?
I don't know.
I'm doing drugs with an elephant man.
I wanted to have this live.
We're on the troubles of divination, Crystal.
There you go.
Thank you, Steve, for helping us stall.
I appreciate it.
Yeah.
I can't see.
Do you want to sad background music or is a happy background music?
Give me like background music.
See, guys, divination crystals isn't always cracked up to be.
I have night terrors, anal seepage and blistering nipples.
I can't explain on any of those things.
But boy, do I love to see the future so much that I'm willing to suck dick just to add
any crystal I can get my hands on.
And I'm right here being a little funny.
I got my friends, I got my drugs, and I got my new elephant.
So that's gonna look pretty good.
This is a real testimonial.
You ever suck dick for crack, man?
Okay.
Well, I guess we're moving on.
We have to.
Here's what I'm gonna do.
Reiner, we're gonna let you go first before the lion.
Well, seeing as how my lion is sorry, my elephant is falling over.
I'm just going to like start flying again as it falls.
And then I guess.
Shit, I don't know.
Do the bardic inspiration to help my guys with their rolls, maybe you have any damaging
spells at all?
Negative.
Actually, I could I could try to hit the lion with my ukulele or your dildo.
Oh, yeah, that could help.
If only it turned into like the big ball gag for the lions and it can't bite people.
Right.
Internet doing me dirty.
Yeah, it is.
I have the dagger.
Oh, yes, that's right.
I have the knife on me.
What do I want to kill the lion or keep it?
Because Violet was getting very mad at me when I decided to use the elephant to try
to fight it.
So yeah, I think she was upset about me blowing up.
Well, maybe I'm not trying to kill the lion.
I'm just trying to, you know, like make it settle down.
No, it's going to know who you know, who is daddy is.
So, you know, maybe I go up and smack him on the face with with my new ukulele.
Just that'd be an improvised weapon, but I'll give you a D six damage on it.
Why not?
It's the D six on my new ukulele.
OK.
But I have to roll to hit, right?
Yep, strength.
What would this be like the strength?
Wow.
This is not going to be good, then.
It's a 14.
Got an AC 12, so that hits.
OK.
This is good.
So now you want the D six.
Oh, this is five damage.
Plus your strength, which is a minus one in it.
Well, so no pro saying.
OK, five damage.
You hit the lion on the butt.
Goes off and it's like, and it like whiplashes around trying to get out of violence.
But Violet is like, you know, her conscious is in another plane entirely, so she's just
standing there blank staring.
That's funny, dude.
All right, let's get in five damage.
We go.
And it's looking bloody, looking fucked up.
Pretty sippy.
Perfect.
That's grip, but left reality.
Did your computer crash?
Are you on like Wi-Fi now or phone data?
Would you like us to move on without you?
Or do you think there's a there's a lock of you coming back soonish?
Monmobile fair.
Do you want to come in on voice?
So the lion isn't dead.
Now that you smacked it in the butt, the lion's going to turn with her death grip, drag her
through the ground because she's in a different plane of existence and she's going to if the
lion's going to try to bite you, also the one lines within the creature.
Okay, yeah, so he's going to try to bite you.
Here we go.
Oh, rolled all of them at once.
Bite.
It got a natural 20.
To bite you, this, my friend, would be 11 piercing damage, which is more than your health.
You go down, Reiner.
You go down.
First battle.
You go down.
And then it's Hop's turn.
Down, down, Reiner, down, Reiner, down.
Down, she's going to start glowing, she's going to start her death grip spirit or energy
and then it's going to unleash the kind of bolts of the lion.
Roll it.
Let's go.
It's a 15.
That's a hit.
And 46.
10 damage.
Hell yeah, dude.
You hit the lion.
The light comes out and it burns the fur off of the lion and the lion growls and then falls
to the ground right next to the elephant who's just kicking his legs going.
The elephant's high as fuck, but the elephant is dead on the ground.
Reiner.
Initiative is over.
He's even disconnected.
You got it.
Initiative is over, Reiner, but you, my friend, have taken too much damage since you are out
of the ground.
Now, the way that this works is someone gets to run over and stabilize you.
They get to run over, make a medicine check to see if they can stabilize you.
If they can't, you get to make your first ever death saving throw.
All right.
So.
It's the second episode.
Yeah.
Mm hmm.
Hopps, do you try to stabilize?
See, Hopps is going to hop over and then both of his hands are going to start glowing with
radiance.
It's going to be like, Hopps, where?
Clear.
Nice.
You're 15.
Right.
That, my friend, is a success.
You stabilize Reiner and one HP.
I do not feel very good.
I feel like shizer.
Can you do this?
Reiner, you've been stabilized.
We back?
Helen's high as fuck, but the elephant's dead.
Did I say that?
I meant to say the lion.
I said it goes gravity.
Oh, it goes gravity.
Welcome back friend.
How are you?
Maybe we'll come back.
Yeah.
Hi.
Hello.
Hopefully good.
Nothing seems to be loading correctly, but like we're here.
Nice.
How's we're here enough to talk so I care about so we can get out our role plays.
You know what I mean?
Oh, and we're on a massive delay.
All right, baby.
Yeah.
Well, I did a little late, but yeah.
Slowly but surely seems like a big delay.
Oh no.
Portaling in.
All right.
Well, deep breath.
You're back.
I don't know what's happening.
It's not my computer.
It seems to be something with the internet, but I can't figure itself out.
Okay.
We'll take a second.
What have I missed?
Do I look like a sad mopey buddy now?
You really do.
So what you've missed, my friend, the lion is dead.
Dr. Hopps dealt final blow.
The elephant is on the ground seizing out from drugs.
And you are still standing there holding the scruff of a dead lion as it lay dead on the
ground.
Reiner went down from a bite.
The lion critted on him and almost killed him.
But Hopps was able to stabilize him back to one HP with his cleric abilities.
Fair?
Yeah.
A lot has happened.
All right.
This is what happens when a big strong muscle mommy decides to go to another dimension for
like 10 minutes when we're in the middle of the fight.
Okay.
I tell you, you spend 16 years in the Feywild.
Things happen to you.
I don't know what to tell you.
This is like, you know, I didn't really like go down.
I was pretending that I was already dead.
So therefore not fresh and tasty.
You know?
Yeah.
Well, I mean, since you're dead, if you're at one HP, can I use my final HP of lay on
hands on Reiner?
Yes, you can.
Give him a little like good.
I'm gonna give him a little good game pat on the butt and give him back one HP.
Lay your hands on me.
There you go.
You're dying.
I'm double checking something real quick.
Y'all.
Death saving throws and instant death.
Yes.
I'm just double checking.
Falling unconscious.
You do fall unconscious and you regain if you get any hit points.
You start your turn with zero hit points.
You make death saving throws.
Best way to save a creature is to heal it.
If healing is unavailable, the creature can at least be stabilized.
You can use your action to administer first aid to an unconscious creature and stabilize
it which requires a medicine check.
A stable creature doesn't make a death saving throw even though it has zero HP does remain
unconscious.
The creature stops being unstable and must start making death saving throws again if
it takes any damage.
A stable creature that isn't healed regains one hit point after 1d4 hours.
Yes.
But what did you did you actually use something Dr. Hopps or was that just role play?
Just medicine.
Medicine role play.
Okay.
So then you stabilized him and this one HP that you give him with your lay on hands will
then bring him back one HP.
Fair.
Okay.
Oh good.
Well I don't have to change anything then.
Yeah.
Okay.
Now that we're all back everything's good to go.
We good.
We ready.
Hell yeah baby.
Hey turkey editing later for sure.
Start back right here.
Hey.
Hello me.
It's me again.
Technical difficulties.
Your brand new friend.
That's right.
The good rub.
Violet became Ezekia.
I don't know what that is.
This is why we do disappointing faces.
She became the Ezekia.
Ezekia.
She lived another life for three months and then defeated the demon lord and came back
to her real life in the span of 10 minutes.
There you go.
Ezekia is side questers.
All right.
Portaling in and I'm not a witch.
I didn't mean to do that.
Violet has become a gift.
We didn't even intend it that way.
I didn't.
My apologies everybody.
The elephant continues running on the ground just breathing making weird ass noises.
Hops you go over you're like petting it.
You're like soothing him through his trip.
You know what I mean.
And if you want to make me another medicine check to sue this elephant through his trip
go on ahead and do so.
The lion now that you're holding Violet by the scruff is just limp and dead.
That's a two.
I'm going to let it go.
OK you let it go and just as it flops to the ground Reiner stands up you like smack him
on the butt to heal him and the gnome comes out from the stage with the cage.
We roll for the elephant for helping the elephant through his trip.
You get a reroll hop.
He comes out with the cage and he sets it on the ground.
Hell yeah.
The elephant kind of soothes and his eyes open a little bit and he's still fucking huge
pupil but he looks at you and he's like.
And then for like a second is your kind of trip and a little bit too but you're used
to this hops your trip a little bit.
It's almost like he's talking to you this elephant and he's like.
I was a bunny.
Nice.
A new nerd follows the shit show liquid liquid snake.
Hello.
Welcome to the show.
You're like a bunny.
You thank you.
Yeah.
You can't get your friend save us because you're afraid to go.
Oh thank you.
Thank you.
Okay.
I know.
Yeah.
So it's the cage on the ground and it looks like as if the cage to lock on it has been
broken.
He sets it on the ground and he's like.
Well it's broken but I guess we don't need it anymore.
Someone sabotaged this.
I don't know who it was but someone did it.
All I can say is thank you.
You three heroes for solving this issue.
Mr. Noam I want to tell you right quick when we were on the bubble tea rise we saw Kenku
futzing around in the back doing something jocain or is just saying and we also have
word from one of your fellows running the Hall of Mystery that the Kenku also stole
his voice so there's some sort of Kenku jocain or he happened.
There was a Kenku here.
There was.
He said his name.
Well his voice was weird so that makes a lot of sense.
He said his name was Kettle steam.
He came through here.
He was going to perform but last minute he backed out.
I wonder why that is.
It sounds like someone needs to drop kick that Kenku next time they see it.
Could be.
If you see Kettle steam you let him know that we send our word to him.
Yes I'm going to get word.
I'm going to get word to Mr. Witch and Mr. Light.
They will know of this promptly.
Well thank you three for doing what you do.
And he steps back but the lights in the tent kind of flicker for a second and you hear
voice comes up loud but it's really like bright and like happy this voice and it's like finally
the carnival has been saved and tonight we will be crowning a witchlike monarch.
Come back soon.
We will send out the call.
We expect all attendees to attend the crowning of the witchlike monarch for of course the
crowning could be you.
But first go out have fun.
Ride the rides and laugh your best laughs because the person who is the happiest and
brings the most happiness to the carnival tonight will be crowned the witchlike monarch.
See you then.
And the lights go back out.
The gnome looks.
He's like well I guess that's happening.
Well I got to clean all this up.
God I'm really going to miss bananas the baboon.
He was really something.
He was an asshole.
Well he was just climbing.
Yeah I don't know if he was actually doing anything wrong but then your heron gone friend
decided to explode him.
Did he hurt you?
Only with his mind.
And the things he was going to do in the future.
Ah so your heron gone friend can see the future.
I don't know it depends on how many divination crystals he snorted.
Oh you're one of those.
All right.
I guess I'll take your word for it.
It's okay Mr. Elephant we'll get through this.
Just petting the elephant.
The gnome walks away.
After a little while the elephant does get back up.
It seems to be okay.
And you guys are now at an open spot.
You have a little bit of time to kind of kill.
You might be able to do one more thing in the carnival before the Witchlight Monarch
ceremony happens.
It's up to you guys to decide whatever you want to do.
I suggest you take a look at the map while we take our quick break and when we come back
we'll decide what the heck is what.
Sound good?
Before we walk out of the tent I'd like to take some of the crushed up watermelon from
the stage and just hand it over to Nicky Midnight with a wink.
Oh almost everyone has left the tent from the damage.
Oh fair enough.
They bounce.
He works there.
They work there.
I figured they might stay.
Yeah that's true.
He was like no I'm a tiny little raccoon.
I ain't gonna fucking be in here.
Bounce.
Fair enough.
Yeah.
Okay well we'll be right back.
In a couple minutes everybody.
Don't go anywhere.
Robo we're the elephant.
Yes yes yes.
His name is Ploobo.
Do you guys have elephant plants right now?
Ploobo.
No no no I don't plan to keep him but I think he will be relevant to the story later.
I don't know.
He'd be great as a like a mount to travel with.
Like a traveling elephant to ride that we could all ride.
We got an awful lot of mounts we're gonna have to think about feeding if we take them
all with us.
Yeah.
What the fuck is the snail's name?
He looks at you like.
Zeeboba.
Yeah Zeeboba looks at you disappointed as you're petting the elephant.
He's like what about me?
I want to give him the eyes of like come enjoy the cuddle puddle baby.
Dr. Hopps out here just doing drugs with animals.
So Dr. Hopps though.
I feel like we got a drawing of that exact look that Dr. Hopps just explained.
Yeah it's that one.
It's that one.
We do have that drawing.
Have you all seen it?
It's on our Instagram.
Assuming he isn't already feasting on it.
Very true.
Alright we'll be right back in five.
Don't go anywhere.
Hello everybody.
Hey welcome back.
Thank you so much for being here.
This is Love Death and Dice episode two.
That's right of the wild beyond.
We are playing our own version of the wild beyond the witch light.
We hope you've enjoyed so far.
I am your dungeon master DM Turk and I'm here with fishy Kate and Connor playing Dr. Hopps,
Violet Fims and of course Reiner.
Hello everyone.
Thank you so much for being here.
Here's to ya.
How we feeling?
It's good just to be back on this Astral plane.
I agree.
So, as we last left off, you guys just saved the big top from a bunch of animals escaping.
You saved an elephant and all that kinds of stuff.
And you step outside the big top back into the carnival.
You know that the witch light monarch ceremony is going to be happening here in a little
while but you figure you might have enough time to go and do one more thing.
Where would you like to go?
I mean I'd like to at least say hi to Teresa before I leave.
I mean she was my roommate.
Okay.
All right.
But I don't know what the fellas are up to.
Exactly that Reiner.
Exactly that.
You see Nikki Midnight and you ask them maybe where she would be located.
And Nikki points you to a small little tent.
It is in the direction of the dragonfly rides.
And you two follow Violet Fims over there as you run over there happy with glee after
getting this information.
You can see a small tent that opens into a dimly lit atmosphere.
And a beautiful lady with striking purple face paint and antlers adorned with gold sitting
behind a table holding nothing more than a lone object.
Crystal orb swirling with some crazy mist.
She seems to be already expecting you as you walk in.
As she looks up at you Violet and she says, ah yes, you've come back finally with friends
and with travelers to seek what is foretold or to see your friend of old.
A word to the wise though.
Fortune is not always in your favor.
Nothing known is always set in stone.
But I can give you for what is yet to be known.
But first embrace me for I have missed thee.
And she stands and goes to get you out of here.
I'm going to scoop her right up in my arms and give her a right snuggle.
And she squeezes back.
I'm going to nuzzle into her cheek and tell her I missed her.
Her voice kind of changes the inflection from like her carnival show when she goes, oh god
darn Violet, I tell you, I just missed you.
I missed you so much.
It's been a dog's age.
It's just been it's just been awful terrible without you sweetheart.
I know.
You know, I miss them times we had back together.
All them times we shared playing board games and having fun making fun of all the people
here in the carnival.
And I it's been awful lonesome without you.
Well, I have kind of struck out on my own with, you know, like in you remember when
we found you found that paperwork that said I was sold to the carnival because my daddy
wanted booze money and I swore vengeance.
Well, I'm kind of still on that path, but I think one day I might come back to this
and I'd love to, you know, spend some more time with you again in the future.
Well, you know, I'll go.
Don't I love that?
And I see you brought some friends with you.
It's good to see him vibrating bunny and magic playing bard.
I seen you guys.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, how are you doing?
This is pudding pause, also known as Helios and this is a writer.
He's a bit of a sassy one.
So don't you mind him none.
But he's pretty much harmless.
Oh, I'm not that terrible.
Like, you know, has has your uncle Jack, if he was stuck on an elephant, would you help
your uncle Jack off an elephant?
I would help my uncle Jack off an elephant.
Riner, I would.
Well, that's good, but in all seriousness, like I am very wounded and I would appreciate
some healing magic or something.
Well, I can't do none of that, but I can reach y'all's fortune if you're interested in that.
Am I going to die in the near future?
Yeah.
To what?
What did you say yes to?
Her question or mine?
Because that's a big difference.
Look, well, what I can do, I can read anyone's fortune.
I'll do it one time for free.
It's a part of the carnival how it is.
Any extras after that, I'm going to have to charge you.
But to have your luck read, I can do it for you.
All you got to do is sit down at the table and I can read your fortune, read your luck.
Oh, girl, you know, I like the way you work.
I love to have you read me again.
I'll read you any time.
Oh, honey.
Oh, sugar cookie.
Either you guys want to have your fortunes read.
I guess if I'm going to get laid by the lady elephants and yeah, sure.
OK, I'd like to find this out.
So to have your fortune read first, you sit down at the table and she resumes her carnival
inflection and she looks up at you and looks down at this little glowing ball of mist and
something begins to form.
But for that to happen, I'm going to need you to first roll me a D for Reiner.
This determines the size of your luck and inspiration die here.
This is a three.
I need to know my fortune.
I already know my fortune.
You get one extra fortune inspiration die, which is a D10 that you can add to any roll
until you use it.
All right.
Wait, wait, wait.
I don't think that's right.
You now have to roll me a D6.
Tell me the attribute you get to apply it to.
Sorry about that.
Oh, this is I hope to attribute to sex.
Well, a four is intelligence.
Shit.
Yeah.
Um, report to say there's a medium amount of luck.
You have a large amount of luck.
You get a D10 to add to any intelligence throw.
Yeah, that's it.
That's the whole thing.
So she goes in your future, you're going to need to be able to use your intelligence.
Know that to know it well.
You know what happens?
OK.
Thank you, lady.
You are welcome.
Don't care.
Yeah.
Now, would anyone else like their fortunes read or I can read them one time and one time
only.
But this is not a task for the lonely.
Fire away.
I'm sugar.
Blow you.
All right.
Roll me a D4 and a D6.
All right.
So I got a D4.
That's a three.
And then D6.
It's a four.
So I got me guess the high intelligence role.
You're going to need to use the intelligence in the future.
Make sure you know it.
Know it well.
You can add a D10 to any intelligence roll.
Well, gosh darn, I'm going to need it.
I got I got like a negative one to intelligence so I could always use the help.
Yeah.
Let me see if she has anything else to say here.
No, not really.
What about you, Dr. Hopps?
Would you like your fortune read real quick?
No, no, no, no.
I know my fortune.
I don't need your help, you witch.
I can.
Hey.
I can.
Hey, hey.
Don't you hate me.
All right.
It's not my fault.
You're the one that correlates with witches.
Wait.
This is like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Each three.
I can't listen to all of you at once.
All of you step closer.
Wait, wait, wait.
And she touches you three ever so slightly like a small little caret.
He's like, you two have lost something.
You've lost something.
I recognize you have been cursed.
I cannot perceive the whole form of the curse, but roughly describe.
Your curse has been turned into an object.
Violet, you have lost your ability to read and write, and I fear that your curse, what
has been taken from you, has been turned into a scribe of some kind.
And Rhino, yours has...
It's not a woman.
Is it a woman?
I fear it may be a lute.
The things taken from you have been turned into magical objects.
They're not here.
Do you know where they might be?
On this plane of existence, but they seem to be in the hands of hags in the Feywild.
Oh, Lord.
And you were worried about witches before, Hood and Piles.
Yeah, because witches turned into fucking hags!
Not all of them!
Gosh darn!
OK, well...
He's a little high strung on divination crystals.
I liked him.
He's all right.
He is like, semantic.
It's good to see you, Violet.
Are you going to be around a bunch more?
Am I going to see you again?
I hope so.
I know we're probably not going to stay till the end, but, you know, maybe you'll see me
in maybe a few years.
Once all the last bits of my family bullshit's all tied up.
Gotta give my family what for.
You know, time works differently in the Feywild, so I could see you again in ten minutes.
I could also see you again in 30 years.
Time works differently there.
So I wish you luck.
It sure does.
And, you know, we're going to keep on...
Excuse me.
You know, we're going to keep on holding up the fork for you here, Violet.
You know, anything and everything that we can do.
We're going to do our god darnest to do it.
That's right.
You know it, sweetheart.
We'll keep my side of the caravan warm for me.
How about that?
We'll do.
You know, your bed's right where it was.
I ain't touched your pillow, just like you always said.
You know, you don't touch that god darn pillow of mine because I ain't touching it and I didn't
touch it.
That's right.
I mean, it is a special type of squishy.
Right.
And then someone ends up with a pink eye.
Someone putting their butt in.
Yeah, don't go farting on pillows.
That's right.
So, um, Hops has already left.
But he wanted to go the dragonfly ride.
So you guys exit there and it takes you about, I don't know, 30 minutes or so to get over
to the dragonfly ride.
Hops you ready?
Help your uncle get off an elephant.
Thanks, Suni.
My face hurts.
Right.
As you approach, you can see huge lily pads rest on the surface of a pool of glistening
fluorescent algae.
Giant dragonflies use the lily pads as landing platforms, buzzing loudly overhead with giant
wings as brilliant as stained glass windows and alighting briefly to drop off and pick
up different excited passengers.
Under the entrance, a small smiling tree turns your way and beckons you over.
A red squirrel clings to its leafy canopy, peering at you guys suspiciously.
This is the tree you've seen at the beginning of the carnival, who is passing out gifts
in the form of seeds.
Wait, it's a small tree, you said?
It's a big tree, small squirrel.
Okay.
It's a small tree and I'm like, oh, who's your daddy?
He cracks his arms as they move and leaves fall off and he waves you towards the dragonfly
rise and the squirrel runs around you and he's like, well, if I wouldn't be a mist.
Seems that you might want to go for a ride on the dragonflies.
Yeah.
Sure, I could do this.
Sounds like a good old time.
So you could just go for a leisurely ride on these dragonflies or you can participate
in a, you know, a little bit of a trial by fire if you want to.
The squirrel says as he climbs back up the tree and sits on one of the branches.
I do like fire.
All right.
So you three as contestants, we can do us a, I don't know, competition to see which
one of you are the best dragonfly rider.
If you would like to, you're each going to have about 30 seconds to get through all the
rings and get through everything else.
So you ready for that?
He sounds like a good gosh darn good time.
Okay.
Now I do see you also happen to have an elephant and a giant snail with you.
I wouldn't suggest bringing them with you on the rides, but you are more than welcome
to do so.
It just may be more difficult to fly around.
Oh, I just did a tie off my elephant to like a railing, like right there, but I will take
the Bulba with me.
He's my racing partner.
Um, a few different fireflies fly in and land on these lily pads.
There's a pink one, a blue one, a red one, an orange one, a green one, a black one are
all just different colors, but they're all like lined up like, as if like a go-kart rink
you ever been, you know what I mean?
Like a go-kart rink.
Um, they're all kind of like lined up and he's like, all right, well pick your favorite.
I don't know.
Fair enough.
I'm going to go with red.
All right.
Yeah, I guess I get the blue one.
Bamps your tickets.
It's like, all right, now whenever you take off, uh, just hold on tight because these
bad boys fly really fast.
Okay.
You're going to need to do your best and just fly through everything.
Right.
So, um, what's going to happen, um, is each one of you guys as a start, um, are going
to roll a dexterity save to see who can lift off and fly off faster to see who's in the
lead.
All right.
And then whoever gets the better rolls moving forward is going to go through and we'll see
who wins on the dragonfly rides.
Um, so each one of you guys go ahead and roll me dexterity.
So you say it's a save and throw, not an ability check.
Ability check.
Dexterity.
Okay.
I don't know what the difference is.
So this is an 11 for me.
Well, it's a big difference.
It's a 17 for me.
Forced throws you have to make and checks are ones you can like choose to make it the
best way to explain it.
17.
All right.
And I got a 16.
Okay.
So violet fans, the dragonfly flies up and takes off and you can see the squirrel waiting
at you down below fly off first.
Um, and as you are flying forward, eventually you get to these big illusionary rings of
fire.
And as you're getting close to it, I'm going to need you to make me an intelligence check
to realize the fire is there, see what's going on and be able to get through it.
Um, with ease intelligence.
Hey, it's a 19.
All right, you fly right through the ring of fire.
Now hops you as well.
Same thing.
Did I get an eight?
So as you're flying through, you don't see the fire until the last second.
And at that last second, you're going to pull back on your dragonfly.
I need you to make me an animal handling check with disadvantage.
He might've fixed the role, Steve.
I think they could have.
Why is your nasty quiet here?
What's up, buddy?
Hey, we got some talented folks in our midst tonight.
What's up, buddy?
Super talented.
Our friends are cool.
Y'all didn't know it yet.
Hi, how you doing?
Um, dang, that's a six.
That's a three plus three is a six.
So, um, you hit kind of the fire and the wing gets a little bit of singed as you fly through
it and then catching up as Reiner.
I need you to make me the intelligence check, Reiner.
I'm going to use my, my D tens that I just got with this.
Okay.
You could also choose to add it after as well.
I'm going to still edit.
Okay.
Got a 19.
I keep my verd.
Okay.
All right.
That's a nine.
So you had a minus one on intelligence.
So 18 plus nine as 27.
As you see it, you turn your dragonfly and you fly right past Dr. Hopps as he gets hit
by the flames.
You're now in second place.
All right.
Now, coming up to the next one, there are magical air currents that are flying through
and you can kind of see him.
You can't, you're kind of like trying to figure out how to fly through them, right?
To be able to get the right amount of push.
So while you're first, I'm going to need you to make me a survival check, try and navigate
through this section.
I'm unhindered.
Survival check.
Yeah.
That's an 18.
Sick.
So you've succeeded the DC by more than five.
So you're actually going to get a small boost as you fly through here.
You fly further up ahead.
Miner you're up next.
Make me a survival check.
This is a 16.
Nice.
You also beat it by five, but you are still right on Violet's tail.
Last Hopps, you and Zbulba on the dragonfly.
I got a 16.
Nice.
So you also get by five.
So you're still behind by one spot, but you zoom through the magical air currents.
Coming up next, Violet, you see these dazzling patterns and colors bursting from this crazy
ring that you're supposed to fly through.
And it's kind of, it's a little hypnotizing.
So what I'm going to need you to do is make me a wisdom saving throw.
So you're not hypnotized by these here.
A saving throw this time.
Let me see, where's the ring?
Yeah.
Saving throw this time.
Okay.
They, they, it's a, they, it's a 15.
Nice.
You succeed as you try not to look at it and you fly through the ring.
Miner?
This is like the 19.
Nice.
Plus two 19.
You do even better and you just zoom right through it.
You're used to these hypnotical patterns.
They don't bother you.
And at this point I would like to break into song while I'm riding my dragonfly.
Okay.
First, the hops got a 17.
You're totally fine.
You zoom right through.
What are you seeing Miner?
I can show you the world.
Shining shimmering splendid.
Singing to yourself.
Yeah, something like that.
Hell yeah.
Um, okay.
So this is fun.
Coming up next.
There's a small optical course that you can see.
Obstacle course.
There are like these crazy balloons that are all different kinds of colors and they block
the path right into the ring that you need to fly through.
You need to be able to navigate through it.
I need you to make me a dexterity check to be able to pull this dragonfly back and forth.
Violet you're first.
Wouldn't you let your heart decide?
It's a 12.
That's a 12 which you just hit it.
So it's not perfect.
You pull through the ring.
Miners you sing and stand up on this dragonfly.
Me dexterity save.
Right now homie.
Savings rule?
Yeah.
No, no it's a check right?
Yeah it's a check.
Yeah.
This is the 14.
Nice.
You succeed and you pull through right behind on violet's butt.
Ops.
You got a six.
You hit one of the balloons.
Because you failed you can now make an animal handling check with advantage to try to get
the dragonfly to help you guide through this thing.
It's a 10.
13 or?
The dragonfly has been through this more than a few times and it knows and it helps you
pull through.
Now up ahead you can see the finish line and for all three of you guys we've got violet
in first and then Reiner and then Hopps a step behind.
For each one of you guys I want you to just make me a 20.
A roll of 20.
See however and if you want you can tell me what you are going to do to push your dragonfly
to get you to the finish line first.
So you can make any kind of roll that you want to but you need to be able to explain
how you're doing it.
And violet you get a plus two.
Actually you guys get pluses from your stats.
So I'm just going to call it at that.
So violet you're first.
So we just pick a stat that we want to roll with.
Yeah and you make it make sense narratively.
So like are you going to yell at your dragonfly and use intimidation?
Are you going to feed it divination crystals and roll medicine?
Are you going to sing to it and roll performance?
Totally up to you.
Alright alright.
I think oh I'm going to be crazy.
So what I want to try to do is I'm going to take the reins on the dragonfly and I'm going
to try to do a barrel roll into the I'm going to spin it in a circle and I'm going to spin
I'm going to roll for survival.
Alright survival for spinning.
I'll take it.
Why not?
Let's do it.
Hell yeah.
I mean I just you know I just got to not fall off you know.
Well fuck me that's a four.
Natural one violet.
If chat doesn't help you you might fall off this dragonfly.
Chat you better help violet.
Yeah you're going to fall off into the water down below.
We roll.
Gangers you just a sweet pudding pie.
Okay for real this time.
There we go.
Thanks lappy.
It's an 11.
It's an 11 okay you flip.
Now we're over to Reiner.
Reiner what do you do?
Well I'm going to change the song from you know so relaxing you know just singing to
something more intense.
There's going to be a part where I tense up on the dragonfly and the dragonfly can feel
me do this.
He can tell I'm getting more intense and then I'm going to break out in this song.
Come to the land with the ice and snow.
With the midnight sun and the hot spring blows.
Yes that one.
Hammer of the dawn.
And I'm going to roll performance for this one to like invigorate the dragonfly to finish
faster.
Let's do it.
Oh this is the 10.
Oh that's not great.
Is this where I'm supposed to pull this off?
Maybe what do you do?
They taste it.
All right uh I'm going to use the perception understanding where the wind currents are
at and realizing that these guys suck ass.
We're going to use perception to be able to fly and kind of like spiral around them.
With the 21.
Oh shit.
That's bull shit.
Nobody better be challenging him to races anymore.
I hate this shit.
He looks around you see the wind currents.
Violet flips.
You've got Ryan over there singing and you just see them wind currents magically going
through the god of life.
He helps you in your eyes and you see the life essence the force if you will in the
wind currents and you skim over to the side and use it to push yourself to the finish
line and you land first on the magical lily pad as the squirrel standing there goes looks
good bud looks good looks like we got a winner we got a winner bud looks good that's right
we got a winner bud.
Then you two come in.
Violet second.
Ryan your third.
Now uh let me see.
Nice.
I'm just here to have a good time.
Let's say I'm more of an eating contest kind of person but you look like you had so much
fun with the snail race and I gotta get in some of the action.
He allows you as the winner to pull from the first place winner bag.
You get one random thing out of here.
I would like you to roll me a d12.
You're gonna stick your hand in this bag and pull out whatever you get.
You get a voucher for one free temporary magic tattoo and he looks he sees you pull it out
and he goes that's pretty cool.
You want to take that now?
I don't think you'll have time later.
You want to take it now?
Yeah ink me up baby.
Okay we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna ink you up here.
Um actually I think there's stats on these too bro.
Uh actually I don't know if they're all.
Perhaps there are.
Okay and I do actually have wait do I actually have a thing?
Oh good job past turkey a week ago for prepping things.
I'm so proud of you.
There are five oh no there's eight different magical tattoos.
Oh get some banana.
That's a banana.
That looks good.
You got uh each one of these tattoos.
You got the trickster pixie fire laughing skull conspicuous protection mama traveler
minimus mushrooms or stealthy bananas and each one of them gives you a different effect.
But I'm not going to tell you what they are until you pick.
I like the stealthy banana because you know that relates to a games that I played with
my family.
You guys know I told you this before but we calls it like the banana peekaboo.
Yeah hide the banana.
Oh god.
No no.
Didn't you say your uncle Jaeger's not allowed to play no more?
Does he get bite?
Yes this is true.
He cannot play because you know anything fleshy that enters his mouth he tries to bite on
and this this eliminates the fun you know.
Yeah I mean good family bonding though.
Good family bonding.
Oh yeah.
Oh my god slappy balls banana inspection.
That is ridiculous.
Is that a sick mom tattoo?
It is that's the tattoo of mama.
Yeah I would take the sick mom tattoo.
Alright I have it on good authority that Dr. Hopps lacks milk.
I'm gonna change this a little bit in the tree.
Silent tree his limbs crack and he goes over this little bucket he pulls over and pulls
out a tattoo gun and a petal and he's like and he looks at you and he's like and the
squirrels goes alright buddy well where do you want it?
This is a tattoo where do you want it?
I can do that right here.
Yeah yeah he can do that.
You pull back your cloak and he begins tattooing on you.
Am I gonna have to shave him?
Yeah for sure they shave you for sure.
I want to know how well though Dr. Hopps takes a tattoo will you make me a constitution check?
I hope he does bad and it comes out looking like the stale-seed banana.
You don't take it very well.
At least one time through this simple tattoo you pass out.
At least one time.
But after he finishes you now have a tattoo the tattoo of mama on your chest.
This is a consistent magical effect.
Here you go you could take it a little bit better if you want to.
Ray roll for the bun bun.
That's right.
Not bad.
Yeah no you pass out at least twice during this tattoo.
I'm gonna use my touch coins that I got from underworld.
Okay let's go.
I'll be back again one more time.
Hi.
Worth it.
You take it like a champ dog.
You don't pass out one time you're talking to the squirrel in the tree the whole time.
It's pretty sick because you're like smoking cigarettes and chilling out taking lines of
divination crystals.
It's a good old time.
It's like a full-on tattoo shop scene.
So after this the tattoo is done this is a permanent effect you get to have for literally
the rest of your life.
After you finish a long rest you also gain an additional 1d4 temporary hit points every
time.
That is cool.
Yeah that's actually kind of cool.
Your mic's doing that thing it does.
Yeah yeah it's doing a thing.
Your mic's doing that thing.
I can't hear it.
That is still bad.
I got big ears.
We got big two of us got giant ears here.
You can't do that to us.
Hey who you saying got big ears?
You and I.
Both of us.
Technical difficulties waiting for Turk to fix his mic.
Technical difficulties oh yeah.
Turk's fixing his mic.
Sounds like it's better he fixed it.
Technical difficulties.
I ain't here says Sooni.
Ah yes.
Technical difficulties.
Technical.
Technical difficulties.
Hey I'll just take now.
Testicle difficulties.
There we go.
Now that is the input that I want.
Beautiful.
Oh everyone else froze now.
What ho?
Hello everyone.
It's just me.
How we doing?
Everyone panic.
You know the stream life things it's all good.
Let me reset this for us.
How we doing guys?
You know some days we have streams that are like seamless and then some days we have streams
where there's a 3, 4, 5 you know a couple different technical difficulties and that's
okay it happens sometimes.
It's weird that it's just me here hanging out.
I'm gonna reset this over here.
I think what happened was I reset my audio driver and discord went oh what the fuck.
So then discord crashed too.
I think that's exactly what happened.
It's Turk's dancing stream everyone.
I'm here alone doing what I do.
Everyone listen to my voice.
I'm not real.
Or maybe I am.
You don't know.
You don't know nothing about anything.
I could be a figment of your imagination.
You ever seen me in real life before?
Huh?
Tough moments.
Technical difficulties.
There you go.
Turk-nickel difficulties.
Oh don't you put that evil on me Ricky Bobby.
Don't you put that evil on me.
Hello everybody.
Welcome back.
How we doing?
Oh what?
I can't hear you.
You can hear me?
That's good.
Well we could.
We couldn't before.
I know.
What you doing?
I'm not that high.
True story.
Alright.
There we go.
Boys and girls.
Hey I'm Tootie.
Hey.
Hey H how you doing?
Uh some days or sundaes?
Turk-nickel difficulties.
Don't you guys put that evil on me.
You know how many programs I run to make this fucking show work?
Fuck.
Okay.
So you get this awesome tattoo.
Alright.
Oh!
10 bits.
Why is that not playing through?
Can we get a scuff in chat?
Huh?
Hello?
Can we get a scuff in chat?
What's a scuff?
Scuff scuff?
Table.
Oh that's why.
Gotcha.
And it's fixed.
Coolness.
Alright.
It's gaved.
Thanks for the bits buddy.
Cheers everybody.
Alright.
So moving forward.
You guys ready to move forward now?
Yay!
Are you?
I think so.
Shit.
I fucking hope so.
So you get an amazing new tattoo for winning your dragonfly races.
Congratulations.
You get an extra 1d8 temporary hit points per long rest.
Which is awesome!
And once this ends, you guys hear a very loud calling from amongst all of the little speakers
and people throughout the whole carnival.
Come on, come on!
Now is the night, now is the time for the exciting crowning of the Witchlight Carnival!
Join us all!
Join us here!
Have no fear!
Alright?
You three, follow the path of everyone else.
Everyone seems to be heading in a certain direction.
And Violet, you know the way.
You've kind of seen this done before.
You know this.
You know what's about to happen.
And eventually, you guys make it over to this large outside stage.
And popping out!
Hold on.
Alright, good.
That's what Rynder means, the butt plug of rejuvenation.
Yeah it is.
Cause that would help.
Can I get that in real life?
Can you do something like that?
You can see spectators all take their seats in front of this large stage.
You can see a Displacer Beast escorts someone wearing a striped suit, very skinny, very
lanky person from their wagon up the stage onto the coronation.
Leaving John Wayne Gacy or Thacko the Clown behind to guard what looks to be the staff
area.
You can see, and Violet you know this, Mr. Witch and the Displacer Beast stand on the
stage.
Next to Candlefoot, the person who lost their voice if you remember, as he stands up there
signing, getting ready to do an open speech.
But since he never got his voice back, he just guides over to Mr. Witch.
Cool.
We ain't saying no cankoos.
That's right.
Who stands there patiently waiting for everyone to take their seats.
You three walk over and sit down in a place.
Now do you want to sit in the front or the back?
Do you want to stand, turning into visual here?
I'm good with having to sit down.
Can I go towards like the middle?
Okay, let's go.
And then I'm assuming you two just follow suit.
You follow Violet and take a seat down.
Everyone else does too.
Yes, but I will be floating.
Okay.
Are you sure?
You don't want to save your strength?
I would rather not touch the ground.
I'm safer in the air.
Okay.
Well, you know, like as long as you don't make it weird, you can sit on my lap.
Oh, this was good.
Weird.
Very quick.
Fair enough.
Where's the elephant lady you were macking on the ground until you need to very bug
zapper.
So you guys take your seats and you float if you will.
And the whole crowd kind of goes quiet.
And then the person in the red striped suit stands next to what seems to be a bigger kind
of man in a normal suit with a cane and a top hat.
And person in the red striped suit begins talking.
He's like, well, well, well, it seems that after all of these years, we finally get to
crown us a witch like monarch.
Been a long time since our carnival was happy enough to do so.
May the crowning commence.
And fireworks go off.
He pulls out this large cane like staff and swings it around.
And this like beam of light, like thread of golden light comes out of its wand and it
winds its way around to the whole crowd kind of following over people.
It looks like it gets close to a couple different people and like gets close to their face and
goes back and then flips all around again and goes around in circles.
And then it comes to where you guys are sitting in the center.
And it kind of goes back and forth between all three of you.
Each one of you roll me a d20.
Five for Proteus, that's a four for Fish and a 16 for Connor.
Jack, you got anything to say about that?
It's a four, five and 16.
Can I use my couch coin?
Yes, you absolutely may.
19.
That's a 19.
That's exciting.
I already spent my couch coin.
Goes in front of all three of your faces and then connects with you, Violet.
Hold on though, Reiner gets a reroll.
If Reiner gets a nat 20, they get it.
Nope that's a nine.
It connects with you, Violet.
Then he's like, it seems!
The light, the happiness, the fey magic has chosen our Witchlight Monarch.
Please stand.
You stand up huge above everyone else.
And Mr. Witch is like, oh my stars!
It seems to be someone that used to work here at this carnival.
I promise you folks, this situation is not rigged.
But everyone please give a big round of applause for our old strong woman.
Everyone's like, yay, I think.
I think.
And you start to walk up the stage, he shakes your hand.
The other one shakes your hand.
You sit in a chair and you can see Mr. Witch in a suit, the red and white striped suit.
He grabs this like butterfly crown, like golden butterflies from out of this hat box.
And he holds it up in the air and the butterflies are all like flurling around in like this
magical mist.
And then he looks at you and he goes, Violet Femmes, the old strong woman, now crowned
the Witchlight Monarch.
And he sets the hat on your head and the crowd goes wild.
Yeah, dude!
And you see Nikki, Nikki's like, we'll do it.
I knew this day would come.
And then of course your friend from back in the day, she's like, well, y'all, I'll see
in the future.
I knew this was coming.
Everybody claps.
And then people begin to slowly disperse and Mr. Witch and Mr. Light approach you and Dr.
Dobson, Reiner, you come up to the stage to meet up with her and he's like, well, congratulations
on winning.
Of course, we do offer an honorary dinner with the people or at least an audience with
the person and the party of whom won this honorary monarch place.
If you would like to attend dinner with us or if you have any questions for us, anything
like that.
Why, we would be honored to have dinner with y'all.
Well, all right.
It's been too long.
We could absolutely do that.
We do have a place on the staff area where we may be able to eat together and have things
like that.
Of course, it might be about an hour or two or something like that before we can get that
going.
But we can get all that prepped up.
Are these your friends?
Yeah, this is Dr. Helios Hopps and this is Reiner over here who put on a spectacular
show under the big top this evening.
Oh, that was you.
I do believe that was the best performance.
I think we've had inside of the big top for a long time.
You made some of our patrons cry.
And of course, I also heard that you may or may not have swooned.
Of course, my niece.
She is a Loxodon.
This may be possible.
Yes, if she's the elephant ladies and I've shown her a good time, you know, she enjoyed
it.
I enjoyed it.
I saved an elephant.
Of course.
Yes, of course, I treat her very nice, you know, very sensually.
This is how I treat her.
I don't want to hear about that.
Well, you're the one who brought it up.
So, well, I just asked if you treated her well.
Oh, yes, I made her come.
So we're good.
Again, I don't want to hear about that.
Now, if we do have dinner together, please don't bring this stuff up.
Because I mean, instead of dinner, we can just hang out and talk.
You can ask any questions you want.
I could just answer them.
I don't know if I don't know.
Well, we'd love to have dinner with you, but we do.
In fact, we were sent here to maybe hopefully get away into Prismere.
And we heard you.
Soon as you say Prismere, the older one, kind of burly looking steps forward in his suit
with his cane.
And he's like, yeah, I want to get into Prismere.
Yes.
I mean, if you'd be amenable to that.
Which?
What?
What do you say we go?
They are the monarch after all.
Is the rule.
Yeah, I mean, we could do that.
That's fine.
You guys want to skip the dinner and just go to the Feywild?
Yes.
What do you say, Bills?
I'm available.
You want to get a meal out of this?
A free meal?
I don't want to lose out on a free meal.
All right.
How about after dinner?
OK.
Sounds good to me.
Thank you, sirs.
He calls out to his Witchlight hands and he asks them to make you guys a feast.
Of course, he asks each one of you guys if you have anything specific that you want to
eat.
He has the money and he's able to afford it.
He actually has a little bit of a back pile because there hasn't been a Witchlight monarch
in a long time and they have money put away just for it.
So he's like, if you want anything fancy to be able to eat before you trip, just let us
know.
We can do that for you.
Ass.
What kind of ass?
Are we talking donkey?
We can get some fried up for you.
A rump roast?
Something like that, yeah.
All right.
Would you like some deep fried donkey?
That's fine.
A rump roast.
I can do that.
What about you, Bunny?
I would like carrot cream, carrot sweet, carrot, carrot gravy, carrot cake.
I would also like carrot burgers, carrot cream sandwiches, also carrot ice cream sandwiches.
Can we also get a nice platter of carrots with a little bit of carrot dip?
And then over here, it'd be really great if we're able to get a carrot kebab station going
on.
That'd be great.
And then over here, if we could get like a build your own carrot, that'd be awesome.
Can't wait.
Yeah.
Cover his mouth.
I think that we could do that.
You cover his mouth.
Yeah, no, we'll get all different kinds of carrots for you.
We can do that.
Absolutely.
Let me roll.
Hold on.
I want to see how well they retrieve your 17.
Okay, it's pretty good.
Yeah, we can absolutely do that.
Sounds good to me.
Okay.
Well, I'll see you guys in a couple of minutes over in the staff area and they both walk
off together.
You guys follow slowly behind and you head over to the staff area.
When you get there, you walk inside of this huge gated area where there are like trailers,
like little kind of temporary built homes for each one of the people.
And Violet, you walk past your old trailer that you used to share with your roommate.
And she's like sitting out front.
She sees you.
She waves at you.
She's like, Hey, congratulations on becoming the Witchlight Monarch.
Thank you, Sugar Pie.
Yeah, of course.
You're welcome.
You know, I just I'm just so god darn proud of you.
Oh, thank you.
Of course, of course.
And you guys walk through and you get to this large, really nice trailer that Mr. Witch
and Mr. Light walk you in.
In the matter of minutes, there was already fried donkey ass on a plate on a table, rump
roast on a plate on a table.
And they managed to get every single carrot thing you suggested except for the carrot
dip.
You're telling me we just have carrots with no carrot dip?
This is fucking bullshit.
I just want to start throwing carrot trays everywhere and just throw them.
By the way, nobody gives a fuck about your carrots.
Shut the fuck up, Dr. Hutz.
Nobody gives a fuck about your carrots.
Alright.
Well, there's a mess in here now.
I do apologize for that.
I can get someone in here to clean it up real quick.
You calm him down.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
That was something.
He's a little high-strung.
Yeah.
Alright.
Well, let us enjoy our food.
And you guys begin eating.
You sit down at your ukulele and you guys eat your food together.
Is there anything you want to say or do in this moment before I...
Nothing that I have to say, you know, fly fast, eat ass.
Okay.
I'm going to sneak out in the middle of dinner to go give a quick cuddle to Teresa and Nikki.
Nice.
Give him a big ol' hug.
I'm going to sneak out in the middle of dinner.
Nice.
They really need a little cuddle-puddle.
Actually, just roll me a persuasion roll.
You go out there.
We're just going to count this.
I'm going to come back to this later.
But I just want to know what it might be.
Persuasion?
Just like Grandma always said, don't touch the trim.
Oh, no.
Well, shit.
That sucked ass.
Alright.
That's not very good.
That's a two.
Plus, it's a five.
We'll talk about that later.
Wait.
Why did I...
Hold on.
I did something to my thing and it was like a half moon and I don't know what was...
It clicked in a button and I don't know what happened.
I'm sure it's okay.
I'm sure it's alright.
Okay.
Like, you know, in the inventory part, it's got the little circle check boxes and it had
like a double check mark and a half moon and I don't know what happened.
Yeah.
I'm sure it's alright.
Alright.
I'm going to trust you.
Don't you go betraying me, nun DM Turk.
There's no betrayal.
I'll get you.
After dinner, Mr. Witch and Mr. Light stand up from dinner.
They have their servants come over and clean up all the plates and all the carrots that
are scattered everywhere.
We're going to treat this as a long rest.
So if you guys would like to roll hit dice during this long rest, please feel free to
do so.
I know Dr. Hopps, you actually get an extra D8 during this bad boy, huh?
I thought it was temporary hit points.
Yeah.
After the log rest.
That's it.
And we're doing a long rest.
Yep.
Long dinner.
So that means I get all my lay on hands back.
That's right.
And Reiner gets to heal as well.
Reiner, there's a level one bard.
I don't know what your hit dice are.
Let me see.
Reiner, hit dice.
You get one.
You can just click it.
You just click long rest there.
That's cool.
Well, where's that?
Oh, L rest.
How industrious.
That's it.
Well, when I take a long rest, it doesn't actually change my HP.
Do you just want me to roll a D8?
You're bard, yeah.
You get one D8.
That's it.
Okay.
D8.
Boop.
This is a six.
You're a seven.
So.
Yes.
How industrious.
And Hopps gets a D4.
Temporary hit points.
I didn't lose no health, so I'm doing all right.
But then again, I glitched through the matrix for about 30 minutes tonight.
You guys, after the long rest, get up and get ready to go.
And Mr. Light and Mr. Witch guide you to another part of the carnival.
You guys walk through.
Actually, let me see if there's this.
You guys walk through and they guide you towards a place you've been already.
They guide you towards the Hall of Illusions.
And as they walk past the statue of Tasha, Mr. Witch and Mr. Light move through the Hall
of Illusions, you guys following them.
Their reflections in the mirrors, much as you've seen before, show them as gloomy elf
children with your own youthful reflections following behind them.
Soon, though, they call you to halt.
But the mirrors now reflect everyone's true age, the age you are now.
Mr. Witch addresses you in a hushed tone.
And he says, everything you see and more lies behind this here mirror.
If you mean to step through and stand in front of the glass, and each one of you will have
to repeat this rhyme.
Either tether here and there, wander yonder, show me where.
As he finishes the rhyme, the mirror spins for a couple seconds with a reflection of
him and then stops.
He's like, now you want to go if you want to stay up to you.
Actually, let's go.
Let's do this.
Like the portal's active now.
No, it stopped after he stepped away.
Oh, OK.
What was it?
Hither, tither, show me the way.
Hither tither here and there, wander yonder, show me where.
Hither, tither, yonder, wander, show me where.
Yeah, but you got to do it one at a time.
Hither tither here and there, wander yonder, show me where.
The mirror starts spinning and you see a reflection of yourself in the mirror, Reiner.
Wunderbar.
And I walk through.
You took too long.
You said Wunderbar and stood there and then the mirror shut.
What?
He's like, you got to do it fast, man.
You got to be in there.
No, no, I said I walk through.
You did.
Yeah, well, you took too long.
Hither tither here and there, wander yonder, show me where.
And then I walk through.
The mirror opens up with a reflection of you and you jump through and then the closest behind
him.
You all right?
Next.
Hither tither.
Yonder there.
Wunderbar.
I can't remember these eggs.
Well, maybe Violet showed them the way.
Now is it really only one entrance per person?
Like if I were to put the bunny on my shoulder, like we couldn't go through together?
No, it's like one.
Well, I mean, you could bring someone.
I guess you could do that.
But then what about your snail?
Oh, shit.
Uh.
Oh, I guess he's got to stay behind then.
I mean.
Go and lay down nearby, Cebola, and just be like, you're free, Cebola.
You've raced your way all the way to freedom.
And now I want you to go and start your new life as too slow, too furious.
Your new franchise movie thrills that you'll be starting off.
I hope you enjoy yourself.
Nice dude.
Nice.
He's like.
He walks out of the Hall of Illusions.
OK.
All right, next.
Well, strong woman, before you go, I know you.
So I'll tell you a couple of things before you go.
The land beyond this land here is Prismir.
Wherein dwells the patron Archfabe, Zablina.
And we haven't seen Zablina in a long time.
So seek her out.
Let her know which in light sent you and maybe she'll give you something.
Thank you, sir.
One important thing is that this mirror here is a one way portal.
Once you're in there, you got to find your own way back.
We were ready to wear that, sir.
Thank you.
Right.
Now go ahead.
All right.
So I'm going to scoop up Dr. Hopps, my little bunny boy.
I'm going to go hither tither here and there, wander yonder.
Show me the way.
Now, you got to start over.
Show me where.
OK, show me where that rhyme rhyme rhyme.
Heather tether here and there.
Wander yonder.
Show me where and the portal opens and it's it's you and Hopps together and you're both
tiny young kids.
I'm going to walk through with him under my arms.
Thank you, sir.
See you soon.
Bye bye.
Now, I have a question for the DM.
When we hit the portal, is it like the Austin Powers twirly thing?
That's side questers, baby.
This ain't it.
This is like you step through and then you disappear as it turns back into a mirror.
You want Austin Powers spinny thing.
You better come back on Thursday for side questers.
You know what I'm saying?
That's it.
Now, everyone say goodbye to the carnival background.
Bye bye, carnival background.
Bye carnival background.
I'll miss you.
You were really my vibe.
Yeah, we were.
Find our bit here.
I can hear Connor.
You could sit up now, Connor.
Yeah.
I was having a good time, I was fixing my back and my bottom.
Oh yeah?
Your back and your bottom?
Where?
Now, as you three step through the portal, you stand at the edge of a raised and broken
causeway under a hazy, twilt sky.
The causeway was built from pale stones that glow faintly from the inside out, and it towers
over the surrounding landscape.
But large sections of this have crumbled away.
The parts that remain in place are separated by large gaps where portions have collapsed.
But more important than that, a frog shrouded swamp spreads out below you in all direction.
And up from its merc wafts the smell of not only rotting plants, but also rising from
the swamp is music.
But music of nature, a symphony of croaking frogs and singing birds that almost seem to
be making a song together from their different croaks and chirps.
And that, my friends, where we ended the night.
And we're going to come back for a little bit of our short rest.
We call it our short rest because we like to go over everything that just happened in
the episode and actually have a chance to read chat and talk with you guys and talk
about shit.
You know, talk about the episode, see what everyone's feeling.
And hey, if you're watching on YouTube or listening in on Spotify, make sure to subscribe
to the dang old show right here on YouTube.
We've been working really hard for that YouTube and everyone here in chat, if you haven't
already, go subscribe to our YouTube.
Help us out.
We're real close to 700.
And if you're watching on Spotify, hit the little star thing and give us a five star
rating or whatever rating you feel to help rate the show, to help support our SEO.
And anyone here in chat who hasn't done that yet, maybe do that too if you want to support
the show.
If you're feeling it, we really do appreciate that shit.
Find out if Helios hops finds the true essence to life.
Where is it nature?
Oh, followers, we're saying from Shrapnel's Reset, VTown, Another World, Another World,
World of War, World of War, World of War, Holy Cow.
Don't forget, friends, if you make memes, you make art, you make fan art stuff throughout
the week, post it in the couch chat so we can see it.
You know, I'm not saying we need our ego stroked every so often, but we all got a little bit
of the depression.
Help a brother out.
That's right.
And find out next Sunday if Helios hops decides between the essence of life or the essence
of nature.
Will our strongy mommy be able to have the internet connection to stay along the party
and be able to protect him?
And will Ryder ever find out what's hanging between his legs?
We'll never know.
Find us out next time on Love, Death and Dicks.
I mean dice.