Hey-oh-oh!
Hello everybody! Welcome on, welcome on to Love, Death, and Dice!
Your favorite day of the week, Thunder!
And we're so happy to be here on Cool Couch.
That's right, it's October, which means lightning.
I'm Turkey, your lovely dungeon master,
and I'm here with three of my dang all-favorite friends and GrouchCrafts crew members,
and just happy as hell to be rolling dice after this long ass week that I know that we've all had.
So thank you all so much for joining us. Before these two get to introduce themselves, I will also say,
Proteus is remote!
Say hi, Proteus.
Hi.
Hi!
Yeah!
I'm in Rhode Island!
How do I hear that?
Sunday, what's that? Don't you mean GrouchCounts steak? That's right, pizza of death!
Yeah, Proteus is in Rhode Island, but we love rolling dice so much and still being here with each other, so we're still here to do it.
Yeah, that's right, that's right.
Connor, Fishy, hi guys, you're also here. How you doing?
I'm here.
Hello.
I am also here.
So is Connor.
Hello here and also here, I am dead.
Fishy keeps doing that.
Hit what?
Everybody gets what.
The Dragon Vault.
Hello everybody.
Welcome back to Love, Death, and Dice. This is again, episode five.
Excited to be here.
Ah, we last left off, you guys were all resting in the tavern, but tonight we return to a certain somebody who decided that he certainly was going to be using magic for, well, not good, not bad, but for his own.
Hi, Isaiah, what's up, dude? Thank you for joining us.
So, what's up, Boblin?
Oh no, it was me.
It was you.
We return to you, Boblin, as you are approaching the graveyard in Common Steel City.
As you are approaching the graveyard to go back to the Great Tree, because you have defeated the Scarecrows.
That was your goal.
As you're walking through the graveyard, you're approached.
Once again, by one very old gravekeeper.
He sees you and he goes,
Hey, it's Bear Guy.
How's it going?
Good, pretty good, Grave Keep. How's your dick?
Yeah, it's a weird question to ask, but it's hanging low.
You know, for being an old man as I am, as old as an elf, you know, my balls still don't hit the water when I sit in the outhouse, you know, so we're doing good.
That's weird. Would you say that it almost minds its own business?
I think so, unless it doesn't want to.
Great, you should do the same.
He continues talking as you walk past him, but you walk in, of course, with the way you went before.
You walk through this giant archway of like vines and tree branches that has grown and twisted together.
And all the leaves and flowers on it are just growing off and blossoming so beautifully.
And you walk inside and as you do, you feel this wave of pressure, magic once again, come over you.
And you step inside and you see the great tree as it moves its branches and wakes from its slumber.
And it sees you and it says,
Bomlyn Barlow, you have succeeded in your mission and returning balance.
Welcome back to the Emerald Enclave.
Job's done.
Ah, good to hear. Now step close, step close.
And he like waves his branches over you and they're huge. The shadows just over top of you.
And all these like leaves fall down all around you, almost like in like a glittery flowery kind of way.
And as they do, you can feel that gift that was given to you kind of lift for a second.
And then it comes back in and as it does, instead of being that beautiful blue color it was before, it's almost a little red.
And he...
I see. You have decided to use your magic for your own. You've went the way of the dark, correct?
Now, to the dark side.
Oh, I mean, not necessarily. You know, stuff happens and then you just got to get yourself out of situations.
I didn't mean to harm anybody.
But you did. So, you have made your choice.
And he sits back.
And he opens his arm to the left and you see another archway appears in the trees as if magically.
And all of the flowers on it are kind of dead and black and a little red.
And you can see the energy on the inside is a little bit redder than this energy in this room.
And he says, Proceed.
Great. Oh, we're going flower shopping.
You walk onto the archway. Once again, the pressure gets more dense.
And as you walk onto the archway...
You see, nope, not that one. What is it? This one?
Sweet, sweet, magical presence.
You walk inside to see only a ritualistic altar, a couple of fires.
And on the altar, there seems to be a mattering of blood.
And as you walk in, someone comes from outside of the trees and walks towards the altar.
And you see him and right away, you know who it is. It's the gravekeeper.
He goes, I see you've made your choice, Bomblin.
Your choice of dark magic? Well, welcome in.
Please approach the altar. You may move your token, Bomblin.
So, tell me, old gravekeep, you always been a dickbag?
Ah, I see your attitude reflects your sense of magic.
I see that your attitude reflects the sense of holy fuck your alt.
Yes, I'm an old elf. What of it? I've been around, Bomblin.
Some call me the wise old elf, much like the wise old tree, you see. I am the keeper.
You look like a wise old walnut to me.
I am a walnut, indeed. Now get off the table, Bomblin. You're not supposed to get on the table.
Well, I mean, it's very misconcerting.
Bomblin, if you want your magic to grow, you want it to be powerful, and gain all kinds of riches.
You must sacrifice thy blood to the altar, Bomblin. Hold out thy hand.
Oh, how about that? I got pots.
All right, hold out your paw, or hold out your dick. I don't care. I'll cut that off.
Ah, you wish, old man. It's just because yours doesn't work anymore.
Oh, it works great. Let me show you. Turn around.
No, no. No, no, it's fine. Just do what you gotta do.
All right. This is a ritual. You will be repeating after me, but before I do, I must ask you, Bomblin,
which finger do you wish to lose?
Ah, I guess, I guess my left pinky. I gotta lose a finger?
Yes.
Freaking.
All right, I'm trying to do a ritual here. You see the allergy to yourself? Fuck.
I'm sorry, it's a finger.
Which finger, Bomblin?
Silly way that I could like, make it look like I sacrificed a finger, would not actually sacrifice a finger.
You can do, Bomblin, what can you do?
Well, not that, obviously. I mean, just big old green mouth on your face.
Cut off his tail!
Um.
It's a little bared up.
We could do that. But you can make me a dexterity. We'll call it a sleight of hand check to move your finger.
Do you have, hmm.
Where if I sleight of hand a Minotaur hand through my coat sleeve and then present him with a Minotaur hand as my right hand.
You do actually have that, don't you? You do.
Yes, yes I do.
You fucking do.
Of course I would.
Minor illusion, says Gala. I wish Bomblin had a minor illusion.
No, we'll call it a Minotaur illusion, Gala.
There you go. So, yes, you can do that.
You're gonna make a dex save.
Alright, and you gotta beat that 15, son.
Whoops.
I'm gonna do that.
I imagine the finger just gets cut off and just fire spits out of the end of the finger.
Are you sure that's your hand?
I don't know.
A 17!
It was a 17.
Hey!
17 is good. 17 is good. Let me fix this.
Pull my finger, mini Minotaur.
Alright, your 17 succeeds. You slip your hand through and he says again.
Alright Bomblin, which finger do you want to lose?
Take the one that looks like a ridiculously long claw and also, I would say it's the pinky.
Okay.
I haven't had feeling in that finger for years.
Now repeat after me, Bomblin.
I can't believe you're doing a ritualistic thing to get more magic by sacrificing your
blood. You're not gonna sacrifice your blood.
Alright, here we go.
Aye.
Bomblin Barlow.
Aye.
Bomblin Barlow.
I'm a dickhead.
I'm not a dickhead.
I thought I was gonna get him.
No, it's fine.
And he whips out his knife and just cuts the finger off.
No blood comes out.
This hand has definitely set in a rigor mortis, but like Raz said, a little bit of fire magic
comes out and he looks at it.
He goes, oh, you're already a little magical, are you?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Alright.
And then he waves his hands around.
But instead of the magic going into you, the blessing of darkness is put on the Minotaur
hand.
Does anyone know that?
He doesn't know, he doesn't realize.
But what's gonna happen is that we're putting the enchantment now instead of on you, it's
going on to the Minotaur hand.
All right.
Now he looks at you and he's like, now you must focus your magic, Bomblin.
We will reach out to you soon to put you to another test, to teach you more magic.
Keep following the ways of the dark side, fuck ass.
And you see, together we will grow.
Balance must be had, Bomblin.
And it's good that you chose the right path.
On the good side of the Mystics here in the Emerald Grove, they just like bake cookies
and shit.
It's real boring.
We do the fun stuff over here.
And keep an eye out for other magic Mystic uses.
Right?
All right, you think they're gonna try and take my magic?
No, no, dude.
We team up together, Bomblin.
You're in a good town.
We team up and kick the other Mystics' asses?
That's right.
The dark side, Bomblin.
The dark side of magic will win.
Yeah.
Good.
Yeah, good.
Good.
The Emerald Enclave will live on, Bomblin.
Good.
Yes.
Okay, so he finishes his long-winded speech.
You leave and you can... the dark tree is asleep as you leave the big tree.
He's asleep as you leave.
Something really eventful happens after that.
Now we're gonna talk about what magic gets enchanted into this hand.
I gotta think about it a little bit now, because it went a little differently than I thought
it was going to, but we'll cover that in a minute.
For now, you head back to the tavern, which doesn't have a name yet, but I guess we'll
get to that later.
Yeah.
Cheers.
I'm thirsty.
It's pretty good.
Chat, how we doing?
We ready for the next bit?
I think we're ready for the next bit.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Miniminotaur.
Pull my finger off.
There you go.
Proxima.
Pretty good.
We cut over to Raz.
Raz.
In your sleep, while Bomblin was gone at the night, you don't know that he's gone, but
in your sleep, you're tossing and turning and tossing and turning in this messed up
room that you have up here, you're basically sleeping on a pile of hay.
You spent the long night cleaning up the basement in preparations for your upcoming sermon that's
going to be happening soon.
And you're tossing and turning stressed about it.
And as your dreams go, you're awoken.
By lightning!
Move!
Ouch!
Oh.
Yeah, you got it, Bomblin.
You got it.
Not by lightning.
The sounds of the lightning.
The sounds of ghostly hollows in your mind.
And you awaken in your room to smoke.
Billowing the whole room, the candles flicker and go out.
And from the smoke, a humanoid forms and the smoke begins to disappear.
And then he's like.
Oh hey.
How's it going, Raz?
And in front of you stands a spirit form of Ned Braith.
my god.
Hey, um, sorry about the really dramatic entrance I had to make. I have to keep up appearances, you know.
Oh yeah, that's no problem. I just thought, you know, the building was on fire, but we're good now.
Yeah, sorry to scare you like that.
Um, look man, um, you've been doing good, you know, and just for everyone watching in the world, Ned Braith is the death god,
but he dresses very much so, like a normal man. He actually wears a more modernized kind of suit and tie,
and his hair is black and slick back to the sides. He's got bright, sharp, green eyes, and he's cleanly shaven.
Um, they just stand there.
Guys, the 2002 Honda Accord.
Ha ha ha.
You got it.
And he, uh, is it you? Braith and he's like, yeah, um, look man, you've been doing, you've been doing a great job there, buddy,
and um, I just wanted to come and talk to you for a sec. Come over and have a seat. And he sits on your bed with you, pats it.
Come on, have a seat with me. You sit down next to him and he's like, so, look man, um, there's a couple of things I wanted to go over.
First of all, really good job killing testicles. The mayor that was trying to advance medicine.
Yeah, he was, he was going to save a lot of people and that really would have, you know, messed up my plans.
So good job doing that.
Yeah, I like that guy.
Yeah.
We don't want advancements in medicine to save the people. No, sir.
Um, so thank you for that. And because of that, I would like to reward you Raz. Hold out your hands.
And he pulls out his little notebook and a pencil and begins writing.
And then as he's writing, he looks over to your hands and write some more.
And then he holds out the paper and the paper goes up in the flames.
And as the paper goes up into flames in your hands, a tiny little black leather sack of coins appears.
And he's like, now you got tea bagged.
You can't spin these gold coins, Raz.
You know what these coins are for.
I appreciate you killing the people and helping me that way.
But what these are for is they're actually to help people move on in the afterlife. You see, go ahead and pull one out and you take one out of the sack.
And it's a big gold coin.
He's looking. You're looking for props.
I have a little black bag and it's got a kid in it.
I just can't find it.
It's a big gold coin.
And on the front of it, it's got Ned Brite's face.
And he's like, now, whenever you kill people, Raz, what I want you to do is I want you to put these coins on people's eyes.
It's going to help them pay their fare and get them through to the afterlife.
Just put these coins on their eyes and it should help them.
And this is what I need you to do for me.
You've been killing it.
And this is kind of basically like a promotion.
Raz, you're one of my only good disciples left.
Well, death disciples left.
Yeah.
So thank you for that.
And whenever you have this sermon tomorrow or whenever it's going to happen with the people, just keep doing good and make sure it's really nice there.
Clean cut, modern, nice looks everywhere.
That's kind of what we're going for.
We don't want to scare people away with skulls and death.
You know, so.
But you don't like the mask.
I love your mask. That's good.
Everyone can wear those.
But just the church itself, you know, should be very nice, white, black colors.
You know, I might come visit sometime and I'd like it to be comfortable for me.
So as long as you pray well enough.
Yeah.
You know, I mean, you're building this thing and you can do it.
However, I mean, what was what did you have in mind?
Maybe it could be.
Well, I didn't really think that far into it.
I'm not really a structural kind of guy.
You know, telepathy took her more of the church building stuff back at the the missionary.
Right. Right.
And they were they were pretty good with that.
But I don't have any talent for building things.
I was going to keep it the way it was down there.
But according to you now, I can't do that.
Well, you can.
Well, you've got to you've got to start somewhere.
I just wanted to give you a direction, you know.
So like if you can do whatever you like now, you can't just I don't I don't want to push off the ceremony
just because it doesn't look nice enough.
But over time, you know.
Right. But I want to build a church in your image, God.
Well, thanks. You told me I must obey because I'm a loyal follower.
Yeah. And I've kind of I've kind of cut ties a little bit with the other guys.
You know, telemetry was fine.
I feel like she was kind of a bitch, you know.
And I don't know, they weren't really pushing the image that I believe in.
And so I'm hoping to get a good fresh start.
And I think you're the way to go there.
So keep it up. You got it. Yeah.
I think that's it there as just keep keep it on.
And I'll come to you again whenever I need anything.
All right. OK. All right.
Now, before I go, I mean, do you have any questions?
And he stands and dusts himself off from like the haze, like clean.
Let's see. Do you want me to kill everybody that I that I see or just kind of like if they're trying to kill me, I kill them?
Well, it's not like that. It's not like only kill bad people because good people got to die, too.
You know, basically, it depends if it's their time, you know, and if it's not their time,
I'll make sure to let you know spiritually in your mind.
It might sometimes it might be someone that you really want to kill, Reyes.
But sometimes it might be someone you don't want to kill.
And these are the hard choices we have to make.
People got to die when they got to die because death is everything.
You know, you die, you go into the ground to become fertilizer, then it grows and then you die again.
It's the circle of life. And we're a big part of it.
Death is important. Death is inevitable. Yeah, that's we're all going to die.
I like that. I like that, God. If you work hard enough, we may not die alone.
I like it. I like your voice, too, God. It reminds there's a name that pops to mind.
It's kind of like I don't know who the hell Owen Wilson is, but you sound like you.
You know, that's just wow. I appreciate that a lot.
Look, I didn't. Well, just.
You're probably visualizing me as Owen Wilson now.
Just wow, wow, wow.
First of all, thank you, Forge of Lore, for rating into us here with your four people.
I really appreciate that. You guys make sure to get over there and give Forge of Lore some love.
OK, we love them. We're going to get them on our show.
And maybe one day I'll get on there. All right. Wow. Wow.
So good luck, Raz.
And one last thing before I go.
The Temple of Life.
Our rivals, Raz.
Don't get tied up with the Temple of Life.
And then he disappears in a flurry of smoke.
And the lights come back on.
The candles.
Thanks, God.
But then you wake up from your bed, like as if it was a dream.
But in your hand is still the bag of coins.
Yeah, which is my command, God.
OK, you could add the bag of death coins to your inventory.
It's not going to take up a slot, but we're going to talk about that a little bit more later.
All right. It's more of like a feature of your backstory, shit like that. All right.
So don't forget you have it. All right.
Yes.
OK, that was fun. OK.
So hi, Forge of Lore. I missed the God.
Did you tell him I said hi? Of course. The death God loves all. Ain't that right, Raz?
Oh, yeah, he loves all. And apparently he's Owen Wilson if he grew up in Michigan.
That's not what I was going for, but I'm going to embrace it.
I'm going to fucking embrace it because that's hilarious.
Is it going to get more happy dads? Wow. You can't buy happy dads out here.
You going to San Diego right now? All right.
We continue on in the morning here of Common Steel City.
T357, you're standing outside in the area on the around the corner from your guys' building.
You just had a meeting that ended abruptly.
You had a meeting with what was their name? Sylvius Arlent.
Now, we all remember what Sylvius Arlent looks like, right?
There we go. I will friggin make sure we do.
Here we go. Boom. Look at that.
Fancy Elfman. Fancy Elfman. That's right.
You just had a meeting with Sylvius and it ended abruptly as a couple other Legionnaire members kind of showed up and ran off down the road.
But as that happens and the meeting didn't really really wasn't anything important, he was just checking in on you, saying hi.
Seeing what was going on and making sure that you guys were working and doing your dues.
He checked on your tattoo and everything else like that.
Now, as you're out there talking to them, Bomblin approaches and out from the door comes Raz.
And you guys meet up together standing in this alleyway out here.
Hello Raz.
Just a second before I move on, do any of you want to fill each other in on anything that's been going on before I move on here?
Uh... Guys, I saw God today!
Is that him from the other day?
I bet you did.
You seem to talk to him quite a lot.
Hey, you told me to look out for these guys called the Church of Life.
They're kind of... they're shitty. They're bad people. Don't associate them.
Weren't you hiding with one of those at a bar recently?
Were we?
Yeah, I think so. What are you doing down there Raz?
Uh, sorry. I'm just trying to make sure my tattoo's cool.
Alright.
Yeah, see it's definitely a lot bigger.
There you go. Cool man.
Oh wow! You got a tattoo? That's pretty cool.
My Minotaur hand got a finger chopped off of it, and now it's even more magical.
I have decided, collectively, that what I'm going to do is I'm actually going to go to the magic roll table here.
And I'm going to see...
Failure results. Ah, there isn't any... wait, hold on.
Sorry buddy.
Ooh, ooh!
Kaz!
We've just been raided!
I wonder who it's from!
Kaz, what's up? Kaz, thanks for joining us, brother! Thanks for bringing me home again!
Hi Kaz!
Hey Kaz!
Welcome!
Vibe check!
Vibe check! What's up Kaz?
Hey, shout out to Kaz, guys!
Cards, ganks, and freaks. A part of the couch, a part of the crew.
Love y'all! Hi, Sora!
Love y'all!
What's up dude? Love you too!
Cheers!
Fa fa fa fa!
Not vibing? Okay, well thanks Kaz. You guys make sure to show Kaz some love, because Kaz showed us some love, y'all.
Yeah! Kaz is a good boy.
Alright, well it didn't work out the way that I wanted it to, Bomblin, so I'm gonna have to figure out another way, but that's okay.
I wanted to roll for it, magically, to give your Minotaur hand an effect.
What, are you down, instead of that, Bomblin, for me to roll in the magic loot table?
And whatever magic loot you get, instead of getting the loot, you just get the effect of the loot on the magic Minotaur hand.
That's exactly what I think we're gonna do.
That sounds great.
Hell yeah.
Rolling randomly.
Chad, if you want me to reroll, remember you can use the reroll command.
Presto's hat. You get a plus two defense, and once per location, you can pull out a bizarre loot roll.
So, this Minotaur hand is giving you plus two defense to your defense rolls.
So if I remember like, you need to make a defense roll, you have a plus two defense to that.
And additionally, you can like pull out a random item.
Like the Minotaur hand will magically summon an item into its hand, once per location.
Yeah, solid.
That sounds pretty cool.
Yeah.
Or maybe we want to reroll.
Mmm.
Okay, now you guys may continue if you would.
Re-roll.
He's always been rolling.
Oh no.
Alright, what's the new roll?
Spore Century.
Did you just roll a 69 and not say anything about it?
I did.
No, it was a 61.
You can summon with the Minotaur hand, you can now summon a Mycanoid warrior who can't move, but fights with a spear and speaks.
I got like a Century statue.
Yeah.
Century statue.
You can summon that with your Minotaur hand.
You now have a summon ability.
There you go.
Okay, now do you guys want to fill each other in in any sense of the word?
Before I move on here, I want to give you guys a little bit of a chance to talk amongst each other.
It's been a little bit since you've seen each other story-wise.
I already told them I talked to God, but they don't seem that excited about it.
They act like that happens a lot.
Right?
What the fuck?
Yeah, no, we get it, Reverend.
You talk to God.
You talk to God so often you talk to yourself in public.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
How are you supposed to deal with religion and ignorance all in the same person?
What are you talking about?
I thought that was like hand in hand.
You know what?
It's all good, guys.
I'm just glad to be here today.
It's so beautiful.
And what a fabulous day for someone else to die.
What God?
What did your God tell you today?
Well, he told me that, you know, keep on keeping on, you know, and like I need to guide people to the afterlife when I kill them.
And he said I should put these like these like thingies on their eyes when they die.
Help them pass on.
I don't know.
Something.
Hey, I can't even.
Oh, there it is.
There you go.
Something like this.
So they can like pay the toll or some weird shit.
I don't know.
Yeah.
In the afterlife.
Are they redoing the afterlife roadways?
I don't know.
I just look.
Listen, God told me to do something and I'm going to do whatever God told me to do.
OK, seems like kind of a dick thing to impose taxes on the dead.
Well, you know, he's got to make money somehow.
I love what you said.
That's funny.
What about you, Bomblin?
Do you want to fill them in on anything?
Yeah.
So, you know, part of the mystics enclave and stuff, you know, part of the bad mystics, we've joined the evil side, the dark side of the magic.
I hope to get a I hope I get a like a phaser sword here soon.
That'd be cool.
But at the moment, my military hand can summon a little guy and I want you to describe to us what the shroom looks like when you summon it.
So what we're going to do is you're going to have to visualize what it looks like.
And then you get to kind of tell us what it looks like.
Little shroom guy, because I don't want to tell you, you're the one using the magic.
So you get to decide.
All right.
So mushroom guy that can't move.
And now they're going to wait to contact me to see if I want to do more magic for them.
But I think I might be able to get enough of the mystics as I ever want to say.
I think I might try to go and see what's happening with the iron.
That's not something we're going to deal with at the moment.
OK, no, they tried to brand me and cut off one of my fingers, but they didn't know the difference between the military hand and American hand.
So, well, that's half blind.
I think all of my like mystics of magic requirements are all in this hat.
So if you guys ever get bored and want to go run amok in a different, you know, faction.
Just as you say that.
I need each one of you to make me a defense role.
That was a weird weather today we're having.
Yeah, defense role time.
11 7 8. Oh, y'all got defense bonuses.
We've got 11 10 and 19. It's not dexterity.
I think there's actually like a defense button. There you go, Bomblin.
Twenty one. Wait, how do you have a plus 11 to defense?
Are you talking to me?
From all the crazy loot we've gotten.
Yeah, because you have that crystal thing, huh?
Yeah. Yeah.
Why did it roll defense twice for me?
It's all right. It's all right. Don't worry.
I think we'll just take the higher one. That's cool.
All right. So chat, here we go. Here's what we've got here. Raz got an 11.
Bomblin got a 21 and T357 got a 12, which means Raz and T357.
You guys are both going to be taking fire damage as you look over, as you hear screaming, coming from up the alleyway.
For a second T357, you see your friend Sylvia's along with two other legionnaires.
And from the rooftops, a fireball comes down and hits the ground.
And some of the fire burns up the side of your tavern and breaks a couple of the windows.
And all the fire rushes all the way down the alleyway and knocks the two of you over.
But Bomblin stays and is fine.
So you guys are going to take a little bit of fire damage as this happens.
You both take three damage. That is a three. You take three damage.
As the fireball hits down.
My tavern. Yes, your tavern.
The windows rattle as the roar of the explosion fills this whole alley.
You can see charred bodies and anguished screams fly through the air as the thick cloud of smoke billows up afterwards from the blast, which seems that it occurred literally right in front of you.
You three look over and T357 you look down on the ground. You can see the three legionnaire members down there on the ground.
The two that they that he was with are completely burned and just no longer with this world.
Their bodies are dead on the ground. But Sylvia's looks up to you T357 and holds out his arm and he's like, come here.
Come here.
Come. I approach.
I approach.
He grabs your hand and he looks you right in your four forged eyes and he says, it's on you now.
Don't don't don't let him don't let him get get away with it.
And he reaches in his pocket and he pulls out this tattered worn and like burnt piece of parchment.
And he hands it to you and all around the edges, you can see there's like some kind of writing, but it's been burnt off.
You can't see what it is. But in the center, there's a picture of that stone that you see in on the walls and the black network hideout.
There's a drawing of the stone and he hands it to you and he says, you must you must get it.
Hey, they wanted it.
Don't let them. It's the key.
T357.
Understood. Let me get you and out of harm's way.
Well, he dies right there.
Hold on a second.
But while he's holding your hand, you can see his tattoo fades off his arm and just goes down to one simple little snake with two dragon wings.
And as it does, you feel on your inside, your brand grows and it adds a couple extra inches on it as if he's transferred you some of his loyalty from the Legion over to you.
He gives it to you as he dies.
Yeah, right now.
You run over.
Yeah, I run over and I'm like, wait a second.
And I shove my coins in his eyes.
But like I do it like way too forcefully and it like his eyes pop and they like sink into his goal.
And he's like, I was not all the way dead.
He just puts coins in his eyes, finish him off.
And then I go over to the other bodies and I put coins in their eyes. Also, quite forcefully.
Nice. Nice. God told me to do this. He told me.
He told me to.
What do you have?
Slow your roll.
Nice.
Slow your roll Raz.
My tavern.
Is the hole okay? I don't know.
My cabbage is.
Delay or a poppy. Make sure they're fucking in there.
Okay, so he slowly dies there on the ground right in front of you.
And it's kind of fairly dramatic as smoke billows up everywhere.
You can hear people coughing around you.
But as this is happening and you're talking to this person down here.
I mean, I mean, he's like, I'm going to try to get ahold of myself.
And he's like, come on, you.
You look over.
And you're in shock.
Because literally standing like right next to you.
Wearing full rags.
Like they're homeless looking.
And some of their clothes are burnt.
Is another Bearkin.
And she.
She looks at you and she's like, please.
Well what am I supposed to do with this homeless person?
There's all this crazy, there's dead bodies everywhere.
Did you do this?
No sir, but I need to eat and the fire and please sir spare some coins.
No I don't have any money, the robic keeps it.
According to my god I can give you these but only after you die.
Oh no thank you.
And she coughs a little bit and then she like almost falls but she just trips and she bumps
into you and then she goes okay thank you I'm going for help and she walks away.
Was that not one of your own kind that you just snubbed?
Yeah yeah yeah but.
You said you've never seen one since the old days.
Well it's been a while but.
Would you trust the homeless bear?
You see her leave and go around the corner.
Do you really trust me?
Cause that's a terrible idea.
Oh I for sure do not.
I am just waiting for the order to kill you.
As she leaves and goes around.
And that order will never come.
Bombalin, Bombalin, as she leaves and goes around the corner you see her go, you reach
down, I rolled a two to grab your greatsword on your hip and it's gone.
That bitch.
I want to rush after her and find her.
Okay roll me Dex we're gonna do athletics.
You run up the alleyway.
And I rolled for it.
I did it.
15 that beats it.
You run up the alleyway through the smoke.
And you get there and also roll me a wisdom or a perception.
Oops sorry.
Nice.
It's also 15 is a 16 nice.
You look all over and you're looking for her and you don't see her but you see on the corner
her rags that she was wearing.
Like as if she ran and changed clothes and disappeared that fast.
So her rags you see them on the ground just sitting there.
Damn it.
Damn it stupid bear kid.
See this is what I told you never trust a bear kid.
We will loot, steal and plunder everything you own.
It sounds like she was probably your one through love then.
No no no no no no.
I would never be caught dead with a thief like that.
I mean you could do what you want Reverend.
You got a few bucks for me to go and maybe get a drink or two.
I don't have any money except these cool coins that you get when you die.
Do you want to die?
No no no no thank you.
No thank you.
Okay.
Hey Robin.
Go ahead.
You asked for a little bit something.
I was going to move on but you're going to ask for a little bit something.
Go ahead.
Robin.
Yes.
Robin can I have a few coins?
Go get something to drink.
I think you should deal with the situation at hand.
Yeah I agree.
The situation is that my sword has been unhanded from me.
Yes and you slighted one of your own kind.
I'd say you have it coming.
I don't know if this is the dragon or if this is some angry wizard or like there was just
a random explosion which in which case it might be my fault.
True.
I have loyalty too.
As you're talking T357 and everyone else you look up to see a lot of the people have just
scattered and left but there's one woman standing there left.
Her clothes are completely burnt and tattered and torn.
You guys recognize her from your days being in the alleyway thus far as the lady who runs
the greenhouse across the street.
She sees you three standing there.
She hears you questioning what this could have been and she walks up to tell you what's
been going on.
Chat if any of you guys are in chat and you would like to use the name of thing command
to name the woman who runs the greenhouse.
She's fairly older.
She's got curly white hair and as you've seen her before she usually wears way too much
jewelry and she usually dresses in nice green gowns but she smells like cow manure because
she works on plants all day but she approaches you guys and she says I'm sorry the smoke.
I seen something I seen would you like to know what I saw.
Yeah.
Tell us lady.
What did you observe?
She says I was I was I was watering the plants in the greenhouse on the second floor of my
shop when the blast just blew out some of the windows.
It burns a bunch of my plants.
Lucky I wasn't injured though.
The smoke I saw it was like a cloaked man but it wasn't a man.
It was like something that looked like a man like a puppet with no strings.
I read it in a book.
It was like a puppet with no strings.
T357 will you make me an intelligence check to look back in your memory database to see
if you know what she's talking about.
Hell yeah.
Natural one you've never heard of this thing before.
God darn it.
Maybe I might know because I hate things that are immortal.
I'll search my database.
Yeah if you want to be a homie or give me a reward.
That's true.
Beatrice Butt Blossom.
I love that.
This is intelligence or wisdom.
Slappy skid mark.
This would be I guess wisdom.
Wisdom's fine.
Okay.
With memory.
Yeah.
Oh I know what this is.
I've heard this before fellas.
What in the fuck.
God damn it.
I know all things very well that I hate.
There's a reason you know what this is.
There is a reason and the dice tell all.
She says it's a puppet.
It's a puppet but it didn't have like strings but it was wearing like a necklace and it
was like cloaked but it was weird.
It was almost like a clockwork kind of puppet.
And then she says clockwork puppet whereas you know that the temple of the.
I'm sorry.
What was her name?
Notes notes notes notes.
The temple of the inspired hands.
They are the temple of life and creation.
They are the temple of the inspired hands.
The church of life and creation.
You know that they have clockwork robots like puppets that they have in their temple that
help them to create things to build things.
They have puppets there and you also know.
They're not war forged.
With your natural 20 you also know that these things are called nimble rights.
They're clockwork puppet robots that they don't have vocal cords.
They're kind of like the very first draft of war forged.
They're not like full on people.
They're called nimble rights.
And you know.
Human.
Yeah kind of the church of life and creation has them and she continues talking and she's
like look right after the explosion I ducked behind a barrel and then I you know I heard
a plop and then this was in in the barrel in my house.
I don't know where it came from but it was in there and she hands you a necklace.
And on the necklace is the symbol.
The temple of the hands.
Well do you know where this place of worship might be old lady.
Oh Raz you know where it is.
You know exactly where it is.
Oh fuck yeah.
So would you say I've been there before.
I say you've stalked it out and you've been out front like madly looking at their temple
like super pissed at him.
Yes for sure.
All right.
One time you bring too much meat and you have one question for you old lady.
Yeah do you feel like you're about to die.
No but my name I really like all these names and I haven't gotten to pick one a little
while so I'm actually going to read through these we got slappy skid mark gladis nightingale
dinky mcdeen Emma bomb back Beatrice but blossom which I think is my favorite.
Ready geeks and freaks.
Who says Nate.
What's up Nate.
Hey buddy.
Thanks so much for the sub dude.
27 moons.
Cheers man.
I hope you're having a wonderful Sunday.
Thank you for being here.
Florence flora theala.
That's also really good pizza death.
I love flora.
That's just her name.
I love that.
So we're going to go Florence flora theala but a second was definitely but blossom certifiable.
That's so good.
Okay so she's like my name is flora.
That's what people call me and I'm actually going to copy this.
Okay well if you ever feel like you're dying let me know because I'll come over here and
put some money on your eyes.
Anyways I'm going to go ahead and cast doorway to the front of this church that I hate.
Jesus Christ.
Okay before you go I would like to give three three five seven one chance two if you would
please.
I would like you to roll me a wisdom perception.
It's going to be a wisdom roll just on the legionaries dead bodies to see if you can
check them for anything before you get out of here.
That's pretty good.
Yes a 19.
Nice.
Let me see here a 20 is pretty dang good.
I hope so.
Yeah.
Imagine if that was a bad roll.
We would get nothing done.
Like we do now.
Right.
That's mainly because you are a massive tool.
Right.
A tool of destruction.
Whatever helps you sleep at night.
You just wish you could sleep at night.
I power down just fine.
Thank you.
Yeah.
But I bet you don't know what dreams are.
Sure I do.
Have you ever heard of electric sheep?
You can see with your 20.
One of them out of the three there was three of them.
Out of the three of them.
One of them not only has the legion tattoo but on his body on his chest as you're searching
him.
You also find that he has a similar looking legion tattoo but instead of it being green
snake it's a black snake with black wings and it's on his chest and he has both of them.
You also find a pouch on Sylvan what was his name Sylvan on his body containing five gemstones
that are each worth a hundred gold pieces each.
That's cool.
Yeah.
Well I would like to offer the gemstones to Raz as he has made sure to ferry my comrades
to a better afterlife.
Oh no that's okay you just put it on my debt tab or whatever you keep them there.
Yeah.
As okay I would also like to say as you say that you put coins on three dead people's
eyes on your next magic roll you're going to get a plus three to that roll.
That's what these coins do.
Every time you put coins in someone's eyes you get a plus one to the magic that Ned Braith
provides you with and not permanently it's a one-time use kind of thing so you have a
plus three to your next magic roll.
So it has to be the next one not one that I choose.
Yeah it's the next one.
Okay so would it be for the doorway that I open then?
Yeah the doorway you need to did you already roll for that?
No I have not rolled for it.
All right well give us a roll.
Let's see intelligent spell so it's plus plus six to this roll.
Yeah there you go.
So that oh.
Is that a one?
It's a twelve.
Wait what is that?
It was a six.
Okay that's a twelve which doesn't beat it.
So you try to open your doorway.
God damn it.
I really like this to work.
It fizzles out right in front of you.
Reroll.
Oh thank you.
Certifiable thank you.
She dreams of electric sheep.
Plus six.
Here we go.
Oh there we go.
That's a seventeen.
Eleven plus six is seventeen.
All right so you open the doorway and in front of it you can see the church and all three
of you are going to step through it and that is we're gonna leave it while we go to take
our break everybody but let's do us an updated dingle thumbnail pose and I would like Proteus
remote Proteus to tell us how thumbnail poses work even though we've only got five poses
from Proteus currently.
I'd like Proteus to tell us.
Tell everybody how thumbnail poses work Proteus.
How poses work that you can make us pose in different and demeaning poses that we can
screenshot and then you can Photoshop for blackmail later.
So make sure to suggest ways that we should pose in the chat now so we can screenshot
and then laugh at our misfortune and fat neck rolls later.
Okay so I would like you to at least to pose as if a fireball just went off y'all.
Fireball went off next year.
Cover your head.
Pretend that you're falling backwards.
Do something like that.
Yeah.
Nice.
That's perfect you guys.
That's perfect.
You guys in chat we have one more chance to do thumbnails so if you have any ideas now
or you got any brewing over the next hour make sure to save them and get them in before
we do it again.
Alright we will be right back in a couple of minutes.
Hello everybody.
Hello one and all and welcome back to love death and dice.
I am your dungeon master DM Turk.
GM Turk.
I need to change that bad boy.
And I'm here of course with Proteus and Fishy and Connor and I'm happy as hell to be here
rolling dice and telling stories to my friends and with all of you guys there in chat.
Thank you so much for joining us tonight.
Cheers to ya.
Cheers to all you fuckasses.
Thank you for being here.
Um and I'm still drinking these Sunny D vodka seltzers.
Actually Connor I don't know if you know that I'm drinking these.
These are provided by our unofficial sponsor my friend and co-worker James.
Thanks James.
James!
I just asked you about a sponsor who is checking out a sponsor.
Yeah yeah I swear.
Sponsor!
Enabler!
Thanks to our sponsor James.
Enabler.
Yeah true huh.
Cheers you guys.
Sunny D vodka seltzer.
Three words you didn't think would go together.
Yeah it's wild.
Fucking wild.
Okay.
As we last left off you three you guys just walked through a portal and have arrived at
the very front.
Let me turn off these tunes here.
At the very front of the temple of inspired hands.
As you step through you can see the temple of inspired hands looks like a cross between
a temple but also kind of a workshop.
The symbol of the inspired hands the god of life is a tooth cog with four spokes and it's
displayed prominently on the front of it.
You can see that this place is fairly nice made of white marble and very much so glowing
as you step out of the portal.
There are stairs that lead up to the large doorway.
Ah temple of life you say.
Yeah.
Is there anybody outside out front.
Not as you can tell immediately why.
Well I'm just gonna start yelling at the building.
You guys have disgraced my part of the town and for that you will pay.
I challenge you under my god's name to a dance battle.
Oh shit.
As you say that.
First I have to do this first.
I know what you were gonna do but I have to do that first.
You say a dance battle and you three see movement on the roof and falling down you see the silhouette
of what looks like a humanoid shape kind of perching on the rooftop.
It extends its hand and it releases three tiny little metal sparrows into the sky and
all three of them do a few loops in the air and then come right at each one of you.
I need each one of you to make me a defense roll.
Is everything trying to kill me.
Oh that's pretty good.
Natural 20 from T357.
All darn.
That's a 10.
Gotta be 15.
You're my class 11.
Oh yeah true huh.
Oh is that a 26 there GM?
Raz.
God damn it.
Yeah that's a 25.
Raz?
No god dude damn it.
Brif did.
Brif damn it.
You're right.
Sorry.
Yeah.
See I don't.
Hold on GM.
I gotta just need one second.
Hey buddy.
But I don't know if you know this but you've been saying God and Jesus a lot throughout
this campaign and I don't know who that is.
Oh I don't know either.
It just feels right for some reason to say that.
I don't want to use my lord's name in vain.
I'm totally fine using other people's lord's name in vain though.
I think you should start using your own lord's name in vain.
At least that way.
It's like Brif damn you and they're all gonna die anyways.
Well yeah but that's my lord.
I don't want to disgrace my lord by using his name in vain.
Alright how about I disgrace your lord by using his name in vain.
That wouldn't be good either.
No no no.
Yes.
This is what we will do and tell you it's better.
No no no we can't do that.
Yes.
Alright proceed GM.
Sorry.
Well I'm almost dead.
All is fair.
You take four damage dude and it hits you right in the chest.
The other two hit the ground behind you and they shatter as they land.
And then the shadow on the roof dips off and the roof just disappears.
And then a head pops out from inside the doorway.
And you see it is a golden priestess dragonborn with her hands in her sleeves like this.
She pokes her head out.
Because the last thing she heard was challenge you to a dance off and she pokes her head out and looks at you.
She's like hello?
Are you the leader of this faith establishment lady?
Sorry a metal thing just hit me in the chest not too long ago.
You sound like you've been drinking there reverend.
You've been drinking?
I haven't been drinking but I have been getting stabbed in the chest a lot lately.
Use the name of thing command and name this dragonborn.
The dragonborn's last name is gloomingdale.
This dragonborn is a, for those of you who watched previous seasons, this dragonborn is a child of fire gore and narcissus.
She looks out the door.
She says, I am leading today.
A dance off you say?
Yes, a battle of the faiths.
You can come inside.
No no no I do not enter other people's place of worship.
I prefer to do this on common ground.
Alright, fine.
And she walks down the stairs slowly.
What is happening right now?
And then she whips off her robes.
She's like, you didn't know I was a dance person of the wild.
I will dance.
Alright, well you stay on your steps.
Don't you dare step off.
That's your dance space is the steps.
You're the home team so you gotta play with the disadvantage.
I get to dance on the dirt on the outside of the church where it's level and easy to move around.
Okay.
Alright.
Oh, sorry.
I'm on your face.
Get off my face you damn sexy dragon lady.
Alright, do you want me to play the music now Raz?
Yes, play the music now.
Alright, we're gonna do contested.
I guess this is gonna.
Goodness.
I guess this is gonna be dexterity checks for how dexterous you are and dancing.
There may also be some other checks in this.
Okay.
You so you're aware of me.
Alright, dance off everybody.
It's quote ad but please do it for Gevlor quote space ad do it.
Alright, here we go.
If you'd like to do a dexterity check, I will perform one.
It's a 12 slipping.
Well, at this point, I would also like to make an intelligence check because what you don't notice while I'm dancing is I'm drawing glyphs on the ground with my feet.
Inspiration.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry I was muted.
Thanks for the file.
Let me know.
You get it.
You get inspiration from certifiable.
Okay, it's a 15 to 15 that succeeds.
What are these glyphs for?
You get one.
You got to make multiple checks.
Wait, I only get to do one of them.
Yeah, or you have to make multiple checks to do multiple glyphs.
I have to do multiple.
Okay.
All right.
And in this glyph, I'm going to store death Nova.
Why?
With no role overload your power and explode sacrifice any amount of HP to add to 2d12 damage all within far range world defense.
Cool.
All right.
I'm also.
Yeah.
So I'm losing the battle, but I might be winning the war.
Okay.
Good thing she's still dancing on the stairs.
Yeah, I'm still dancing, but I don't think she noticed me draw that glyph on the ground with my feet.
All right.
Making another check that she doesn't spin.
That's only a nine.
Okay, here's my desk.
Oh, it's a 10.
All right.
One to one.
We are not dancing very well.
No, I also make another intelligence check.
Sure.
Yeah, let's do it.
This glyph is right next to the one that I just made.
Oh, shit.
You fail.
I slept.
Oh, never mind.
Geeks and freaks.
A part of the couch.
Oh, we know.
Hi, we know.
Hey, you sexy motherfuckers.
I've missed you.
Happy Super Vs.
E.B.
As fucking right.
We miss.
Thank you.
You fuck ass.
Welcome back to the show.
Thank you for the 27 months of prime gaming.
We miss.
Cheers, friend.
Thank you.
Thanks for the reroll.
And it's a 14.
Aw.
Wait, I remember getting inspiration though.
Yeah.
Somebody gave me inspiration.
So I'm going to go ahead and use it.
Hiya.
It's not good enough.
Shit.
Okay.
All right.
So you create one.
The song comes to an end.
And she's like,
Powerful magic.
Mystics have given you advantage via certifiable.
You get advantage.
One more roll.
On that last roll?
Yeah.
And you get to take the higher one.
Okay.
Yeah.
So do I just roll?
How do you do two with it?
I guess I just do.
Just roll once.
Roll once.
Roll what?
Yeah.
Roll the ones you've already rolled.
Okay.
I mean that works.
13?
13 plus, you got bonuses, huh?
Plus three.
It's a 16.
So you succeed.
You put two glyphs on the ground.
Does the second one contain the same?
Yes, it does.
Death Nova.
Okay.
Right at their front entrance.
She finishes dancing and she looks at you all heavy breathing.
She's like,
It seems that we are matched in dancing.
No, you are being kind and polite to me.
It seems you are the winner because you have one more dex check than me.
Thank you.
I do appreciate that.
Look, today we are having a creation day.
We are building things on the inside.
Why have you come to our church?
Can I help you?
Well-
Someone, Bane, your mark, attacked our legion.
Oh no.
Someone attacked the legion?
We don't want to start any wars with anyone.
Who did this?
Well, it seemed to be one of your creations.
Your, your, uh, oh my God, you gave it a name and I already forgot what it's called.
A nimblewright.
Yes.
One of those dastardly things showed up and blew up the greenhouse next to our building.
Oh no.
The nimblewright did this.
Also, I believe one of those nasty bastards just shot a metal sparrow into my chest before
I started dancing.
Oh, from where?
From the roof of your house thing, church, whatever it's called.
Oh no, we, uh, we do have one single nimblewright left.
We just call him Nim.
It must have been him.
If you would like to come with me, I can lead you to his tower.
We can interrogate him together.
Okay.
Whatever you say.
Oh, and, uh, I'm going to turn behind me as we're walking and I'm going to signal the
guys like, Hey, like walk this way.
Walk around.
Fucking glyphs of death on the ground in front of the church of life.
Yeah.
Okay.
Jesus.
As you follow, you're all night as they explode and put coins on people.
Yeah.
Good day.
They're only single use.
So, yeah.
As you walk inside following priestess, uh, glooming Dale, um, you walk inside.
Um, I don't know if I was thinking Chattelsworth is the other last name, but I think glooming
Dale's good, um, as you walk inside, you can see that the temple of life is open and it
is a buzz, um, with activity during these daylight hours.
Um, and you can see there are a bunch of acolytes kind of around wearing white robes and they're
all building things.
Um, the main hall of this temple holds two dozen marble pedestals and each one bears
some kind of prize winning invention or a miniature model, um, of some other extraordinary
creation.
There are models of bears?
Where?
Uh, what?
Miniature model.
You said it bears models.
I tuned out at some points.
As we're walking by these inventions, is there some kind of sign that says do not touch?
Um, no.
There's no do not touch signs.
But there are currently five of them on display.
If you're curious about what they are, I can let you know.
But if you want to just move past them, we can do that as well.
Are you sure there's no do not touch signs?
Like for any of them?
None of them are dangerous?
I feel like you want there to be one.
Hold on.
Hmm.
Okay.
There is one.
It looks to be a four foot tall working model of a clock tower that rings at the top of
every hour.
It's made out of wood, iron, bronze and glass.
Geeks and freaks.
A part of the couch.
A part of the crew.
What is this?
Oh hi Suni.
What's up dog?
Thank you so much for joining us, buddy.
Cheers and thank you for the 38 months, buddy.
Yeah.
Hmm.
What else?
It has delicate hands made from solid gold and on this four foot tall clock tower there's
a sign that says do not touch.
You said solid gold?
Is the sign like away from the clock tower?
Like there's like ropes?
It's a tiny little piece of like paper just like on the pedestal that just says do not
touch and it's like folded like a little, you know what I mean, like a little triangle thingy.
Oh, like there's no like dedicated sign though that says don't touch like right in front of
it.
Oh, I see.
I see.
Like just so the kids don't go up and you know, yeah.
Yeah.
I know.
Do you want do not touch sign?
Sure.
If you have a plan buddy, what is it?
Yeah.
I'm going to go wow that's really neat.
While I'm looking at the clock thing I'm going to draw a glyph on the do not touch sign.
Oh shit.
Okay.
Roll me a magic.
Let's do it.
Wow.
He's doing that.
Could I steal the solid gold hands?
They're like two tiny little hands and you could try to pull them off.
You fail.
You try to do the glyph and you fail.
But if you want to try and steal them, Bomblin roll me a dexterity.
Let's go.
How hilarious would it have been?
Priestess Scoomingdale looks back.
She says, Hey, do not touch.
Do not touch.
Yeah.
Can't you read it?
I'm sorry.
I can't see this.
I'm sorry.
I can't see this sign.
I bet for Bomblin.
He rolled last.
Oh, I already rolled it.
I got a 15.
Oh, then you pulled a little hands off.
Put them in your pocket.
She doesn't see it.
There's also a wooden flying machine.
There's a minitral model of a mechanical dragon.
There's a functional waking helmet.
I'm equipped with a small metal like articulated metal hands and arms that gently slap the
wearer if they fall asleep.
It's called the waking helmet.
There's also a miniature model of a red submarine shaped like a manta ray that has a brass plate
affixed to its pedestal that reads the scarlet men the off a submarine launched in a hundred
a G.
Yeah, yeah, this is fancy stuff.
Fancy fancy stuff.
Yeah, after.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dumb religion.
All right.
Yeah, she.
If you guys don't are interested in that stuff, she walks with you past all of this as she
begins to explain her religion, which I'm pretty sure you completely just do not listen
to Raz.
But.
Oh, yes.
We are the Church of Life and Creation.
We believe.
I'm a good chance of life.
You know, we try to make things to help advance society.
We believe creating things.
It's you know, et cetera, et cetera.
Wow, that's amazing.
She eventually leads you to a spiral staircase and leads you up the spiral staircase on the
inside to an attic.
And you guys reach an attic door.
It seems to be fitted with a lock, and as she sees it, she looks down at the lock and
she goes, this was not here before.
She pulls out all of her keys.
She tries to check the keys and the lock, like all of them, and none of them work.
And she's like, well, there's a lock on Nims door.
Now this is new.
Do either of you have a spell to unlock a door or maybe I don't have a spell, but I
have this neat bag of keys.
Fuck.
I forgot about the keys.
I wanted to give the rogue a chance to shine, but let's do the magical keys first.
Fuck.
I don't know how you get forgetting about the magical bag of keys that is unlocked, not
just one, but two doors.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
This is a, this is just a regular D20 roll.
If I get a Natty 20, then I open the door.
No problem.
Here we go.
It's a four.
Okay.
You try it in the door and she's like, hey, we need, I'll still try it.
Do you try it?
Yeah.
She's a good driver that it ain't it.
Anybody else?
They have a way to.
Damn it.
He's got another, he's got another try.
Give him.
He loves this bag of keys.
What's a 19?
What a damn dude.
It's a 19.
Um, I have a shitty idea about that key.
Oh, what do you have?
If I were to put the 19 key in my sifter of many things, you think we can make it fit?
If you make a check and you beat a 15.
Yes.
What is happening right now?
We ride it down.
No Sunni.
No, it has to be a natural 20.
No Sunni.
But you can give that plus one to Proteus on their sifter of many things roll.
All right.
It has to be natural 20.
You did try.
Do I roll just a regular D20?
Yeah, just roll a D20.
And if it beats the 15 with the plus one, then you get it.
Oh, it does.
Ah, just three plus one is a four.
Sad.
So you put it in there and it spits out another key, but that key is even worse.
It doesn't fit.
Too sad.
The reroll was spent already.
Rerolls on cooldown for 101 seconds.
Ah, certifiable.
She's like, well, maybe Dar, any of you good at lockpicking, maybe you've got a lot of
dexterity.
Maybe you're a rogue class shadow or something like that.
Yes, I do have a Mender's toolbox with some things in it.
I might be able to take a lock with.
OK.
She's like, OK, yeah, give it a shot.
You can lockpick.
You don't need necessarily a toolkit or any kind of lockpick stuff like that, but you
can absolutely try and pick this lock just using some various things that you might have
as a shadow.
So go on ahead and make the check.
You could add your dexterity bonus and beat that 15 to 357.
Oh, come on.
Come on, Robin.
Get your shit together.
How many times have I seen you pop out some sharp metal thing from your finger and you
pick your teeth with it?
Lockpicks come out of the finger.
That's exactly what I was thinking, but I don't want to say that.
Can I strength this door down?
No, but you can knock.
Can I knock?
Yeah, as you knock, she goes, she's like, so Nim doesn't know how to speak, but he can
hear if you think you can convince him to open the door and please do so.
I mean, he listens to me, but yeah.
So Bomblin, you have an opportunity to basically convince him to open the door.
You can say whatever you want to say and make me a charisma check.
Hello, Nimbus, Nibble, little Nibnib.
My name is Bobbin Barlow and I have a very interesting friend that would love to show
you his ways of his religion.
I'm gonna need you to open up the door so you can get the full effect of what Ned Brace
got to do with you.
Okay, roll me charisma.
Let's do it.
Dang.
That's an eight.
Plus one, the nine.
This door is just fucking y'all up.
She puts her hands in her sleeves and she's like, well, it's like he didn't want to open
it.
I guess last thing's last is we just got to break this thing down.
I mean, I guess that's the only other way in.
So go ahead.
Dude, you require an oil change, Nim.
Robot to robot?
Oh shit.
You want to say something else?
T357, make me a charisma check.
Nim.
If you are in there, I have a source on premium oils and multiple viscosities that are great
for gears on prototype models.
Tell them if he comes out, you'll show them your hard drive.
Fucking five.
What the fuck?
It's so bad.
Why do you hate me so much?
Right?
Sware.
Even baiting any good balls out tonight.
Finally went off.
Oh my God!
You suck!
You are the worst.
Oh my God.
Should I try to convince this toaster to come the fuck out here?
Yeah.
You're the only one left.
Unless you want to smash down the door.
Hey, listen in there, man.
There's a good reason why you should come to the door.
We have reason to believe that you might be causing people harm.
And we want to help and protect people.
So why don't you just come let us in so we can figure out what's going on, okay?
Chaos card.
Alright.
Tess is gonna get a chaos card.
They're being remote so I might have to redraw it a couple of times.
Hopefully it works.
Is this a Charisma?
It is a Charisma.
Oh, son of a...
Oh my god.
Yeah we've been stopped by a door, folks.
Well that's it guys.
Campaign's over with.
It was a good run.
It was fun.
The door blocked us.
In this moment, T357, I need you to do the Ramsey.
You must speak like Gordon Ramsey and give us a speech about what your character is currently
thinking in this moment.
My brain went blank.
I am so bloody filled with rage about this stupid little android on the other side of
the fucking door who won't open the blasted thing.
He's a numpty cow, useless for nothing, has no soul, barely even can be considered a robot.
The disgrace of the filthy creature behind it go fuck himself.
Killing everything I've built for my life, ruining my day.
He'll open this bloody door.
I'm gonna make him into the idiot stand where he needs to be between an actual clock tower.
Yeah okay, good shit.
Couch coin for you, T357.
But additionally, go ahead and make me an intimidation check, same as Charisma, just
roll me Charisma.
Let's do it.
Oi!
The fucking door, you deaf nugget!
Seventeen!
Boys and girls!
He just opens the door so scared.
Holy shit.
Woo, finally, finally, finally, finally, the speech fucking did it.
The door unlocks and the door opens.
As the door opens, she says, once again, she's like, yes, um, Nim understands common but
cannot speak.
She's developed a simple sign language that me and other members of the temple understand.
So and the door opens and you guys walk inside.
Amidst the clutter in this whole room, there are different kinds of pieces of gears and
other kinds of stuff.
There's like a bunch of workbenches and just buckets of just like different metal pieces
and clockwork stuff.
And she walks in and she goes, Nim, now tell me, these three told me that you have attacked
them and set off a fireball at them.
And he starts moving his hands.
He's like bronzed.
He's wearing like a big hat, but he's like a complete bronzed clockwork robot.
You can see his inner workings and his fingers like make metal tinging noises as they move.
He's definitely an old kind of clockwork robot and he moves his hands and does all this kind
of sign language.
And then Priestess William Dale turns back to you and she's like, so Nim has confessed
to me that he himself created another nimble, right?
And these creatures don't have abilities to lie, so I'm forced to believe him.
To have any questions for him, he's maybe able to help us figure out what's going on.
Sure.
Why do you think your creations might have attacked us?
Is it a holy war that they're crusading on behalf of your religion?
Because all this sign language stuff and as she as he finishes, whoops, sorry.
She looks back at you guys and she's like, well, he says that the thing he created kind
of grew a mind of its own.
Apparently it's been speaking to other churches and factions, places, and it's gone off on
his own.
He wanted to give it free will and it's kind of a gone rogue for a less kind of word, but
he says he has something that might be able to help you find it.
And she pulls out, he pulls out this item and hands it over to you guys.
There we go.
It looks like this.
It's got like an umbrella on it.
It's this weird looking stick kind of thing.
And she says, apparently, he says this is a nimble right detector.
If you activate it and hold its trigger, it will.
What is it?
And he moves his hands a little more.
He's like, it will spin.
The umbrella on the top will spin faster and faster and faster.
The closer you get to his creation.
He basically adapted it with a tracking thing.
So yeah, and whenever you get 30 feet within it, the umbrella will shoot off and it's this
whole thing.
So I just pull this right here like this.
And I'm looking I'm looking right at him.
And it doesn't really move.
It might like take like one thing, basically signifying that you're really far away from
the tracker that he put on.
Right?
I'm looking at Nim.
What does Nim do?
When I do that?
He looks back at you and he goes.
She's like, he says that his creation must be far away.
It's not spinning.
No, no, no, no, no.
Ah, you didn't answer my question.
I just I just pulled the trigger like this.
Like you said, right?
Yeah.
What does Nim do?
Nothing.
How does Nim say yes?
Oh, he's like, I do it like this.
Oh, how does he say you want to learn his sign language?
Just one thing.
One word.
Yes, he goes.
Okay, cool.
And now I'm going to ask him.
Did this priest right here put you up to create this thing?
Okay, I assume that means no.
Cool.
It's not.
Yes.
Cool.
So I turn to the priest.
All right.
Well, we're cool.
And I kind of just pat her on the shoulders like I really thought there for a second,
I was going to have to murder all of you.
But it seems like this is obviously a mistake of some toaster.
So yeah, she yells down the stairwell and she says, everyone, you must come take everything
from Nim.
He has been building things.
He's not allowed.
Nim, you're not allowed to build things.
And all the acolytes dressed in white one by one just cover this complete room and just
start taking out all the crates and all the work benches.
And Nim just sits there with his head down like super sad.
He's like, oh, he's like super sad about it.
Is there is there a Oh, no, actually, hold on a second.
I cast doorway.
Okay, roll it.
16 succeeds.
Where does it go to?
It goes to right out front of the church where my shit was.
And as people are like taking items from him that they're like, you know, you can't build
shit.
I'm just going to grab two of those items and throw it through the doorway onto the
glyphs.
Jesus Christ.
It's going to be a big explosion from the church.
You throw like just two random pieces of metal out the doorway and then you close the doorway
closes, I'm assuming.
And then out the window of this attic, you just see smoke and you everything kind of
shakes for a second.
She looks you with what was that?
Well, don't worry about it.
It was nothing.
We're cool now.
Kind of.
I've been told to be wary of you, but you're kind of hot.
So it's you know, it's kind of hard.
Are you?
What you said hard, are you?
Oh, wow.
I don't know what you mean by that.
What type of what type of vows of celibacy does your religion have?
None has none.
Yeah.
Same.
Oh, I mean, we're all about creation around here.
So I mean, do you want to get together and create life?
Maybe.
I don't know about create life.
Try to find a way to create some death, maybe.
But you know, she shakes it off.
She's like, oh, oh.
And as they finish taking everything out, Nim sits there with his head down and kind
of just soaks a little bit on this little bed that he has in there.
She turns to you afterwards and she's like, well, more than us just getting close, I would
need to get to know you a little bit.
But if you can find this nimble right creation and destroy it, we here at the church with
a hand will pay you one thousand gold.
And just for your troubles of burning your church, your temple, your tavern and for whatever
other damage it might have caused.
I do have a couple of things that I can give to each one of you as just a token of servitude
of goodwill.
And she reaches into the stuff that he has created.
Nim created these things and she says, I've got four items, but I give you one each.
You can make your choice.
She has adjustable stilts.
She has a backpack parachute, a barking box and a matchless pipe.
And whenever you pick one of these items, I'll tell you what it does.
Again, adjustable stilts, backpack parachute, barking box and matchless pipe.
We're going to let T357 go first because you haven't talked to them a little while.
I would like the adjustable still.
Nice.
She hands them over to you.
These adjustable stilts take one minute to put on or remove.
They increase the height of any kind of humanoid wearing them by two up to five feet.
Each stilt weighs eight pounds and is one foot long when fully collapsed.
They're straight up still.
I'll send them in chat for you.
Robot just got a new pair of legs.
That's right.
Bomblin.
I want to parachute.
Back parachute, a humanoid wearing this piece of gear can deploy the parachute as a reaction
when falling or as an action otherwise.
The parachute requires at least 10 foot cube in an unoccupied space to be able to open
and it doesn't open fast enough to slow a fall that is less than 60 feet.
So you have to be 60 feet or higher and it will stop you from taking any fall damage.
If it has sufficient time and space to deploy properly, the parachute allows its wearer
to land without taking falling damage.
Once it has been used, the parachute takes 10 minutes to repack back inside of the backpack.
Oh, yeah, baby.
This is going to be nice.
Lose a sword, get a parachute.
Left is the barking box and the matchless pipe.
Well, I guess I'll take the fucking pipe.
All right.
She hands it over to you.
It's a little pipe.
A switch made of flint is built into the bowl of this fine wooden smoking pipe with a few
flicks of the switch.
The pipe will light itself.
You don't need fire or anything else to be able to smoke out of it.
That is what you want.
Since you pick last, I'll read the other one too and you can make your choice.
The metal cube of the barking box, it's six inches on each side.
It has a crank on the top.
Using an action to wind the crank activates the box and it will run for eight hours.
While activated, the box will bark whenever it detects any kind of vibrations within 15
feet of it.
The noise of the box and the source of the vibrations are in contact with the same ground
or substance.
A switch on the side of the box sets the device to emit either a small dog's bark or a large
dog's bark.
Basically, a motion detector.
Huh.
I wonder what I could use that with.
Hmm.
Yeah, I think you take back the stinky pipe.
I wasn't much for smoking anyway, even though it brings me closer to my god, I would take
the barking box instead.
There you go.
All right.
All three of those are in chat so you guys can copy paste them.
After everything is taken out, Nim sits back on his bed.
She looks at him and wags his finger.
She's like, bad in him.
You don't do this anymore.
And then she walks with you three down back into the church and she thanks each one of
you for coming by and being honest.
She's like, oh, thank you for coming.
I do appreciate it.
If you ever need anything else, please come back by here.
And if you do manage to kill the other nimble, right?
He is created.
Bring back proof and I will pay you 1000 gold because we can't have something like that
ruining our reputation.
So yes, do let me know.
All right.
You do make sure to let me know if you'd like to dance again.
Oh, lady.
We'll dance together.
You do have some good moves.
Maybe I'll come to a sermon of yours if you come to a sermon of mine.
Maybe that could be arranged.
All right.
OK, right now, this is as far as I plan tonight.
I plan for a shorter episode because Proteus is remote.
All right.
We're only doing two hours.
So as it stands right now, is there something you guys want to go and do?
I do want to remind you that your tavern building is still in complete shambles.
So if you would like to spend some money on fixing it up or doing anything like that,
let me know.
So I can plan for it for next week.
But I'm leaving the floor open to you now if you want to go do something or whatever
it is.
I would like to inform the Legion of.
Bill Vien's parish.
Nice.
Hell yeah.
I love that and what we're going to do, you're going to go there and speak to them a little
bit and we're going to role play on that when we come back next Sunday, because we're going
to learn a little bit about what the fuck's going on over there.
All right.
Bumbling.
Also, I would like to use the five gems that we stole off of the body to fit worth a hundred
each to pay for some fixing up of the tavern.
OK.
So what I will say is that you can do a little bit of fixing if you want to.
If you want to completely fix up the whole place, it does cost a thousand gold.
If you would like to open it for business and hire people and other kinds of shit, that's
an additional two fifty.
So it's up to you guys kind of how you want to do that.
If you want to open it for a business and you want to buy all the gambling tables and
all the other shit that comes in with the one thousand gold and then you can hire people
to run those tables and hire bartenders or whatever for an additional two fifty.
And then it does have a cost every month, every 10 days, what it's called in D&D or
ICRPG.
So would you like to discuss?
Or you could just spend the five hundred just to get better beds and stuff.
But let me know.
I don't know about you guys, but I'm fine with just making it a more livable space at
the moment.
Listen, I don't know what all you want to do, but go ahead and do it.
I got Dragon Lady on the brain for some reason.
You want to make it look more livable and a church?
OK.
Well, I don't know.
I think I want to explore this whole like exploring each other's religion thing.
I know God told me to be wary of this religion, but I think I'm doing the right thing, gathering
more information about it.
Who knows?
Maybe I can turn her.
What if she turns you?
Then what do I do?
Well, then I guess she's got to die.
Raz, I think that kind of answers the question what you're going to be doing during this
off time, but you didn't answer the question.
How much money do we want to spend on the building?
Oh, shit.
I don't know.
Well, I gave you those five gems.
That's what I was planning on spending on fixing up the place a bit.
Sure.
Can I just get a bunch of like black and gray concrete to make like smooth walls in my church?
Sure.
Sure, we can do that.
But with only five hundred is not going to come with like chairs and you know, pews and
stuff like that.
No, no, no.
I just want like.
Five hundred just make it a more livable space for now.
Right.
So what we can do is we can make it more livable and I'll just cut that five hundred off the
remaining one thousand.
So if you want to make it a business, there'll only be five hundred more after that.
So that's what we'll call it.
All right.
Yes, that sounds delightful.
Very fair.
Okay, Raz.
So you want to spend some time around the dragon lady around who still doesn't have
a name, by the way, Chad didn't use his needs a first name.
She has a last name, which is glooming Dale.
She needs a first name.
Actually, Bomblin, you know, Narcissus fairly well.
What do you think Narcissus would have named one of his children?
I never met that man a day in my life.
I mean, if you're one of thirty seven children and you're like thirty seven, I will say that.
That's so funny.
You're you're like, what?
Fucking number thirty two at the point.
Your name's probably like.
Rikiki or like.
You know, Chad, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Rikiki?
Because I'm down.
Rikiki glooming Dale, holy shit, that's the first thing that came out of your mouth.
Hell yes.
This Ford, tell you, or like, just different letters, like, queue.
Oh, god, this is a living world we live in everyone remember that.
OK, fair enough.
So you're going to go spend some time with where Kiki glooming Dale to kind of get some
info on her and we'll roleplay on that a little bit when we get back. What about you, Bomblin?
Oh, that's right. When you see Bomblin making his way through town,
he goes right past the old cemetery and the haunted forest and all that bullshit,
and then right past that to his big old quest board. And with a bunch of daggers and different
parchments and papers posted upon the quest board, he sifts through it and finds the one he's looking
for. The Ironheads are looking for new recruits and I plan to go to the barracks tomorrow
and join the recruitments. Okay, all right.
Bear no seal or brand or magical enchantment upon my bear skin.
You don't. Technically you don't. Okay, that's fair. So roleplay on that a little bit when we
get back as well. And you guys have the Nimblewright Detector. You have a quest to figure out who
the fuck this was that did all this shit. And that's kind of what's going on in the living
world as well. So remember that. Now, what we're going to do is we're going to take our last little
break here tonight and we're going to come back for our short rest. All right. That's what we're
going to do. Now, before we go, if anybody in chat wants to give a couch coin to any one of these
guys, because they think that they performed really well, even while we're on break, you can
give out couch coins. Whoever gets the most gets to host the short rest. All right. And I don't want
to force produce a short rest while they are remote. So if Connor and Fish you can't perform
really well. I know we could force produce into it. That's what they get. That's what they get.
All right. Last time I hosted a short rest, it broke down entirely and the stream ended early.
That's very true. So you can give her another go. All right. So we'll be right back in 10 minutes,
everybody. Don't go anywhere. I love you. We'll be right back. Also, if you submitted anything in
Discord or haven't yet, please go ahead and do so. There's a love death and die section. You can
submit clips in there, pictures, submit a selfie, some art that you made, whatever. And we're going
to review it during our short rest because we love our community. We love you all. So make sure to
submit it in there and we'll be right back, y'all. All right.