Welcome to love death and dies episode eight.
I'm your lovely dungeon master turkey.
That's right.
And I'm here to dungeon the crap out of these masters
being fishy and proteus.
Hi, guys. Hello.
I would do it.
Dungeon me so hard, master.
Uh huh. You're going to get dungeons so hard.
Where are the masters?
Oh, we're going to fucking dungeon you so hard.
You know,
I'm going to dungeon the dang all these masters.
Fishy and proteus.
It's fish daddy and fishy night.
It's exciting stuff tonight.
Sergeant Commander Connor is off on a quest.
So he will not be joining us.
But we still love Connor is a lovely lad and he'll be back
right here on love death and dies next week.
Love is a strong word.
Yeah, we'll miss the boy.
So tonight we're here rolling dice as a trio, as a duo of players.
And I hope for their sake, they'll be able to make it through it.
The chaotic ass duo that we have here.
Well, that that's tiffy tat baby doll.
So what we're going to do is we're going to run the quick intro.
We're going to come back and we're going to roll some frigging dice.
We've got I've got a fun thing, little thing in store for you guys tonight.
And I'm hoping that it goes well.
And you know what?
You never know because it's it's tabletop RPGs, baby.
You never tell nothing about none.
Yeah, nothing.
Don't know nothing about nothing.
That's right. All right.
It's going to be the Dragon Ball.
Our story begins tonight, of course, in the Dark Ward
and what is referred to as the Mist Shore.
You see, Mist Shore is a righteous assemblage of ramshackle homes
made of wood from old ships and inhabited by the more poor common Stelians.
Several buildings were reduced to ash recently
by the fire that happened last year.
Although some were rebuilt, others were ruined beyond repair
and are now used as roofless dens by homeless children and rats.
You guys find yourself.
On Kraken's dock, following the map,
which one of you has the map?
I do. All right.
Good to hear.
As you guys are walking up the dock, following the map,
you look up to your right and you see a ship.
It's been kind of beached.
It's an old pirate ship that it looks like some residents
have actually started to use as some kind of home or tenement.
As you guys walk past, there are a couple of ruffians standing up there
and they look down at you.
Hey, what's up, Isaiah?
How's it going, bro?
They look down at you, too, and one of them is like.
Hey, mister.
Hey.
Hey, mister.
I think he's talking to you, dude.
Yes.
We's we's up here trying to make some gold,
they you're looking for some help.
You want you want us to rough it up, somebody, we can rough him up for you.
How industrious.
Bombland, do you think we need ruffian assistance?
Oh, fuck. Yeah.
Wait, we can just hire you to be ruffians.
Yeah, man, you can hire me.
I'll be, you know, I'll be a ruffian.
I'll come in, I'll rough up people, you know.
I'm a ruffer, you know.
Yeah, it sounds like some rough guys.
Yeah, I'm a ruff guy.
What is your what is your going rate?
My going rate is 10 gold for a day.
That's what I do.
But if things get too crazy and full of turmoil,
I'll either raise the price or I'll bounce.
Ten gold is admissible.
If you stick with us and do not betray us, I will tip you up to 50 gold.
All right, that sounds good to me.
I got three friends with me.
Do you want all of us ruffians or you just want me the rough one?
All of them.
All the ruffians.
And then three more guys step up there.
All of them are kind of buffed to wear like leather armor.
They have like red things around their necklaces, their their necks.
They look like generic ass bandits.
Some of them have like chain mail on one of them is like balding.
I think the guy you're talking to is definitely like balding.
He's got like a lot of hair coming off the side, but the top is just completely shiny.
But they're super generic and all of them holding their swords.
And at the same time, they're like, oh, you want all of us ruffians?
They want all of us ruffians.
So we all going to get a job today.
Looks like we're getting a job today.
Hey, that's good to hear us ruffians.
We getting a job.
How industrious.
All right, sounds good.
Your names, ruffians.
Oh, well, I don't have this planned and.
Yeah, tonsure hairstyle.
There you go.
Chat, I mean, Moby's here.
Isaiah's here.
Certifiable if you guys want to use the name thing and throw out some names
for some ruffians, go on ahead.
But the main guy, his name's for sure.
Ruff. I'm thinking rough.
I'm thinking rough, rough like a dog.
His name's Scooby.
My name is Scooby.
Yeah, I'm the ruffiest ruffian.
Yeah, that's me, Scoob.
You can call me Scoob.
You know, I better write that down because if I don't write my own name down,
you see, I'm a poor ruffian, ruffian guy.
Scoob.
Ah, intelligence does not the highest.
Oh, yeah. Way small, like real low, real low.
Anyways, I'm Scoob.
I got a sword.
I can fight with you all.
Mm hmm.
They come down off this
beached pirate ship and all four of them stand around you guys.
And he's like, all right, so where we headed to, where we going?
Do we have a picture of the map still?
Yeah, we do, which is going to I mean, you have it with you, don't you?
In your hand.
Yeah, we just had another stock.
You following a map, is that what we're doing?
Yes, that's right.
All right.
And then when we get there, we're going to have you rough up some people.
Oh, we're going to rough.
We're going to rough up some people.
Yeah, we're going to rough them up.
We got to rough up some people.
We excited me and me and the ruffians.
We excited to rough up some people.
Sounds good. All right.
Well, let's follow this map then.
Bomblin, you got the map, my friend.
Go ahead and make.
No, I do three, five, seven.
You got the map, my friend.
I stuck it in my sister of many things to make a map.
Yeah, since we with the map.
Hell no. Since you made it a better map,
I'm going to want you to make me an intelligence role and we'll do it as an easy role.
So you only got to be in 11 since it's a better map.
First of all, with a knife, it's a map.
It's a map.
It's not.
Was that a map that popped up there?
I didn't see it.
Geeks and freaks, a part of the.
Crew.
Oh, I know.
Get to the.
The.
Swarm. Well, hello.
Thank you so much. Another world.
Hey, y'all, another world is going to be on sidequesters coming up on Thursday.
We're playing a game called.
Hey, we're not talking about sidequesters here on the main show.
You. Fucked up sidequest your box.
You put the mask on.
This is our show right now.
All right. All right.
We can do we can do.
If you want to talk about sidequesters, you should do it in the homework.
Hmm.
God, can you believe this?
And it's going to be fucking hilarious.
So come join us on Thursday.
OK. And also go follow another world.
Talking about shows. Yeah, I got our show.
If you didn't see my role, I can totally roll again.
No, I think it was a five.
So what happens is you wander around the dock ward
for a little while and the ruffians start to get suspicious.
All four of them, they're like.
You sure you know where you're going, lady?
I mean, like, look, I don't know how to read no paps.
I know book learning. I'm a ruffian, you know,
but we've made the same left turn a few times.
You sure you know where you're going?
To be honest, I've never been down here before. Oh.
What about you, bear?
Are you a ruffian bear?
Stan, you been down here?
Give us a speech. I like to think I'm a pretty ruffian.
Oh, shit.
See, what y'all don't know is that I am the best of both worlds.
Because I'm the best of both worlds.
The best thing about side questers is my fucking fishy.
That's right. With side questers and fishies there,
that's the only thing that matters.
You know how awesome side questers and fishies is?
It brings the A game.
But not those other side questing nerd fuckasses.
They're not awesome. Just just side quester fishy.
But we're talking about side questers
because we got ruffians and we're trying to get stuff done.
All right. OK.
Thank you. Another world.
Appreciate you, brother.
What was? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
We got a name for another world. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait.
We don't have to call them another world anymore.
Wait, wait, wait. It's story, dad.
All right. Story, dad.
That's it, baby. What's up, fellow daddy?
That's right. This fish, dad.
Their birth and books or something is out there.
Birth and books. That's story, dad. Story dad in the house, homie.
Certifiable said, sorry, had a phone call.
Do we need it? Yeah.
If you want, if anyone in chat wants to throw out some names,
we have three ruffians that need names.
You guys can even try to help your ruffian
survive throughout the course of tonight.
On our map, I'll be putting their names on there and everything like that.
So I in the rough. All right.
That's your ruffian certifiable.
Your ruffian is I in the rough. Scruff the rough.
That's also really good. That's also really good.
OK, keep them going. Are they all brothers?
Yeah, we brothers. We're the ruffians.
That's our last name. You see, I'm scoob ruffian.
Yeah, you guys just opened an Italian restaurant already.
The ruffian. We've got Maddie Stinkman.
Maddie Stink nuts, Carraband, the ruffian.
All right. How are you guys?
Caliban. Yeah.
Like an Italian mob, the ruffians.
That's the name. We're the ruffians.
I love that this just became canon in our world.
We're a bunch of ruffians. OK, that's who we are.
We run an Italian restaurant down off of, you know,
Atlanta and Street. That's us. All right.
Anyways, lady.
Uh, Mr. Bear, do you want to give a shot at reading this map
and getting us where we're going?
Because I think, yeah, you're my companion.
Give me the map. We'll never get there at this rate.
Roll me in intelligence.
It'll be an easy roll. Be in 11. Not going to work.
Where is it? I can't see it.
Why is it not on the screen? Let me double check. I don't know.
Oh, you don't know.
Well, I'm going to teach you something about something.
Foundry. You gotta teach me ruffian.
All you know is how to ruff stuff up.
Now it's on the screen. You got a 14.
Nice. We're going right.
We're going right here on the map.
You know, so you got a 14, which means you read this map.
It is a beautiful map, by the way, that almost depicts the whole city.
Thanks to three, five, seven's, you know, sifter of many things.
So this is something you get to hold on to for a long time.
But this map, you read it and you see the X that marks the spot.
And you see that you've circled around it a few times.
And it's actually morally towards the shore, almost on the edge.
And as you guys start heading that direction,
the ruffians behind you following.
You get a little bit closer up the dock and you could.
The mist is thick, the fog as you get closer
and it gets a little bit darker through all of the fog.
And it's kind of hard to see, but you just keep walking, following this map.
And the ruffians are talking.
It's really loud, hard to hear.
But I would like each of you to make me a perception role.
But it's going to be a hard role because of the fog and because of the ruffians.
So make me perception, baby.
That's a wisdom role.
Yeah, that's wisdom.
Bumbling. That's a 10, which is a fail.
Yeah, you got the D&D technology.
And a nine.
You guys will not get any kind of surprise round on this,
but as you approach, you get real close.
Reroll.
Oh, T357 gets a reroll from certifiable.
Thank you, certifiable. Appreciate you.
I appreciate it. Certifiable.
Yeah, baby.
New world voice. You sad.
We tried certifiable.
I thank you.
We're we're we're.
As you get closer,
it's almost as if you hear
the yells of an old woman,
and then you hear the banging on a door
and it sounds like a dwarf and he's like,
you don't fucking let me in this door right now.
We're going to have some problems.
You know what you have.
And as you step forward, you see this large hulking man
turns and makes eye contact with you.
The ruffians behind you pull their swords.
She's she's she's she's.
And they're like, we're going to rough them up.
OK, we've got no leadership.
No one told us to do nothing.
I guess we're just going to stand here.
No one responded.
Are we going to rough them up?
Let us find out who these people are first.
They are not they have not done anything to us yet.
OK, yeah, that's a good idea.
That's a good idea.
Here we have our map.
Activation is our ruffians,
which we're going to give them their names.
And I need one more ruffian, because there was four.
It was it was four, right?
It was the main one plus three more.
That's right. All right.
So ruffian one, what was his name?
We're going to rename it.
Scoob Scoob Scoob.
Scoob Scoob is the main ruffian.
He gets two hearts.
And then what else we got?
I know, right? What else we got?
Matty Stink Nuts Caliban.
Well, we can take a ruffian.
We also have Scruff and Buff.
As options, why are we not saving over here?
We've got to be saving. There we go.
It still didn't save, though.
What's going on?
Is this the same thing that was happening to me last week?
Maybe would be that I rename all of them.
No, I didn't. All right.
Good, good, good.
For those of you guys just listening on the podcast,
I'm renaming NPCs on our battle map.
NPCs on our battle map.
The wolves don't have sudden accents anymore.
Sometimes sometimes when it comes out of my mouth, sometimes not so much.
Usually their names come up below them,
but for some reason, it's not doing the things.
But that's OK. That's OK.
We can still keep the names.
We can know Buff. We've got Buff the Ruff Ruffian.
Buff the Ruff Ruffian.
Matty Stink Nuts.
I love Stink Nuts. Stink Nuts is my favorite Ruffian.
And the last one was what's the last one's name?
Look at y'all clicking away.
Y'all so curious. Ian.
Yeah, I was just preparing my first set of moves.
All right.
Also, yes.
All right.
Now, what I need you guys to do and what we're going to do
on your turn, Fishy, you get to control two of these thugs.
Which ones do you want to control?
Ian, Scoob, Stink Nuts or Buff?
I'll take Buff and Scoob.
All right.
Matty, nice.
You've got Scoob.
I'm going to put Scoob over here by you.
You can keep track of him.
And this is Buff. You can keep track of him.
All right. Now.
You guys have your Ruffians.
I need both of you guys to go ahead and roll me initiative.
It's initiative time, baby. Let's go.
Does not exist.
Cover as weavers of lace dollies.
Sorry, random thought there.
No, dude, that's awesome. I love that.
Now. All right.
All right.
All right. That's it.
That's it.
So that's a 17, which means your first you get to control your two ruffians.
They both just got swords.
That's all they've got. That's all they can do.
They can swipe with their swords, but you get to control them.
So ahead of you, you can see one really buff man
standing up tall as he sees you.
And he draws.
He's got like this pole arm that he draws out.
It's like a pole with like a blade on the end of it.
But if you want to talk, this is a man for a dwarf.
This is a man.
So where is the dwarf that was yelling?
You can't see him. Not yet.
You actually actually you can see him.
Looks like Bomblin can see the big guy and you can see the dwarf
banging on the door so you can see him.
Yeah. Sorry about that.
I can see whatever I damn well please these days.
That's true as fuck. That's true.
See in the dark, plus through magic.
I would like to use my I would like to do a wisdom roll
to try and activate my.
Ring of invisibility.
Nice. OK.
17, that'll do it.
Success. And then it lasts for one D for rounds.
Hell, yeah.
So just the singular round
till it comes back around to you.
All right. So you got to make it worth it.
Yeah. Yeah.
I would like to tell my fellas to stand back for just a moment,
and I would like to actually go up to where Big Buff Dude is
to investigate the area.
We're going to stand back.
Boys, boys, you want to she wants us ruffians to not rough up people.
But who are we? We ruffians.
We rough up. Well, she's paying us, though.
All right. We'll stay here. That's fine.
That's right. Baby, you're a ruffian.
You will have plenty of chances for rough stuff.
We just need to make sure we have the act of the benefit of surprise.
Oh, OK. Smart, smart ruff.
All right. We do that. OK.
Moving in.
Did it let you move?
Sure, it isn't.
There you go. Oh, because you can't move through walls, that's why.
Not with that kind of attitude. Yeah.
As you get in closer, you can see the buff guy, the dwarf.
And as you get in closer,
you can see climbing up from the dock.
Looks to be some kind of sea creature coming up from the dock.
I can hear something.
That's it. And it looks a little something like this.
Oh, damn.
You're invisible, so you can't always see what the hole.
But it looks at the dwarf and nods and the nod.
The dwarf looks back at it and he's like, Come on, lady, we know you've got it.
You've got to let us in.
OK.
Um.
Is there anything I can notice about like whether
could I do another role for my eye to see if I can see through the wall
that he's been gone? Sure.
Yeah, but that'll be your last action here.
But go ahead.
I don't remember what I roll for one moment.
All right. No worries.
Rolling dice, baby.
Playing D&D, baby.
Love this intelligence.
Let's go. Well, nothing happens.
Your eye fizzles out. All right.
That ends your go.
We're over on Bomblin now.
Bomblin, what say you?
Unless you want to mean you already told the ruffians to stay, so.
Yeah. Right up to the side of this wall.
And then I am going to cast.
Magic.
Spell Nova.
Any spell cast on the turn following this cast explodes in a near radius area,
and it's a critical if your cast roll fails with this spell,
you cannot use magic for one round.
All right. Roll me magic, Bomblin.
Let's do it, baby.
Now, you know, I rolled a six.
So your spell roll fails with this magic, which means you can't use magic for one whole round.
We roll. Oh, you got to reroll from.
All right. All right.
Try it again. Oh, it's a six.
Rock.
Oh, we get to roughen.
They look at their friends are like, ha ha, nerds.
You I don't think you can control them.
Let me see. Yeah.
Let me see if I can make sure you can control them.
Default sheet, default sheet identity, appearance, light, resources.
How long? You can't control them.
You can't control them.
You can't control them, but you can tell me.
Move in ruffians.
They move in long.
They got a long way to run, but they run in and they're like,
who are you attacking, boss?
The bad guys.
Gotcha. I mean, gotcha.
No, wait, wait, hold on.
Hold on. Hold on.
The guys that are attacking us.
Bad guys.
Yeah, that's true.
That's all right, boss.
Rodis, go ahead.
But no one is attacking us yet.
True, huh? True.
Now, yeah, I don't even know we're here.
Yeah, I will in turn.
All right, they turn, they see the ruffians and the brandishes his pole arm even more.
It's like he pulls it down and gets ready.
The little creature that came off of the dock slithers around and stands there.
It's brandishing this like harpoon gun thing that it has.
And the dwarf turns around.
He's like, oh, it seems that we've got some visitors.
And he turns and brandishes his sword so close to your face.
T357 is he pulls it out because you're standing there.
He doesn't see you because you're invisible.
So he just pulls it out.
The two ruffians look and they're like, they're too far away.
We've already we've already moved in.
Do you want us to throw our swords?
No, just stand there looking ruffian.
OK, a rough just look ruffians.
We rough people.
That's what we do.
We rough people up when you have a chance.
Yeah, we rough people up.
Yeah, you wrap them up.
The big guy moves forward.
He swings his pole arm immediately with a big grunt.
At the first ruffian.
I don't know who it is.
I have no idea with the two.
Who was it? It's Buff.
OK, he swings and misses.
This guy gets up on the dock.
And shoots his harpoon gun at Scoob.
Oh, no, shoots his harpoon.
Wait, who ended up with the two hearts because it ain't Scoob?
Somehow I ended up with two hearts.
Good. Well enough.
He shoots his harpoon gun.
Yeah. Wait, wait, wait.
I need to actually grab this real quick because I think this thing has stats.
Hold on. No, not you, Scoob.
Scooby Doo.
You got a name Scoob-a-steve.
I know.
Swear.
Scoob-a-steve.
Amaro, there it is. Gotcha.
Gotcha, gotcha.
Uh, cool.
So it's got a plus four to Dex.
With a 22.
It shoots its gun.
Oh my God.
Oh, no.
And the harpoon gun shoots out
and lands in Scoob for four damage.
No, Scoob.
He's only got six left.
He's like, oh, and he pulls on it tight and it's like stuck in his arm.
All right, we're back to Bomblin.
What do you do?
I thought I was Tess's type.
Oh, yeah, Tess first. Sorry.
Yeah. What do you do, Tess?
As you are no longer invisible.
As I am coming visible, I would like to attempt to.
I would like to kneel down and stab the dwarf in the foot
with my poison blades attached to my arm.
In the foot, huh?
We're going for non-lethal.
Well, this sword's kind of in my face.
If I lunge forward, I could get hurt.
True. I guess so.
I like the way you think.
If I go for a low blow in the ankles, I will cripple him.
I like the way you think.
All right.
Let's do it.
Dagger. That would be strength.
A 12 plus your one strength is a 13.
A success, Proteus.
Thank God.
Oh, it doesn't happen often.
Hell yeah, dude.
I think that's the first time you've hit something in a really long time.
Yeah.
I hit, I decapitated the other guy.
Now that barely counts.
A full decapitation doesn't count.
They loosened him up for you.
It's fine.
Literally no one else had seen him.
You were downstairs fighting with a guy about stairs.
No, I was fighting with the leader on how important the stairs were.
We're talking about sticks and stones at this point.
Just stab him already.
All right, that's two.
Let's look at your poison sword here.
It's up at the top.
It lands damage.
I do the same attack again at the start of my next turn.
Oh, OK. Nice. Double damage.
Nice. OK.
And then do you have weapons and tools?
That's a plus two, which makes it a total of four damage.
Right, baby.
You stab him in the footies.
Oh, where did you come from?
Fucking robots are invisible now.
What? What?
Surprise, fuckass.
Oh, shit. No.
You said the secret phrase.
Now you must drink.
Surprise, fuckass.
A vast, you fuckass.
And he didn't see her, so it's a crit.
I think that was a different ability, but that's close, right?
You have something like that.
Well, no, if I do, it is another ability, which is assassin.
If Target does not know I'm there, my first attack cannot miss.
True. Nice. OK.
OK. Good thinking, though.
Certifiable. Good thinking.
All right. Now your ruffians.
Anything you want to do with them?
Gentlemen, get in here.
OK. Go for the harpoon gun.
We need to rough some we need to rough somebody up.
They run in.
They're using so basically in this case, they're using their long movement
so they can't move long and make an attack.
It's kind of what I'm saying here, but they're moving on in.
They get in here.
All right.
Now, after you
bumbling, what do you?
Oh, on your face, let's just keep it on the map section anyway.
What do you do?
I've got to move in over here.
Oh, I have to be able to see.
You can't move through walls.
You have to go down and then.
There you go. Hiya.
And I'm going to take out my minotaur hand
and then turn it into a bone sword, a magical bone sword.
And then I'm going to proceed.
I like like that.
But it grows.
First, we're going to talk about the
like out of the bone of the
and it's all sharp and like serrated.
Gross, disgusting.
Imagine a lot like
TV just like, shah.
And then we're going to fucking Bracken's dance all over this bitch.
Harpoon guy is going to fucking get a stab.
Nick, Nick, Nick.
Hold the hit, buddy.
17.
That's the 21.
Hell, yeah, dude, bad ass.
That's magical damage.
Now, which is a two.
That's sad.
Oh, so we decided on magic instead of weapon.
I guess that's fair.
That makes sense to me.
Well, it says it says it and.
Oh, OK, so.
Mark with the locusts, a brace that interlaced with horned muffins.
When worn on an arm, slowly charges into a barbed like twisted rigid weapon.
I like bone sword.
It acts as a magical weapon and is terrifying.
Nice. Nice.
So as you pull it out.
There is, I think so. Yeah, right.
I would have to say to you, well, constitution or be in fear.
Yeah, and fear, right?
As you whip it out, you strike him for two.
And then he looks down at his tentacles wave and they you looks down
and he goes, what is that?
What is that?
And I'm going to roll a wisdom for this guy.
What does he have?
First is a 13, which is a success already.
But he has plus zero to wisdom, so what is that?
He succeeds, but he looks a little spooked and he takes the two damage.
We have.
It only goes off when it's five or more.
It's not that it's broken, it's just set that way.
That's what we know.
But we still love.
We like.
Forge.
And we love forge.
We still do.
I wonder who it is.
It's some fucking.
Steve, what's up, dude?
Yeah, we love you too, man.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Hey, speaking of side questers, guess forge, a lower and their partner
are going to be joining on the Christmas special, the war on Christmas.
Really exciting.
Also, because she's going to be dungeon mastering that bad boy.
So she gets the DM once a year and is going to be sick.
It's going to be sick.
Yeah, every time it's really fun.
It's a lot of fun.
Will there be mermaid cookies this time?
I hope so.
Last time there was Christopher Fox and hey, I'm a marsupial.
So it'll be fun.
It'll be fun.
Hi.
Hi, Forge.
Everyone here, make sure you're following Forge.
Do the things.
Show the love.
OK, back.
We're in combat right now.
If you just joined us here, Steve, these guys are on the docks fighting a couple of people
and they have ruffians that they hired to help them.
So Bomblin, you're two ruffians.
These two.
I want I want Scoob to go down to the right.
Right there.
You can mark it for me.
OK, he's going to move through.
He's going to move around.
Whoa, whoa.
And then I want them to use their Scruff McGruff power combo attack.
And I'm going to roll both and then attack at once because they're going to both just
try to stab them.
They have a two in strength and a two in weapons.
Six sauce.
Hell, yeah.
I like that phrase.
Six sauce.
A new person sits on the couch.
Who is this?
New human Fritz, oh, man.
Oh, hello.
Hello.
Welcome here, friend.
Welcome.
So 13 and 19 both hit.
Jesus.
And that's an eight and a seven.
Just 15 damage to this man, which means so close.
They both lash out and say, look, we're ruffians.
They look at each other.
We do.
We ruffle them up.
Hey, we're going to ruffle them up together.
And he looks at them.
And they.
And both of them jump and just start stabbing.
And he like they jump on top of him and then he uses his brute like strength to push him
off and they both land on the ground.
They're like, he ain't been rough yet.
And he's more ruffian.
He needs to be rough some more.
He made him.
Yeah.
Oh, also, it's well past scoop.
Scoop wasn't allowed to move.
But you know what?
I'll just I'll just forget about that.
I forget about it because he had the harpoon gun.
It's fine.
It's not like wrapped around everybody from above.
I like the Cobalt cosplay.
Your red hair is awesome.
And the eye cosplay is cool to smiling face with open hands.
Thanks.
I'm totally a Cobalt.
I appreciate it.
He's a bear can just so you know.
And I appreciate you.
Thanks for the 100 bits friend.
Oh, welcome here.
Appreciate the love.
Thank you so much.
Welcome to the show.
Yeah.
If you would like to use exclamation point 1d20 in chat to roll for initiative.
Go ahead.
Cheers, buddy.
Thank you for 100 bits.
You know how good of an AI cosplay I am.
I have the correct amount of fingers.
That's pretty good.
I love that.
Okay, so scoot wasn't supposed to move.
But first, it's the bad guy's turn.
And this guy, he's got, what's he got a five on strength.
Again, he's going to lash out his pole arm, but this time he's going to attack the other
guy.
See seven he misses.
He's like, he's, he's like, out of whack from all the stab wounds.
He's like, and he tries and just misses.
And then the harpoon gun.
He's just going to shoot it just just since technically it hasn't been shot because scoop
moved he's gonna a to fret.
I'm sorry, friend.
That's pretty bad.
He's gonna right at your leg.
Bomblin with his five.
Oh, that was almost a natural 20 maybe 14 or 19, which means it does hit you.
No, it does not.
I have a 22 to defend baby.
Oh shit.
Okay, 14 plus five is 19, which doesn't hit.
That's right.
Okay, he shoots it and you move your leg.
Actually, I bring my my Minotaur hand and then I like smash down the harpoon with the
claw lobster claw attachment on my Minotaur hand.
Okay.
That asked him.
Oh, yeah.
The dwarf last but not least turns to you.
T three five seven.
He's like, why are you attacking me?
What I know I'm not allowed to attack you because there's someone else but I can't I
can't move through people you see.
I've got no other option.
I have to attack you.
If you look on the map, I can't move nowhere.
You're the only one there.
Oh, is this one of those things where we don't believe in diagonals?
We don't fucking believe in diagonals around here.
It's it's Dungeons and Dragons, baby.
Yeah, we can't attack diagonally.
No, you know what?
You're right.
Why don't I just attack the fucking bear guy?
Why are you attacking us anywhere?
We're here.
I am a Durygar with the Creatures Guild here to collect on the stone that I was sent to
receive.
And if you are going to try and stop us, we're going to take you down one by one.
He's going to swing a sword at you.
That's an 18.
Hold on.
Wow.
I got his stats here.
Yeah.
Oh, and by the way, he does look something like this.
Okay, thanks.
Watch.
I guess we'll have to try again later.
Sorry.
He looks like this.
Yeah, he looks like this.
He's missing an arm.
So one of them is a crossbow and his other arm is a sword.
And he swings out at you with the sword.
He's got a plus four to strength, which makes it a 18 plus four.
It's a 22.
So he does hit you.
Indeed, Bumbling.
Oh, OK.
Ow.
Yeah.
And you take four plus two weapon damage.
That's six damage.
Ow.
He goes.
I want to pet the American.
So that count from Princess Bride was just bad.
I the whole time.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
Now it's back to three, five, seven.
Your turn.
Well, first, I do the same damage again from last round.
Oh, yeah.
What was that?
Two.
Only two.
That's still pretty good.
No, it was four because it was two.
He's left it to.
All right.
Know what you do.
I would like to then once again with my poison blades, slice his arms.
Slice his one good arm.
He's like, no, it's only got one good arm left.
No, son of a bitch.
Take his other arm.
We'll let him live.
Send him back to the creatures.
Tell him who's boss.
OK, roll to hit.
Let's go.
This is a strength roll.
Oh, it's only a four.
So you swing.
He's like, no, my good arm.
And he throws it back.
You can't have me good arm.
All right.
Now the rough.
Oh, OK.
Sort of five.
We'll got your back today.
He's like, you will have your homies.
You will have good rules for once on this show.
It's a 10.
I have anything to say about it.
So close, so close.
We can't beat these things.
Survival.
Yeah.
It sucks at rolling dice.
All right.
So you still have movement and you still have your ruffians.
What would you like to do?
I would like both of my ruffians to go after the harpoon guy.
OK.
If it's not possible, they can go after the big guy as well.
OK, let's see.
They can move all the way around.
I don't see why not.
They move through.
Why not?
They're agile.
They're big jumpy boys.
Yeah.
What do you wait?
What do you say to them before they move?
Save your comrade.
Because Scoob has a fucking harpoon in his chest.
Oh, we're ruffians.
We're going to save Scoob.
Scoob's like, yeah, man, get over here.
Save me.
Let's go.
We're going to ruff them up.
And they're both going to lunge.
They both, again, have plus twos.
So you get to roll 2d20 for them to hit this guy.
Let's see.
15 and 13.
They both hit.
Dude, the ruffians coming in.
And then 2d6 and they both have plus two two weapons.
Oh, my God.
Two ones?
Are you fucking serious?
Are you kidding me?
The first roll was too good.
That's six in total.
So they roll.
Yeah, six in total.
Which, you know, could be worse.
All right.
That ends your go.
Now it's Bomblin.
Bomblin?
Wadoo.
I'm going to attack Harpoon guy again.
With the bone.
Actually, I'm going to put the minotaur hand like straight towards him.
And I'm going to activate the fire fire bolt.
Oh, to the end.
Activate fire bolt.
Fire precise bolt of flame from a far range ignites flammable objects.
And who are you fire bolting?
Harpoon guy.
Nice.
All right.
Right in front of me.
Close range.
Thank God this is ICRPG or you'd have disadvantage or close range.
Whoo.
This is 17, baby.
That'll do it.
You're not at far range.
Wait, does it actually say far range?
Say it again.
Bomblin?
Ah, it does.
Fire precise bolt within far range.
Within.
Okay.
Within.
Hey, me and Certifier will both be in brains.
We're on the same fucking page.
Semantics, the best kind of correct.
That is right.
And then we're going to do two damage.
But since I have my elemental eye, I saw it into the full military head.
It does double damage because of fire damage.
Oh, yeah, dude.
That means it's for fire damage.
Hell, yeah.
And I have I keep clicking on it.
This actually isn't the stat sheet for this guy.
It's just like a token I grabbed.
I actually have the stat sheet on a different page.
You guys were curious.
Okay, for damage, you shoot your fire out of your Minotaur hand that has a sword on one side.
You like flip it around and then shoot fire out of it.
And it's like and it hits this tentacle thing.
And it's like, not fire, no fire, no fire.
And then it shoots its harpoon gun right back at your leg.
Plus five.
Sixteen misses.
It misses.
Yeah.
And then my two ruffians are going to rough up the guy down at the bottom.
All right.
Roll it.
Roll it, baby.
One of them hits.
Eleven and two.
Plus two.
So 13 and five.
Hey, that's five.
I believe.
We're going to rough him up.
And he stabs him right in the chest and he's like, no.
And he bleeds out.
He falls down on his ass and his long pole arm hits the ground.
He's dead.
All right.
I believe that Boblin and the Boblin ruffians turn.
Last is the dwarf.
He goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Since we're moving through each other, you grovel.
He runs.
Now it's you.
T357.
It's harpoon guy still alive.
Yeah.
Perfect.
I would like to get him with my crossbow.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
But also, I would like to yell inside your door, ma'am, you will be safe soon.
Oh, oh.
This is.
Yeah.
I remember this one yet.
That human's corpse looks rough.
He's like, yeah, we roughed him up, didn't we?
He's a rough corpse.
We roughed.
He's dexterity to shoot with your crossbows.
Go on ahead and roll it.
Also, yeah, dude, forge and story dad.
Another world.
Both of you guys are going to be on side quest.
So what did you roll?
A 10 plus two.
That's a 12.
It's so close.
Anybody from the iron heads want to help out with a plus one?
There's no iron heads in chat here.
You see this?
This is all about chance.
It's a mystic chat.
I think of the little one little segment ahead.
But look at that.
Looks like Isaiah's in the fucking iron heads.
I better update your discord thing.
I didn't know that.
I'll update your discord thing.
Isaiah with a plus one, which means it hits, baby.
Let's go.
Going ahead.
You get to do your damage now because you hit now.
Thanks to the iron heads, you get encouragement.
I do weapons and magic, correct?
Yeah, because you have a it's actually just a default.
It's a default of poison damage.
Yeah.
Well, just ignore the...
Yeah,
That's a three plus two,
which is awesome.
And then a two.
So that's seven damage.
So it's fire damage that comes out of your crossbow as well
for anybody who didn't know.
But you deal seven in total.
More fire.
And it's like, no, no, no, no,
no fire.
Oh
And I would like to say because it came from from Isaiah usually
If you do a faction command we allow you guys to kind of help
Visualize a little bit of how these players are helped or hindered you could help a little bit of course
I always make the final decision, but since you didn't say anything
I'm gonna say fishy your iron head inside because you've been training with the iron heads the past little bit
I'm bombling you you like yell out and you help t357 to get that extra plus one
Do you want to give us a little bit of roleplay? Maybe what you say of encouragement?
I'm gonna fucking murder this guy like I'm coming after you
Okay now it's your roughians turn t357 they get to attack with their swords or they could do something else of course
One sword attack hits it only had one HP left so the ruffian
Lunges out the other one too as well hits as well. They're both just start stabbing the shit out of this tentacle fuck
If one hits I would like the other one to help with scoob's chest wound
Oh
Help heal him. I love that
So in ICRPG you can take a turn to just I think it was you just take a turn to just heal
We haven't really done it on the fly before
yet, actually
Hell yeah, I think so too
Let me see here. I actually want to get the real rules out here so we can make sure that we
Let me see
Monsters items healing settings tools. No, what is this?
What is this? We don't want none of that shit
You said abandoned now. I can't think of anything other than rage against the ruffians. Oh my god
Nobody laughs, but I appreciate it that way rage from the machine
Yeah
Nobody laughs
Where the fuck where the fuck are we I don't know why it's not
Not the same as the other one
Yeah, that's right. Okay. Well, you know what?
Just for the sake of time and I'm gonna look it up a little bit later
But I think the way that it works is he's gonna go over and you're gonna use that success roll, right?
So he's gonna go over and he's gonna he's gonna heal his buddy. You can roll
I believe it's a double hit. I think it's a double hit. I think it's a double hit
He's gonna heal his buddy. You can roll. I believe it's a d6 of health to heal scoot
Nice
Back to max so he goes over and he's like we roughed each day stabs the shit out of him and he's like no
No, and then he's like, oh you got this you keep roughing them up ruffian and he runs over he's like scoop
I got your back man, and he just starts like massaging his shoulders and he's like, you know, let's ruffians have a hard time
You know, sometimes when you're roughing you're rough, but sometimes you got to be you know
You got to take a step back and just think about your life for a second scoop. You got this and he's like, thanks, man
I appreciate that and he stands up and shakes it off. He's like, oh
Alright
That is yeah, you know
You know, hey, we're ruffians, alright and we ruffle people but sometimes you got to take a second for yourself
Okay, we may be ruffians. Alright, but sometimes
Even ruffians have feelings
divine masculinity
What was the creature we just killed?
It was if you want to walk over to it in your mind, you might actually know what it is. Do you want to roll me an intelligence?
Damn
How are you like perpetually rolling nines?
I don't know
I would too. I would too
What I will give you is that this is some kind of fisher folk merfolk
And
Any other kind of edible creature that crosses their path they haunt them and eat them these
Savage monsters snatch and devour any kind of unwary prey and they're
Mostly affiliated with the C section of the creatures guild from what you've heard from the Legion, but that's
Yeah, that's all C section that's all that you really know
What did I dissected part of it for a couple of pieces to maybe get to schema later?
I think you absolutely could
Absolutely, roll me dexterity to see if you can succeed on pulling out some pieces without ruining them
That's a success, that's a success. Alright, which parts of this creature are you trying to nab?
I'll give you two
The Penile gland
I just don't have the suggestion
The femur
I was kind of hoping to take the anal fins as well as the greater tract of the lung to gill area
Lung to gill area?
Alright, you do that
Because merfolk can both breathe air and can breathe air
Because merfolk can both breathe air and breathe through their gills underwater. So there is a combining feature
Gonna ask fish dad about some fish facts or what?
I don't think so. Alright, you do that. You grab them both
Sure. Now she succeeds. Right. When it comes to dissecting a fucking fish fin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
When it comes to romance like a gnome. Hell yeah
Can I loot these bodies? I need me some money
Yeah
Go for it baby
Is that wisdom?
Wisdom
Wisdom perception
Alright, it's a six
Okay
I found something though
You did
You found something
Hell yeah, Isaiah out here
Alright, D6 first, we're gonna see what you find
That's a two
Yes
Which means you find
Bizarre loot is what a two is
The best
Bizarre loot
You find the pipes of dawn
A magical flute when played with charisma the sun will rise
Wait, wait, who are we re-rolling on Frit? You gotta say who it is
There's a lot of dice rolls, a lot of dice rolls. Am I re-rolling this item? Cause I'll do that
Please
I don't know what the pipes, wait, what's the pipes of dawn do?
You can make the sun rise
Yeah, I don't want that
Can we take Frit's re-roll for my loot please?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we can do that. Alright
Could you imagine if it like just like the sun just went down
Yeah
And it rises, just ruined everybody's
Item, 300 foot length of rope tangled in irrespecable knots
This is the perfect item that Isaiah gives you
Holy shit
Yeah, cause this is uh
This is what I needed
Thanks
300 feet of rope that's just tangled and fucking knotted like crazy
You're also going to find
Bomblin a harpoon gun
That has a harpoon
That's sucked to it
Now whenever you shoot an enemy with it, it pretty much
Um, holds them in place
Um, to a sense. They can make a strength check to move away from you
Um, but you can drag them around
So it's basically, you can harpoon up enemies, you can go up
You know, buildings, whatever. It's a harpoon gun baby
Um, so strength check to get out of it
Um, but it does weapon damage
You get a whole ass harpoon gun
Yeah
Okay
Alright
Alright, and Harabas has a pole arm weapon
But there's nothing special about it
Alright
Hell yeah
May I knock on the door and ask
Sorry, he said not want that
That was too funny
Ha ha ha
Okay
You knock on the door
And as you knock
You hear a voice on the inside
And she's like, have they gone?
Yes
They have been dispatched
That's right, we are now here to collect
Do's for the iron heads
And the
The fees
Bomblin, don't make me make you mate in the water
You can just go away
I thought there was damnit people here
Do not listen to my dumb friend
Okay
You're like the worst
Bad person I've ever known
Whoever said
I was bad
Uh, I'll take a minute
Hold on, let me think about that
Have they gone?
What does that have to do with this?
Yes, they have gone, ma'am
Can we help you with anything?
You hear a furniture moving behind the door
Hmm
Like as if she had
Barred up the door with furniture
And uh
As the door opens
You see a very nice looking
Old woman
She's got like a
White hair up in a bun
She's wearing like really long purple
And brown and blue robes that go all the way down
She's clutching a book in her arms
And as her house opens
You can kind of see that it smells
Kind of strange as the doors open
Old candles mold a little bit
We can see that it smells strange
Oh, that sounds gross
You're dungeon master starters, alright
You can see how it smells
That is terrible, I'm sorry
I will kill you
Look, and
It looks like it smells awful
I don't know what to tell you, I don't want to go in there
Now, she
Looks at you too and she's saying
Thank you, um
Thank you for saving me from them
Um, you may
You may come inside, come inside
And you too step inside to see those
Things that I just described
And smell those things that I just
Described
Yeah
Um
Her home contains what
It looks like an unmade bed, there's like an alchemist
Laboratory, a small stove
There's like a coat rack, a stool
A stuffed chair, that's in kind of
Poor condition
And you can see over to the side
Looks like there's some kind of a chest that has a lock on it
Um
Yeah, and she
She welcomes you guys inside and then you sit
Around and she's like
So, um, what brings you here?
Why are you, what, did you just, were you just
Saving me?
Let's start with why you were being targeted
By the Creatures Guild
Why should I tell you that?
Because we just dispatched them
From your door
And they could have very easily broken in and
Ransacked the place
That's true as hell, huh? Roll me Charisma
T357
Roll it, don't get a 9
I can't wait for this to
Fucking suck
That's a 2
She's like
I don't know if I should give you all the details
I don't, I don't know
Reroll
Thank you, Forge
Thanks, Steve, appreciate you
That's a 4
I'm just going to deactivate myself
Doo doo doo doo
Yeah
Great, now that the robot is down
Give me all your valuables, ladies
I'm going to deactivate myself
Give me all your valuables, ladies
Oh, okay
Why are you holding your hand out like that?
I swear to God
Oh, the robot's back
Nevermind
As you can see, we've helped you
Make sure that your valuables
Were installed
So as a reward, we should be
Rewarded
Okay, Charisma
Bomplin, go ahead
Maybe
Not a reward in the form of money
That doesn't sound like me
Hold on, I can't
I can't find my cursor
Oh, there it is
While he is rolling, because of my glass eye
That can see heat, magical orders
And truth and illusion magic
Does my eye pick up anything in the room?
I hate this game
Magic in the room, huh?
On the chest
There is a glyph
On the chest that you can see
And there is heat
There's a door over to the side
And there's a bunch of heat coming from it
Like an outrageous amount of heat
She's like, okay, well I'm not gonna
Reward you with that
Are you guys working with
The other
Factions in the city?
You could say that
Well, I would like to
Admit to you since
You did save me that
I was doing business with
The Creature Guild, and I have done it with
Them in the past
They were coming here today because
I had orders to
Protect an artifact
That I'm not gonna
Of course I don't trust you enough to tell you what that was
But I was to protect it
Until Nushka, the dwarf
Outside, the duergar, arrived to
Claim it, but I changed my mind
And I decided
To keep it for myself
I realized that that decision
Was a mistake, or
A lot of people are out to get it
So, I
During the commotion, I
Gave the artifact to my rat
Familiar, and told them to
Stash it in my
Family's mausoleum in the
Cemetery in town
If you're here for it
I don't want it anymore, and you can find my rat
Familiar, you can take it for yourselves
I want nothing to do with that anymore
Would it have happened to be the glomor stone?
You know the stone of glore?
Yes
Yes, it was the stone
I do admit it was the stone, I was to hold on to it
Cheers, ba-da!
To the rat!
Cheers, H!
Thank you so much, yeah
We'll see what happens with that rat in a little while
Won't we? But thank you for joining us, H
Cheers, friend
Well, we don't have a certain speedster that
Likes to eat rat snacks, so it's probably
Safe
That's true, it's like a shout out to our last campaign
Yeah, she's like
You can go and get
It for yourself
Just do not disrespect my family's
Grave sites, of course
We're in the mausoleum in the cemetery
And she stands up, she goes over to the chest
And waves her hand on the chest, and with your eye
The mystic cemetery
Well, I don't know anything about
Mystics, but just the cemetery in town
Yes
And she waves her hands over the glyphs
And you can see with your magical eye
That magic mist comes out of her hands
As the glyph disperses
And she reaches in and pulls out a key
And then she shuts the chest and
Waves her hand again
And the mist returns the glyph back to the chest
And she turns around and she gives you the key
T357
And it's a small little key that's got
You know, like a little spiral on the top of it
And
She's like, well
I think, I mean, that's all I have for you
And you know, thank you so much for coming by
What is your
Family name?
For the mausoleum?
Of course, I need to tell you that
I believe
I believe it starts with a G
I have it here. Garloth
It's, my name is Grindr Garloth
How industrious
Yes
I, um
Do you two happen to be interested in the sea?
The water?
Uh, not really
I heard this
Sea turtles out there
Yes, there is sea turtles
Yes, I am uh
Those things are fucking huge
I am uh
Shut up, shut up certifiable, shut up
I am uh
I know, I am very interested in the sea
And um
Well
I would like to show you two something before you go
I've been working on something
And she opens the door to the side
And you two follow her inside
And there's like this
Huge apparatus of sorts
When she opens the door, it's almost like her house is built onto a dock
And on the inside of this room
There's a pathway that goes all the way around
And in the center is the sea water
And sitting inside of the sea water is this giant metal
Steam clock
Kind of apparatus
Um, I actually do have a picture here
Let me save it and I'll show it to you guys
She stands in front of it
It's got like four legs
It almost looks like a giant metal crab
But it has like a doorway on the side of it
And she's like
This here, um
I call my
You've seen sea turtles before? You'd be scared
Is this a crab forge?
No, it's uh
I call it the apparatus of Koalash
And it um
Well it's kind of a submersible
Of sorts, it lets me go under the water
And search for
You know, things, treasure, gold, what have you
And uh
It has my imprint on it so don't think about
Stealing it, of course
But uh, I just wanted to show it to you
If you ever want to come around and go for a ride
Going to the sea, I'm a lonely old woman
I don't have very many um, this is what it looks like
I don't have very many friends
And um, you know
That's her as well
Hey
What the
Oh, fuck that dude
I ain't going underneath there
You telling me you've got a boat
To go underneath the sea?
Yes, yes, I am an inventor
Oh yeah, fuck that, nope, I'm out
That's how you end up getting fighting
Sea turtles, you know what happens
When you fight fucking sea turtles, right?
You never fucking win, that's what's fucking happening
A big chimp's like apparatus
Tell me more
That's fucking big, yeah
I was going to say, it is a very
Illustrious looking machine
Uh, thank you
Yeah, I'm a big fan of it
I'd like to go over there and search for stuff
And do things and uh
Do you ever take commission work
For upgrades?
Oh yeah, absolutely, if you want to come around
I am an inventor of sorts
And you know, I could do that
Especially for you, a warforged
You know, some people, they hate warforged
I'm fine with it, I mean I spend so much time
Around all them creatures, I think there's nothing wrong
With warforged, I mean you're smarter
Than most of them orcs down there anyway
Yeah, bet you haven't heard her snore before
H said crustatron
It's a crustation-tron
Yeah
How could I snore, I do not sleep
Yeah, you tell me that
That's funny
Um, so she
Edges you guys towards the door
And she's like, okay, well feel free to return, good luck
And good luck at my family's
Mausoleum, and as you guys take a step
Out of the door
You hear a sound
She's like, oh no
Yes, yes, please, please, please, please
Out, out, out, out, out, and she slams the door
What are you gonna kick us out
This is like the worst time to be outside
Ruffians
We ruffians
Hello, in line ruffians
In line, all of them
Alright
That was really close
Be careful
I know
What do we do sir
Wait
Alright, we're good
Yeah, or water
So
In the water
Yes sir
In the water, and all four of them
Jump in the water
And the dragons
Flying, flies away
And then they pop their heads
Out of the water and they're like, sir
Is it gone sir
Yeah, you're doing great
Thanks
So it was flying
Up and over the sea
And it continues to circle
Around the sea, right here near the
Dock ward
And four of them get up out and scoop
Like shakes themselves off
Like a dog
And he looks over and he's like
This dragon
You know we ruffians, we've been around here for a while
We live here
And this dragon keeps circling
Rumor has it
It's lost one of its youngins
Down there under the sea, trapped somewhere
I don't know
It seems crazy to me
I don't know, I'm scared of that fucking dragon
Man, we ruffians be roughing things up
Dragons are known to be fiercely territorial
Yeah, we cannot
Ruff up a dragon, not a
Brass dragon, hell no
And all of them are like, hell no
At the same time
You and I wouldn't try my lucks with the brass dragon
Yeah
Although, if we do find where his treasure
Hoards at, then maybe I could pay
Back the legion, and then
But maybe
I could have a new best friend dragon
Yeah, could be
Well
You could raise your own baby dragon, homie
Or I could get
My own baby dragon
Raise it into a full dragon
And then bumblin' jacks over the world
Yeah
Alright robot, grab a pen
Don't say that out loud, that dragon
It's literally looking for its young
That's what the rumor has, so don't say that out loud
Because, yeah, careful
Alright, well, ruffians did good
Where are we headed?
To the cemetery
Alright, we're gonna ruff up some people
To the cemetery
Yeah, probably not
But, maybe a gravekeeper
Yeah, well, we're not
But rubber razz would be so bad
If we ruffed up some people
At a cemetery, considering most people
At the cemetery are dead
So
We're gonna
Head our way to the cemetery
And hopefully take a quick break
My face hurts
Yeah, exactly what we're doing now
So you guys are gonna head to the cemetery
But first, we're gonna take a quick break, y'all
You guys know the way that breaks work around here
If you have any ideas
We're doing some thumbnail poses
You guys can
Throw out poses into chat
These guys will pose as those things
You can make memes, use them for thumbnails
Have some fun on social media, whatever you want
So if you have some thumbnail pose suggestions
Some green screen pose suggestions
Go ahead and throw them into chat
Ah, dragon, says Steve
We're trying to make it look like
We're hugging each other
Get close
As close as I can get
Put your left arm down
There you go
That's pretty damn good, you guys
That's pretty damn good
Hell yeah
Good job, y'all
Alright, that's your pose for the week, y'all
That's your pose for the week, go out there, have fun with that
Don't forget to
Clip things when you think they are funny
So we can review them at the end
That's right
We love clips and we appreciate y'all for making them
We were roomed together during our short rest
Alright, we'll be right back in a couple of minutes
Don't go anywhere
Hello boys and girls and welcome back to Love, Death, and Dice of the Dragon Vault
This is episode 8
I am your dungeon master for the night, Turk
And I'm here with Proteus and Fitchy
We're playing T357 and of course
Bomblin Barlow
Hello everybody, thank you so much for joining us
As we last left off, these three
Just got a hot tip from an old woman
About the Stone of Galore
And are headed to the local cemetery
With their four ruffians that they've hired for the day
Which is minus forty gold
For you guys, just so you know
But first
Cheers everybody, thanks for being here
I love rolling dice, I love
Playing TTRPGs and
I'm gonna rate this book so far, it's gonna get a good rating for me
Mmm
Let's go!
Hell yeah buddy
This is my first fantasy setting and I'm kind of digging it
Hell yeah, so much fun
Okay
Good job, mate, you haven't been doing this for years
No
You were my first
Ha ha ha
Oh
You guys
Get close to the cemetery
A place
Bomblin, you're familiar with
You've been here a few times before
T357
With your magical eye you can see all the magic
Happening in the forest behind the cemetery
Bomblin, you're aware of it as well, cause you've been in there
It is the hiding place
Of the mystics of magic
The faction here in Commonsteel
As you guys get to the cemetery
Which is open to the public from dusk until dawn
It's well maintained
You can see
The sign above the top
The flowers are all in bloom and it says
Commonsteel Cemetery
The ruffians
Approach with you guys and they're like
We're here
So wait on me, who we ruffian up?
Huh?
We ruffian up somebody?
Oh
We're looking for a mausoleum first
Okay
And a rat
Oh, ruffian up a rat
That's a first for me but you know what
I am getting paid to do it so I'm gonna do it
Ah, for the lord
I bet
Commonsteel Cemetery
Commonsteel
Is it common to steal at the
Steal at the cemetery?
Commonsteel? It's commonsteel
That's funny, I'd somehow never put that together
Does commonsteel have a grave robbing problem?
Commonsteel, holy shit
That's pretty good
Um, just as he says that though
From behind one of the mausoleums
Comes an old man
With his cane
He, he's closing and he goes
Hey
Hey is that, is that Bomblin?
Hey
It's me, it's me Janking
It's that Bomblin
Janking
Hey
Let's uh
He's continuing to move closer to you
Goliath
Mausoleum
What's that?
What's a mausoleum?
Come here
I can't hear Bomblin
My ears are bad Bomblin, come on, come here
You're literally right in front of us
Old man, we're not that, alright
I'm gonna take a closer, closer
Let me see, let me see your hand
Let me see
Ah
What a good bear
It's good to see you Bomblin
You're doing good, it's a good bear
Now what's your question?
Where's, where's the
Where's the mausoleums at?
Ah, there's a couple of them over here
I keep them all nice and tight
Ain't been through there in a little while
The rich people, you know, whatever
Maintain your own fucking mausoleum
You wanna see a mausoleum Bomblin? I could show you a mausoleum
Well, we came to the common steel cemetery
So we were doing some
You know, some light grave robbing of ourselves
We have permission though, it's fine
It's fine
We have permission to do grave robbing, Bomblin
What does that, what does that even fucking mean?
What are you talking about?
Well, it means exactly what I said it did
We have permission to come and take from the mausoleum
We are looking for a rat familiar that headed towards a mausoleum in the cemetery
Who is this? Who is this Warforge talking to me, Bomblin?
Who is this?
Right now, Jenkins, I know
That back then, Warforge, you know, it was a different time back then
It was
Nowadays, Warforge kinda have, you know, some rights
You have to be nicer
Hmm
Okay, Bomblin
Just for you, Bomblin, alright, follow me, follow me
He walks real slow and he's like
So how's the adventure been, Bomblin? Good?
Ah, yeah, real good
That's good
I have a friend who also has another friend, I think his name's like Jerry or something
Really nice guy, he's friends with this other guy, his name's Tequila
And he told me that they're on the hunt for one of your friends
Apparently he's been dumping bodies
I don't know
There's like a want out for his head
Yeah, I don't doubt that
He has a real portal problem
As I like to call it
Ah, portal problem
We were gonna do an intervention for him, but he didn't show up this week, so
Oh, it is that
Now we are looking for mice
As you guys are getting closer, you can see
A bunch of mausoleums in a row
But it looks like one of them actually has light coming out of it
Like the torches on the inside have been lit
And the gate on it is wide open
And as you get closer, Jenkins is like
Wait, what the fuck, what the heck?
And he like hurries up, he's like scuttling
He's like, this shouldn't be open son of a bitch
And he like scuttles over to it and you guys keep up pace with him
And you get there to see that the mausoleum that has the Golov name above it
It's open and it's been open probably for a little while
Because you can see the torches are starting to burn out
And he's like, God!
He throws his cane on the ground, son of a bitch!
Stupid ass!
Grave robbers, well whatever
Go in there, do your business
Do your fucking business, I'm gonna clean this shit up
And he walks over to what looks like a little shed
It's got like a bunch of tools in it and stuff probably
He's like, do your business, and he leaves you two alone standing in front of the mausoleum
Do I see any magic coming from inside the mausoleum?
Like from the galore stone?
Or a rat familiar?
Uh, maybe a little bit
A little bit
Like on the ground, towards the back
You see a little bit
That probably doesn't sound great coming from a robot mouth
But that is rat sounds the best I can make
Alright
Bomblin, what do you do?
Uh, I would like to walk into the mausoleum
Alright
You walk into the mausoleum
And you're like, I'm gonna go in there
Alright
You walk in and take it all in
You look around and um
It's just a bunch of dead people
Yeah, well inside of this mausoleum there are like a bunch of like
Little kind of stones like inlets
That is made out of stone
And there's like a bunch of like coffins inside of them
And it looks like a couple of them have been pulled off of the shelves
And they're like open
And there's like bones and shit kind of like missing
And as you walk in T357 you can see in the back corner
You head right for the magic you were saying
And you can see the rat familiar on the ground
But it looks like it's been killed
And it's there, dead, on the ground
But as it lays there, dead, it seems familiar to you
Like as if it was once a rat that had a story
And it had a lot going for it
And it never even got the chance to live
And you hear this echo that says
RIP, Fen Beans, RIP
Wait, did you put the rat back just for a second to kill it again?
Fuck, dude, Jesus Christ
Did somebody leave this poor guy alone?
Oh my god, I want to pick up the little rat
I'm going to try to do a heal roll for it
Sure, why not?
I don't think you have any kind of medical tools or healing magic though
So technically, no
Within my Mender's toolbox there are leather strips
And some things I could use as
Alright, I'll give it to you this time
You could try
I did it with Tony
Hell yeah, okay
I'll give it to you a second time then
I don't even think you need to make
Oh shit
You get advantage from certifiable
He knows what's up
I need all the help I can get
I don't even think you need to make a roll
This is just recovery
Which actually, let me make sure we get to the right page
Core stats, core systems, recovery
We're going to get justice for Fen Beans one day
You can just heal during battle
So you just use the item
It's just an action to use it
You're going to use the item and it's a D6
And you get advantage on your D6 from certifiable
So good luck
Long live the creatures
Oh, never mind
It has been nullified from Big Jim
I still got a four
Still got a four
So you wrap little leather things around this rat
And you know, you're like
How do you do this?
Light compressions
I would like to scoop up the rat in my hand
And
Tempting fate
Delicately wrap around its wounds
And do light chest compressions
Okay
You do that and it squeaks back to life
Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee
And it looks around
Hello, small friend
Dee dee dee dee dee dee
We were sent to find you
Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee
I hear there is justice that needed to be had for you
I hope this is it
Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee
And it just scuttles away
It's got like the leather strap
You let it go
Unless you want to try to grab it
I was holding it, but sure
You could
Okay, you're holding it
Then find it like it tries to get out of your hands
It's like
It's a chance bonus for a little rat
The rat hasn't made any rolls
I need you to chill for just a moment, little buddy
Your master sent us to find you and the stone you had
Dee dee dee dee dee dee
Do you know where the stone ended up or how we can help?
Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee
Everybody feel like that this rat is more of a droid?
Roger, roger
It makes space for a lot of droid noises
If it was, I'd have a better chance understanding it
Indeed
It wants to get out of your hands
After you say that, you see like a shift in its eyes
And it looks down towards something on the ground
And it like
It wants to get out of your hands again
I'll set it down
I'll let it be
You set it down and it like limps over
Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee
And it like gets over to this like pile of stuff that
Looks like it's kind of out of place
When you see he gets over to it
And he like it's like
I don't know
Just like stuff that might have fallen out of someone's bag or something
And he gets inside of the bag of stuff and pulls out another key
But this time the key is like gold and he drags it out
Of the pile of stuff
You remind me of one of my friends
Do you know where this goes to?
I don't know
You have a 5% chance for it to unlock anything
I was talking to the rat, Boblin
Yeah, you reach down
You pick it up
T-357
And this key is a golden key
And on the end of this golden key is a chicken head
Oh
Sounds like a threat for the king
Mmm
And while he's like looking and you're like chirping at him
Also you, Boblin, are like looking around at all this dead stuff in here
And everything else going on
Why don't you go on ahead and roll me a wisdom, buddy?
You got nothing
We rolled it all the way
It was awesome
Go ahead, roll it again
It didn't go off
That was weird
Yeah
That's 11
You still miss, eh?
Yeah
Closer, but no cigar
You look around this room though, Boblin
You can see a lot of these
Like things have been changed
You can see the
And you can see a lot of these things have been taken out
But you do also notice there's a small spattering of blood on the ground
You don't find anything
But from what you can tell
There was some kind of combat that happened here inside of this mausoleum
For sure
On top of the rat being killed
Between humans
Recently
Yeah
Interesting
What kind of combat?
Does there also look like there's any keyholes anywhere in this mausoleum now that I have two keys?
So the first key you have was to open the gate that was already open
The second key you have
You can just tell
Actually
Maybe I can give you some more details if you want to roll an intelligence on this key
Good beans rough up someone on this
Yeah, hell yeah, you did
I can't give you any more details on another fucking nine
Nine nine Buster rhyme there produce
Was it
Was it there like a lady
I need to change my dice what the fuck
Yeah
No we need to be able to talk to the rat
I'm pretty sure back at the lady the lady potion shop a couple of episodes ago
That she had like a potion or a scroll to speak to animals
So anyway we're going to be able to talk to the rat
True
If you want to
One of us pulled a card that could speak to animals
Did we
Yes
But it happened that episode and it's gone now
Yeah
You talk to cows
Yeah that's right
This key though on a nine I can give you a lot
But what I can give you is that this keys kind of like laid and embossed
It's definitely a key of importance that has for sure come from the castle ward here
Here in the kingdom
So someone of royalty you know something about something and what you can gather is maybe
Do you need to find a way to request an audience with the king
Maybe you can figure out something with that
And as you guys are standing there are you did you pick the rat back up
You're going to hold on to
Gilrath's
I was going to put him down
But I was going to ask if if he would like I will return him safely to his master
If it does not feel like you can make it there safely
Beep beep beep beep
It's a familiar I think it'll be just like beep beep beep
It just died I feel like it's worth the ass
True
As you're talking to the rat that you hear a commotion outside like people yelling
And you hear old man jinkin he's like
Ah!
It's my cemetery
Ah!
And both of you step outside to see action
Both of you step outside to see what looks like another one of those eye things
Like eyes coming out of it
And like a bunch of goblins that are just coming up the cemetery
And behind them are a couple of kinkus
And another one of those like fish creatures and another durigar
It looks like it could be the same guy but you're not sure
And as you're approaching you see jinkin
He looks at all of them and he waves around his wand like his little staff
And he's like get the hell off my cemetery
And he slams his wand down on the ground and then all of them just
Pffft
There he is back
Yeah that was good
Oh hey bumbly
Can we loot the bodies?
How'd it go in the mausoleum?
Bodies?
Yeah
Great
Hey jinkins
Yeah?
You've been around for a century or two
Yeah I am
If I was gonna find something with a chicken head lock
Where would I go?
Oh those chicken head keys
Let me see
Takes easy
I am
That's full gold right there
That was um
These are all recently made by the king
They're kind of like weird strange master keys or some bullshit to his like wardrobe or whatever
In his office I don't know
If somebody even must know the king if they drop this bad boy
Here you go
Interesting
Yeah
Alright
Also jinkins if you were gonna request an audience with the king
How would you start about going about that?
Well if I knew somebody
If I knew like maybe someone who could get me there like
Maybe if I had saved somebody from the black network at one point in time
That was trapped in a closet or something like that
I'd definitely start with them you know maybe Tony Neverember
If I knew that kid I'd definitely go to him
Yeah I'd do
I've never known no uh Everember
Mmm
Hi we
Thank you for the information jinkins
Yeah
That's great
You're welcome
What?
Alright
Well Tess it looks like we're at a big dead end
As far as you know
What?
Well
Mmm
Uh
It looks like I got a lot of cleaning up to do
That's what they get for trying to come into my god damn cemetery
I hope to loot some of these bodies if you don't mind
Yeah sure sure sure just yeah that's fine
Cause it's not grave robbing if they're not in the grave yet right?
I guess
Go ahead and roll me wisdom
Fantastic
Well I'm letting Perceptions go
Loot these bad boys
Rumble you haven't stolen any keys from Raz have you?
You got a nine
Um you find three copper, a goblin short sword, um the eye of uh gazer
And there's some kenku feathers
Okay
Mmm
Well
I'm gonna shut this up and get all this cleaned up
Oh yeah you can have the eye
She's smiling
Yeah if I knew someone like that that's what I'd do
I'd send them a raven you know
Mmm
Am I sipping?
I am sipping mango chili uh trulies uh
Yeah
James just handed them to me he's like here you want these and I was like sure
So
Thank you unofficial sponsor co-worker James
Hell yeah I looked at it and I said sounds disgusting I'm down he knows how I do
Mango chili trulies
Ooh says age hell yeah
It's wild to me
It's wild
Is that guy the same guy from earlier that ran away
That is dead on the ground now
You said it might be is it?
No
Definitely not but he's like also a durigar so he's from the same area
Uh
Mmm
Good push
Yeah
Eggs
Okay
Should you leave the cemetery you meet back up with the ruffians there at the edge and they're just like they're talking shit with each other
Decent says Forge and uh they're just kind of talking with each other and they look at you and they're like
Alright boys where we headed
I must send a snake first
Okay
Yeah I don't know what that means I'm a ruffian
Or DM is there a legion outpost close to here
Which would be faster a snake scent or a legion outpost
I think a snake scent probably
Um I also think that um there is a way for you to summon a snake to be able to send one just at like any time
Um I think there is a way to do it
That would just be like protective
Exactly could be something to do with that
I'll give you the opportunity to kind of improv and roleplay on that however you want to summon a snake just to be able to send off a message at any time to another legion member
Yeah
Okay
I would like to I will open my side panel
Oh in public? Jesus Christ Tess
Fucking gross
I can't take you anywhere
Well you fucking can't take you anywhere
No fucking piece of shit
It is my side panel and not like it is anything sexual
Side panel side boob same shit
God
It is located on my abdomen
Not my chest
Right
Yeah whatever
You're modeled after humans they're all fucking gross anyways
And then what do you do?
Uh there is a large engraving of a snake and I would like to run my fingers over the eye section down to the wings and that should summon a snake
Snake
Yeah and then from out of nowhere
A flying snake comes in almost magically and I'm gonna say it curls in your hand
Perfect
Coils up
Yeah
Uh I will could I do it twice?
Sure
So I would like on the with the first snake I would like to send it to Tony Neverember about requesting
Gift an item
Ooh you get an item
Seven snakes
Oh shit what a homie
Yeah go ahead continue
I would like to meet some of the snakes
I would like to send one to Tony Neverember about calling in a favor
And the other I would like to send to Kith in the Legion stating our progress in finding the Glamour Stone
Including running into the Creatures Guild and
And finding the mausoleum and a chicken headed key
Nice
Okay and I would like to say
As a little bit of a help maybe you request
For him to like meet you at the gates in the morning
Neverember anyway to try and you know get in the castle stuff like that
I love you guys I haven't laughed this hard since one of my players beat a boss with eggnog he farted in
Classic baby
That sounds like something Bumbley would do
Hey I wouldn't have roared a good glass of eggnog
Don't you put that beef on me Roabit
Fuck who's gonna ruin a good glass of fucking eggnog with a fart
Boss battle or not
God I love me a real glass of gnog
Thank you for the other hug
For fart nog
And cheers and cheers
Without me drinking a gallon of eggnog by myself and subsequently shitting my pants
That's right cheers friend
With stories like that you are a welcome addition around here my friend
I hope you hang around for a while
Hell yeah Frito
Okay so you requested in the morning
The ruffians
Look at you guys and they're like
Alright so we've sent out letters
Good that's real ruff business I guess
So you have sent out letters
So what we do for the night then
You wanna get some drinks sir you wanna hang out or what you wanna do
You've got us for a few more hours
Oh can we go get in a bar fight fuck yeah
Hell yeah sure
I know the perfect place
Oh god
If you have to
Oh yeah
We're going there
I mean we're just killing time until we get our letters back right
Yeah
Alright what do you wanna do should we go shopping or go get in a bar fight
I have a couple things I would like to drop off at skimos on the way to the flail island
Oh you better hurry up cause I bet you chat's gonna go bar fight
Okay well you can go bar fight with the ruffians and T357 can go meet up with skimo
Awesome
We got to go rough up a bar
Can I dole out I'm just going to pay them they're 10 gold each right now
And anything after that will just be a tip later
Okay
Alright well thank you for the pay
Yeah we're gonna hang out we're bumbling for the night you know we're gonna go get into some bar fights
Something like that
We're gonna go ruff up some stuff up
We're ruffians
We're gonna ruff up some stuff
Send my regards to tequila
Oh hey I know that guy he's a good friend of mine
He likes to come to the ruffian Italian restaurant you know ruffians it's good
It's good it's good alright wait let's head off then
Oh that's fine
Let's head off then
Head down the street and T357 you head in the other direction
What's even funnier is he tried to double up on it
Build a con roll ended up sharting in it
Jesus Christ shart nog fucking shit
Gross
You head in the other way to skimo's shop now
As you get there oh wait
As you get to the market side of common steel city
You and of course only other legion members are able to see the shop for the magical ward that is upon it
But you see skimo's shop
And the candles in the front the lanterns are flickering green and purple
As if to say he's open and welcoming people
The door is cracked open
And you approach you can smell that familiar smell that smelly smell the smelly smell that smells smelly
As you walk in of old wax and wood and freshly mowed grass
I don't know and you see skimo in the back
And he sees you and he's like
Hey welcome back Tess
It's good to see ya
What can I do for ya
I brought you more drinkings
Oh it's exciting it's exciting
Did you bring them in trade I've got things to trade
I could be amenable to a trade
Alright as always as always well put it on down there let's see what you got
I have an eye of a beyonder
I think that's what I just took
A gazer
Gazer that's what it was
Yeah
And to remind everybody in chat who doesn't know what skimo looks like he is a very dark short dark and handsome gnome
A hot fucking gnome
Yeah
He gets my gears a turning
He's short dark and handsome
I'm trying to find the picture I have of skimo
Oh I found it
Oh you know where it is you've been looking at it
Here we go we'll just cover up Bomblin for a second there you go Bomblin
Hi this is my fucking show what the fuck
I'm sorry I thought this was Bomblin's love death and dice main series what the hell
What the hell
Yeah but he's like yeah
You said all the things on the counter you also got the from the fish creature the merfolk
He's all
I took anal fins and gill and lung connectors
Anal fins
Of course you did Tess of course you did I knew you would
It's good though
A sturdy cannon wd40
He's
Right there's a sturdy cannon wd40
Oh shit
He stood up on a chair last episode and ripped out my eye and put in a new one let me tell you how hot
True story
Yeah you don't get faces like that anymore
Yeah he's like uh
Uh well
Dang Tess you know taking out these anal fins are difficult to do I'm surprised you managed to do it in such good quality too
And he pulls out a couple of jars and fills them with this liquid and starts placing them in there
Seals them off puts them on the shelf and you can see on the shelf there's like this designated little spot of things that only you have brought him
And they're all together on the shelf
And he's like but you don't say anything he doesn't say anything about it but you definitely notice that that's what he's doing
And he's like so I've uh I've got potions of course I've got scrolls of course I've got all kinds of things and um
You did get a magical item so we're gonna say that he gives you this magical item in trade for free
Whatever it is that we roll for
From Ska hell yeah we're gonna make it we're gonna we're gonna push this magical item into roleplay
Five oh
Three four five
Is that the cursed stuff?
It is the cursed stuff
Yes yes
What is it?
It's a skull bracelet
Um hard intelligence to put down
When worn
Reroll dying if above three
Ah that's kinda cool
Yeah
You can't get rid of it so if you're like dying you roll to see if you live another round right?
Um and this allows you to reroll
Reroll dying if above three
Oh so it's not below?
So it's backwards
It's like if you get a two or one and fail and die it's fine if it's above a three
You have to reroll it
Not good
Yeah you got no more lives or save chances
Oh you're screwed
Ska well you dick
Yeah
If you were unconscious and bleeding out counting down the previous dying rounds
We're skinks and freaks a part of the couch a part of the crew
Hey Fredo
Cheers buddy
Hell yeah
Thanks Forge thank you thank god
Are we rerolling the typo flute?
Yeah we'll reroll the type as well but just so everyone knows
What about now you get to reroll a type of loot?
I know dying rounds you need help
If an ally can reach you wait don't die on me
I don't want to die hold on
He's dead for real blown for bits
When you reach zero HP as you take damage in the bone crunching worlds you'll eventually be at zero
At that instant your character drops unconscious
Everything fades out
Roll for dying on your next turn
You roll a d4
Pray you roll high because in that many rounds without help or miracle your character will die with a capital D
So in this case you roll dying to see how many rounds you have before you die
And this is forcing you to reroll if you get a high roll on your dying rounds that's fucked
Wow
Yeah
That's kind of a fucked up thing for a semo to get
One two three four
Alright four is epic
What have we got? What have we got?
Water of life
Food
Die
Return to life in 1d4 rounds later with two additional hearts
When you die
You can drink the water of life
Oh I think you just drink it now so then like at any point in the future you die
No I think it happens in the moment
But that's still cool as fuck
Two additional hearts the water of life
Jesus Christ that's cool as hell
And it's a potion so on brand for semo
Yeah and it's a potion so it's on brand
That's cool
He gives you water of life and yet you're a warforge
He knows nothing
You don't even drink water
You're the one that drinks oil you ungrateful tin can
T3-57m
Here you go
The water of life in exchange for your items
Very cool
Very cool to have these
And hopefully this will help you live long enough
So you can learn who it is that gave you this life
I'd settle for just the purpose at this point but I appreciate it
What kind of purpose are you looking for?
What is it like to truly have a soul and a conscience?
The one that you have helped program within me is wonderful but I feel like I am truly missing a part of what it is to be alive
I don't think I didn't help program nothing in you
I mean maybe through our conversations
But I don't remember anything like that
These animal facts came from somewhere
You know animal facts?
Plenty
Did you know that snakes have, male snakes have two dicks?
I did and sharks have claspers that look like two dicks
It's really just to hold the female in place
That's crazy
Did you know hippos can grow to be like 5000 pounds?
They can actually run 30 miles an hour
And when they clasp down their jaws it can be like they actually have the strongest jaw pressure of any animal in the whole ecosystem
Hippos
That is true
Nerds, geeks, and freaks are part of the couch, part of the crew
Who said, FREEDO!
FREEDO!
Freedo!
Cheers buddy, thank you for supporting the show
Thank you buddy, cheers
Appreciate the two gifted sucks of the community
Dragon and Obstracto
Thank you for gifting to them friend, hell yeah
Yeah, more people die from hippos and lions every year, that's crazy
These are real animal facts, it's crazy out here
You guys finish up your conversation
And then we quickly cut over to
Uh, Bomblin
And the Ruffians, and the bar
I would like to just do a total roll
Ruff, ruff, ruff, we're going a ruff thumb up
Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff
You guys just walk into the flail and nail
The door swings wide open
You fuck
Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff
You four, you five make eye contact with five other dudes
They just look, and they all stand up slowly
And tequila goes, hey, no fighting in my bar
But you guys ignore him
And all four of you guys just look at each other
And then you charge
Aaaaaaaah
I want to do a contested 5d20 versus 5d20 roll
And whoever gets the higher roll
Is going to win this bar fight
Alright, well, uh, okay
As long as somebody falls into the pit
Connor would be really mad if somebody doesn't fall into the pit
If you win the roll, we can say you pushed one of them into the pit
Alright, goodnight, Scott
I think it's a join in us
Good night
Are you sure you won't wrestle them bitches into the pit?
You could, you could put, you push one person in
Powerful magic
Hooray
Bubbles, ruff riders
I love this
I have my own gang now
Okay, roll me 5d20 and you get to do it with advantage
And do it all at once so we can just get the total number
Uh, so we do
5d20
That is a 66
Or
5d20
50
So you're taking
You're taking that 60
Versus
The ruffians, they charge
Nooo
I got a natural toy in there baby
That's a 71
The opposing ruffians got
You run
Chairs go flying
Reroll
Ah, reroll it
Reroll it
Oops, I rolled one, sorry, ignore that one
Ah, ha ha
I got a natural one in there
Which makes it a 37
Alright, Bomblin, you describe what happened
Alright, so we walk up into the bar
Immediately
Boom
We're gonna ruff some motherfuckers up
Motherfuckers stand up and they're like, we're gonna ruff you up
And we're like, no, we're gonna ruff you up
So I break out a barstool
Fucking tequila is like
Hey, hey, you're fighting in my bar
Hey
You're ruffing up in my bar
And I'm like, you shut up tequila
You know this is gonna happen
And then we start beating the shit out of these guys
And then eventually like
I have to like pin one up against the wall
With the stool
And I'm like, you knew this was gonna happen
And then I pick him up with the stool
And then I take him over to the pit
And I throw him down
Aaaaaaaah
Yeah
And then I look at tequila and be like
You know what happens if you mess with the Legion
Alright
Ruff Riders, ride out
And we're gonna leave
None of them are Legion
None of them
None of them are Legion
Because, son of a bitch
Bitch
As you guys leave
No sacrifices in the bar
As you throw someone down the pit
Oh
Goodness
Goodness me
Thus ends your two's nights
You spend the night with Schemo just talking about things
And you spend the night fighting and drinking with the ruffians
When the morning arrives
We've been like fucking up
And terrorizing the town the entire time
Like pulling it out of
Street signs
Knocking down letter boxes
Just being
Total ruffians
Okay
Full on street rats huh
In the morning, Scoob
You guys do one of those Viking handshakes
You know what I mean? Like real bro shit
Like, you guys shake and he's like
Cracks my back
Because he's way stronger than I am
In official ruffian there
In official one Boblin
Hey man you came in hot
Last night was fun
You know where to find us
Come by the ruffians bar and restaurant
You know if you need us again
In official ruffian Boblin
What a good night we had man
Fuck yeah Scoob
Man, you be mad man
We fucked those guys
Up at the bar
That shit was
Awesome
Yeah man
Now everyone's like
Later Boblin
I don't know
Go stumble into our
Gifted potion
Oh, so you get two of them
So like the water of life
Was T357's
Which would be the same
So now you just have two of them
From Frito
Frito hooking it up because he's like water
Water doesn't work for warforged
There you go Frito
Hey if you want to change your idea
Also let me know but yeah similar
Same thing same thing
Boblin
What are you doing? I'm going to bed now
I sleep
The following morning
You guys awake
And meet up together at the gates
Of the castle ward
Together
And when you get there
You see Tony, never remember
Of course who is a short human
He's a ginger but he's very nice
Looking and he meets you guys
There he's very nice when
He sees you guys and he says
Good morning
Actually I should change the background since
It's the middle of the day now why not
Just for continuity
Continuity
Continuity, let's draw this one
Draw this one
He's like good morning you guys
Yeah
Over the night I did reach out
To a couple of my father's friends
Please quit talking so loud
Gah
Good morning you guys
Over the night I did reach out to a couple
Of my father's friends
And they have arranged for us with a meeting
With the king which was not easy
To do being that the king is
Not well
But I told them
About what you told me this key that you
Had found and he said he would be able
To clear everything up so
We actually have full entrance today
Into the kingdom but
We actually were supposed to be there
Five minutes ago so thanks for showing
Up late Bumbling we appreciate that
Hey, hey you're like
A show up, wait we're meeting
We're meeting the king today
We're meeting the king today Bumbling
Oh
You wash your fucking face
Yeah I mean would you guys like to change
Into royal clothes I don't know
But we yeah
Royal clothes
Royalty
No
No Bumbling no you do not
And he
Walks forward
You can see a couple of kings guard
And you guys standing back a couple of feet but he just like
You can see him talking he's like
Waving around his hands they get angry for like a second
But then he like pulls out
Something that he has and then they just
Agree with him and then they just
Wave their hands and the gates open
And as the gates open you can see into the
Castle ward of common steel
City which is way nicer than
Anything that you've been in before
All of the walls
Are stone and marble they've been polished
They're clean everything has like
Golden candles
Candles sticking out of things
Like everything is beautifully
Made and polished and
Clean even the cobblestones
Are clean and even as you're entering
There is a warforge there
That is sweeping the ground
Psst psst
And you guys walk in through the gate
Into the castle ward and Tony says
Alright just keep to
Yourselves we're only here to ask
A couple of questions okay
Don't take anything
Don't steal anything don't break anything
I know the way you guys work just
Stay calm alright
Oh where is
Calm is a book
Bublin can I make you a deal
What's that
If you keep us from
Making a bad impression
I will give you a hundred gold
To spend how you like
Oh
Yeah
Wait
Are you telling me you would give me
That money now
No after
Yeah
I don't know if that's the plan
You do not fuck this up
I
Why are you even worried
How could I possibly
Mess this up we'll be fine
Okay
Just keep it in mind that there is a hundred gold
In it for you if you do not act
Out
At this point
You guys walk past the stables
And you walk
All the way up this long
Cobblestone walkway that has like fountains
On each side and in the center of the fountains
There are statues of the king
Holding two swords on his chest
Of course it's King Rufflecock
The chicken king of our kingdom
And out of the swords
There are like water going down into the fountain
And you guys walk past them the birds are chirping
There's like butterflies
It's like a water fountain
Really thirsty
You walk up and use one of the statues
Tony's like hey
Get down from there
I'm thirsty
Hurry up get down
And then
You guys walk up a long set of stairs
That seems to be the entrance to the castle
And there are
Multiple guards standing up front but as you get
Close they all see Tony
And they just nod and they open
These huge doors and the doors
Open slowly
The first thing you see is a long
Red velvety carpet that runs
All the way to
A little set of steps and it's kind of dark
But as you step inside your eyes
Adjust
In the darkness and you can see
At the very end of the velvet carpet
Is what seems to be
The king sitting in a very large throne
And next to him are a couple
Of different people kind of like his
Squire there is no one else
In this area as if this is a private
Meeting that Tony set up and he confirms
So by whispering that to you
As you're walking inside
So a new person
Sits on the couch house cat
Welcome house cat thanks for the follow
Welcome in friend thank you so much
You guys
Walk up you walk away
To the to the king
Slowly
Eventually
You get all the way up to the throne
And you can hear coughing
Underneath the king's breath
He's like
Maybe you should switch
The ultra lights your highness
Maybe you should switch
The ultra lights your highness
Maybe you should switch
The ultra lights your highness
Please
Don't waste my time
Why are you here
As you get closer
You can see the king's feathers
Are all ruffled and turning gray
On his face
Much like the old black and red feathers
He used to have they're all gray
And king rufflecock the chicken folk
Of course for everyone listening
Just sitting there and his crown is on his head
Kind of tilted on the side
And he's leaning over in his chair
And he's he's like
Greetings
Tony's
Father
Requested this appearance
And uh
He told me your name is
T3-57
Sorry
And
Sir Bomblin Barlow
A recruit of the iron heads
Correct
Uh yes
Good
How may I serve you today
My apologies
For the short notice of
Council
Your majesty
We are looking for information
On a key
Found near a slain familiar
That was led
To believe it was one of your
Special keys
Yes yes yes
The key the key
I remember this I remember
Uh time is short
So short notice is okay
Especially for me I have no time to waste
Please let me see
Let me see
And he holds out his
Clawed hands you can see
His talons are overgrown and
Haven't been clipped in a little while
It's kind of gross
He has a key in his hand and he brings it up to his beak
And he looks at it real close
And inspects it and he goes ah yes
This was the key
That was given to one of my
Council the
He takes it he hands it to
The person standing next to him and he goes
He
I sent some of
My council you see
I'm sure you're wrapped up in this
Um
Science checks out hey overgrown talons
Are a thing gangres okay
Don't you come for me
He's like you see
I had sent
A couple of my
Squire out
I'm sure you're wrapped up in this
There is rumors of a stone
Floating around
Called the stone of galore
It's magic
To be
Never heard of it
It's magic is to be unheard of
Maybe even has the power
To cure an old king like me
Give me a few more
Years on the throne but
I sent my people after it
And they had found
A well a
Rat familiar
With the stone
And the rat wouldn't give it up
So they did manage to take out the rat
And from what I heard they were attacked
By a couple of
People
And a lot of them didn't make it back
But of course
My mate did we have the stone here
You have the stone here?
Yes
Um of course I will
Let you see it but before I do
My time is short
Do you have maybe any other questions for me?
Now don't
Yes
Look I don't know where the
I don't even know what that is dragon
It's your city and you don't know where the
Dragon vaults at?
I've only been king like 20 years
Papa
What my compatriot means to say
Is the galore stone
Is also thought to lead to a
Dragon
Treasure beneath the city
Oh that makes sense
With enough money to possibly
Bring back infrastructure to the
Damage brought by the war and the dragons
So there's rumors of this stone
Healing life and there's
Rumors of it bringing riches
And there's
Rumors of it bringing death
It's almost as if it's a
Stone of chance
A stone of love
A stone of death
Almost as if you would say
A stone of love, death and dice
If you will
Nice
Yeah
I appreciate it
It took us a long way to get here
8 episodes but
8 episodes and we finally got here baby
Fuck dude
Cheers everybody hey
I'm so upset right now
Holy shit
He said the title for it
Oh he said the thing
Oh
Oh my goodness
Um
He says that and then he says um
T3-57
Uh
The
Friend of mine
Speaking with a humble gnome
Potion maker in town
I remember
You he asked questions
About you
I may be able to help
See he requested
The information of
Who helped
In making a lot of the warforge that I used
During the war of
Mead Harbor
And
I did
I've commissioned over 20 different
People and I
Sent it to my treasury they just paid
For it I don't know their exact names but
What might help you
T3-57 is
During the war
Minds were wiped
Mind flayers you see
Were attacking at the same time as this war
They've it came from the astral
And
He fucked up a lot of things
T3-57
There was a couple of people that saved
Us
During this war
But
A lot of people
Got turned into mindless zombies
And when the mind flayers
Expired they came back
With loss of memory
And my serves
Correct me
My servants tell me the truth
It seems that
Maybe
This potion maker
Was one of those
Very possible
I myself also suffered
Memory loss during the war
Seems to be a big stick on me
I always suffered
Memory loss during college
Oh yes
Yes
That's the information I have from you
Maybe your creator is closer to you than you think
Somewhere in the city
A lot of us don't remember
So do some digging
I would say
Now
The stone
As he says, the stone
Someone runs into the room
Like rushes in
They like rush in
And they like whisper
whisper in the King's ear and he's like,
his like feathers get all fluffered and then he's like,
and he turns to you too and he's like, someone came and stole this.
One wait, wait, you disconnected.
You disconnected briefly from this stream. Did I?
What?
Your stream said reconnecting. Give it a moment. Okay. All right.
All right. We back. It looks like we're back.
It doesn't, it didn't disconnect from me. Oh God.
Right there to the tense moment. How crazy is that? Woo. Welcome back everybody.
That's crazy, dude. Why the fuck did that happen? That's crazy.
Cheers y'all.
Bumbling. Do you want to do us a little dance? Yeah.
Thank you, Frito.
All right. I'm sure we're back now. Cheers everybody.
Okay. Starting from the top.
I just saw the exclamation point and panicked and then saw it said reconnecting.
Good catch. Good catch. Cheers gangers. Hey,
quickly before we get back into the show. Yeah, that's literally Ganger's voice.
The cheers buddy. That's literally Ganger's voice.
That's literally him y'all. So every time you activate it, shout out to gangers,
y'all get over there and fucking follow him on his goddamn channel. You know what?
Play his beautiful games. Wonderful lad. Get over there and follow gangers.
You fucking bitch. That's happy bows. It's a me. Cheers you guys. God.
This is the type of lore I like to learn about.
Yeah. Hell yeah. One day we'll get him to do more voice lines for us.
We'll just have a full, I'll just, I'll commission him to do all of our voice lines.
It'll be great. I'm a, I'm a me. Okay. Here we go.
Nicotine in face. Ready?
Just then one of the king's nights rushes over to where the king is sitting and
wish was in his ear. And then he says, what, what, what?
The stone, the stone was stolen from me right underneath my beak.
I shouldn't have left the room. I knew I shouldn't have left the room,
but I had to cause that's what a good King does. He speaks with his people.
Son of a bitch. Everyone's, everyone's tied up. You too.
And he makes eye contact with you too. And he's like,
take my finest deed chase down this stone thief and do what you will.
And he points to the side and out from the corner comes the finest steed standing
on two legs. White.
Oh my God. Standing on two legs.
Yes. Buff big old chesticles.
And it's got this rainbow main.
It just goes all the way down its back and it goes right down to the right.
It's back and it goes,
and the King goes mayonnaise. Heal.
And he gets down on all fours.
Now you two ride mayonnaise. Find this thing.
What was it that stole the stone? And the night goes, sir.
It was a King cooser.
What are you two?
Fucking creatures. I would like to mount mayonnaise.
Oh yeah. He's so big.
He like bends his back knees down for you to get on him.
Oh, this is great.
Tessa, you got to hop on or you're going to wait until you get your own.
I think I will also mount the sentient horse.
Right.
I was back in his turn. He's like,
hold on.
And he goes, go get a mayo.
And he on the stone onto the leather or the velvet.
And the doors open in the sunlight shines down on your faces.
And he reels back.
And both of you guys hold on to his fur and bomb when you got your arm out.
And you guys are like, as the sun lights down on you guys, as you're coming out of the castle.
And as you are, you two look over to see another steed, a black steed.
And on that black steed, a kinkoo, a kinkoo wearing a purple cloak.
It's heading for the gates.
The gates are slowly beginning to shut as the two nights at the front are shutting the gates.
Both of you two are on the steed.
He goes, command me.
Charge.
All right.
He in Harpoo gun range.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
I'm so happy you remembered that I gave that to you.
Not yet, but he charges.
Yeah.
Bomblin.
Roll me a d20.
I'm actually upping.
Hold on.
I'm upping the target.
We're in a new scene.
Now.
This is a chase scene.
The targets going up to 14.
You need to beat a 14.
I rolled a 17.
17 success.
The kinkoo on the horse races through the gate.
You two on the back of mayonnaise race through the gate.
As the gates just closed.
And he's like, we made it.
You guys start racing through the city as carts are going past you.
So can I hand the harpoon gun to back the test?
Yes.
Should you be the mounted turret?
Yes.
Back to doing machine work again.
Does the kinkoo and horse have to be alive?
I don't know.
But does that make it an auto harpoon gun now?
I guess so.
I don't think anyone said anything about them being alive, but you two are chasing to the city.
And since you're in control of mayonnaise, we're using your roles.
Bomblin.
As you come up ahead, you see the kinkoo on the black horse.
There's a cart that gets scared and in like classic fantasy fashion jumps over a cart and a bunch of apples just go rolling down the street.
And the cart is huge.
The kinkoo on his horse jumps over the cart.
What do you do?
I would like mayonnaise to run up to the cart and as he's galloping, he's gonna like one hook gallop while one hook throw the cart with his giant horse muscles.
Because you know, fuck collateral damage, right?
It's cartoon as hell.
This is the grouch couch, baby.
You're not a grouch ass horse.
So you got to jump, but if you want to like smash through it and kick it, we'll do a strength.
You can roll me a strength mayonnaise is a plus two on everything.
Strength check for a big ass horse dick hitting all the apples on the ground.
Cheers, man.
Dude, sick.
Sick.
Give me some Nat 20s in chat, y'all.
If you're a subscriber here, spam them Nat 20s.
Let's go, baby.
Cheers.
Mastery point.
All right.
That's right.
And you get a mastery point for riding on mayonnaise.
He throws back his rainbow main and some of it gets in your face in your mouth and you're like, but then you relook to just see him just with his big ass buff neck.
Just push the cart out of the way and he's like, and you continue racing down the street and then out from an alleyway comes another kinkoo on the black horse riding right next to you.
And he keeps up and he pulls out a little crossbow and he tries to shoot it at you.
Bomblin like.
That's a five.
He misses.
Okay, now it's you.
T357.
What do you do?
Are we in within harpoon range of the other horse?
Not yet.
It's all right.
A chase sequence?
What?
Sorry.
That's pretty excited about this.
It's difficult because I'm not in am I in crossbow distance of the horse?
So the one right next to you that just shot at you, there's two riders now and the second rider is right next to you.
You're within crossbow distance of him, but the other one's further down the road.
All right.
Well, in that case, I would like to crossbow that one guy.
Nice.
So you're gonna crossbow him or the horse?
I want to the horse.
Fuck.
All right.
Roll to hit.
Let's go.
Beat a 14.
Is that Dex?
Because it's a crossbow with the fire.
Yes, ma'am.
Yeah.
A nine again.
He's fucking nine tonight.
Rayroll.
Dude, what the hell?
Certifiable had it ready, dude.
Certifiable had it ready.
How proud is this guy?
What the hell?
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Naughty, naughty.
Roll it.
Roll it one more time.
I'm not naughty.
Roll it one more time.
Thank you.
Fuck that shit.
Roll me damage.
Let's go.
A nine and a nine.
Fuck that shit.
That was bullshit.
That bitch ass horse.
Yeah.
Plus what?
Plus two.
You shoot your crossbow, you aim.
And you shoot the horse right in its heart.
It hits the ground and you guys go racing past as it slides into a bunch of people.
On a d20.
A four.
You can see the one up ahead slows down a little bit as it's trying to get.
It's getting a little tired.
Duh, duh, duh.
Bomblin'.
What do you do?
I would like to get some video days within harpoon range.
All right.
We're to call this athletics dexterity.
Do it.
Fifteen.
Success.
Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh.
He's like, reee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee.
Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh.
You are now within harpoon range.
Fire test.
Fire.
What would I fire for the harpoon?
Dexterity.
It's still dexterity.
And you get advantage.
From certifiable.
Thank God you have advantage.
Thank God.
Yeah.
Yeeees.
Son of a bitch.
It's a natural 20.
Holy shit.
Certifiable, I love you so much.
About fucking time, dude.
T357.
You shoot this crossbow.
Tell me what you're aiming for.
And tell me what goes down.
I am aiming for the horse's ass.
The horse?
I want to shoot it right in the ass.
Yes.
Okay.
Because if we can slow the horse down enough,
Bomblin' can lunge off of the horse and on the horse.
And on the horse.
The horse and onto the kenku.
Alright.
In my brain I was like you're just going to harpoon the kenku and pull that motherfucker off the horse.
That's what I was thinking.
Alright.
I don't know if there's saddlebags on this fucking horse.
So he could have hit it in the prison pocket.
True.
Okay.
But also still real me damage.
This is a D6.
Plus your weapon, so plus two.
That's a D20 so it'd be a critical.
It shoots out of your harpoon gun.
And critical?
Question mark?
Two.
Okay.
That's a ten which means you kill the horse.
It shoots out.
It hits the horse right in the ass.
And it's like real!
And just slides on the ground.
And the kenku jumps off.
Flapping its wings.
And lands on the ground and slides.
Could I dexterity leap off a mayonnaise to catch the kenku?
Roll me dexterity.
14.
Plus three was a 16.
So you jump off.
As it jumps off and flaps its wings.
The camera turns.
We see Bomblin arms wide open.
Mouth open. Vicious looking.
And you just grab this kenku by the waist.
And both of you guys just go skittering through the dirt.
And it's like, kick! Kick! Kick!
Take the stone!
It's like one of those fruit stands that's selling a bunch of food.
Like we hit like a whole pot of oil.
It goes flying everywhere.
There's a lady that's screaming.
Her face is melting from the oil.
The drapes have caught fire in the food stand.
Everything is going ablaze!
But there I have the kenku grasped in my clutches.
Everything's ablaze!
I appreciate the imagination Bomblin.
I appreciate it.
Hell yeah dude. Let's say that happens.
I'm so down.
And it's like, get the stone!
Get the stone!
And you're just like...
Beating the shit out of this kenku.
And after one final hit...
It goes limp.
And as it does in its claws.
on the ground.
Ch-ch. Ch-ch-ch. Ch-ch-ch.
Oh yeah, I'm gonna pick that bad boy up.
Roll athletics right?
Uhh.
You stand up holding the stone.
You turn around to see mayonnaise and T-357.
Shhh. Kid skid to a stop.
This whole road behind you is in complete devastation.
Carts are flipped over, things are on fire, windows are broken.
People are all running around in shambles, but you have the stone in your hand.
It's like this purplish white blue opaque stone.
It fits in like almost the full palm of your hand. It's huge.
And it...
As you see him, T357, holding it, you see the magic off of this stone is just filling the air all around him.
And you can see it's trying to like, go in him a little bit.
But as you hold the stone, nothing happens just yet.
But you have the stone in your hand.
And T357, you get off Mayonnaise and stand next to him.
And Mayo looks at you too, and he's like,
Good job.
Now I'm gonna go help clean all this up.
And he stands up on his two hind legs, towering above you two, and just turns around.
It's like...
Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.
Do you think he's going to burn his dick?
It kind of hangs on the ground.
God, I feel bad for the four horses that got to take that fucking cock.
No.
You guys have the stone.
Now, if you want to learn anything more about the stone, the stone has to be attuned to, which I'm going to tell you.
But it only takes a night to attune to the stone.
Someone who is... someone who can use magic will have an easier time doing so.
But Bomlin, you can use magic, but it doesn't mean T357, you can't attune to the stone.
It just might be a little more difficult for you to do so.
But you have the stone. There are a lot of options. You've met a lot of people.
Whatever you guys do right now is up to you.
I leave it up to you.
What do you guys say to each other now that you finally have this fucking...
Bomlin.
I know the Iron Heads are looking for the stone.
But I don't think we should turn it into either the Legion or the Iron Heads just yet.
We should use it to try and get to the Dragon Vault.
We should use it to get into the Dragon Vault.
Alright.
I'm going to go get the stone.
Alright.
There's a lot of money made with this stone.
We're not taking it back to the stupid Chicken King though.
We'll see how it pays out. Maybe that could benefit us later.
But for now, we use it for our own advantages.
There are things within that vault that are able to help myself, Raz, and even you with your massive gambling debt.
We can all make it out with everything we want.
And then still get more afterwards by returning the stone to whoever we feel fit as a team.
See, that's the difference between me and you, Tess.
I never replying on returning this stone to anybody.
Sounds about right.
So, we're going to find the Dragon Vault, and once we find the Dragon Vault, I'll pay off my debt and I won't have to see your metal tin can ass ever again.
That's fair.
But now, I finally have some leverage in this relationship.
You're not going to threaten to kill me at every point in time now, Tess.
Just stop pushing me into things.
We are less than partners.
I'd say we're about partners.
Alright. Good enough.
I would like to spend the night tuning to the stone.
Okay.
Are you sure you don't want 500 gold?
Absolutely not.
Dang.
Bombon's thinking about his choices here.
Back in your guys' home, spend the night tuning to the stone, I imagine it happens in the common room.
I imagine that T357 doesn't let you just attune to it by yourself while you're sleeping, so you kind of hang out in the common room and attune to the stone together.
Now, once you start attuning to the stone, you start hearing a voice in your head, Bomblin, and as you attune to the stone, the voice doesn't only speak in your head, but it speaks out loud.
And in my mind, as the dungeon master, the voice that comes out of the stone sounds like Gilbert Godfrey.
Now, I can't do a perfect Gilbert Godfrey voice, but I want everyone listening to imagine Gilbert Godfrey.
Okay.
Please and thank you.
Everyone envisioning at home.
And as you finally attune to it, it's like 4am and the voice comes through the stone and it's like, Hi.
Hello.
Ah.
Good morning.
Hello.
Who am I speaking to right now?
Boblin Barlow, your new master.
Ah, right.
It is. Yeah.
It's me, the wizard.
Never remember.
You've caught me.
Oh, you're like the whole ass wizard.
Yeah.
You mean Tony's father.
Yeah, I'm Tony's dad.
You're a rock.
You're not trying to like get out of this thing?
Well, I almost died and as a wizard, you know, I want to protect my things.
And I did that and also put myself into a stone so I could live forever.
Does your son know this?
No, and please don't tell him.
Please don't don't tell my son about none of this.
I choose like a dad of the year.
Yeah.
What a kind of big dude.
Tony's a nice lad.
Yeah.
Good boy.
So I'm assuming you guys are trying to get to my vault or what?
Oh, it's your vault.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, actually, yeah, if you could just point us in the direction and let us know how to get inside without setting off any traps and let us claiming all your riches.
Well, take care of your kid for the rest of time.
Here's the thing, Mr. Barlow, you talk too much.
Let me say this for a second.
Only those who are worthy can get into my vault.
Sherry, you found me.
I'm the stone.
I'm the wizard.
Never remember.
That's fine.
But you're still going to have to get the things to be able to get inside of my vault.
And you got to keep the stone safe.
What makes one worthy to enter your vault?
Well, you got to get three things.
All right.
The first thing is a bronze dragon scale.
Second thing is an animated construct.
And the first thing is a gift from a former queen.
Do I have a former?
Aren't I an animated construct?
I guess so, but we're kind of more or less looking for something that was built with less of a personality, you know, like a nimble, something like that.
I do not have a soul.
No, but fair enough.
Oh, OK.
I was thinking of that.
I thought we could just give them our cool ass fucking mad droid action figure that we got there.
Trick or treating special.
That's a cool action figure.
Yeah, but that won't work.
It's got to be an animated construct bumbling.
Yeah.
God damn it.
You need a bronze dragon scale, an animated construct and a gift from a former queen to be able to get inside my vault.
Look, you found me.
That's great.
My stone has ultimate potential.
My stone can help you live longer.
It can bring you back to life.
It could give you a soul.
It can help you with your diarrhea.
But too bad I'm inside of the stone.
You know what I mean?
I'm here taking up this possession.
So what you're going to need is a bronze dragon scale, an animated construct and the gift from a former queen to be able to open my vault.
Now, one thing, since you did find me and you're keeping me safe, I can give you that information and I can tell you where it is.
That's the deal.
Well, good enough.
Yeah.
But if you plan to use me for something else, I will not tell you where the vault is.
That's the trade off.
So if you want to use me, let's say to, I don't know, bring your former lover back to life, whatever, then I won't tell you where the vault is.
What?
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know.
No, I can't say that is what we're after.
Okay.
So, well, that's all.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm going to put the stone on mute now because I'm tired of hearing that voice.
Yeah, thank God.
All right.
He was going to tell us one extra piece of information.
Was he?
God damn it.
Yes.
Unmute.
Yeah, the extra piece of information.
Go fuck yourself.
No, I'm just kidding.
You guys are my friends.
We're good friends now.
Look, we've been together for a long time.
We're friends.
That almost sounds like anti-Fran.
Oh, sweetheart.
It does sound like anti-Fran.
Oh, sweetheart.
No, I'm the husband of anti-Fran.
You know, Fran never remember.
We know her.
She's lovely.
Yeah.
Tony's mom was Fran.
Oh, my God.
Does he know he has those?
I don't even know.
I don't know if they know that.
Age said husband 72.
That's right.
Love you, Dion.
I love when people make characters in our world and we just go crazy with them.
Certifiable makes a great point.
If he died and put his soul in a stone to live forever, isn't that make him a lich?
All right.
Look, don't it's not like that.
All right.
I mean, like, OK, so like you've got a point, but I'm not like out here necromancing people
and going through graves and, you know, I'm not like, you know, I'm a wizard.
OK, this is like my horcrux.
Right.
This is you seem to be making people do a lot of bad shit to get a hold of you.
Look, they just know what I'm worried that you are a glitch.
They just know what I'm worth.
Everybody wants me.
Everyone wants a piece of the stone of never remember the stone of galore.
Yeah, what a good name.
I didn't name it that.
All right.
Who did?
I don't know.
But you're the stone.
Yeah.
I do not know where your name is.
Well, you have to attune to me before I awaken, you know, so I've been places.
I didn't even know I was there.
Did you attune to the King Rufflecock?
No, I would love to.
I heard the cock has a big cock.
You know what I mean?
No doubt.
I'll wake up.
Yeah.
That's good.
So it's good to say nice good.
So I tell you what, I'm going to go back to my laboratory here inside the stone.
You guys have what you need.
You can call upon me whenever all you got to do is hold the stone up and say, Hey, fuck ass.
And I'll be right there.
All right.
Great.
We'll remember that.
Yeah.
What's up?
So what is your vault?
Are you holding hostage a baby bronze dragon?
There may or may not be another dragon inside my vault.
I don't know how long it's been, how old he is, if he's nice or not.
But what I can't hold.
Dragon.
Well, yeah.
So.
The mayor may not be a staff that actually.
Holds the dragon inside the vault.
But also it helps with the ward to keep other dragons out of, you know, the castle ward or the city.
Anyway, where do we get this staff?
It's in the vault.
In the vault.
And to get into the.
Dragging.
Staff that is like a dragon cage.
No, to get into the vault, you need the bronze scale of a dragon and animated construct and the gift from a former queen.
Once you're inside the vault, there's a dragon that's being kept there because there's a staff there that's holding them in there.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
Could we just get a gift from a retired drag queen?
Would that work?
Drag queen.
You know, semantics, semantics.
I guess that would be fine.
I mean, even my wife, Fran, I mean, that might be a good one.
You could start there.
That was, in fact, my first thought.
Yeah.
But that depends if Turkey's able to get Dion to come guest star on the show.
We'll see if that happens.
Antifra.
How does it always come back to Antifra?
I know.
It always comes back to Antifra.
She's the PBG of every one of the Drunks and Dragons campaigns.
The worst enemy of our entire streaming life.
You understand, he's been the bad guy like four times.
Yeah.
Look, she's not a bad guy.
She's actually really nice.
She just likes to get high and eat cookies and, you know, take people on dates, you know, to get like smoothies, whatever.
Look, she's fine.
All right.
She's fine.
Maybe we could get high.
We do have gifts from Antifra.
You do have drugs.
You do have some.
See, look, it almost sounds like that's already came full circle, like as if it was planned or something.
That's crazy.
Took you a while to get there, though, didn't it?
So we already have two out of three.
Wow.
Good for you.
Does the animated animated construct have to be alive?
Yeah.
Yeah, we'll have to go and find the nimble, right?
Which means we'll need the nimble right detector that Reverend Razz has.
So that's a nice week episode kind of thing.
Yeah, I'm putting this stone on mute.
All right.
I just wanted to tell you that I've.
I think great, so tired, but I'm very tired.
All right.
That's where we end the night then, too, as well.
My friends look, everyone here listening here on Spotify or if you're on YouTube, whatever,
make sure to leave the video like give us a rating here on Spotify.
We love you.
Thanks so much for listening.
Truthfully, honestly, if you want to hop over the discord, give us your thoughts on the
things everyone here watching here in the live stream.
We're going to be right back in a couple of minutes for our short rest where we're going
to go over tonight.
Just talk a little bit and just go over things in general.
All right.
So we'll be right back to do that.
And we'll be out of costume.
So we'll read chat a little bit better and actually discuss everything that happened
with you all a little bit better at a role play.
But thank you guys so much for watching and joining us.
I love playing D&D and rolling dice.
And I just love this story so much.
It fucking warms my heart.
So we'll be right back out of costume to talk with you all.
So don't go anywhere and fill up your flagons.
Drain your dragons, everybody.
We'll be right back.
Yeah, baby.