Hello everybody!
How we all doing? Welcome on, welcome on to Love, Death and Dice. This is episode 12!
Only two episodes left counting this one of this campaign. I am your lovely dungeon master, Turk!
And I'm here with Proteus, Connor, and Fishy. How we doing guys? How are things going? How we doing?
Hey, we're doing good. I'm doing good.
We're doing good. We're doing good.
Yeah?
Doing fantastic.
That's good to hear. Hello back, I'm Dad.
But also good! Good, good, good, good, good. I'm excited to be here rolling some dice with y'all.
This campaign has been a long one running, but it honestly it's been so dang good so far that I mean, I'm just...
It's rad. This has been a friggin blast.
It's hell!
What we're gonna do is we're gonna run the friggin intro and we're gonna come back and we're gonna roll some dice
tonight.
It's gonna be heavy. It's episode 12 everybody, so let's get into this shit. Get your command fingers ready to go.
Let's have some friggin fun. Yeah!
Hill to the Yuz-ay. Let's go.
🎵Music🎵
Better out than in, I always said.
I don't think you've ever said that.
Welcome back. Great intro. Thanks for being time.
You can't prove that. Our story, everybody,
begins as any good story story story stories does as stories are.
Indeed, they begin
with you three
waking up
after a long day and a long night of fireworks, friendships,
gaining items that you had before,
picking up on things and moving forward on your quest. You see, cause the last time we left off,
you three
finally managed,
I mean,
to get a lot of different kinds of things and you also helped
vote in the next queen of Intoxica, but
you have one item left you must get to be able to open
the Dragon Vault.
That being a bronze dragon scale. Now you've had some leads on how to get it and all of you
have done a lot and been to a lot of places. So today,
we open up our story with you three waking up in,
I keep forgetting the name, Bomblin's Rough Riders, the gambling tavern. Haha.
Stepping on. A gambling hall, not a tavern.
I wouldn't dare let my patrons sleep in there. That's right.
Want ants? That's how you get ants.
We're gonna start with Raz though,
because when we last left off Raz, you had some
nightmarish dreams, but as you awake
from your slumber, you look to your nightstand,
small little wooden,
roughed up piece of furniture and sitting on top of it
is a scroll that wasn't there when you went to sleep the night before.
I reach for the scroll and open it.
You open it and
first the words on it seem demonic in a sense, but then they move
and they form words and you read through it. Oh, my dyslexia is acting up.
You read through it and it looks to be
a contract
of
hirement almost?
Of you
in a sense, giving up your bond with Ned Braith to bring on the power of
love, well, a demonic presence.
Well, the end of the day was coming.
Sooner or later,
I have to set things right.
I'm gonna cut
my hand and sign at the bottom on the line.
Oh, no shit.
No shit.
All right.
Intense like circuses.
You sign on the bottom in blood.
As you do,
the scroll almost
sucks in your blood. It like disappears into the material of the scroll and combines with the text
and it turns into like this
demonic presence that looks like what you've seen in your dream and then the scroll itself goes into flames.
But as that happens, you feel yourself
gaining power and things seem darker but clearer
and you gain
a max level milestone reward. Do you already have one picked out for us?
From your class?
Max level milestone reward.
Let's see.
Yes, yes, yes. Hey, you're finally awake.
That's fun.
If you want me to come back to you and give you a second to look through it, that's totally okay.
Uh, yeah, that'd be that'd be cool. All right. Now while you're meditating on that,
um, I'm gonna cut over to T357. You are exiting your closet with you mutinex,
um, and of course the nimble right, formerly known as Nim.
What a good name.
Um, and you walk out of your closet with both of them with you and they both just look up at you as if
waiting to be told
what to do as you're standing here in the flames of your dream.
They're looking at you. Hmm. Wearing bomblin's rough riders, the flail nail is the tabard we pull up.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wearing bomblin's rough riders. You always get the names wrong. They're looking up at you like, hmm.
Good morning.
Both of them. I'm not used to having to be in the same room with you.
Good morning. Both of them. I'm not used to having companions. Good morning. And there's like, like a waiting instruction.
Now, Nim, do you know why you were kidnapped in the first place? Are you aware of the reason?
He like signs to you and he basically says I heard rumors that they were going to melt me down
or something. Um, I have no idea.
It's not so much that you will be melted down as much as you are the key to getting into a vault under the city.
He signs and he's like, oh shit, I'm important.
It seems that you are.
Now, Mewnex, I was not exactly expecting you.
But I felt like you two could possibly work together to become a stronger key and bond in some way.
Mewnex looks over at Nim and like.
Coins rain from above.
Ah, 100% coins. Oh, thank you.
That's more poodle. Coins rain from above.
Beat Town. Together the love. Thanks Beat Town.
Together the love. Thanks Beat Town.
Where's my straw?
Where'd you go, you little bastard?
Remember any bits given take off of Bondwin's debt.
Thanks guys. Somebody's gotta pay that off.
Somebody's gotta do it.
Um, you say Bond in Mewnex, the dirty little bastard he is, looks over at Nim and.
Coins rain from above.
Thanks for 101 bits more poodle.
Cheers.
He motions like as if he's gonna jerk off Nim.
He like puts his hand down below, but he's looking at you like for approval.
Bonding like this?
No, more like friendship and companionship in.
Robots of our kinds do not often find companions and friends.
And Nim holds out his hand and then Mewnex looks at his hand and like puts his face in it.
And then he looks at you for approval.
You know what? If it feels right, it feels right.
And then Nim shakes his head and he's like.
Now, Nim, I know you have you built a companion for and it went sort of evil.
I'm hoping this could be a more wholesome companion that you could teach the ways of being a nipple raid.
I can do that.
Also, living in the temple of life, I'm sure being as studious as you are, you may have looked at some old texts in other languages before, correct?
He's like, yeah.
Can I have you look at something and see if you see, notice or understand any of it?
Sure.
And I would like to hand over and open up the journal I got from Schemo recently in another language.
Gift an item.
Outsiders having fun with these, dude.
That's for you, Bomblin.
The straw of never ending madness for Bomblin to enjoy his beverage.
Where's my straw?
There it is.
The never ending madness.
God, it sounds like my life already.
Yeah.
There you go.
You hand over the text to him.
Now, this is an important role, but you guys are going to be looking over the text together.
So why don't you make me a wisdom check?
And since you're doing it with him, I'll let you make it an easy role.
It's only an 11.
All right.
Go ahead.
All right.
Is that a 14 or a 4?
That is a 4.
Plus 1 makes it a 5.
You guys look over it together and Nimble Wright signs to you and he basically just says,
this looks like some kind of ancient text or language that he has seen but doesn't understand.
He basically signs to you, tells you that it's something that's been forgotten,
but he does think it has some kind of gnomish ancestry.
How industrious.
Indeed.
Okay.
At this moment, Raz, you figured out what you got for us?
I'm split between two abilities.
Okay.
So one is basically like motherfucking shadow clone Jutsu, where I can roll intelligence to form a 1 HP clone of myself,
which I assume has all the same abilities that I do.
I would say so.
How terrifying.
What could be worse?
More of him?
Or you said I could choose from the mastery ones too?
No, not a mastery.
Just a high level mastery.
Oh, okay.
Then that kind of narrows it down for me a little bit.
Hi, Sora.
Yeah, I think I'm definitely going to do, yeah, it's called Pale Clone.
Yeah, clone Raz.
Oh, no.
Yeah, I'm doing that one.
I'm adding it to my inventory now.
Okay.
So in your room, after you read this thing and the scroll disappears, you at this moment, T357, here up above you,
coming from Raz's room, and Raz, you turn and look and it's a duplicate of you.
But the duplicate's eyes are like blackened, but they have like lightning coming out of them, much like the demon that you had seen before.
And then you hear this voice in your head, and it almost seems like it's coming from the duplicate, but it's the voice of the sleep demon that came to you,
much like before, and it's like, you've made the right choice.
On this day, we will take over Ned Braith.
Pause.
Play.
And together, we will rule over the dead.
Well, I didn't mean to say together, but behind you, like from your will, they're here to support you.
Whatever decisions you make, they're there to support you.
Sounds tight, homie.
Thanks, Raz.
But then you reach into your pocket, you know, just before you walk out, where your bag of death coins normally are, and it's no longer there.
Huh.
That's strange.
Coins rain from above.
100, Mr. Poodle, thanks, please.
Mr. Poodle!
Who the heck? Cheers to you, friend. Thank you.
So that's what that does. Yep, that's what that does.
Raz is gone. He's gone into the dark.
Oh, shit, shit. I don't know what happened.
My bad.
Hello.
I have an idea. I'm trying to act on an idea. Hold on.
All right.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, you did it, buddy.
All right, we're giving him a second.
Bomlin, we cut over to you, and you're down below with all the Rough Riders. They're, you know, running the business.
You're kind of walking around the business as they're running it.
You guys haven't had almost any time to be able to observe them run this business while you guys have been gone.
But you can tell that they're actually doing a fairly good job.
And all the Ruffians from the outside, like when they're standing outside talking to customers, they're like, oh, we're going to rough you up because we're a Ruffians.
But then the second that they step into the Rough Riders and become official customers, their demeanors completely change.
And the same people they were saying they were going to fight and rough up, they're like, oh, hey, how you doing?
We're going to help you. Would you like to gamble? You want something to drink? We're here to serve you.
It's almost like a switch that they're going off of. As soon as someone becomes a customer, they're treating them like royalty.
And as you look around, though, there's some shady business that they're doing because they are shady people.
They are stacking decks of cards. They have fake dice that they're using.
Literally. Yeah. And you notice all of that kind of shady business going on.
And Scoob comes to you and he talks to you for a little bit, a little bit of a back and forth.
And he tells you, you know, they've been stacking it to get some extra cash. And he asks you if that's OK with you.
Yeah, I mean, that's fine. As long as it isn't cutting into my bottom line there, buddy.
I mean, you know, it's all about a business of stealing anyways.
As long as the house is making money, we'll still have a roof over our heads to keep doing shady business.
That's right. That's right.
We have just been raided. We have just been raided. We have just been raided. I wonder who it's from. I wonder who it's from.
That's right. It's Forge of Lore. Thanks, Forge of Lore. Thank you for the party.
Thank you for the party. Ain't my friend. Everybody get over there. Follow Forge.
OK, show Forge some love. We believe here at the Grounds Cache that a strong tide raises all ships and we are fighting a strong battle.
So we must support each other. All right. So get over there and follow Forge.
Thank you so much for the raid over here, my friend. Cheers, buddy. How was your stream? How did it go?
Cheers, man. Cheers, cheers, cheers.
Raid hug. Raid hug. That's right. Hey, hey, if I will. That's right.
And you look over to see Sweetroll and Sweetroll has been spending a lot of time around the ruffians.
The only real day he's had out with you was the day before.
But you see him in his environment here with the ruffians and it looks like he's kind of picking up a little bit on their demeanors as well.
He's going around and you can see that he's like pulling coin sacks out of people's pockets when they're not paying attention.
And he's like getting petted by the ruffians. They're like petting him and he's like rubbing up on the ruffians.
He's real friends of them. And he's still a very small griffin.
So he still fits in the bar perfectly. But you wonder for a second once he gets too old and he can't fit in here anymore.
Like, what are you going to do with Sweetroll? But we're going to build a bigger bar. Yeah.
That's right. Just for him. We ride it down.
No one has made a dice roll quits life.
Thanks, Joe. Thanks for your participation.
Just tell me you can save it for later. Just pick a character to give to later.
Yeah. So. He brings you over a coin pouch that has 40 gold in it that he stole out of someone's pocket.
And you get that. Yeah. Sweet.
That's right. Yeah, it's faction info. So defiable.
I think I think it's faction info. Go ahead.
Now, it's just going to put my coin potters on my belt.
Nice. Nice.
OK, you put it on your belt. Now, you three together.
I'm afterwards. Well, Raz, to finish up with you.
Yeah, your death coins are gone and you have a brand new power.
And in your mind, as you're leaving out the door, you realize that there used to be some kind of connection with Ned Bright that you had, something that you felt on the inside.
But it's no longer there.
And it feels strange for you because it's a connection you've had your whole life. And it's almost like a melancholic kind of moment that just feels sad.
But you feel like you've moved forward. And in that moment, you feel this connection replaced by something different.
It's a stronger connection that makes you feel like you're being backed up even more, like someone is there for you to help you all the time.
Yes, and it's it's there and it's it feels good. It feels strong.
It feels powerful and it feels dark.
Well, cool. Yeah, I feel pretty, pretty powerful.
Yeah. Strong boy. Strong boy.
You guys walk out, though, together to the bottom floor, to the front door.
You have some things to do today. My question for you, T357, are you bringing either of the animated constructs with you?
No, I would like them to stay safe.
All right. All right.
Fishy, we bring in Sweetroll.
Don't know who the fuck Fishy is, but hell yeah, I'm bringing Sweetroll, baby.
You think I'm walking anywhere anymore? It's not what royalty does.
That's right. It's not what royalty does.
Okay.
Immersion. It's broken.
Okay. You three have a mission to do.
And you can tell me which way you want to go to find this dragon scale.
But before you do, T357 has a very important mission that they must get through themselves.
And you three, along with Sweetroll, leave out of Bomblin's Rough Riders.
It's been about, you know, 12 hours or so since you gave the adamantian ingot to Schemo.
And you are very excited to see what he's come up with.
And now that you have a little bit more information about this journal,
you encourage the other two to follow you over there first thing in the morning.
She's like, what?
Excellence!
Yeah. No melancholy. Never. All excellence. All excellence.
So you guys head there. You get to his shop.
Now, one of the things you can see, which is completely out of the ordinary as you approach,
is there is smoke coming from the chimney of his shop.
Usually you can tell he tries to keep it incognito and keep the magic that the Legion has put on this shop invisible.
But on this day, the door is wide open and there's smoke coming way out of the chimney.
You guys walk up the steps and get inside where you can see all of the potion racks and things
have been pushed right to one corner, like out of the way.
Bomblin, would you like to do something?
I would stay outside with Sweetroll.
Okay.
I have no business being up in there. I'm just going to end up stealing things.
That's fair. That's fair.
So you two walk in together.
You can see all the potions have been pushed over to one side and there's like crazy mechanical things being built.
And you can see light shining from the back room through the beaded doorway.
Good morning.
And it's just like flashes of light.
But you listen a little bit more, it almost sounds like, like welding, you know.
I would like to approach the back room. I have been there before.
Nice. You get to the back room and you can see through the beads, Schemo standing up on this metal barrel,
bending over a table and he's got like this huge mask on and he's like welding on something.
Well, it looks like you are hard at work.
He pulls the mask up and you can see like this line of black all over his face and his beard.
And even though he had the welding mask on, the cigar is still in his mouth, but it's all like a small little thing.
Like he's been chiefing on it for a while and he pulls it back and he sees you and he's like,
Hey, perfect timing, perfect timing. Give me just one second.
And he pulls the mask back on and then he pulls the mask back and he's like, there it is.
And he has this device in his hand that looks like two triangles put together.
And then the center of it is like two circles.
And in the center of the two circles of the adamantium metal is that little crystal thing that you found previously.
Like he made it around it and he holds it up and he's like,
But then you take a step closer to look at it and it begins to spin in the center.
He's like, that's it. I finished it. That's it. It's done.
I don't know what's going to happen whenever I use this on you, Tess.
Obviously, you're connected to it. I believe it to be a part of you and I don't know what's going to happen.
So before I do this, I just want to say these past few weeks have been great.
Thanks for being a friend. Thanks for awakening me to who I am.
Anything for you. You have also been a great solace in my life since we have met.
Absolutely. Absolutely. Okay. Raz, you're tall. Over there on the shelf.
There's a box of tools. Can you reach up there and grab it for me?
Sure.
You grab the tools and you hand it to him and he's like, all right, sit down, T.
Well, let's do this in more space. And he brings you out to the center of the shop and he's like, all right, sit down.
And you sit and he's like, okay, here we go.
And he pulls out his tools and he opens up the back of your head and you can feel it as it opens.
It's super weird. It's like, and Raz, you take a peek inside the back of her head and it's just inner workings and gears and stuff.
And it feels kind of weird. Like you're seeing somebody like naked because this is, you know, the war forges inside.
Your eyes start switching.
But you look in there and you can see there's literally a place, Raz, that has a missing part.
And he looks at you and he's like, all right, Raz, hold on to your shit because this is going to get wild.
And he puts it into the back of your head and you right away can just feel more energies.
He sets it in, but then everything kind of goes like, and you kind of like go out and you're just like out for a second.
And Raz, he looks at you and he's like, what? That's not it.
He's like, oh, well, of course, you can't forget about the percussive maintenance.
And he smacks her on the side of the head with a wrench and then you wake up and the back closes in your head.
And what happens for you, T357, is you right away start to regain memories and power.
Things come into your body like all of the hundreds of languages that you have learned as a warforge come back into your mind.
All of the hundreds of lessons you've learned, all the things that were taught to you as a warforge to be able to be a good robot come back into your mind.
You can now speak languages and do all different kinds of things.
But what also comes into your mind on top of that is the memories of the war.
And you were indeed on the other side of the war.
You were made to try and kill King Rufflecock. Indeed, you were on the other side, the bad side.
But things come back to you from whenever you were created originally.
And it wasn't Schemo who made you, but it was Schemo's father who had made you.
Schemo's father was a rebel against the king.
He was working for the other side. And Schemo and you kind of were raised together.
And one of the many things that you did together was you used to read old books about animals together in Schemo's father's library.
And you did these things together.
So all of these memories that Schemo has are from also his childhood, which he had forgotten from the war and from the mind flayers.
So it was not Schemo that made you, but all of these skills that he has are directly related to his father, things that his father has taught him.
And as all these memories come back, you awaken in the shop and you feel this energy inside of you.
And you look over at Schemo and he's like, what is it?
And then this energy blasts out of you.
And you can see this energy hit him and all of his memories slowly start to come back.
And you know that. But at the same time this happens, all of the potions that are stacked up on the side, fall off the shelf and smash down onto the ground from this wave.
And this liquid just goes everywhere. And then from the liquid, this monster is created of like strange flesh and bone and feathers sticking out and glass from all the potions in the center of the shop.
I need each one of you guys to roll me initiative.
Put the Boblin outside purchasing a pretzel dog from the street vendor.
Can I try to activate a spell first?
It pertains to doing initiative.
Roll me a deck save and if you get higher than the target number, we'll say you're fast enough to do it.
Nerds, geeks and freaks, a part of the couch.
Another world gifted to Kyah. Cheers.
Cheers. I don't know if I can drink through this.
It wasn't skeevo. I was fucking Jesus invested.
What did you get? What did you get? You got a 14. So sure you're fast enough.
All right, sweet. I'm going to try and do my shadow clone jutsu y'all.
You fail.
I didn't do it.
No, you got an eight. So you fail. So you don't get to do that first off.
But now initiative. What did everybody get? What did everybody get?
I didn't roll yet.
All right. Yeah. Thirteen.
Seventeen. You got a 13.
Bomblin.
I'm outside. Am I not privy to the battle?
Am I? No, you hear this shit happen.
So if you want to help, you can. The door is open.
Yeah.
Oh, I just like see it happening through the window.
Like, oh, no time to eat my pretzel dog.
Damn it. Yeah, that's exactly it. Yeah.
I got a four. Okay.
Eighteen. Okay.
Schemo.
Stands up.
In this area.
And he looks over the wall, one of his like mechanical devices, and he pulls it off the wall.
And he wraps it over his shoulder and he fires like this long metal sharp thing out of it.
And it shoots at the thing.
And it hits. Sick, dude, sick, dude, sick.
For two damage. Nice.
Need my paper.
One second. One second. I know I'm unprepared. Shame on me. Shame on me.
All right. For two damage.
Now, the big thing moves over the ground like sticky and is just picking up glass and dirt and like wood as it moves like it's almost like rolling forward.
And it looks over it. You three standing together.
And it just barfs. It barfs out this crazy strange liquid at all three of you.
Now, instead of it rolling to hit, I need all three of you counting Schemo and you two to roll a defense save.
Schemo got a natural one.
I got a two.
Damn.
Well, you're outside. You didn't really need to roll it.
All of you fail. So all of you take one D10 damage from this fucking thing.
Thank God. Two damage is it burns on you.
Now, who got to 17? I didn't write it down. T357 did. What do you do?
It was me.
Oh, also, this was your big goal that you've just completed here. So you also get a max high level milestone reward because you've completed this thing.
So you also get one. Oh, if you already know what you want, you can do it now.
But if you want to do it after the battle, that's fine.
I had a kind of idea. Give me just a second. I just have to pull up the name of it.
That's cool. Woohoo. Get that, Papa. That's right.
We're in a fight here. It's duel. I think I think duels are back on. You guys can duel each other for dice if you want to.
But what?
I lost all my shit. Sorry.
I would like to at least try to use my poison blades on it with the blade of return.
Nice. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.
OK, roll to hit. Let's do it.
Did you hear that Connor moan? Oh, you like that fucking go back and flip it if you like it so much.
But it is a ringtone every time there's a net 20. OK, so this basically means you get to roll your damage plus your ultimate, which is a D12.
I fix our area here. Cheers.
But I'm told which is a six. Yeah. Nice.
So 16 damage to the thing.
And this means next turn, it takes 16 damage again from the poison blades.
It sure does. Yeah. If you chuck it next, it goes flying across the room and sinks into this thing.
And as it sinks in, it almost looks like its body eats it like it. But then it blasts out of it and its skin goes everywhere and it returns back to your hand.
And you can see the whole area that you hit is kind of like sizzling and green from the poison.
Raz, your go. Oh, it is my go. Yeah.
As a bonus action, I'm going to go ahead and sacrifice three of my HP to this role, bringing my damage total up to five.
If the potion and I'm going to I'm going to do doorway, but my special version of doorway.
That opens the power of the sun to the physical realm right here in the market.
Tiny wooden shop. Yeah. Hell, yeah. You're an idiot. Why not?
Like, which way is this door? Well, which way is this door party?
At you? Yes. Yes, you should.
I'm going to make you make a defense save. That's what's going to happen.
Yep. God damn it. I can't do Nova bomb without you guys getting in my way. I can't do this thing now. What's next?
Welcome to the world of magic. All right. Well, I'm still doing it. Fuck y'all. All right.
What? Potion that blazing ice storm dragon.
What do you drink and you become a robot dragon with the powers of fire as I try again, my friend, you can do this.
You can do this. Can't be like God mode potion. I ain't taking that.
You can do this. I appreciate the involvement.
So plus six, that's only a 13.
Thirteen. OK. It looks like you're safe for another day.
You're safe for now, my friend.
This again, though, because maybe it's not too bad. I skimmed over it.
Without you using up your own power supply. Oh, interesting. That's what it was. OK. Interesting. Still, my statement stands.
OK, I didn't ask where my companions are. I said fireball. God damn it.
What for the Lord said.
That's funny. OK, you miss now. It's on Bomblin. What do you do?
Wait, wait, wait, wait. You got it. Oh, yeah. Is it 10 plus three? Gotcha. All right. What do you do, Bomblin?
Well, yeah. Yeah.
Ah, keeping the creature inside, I am going to back up as far as what I feel like would be a safe distance.
And then I am going to cast fire bolt at the monster. OK.
With the 12. You missed.
Two misses in a row, baby. Yeah, you fizzle out.
We roll. Oh, oh, thanks, George.
Oh, it's quite worse, George.
Yeah, this is our luck.
OK. Now.
Schemo shakes all the dust and crap off of him.
Shoots his mechanical device once more.
For a natural one, his mechanical device breaks.
She's like, oh, shit, son of a bitch. Still working on it.
Still working on it.
And now the thing gets closer to you guys.
And it swings out one of its fleshy little trash arms.
And tries to get you. I need all three of you to make me defense roll. Let's go.
Well, you two.
Yeah.
And.
Ha!
Bastard. You're a bastard.
What does that mean? One more and then you are. One more.
I get that mastery thing that I want.
I'm almost facing. I want to take Kai, Kai's potion.
I'm almost picturing it to be like the same thing that Bomblin got his dragon potion.
You remember what I'm talking about?
I do. Yeah, I like to get my wings and be able to breathe fire.
But before you drink the potion, you can pick which kind of element you want, I say.
I like their involvement and I want to be able to take it from them.
So let's do that. Sound good?
OK. I have a choice between ice, ice, fire.
Test the blue eyes, white dragon.
Thanks, Kaya. I'm sure that'll come in handy. Let's go.
Yeah, the blue eyes, white dragon. That's right.
OK, who failed? You two did.
OK, so you dodge out of the way, Raz.
But everyone else takes a d6 of damage.
A one. Jesus.
All right.
Now it's T357's turn again, which means this thing is going to take the 16 damage,
which means that as the inside of it begins to boil and fizzle,
the green burning goes all the way up to it's like weird kind of head thing that it has.
And then it like screeches like, yeah, and then melts on the floor.
And schema sets down this metal thing and he's like, I'm never fucking with potions again.
Battle over. Yeah, great.
Yeah, never doing it.
I pick up my pretzel dog off the ground.
Eating it. Nice.
Sharing it with sweet roll.
Of course. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.
Schema looks at you and he's like, I remember some stuff.
Est, you remember?
I sure do.
That journal I gave you, Remembering Now is actually, it was my journal.
And my father gave that to me.
It's got a lot of specs in it on how to build and fix and, you know, now that my memories are back,
it's a lot to think about.
You could say that for sure.
What do you think about?
Would you like your journal back?
Yes, please, if you could.
Absolutely. I'd like to hand it back to him.
Nice. What do you think about all this?
I'm conflicted on where we stand now and our role in society.
Right.
I still have reprogramming for the Legion to be loyal to them,
which means scary Lord Ruffelcock.
At the same time, we all know why your dad put my programming in the first place.
Right.
I was designed to look like a warforge, but in fact, I believe in more autonome than warforge.
I was designed to blend in to be able to assassinate.
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
Society should accept us.
We can still choose our own path, but it's good to know, you know, why we're here and how we got here.
And I hope that, I don't know, you've learned something about this.
I'm going to read through this journal now that I can remember how to read this and see if it gives us anything.
That sounds like a good plan.
Right.
It's good to know that our bond goes even without us having memories.
It's very true.
We'll always have those animal books.
Did you know that anglerfish are all female because the males are too small an atrophy when biting a female?
Oh, of course I knew that.
But, good on you for not having them.
Goddamn zoo books.
Zabuuma foo.
Zoo books are really small.
So that kind of ends that interaction.
He goes back to his journal.
He starts reading it in the back.
He starts cleaning up stuff.
And that kind of ends that.
You two step outside as Bomblin finishes his parental dog.
You have a couple of options now and some things to think about.
Not one word of that came through.
Not one word.
Oh, no.
I also figured out what I wanted for my big milestone.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Give it to us. What do you got?
It is called the Mark of Death.
Equip this amulet, a red skull.
If you inflict 12 or more damage in a single attack, your target rolls a con or drops to zero HP instantly.
Nice.
Just like those arrows, but it's a fucking permanent thing.
The most assassin shit I've ever heard of.
Hell yeah.
Well, the other things were all essentially Raz's doors.
Raz's doors.
It's a new book.
Read about Raz's doors.
Yeah.
Share some things to think about.
Now, you do remember.
Let me see here.
Finally back.
Hello back.
I'm Dad.
You do remember that the residents in the Deepwater Harbor, the woman who lives there,
Grinda Garwald, who Raz doesn't know, has an apparatus that could help you go underwater.
You do know that there are rumors that the Bronze Dragon Youngling is trapped somewhere underwater,
being that there is an adult brass dragon flying through the sky above the lake.
And you need to get yourself a Bronze Dragon scale.
Additionally, there's a lot of shit that happened at the Legion the day before.
And if you want to go there, you're more than welcome to do so.
We have some options and some things.
And Bomblin still needs to prep for his date with Ursa.
So you guys can think about what you want to do next.
We're going to take a quick five minute break and we're going to come right back, y'all.
Yeah.
I want Fish Shaded to read all the D&D player handbook as an audiobook.
As this voice.
The combat was good.
Combat was good.
Player must roll a consave or die.
All right, we'll be right back, everybody.
Or die.
Good to see you guys. Thank you so much for being here.
This is episode 12.
We only got two episodes left.
So I do appreciate you all for being here.
Yeah, a lot has already happened tonight.
We've got a lot more to get through.
So as you three stand in the marketplace together, you must decide what you want to do.
All right.
You must decide, which I'm going to give you a second to decide on.
To think on.
I'm going to go to the marketplace.
Yeah.
Great.
I need to go and purchase a salmon.
A bundle of lilac lilies.
And also.
Somebody's finger.
Not really specific on whose finger, just a finger.
Okay.
I'm going to say you walk around the shops and you're able to purchase both of those things.
I'm going to go to the marketplace.
And I'm going to go to the marketplace.
I'm going to go all the way around.
Shit. I said it.
Make your way chairs.
Who said it?
Damn it.
Mm hmm.
As you get around.
There's nowhere to find a finger,
but you do look and you can see the bring out your dead guy is still over there.
The same guy Raz had talked to you out here.
And I will allow you.
Make a slight a hand check to rip a finger off of a dead body.
Cut it off.
Well, you got to do it without him seeing.
Oh.
Powerful magic.
You get advantage from B-Town.
Hey.
There I got it.
I got a 17 plus one.
Is it 10?
We'll go for 20.
No, it says six.
I say six.
But you got an 18.
Okay.
And you walk over to him and he doesn't pay much attention because he's just he just sees Raz and he's just staring at Raz like completely distracted by his highness.
And you just walk over and pop one of the fingers off.
And as you do some blood like leaks down on the ground from the cart and sweet roll wanders over and looks like she's going to try to start lapping up the blood on the ground.
Stick your finger in your pocket.
You say sweet roll.
No.
And he looks over and he goes, Oh, yeah.
Sorry about the blood.
Sorry about that.
Yeah, that's fine.
Bring out your dead guy.
You're out here doing brace work.
I tell you, man, you're doing brace work.
It's good.
I imagine we need to find some sort of boat or something to get us out in the water.
Right.
Now we know only.
Oh, you know, a lady.
We do when you were hanging out with your gook you.
We bomb the night when we met the writers.
We met a lady who has a lobster boat but can go underwater.
Oh, that's cool.
That's way better than my idea.
I was just going to tie a big rock to my ankle and jump in the water.
And when I got down to the depth that we needed to, I was going to teleport back to you guys.
Yeah, I think there's a suicidal thing you've ever said.
Ah, yeah.
That's true.
All right, let's go with your idea.
Let's go see the old lady to give us a boat to go underwater and save the town.
I mean, no.
Well, I mean, you're not saving the town.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're getting the dragon ball for, you know, the money and stuff and, you know, fighting God.
You want to build up your church for Ned Braith.
Oh, yeah, for Ned Braith.
Totally.
That's what I'm doing it for now.
Nobody else.
Yeah.
Praise.
That immortal son of a bitch.
Wait, hold on.
I need one thing.
Let me see.
Dang it.
Oh, yes.
Praise.
Yeah.
OK, I can't find it.
Did you guys know that Krawala fingerprints are so close to human fingerprints they often
get in the way of human fingerprints.
And that's why we're going to get a little bit of a sneak peek of the crime scenes.
Very good.
OK, you guys head across town.
That turned out.
Not anymore.
It's there now forever.
They've got the other part of them back.
Oh, you guys had across town all the way to the dock ward.
There didn't seem to be a lot of crime, a lot of things going on.
The place was just kind of beat up and beat down.
And the first thing you passed was the old wrecked ship that was here that you passed
where the ruffians were kind of hanging out.
Now the ruffian ship is completely empty.
There's no one in it or on it.
And you can see that the place has been ransacked and destroyed.
There has been consequences to you guys taking the ruffians away from the dock ward as well
as people running around and people getting robbed and no one there to rough up the ruffians,
you know.
But you ignore a lot of that.
It's not your problem.
You cannot tell me that the ruffians is what kept the crime rate down by the dogs.
Well, they were hired by people to protect them and other kinds of stuff like that.
They're basically like a hired guard, you know.
Yeah.
Are there any ruffians in the street right now?
No, all the ruffians are in your gambling hall.
No, I'm talking about the other ones that like, you know, are increasing the crime rate right now.
No, no.
The place is just full of trash.
There's like graffiti everywhere.
You could just tell it's gone downhill a little bit, but it seems fairly desolate, fairly desolate.
Damn it.
Yeah.
But you walk up the dock, eventually reaching Grindelwald.
Was it Grindelwald?
I got Christmas on the brain, dude.
Christmas on the brain.
You walk up to Grindelwald, you eventually reach her home and you see the doors are shut and you knock.
And after a few minutes, you hear a voice coming from the other side and it's like, hello, who's there?
Hello, Grindelwald.
It is the bear and the robot.
Oh, hello.
The two that saved me from the black network.
Thank you.
You hear shuffling.
She opens the door.
She immediately locks eyes with Raz and she's like, ah, she shuts the door.
Foolery, I say.
All right.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's all right, guys.
I got this.
No, no, do not open the sun on Brenda's door.
Oh, OK.
Yeah, let's do that.
We like Brenda.
Brenda was lovely.
Beat down some beer, Steve says.
I miss Beat down.
Sorry, that's funny.
Who said that you're with someone else?
Don't lie to me.
Well, little lady.
Yeah, I happen to be a religious figure, which means you should trust me.
Oh, does that mean that?
Are you waking your pussy up at her?
I only trust people in two ways.
One, if they save me from evil and two, they let me see the generals.
Oh, show me your generals.
You know what happened between us.
Show me your generals.
Generals.
Genitalia.
I'm going to face the door and lift my roll.
The door creaks open and she goes, do you always paint it like that?
Yeah, usually.
OK, well, that's fun.
Did you like the little skull I drew?
Yeah, yeah, it really makes it look larger.
Very well then.
A lot of people mistake it for a helmet, but you know, that's just the shape.
Here we go, Connor, drawing you a card.
Aeos card.
So I had to redo this deck of cards here.
So if we get one, we've already had this campaign.
I'm going to redraw.
All right.
What is this?
An anvil immediately falls on one person or thing you are looking at.
No, no, no, I am not looking at my penis currently.
You sure?
Positive.
Are you sure?
When did that card go off?
The dick.
I have to roll a con save for my cock.
A defense save to move it out of the way of the anvil.
It's like right as I'm starting the helicopter.
Oh, God.
I don't think Chad is going to help you.
I do not.
Wait a minute.
Chad, are you really going to take a penis away from a virgin?
Are you really going to do that?
I am a virgin, you assholes.
Chad, are you really going to take it?
Quantry.
Yes, a moral one, Chad, a moral one.
Are you really going to take a penis away from a virgin?
OK, well, if they don't let you reroll reroll.
Oh, they do.
Oh, God.
14.
Well, this is going to be definitive.
Then I hate this.
Oh, God.
One of the defense that makes it a 13.
It's a 13 chat.
There's ways you can help me.
Please help me.
One of your characters had two dicks, one of your character gives no dicks.
You know what I mean?
That's the dice tell the story.
Yeah, he's telling the story.
Oh, man.
As you're showing her from the sky, actually, what I'm going to say is she has traps that and you step forward.
And we ride it.
Oh, don't smash his ween.
OK, your ween as you're doing the helicopter hits a small tripwire and you can see it like bend on the tripwire and then the tripwire activates and from above the doorway and anvil falls.
But you see the trap happen.
Yeah.
And it just grazes it and it like cuts the paint and the skull off and leaves you like a big old like like road rash.
You know what I mean?
And then it just goes down on your peen on the way down and then it smashes through the dock and kerplunks down into the water.
God damn it.
Oh, you're going to need ointment for that one.
Sweetie, come in.
Let me rub some ointment on that peen of yours, sweetie.
Come in.
Come in here.
Is that why you have people show you their peen so an anvil can chop it off?
Yes.
Roll of events here, sweetheart.
Hold on.
Just so we're clear.
Oh, gentle.
It's his first time.
Just so we're clear.
Order of events goes.
I don't trust you.
Show me your penis.
OK, I trust you.
Come in.
Yes.
Yeah.
Nip the tip.
Yeah.
Raz is the first Jewish man in all of Intoxica.
I am circumcised.
She brings you in.
I used to be Raz the Uncut, but now I am Raz the Tipless.
Indeed.
She brings you inside.
She has a medicine cabinet she goes through and you sit down on her couch and you two
also assume the position.
She pulls out the ointment and she's like, all right, sweetie, do you want me to get that
fixed for you?
You put your arms up.
You two can look if you want, but this old lady begins rubbing ointment up and down your
schween as you're sitting there on the couch.
What I will say, Raz, what do you want to happen here?
She's rubbing ointment on your virgin pain.
This is your first sexual experience.
Can I roll like a con to not get a boner or have an orgasm?
I was going to say that's exactly what I was going to say.
Same boat.
Roll me a con save a 14 to not ejaculate here.
All right.
So you hold out for a little while.
As you guys are talking, she's like, so what brought you guys here, sweethearts?
How are you guys doing?
How are things going?
We were hoping to use your underwater submersible.
Oh.
And as you say that, Raz just fucking...
Can we clip back that orgasm from that Nat 20 different from the noise that caught her
man?
Oh!
Praise, praise!
She goes, oh, that's okay, sweetheart.
It happens all the time.
And she pulls out some napkins and she stands up and washes her hands, like, as if it's
just a regular normal thing.
And she's like, oh, do you want to use my apparatus?
Don't laugh, cry your makeup off there, Brodyus.
Yes, okay.
I'm doing my best.
And yeah, you guys could absolutely use it.
See, I'm old and I created it.
I haven't gotten to use it too much.
But if you are a fan of the underwater, I will allow you to use it.
And she goes over to a door and opens it up and there's like a hat.
She's like...
Just like before.
And you guys, at least you two, follow her out while Raz is cleaning himself up.
You're just on the couch like, oh, Jesus.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh my God, that lady.
She's either really healthy with her arm movements or she has some kind of disease where she
shakes, because that was too much.
Do you think he's into old women, though?
I hope so.
No, no.
Although I do think it is beautiful that they're that close to death and yet have so much
life in them.
I prefer those which much more potential to die early and have a sad death.
It's way sexier.
Resting a con save to not skeet might go down as one of the best ETR moments I've ever seen.
Okay.
You guys step out into this thing.
Let me see if Foundry's set up right for me to do pictures for us again so you guys can
get a visual of this fucking apparatus here that you're looking at in front of you.
Let me see.
That didn't work.
Will this work?
That won't work.
I'm just glad she didn't have to put the oil on.
Two episodes ago, he jerked off a minotaur to death.
Yeah, that's true.
I'm just glad she didn't have to put the oil on with her mouth.
You know, old ladies don't have no teeth, so...
You sure about that?
Here we go.
So this is what the apparatus looks like.
Looks like a big old fucking crab thing.
It's got a door on the side of it.
It's pretty badass.
And it's just kind of like floating in the water.
And she walks you guys out to it and begin to explain how it works.
And instead of me sitting here and having her role play and explain how the fuck this
works, I'm just going to kind of tell you.
So it's got a bunch of levers on the inside of it is basically what she says.
It has an AC of 18.
It's got 200 hit points.
Oh, this is ICRPG.
So it has 50 hit points.
And it's got some immunities.
Now, there are actions you can make while riding inside of this thing underwater.
Like you can open and close the shutters.
You can swim forward and use its claw.
It can actually make a melee weapon attack, which is kind of neat if one of you guys wants
to pull the lever to be able to do that.
And it swims forward.
And yeah, I think that's all the important ones.
So this is really extensive list on the things that this thing can do.
But really, it can extend its claws and grab things and bring them back in.
It can make attacks and it can move up and down or left or right.
Basically is what it does.
All right.
And it's got a big old window in the front, like, that you can see through.
And she's like, all right, sweethearts.
Well, I've had a wonderful day today.
It's been a good day.
A new friend and a new experience.
Thank you so much for coming by.
Mr. Actually, I don't even know your name in the red cloak.
What's your name?
Raz.
Mr. Raz.
It's Raz, ma'am.
I really did enjoy the skull you had painted on your shlong.
If you ever would like to come back, just let me know.
Let me know.
I can keep the Neo sporn in the cabinet for you.
Okay.
All right.
Now, any questions before I let you go?
Is this where you would like us to return it to?
Yes, if you could, please take as much time as you need.
Just bring it back in one piece and we will have no issues.
How industrious. Thank you for your time and services.
Yeah, thank you for your time and services.
All right.
Have fun.
I would like to hop in the crustacean scoobarine.
Nice.
No, you hop on in and there are three chairs.
There's a bunch of different levers, but she explained to you what each lever does.
So you don't got to worry about that.
And do you two follow suit?
I'm assuming.
Yeah, of course.
All right.
You hop right down inside of this thing.
Now, I do want to say you guys can collectively kind of drive together,
but who is the main pilot of this bad boy?
Who's sitting in the front seat?
Well, considering that the machine is made of metal,
maybe Tess should be the captain of this one.
Don't you have sodar?
Kind of.
I have quite a few things, it turns out.
I have quite a lot of mechanical knowledge.
Yeah.
Yes, you do.
Don't look at me that way, come stay.
Your robes are.
Well, I'm just wondering how this works.
Is it like, you know.
I've got your cloak.
It's kind of, it's weird.
It's like, do you feel like you're inside one of your relatives or something or?
No, we are nowhere near make up the same material.
Oh, okay.
I don't know.
Like I just think of something similar.
Like it'd be like us getting inside like a whale or something and try to pilot it.
And then for you.
The palm of that granny's hand.
What.
Just like the same way of you were inside the palm of that granny's hand.
Okay.
Let's yeah, let's just move on.
The difference is these the scuba crab is not sentient.
Indeed.
That's not sentient, but you know.
Sick of you guys.
Sit down here in the submersible.
T357 you sit in the front seat and you kind of know your way immediately around this thing.
You search back in your mind of knowledge of mechanical works like this and it immediately just kind of snaps into place.
And you flip the lever and the doors shut.
The shutters come down and it begins to set.
And I wish.
I wish I would have prepped.
Do I have I could do that.
I don't want to do that.
I wish I would have prepped an underwater.
That should put it in the discord.
Remember, you can make clips of anything that happens.
Put them in the discord and then we watch them at the end of the.
Is this going to work?
I don't know if it's going to work.
Let's see.
Oh, it's running slow as hell.
Like you all are in a bug and bitched anchors.
I'm going to be a monster.
Jesus Christ.
Yo, that's a school of fish.
Did you know that live in colonies of all immature males except for the largest, which is a female.
When she dies, she becomes the next largest male becomes the new mating female.
And the female has a much different ending now.
You're welcome.
That's wild.
You guys descend into the water.
All manner of sea life scurries away as your ship descends under the water and the crab begins moving forward.
You can start seeing all of the sea life swimming around.
They're like alligators and some crazy looking fish creatures that you've never seen before in your life, because these are fantasy sea creatures.
You know what I'm talking about?
And also, they're like colonies of like mermaids that see you and then zoom away.
And you guys begin Mario 64 underwater music.
That's right, baby.
And you guys begin searching around underwater.
I would like each one of you guys to throw me a wisdom perception check as you're looking out the windows to see if maybe you can see any sign of this.
What are you looking for?
Oh, I can't see the dice.
That 20s in a row.
And the same episode is like I'm Raz.
It's like I'm Raz.
This is wisdom.
This is a wisdom roll.
Yes.
There we go.
Nice.
That was cool.
Bomb, Linden, Raz, 17 plus 17 and a 19.
And you've got a 21.
OK.
Jesus Christ.
T357 Congrats.
Make sure to mark a mastery point on that bad boy there.
What up, Soty?
Yeah, we were.
We're underwater.
Under the sea.
So as you guys are searching around in this thing, you look out the windows.
And at the same time, all three of you see what looks to be a shipwreck.
And it looks with your 20.
I'll give you all this information.
It looks as if a ship crashed into a rock and cove and then the ship sank.
And as the ship sank, a bunch of the rocks that it ran into fell off the side of the cove.
And at the very bottom in the sand, you can see what looks to be a golden tail coming out from underneath the rocks.
And as you stare for a second, the tail moves as a bunch of, like, sharks go up and try to attack the tail.
And then it whips them off.
And you look up above, you can see all these rocks are on top of the body of this dragon.
And it looks like it's stuck inside of an underwater cave where it's getting air from.
But it's trapped.
Well, do we let the dragon go free?
Or do we make our way inside the cave somehow and fight it while it's restrained?
Okay, no, let's doze.
I don't see why we can't.
I do not necessarily have the need for air since robot.
Can we see from where we are as we get closer?
Have these sharks lifted any dragon scales from the tail?
It doesn't look like it.
What it looks like is there's a bunch of bite marks inside of the scales.
Like they're trying to break through, but their teeth aren't strong enough.
To the mechanical claws of the ship, would they be able to lift any of the rocks off?
I think so. It'd be worth a shot.
Or grab any of the scales and pluck it off that bitch.
Also, yes.
Maybe pluck the scale then let it free?
I think that sounds like an idea.
Great. Alright, Tess, you're going to have to head to this one because I don't do good underwater.
I guess this is the best time to tell you that I can't swim.
But you're a bear.
Yeah. Yeah, I can't swim though.
I'm a land bear, not a sea bear.
Have you ever seen a sea bear?
Yeah, because the surrounding fat will make you float.
Yeah, but if you do see a sea bear, just draw a circle real quick and you'll be fat.
Kaya's got a good idea. Okay, well what do you guys do?
Quack.
I think so the five bits be done.
May I ask a character question?
Yes.
How do dragons work in this world? Are they able to talk or communicate or are they just monsters?
They can talk and communicate. They are the most intelligent monsters.
Oh, how interesting. Yes, I did not know these things. Thank you.
Yeah, that worries. At least most of them, you know what I mean?
This is a bronze dragon.
Well then why not try to free it first? If it will be able to communicate with it, it might be willing to repay us for our work with Dragon Scale.
Yeah, I guess.
That's all you've got.
You guys. I don't know what you want me to do, man. I don't know how to swim. You want me to go up and ask the dragon if I could have a Dragon Scale?
Because I just stopped at the brightest thing to do. It's kind of scary.
Well, how about this?
A fucking dragon?
How about this? We land. I can exit the craft and get into where the cave is.
You both can go back out to the outside and start freeing it and I can inform the dragon of our plan.
I'm down for whatever, man.
Okay.
Sounds like a good plan then.
As you're driving the crab apparatus, T357, you look and you can see a small little hole that leads up to the surface inside of the underwater cave.
And you drive it up.
And you look out and you can see you're floating right above this enclosed area of a cave that's very dark, but the smoke coming out of the nose of the dragon seems to light up the room every little once in a while.
And you can see it's very small, maybe like a 10 by 10 area, and its head is just stuck under these like rocks.
And you open the top and you step out and you grab onto some rocks and you yell back down to them.
Fellas, see what you can do to start shifting rocks off of the weight of the dragon. I will see if I can communicate with the small dragon.
You got it.
You can keep it as calm as possible and keep it from threshing.
Oh yeah, super calm.
Got it.
Yeah, so we'll just, we'll use the scuba butt claws to start removing rocks.
Yes, correct.
Sounds good.
And no Steve, you are incorrect. You are incorrect.
You see, coming up with ideas here in chat.
Things are very cool. Okay, you step out and you climb over to where it is stuck breathing.
Its eyes are closed and its nose is just breathing out smoke. You two head back down into the water.
What the fuck? It's a big ass fish.
That's a group bird.
Good place to fucking pause there, huh?
As you step out, you quietly walk over the stone, but your metal feet quickly, ting, ting, ting.
You weren't really trying to be quiet, but just respectful.
And as you do, it breathes real heavy and some embers come out of its nose, but not a lot.
It's almost like as if it's gotten a little sickly.
And you know this because you know a lot about fantasy creatures.
You know a lot about information and stuff like that now.
So it seems a little sickly.
And as you step closer, you can see there are like bones of like rats and other kinds of like fish stuff.
As if that's how it's been surviving this long.
And it awakens and smoke fills this cave.
And then you hear its voice and it's like, wait, I want to do a DP.
Haven't done in a while.
Who dares?
You may call me T357.
Gratitude.
I am here with companions.
Hold on to that one.
Oh, how industrious.
You might need it.
I will.
I am here with companions to try and free you.
Gratitude comes a lot from me to you.
For you see, my body has been entombed under these boulders of the sea.
I came.
Excuse me, it's been a while since I've been able to hold a full conversation with anyone.
I came under the water and liquid.
Oh, there is a sunken shipwreck.
Apparently full of gold.
I came to feast and was trapped.
I see.
You seem to be quite pinned down.
Yes.
For these old bones on the rocks, it's something terrible.
Is there anything I can do to help keep you calm and relaxed while we shift the larger rocks?
I don't trust people of your small kind.
They try to entrap and kill.
I know what my scales are worth.
I suggest you don't get too close, for I don't know you.
T-357.
That is fair.
I will admit, we are interested in your scales.
But, until you are free and safe.
That can be discussed later, if we can do something to earn one.
So, trying to come to some kind of a accord, a bargain.
We could be amenable to that.
If you free me without hurting me, I will remove a scale for you to keep.
That sounds like a fair accord.
Your companion, Brass Dragon, has been flying over the seas in search of you for quite some time.
Good to hear. My mother, hopefully. Not my father. My father, well, I would know if he was there.
But my mother, Dragon, good. I must return to her. Quickly.
Free me of these shackles of the sea.
We will do our best.
Do you have them?
Yes, for real meat, none of which you have warforged.
Can I wait around in the pools around and see if I can skewer up fish, while Bomblet and Raz are removing stones?
I am sick of fish. Just release me from these bonds.
Fair enough, Omi.
We'll come back to you boys up here.
So, the apparatus, you're driving it, both of you now, leading it yourselves, alone, trying to pull the levers and do the things.
Now you have four levers. You can extend a claw to do a weapon attack.
You can extend a different claw to do a grapple attack.
You can also extend claws from the front sides of the apparatus and retract claws from the front side of the apparatus.
So they can come out and in.
You can also make an attack to break things or you can make an attack to grapple rocks.
What would you like to do?
I would like to grapple some rocks.
Gonna lift this rock off there.
Let's do it. It's got a plus five to hit.
Go on ahead and roll it. Just beat me a 14. You can grapple one of these rocks.
What is this going to be for me?
Just a d20 for you.
Just a d20. Okay. Plus five. Here we go. Shabam.
14. Look at that. Plus five to 19.
You grab the first rock underwater.
And dust comes off of it and it moves and you can see the dragon wiggle as it moves and some other rocks come tumbling down.
And on the inside, T357, you can see it wince like his rocks fall down on it.
And he's like, tell your compatriots to pull from the top.
And he's like, I'm going to do it.
Also, I had an idea for a little bit later. But I just don't want to forget.
I would like to wade out into the water and wave at them on the ship and kind of just point up, start higher, not lower.
What's Tess doing out there? She's pointing to the, she wants us to surface.
Oh no. Should we surface?
Maybe we need to surface. I think we should surface.
Maybe we should surface.
Oh no, she's killing somebody down there. She's stabbing their brain.
Kill the dragon? We need to kill the dragon.
We need to kill the dragon. That kind of escalated quickly.
How about this? T357, roll me a Charisma. We're going to count this as a performance.
That's a three. Yeah. So there.
I think she wants us to kill the dragon.
Maybe we should just surface. Here, hold on. I'll make this easier.
Oh, you actually get advantage. Wait a minute. You get advantage, T357, because of a certifiable. Yeah.
That's a 15. Nice. Now you got to reroll it. You get one more extra roll.
You might hit a 20. Just roll it. Yeah.
One more. Another 15.
Alright.
Oh, the rocks at the top.
The rocks at the top. Got it. Got it.
The rocks on the top.
I would like to use my action to grapple one of the rocks on the top.
We have it. Roll chance.
What is this one?
Next roll. If you get an odd number, it's a nat one. If you get an even number, it's a natural 20.
Oh, yes. Yes. That's not good.
I'm really great. Yeah.
OK, so go ahead and roll it one more time. I'm not going to make you guys do this too many times. Just do not fuck it up.
All right. Go ahead and roll me a d20. You got a plus five.
That is 16. You pull another rock.
Set it off to the side one more time, boys.
I got it.
Hiya.
No, I don't got it. No, not that rock. Jesus, Brass. You got to get this rock.
It's a good one.
This would count towards a mastery point certifiable. Indeed.
So the first one you go out and you actually grab a little bit of the dragon and it scrapes it.
And on the inside, the dragon gets a little bit mad and he.
Your friends are hurting me.
That was a shark. It was a shark.
I was a shark. They aren't the most intelligent, but they're doing their best.
Go ahead and roll me a persuasion roll.
Is that charisma? That's a charisma.
It's a 17, which makes it a natural one.
And he's like, yes, they are stupid. They hurt me one more time and I'll kill all of you.
Gang, should we wait to 40 seconds? Should we be nice? I think we should be nice.
I don't know.
I think that's your decision, really.
I think we'd be nice, especially because I think there's a little bit of latency.
I haven't set up the new settings yet, so.
You will wait. Cheers, everybody. Dragon underwater.
I'm getting fed up.
You know what? Hold on a second.
Oh, yes, we don't get away. Sunni's promise. Go ahead and reroll it.
T357. Go ahead. Smart, Sunni, smart.
Still an odd, still an odd.
I would like to cast portal while I'm inside the thing to go back to the place where we dropped Tess off.
Like on the inside?
Yeah.
All right. Roll me magic and then Bomblin.
So effects are so cool. 16. You succeed.
All right. I'm going to just say to Bob and Boblin, you hold off on doing shit.
Just stay here for a second.
I'm going to go see what the fuck is up with this and I want to walk through the portal and walk down in the cave.
Could you guys go hitting the dragon?
I assume that's what was wrong, but it just seems hard.
There's a lot of rocks out there.
Who is this?
Oh, hello, dragon. My name is Raz.
Reverend Raz.
You smell of Neosporin and shame.
Those are two things that would be on me.
Is this what's this guy's deal? Is he like, is he is he hungry, pinned down, hungry, and would like and is willing to part with a scale if we do not hurt him in getting him free?
Well, I mean, I might be able to feed you.
Maybe feed me.
Yeah.
Who opened a portal to the field with all of the cows where we defeated the scarecrow?
I got something cooler in mind. Hold on.
I'm going to cast a spell.
Feed me Seymour.
Oh, great. It's a 14.
So I'm going to go ahead and cast Pale Clone, my shadow clone Jutsu.
And then I'm going to tell myself to go jump in its mouth.
So you and it appears that are nothingness.
And he's like, good magic.
Now what?
And as his mouth is open, you say, go.
And it just run and like cannonballs into its mouth and he eats it.
But as he bites down, the shadow just disappears.
And he's like, you tease me.
Wait, no, no, no.
It's not it's not like a legit like shadow clone Jutsu.
It says roll intelligence to form a one HP clone of yourself from thin air.
So wouldn't it wouldn't it be like an actual physical body?
I imagine it's a shadow. Do we think it's a body?
It's got one HP. It does say physical clone, but it does say from thin air.
I'm going to I'm going to roll.
I want it to be like a corpse of a nameless body that just really looks like me.
What does that fits my character so well?
What would be super cool then is that it is always a shadow.
But if you wanted to take a physical form, you can summon it inside of a body.
Shit, so I need a body to do that. Yeah.
Because that's really cool.
And it does fit your M.O. really well.
Well, fuck. In that case, I guess I'll open up a portal to.
The guy in the village with the dead, the bring out your dead guy.
Yeah, nice.
I'm going to roll more fucking. Yeah, nice.
You just appear. Oh, yeah. Well, roll me magic. Yeah, first of all.
Nice. You summon the portal and it just opens and you see him standing there like ding ding and he sees you
and you just reach out your hand and like grab one of the bodies and he's like.
Well, if the. Preacher of Ned Braith needs a dead body, you can I mean, you can take it, just make sure it gets home safe.
Absolutely. Thanks. Sorry, I need this. Bye.
Portal closes and you've got a dead body and he's like, I smell death.
Yeah. And, you know, it may not be what you ordered, but it's food and it's more yummy than the efficient rats you've been eating.
Feed me, Seymour. OK. Do I need this one to jump in his mouth?
No, do I need to cast my. You could throw it in there or you can do that.
That's totally up to you, but one requires a dice roll and one doesn't.
OK, I'll just I'll just throw the clone and I'm sorry, I'll throw the body in his in his mouth and he chomps it down.
Thank you. Now help me get free.
Bumbling, you're in the submarine by yourself in the water.
You cut back to the submarine and it's like me and then against a bigger giant blue crab or played rock seaweed claws against each other.
It's like it's like a tink tink and then claw and then you see him like claw off one of the metal claws off the robot and I'm like, oh, no, oh, no.
OK, well, I'm going to portal back to missing a call back to Boblin.
Yeah, you do that. Don't worry about the dice roll.
You do that. You show up back up there. You guys do the thing.
All right. So you lost a claw, you asshole. Quickly now.
Well, I lost the bet. I'm just saying you got to watch out for the blue lobsters down here.
I could take your money, bro. You're gambling with the.
They took. OK, whatever.
This is role play frog toys. No go. But.
One final role you've made up for the Nat one and for you hurting him.
But one final role to pull the last rock off the top for him to be able to get free.
Do not fuck this up. Go on ahead and roll it.
That's a me roll. Yeah.
Yeah, you know, last.
It's not my fault. Look, he was cheating.
Plus five. It's going to place a point.
That's. Help chat.
We need help.
As this dragon's going to kill us.
The final idea. All right. You scream it.
At that point, we will. So we could just go.
Certify all reroll it. Clever idea.
Clever, clever, clever.
And you scrape my dragon.
And as you scrape it with one of the rocks, you can see like some scales coming loose and some blood comes up into the water.
And on the inside, he's like, I swear, I swear I will murder all of you.
I swear.
All right. Well, he said he was going to murder us.
I do even want him free now.
At this point, you may talk to him to try and bring him down again and require a charisma check.
Try to bring up the fact that I'm correct. Yeah.
So last one.
Fair dragon, my apologies for my dumb companions, but it does look like you might be able to be free now.
It's one large rock.
Robert, I am weak.
How might I assist? How would you like me to maneuver it?
Do you think you have any strength that you could use?
I think they could they could just try again.
But all you have to do is just persuade them to not be angry.
OK, give me the controls, you freaking animal. Jesus.
Go ahead, it is.
Don't you call me an animal? You fucking meat bag.
You walking skin rug.
18. Whatever. Shut up.
I'm working on the last rock.
He stretches as the rock comes off.
He's like, oh, my bones are free.
His wings come up with like water just dripping on him and he like stretches them out in the cave, like completely engulfing you.
And here's everything goes dark and then they go back on his back.
And he's like, what?
A promise is a promise.
But I will not.
Say we're leaving on good terms.
What's the scale?
Those rocks made your voice sound cool.
That's crazy. That's way crazy.
And he puts the scale on his chest and sets it in front of you.
I thank you. But fair dragon, what do I call you?
That's a good question.
Tat, calling all court of chaos.
You have been called forth to name the young brass dragon whom was trapped under the sea for weeks.
You have been called forth.
Use the name of thing, command and name this dragon.
I am sorry. We are not leaving on good terms, but you mentioned that you devour gold.
Yes, it is a form of.
I would like to take a thousand gold out of my pouch and offer it to the dragon.
Are you trying to amend my wounds?
I would prefer us to leave on friendlier terms.
I realize how large of a sacrifice a dragon scale is.
Yes.
OK.
I don't know if I trust you.
Roll me a charisma save and we're going to start a poll.
There's too many names and there's too many fucking good ones.
So we're going to start a poll for the name of this dragon and guess what?
No, it's going to come back later.
That's a 10 peanut butter. Love that.
Good one, Sora.
I like Sora's, but only if it's like the personality of Mr. Peanut Butter from Bojack.
Yeah, Finkels. Good one, Connor.
Seagirt Brass Balls. Good one, Suni. Jerry. Nice, Steve.
Cheesebeard.
Don't be a Jerry.
Is. Oh, Barazithin.
I do like Barazithin.
I do as well.
OK, one minute. I do like Barazithin. Dragon and me.
I named it wrong. Don't care. Get your votes in, boys and girls.
Refresh if you can't see the poll. One of my favorite scroll sites.
Make this canon. Am I right?
Speaking of making things canon, if you didn't know, we're doing a new show nowadays called Adventure Doodles.
It's every other Saturday morning and we're currently creating a whole friggin village and it's badass so far.
And the whole thing was inspired by our brains and chat.
So get in there and join us Saturday mornings from 11 to 1 p.m. PST.
Funny show. Me, Spiced and Proteus.
Belethondros, diet keeper of the Jimmy. Yes. Yes.
Been funny if someone said Chuck. It was so much fun. Thanks for joining us, Sora.
OK, you fail your role. He says, I do not trust you.
Keep your gold. We will meet again. My name is.
I'll insert that in later.
And he flashes his wings and zooms out of the water past the crab thing that spins in circles.
And you guys zoom inside of the cave.
But while you're zooming in, will you two that are driving, roll me perception real quick.
Oh.
As you see down on the seafloor underneath where his belly was,
not only are there two other shining scales that got knocked off of his body,
but there is something sticking out of the sand where his body was.
I'm going to go get it. I'm going to go get it.
Go get it. Who won? Barazithin won. Nice. Nice.
Certifiable voted 66 times for Barazithin. Hell, yeah.
Steve voted for what? I can't see Jerry. Nice.
No one voted for peanut butter. Sad. Seagard Brass Balls got a vote.
All right. Thanks for voting, y'all. Barazithin it shall be.
He says his name Barazithin. I must write it in my notes so we don't forget.
I had to hit this special number. Hell, yeah.
OK, what do you do, Raz?
I'm going to get that thing sticking out of the sand.
I don't really care about the scales too much.
Those bad boys sell for about a thousand gold apiece.
Yeah, I want those scales. Yeah, yeah.
It could be better that I get them if they're underwater since I don't need to breathe.
Yeah, you could just walk down in that water and just grab them.
I'm down with that. He tells you what's going on and you walk down there and grab the three things.
And the thing you find sticking out of the thing is what?
A fucking ghost ship?
You find a tiny.
I'm going to say it's like a tiny ghost statue that you can use to summon a black galleon ship with no crew.
It's like it's like a ship in a bottle.
And actually, yeah, it's a ship in a bottle.
And it makes so much sense for this to be there because we're under the water next to a fucking shipwreck.
This just makes sense. Yeah. Under the sea. Yeah.
And toss the bottles to the bottom and give the bottle to them.
Now Raz has his own boat to ferry the dead into the next realms.
Oh shit. Oh shit. It's a ghost ship. Oh shit. Oh shit.
I think it's got a personality.
I don't know. Raz for next death god.
I'm not a crewman.
That's right. OK.
You guys hop back in the submarine and head back up to the shore.
Upon getting to the shore, you get there to see you surface.
And you look up and you can see up in the sky, the dragons circling each other and flying happily.
And then both of them let out breaths of fire on a nearby forest as they fly off into the sky, just lighting up fire.
There's like smoke just everywhere.
There's there's one thing I just want to make sure I've done.
I'd like to open up a portal.
Real quick, just to see if it's where I think it is.
OK, I'll go ahead and roll and tell you where it is.
Because magic, you got to pick a person.
I got to pick a person.
OK, where's it go?
Well, I don't know. It doesn't open.
You don't know you fail. Yeah.
All right. You get surface. You go back and you dock the crab ship and step out of the ship.
It's missing an arm now. And Greta sees this and she's.
I'm going to roll a re-roll, re-roll, roll.
Yeah.
Damn it. That's a five. I'm still fair.
I really want to see where this is.
OK. What happened to my crab ship?
Why is it missing an arm?
We freed the dragon.
One at a time now.
We freed the baby dragon of the large dragon that's been terrorizing this neighborhood.
Oh, well, how nice of you to do that, sweetheart.
I was worried about that dragon flying through the sky.
I thought one day it might come around and kill us. So that's good.
But hopefully two dragons in the sky now doesn't ruin everything.
But what happened to my boat?
Well, hopefully the mother will be pacified that she has her child back.
Yes. Hopefully. Hopefully. We can only hope.
Bamblin, tell me. What happened to my ship?
Well, you see, there we were.
We were fighting a bunch of rocks with these claws, vicious claws.
And then Raz needed to go do some commentary stuff.
So he pulled out of the machine and then that I got bored.
So we were just kind of sitting there on the motion floor.
I met this other blue lobster about the same size as a machine.
And then we started making bets on snail races on the bottom of the ocean.
But that got real boring real fast.
So we started to have a claw arm wrestling match.
And then we eventually lost the claw as a bet because we didn't have any more money.
So I lost all my money to a claw lobster at the bottom of the sea.
Powering down.
Did this claw lobster happen to have a crack in its face and its shell?
Maybe don't they all?
Well, yes. But the big blue one with the crack in its shell, that lobster, Crab, is Larry.
I've been fighting with Larry for years. That son of a bitch.
You should have killed him.
Look, you lost a leg of my ship.
Now you must show me your genitals. Your genitals. Show me your genitals.
Genitalia?
Are your anvil traps put away?
Yeah, are your anvil traps put away?
Yes.
Alright.
Set up for the next customer.
Alright, let me go out there and then I kind of just like open my cloak.
Can I go to see there?
Where is it?
Chaos card.
Well, it's called a cub for a reason.
Ah. Okay. Well, thanks for that.
It's right there. You just gotta move all the fat folds.
I love that you guys both did it at the same time.
Did we know someone's showing their dick? Chaos card.
This is for Bomblin, I'm assuming. Here we go.
We gotta find out if he's getting hit with an anvil.
How unfortunate.
Meanwhile.
You can only say words from chat for the next 1d4 minutes.
Oh, chat, you gotta be his script. Start typing feverishly so he can read from you.
You just gotta lift a belly or a flame floor.
Yes.
Here we go.
Can I, can I attempt to open up a portal again?
Why? What's up with you? You have so many portals. What are you trying to do?
I just really want to see if this worked.
Because I'm not sure if it would.
Alright.
What?
God damn it.
Dice tell all my friend. Dice tell all.
I'm waiting for Bomblin to read chat real quick.
Alright. It's a Bomblin and I love side quests.
Side quest, eh, Turkey is so cool and Ned Braith is a wiener.
Yeah, it checks out.
I would like to give away all my gold.
That's kind of weird though.
I will take your gold Bomblin.
Yes, let's hug.
Yes, I'll take your gold with that hug.
Free gold everybody, free gold.
Oh good, maybe you can pay for my ship, son of a bitch.
My time's over, I have no gold.
He has no gold to give up.
There's a knock at the door and she walks over and she goes,
My three o'clock.
She walks over and she opens the door and Bomblin right away you're like,
Fuck.
Because as the door swings open it's the graveyard keeper.
And he sees you and he's like,
Hey!
No.
Bomblin!
No, no, no, graveyard keeper.
Hey!
It's good to see you.
She's like, Oh, you know him?
Yeah, this guy's a good guy.
Right here.
Anywho, and he drops Trow and makes his dick bounce on the fucking tripwire
and an anvil comes down and she goes, Another one?
He's like, Oh no, oops.
I mean, yeah.
Yeah.
And he just goes over and sits on the couch and she's like, Okay, sounds good.
Well, I'm just going to close the door on that scene.
Yeah.
He's like, I got a job to do.
I'll see you guys later.
He's like, Bomblin!
If you work hard enough, you won't die alone, Bomblin.
Coming from the lonely graveyard keeper.
You got it.
Hey, I'm not lonely.
Look at me, baby.
All right.
The door shuts.
And that is where we're going to take our quick five minute break.
And we're going to come back.
You guys have a couple of things to do, but you have achieved getting the gold,
the brass dragon scale.
Congratulations.
There's a few things.
Let's tie up.
Yeah.
Lots of generals tonight.
You know, you know, yes, everyone go grab your snacks, fill up your drinks.
We'll be right back in a couple of minutes.
Yeah.
All right.
Hello, welcome back to the Avengers 20.
I am your humble dungeon master, GM Turkey.
Welcome back.
Good to see you.
Of course I'm here with Proteus.
Raz, or frigging Connor and fishy.
Dang, good names all mixed up.
Thanks so much for being here.
This is episode 12.
We're only doing 13 episodes of this year campaign.
So next Sunday will be our finale.
I mean, like Turkey, what are you doing after the frigging finale?
Well, you know what?
We're going to take a short break and we're actually going to be doing some fun stuff,
like some nerdy trivia nights.
We're going to be playing them actually and other shit like that.
Will we prep for our next campaign that will be beginning in June.
You worry, which is going to be sick.
And if you want to check out more about the characters, it will be on that.
Go hang out with Proteus on their live stream.
Right, baby?
Yeah.
And Steve, if our trivia night goes well, we're going to be doing it a lot more moving forward.
And if you want to come be a guest on trivia nights on the Grouch couch for some sections of um, actually come and join us.
Come and join us.
You can see this right here.
That's right, baby.
I do.
Sounds good.
OK.
Well, this Thursday, I mean, you're going to be on the show already, which is which lovely partners can be great.
We return now with you three leaving the dock ward.
You guys have achieved the dragon scales.
You have what you have together.
Now, the scun, the scun, fuck, the sun is beginning to set as you three are heading back to the Bomblin's Rough Riders.
Now, as you are getting close up the road, you can see there is a line.
And you're like, why is there a line outside of our shop?
But as you get closer, you can see that this line actually leads to the back entrance of Bomblin's Rough Riders to the temple, to the chapel.
You look down and through all the shenanigans and the wildness you forgot today is Friday, the night of the ceremony.
All three of you rush over.
All right.
Yes.
To see there are people lined around the block to get inside to be a part of the Ned Braith ceremony.
All of you are promoting the coins you've left everywhere that have Ned Braith's face on it.
All of the promoting you've done for Ned Braith has done something big for him.
And they've all lined up to join in on the ceremony.
What do you guys do?
Well, I take charge of my church.
Right.
I walk down in there.
I get behind the podium.
We're going to have to drink every time we say Ned Braith.
That's fun.
Hey, it's one word also.
That's a name.
You can't do that, Frog Toys.
That's clever.
You could pick Ned or you can pick Braith, but you must only pick one.
Yes.
OK.
As you walk inside, you walk past all the people and they all clap as you walk past them.
Like, and they bow and they clap and you walk past them inside.
Once you get inside, you can actually see that all of the old pieces of shit barrels have all been taken out and been replaced by tables and chairs that look familiar to you.
They're from the flail and ale tavern that the Rough Riders stole furniture from.
So they actually also populated your area with furniture.
And as you walk in, you assume the position and you can see people are already in here.
They've already filed in.
And on one side is Honey Toast, the vampire, sitting by his lonesome and amongst a couple other people.
And on the other side, there are about three or four Legion members, including Narcissus Gloomingdale, who is sitting next to a couple of younglings and along with a few other people.
I'd like to take a seat next to Narcissus.
Nice.
I would like to take a seat like 30 seconds back row, kind of.
It's really in the midst of the crowd.
Nice.
Did Schemo or Reikiki come?
Say that one more time.
Did Schemo and or Reikiki come?
Oh, yeah, for sure. They're both here. Yeah.
I will motion Schemo to come sit with me.
He does. He scoots over and he like nudges you. He's like, hey, good to see you.
It's nice to remember.
It is. My children.
Hold on. I'm setting this up.
Holy music. Do we have unholy music?
I have to open another tab.
If it wasn't copyrighted, you could play For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica.
Opening another tab.
Mariah Carey, now that's unholy.
I'm going to open another tab.
It's literally typing in unholy music.
All you're going to get is like heavy metal.
Not what we want.
I'm going to open another tab.
Here we go.
Spooky church music.
Although it would be funny if it was Mariah Carey music or something.
Yeah.
We just like replace the words with, you know.
Wait, isn't that one Christmas song? Everybody hates Mariah Carey.
All I want for Christmas is you.
Isn't that that one?
I don't know.
What?
Give it to us.
You're unattainable.
Okay.
My children.
I've recently come to realize something.
About our great faith.
Well, God cannot die.
And that's troublesome.
I look out among you and I see people and things that can die.
And therefore you are pure.
But those that cannot die.
These are the entities that we need to cast aside in our world because they do not follow the natural order.
They need to be eliminated.
Honey toast looks around.
No, no, no, no, honey, honey toast. You're good. You're good.
Like we can kill you.
So you're fine.
I'm talking about those that, you know, they exceed expectations and reality.
They ignore the natural law.
I'm talking about God's.
Everyone's like, oh, yes.
Although our great God may, maybe the one who this this whole religion is about, he himself ignores his own teachings.
And that's why I ask you, my children, to stand with me against this guy.
And he shall receive his own reckoning to his faith.
The lights dim.
Begins shaking.
Does anybody else see this? What is this?
Everyone sees it.
You're kind of talking shit.
Get ready to get hit.
Well, one thing I can tell you about this guy is that he has forsaken me.
He sees me as a challenger to his throne.
He is scared.
He has all this power that he wields over you normal people and things that can die in this world.
He is immortal himself and will not eventually join the void.
He is the one who's forsaken.
Not I.
I have followed faithfully for all my life, and yet I am forsaken for doing God's bidding.
How is that fair?
I don't want this to happen to any of you.
That's why I'm taking it upon myself to face this God with everything I have.
And I need you, my children, to help me with this.
Roll me a persuasion charisma check.
Hard pass.
Do I get any sort of advantage for that being off the top of my head?
I think someone dropped an advantage earlier and we're like, just put it in the back pocket.
That was for me.
Oh yeah.
Advantage or disadvantage?
Another world.
Appreciate it.
Here goes, I guess, two charisma checks, right?
Yeah.
Oh, let me, uh, oh no.
Oh no.
Wow.
He rolls a white and a three.
Uh oh.
The people stand.
One of them says, no.
We roll.
All right.
Hold on.
Sit down.
Oh, son of a bitch.
I will not sit.
She's like a random commoner and he's like, I came here to worship Ned Braith, the one who will bring us to the nothingness.
You don't have the power to bring us to the nothing, to make us nothing with all of the nothing.
And a couple other people begin to stand to begin to leave.
But then you know what's about to happen on the stage next to you.
From shadow, from all the lights go out from the shadow, the shadow builds up this humanoid and black darkness and that melts away back into the ground.
The lights start to flicker back and Ned Braith stands before you, but not in the suit wearing nice guy Ned Braith that you know.
Normally, this is the all powerful demon Ned Braith, who stands before you with large horns and red eyes and a red suit wielding a staff of darkness.
And he says, I trusted you.
I knew this was going to happen.
You were supposed to bring the church back, not overtake it, not try to be a god in yourself.
Raz, I'm here to tell you, I can die.
One day I will die.
But when that happens, it will be on my own accord.
For I am the one who brings death to everyone.
And on this day, I will bring it to you.
It pulls down a staff.
Roll me initiative.
Okay, God.
Do I have to?
I guess you don't if you don't want to.
Smash him with the...
Get him.
Smash him with the ween anvil.
Yes.
At this moment, everyone in chat, this is going to be a tough battle.
If all of you are here to help with battle cards, with chance bonuses, with chaos cards, now is your time to activate your commands and help these players where they need it.
You are their power, chat.
You are their court of chaos.
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
Is it wrong to pick Ned Braid on a dungeon?
Yeah, that's a good one.
Now this is this is the beginning of the Isekai where Raz dies and he goes to another world and he's reincarnated.
That's right.
Okay, I just switch over here to see y'all.
Remember, he's still a virgin.
I'm bombing at a one.
I have an explanation for your commands, frog toys.
Raz, roll me initiative.
Raz isn't going to be a virgin after this battle.
Roll me initiative, Raz.
I did.
It was a 14.
Oh.
Oh, fuck me.
He got a natural 20.
Oh, fuck you is right, buddy.
All right.
Oh, this would actually be perfect.
If this works out the way that I hope it works out, it's going to line up so good story wise.
He swings around his staff.
And at your feet, he cast down this shadow death black magic that explodes from the ground.
I need you to make me a defense save.
Aha, 14.
14.
All right, success.
I should raise it because of, you know, it being a new scene.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I don't know if you guys would live if I were to raise that number.
Chaos card for Raz.
Let's do it.
Now would be a good time for a weenamble.
Oh, yes, it would.
Weineramble, I choose you.
Damn.
What's the most metal Christmas present?
No, I forgot that was in there.
Whomp, whomp.
You jump out of the way.
It's down.
Raz, is it explodes up?
And he's like.
I forget.
You know my magic, for I have gifted you with some of the same.
But today, I take it back.
And it is.
You got a 14, so it is.
All right, I didn't write down T357's turn.
Is it your go?
It's your go.
Oh, no, I didn't roll.
I have no fun with this guy.
Oh, shit.
All right.
That's fair.
Thanks, test.
It's Raz.
Fucking.
You told me to respect this guy.
And you've been racist the whole time.
All right.
Well, I'm going to make this bad.
You got to get a lie in it now.
Yeah.
OK, well, I'm going to try.
I'm going to try and summon a clone.
Lovely.
God damn it.
Not good.
On an eight, you fail.
Bumbling, your go.
Ah, well, I'm still sitting in the church pew as everybody's running around in circles.
I'm going to cast Spell Nova.
It is spelled on the next turn following.
This cast explodes in a near radius area and is critical.
If your roll fails, the spell then I can't use magic for one turn.
Yep.
All right.
Spell Nova activated.
You begin sitting in there festering.
He looks over at another commoner hiding in the pew.
And he's like, mine points his finger.
And nothing happens.
You got a fucking five.
God damn it.
That's got to be scariest shit for that.
That fucking commoner in the pew, though.
This is the death God pointing at him going mine.
Oh shit.
Yeah.
Link pup.
Hello.
Blurred back like, ooh, me.
It's my turn.
Yes.
OK, well, then I'm going to I'm going to cast ultimate doorway to the sun.
All right.
Roll me magic.
Oh, yeah.
That's a 22.
Yeah, it is.
It's also critical as all of this is happening.
I wonder what you guys do during all of this.
I don't know.
All right.
Your portal opens and you can feel the intense heat coming out of it before the beam shoots
out.
Roll me your damage.
While this is happening, can I just be a supporting people out?
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
It's going to be 29 damage.
29.
The beam of the sun comes out of this portal and it hits him.
And as the beam is hitting him, it's like this darkness inside of the beam.
You can see his body like just completely unveiled in darkness as he stands there.
And then the portal closes and he's like smoking.
But his red hot horns are still just like steaming.
And he's like, oh, my God.
He's just steaming and he's like, this a new trick.
Yeah.
I thought it would have worked.
You can tell that he took damage, but didn't kill him.
Now it's bombling.
Hooray.
Now I'm going to cast fire missile.
This is a fire boat.
So we got to roll intelligence.
I just remembered that too, Kaya.
Yeah.
Oh, fail.
You got a four.
What a fail.
That sucks.
Yeah, that's a...
He looks at you and he goes, ahhh.
This is your minion trying to cast magic.
What a joke.
He's not my minion.
He's my friend, asshole.
Oh.
Didn't that break bring Bomblin back from the dead to guard Raz?
You did.
Yeah, you did.
Yeah.
That's why I called him his minion.
He's just kind of upholding my legal...
So since it's fire damage, it deals double damage.
And since it's spell Nova, it's critical and it also explodes and hurts everything around
in the nearby area.
Nice.
So double damage.
So that's going to be 20 damage, 20 fire damage, maybe?
It hits him.
He's like, ahhh.
Magic from the mystics.
No.
What is this?
He's hurting.
Yeah.
He looks at you Bomblin.
That's going to be a...
He swings around his staff and he's like, if this is your friend you've been relying on,
then he will die with you.
And he shoots this beam of darkness right at you.
Darkness beam.
It's green everybody.
Don't worry about it.
It's a green darkness beam.
17 plus five is a 22.
Can I just say like he darkness beams me through the chest and there's just a hole there now?
Hello?
There we go.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah.
Oh, much better.
Thank God.
Yeah, sorry.
Um, yeah, you take nine damage, Bomblin.
And that breaks your crystal bringing down your AC again.
Which is at now what?
19.
All right.
Uh, phew.
Summon command.
Was there a summon command?
What's the summon command?
Am I going crazy?
All right.
Now it's your turn, Raz.
I'm going to try this shadow clone jutsu again.
I hope it works.
All right.
Oh, thank God.
It's a 21.
Nice shadow.
So now is it the clones turn?
Yeah, it's going to go on your turn.
So yeah, I don't know if I think it goes into as you have summoning sickness.
It's going to go on your turn.
Yeah.
And so that took your action.
So you summon it, but now you both get to go your next turn.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's so many sickness.
Love that fishy.
I'm also no frog toys.
That didn't didn't work.
I don't know if that command still active currently.
Okay.
You summon him.
Now it's bumbling.
You got one HP.
What do you do?
Hi, Yuki.
I'm going to get off of it.
I'm going to get off of this church pill.
I'm going to pull out my Minotaur hand, extend the bone sword and try to move closer to Ned
Brace, but limping like dying.
I have a hole in me.
All right.
You limp over.
I don't know if I can reach him.
No, you can't.
Yeah.
I will try to strike them down.
We don't need that right now.
You lash out with your bone sword and Ned Brace grabs it.
We roll.
Oh, thank God.
Yeah 18.
Hooray.
I pull it from his hand, causing magical damage.
You're lucky with that Nat one.
He was going to snap that shit off.
So you're very lucky.
Yeah, I know.
Six.
All right.
Dealing six damage.
And can a god of death be terrified?
I don't think so, right?
No, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Okay.
Yeah.
I've been places.
Welcome back, B town.
Yeah, your name's a different color again.
This makes it Ned's turn.
He looks at you, Raz, looks at this other thing you summoned and he's like, another new trick.
Somebody's been training.
No, no, no, no, no.
You can't have this.
And he swings around his sword or his staff and opens like a blackness portal underneath
your clone.
It needs to roll me a defense save.
God damn it.
Would he have my same defense?
Yeah.
Fucking a fails is the darkness engulfs it and just kills it.
You keep in.
You keep fucking up my shit.
It's not easy being cheesy.
As it dies, it becomes your turn.
But as it does become your turn, you hear the voice inside your head of the contract
you signed with the demons.
And they just say, say the word.
We take him down.
Say the word, Raz.
They take him down.
Say the word.
We take him down.
At that moment, I feel like my eyes go white.
And I just point and I go.
Kill him.
And then out of your fingers.
Well, first of all, I need you to roll me a magic.
There it is.
There it is, baby.
Out of your fingers, all of this is black to mentor spirits fly out and go into the
commentors.
Yeah.
Like inside of him.
He's like, no, the untraveled, the lawless, the lawless spirits.
Is it my go still?
That was your go.
I need you to roll me damage.
And where's this?
Roll me to 12, my friend.
Nice.
14 with your 14 res plus magic.
You have magic.
What was the plus on that?
Plus two.
Perfect.
Your 14, all the spirits go inside of him, much like they've done with you before.
But this time in seven powering him, he falls to his knees and black sludge comes out of
his mouth and his horns start to crackle to dust.
And he almost turns into a normal guy as his skin goes normal.
And his suit turns into tattered common person robes.
And he looks up as his face starts to age.
He's like, now is my time to die.
Promise me Raz, you'll guide me to the nothing.
Promise.
I will guide you there, but only for the years that you took away from me.
It will be a slow journey.
You will eventually make it to the void.
But you won't be happy when you get there.
And then I'm going to try to open up the sun portal one last time while I'm right in front
of him.
Oh shit.
That's how you're going to end him.
You say in chat, we're still getting an occasional static buzz.
Do me a favor.
In chat, just be like, buzz.
Like whenever it happens, like let me know.
Because I was waiting for proteus' face.
Yeah.
OK.
If you watch proteus' face, that's usually when it's happening.
There's something going on with the new sound driver in my computer.
I got a new computer.
Look at y'all.
Buzz buzz just then buzz.
I appreciate y'all.
There's something going on with it.
Y'all bunch of bees in chat.
Guys, we got bees in chat.
I truthfully appreciate y'all for hanging out while this is happening.
I can't hear myself.
So yeah.
I went through a whole tutorial today trying to set up bit rates and things to make the
audio bit rate work and I thought I fixed it.
Apparently I didn't.
So I'm going to keep working on it.
So I appreciate y'all.
Yeah.
What I'm going to do right now, instead of that, I'm just going to do this.
These guys in discord are still going to hear it, but you guys will not.
Proteus' face.
Here we go.
Let me know if the buzz stops.
Oh, also a single channel.
That's weird.
Hello.
Very strange.
I can still hear you.
Oh yeah.
Hello.
I come here for the buzz.
How do I sound now y'all?
OK.
Decent.
Yeah.
No, not you guys in discord.
Y'all are still going to hear it.
Quieter.
It happened again.
Interesting.
Oh, so that means that it's not even that.
I think it's voice mod.
It's not.
It's the mic.
What I sent through to them didn't have voice mod, which means it's not.
Which means it's my audio.
We can do the Grash Gash gas where we do our audio troubleshooting right here live.
I'm just so happy to have both guys here.
Take it out and blow on it.
Yeah, take it out and blow on it, Turkey.
Now we can't hear you.
Take Sylvia's horn out and rub it.
We can't hear you.
Say something.
Y'all can't hear me.
They can't hear me.
Y'all.
I'm going to say a bunch of bad shit about them, everybody.
Still can't hear you.
Yeah, I know.
OK.
I can hear you now, though.
Yeah.
Hi.
Hello.
OK.
Technical difficulties.
Well, I think I might know how to fix that, so let's just push through for now.
But good.
This is a very intense moment.
I'm going to cut out for YouTube all that bit.
All right.
You're going to kill him with the power of the sun.
Hell yeah, I'm going to kill him with the power of the sun.
All right.
Let's see if I do.
You don't.
He does that?
I don't.
Wasn't meant to be.
Your magic fizzles.
He looks up.
He's like, please just send me.
Please.
I've been here for a long time.
Finally, someone strong enough to take me out.
Maybe instead of the power of the sun, I could just suck your soul out of your body.
How does that sound, Death Daddy?
That's a 14.
Nice.
Perfect roll.
So you reach out and place your palm on his face.
And he's like, yes, please, Lord.
And all the people that are still in the building look and the whole room goes quiet.
What do you say before you end this, man?
I could have done so much for you.
But instead, you've forsaken me because you feared my power.
How dare you forsake one of your most devout followers.
I was here to spread your word.
And you cast me aside because you feared me.
This was your downfall.
Remember this as you enter the void.
I heal for two.
You suck out the spirit out of his body and his body hits the ground and it just floats.
And it's the biggest, most powerful spirit that you've ever pulled out of a body.
Of all the spirits you've pulled out of the past few weeks, it's fucking ginormous.
And you hear a voice in your head and it says, portal, portal, portal, portal, press the
portal.
Can I open a portal to the plane that I've been to in my dreams?
Just roll me magic.
Nice, 16.
16, I guess I can.
You open a portal.
But there's nothing there.
It's like just an archway.
And then you hear another voice in your head.
Just quickly, the staff.
You look down to the ground and you see his shadow staff just sitting there on the ground.
Quickly, I pick it up.
You pick it up.
And as you pick it up, the portal opens to the afterlife.
And you see where Ned Braith has been.
You see the image that you've seen once before of the sea to nothingness.
But his boat is gone.
And there are just spirits lined up, ready to go.
But no one there taking him.
And then- Sorry, continue.
Go ahead.
Well, how does time work in this realm?
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey.
Wibbly wobbly.
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey.
So would you say that my pirate ship that lasts for 1d4 rounds would last forever in
that realm?
Damn sure might if you play it right.
I think with some practice, it might last forever.
Huh.
Okay.
The spirit goes through the doorway and then assumes its position in the line.
And the doorway closes.
You have now assumed the god staff of Ned Braith, the god of death.
This is the death staff.
And we're going to go over a little bit more about it.
And I'll send you some more descriptions about it.
But one of the things it can do is it can open portals to the afterlife.
That's kind of its main bit.
And it has another spell that comes with it.
The death beam that he shot.
And we'll talk a little bit more about that later.
But yeah, this ends that battle.
Like a hole in my chest.
Yeah, bumbling limps over.
You guys come back inside just to see Raz standing there.
I'm laying down now.
And all the- The whole crowd that was there walk back in slowly, at least most of them.
And they all look at you and this dead body just lying on the ground.
And they're like, what happened?
Where's Ned Braith?
Can I try to summon one of my clones again?
Sure.
God damn, so close.
So close.
I needed it.
You failed.
I did so bad.
Yeah.
Well, my children, what you just witnessed was me forsaking a god.
Re-roll.
Oh.
Oh, I almost did it again.
Damn it.
Oh, fuck, you gained again.
I need that 20.
I need it so bad for it to fit in the story.
Someone can drop you a chance card.
Well, my children, what you just witnessed- There's an auto-net 20 card in there.
There is.
Someone can drop you a chance card.
If they want to.
But go ahead.
What you just witnessed, my children, was me forsaking God.
For God is not a just God if he forsakes you for following him so diligently.
In turn, I think I may have become God myself.
I'm not sure.
But what I do know is that we are all safe.
Couch coin.
Oh.
You could spend that.
I'm gonna spend it.
I need it.
Give me that clone, baby.
Ooh, that works so good.
This means over the course of this campaign so far Razz has rolled 20 natural 20s.
Which means you get some mastery points.
What the fuck?
Yes.
And here's what it is.
Here's what it is.
All right?
I already have it picked out and everything.
I've been waiting for this moment and it works out so perfectly.
So perfectly.
All right.
Alright, I have chosen the dark pact as my mastery
What this is is
My master's skull
Holds an additional 20 HP for me
Gift an item like that's how about bombling 20 out of 20. That's right
For side is 2020. Oh
Okay, you get your master's skull which by the way is on the fucking ground next to you
Works out so good doesn't it? That's why I wanted it so bad. Yeah
That's right, okay
Reach down while you're giving this
I summon my clone and he goes over and takes the skull. Hold on
Oh, he's gonna get that skull. Yeah, I
Have it
Resetting my gift triangle you have it
So your
Clone pulls the skull off of Ned's head
And hands it to you while you're giving this speech
This here
Is now our new symbol of salvation in this world I
Will keep it with me to guide those to the next realm
Those who are with me stand and stay here
Those who are against me you may leave no shit
No shit
Go ahead roll me charisma. Let's go ahead
We have nothing to roll Nat 20s for anymore, but the nine
Some of them stay most of them leave
It's like you pulled in a lot of extra people that you hadn't seen before
And most of them leave but a lot of the original people you pulled in in the beginning like schema and
You know other kinds of people like that. They all stay so it's like a small room of 15 people that are left including all the Legion members
You my children are now my loyal followers
You shall be the chosen ones in this new world
I want to was like what do we really stay now? We used to say praise Braith. What do we say now?
I'm not sure perhaps
Hmm
I'm not sure if you're going to believe it or not but I'm sure you're going to believe it
Glorious death to Raz
Death to rest for I shall die
The most glorious death. I promise as a god that I will die. I
See you in the void. That's pretty good. Yeah
Glorious death to Raz. That's what it shall be
So it's like another acceptable one would be into the void yeah, see you in the void, etc
I love the idea of this because it's like whatever the
The god of this religion now passes they hand off the staff to their next person
You know what I mean? I love the idea of that is like a canon religion. It makes more sense
It's kind of cool
Alright, what would you call yourself?
you the god are you the the vessel the vessel the
The demigod or just said God
Well, I am known as the chosen one and those that follow me in this room are known as the chosen
Right
One
You were sent to destroy the death not joining
Nice
Okay
So a lot of them clap and then they get up and begin leaving all of them leave a couple few gold coins in the
Tray the bomb and set out before they leave
Yeah, but
before cheers, but
There's a drinking a virgin mimosa orange juice sec
Cheers friend before all this ends. There's one last thing we must do and
Everyone almost leaves except you three and the Legion members stand up last and the three of them on one room
look over to honey toast on the other side of the room and schema stands up as well and
they look over at honey toast and
Narcissus pulls you to the side first
357 and he looks over to his guys and he's like make sure he doesn't leave and they
push him up against the wall kind of hold him there and
He's like, so what do we think?
I
Mean we can just help him right here and now yeah in a public space
Well escort all civilians out we close the doors and we do what must be done
Youngling the doors
And he shuts him
Say I
I'm old. Hey not much for
Torture I'm more into the dark arts and black of market trade
Yeah, I need someone to torture so we waited for you to return and we knew we would meet you here
I invited him and I would like for you to take the lead on this. We must
Get the information from him
As far as we know him and the sticky man are the last two
Leaders of the black network. We must take them out
I am
Not sure how good at torture I would be but I'm willing to help in any way I can with the information I've gathered
schema puts his hand on your shoulder and he's like
think about
Think about the way a lion
tortures a gazelle
Think about those books we've read when we were kids
You know how to keep these guys alive before they die
You can do it
That's fair
Shred him like a hyena
Yeah, I
Would like to walk over to honey toast and sit at the table with him
Nice the other guys follow suit and you sit down. He's like
What's all this about?
We have a proposition for you
Speak away
I believe in the one true leader. I believe
and the one true leader I believe in the creatures ah
Seems to me that you're trying to join us I knew this day would come
No, no, you're here as well
Are you going to be joining the true legion?
He's like it's settled then
That was easy
Honey toes
I