I'll make it so weird as noises.
Yeah, Jesus Christ.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome back to Love, Death and Dice, baby.
This episode six.
That's right.
Happy to be here.
Slappy Balls is in chat.
What's up, Slappy?
How you doing?
Thanks for joining us, man.
That's right.
Tonight, our story.
As we last left off, you guys learned a few things
and visited the Church of Life and some shit went down.
There was a fireball that friggin' fireball?
Fire.
It was a fireball.
I don't know why I said it like that.
That exploded in the alleyway next to your home.
And a couple of Legionnaires died.
And T357 gained their power through their runic or tattoos.
So it's difficult because yours is in metal.
But yeah.
But today, we return with you three.
We're doing a little bit of a solo kind of adventure.
Not solo, but we're going to do some solos with y'all.
And tonight, since we started with Bombs in last week,
we're going to start with Raz this week.
Oh, that's right.
I thought it was me.
OK.
Waaah.
Sorry.
It's so mystical.
Our story starts with you, Raz.
Standing in a meadow.
Coins rain from above.
And fucking coins rain from the sky!
Wow!
Warport a little 500.
Thanks, Warport.
Oh!
Thanks, God!
Thanks, buddy.
Appreciate that.
Thanks for supporting the show.
Fucking Warport.
Hell yeah, dude. 500.
Thank you, buddy.
Um, with you standing in a meadow,
there are beautiful flowers about of different colors.
Walking in this meadow with you is none other than Rukiki
Gloomingdale, the dragonborn priestess of the Church of Life,
of the Holy Hands.
You walk together.
You wanted to get to know her a little bit.
You asked her out.
As you guys walk through the meadow together,
she looks at you.
You look at her.
Eventually, you reach a small hill.
On this hill, there are two trees.
One of the trees is dying.
All the leaves have fallen off.
It's all crackly.
And the tree on the left where she's standing is alive.
In full bloom,
it's a cherry blossom tree with pink petals all over it.
And I feel like we need the picture of Rukiki
just to kind of, you know, help our visual brains here.
Let me see if I still got the Rukiki picture.
I got to scroll past all this sidequesters garbage
because fuck them sidequesters.
It is in our direct messages.
Ah, would you like me to use this sketch?
Oh, no, I was saying there's another one that you sent me.
Oh, OK. All right.
Good deal.
Here we go.
On your face, Rukiki.
Rukiki, I need you to slim down a little bit, Rukiki.
You're too large. Here you go.
Here we are. That'll do. That'll do just fine.
And she looks at you and she says,
As you can see,
my death following friend,
things die and things live.
For life is the balance of all.
All right. That's pretty cool.
But you can't have things that live very well
without things dying either.
Yes.
But when things die,
they go into the ground and fertilize to bring back life.
Yeah, that's that's that's in.
Hey, I have a whole chapter in my book that covers rot.
Yes. So life is more important than death.
Life comes after death and before.
That is true, but the only thing that makes life worth living is death.
Because if you just lived forever
and you knew everything lived forever,
then you'd have no mortality.
And therefore, everything around you would be less beautiful
because, you know, eventually you're not going to have it anymore.
Interesting.
Raz, first roll the knight.
Make a card.
First roll the knight. Make me a charisma check.
Let's see how she's feeling about you on that whole subject.
Everything you just said.
Let's see if she's feeling the same kind of way.
Yeah.
Those two. Oh, my God.
Natural 20 in the first role, the knight coming from Raz.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, my God.
Mastering for it.
Boundary fucking loves Connor, doesn't it?
Doesn't it fucking love Connor?
I hate it so much.
I roll so many dice on here.
So much.
You know, I have four, four mastery points
over the whole course of the season.
Everybody who doesn't know that means he's only rolled four 20s
this whole season so far.
How many you have, Connor?
How would you like to know?
Fuck.
I have I have 11.
Oh, my God.
Jesus.
To hell.
Yeah, that's 11.
I can't stand you.
That's clearly rigged.
Fucking rigged, dude.
All right, Raz.
Somebody steal all of his stuff.
He deserves to be robbed.
Yeah, he does.
She looks at you.
She says, I guess that is true.
But I tell you, Raz, you invited me here today
and I was very excited to get to know you.
All I've ever known is the Church of Life.
My family, they dropped me there very young.
You see, I have a lot of siblings
and they didn't want to take care of me.
So it's exciting to learn a different path.
I see my words have left you in silence.
But what I will say is that today I brought us food.
And she pulls out from behind her cloak,
a little picnic basket and sets it down
right in the center of the two trees.
And you can see there's like a line of like flowers
that are kind of dead and dying next to this tree.
And then flowers that are all full of life
in a blooming, beautiful tree.
And she sets it down and she says,
I hope you don't mind turkey sandwiches.
She had.
I love turkey sandwiches.
Hold on.
I'm going to open a portal.
OK, roll me magic.
Open a portal.
B13.
That's a plus three.
That's a 1414.
All right. You succeed.
Where does the portal go to?
It opens up in our favorite tavern with a giant hole.
And I just wanted to be like right in front of the bar.
And I want to see if there's like if there is there a candlestick
on the bar somewhere that's lit?
You know, there is.
But I do actually finally, I found the picture of the bartender,
like I promised.
If you'll give me a second, I can show it to you so you can actually see
who is yelling at you, like, you know, saying all this shit.
OK, but what do you do with this candle?
Oh, I'm just going to snatch it from the bar real quick and close the portal.
So a portal opens.
You see standing there.
This is why he uses magic for.
It's romantic.
Well, how are we not rich already?
It just it upsets me.
And just just this is what God tells me to do.
Yeah. And this is like God tells you to actually
you want to get away from life.
Precise. Yeah.
That doesn't sound like what Braith would do.
Sounds counterproductive.
All right. Here he is.
This is to kill him.
And he sees you.
He's pouring a drink. He sees you.
Hey, hey.
And you snatch the candle.
He's like, hey.
And he tries to jump through the portal.
And then actually, I want to make a check for him
to see if he makes it through your portal before it closes.
Oh, no.
It's a.
I track the numbers only a 13.
He doesn't have bonuses.
That's only a five.
So he tries to try.
You close the portal candle in hand.
And she's like, who was that?
Oh, it's one of my buddies.
He runs a bar.
You won't mind if we borrow this for a minute.
OK, you thought a candle.
How romantic.
And she pulls out a turkey sandwich for herself and looks at you.
You're holding the turkey sandwich and she say.
Are you going to eat?
Yeah, I guess so.
Um. Yeah.
Yeah.
Damn.
Oh, I tried, boys.
I was wondering.
Yeah, that was delicious.
Oh, there's no shame in your faith.
I bet you are very attractive under your math.
No, you have no clue.
I have not been blessed with beauty.
Well, maybe one day, Rad,
the follower of death, you will show me your face.
But I guess today is not that day.
Today, maybe not.
In the future, it's very possible.
All right.
So this ends our lovely date sequence that I really wanted you all to have.
But before I do actually end and say what happens next,
is there anything you want to ask her before I move on?
This is your moment.
Listen, I like these like this little hangout session that we had.
Um.
I really think there's there's a possibility for us out there,
but it needs to be played exactly right.
One step in the wrong direction for us could lead to disaster.
And I don't want that for us.
I agree.
And I don't want that for us. I agree.
You see, I am from the Church of Life, you from death.
Our gods do not want us to be as close as we are.
We must keep it a secret from them.
Very true. Very true.
And the camera fades as you guys finish your food
and you begin walking through the North Ward back to where you came from
until you see something crazy,
which we're going to get to in a minute.
But first. We cut over to Bomblin.
It is time, Bomblin.
You're running through the rain in the city.
Eventually, you slide to a stop in the stone
and you're standing right in front of a small little
it's not like a stall, but it's like an outcove in a large castle wall
in the North Ward here of Common Steel City.
Sitting behind this outcove is someone in full clad,
golden and silver inlaid armor.
And you approach and she looks at you and she says, yes.
Ah, wondering where we join the Iron Heads.
Mm hmm. You are in luck, my Berkin friend.
Seeing a lot of you nowadays.
We are doing recruits today.
We just had a lot of deaths of Iron Heads very recently
due to the current wars happening in town.
Yes. So we are opening up recruitments
and they're actually happening right now.
Now I do not have any spots open.
Yes. So here she throws armor at you
and she says, get dressed and run over there
because that's where they're having them over there on the wall.
Yes. I would like you
to run over there to make me
a dexterity save to see if you can get dressed fast enough
and then run over to the line before it begins.
Ah, no. Five.
All right. I'm just keeping that into account.
Now, do you have something for us?
You said you had something for us.
Well, now you have to stall.
I have to stall. Yes. OK. I'm good with stalling.
Have no fear.
T357 you.
You don't even know what it is. You have no idea.
You have no idea. But hi, chat.
How are you guys doing while Bomblin's rolling a five
to get dressed in his new armor?
How we doing? Yeah. Hey,
oh, why is it so heavy?
Well, it is armor.
Yeah, it is armor.
Are you getting dressed right in front of this woman
just in the street? Yes.
Yeah. OK.
She's definitely looking at you like, what the fuck? Seriously?
This is professional.
Look at me however she likes.
My area of chat is good.
This is your first time seeing a bear dog before.
She's like, yeah, yeah, definitely.
I mean, yeah, why don't you put that away?
If we're here already, you like what you see?
No, definitely not.
Well, no reason to be a sour place about it.
So online, get full plate armored.
Yes, yes, from time. Absolutely.
How you doing, Bomblin?
Oh, almost there. Almost there.
Almost there.
We're at the back end, the back end.
Hmm.
You get a.
Yeah, two out of 10.
It's better to be worth it.
Better be worth it.
Well, it's been pretty good.
I'm excited for our trick or treat special next week.
I really am.
Oh, yeah, I'll just train her training.
Yeah, I hope the guests that we have on actually
me and give you guys some good riddles, some good skill checks
and some good items.
Should be good. Should be good.
And there's a couple of people I'm talking to.
They may reward you guys with more than just a piece of candy.
We may do some custom items because ICRPG is just wonderful for that.
And we actually talked about that on side questers,
which I thought was good, because Pirateborg doesn't really have shit for items.
We've been blessed. And ICRPG with item.
Also, Nate wanted me to tell you, Connor,
we keep saying a vast fuck ass.
And it's because of your.
Oh, look at him.
Wow. All right.
Here we go.
I'm going. Yeah.
I'm going to get dressed super slow.
You run over to get in line.
You can see there's like 20 other initiates, some of them way too small
for this big ass armor that is all over them.
And you run in and get to the very end of the line.
And as you do, two of the they look to be leaders
standing in front of the line, staring at all the people,
both of them look at you in disgust as you run and stop at the end of the line.
And they're kind of like, oh,
oh, yeah, I know, I know late.
And you stand in line as you're standing there.
The leaves on the ground all start to blur.
Oh, as waves of air kind of come up and you're like, what?
And you look up into the sky to see writing on a griffin,
some kind of humanoid wearing golden inlaid armor,
beautiful, full on plate on a face and the griffin comes down.
It's got talon arms and like an eagle face,
but it's got like a furry body and wings and it lands right in front of all of you.
And all the recruits are like, oh, oh, jeez, that's so cool.
And then he stands off.
It's off the griffin armor hits the ground
and he starts pacing back and forth.
In front of all the new recruits, all of them looking directly forward.
I want you to make me a charisma check,
Bomblin, to see if you blend in in line,
if you're standing properly like everyone else is.
Oh, no. A ten.
He sees you. He walks over and through his mask, he goes,
stand up straight, recruit.
But if you have to say, sorry, I saw stoles,
I just figured they were for setting.
You're not off to a good start.
And he starts walking back and forth again.
And he's like, so.
Today, on this day of common steel city,
we have some new recruits that want to help us protect this land.
You think that one day you'll be good enough, strong enough,
the prime, the fierce to ride a griffin
like the other iron heads of common steel city.
Well, we're going to see about that.
You filthy fucking recruits.
Look at your armor. And he kicks one of them.
He's like armor is way too big for his body.
He falls over and gets back up and he's like, stand up.
And he continues walking back and forth, yelling, preaching.
And as he's doing so, Bomblin, you look to the right
and you see the female Berkin that stole your sword.
She's standing about five down the line
and she has your great sword in hand over her shoulder.
And she looks at you and just sticks her tongue out.
She's like. And then she looks forward again.
And he continues walking and then he's like,
looks to me like we've got some recruits that came in last minute.
Looks to me like we have one too many on this day.
We are going to handle this to a traditional iron head way.
Some of you may not make it through today, but if you do,
in a week's time, we will be taking you to the Griffin Pharma
to see if you can ride on your own griffin.
We have just been raided. We have just been raided.
We have just been raided. I wonder who it's from.
Forge of Lore. Hey, buddy, what the frick?
What's up, man? Thank you so much for raiding in here.
Yeah, Viking Raid. Dude, what's up, dude?
Thank you so much for joining us. Everybody here.
Make sure to sell Forge of Love some dang old some Forge of Love,
some dang old lore, y'all. Make sure to do that.
Thanks for writing in to us, Forge. We love Forge. Steve.
Forge of Lore. Forge of Lore.
That's right. Thank you for joining us, man.
Thank you, everybody who came from over there.
Steve's going to be joining us next week for our Trick or Treat special.
That's right, baby.
So make sure to hang out, because that's going to be some
that's going to be dang old fun.
We've got so many guests coming to join us. It's going to be great.
Cheers, Steve. Thanks for joining us, buddy.
Mm hmm.
We are in the middle of Bomblin being recruited into the Iron Heads,
the City Watch. That's where we're at.
I got new armor.
It's really heavy. Yeah.
I regret my decisions.
All right.
So.
What does he say? He says there's too many.
He's walking back and forth, still pacing.
He's like, there's too many of you on this day, so we must slim down the ranks.
We're going to be having a small trial in the way of recruitment of Iron Heads.
Simple strength test.
All of you, only the strong get to stay.
And he points to everyone standing next to each other.
He's like, turn to your partner.
Each one of you will wrestle each other to the ground.
The one on top gets to stay.
Simple enough.
You turn and look and see a drow figure standing there in front of you.
Long pointy ears, tannish blue skin.
He looks scared. He looks very young.
He doesn't know what he's doing here, and he looks you in the eyes
and he trembles and shakes.
You look behind his head to see two more downright men.
Two more down from you is your Berken female friend, and she...
looks confident.
She's going to be wrestling someone who's very small in front of her.
And she looks at you and winks and sets down your greatsword and gets into position.
Now he's walking back and forth and he says, ready?
Begin!
I'm going to need you to roll me a strength check, Bomblin.
This is a contested strength check against the drow.
The drow has a minus one in strength, so don't fail.
That's an eight.
Plus four. Yeah, plus four.
OK, that's a 12. All right. Good.
Good. He has minus one. Here we go.
A 19!
It's turned me off!
They still have it!
Look, I'm really happy with it playing out this way.
But if chat, just so you know, if you guys are new around here,
you could influence the dice rolls by using exclamation point reroll.
You can do it once per roll.
You could also use channel point commands to influence dice rolls as well.
There's a bunch of them down there. Yeah.
Just like forged it. Thanks, buddy.
Do you want me to reroll my 19 or do you want Bomblin to reroll his 12?
Maybe. Maybe you should make a...
What?
Maybe you should make the GM roll.
Hmm. Yeah.
Turk. All right. Thanks, Forge. Here we go.
Yeah, there you go.
It's a six minus one.
That's a five.
You wrestle him to the ground.
And he's like, no, oh, gosh.
And you just get on top of him.
And then you look up and you see
the female bear can standing with a foot on top of the dwarf.
She looks down at you and she just
sticks out her tongue at you again, picks up the sword and stands back in line.
The captain walking back and forth looks at everyone who is one.
And he goes, well, looks like we have our 10 new recruits on this day.
If you won, you will be continuing to be a recruit.
The next couple of days, I would like each one of you to wander around the town,
stop any kind of criminal activity.
Those of you that bring back the most criminals, the most tickets,
the most proof of you helping to save the city.
We'll get to move forward tomorrow and we'll have a chance
to get your very own Griffin.
Dismissed.
Excuse me, Sergeant, sir.
What's that fuck face?
Are you talking to me?
Yeah, yeah. Yes, sir.
Yes, sir. That's right.
Ask your question.
Make it fast before I rip that fucking hood right off your stupid ass bare face.
Go. Ah, yes, sir.
You said return tickets.
Oh, what are you?
Are we writing parking tickets, sir?
What do you brand new?
Yes, sir. You can go and write
parking tickets, draft tickets, murder tickets, just
just right.
Go back over to the wall and get your book of tickets.
What are you brand new?
Sir, yes, sir.
Yeah, you're right. You are brand new.
All right, just get out of here. Get out of here.
He walks over to his Griffin.
He slowly pets it and then he gets on it and flies up into the sky.
Yeah, baby, I need me one of those.
Yeah. All right.
Can I go get my gun and badge now?
You don't get a gun and badge, but you do go over there
and they give you a small little booklet that has like tickets in it
so you can write up people.
Basically, Connor, did I do OK?
I was like, Connor's judging me right now.
It was really good. I liked it.
I was actually surprised you remembered knife hand.
Yeah. What's up, Stronghold?
Hey, y'all, shout out to Stronghold.
Thanks for joining us, friend.
How you doing?
I mean, you get a little booklet
and as you're walking away and retrieving your booklet,
you, Raz, and your
friend, Rakiki and T357,
you guys kind of see the end of this thing happening with Bomblin
as he's getting yelled at from the captain.
And you see him sadly pick up his tickets and begin walking back
towards the dock ward.
And you guys kind of meet up together and you see each other.
And T357, you have a meeting with the Legion
and you figured maybe you should bring these boys with you
in this meeting just so they can,
you know, you're supposed to be in charge of them anyway.
So if you show up without them.
You know.
You know, well, I'm only in charge of one of them now.
The other one is a bona fide Legion member.
That's very true. That's very true.
So. Bomblin is your sword.
All right. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
But now, now I work for the Ironhead's Policing Academy.
That's right, baby.
So I will.
Whatever you guys got to do today,
I'm just going to do some standard practical policing procedures
along the way.
So just don't mind me.
Just here.
I'm already a crooked cop.
Trying to keep the streets safe.
And, you know, serve justice.
You got you.
Yeah, Tess, you understand that? Yeah.
Well, while you say all this,
I'm going to be drawing a glyph in the street.
All right.
All right. That's good.
I'm going to have to write you a ticket for a five dollar bill.
You actively hang out with a domestic terrorist.
I don't see how you're going to.
Oh, man. It's only a six.
That's because the irony is that
because the Ironhead's Policing Academy will stop
grabbing justice in the great court of law.
I was just doing.
I'm going to stop grabbing the sword holder.
And well, see now there's.
Conflict in the party.
Conflict of interest when coming to the sword.
See, I can't take on my own case.
I got to follow proper policing procedure.
Did they give you like cuffs and shit or are you just like pretending?
I got I got a booklet
and supposed to be writing tickets in and
providing the people of the
Jessica Justice and Policing Services
and their tax gold pay for.
Oh, so you're like a yield meter bitch or something, right?
Right. Right.
That's meter where got it.
Oh, I see.
Either way, still a pathetic title.
Ha ha ha.
You say that now, but just wait.
Wait until I'm the savior of the kingdom.
Just wait till the Ironheads find out how much of a criminal you are.
Now, you could be reborn again
and the bass of the Ironheads Policing Academy.
I am a reborn ironhead.
I think that's how that works.
I wear the armor now.
I'm reborn. I'm a new band.
How does that work with your job with Raz?
Ah, what?
How does that work with your protection racket for Raz?
Yeah, see, all I got to do is just protect him.
That's it.
You got to make sure he's a domestic terrorist.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he doesn't make it easy.
That's for sure.
That's all right, because we're here to serve justice.
Protect the good people of the tax cap.
Yeah.
I see you're going to be very good at this.
Sorry.
That's your conversation.
That comes to an end.
Yeah, you reach an alleyway.
P357, you're leading the charge as you three walk together.
Rikiki did split off from you at some point, Raz,
and you three are walking together now up this alleyway.
Eventually, you reach this area that has like a hidden doorway
between a couple of kind of like openings in this alleyway,
and you two can see it.
The doorway has this magical green snake symbol
on the front of the door.
Bomlin, you can't see it anymore.
You don't even know it's there.
Oh, I can't see it.
You can't see the doorway, but you two can see it.
You can't see the doorway, but you two can see the snake
and see the doorway.
But I can see the snake, right?
No.
As you approach, the slit on the door opens,
and it's like, code name, T357, welcome back.
Raz, initiate, welcome back.
The bear, I'm going to stay outside.
Oh, that's okay.
You can go do like your parking ticket thing.
Yeah, you're right.
That's okay.
I'll wait outside.
All right.
As you stand there, keeping watch, Bomlin,
will you just make me just while you're outside by yourself,
just to start a passive wisdom check perception,
just in general, bear Bobby, stitch 17 plus 18.
Not too bad.
All right.
You two walk inside.
As the door opens, you can see the door opens almost on its own.
There was no one there even talking in the first place,
almost as if magically like the door itself was what you were talking to.
You walk in and you go down a long set of stairs.
Eventually you get to this open underground area
where there are tables all scattered about.
There are people in green clothing and cloaks and hoods
all about at these desks, writing things on pieces of paper.
Gift of Potion.
It's pretty good, outsider.
It's pretty good.
I'm going to say it's pretty good.
I'm controllable.
Yeah, I'm down to take out.
We'll do a full heel on that bad boy.
Outsider, you get to pick who it goes to.
A new person sits on the Lord Whiskers of Fluffy Berg.
Welcome here to the shit show, my friend.
My Lord Whiskers from my little free bag.
Pretty sure it could be actually certified, but you got it.
I missed that the first time.
Okay, you guys walk down this doorway.
All these Legionnaires don't even look up at you.
They continue writing things on papers.
You can see there are crates of all different kinds of weapons
stacked amongst all the things.
T357, you've been here before.
This is a familiar area.
You lead Raz past all of this to a back room.
You get in there and it's smoky as hell,
as if people are smoking hella cigars.
There's one table and a chandelier with candles in the center,
pointing light down at this table.
And you can see the lights flicker through the smoke.
As you walk in, the first person you see sitting directly under the light,
as if being interrogated, is the person you saved on the first episode.
Tony.
Never remember.
And I do actually have what the hell he looks like.
So we got a little bit of visual here.
I didn't have it the first time around, and I've got it now.
It's a vape shop.
Yeah, hell yeah, dude.
Tony.
Never remember.
Oops.
Actually, let's pop over here.
Make this easier.
All thank you.
Can I scroll?
Thank you.
Nice.
Tony is sitting behind this desk.
And as you walk in,
you see Kith come out from the darkness.
He sees you T357, and he's like,
Welcome back.
He pulls his hood off and you see his bright,
tabaxi eyes in the darkness.
You've made it this far.
We have some things to go over.
You...
were demoted.
But from what we were told,
someone else's agency was passed on to you.
So before we can continue, please show us your Legion brand.
I open up my side panel.
He died in my arms.
He looks at it and he goes,
Wow.
Nerds, geeks and freaks, a part of the couch, a part of the crew.
Tassad!
Mead!
Sir Tassad, thank you so much for the 42 fucking months, dog.
Thank you for supporting the show.
Cheers, buddy.
Thank you.
I don't have...
Yeah, cheers, man.
He looks directly at your brand and he goes,
It's powerful magic to transfer one brand to another.
He must have trusted you, T357.
And it's good to have you back.
I...am excited to work with you again,
bring you under my tutelage.
But it seems...
I have missed our work.
Yes.
I've missed you as well.
You are a very talented assassin.
But it seems the power he has gifted you has made you
not my underling, but my equal.
So welcome back.
Welcome. Thank you.
You are indeed welcome.
And we're bringing you here in place of...
What the fuck was his name?
We're bringing you here in place of Sylva.
Because we need someone on this end.
We believe you to be the one...
Your friend.
Raz.
You have no point of talking here.
So keep it zipped.
And just stand in support.
You got it, guy.
Now, we must continue.
And he knocks three times on the door.
And the door opens.
And in the light, you can't see who it is,
but in silence they walk in.
And they're kind of tall.
You can see the shape of long hair.
And they come around and sit on the other end of the table
from Tony Neverember.
And they lean into the light.
And you see a human.
He's got scars all over his face.
His long hair is starting to gray.
And he's wearing this beautiful silver armor.
And he's like, you may begin.
This, my friends, is evil, aging, narcissus Gloomingdale,
the leader of this section of the Legion.
Before he does continue, do you stand or do you sit
just for a visual?
T-357.
I will be standing.
I am not required to sit and rest.
All right.
This is a very dark, very intense moment.
We're working through it, baby.
All right.
Would you like to know what I'm doing?
Sure.
What are you doing?
Well, I just kind of like leaning up against the wall
with my hands behind my back.
And maybe doodling the glyph on the wall.
Okay.
Roll me a magic there, Raz.
Okay.
Shabam.
It's nine plus three.
12.
You fail.
Well, it's just a doodle, then.
He says, you may begin.
And Tony speaks up.
And he's like, okay, so when the Lords of Commonsteel,
they outed my father, I thought, you know, his long, dark shadow,
it was finally gone for good.
But the truth is, I wanted nothing to do with him.
But his spies, they still hound me to this day.
One of them, a gnome.
He works at a shop down in the dock ward.
He's been watching me for months.
Then about, I don't know, a couple days ago, he suddenly disappeared.
He quit watching me.
I haven't seen him.
No one's seen him.
My father, though, he didn't trust very many people except this gnome.
And I spoke to a few of the gnome's friends.
Apparently, he was on some kind of a special mission to retrieve the stone,
the Stone of Galore.
Whenever he says that name, Narcissus pounds his table on the fist.
Or pounds his table on the fist.
Yes, that's what he does.
Pounds his table on the fist.
Pounds his fist on the table.
Classic.
He pulls back his hands to reveal a dagger that he had been gripping.
And the dagger's full of blood from how hard he was gripping the blade part of it.
And there's blood just dripping on the table.
Oh, no, there's blood dripping all over the table.
All over the fist.
I think he cut his table a little bit.
That ain't me.
He was squeezing it too hard.
He shakes from the excitement of this.
But then he continues and he says, I was afraid that the Legion and the Creature Guild were close to catching him.
And when I, when, of course, the gnome heard about my kidnapping,
he wanted more information about the adventurers who had rescued me.
You three.
I think that the gnome was planning to pay you to deliver the stone to my father.
But my father is nowhere to be found.
And to tell you guys, I trust these few Legion people.
There's a lot going on.
And that's all the information that I have.
Does the gnome have a name you seem to know him quite well?
Well, not really.
See, I do not think we actually named him.
So the name that I have, unless there's someone in chat that wants to use name of thing to name this friendly gnome that we may or may not be searching for,
go on ahead and throw it in the chat.
There's a name of thing command you guys can use.
Please do it.
Influence our show and our story.
You never know what may happen.
And then we cut out the outside to Boblin writing a ticket for a carriage that's illegally parked.
Also has no tires.
It's on sender blocks.
This isn't safe.
Okay, Boblin.
But as you're writing the ticket, I want to say a man comes out and he's like, Hey,
Hey, is Mike getting right me a ticket for my car?
Hey, it's illegally parked.
What? It don't have wheels.
Yeah, get some wheels, buddy.
Stupid buckethead.
Where? What am I supposed to do?
It doesn't have wheels.
You got to take it down to the Ironhead's commission's office and then they will schedule you an appointment to get an arrangement to deal with it yourself.
At this point, it's your problem, buddy.
Stupid buckethead and tries to punch you right in the nose.
Yeah, I have a 20 to the fence.
Like just missus.
Just like missus.
Like, buddy, do you want to catch a second charge?
I'm going to have to take you down to the station.
Then there's going to be more paperwork.
You're going to spend a night in jail.
It's not worth it.
Just find paperwork down to the office.
They'll set you up a court fine.
Then you'll have to deal with it from there.
It's out of my hands.
Just next time, you know,
maybe don't live in such a shitty neighborhood to where your cartwheels will be stolen.
Fucking I had bastard walks away.
Ironhead's a bastard.
Oh, that's funny.
His name.
The struggle McGrungle blood berry muffin Jeeves Perry already got a Perry.
No, McGettin.
Jesus Christ struggle.
McGungle is his name.
His name is struggle.
McGungle used to run a shop down by the dock ward just selling weird stuff.
And I don't know.
I don't know.
And then Kith turns to you T357 and he's like, So we during the firewall incident that happened yesterday,
we had some people stationed there.
Not only did they see what happened with you, but they also noticed a few other things.
And one of those things is that we had seen someone fleeing the scene of the crime through the smoke.
And we have informed Tony of this.
And he has some more information for us.
Just looks at Tony and Tony's like sitting there in silence.
And then another fist, another table on the fist.
There's another knife just sticking in the table.
He's like, Okay, the man that you saw.
Well, he fits a description of someone who my father used to know.
His name is is well, actually, since we got some names in chat.
I hate all of these, though.
Give me some more names, chat.
Give me some more names.
Come on.
Give me some more names.
Hit it again.
He says it fits the perfect description of a man who's working for the black network.
And then another fist on the table, another table on the fist with a knife.
It's so bloody.
Yeah.
How many tables and fists are in this room?
A lot.
There's just a pile of smash tables in a corner.
Right.
I thought you were typing something.
I was waiting for it.
But all right.
I'm going to use the name of the book.
I have I have suggestions.
I can type if you would like.
All right.
Yeah, always.
If you want to.
Looks like it's what Connor's doing.
Yeah.
He says that the man who was fleeing the crime of the scene of the crime was someone that
his father knew someone that he knows to be working for the black network.
And another Northward resident he knows claims that he saw him enter the Grand Villa in the
Grand Villa, and he was a black man.
Not a narc.
Oh, no, Mercy Jenkins.
I like no Mercy Jenkins.
Peter to freeze.
Geos fat button balls.
All oh shit.
I'm going to go with the no mercy Jenkins.
Well, although I'd Geos fat button balls is hilarious.
Proteus.
I think we got to do Geos fat button balls.
I'm copying it.
OK, let me start over here.
The man that I saw fleeing his name fits his description fits the man named Geos fat button
balls.
He's a suspected member of the black network.
Another ward resident said that they saw Geos fat button balls enter the Grand Villa here
in the North Ward shortly after the fireball incident.
And apparently the resident reported that reported him to the city watch because Geos
fat looked suspicious.
Yeah, two city watch constables spoke to the lord of the Grand Villa, and he assured them
that no one had broken into or left the estate and that everything was fine.
But the constable had no grounds to get a search warrant, so he didn't pursue the matter.
And this is when Kith pipes up and he says, Now, this is where you come in.
You have the stealth powers T357.
I've seen your assassination work.
If you want to officially be deemed as one of my equals, you need to sneak into the Grand
Villa and return with any information you have on Geos fat button balls.
Understood.
Yeah, Kith is like, So I have something for you.
Welcome back.
And in his pocket, he pulls out this leather, and he unravels it, sets it on the table.
And it's like this glowing dagger.
And he hands it to you.
He's like, This is the dagger of returning.
You throw it.
And it comes back.
Hands it to you.
Well, if you don't want it, I'll take it back.
No, of course I will take it.
Right.
I look forward to having it returned to me.
I've never worked with blades that have ejected from my, my module.
Could be fun.
Cover it in poison, throw it in an enemy, and then it comes back right after it hits.
So, it'd be cool.
It's a good way to.
That could be cool.
Yeah.
It's an easy way to be able to assassinate people and get away with the murder weapon.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I thought there was one of us who could do that perfectly every single time and get away from the.
I don't like the way she said module either.
The kids are calling it nowadays.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, glooming Dale gets up from the table.
You could see his face again under the light, just scarred, mangled.
He walks back over to the door he came in from and exits and kids says, Yeah, don't worry about him.
Apparently, this stone, it means a lot to him.
It leads to some kind of hidden thing that apparently has something in it that he wants.
And he's really trying to find it.
But this black network business is really stepping on his toes.
You see, Narcissus is trying to keep a clean record.
We're trying to sell weapons and make murders happen legally.
But the black network came in here from the other side of intoxicated and just killing people and selling weapons and they're doing it legally.
It really pisses him off.
We have witnessed the atrocities by the black network.
So if he finds her shop button balls, just kill his ass.
Bring him back.
Should I bring him back for interrogation or just take him out entirely.
Now that is entirely up to you.
Do you think he'll talk?
Keep him alive.
Tony, do you think someone hired by your father would be willing to talk if pressured in such a way as this?
Well, I think.
Yeah, I think the nobles of the grand villa are I mean, they aren't used to any kind of violence or nothing.
So if you just show them what you guys are capable of, they'll honestly probably crack under pressure.
And but I can't say anything about your shop button balls.
He seems like a tough guy.
If my father trusted him, who knows?
I will add this into my processing for the moment of murder.
OK, so last thing, here's the map to the villa, the grand villa.
And good luck, I will also say on the DL and he leans in close to you and he's like,
if you don't want to go to the grand villa, you can leave it to the Iron Heads.
They are already on the trail.
And I'm sure they'll do something.
I have no affiliation to any of these factions, so it's honestly up to you whatever choice you want to make.
But if you do go, make sure you get out of there before they arrive, because I can't help you if you get caught.
I have some pole in this city, being that my father is who he was.
But in this situation, I can't help you.
I will take that under consideration, but my loyalty is always to the Legion first.
That's fair. That's fair.
All right, kiss looks at you and he's like, well,
do you happen to have any other kinds of questions or anything for me before I go?
It's been a while.
The bear that I have been in charge of
seems to be stirring up trouble joining other factions and borrowing from them.
Might be worth an extra set of eyes on him.
Who said I didn't know?
Well, he could be a valuable asset if he gets information from these other factions in the end.
We just got to know if we can trust him.
That remains to be seen.
All right, he stands up from the table and goes out the door.
You two turn around and as you're walking back through this room
with all the tables and stuff in it, coming down the stairs is Schemo.
And he sees you.
And he points and he's like, oh, hey, you three, five, seven.
You made it back home.
Congratulations. It's really.
Yeah, it's really good to see you.
Just, you know, in any luck on finding your creator.
No, but I've been tinkering with my inner modules.
Oh, shit. You just reminded me of something.
I'm going to take out that device that locates this mechanical bastards.
And I'm just going to do a quick scan.
And that's nice. Nice.
You pull it out and you squeeze the trigger on it and the little umbrella.
Barely ticks.
And then Schemo's like, oh, is that a nimble right detector?
Yeah, it is.
That is cool.
Look, when you're done with it, bring it to me.
I'll make you a trade.
I'll add it to my collection. That's cool.
You got it, man.
Yeah, it's really cool.
Hey, when are you having this sermon, by the way?
Oh, yeah, it's going to be this Friday, every Friday.
Every Friday.
Sounds good, man.
I'm going to go over.
T357. Good luck.
I hope to see you back here when you're done.
It's great to see you down here again.
Yeah, it's exciting.
It's exciting. Yeah, this place, it feels.
Things are getting back to normal.
It's wonderful.
Wonderful.
All right.
He walks away and you guys go back up the stairs and you go outside to see
what's going on.
And you see the man's foot on the chest of the man,
whom's ticket he was just giving.
And the man is like, oh, stop it.
It's just a parking ticket, man.
I need you to phrase.
Stop resisting.
I am not resisting, man.
I need you to calm down.
I just kind of want to like push off and open a portal behind the guy.
Okay.
But also T357, what are you doing?
You said something to you.
I am grabbing Bumbling by the ear.
I'm pulling him off to the side.
I'm going.
Your power trip.
The Iron Heads weren't not my power trip, the power trip of justice.
I'm pulling him off to the side.
Okay.
And then you're saying I am head slides matter.
I will get you in the street.
That's pretty good.
Raz.
Do you still want to open the portal?
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
Romy magic. Let's do it.
That's an 11.
All right.
So you're going to open the portal.
What does that mean?
It means you're going to open the portal.
You're going to open the portal.
And then you're going to open the portal.
That's the way it's going to be.
It's because you beat the target number over there in the corner,
which is good.
So you open your portal.
Where does it lead to?
It opens up above the giant hole in the tavern that we love so much.
And then what?
And then I'm pushing the guy through and I'm saying, don't worry.
You'll be safe in here.
And he's like, oh, thanks, man.
And he threes.
Hey, hey, no alive people.
He jumped.
No ritual sacrifices.
All right.
Whatever.
Close portal.
Oh, I have to start all over again.
I'm just going to take this ticket.
The whole reason why I did that, it seems like he was bothering you or something.
No, I'm over here trying to do the justice of the people.
And you're just ritually sacrificing people.
We don't know that guy's dead.
We could.
All right.
Oh, shit.
Well, so what's the plan guys?
Cause I'm gonna just do my thing while you guys are doing your thing.
I'm following along.
Did you want to fill bumbling in on stuff?
Let him know what the hell's going on.
Yeah.
Do you trust me?
This is a trustable face.
Not even a little bit.
Now, now what makes you say that?
I have turned a new paw at this point and I am trying to be.
What?
Since three hours ago.
No, no.
I made this decision last week.
Just follow it through on it.
You know, like the.
Like the integrity of the iron heads.
Right.
Real good.
Follow through.
I have come across a promotion and a mission for myself.
And.
A distraction to be stealthy ourselves.
You know what?
Well, well, well, tell me the mission.
Cause I wasn't eavesdropping.
Cause I can't not hear things.
You can just say you fill them in or you can.
Paraphrase as much information as you want them to know.
I will paraphrase most of the mission, but I have been given an assassination task.
But.
Extreme.
And.
You need extreme stealth and that distraction you need.
I know to go to the perfect place.
I would like to go to where all the off duty iron heads like to hang out.
The golden bucket.
It is a bar where all the off duty, you know, law enforcements like to hang out at.
Even some on the duty law enforcement, but we won't tell.
Maybe we can round up a squad and do a raid.
I've always wanted to be a part of an iron head raid.
I just need proper evidence of why we're raiding this place.
Okay.
I don't think so.
This sounds shady as fuck.
You're already a crooked cop.
Now, now this is weird.
We are allowed to do this.
It's written in the laws.
That's how it works.
The legion works outside of the law until further notice.
See now this is where we.
Turn a blind eye of where we found our source material from.
And then we go and use all that evidence to just secure a raid.
And then we raid the place and then you guys get there.
Whatever you would like to do.
You have been told.
The three five seven that the iron heads have already heard about the situation
and are already gathering up something to go there and do this.
So if you want to ignore and wait, the iron heads will handle the situation themselves.
Well, I'm sure Bomblin as a character thinks that he has authority to do something like that.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Definitely thinks he does.
Yeah, he does.
Definitely thinks so.
You could persuade Bomblin to, you know, because you already know that the iron heads are going there
and you're trying to beat him to the punch if you want to get there to investigate for the.
I would like to investigate myself, honestly.
Yeah.
Oh, OK.
I don't know if you want me anywhere near a corrupt iron head tavern.
That's not corrupt.
Just I can always use you as I don't know.
I kind of fucking hate cops.
Wow.
Thank you.
But I guess I guess as a law enforcement officer now, I could accompany you guys on your mission that way gives us proper jurisdiction to be able to investigate.
I got the book.
Oh, God.
Where's my book?
Oh, there's my book.
Got my book.
Say that one more time.
You 357 say that again.
You could form a distraction together where Raz makes a riot sometime in the streets and you write him up and take him away in a distracting and ruckus like manner.
Okay, but Raz isn't going to like that.
You'll be surprised.
Well, what I say is when we get back, I'll kind of explain the situation at hand what you guys see in front of you.
And then you can start brainstorming there.
But for now, we're going to take a quick five minute break to air off and fill up our drinks and hit the bathroom.
And when we come back, we're going to head over to the Grand Manor to see what's going on over there.
All righty.
Okay.
That's right.
That's right, baby.
Everybody quit pose.
Jump in the air. Do something crazy.
Hello, everybody. Welcome back to episode six of Love, Death and Dice.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Being awesome.
I'm fucking being here.
That's right, boys and girls.
Cheers to all you guys for joining us.
Hey, I can't talk today.
I don't know what the hell's going on with me, but we are back.
I'm Turkey.
I'm here with Proteus, Connor and Fishy.
That's right.
They're playing T357.
Reverend Raz and Bomblin Barlow respectively.
Here we are.
You guys.
Words is hard.
Relatable.
That's right.
You guys have a pretty heavy role play session there for the first little bit of the hour.
But we return now with you guys standing outside and in front of the villa.
All right.
Well, I'm going to go into stealth mode.
That way, nobody recognizes me.
I'm going to take off my mask.
Super, super stealthy.
Know what I'm saying?
Uh huh.
Just, just my bow mask.
I can't.
I don't want to reveal my actual identity to you assholes.
Just yet.
Ha.
Okay.
That's not for prior reasons or nothing.
You three stand in front of the grand villa.
You can see it as a two story home.
You can see through the gates and the streets around the villa do have pedestrians and coaches traveling along them pretty much at all hours.
But you do know at nighttime, it might be a little bit less of people.
The estate is enclosed by a 12 foot tall stone wall that goes all the way around.
And you three stand in front of what looks to be locked gates.
You can take a gander.
Gate.
Through the iron gates.
You can see there's a yard with several large trees as well as a couple of footpaths that lead to a two story block mansion.
Um, an eastward.
There seems to be some kind of a detached coach house.
Yes, indeed.
Well, a locked gate.
I wonder what I could do with that.
Oh, Jesus.
I'm going to reach in my bag of keys.
Chaos card.
What's that?
I would like to activate a chaos card.
I earned a few sessions ago.
Oh, hell yeah.
Which one is it?
Spider climb.
Oh, shit.
Cards in hand.
Spider climb.
We have that.
Is it this one?
Yep.
Spider climb.
There it is.
You gain the ability to spider climb for this session.
You're activating that bad boy, huh?
Oh, shit.
Okay.
You activate your spider climbing abilities.
I feel like visually, like something happens to your warforged body, like legs come out of the back of your your back or like your hands get like like spiked or something like that.
What do you think?
I'd imagine they feel like the iron spider.
Like legs come out of her back.
What do you think, Proteus?
I have been tinkering with my module and I think a blend between extra set of climbing limbs come out top.
But both my feet and fingers now have hooks in them to cramp onto stone walls.
Okay.
All right.
I'm done with that.
Okay.
I think I already know what you're going to do with that.
But it turns out Raz wants to use his magical bag of keys.
Hell yeah, I do.
All right.
It's just more annoying when it works.
Okay.
There may be something going on with this.
Oh, so close.
It's a ten.
So you fail.
All right.
Pulled out the wrong key.
You do.
What do you guys do instead?
I'm going to climb the wall.
Nice.
Being that you have spider climb, I'm not going to make you make a check for it so you can just climb right over the wall.
I'll just place you here.
Could I?
Because I want to push the boundaries of this portal thing.
Like, can I just stick my hand through the bars?
And then since my hand has been there, can I create the portal on the other side of the bars?
I think if you squeeze as much as your body through the bars as you can, I'll take it.
So more than just your hand, but like, you know what I mean?
Like your body.
Yeah, I'm not really reaching over there.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, I'll take it.
But now you have to make a successful magic check to be able to open the portal.
Yes, that's true.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
You fail.
You suck.
That's an 11.
This goes up.
Powerful magic.
Oh, shit.
You got advantage from certifiable for your magic using.
So am I rolling this again with two dice or just one?
Just one more.
And you take the high one, maybe.
Hey, 19.
That'll do it.
All right.
You open up your portal and it just like you can just walk through the gate.
It's just like there isn't a gate there now and you can just walk through it.
You know what I mean?
But it's like a circle.
Yeah.
Come on, Bumlin.
Ah, thanks, buddy.
No problem.
Close party.
Maybe keep it the fuck down.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
I forgot this was a stealth mission.
You guys step into the yard.
The estate is well-tended in all kinds of different times of the year.
The trees are shedding leaves, being that it is fall.
And through the trees, you can see there's a large balcony area enclosed by a large iron railing above the mansion's
main entrance.
The balcony is about 20 feet above ground level.
And then it also has that gate.
And as you guys step into the yard, you hear like footsteps coming around the building.
If you want to be hidden, each of you make me a stealth check.
All right.
Stealth in the bushes.
Roll me stealth.
So that's just to stay there.
I'm going to make a check.
Yeah, nice.
Nice 16.
You beat the target number, which is 16 for everybody in chat.
We're looking for 16.
You have color bonuses on Dex.
Yeah, 17 res.
Damn, you loud bitch.
All right.
So you two.
Feel free to use this Dex.
Check to just disappear as well.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Move your minis, your little tokens to wherever you're going to hide to.
Raz, you're just standing in the middle of the pathway.
Oh, you're in those bushes there, Bomblin.
I see you.
Yeah, see?
You're like you hear footsteps.
And I was like, I hide in the bushes.
The bushes.
Coming around the corner.
Is like the groundskeeper.
They're also wearing kind of like a red robe, but they've got like leather pants on and they're holding daggers at their side.
Our two quiet looking Mastiff dogs.
As they see you.
Raz, she's hidden on screen here.
Oh, I see.
As they see you, Raz, they both charge towards you.
The dogs do.
And they begin hitting right at you, as well as the cult fanatic looking kind of guy just holds up his daggers and looks right at you.
We're going into initiative, so everybody go on ahead and roll it for me.
Whoever gets highest gets to go first.
And then we do clockwise here.
Let's do it.
Bomblin got a 90, 20 and T3 Vifeswim got a one.
This is because the robe sucks.
12.
All right, that's fair.
All right, Bomblin, you're first up, son.
What do you do?
I don't have.
Don't forget that mastery point.
All right.
Thanks.
I don't have many for these guys.
I do for all the other ones.
But not for these guys.
So now have three.
So we're at the same there.
Tess.
I'm just going to use these.
All right.
So these things are the dogs.
And that is the fanatic.
All right.
All right, baby.
Since I'm hidden, I am going to use.
Spel Nova.
Which is there in the chat.
If you want to read it, GM.
It's kind of like a prepared situation.
OK.
Any spell that's on the turn following this cast explode and explode in a near radius and is critical.
If your cast fails with this spell, you cannot use magic for one turn.
So it's like a prep.
So as long as you succeed or as long as you don't get a one, it's a critical.
Right.
And it explodes in a radius.
That's cool.
That is spell Nova.
And then I'm just like, shut up.
What?
Nice.
OK, dude.
All right, Raz, you're next up.
What do you do?
Well, I guess I'm going to, you know, fucking kill them somehow.
Yeah.
How is it?
I think the best way to do this is just to run up and start petting one of the dogs.
Good boy.
But I'm going to be activating soul siphon.
OK.
You like my magic noises, forger, boy.
They typed it out pretty damn good, too.
Yeah.
At least it's not rot.
Right.
That he's using on the dogs.
All right.
Soul siphon, go.
You suck.
You fail.
That's a two plus three, which is a five.
Yeah.
So you reach out and try to like, I feel like you try to activate your magic and touch the dog, but he snaps and your finger misses.
Damn.
Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen.
All right.
Potulent pooch.
Three, five, seven.
I would like to make a wide berth and still head for the house.
What are you doing?
What now?
I don't think you can do that.
All right.
Well, move your token and see what you see.
Mm hmm.
So what you see is you can see these little markers here.
These are doors to be able to enter the place.
So you can head to whatever you like.
Something about a balcony.
There is the balcony is here ish.
You can't see my mouse on it's I can draw.
But I see it on the forge.
Yeah.
It's on the second floor.
So I can't show you on the map, but it's down the path that Raz is currently heading and it's like above it.
Like, let me show you right here.
Okay.
My plan is to start climbing the building.
So, okay.
So if you want to head this way instead, we can do that.
I'm cool with that.
If you want to be over here instead.
All right.
I live for them.
Yes.
The dog lashes out and tries to bite you.
19.
Damn it.
Mm hmm.
Normal attack damage before.
You mean brace damage.
That's right.
That's one.
The second dog.
Lashes out and tries to bite you.
That's a four.
It misses.
Mm hmm.
These guys are hidden.
The other one.
He shoots a short bow at you.
At me?
Yep.
Damn it.
That's a six.
He misses.
Bomb lunatic.
Go.
All right.
So there in the bushes preparing my spout, I use my military hand and basically cast
fireball.
Now I want to hit this dead square.
Cool.
So then it hits near.
Okay.
And then I got a roll of magics.
Yeah.
Because you don't get a one, it's a critical, which means you get to roll ultimate.
19.
It was already almost a fucking critical itself.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
So you get to do magic damage, which is your D10 and ultimate damage.
So it's D10 and D12.
Yeah, that's how it works.
Oh, your critical is only a one.
Damn, that sucks.
It's still 10 damage.
So as it explodes, it lights some of the bushes and everything on fire and the dogs are like,
and they burn down to the ground and the colt is like, no, my dog.
He falls to the ground.
His robes burned, all three of them dead.
Cool.
10 damage to all of them.
I'm going to go ahead and place I coins on everybody.
I'm going to hear you get an I coin.
You get an I coin as well.
You get an I coin.
Everybody gets I coins.
Nice dude.
So by doing that, I would also like you just to make a prayer.
A new person sits on the couch.
Hey, catchy cantribs.
You made it over here.
Thanks so much for joining us.
Appreciate you guys.
Catchy Cantribs is some of the most wholesome fucking people.
Wholesome dang people.
Yeah, that you ever done saw.
And yeah, get over there and give them a follow to you.
Shout out to them.
That's right.
They do a wholesale and wholesome.
They do wholesale and wholesome.
That's right, baby.
Thanks for joining us, y'all.
How does your stream end up going?
How did it go?
So everybody who doesn't know Raz is placing God coins on all of these dead people's eyes
because his God asked him to do so to help their souls pass on to the other side.
Now whenever you do this, I would like you to just roleplay a little bit and do me like
a like a prayer to Ned Braith, the God of Death.
And on doing so, you're going to get a plus three to your next magic that you cast.
All right, as I'm placing these coins, I'm telling, I'm saying, in the name of the Father,
the darkness and the one true death, you have been saved.
You will live on in death.
Walk your righteous road to the other side.
And when you get there, enjoy the void because it's there's nothing.
Okay.
All right.
So now you get that plus three, baby.
Is that plus three times three?
No, no, it's like you get a plus one for each one.
Ah, plus three.
This is just one story to my next role.
Yeah.
It's magic role.
Yeah.
I would like to go over to the dead body.
Oh, has to write him a ticket for attacking an officer of the law.
You're in direct violation, you have to take this down to the courts and go through proper
procedures.
You felt the animal and just put it on his body.
And then I would like to loot his body.
But like, we maybe don't want a paper trail being here.
Good point.
Nope, stand there.
Okay.
You loot his body and what you do find is a necklace that gives you a plus one to any
animal handling reactions that you do, which may fucking come in handy when you're trying
to animal handle a griffin tomorrow.
So tomorrow in game.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh, hi.
Hey, buddy.
Yeah.
So I'm gonna do a cheers buddy, just because gangers is here.
Also thank you, get you can trips.
Thank you for the fancy outfits.
We do new outfits every single campaign and season that we play.
We also do a guest star focused stream on Thursdays called site questers.
If either of you guys ever want to come play in that, please let us know.
Yeah.
And we do costumes and that as well on occasion.
So it's funny, funny old stuff.
Yeah.
It's just a necklace of animal handling.
So any kind of roles you make towards interacting with animals, you get plus one.
Yeah, you know, it's really hard to just make loot items.
I know.
So, uh, cast a cantri.
Fighting the corpses on fire.
Run Tom.
Cheers buddy.
Cheers, buddy.
Cheers, Slappy.
Can we say after your prayer, Raz, the bodies light on fire.
Sure.
Does it take the ticket with him?
I guess the bodies were already kind of on fire.
Yeah, I think so.
The ticket go up in flames as well.
I think it does.
Yeah.
But I feel like it's one of those situations where Bomblin has like the yellow slip from
the ticket.
You know what I mean?
So you just rip the white part off and put it on there.
So you've still got the yellow part.
Yeah.
So you're good.
The trace is gone, which is good.
Yeah.
OK, so I'm assuming you're over here.
Now, all of these little things here on the map here are doorways.
You guys are free to explore the grounds as much as you want before you go inside if you
want to continue to do so and pick whatever door you want to go in.
All right.
Just let me know.
Move around.
Do your thing.
This is free play map time, baby.
I feel like we just continue.
All right, but don't go in a door until you all do it once.
All right.
OK, yeah, I'm going to be in this tree right here if you need me.
This campaign is the first time we started using Foundry, everybody.
So we're still experimenting and having some fun with it.
So far, it's been pretty great.
And pretty great.
You're in that tree.
OK.
Ready to break.
Is that the door you guys decided on climbing down from the tree?
It sounds like you're eating a breakfast sandwich, you liar.
I am not.
Yeah.
Fucking my mask is on.
It hasn't come off the entire time.
Also, yeah, it sounds like someone is taking their NARC role a little too seriously.
Oh, yeah.
Before I was too bad and too evil.
Now that I try to do a little bit of God and it's not good enough for you.
You know, you know, test a real big fucking hypocrite.
Yeah, for not having a soul.
Whatever copper, fuck you.
OK.
T357.
I like having rats on my side for once.
That's right.
We're moving forward a little bit.
You still have spider climb active.
So do you want to try to climb the walls or are you going to go in the door with everyone
else?
Hi, Age.
I'm going to climb the wall.
All right.
So that's a spider climb.
You don't need to make any kind of check, but you are going to climb all the way up
to the area and.
I can activate it.
The scene.
But what I'm going to do is I'm just going to do that in a minute, because when I do,
then they're going to be able to see everything as well.
So we're going to let these guys step inside.
But we are going to say that you're up on the balcony.
All right.
Now you two boys, do you try to climb or do you go through the door?
Yeah, I guess we might as well try to climb this thing.
OK, I'm going to need dexterity athletics checks.
It's going to be dexterity checks and you're going up about 25 feet.
So wait a second.
I just forgot about something.
I need to run back to the front gate.
OK.
And I'm going to draw a glyph on the ground.
In case anyone knows, roll me a magic for your magical glyph, buddy.
Do it.
All right.
This is going to be plus six because of my plus things that I got from the dead guys.
All right.
So that's 17.
All right.
What magic are you putting in the glyph?
I'm going to put death Nova in that.
OK.
So so everybody knows it's basically a big bomb.
Yeah.
Basically.
It's a giant domestic terrorism.
Now, Bomblin, are you going to climb imaginary, imaginary domestic terrorism?
Right.
There you go.
Bomblin, are we climbing as well?
Oh, God, no.
No.
OK, you're going in the door.
But first, Raz, make me a dexterity check, buddy.
Let's go.
All right.
Dexterity.
Here we go.
16.
That beats it.
Our target number was 16, which means you climb up as well.
Oh, yeah.
You're going to step inside here, huh?
Yeah.
All right.
Oh, yeah.
Is that a bathtub?
Hmm.
Looks to be it.
You, my friend, step inside to what looks to be a laundry room where you can see the
laundry room where servants wash clothing, probably.
There are scrub buckets, washbasins, soap mops, and chamber pots.
But as you look to the right, you can see that there's a corpse.
It looks like a corpse of a servant that has been murdered.
It looks to be a middle-aged female human, and her body has been left on the stairs leading
up to the servant's quarters.
This is very unfortunate.
Ma'am, I'm going to have to write you a ticket for being deceased without proper burial.
You're just going to have to take this down to the courthouse and get it all proceeded
and take a gap.
All right.
Okay.
Holy shit.
All right.
Um.
I'm going to let you move one more room before we cut to the balcony with the other guys.
So you can go.
I want to go with this door, but I'll let the other guys go because I don't want to
proceed too far without them inside.
Okay.
I'm going to let you do one more room.
So G5.
Here's what happens in G5.
Really honestly, nothing.
Kitchen.
It's an unlocked wooden door that leads from the yard to the mansion's kitchen.
So there are doors that go outside here, which is stocked with cookware and utensils and
a large fireplace that looks to be used for cooking.
But there's nothing else going on in here.
Nothing.
All right.
Cut the guys.
Right.
Here we go.
Maybe.
Which means also Raz, you're over here as well.
Forge of Lore loves cop bobbling.
You get a badge made.
Cop bobbling is best.
All right.
You guys find yourselves on the balcony.
Whoops.
Here we go.
You guys find yourselves on the balcony.
It looks to be the balcony.
This large balcony is enclosed by the ornate wrought iron railing.
And there are large lounge chairs that have been placed neatly arranged on here.
The ground is 20 feet below from you now.
And open glass doors lead to what looks to be the master bedroom right below you.
Master bedroom it is.
All right.
You go ahead.
You move.
I think you can open the doors too.
Yeah.
So is necrophilia a tenant of Raz's religion?
What?
Wait, wait, wait.
How does Ned Bray feel about necrophilia?
I feel like he wouldn't like it.
Because there's not a level of consent in there.
Yeah.
Good to know.
What is that?
The glass doors?
Is this a glass doors?
Yeah.
There's a little gray door button.
Can you click it?
Oh, what is somebody's commitment to death to where they love it so much they're willing
to pay.
Don't step in yet.
Here's what happens.
Don't fuck up.
Glad it wasn't me.
Oh, that's battle music.
Oh no, what is happening?
Oh God, I can hear it, but I can't see it.
You guys remember like video games and chat where you hear battle music and you're like,
oh no, I don't see anything.
Oh no.
You step inside of the master bedroom.
You can see the doors on the other side of this room have been thrown open.
The room contains the following features.
You can see Yala grand.
She's wearing breastplate, breastplate and armed with a rapier.
She stands next to her well dressed half work bodyguard named Harabaz.
A locked wooden trunk rests at the foot of the large canopy bed.
A cloth with a bathtub sits in the north section hanging above the fireplace in the southwest
corner is a shield that bears the grand coat of arms.
Logs are stacked neatly beneath the hearth.
A tall mahogany wardrobe stuffed with expensive gowns and dresses and clothes stand on the
other side.
Yala grand stands before you next to her bodyguard.
You can see both of them distracted by the noises coming from the doorway in front of
them.
But whenever you open the door, both of them turn and look at you.
The bodyguard Harabaz looks and says, no one messes with maces and brandishes his large
mace.
She takes a step back.
She's a noble woman who looks a little bit like this.
Whoops, that please.
Like this.
She sees you and she goes through the balcony.
Who are you?
And she pulls out her appear.
She's like, you will not get inside of my home.
It's initiative time.
Oh, sorry.
The sound effects is an on repeat.
So it played the next song.
Oh, 14.
My also rolling initiative.
First, we cut back to Bomblin down in the kitchen.
No idea what the hell's going on.
Just hanging out.
I can't see the kitchen map.
I know where it is.
No worries.
I'll get you there in just a sec.
There's Bomblin hanging out down here by himself.
What are you doing, Bomblin?
I'm going to walk up to this door, but I see that the little window in the door that this
leads to the outside.
Yeah.
I'm like, I don't need to go to the outside.
I'm going to go back up through this way and then go over here.
Oh yeah.
Back up.
Oh, no.
This stupid door.
Oh, open the door.
Oh, there we go.
All right.
You ever had problems with doors so bad?
And you're like, oh my God, there's a dead body.
Oh, this is the dead body that I wrote it down for.
When you look down, you see your little note ticket you left there.
And then next to it, you see a ring of keys.
Wow.
I'm going to scoop those bad boys up.
Shing-a-ling-a-ling.
Put them on my belt loop and look up the stairs and then proceed upstairs.
All right.
Bumbling, you're over here.
You came up the stairs.
Still, you hear some yelling coming through the walls a little bit, but it's nothing
too crazy.
Oh, I see it.
You come up into the servant's room.
It's the servant's wing.
These rooms in the southeast area, the upper floor, are what looks like to be where the
servants sleep at night.
The head butler and head maid totally have extra little rooms to themselves.
And you can tell by how nice are these, you know, servants rooms are.
But as you look in, those places are unoccupied.
The largest of the three chambers looks to be a common room where all of these servants
would normally hang out.
But there's no one in here.
Okay.
I can't see that on my side.
I still see the downstairs.
Oh, there you go, bud.
Now, okay.
So we go down to this door right here.
I love this dungeon delving bit we're doing right now.
Yeah, go ahead.
Open up this door.
Stupid servants seems to be a servant swing.
Three rooms on the southeast area, the upper floor.
Yeah, where they sleep at night.
Wait, hold on.
Is this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Still just another servant's room.
All right.
Looks like there's another door proceeds out.
God, is this the outside?
It goes outside.
That's a window that goes outside.
Oh, it's down about the window drops down about 20 feet.
That's good to know.
All right.
We'll head back up to the stupid doors.
You get to the door.
All right.
Hello.
All right.
Yeah.
The door.
You have to be like right in front of the door to be able to.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Anyways.
Hey, this is the area.
It's this whole area.
There's no reason to be here.
Wait, is it that one?
No, it's this room.
All right.
You find a bunch of slaves clothes.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
We cut back over to everyone else.
Roll me initiative.
I got a 14.
Nice.
Como.
Oh, you got to Mr. Roboto.
Seven.
Okay, see what they get.
Seven you're lucky.
You're first, brahs.
I'm first.
Well, I'm going to sprint into the room towards the lady.
And then I'm going to cut hard right and go to the big guy and touch him in the chest.
I'm going to boop him right in the boobs and then I'm going to activate soul siphon.
Nice.
Hi back.
I'm dead.
Welcome back, Cindy.
Roll me.
Roll me magic.
Yeah.
I said the right thing.
But do that jokes.
Intelligence.
Or you fail.
You fail.
Right.
Mm hmm.
Chaos card or Turk.
Oh, Turkey gets a card.
I don't know if it'll work, but we will try.
I'm about my role play.
Yeah, random.
I guess not.
If it's mechanic, you could.
Next role.
If I get an odd number, it's a nat one.
If even it's a natural 20.
Oh, but good thing it's proteus turn first.
Sure.
You fail though.
Raz.
He looks at you and he goes puny.
Priest man tried to touch my taste.
He's mad.
Yeah.
T three five seven.
Nice.
Now am I still invisible from our dex roll earlier?
Yeah, I think so.
They definitely haven't noticed you.
Perfect.
Then I would like to use my assassination shot on the big guy.
Nice.
It looks to me like he's right in range to you.
Look at that.
Mother, you don't even have to move.
Everything I did.
Technical difficulties everybody.
It was more me throwing shade.
If it's RP, it's cool.
Hey man, you can throw shade.
Hi, we're back.
Hell yeah.
Here we go.
All right.
I would like to use assassination.
If target does not know you're there, your first attack cannot miss.
Hell yeah.
It's chaos card now, Rum Tum.
Because there's different kinds.
So I would like to use my poison bolt arrows for my crossbow to shoot the big guy.
Nice.
So not only do you do crossbow damage, but you do poison damage and because it's your
magical crossbow, you do fire damage.
Badass.
And it can't miss.
So that's a five.
Nice.
So D4 and D4.
That's three.
Makes it eight.
One more.
One more D4.
Yeah.
That's nine.
Nine damage.
Can I do it this way?
I can.
Ha ha ha.
There we go.
You shoot out.
You shoot an arrow across the room and it hits him right in the chest and he's like, my titty.
And there's just like an arrow sticking out like on fire and he's like, and he looks up
and makes eye contact with you right outside the door and he brandishes his mace.
It's like a morning star.
Actually, it's not a mace.
It's a morning star.
He's like swinging it.
It's off and it is his turn.
And guess what?
He's going to hit me.
Yes.
Yes, he is.
Oh, you believe it?
Yes.
He swings.
They can't hit me.
He swings.
I have a cloak that lets them to not.
I recommend you stay out of the room.
Plus five.
That's a 12.
Does a 12 hit you?
Raz?
A 12.
I don't think a 12 hits me, actually.
Hold on.
You have a 13 defense.
Look at that bullshit.
Ha ha ha.
It's a nat one.
Oh, wait, because it's an odd number.
It's a nat one.
The card.
Fuck, Sunni, you son of bitch.
He swings around his morning star holding his titty.
He's disoriented and it hits in the back of the head.
He's like, oh, wait, wait.
Maybe that didn't happen.
Oh, man.
Even number.
Damn it.
It's 17.
It's an odd number again.
Son of a bitch.
It hits him in the back of the head.
He's going to take a D4 damage to himself.
That's a two.
And he's dead.
I know, right?
That'd be crazy.
Now he has a special ability that allows him to make two attacks on his turn.
So he moves past after hitting himself in the head dazed and goes right for you.
T three five seven.
And he swings his morning star once more with a plus five to hit.
That's a natural 20.
Jesus.
Now, here's the thing.
Is he allowed to target me?
Yeah, because you shot.
I am wearing.
Yes, but I am wearing the Ebony Hood, a light absorbing cloak that would deflect attention.
Even when seen, enemies choose cannot choose you as their target unless they have no choice.
He has choices, which means he attacks.
I'm sorry, Raz.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, he gets to swing his ultimate plus his weapon effort.
Yeah.
That's four plus his ultimate.
Five damage as he swings it around.
Yeah.
And then y'all a grand tries to stick you with a repair.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
That's a four.
She misses.
Oh, whoo.
And then we cut back down to Bomblin.
What are we doing over here, Bomblin?
Ah, well, that was a fuck you, Raz moment.
Yeah.
Tearing from the sidelines up here.
Hell, yeah.
What is this, now it's another fucking window.
All right.
Yep.
You go back down.
Yeah, I'll go back down.
All right.
Going on the stairs.
Look at the lady.
Shake my head.
Open the door.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
There's so many dead people in here.
Yeah.
Well.
You walk in, Bomblin.
Your heart drops.
You step into the grand hall.
This floor is strewn with bodies.
The sound of fighting can be heard now from up above.
And it comes from atop the wide staircase in the northeast corner.
You can see there are two iron chandeliers that hang from a dark mahogany ceiling above a long dining table that's covered in blood in people's pods, lining the wood paneled walls or tapestries, locked wooden cabinets that contain fine dishes.
A fireplace with a black marble mantelpiece has a framed family portrait mounted above it of a very nice noble family.
But standing near the staircase is a thug, stands large, sees you into the room and he makes direct eye contact with you and says, you will not come in.
And he brandishes his long bow.
Where is he at?
Here. It's kind of it's not like a normal looking.
Oh, OK.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah.
Oh, there it is.
All right, sir.
I'm sorry you are trespassing.
You're inactive in investigation.
I would need you to put your hands behind your back and I'm going to have to take you downtown.
No.
I protect stairs.
You will not pass.
All right, sir.
You offer me no other choice.
I'm going to have to use iron head brutality.
So what I'm going to say is since you've already used pretty much all your movement, if you still want to make an action, you can do so from where you stand here, but you can't get closer.
So if you have something long range, you can do so, or you can get right up on him and not take an action.
Fantastic.
I will use my military issued military minotaur hand that shoots fireballs.
It's military issued all of a sudden.
I roll me magic.
Now you fail.
He laughs.
Stupid.
Now we cut back to Raz up on the second floor.
That fireballs fire bolts.
I have to do preparation magic in order to catch fireball.
Yeah, it's a long process.
It worked outside, but now suspect doesn't want to be apprehended.
I feel like we need art of this military issued minotaur hand that shoots fireballs.
All right, Raz, what do you do, man?
Well, I'm a little fucked up.
That's half or guy.
There we go.
Oh, my God.
There's a big scary monster here.
Lady, get down.
And I'm going to hug her and like blow up because I'm going to cast death Nova.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, Jesus Christ.
Well, roll me roll me magic so you don't just hug her for no reason.
Actually, silly game master.
With no role death, no one does it.
You're power and explode.
Sacrifice any amount of HP and add to 2d 12 damage.
All within far range role defense to avoid.
Yeah, good thing.
T357 is behind that little wall right there.
I protected by the door.
So I need to roll 2d 12.
Maybe we shouldn't be killing nobles that aren't going to kill this, but all right.
20 fucking damage, Jesus Christ.
Wow.
Okay.
She explodes into matter in your hands as you send out this wave of red death energy.
He on 20 damage.
He also dies.
He's like, no, don't hurt me.
And both of them go down to the ground.
Man, that sucks.
Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and place some coins on the ice.
Nice.
What eyes?
You know, the ones that are like piles of ash.
Well, I know this is like blood and guts everywhere, but there's totally like you actually roll me a wisdom, a perception.
Can I just find an eyeball?
That's what I'm saying.
That's what you can find eyeballs amongst the blood and gore.
That's an 11.
I'm going to say you find two eyeballs on this half check.
This is a 13.
So you find two eyeballs, but one of them is from him and one of them is from her.
But you don't find pairs of eyeballs.
Damn.
Thanks, age.
Yeah, there's your eyeballs, dog.
And place coins on the puddles, dude.
Okay, so you're only going to get a plus one as you put one coin on each of their eyeballs.
You just balance them.
I picture you like set them on the fireplace mantelpiece and put the coins on top.
No, I want to put them on the eyeballs, but like press them down so the eyeballs just squish under them.
All right.
Okay.
There.
And they do.
Yeah, I'm helping.
All right.
T357, you have movement now.
What would you like to do?
Excellent.
I would like to move through the room to the door, but oh my God.
To the door and then go through the door and then run to the doors.
We said that there's one here on the other side.
Ah, this one over here.
Is it control?
Shift click.
What is it?
How do you make it do the thing?
I don't know how to do the thing.
There you go.
Yeah, you go to that door and you open it up.
And here's what you see.
There we go.
You're doing a dungeon tonight, baby.
This is fun.
A lot is happening in this room.
A battle is raging between a couple black network looking people and two of the house guards.
And the floor is strewn with dead bodies.
You can see that there's this door that you just opened to the master bedroom as well as
the doors that go to the left off to like some kind of guest room and then stairs that go down.
There are corpses lying on the floor and there are two guards that see you as you open the door.
And as you open it, both of them turn back and look shocked, but they continue to brandish their weapons against the two black network guys standing on the other side of the room.
There you go. You can see dead bodies, you say?
Yeah, lots of them.
Hmm.
Can I just start zipping around the room and placing coins on bodies?
Well, first, you got to get out there past a couple of guards and black network agents.
And Boblin, if you're curious.
Technically, but from a different sect, it depends on how your character feels about them.
God, they've been going underneath Gloomingdale's nose and doing illegal shit.
And you've been sent from the Legion depends on what you want to do with them.
That's all you.
I'm just going to attack us.
Why don't you ask them to say something to them?
Well, I'll let Raz do this thing first. Yeah.
I'm going to walk out there and be like, hold it.
You animals, I'm the house priest and I need to give these men their last rights.
Okay, roll me charisma.
I do love a sturdy meat formation. Arrange the bodies in a meat pyramid.
Oh, that's a 20, 18, 20.
All four of them hold down their weapons in there.
And you could see the two house guards are like, we have a priest.
And the other one's like, I guess we have a priest.
Oh, he better do his thing. And the black network guys are like,
well, I don't want to hurt the priest. He's not doing anything wrong.
They've set down their weapons to it's almost like a wall moment.
Like they were just attacking each other. And then you say that and they're like, oh, OK.
How many bodies are in this room? Four.
And then there's all of them.
There's two more on the stairs leading down to Bomblin at the bottom.
So am I able to put coins on those guys too? Sure.
All right. I'm going to put coins on all of them.
And then I'm going to because I assume the last guy that I put a coin on is like, oh, wait.
Last guy I put a coin on is like this guy right here. Sure.
So I walk over to this black network guy and I go, man, thanks so much for letting me do that.
And I put my hand on his shoulder and I activate soul siphon.
With your plus six. Yeah.
From all the death coins.
So this is this is an intelligence spell.
Oh, but first for the coins to activate, you need to give me a prayer to Nedbrith.
Oh, is it not also plus seven because of the body with the two different eyes in the other group?
That's true. That's very true.
So in reality, it's a plus 10 because I have plus three to intelligence.
Okay. Give me the give me the prayer.
The prayer is forlorn.
Our Lord will be to see so many souls given unto thee.
But you shall not fret and you shall not ponder for these souls have eternity to wander.
And they're like, okay, now get out of here, priest man.
And they brandish their weapons. But then.
So that's your hand on him.
You get an 18 and roll me your magic damage.
Let's go. You might outright kill him.
I hope I do.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Because soul siphon extract life force from a living target within close range transfer effort rolled from their HP to yours.
Yeah. So the magic damage effort.
Yeah. Magic damage. So I need to use my magic roll.
Yeah. Which is a D10. So you could outright kill him.
That's only an eight. All right. You life.
So yeah. And you get to heal.
Yeah. All right.
He's done to two as you soul siphon him.
He's like, stupid priest.
And he brandishes his weapons again.
And you can hear this one over here. This guy, this thug here.
He like talks to the door. He's like, hurry up in there.
Hurry up in there. We've got Rogues.
And then we cut back down to Bomblin at the bottom.
Of the stairs.
Is it my turn or the thug's turn? Yeah.
Yeah. It's your turn. I'm going to let them go after you. Yeah.
I have a run over to him and I'm going to tackle him.
Okay. You're under arrest, sir.
Strength. Let's do it.
Hey, that's a 21. Jesus Christ.
All right. You tackle him. And he's like, hey, hey, don't go up the stairs.
You're not allowed up the stairs. Get off me.
He starts wriggling.
I want to handcuff him.
Try doing like a dexterity check to handcuff him.
You don't have handcuffs.
Not handcuffs, but I have rope.
You have rope? All right. You could use your rope.
All right. Make me a dexterity check to rope him up. Let's do it.
Hey, ah. Hey, ah.
Ah, it's a Nate. It's a Nate.
You try to rope him up and he's like wriggling his hands out.
And you're like, you've never done this before.
So you're like, how do they do this?
And he's like, just keeps getting out of the rope over and over again.
And his hand, you can see it's going over to his sword on the side.
He's like, like in the movies.
I was hoping you rolled a one and you accidentally tied yourself up.
All right. Does that end your go?
Yeah, I can't really do anything else.
All right. He reaches out, grabs his sword and tries to stab you while you're on top of him.
That's an 18, baby.
Damn.
Still doesn't beat my 20, baby.
Oh, wait, I think he does have bonuses, actually. What is it?
He's got plus two. So that's a 20.
18 plus two is 20.
Ah, it matches.
Hell yeah.
So does he breaks one of your crystals, right? So doesn't it bring it down to 19 now?
We roll.
Ha ha. Suck it.
Son of a bitch.
This Leonardo DiCaprio wannabe is fighting that bear really hard.
Damn it. It's only a 15. Yeah.
You all ever seen the Revenant?
Son of a bitch.
We have seen the Revenant.
OK, now these thugs are going to take their turn up on the second level as well.
So you hear banging coming from inside of this room. I'm on the other side of you.
And he did hear an explosion earlier.
He did hear an explosion, yeah.
An explosion, Tess. There was an explosion earlier.
Just letting you know.
Yeah. Well, this guard's like, you're no priest. And he runs up and tries to stab you with his pike.
That is a 12 plus.
Two.
That hits me.
All right. Gets you with his pike.
You see.
Six.
Ow.
Yeah.
Damn it.
You're no priest. He runs up to you.
All that damage.
He tries to get you with his pike.
That's a seven plus two. He misses.
The thugs like, you're no priest.
Russ is up to you.
That's a six. He misses plus two is an eight. He misses.
The last one's like, oh, that hurt, dude.
You're no priest.
And he tries to stab you with his little dagger.
Damn it.
That's a three. He also misses.
They're all trying to stab you. Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay. Now we're going to cut back to you, Raz.
But first we're going to take a quick five to use the bathroom.
And then we'll come back and finish off this here dungeon and see what the hell happens.
All right.
We're going to take a quick five just to get some air.
Everybody, we'll be right back.
Look at them together to be exploded.
That's right. That's so fucking true, huh?
Reroll on CD. Yeah.
I've earned my title. Yes, you have.
Okay. We're going to do one dang old thumbnail pose.
Basically, this is the thing where you guys can throw out poses and chat and screenshot these guys
and put them into weird places and make memes and all their kinds of stuff if you want to.
So if you have an idea for a pose, we'll try to interpret it however they can.
So just type it up in the chat and send it and then screenshot it.
And you could post all your clips and all your screenshots and other kinds of stuff in our Discord
underneath love, death and dice.
And we will check them out during our short rest towards the end here.
Death's explosions, says Forge of War.
So you've got to hold out your hands and do like crazy shit, Raz.
And then these guys will react to it. Yeah.
Really going to be on top for that.
There you go. Pretty damn good.
You're an old priest. Thank you so much for clipping that soon.
We appreciate you. YMCA. Well, they can do the YMCA.
There's no way. We're about to do the DED.
Yeah, that's right.
Okay, everybody, we'll be right back.
We love you. We'll be right back.
We're going nowhere. Just a quick look.
Whoa, that's on top of my face.
I'm surrounded.
I can't go to that screen.
Hello, everybody, and welcome back to 100.1, the Grouch Couch FM.
Thank you guys so much for joining us tonight on the show.
These guys are going through a dungeon in the middle of a grand mansion.
That's right. It's me, Mapface. How's it going?
Yeah, so we're just going to cut right back into this being this is the third act of the show
and these guys are almost through this dungeon, which is crazy.
But guess what, boys and girls?
It's Raz's turn. Raz, let's say you, son.
I say God is great. And then I'm going to explode.
Okay.
Is it weird that sounds better in a different language?
Does it?
I don't know if you don't know better is the right word.
All right. With no overload, you're going to be I'm rolling to D12.
Everybody within far range is getting fucked.
Yep. Jesus.
18 damage. Let me check. I think all these guys only have 18 damage, which leaves the bodyguards both with two.
Both of these thugs die. That's what happens.
Shit. Yeah.
How much HP do you have left, Reverend Raz? Four.
How do you have so much?
Well, he healed. Remember?
Yeah. Okay. These thugs are dead.
It's T357 turn. What do you do?
Healing. Oh, shit.
Raz gets seven health. Son of a bitch.
Putting him back at 10. Jesus.
Sonny, whose side are you on?
Right. My side.
God's side.
Brace side.
All right, Test. What say you?
I would like to shoot one of the guards with my
poison bolt crossbow.
Okay.
Roll for it. Let's go.
Roll to hit. That'd be dexterity.
All right. That is nine plus what? You have to be to 16.
Plus two, which makes it an eight. So you miss. Sadly.
You miss your crossbow bolt. But what?
You could still you have movement or something else you want to do.
Am I able to make it to that other door? Yeah, for sure. Absolutely.
Almost 200. Hey, Rum Tom got that reroll off. Go ahead and just reroll to hit for me.
And since you're doing poison and fire and whatever, so it's a minimum of three damage.
I have to do is hit. That's even worse. That's a four plus two. You could spend a couch coin to make sure that you hit, which, by the way, chat, you guys can give out couch coins and whoever gets the most by the end of stream gets to host the end stream, the short rest.
So, you know, you guys can give them to him. And that's only if T357 wants to use it now because there might be another opportunity to do so.
I would like to save my couch for him and just try to skitter to the door.
All right, let's do it. Skitter away.
You can get over there and you can open it if you would like to.
There you go. On the other side of the door, you see him.
Couch coin.
Couch coin for children.
Geo Swat.
Hell yeah. Thank you, Swat.
Geo Swat button balls is trying his hardest to break down the door in front of you.
He matches the description of Geo Swat button balls. He turns around and he sees you and he's like,
Are you Legion?
Yes.
Affirmative.
Image of him here.
He's like, Okay, good. Then help me break down this door.
Why would I help you?
The grand guy, he's on the other side. He knows how to get the stone.
The Legion has paid for your life. Why would I assist you getting to the other side when I can just get it myself?
So then I've been made.
Fair.
He turns around and pulls out his sword.
It's on.
All right. Would you be willing to be taken in for questioning?
Hell no. In return of your life?
Hell no.
That place?
We're free. We live however we want to live. We take, we steal, we do.
Ain't nobody going to hold us back. We are the Black Network.
He holds up his sword.
How industrious.
That's your catchphrase. How industrious.
Bomblin, we cut back to you, baby.
Oh yeah. I would take my minutes or head and be like, quick resisting arrest and then shoot a fireball while sitting on top of him.
It was like straight like point blank to the chest.
Okay. All right. Rez getting a card on his turn. Don't let me forget.
All right. Roll me magic, baby. Let's do it.
Now to 12.
You have a bonus to that?
No, I don't.
No, you don't? All right.
You try. And then he's like, I'm not resisting. You're not allowed up the stairs.
And he tries to stab you again.
Damn it.
That's much worse.
Much worse.
The problem is, is I have no magical incline in my body.
I know. Why do you keep trying to do magic?
I know.
Damn it. He only got a two. He misses as well.
You're just down here fuddling with this guy while all the important shit is happening upstairs.
Yeah.
Now there's been two explosions that he's heard in the building.
Yeah.
Jesus, these guys are dead. Then I'm going to fuck with them.
These guys have two health left and one of them is just going to try to hit you with his pike, Rez.
You ain't no priest.
Are two of them dead?
What is that?
Two of them are alive. I don't know.
What the fuck was that?
Was that an eight?
That was a nine.
That was a nine. Yeah.
The other one.
You're no priest.
You got an eight. Both of them missed.
Now it's your turn and you get a chaos card.
Let's get it, baby.
Random chaos card draw.
Give me two actions.
You can fly in the next round for the next two combat rounds or for five minutes.
You can fly.
I'm a kite.
This beautiful card was made by Brody.
Yeah, that's a Robbie Armin face right there, baby.
Good as art.
All right.
Send two revealed cards, Connor.
There we go.
Whoops.
All right. You can fly and it's your turn.
What do you do?
Well, I'm going to slowly start rising off the ground.
Fuck.
I hope you guys' health care plan is great.
You're going to need it after this.
And then let's see.
I want to use something a little different.
Death is coming for you.
Yeah, I whip out a guitar and I start singing.
Do it.
Fiddling with my slinky.
Do it.
Promise?
Yeah.
I'm going to do it.
You don't even know.
Every area at the garage couch.
We're always in the works of what's next and what's going to be amazing.
I can't wait.
No wrong.
Okay.
Fine.
I'll do old fashioned shit.
Okay.
All right.
I'm going to take a wild guess to where it goes.
The hole in the tavern.
The hole says forge.
Oh, what?
Yes, this is actually going to be right outside the window of the tallest tower at the wife life church.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
You've been there.
Jesus.
Okay.
Then what do you do?
Well, first, you need to roll magic.
I'm going to fly one kick him out of the portal.
So I'm just going to like, wow.
Hold on.
I want to get this right.
Just imagine like my legs up and I'm like, oh, okay.
Well, first you have to roll magic and that will take up your action.
So you can't slonk it come same turn, but you have to roll.
And I just open the portal.
Yeah.
Unbelievable.
That's a 16.
Nice.
The portal opens and you can see through it in the window.
There's a nimble right sitting there tinkering with stuff and he looks up and he's like.
And then I'm like looking past the guard and I just hold up this to him.
And he's like.
Because the number I can't talk to sign language to everyone who missed last episode.
Okay, that is your turn.
Yeah.
All right.
So I'm going to roll.
I would like to lunge at.
The Joseph at.
His name was my.
Yeah.
Geos fat button balls.
Yes.
Geos fat button balls.
Cause I can't spell.
Yeah.
My poison blades after a blade attack.
Do the damage again in the next round.
Oh, sick.
Hell yeah.
Roll to hit.
Let's go.
Eleven.
This would be a strength.
Attack.
Plus one.
There it is.
The gods have blessed you.
Yes.
Thank you.
Ned Braith.
Oh, which means you get to do your ultimate.
You get to do your attack, your poison and your ultimate.
So D six.
Five plus two seven.
And then D four for poison.
Two plus two.
Basic.
Nice.
That's 11 plus your ultimate.
Well, son of a bitch, you slice this dude's head off.
Justin, he's like, and like the head just bleeds out and goes flying out the window right here.
And as the blood's coming out, there's all this like poison that's just like singeing his skin and his like, it's like Carter rises.
The wound in the head.
He's like, and just flies out the window.
It is good to be doing my work again.
No, it feels good to be home.
It's a bear mask.
All right.
Does that end your turn?
I would like to try and open that door.
He was going for.
Okay.
You walk over to the other one.
You get to the door.
The door is locked.
You can't open it yet, but you get to the door.
The door is locked.
You hear a voice on the other side.
He said, go away.
Go away.
To host a fat is dead.
I don't know who that is.
You need to get out of my house.
The intruders are deceased.
How can I believe you?
Do you not see the puddle of blood seeping under the floor?
The door.
You see that.
What does that mean?
You could have killed one of my guards.
You can so.
Most of them are dead.
What you can do is you can see what you're going to say.
You can roll me charisma check.
You got to be 16.
That's a three.
No, go away.
All right.
We roll.
Oh, it's going to be real.
Sue me.
You're such a homie.
Hyperlabel.
If you're here to troll, you can just fuck off.
Jesus.
Sad one.
I can't roll like Brad does.
I know.
All the good rolls.
But me.
Good.
Yes.
Good.
Yes.
Okay.
We cut back to you.
Bombling down below.
All right.
Let me know other choice.
I'm going to use our strength.
I was trying like knock him the fuck out.
Okay, do it.
Yeah.
Stop resisting.
Last.
Be able to hit.
Oh, my God.
It's an eight plus one five.
Still 13, which doesn't work.
Plus four.
Yeah.
Stop.
And he's like moose his head.
You punch the ground.
He's like, I'm not resisting.
I just love the idea of you just like you just like wrestling with this dude the whole battle.
You wandered into a kitchen and now you're just fighting one guy while they're upstairs doing everything else.
Holy shit.
Oh, chance bonus.
I am serving justice right now.
Chance bonus.
What are you going to get?
Oh, it's just a plus one.
Oh, it's not.
It's only a plus one.
So that makes it a nine, which helps.
But it's not enough.
It would make it a 13, but it doesn't.
Oh, yeah, I would make it a 13.
So you only need three more.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Only if someone else would activate it, too.
That'd be sick, man.
I mean, they could activate it multiple times over and over and over again.
Like, yeah, that shit stacks.
As long as there isn't a cool down on it.
If there is, it's not.
Yeah, baby.
Oh, yeah, this is why we go.
Oh, fuck.
All right.
You get one more from Sunni.
Do it.
That's a plus three, which is great.
Oh, and that's a 17.
OK.
But the chance card still going to affect.
And since there was three of them, you got a plus four on this.
But we have to draw one more.
And this last one could make it a natural one because there is that in here.
We have to draw.
Oh, no.
No, it's just a minus one.
So you're in luck.
So altogether, you get a plus three from chance bonuses.
Thank you guys for activating those.
I've been itching for them chance cards to get used.
I'm going to send them over to you.
A total of 24.
OK, so we're going to explain what happens in a second.
Boom.
All right.
You go.
I saw the chance and I took it.
Hell, yeah.
You he's like, I'm not resistant.
Stop.
You punch the ground and then you pull back your left hand and give him the old left hook
and you knock him out.
He's like, I hit him with a book and serve him with justice.
Yes.
That's exactly what you do.
I punch it.
I'm like, quit resisting.
Shrek.
Serve him with justice.
My ticket book.
Hilarious.
OK, now he's knocked out.
What do you do?
I would take my rope and then cuff him.
Nice.
I'm up.
All right.
And then as the cutaway happens, I open up my book and begin to write him a ticket.
And then you cut back to these guys.
All right.
We cut back up here.
Raz, guess whose turn it is?
It's it's the guy's turn.
It's your turn, Raz.
It's my turn.
I'm that guy.
Oh, wait.
I lost track of my initiative.
It would be your turn.
Yeah, it is their turn.
You're right.
Good job, Raz.
You're no priest.
Nineteen.
Oh, six damage.
You're no priest.
The other one.
That's a twelve.
Twelve doesn't hit you.
You have an AC of 13.
Wow.
You're lucky.
You have to wait.
Now you've been healed.
Mm hmm.
And this guy's dead.
It's always six damage.
Yeah.
Down here arresting people.
You know what else I've just noticed?
What's that?
I no longer have any teammates in the room.
Yeah.
So you know what that means.
There's only two guys alive and there's a portal in front of you.
Remember?
Yeah, there is a portal in front of you.
That leads directly outside of a tower at a church that I don't necessarily know.
That's what I said.
I don't necessarily like.
True.
The Church of Life.
What do you do?
I blow the fuck up.
What do you think?
Okay.
All right.
Uh, there you go.
Now we'll call it legal.
Hello?
Hello.
I hope you boys enjoy the taste of die.
Good thing.
You explode both of them.
You explode and just bloody mass goes everywhere.
And then outside of the portal, a bunch of body parts just fly out from this guard and
like the pike flies out and lands in the sand like someone's walking by and it's like,
Hey, look up to the portal.
Hits anybody.
Should reach target number that hits somebody for sure.
Let's see.
12.
All right.
So it doesn't hit.
Yeah.
It's the ground.
And they look up and they see all these blood and like body parts just coming out of this
portal.
And the nimble right.
It smacks the window and just like bloods leaking down and he looks and you could see
him like through the blood.
Like, yeah, buddy.
Yeah.
Now your portal stays open, but all of them are dead.
And so now we're actually going to cut to three, five, seven, trying to get through
this door.
Now you didn't succeed on your charisma check, but you can try to break down the door with
the strength if you would like much like a bumble bottom, whatever his name was fucking
what the fuck can I balls was doing?
You could also lockpick the fucking door.
Yes.
Holy shit.
You can do that.
That's exciting.
It's raining blood.
Hallelujah.
Can we just add one more thing that I say to the nimble right as like I closed the portal?
Sure.
I'm doing this.
I don't know.
Do you want to tell the class?
In American Sign Language, this means fuck and ass.
Nice.
And he laughs.
Fuck ass.
Yeah.
Avast, fuck ass.
All right.
T three, five, seven.
You get to make a lockpick check, which is a dexterity check that you get to do to try
to open this door.
Oh, what the fuck?
What is your roles today?
Yeah.
What the fuck?
Hey, thanks.
Hey, helping you out.
I think we need to change the color of your dice before the next session and we'll see
if it does better.
I'm just going to start waltzing over.
Okay.
Hey, 15 plus your decks.
I know that 17.
17.
Hell yeah.
The door.
God.
You step inside.
Yeah.
One five.
You want to go upstairs?
Yeah, yeah.
You come upstairs there, Bomblin.
Right.
Take these dead bodies.
Dead bodies in here.
And then they all got fucking cops show up and all right.
We'll do it.
There's just coins on all their eyes and they all have tickets on them.
Yeah.
Okay.
You step inside.
Yeah.
You step inside.
Yeah.
You step inside.
Yeah.
You step inside.
Yeah.
You step inside.
Yeah.
You step inside.
Yeah.
You step inside.
Yeah.
You step inside.
Yeah.
Okay.
But here's what you see.
You step into this room.
Let me see.
This room is a wood paneled bedchamber with a bird cage on a table and what looks to be
some kind of permanent teleportation circle, inscribed on the floor, which I don't know
if T357 would know this, but Raz does for sure.
The bird cage contains a bunch of flying snakes, snakes that you are familiar with that have
been used to send you guys messages over the past couple of weeks.
Yeah.
You can see the standing in the center is Mr. Grand.
He is also a noble.
He is the husband of the woman that you just exploded.
He doesn't know that.
And as you walk in, he sees you and immediately gets down on his knees and starts begging
for his life.
He's like, oh, please no, stop, stop.
I'm sorry.
Thankfully, the Legion has not paid for your life.
If you come with us, we can arrange your survival.
I don't care.
Can I stay here with my wife?
Please?
Can I can I stay here with her?
I have something urgent to tell you about your wife.
Just question me.
You you question me.
As long as my wife's alive, I don't care.
Just question me here.
Can I sit here, please?
Oh, wait.
Yeah.
Go ahead and question him first.
Your wife did not seem to survive the onslaught.
My wife is dead.
No, yes, sir.
We're going to need you to remain calm.
It was under arrest.
It was those guys that attacked you.
People break into my house and I'm under arrest.
What?
Wait outside.
All right.
I'll wait outside.
You got a newspaper in here.
Roll up.
Am I under arrest?
You are not under arrest.
Do not let that rent a cop fool you.
OK.
Why are you here?
We were sent to take care of the man that was trying to break down your door.
Oh, fuck him.
He sucks.
Quickly, will both of you roll me just a perception, just real quick, just a wisdom check.
Bombing you as well.
Damn, mine came in there hard.
Mine's a dirty 20.
Says Proteus.
Yeah, you were waiting outside.
Well, you can look at things from outside.
It's OK.
If you don't want to do wisdom.
What's up, Scott?
Thanks for joining us, brother.
How are you doing?
Doing any good Scott shows recently?
Mine's a dirty 20.
Hell yeah.
OK, dirty 20.
Raz, as you're standing there, T357, you are questioning this man, telling him what's going on.
But Raz, as you're standing there, you look out the window and for a second, like outside the window, you see a nimble right.
It looks like he's grabbing onto this ledge of the window.
He looks in the window, sees you two.
It's a worried look on his face and then disappeared.
Like jumps, disappears.
Can I pull out my little device and click it?
Yeah, you click it and it's like.
Son of a bitch.
Yeah, that was the one.
Yeah.
So you came for him.
Will he?
Oh, my goodness.
Look, I got to be honest.
I know you see the snakes.
Look, House of Grand or Grand Villa, it's been we've been bankrolling with the Black Network operations here in Common Steel, including the plot to kidnap Tony Neverember and the plot to take the stone of galore.
My father was friends with the gnome, Dalcazar.
I'm sorry.
My wife.
What do you know of this stone?
Oh, well, the stone of galore is some kind of ancient creature transformed into artifact.
It knows the location of the hidden vault right here in Common Steel, containing over a million gold.
My wife.
My wife, she was frustrated with the Legion and their inability to secure the artifact.
She even gave a necklace to her mechanical servant and sent it out to help recover the stone.
And it was careless.
It killed a bunch of the Legion by mistake.
And he came back.
He was going to kill us.
We killed his men.
Mechanical servant.
Does this mechanical servant only communicate sign language?
Yeah, it was one of those weird nimble right things.
It's still.
It has yet to return.
I believe it may still have the stone.
Son of a bitch.
The galore stone or a necklace.
The galore stone.
Can I see my wife now?
You have a special way.
Oh.
Of.
Well, you see the thing about your wife is there the black water guys.
They didn't like her and they exploded her and her bodyguard in the other room.
That's a pretty shitty sign over there.
They're exploded.
The bodyguard him too.
Oh, yeah.
Black water, you say.
I will find everyone who works with this black water and I will murder them myself.
Yeah, you do that.
I will kill them all.
You save the day for all of the black water agents to die on this day.
My wife.
Yeah.
Did you have a way of communicating with the nimble right for some.
It would just come.
It would show.
My wife would send it off and it would return.
purchased this thing from, I don't know who it was.
It was working with the Black Network
and she kind of took control.
He took a very kind liking to my wife
and he just came around and,
oh, can't believe she's dead.
He steps to the side and he opens up the little cage
with the flying snakes in it and he's like,
not gonna need these anymore.
And he opens the window
and then they just all fly out the window.
And he's like, well, I guess I better go bury my wife.
Any final questions before I go?
Well, not really a question, but more of a statement.
Yes, Raz, could you open a portal to Legion headquarters
where we were speaking with Nocissius and Tony?
Oh God, no.
No, you can't take me.
You can't take me there.
And the window he just opened, he stands on the ledge
and he's like, you can't take me.
Wait, I cast portal right in front of him.
And he jumped out the portal and threw it.
Well, you got it first, you gotta roll magic.
You gotta roll magic.
Oh geez, I want this to work.
Ah, damn it.
Help, chat. Five.
You fail. Help me.
You fail. Help, chat.
Can I give Raz my couch toy?
Yeah, you absolutely can.
Oh, Nate with the reroll.
Thanks, Nate. Appreciate you, buddy.
What is the portal?
18, 21.
Okay, so the portal opens in front of him.
Instead of jumping out 20 feet down to his death,
he goes through the portal.
Where does the other side of the portal go?
He goes to the Legion meeting room that we were in.
Okay.
All right.
Plans on the table.
Okay, as that's happening,
Bomblin, are you there?
Yeah, I'm just getting my perp all secure for transfer
back down to town.
Before we can move on here,
you're gonna loot all these bodies.
So- Yeah, I'm gonna loot them for evidence.
Yeah, looting all of them.
These four guys in here, maybe in total,
they've got like 35 gold on them.
Over here, if you wanna add that in there,
Yala Grand, the wife that was completely exploded.
I was gonna tell you she had some stuff,
but her body has been exploded, so she has nothing.
But on the ground next to Robuz, you do find his flail.
And this is a magical flail
that allows you to attack with it twice per round.
That does sound like a suitable replacement
for a long sword.
Indeed.
You can attack with the flail twice per round,
and that's what you find.
Now, one other question,
do you put tickets on all these dead bodies?
Please, for the love of God.
Yes, they're all gonna have a-
Yeah, they're gonna have to jump out of town,
go to the car house, sandal this themselves.
Eight, nine, sandal, 11, 12, 13, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, that's 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23,
24 in total thus far.
24 tickets you give out.
Did the Legion specify that they wanted me
to deliver GeoSfat button bells?
You need proof of GeoSfat's death.
You have the bodies in the bathroom.
Can I hoist his corpse through the portal?
Yeah, then the head went out the window.
So if you want the corpse, you can do the corpse.
Yes, I will hoist his corpse
through the portal window.
All right.
Bamblin, you hear a familiar sound
as you're putting all these tickets,
and it sounds like the wings of a griffin coming overhead.
And you could hear below the rambles
of about 20 or 30 different ironhead guards
approaching the Grand Manor.
Are you sure?
And then, well, hold on.
Are you sure you don't hear an explosion first?
As they're approaching the Grand Manor,
you hear the gate being forcefully opened,
and then there's an explosion.
Well, time to go.
Yeah, and then you hear, oh no, we lost more guards!
And then landing on the roof, the roof shakes.
The griffin comes in hot, and they're like,
it's a hostile environment, everybody in!
You guys hop through the portal?
I'm going to.
I don't want to stick around for this.
Bamblin?
I want to take my perp
and then go through the portal with them,
and then I'm going to deliver him at a later date.
Oh, wait, Bamblin,
you're just going to go into the Legion hideout?
It's not my fault they opened up the portal.
You should say you've apprehended all of these.
Ah, right, you're right.
I can take all the credit for all this.
That's great.
Yeah, you guys go ahead,
and then I'll handle all the paperwork here.
Okay.
We are here.
Who?
Exactly, goodbye, Bamblin.
All right.
All in a great day's work of justice.
Okay, you guys hop to the portal.
You close the portal.
Then we cut over to Bamblin, holding the perp,
walking out the front door as 15 guards run in hot,
very aggravated because five of their people just died.
And from the roof, the griffin hops down
with the captain you seen earlier.
And he hops off the griffin and he goes,
recruit, you motherfucking tell me right now
what you're doing in the grand villa with a hostage.
Speak.
Yes, Captain, sir.
Sir, I have apprehended one of the Thug Masterminds
upon this whole operation.
I have also established citations
throughout the entire villa for foundations
and then unproperly deceased burial sites.
And then I also wrote a parking ticket and then, yeah.
So we're doing great, boss.
Please, roll me a charisma real quick.
There was a lot you just said in there.
I wanted to do multiple, but yeah,
roll me a charisma real quick.
Let's just do it.
That's a 13.
12 plus one's a 13.
Son of a bitch.
He's like,
recruit for one sec.
Oh, damn it.
Dude.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ah, five.
Recruit, I do not believe for one second
that you apprehended all of those people in this building.
First off, good job.
You fucking idiot for giving all those citations
on not wanted burial grounds.
All these bodies need to be prepared and buried right away.
And all of their families will receive those tickets
for these bodies just being left here.
Good job, recruit.
Second off, I remember and know
that you definitely filed a parking ticket, right?
Now the purpose still not yet to be apprehended
because we don't know where he is.
Although we do get word that he might be stuck
in a portal in a tavern somewhere.
Second of all.
You've affected the people, sir.
Today, right now, recruit.
I don't know how much of what you just said to me
is the truth.
So you are coming with me back.
I just turned into a fucking macho man right here.
Yeah, this is fucking macho man.
You're coming with me back to the iron head hideout.
Understood?
Understood, Captain Sir.
Recruit, Spilin.
Then he points to the building
and all they sell start running in.
Chachachachachachachachach.
And then he grabs the hostage you have,
throws him on the Griffin and he's like.
You have five minutes to meet me back
at the iron head hideout or we will track you down.
Brother.
I just done Captain day sir.
Three minutes.
Three minutes, back!
And he hops on the griffon, flies away.
I love him being Macho Man.
I don't know why I didn't do that first.
All right.
Now you hustle it up out of the gate.
And then from there, you can tell me where you go.
Do you go there?
Yeah, I would head back to the Iron Heads hideout.
Okay.
All right.
Now we cut back to the Legion hideout.
The body lands on the table and you two hop through the portal and sit there.
As well as Grant.
Yeah, and Grant.
And Kith is there and he stands up and he's like, well, yeah, I knew we picked the right
person for the job.
But look around.
You've ruined our poker game.
It's just like chips and cards all over the table and glooming Dale's mat, he slams another
table on the fist.
You know what I mean?
And the knife is left there.
And he's like, and he gets up and he walks out, walks out the door.
He's like, yeah, he was winning too.
So that's good.
Anyways, good job here.
Seeing that you have successfully defeated Joseph fifth bottom bubble, whatever his name
was.
Welcome back.
You are now considered an official sasson of the Legion.
No longer will you be a recruit or an underling.
T three five seven.
Welcome back.
And he holds out his hand and his tabaxi claws grip around your metal.
And on the inside, you can feel your brand growing and solidifying.
And then he looks over to you, Raz, and he's like, you.
How did you help?
Well, I killed some people.
I know I killed some iron heads while I was over there.
So I don't know what that's worth to you.
And they don't know it was me either.
I did this very sneakily.
Not eating God is always good, but I'm gonna need you to go out to the room out there.
You're gonna have to go and talk to Jeeves.
You're gonna have to file paperwork for every single one of the people you killed today.
That's the way we operate.
Okay, I guess I mean, paperwork, I guess part of the process.
I hope you have a number.
But thank you before you go.
Come, come here.
Don't leave yet.
Hold on.
Come here.
In his hand, his paw, the tobacco paw grips around your flesh cuts in a little bit.
And then you feel the snake on your arm grow.
He's like, Good job.
Cool.
Yeah.
He looks over at Mr. Grand and he's like, I know what you were doing.
Harboring the black network.
Shame on you, sir.
Shame.
We were helping you and your wife.
We were trying to find the stone of galore together and you betrayed us and for that,
you will be ruined.
And he's like, I'm sorry.
Look, I just have one question.
Could you please help me find the people of Blackwater?
And he's like, Blackwater?
Yeah, I guess.
But first you must pay your sentence.
And he grabs them by the arm and throws them into a cell.
Yeah.
And I think boys and girls, as you guys are leaving after doing your paperwork, heading
off to the Ironhead station, whatever this, whatever that, I think that that is what we're
going to leave it for tonight.
And you guys are going to get some fucking level two milestone rewards to level up with
today, tonight for achieving this mission, for doing the good success.
That's right, baby.
And what we're going to do.
Great stuff.
So, guys, rewards, we're going to take a quick little break so these guys can get the fuck
out of costume.
We're going to come back and do our short rest.
That's right.
And we're going to come right back and these guys are going to level up.
We're going to talk about all of the moments of tonight and talk about some stuff.
Basically, a short rest is like a tabletop so we can go into more detail about things
and stuff that we want to talk about out of costume and actually be able to read chat
a little bit more because we're out of role play, which is wonderful.
So we'll be right back to do that.
And while we're gone, if any of you guys made any clips, if you were doing anything fun,
like, I don't know, if you took any selfies or made any art while we were streaming today,
please post pictures of it in the Love, Death and Dice Discord so we can see what she was
doing while we were streaming.
And if you took any fun screenshots of tonight or made any clips, please also post those
in the dang old Love, Death and Dice section of the Discord and we're going to view all
that stuff too during our short rest.
Final words, boys and girls.
Yeah.
Oh, if you miss next week, make sure to come back around on November 4th for Children of
Proteus's Reagan Charity Stream.
One of us couch boys is going to be over there playing Fish Jeopardy is going to be a great
time.
Yeah, we'll talk about that more when we get back to you.
All right.
Play us out, Connor.
Um, what do you mean?
Play it.
Play us out.
Play.
Play us a good time.
Uh, I did.
That's coming for you.
Thanks, guitarhead.
There's another