Everybody welcome back to love death and nice baby. This is episode 11
I am your game master for the night turkey
That's right, and I'm here with three of my favorite stingo friends
I love giving shit to and rolling dice with and doing all the lovely things every single week right here on the grouch couch
It is proteus Connor and fishy. Hi guys. How we doing? Hi
Hi
That's right on the show
We will not only be playing tonight's game
But wrapped up in the midst of this there will be an election for the new royalty the new king slash queen of our world
and
Amongst what our heroes do and perform to change the fates you guys will have the chance to vote for what is left
To be the next king or queen of our world if you would like to vote and know who maybe you're voting for and get a
Little bit of an idea before we get to that process in the discord underneath our canon world is every current person who has not been
Deceased by Raz that is left in that list you can look all right so far
There are two people he killed that could have been king of our realm. We'll see what happens all right
Yes, so what we're gonna do now is we're gonna run our intro and then we're gonna come back and we're gonna do the things
All right, oh wait
Yeah, okay, oh that was that was too much, okay
Crawling in my skin these words
They will not hear fear is how I fall
Oh confusing what is real? Oh?
You
Story begins our three heroes
Actually still a little bit of recap shouldn't we last time around you guys went down at the Xanathar's dungeon you got a boatload
Of information which I hope some of you might remember or have written down
From Xanathar himself he is an all-knowing being of ancientness you guys got a lot of information additionally you stole back
The nimble right animated robot object from him because you need three keys to be able to get inside of the Dragon Vault
Because you have the dragon stone which is currently it is a stone possessed by the spirit of an older wizard
He's kind of annoying
But he knows the location of the vault he told you you need three keys to be able to get inside
The first key is an animated construct the second one is the gift from a former queen and the third one is a bronze dragon
Scale so you got the animated construct in
Tess's closet you've captured it you've gotten it back home
That's what happened last time you guys have made it back to where you are now our story continues
With you three standing outside of your building in the streets the hustle and bustle is all about carts going by dwarves yelling at
other dwarves you can see across the road there is
Caution tape around the flower greenhouse you can see there are a couple guards there and murmurs of her being exploded in the night
She died I wonder by whom?
With your ruffian friends they are all taking a break a quick break for the day
And you three are standing out there in the front. It's the sign on the front. What is it?
Boblin's rough riders, that's the name of our gambling house. Yeah, you guys are running Bob was
writers, yeah, my
ruffians
with your pack of ruffians
What color is this?
Dragonstone the Dragonstone I don't know frog toys. I actually never even explained that I said it was like an opaque
But around here on the show we like to do a little bit of chat involvement allow you guys to get involved
What do you picture the Dragonstone as frog toys? Maybe I'll use what color you think it should be
You heard him chat go ahead and use
Color of Dragonstone it will be yeah. Yeah, there you go
So while you guys stand out there Scoob
Approaches you bomblin and he's like, oh, hey, man, you know, we ruffians. We've been working hard. It's been a couple of days
We've been running gambling hall and instead of roughing up people, you know, I mean we're kind of having a hard time
transitioning but
We've been doing a good job and I just wanted to let you know
That you know, we think we may have some overhead because you didn't have to pay any of us
So we might have some money for the couple of days for you to put in your pockets before you go on your adventure today
Boblin
crazy Scoob
Because today is actually the day I give you all your Christmas bonuses
Oh
You're getting Christmas bonuses. Oh, well, of course you over here at Boblin's Roughriders
We run a legit company over here
Don't worry
We'll get HR and hold of you guys so we can get you guys on some health care
But I'm gonna send you guys off with the hundred gold piece to go buy your family some nice presents and go ahead and check
the day off
Nice Boblin you did get 600 bucks from
Xanathar so is that where the gold is coming from?
Pretty much. How many ruffians do I have? I thought it was like four. Yeah. Yeah, it could be four. Yeah, four
Yeah, you know
Okay, well that leaves me 200 gold but scoops like oh man we gonna take the day off ruffians
Let's go get into some rough shit. Come on. Let's go and they all look at you. They're like Boblin. Thank you, sir
Thank you so much, sir. We appreciate that. Just make sure you all come back. All right
No, you all can't get locked up in shit. Your guys's shift starts tomorrow
So remember that you betcha Boblin. Thanks, buddy. Thanks
Here's we're gonna do real quickly and we're gonna run the first poll of tonight
So one of the things I explained at the top tonight
We will be doing a big vote about the king of this realm
So don't spend all your points here deciding the color of the dragon stone, but all of you guys here in chat
Made some red to brown
These are some good ones
Charlie Brown I what the hell that means I'm putting it in the bowl, baby
New Q. I've seen that one before
Charlie Brown I hey, I think I've seen a few brown eyes of my life before too. We're talking about this
chocolate starfish
I
Enjoyed our chocolate starfish tail your voting fingers
All right
This is gonna be a practice for us you guys in check it to vote on what color the dragon stone is go on ahead
Get her done get her done friends
All right now that scoob leaves you
T three five seven and Connor I mean sorry Raz have a place to be today
You're heading back to the marketplace to meet back up with schema to see how he has done on the things that you've kind of sent
him off to do
You know you you requested a couple of items from him, but
Before you are able to do so as you guys start heading down the street you look up in the sky
What's that a bird a plane a giant flying penis? No?
It's Ursa
Sticky paws coming down on her Griffin
And the Griffin lands on the ground and she steps off and she gets hey
Bomblin and if those guys you don't know she's a bear kin named Ursa sticky paws. She has a couple of scars on her
She is mostly black fur. She is the only other female bear kin Bomblin has ever met
She is
Yeah, there is art of her
She's the former queen of the Kodiak caves, but she looks at you three and she goes hey guys
How are we doing today? How was everything that happened yesterday? How did it go?
Okay
We're alright
Hmm
That's good for do it as circumstances. So as
discussed previously
I think
Today is the day where I can use your guys's help
Today is the day where you can show your true colors if you wish to
Assist me and make a difference in this world
You see later today in a couple of hours
The voting ceremony is going to be taking place in the castle ward of our kingdom
There are about six or seven people in the running to become the new ruler of this
well realm and
I of course I am in the running but
if we can speak
off the record I like that
devote to
the vote
iridescent shifting colors beautiful
Beautiful 33 votes for that bad boy. Yeah, good job. That's
Yeah
Charlie Brown. I did get 19 votes though coming in second place. That's pretty close. It's pretty close. Yeah, so close guys
Yeah, so close but yet so far
Difference in royal power. Yes
Yeah, I will also say for all you guys in chat again if you want to think about who you're gonna
points on later
Go to the our canon world section in the discord and you can learn of the people who are currently in the running
Um, I did
So she says if we can speak off the record and she pulls you guys over to the corner like by the wall away from
The crowds that are walking back and forth and she's like I am in the running
but there are
There is another person in the running whom I've heard is not a good person and not only do I I want to help the realm
I want to better it
But I believe that they are not good, but they have the potential to win with the numbers that they have and
Well, I want you guys to sabotage the vote
Now where do you get off thinking I would sabotage your vote
Well from what I've heard of you guys, I mean
You run a gambling den you killed a lot of people. I just I I
It doesn't matter if I win but what I will say is we must make sure that Xanathar does not win you understand
I can be amenable to those terms
Say again we met
Yes, I can be amenable to those terms of not letting Xanathar the leader of the creatures win
Good we are on the same page
There are other people voting of course and other people in the running, but I just want to make sure he does not win
if you
Can get in there and sabotage his voting box channels in the world?
Other way at the bottom called our world or our candy world
Your story your story
Um, if you don't see it also at the top of discord
Sometimes you got to go to the spot that says like view channels and you might have some of them marked off
You got to make sure to click all on then you'll be able to see everything
but
She says again, it doesn't matter if I win
But the thing is, I'm not going to let you guys win
It doesn't matter if I win, but if you do this you sabotage his box you remove his votes you get rid of
Whatever you sabotage his campaign
Whatever you have to do to stop the votes from rolling in
If he does not win and and you could promise me that you have helped in this I will do you a service
you see
the bairkin the kodiak caves we had
Before we were robbed the time or before our place was destroyed
We were not robbed the time dragon doesn't care much for artifacts and gold
So I am still very well endowed and money and in artifacts
So I can pay you
Ancient weapons or in money if you prefer I could gift you something
Whatever you might need if you can promise to be able to do this for me
How industrious
And uh, I guess bomblin I could um
Give you your sword back as well
Yeah, you can go ahead and give this so I don't
A part of the
Protection myself. Hey
Don't have been gifted a sub to wait
Hey
Yeah
Hell yeah, uh frog toys ask as many questions as you want in the ttrpg section in the discord
I will help you as best I can my friend. That's what we're here for
But yes, thank you. Donovan cheers, buddy
Cheers
Thanks for supporting the show friend
So have we come to an accord
Yeah, sure
Just make sure that a thought doesn't win. Yeah, that should be easy enough
Yes
How long do we have until voting starts?
Well, the ceremony is happening today in about three or four hours in the castle ward
So I suggest you get there beforehand
It'll lay the land see what you can do and so probably too slow to do a sting operation
Well from what I heard they actually take the voting boxes back inside the castle ward afterwards and they count all the numbers so
If you want to do something after the votes have been placed you could also do that
as an option
Hmm
This almost sounds like a time for a disguise
Yes, are you one for disguises bundling
Ah, yeah
You can almost say that I can almost look exactly
Nothing like myself
60 percent of the time it works every time
It works every time
That's those are good odds. Those are real good odds
Okay, um and remember if you need anything just
Um, you can call for me. Maybe i'll arrive. I don't know. Um, good luck and i'll meet you back here at sundown
She goes over to her griffin
Remember bumbling
We try hard enough
We're all gonna die, but maybe you won't die alone
and
It flies up into the air
Any thoughts
Uh, are you going to tap that or what?
Well, you know me i'm willing to lay down some bare pipe but
I don't know if you have any idea what it takes in order to like be with a queen
Of the
Coby act
Access to the riches and the sun of your whole thing
Yeah, she'll have a whole big pot that you can stick your hand in and pull out honey or something
Oh my god, she could be a honey pot
Yeah, I don't even think about that
Yeah, fuck. Yeah, I can lay down some bare pipe to be able to get some
fucking gold
No bother
Yeah, it should be fine, but we should we should focus on the test
You'd like to continue I interrupted you I apologize
Uh, no, I would like to pull out my griffin whistle and blow it
Nice and then out the door
And then out the door behind you comes sweet roll. He's like
Is he still limping he's had a couple of like weeks to rest definitely not limping definitely not no
He just walks like that. Fuck. Yeah, he's just he just walks weird. Oh
He's he's a weird griffin
Damn it
Yo from bay, it's okay
He looks like a frumpy and he looks at you like
You could just tell like in his eyes he's kind of insulted well, yeah
Yeah, he looks at you and rubs up against you tests when you say that
Like oh my god, oh griffin's just cats
I think it's the lack of apathy
Oh
Maybe it's a great picture of a bell or something
What's that play with you?
I mean I do like to play
I bet
Now is sweet roll strong enough to maybe fly us to where we need to go
The marketplace. Yeah, it's not far away, but they absolutely could fly you to the castle ward later. Yeah, absolutely
Do we have to do like a multiple trip system or just all three of us hop on the back of sweet roll?
I think all three of you can get on the back
Absolutely. All right
Okay
Why whatever rise you never wanted to go flying before?
Oh, not really
Why not?
I don't want to be in any omelet and toast sandwich
I'm sure oh, yeah
Class me with talents
Prove
Uh-huh
That means you're sitting behind me big boy
Oh, no, I don't want to be the bread
You don't want to be the big spoon
Okay
I'll just i'll just i'll ride like princess style. I'll have both of my legs on one side
That's probably for the best since you wear a long robe
Yeah, I don't want my ass crack to be showing off the back of this thing
That'd be great. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. All right. Now we jump cut over to the marketplace
You guys are walking into the marketplace you can see schema shop and you guys walk inside
Chingalingalingalingaling and immediately you are greeted by schema
Has a cigar in his mouth and he's sitting in a chair
He slowly stands up from his little gnome chair and he looks at you three and he goes, ah
Finally arrived. It's good. I am excited for what I have to show you
um
but first I uh
I need to
speak with raz
Alone come with me, please to the back
Okay, you follow him through the bead
He holds up this potion and it's like orange and yellow
And it's like in this little tiny cylinder like thin cylinder bottle and he's like
This I believe
Is what you wanted
Now i'm going to tell you
Don't lose it. Don't break it
ban a word
fuck
cheers
She loves the milk she was she loves the milk she was
She loves the makeup. Oh, thanks frog toys fucking cheers moby. Thank you
What makeup fuck you moby
Um, he says don't
Lose this don't destroy this don't
Don't sell it
you see i'm
Getting out of the business of making potions
And so I deemed it
No need necessary
I used a lot of my very rare ingredients to make this
And I don't know if
I'll be able to do it again
You see I've found another path
Some of my memories are coming back to me and your friend
T357 someone I hold dear to my heart
Said that they vouched for you. So I figured I could use these ingredients just for you
Also as a bonus
I really enjoyed your sermon on the lord of death. It helped me
Thinking of the vast nothingness and being a part of it
To live life to the fullest there's no reason for me to save all these things when I could be using them for the now
Anyways, here is your potion
Now as I warned you before
It will hinder your movement or you will basically turn into a fucking gargoyle
but
Have no fear
Just
You won't feel heat. That's all i'm saying. You'll be a moving gargoyle then. I get received that cartoon with the gargoyles
anyways
Yeah, love that show. Nerds, geeks, and freaks a part of the couch
Nerds, geeks, and freaks. Yeah, thanks yeah 22 months
Cheers buddy
Wow
Are we your local
Are we your local fucking group? Are we your local friendly group? Uh, cheers b-town
Thanks for supporting the chairs 22 months
Oh, you remember that gargoyle cartoon about gargoyles, I think it was called
Gargoyles
Thanks for what it's about. Thanks for supporting the show man. 90 shows man. They were good at naming things teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wonder what that show's about
We've been streaming for years just about
Okay, he gives you the potion and then you guys walk back out
and uh
As he does he looks at you T357
And he winks
And he walks over and you can see his shoes as he walks
They've been nicely shined and you actually take a little bit of a better look at him and it looks like he's wearing nicer clothes
um, and he walks over to this
large cabinet
and he opens it up after he messes with a couple of locks on it and
It opens slowly and he like jams one of the doors that slowly opens
And as it does
Stepping out of this cabinet is a nimble right?
But the nimble right doesn't look like the two you've seen before it kind of looks a little bit
Like yourself almost it's got bluish
Metal on it and it actually has eyes much like yours
Um, and it does have a mouth unlike the other nimble rights, um, but he
says
Well, I tried to make it talk
but
I couldn't get it to talk
I did program it though with basic sign language. Now. It doesn't uh have a name yet
I was thinking about calling it T35-8
But I was going to allow you to name it. I also have three
ears
And he sets them in your hand
And he's like now these three gears here
Will allow you
Breaking a little bit of fourth wall here to give one point of bonus into any stat of your choice for this nimble
Right you get to choose or you can put all three into one stat. It's up to you
He's like, uh, so you can put these in there
However, you want to fix it up?
Needless to say, um, this only took me I mean less than a day. I
I was surprised I started working on it and it just
Came to life. I
Yeah
And the thing is made of blue
It's a little bit smaller than you are and it's got a little bit smaller arms and smaller legs
It doesn't have a lot of metal on its arms. It's mostly just like the open bars
You can see like the gear mechanisms in it and he's like, yeah
I didn't have a lot to work with but I mean it'll get the job done. It'll get the job done and it
turns over and looks at you and
Uh schema was like this is her. This will be your new master and it
Looks back and nods its head and looks at you
How industrious
I
Would like to give chat the option of giving some name suggestions
But honestly the first thing that came to my head for a name was snack refice
Are you already teaching it fuck ass? Yeah, of course why not?
Um snack refice you say do you want to name it snack refice you could name it if that's what you want to name it
Yeah, that's what you want to name it might I recommend pr 0 5 7 8 prostate
Pretty good survival. It's pretty good. I'm also going to teach it this one
Nice nice it tries but its fingers aren't like fully developed and it can't do it
Uh because i'm glad to be pretty mean to them back up a little bit. It's a machine. Oh my god
Exactly. It just says boo. Love you too b-town. Yeah. Yeah, it says boo
So he looks at you he's like, all right, uh
Are you gonna let the court of chaos name this thing or are you gonna name him?
I would like to give the court of chaos an option to name a thing
Okay
Yes, you guys down there in chat use the name of thing command and give this
Nimble right, which is basically a speechless robot clockwork robot a name
Um, it's gonna be t3 5 7. It's kind of like companion pet for a little bit at least until it dies
Uh, so do you think?
Yeah
Tinker that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Um
It's like okay. Yeah, so
That's all I really have for you. Ah, like a world. Yeah
B 0 0 b 1 3 5
Yeah
Boobies, yeah
Like um
Yeah, I had a good time making this and I do want to thank you for the um
You know the opportunity the blueprints to make this it really helped me a lot
If you ever want me to make it again, if you just provide me with the gold I can make more
I just need to buy the supplies
I only have potion supplies
Yeah
Absolutely. Have you thought about selling some of your potion supplies for parts? Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the best idea
probably
I may have need of you later
When he can speak privately, I have a question for you
Yeah, okay. All right. Well i'll be here all day, you know, you can come back around maybe when the shop closes or whatever
We're almost on time there fishy, uh
Forge lawyer's ready with a part of five. What's up, dude? Hi forge. Good to see you buddy dances everybody come in here today
Yeah
How can we splice to invent plastic?
Could be what's up forge everybody get over there and follow forge
We love forge. Thank you for bringing your friends over here and thanks for coming over here
I hope your sunday stream went well, my friend. Here's to you
Hey
What up
Forge of lore is going to be on our stream in two weeks on side questers. That's right, baby
That's right, baby for fishies one shot
Okay, so have we settled on a name?
Full of tech goblins, ooh
We've run full potion business
Take on a proje I got you could be
What do you think
3357 I we've all I kind of like donovan
What a donovan's I would say mute index
Said mute index nice because he can't talk
You can't talk
I also don't know
It's a boy robot or a girl robot or neither. I don't know so mutinx
Robots gendered he like looks at you and uh, we also need to know I can be whatever we want
That's it. Yeah, I can be more lady or male than you can handle
Well, that's offensive
I think we also need to know where you're gonna put its three sets
Frank charisma
Yeah
I imagine
You could put all three in the strength or all of them in the constitution bard x69
Equal equal equal equal d
I'm 23 times three nice
Y'all y'all guys I gotta give it to you guys these are really good names for like
Binary fucking robot stuff like solid names everyone thought about what they would name the star wars droid for a long time
I think I'm gonna put it in the right right
Two intelligence and one in strength st4 nk. Yeah, that's perfect. That's perfect. I love these
Bingo
Perfect. Yeah writer down. I would totally put you guys in charge of my droid naming operations
No, x23, right? There you go
Uh, you insert the gears into the back of its head and then you close it down
And then it looks over at you and it looks like its gears start moving faster
And it seems that it it's a little bit smarter and you can see that it moves its arms around and a little bit stronger
and
Schemo's also like yeah, uh, you could also bring me
more money and I could
Produce more gears. So if you want to upgrade him over time, let me know
Um them over time, I guess mute next and it turns
He's like, yeah, that's you mute he's like
It says me
Um
Could they upgrade themselves? Ah, that's a good point. Maybe they could upgrade themselves
Yeah, I end up like the last one that starts creating evil nimble lights
He's like, all right. So that's all I have for you guys for today
Um, come talk to me later if you need anything. I'm gonna try to get rid of all this potion crap
Um, good luck on your adventures
Sweet. Thanks. Absolutely
And then we actually fellas can I meet you outside the store in just a moment?
Sure
On my way out, can I steal a potion?
Just like me
Look, slide a hand roll me a dexterity a cloak grab a potion baby. Let's go. Yeah
Yeah, well, I just feel like we've almost been an hour into the show and ever rolled one dice
What are we doing here? Well, I was gonna have you roll dice for gold, but then you gave gold away. So
I got a 15 nice
That's that was hilarious because the the original difficulty level was 16 and he changed it right as it landed
Ah, thank god
Yeah, what's the what's oh no that oh
Was that not 69?
Yeah, I think that was 69
Nice cheers y'all. I thought it was 96
Well, this changes everything
You get the new
We did it
The necromancers potion
You throw this on the ground
to summon
five tiny skeletons
um
What the hell? What does this mean? Wait, wait, wait
Oh, it's supposed to be a key chain. Okay, so it's got five uses
You can pour the potion on the ground to summon a skeleton
with one heart
It's got five uses
Or you could throw the potion on the ground to summon all five of them it's the necromancers potion
Yo, that's fucking tight
Yeah
Pretty cool
Yeah, do you swipe it as you walk out you two we flash cut to you guys outside and then it's just you and him in the shop
P357
What what's up, what's going on? I have a very serious question for you
Okay, I hope you'll be honest with me
all right
If I were to say the words
I believe in the one true leader
Hail the creatures. What would you respond?
He looks at you like
Like confused and he sits back down in his chair and lights back up his cigar and he's like
What have you been getting into
Quite a lot
That's uh, that's weird
Creatures faction are we a part of the legion? Why would you say something like that?
I heard it is something you say to become part of a secret part of the legion and creatures network
I don't know anything about that. What I will tell you is that
fucking
Xanathar
He's came to me before came up to the sewers came into my shop
Tried to convince me to join whatever he was doing saying he could help me get to the
Try to convince me to join whatever he was doing saying he could pay me and a lot of money
How he was going to be the leader of the world one day, you know making toxica great again or some bullshit
and I
Didn't want to have any part of it. I told him no he's we could use your potion making skills blah blah blah
I told him no he fucked off
I can't tell you I was pretty tempted the amount of gold he was gonna give me
I know
He would have paid for everything but I just couldn't bring myself to do it
You know, i'm i'm loyal to the legion right? We have to have each other's backs. That's what it's all about
We may be fucking pieces of shit sometimes but we'll never do that to each other, right?
Correct. I am pleased to hear that. Yeah
Will you remember those words?
I will
There are a few people that we are familiar with that
I would like to see what their answer is
Well, I wish you good luck let me know if there's some piece of shit that I can't trust anymore
I do have a meeting with kith later today
He's supposed to be buying some of this crap from me. So, you know, hopefully that goes well and yeah
Well
Be careful all right
And know that you can always talk to the head of the legion
Narcissus
Yes
All right
Information you're welcome. I hope you good luck on the day, right? Yeah, i'll see you later. Be safe out there
I want nothing to happen to you
If you have any repairs come back here. Yeah
I as well to you
right
And we jump cut outside, um
As he walks you out chingalingaling. He waves at you guys
He looks back and sees that the potion's missing and turns back and eyeballs bumbling, but then just shuts the door
We also got a question from foc toys. How tiny are these skeletons?
I'm gonna let bomb lind decide they're tiny skeletons. So they're not normal size. How tiny are they?
Uh
Would you say child size?
knee height
Okay child size so child skeletons gotcha like oh, yeah. Yeah, like like that. Oh, I don't want to talk anymore
Ah
I would like to add I would like to add to the scene as testing
Walking out as bobble. It's trying to talk sweet roll out of like spinning out a dog that it's sweet rolls eating
Put it down
Sweet on put it down
It's a ah
Put it down. I don't know whose dog is this. You've done this roll me a wisdom. We're gonna do animal handling. Let's go, baby
You've done this to yourself
Spits it out
It's like super sweet roll and it kicks up don't hurt a bob
Coins rain from above
Uh, finally got my x-pix decor pita five hours nice dudes send pictures
there's
Uh chairs got a
a kebab the dog wags its tail and
Shakes all the slobber off and then looks at
the griffin and kind of
Pops off back into the marketplace
But you guys do find yourself here in this marketplace and you can see there is an armorer
There's like firebeard's armor. There's a library. We're at before
There's all different kinds of places here that we're currently standing at
So there's anything here you want to do before we head to the castle ward soon?
Um, how's your time to speak now forever hold ip?
It's there a place that would sell agamemdium indian that I can convince boneman to steal for me
We're in the capital city, right?
Uh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're like, uh, oh buddy
Can we go to the nearest spell store spell bookstore?
Yeah
I would like to look around in the street. I'm looking for some something or someone in particular. Do they have like
Bring out your dead guy, you know pulling around a cart with a bunch of dead bodies on it
Oh my god
Absolutely, but I would like you guys to hold that thought because we're gonna go one at a time
She said anyone with an adamandian ingot so they are first
I would like you to roll me. Let me just think about a wisdom
Maybe you can decipher which one of these shops might be selling what you're selling
If you want to head and roll me a wisdom check
18
So it being an ingot you can kind of figure yeah, the firebeard's
Armory would definitely might have some kind of adamandium ingot
So you three walk over there together as t357 guides you whereas you're looking for bring out your dead and bombs
And you're looking at the library but t357 guides you guys into this shop
Then when you walk in it's like full of smoke up in the top of the air
It's like an indoor armory, which you find super weird super dangerous. Definitely not smart to be doing
It's like full of smoke
There's like a bunch of dwarves one by one walking around banging hammers on stuff all of them with these orange beards
but you can barely tell that they're orange beards because they're covered in soot and like ash and
As you walk in you like look around in here
You're immediately just looking for this ingot once again roll me another wisdom check. This is wisdom perception. I put on my ring of invisibility. Sure
Absolutely, you get one before rounds right? So go on ahead and roll me that round. We'll see how long for two rounds
All right, you slip on your ring
And roll me another wisdom. This is perception. So you're
You have that eye we're gonna make it an easy roll
Or how makes it only an 11 13. That's another success you look around and you can see on a shelf
There are a bunch of different kinds of ingots, right? There's like four different levels. You can see there's like bronze
There's like silver. There's some gold ones and then in the top and like a glass display case
There's one single adamantium ingot and it has a tiny little lock on it
And it's like i'd say about six feet off the ground on the top of this shelf
And as you two walk in by yourselves now because t357 is invisible
A dwarf walks up to the small counter definitely made for them by them their dwarfs
They made dwarf sites counters and he looks up at you and he's like
All right
Hello, well fucking have at it then
Well, do you need to be rude? I don't blame it rude
You know, I don't know if this is how I would like to be treated
For a potential customer
Well, you came into my shop, didn't you? We've got shit to do. Don't waste my time say words
Yeah, isn't your shit is supposed to sell stuff?
And if you aren't selling stuff, then how do you keep this place running? I hope you're fucking stealing something
You know nothing of my operation bear. What do you want?
I i'm just trying to like keep an argument going with him long enough for test to do whatever test needs to do
You're trying to keep an argument going who the hell is test? What are you talking about?
No, i'm just kidding. Oh my god
That's funny roll me a charisma check bumbling
Hey, it's a dirty 20 baby nice
He's like, this is my fucking shop. What the hell do you know about selling armor bear?
I know that anything that you got to be able to talk to a customer in order to sell this stuff
You're fucking half-wit. Well, I may be a half guy because i'm a dwarf, but I know halfway
I'll tell you what i'm one of the smartest frigging firebeards this side of intoxica you stupid bear
What?
No, fuck you you fucking dwarf i challenge you to do an arm wrestle. All right, let's fucking arm wrestle then
Let's fucking arm wrestle. All right, get off my knees and i can like get down to like his counter size
Hold on. We got the first we've got the first chaos card of the night
Um, so I had to reset my computer, which means that foundry uh isn't set up all the way
And so we're doing this a different kind of way
You guys might not be able to see what card this is but i'm still gonna draw a card
All right, so y'all don't worry about that one fucking sec. All right, let me just get it open here
All right, bomblin
Actually gonna roll it that's gonna make that easier it's gonna make it random
I got a 15
For what for what we're rolling for for strength. Oh, okay. Yeah, don't worry about that. Oh, okay
Yeah, yeah
I know guys, so I also just bought a new computer recently and it's gonna be showing up in a week
And i'm gonna have to go through everything and redo. Yeah. Oh you got
Random voice. It's got the art of ronk on it
Um, you got random voice
And then you got random voice
It's got the art of ronk on it. Um, you got random voice. Let me see if maybe this screen is set up, right?
You'll be able to see it
Yeah, yeah
You got random voice you gotta do another character voice for five minutes. This art was done by mr
Obstracto, this is art of ronk from our college years campaign
You gotta do another voice
You bet your sweet cheeks i'll be able to get another voice
You're like, oh, what do you sound like that? Is that supposed to be threatening?
In here
Because of what he's doing and because of the fact that you're invisible we're gonna make this an easy roll
Um for both checks the first check that you need to make is a stealth roll
Um to make sure they don't see you sneaking through their shop to their shelves
All right, and it's gonna be an easy roll. So you're gonna be initiative a new person sits on the couch
Cheers guys
Well, how would they see me seeking?
I'm invisible. Well, you might bump into something something like that. Um, so you also get to add your dexterity modifier, whatever it is
Yeah, that's a 15 plus
17 you're completely hidden
So you get over to the shelf and you take a step up on the shelf you get all the way up to the top
You climb up it and you're right next to this glass thing. It has a tiny little lock on it
And I know that raz is like my
My keys, but welcome to this at this moment you can either call down to raz for a raz key or you can roll me
Me a dexterity check to do a sleight of hand and open this thing up
Okay, this this may be another thing I can do but
Can I use my blade of return to
pick the lock
Sure, I'll see why not and then it would count as
This then it would count as my assassination ability
Because I am not seeing it cannot miss
Oh now it doesn't work like that because it's a different kind of action. It's not an attack action. Yeah, good thought though
Um, hello, my name's kaya. Well, hello kaya ad break over ad break over. All right. Oh ad break the break
Gotcha. All right. So this is a dexterity. All right, this is dexterity sleight of hand
Okay, plus two
It's an easy roll yeah, so you stick your knife in there you look down off the shelf below you
And you just hear bomba and the dwarf going crazy
And raz just standing there like
I'm still looking for my bodies out the window. I just i'm looking for bodies
I'm very very focused on it pop the lock off this thing and you open it in the adamantian ingots sitting in there
And I want to ask you this to have anything maybe in your inventory
I know it's tough because of boundary and everything that maybe you can replace in this box
Is something you can do
Also
I remember last episode you got a bag. You got a bag of green dust that turns everything invisible
I just want to remind you about sure did yeah
You can I have it written down
You just put a bunch of gold in there like oh
They'll never suspect this switch
I paid for this thing I stole
Oh jesus
So what you can just grab it if you also want to but you know throwing out ideas
Could I put my necklace of changeling in there
Why that doesn't look like an ingot to put something in its place
Oh, well then no, I have nothing that looks like an ingot
true
Not that I can remember
I have a truth potion
A map of the city a bunch of potions like a potion of punches
Pug potion of punches oil of life a necklace green dust of invisibility and drugs
And drugs. All right
So you just take the ingot then and you shut it real slowly
And you climb down the shelf and resume your position next to raz before anyone else is the wiser and dwarves were walking
I would like to talk on rose
Raz's roads as to indicate let's put the fuck out of here without banging
it as you're walking all these dwarves are going right past you while you were sneaking you're like moving in between them to get
back, um, and then finally
a strength check from him you got a 15 bomb line he gets
A four so you guys are like
Did you slam his arm in half
No, it's like maybe on a nat 20 but you slam his hand down. He's like
Oh fine stupid fucking bear get out of my shop get out of my shop fine
I just I just leave and then I would like to steal something on my way out
Wait, okay
Since i'm bored. Can I just be like?
fogging the the window up and like drawing a glyph
Nice. Oh, yeah, you can do that. You can roll me magic after bomblin rolls me a sleight of hand. Let's go
Hey, hey
Hey, here we go again
All season that's right
It is a ninety ninety three
Or is that a sixty sixty three?
Uh, it's a 93 you grab a handful of arrows
Ha he's a freaks a part of the couch
No more ads frog toys love for gala thanks
For years show gala, dude
Boobies draw boobies. That's funny
93 is killer arrows you grab four arrows every time a creature is hit with one of these arrows
They have to make a con save or they immediately die
Oh my god
Yeah
Okay, tess is like give me give me give me
I'm gonna be like, oh my god
Welcome to the crew. That's right gala. That's right. Okay, roll me magic razzle. Oh you did did you
That's gonna be a 21. All right, what goes inside of your glyph?
You know just death nova his death breath glyph
You get the advantage you didn't need it, but you got it. Um, yes. No, wait should I should I roll again?
Yeah, maybe you can get it
I'm saying giggles. Nah, well 17. All right, so 21
All right, which automatically makes it critical. So whoever touches it gets 3d 12 of damage
Oh my god
All right, maybe here is just a wrong way
Also, by the way, that's very creative. I feel like leaving a glyph on the window with your breath is super creative
So we'll give you a couch coin for that razz nice
Also, the arm wrestling thing was super creative. So couch coin for that then remembering the adamantian ingrat
So also couch coin congrats everybody
couch coins forever
couch coins all around
Step outside back into the marketplace
Um, and you look around you see the things that you are coming here for but we're gonna take a quick five minute break
Use the bathroom and what have you and we're gonna come right back. What's the catch coin?
You could use exclamation point commands to read all about all that stuff and learn about what a couch coin is if you want to
Yeah
Um, we'll be right back. Um, but first we've only got
Three episodes left of this here campaign. So what i'm gonna say is here three maybe four
Thumbnail pose we need a thumbnail pose of the beautiful. That's orange. It's fuck. It is orange
That's orange. It's black dude
I feel like we're living in a pumpkin. I'll ever see that movie james the giant peach that shit traumatized me as a kid
Bow down to that means another thing in today's culture james and the giant peach
Yeah, it does how the hell is
Uh, let me fix that and y'all bow down to test
Better not be on cool down. We're bowing down to test
I don't think that's something that either one of us would actually do
Oh, I see because it went off right before that's why
Press take one step backwards
There you go, this is just a really good pose of test too because we could steal for other things
All right. Very good. Y'all. We'll be right back a few minutes. Everyone screenshot that posted on the discord
We'll be right back. Don't go anywhere. Yeah, hey, hey while we're gone
Hop around and follow all of our lovely friends here in our streaming ttr community
All right, show each other some love because a rising tide raises all ships y'all so give it there follow proteus
That's right. Follow them on their channel
Give it a and follow fucking steve on fucking forge alarm get over there and just follow everybody and chat show each other some love
Y'all right and we'll be right back a couple of minutes. All right
Hello one and all and welcome back another episode of drunks and dragons
Love death and dies right here on the ground couch. This is episode 11
Appreciate y'all for joining us and being awesome and being here. I am gm turk and i'm here with proteus connor and fishy
We're halfway through our night
Yeah, fun to say as we last left off our three heroes were in the marketplace just stolen
Adamantium ingot from the firebeard armory, but now you three look up to see bomblin immediately and you drag
The other two quickly over to what looks to be the like library magical shop
When you walk inside ching-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling
You see a familiar
Hooded figure the one you met on episode two. He stands ominous behind the counter
But as you walk in you smell the smelly smell that smells smelly of old dusty books
You know the smell you look around to see he's rearranged a little bit as if maybe he got tired of talking
And trying to talk to customers you look forward to see crates of scrolls
Almost set up like a record shop
And you walk past him and you three walk inside to see all of these scrolls ready to be purchasable now at the very
Tip of each one of these scrolls is a small tag of the name of said spell and upon
Unfurling them and learning the details of said scroll you can see the prices on the inside
Do you begin furling through said scrolls because I know that's what you're here for or what else are you here for
Uh, I hear solely to get spells
right
So it's like, uh
Uh, what's our options on spells? So you begin furling through i'm gonna read out some names like as if you're
Looking because like scrolls, they're not one-time use right? It's like you have them and then you could use that spell, right?
It takes up an inventory slot and you can use that spell
Okay, so, um
You begin scrolling through like as if you're scrolling through records. I'm just gonna start reading things off
Um, if you want to know the descriptions, you'll have to stop me and open it up
But you also know that all of the spells in here range from 30 all the way up to a thousand gold in price. Okay?
Yeah, just get you read me off the 200 gold list because that's pretty much all I got
I actually had to read through the descriptions
Oh, okay, because there could be some cool stuff. Maybe I come back later
um
Rainbow feathers fish scales northern crystal
Rose thorns chelitinous cube breakup acid undying candles
Optum oil potion of clear thought
Skeleton key knight's eye
Babel fish whistle of opening fruit basket radiant candles
Cat tail strands
moonstone
Clarence of silence oil of floating
preservation
Grease
Healing ointment flight
Bird seeds spider climb demon wax
chameleon skin energy resistance lesser healing
gills
ghosts
cleansed cloth
tentacles toenails
fingernails healing
beetles bomb
brawler seeds
greater healing
venom
explosive oil
explosive oil radiant cloth
and magnets
Uh, what was the gelatinous cube one?
You open it up you can see that it
Basically, it's called chelitinous cube
um you can
Drop something on the ground you can take one object
And glue it glue it to something else
And it dries instantly and lasts forever
Until the chosen word is spoken so you can glue one thing to another thing doesn't matter the size and it stays
Until the chosen word is spoken
How?
That's not necessarily what i'm looking for
Uh
What about the explosive oil? What is that one about?
What is that one about?
Um
Oil that can be summoned and put on a weapon
or throwable object
When thrown or hit with it it explodes on hit for 3d 12 damage
Damaging everything within close range far range must make a defense safe
Oh my god
That sounds like that would have a happy what's the price on that bad boy?
um
400
Hmm
I'm not gonna look at tess
Tess
Hey tess. Yes, there's an interesting scroll over here. Wouldn't you say?
Yes, I find that quite intriguing
I think it's a good one. Yes
Yes now now you did this one or two ways
You could either just kind of like
Help loan me some of my money back
And then some reason you buy it dating over there. So i'm gonna move chat over here y'all hasn't been updating
Um, that's weird. Yeah, we got a lot of this hasn't been updating
Um, if I remember correctly bomblin has an item that turned the drinker into a gelatinous cube
Yes magnets in a dungeon. Sorry. What was the 12th one? Shit steve. Um
I don't know what it was because I was kind of reading randomly
Frog one's description of skeleton key spell
That's a great smell all right, sorry for I missed chat y'all it's not loading on our stream lives for some reason
I was kidding. All right
Number 12 on my list is night stinger stab yourself in the eye to see perfectly in the dark for one hour
Sounds like something raz would do
Yeah, that's what's on my list
I'm gonna be staring out the window of the shop and just
Sigh
Heard a magic shop where rash should be spending his
Call it
He just doesn't give a fuck. Yeah
All right, bomblin. Let's say you keep going. I'm as mesquitex. Are we gonna pay for this outright or do we gotta steal it?
How much do you need about 200
Red I can go for 200
Oh, thanks
Sweet. All right, we're gonna take this
Oh friends, that's a bit of a strong word a couple more
Acquaintances is random ones before you get out of here just so you can know when you come back maybe what you can buy
Um cotton balls invisible leaves potion of health. Um shackling briars shifty smoke truth
The corked bottle lucky leaves cat whiskers magical arrows time capsule reverse time capsule necromancers
keychain scorching pudding levitating mushroom padding of defense
Spell crystal arcane candles the lucky rabbit's paw the refreshing
tonic and
The crow's eye
All right
All right. I would like to take this scroll and the bunnies up to the front counter
right
Get up there and he's like stone-faced under his hood. You can barely see a mouth underneath and you said he's done, too
Set the scroll. All right, he looks different face
He looks at you and you can just feel the burning stare coming from under the hood and he holds out his hand for the gold
Yeah, I put the gold in his head he takes it
Shuffles into his pocket picks up the scroll and then hands it to you without a single word
Thanks. It's like why do you even run a business if you don't like people?
Money
Oh, yeah, that makes sense
money
Yeah
All right, uh, I think we're done here. I don't know why
Probably
And then on the way out I would like to steal something
Roll me a slight hand
I love this randomly stealing something mechanic. We've got going on
40
That's a 58
That's a 78
Yes, it is
I'm uh, i'm also gonna be
Doing another fog drawing on the window
Oh my god
Um, you get the spell crystal
Um, it has two slots
You can cast a spell and store it inside of the spell crystal to cast it later without needing to use an action
But it is destroyed
After you use it four times
All right, we'll have to
Get that when all the items are available crystal two slots destroyed after four uses
Coins rain from above. Oh shit
Y'all can't see who from because streamlabs is fucked. It's from justy charming 500 bits. Thank you. Thank you
Cheers friend. Thank you for supporting the show. Thanks
How charming
Just remember all the bids that you donate go towards bond lose debt to the legion
That's right, baby
So you go ahead and donate them bids so I don't have to pay the legion back
You've been doing me a great service and uh, really enabling my laziness
Oh, yeah
Because I have not willingly parted coin once
This campaign to pay off my debt. Fuck that
That shit's like medical bills, right? They'll go away eventually raz. What are you doing?
I'm drawing another glyph on the window
Show me magic coins rain from above
Thanks b-town, thanks b-town
Thanks b-town
Oh
Oh, that's a six on a six
Inside wait, we got a reroll
Yes, I got
A frog's back welcome back frog. All right, what's your glyph do?
Uh, let's see three more make this one different son of a bitch
This one is gonna have a soul siphon in it, okay nice
All right, so you do that do you want me to roll the the
Effort now, no, we could do it later. We could do it. Okay. Um
You three
Don't cut to outside. You're standing in the center of the marketplace
It's almost time for you guys to head up to do the voting and and see what's going on with all of that stuff
But before we do I believe raz wanted to do one thing
Yes, I did
Where's the bring out your dead guy?
Making a glyph. I think it would be a critical glyph
Um, he's like ding ding ding ding. We're all gonna die
ding ding
Bring out your dad
Ding ding he's like standing on a box like on the corner of the marketplace people are just walking around
No one's paying attention to him. He's in like rags and he's standing there's face just like covered in soot
He's like half balding. He's just a normal man standing there like
Ding ding. He's got like a crate of fruit in front of him
Does he have a cart with bodies in it?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. How many bodies does he have?
Should we roll for it? Yeah, roll me a d12
Five there's five bodies in there
Okay
I'll uh, i'll approach him in his cart and i'll be like
Do you mind if I honor the dead, sir?
He's like
Yes
Let me get off my crate
He stands down and grabs the cart rolls it around to you. He's like
You are
Who exactly?
I'm reverend Raz
I'm uh, I'm a
The leader of the church of death. Oh the church of death your holiness leader
I'm sorry at least for this region. I'm sorry
Bearkin the holiness is speaking your holiness
Thank you, sir, thank you
You know good vibes and stuff
And i'm just gonna let you know
Uh, you know good vibes and stuff, uh, and i'm just gonna place coins on the dead's eyes
Sermon on friday sermon on friday catch you there. Oh where
Uh at the basement of bobbler's rough riders
That place that's the upcoming new gambling hall the ruffians are running that's pretty sweet
Uh, yeah, i'll see you there. Um, it's good to know that the death
Is coming back. I had to tell you i've always been
A worshiper ned braith. That's why I got in this job and whenever the dragons came and burned down all of our death churches
You know, I was devastated and I knew that our god one day would bring back the prophet to be able to bring our churches
Back to arise there are people here who no longer believe in ned, but I think
Nothingness is everything everything is nothing and nothing is everything
Because when you die, ah, i'm preaching to the preacher preaching to the choir. I shouldn't do you. I you know that
Um, yes, my child it is it's fine. You know
Good things and tidings and you know, nothing is nothing and everything is nothing. So yes. Uh, yeah
Okay, praise braves praise braves
Praise braves. Oh, bless it be ding ding. We're all gonna die ding ding
Um, you get plus five on your next bellbone
All right, hell yeah
Now you have your items you've bought your things you've done the things in the marketplace
Sweet rolls over there. You could see her
In the middle of the market like chasing some flower petals that have blown off the trees. She's
Just
All right, it's a dead alligator
And then she sees a cat it just eats it
Sweet roll no
Sweet roll god damn spit it out
I didn't tell you about eating pussy god damn it sweet roll
Out here eating pussy like a mast fuck
All right, I'm gonna roll for anil I had the leg
Oh
She regurgitates roll for initiative a new person sits on the
Cheers buddy. Thank you so much for following the show. There's the uh
Now the chat's messed up the check chat for a second coin coin coin paul reverse of role play
Has a cart of five bodies
Always to embrace test. We don't know if they're allergic to the maxi. I don't remember that in my my
textbooks
Paul revere has a card of five bodies reverend raz puts coins on all five. How many points of
Extra bonus does resin have has
Johnny has four watermelons sally has three heads
And johnny has sonarium
Okay, okay
Do who am I going through? Hello?
It's raz. It's always raz turn us down a little bit buddy. Um, but oh
Yeah, approach the market or
Turn down your gain a little bit maybe or your speaker
Um, but i'm gonna turn you down
There you go. Yeah, you three what you're worth for a judge of steeze
You walk across the market you get to sweet roll the griffin as she has regurgitated
This cat on the ground and the cat kind of gets up all fucked up and like limps away and you're like
You get to mark that mastery point for that natural 20
But all three of you mount up on sweet roll and sweet roll holds out her claws for you t
357 and you like
Lay down in her claws. I imagine
She grips
Mutin x on my stomach. I will be holding them
Nice and you're holding mutant x your nimble right companion and she grips you guys and then her wings start to take off and
And you guys are flying high above everything
Oh
Is it magical reverend ask the power of flight
And the power of friendship and the wind is blowing. It's kind of cool. I don't know
Yeah, wait
This is more like it
I
Where are we going I forget
Oh, yeah
To the key above the whole city you can see people going to and fro people arguing people trading people
Uh lively doing things you can see people hanging up. Oh my god
People getting stabbed and you can see something behind an alleyway a couple of people fucking
Because you're flying up around god. They're doing dragon tar hair way down there
Oh
Eventually you get to the cap
Yeah, it is. It's it's pretty fun and the wings come down
When you land on the drawbridge in between common steel city and the castle ward the drawbridge is down the gates are open
And dozens and dozens of people are walking across the drawbridge good times
Uh walking across the drawbridge
And you guys follow suit and do the same sweet roll takes off in the air
And flies away and all four of you with of course mutant x walk across the drawbridge and into the castle ward
When you get inside you can see crowds and crowds of people
Um, and it's kind of hard to see above anything
But each one of you kind of try to stand tall and there's a couple of crates over to the side
Maybe even one of you stand up on the crates and try to look around to get a gander of what's going on around here
Everyone roll me a perception check wisdom to see what you see
16 17 15
I got a 17
12
There there okay now
This is a new scene officially out of the marketplace
into the castle wall going up to 14
So
You two stand up on crates t3 5 7 you and your smaller number right friend
I can't see over the crowds, but these two step up on the crates you could see in the center. There's this huge
luscious tree
With like petals all over it like tiny little pink
Cherry blossom flowers and it's completely in bloom and there are flower petals floating down all around all the people
And there are people of all different shapes colors and sizes walking around in here
It's packed in some places shoulder to shoulder but off to the left. You can see
There are a bunch of lines
of what look to be people lining up to head in to vote for
Whatever whomever they're going to be voting for
And behind them as you stand up on these barrels with your success, you can see there are these like metal boxes
Next to the metal boxes. There are these little tables
And they have little pieces of paper and above each line. It says who people are voting for
I'm going to go down the list here really quickly. There are
Five lines the first one the very far left
Xanathar
And it's ursi sticky paws ursa sticky paws
faba cock
king socallius
Brave bone smasher and then there are two more
Testicles and tequila, but there are no one in those lines and on their banners. There are small little red flags
Kind of notifying them as being deceased
And there are
Lined up
Um, you can see
Behind each one of them as well. There are little flags representing who they are
Xanathars has a purple flag with a goldfish in a fish bowl on it ursa sticky paws just has a plain blue in
And gold flag with like gold trimming
faba cock has a red and white flag with a chicken skull on it king
Socallius has a maroon and silver flag with a crown on it and brave bone smasher
Has a black and orange flag with skulls all over it and they're not only
Painted on the flag. There are also skulls hanging on it from the brave bone smasher one
now
Each one of these lines is slowly going in one at a time off to the right side. There are people
Um kind of talking and petitioning like come and vote for our person
each one of them has like a representative and they're in like
The same line as the voting line. They're like directly in front of them. So there's like a goblin
There is what seems to be just another iron head for ursa sticky paws
There's like a little group of goblins for xanathar and there's etc
Etc people all the way down the line that are trying to help get votes for these people
Now, I know this is a real general widescape, but in this moment
What do you guys do? Where do you begin?
Well, the first thing I need to ascertain is what is the weather like?
It is sunny and beautiful
Okay
Cool well I
I would like to do some convincing on xanathar's line
Some kind of convincing
um
So some kind of like speech
You know
To to get them to not vote for xanathar
Okay, because that that was the whole thing right is we don't want them to vote for xanathar exactly. Yeah one way or another
sabotage or whatever
Yeah, so you look over to your right you can see the three goblins are wearing the same colors
Xanathar's flag and they're standing there kind of like talking to the people like yeah go vote for him because
Um, he's gonna make intoxica great again. Yeah, he's gonna rule with an iron fist a dictatorship
Yeah, yeah, you'll never have to worry about anything because he'll make all the decisions for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
And next to them do live sleep legion members a bunch of little crazy. No
You do not
Not only like to pull out one of my potions from a bag
I did
Stumble over to our xanathar's line and just stand in the back. It's like, ah
Hurry the fuck up
I'm trying to go home
How tending to be drunk I think the guy in front of you looks at you and then just turns around and ignores you
Okay, raz, what do you do?
I want to walk to the front of the line where those three goblins are
Yeah
And i'm gonna turn around towards the entire line and say
Fair people of this land
Do not vote for xanathar for terrible trials and tribulations await this land if he is elected
Just to get everybody's attention and then i'm going to
I'm i'm going to drink my fire resistance potion
Right here right here, okay you slam it back
And your stone slowly look down you see your skin is slowly starting to turn to stone
And then i'm going to look at the crowd and i'm going to say allow me to show you what hell awaits you if xanathar is elected
And i'm going to take out my moonstone
My last one
And i'm going to look directly at the sun and activate it
Oh god
I made the wrong place. I might want to stumble my ass out of here. You dive out of the way
My time, but i'll be like ah it makes me feel good times
So to remind everybody
The moonstones that I was given
Basically, I can teleport to any place that I can see
You could see yep
So I looked at the sun
So you look at the sun you teleport to the sun as your stone begins your skin begins to turn to stone
And you're like a full-on like gargoyle as you like turn to stone and then
So like and that's what you hear while you're just there in stone and so basically what happens is
All the people here you say all this and like let me show you what will happen
You start to turn to stone and then you just disappear
They're like all right
There's like and in this happening in the crowd while i'm on the sun i'm going to attempt to open a portal back to where I was
Don't fail this roll
Well, i'm going to use
And you have a plus five so
I'm going to use dark pack to sacrifice five of my hp to the add to the roll
Okay
And you still have 20 life don't you?
I still have what
Didn't you have 20 extra life because you
I was 20 on a scar
No, not anymore. I used all that I have just plus five life. So right now I have a plus 10 to my roll
Well, actually it's a it's a plus 13 because of the intel bonus that I have
Um
Fucking metal says steve. Okay, you got them bonuses
Why don't you go ahead and hit it buddy?
Let's make the roll. You're gonna get a chaos card. But right now let's make the roll
All right. This roll is plus 10
Let's do it
fuck
16
Yeah, plus 10 so you succeed
I need you to tell me where the portal is facing on
intoxica in intoxica
It's basically facing like parallel to the line
So like it's not pointed at the line, but it's like going right down the sides of them
This is not what I thought was gonna happen when I when I
Pitched this idea to myself. I said, yeah, that's cool
They might sneak into the castle after hours and you know mess with the boxes change the numbers, you know
Raz
You know, this is the fate of
role playing
Um, all right this to yourself buddy
You know what? You know what? You know what?
Um, all right this to yourself buddy. You know what you were getting into. I know
Instead homies teleporting to the fucking sun. Yeah, I don't know who gave him the moonstones. I don't remember but
Here we go
You open the portal
As it opens you two standing off to the sides just see this portal a familiar portal open
but then the magic slowly disappears and the three goblins standing in front immediately just
Turn into flame and their skulls drop to the floor and everyone in the line turns to look but before they look it's too late
as the sun begins beaming through and it
Starts lighting them all up people start jumping out of the way. Their skin is like melting everyone's screaming
There's blood and the smell of burnt flesh and hair all in the air. Everyone else just begins screaming
You're just standing there like ha ha badass
Badass bomblin, but all of them just burning away screaming death the beam goes all the way through the line and hits the flag
Of xanathar and begins to burn away the flag and then goes through the castle wall
And leaves a hole and beams all the way out
Into the farmland
Oh god, it just keeps going
Yeah
And then fucking sun dude razz made of stone. Yeah, but walk through that bitch
You step through the portal and it closes behind you
And there's just dozens of people off hiding behind the beautiful tree scared for their lives as you step through the portal
But everyone in the xanathar line all the votes that were made for xanathar completely decimated
And i'm just gonna stand there i'm gonna say this is the hell that awaits you if you vote for xanathar
except for eight
Otherworlds is there for two months
Dude, there it is. It finally came through what the fuck
Yeah, you don't get it twice cheers
All right, cheers devil step out of the portal high five each other and blow razz as he comes out
Yeah
It was like an hour ago. Okay
What do you say to them razz?
Well, yeah, I said this is the fresh hell that awaits you if you vote for xanathar
If you wish this not to happen to your realm you will not vote for him
And uh you hear rumbles with the people rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble
But it sounds like
They're basically saying oh, I don't want that I don't want to die from the sun and people slowly get up as you
The stone breaks away from your skin
Oh, and i'm closing i'm closing the portal by the way it closes
Yeah, the stone breaks away from your skin people get up and they all go into the lines, but no one
Walks into the xanathar line
It's just empty desolate burnt a huge circle just
All right, I think our job is dead here
Yeah
Now here comes the fun beautiful question as you three stand here first before I move on is there anything else?
Test bomb lint that you want to do in this moment?
Uh, my whole plan's out the window. There's no box with votes in it anymore. So
Actually, I'd like to go grab a piece of paper and then uh, but uh,
Ersa's name on it and then i'm gonna write bob blint, but then my eyes are gonna be hearts
Dotted with hearts and i'm gonna stick it in ursa's box
Thanks
That means two things. Yeah, it does. What about you p357?
Yes, I will participate in voting for ursa nice
I'm setting up the poll right now, baby. What about you raz? Are you gonna make a vote?
No, i'm just gonna i'm just gonna stand
And basically where I stood when I came out of the portal like right next to the xanathar booth
To make sure nobody fucking
judge going judge going
Yo
I can't read check because the poll is up but uh raz for being metal as fuck
Hell yeah, dude. Hell. Yeah, dude
It's a new age
The world will change
now
Oh, that's a good idea too. Not for evil campaign, baby
Yeah, I think heroes is the wrong word
true, huh
Uh scratches out everyone's name and just writes net
That's funny. Uh, I was kind of excited. Can I have some paper with a glyph on it? Can I actually
That's clever
what
Yeah, I actually think I want to do that
I want to I want to rip off a piece of my cloak and write ned braith on it
and just like put it on the booth where
Xanathar's thing was
That's fun. That's like the image
Okay
As you're standing there, it's ned braith. I could never be king. Yeah, I'm but a humble follower of my faith
I don't know about that. You know, I think
You know, I think you could actually be even more powerful than that braith if you really tried to no, there's no way
I can't be more powerful than my god
God is king
You should know this god is king. He will always remain king
Arguing you guys look down
to see
Um a creature it's like an orc
Their face is melted off. Their skin is melted off just standing right below you in the burnt rubble and they're like
Okay, yeah
Suck my robot dick
Nice
His head just goes flying
Um as you guys are standing there, um doing the things and arguing what haven't you you put in your votes?
Um coming from the center behind the beautiful tree
All the people begin to gather and coming out from behind the center are either the people themselves or their representatives
All right
The first one to come out is brave bone smasher now brave bone smasher is one of the people being voted for brave is a half
Giant they are a nephew of the bone smasher king
They are announced
Um by one of the king's knights guard as they walk out so as i'm saying this picture a knight's guard announcing them now
Presenting brave bone smasher a half giant nephew of the bone smasher king
The king of the bone smasher barbarian clan
Their goal is to raise the greatest army and toxica has ever seen
And they walk out
Um, also I have nephew in my notes. It's the niece. It's not the nephew
Um, how about they get mad because people confuse them all the time, but it's a very large woman that walks out
second
It's the now presenting king. So callius
a strong human man ready to lead our realm
into
victory their plan is to rule with a democratic round table
Of all the yarls of the realm taking in opinions from everyone
And he stands next to brave bone smasher
third
Babacock a young half chicken folk they walk out very small chicken person
Um, they're like half feathered and also half kind of skin a little disgusting looking
um, it's fucking nasty and they're like
Babacock claims to be the long lost son of king ruffle cock
Although it's never been proven and they promise to rule the same as ruffle cock did
second to last
Good job
Say that again t357
Show me the breath certificate. Oh, that's right
Second to last is ursa sticky bars a bairkin and former
Queen of the kodiak den one of the last of their kinds. They promise to rebuild protect and serve the people
And last but not least zanathar an ancient beholder and leader of the creatures faction
They promise to rule with an iron fist of dictatorship but instead of zanathar
Um a very large orc steps out
And he's holding a goldfish in a fishbowl
He's like, well, this is his representative now
You know who you're voting for everyone. The polls are open. It's time now to vote
And this is um the time now where i'm going to
Open the polls to everyone here in chat. You know who you're voting for
You're gonna have 10 minutes to cast your votes. This is one of the most important polls you can ever be a part of
If you know anybody that might want to also be a part of this poll message them on discord
Hit them up. Get them over here. Get them to come over here and vote
You got 10 minutes. You can make as many votes as you can each vote will cost you
10
Experience point channel points if you want to be reminded of who you're voting for
You can go down into the our canon world section in our discord
Make sure you have all the channels on and you can reread any of these that you need to
You three players can also vote but I strongly encourage you to only vote maybe once or twice
Let chat be in control of this. All right, this is our world. We get to do enough in our world
Let's let them make one of the biggest choices that we have, right? I'm gonna go on ahead and open up the polls
And while this is happening
Everybody poll nerds geeks and freaks a part of the couch
Gifted to age take you another world
Another world
Um, tell me I said daddy i'm so happy to be here. Oh no, where'd my chat go? There it is
Hold on
It's so
Um, I wanted more points. Oh shit. Well, you fucking got him. There you go. I'm so stoked to be here
Ursa says kaya well the poll is open now everybody so get in your votes if you can't see the poll hit the refresh button
um
Turn to the world said gets misgendered immediately raises the largest army the world has ever seen
Sorry, sorry. Yeah
Yeah
What i'm talking about?
What are more points lol? All right, everybody get your votes in
We've got um, oh xanathar is not supposed to be in there. Sorry y'all
I don't know why xanathar is actually dead or his voting is is not there's actually a different fifth one. Wait, who did I miss?
Ursa, babakai, king of scouts, raybones, masher. Oh, okay. Hold on. Sorry y'all
Xanathar is not dead. He marched out with a hork
No, that's his pet goldfish and his representative xanathar is not actually here
But his his his representative and goldfish could get really mad
And wonder why their voting poll is destroyed
Yeah
Yeah, they're yelling for a recount already. That's crazy. What the fuck?
Rigged
He wasn't supposed to be in there because of all the work our heroes just did let's investigate these polling machines
Can't tell me democracy can be rigged
That's impossible, that's impossible
I would like to be a right-handed
Hey, I'm not the shadow government our heroes could have decided to just let him continue on you know
I mean, but they didn't they destroyed all of his voters with the power of the sun
So wow, wow can't come for me. Don't put that bad voodoo on me
Okay, fucking twitch just lagged out but here let me fix this
Make sure everyone gets refunded. All right
T357 for king
You're your own voting machine because you have the sifter of many things
Right. No shit people just walk up and they put their votes in you
Yeah
I vote to legalize everything
I think that would be some interesting art. I think that's dangerous
All right, there we go
And i'll even do you everyone is solid for messing up. I'm gonna put it down to nine points per vote instead of 10
All right
Look at that. We got you a 10 discount over here on the crash couch. Welcome to our sunday sunday sunday special
All right, the poll is back up everybody refresh if you need to
Do the things zanother wasn't to be on there. Um deep state turk test for usually course the goofy just get revived. Yeah
Um, can we write in the petition dude, holy crap if you all want to use the name of thing command
And enough of you write in the same person. We'll run it back. All right
But i'm talking it has to be a lot
Okay
Uh, while this is running the votes are happening the um announcer has brought everyone
out here on the stage, they're all standing there
and they
The announcer says anyone
In the crowd have any questions for any of our candidates before you make your final decisions?
please
Ask your questions now
for any
Of our candidates
By the way, who is your mother?
Who did brussel cox dig down
My mother
He's real young. He's like my mother
She was a she was a part of royalty. She was a
She was one of the one one of the king's guards. She was a beautiful strong woman
She was she was from oakheart
down south
She died during birth and I no longer have her I was given to the orphanage
And i've been alone my whole life. The king doesn't believe I am who I say I am he says
I must have I must have come from pepperidge farm, but I did not
I want to be like the back of the crowd just like you fucking bastard
He's like, oh I didn't yeah, I am a bastard i'm sorry
Oh, brother this guy stinks
Who said that name suggestions for net? Wow. Yes crazy. Wow. Yeah
Really really shit. We have 52 votes for ursa sticky paws. Seriously, yo
Y'all don't like brave bone smasher king. So callius by the way, I messaged king nor callius was like hey
So the version of you in our world is going to be king
So callius and he's going to be up for a vote tonight to possibly be the new king of our world
You cool with that and he was like hell. Yeah, and I was like sick
So there's that
Yeah
Any further questions from chat or from our heroes?
Ursura
She's like I do like me a hotachi wand
As she plays with her chest hairs, ah
I'm gonna i'm gonna ask ursa
if she
Is down with ned braith
Ursa
Do you do you support my god or at least my freedom to exercise my religion with my god?
Yes
Of course razz
I support all religion
My plan is to rebuild
and teach all all of the
Temples have been burnt down by dragons and I hope to rebuild temples for all
To guide all of the gods one by one and have them all have temples of their own
To be able to continue preaching. I believe in freedom of religion much
As ruffle cock did
Good yes
What are each of the candidates plans for the factions within the city king so calais is like
The factions shall be abolished
Only the yarrows of each location shall have authority
in each town
And brave is like well
I'm from the bone smasher clan
We and ourselves are a faction
I plan to allow all factions to continue with their business
And baba cox like nothing will change
and ursa's like
Factions must be properly documented no more under the table
factions
Even the bone smashers must come and they must
File to be a proper factor you can operate
You just must have an official documentation no more of the black networks and the silver heads and the mystics of the forests no more
The votes are still rolling in you guys and things are getting tense
Any more questions, uh, yeah
Are you glad to deal with the dragons that are roaming our realms as we speak right now?
Two words giant crossbow
Uh crossbow is two words. All right, so that's three words
Okay, uh
Braves like the bone smashers used to be dragon riders. They will live forever. We will tame them
We will ride them people may die
Actually, a lot of people may die, but we will get there
We will use them for our armies. Did you say live forever?
well
the dragons may
You're saying dragons live forever
yes
uh
A very
You know fundamental affront to my god. Hmm
Rats is triggered
What are your feelings on the classified between the rich gyrals and the common folk
Who are you asking
All of them
I was like, that's a good panel question. Yeah king socallius is like
The rich will remain rich and the poor will remain poor. You want to be rich?
You got to work for it
versus like
I don't really I mean money is i'd never been into money where I come from. We just trade bones
And baba cock's like well, we always try to divvy out the money and the economy the best that we can
And as king ruffle cock did I shall do
and earth is like
The rich will be taxed more they will use the money to help the poor the poor shall not go starving
And the food the rich just throw away willy-nilly will no longer be a thing they shall be giving it everyone in the poor
Who is this willy-nilly you speak of is he your running mate he is not my running mate. No
The brave boogaloo
Jesus Christ now as the final questions come to an end
um
You guys look around uh, and you hear like a rumble amongst the people and uh
Y'all know what time it is
Um, Narcissus gloomingdale charges through the crowd you see him in his shiny armor and his blonde hair that is starting to gray
And he looks up
He's like
I helped the king
I helped him stay where he belongs
We are working towards helping the king live forever, but all of you
Degenerates are voting against him already moving on from what king ruffle cock has done for our realm
shame
And then from the shadows
Three more legion members appear and he turns and he looks and he's like
What are you doing here?
And kith steps out from the shadows and he's like
Do you know why i'm here?
He's like no
We will not harm these people although there's already a giant ass pile of bodies. No more shall be harmed and he's like
yes
black network
and legion
Shall live on
He's like no and he draws his sword shing and all the people go scattering
They all start running out and kith extends his arm blades and then
Goes up in a puff of shadow
And our ciccius is looking around. He's like, where'd you go? You son of a bitch
and then three other
Legionnaires that you've seen before come running into the castle walls and he's ting ting starts fighting him. He's like
He's like test
You are not with him, are you?
Hello
No, I stand for what the elite legion was originally then rise up arms
We must save these two even with my beliefs of king ruffle cock democracy must stand
And he holds up his blade
So
Now um fog and roll initiative in a minute, this is a very intense moment but first
The voting has ended
Oh my goodness
It looks to me like ursa sticky paws one with 12 votes brave bones masher came in so
Fucking close
Holy shit the voting was so close
Oh cray cray. Yay. My forearm started to cramp up sort of five almost like
Who the hell was voting for brave I mean i'm down i'm down i'm always down for a change, you know what I mean?
I demand a recount, you know
this world
My god damn hair
Everyone that was here
Say I was here. Let's clip this
Let's clip this in a second everyone. I
I was here
And this year here of 2023
On the day of december 3rd. It is officially announced that ursa sticky paws the bearkin
Will now be the new official queen of intoxica
Not only the first bearkin leader of our realm but second
The first female leader of our realm
Long live the queen
Well, not that long but long sure
For the queen in chat, please somewhat long live the queen. Thanks steve something like that. Can we get some hashtags?
Adequate you guys. Thank you for including my religion. It really means so much like
Average lifespan for the queen
Holy shit an appropriate lifespan for the queen. Oh my god. That's so funny, dude
Now all the people dodge
Um ursa doesn't know that ursa has won yet
Of course we know here in the fourth wall of breaking of our world
But the voting has not been counted ursa doesn't know
So what we're going to do is we're going to take five and we're going to come back and then we're going to roll initiative
Against the black network and t357
For the first time it's to roll initiative against their master
Yes
I had it written down that he was a big ass bitch after the last episode
Episode so it's all coming together
All right, we'll be right back. Y'all don't go anywhere
Live the queen until her natural time comes and she dies for good hashtag
We'll be right back the queen will live a life
Nor too short. Yes, the queen hashtag lives the queen
In
Hello, what it all about is everybody's amazing today. We're here
This is our third act of the show. We're almost towards the end. This is love death and dice the dragon vault episode 11
We've got a couple more episodes left. We just had our voting a lot of people were here a lot of shit happened
Ursa sticky pause one queen, but before the
Announcement could be held in our world
The black network attacked following narcissus gloomingdale coming in to try and defend
King rufflecock in all of his glory long live the king
Now we return
All three heroes
Adventurers standing in the courtyard of the castle ward and the center of the courtyard is a huge
blossoming cherry tree
there's a
I mean half of it's freaking devastated from a sunbeam, uh, but there is a couple of balconies all around
The whole thing is about 60 feet probably by like 120 feet of area
The drawbridge has gone down around this big opening
and coming through that big opening is
eight
Black network member kith was here but has gone fully shadowed has disappeared
Here narcissus gloomingdale stands at the front holding his sword in his full clad rusty armor
Ready to fight and attack you three
Behind him scattered about on the other side of the tree
about 30 feet away from the entrance
To this area the where the drawbridge is
I need each one of you go on ahead roll me initiative
1.1 k points trying to save bomblin's love life. Hey, no one said bomblin can't be the king. What's up?
You've got man
It'll be queen consort
That's right
Um, okay
I'll just do it straight up
Who got the nine?
Me, uh
Nerds geeks and freaks a part of the couch a part of the crew. Who's this 43?
From dig gym slayed gaming 43
freaks
I moved on to water but here's buddy we love big gym
Yeah, you know what i'm gonna get big gemma dano friend i'll follow taking for 43 months bro. Cheers, man
Much love
He will be consort king. I believe those were the exact words out of fishy's mouth. He knows he knows
All right
He's 16 came from razz
Um bomblin got a nine as well as test got a nine test is your dexterity higher than bomblin's I believe it is
Yes, right now
Now
Not a single one of those beat revered holy shit you rolled a 69
I did nice all those 20s equal to a 69. Cheers everybody
All right, I've got me numbers
Reverend razz you are first my friend
I just want to use this time to look over at tests and be like who's the guy that got the number
I'm gonna go with the number one
First my friend. I just want to use this time to look over at tests and be like who do you want me to kill?
Well, okay, so hold on question answer how many people work with the black network with kiff
Six
And kiff went invisible correct yes
Now question technically because kiff went invisible is that a type of illusion magic
Yes
So I can still see him. Yes
Any of the other five that are behind our sissies
Six
Yes
So razz any of those six are open game you don't want me to kill the big douchebag on the horse
Is a douchebag on a horse
I didn't say he was on a horse, but if razz okay on a horse then sure he's on a horse
Hell, yeah, why not? You gave him a horse razz. Yeah, jesus christ
Narcissus is on a horse now. That's razz's fault. No
No, narcissus is free to live. He is the leader and omnipotent leader of the legion. He has done nothing to scorn us
Okay, cool, whatever
So what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna run to the left of narcissus
And then i'm gonna turn towards the six bastards that dare challenge us
Okay, and right then
I am going to use my spell doorway
Can you guess where the doorway opens up to the sun
Yeah, the fucking sun
um, so
I've kind of like homebrewed this. I remember the the
There's a spell I found for this called death ray that I think will work really well
But we'll get to that if I actually manage to open this doorway, okay
All right, here's what we're gonna do if you beat the target number the doorway opens
If you crit the doorway opens for longer
We're gonna say you can only hold it open for a certain amount of time
If you just beat the target number you're gonna deal 3d12
If the doorway stays open longer you deal 4d12
I'm cool with that. Yes
So if you crit you get 4d12 normal is 3d12, right? That's how much damage the sun will do
Additionally, it depends on how far away they are from you because I picture the beam kind of gets less and less
The further that it goes. It's not like one everlasting beam. That's like forever. It gets less and less and less
So the closer you are to them the more damage it'll deal as well
And we'll talk about that later. But right now they're within range. They're only 30 feet away
They're all in groups of two so you'll be able to hit two of them
They've got one and two then you got three and four and then you got five and six
Alright, then i'll hit the the ones that are the furthest stage left
Gotcha
If I open it
Hiya
That is a 16 plus three which which by the way
Hey
You did this to yourself with my tome
My op tome anything that's over 15 is automatically a crit
I know
Made you smile though. All right
Before I tell you what happens roll me your 4d12 damage
You
What the fucking shit you could
That was almost maximum fucking you could have rolled fucking four twos and they would have still been alive but instead you rolled
Well, I I haven't even rolled my wait. No, is that my ultimate two?
No ultimate on this this isn't technically an attack. You're just opening a portal, right? Um, so
Jesus christ 39 damage bitch
You know that they melt away
Would you like to do us the honors of explaining how you open the portal and what you say and everything else like that?
I'm trying to come up with a cool hand sign for this
Instead of my 40 steve, sorry instead of my normal fucking you're right. You're right. Sorry
Instead of my normal fucking like dr. Strange portal opening the portal for this one is going to be this
And then just spreading it apart
Nice and it just
And sunbeam just comes out of it and both of them. They're like standing there. They're like two guys in cloaks
They're wearing the green legion outfits, but they're in cloaks and they look up and the beams just hit them in the face and they're like
And then like their faces just melt to skulls and they just fall to the ground
And your portal closes
Bitches bitches
All right, those two are dead
Now does that end your turn you did movement did your day anal? Yep
Soon as they're wild
from above
in the tree
Jumps down kith from above you
He's got the drop on you
He's got his assassin blade
Meaning he cannot miss he jumps down right on you
grabs you
T357 you know i'm talking to and says in your ear. He's like
I thought
You are going to join us
Last chance
I was programmed for loyalty
It is not my fault if you programmed me incorrectly who are you loyal to
The legion
That settles it then
And he slices you with his poisoned blade d6 of damage for five
And then he pushes you and he jumps back and he stands there holding his blades
And then
One of the black network guys runs to the other side and he says
One of the black network guys rushes up
Towards you raz he sees what you did and he's like the black network will rise and he rushes
And he's like holding this large sword and he just swings it right into your dick. He's like i'm gonna get him in the dick
For a six he does not he misses he absolutely misses and the other one is dead
He's dead now your turn
So
Okay, so he he got the drop on me because I did not notice him because I am working the ebony hoods so right right
But I would like to
Do
So I am in close range of kit, correct, yeah
I would like to attempt to grab him and shoot him with my crossbow
But at direct range through his chin
nice
Badass pretty badass
So, are you using one of those cool insta kill arrows too?
Yes, i'm yeah me and boblin we we tossed together
The the punching potion for the arrows
Nice, okay
Sounds good to me
So you're gonna roll to hit just gotta beat that 14
That's 17 nice
Nice
You hit why don't you go on ahead and roll me your damage?
Which is a d6 plus a d4 because it's still coming from your fire crossbow
10 yeah, that is six plus four. That's 10 damage
You grab him and then what do the arrows do again?
He has to make a constitution check or he instantly dies
So you grab him by the cloak and pull him close to your face and hold the crossbow right to his chin and he's like
Go on ahead and shoot it
You're loyal
To a bunch of people that aren't loyal to you
One day
The day will come
when they all
rise against you
Just like they did me
And you'll make the same choice I did
And you fire into his neck and the arrow gets like stuck through his chin and goes up like through his eye
Now he has to make a con check. I'm gonna go on ahead and give kith a plus three to his constitution
And if he fails, he immediately dies on the spot
That's a nine so you shoot him and he
died
Down to the ground
Wait, wait
Wait, wait higher than a nine. Yay. Well, I got a nine
Um, oops fucking closed everything
Don't just smile
It froze and you're just smiling a big old smile on your face right now
Yeah, oh no
They're frozen
Yeah, is it closed? There we go. We're back
I've glitched out. Hopefully he wasn't my creator and that's why I just
Stop working
Okay, i'm back yeah, there you go, um
Right, you kill him he falls directly to the ground. Does that injure turn to you say anything or do anything?
I have bloody i'm thinking but
I would like to actually
Hand my green invisibility dust to the nimble right?
And request it to sprinkle it on ursa
nice
Bad ass bad ass you hand it over to mutant x and he looks up
Both you look up together you see on the balcony ursa has branded a crossbow is getting ready to fire and he holds it and he's like
Shield her high turn. Yes
I need you to make me an acrobatics check for him. Roll me dexterity. He's gonna try to scale the wall
What is that
So that's a 14 cool ass 16
Sorry, I I tried to change them so they wouldn't be the normal ones
No worries
Um, he doesn't get your bonuses. You gave him a plus two strength and intelligence. So it's just a 14
But that still succeeds so he scales the wall
You see him his little hands go into the stone
And he climbs up and jumps up top and ursa's like what the what the fuck is this
And he like holds up the green dust and she's like, I don't want drugs man. I'm trying to be i'm trying to be queen. He's like
And he pulls it out of the bag and just throws it at her like fairy dust. She's like, what is this?
and then she just
Goes invisible and you just hear her go. Oh clever little robot
Nice how industrious how industrious bomblin it's you buddy. What do you do?
All right, I am going to look at uh, uh number four
Uh black network grunt
And I am going to cast firebolt for my minotaur head
nice
Roll it
intelligence spell
Oh, it's an 11
It fizzles you look at him. He looks at you and you
And then nothing happened. Oh, oh
Yeah, that's turn number four looks at you bomblin and goes
And then runs right at you
ah
There's my
There's my third that does not hit 15 yeah that misses
He runs he runs towards me
He goes to swing and then my crystal orb following around me in orbit just goes and like punches him in the face
It like knocks him off to the side
Nice try
Yeah
Narcissus gloomingdale
Charge us forward towards five and six the two over there and he's like
My king has lost on this day as far as I know
But I will not
Let the legion go down in flames
For I grow old but the legion lives on for us and he runs forward
He's got a plus five to his strength. He swings to hit he's going to use his blades of ability
Of cleave to hit them both
That's a 14 which hits the target number good for you. No, no
He hits them both as he swings
Flashing them both with his weapon. He's got I say plus three to weapons. That's five damage
And then he looks back I shoot raz and he's like
Do something and then an arrow comes flying from above. It's ursa
It hits me in the shoulder
Uh, that's an 11. So it just misses
Uh, but yeah, now it's you raz. What do you do back to the top of initiative?
I'm gonna run up to the guy that narcissus just swung at at like
Yeah, i'm gonna get really serious and i'm gonna say your death will serve me and my god well
And I just palm his face and activate soul siphon
Which is a dirty 20
Jesus christ
Which means it's critical
Roll it baby
Oh fuck what was soul siphon, was it a d6 magic which is d10. Um, and then ultimate which is d12
That was a shit wow you got a five and a four so nine damage this guy
And I heal for five
You heal for five you pull it out and he's like
like, fuck you. Red hooded bitch.
Wasn't he already at five?
It's his turn.
I don't have that here, but.
That's the that's the one that Narcissus just swung at and hit.
No, no, he's he attacked two different.
Oh, OK. Yeah, yeah, two different. Yeah.
OK.
He attacks back.
Fuck you, red hooded bitch.
He rolls. He got an eight.
That's like a ten.
Cool.
Here we go.
Number four is actually.
Here we go.
Kith is dead.
T357's turn.
I would like to shoot my swarm of darts out of my crossbow.
Nice.
Which allows it splits into one.
It one splits into up to d6.
Nice. And it's all targets at once.
That is. Let's do it.
So I roll dex.
There it is.
There it is. So six plus two, which is an eight.
So you shoot them up into the air.
You hear Ursa go.
That's cool. But why?
Why did you do that?
A little chicken.
Womlin. Oh, Rirol has rolled in from whom?
Let's see.
Oh, survival.
Hell, yeah, dude.
Survival always be a homie.
Another age.
Exactly. That's exactly the same.
Fuck digital shit. Roll it again.
That's a 10 plus two.
Better, but no cigar.
You shoot it up in the air.
You miss. Good try.
Now it's a bomb. What do you do?
Yeah, guys, it just attacked me.
That's like that.
Just a still standing in front of you.
Yes. And five and six are at half health.
Kith is dead and one and two are.
All right.
So I'm going to slice him with my bone sword
that grows from my men.
It's our hands shushing ice and sliced down item.
Hey, what the strength baby?
That's a 15.
That'll do her.
All right.
Does magical damage for sex.
I believe.
Hold on. Let me roll this 32.
I believe that was for.
Leave you missed last time.
So it's still just six damage.
You slash out your bone sword extends
all nasty out of this Minotaur hand, and then you just stab him with it.
And he's like, oh, dude, that's fucking gross, dude.
Yeah, I know. It doesn't spell the greatest.
Yeah. You look down on Kits body T357.
And you pick up demon wax.
Which makes you immune to fire for one D four rounds.
He has five dabs of it on him.
Wow, that's fucking useful later.
That's your single use item.
The dragon shit right there, baby.
You said single use item was five dabs.
So that's it.
Once it's gone, it's gone.
Yeah.
All right. How do you roll a D100?
There was a dice to D10.
Who did that?
That's why would you buy D like a set of dice from the comic book store?
There's two D10 in there, and then there's one that has
like the first numeral and the second numeral.
That's your like percentage die.
You can also get one D100 from like Amazon or whatever.
I think they have their big old circle things. They're fine. Yeah.
Fine. Yeah.
All right, Bomblin, you slashed at him and he slices back.
He's like, oh, you fucking bitch, nasty sword head ass motherfucker.
And you got a 12 plus three is a 15. He misses.
That's right.
Narcissus swings once again with his cleave ability to try and kill these two guys.
Oh, fucking 18 plus five.
He hits.
He's got a plus three to weapon damage D six.
He slices them both in half
and fucks them up. They're dead. That's it.
Ursa shoots down to the one standing right in front of you, Raz, with her crossbow.
He's invisible.
You sneeze and the arrow misses.
Damn it. I blew it off target.
Yeah, now it's Raz's turn. What do you do?
Sneeze too powerful.
Let's see.
Can't do that. I don't kill everybody.
What a conundrum.
I am going to.
Yeah, I guess I'm going to do a good old soul suck again.
Soul suck?
Yeah.
Our soul siphon.
I'm going to soul siphon the guy that I soul siphoned before if he's still alive.
And I'm going to palm him right on the nowgad.
I'm going to soul siphon the guy that I soul siphoned before if he's still alive.
And I'm going to palm him right on the nowgad.
And I'm going to suck his soul out of his body.
Oh, yeah. You suck him good.
You suck him.
You suck off.
These are the people I live with.
So that is a twelve.
I'm going to use my hero coin, one of my hero coins, to re-roll.
Nice to catch coin.
I believe you need two more Nat 20s for a mastery point.
Actually, yeah, that's correct.
It was a Nat 20s in chat again for Raz or some Raz emotes if you're feeling it.
All right, you get to roll your ultimate plus your magic damage on this guy and you get
to heal.
Hiya Hiya.
That's a 10 plus two, 12 plus nine plus one.
So that is 22 damage.
You suck the soul out of his body.
He just crumbles down to the ground.
Praise pray.
Be left.
So you heal for one if you need it.
Praise pray.
That's it.
So he's dead.
He's dead.
Gotcha.
So you have seven.
You're left.
What do you do?
How many are left?
The one in front of Bomblin.
That's it.
See, can I throw my blade of return?
Yeah.
The poisoned one.
Fuck yeah.
Think.
A nine.
Seven plus two.
That's a nine.
I was wondering what these were.
Oh, yeah.
100 bits of Debbie's snacks.
Oh shit.
Here's Debbie.
Yeah.
Thanks so much for supporting the show.
You got a reroll from Steve.
Also, Raz, doesn't that ring do something whenever you heal yourself with soul siphon?
Doesn't it do something extra?
No, it just gives me five extra slots for health.
But you got a necklace of healing down in Xanathar's dungeon.
There you go.
16 plus.
Did I?
Yeah, I remember.
It was a necklace that helped you heal an extra every time you healed somebody.
Oh, yeah.
Every time I do a healing action, it's another D10.
But like I'm already full.
I could roll it if you want.
No, no, it's cool.
But like, could be badass.
You can transfer the healing to someone who may be to find hit points.
No, no, you guys don't need it.
You're good.
All right.
18.
That hits.
Roll me some damage.
This is your dagger you're throwing.
So weapon and tools.
That's for damage.
Which kills it.
Fomlun, you stab it.
He tries to stab you and then a dagger comes out of nowhere.
Get some right in the eye and he just crumbles to the ground.
Oh, no, there goes our fucking hostage.
Taz!
Damn it!
Why did we need a hostage?
I don't think we need a hostage.
Well, we could drill him for information.
Drill him?
What do you mean by that?
You know, good old classic suck off.
There is still members of...
I have the identities of other members of Black Dagger...
...of the Black Network.
Wrong season.
Wow, that's so funny.
I never put that together.
That's so funny.
Holy shit.
Anybody who watched CT and shout out to that.
Holy shit.
I feel like I have some reflecting to do.
That wasn't intentional.
I thought this was like a multiversal like organization.
I'm going to say now, yes, that was 100% intent.
Classic DMs.
Yes, yes.
Okay, but the Black Network actually came first in Drunks and Dragons.
But anyways.
It doesn't matter who came first.
It sounds like they're all the same.
Yeah.
As long as everybody comes, it's okay.
I know identities of other Black Network members.
As long as everybody comes, that's what matters.
The battle is over, you guys.
Ursa hops down from the top with Mucinex and Narcissus comes around.
All of you gather around Kith's body and Narcissus looks over to you, P357, and he goes, well,
I didn't think that one of my first mates would betray me.
See, I've been running the Legion back since before when it was the TPK League and I still
have that statue down in the dungeon.
But he was there, you know, and it's sad that he betrayed me.
How long did you know about this?
I found out recently.
We invaded the dungeon of the Creatures faction and he spilled the beans on a Tabaxi with
the Assassination League and under the codename of Shadowclaw, I had my suspicions.
Yeah, no, I heard you were there.
One of the recruits told me you actually saved them.
Yeah, the other day down there in that dungeon.
I think that recruit may have been recruited by Shadowclaw and he did.
Well we're going to have to do some interrogation, which I no longer have a leader of assassination
or interrogation.
I may have to lead the third man in charge, Honeytoast, just to see if maybe he can.
I would not recommend that.
He is under suspicion of being another member under the guise of the name Sharkfangs.
So you know more of them?
I have three identity codenames.
Shadowclaw, Sharkfangs, and Sticky Man.
I don't know who Sticky Man is, but that sounds like him.
Okay, T357, I'm gonna need you to make me a promise right now on HitSpot.
He was a friend of mine, he was a leader of yours, and even though the worst got the worst
of him, we're gonna make a promise on his grave on this day to not betray each other
and to have each other's backs.
I'm growing old, T357, and I would like to know that the Legion is strong before I die.
Now, without the leader of assassination or interrogation, I may need your help.
I would like to be of service, but I would like to make sure that I find out all the
information I need to know.
Hmm, okay.
But this promise between us is to not betray each other.
Right, we must keep all information between us two.
I have a stone of scrying, which I will give you.
It's a private channel.
You can only speak to me through it.
And promise me you will tell me no lies.
And he holds out his hand, and he looks down at his tattoo, and you can see that the snake
is moving.
He's like, this is a binding promise now.
If you break this promise, you die.
Will you not lie to me as well?
Never.
I know, right?
The channel too is private.
Intense moment.
As long as there are no secrets between us, either of us, then I am inevitable to the
situation.
Right.
Can you shake his hand?
Yes.
All right, you guys clasp.
Viking style.
And you can feel something burn on your tattoos a little bit.
And then he goes, all right, meet me back at the network.
I will speak to no one of this, but I will tell them that Hith has passed, and that he
was a traitor.
Shame.
He leans down and closes his kid's eyelids, stands up, and then slowly walks away with
like a limp.
You can see he's like using his sword almost to walk.
Narcissus is getting real old.
Leader Narcissus.
Yes.
What do you know of my entrance into the Legion as well as Potion Maker Steemo?
He walks back.
He's like, well.
So to tell you the truth, we found you on the battlefield.
Helmfurt during the war, you were fucked up, and we brought you back and fixed you.
I don't know who made you, but Steemo came on later.
He was living in the city making potions, and he just, I don't know, just felt right.
So he just came on and just joined us.
It seems like a good day.
Is Steemo fucking us over too?
Do we need to go there and burn down his shop?
No, I have used the code words that I know to try and test him.
He has passed, but he has no memories before joining the Legion.
Good, good.
Yeah, but that's all I know.
Thank you, sir.
He walks away again.
Tengs.
Tarkusses.
I still haven't found a Tabaxi Shadow Claw in this world.
My Tabaxi's name is Stark Shadow Claw.
Yeah, dude, that's just classic.
That's just classic.
Ooh, tell me more.
Yeah, yeah, I'll tell you when you're older.
Read some chat.
Okay.
From behind, Ursa becomes visible again.
She looks...
Oh, that was intense.
Thank you guys for saving the people.
I don't think the word save is the right word.
I mean, they were gonna come in here and kill me.
That might be not the right word as I'm placing coins on all the dead bodies.
She's like, respect, respect.
She's like, well, either way, Sanathar...
Okay, cool, Steve, chill.
I know.
Sanathar will not be king, and I thank you guys for that.
We're going to be announcing the votes tonight with a celebration of fireworks and everything
else like that, which I guess is actually due to happen here in a little while.
We've got to get everyone back here if they're willing to after everything that just happened.
But a debt is a debt, and Sticky Paw always pays its debt.
She goes into her pocket.
She's like a satchel.
She pulls out three little bags of coins, each one of them, 1,000 gold apiece.
And she holds out the sword.
She's like, one last chance, Bomlin, do you want it?
Now, and actually, I want to give this gold back to you.
Really?
I want to take her out, kind of lead her out onto the balcony overlooking the city.
It's very pretty.
Now, Ursula, forget it.
You just became queen.
You got a lot going on.
The only thing that I can ask from you now is when we're ready to settle down and rebuild
our people, how you keep my name in mention.
I'll be done adventuring here, Sid.
The gambling all is going pretty well with the ruffians, but my inner nature still calls
for us to repopulate what's left of the barricade that we get.
Like, now, Bomlin, are you saying this in a romantic way or in a way of just our species
survival?
Because mutual is mutual.
In our way, species survival.
But there's no reason we can't learn how to love each other along the way.
To tell you the truth, Bomlin, I've always been a fan of more furry bears that are kind
of on the dark side.
I've been a fan of bad boy.
Oh, fuck.
Now, the fact that you've opened a gambling hall and you're out here killing all these
guys and exploring magic, I've seen the way you handled yourself and I'm not going to
say no.
Hey, that was one time.
It's not my fault you walked in.
All right.
There was a sock on the door.
That's not fair.
I don't know what you're referring to.
But what I will say, if you mean it to be in a romantic way, Bomlin, then in proper
fashion, you must return to me properly dressed.
And you must ask me on an official date, Bomlin.
I could be the queen now and I will not have it any other way.
If it's just for species reproduction, then we can work out something.
But if you want it to be more, make it official.
I think it will have to be more.
The only thing that I can ask from you at this moment is just save yourself for a good
about three weeks.
Three, maybe four weeks.
Because I imagine as a barely bears yourself very curvy that male suitors will be trying
to, you know, gain your attention.
Especially now that I am queen.
I haven't heard anything from Tequila in a while.
He did ask me on a date, but then he ghosted me.
I don't know what happened.
Oh, that's because that guy was that guy was in the Dragon Tarr heroine.
You know, Deet.
Yeah, real sad, real sad.
Don't know what's going to happen to the bar.
But, you know, we might try to take it over something.
Raz really likes that hole.
Raz has a thing for holes.
So at this moment, I just ask you to save yourself from me.
Keep your gold.
And I actually, the only thing I would ask from you is just the lock of your precious
fur as a gift.
So I could use for reasons.
Yes, this is why.
And when you return to me though, Bomblin, you must still have the fur.
This is the way of the bearkin.
We save ourselves for each other.
We give each other our fur.
You just made a cannon in our world.
And she reaches to like her scarred area on the side and she pulls out some black fur
and gives it to you.
Thanks.
Oh, you know, that's weird.
You may like.
Yeah.
All right.
The problem was romantic and a perp or a witch doctor.
I don't know.
Okay.
You guys walk away from this moment.
Wow.
A lot happened.
You attend the ceremony later in the night.
We're going to smash cut to that.
You can see there are all the people over the course of the ceremony.
They light off fireworks over the castle ward that explode all over the castle and everyone
celebrates.
You can see that King Rufflecock shakes the hand of Ursa and announces to everyone that
once his passing does inevitably come, he will be passing off the crown as voted by
by the people of Intoxica in the court of chaos to Ursa sticky paws.
And she will rule as she does.
And it kind of goes off without a hitch.
You guys attend, you meet more people.
I would like you Raz very quickly to just roll me a d20 to see if maybe you can get
some more people to come to your next death ceremony.
This would be a charisma if you have that.
Oh yeah.
I bet you go ahead and reroll that.
What the fuck?
Can I use my hero coin to roll a third time?
Sure.
Go ahead, man.
Go ahead.
I'm sorry.
My couch coin.
Nice.
18.
So you get a couple of people interested and they said they're going to attend your
next ceremony of death.
And you guys kind of attended you, Boblin and Ursa kind of watched the fireworks a little
bit together.
It's not romantic.
It's more or less, you know, just a moment that you're sharing together.
Schemo is there as well.
And he speaks to you.
Give denied him the pencil of never ending sharpness standard pencil that never knew.
Well, it's a random item, my friend, but I kind of like the pencil of never ending
sharpness.
Sometimes I'll take it.
You guys hilarious.
You get a pencil.
See 357.
Congratulations.
Is that a pencil?
Well, we need you're about to yield some bitches.
That's right.
Or write a really nice poem.
Just about the John Wicker, bitch.
Wow.
That's so funny.
Also the same thing.
So you attended with Schemo as well.
And it's a nice moment that you two share together.
It's kind of a speechless moment that you both just enjoy that is rudely interrupted
by Mutinex, who kind of like squeezes in between you guys.
And it's like all excited to just be there with you.
It's a very nice moment.
But as the ceremony comes to an end, you head back to bomb lens, rough riders, and all of
you tend to ourselves.
Go ahead.
You have something for me before.
Before.
Well, yes, I would like to hand over the adamantium and get to schema.
Oh,
Cool.
We can do that.
You hand it to you.
Hand it off.
It's a very quick interaction.
When you do give it to him, he looks at you and eyeballs you and nods and he reminds everyone
in chat the adamantium ingot is actually a item that he needed to be able to fix an old
artifact that he found in his stuff.
And T357 felt connected to it whenever they seen it.
They felt like it could be something to do with some of their back store.
And he knew that he needed it to fix it because adamantium is very rare in our world.
And so he takes it and nods and tells him that he will tells you that he will get to
you once he fixes it and learns anything about basically.
Now last but not least, when you return home and you rest for the night after the long
ass day that you've had, Raz would come to you, my friend.
You shut your eyes for the night.
Lean back, shut your eyes.
In your dreams, Raz.
Just everything that you dream of, your church, your god, everything that you love, a voice
flickers through.
And it's almost an awakened state inside of your dream while you're dreaming.
But you see what comes to you is one of the commentors, one of the dementor looking spirits.
But larger.
This time with blue lightning eyes, it floats above you.
You're almost awake in your bed, but you're sleeping.
You can't move, but you can talk.
But it floats above you.
It's right in your face.
And it's like, Raz, you told us to stop.
But your power grows.
When you wish, overthrow the god.
We will be the way.
Accept us and we will grow your power.
But accept us.
Lose your connection with him.
If you are loyal to me, then you are also loyal to Ned Braith.
I will accept your offering.
We are not.
We are the spirits that had which escaped from his clutches of leading to the nothing.
For we want to stay to help everyone become more of nothing.
But we want to do it with someone.
We don't need him.
God has forsaken me once.
I don't wish to be forsaken again, but perhaps this will help him.
You want to forsake your god, thinking that it will help him.
I shall.
I will take on the burden of souls to help Ned Braith in his ever-ending quest to transfer
those that have passed on to the next life.
You may tell yourself whatever you want, but Ned Braith's only power is to guide the souls.
Taking that from him will take everything from him.
He will lose all of his power.
And if you are not ready to face Ned Braith yourself, then you will say no.
This is not a gray area.
This is a yes, or this is a no.
If you want to work with us.
Anyway.
If it is I who has to return the great god back to nothingness, then I will.
You have 24 hours to decide.
When you are in agreeance, you must sign the document.
When you awake, on your nightstand, there will be a document.
Negotiating this agreement that we've just spoken of, you must sign it in blood.
When you do, you will be gifted powers, but you will also immediately lose your connection
to your god.
So choose wisely.
In 24 hours, the contract will be burned away forever.
I understand.
We are in agreeance.
And then you go back to your dreams of murdering people.
I would like to break the fourth wall here a little bit.
Not on top of a couple other things you might get.
One of the main things you will get from signing this contract is a top level milestone reward
immediately upon signing the contract.
So when you're thinking about what you want your character to do before next week, look
through those milestone rewards, because that's the main thing you will get from signing.
One of the most powerful milestones of this system.
But you'll lose the love for your god and not the love, but you will lose your connection
to your god and might cause other things.
This is a choice you must make.
Well, yes.
All right.
And that's where we leave it for tonight.
We're going to come back and do our short rest for a little bit.
It's going to be a short one because we went over and that's what tends to happen on the
back end of this year.
Campaigns.
But you know what?
We're going to come back and do that.
All you guys that are here watching, I love all you guys.
Thank you so much for watching us.
Oh my gosh.
What a session.
I know I'm so excited to fucking talk about it.
We're going to come back and we're going to talk about it.
Everyone that's listening on Spotify or watching on YouTube, if you want to come and talk to
us about it, you got to come to the lives, baby, because that's when we do the short
rest.
So you can come and hear about what our thoughts are of each episode.
It's going to be great.
All right.
We're very excited to do it now before we do fuck off.
Everybody make sure to get over there and follow Children of Proteus.
All right.
Whatever platform you're watching on, make sure you go over there and follow them because
they do their makeup live.
They do art for the show live.
They do their own art.
They have their own comic book.
They do charity streams and play video games and all the other shit over there on their
channel.
Look it over there and follow them.
All right.
Also, everyone here, I may or may not be testing makeup for the next season.
They may or may not be playing a tiefling and I'm so excited.
I cannot wait to see.
Ooh.
L use this at home, baby
L Use this at home, baby