And dies.
This is episode nine.
Question mark.
I am your friendly game master Turk.
And I'm here, of course, with three of the best angle lads and role players
and people that I just love rolling dice with weekend and week out.
Proteus, Connor and fishy.
That's right, baby.
Connor's back from his adventure and ready to roll some dice.
He gets to go first.
How you doing, Connor? How you doing?
I'm doing good.
I'm a little sore and sleep deprived,
but I'm good.
Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah.
I love me a good sleep deprived, Connor.
Yeah, that's right.
Nice and sore.
Sleep deprived means the jokes are going to roll in, baby.
Going to roll in. Yeah.
You missed a lot last week, but these two guys, I'm sure, will fill you in
role play wise once we get into the dang old story.
Should be good. Should be good to go.
It's going to be fun, especially seeing
what happened through the other characters eyes now pushed into your eyes
is like a game of telephone, but Dungeons and Dragons.
Oh, you know, I mean, it's great.
We have it's really going to be who do you trust more for information?
Oh, right.
These guys go.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome back to love, death and dice.
Our story tonight, as always, is an amazing story of story
stories that have never been story storied before in this here story.
Now I tell you one thing about this here story.
I said it is indeed a story.
So tonight we begin.
I know no frigging way.
Let me change our background, because tonight we begin with Bomblin.
Yes. Yes, you.
Let me see.
Anything good here?
Not Bomblin.
Mm hmm. I just need outside.
Give me outside.
There we go.
Oh, but.
Oh, my God.
What's up, gang? What's up, Frito?
Welcome back, dear.
Me when Turkey gives us a story story
and looking good.
Give me the story. He's going to play.
Where's my music?
Why is it no work?
Yellow.
We go.
Our story begins tonight like any good story story that has ever storyed
in this here story.
With Bomblin standing out in a field,
surrounding this field are a bunch of stands and stalls
where other Ironhead members and full clad shining armor are standing,
awaiting for the ceremony to begin.
Off to the side, you have brought your two friends with you,
T357 and Reverend Raz Sanders as moral support.
Also, maybe to show off to them a little bit, your amazing Bomblin skills.
You stand not alone in this field, but to the side of you,
stands your arch rival, the other Berkin,
the Blackford Berkin full of scars.
Her name was Ursa Stickypaws.
You two look at each other and make eye contact
and then look back to the field in front of you, standing in line, waiting.
The crowd quiet.
Stop.
Now, now it won't stop.
What the heck?
Dude.
Too dramatic.
Yeah, I know it won't stop.
There we go.
Did you story in my story so I can story harder?
Yes.
The story begins to get harder in this story story that has ever storyed.
As you see,
we ever name I don't think we ever named the
the Ironhead Guard man.
Did we name him?
I don't think he did.
The Ironhand Guard man.
Yeah, he comes out.
You see him walking out, his hands still going as he's talking to the crowd.
Who is in up everybody?
Today we have gathered here in this field outside of Common Steel City in the farm ward
for one reason and one reason only.
There have been two new recruits that are now privates have leveled up and are now allowed
to try to tame a griffin.
So that they may ride them around and help to protect Common Steel City.
First we have private bomber and Barlow and also.
Ursa sticky paws.
Now they have brought along their friends, whatever, and we have all come together to
cheer them on.
As the Ironheads bang down their swords and their spears on the stands, and he holds up
his hand and everybody stops.
Bring it out.
And they bring out these two like large troughs.
There's like four Ironheads that walk out with him and set him down behind you guys.
You turn around and look inside of these troughs and you can see different dead critters.
There are like raccoons, possums, fish, all their kinds of stuff, different kinds of little
critters.
She looks and sees that she nods.
She looks back at you Ursa anyways, and then she continues looking forward.
He says here in a minute.
The griffin call will be upon us.
And two griffins will come down and stand in front of our recruits.
They will have one single opportunity to train and of course, commune with their griffin
to see if they are qualified or accepted as a griffin rider.
If you are not accepted as a griffin rider, that's okay.
You will be a man on boots on the ground.
Understood.
I don't fuck this up.
Before the griffins come down, you look back to your two friends.
Now during this here ceremony, the checks are going to be difficult, but you two can
do things to help Bomblin succeed if you so choose to.
You can do a multitude of different things by like cheering him on, casting spells, using
weapons, whatever you want to do.
But each one of those will be followed with a check.
And if you succeed on your check, you can give Bomblin an additional D4 on his subsequent
check.
Make sense?
Sure.
All right.
Sounds good.
Now, do you have anything to say to your friends or together before we get started?
Well, I'm glad I made it.
Yeah, we'll get to you in a minute.
Don't you worry about it.
We missed you.
Coins ring from above.
Ironhead for life.
Hell yeah, another world.
Ironhead for life, that's right.
But your name in chat is blue.
That's crazy.
Better change it to red, baby.
It's also orange over here for some reason.
Bomblin, anything to say?
I'm ready to become a griffin rider.
Have us.
All right.
Anything you want to say to Ursa?
Didn't you guys bet?
I remember you all betting.
Me?
Bet?
I don't remember that.
Okay.
Fair.
Now, you two can also do things to fuck up Ursa if you want to.
In the same sense, you can give her disadvantage and minus 1d4s on her rolls.
Okay.
The call comes.
It's not like that, but there's like a loud horn that one of the Ironheads plays.
It's just a guy yelling.
The call.
Yeah, that's totally what it is.
It's a random dude.
But you turn to look and there's just like an Ironhead like cattle prodding some random
like prisoner.
That's so funny.
And he yells out as he does, you see in the sky.
Two griffins flying side by side and they call out.
And they slowly land down right in front of you.
The one that lands in front of Ursa is a beautiful, fairly large griffin with white, beautiful
feathers.
And you can see its eagle taloned hands and beak and of course its huge Pegasus wings.
But the one that lands down in front of you kind of slips and slides as it lands like
not as gracefully like and it lands on the ground.
It's got half white feathers and half black feathers and it looks like as it lands, its
paw is kind of like messed up and it's like holding it up and it's like kind of messed
up and it's got like, you know, it's way smaller and it looks like a more younger kind of,
you know, griffin.
Oh, no, his paw is hurt.
Yeah.
And Ursa looks over at you and she's like, looks like you lucked out there, Bumbley.
Look here, Ursa Ring, I tell you what, I did luck out.
You still got a tame ears.
I'm not sure what that means, but whatever guy.
Alright, and I would like to go ahead.
I would like to pick.
I want to go over to the crates of dead animals.
Yeah.
I've been looking there and see if I can take a fish.
I'm kind of going to flop it around.
I got to get the attention of the griffin.
OK, and of course, Ironhead Macho Man, he's like, step one is to feed your animals if
they eat from what you give them.
That is a good sign that you may approach each one of you will toss your critters to
your griffin if they catch it and they eat it, then you may move on to step two.
Understood.
Nice.
OK, so what we're going to do, Momlin, this is going to be a Dex roll.
You're actually going to be throwing this fish over at the griffin.
If you throw it well enough and direct towards its head, it might actually get its sight,
so it might actually eat it.
Now, before he throws it, you two down here, is there anything you want to do to try and
help support Bumbley in this role?
Absolutely.
Just because I think it'd be funny.
I'm going to open up a portal between Ursula and her griffin.
OK.
Want to take a guess on where the portal leads?
Where does it go?
Nerds, geese and face.
Part of the couch, part of the griffin.
Christ, OK.
Debbie Stats!
Hi, Debbie.
Hi.
Thank you for the 36 month streak, Debbie.
Jesus Christ, that's three years, Debbie.
What the fuck?
Cheers.
Hold on, boys.
Everybody cheers to Debbie for three years.
Come on, come on.
Cheers, Debbie.
Yeah.
Fucking cray cray.
I think it's much more than the show.
It's so good.
I hope you've seen it in Discord.
It's so good.
Bucket the Goblin.
Hello.
Welcome back.
Cheers.
Yeah, he is.
Cheers, Debbie.
I don't know who fish is, but I let him know.
Also, no, another world.
Ironheads are red, baby.
They're red, not orange.
OK, so you want to open a portal in front of Ursa just to kind of fuck her over.
It'll give us give her a minus four.
But first, you must succeed on your magic check of a 16.
Is it intelligence?
Yeah.
Intelligence roll.
Here we go.
Please don't fail this.
Oh, that is a good old five.
OK, now this changes everything.
Before you are able to throw your fish, Raz, you're standing over to the side.
You try to open your portal.
And as you do, you see the portal open inside of the tavern with the hole beneath.
And you see Tequila for a second before it fizzles out.
And then your portal turns black.
And through this portal, you can see for a second Ned Braith standing on a fairy, trying
to fairy an outrageous amount of souls to the nothingness.
But as the portal opens, it opens next to him.
You two make eye contact.
And then five, I'm actually going to roll for it, one D six amount of spirits compiling
out of the portal.
And Ned Braith looks at you and he goes, no, what have you done?
And his eyes turn red.
And then the portal closes.
Everybody roll me initiative.
What the fuck?
What the fuck, dude?
Seriously?
I don't know how this works.
I haven't even gotten to throw my fish yet.
Four spirits pile out.
The griffins reel back and they go running into the forest.
Stupid fish.
Well, God damn it.
Why are you always fucking things up?
Can you not fumble into a situation?
God.
This is a first for me.
Okay.
Fomlin, that means you're first.
And on my turn, Ursa will also be taking a turn as well as the four spirited enemies.
They are all standing over to your right.
I don't have a map, but we're using theater of the mind.
Fomlin, what do you do?
I forgot to go check it out.
Hello, friend.
Friggin gorgeous.
Oh, thanks for the compliment.
There's four of them.
What do?
Great.
I'm going to cast a spell.
Intellect spell life.
You could bring objects or dead things of any animal like to an animated state.
Only last for one day, four rounds.
The natures of these puppets are mystery and can be very volatile.
Okay.
This might not actually be what I think that I was trying for it to be.
Yeah.
Explain that one more time.
This is the first time you've used this, right?
Explain it one more time.
It's a spell I just got.
It's called life.
You could bring objects or dead things to a lifelike animate state, but only last for
one day, four rounds.
Okay.
Nature of these puppets is a mystery and can be very volatile.
All right.
So what are you planning to do with this?
I have totally realized that this is not the spell that I want to use because this would
end up probably hurting more than what we really need.
Yeah.
So instead, we're just going to use intellect spell firebolt.
Hell yeah.
And shoot at one of the spirits.
I got a seven.
I can't do anything.
Yeah.
I stand here.
I passed him.
You try to cast firebolt, but your Minotaur hand struggles for a second.
Your mind seems to be distracted, Bomblin, from something else.
And you look up just to see the ass of Ursa as she swings around her sword.
Maybe that's it.
I don't know.
But Raz, you're next.
What do you do?
Oh, well, I guess I need to roll down there and.
Oh, man, I don't think I can explode that.
That hurt a lot of people.
And I already made Ned Braith mad today.
I guess I'll try to use soul siphon on one of the one of the guys, you know, and they
seem to be souls anyway.
Yeah.
Maybe I'll just suck them up into my hand.
Nice.
I'm gonna turn it back.
All right.
Roll it, son.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Like a thermos.
He's back, baby.
Oh, geez.
Natural 20, everybody.
Cheers.
All right.
Roll me your damage plus your ultimate, which is D10 plus D12.
That's the thing about this one.
I mean, read extract life force and limit over close range transfer effort rolled from their
HP to yours.
So I'm using magic.
Yeah, yeah.
Seven.
Seven day.
Well, you run across the field, Raz.
Hold on.
Not being 10.
Yeah, it's 10.
Oh, yeah.
You have a plus two in magic and one in ultimate.
Oh, yeah.
Hell, yeah.
OK, perfect.
Wait.
Oh, it's already a critical.
So yeah.
Yeah.
So 10 damage.
You run across the field through the dirt.
You slide into action and hold out your hands and just and you could hear the soul is getting
sucked back into your into your hands and into your energy.
It's like, no, I didn't.
Play dead yet.
It's like Ghostbusters almost.
And it's just gone.
Three left.
Oh, we didn't hear that.
We can hear those things.
Well, good job on the offer.
Still pausing.
That's awesome.
Whoops.
I clicked the wrong thing.
Can you hear the music?
Update everybody for mastery.
I only have five more D20s I have to roll.
Jesus.
Jesus, bro.
I have seven now.
I have six now.
Wow.
That's bananas.
Yeah, that's bananas.
I want to get this mastery point.
You're the only one that has a chance to you guys might be able to hear it now.
I think we'll see.
Oops.
There goes the accidentally misclicked that shit.
Close.
Get out of here.
Yeah, here we go.
All right.
Now that is your turn.
Correct.
Raz.
Yes.
All right.
T three five seven.
You're next.
I would like to use my swarmer darts, a thrown weapon split into one D six darts hit up to
six targets with one attack.
Hell yeah.
It's badass.
So you only have to land once and then you get to roll your D six after you land.
I think it's the way we could do it.
Sweet.
And if you do roll the six, I will let you hit two targets or one target more than once.
All right.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Is there a certain days I'm rolling to see if I hit just a regular D 20 or is it like
a strength or something?
It'd be a dexterity for a long range attack.
Yeah.
Fuck.
Every time.
Get fucked.
Roebert.
It's fucked up.
She was going to.
It's fucked up.
We roll.
Hey, hey, story day coming in hot.
Give us a reroll.
Even with your plus two that only makes it a 10.
We tried those story, dad.
Thanks.
So you run out into the field and throw your dart and it hits the ground.
You think it's the first time you've used this ability.
Maybe you haven't mastered it just yet.
You're pretty calibrated.
Mm hmm.
Bumlin, will you do me a favor and remind me what your old sword used to do?
So I the clay.
Yeah.
The one that was the stole from you.
You're all critical for damage.
Every time.
Yeah.
She wields your sword, waves her ass at you.
Then she says, watch this bubblegum and then swings it wide against one of the spirits.
And Mrs. She goes out.
And then the spirit attacks right back at her.
And it gets really close and like tries to suck out her energy.
Are we firing are we fighting the mentors?
I would imagine them as the mentors.
Yeah, they absolutely look like the mentors.
They sound like the mentors.
Yeah.
Well, it missed.
We'll see.
We got a critical one.
We'll see who sucks each other off first.
Yeah.
The other one tries to suck you back.
Raz.
He's sucking me so good.
You take.
Fucking A.
Take 13 damage.
Son of a bitch.
Which I believe means you have temporary health, right?
Yeah, I have temporary health from the Legion ring.
So I'm down to two.
Right.
Is it?
Yeah, we suck you off.
Good, dude.
Yep.
And you could like see his friend that you soul siphoned.
He's like soul siphoning back out of you and you like see this like spirit, like dark spirit,
like coming out of you like, and then it gets snapped back inside of you.
But it hurts real bad.
And the last one attacks Bomblin.
Yeah, 10 is not going to do it.
And we're back around to you.
Back to me.
Well.
Oh, ah.
Just attack me.
Interesting.
I'm going to extend my bow and sword.
And then I'm going to slice down through the spirit.
Nice roll to hit.
Oh, good.
Oh, these dice are.
Quack.
Yeah, they're whack for you.
Yeah.
They've never been good for me.
Yeah, these these guys suck ass.
So I swing and then you miss.
Now we're over to Raz, who gets a single use magical item.
Yay.
Which is what?
What is it?
Consumable.
I don't know where it is on here, so I'm just going to roll it for you.
Here we go.
I got it printed.
What is it?
The 23.
You get Moonstones.
You can instantly teleport to somewhere you can see.
You get one D4 of them.
Moonstones.
One D4, you say?
That's kind of badass.
Just saying.
You get three Moonstones.
You could use as an action to instantly teleport to somewhere you can see.
Badass.
Steve, what's up, Steve?
All right.
Now on your turn, what do you do?
Oh, shit.
Is that is that one whole action using the stone?
Yeah.
Fuck.
Yeah.
There's no range limit.
You know what the range limit is?
Sight.
Yeah, that's pretty cool.
Yeah.
I mean, some sort of other teleport.
Teleport.
Oh, my God.
Fuck, dude.
Look at the moon.
Brad's the moon lord.
Shit, dude.
I wish I could do two things at once, but that would really help out here.
But I guess I need I need to go for that other soul suck, man.
He I got to get that soul juice in me so I can heal a little bit.
I'm about killed.
Yeah.
So I'm going to he sucked me.
So now I'm going to suck him.
Nice.
It's a suck off.
Ah, it's a good old classic sucker.
Nobody can defeat the moon lord.
You would be surprised, actually.
Thank God it's a dirty 20.
Yeah, dude.
Nice.
Yeah.
Oh, wait.
Suck off with the scar.
It's automatically a critical.
It's automatically a critical because of my fucking my tome, dude.
He's got a fucking tome, dude.
Yeah.
The Libra, Arcano, a roll of 15 plus is now a critical.
Cool.
Hell, yeah.
I don't know.
Check that out.
The Libra, Mark, Canem.
I want to check that out real quick.
Oh, we write it down.
Let's go.
That's right.
Plus one extra damage.
We'll take it for you.
Why not?
Hell, yeah.
An enchantment tome on all things magical.
Carry this book to heighten your magic power.
A roll of 15 plus when casting is now a critical.
Yeah, that's it.
All right.
That's critical.
Oh, 16 delicious.
Oh, yeah.
Frito.
Frito, Frito, before we can take that plus one on damage, Frito, if you're in a faction,
your check color must match the faction.
You see, iron heads are red, much like anime Rey here.
And you got to change your name to red, which you could do at the bottom of chat.
You could actually go to chat identity and you could just pick whatever color.
So I'm gonna let it go through this time.
You can't activate again until you do the thing.
All right.
How many HP do these guys have?
10.
OK, so I can only heal for 10.
Yeah.
So you completely.
Suck in this black, dark life force into your body and feel instantly better as you go up
10 HP.
There is one left now, and it's T357 turn.
What do you do?
I would like to hit it with my crossbow.
We got props now, baby.
Badass.
Hell yeah.
Oh, well.
It's still only a 14, which means you miss because our target number is 16.
As usual.
I wouldn't make a target number this difficult during a battle, especially one like this.
You did fix it, Frito.
Nice.
But this is all Raz's fault, so you could blame Raz.
It looks right to us.
OK.
It's now.
First is the arrow flies off.
Part of the crew.
What's up, Tassan?
43 months, dude.
Thank you for supporting the show for 43 months, bro.
Mead.
Your arrow goes flying off and it turns and locks eyes with you.
But then you see right behind it, Ursa steps forward and swings Bomblin's old sword.
Oops, that's a D12.
Didn't mean to do that.
Sorry.
Oh, it's a 12.
Hold on.
What does Ursa have?
The strength.
Is it target number 16?
It is.
Yes.
So she hits.
And she always gets to do ultimate damage.
The sword goes through it.
You can see the things in pain.
It turns around and locks eyes with her and comes down hard trying to suck her off.
You got it.
And misses.
And we're back to Bomblin.
Ah, he missed the suck.
You're fun, Tassan.
Aha.
What do you do?
I would take my boat, son, and then go and strike the spirit down.
Yeah.
You miss.
I got a 13.
You miss.
Raz, it's your go.
What do you do?
It's time for the ultimate suck.
I'm going to activate my special ability Dark Pact, which allows me to sacrifice a certain
amount of my HP to add to the roll.
And that HP that I'm sacrificing is going to be 2, which will bring me down to a total
10.
Nice.
So this is plus 2, and I'm going to make this the ultimate suck.
Hi-yah.
Oh, God.
So that is...
That's a 4.
Plus 3 is 7, plus 2 is 9.
Hi-yah!
My suck failed.
Your suck failed.
Test.
It's on you.
I will try to fire my crossbow again.
All right.
Fuck, yes!
Yes, baby!
Oh, yeah!
Yes!
Roll me your damage.
This crossbow you get to do weapon damage plus a d4 of fire damage.
Roll it.
Let's go.
Reroll.
You fucking son of a fucking bitch.
Stuck harder!
No, Steve.
Steve, no.
She's not looking up at you, Steve.
She doesn't want to look over you.
She doesn't look over you, Steve.
Wow.
You son of a bitch.
You are dead to me, Steve.
Reroll it.
You will be the first to go in the robot uprising.
Get for Raz, boy.
How long it been since Raz rolled?
I'm just going to power down.
All right.
You could blame Steve.
Steve was too slow.
Although I did move on pretty fast.
I did move on pretty fast.
Yeah.
But that's OK.
From the stands runs down Macho Man.
He's got this crazy spear in his hand and he says, fuck off, demon!
Chucks it.
For an 18.
Fucking hell.
Wow.
Goddamn.
And in a spark of lightning, the thing just completely disappears.
And then you see the spear hit the ground and then you look up and it's back in his
hand and he puts it in his back.
And when that happens, the whole crowd cheers as if the crowd thought this was some part
of the ceremony.
And he looks at you three and he's like, I don't know what the fuck that was.
We're done now.
Some bullshit like this happens again.
The Iron Heads are coming for you and we're going to lock you up.
You're just going to be summoning demons during our ceremony.
I didn't mean to.
Sorry.
That's actually really weird for me.
That's never happened before.
I think God's mad at me.
I'm going to go chill on this windmill.
I'm going to activate the moonstone and go to the top of the windmill in the background.
All right.
You do that.
Do you want me to?
I don't know if I can.
Yes, make me tiny and put me on there.
Okay.
Do it!
All right.
No fucking book.
What does it say about this?
He's figuring shit out back there.
He's like, okay, that was weird.
Well, I guess we must make the call again.
We start over on this day.
The call!
And two griffins come landing in just as if before.
And you stand there holding your fish bumbling.
And Ursa looks at you and she's like, really, we're right back to this?
Fine.
She reaches in there and grabs out a possum.
Now, before Bumbling makes this throw, would anyone like to do anything to try to help
him?
I'm okay back here!
All right.
I'm fucking good.
No words of encouragement?
You can't fuck up worse than Raz.
You can do it, fuck ass!
Tempting fate!
Chance bonus for Bumbling.
Hell yeah, baby.
That's probably not going to be good.
Usually not.
I mean, it could be.
But no, most of the time, not really.
Most of the time, not really.
Where did it go?
Is it not working?
Why is it not working?
One more time.
Oh, you say all that good shit, don't you, Bumbling?
All that good shit.
Wow!
But it don't work.
And then you roll the Auto Nat 20 card.
Imagine that!
That's crazy!
Isn't that crazy?
Shadow Wind, isn't that crazy?
I mean, totally crazy!
Totally crazy!
Well, thank you.
I actually see, I drew three other cards and I see where they went now.
And you should be happy.
I am happy.
Look at this.
You should be happy.
Look, you did so great.
Is it working?
You did so great.
It was almost a minus four is what would have happened.
So you should be happy.
Almost.
But you already showed the Auto Nat 20.
So that's, you know.
So it's all fair.
All right, Bumbling.
So I just throw this fish like really good.
All right, everyone.
You may begin.
Yeah, and it's an Auto Nat 20.
Definitely succeed.
If there's any flavor text you want to throw in there, go ahead and do so.
That's a 17 for Ursa.
So she succeeds as well.
Damn it!
Yeah, she throws her possum.
It lands in the griffin's mouth and he chomps it down.
And you throw your fish and he like limps over because it hits the ground and he limps
over and then eats it off the ground.
It's like now that your griffins have eaten out of your hands, you must approach them
with delicate ease.
You must walk in a simple pattern directly forward to your griffin.
Do not dance.
Do not move.
Do not trip or step too far.
And you must take exactly two and a half feet wide steps as such.
And he gives an example.
This next role, once again, is going to be dexterity of the body as you walk towards
your griffin.
All right.
You're crazy, bud.
It didn't.
There we go.
Ow.
That's a three, which means you fail.
Yes.
Let's see how it does.
She succeeds.
She gets all the way over to her griffin and stands right next to it.
And it just makes eye contact with her.
You begin walking towards yours and maybe you take a step too weird, but your griffin
looks up from meeting the fish, its hands still on its side, and it kind of reels back
a little bit like scared.
And Macho Man, Iron Man's like, Iron Head's like, Batman, stands very still.
Don't move.
And the griffin like is just eyeballing you, like scared.
He's like, do not move.
And it starts getting closer to you.
Puts its paw on the ground.
You can hear in the dirt.
And it limps around you a little bit and gets real close.
And like smells you.
Oh, lucky.
And then it puts its head down, just like the other one.
You failed the roll.
Griffin succeeded.
So, all right, last roll, Bomlin.
This is the animal handling role of Charisma.
He says, now, introduce yourselves to your griffins.
Explain who you are.
Explain why you are worthy of writing them and explain how you will take them to victory.
Which I would like you to do, followed by a subsequent charisma roll.
Can I take some of that bandage out of my adventures back and try to bandage his like leg to make this like roll easier?
Yes.
Like that tender loving care.
It's like he's now approached me and he's letting me pet him.
Oh, you pretty little Griffin.
Pretty little Griffin.
You could use bandages.
It will be a D6 of healing.
You don't have to roll to do so.
You can just do it.
Right.
Roll me a D6.
Six.
All right.
You wrap the bandages around.
Advantage or disadvantage.
Help the Griffin.
Hit it again.
I mean, maybe you'll get better.
You can't get better than a six.
But Shadow Wind used the command.
So.
But the next one, I could use it.
Oh, yeah, true, true, true, true, true.
Yeah, we'll save it.
So you bandage up his arms.
Just to make the roll easier.
Yeah.
And it looks directly at you as you wrap the bandages around its arm.
And you can see some blood kind of soak into him.
And then he puts his foot on the ground, like tries to put pressure on it and kind of like stands on it a little bit and then looks at you again.
You can't tell.
Not a foot.
Yeah, it's talent.
You can't tell if he's.
Feeling a little bit better towards you or not, being that it's a Griffin, but you can kind of see an opening in his eyes as if he's kind of warmed up to you a little bit.
So we're going to make this an easy roll.
You only have to beat a 13 and you get advantage on it.
So good.
All right.
Sweet roll.
Oh, my goodness.
What is it?
Charisma?
Yeah.
17.
You succeed.
But I would like you to give it give your speech to this Griffin.
And yes, if you want to use the name sweet roll, you can.
You get to name this Griffin.
You know that you've succeeded now.
But tell us what you say.
Sweet roll.
I don't hate it.
Faction chosen.
Chosen.
OK.
Yeah.
Welcome to the Mystics.
Bucket.
Fucking sweet roll.
I'm a part of the Mystics bucket.
Welcome.
You like it, sweet roll.
All right.
Do whatever you want.
All right.
What do you say?
Oh, little sweet roll by poor little feathery sweet roll.
Come here.
I could take.
Yeah.
So I had a hair in my mouth, but poor little sweet roll.
We could take you into great battles, take you on an adventure.
Or we could even let you almost do whatever you want.
See, being tamed by me, I'm just an animalistic creature just like yourself.
You're not going to see me telling you what you can and cannot eat.
That's for you to decide.
So if you want to find and seize glory and all the other good things and great things
that comes along by being Bamblin's pet, I mean, powerful magic speed.
Yeah, you can if you want.
You could pick anybody you want, Bucket.
Anybody you want.
Go ahead, Bamblin.
Finish off.
Yeah.
Dear, dear little sweet roll, you want to be mighty and strong.
Just let me take care of you for here on out.
Hell yeah, dude.
Hell yeah.
Sorry. No reason to be sorry.
All good.
His Griffin ends up just eating sweet rolls.
I love that idea so much.
OK.
He puts his head down, Bamblin.
I'm going to send you over the stats for your Griffin soon.
So you have a pet Griffin.
You get on the back of your Griffin and it's smaller than Ursus.
She also gets on hers and yours is a little bit smaller, but it kind of like trots around in the field with you on its back, like happy and excited that you healed its paw.
And you can kind of feel a connection between you two, almost as if you followed this ritual, you succeeded on it.
And now there's some kind of magical connection between you two.
And as you trot around, the Griffin comes around to where Macho Man's standing and he looks at you and he goes,
Welcome to the Griffin writers, Bamblin.
Happy to have you.
And then he tosses you a whistle.
Do we get a badge?
Like the 298th Griffin Airborne.
That'd be great.
Is there a battalion?
Yeah, no, no, I love that.
I love that so much.
But first, he tosses you a whistle.
Sir Griffin, mamas?
But this whistle takes up an inventory slot, but it is a Griffin's whistle that will summon Sweetroll whenever you need him.
And you could even just summon Sweetroll into battle, not even to fight as long as you're outside.
You obviously can't summon Sweetroll if you're like down in a dungeon or something.
But this is a whistle summoner that is an item that you get.
Great.
Nice nickname.
Oh, cute.
Yeah, and I'll send over you the stats soon.
You two.
It's been a little while since we interacted with y'all.
I forgot that Raz was on the windmill.
Hey, what's up, buddy?
How you doing?
I'm doing good.
Now that you're on your Griffin and you put in your item, Bamblin,
I'm gonna let you do whatever you want to do right now.
But you do look over and see Ursa just take off into the air with her Griffin and she begins flying around the castle ward, like around the towers.
I want to fly off and then I want to fly really close to Raz and almost try to knock him off with the power of my gustful wings.
Sure.
You want to roll me a dex, Raz?
Sure.
He's so little up there.
Roll for it.
That's a 30-20.
Hell yeah, you're good.
Hey, Mega Lozan.
Welcome here.
Welcome here, friend.
May I attempt to get off this windmill?
Yeah.
How do you get off the windmill?
I'm not going to use a portal because apparently that summons demons now.
I'm going to expertly climb down one of the fucking windmill blades and just drop 10 feet to the ground.
We'll take your dex roll that you just made for that to you.
All right.
So I matrix the fucking bird thing and then I climb down this bitch.
Hello.
We're doing good.
Welcome here.
All right, you matrix on down.
So you have your Griffin.
His name is Sweetroll.
I'll send you all the stats and stuff in Discord so you don't have to like, I don't say them and you copy them down.
That'll take too long.
But now that this is done, you can see that the ceremony is kind of breaking apart.
You do have to go receive your badge for the Griffin writers chivalry still, which you can do later.
And we're going to make you a number and everything.
It's going to be going to be pretty cool.
But at this point in time, the ceremony is over.
So do you want to continue flying?
Do you want to come back around?
You can see your two friends standing, leaving together, bumbling.
I want to land next to my friends and then I want to get off the Griffin because I know his poor little talent hurts.
So I think it would be best to take him back home and show him his rope.
And then that way he could rest up and tell his little little talent feeling better.
The Griffin's going to sleep in the inn with you all.
I love that. That's cute as hell.
Well, of course. He's obviously an indoor Griffin.
His name is Sweetrolls for Christ's sake.
Where do you keep your Griffins at?
I don't know. I didn't. I guess I didn't think about it.
I love Sweetrolls.
Sweetrolls is definitely an indoor Griffin.
All right.
So you guys head back to the inn together then.
Now that the ceremony is over, before we do anything else, I want to give you guys just a minute to maybe describe to Raz everything that happened while he was gone.
If you feel so inclined to do so. Where is the...
Well, okay. Boy, oh boy, oh boy. Where do we start first?
Does it have anything to do with why I summoned a bunch of demons randomly?
No, but did you randomly get a boner last week?
I think so.
Well, confirmed. Your killing of people gives Raz boners.
Yeah, this doesn't surprise me.
Well, that's not normal.
Well, you're not with us.
Listen, Telemathy always told me that, you know, that's just my special wand.
And it means I'm doing good for Ned Bray.
What?
I am at a loss.
Yeah.
I think we should just tell them the facts and quit asking them questions.
Well, we got our hands... Well, Bombaland got his hands on the sword of Galore.
Yeah, I got my paws on the sword of Galore.
And we met with the king, Rufflecock, and a extraordinary large unicorn man made mayonnaise that was super buff and dick dragged on the ground.
That's scary.
Yeah, yeah, probably the biggest wig I've ever seen.
It was intimidating. It was like the length of my leg.
Okay, you guys are really talking a lot about this guy's private part.
He bumped him on two legs.
Probably one of the most important details in the entire story.
So we might have had an entire chase scene riding on top of the unicorn with the giant dog throughout the entire city.
But we did get the sword of Galore and it did a turn to it.
So, yeah, that's right.
Turns out it's possessed.
Go ahead, Bombaland.
Yeah, it's possessed by the spirit of Tony Neverember's dad, who's kind of a dick.
He's the owner of the Dragon Vault.
Oh.
He let us know what we need to get to get into the Dragon Vault once we located. We need a gift from a former queen, one dragon scale, and a animated automaton.
Construct.
Construct, that was the words.
Okay.
So how are we on those?
Sure we have any of those items. Nope. Well, technically, we talked about Auntie Fran being a queen.
I didn't know it was canon.
That's right. And then we got the drugs from Auntie Fran. So that's the gift.
I'm technically an animated construct.
And that tells us technically an animated construct that we are okay unwilling to sacrifice if we need be.
Does it have to be dragon scales or just a little bit of it's a bronze dragon scale.
And these two guys did actually see a adult dragon flying around the sea in the dockward last episode.
And there are rumors that there might be a trapped baby dragon somewhere in that area, possibly even underwater.
And the gift from the former queen.
We are debating if Auntie Fran is a queen being that Auntie Fran was actually married to the father Neverimber, the stone that you guys have.
I will say just a little bit of third wall breaking. The drug gifts may totally work.
I might roll on it once it happens because they weren't gifted with that intention, but I will roll on it. There will be a 50-50 chance.
You can go back to Auntie Fran and I will tell you this with the chance of maybe getting something cooler or something more.
Additionally, I will say that T357 is not counted as an animated construct.
But I don't have a soul.
True.
Well, just because you're not a person, really.
Is is my lady friend a bronze dragonborn?
So funny, because T357 had that same question, but it will not work.
Same question, but will not work. Yeah, that would have been sexy kind of give me your shed, baby.
Yeah. Wow.
Wow. Wow.
Oh, dang. There's one other thing I forgot to do.
How about this? While you guys are standing there, you hear outside the wings of a griffin.
You turn to see where Sweetroll is and you can actually see Sweetroll just totally in the corner.
They've like made a bunch of like dirty clothes and like, hey, their little bed and they're just kind of rolling around in it like super happy.
So you realize, OK, so it's not Sweetroll making that noise.
And when you look outside, you see white wings landing down and you step outside to see Ursa.
And yeah, Ursa steps off for Griffin and makes eye contact with you.
She says, yeah, wow.
She says that this later day, nerds and freaks, a part of the crew.
Hi, Sunni.
Thank you for the 39 months, brother, supporting the show. Cheers, man.
One Coke Zero for you. Cheers, Sunni.
Mm hmm.
What was I saying? Yes. I love you, Sunni. That's what I was saying.
No, what I was actually saying. She steps off her griffin and her griffin kind of like bows down.
She gets off and then she sees you and she's like, hello, Bumblin.
What a day we had, right? Yes.
Well, I've come to ask you a little bit about your Berkin roots.
Oh, yeah? Yes.
What kind of Berkin roots are you looking for?
Well, it seems today I didn't believe you to be a true Berkin, but being that you have the power to ride a griffin,
I think maybe it is true that you are a Berkin.
And I was wondering if maybe we could discuss our heritage.
Okay.
Do you know exactly where you're from, Bumblin?
Ah, mountains far north and Antarctica.
Yeah, yes.
Gift an item.
A Kodiak Den.
A Kodiak Den. Indeed, Bumblin. Indeed.
Don't let me forget to roll that for you.
Yes. He's like, Kodiak Den, Bumblin, indeed.
We are all from there.
Do you know why we are no longer there, Bumblin?
Ah, something about a great migration.
Everybody hopped up on boats and then sailed away.
Well, something like that.
You see, we had to leave the cavern, the Kodiak Den, Bumblin,
during the more warmer months when we came out of our hibernation.
Someone tried to go into the Kodiak Den and take up its residence while we were no longer there.
We come to learn that that was a, what they refer to as a time dragon.
Something woke it up.
Something is amiss in the multiverse,
and it has decided to take up residence in our home and almost destroyed it, Bumblin.
What's that?
Yeah, I can't hear you now. It's okay.
Waiting for a thing.
Complete the gifting circle!
Time dragon. Yes, right, baby?
All right, well, while he's doing that, let's roll for your item test. How about that?
All right.
That's a one. That's magic loot.
That is a 55. You get the Necklace of Tides item.
You can call a massive wave or rapids to your location with a charisma roll.
What the fuck?
Have you guys ever seen those movies where you got a bunch of rings,
but a bunch of like Nazguls are coming to attack and she calls a river, takes out the Nazguls?
Yeah. That's what I imagine.
Sploosh.
You got the right idea. Sploosh.
Yeah, that's right. That's right.
Okay. One last thing, Bomlin. She says,
our homes were almost destroyed by this time dragon, Bomlin, and all of the bearkin have been, since then, at least the surviving bearkin that didn't die trying to fight the time dragon.
There's only a few of us and we've all been spread across in Toxica, Bomlin.
We are now an endangered species here.
We're always in danger, baby.
Yeah, this is very true.
I, to tell you the truth, Bomlin was, well, I was supposed to be Queen of the Kodiak Den until everything was destroyed, and I am no longer.
So now I am here trying to work my way back into royalty through means of thievery, of course, the way that we do, and of course, through means of making my way up the Ironhead ranks.
It's good to see someone else who's actually worthy of this.
Uh, thanks.
Yes.
Well, I just wanted to speak with you because it's been a long time since I've been able to speak about our heritage with anyone, so thank you for that.
You're welcome.
And this sword, I gotta tell you, is pretty nice. I'm gonna keep it until maybe, if you're worthy, I'll give it back.
That's fine. I have a new one. And I pull out my bow sword, and I'm like, watch this, and then it grows, like, shhh.
Oh, and it's always very cool whenever bones grow, Bomber.
And then I click another button, and then like the shield pops up of a crab arm claw.
Oh, I see your bone has crabs.
Yeah, yeah, it's got crab, watch this, and then I'm like, shoot a fireball up into the scotch.
Ah, and it burns. Interesting. Your bone has a crab claw and it burns whenever it pees.
Interesting.
I missed.
Well, you try to cast magic and fail is actually what happens.
Yeah, it all just fizzles out like a, ah, it can.
Yeah.
Okay.
Do you want to come in for a night camp or something?
No, thank you. The place looks fairly empty, actually. I got a place I've been staying, but maybe next time.
She gets on her griffin. She's like, biscuit.
Yeah, okay, you know, it's alright. Yeah, I get it, I get it. Biscuit?
Biscuit. Ahoy!
She takes off.
Ah, okay.
Yeah, I just had to get some backstory in there, baby, and I almost missed it. So you know what? Fine. You still get it that way. That's the way you get it.
Yes. Okay. We're going to take a five minute break because I got to pee and these guys are looking anxious.
We're going to take five minutes. We're going to come back and then we're going to do some more story things that I have planned.
And maybe Raz can figure out why he's summoning demons all of a sudden, but we'll see.
Whenever we get back.
Welcome back, everybody, to Bomblin and the Rough Riders. I mean, Love, Death and Dice, episode nine.
Wow.
I'm your dungeon master, Turkey. I'm here with Test, Reverend Raz Sanders, and Bomblin Barlow. Hello, guys.
Good to have you here. Thanks for being here. We're going to get right back into the story here.
So as the day comes to a close and the sun begins to set, you guys have some options as to what things you want to go after, things that you need to be able to open this dragon vault.
You have the Stone of Galore and there are three keys that you must get to be able to open said vault.
So you have some some choices you must make.
But as the sun begins to set, you three are sitting around in the bottom common floor of your inn together discussing these things, these ideas, and you hear some commotion outside together.
You hear some knocking on the doors.
And if you remember correctly, T357 used the last of your gold to actually to get your guild licenses and pay for your inn to actually start operating as a business, as a passive income.
Bomblin's looking at her like, you did what now?
I did not use the last of our gold.
There's weird noises out there, but it's okay.
Okay, word, word.
So.
You also said last of our gold, like I spent all of our money.
Oh yeah, it wasn't all of it, but you know, you know what I mean.
The door opens, you open the door as a couple groups of people enter inside of the inn.
You take a peek outside and you can see there are some furniture and things waiting to be delivered and brought inside of the inn and set up.
But as they enter, it's a couple different representatives from a couple different guilds.
One of them, their name is Broxley Fair Kettle.
They're with the Fellowship of Innkeepers and they speak up and they're like, hello, my name is Broxley Fair Kettle.
I'm with the Fellowship of Innkeepers and I'm here to speak to you about your tavern and your inn and talk to you about your regular keeping expenses.
But I'm actually just here to see exactly, are you doing a tavern inn?
What is this business going to be exactly?
I believe it was discussed and we will be doing a gambling hall with a parish underneath.
Oh, OK. Yes, yes, a gambling hall.
Well, then I'm not needed any turns and leaves outside.
And you can see a very nice dressed dwarf in very nice clothing walks inside and behind him, there are like four elves dressed in red vests.
And he's like, good to see you.
I'm here with the gambling hall. I've got me workers.
They're going to be running your bar. They're going to be doing your tables.
They're going to be doing all that stuff for you.
You just got to pay them.
And before he even gets to introduce himself, coming in the door behind him is Scoob Ruffian.
And Scoob's like, Scoob, where are we?
We are Ruffians.
That's right.
The Ruffians is here.
Hey, Bumbling.
We're a bunch of Ruffians.
I brought me more Ruffian crew.
So look, Bumbling.
You brought the rest of the Ruffians.
We're a bunch of Ruffians and we're here to rough them up.
Well, boy, do I have a job for you.
Oh, that's good to hear, Bumbling.
Because the Ruffians, our Italian restaurant in the Dockside Ward, was destroyed by a brass dragon earlier this day.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
How unfortunate.
I know.
No more tortellini for the people of Intoxica.
It's a sad day.
I loved your tortellini.
I know.
It was the best one.
And there's the bread and then you get the olive oil and the vinegar and you mix it together with the bread.
Delicious.
I don't know what that bread's called, but it's fine Italian cuisine.
I tell you what.
It is the best.
It was.
Now enough time for grief.
Bumbling, no more grief.
I brought me and my four best mates here because we heard you was opening your own business.
And we Ruffians is always up for money.
I don't know who these drags off.
They may have their professional counting money people, but we Ruffians can work for you instead.
And he looks over at the dwarf and the dwarfs like, well, I can assure you that all me guys are really good at counting money.
They can run your bar and they will do it with the utmost professionalism.
But it's going to cost you for us anyway.
Hold on. I've got it here.
Actually, the actual numbers.
Dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip.
What is this?
It's going to cost you 50 gold per 10 day for maintenance and wages.
All right.
These guys are going to take care of everything.
They clean everything and do everything.
And the Ruffians are like 50 gold.
What are we like not roughing up people?
This is easy job.
You fighting people and the elves are like, no, we just count money for 50 gold.
Bublin, we Ruffians, right?
She promised to take us out on some fights.
Sometimes we'll do it for us.
Right.
We're going to rough them up.
But we may not, you know, be able to count money as well or whatever.
But if you take us out on fights, sometimes to rough people up.
Yeah, that's a small miss.
Like out of all things in a gambling hall, is counting even important?
Really?
Probably not.
It's obviously the most important thing.
Nah, I don't think it is.
Ruffians are talking right now.
Yeah.
You're hired.
All right.
And the dwarfs like, um.
You're going to want that direct deposit or just in a little bag every Friday.
Nah, man.
I mean, whatever.
I don't care.
I mean, you know.
I can't wait till you tell Tess shows you all the great human resources stuff that we have that comes with the company.
Right.
Nice.
You know, it's right.
Tess, there's stuff to be on the whole health care, the dental tests.
We got we get insurance.
I think we're going to treat our employees without the utmost respect.
But the dwarf is like he turns to and he's like, fine.
Look, you can leave.
We are.
Bye bye.
We're taking our tables with us.
So good luck getting furniture.
What tables?
Yeah.
Look out.
You can see a bunch of nice.
Our gambling hall.
Green felted tables that they have in a cart, and he's like taking them with us and they all begin to work outside.
Oh, Scoob.
He's like, don't worry.
It bumbling.
What I'm going to do.
We're going to go out.
We ruffians.
All right.
And we're going to rough up some people.
Well, we'll really we're going to go find some extra barrels, some old tables, some some crates.
You know, we don't need no fancy green felt.
We can get away with whatever.
Yeah, I agree.
Felt.
They have a good four.
Yeah.
All right, Scoob.
I'm leaving everything to you.
You're in charge now.
I need you to get this gambling hall running up at the at least at a D level quality of health, you know, right.
Health inspection, at least quality.
And I've got a perfect thing bumbling.
I came prepared.
It was going to be a gift.
But now I think we could use it on the front of the building.
And he reaches back to one of the other ruffians and he hands him like this long piece of wood and he turns it over and it says bumbling in the rough riders.
He's like, this will be the name.
This will be the name of our gambling hall.
Yeah.
Maybe like a section of it.
Yeah, like I have some like shared ownership and that's how you got to run it through Raz.
You know, he's trying to do the whole church thing.
I seen that guy in the red cloak.
Who's he?
I'm Scoob.
Holds out his hand.
And since you weren't he's like he's got really long hair all around the side of his head, but the top is like super balding.
He's wearing like a red neck scarf and like scuffed up leather armor.
And he's like, I'm Scoob.
Raz, nice to meet you.
Yeah, man.
Cool.
You rough up people?
I mean, not really.
I just, you know, kill them.
But, oh, whatever.
Well, if you want some help roughing them up before you kill them, we can do that.
Yeah, I mean, that sounds cool.
But, you know, I just kill them.
All right.
That's fair.
Sorry.
I'm not kind of out of it.
I fucked up one of my spells earlier and I think I angered my god.
Oh, no.
And now I'm feeling kind of bad about it.
Oh, no.
Why should I apologize?
You can't go around angering gods like that, Raz.
You know, who's your god then?
Oh, well, that'd be the great and brave of death.
I heard about him.
Real nice guy.
Real nice down there.
You know, just trying to get space where they got mad at me.
Yeah.
As soon as you piss off Ned Brafe, I heard he turns into a demon.
I wouldn't do that.
I am sorry.
Ned, please forgive me, God.
My soundboard isn't working.
I'm sure.
Since you've been here for this boy.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
I mean,
you can only do what you can do, you know.
There we go.
I guess.
No, it doesn't work.
You've been his goodness, boy.
Since I've known you, I'm sure you will be lenient.
No, he hates me now.
God, it's OK to be a disappointment, man.
I feel it all the time.
To be honest, he'll get over it in about 20 minutes if you just eat something.
I've failed you, great one.
Is he always like this?
I think you've got to let this one go.
No, he's usually much more boisterous.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm surprised he's not talking your ear off.
Try to, you know, tell you about that, to be honest.
Maybe spend some time setting up your new parish.
That'll cheer you up.
Maybe you need to like do some praying.
I should pray on this.
Yeah, I do that.
I do that.
What are you praying to, Scoob?
Well, you know, whoever will listen.
Ah, Unitarians.
Oh, yeah, there's something going on.
I don't know.
I ain't got time.
I just be roughing up people, you know.
That's the way I like it.
Yeah.
All right.
We're going to go get some stuff.
Great.
You got it, baby.
Hey, we settled on a name or what?
Yeah, I guess we're just going to go with Boblin and the Rough Riders.
Sounds good to me.
Sounds like a wonderful name, going to be honest.
All right.
So I know what might cheer you up.
Is this the guy you told me we were drinking?
This is the guy that hates tequila, right?
I wouldn't say he hates tequila.
I like the drink with the guy.
Yeah.
No, I don't hate tequila.
He just has a really convenient place to dump bodies.
Oh, OK.
I was going to say we're going to rough him up.
Yeah, we finally got into a fight last week.
Maybe we could steal some of his barrels and stuff.
You know what I mean?
I mean, if you want, just don't kill him.
All right.
He's cool and everything.
You know, because you got that big old dead hole.
You do know he put a bounty on your head.
He did put a bounty on my head.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's actually all about cash.
The bounty first.
My God.
Now my whole guy, everybody hates me.
God damn it.
And Scoob goes in his pocket, geeks and freaks,
pulls out something.
Oh, Edgy.
21 months, Edgy.
Thanks, Edgy.
Thanks for supporting the show, Edgy.
You rock, friendo.
Thank you.
Yeah, he goes in his pocket and he pulls out this depressed razz.
My favorite is officially legal, Edgy.
Yeah, dude.
And he pulls out a little wanted poster and hands it to you and you unravel it.
And it says this priest is wanted for 4000 gold.
I'm trying to get it to load so I can show it to you because we actually have art of it that proteus did and it's fucking rad.
Oh, yeah.
Who's that?
She sounds like a bitch.
Yeah, she sucks.
She knows how to do art so well.
I hate it.
Why is it not working?
All right, we're always going to let that load.
He's like, so we'll.
Oh, there it is.
Cut.
Everything's going wrong.
Are these liars everywhere?
Yeah, these liars are like everywhere.
I'm surprised you ain't seen him.
Hey, hey, hey, Scoop.
Can we have you like take down as many of these as you say?
Yeah.
We just rip them off the wall, throw them out.
Trash can, you name it, you know, use it as using his ass wipe for all I care.
We can do that.
Actually, actually collect them all, bring them back.
We could use some ass wipe for the gambling hall.
All right.
Set these up.
Nice decoration.
Look at that Reverend.
We put on your water posters in the toilet paper.
Now instead of wanting to kill you, we'll just wipe our asses with your face.
How industrious.
That's my line.
That's protein's line.
Oh shit.
It's nice to see that we are getting along when you're sad.
He takes off with the rest of the ruffians off into the city to do the city things.
And now you guys finally have time to sit at your table.
And yes, before we move on to anything else, you guys have a few options of what you want
to do tomorrow if you want to prepare animated constructs, gift from a former queen or bronze
dragon scale.
What are you guys going to go after?
Well if we talk to the nimble right and the Church of Life, we can possibly get him to
build another nimble right.
And then we can see Reverend rise is scaly girlfriend.
Oh, also.
Yes.
That would be good.
Your big booty dragon born girlfriend.
Yeah, you always talk of well, you actually never talk about your big booty dragon boy
girlfriend, but it goes here.
Yeah, I guess.
I think we're gonna go with construct.
I think Raz needs a pick me up and a booty call.
What type of instrument is that?
Don't worry about it.
How industrious.
Okay, you guys decided on that.
So you guys all head off to your separate quarters to rest up for the night.
And that's when we cut to sad Raz.
Although actually very dark and twisted.
I think dark magic yoga.
Why has God forsaken me?
All I did was open a portal.
I didn't know it open to plane of death and release souls that he's been faring.
He looks so angry with me.
I didn't like the way he looked at me.
I'm a fragile person when it comes to my God.
Maybe I believe in him so much that he stopped believing in me.
All right, Raz, if you want to pray, you can make me a charisma roll.
See if he hears you.
Oh, we're in a different scene now.
Sorry.
Yeah, that that makes it.
Oh, thank God.
We roll.
Yeah, I got the reroll.
Cool.
You got to tell me roll the baby.
You got to you got to actually want to.
What is it?
It's a little better.
Nice.
Don't want to make that a 13 anyway.
All right, so you pray to Ned Braith.
Do you want to give me your prayer?
Sure.
Oh, dear death, I apologize for my transgressions.
For is not I who knows what your will is.
But I know how to command your will in the word in the world of the living.
God, I'm sorry I fucked up.
I gotta be honest.
I fucked up.
I don't know how or why, but I could really use your help in figuring that out.
All right.
Thank you, God.
You succeed.
And then in your room in front of you, you're sitting on your bed.
And there's just smoke and fire.
Holy shit, somebody blew up my room.
And the fire goes out.
And standing in front of you is Ned Braith.
But Ned Braith's eyes are red.
He's got these tiny little red horns coming out of his head.
And his skin is a little bit reddish and his clothes are kind of tattered.
And he looks at you and he goes, Raz, what have you done?
I gifted you with the power of darkness.
We have a connection, Raz.
I've gifted you with more than anything I've ever gifted anyone.
By opening this portal and letting through spirits, four spirits will no longer make
it to the nothingness, to the end, to death.
And you must make it up to me.
What would you like me to do?
They must be replaced.
If you would like to continue receiving your powers from me, you must retrieve four more
souls for me to navigate across the sea of nothing.
God do you know if I use my teleportation powers again, this will happen.
I don't know.
Why don't you make me an intelligence role, Raz?
Oh, God.
I don't know.
But because I've instilled so much power in you, we have some kind of-
REROLL!
Oh, maybe not.
Powerful magic!
Sorry, God.
Hold on.
Hell yeah.
I gotta reroll, God.
Steve?
Steve, are you with the Mystics of the Creatures?
Your name is purple, Steve.
That's a 13.
Oh, sorry, no, that's a 12.
Shit.
And you get to do it with advantage because of Steve's.
Oh.
Thank you, Steve.
So a 12 or a 12.
You failed both rolls.
God damn it.
He goes, I don't know.
But what I do know is that somehow we're connected.
We ride it, Tom!
Nice.
Because of all the power I've instilled in you.
Now with your success on your intelligence role, you look down at yourself, Raz, and
you look up at Ned Braith, and as him standing in front of you, you can feel the magic that
you have inside of you and inside of your book, you can actually see this small little
like silverish string connected to your chest and then connected to one of Ned Braith's
fingers as he's talking.
You do that, but your finger just goes right through it.
It's like an it's like an ethereal string.
Okay.
With that plus one that Sunni gave you, that's what you see.
And he's like, we're connected.
If you cast magic moving forward, use it sparingly until we figure out how to not make this happen.
For now, you must repay your debts.
And his eyes glow brighter and then the fire returns and he disappears.
No magic.
He didn't say no magic.
He said smart magic.
Smart magic.
Well, fuck, do I have any dumb magic?
Just use it sparingly.
I don't think it's a riddle.
It's not a riddle.
All right.
Well, do I have time to go do something?
Sure.
In the middle of the night.
Yep.
In the middle of the night.
I'm gonna go do something.
Something the other guys probably won't like.
It's okay.
I'm playing with my Griffin and then like sleeping in the nest with the Griffin because
it reminds me of home.
Also I'm bringing along my gelatinous cube.
Yeah.
You little pet.
Do you remember his name?
What was it?
Cube?
No.
That people wanted me to do Qbert.
I thought it was Qbert.
No, it's not Qbert.
Is it Gluck Gluck 9000?
I'm not sure.
Well, it looks like you're going with Qbert.
All right.
So you bring your friend along.
Where do you go?
What do you do?
Well, I'm gonna head down to our favorite cavern.
As you're leaving T357, you see him on the way out.
Do you follow him?
Or do you let him go?
I will tail him, but not.
I cannot sleep after the conversation with the king.
I have much on my mind and I'm trying not to dwell on it.
Nice.
And the implications.
You could go see Schemo too at any point.
You just let me know.
But for now, we'll see you use your invisible ring.
You go invisible and you tail Raz.
Yeah.
Yes.
Cool.
All right, Raz.
You head to your favorite tavern out the door.
I'm just walking.
Just walking.
In the rain.
Is there anybody at the tavern or is it closed?
It's nighttime, so it's bustling.
It's not an empty tavern.
People are there drinking, having fun, spending money.
Hmm.
I have a rain one.
What the heck?
Hmm.
All right, well, I'm gonna have to sneak in the back of the tavern.
Okay.
Call me a stealth.
This is just Dex?
Yeah.
All right.
Hmm.
Yeah, you snuck in.
I know, right?
Four more, bitches.
What if this...
All right, you sneak around and she's tailing you.
So also there.
Nice.
Love that.
Okay, so you sneak around to the back.
You see there is a back door.
It looks like it's been propped open by like a trash can so people can go in and out.
And you get around to the back.
There's a couple dumpsters back here and just a bunch of trash, some old barrels, stuff like
that.
What do you do?
Is there any like drunk guys in the outside just like sleeping or something?
Totally.
You know there is.
There's one drunk dude hanging out there just like...
He's not asleep, but he's like, how many times do you know?
I've got...
Taxes in low places.
I'm going to kneel down to him and like, hey man, you want to trade?
Well, what are we trading, roped guy?
Well, I was just wondering if I could get that cool jacket of yours in exchange.
I'll show you something amazing.
Oh, I puked on it earlier.
Yeah, that's fine.
All right.
You bring it back to me?
Oh, totally.
All right.
As long as you bring it back.
I can't have my new roped friend cold.
You know, we're friends now.
Fuck, I've known you forever.
We have just been raided.
I wonder who it's from.
It's from Albarian.
Hi.
Hello.
How you doing?
Thanks so much for joining us.
How are you?
Hello.
Thanks so much for the raid, Albert.
Hello.
How was your stream?
What were you doing?
An owl, a bear and an in.
Maybe it's an in just for owlbears.
Because that sounds cool.
Or an in just for owls and bears.
But not owlbears because owlbears will eat us both.
That's true.
Hello.
How was your stream, friends?
Thanks so much for the raid.
What's up?
All right, Raz.
He gives you his jacket.
He's like, here you go, man.
You can show me whatever if you want.
I don't care.
Just bring it back.
Sure.
No, I can show you right now.
I'm going to activate dark pact.
I'm going to sacrifice five of my HP to cast soul siphon.
I'm just going to grab his face.
This doesn't sound like Raz.
I'm kind of into it.
Oh, so this is going to be plus eight.
OK.
He's just out killing people in the night.
It's a good thing.
This is a 12.
This is what this race would have wanted.
Raz, you fail your role.
I need help.
No, don't help him.
Here's what happens.
Don't help.
This is what this race would have wanted.
You stick your hand on this dude's face.
You're holding his jacket in one hand.
And then instead of sucking in his soul and healing yourself, you pull his spirit out
of his body.
And it looks exactly like one of the dementors that you just fought.
And it tries to suck right back at you and suck in your soul.
Another suck off.
God damn it.
Seven thankfully, it fails.
At this point, it would be T357, Stern.
Is there anything you want to do?
Because you are hidden and invisible and on the side.
Yes, I would like to use one of my of my knife of return and just because it they do not
see me so it cannot miss.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Okay, when you use your knife of return, badass, you're going to throw it or you're going to
stab him because you're going to stab him that strength.
If you throw it, that's Dex.
I'm going to throw it.
Nice.
That's a Dex roll.
Oh, and also it can't miss.
So that doesn't matter.
But you would have gotten the two.
So thankfully, it just can't miss.
So go ahead and roll your weapon damage.
You've got a plus two to weapons.
That's an eight.
Jesus, that's max damage.
It's fucking sick from the shadows.
Raz, you just see a dagger fly and it goes right through this soul thing and it hits
the wall and then the dagger disappears.
That was weird.
Now, what do you do?
And cool, in ICRPG, she doesn't lose invisibility, but you do actually have rounds of invisibility.
So we should probably actually roll that now if you want to.
Sure.
Yeah.
Three rounds.
So you got two left.
All right.
Well, I'm going to go ahead and cast soul siphon again.
Hopefully it hits this time so I can get some HP back.
Okay.
So did mine not do anything?
I almost killed it.
Oh, come on.
You reach out your hand and turns it into two.
There are now two of them in front of you.
And freaks a part of the couch.
Cheers, buddy.
Oh, and you got a reroll.
Thank God from Steve.
Cheers, man.
Also, fuck is the baby.
Thanks, Moby.
Cheers, man.
Hit it again, Raz.
Okay, that's a 16.
Okay, you hit.
Which makes it an automatic crit, which means you can do your full damage, but you can now
only heal two from this because that's all the life force that has left.
Okay.
Yeah.
What up, Moby?
How's it going, bro?
Thank you for joining us, man.
That one and that one.
Ten full damage, but you heal for two as you take its life force and it goes into you
and you feel a little bit better.
I think I have that.
Yes.
Okay.
It's over.
Now it was a mysterious dagger and you're just standing in the back of this tavern with
a dead body in front of you.
You're holding its jacket.
Yep.
I'm going to go ahead and place a couple of coins on this guy's eyes.
Nice.
That's one.
And I'm going to go ahead and change into his jacket.
Okay.
This is going to be weirder than I think.
Yeah.
You don't actually have to if you don't.
Oh, no, no.
This is for the audience.
Okay.
I don't know that Tess is here.
No.
So you're stripping naked in front of her.
Not naked.
Just enough.
Oh, Raz's face.
She's the only one that's seen me.
But I don't know this.
Yeah, I'm just a simple guy with red sleeves.
All right.
And I go into the bar.
All right.
And as you enter, you walk into like a kitchen.
There's an orc back there who's like stirring up some weird stew.
And you see Tequila for a second.
He sticks his head in and he's like, hey, Glippelin, hurry up with the stew.
We got an owlbear out here that just showed up.
And then the door slaps as he disappears.
I'm just going to try and keep my head down and walk past the kitchen.
And the orc looks at you for a second and then just goes back to his stew.
He's like.
And you get to the door, I'm assuming, and you open the door, you push it open and you
can see that this swinging door is like behind the bar and you swing it open and you're now
standing behind the behind the bar with Tequila and Tequila is like passing out drinks and
he's like talking to an owlbear that's just sitting there like super drunk.
And I love the idea of that.
So since we got raided by owlbear and I have to do that and Tequila turns and sees you
and he's like, hey, man.
You're not supposed to be behind the bar.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was just checking on my friend in the back.
He was back there.
OK, cool.
Well, get out from behind the bar.
Sure.
I'm going to you step forward and you can see this place is fairly busy.
There's a couple of like dwarves in the back drinking some elves, some dragonborn on the
side.
They're all just kind of having a good time.
And of course, the giant pit in the center.
And there are posters of your face all over the walls that say wanted.
Would you say that everybody in this tavern is within far range?
I think so.
I mean, they're all within range.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Oh, boy.
Steve.
So is T357 unbeknownst to you.
All right.
Well, I'm just going to sit down next to the owl bear, the owl bear.
And I'm going to flip.
I'm going to flip a death coin to tequila.
Nice.
And I say, can I can I get a can I get a your strongest drink, please?
Sure.
Like.
We don't I don't know what this is.
We don't accept this.
You don't know.
OK, I thought I was going to do this sooner, but.
Sorry.
So can you just for sake, you can cast Nova first and then death Nova.
You know what I'm talking about?
So like the fact doing it, it preps the spell.
It makes it more powerful.
I'm on your side here.
So you could prep Nova if you read what Nova does.
OK, so any spell cast on the turn following this cast explodes in near radius area and
is critical.
If your cast roll fails with this spell, you cannot use magic for one round.
I guess it's up to you.
So it's up to you.
Because Death Nova doesn't need a cast role, it's just defense roles that all of them will
make.
Yeah.
I guess it says if your cast role fails, but you don't need to make a cast role.
So I don't know if that even matters then.
Right.
No, I guess it doesn't actually.
Yeah.
So then it does it.
So yeah.
So it explodes in a near radius and is critical.
So our owlbear and fuckface are fucked because it'll be critical damage.
Them too.
Yeah.
And then I'm just I'm really just trying to cause mayhem in the bar.
Really.
That's just the soda.
It arises.
But I will say, though, that there is a small amount of time behind the bar.
There is a small amount of time of me going like this.
I'd assume that I'd assume that Tess knows what that is.
Sure do.
I'm going to duck back into the kitchen.
Nice.
I would get the fuck out of the building.
So it's critical for Tequila and the owlbear if they fail their defense roles and then everyone
else just has to make defense roles.
Will you read Death Nova for us?
So we make sure we play this right.
All right.
Death Nova.
With no role, overload your power and explode.
Sacrifice any amount of HP.
Add to 2d12 damage all within far range role defense to avoid.
All within far range role defense.
So that says.
Yeah.
All within.
So far and below range is like everybody has to roll.
So I'd assume that's the entire fucking tab.
Is it within all within far range?
Yes.
Yeah.
OK.
All right.
Yeah.
So everybody in the tavern.
So what I say, there's three dwarves, there's three elves and there's three Dragonborn.
So that's nine.
And then I'll do the owlbear and Tequila last.
So nine d20 have to make defense roles.
I could do eight.
So I'll do eight.
Yeah.
Not one of them beat 13.
That sucked.
There was a 19 at the end.
Was there?
Oh, yeah, there's a 19 at the end.
So one of them beat it.
I'm going to say it's one of the Dragonborns.
And then we have three more.
The first one is just another Dragonborn.
12 failed.
This is Tequila.
Well, I'm going to give a plus one to his armor.
He's an NPC.
He serves it.
You got a 13.
So he's going to succeed.
That made Connor laugh.
And then the owlbear got a seven.
So everybody fails except two people.
What does it mean if they succeed?
I think that just doesn't hit them.
Can at least like blind them or something for a little bit?
If you roll enough damage, we'll see.
We'll see.
Okay.
So Tequila is protected by the bar, so he does have a blast radius.
True.
This is 2d12.
And then do you want me to roll critical as well for it?
Yeah, you have to roll critical for the owlbear and for Tequila because they're within close
range.
So technically it's 3d12 for those two.
So just roll the 2d12 first.
20 damage.
All right, hit me with that extra 12.
This is what Tequila is going to take.
Because of the Nova.
11.
31 damage in total.
So yeah.
Yeah, you kill everyone except one dragonborn and the chef.
And Tequila doesn't die, but he's super wounded.
And he falls to the ground behind the bar.
Other than that, I'm gonna play some music.
I want you to explain to me what happens here.
Well at this point, I'm gonna go around to all the bodies and place coins on their eyes.
No, but explain what happens when the explosion happens.
Oh.
A bunch of red energy is expelled from the center of my body and just instantly spreads
throughout the bar.
As soon as it hits entities, they're pushed back, slammed against the wall, and they're
just left on the ground with their eyes open, not moving.
Tequila is fucked up, but he's still alive.
There's a very disturbing and dark aura that is now just consume the bar.
It's not happy, joyous, fucking fuckface you're used to.
And the dragonborn that ducks under the table and doesn't die, peeks his head up over the
table to see you standing there with your glowing energy and goes, oh shit, man.
And he like pretends to play dead.
And tequila is fucked up, right?
Yeah, he's like, oh, oh, I knew it was you.
I knew it was you.
Why?
Why have you done this?
I'm gonna I'm gonna hop the bar and I'm gonna start choking him.
I'm going to bring him close to me and I'm gonna say because God told me to.
Oh shit, fucking God, Christ Jesus.
All right, for the choking contested strength, here we go.
Fuck, you got a one.
So you win.
You can make it lethal or nonlethal.
It's up to you.
Oh, I'm gonna make it lethal.
OK, choke him until he dies.
And he.
Now what do you do?
I'm gonna fucking sprint out of the back of the bar.
All right.
Same way I came in.
And as I do, I need to make any rules for this?
No.
OK.
As I reach the back door, I'm taking the coat off and throwing it at the fucking dead guy
from the beginning.
I'm going to don my my robes once again.
I'm just going to start very speedily walking back towards the house.
OK.
Is that even an option?
Nonlethal.
So, T357, you just seen Raz go on a complete murdering spree, killing 12 people in the
middle of the night.
And he has no idea that you know that he's seen that while you're sprinting away, Raz,
you see there are a couple of people heading into the bar.
And as you're walking as fast as you can, you hear them all scream and yell.
And then you hear the dragonborn talking about what happened.
It was one single survivor.
And yeah, you make it back to the place before I just leave it at that.
T357, is there anything you say or do?
As soon as I saw him crouching, I knew what he was up to.
Yeah.
I bear no judgment on Raz, for I know his religion as well as legions stick up for their
own.
That is why I went with him to support him.
All right.
Please.
I went with as solidarity, but I knew he would turn me away.
Right.
You get a couch coin from Steve for murdering 12 people.
I can't believe only one of them succeeded on their fucking defense roles.
What is this bullshit?
By the way, so I put I put coins on 12 dead people.
Yeah, actually 13.
And then that one dragonborn guy wasn't dead.
So that is plus that much.
13 for my next intelligence role.
Yeah.
Our intelligence spell cast.
Yeah.
Which I need.
Because I'm going to I'm just going to hit a random person on my way home.
All right.
I don't know what that means.
I'm waiting for you to clarify.
OK, well, as I'm speedily walking down the road, who do I see?
My first thought.
OK, I'm just going to go with my first thought.
Walking down the road, you're quickly behind to three, five, seven.
All of you see schema walking down the road.
You.
And he sees you and he's like, oh, hey, Raz, how's it going?
Going good schema.
Good, man.
But you are when's the next.
Ceremony for the God of Death.
Should be this Friday schema.
All right.
Good to hear, man.
It's good to hear.
Well, I was just heading to Blacksmith shop.
They got some things I'm actually trying to pick up and the metal pieces, what have you.
What are you after?
I'm just on my way home.
That's good, man.
All right, well, stay safe.
Then he walks past you.
Wait.
What's up?
Schemo.
Oh.
And I would like to be visible again from behind Raz.
Oh, hey there, T357.
It's good to see you.
Hey.
A lot of people out for a midnight stroll.
Yeah, that's pretty weird.
Pretty weird.
We're saying we're.
You to the blacksmith.
OK, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I got what I need, actually.
We can go back to my place.
That's where I'm headed.
How industrious.
All right.
I'll see you later, Raz.
What was it you were trying to say?
Nothing.
Have a great night.
All right.
You as well.
You two walk away from Raz.
And I would like to as as we are walking away.
Oh.
The same dagger that he saw kill the go through the spirit.
Hold on.
Say all that again.
I don't know what just happened.
Oh, no.
Say all that again.
Oh, no.
There still is.
It's glitched real bad.
But no, as I walk by Raz, I would like to be visibly palming the blade that I use, my
blade of return that I use to help kill the spirit in the alleyway.
So he knows.
Nice.
Yeah.
Nice.
There's some mystery and intrigue happening now, boys and girls.
Jesus.
All right.
We look good now.
That was weird.
It was a hiccup, Steve.
That's crazy.
OK.
Before we cut back over to you two now, which I guess we're going to do, Raz.
What say you?
Is there anyone else that I find walking in the street on my way home?
Yeah, absolutely.
It is the last person who is your neighbor is the greenhouse owner.
Florence, Flora, Fiala, she is tending to her plants at midnight, watering them.
Hello Stronghold.
Another Ned Braith follower.
Indeed.
Does she see me as I walk up?
No.
I'm not hitting her or anything or whatever.
No, she's just watering her plants.
She doesn't look up as you're walking.
All right.
Well, then, as I walk by, I'm just going to palm the side of her face while she's bent
over, tending to her plants.
And I'm going to cast soul siphon.
And that's a 14, which is an automatic success.
But she could roll it because if you get above a 15, then you get a critical and then that's
three sets of 70.
And so you get a critical, which means you suck her life force out.
She could roll for it because you also still have to roll for it to see if you kill her
or not.
Let's see.
It's magic, which is 10 plus critical, which is a D12.
That's a 10.
That's a five.
You kill her.
As you walk by, you swipe her face and she goes.
And all of her life energy just gets sucked into you as you continue walking home.
Evil as shit.
It's like.
All right.
Rez, you're back to full.
I'm just getting a lot of.
Idiot.
Walk back into the house.
I'm just I'm just going to go straight to my room.
You went from you're going through like the stages of life, you were like sad and now
you're angry.
You're like going through all the stages, the stages of death even.
Wow.
OK, well, we've got some more roleplay bits here, but this one here is just going to involve
me in T357.
So if you want to go use the bathroom like Bumlin did, go on ahead and do so.
And while we knock this out, huh?
Sure, sure.
We go.
Is a calm night as you walk with Schemo.
And he's telling you about some weird dream he had about some crazy invention thing that
he wants to work on.
But then he turns to you and he's like.
We're almost to my place, but you haven't barely said a word.
What's going on?
I guess there's just a lot processing through my servers.
We met with the king.
Really?
I asked about Pendergast and he said that they may be closer than I anticipate.
Does he know who it is?
No, he said that they just pay money.
They just paid money to people to make war forges, but.
It left me perplexed.
There are only.
Really four people I am close to.
Right.
And said that in the war.
Certain important people during the battles lost their memory and had them wiped.
When are your earliest memories?
Now that you now that you bring it up, I.
I don't know.
I thought I had.
I thought I.
What?
I thought I knew when I grew up.
Where did I grow up?
Yeah, I don't know.
I guess.
Being with the Legion are like my.
Earliest memory.
Mine as well.
Well, that's weird.
You know, I've been having weird dreams.
I've always had weird dreams as far as I can remember about making things and creating
stuff and I've been like writing it all down.
I gotta show you something.
Do you want to see something?
Absolutely.
He pulls out his keys and jingles them around and unlocks the door.
You guys walk into his shop to see there's a bunch of new things in there like little
tiny geared machineries that are like working to make potions by themselves and other little
machines that are like cracking eggs and like pulling out small creatures and all kinds
of crazy ass clockwork shit, which is way different from what you had a couple weeks
ago when you were here.
And he said, come on, come on, come on.
And he like pulls your hand and pulls you to the back of his shop.
And in the back of his shop, you guys like go through these two little doors.
Hold on, I gotta pause this.
We're not outside anymore.
You go through these two little doors and once you get inside, you can see there are
a bunch of plants and things like drawn on pieces of paper and scrawled all over the
walls.
And he talks to you, says, I've been having these dreams about these creations.
I've been writing them down.
And you could also see on the ground, he's got a bunch of old parts, like crazy old parts.
And he goes over to a chest and he's like, and some of this stuff has been here since
before I got here or was here.
And he opens his chest and just like starts throwing stuff out onto like this desk.
And there's like gears and crazy different parts of things.
So what do you think this means?
I do not know.
He continues pulling things out of the chest and he starts setting things on the table.
You always seemed to know what you were doing when I asked for help with upgrades.
Right.
I never thought of it because I thought you were part of my reprogramming when coming
into the Legion.
I thought I was a potion maker.
But I'm not very good at making potions.
I'm just going to tell you the truth.
I like smoking.
I like drinking.
I like cool animals.
I like facts about animals.
But I, you know, I don't know shit about potions.
And he continues pulling things out.
And as he does, he sets this thing on the table that you are immediately drawn to.
And it's like this small light blue like chassis, like piece of metal.
It's like in a cage.
And on the inside of it, there's like a bunch of little itty bitty like crystals, like gemstones,
but they're all like clear.
But it doesn't look like there's anything special to it.
But you're immediately drawn to this thing as he sets it down and you walk over and you
pick it up and start examining it.
And he looks at you and he's like, yeah, yeah, that thing, that thing.
Pulls up random props.
He's like, yeah, that thing.
So I tried to fix it.
I don't know what it is, but it looks like the most expensive thing in here.
And I tried to fix it.
I think I know how to fix it.
I think but I need something to fix it.
Test I need.
I need an adamantium ingot test and I can use this ingot to infuse the metal to fix
it.
I don't know what it does, but I know I can fix it and I know it's important.
But the issue is that adamantium ingots run for about five thousand gold apiece and I
can't afford to do that.
So yeah, I will see what I can do.
All right.
I am strangely drawn to help you do whatever.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
And I since you're helping me with this, there's there's one other thing and he pulls out this
like old journal and he's like, I found this in here.
But I can't read it.
It's in a different language.
I don't speak.
I don't think it's like I'm going to hold on to the metal piece, but you can keep this
journal and if you can make heads or tails of it, then go on ahead.
May I open it?
Sure.
Go ahead.
And yeah, so you open it.
You unravel like this leather binding on it and there's like a clip and you unclip it and
it's just scrawls of drawings of like metal creations and like plans for things.
But on like a bunch of the pages in the front and a bunch of the pages in the back, it's
like an actual journal and you can kind of tell because on the top it says it has like
a date and then there's just like a bunch of stuff and then the next page has like a
date.
Now, what you can do is you can make me an intelligence role to see if maybe you know
what language this is.
Why does foundry hate me so much?
It's a six.
So all you know that it's some kind of old language.
Reroll.
Hey, and you get an advantage from certifiable.
Thanks guys.
They're interested too.
Do I roll it?
Do I roll it two more times?
That's it.
Two more times.
And you take the higher role than eight.
Only makes it a nine.
I'm sorry.
That's your curse.
It's your curse.
This campaign.
I'm sorry.
So all you know is that it's some kind of ancient language.
It's all you know.
And he's like, all right, so I mean, if you can get, I don't know what this does.
I'm going to meditate on it.
Yeah.
I mean, just like good luck.
And if you want to actually going to give you these like, since I don't really make
potions anymore, I don't plan on selling these anymore.
He's like, I'm just going to, I'm just going to give you one of these.
You could just take it.
That is a 45.
He gives you a potion of the brawler.
It's got three uses and you can drink it to make your punches do ultimate damage for one
d six rounds.
That's what he gives you.
He's like, I don't know nothing about potions.
Do you punch things?
I don't know.
Yes, but usually there's a blade attached.
Ah, OK.
Yeah.
It looks like it was what I was programmed for.
If you had like some like, bladed gloves, I don't know.
I don't know.
I am an inventor.
I have bladed arms, but yes.
All right.
Well, it's all I can find out.
Thank you.
You're very welcome.
T three five seven and just good luck out there.
Yeah, I'm going to meditate on this.
It was good to see you.
You as well.
It's good to learn something.
And this man was fine living his potion, drinking, making life.
He was fine until you opened his mind to the idea that maybe he isn't who he thinks he
is.
Now you can tell you've left him with a little bit of anxiety as you leave out of the building.
I'm also literally shaking.
No, no.
I got the shakes about it.
Yeah, nice.
I think in my own brain, I have confirmed what I thought.
Maybe could be.
Could be.
But it is a D&D campaign.
You never know.
OK, so now we're going to take a quick five so I can use the bathroom and we're going
to come right back and see what quest these guys decide to take.
But we're going to say you go back for the night to the end as well and go to sleep.
And upon getting inside, you can see Bomblin sleeping with his Griffin sucking on his thumb.
And you can just see smoke coming out of the bottom of Raz's door as he's in there doing
something.
Fair enough.
Hydraulics malfunction.
That's funny.
All right, we'll be right back.
My shocks are acting.
Yeah.
A bunch of eels, everybody.
Yes, yes.
Well, welcome back, everybody.
Deep breath.
It's been an intense episode so far tonight.
You know, everyone has risks of changes and things and things that are happening.
Lots of character development.
Lots and lots of character development.
I tell you what, it's time to move on to a little bit of a lighter note.
So the Dungeon Master says.
The story begins once again as the camera pans down to a small little inn on the corner
of an alleyway here in Common Steel City.
On the front above the door, you can see a sign that says Bomblin's Rough Riders.
On the inside, you can see a bunch of buff men carrying in barrels and boxes and things
that are now covered in a little bit of blood for reasons.
As they're trying to wipe them off as they're carrying them inside and setting them up on
the inside.
The camera moves around again to see you three standing together on the outside of the inn
as they're all moving things inside.
You three have plans to head off on your quest today to try and find the first of the three
dragon keys to get you inside of the Dragon Vault.
If you will please.
Where you headed?
Where are you going?
It's sandbox time.
I imagine.
We agreed on the nimble right so I imagine we'll go to the one living nimble right we
know at the Temple of Church of Life.
Oh, but also just because of Raz.
The camera moves over to Raz.
We zoom in to see Raz's mask broken.
Do you want to explain what happened?
The death demon had its fill of souls as punishment from the God of Death.
He snapped the death demon's jaw.
Now he remains wider to consume more souls.
The death demon will have his day.
Fair.
Alright.
So you three then head up the road together.
Is all of your things going on in your minds?
Your, are you bringing Sweetroll with you, Bomblin?
Yeah, I see Sweetroll's going to stay at home.
Sweetroll's starting to get really fat over the past 24 hours since we've just been feeding
them as much food as possible.
It's really trying to heal up that leg.
Nice.
Nice rest chicken soup.
Gotcha.
Hell yeah.
As you are walking up the street you can see up ahead the Temple of the Hand, the Life
Temple, the place you have been before.
But as you're starting to get closer you can start to hear the shambles of people running
around and you look up to the tower and you can actually see smoke coming out of the window
from where the nimble right normally, usually stays.
And as you get closer up, you guys are running up the street, you can see Rakiki standing
there with her hands out and a couple other of the hand trying to block what look like
goblins and Kinkou from coming inside of the temple.
What do you guys do?
Well, I'm going to lock up.
You roll the initiative is what you do.
You roll the initiative baby.
Hell yeah, that's a 19.
Maybe you get to go first.
How is that the thing that I get a 19 on?
Right.
All right, you're first.
I have they noticed us yet?
No.
Perfect.
Then I would like to use my assassin ability.
Okay, I pick up and draw.
Oops, like that.
Okay, assassin ability go.
But I would like to use my assassin ability that if target does not know I'm there, my
first attack cannot miss.
Nice.
Hell yeah.
So I would like this picture you three like I could actually do it like this.
And I would burp buddy.
Thanks.
Yeah, I don't have a map again.
This is all free hand, but this might help.
It's like one here, one here, one here, one year, one year.
And then these are the hand people.
Like this.
I love my math.
Yeah, we got like a come on.
Let me draw.
Like I could have just did K's.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, it won't.
That's not a good idea.
We got three can coos and then these ones are goblins.
All right.
So with my assassin ability, I would like to use my swarmer dart thrown weapon splits
into one D six darts hits up to six targets with one attack.
Nice.
All right.
One attack.
Don't miss it.
Good breath.
Could hit this.
Oh, yeah.
And you can't miss sick ass.
All right.
Look at that.
You've got a build going, dude.
Awesome.
Okay.
Which targets do you hit?
I would like to take out the three can coo and one of the goblins.
All right.
Roll me damage with your swarmer dart and your swarmer dart.
Did it say it was magic as well?
What is it?
It is splits into one D six hits up to six targets, one attack with one attack.
All right.
So it's just normal damage then.
So that's a D six four times.
I figured out paper now.
You've got a plus two on each one of those, right?
So yes, it's a three, five, four, four.
Okay.
All right.
Your former dart, you shoot it out.
Does it come out of your crossbow or do you like throw it?
I like the idea of it coming out of my crossbow.
That's cool.
If you do it out of your crossbow, you get to do fire damage.
I'm just saying exactly what happens.
All right.
Roll me the fire damage four times.
And that is a D four.
All right.
Two two two three.
Gotcha.
Okay.
So you shoot out your dart and it goes up into the air and I imagine it flies down all
at once like and it hits the three Kenku and one of the goblins and like and all of them
turn and see you guys standing over there.
And after you shoot, Rikiki's like, Raz.
Raz, help.
Help.
Raz.
You look different.
Is it my turn?
He says nothing.
Okay, she casts a light beam at one of them here because it is her turn.
It's like a beam of light.
Completely fails on her Nat one and the other three just shoot little crossbows at them.
Miss hit.
Miss so this one's going to shoot this one.
Oops, not a D8.
It's a D6.
Sorry.
Now it's Bomblin's turn.
I would like to prepare.
Well, it's like a spell prepare.
Are you a spell Nova?
I spell on the following turn this cast explodes in a nearby radius and is critical.
All right.
If your cast roles fails with this spell, you cannot use magic for one turn.
All right.
I don't think you have to when you do spell Nova, you don't have to roll the cast spell
Nova.
No, it's just when you roll.
Yeah.
So it's just in the following turn.
So this is just like a preparation turn that takes your action.
But soon he did give you a reroll.
Yeah.
So you don't actually have to roll to cast it.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah.
But does it intergo?
All right.
Would you like to move anywheres?
No.
Okay.
Right.
All right.
Now it's Raz.
Yeah, we're good.
We're gonna put that one in the pocket there soon.
Hey, we'll see you.
All right.
We'll bank it.
We can bank it.
Pay it forward.
What do you do, Raz?
Gonna walk up to the nearest monster and just palm his face and cast soul siphon.
Okay.
Cast it.
God damn it.
Ifeha, as you reach out and grab his face, you pull his soul out of his body, but you
pull what looks like a dementor out of his body.
And it now floats above you.
And the kinkoo looking next to it goes, what?
What?
Is it in your go?
Is it a bonus action to place coins on dead people's eyes?
Sure.
Yeah.
Or is that a bonus action?
Sure.
It could be a bonus action.
All right.
Then I'll place a because did we kill any of them yet?
Technically the kinkoo body is empty because you pulled the soul out of it.
So you did kill technically something.
All right.
I'll I'll place some coins on the eyes as it just fallen down.
Nice.
Does that affect the soul?
I think in the words of Ned Braith there's no soul to pass on.
Technically him putting the coins on there won't make him happy.
But because of the way the item is set up, it still gives him the plus one.
Wild.
Yeah.
All right.
Now it's you.
T357.
I would like to use my blade of return, but also poison blades.
Nice.
Just a poison blade ability plus my dagger of return.
OK.
And I will be a guy.
Poison blades does the same amount of damage next turn, right?
Yes, correct.
Yeah, nice.
Cool.
15.
That's a hit.
Look at you.
You're on a roll tonight.
You can roll above a three.
That's a four plus two.
That's six.
So who are you hitting?
I would like to hit the next kinkoo in line.
All right.
I can do rock and draw.
Hey, one.
What does it look like?
It's still a square.
That's kind of cool, though.
Oh, Jesus.
All right.
I'll just remember that for next time.
All right.
You hit him for six damage.
Now, here's the thing.
As you do.
He dies.
So your poison blades don't do much.
This is body falls to the ground and your knife returns back to your hand.
Bad ass.
All right.
So these two are that I real quick question with that automatic words are hard.
It's OK.
Oh, a fluster.
Yeah.
So are my abilities just innate or do I have to enact them?
What do you mean?
I have the ability called Bladestorm that says if an attack kills its target, make another
attack instantly.
That's bad.
I got to do is tell me that's pretty sick.
Yeah, you just do that.
Is it does it not require an attack role?
No.
Well, I think it just make another attack.
If it doesn't say that it doesn't require one, then it just allows you to make another
attack.
So your blade returns and then you can throw it one more time.
Just like.
Perfect.
Can I go for the spirit that is in front of Raz?
Hell yeah.
Roll it.
That's another six.
No, I don't need to roll it.
It's the same.
Oh, that's right.
No, I get you.
You got it.
No worries.
And soon he did say Smokey Bear.
Couldn't resist.
No worries.
Dang.
Plus two.
And that eight damage will reflect next turn as well.
Sick.
All right.
Now, does it injure go?
Yes, I believe it does.
All right.
Sounds good to me.
The spirit turns and looks down at you, Raz.
As it's floating above you.
Where did my soundboard?
Where did you go?
Don't run away from me.
As it is floating above you, Raz.
Hold on.
Sorry, y'all.
It froze.
One sec.
You know, I have computer parts coming.
All right.
I do.
As it turns.
Makes eye contact with you, Raz.
And you can see through its smokey, masky face.
You can see little red eyes inside of it.
And it's like, we are one.
We are one, Reverend Raz.
And then it tries to suck you.
Night time.
Two damage.
And it does heal that two damage.
We are one.
Yeah.
All right, the last Kenku tries to shoot Rikiki with its long bow.
That's what it does.
Rikiki.
You got a 17.
That's a hit.
Rikiki takes four damage.
Four damage, Rikiki.
He's like, ah, Raz.
Raz, help.
Raz.
Yep.
And then the goblin runs up and run over here and try to stab this dude with a little
goblin short sword.
And he gets an 18.
This person of the hand.
What the fuck are these rolls?
I know.
This person of the hand takes six damage.
Fuck.
Yep.
The person of the hand though is going to try to attack back.
And he gets a 14.
The person of the hand deals five damage.
Heck yeah.
One, two, three, four, five.
That is one that...
Someone attack this one?
Oh, she did with the light beam.
So he actually kills it.
It's dead.
This one runs up to this one.
Same thing.
Here we go.
There's a pattern, everybody.
That's a four.
He misses.
It reposts.
With a four, it misses.
Same pattern, everybody.
That's a seven.
Goblin misses.
That's a six.
The person of the hand misses.
Rikiki shoots a light beam at the last one.
With a plus five, the magic, that's a nine.
She misses.
It shoots its longbow.
It fails.
And it breaks its longbow.
Shit.
Now we're back to Bomblin.
That was a really long little thing.
There's a lot of people attacking right now.
I'm sorry, y'all.
But go ahead, Bomblin.
I don't know how my radius circle really works when casting with a near.
But would I be able to at least get the guy that's away from everybody and one of the
other guys with my...
I don't think I can hit all three of them.
Because that was killing somebody else.
I think you totally could.
You're right here.
Yeah.
I'm cool with that.
Here, let's see.
I'm going to draw a circle.
Draw ellipse.
I feel like this is near.
Oh, it's close.
Just close.
Yeah.
We'll take it.
I'll take it.
All right.
I cast fire bolt.
But now with the spell preparations, I've sped over.
Oh, yeah.
I got a 12.
Can I use Suity's giver dice?
Yes, you can.
I have one in my pocket.
Oh, sweet.
Yeah.
All right.
Oh, it's only a 12.
God damn it.
12 plus one.
Don't you have a plus one?
No, I got zeros to intellect.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
You fail.
What does that mean for Spell Nova?
That means I can't cast magic.
It just all fizzles out.
Damn.
Looking good.
No plus ones, but looking good.
All right, Raz, what do you do?
Yeah.
I'm going to get very frustrated because this keeps happening to me.
This is going to be kind of weird, but I'm going to.
Well, I can't do that now.
Never mind.
I'm just going to grab the spirit by the shoulders and be like, I'm tired of you not staying
dead.
And this time when I do soul siphon, I'm just opening like this.
Nice.
OK.
When you say I'm tired of you not staying dead, it locks eyes with you and it's like,
you want us to stay dead?
Yes.
Are you sure?
Never been sure of anything else in my life, but this I am positive.
All right, roll your magic.
Oh, my God.
Still roll me your damage.
I'm going to I'm going to use my coin that somebody gave me.
We roll.
Oh, maybe I'm not.
OK.
What?
You know, you don't got to use your coin.
You still got it, too.
It seems that tables have turned, but go on ahead and still just roll me your damage.
If you only get that.
The detain there's no like, throw me a detain magic damage.
That's a nine.
Right.
It looks you right in the eyes and you try to cast it and you could feel it kind of fizzling
out, but then as you look down, you could actually see that it.
rushes into you anyway.
And disappear.
OK.
Hmm. Mystery T357, you're next.
There's three alive.
What do you do?
So I imagine since the thing I hit with the poison blades is now inside Raz, I cannot
target that same damage to someone else.
True.
Very true.
Yeah.
Fine.
There are three left, correct?
Yeah.
I would like to use my swirmer dart again out of my crossbow.
Nice.
Sick.
All right.
But they know you're there, so you got to roll to hit.
Yes.
Oh, sad.
Sad.
This one runs up to Bomblin.
Tries to stab him.
You cast magic at me, see?
Totally misses.
This one tries to stab the hand.
And misses.
The hand tries to stab the thing.
The Kinkou, the last one.
Natural 20!
There you go, hand.
The four plus the seven, he kills it.
Last one, the goblin.
17!
Six.
This one might die.
Let's see.
Yeah, he kills him.
Stabs him.
Kiki's like, no!
She's real sad.
She's who shoots her light beam at him.
Her four, she misses.
She's disgruntled.
Bomblin, it's your go.
You do.
It's just this guy, the other one?
Yep.
The two circles.
All right.
There's a guy in front of me.
I would like to hold out by Minotaur hand and like press the bow up against him and
then activate it so that the thornsword grows into him and kills him.
That's pretty sick.
I'm gonna, still gonna make you roll to hit, but this is gonna be an easy roll.
You're gonna have to do 10.
17!
Nice, baby.
Don't be damaged.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
Nice.
You kill him.
It grows, he's like, he's like, and there's just a hole and it looks up at you and it's
like, it's like the slowest death.
I'm gonna like try and step on him, but it's obviously not making it better at all.
Oh, just die already.
Just die.
All right.
Oh, he dies.
Does that injure go?
Yes.
All right.
Raz, just you, buddy.
One left.
I'm just gonna look at my hands real quick.
I'm just gonna say, fuck it.
And I go up to the thing.
I remove my necklace and I start trying to choke it out with my net.
Well, I mean, there was progress when you talk to the, you know, all right, though,
sounds good to me.
If you want to choke him out, that's contested strength versus a goblin was definitely got
a minus one on strength.
You got a five, four.
You got a 10.
You just right in front of Rikiki, I imagine you run past her and you just jump on top
of the goblin and start strangling him.
And he's like, are you doing this?
Why?
I don't know you.
Get off me.
That's my purse.
All right.
Now as you're strangling this goblin, everyone slowly starts to gather around you.
And initiative is over.
You look up and you can see the people of the hand all standing above you and your two
friends are standing above you as you're just strangling this goblin to death.
And his head slowly turns like white and he passes out.
And Rikiki's like, Razz, Razz, what's what's going on?
I'm being punished for my sins.
What have you done?
I'm placing coins on the goblins eyes and I'm just angrily like pushing them in to the
right.
Really fucking far.
You can hear squelching.
Like fapping sounds.
And then I'm also going to go over to the other bodies and put coins on their eyes.
Gross.
Like Ricky, Ricky, Razz.
I have something to tell you, but first, why are you guys here?
What's going on?
We were hoping to see your nipple, right?
Oh, Nim?
Yeah.
So these things came and they were up in the tower and well, we went to go check on him
and he's gone.
But all of them are down here now.
I mean, we can go up there.
You can investigate.
Maybe you can find something that might lead you to him, but he's just gone.
And I think that these things kidnapped him.
Well, we still have the nimble right detector.
We could probably track him.
Oh, yeah.
He's the one that made that.
That's that.
Yes, that could help.
That could really help.
Razz?
I'm activating the device now.
Okay.
Yeah.
And it doesn't do anything.
She's like, I don't know where these creatures came from, but I mean, maybe.
Yeah, let's go up to his room.
Let's go up there.
We will investigate.
Put out this fire.
And you guys begin walking with her inside the temple and you can see everyone's kind
of frazzled or like sitting there.
Some people are like crying.
You can see there's more like dead goblin bodies like inside of the temple itself.
How many?
You kind of at least three.
Okay.
Coins.
Sometimes I forget who I'm playing with.
How many?
How many bodies?
I need the exact number.
That's funny.
As you're doing that, these two.
Yeah, that's six.
These two walk up the stairs.
You guys know the way she stops you for a second.
Razz and she's like, I had something I wanted to tell you.
Well, you know, I'm the priestess here at the Church of the Hand, the Church of Life.
I was actually nominated to be the high priestess to lead the Church of Life here.
But I have an issue.
The high priestess being that we are the Church of Life, we believe in creating life.
Not only as we discussed, I am a virgin who didn't tell anybody, but also the high priestess
of the Church of Life has to be married.
And they're trying to set me up with someone.
But I wanted to ask you maybe what you thought about that.
I think you should serve your God well or else they'll punish you.
And then I'm just going to keep walking up the stairs.
I am cold shoulder, big time cold shoulder.
She's like, OK, she just puts her head down.
And you walk up the stairs.
You guys get up there to see this place is in fucking shambles.
It's literally on fire.
As you get up there, you could see some of the people the Church of the Hand are putting
out the fire.
Each one of you guys make me a wisdom check investigation to see maybe if you can figure
out what the fuck was going on.
He's moved on to emo Razz.
Hi, Elvie.
I'm Elvie.
All right.
I got a 10.
I got a 21.
Hey, Razz.
When you're 21, you can see what seems to be a trail as you're looking around.
First of all, you find there's a bunch of footprints of like sewage and it's the smells
familiar to you like you've been there before.
But you also find what seems to be a trail like something heavy was drug.
Maybe the nimble right itself or something else was drug out of this room and down the
stairs.
You follow the trail dedicated and you go all the way down the stairs towards the back
of the temple, go in through the bathroom and in there, there is a sewage grate and
the sewage grate is open.
I guess we're going down here again.
Damn it.
I'm wearing my good cloak.
And that my friends is where we leave it for the night.
Before we leave it for the night is I know that the wisdom check was to see if we notice
anything, but is there a chance I could roll to see if I can see any nimble right schematics?
Oh, that's very cool.
Yes.
What did you get on your roll?
Like a night.
How about roll it again while you're up there?
Roll me again now that you're looking for something else.
Roll it again.
That's a four.
How about this?
You find a half of one that's like burnt and like burnt up from the fire.
Custom potion that adds three hours online.
Thanks outsider.
I'm assuming that's for T357 and you got to reroll from Steve.
So go ahead and hit it again.
17.
All right.
So you find the half burnt one and then you absolutely find a schematic or a nimble right
that you're assuming the NIM used to create other nimble right that you guys fought.
Perfect.
And for my final thing I want to do, I would like to summon a snake off of the inside of
my panel, roll up the schematic and send it to CMO.
Nice.
That's cool.
Oh yeah.
I love that.
So the snake arrives, it curls in your hand and you roll up the schematic and put it in
the flying snakes mouth and it out the window, out the window it goes.
That's a good ass.
Yeah.
And you also find in here a potion that adds three hours of AOL online.
Whatever that means.
I don't know.
It's an acronym for something.
Asses on Leviathans online.
I don't know.
Okay.
Yeah.
But that's where we're going to leave it for tonight.
I'm sure a lot of you have questions and a lot about everything that happened.
I know.
So we're going to take five.
We're going to come back into our short rest.
If you're watching on YouTube or listening on our podcast, thank you so much for checking
out the show.
Truthfully, we appreciate it.
You can rate the show.
You can also leave us your comments and your thoughts in the comments and in the show notes.
If you want to, we would love to hear that feedback.
And if you want to hear the short rest, you got to come to the live baby.
So we're going to go ahead and do that.
It's our table talk.
We're going to level up.
We're going to talk about everything that happened tonight, our thoughts and our insights.
We'll be right back for that in a few minutes.
Everyone here in Twitch chat, thank you so much for being here.
And don't go anywhere because we're going to come right back.
And when we do come back, you guys can actually ask these guys questions about maybe what
their thoughts were on what happened.
And you could tell us what shared moments you want to go into more depth with our.
All right.
We'll be right back.
Yeah.
Credits.
Cheers.
Heroes.
I love you.
Cheers.
Heroes.
I love you.
Heroes.
Cheers.
Heroes.
I love you.
Heroes.
I'm Harry Chapman.
John Tildenberg.
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