Hi! Thank you guys so much for joining us.
Hello! Once again, for Love, Death, and Dice, this is episode four.
My goodness. We've come so far already in our campaign.
And boy, I'm living in a lousy man, blah blah.
Yep.
I just shi- di-bap-bap.
I think I did. I think I did, yeah.
But we've come so far, and boy, I'm happy with this campaign thus far.
Thank you all so much for joining us.
Being rad, and just fucking being here.
All you lovely lads in shed.
Moby, what's up? Certifiable and Sora?
Hi, guys.
Thank you so much for joining us.
The fourth lovely member, I'm doing this out of order tonight, of our team here.
Our show, yes. And I'm Turkey.
And I'm here with these guys.
Say hi, guys.
Hi, guys.
Yeah, very happy to be here.
I'm very tired, but very excited to roll some fucking dice.
And I think, I guess just right away.
Hey, before we get into the show, let's just do a little bit of homework
to let y'all know what we got going on.
Hey, you, Proteus, you got something for us?
I do mark your calendars, friends, for November 4th,
because I am doing my ninth annual charity stream
in benefit of Extra Life and Children's Miracle Network Hospitals.
Every year, I raise money for Hasbro Children's Hospital
that saved my brother's life when he fell out of a tree
and was impaled by another tree.
So every year, I raise money for them.
But there's a bunch of stuff you guys can redeem
and make me do on stream as like drawing things.
I'm taking commissions right now.
That's you can get things drawn.
You can request makeup looks and you can choose the games we play
as well as make us eat a bunch of like really horrific things
like bugs and the world's hottest chocolate.
And that is November 4th.
So it's the best.
Why would you do this to yourself?
Cheese and rice.
Because I like having a fiery ring of a butthole.
Let's go.
Oh, Jesus.
Probably not a healthy situation.
I like it.
I fell into the burning ring of fire, right?
Anyways.
So.
Hey, you guys know also it's fucking ghoul count starting today.
Boo-ha.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
Welcome here to the show, my friend.
Thank you so much for following.
Yeah, let's check this shit out.
It's motherfucking ghoul couch, y'all.
If you look behind you, everyone on the show,
there's Jack Lannister and ghosts and shit behind you.
You all believe that?
Look behind you. Do you see it?
No, that's crazy.
No, I do not.
Yeah.
Thanks for playing with my ghost.
Playing on my bit there, Connor.
She likes pointing and laughing at her neighbors who start crying.
The second she even opens the spice container too.
Yeah.
So ghoul couch is up, which means there's merch.
Go get the fucking merch.
Now, next Sunday, we will not be doing love, death and dice.
All right.
Produs and Fishy will be on vacay.
We're doing a midseason vacay for those two.
But Turk and Connor will be here.
We're starting off ghoul couch.
We're going to be watching ghost videos and shit like that.
All right.
So come and join us next Sunday for that shit.
Hey, Connor, you excited?
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to be here to provide expert commentary and all the ghoulie ghosties
that we see and you know, decide they're fake or they're actually scary.
That's right.
That's fucking right.
Hoi!
She's right.
So that's it for our homework, guys.
Unless you guys got anything you think I missed.
What I missed?
Anything?
I'm going to miss you guys.
Yeah.
No, I'm over you too.
Yeah.
You're fucking liars.
Yeah.
You're fucking patronizing me.
Totally going to be missed.
Yeah, you're going to really enjoy a week without that.
No, no, I'm going to miss it.
Oh, yeah.
Not this Wednesday, but the following Wednesday starts a new thing to the fish.
You could tell us about.
Oh, tell us, Fish.
That's right, baby.
I'm going to bring some talent back to side questers as we start Pirate Borg.
Not this Wednesday, but the following Wednesday.
This one day, we're going to do some session zero follow up,
finish the character sheets, maybe make some videos.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
And then we're going to be starting Pirate Borg.
The Dragon Vault.
Yeah.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome back.
I love death and dice.
And not sure if they deliver.
That's right.
Certifiable.
Welcome back, everybody.
Of course, I'm Turkey.
Tonight, we will be continuing our story right where we left off.
You see, last time our three.
I keep wanting to say heroes, but you're the scum of the earth.
Ain't that right?
Yeah, fuck that shit.
Yes.
What a dick.
So, you know, we don't depend on your opinion.
That's good.
It's very good.
Right.
My opinion is my opinion.
This tale is the worst.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Good thing I don't have a tail.
So right where you guys left off last time, you three managed to well,
finish your quest and were gifted an old beat up and broken down
tavern from Barry Thornberry.
Now there's rumors about this tavern that it holds secrets.
There's something going on with it.
And that's why Thornberry was interested in the first place.
But his findings came up empty.
So he decided to just give it to you guys.
Now you guys have the opportunity to build it and rebuild it.
Make it whatever you like.
You're in a neighborhood here full of other businesses and other guilds
and other kinds of stuff like that.
So you have a lot of people to meet a lot of places to go.
But tonight we start off somewhere a little different.
We start off with Bomblin.
Hello, Bomblin.
Hi.
How you doing?
It's good to see you.
I'm doing all right.
Good.
Okay.
Thanks.
You're like a broke bitch.
Stupid robot keeps taking all my money.
Well, you do owe them a lot of money.
But Bomblin.
I have to ensure the interest of my guild.
And Raz's guild now, apparently.
But Bomblin, you find yourself factionless.
You were, of course, approached by, well, some younger mystic apprentices
and were magically sent a message as a cat rubbed along your leg
to go to the cemetery that night to inquire within,
to maybe see what they have to offer.
And that, my friend Bomblin, is kind of where we find you.
You, my friend, are wandering through the city.
And eventually you get to a place where the city kind of breaks off
and off near the water, there's a little cemetery.
And as you see it, you haven't been to this side of town before,
so you're kind of blown away by the way that it looks.
You see, this isn't a normal looking cemetery.
It's lush, overgrown, even.
All of the plants are flourishing fully.
There are beautiful flowers everywhere and vines of glowing magical energy
run through all the bushes and the trees, fireflies flicker all over.
And you're standing there for a minute, just kind of looking,
thinking about maybe going inside and seeing what they were talking about.
But you don't see any people in there at all.
It's empty.
Until from out behind a mausoleum, a big stone structure, comes a man.
And all this man is doing is he's got like a watering can in his hand.
Looks like he was tending to the plants.
And he's kind of just walking around over there by himself, watering these plants.
Yeah, good patron.
Ah, gravekeeper.
That's the word I was looking for.
Gravekeeper.
I wouldn't suppose you've seen a band of magicians and wizards running about.
Hi.
Are you talking to me?
Yes, you.
There's nobody else around here.
I know.
No one ever talks to me.
Oh.
And he puts down his watering can.
That's true.
And he walks over to you and he gets up to the gate and he's like, a band of magicians?
I'm one man.
What's your name?
Boblin Barlow.
Nice to meet you, Bobbin.
Barlow.
I am the groundskeeper of the common steel cemetery.
I don't have much work to do.
It kind of keeps itself pretty nice.
But my name's Fuckemeyer.
With a P-H-U-C-K-M-E-R-E.
My name's Fuckemeyer and I take care of this place.
So you...
And he has this long, curly, nasty, matted black hair and he pulls it behind his ears
and you see that this whole time he's actually a half-elf.
And you think he's a human at first, he's got a little bit of facial hair, but you can
tell he's a half-elf and he's kind of an older half-elf, which is a little strange to you
because elves live a really long time.
So the fact this man's graying a little bit means he's probably fucking ancient.
And he's like, so a band of magicians.
Well, I do know in the back here by the forest, it does get a little weird over there.
A new person sits on the couch.
Yookas, welcome, friend.
Cheers to you.
Welcome to the shit show.
Thank you for joining us.
Welcome to the shit show.
Hello.
Yes, towards the back.
If you...
Well, follow me.
Follow me.
He picks up his watering can and begins walking.
Are you coming?
Well, yeah, I'm walking.
Can't you see?
Not very well.
It's fucking dark out here.
What do you think?
God, it's like elves have fucking dark vision or something.
What the fuck?
Most of you do.
Why don't you?
I'm old, bitch.
The fuck?
And he just keeps walking a little bit.
Uh, Bomblin gets a chaos guard.
Hell yeah, dude.
Are you ready, Bomblin?
Battle cards.
Oops, it's right on your face.
Sorry about that.
Here we go.
Chaos guard.
Thanks, survival.
Yes.
Let's see how this goes.
Ooh.
You get to permanently increase one ability score of your choice.
Which one would I ever choose?
I don't know.
Permanently increase.
So here's what happens.
As you're walking through this mystical area, you step to this mystical cemetery.
You step on an open, there's like a tree root.
It's like cracked open and old and there's a bunch of magical energy coming out of it.
And your naked barefoot steps inside of it.
And there's a snake coming out of it.
And you're like, oh, I'm gonna go to the cemetery.
Naked barefoot steps inside of it and there's a surge of magic that goes through you.
And you can see your veins kind of glow the same magically yellow color that was inside
of it for like a second.
And you feel the surge and then you increase one ability score.
What are you gonna pick?
What's up, Scott?
How you doing?
Thanks.
Thanks, survival.
Dude, you just made this shit happen.
Also, thanks for calling us cute.
I appreciate that.
Cheers to you.
Your breathtaking.
Yeah.
What are you gonna increase, Bomblin?
Your towel!
Oh, wait.
You're a fucking towel.
I went with strength.
Strength.
All right.
Permanently increase your strength to a four.
Congrats.
That power, you feel it.
Home from the written fair.
Sick, bro.
Oh, yeah.
That power.
Big, dumb bit.
And as you're as you're walking, he sees this happening.
He's in freaks.
A part of death.
Part of the crew.
Oh, shit.
Oh, hey, buddy.
Thanks for supporting the show.
You're on a two month streak for five months.
Cheers, pizza.
Thank you.
Hell, yeah.
Also, I seen Beat Town resub to earlier.
Thanks, Beat Town.
You rock, Brent.
What was I saying?
Oh, yeah.
He sees this happen to you and he goes, oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Listen, bear friend, Bomblin Barlow.
You gotta you gotta be careful.
You can't be just stepping on magic.
It's that shit will fuck you up.
You got lucky.
I got stronger.
What do you mean?
Why are we not funding this?
Well, some people touch that shit and they die.
So well, I've got some people, obviously.
You're you got stronger.
That's why.
Just be careful.
Well, I can be careful.
And as he's talking, you guys walk to the edge of like the cemetery and you can see
there are more graves kind of scattered about.
But amongst the graves scattered about, the trees have kind of grown in fully kind of
blocking off this area.
But you can see there's like these vines that have grown into like an archway and there's
like dozens of flowers all over them.
And it's like just like it smells wonderful.
And these flowers are super beautiful, just like fully blossomed, even though it's night
are open still.
And they see the magical energy coming out of them.
And he looks over at you and he's like, well, if you're looking for some crazy magic shit,
this might be it.
I don't go in there.
That's exactly what I'm looking for.
OK, well, good luck.
I'll be out here when you get back.
And if you die, I'll bury you.
Yeah, I doubt that.
Yeah, I'll try.
All right.
So you walk under the archway and as you do, you feel this surge like of just like pressure,
like energy as you step inside of it.
And as you get in there, almost even the color of everything changes a little bit to like
this brightish blue, like the magical coming off all the plants is like this bright blue.
And you can hear like rustling amongst the bushes and like chattering of people talking,
but you don't see anyone.
And you keep walking forward, just keeping an eye out.
You walk past the graves and the trees.
And eventually, the trees open up into this open area.
And out in the center of this open area is a huge fallen tree.
It looks a little something like this.
Put it in there.
And I'm going to hop over to this screen here.
Show everybody.
Looks a little something like this.
And as you approach his branches, they crack and he shakes off like a bunch of bugs.
It's huge.
I mean, it's towering over you.
And he shakes off a bunch of bugs and he looks down at you.
He's like, hello.
What brings you to the mystical emerald enclave?
My bear kin friend.
Power and riches.
One that seeks how to use magic.
Not that I seek it, that I'm just addicted to how it feels.
That is the way we have other kinds like you here.
They come.
They pull their weight.
They learn.
The evil ways of magic will lead you down a dark path, friend.
Is this a path you sure you wish to take?
God, just fast track me on the path to the top.
I don't know if I have a lot of time for doing like go fetch me some coffee type quests.
I'm looking for the real good stuff.
You know, the stuff you could cast from your hands.
I love the way that stuff feels.
You know what I'm talking about, big tree?
When you cast magic, you got that feeling of power and absolute ecstasy.
Yes, I do.
My, well, they call me the elder tree.
My name is in a language you cannot comprehend.
So you may call me the wise tree or just the tree that is still correct.
Now if you wish to join the emerald enclave, we must first know what your true intentions
are.
I just told you about our enriches in the sweet, sweet ecstasy of casting magic.
Yes, we all wish these things, but once we have them, what will we do with them is what
we must find out now.
He like waves his branches over you like like this energy just comes about you and you can
go.
There it is.
He gives you at least until it's over a permanent inventory item.
But it is called the sorry, it is a blessing that he gives you.
Let me see here is a supernatural gift.
It is the what the heck?
All right, trying to find it y'all.
There it is.
This is called the charm of restoration.
It has three charges, and you can use an action to spin some of its charges to cast one of
the following spells greater restoration or life absorption.
In a sense, this is kind of giving you the option of which path of magic are you going
to take?
Now I'm going to copy and paste this in the chat so you can have it.
This isn't a foundry thing.
No, I'm sorry.
Or absorption.
So absorption is basically what Raz has.
Soul siphon.
Yeah.
The charm of restoration is what it is called.
And after he waves his hand, and he looks back at you and he goes, now, with this gift,
I will send you on a small quest.
When it is done, return to me and we will see if you are worthy to join the mystics
of magic, the emerald enclave of common steel city.
All right.
There are outlying farms that are being terrorized by a scarecrow come to life.
We believe this to be magic of some kind.
It has slaughtered livestock, chased horses and spooked the farmers.
No people, as we know of, have been killed by it yet.
So the iron heads, of course, are dragging their heels.
But something must be done to restore the balance.
Return to me when it is done.
And then he rustles his leaves and he like goes back down to sleep.
And as he does, you hear like some laughing kind of echoing throughout the trees from
like people.
And then like everything goes still.
Let me get out of here now.
That duck in trees doesn't talk.
There he is.
All right.
As you're leaving, you see on the ground or you see the groundskeeper as you come out,
he looks at you, he goes, how did it go in there?
You know how every fairy tale starts a quest for power and magical meaning, finding a ducking
tree to go and save a farm from an evil scarecrow.
Yeah, that sounds classic as fuck.
Like that's normal.
That's the most classic thing I've heard.
Did he call himself the wise tree?
Because that would be.
Or he could just be called the tree.
What a fucking joke.
You should have seen the twig and berries on that thing.
Very Muiopigento if you know my meaning.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Twig and berries.
That's good.
And then he continues watering the plants and he's like, all right, well, good luck
on your quest, adventurer.
I'll be here.
Thanks.
I would go fight an evil scarecrow.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I go find my companions first.
I need some allowance money from the robot.
Oh, that's the weirdest thing I've heard all day, I think.
Allowance money from a robot.
Not the quest to go and kill a scarecrow from a tree.
That's not the weirdest thing you've heard all day.
That sounds classic and normal.
I mean, like that's you hear that all the time.
But when someone says they need allowance from a robot, that's something else.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's not ideal.
One of those midlife crisis kind of moments.
You might want to get your shit together.
Figure out your own way.
I'm trying.
Yeah, you got to try.
Because you know, one day we're all going to die.
Jesus Christ, you talk too much.
I was just being polite.
I'm going to walk away.
I'm going to storm off.
As you're storming off, he goes, but if you work hard enough, you won't die alone, Bomblin.
Stupid old man.
Always tried to tell me what to do.
Known him for like 30 seconds.
Feels like he's got the wisdom of the world.
You know, I really grudge my gears.
Fucking old people, am I right?
Yeah, they're the worst.
It's like, why are you still making decisions?
You're not even legally allowed to drive a carriage anymore.
I can drive, dickhole.
There he goes.
All right.
Where am I going to find my friends?
We cut back over to you two inside of the, of course, broken building that you're in.
Now, this building, again, does have a few different floors.
And whenever we cut back over to this building, we find Raz down in the basement, because
guess who found the map picture of the fucking basement?
Turkey did.
I knew there was a fucking basement.
Oh yeah.
Yes.
Yeah, this is all looking pretty nice in here.
Yeah, very, very good.
Trying to get a good spot here.
There we go.
Yeah, you go down there.
The basement is tattered and torn.
There are leaky pipes, you know, in the roof.
It smells a little bit like sewage.
It's like knocked over barrels.
The whole fucking place is disgusting.
But you think to yourself, this could be a good place of worship, debauchery.
Yeah, it very well could.
And I would like to dig a big asshole.
But I think I have something else in mind.
Might work out.
Maybe.
I don't know.
I'm going to need a few things first.
Can I, I mean, I guess you'd like me to look around this area, wouldn't you?
If you want.
Is there anything specific you're looking for?
Nothing, really.
If it's all just tattered shit in here and I need to clean it up, then I'll get to that
later.
But I have a real hankering for a potion.
I need a potion.
What kind?
You'll see once I find a potion shop.
OK, all right.
But I need to go ask them the robot for money.
Not eating.
I got to go ask the robot for money.
OK.
We cut back upstairs to T357.
What are you doing in the building?
T357?
Where are you?
I have found a suitable closet to shut down in when not in use.
Hell yeah you did.
And I imagine you.
Hold on, I'm reading chat.
Did fishy just eat through that mask?
Is it even a mask?
No.
That's not even fishy.
That's bomblin.
And that's bomblin's mouth.
Ain't that right, bomblin?
That's right.
I'll say I got eating.
I have a terrible smoking addiction as well.
Me too.
Bomblin's just addicted to everything.
That's why he needs to find our lord and save your death.
If he keeps smoking, it will definitely bring me closer to it.
Test, I imagine you've cleaned out this closet.
Sorry, mama.
And you've just kind of put everything out to the side of the closet.
And so you're in there, you're shut down, and all the like old barrels and like buckets
of rotten fruit and shit are now just outside of the closet because you've just scooted
everything out to clean it.
And now you're just in there shut down resting.
And as bomblin, you come back in to this building, your new home, you immediately almost trip
over all of the shit that test has cleaned out of the closet and is now set off to the
side.
If you could, before you do anything else, make me a dexterity roll.
Oh, that's the magic of polymorph.
Indeed, certifiable.
Who's making the dex roll?
I was gonna have bomblin do it.
But how about this?
And you are also going to trip and fall.
Raz, whenever you come up out of the basement, all the stuff is right next to that door as
well.
Make me a dexterity roll.
First roll the night.
That's a seven.
That's an eight.
But you do not hit our target number of 13.
So you trip and you fall down onto the ground.
All this moldy food and shit kind of goes everywhere and just kind of like scatters.
And all this stuff is just down there.
And as you fall and you hit your head, you hear a voice.
It says, today, you must bring me one more soul.
And then you snap out of it.
And I'm laying there on the floor with the filth and all this shit around me.
And I say, you got it, God.
And with this, that shall wake me.
And I shall exit the closet.
Perfect.
Good morning, Raz.
Good morning, Tess.
Listen, why are you on the floor?
Well, I'm on the floor because I slipped, but it's okay because I talked to God.
Anyways, speaking of God, he also said to me, God damn it, that I need some funds for
a certain thing that I want to buy.
It's a potion.
I need funds for a potion.
Will 82 silver pieces cover it?
Maybe.
Possibly.
I don't know the prices of potions and shit.
I guess that'll do it.
I will hand over 82 silver pieces.
Oh, joyous day.
The God of Death smiles upon you, Tess.
Appreciate your contribution.
It shall help the Church of Death very much.
Do you have a moment to talk about death with me?
Or?
You know, I am always willing to listen to your weird religion.
Oh, that's okay.
You wouldn't understand it anyway.
Anyways, I'm going to head out the front door and start looking for a potion shop.
Okay, before you do, Bomblin, you of course come into this scene of fruit smashed everywhere
and Riaz laying on the ground asking Tess if she will worship, you know, wraith with
her with him.
You come into this scene from your escapade, and as you guys see Bomblin come in, he's
got a strange magical glow about him.
It wasn't there before, but it's like a brightish bluish kind of glow, but it's very faint.
Magic.
Have you been rolling in magic mushrooms?
Maybe.
Maybe a little bit.
Just a little bit of magic.
You remember last time with the mange.
This magic smells earthy.
And well, I think that's also a tree.
I think you might have some Dingo berries.
Did you wipe your ass with a rabbit?
I don't know what that is.
No, that was a herring gun.
Oh, I did not know herring gun.
We're into that.
Well, he wasn't, but you shouldn't stand outside of the outhouse if you're not planning to
be used as toilet papers.
You should probably ask for consent before using sentient creatures as wiping material.
No, because really I could have just eaten him and that would have been a lot worse.
So using toilet papers was the nicest thing I could have done.
Now as you say that, the front door opens again and pushes some of the fruit out of
the way and walking in is a shortish human looking commoner kind of guy, but he's fairly,
he's dressed fairly nice.
But you've seen him around town before, as you guys have seen.
You know this man to be Hammond Craddock and Hammond Craddock is one of the representatives
for the distillers and Brewers Guild here in Froskull Alley.
And so he stops in to inform you guys as soon as he will.
First of all, as soon as he walks in, he goes, hello, I am.
Oh, goodness, this place.
Oh, it's disgusting.
Oh, God.
OK.
Oh, we have recently acquired it.
We're still cleaning it up.
I got a lot of floor fruit.
Yes.
And floor fruit.
Is this something that poor people do?
They put their fruit on the floor and roll around in it.
At least the.
Yeah.
When you want to talk to God, I guess that's something you got to do is roll around on the
floor for a little bit.
And then he talks to you and you talk to him and then you do his bidding.
Hey, do you have a soul?
Yes, my name is Hammond Craddock.
Yes, I am.
I'm a member of the Brewers Guild.
Like, I've basically come to inform you if you are going to be opening this place as
a tavern.
I will not attend.
Not a tavern.
A casino.
You know, I can offer you a casino.
Well, maybe I can come gamble away some of my father's money.
Yeah.
Anyways, I do have a list of specialty drinks that we supply to businesses if you're interested.
Then he holds out a piece of paper and hands it to you and it's got this list of all these
crazy names of drinks.
He pulls out a napkin right away.
You didn't even touch his hand, but he wipes off his hands on the napkin and puts it back
in his pocket.
And he's like, yes, have a look at that and come find me if you need to someone to supply
you with drinks.
Cool.
You wouldn't happen to have any potions, would you?
No, I do not.
But I think a good cleaning potion will do you good.
It almost sounds as good as marinating you like a potion.
Get out of my house.
Okay.
He shuts the door.
But as the doors beginning to shut through the crack flies in this like flying snake
almost it's green that flies in.
And I want to see if any of you notice it.
Please, Romeo perception.
All of you, all three of you.
What is this?
Oh, wisdom.
Yeah, wisdom.
As a night.
Yeah.
As it flies in, you see it and it goes over to one of the broken shelves and like sits
down on it and it like slithers a little bit on the shelf.
Can I pick it up?
Yeah, you go over to it and you inspect it and you see it.
And as you reach out your hands to pick it up, the snake flies over right onto your hand.
Like as soon as it sees the Legion brand that you have your tattoo on the back of your hand,
it flies right over and lands in your hand.
And as it does, it almost magically like unfurls into like a scroll, like in your hand, like
magically on it.
Yeah, it unfurls.
And on the scroll, it says to the new recruit and T three five seven for your first quest
for the Legion.
You will be going to the trades ward.
There's a place called Weird Bottles Weird Bottles Concoctions.
The gnome there who runs it is a friend of ours named Schemo.
He's made some potions and we need them delivered to a client.
Pick up the potions, give them to the client.
Do not lose the potions or let anyone know that you're delivering said potions.
Take the potions to the client.
They are located in the castle ward.
They will be wearing a green cloak and keep the tip if you accept out loud.
Say long live the Legion.
Well, that seems pretty easy.
I need to go to a potion shop anyway.
Long live the Legion.
And the scroll turns back into a snake and then flies out a window that wasn't broken.
There's like four windows and three of them are broken.
One of them wasn't.
And it flies out the one that wasn't broken, breaking the window.
Yeah.
Oh, thanks.
You slithery little asshole.
Anyways, snakes could be such dicks.
Roll for initiative.
A new person sits on a.
And I coffee.
Oh, God.
You may be.
Oh, no.
It's not bad right now.
Yeah.
Thank you so much for joining us here.
Yeah.
I give you a round of my shirt all the time.
Yeah, don't we all.
So before you leave your new building, I guess you'll have some things to discuss.
And I want to give you a minute to do so before I interrupt you.
Bomblin, are you going to reveal anything that happened or this quest you were given
to your party?
That's the question.
As well as Raz.
You read that message and just out loud said, sounds easy.
Long live the Legion.
They also have no fucking idea.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, shit.
Well, I just.
I just accepted a question of the Legion to deliver some potions.
Which is great, because I definitely need a potion and well, it seems like it's on the
way.
Are you guys down?
Or do you have anything else planned?
I'm willing to accompany you.
Well, I'm.
What if I say I may have gotten in cahoots with a big old tree and now I need to kill
a scarecrow?
But it sounds like you've been dicking around in the, you know, the red light district and
you may have gotten into some bad, you know, what's that shit that they do down there?
Dragon tar or something like that.
OK, all right.
All right.
We're going to get dragon tar one time and caught a couple of things from the clap.
Now it's fine.
We've gotten them surgically removed or wholly beamed off.
Also wholly watered off, too.
We had to use tweezers.
That was one time.
So this is for a week long bender, but it was only one time.
So what about that time you came back with mange?
Well, that was because I.
I mean, like, if you if you saw a big old fluffy orgy, you'd hop in it, right?
Not necessarily, no.
I mean, I could see if you could come to the next one if you want.
No, thank you.
Last time you came home and talked about how much you sucked and fucked another bear, but
then it turned out to be a raccoon.
I don't want to hear about it.
Well, don't ask me how I got the mane.
Anyways, is there just so happens that this potion shop is nearby this farm area?
I mean, how are going to be to kill a simple scarecrow?
Can't be that hard, right?
The farming area is located nearby the castle ward, which is where they're going afterwards.
Oh, so there we go.
We do the potion shop and then we kill scarecrow and then we go to the castle.
Great day.
All right.
Wonderful day out.
Sure, why not?
Go fuck.
Yeah, kill a couple of guys and we're good.
You know, praise brave religion.
So so good.
OK, you guys leave your newfound building, which we still need to find a name for.
And you guys still need to collectively decide if you're going to turn it into a gambling
ring or what you're going to do.
So once you do come up with a name or you have any kinds of ideas, please make sure
to let me know or anybody in chat who has the idea of a name of a business, a fantasy
business.
Please feel free to fill in the chat to inspire the players.
You can use the name of thing command or just throw them into chat.
All right.
We have just been raiding.
I wonder who it's from.
Hi, what's up, buddy?
Hello, how are you doing?
Everybody here.
If you haven't already, go over there and follow Forge.
Tonight was Forge's Forge night.
Yeah, Forge was making things.
Get over there and follow our friend Forge.
Forge and Freaks, a part of the couch, part of the crew, a power subscribe.
21 months.
Thanks, Powers.
Love you, friend.
Thanks so much.
Yeah, also Powers.
What's the Krabs choose you?
You can't get rid of those Krabs.
You ever got your Krabs from the clap?
I'm some powerful magic.
No shit.
Forge, we have to talk about getting you come guest star on SideQuesters.
Forge, we have to do it.
You got to come play with us.
Yeah, baby.
You won't be on SideQuesters.
Yeah.
Yes, please.
Fuck yeah.
You're on my list, friends.
We got to get you to come play on fucking SideQuesters, Forge.
That's right.
That whole past list.
That's right.
We'll talk.
I'll put you on the list.
Stay a while, Forge.
Stay.
We like you.
Stay.
You're a total homie.
Thank you, Raz.
I appreciate that.
I want to question.
Well, everyone else here who came from Forge Lore, thank you all for joining and thank
you for supporting Forge and being fucking awesome.
Welcome to the Grouchcatch.
Tonight we play Love, Death and Dice.
Roll for initiative.
Yeah, that's what we're doing.
A new person sits on the couch.
Masked Dragon.
Thank you so much for the follow.
Welcome to the show, friend.
Appreciate you for joining us.
Yeah.
No, you.
You stop.
Our players tonight have both received all received quests and we're questing tonight.
So we're doing so please feel free to hang around.
We have loads of commands where you can activate and make chaos happen and stuff.
We love the chat interaction around here.
So do it.
Do the things.
Yes.
Use the chaos cards.
Leave.
Let the hate flow through you.
We're building and step out into Pro Skull Alley.
You can see this is about midday.
All of the businesses are bustling and doing their things.
And there's a lot of people around.
A lot of the businesses are doing whatever they're doing.
And you start heading your way to the trade ward to get to the potion shop.
It is a portion shop called Weird Bottles Concoctions.
And that's where you're headed to.
But before we get there, we are going to take our quick break and then we're going to come
back.
All right.
We're going to take our quick break.
We're going to do thumbnail poses.
Yes, we are.
So everybody in chat, um, she's going to explain to you what thumbnail poses are.
That's right, baby.
So we need them sweet, sweet poses for thumbnails.
So we provide you guys with the green screen and you just provide us with the poses.
We'll try to pose like that as best as possible.
And then you take screenshots of it and then you post it in the love dice section in the
discords.
That's right.
California surfing.
Pretty good.
Whoa, dude.
Like, hey, whoa.
I came in, I got so pitted.
It was just like, whoo, like so pitted, bro, like this.
And the wave was like, and I was like, whoa, and it was like, yeah.
Anybody that knows that reference, you know, you have good YouTube knowledge.
Quick five minute break and we'll be right back, y'all.
All right, so don't go anywhere.
This feels like it comes out too naturally.
Yeah, what the fuck, dude?
It's crazy, bro.
Yeah, I do too, too.
Come naturally.
Yeah.
But we're gone.
You made me experience high tide.
Grab a drink, have some fun, go grab some snacks, go tell all your friends and your family
about our show and then go put it on the living room TV so everyone can watch and be involved.
And we will be right back in a couple of minutes.
All right.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome back to Love, Death and Dice.
This is episode four right here on the Grouch Couch.
I'm your dungeon master, Turkey.
I'm here with Proteus, Connor and Fishy.
Say hello.
Hey, hello.
Nice to see y'all.
We're here tonight on our fourth episode.
God, I love rolling dice with my friends.
So everybody out there in Chatland, the Court of Chaos.
Hi, Wreck.
I see you joined in here.
How you doing?
Ha ha ha.
Welcome back.
Hi, Midnight Coffee.
Good to see you.
We are rolling dice on some quests.
These guys, lovely three.
You guys are headed across town to the Trade District.
Now you've been here before.
There are a few shops around that you could get things from.
But you look and you see a shop tucked in the corner that you didn't really see before.
It's to the left of the Stumble Inn.
Remember the inn with the racist innkeeper?
Well?
I sure do.
To the left of the Stumble Inn, there is a little shop.
You can see in the windows dozens and dozens of bottles that have different kinds of colored
concoctions inside of them, some of them neon and glowing.
You see a light.
A little candle light above the doorway, but as the light flickers, you see for a second
it's a little green.
And as you get closer, you can see on the door there is the brand of the Legion, a snake
with wings and a circle.
I have that tattoo.
Yes.
And you see a little sign that says weird bottles concoctions.
You three now stand in the Trade District.
Hell yeah, I think this is.
You never told me exactly what we were doing here either.
Oh yeah, we're just doing God's work.
That's all we're doing.
Yeah.
I get the God's work part, but what are we doing here at the potion shop?
God's work.
I think it's something about a delivery.
I don't know really.
I wasn't paying attention to the snake book, but let's let's go inside.
Okay.
All right.
As you walk in, tingling, the bell goes off and you walk past all these shelves of different
kinds of concoctions.
You can see some of them have little tiny human body parts inside of them, eyeballs,
other kinds of stuff like that.
There's like weird like like claws from like birds and like other kinds of animal skulls
and all different kinds of weird shit all over the place.
And there really isn't a counter in here.
Just lots and lots of shelves.
But then as if almost out of nowhere, a gnome appears.
Looks a little bit like this.
Why he kind of hot though.
Where did you come from?
This is a hot gnome.
And he's like holding this bottle.
He's like wiping it.
And he just looks at you guys and says nothing.
He's just like.
Spare a drink for it all, thirsty bear.
Hey, you're signed under door.
That's my tattoo.
Ah, I see the brand.
You have it.
Good.
You're from the Legion, then?
I think so.
You like snakes?
I.
I will.
If you have, I will take I will collect if you have.
Oh, I don't have a snake to give you.
I just you know, I think they're kind of cool.
Yeah, yeah, they're like tough.
I like that.
It's pretty cool.
Yes.
Here's a fun fact about snakes.
Did you know that for every snake there is in the world, there is one snake penis?
You think would be normal until you remember that only male snakes have penises.
This means male snakes have two dicks.
Ah, much like sharks.
Yeah, that's some great information to have.
You said you like snakes.
I don't know what channel planet that I just walk into.
What the hell?
I really like this guy.
Well, let's get here.
Potion shopkeep.
We're here to pick up the package.
I'm sorry.
Do you have a brand?
Berkin?
Maybe not.
It's called Graham Cracker.
I'm here to do the delivery for the potions.
I'd also like to ask you if you have one on stock that I might be able to buy from you,
sir.
I might.
I will only sell to Legion.
So T357.
Good to see you.
Oh, really?
Nice to see you.
Well, fine then.
Yes.
I will proceed outside.
Did you know?
Leave my way.
I will leave this establishment.
When bears go into hibernation, they actually purposely eat a lot of grass and stuff like
that.
So it'll get stuck in their digestive tract and it actually turns into a kind of butt
plug while they hibernate.
Do you do that?
Yeah, you eat the ball.
We don't talk about nature's butt plug.
What the hell is it?
Yeah, about the tarp or plug.
Do you projectile shit after hibernation?
That's a good question.
It's kind of like a mini magic missile, but it's scary, really scary.
Sometimes you got to get help with it.
Somebody with like a spoon or something.
So once in a year you do, in fact, have a butt plug.
That's voluntary.
Sounds pretty voluntary.
Don't look at me like that.
This is all great information and I'm so glad I learned this.
You're welcome.
I feel like me and this gnome are going to be great friends.
Of course, Test, we are great friends.
You don't have to say that to me.
You don't have to say you feel like we're going to be friends because we are friends.
Excellent.
Yes.
Now, before I say anything, what was your name?
Wraith.
Wraith Worshipper?
Raz.
Nice to meet you, Reverend Raz.
I am Schemo.
Some people like to call me schemes or Momo.
It's fine now.
And he like reaches over and Grahams grabs a small silk lined, kind of like coffer or
bag and you can see inside of the coffer there is like three potion bottles and they kind
of glow a little bit as he shuts it and clasps it and then he hands it to you, Raz.
And he's like, this is very delicate, so do not break it.
Don't open it.
Don't drink the potions.
Understood.
You got it, sir.
Now about that potion that I do want to drink.
Should we put that in my chest compartment?
I am gyroscopically stable.
Yeah, sure.
Do not put the potions into your chest compartment that turns things into other things.
That's not a good idea.
Oh, yeah.
The other side that is empty.
Oh, OK.
I thought you meant your shifter of many things.
That's that's fine.
If you mean that it is still open for use Schemo.
All right.
Not today.
But thank you, though, test.
All right.
Close it up.
Before I tell you anything, here's my last piece of information.
You're going to be looking for a woman by the name of Black Viper.
That's all I can tell you.
He's going to be wearing a cloak.
Dark and it's very purple and green.
Yeah, she needs these potions.
Now she's not going to trust you.
Make sure to show your brands up front.
Also, if I was you, I wouldn't let your bearkin friend talk there.
She she's very much not against normal people.
And I heard that there's a sex.
People.
What am I?
There's a sect of legionaries out there posing as us, but they are, in fact, outlaws running
on their own kind.
We've dealt with that kind before.
But you can't do trying to be legion.
It turns out they're part of the creatures.
Fuckasses.
So keep an eye out for that and don't let her get a whiff that that's you, because she
may kill you.
All right.
OK, now, what is it that you need?
Well, good, sir.
I'm wondering if you could sell me a flying potion for eighty eight silver or eighty two
silver.
My bad.
You want a flying potion for eighty two silver?
Yes.
Yeah.
Let me see your brand again.
Oh, oh, yeah, you're new, huh?
You're a new recruit.
Yeah.
And he holds up his and you can see that the snake has like grown and it has like more
scales and wings on it as it goes all the way up his arm.
He's like.
As you grow, so will your tattoo.
If you had more renown, I would sell you things for cheaper.
But you're new, so it's going to be normal price.
Flying potion, my friend, is one hundred gold.
Oh, God.
All right.
Well, it was worth a try.
I appreciate the I can sell you the recipe for a flying potion for eighty two silver
for twenty two silver.
Eighty two.
Eighty two silver.
Yeah.
I really only need it once, but I guess it'd be good to keep crafting it.
You know what?
I think I'm going to pass.
I'm a little low on funds.
I'm trying to get my church started in my basement.
So you know.
OK.
What about you, Tess?
Do you want anything?
I'll give you something on the house.
Really?
Yeah.
I know that they demoted you or whatever, but I don't believe in that.
I think you still done you put in the work here at the Legion.
And you better believe it.
What a nightmare.
Things have been hard for you since the war, you know, trying to remember who you even
are and you know, it's on the house.
What do you want?
Do you have any new?
Animal body parts?
Well, I do.
I did just get a well, don't tell the king, of course, but I did just get a hippogriff
skull in recently.
You know, the king of Meat Harbor is a hippogriff now.
And yeah, Mr. Cumberbatch, King Cumberbatch, which is actually canon.
If you guys watching the solo story.
Yeah, he's a hippogriff.
And well, anyways, I got a hippogriff skull.
Pretty cool.
Got their jaws good for things.
Yeah, they got them big pointy, you know, hip hippopotamus tusks on them.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
Well, I hate to make you part with that for not a good amount of money.
Might I?
Might I get that recipe off you that Raz was inquiring about?
Sure.
If that's what you want.
I've got other recipes, too.
For you, of course.
The recipe for today.
OK, yeah, I'll be back later.
I have some new things to show you later.
That's very exciting.
I will be looking forward to it.
And he reaches in his pocket and he pulls out a little scroll and he hands it to you
and it's got recipe of potion flying on it.
Polly wags.
What's up?
I'm going to say hi.
Headed out to work.
Meow.
I'm going to put it in, Polly.
I love you.
A bear drinking from a straw is everything.
Yes, it really is.
Yeah.
All right.
Working next to that racist bitch next door.
Oh, well, you know, she was she was here before you were even created, you know, so she knows
a lot.
She's seen a lot.
I feel bad for her.
You know, her husband was just outright murdered by a war forage rampage.
It was a malfunction.
Something about a war forage by the name of Marvin.
Not cool.
Yeah.
Well, I guess some rogue put a magnet on the back of his head and it just fucked him up.
He went around killing everybody.
So feel bad for her.
Cool rogue.
You said he did what?
He put a magnet on the back of his head.
You come at me with a magnet and I will make sure you die first.
Yeah, you would never see me coming.
You best believe that.
Yeah, not with all that.
The last bear paws.
So that is actually another canon story from our first campaign on drugs and dragons that
actually happened.
Yeah.
So I feel bad for that racist woman.
Just give her some time.
Maybe if she meets a nice war forage, she'll warm up to you.
We'll see about that.
Yeah, right.
So can I help you guys with anything else?
No, that was it.
We'll go ahead and make sure this is delivered to...
I said Black Viper was her name?
Yeah.
Okay.
Sounds dark and brooding.
I like that.
Her alias, yeah.
Okay, you'll be good then.
And he turns and goes back to his shelves and starts putting things on and stuff like that.
And you guys walk out of the store as you're walking out, of course.
But as we're walking out, of course, I would like to steal something.
All right.
I did say he turned around and started doing things on the shelf.
So why don't you roll it and we're going to make it an easy roll, which means it's a 10.
That's all you have to beat.
But what are you trying to steal?
You said that there was potions with different animal parts on them.
Yes.
I would like to take one of those.
Okay.
So you're looking at...
You've got like an eyeball.
There's another one that has like a llama on the front of it and the labels kind of
ripped a little bit.
And the one to the right of that has like a skull on it and the labels kind of ripped
a little bit.
But inside of that skull potion is like green.
The llama one's like purple.
There's another one that has like orange all over it.
And inside there's like a talon, like a bird talon just in there completely flexed.
Is he going to do this as normal way of stealing where he just falls into that shit?
I don't know if you know this, but you should probably never fall into a whole rack of potions
that could turn you into something.
Well, yeah, I...
That sounds like a nightmare.
Okay.
Also, kind of sounds fun.
Yes, but are you that intelligent?
Oh, see, no, not really.
No, we, we.
So what do you do?
What do you swipe?
So on the way out, I'm actually going to accidentally push Tess into one of the cases of potions.
You're such a dick.
Okay, hold on.
Am I the dick?
Wait.
We are delivering.
Oh, yeah.
Hey.
It's only a two.
Go away, you.
Get out of here.
Can I do something before this happens?
Yes.
What are you going to do?
Noticing that my fucking disobedient bear just pushed my robot.
If you're going to push her, it will be a contested strength check.
That's the way that works.
He does have a four.
Yeah, but that's happening.
A one.
Raz, what do you do?
Well, I only want to do this if it's if it's if if he succeeds, I'm going to open a doorway
right in front of Tess that's just like out the front door of the shop.
But you have to roll on magic.
All right, so first, let's let these guys do their contested strength.
OK, you have to roll on magic to see if you actually cast it.
Fuck.
That was a two, everybody.
I'm only got a 14 plus four.
That's a no.
Your floors are wet.
Oh, great.
So I'm going to roll my magic now.
No.
This is a Intel spell.
Yeah.
Yes, it is an intelligent spell.
Hiya.
Oh, my God.
18.
Yeah, 18 plus three.
Doorway.
So here's what happens.
So, Bomlin, you all your floors are wet and you push T357, who tries to stop but then
completely falls.
And just as she's about to bump into this thing, you open the doorway and she falls
out the front doorway.
But before she gets all the way out the doorway, she does knock over a potion.
All right.
And I'm actually going to roll on his magic real quick.
That's a five.
So he fails.
So never mind.
Nothing happens.
But the potion is falling down to the ground and Bomlin, you see it.
And it's the orange one with the talent.
You see it falling.
Oh, Turk, it's the reroll.
Okay.
16.
He turns and casts Mage Hand and catches the potion and he goes.
Well, we almost just died.
No shenanigans in my shop.
Sorry about that.
I was trying to prevent it.
No, I'm sorry.
Your floors are wet.
He looks out your portal.
You are such an asshole.
What?
I can't hear you from the outside, Robit.
Yeah, Turk never gets me wrong.
Thanks.
I think she's calling me a nice apple.
That's weird.
Sets the potion back on the shelf and he looks out the portal and he's like, my, my.
Now that is some powerful magic.
Yeah, thanks.
I was just trying to help out your store a little bit.
I know you have a powerful follower.
Good.
Let me know if you want to see some of this power for yourself.
It's all because of my religion that was devised by me and myself and my.
I'm a walk out the portal.
The Lord of Death and he loves death and I love it.
You should join death.
Please roll me a charisma.
And this is an easy role because you've impressed him with your doorway.
So beat a 10 natural 20 everybody fucking shit.
What's up, outsider?
How you doing?
He walks over to you and he snaps away his mage hand and then he looks right at you and
looks at the portal and he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tell me more.
Well, you see, here we go.
We have different Bible.
Well, it's not the it's not the Bible.
It's more like the Book of Decay.
The Book of Death.
You have these different chapters in here.
My favorite chapter is rot.
And as you look in this, I go ahead and read you a verse from the chapter of rot.
Let's see.
As bones wither and flesh decays, your Lord and Savior eats all that is rotten away.
Mushrooms will grow and worms will dig.
But you know, your soul remains large and big to step towards the astral plane or somewhere
beyond.
Make sure you don't go too far past that pond.
One last breath for you to take away and be led to another world by good old Ned Bray.
All right.
Holy shit, Carter.
You absolutely get a couch going for me for that.
Everybody, those pages, those pages are blank.
He just made all that shit up.
Those pages are blank.
I can see all the words on them.
Fuck.
Yeah.
Eight dice to give you an inspiration point, Raz.
Holy shit.
Here's the verses right here.
You can't see that.
No, no, I'm sorry, Raz.
We can't be only followers of rather Ned Bray.
You can see that.
Yeah.
He looks at you and he goes.
So does Ned Bray also help with dead animals?
Anything that can die, he is able to guide to the other side.
He finds, you know, things that are mortal kind of weird and he doesn't like them.
Yeah.
For example, I mean, I know Tess is cool and everything, but she's kind of immortal.
Same with vampires.
Vampires fucking suck, dude.
You know that Tess isn't finished, right?
What do you mean she's not finished?
She's like her creator, whatever his name was, never finished her.
She's like missing pieces.
Word is that there are some more forged out there that do have souls.
Tess just didn't get one.
What?
Yeah.
That's crazy.
So you're telling me that she eventually could become a follower.
Yeah.
Huh.
Okay.
Well, anyways, if Ned Bray deals in dead animals, I'm in.
Where do we meet?
Well, it's not fully operational yet, but in our basement, I'm starting my place of
worship down there.
You can come by on Fridays in the morning.
Okay.
And that's when I'll be holding our service.
Don't forget to bring the Kool-Aid.
I'm sorry.
I think there was some bearkin talking outside.
Just ignore them.
Uh, yeah, I actually could bring us punch.
Oh, okay.
That sounds cool.
I could bring punch to these services.
That sounds nice.
Yeah.
Punch.
Punch would be great.
Thanks.
Well, thank you for the information, Mr. Raz.
Good luck on your quest and I'll see you Friday morning.
Friday morning.
Brace be with you.
Yeah.
Brace be with you.
Tell that fucking bear to not try and steal from me again or I'm gonna fucking take his
hands from him.
You got it.
But you don't hear that.
You don't hear him say that.
Cooling, it's a bad way as you see Reverend coming out of the store like Bob Lynch trying
to snatch some old lady's purse, like standing right next to Tess.
Yeah, but she's like not letting go of it.
Oh, Brace, give me strength.
I'd like to karate chop Bob Lynch's hand to get the purse back to the old woman.
Stop it.
God, it's mine.
What is wrong with you people?
You're like the worst evil guys ever.
We're not trying to be evil right.
Well, I mean, yes, we are.
But listen, we're trying to keep a low profile.
All right, because this thing that we're doing requires some tact and stealth.
All right.
I think you're totally just overreacting.
All right.
You're done with your potion stuff, shop stuff.
I got a scarecrow appointment that I need to like get to.
OK, well, yes, we will help you with that.
The old lady trying to steal her purse.
She looks at you and then she goes right into the stumble in and as she's walking in the
stumble in, she looks at you, Tess, and she's like, ugh, and she spits at your feet.
And as she's walking in, you can hear Elmer, the owner of the stumble and go, hey, how's
it going, sister?
And then the door shuts.
Well, fuck that.
It wasn't for scheme.
Oh, I never come over here.
Same thing.
All right.
You guys are in the shopping center.
But where are you after?
Which way do you want to go?
Well, Bob, we got to take care of his his scarecrow thing.
Didn't God say that it was after the place we were dropping off the potions?
The fire was after after the castle.
Yeah.
Oh, then let's let's let's go and do my thing.
Yeah.
All right.
We'll finish.
So we get to go to a super fancy, expensive castle.
Yeah, it's the.
The Castle Ward in Common Steel City is just kind of the area that's right next to it's
in the northmost area, and it's the area that's right next to Stein Kingdom.
So some of the buildings are like built around and like right next to the large castle walls.
So they refer to it as the Castle Ward, and it is where a lot of the more richy kind of
pompous people kind of live like Hammond.
You met him earlier.
He's from the Castle Ward.
Yes.
And let us make our way to the Castle Ward.
Make your way.
Drink.
Check.
You hydrated.
Hydration.
Hey, I didn't say it.
Proteus did.
Intestine.
Yeah.
All right.
You guys walk to the Trade Center.
The trade dock area and the trade ward and get the outside.
You head back the way you came and pass by your building.
You can see still looks the same, rotted away, broken windows.
And you can see there's a note on the door.
And as you're walking by, test, you run up and grab it off the door.
It's like nailed there.
And the note reads from the artificers guild will come back soon, inquiring on your new
business.
And you know right away that word is kind of spreading that this building might get
reopened.
And there's been people here trying to inquire to see what you guys are going to make, what
you're going to build.
And if you want to get in with any of these guilds, take the note, relay the information
and you guys continue heading north to the Castle Ward.
Let me get up my new.
Now by the time you get there, the sun is setting.
I want to read what you just said.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
But I because we're actually playing in our homebrew world of intoxicant where some things
are a little bit different in our world and in our world, you can actually have an influence
on what happens in the show with all the commands and the name of things and all the other stuff.
Some episodes actually have more interactivity than other ones.
But thank you for that Lord drop because, yeah, war forged is they got some complicated
lore going on.
All right.
The sun is starting to set as you reach the castle ward.
And there you go.
Hi, Sunni.
What's up, dude?
How you doing?
Yeah, baby, trying to drive my car.
It is a god damn clip master himself.
What is it?
Clip Meister.
You gain the ability to speak with animals for one day.
And look at this beautiful art that proteus made.
It's so fucking good.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
Look at that.
That's your car, Bambi.
Yeah.
You're a rock and a squirrel.
Yeah.
Revealed cards, cards in hand.
Fishy.
There you go.
Boom.
All right, Bambi.
You know, I get the ability to speak with animals for the day.
Just getting home on my own.
Nice buddy.
So coming in, dropping them cards.
Appreciate you.
Now before you can make it into the castle ward, you can see there's like a little bit
of commotion going on.
And as you approach said commotion, there are some morally fancy dressed people and there
seems to be someone standing on what looks like a soapbox.
And it's a man in a very nice hat.
And I would like chat to go on ahead and use the name of thing command and just give me
any kind of general name.
I'll even use your fucking username if you throw it in the command line for this person.
All right.
So let's automatically go to mechanics.
Ooh, that's fun.
That's very fun.
Now he's preaching to the people, like saying all kinds of things and stuff.
We're not in a cave though.
We're not in a cave.
Hold on.
My people!
I...
Should be voted in as new king.
I am a man of the people.
Yes.
I grew up here in the castle ward.
Yes, I have money.
So yes, I am running a very hard campaign.
But as our king lies on his deathbed, I know that I will be the best new king because I
will advance our technology.
I will bring us new things.
I will invest our goals in new upgrades for everything.
We will no longer need to rely on the sad mystics of magic for our candle streets.
We will invest in electricity.
I know this is complicated sounding, but trust me.
And there's like a rabble amongst the crowd.
Do you guys stop?
I'd like to go into the crowd and try to swipe a couple of coin purses in the rabble rabble
rabble.
Okay.
Fuck yeah.
Go ahead and roll me a dex.
I love that Pontiff I cater.
What is it?
Oh, it's 12.
You fail.
Test and Raz as you're listening to this man talk, you look over to see Bomblin get slapped
across the face as his hand comes out of someone's pockets.
You just get slapped and I'm actually going to roll to hit.
What is your AC?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I got a 15 so you get slapped, but no damage.
I swear I was only being a handsy hand person.
Well, handsy hand person.
Oh, I will have the carriage driver who drives around my carriage driver.
Come here to pick me up.
Do not.
Yes, my carriage driver has a carriage driver.
Fuck off.
Okay, so I really I really love testicles.
If you guys want to interact with this, you can or you can just keep on moving.
That's totally fine.
I'm putting testicles down.
Now as I has stated previously, there are a lot of people who are trying to become the
new king and whomever in the end gets elected, there will be different effects on our world
depending on what happens.
So you guys might be able to influence that.
So just remember testicles.
Testicles.
Well, he's you know, it's not like doing any outrageous claims like saying he's God or
anything.
So I may have to change my name if this guy is elected.
Oh, yeah.
That's not going to be a great name to be associated with.
I don't think.
What do you think of butter bean as a new name?
Butter bean.
It is the first non offensive thing I could think of.
I don't know.
I kind of like just butter.
I don't know about the bean power.
How about cloaca?
I don't know.
It's amazing how that word alone shows up on our show a lot more than I would ever have
thought about.
There's got to be at least like 40 quotes with cloaca in it.
And it makes no sense.
It is the OG of holes.
The OG hole.
All right.
Well, Tally Ho, mates.
OK, all right.
There you go.
All right.
So you guys interact with this.
You walk around this huge crowd as he continues on preaching about how he's going to help
everyone and he's going to advance technology.
And you make it around an inside of Castle Ward and all three of you are walking down
just a normal little road.
There are homes on the sides.
There's no real shops that you can see, but you're kind of looking for anything particular
or special like it all.
So I would like each one of you guys to kind of if you are actively looking, go ahead and
roll me to wisdom, a perception investigation.
Go on ahead and roll it for me.
That's an eight from test.
I was like nothing but rolls.
It's an eight from butter bean.
And that is a two for the wrong thing.
We're looking for a green cloak.
I remember that plus one to wisdom.
When you still only got an eleven, which doesn't beat our target number of thirteen.
So you guys wander for a long while.
All right.
Go ahead.
We roll for test.
Nice.
Barry threw that glory around a lot.
Yeah, you did.
Hey, you did it.
But before you wander for a long while, you look up and you can see on the side of an
alleyway, it's an alleyway that kind of goes into the castle wall a little bit carved into
the stone.
Once again, there is a snake with wings.
And the other way gets fairly dark.
Right to two.
Well, this seems like the right place.
All right.
He doesn't wander right on.
And I do think two, three, five, seven.
Don't you have dark vision?
Didn't we agree upon that?
Yeah.
So you can kind of see as he's going in, you can't see shit.
Raz in Bomblin as you guys are just wandering in.
But two, three, five, seven, you can see up ahead.
There looks to be a figure in said cloak standing behind the trash can, and it looks like they're
about to pounce on Raz as he's just walking down the alleyway.
What was her name again?
The lady we are looking for.
Black Viper, I think.
Black Viper, is that you?
Can you hear a blade get put away?
And then they step out from the darkness.
I wish I had more time to prep music.
Because I don't, but I'll just change it to something a little bit more.
Forge of Lore likes my walking animation.
Well, this is how I bob around because I believe in God and he loves me so much.
Let's make it into a gif.
Do it.
All right.
You hear a blade get put away.
And then stepping out of the darkness, the figure looks a little bit like this.
She steps out of the darkness.
We're actually going to go to this one.
Oh, I can put it back over here.
Is this actually green and purple, like you said?
Yeah.
The colors to make it.
It's a little more green.
You know, Legion Green, of course.
And she steps out and she says, yes.
Who's asking?
We were sent by schema.
Were you?
Yeah.
We had a delivery and I open up my side panel that has my brand on it.
Nice.
It's like, OK, I see too.
What about the Bearkin?
He is under our supervision because he owes a great sum of money to the Legion.
Basically I have a babysitter.
How does that make you feel, assassinate robot?
Every day a little bit closer to your assassination, Boblin.
Yeah, but if you kill me, the Legion doesn't get its money and then nobody's happy and
then you get demoted again, just like last time.
Checkmate, baby.
Sounds like you're in a bit of a pickle, assassinate robot.
Is that your name?
No, I am designated T-357.
Also called test.
Test, OK.
Well, what brings you here?
We have a delivery from schema.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
Is it what I called for?
I believe so.
Is it safe to do the changeover in the alley like that?
No.
We can go somewhere more private if you like.
Yes.
You speak too much.
Less words.
Come with me.
And she steps over to the side.
She pulls out her sword.
And she taps a pattern on the brick wall.
And then this magical green seal appears.
And the bricks begin to move.
And it reveals stairs that go down.
And she says, follow me.
New three.
Boblin, are you going?
Do we have to follow this lady?
Is it the mission?
Did you deliver the goods?
Shouldn't we get out of here?
I can complete the mission alone if you are uncomfortable.
Don't split the goddamn party.
All right.
But you guys are going to regret every bit of this.
But sure, I'll head down the stairs.
I don't think so.
Don't you have a scarecrow you have to be murdering?
No, no, no, no.
This is more pressing matters in a whole lot more richer-like neighborhood.
So I think I can find a couple of things here that I can not live without.
All right.
You three head down the stairs with Viper and eventually reach the bottom.
At the bottom of these stairs, it's dimly lit by only a couple of torches.
But T357, you can clearly see with your dark vision that there's a couple of stone and
steel tables.
A couple of them have they're like smattered in blood, but there's no bodies on any of
them.
Up on the wall, they're like chains, a couple of torture devices.
And she says, watch your step.
And she walks past it and lead you guys to another door.
She opens it behind the door.
There's not much in the room except like a desk, chair, and just some papers on the walls.
Some of them empty, some of them scribbles and different kinds of stuff.
She sits in the chair.
You guys walk in behind her and sit in the three chairs.
And she goes, I don't want to sit down.
I'll stay standing.
She looks at you standing.
She goes, she's like, I'm looking around.
I've only I've only ever met one other bearkin in my lifetime.
She was she was just as rude as you know, it's just as rude.
But you know, we could be impulsive, clumsy, you know.
Well, don't trip and fall in here, bearkin.
Okay, I'll try not to.
Yeah, might end up with a sword in the back of your skull.
Now, I've heard that a lot in my lifetime, but as it happened, I'm still here.
Hmm.
Okay.
I don't want to start today.
You're looking at all the walls.
Are you inspecting the papers, Boblin?
I did.
I'm trying to really just see what's like around the room.
Is it just papers on the walls?
Yeah.
There's not a lot in here, but there's a lot of like drawings and writings and other kinds
of stuff on these papers.
But it's kind of weird and not a lot of it makes sense.
But you can roll me an intelligence check if you want to.
Boblin get an item last time.
I feel like I gave him one two sessions ago.
Did you?
I don't remember.
I think during our session zero, everyone did get one.
Oh, I got a three.
All right.
It still makes no sense to you.
She looks at you guys.
She's like, well, no excuse for your this baby that you're sitting.
Whatever that means.
We roll.
Thanks, sir.
To business.
Do you have?
It still makes no sense to you.
Dummies scribbles.
Do you have what I'm looking for?
Yeah, we got our friend here.
Depending on how much you're willing to pay.
No, no, no.
This is a task.
We don't we don't require payment.
We don't we don't require payment from the Legion.
Just doing stuff for free.
She takes the bag.
She opens it up, pulls out all three of them and specs each one of them and puts them back
in and then she goes.
Yeah, schema does good work.
Honestly, one of the greatest assets Legion has.
It's good to have him on our side.
Yeah, he's pretty cool.
I agree.
A bit of a dick.
You're also a bit of a giant dick.
I only needed two of these.
You see, one of my well, one of my patients needless to stay is no longer with us, so
I only need two more.
So as a payment, you may have one of these and she hands you the bottle.
She says this.
It's a truth potion.
Makes someone only speak the truth for an hour.
Also makes them real talkative, if you know what I'm saying.
Oh, OK.
Yeah, well, hey, a few blocks back before we got here, we saw some kind of soapbox, you
know, talking about he's going to be voted the new king or whatever.
Is that is that all kosher with the Legion?
Well, the Legion doesn't know who we're going to help win this election between testicles
and steal another one of those names.
Bet your ass testicles and Arnold Benedict and a few others.
Do you know whom you will be voting for?
Hey, Bob Lynn.
You know, I've never gotten to politics mostly because they don't support my religion in
most ways, but I suppose if whatever the Legion goes for, that's you know, that's got my vote
helping out the Legion.
Because they help me get followers from my grand church.
And I'm starting in my basement.
First sermon is this Friday.
If you'd like to come.
I don't know about that.
I'm sure I was to make Raz draw a cast card.
OK, well, first we're going to do your item and then we'll kind of move on with this roleplay
a little bit first day.
And we actually have it in Foundry now, which is really cool.
So I actually get to just roll for it, which is wonderful.
It's fun to buy loot tables.
All right, Bob Lynn, do you want to roll me a D6?
Let's see what kind of item you get.
Yeah.
Yeah, one.
Nice.
That's just magic loot.
Yeah, we've rolled for it.
That is a 48.
You get witches skull item reveal its face to unleash a terrifying scream.
Roll charisma to resist the fear.
Oh, wow.
Which is.
Yeah.
How many items are you up to now, Bob?
Ah.
Was that one?
Now it looks weird.
Oh, it is not too many, which is skull.
Nice.
3456, seven, eight, nine, ten.
You're still good.
You can have 10 equipped and 10 carried, which is wonderful.
So I think I've been on top here at eight equipped and three carried.
Wonderful.
OK.
Here's your item.
Pretty badass.
OK.
Now for you, Raz.
You get chat bet battle.
You and certifiable must roll one D20 in chat against each other.
And if the person in chat gets higher, you must give them some of your dice.
Oh, wow.
This is a cool one.
Yeah.
All right.
I want to go ahead and do my role certifiable.
Oh, shit.
Good luck, boy.
It's just a viable cover.
Just a fucking hammer.
It's exclamation point one D20.
If you do roll, it does a D100.
You have to do exclamation point one D20.
Yeah.
You got to do a five.
All right.
Certifiable roll and beat a five.
Nineteen doesn't count because you got to do exclamation point one D20.
I don't know why the roll thing is still on and some to do with like the stream labs or
chat bot or something.
That's also a nine.
Wait, did you get nines?
Oh, no.
I got five.
Wait, certifiable.
He did exclamation point roll one D20.
Yeah.
And then I said he has to do one D20.
If you do roll, it does a D100 instead of it doesn't do it right.
It's not proper.
So exclamation point one D20.
Not if you make a point rolls a different command.
And I know I can't turn it off.
I can't figure out how it's stupid.
Yeah.
Anyways, Connor, you got a five and certifiable got a nine, which means certifiable wins.
Give me some dice, Connor.
OK.
I forgot how to do this.
It's been a while.
Yeah.
It's fun.
I love the chaos.
That's fun.
Is it?
It is share.
It's going to be a point shared dice at their name and then the numbers.
See, certifiable actually just gave Ayuka's 20.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah.
Give them their 20 back.
Shit.
Share dice.
And then I put a number right at certifiable space in the number.
Yeah.
There you go.
50.
Dang baller.
I think how much do I have?
You got to go buy the Golden Crown from the Avatar shop.
Certifiable.
Oh, there you go.
There you go.
Survival is more than you now.
All right.
She looks at you and she goes, sermon of death.
Huh?
Yeah.
Well, tell me about it.
And Connor, I want you to roll me charisma.
And then I want you to role play on how well you roll.
Roll it.
Well,
I might actually have to do a magic roll with this as well.
Oh, 14 plus two.
That's 16.
Nice.
You beat the target.
So, well, the charge of death is exactly what it sounds like.
We worship the God of death, the good Ned Braith, as he fairies souls to the next world
and decomposes and cleanses the world that was left.
It's pretty cool.
Actually, I already have a satisfied customer that's reporting in on Friday for our first
sermon and I'm going to cast doorway on the wall and it's going to open up in a schema
shop.
Schema shop.
OK.
Roll me a magic roll to see if you actually do it.
Oh, that's a six.
You try and you fail.
So you just wave at the wall.
Nothing happens.
Oh, damn it.
Appreciate it.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
It's a little bit.
That's a seven.
You wave at the wall and nothing happens.
And she does.
Oh, I'll tell you what.
If my mission is successful, maybe I'll come.
Maybe I'll come.
We'll see.
Well, that's fair.
I was going to show you a satisfied customer, but it's all cool.
You seem like a cool, nice person to join my cult of death.
I mean, religion of death.
Yeah, I do like death.
And as she says, I do like death, you hear screaming like bloody murder coming from the
room right next to you guys.
And she goes, Oh, yeah.
I think I need to go.
So for now, I'm going to ask you guys to leave.
And then you hear like a whirring of like some kind of like metal, like mechanical,
like and then more screaming.
And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I better do this before they're not with us anymore.
So yeah, if you'd be so kind.
And she stands up and waves you to the door.
Cool.
I really miss this type of work.
These grinding sounds are making me hungry.
OK, yeah, you've done this kind of work before.
The Legion will maybe they'll send you out to help me again one of these days.
Yeah.
Goodbye.
Can I just head up the stairs and you can just hear screaming, just getting louder and
the blocks shut behind you magically.
And as soon as they should, it's so comforting stops.
What a nice lady.
There's something so comforting about screams of agony, right?
Yeah.
Does friends have trouble walking now?
No, I have that meme of the of the freaking what are they called?
They got the long noses and shit plague doctor.
Have you seen the meme of the plague doctor like walking with a cane?
That's what I feel like.
Pretty good.
All right.
That ends this scene.
And we're going to do is we're going to take another five minute break so these guys can
use the bathroom and get some fresh air.
And while we're on that break, you guys feel free to upgrade your avatars or whatever.
We're going to do another battle royale so you could win some dice.
All right.
And battle me for your dice.
Yeah, we'll be right back in five.
But before we go, we're going to do some nail poses and we're going to let T357 tell you
what they are.
Thumbnail poses are poses you can make us do in silly or fun ways so we can screenshot
them and you can Photoshop them in awkward positions to use as blackmail.
Nice.
We have thinking man statue.
It's pretty good, y'all.
All right.
Soon he says pimping ain't easy.
Yeah, there we go.
That's what I was doing.
Yeah.
I think this needs to be like a gift or something.
I don't know.
Yeah, everybody do.
Everybody.
Oh, come on.
Too tall.
Maybe it works better with a cane.
I don't know.
It's OK.
I get it.
All right.
All three of you do it forward.
Just do it forward.
OK, that would be beautiful.
Yeah.
It's so good to use that for something.
Nick said slammed finger in car doors.
Last one.
Let's do it.
The fuck is a car games look amazing.
The new GTA game.
That's so funny.
All right, y'all, we're going to be right back in just a minute.
The new GTA games do look amazing.
All right.
That's the funniest thing.
We'll be right back.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome back to love death and dice.
I'm your dungeon master, Turkey.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Being here and still being awesome.
I love rolling dice.
It's one of my favorite things to do in the world, and I'm very happy to be here doing
it with my friends on episode four.
That's right.
I'm here with Proteus, Connor and Fishy.
Yeah, our heroes are adventurers.
That's better.
Just got done delivering some potions.
All right to a I don't know who or what that was.
I guess it was never really revealed, but they did reveal some truth potions and in
return got one single truth potion as a tip, completing their little side quest.
Yeah.
And as you leave this area, you you I'm getting right back into it, y'all.
We're right back in this quarter chaos.
Hello.
I love the quotes in chat.
You guys rock everyone there in chat.
Hi, send some emotes.
We know you're there.
Hello.
As you're leaving.
Braz, you feel a burning on your arm.
And you look to see the snake slightly grows.
And T357 you hear on the inside where your brand is.
Your snake also grows a little bit.
You have both gained one renown with the Legion.
What that means you have in the Legion.
My snake is getting bigger.
Completed this quest.
Oh, cool.
It's getting bigger.
That's a quote.
Someone had that as a quote.
Now we leave this area and you guys walk out of the alleyway and back up the road here
in the castle ward headed towards the farmland following Bomblin as he's leading the charge.
You know where you're going Bomblin.
You're you've been around here a while.
You know where the farm area is.
You lead the charge and you guys walk back past by that crowd that was there earlier.
Now there isn't as many people there, but you can see that testicles is still standing
on his soapbox preaching to the people.
And he's like, vote for me to be the next king.
If I become the next king.
If I become the next king, I will advance technology.
I will invest the gold and to think like medical supplies and learning of healing.
People will live longer.
Less people will die.
Vote for me.
And you will have an extended life.
Yeah, we're going to do this.
Do you guys want to do anything?
That are we going to pass right back by here?
Yeah.
Well, I tell you what I'm going to do.
I'm going to walk through the crowd towards this soapbox.
OK, here we go.
And as I get up there, slowly look up at the man on the soapbox.
And I'm going to fall to my knees and say, oh, great and powerful.
Yes, testicles, you, you shall lead the new world.
And as I'm bowing to the ground in front of the soapbox, I'm going to go ahead and draw
a glyph in the dirt.
All right.
So to cast your glyph, you're going to have to make me a magic roll and beat our target
number.
Soon he asks, did Raz get his card to I think so.
Didn't we draw you?
Yeah, it was the dice battle card while back there.
But we've got another one that we're going to give to test after Raz gets to make their
actions.
So if you want to put a glyph on the ground, tell us what's going in the glyph and Romeo
magic to make sure it's successful.
OK, but here's what's going to happen.
So glyph maker roll intelligence to store a spell in an etched symbol triggered by touch.
I'm also going to activate one of my abilities called dark pact.
Sacrifice any amount of my HP to add to the roll.
And the spell that I'm going to put in this glyph is soul siphon.
So basically, whenever he steps up the soapbox, I'm not even going to front.
We talked about this a little bit on break, y'all.
So we had to do it because it's too fucking funny.
So when he steps off the soapbox, he's going to step down on the glyph, the spell is going
to activate and then he's going to heal you and he's going to.
Yeah, that's pretty fucking good.
I love it.
It's so good.
So, Romeo magic, let's make this shit happen.
OK, I'm going to sacrifice four of my HP to add to this role.
So it's basically a plus seven because I have plus three to intelligence and.
Nick, so bonus is still it's just a dice for right.
Bonus is still worth.
Yeah.
All right.
Plus seven.
Get it, son.
Let's go.
Plus seven.
Oh, I clicked on the thing.
There it goes.
OK, that's a 24.
I'd say that that hits.
So you put this glyph on the ground and you like carve it into the stone.
It glows slightly, but everyone's so distracted by him that no one really pays attention.
And then he looks down at you and he says, yes, he stand.
Stand my follower.
One D hell.
Oh, and look at that.
You've got five health back.
So as you stand back up, you're still at full health and he goes.
This here is a fine example, a fine example of what I will do to help advance technology.
This new follower here, I will be giving him something out of my pocket as a gift of good
faith.
And I'm actually going to roll for it.
Here we go.
Shabby loot.
That is a 90.
He gives you navigation gear, scopes and charts for navigating easy on any kind of navigation
roles.
So he's like, OK, Tony.
Oh, you got it.
You missed my hand, sir.
22.
He hands you a small tent.
How is this three individuals?
Oh, 28.
Yeah, small tent houses three individuals is what this does.
And he's like, now he can sleep anywhere.
Safely and the whole crowd erupts.
They're all clapping.
They're like, yeah.
Thank you.
Oh, wise and very humble nominee for king.
It's a I'm just going to slowly walk away into the crowd.
All right.
And he continues talking and preaching.
And you guys are there for a little bit, but then you meet back up together and start heading
towards the farmland.
He still hasn't stepped off his soapbox, but you know that that glyph is there, you know.
Now I flew away walking.
It's sunset.
The sky is a beautiful purple and orange color over the water.
And you guys reach the farmland.
You can see up ahead, cows mooing, chickens running amok, goats, sheep.
You walk past fences of all different kinds of livestock, essentially, and eventually
get to like an open area where there are a few tents.
And this farmland area is kind of right on the edge of this river.
It runs through common steel city.
And you don't see any scarecrows, but you are in a field of different kinds of things.
I'd like to add something to this.
As we're walking past these fences of like livestock in them and stuff, I'm actually
going to be walking on the end.
Like I hop the fence and I'm just walking among the animals.
I'm like, oh, this is great.
Actual living beings that can die.
And they're totally content with their life ending.
This is beautiful.
I love this, guys.
And the cow just looks at you and is like, mmm.
Yes.
And even your death serves a purpose, my bovine friend, for you feed the people.
Mmm.
I want to remind Bomlin that you can speak to animals.
So when this cow is mooing, you actually understand what it says.
And the first time it moves, it says, you're standing in my shit, you dumbass.
And then the second time it moves, it goes, yep.
And one day you're going to eat my shit, too, you fucker.
And another cow on the side kind of laughs and he's like, hey, idiot, who do you think
he is in his red?
He's all walking around.
He walks.
And there's another cow.
It's a female cow.
She's like, yeah, stupid ass humans.
They think they know we live a great life.
They're like, yep.
Mmm.
I want to be like, but it's going to say, right.
God, don't we all just hate humans?
Yeah.
Fucking humans.
Mmm.
Is there any bulls in the pen?
Yeah, it's all cows here, but on the other side, there's definitely a bullpen, but it's
way more like reinforced.
Yeah, because I am all in red.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's true as fuck.
Yeah.
Hold on.
Like, yeah.
All right.
Well, steer steering cows, right?
He's like, yeah.
Stupid ass humans.
We hate them.
Happy you agree, Birkin.
You know, another one of your kind came through here the other day.
Mmm.
Other day.
Yeah.
Maybe another day.
No, I don't know.
It would have been yesterday.
Could have been four weeks ago.
Four weeks ago?
Which way were they headed?
Same way you're going.
Oh, where I'm going.
Yeah, that way.
God.
You didn't point anywhere.
Yeah.
What?
Yeah.
Oh, you're the worst.
All right.
Screw the other Birkin.
Have you seen a deranged stair crow around here?
Oh, yes.
Yes, we have.
And Razz, as you're walking, just all the animals and bombings going, all of a sudden,
the cows just all stand up and kind of start freaking out a little bit.
They're all like walking around.
They're like, yes, yes, we have.
Yes, yes, we have.
Where is it?
Have you seen it?
Ah, no, I have not seen it.
I want to find it, though.
And put it to rest.
So you lovely ladies could lay around all day.
Yes.
Well, it only comes at night.
It comes at night.
We hide.
We hide in the corner.
We hide.
So you're telling me if I just wait here, I'll find it.
Maybe.
All right.
How about you ladies get to a safe place and hopefully I can take care of this scarecrow?
OK.
All right.
They go back to their business.
Razz you hop out of the pen there.
Now we have.
Got it.
Got a dog up a bear.
I guess this is better.
It's hard to tell with the hood on.
But I have a bear.
Bear kid.
We have.
Not a dog.
It's a bear.
A map.
It's a beautiful map.
Oh no, my dogs are freaking out behind me.
Stop it, dogs.
Yeah, I was like, bro, that's perfect timing, dude.
What the fuck?
As soon as you're like, I'm not a bear, all of a sudden there's like bear growling.
So I just got this map real quick.
It's not a special map.
There's no reason that any of this shit is here.
All right.
But it is a map that I got.
There's like this magical circle here in the center.
That's not actually there.
All right.
But you guys are right up here by the river.
So what we're going to do, as long as this is set up right, can you all see it?
I make sure that.
Cool.
A new person sits on the couch.
Hey, Utah, Ruby.
Welcome to the shit show, friend.
Cheers, bro.
Welcome in here.
Hello, Utah.
Yeah.
Look at that bear.
You look like a bear.
I hate you.
You know what?
You go ahead and see yourself out there, bud.
Yeah, bud.
Here we go.
We got some map.
There's some tokens down here.
There's some tokens.
It's nice.
Greenland.
Nice.
Least.
All right.
So now what do you do?
Do you wait until it gets late?
Actually, I'm going to prepare a little bit.
Yeah.
Can I prepare?
You said you said that magic circle isn't actually there, right?
Yeah.
But hold on.
Let's draw the card.
Let's call the card.
It's a yes.
Anyways, let's go here.
Chaos card time.
Let's do it.
Oh, goodness.
It's the birthday card.
Oh, by drawing this card, you age up one year.
Today is your character's birthday.
It's canon.
You can reveal that to them in any way that you want, or you can keep it silent.
But today is T357 creation day.
It's your anniversary, whatever of your creation.
Yes, the anniversary of the first war forage being created.
I think that like on the inside of your thing underneath or on your butt where the stamp
is maybe it has like a creation date or something.
You know what I mean?
Like made on this day.
Inspected by inspector number four.
Yeah.
So it's like whatever that is.
So you can reveal this however you want.
You can tell them you can not tell them.
That's up to you.
All right.
Yeah.
I want you non magical non cylinder of magic circle.
Yeah, there's nothing here.
As I just downloaded this map, I thought it was pretty.
I'm going to make that magical circle actually magical because I'm drawing a big ass glyph
on the ground.
Oh, sick.
What are you going to put in it?
Well, I'm going to put in my spell called death Nova.
So it's basically a landmine.
Here's how it works.
With no role, overload your power and explode.
Adds any amount of HP to add to to D 12 damage all within far range role defense to avoid
uses.
Yes, I'm making it.
Ye old IED a whole ass bomb.
Huh?
All right, buddy.
Well, first, you're Romeo Romeo magic maker.
It works.
So also this is a new scene.
The target number is 15 right now.
All right.
Number is 15.
Yes, sir.
Relegence.
Here we go.
Oh, that's a six.
And is it a six?
I look like a nine.
Yeah.
Oh, it's a nine.
That's a nine.
It is 12.
Yeah.
Take a rise.
You got an inspiration point, which technically I think that means you got to.
Oh, I got to.
Yeah.
Cool.
I'm going to reroll that.
Then I'm going to use one of my.
Isn't it a hero coin?
That's a different thing.
That's that's a different thing.
OK.
How do inspiration points work then?
You can spend them anytime just to reroll one time, even after you're given a reroll from
Chad or whatever.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's reroll this bad boy.
Ah, plus three.
13 plus three is 16.
You beat it.
You create your glyph on the ground of this farmland, beaches kind of area.
And we already know where it is because there's a magical circle there now.
Yeah.
Look at that.
Hey, my friends, I just put a giant fucking bomb in the middle of the map.
So if you'd like to keep your distance from that, I'd appreciate it.
Actually we can go over to this nice, cozy campfire where I can set up my new tent that
was given to me by that guy that's about to die.
True.
Very true.
So and also bomb when you wanted to do something as well.
I thought I did, but come to find out that the best thing for me to do is just be the
bait for the trap.
Yeah.
Oh, I actually did get a farm map.
I just picked that one because I thought I didn't have it.
Oh, look at how you're changing the magic.
I know.
Do we want to just keep on the magical non cylinder like circle?
Do we want to keep on the other one just because it's it's got a magical circle?
I just picked that one because it was like the magical circle cannon.
We should use it.
I didn't sacrifice any health certifiable.
I don't have to.
Yeah.
That's a non magical non circular manager or don't.
It's all good.
So we could draw one, you know, if you want to.
You could you could draw it on the map.
If you if we want to use this map.
Mm hmm.
OK, do you want me to draw my circle?
Yeah.
The draw tool.
Let's use family.
Yeah.
Biggest ability.
Yeah, daddy.
I've selected the pen.
Tell you what.
I I'm going to place it right, right, right.
Oh, wait, that's not how you do it.
I selecting the drawing tools.
Hmm.
But it's not letting me draw.
You want to go over after the pen go under the ellipses by two to see draw free hand.
Ah, click drag.
Ah, my art is an explosion.
I'm sorry.
I know.
Calm down.
You edgelord.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I just like.
I'm putting it right on that bridge.
Beautiful.
I just want that.
Bumble is an anime nerd.
Is it?
I don't know if it's working.
All right.
I'll try to put special effects on.
We're kind of teamed up with he done.
Pretty much.
I mean, wait, I'm actually in his hand.
No, I wish I had a mouth on my hand.
No particular.
We all buddy.
Don't we?
I think we all do.
That's where I can eat snacks from afar.
Sure.
That's what I'd use it for.
Hey, it's my fault. I call your mom a snack.
Thank you.
Just go.
I appreciate it.
All right.
Yeah.
All right.
This is what happens.
I just banned them.
I was like, y'all are annoying me.
So here's what happens.
You guys rest the night and you wait around.
You wait for any kind of sign of anything.
I just banned them. I was like, y'all are annoying me.
So, here's what happens.
You guys rest the night.
And you wait around. You wait for any kind of sign of anything.
As the sun sets, you guys put on, you know, your active listening ear.
You're waiting, listening for something.
And as you're standing there, some of the cows in the pen
begin mooing and freaking out.
Bomblin, the day still hasn't passed.
You can still speak with animals. So you hear the cows yelling.
He's here. He's here. Oh my God. He's here. He's here.
He's here.
Well, if that's the case, I'm going to go ahead and move away from my bomb.
Oh, wait. I don't want to draw circles no more.
Click on the top one. Token. Click on the top one. The little guy on the bar.
Damn.
There you go.
If you could delete that circle for me, that'd be great.
Got you, bud.
And a line. This produce did it too. No worries.
All right.
You guys move.
In the night. In the thunder.
The cows are freaking out.
And then in a flash of lightning standing in the center of the area.
Wait, actually.
We need we need something.
We need something.
Wait, here we go.
In a flash of lightning.
You see it standing there, menacingly.
And it looks a little something like this.
Whoops. Don't open that. No, no.
There we go. I sense danger.
Evil.
I sense a massive whoopsie.
And then lightning flashes again.
And you see him hovered above a cow.
Blood dripping from its mouth.
Another cow standing next to him goes, no, Larry.
And then the lightning flashes again.
He's gone.
Oh, Larry, no.
Kind of like his style, but.
This punk ass is he's got to die.
Because he looks to be immortal.
And I don't like that immortal shit.
Hmm.
You guys move closer to the pen.
Can't get in the pen.
Not yet.
There's walls there.
It's on foundry.
You want to get in the pen, you're going to have to make me a dexterity save to jump over these walls.
But first, lightning strikes again.
And it's standing there and it looks over and sees you standing at the fence.
It moves its arms around in a weird, unsettling kind of way.
And then laughs.
And then disappears.
And reappears on the other side.
And now, my friends, we're going to roll initiative.
I'm going to put it on the map.
Now I don't have a token for this, but I'm just going to be using a random one like this one here.
Flaming skull, beautiful.
All right.
I'm going to 13.
Oh, no, produce got a thing.
Yeah.
Raz got a nine.
I'm going to 17, baby. All right.
You're first.
And we're going clockwise.
So Raz is next in two, three, five, seven, and then the scarecrow.
I would like to jump over this fence.
All right.
Only decks.
I'm going to get some mastery point. Congrats, buddy.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Forge of Lore. Hell yeah.
Sunni. Hell yeah.
Nick.
Yeah. Agile.
Yes. All right.
Let me move.
Agile.
I'm going to be in.
Boy. There you go.
You said 30 is about as far as we could travel.
That's it.
Yeah. Right.
Or you can move.
You can also move past 30, but if you move past 30, you can't also do an action.
Like right there.
Yeah.
Lightning strikes.
It looks you in the face.
I would like to use my witcher's skull.
You do have that there. That's long range now.
Reveal its face to unleash a terrifying.
Nice.
Roll charisma to resist the fear.
Nice.
Hell yeah. Okay.
So if it's feared.
It means it can't move closer to you.
Cause it's scared of you.
If it gets fear, it can't.
It's scared of you.
Dun dun dun.
Here we go.
So charisma.
This thing doesn't have any bonuses to charisma.
So fucking scarecrow.
That's a five.
It did not beat the 15.
It failed.
It looks at you and it's like.
Scared.
All right.
Raz.
Oh, it's my turn.
That's a four.
Yeah.
What do you do?
Let's see.
What do I do?
Well,
Is there a gate somewhere on this thing?
Is that gate locked?
Where is it?
I think you have to go through the house.
Well, I'm not going to do any of that bullshit.
Nevermind.
Um,
Let's see.
I'm looking at those.
Yeah.
There's my gate.
Yeah.
I'm going to go ahead and do doorway.
Okay.
And I'm going to do this.
The doorway right behind the scarecrow.
Would you like to know where it connects to?
Sure.
Right in the center of my fucking blow up.
E circle.
You're.
Oh shit.
Nice.
So over it by the fucking the gate.
Yes.
The bridge over here.
Okay.
I'm going to do.
I'm going to do squares.
We're almost weird.
There you go.
When you can't bring the we can't bring the bottom of the person.
You bring the person to the bottom.
Yeah.
Perfect.
Yeah.
Two imagine that.
Looking like a true terrorist.
Mm.
God is great.
All right.
Um, well actually,
you have to roll me a magic to make sure that the door appears.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, that's, that's right.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
Let's see.
Shit.
Damn, I have another inspiration point that I'd like to use.
All right, spend it.
I have here we go.
Come down from the trees, Nick.
Also, and also on this one, I'm going to use dark pact
to sacrifice some of my HP.
Go ahead and sacrifice three of my HP.
So now I'm down to seven.
So now it's a plus six.
Goddamn. Nice.
That works.
Twenty three, 17 plus six, 23.
The door appears and it looks behind the.
Ah.
So it can't move forward towards Bomblin
and there's a door behind it.
All right.
You know, I want to use before I do want to move at all.
Raz.
No, fuck it.
I'm just going to lean up against the fence and see what's
see what's happened.
OK, 257.
What do you do?
Can't you see me?
Yeah, I think so.
Not very well, fuck.
You can at any time, roll to hide.
I think that's one of your actions, right?
Your abilities. Yes.
Yeah, you could just disappear.
But I also have an ebony hood on that is light
absorbing dark cloak that deflects attention
even when seen by enemies.
Yeah, so I think that's like
if they could attack you,
they don't they attack someone else, right?
Is that what it was?
Yes. Yeah.
I just didn't know if by deflecting gaze,
it hasn't noticed me yet.
How quiet have you been?
Do you want to roll me a quick little stealth and we could see
dexterity? Sure.
Yeah, let's do it.
Not very loud.
You've been pretty loud.
That settles that fair enough.
Then I would just like to fire my crossbow.
OK.
Oh, yeah, you're rolling to hide.
Is it like a bonus action kind of thing?
I am unsure.
Go ahead and give us a reroll from certifiable.
Let me pull up your sheet.
Then plus your dex too.
Yeah, so you still didn't beat the target.
Let's see here.
Disappear, make a stealth roll,
even when in plain sight, just to simply vanish.
After a blade's attack, do the damage again.
Right. They don't know you're there.
Your first attack cannot miss.
Oh, I get what you're doing here.
I get what you're doing.
All right. Well, only that crossbow. Let's go.
And that is.
Roll a D20, then the D6, correct?
Yeah, so you roll a D20, you get to add your dexterity
because it's a long range attack,
and then you get a D6 for weapon damage and your
fabulous flaming crossbow gives an additional D4 fire damage.
So roll that 20.
That was almost a fucking one, I swear to God.
But 13 plus two, your dex is 15, you hit the scarecrow.
And then both a D6. Yeah.
That's five and a D4.
Right, you have plus two to weapon damage.
So that's seven plus three.
That's 10 damage and your three damage actually does six.
Because it's fire damage
and the scarecrow is vulnerable to fire.
So.
Hey.
He goes.
You know that, right?
Yeah, it is also raining, so he doesn't he doesn't burst into flames.
The map is actually raining.
Yeah, you like it?
It's actually pretty neat.
Yeah, I thought it was funny.
Dope.
He's really mad.
And he turns his gaze.
Is he scared of bomblin?
And he rushes up past the cows.
And he reaches out.
And he grabs Raz on the hand.
And squeezes really hard.
Oh, why can't I not move it?
I'm drawing squares.
He fizzes into flames.
That's right.
I'm going to roll to attack on you, Raz.
OK.
I'm going to attack on you, Raz.
OK.
19.
He deals 10
magical, acrobatic damage to one D10.
Oh, shit. 10 hole damage.
Oh, wow.
And I'm at seven.
What happens after that?
I need you to roll me a D10.
OK.
Is that am I rolling anything like magic in my table
or am I just rolling a D10?
Magic, magic, magic.
Yeah, magic damage.
Three plus two is five.
So he grabs you.
And sucks the life out of you.
And then as you're falling to the ground.
All of a sudden, you just regain five health points.
And you think back.
To the glyph.
Oh, yeah.
And the mayor stepped on.
The mayor or not the mayor, the person who wanted to become the king,
probably.
Could be dead, but you just hear the soul sucking the siphon,
and it goes into you.
And then you hear a voice.
In your head again, as you're almost into death and then you come back to life.
You're like in that middle area.
So as that life comes into you, you hear.
It is so.
Testicles will be mine.
From your God, Ned, breathe.
Oh, I think that's what that was, God.
But thanks, God.
Hmm.
And I say this right in front of the scarecrow.
As you almost die and then just come back to life and you're like,
thanks, God, he's like, oh, like he totally thinks that some God
just brought you back to life right in front of him.
Yeah. All right.
Fomlin, what do you do?
I'm going to run up behind the scarecrow
and use my charm of restoration
to cast a spell.
The soul siphon is what you said. Yeah.
So I roll intelligence to his first roll.
Yeah, it's an intelligence spell.
So you must roll a D20 as your intelligence.
Beat the target number for the magic to go off.
You.
God, hey.
Now, when you reach out, you can do it in any way you want.
And you touch the scarecrow.
The magic damage you deal to the scarecrow is going to heal you at the same time.
It's literally exactly what Raz just did to the testicles guy.
Right. Mm hmm.
Ah, I think I would just kind of like, like
put my bare fist through it.
My bare just like straight through it.
And then it would just start siphoning.
Nice for five damage.
So as you do this, it doesn't look like Raz's red mist of of death.
It looks like the bluish yellow glow,
the same glow you felt and seen inside of the emerald enclave.
So as you do it, it's not like you're sucking blood out of him,
but almost like a life energy, like magic.
Almost. Yeah.
This spell is actually called absorption.
Subsorption. And as you do that, he turns back and sees you and goes,
Ah, ah, ah, but it's not dead.
Or as that's that's it.
That's all I could do. That's me. Mm hmm.
Well, it seems like he likes touching, touching folks.
So I guess I'm going to return the favor and do soul siphon.
There's a lot of soul siphon going on.
Damn it, T357, we need to get you soul siphon.
Hold on, this is just a boy soul siphoning each other.
All right. Yeah.
We're having a good old siphon soul off.
I'm glad there's no sucking in this.
Just siphoning each other off.
Just getting in there, really siphoning it out.
All right, Raz, roll it for me.
Roll me that magic and it I'm going to be real.
It only has one HP left pretty much.
So just hit. OK.
Circle siphon.
Yeah, it's a circle siphon.
We're the circle siphons.
We're circle siphons.
Oh, my God.
Bad ass, badass.
Natural 20, which I mean, you get to do your ultimate.
So why not?
Roll me magic and ultimate.
That's what you deal. OK.
And you get to mark another mastery point.
And 311 damage, eight plus two and three plus one.
So 14 damage that heals you.
So I could be so right in front of a bomb.
So like he soul siphons it and then you soul siphon.
It's just like, oh, you just.
Oh, yeah. As it.
Oh, he looks out the plated of all of his soul.
Crumples and kind of falls to the ground
and you see the little fiery arrow in its side.
It it just like turns into hay on the ground.
And as it does, the cows stand up
and then all of them just begin mooing like crazy.
How are you standing?
What the fuck?
What? They get up on their own legs.
Jesus Christ.
They were hiding on all four.
So they stand up like on their four legs.
You know what? Sure. One of them.
No, but they all get up and they just start yelling and stuff.
And all of them are like, yeah, yeah.
To you, Bomblin, you can hear them.
Yeah, it's dead. Yeah, yeah.
And there's one over there still crying over its dead friend, Larry.
He's like, no, no.
It's a quote space ad.
We got to set it up the same, Brody's.
We got to say so everyone can do across larger.
But anyway, it's beautiful.
It ends up on its hind legs and just like salute this really slow.
Like that move.
And then one of the cows comes up to you and he's like,
my name is beef.
How can I thank you, friend?
Just anybody you see, tell what happened today.
Tell me, don't mess with Bomblin and the and the Barlow twins,
because they're going to get to going to get going to get moved on.
You don't understand what I'm saying.
I'm just more.
More. More.
More.
True story.
He's like, oh, yeah, I would like to go up to the dead cow
and the and the cow that's mourning them.
Yeah. I mean, I don't have to understand them.
I know that they're like concerned for the dead cow.
Hmm. And I'm going to say,
don't worry, with death comes peace.
Your friend is in a better place.
He's being ferried to the other world by Ned Braith as we speak.
Now, so you guys don't have to look at this all the all the time.
I'm going to open up a doorway.
All right. Well, at first, I really want you to roll me charisma
on these cows to see if you can actually calm them down.
So roll me charisma.
OK. Yeah.
And we're going to go ahead and leave these other doorways
and make me charisma check.
Oh, damn it.
I was really fucking hoping you were going to be able to calm these damn cows down.
All right. Well, your 10 doesn't beat the target, sadly.
Well, I don't I don't want.
Oh, OK. Oh, yeah.
I don't really want them as followers.
I just want to. I know. I know. I know.
Oh, shit.
It's a natural.
OK.
Well, here's how I want to do this.
I just want to be fucking terrifying to these things
because what I'm doing is I'm just dragging their dead friend
to this doorway.
No, do you want me to?
Do you want me to open up our cast
or fucking roll magic?
It's all right. We're out of turn base,
so you can just do it over and over and over again.
And that's kind of defeats the whole purpose because I know you'll do that.
So it's all right. You don't have to roll for it.
You can just open the portal this way. OK.
I open the portal and guess where it opens up.
Where does it open up?
Right above the fucking hole in the tavern.
Hi. Hi.
Hi. No dead bodies.
Hey, I don't know.
Who are you?
And I'm just dragging a cow and throwing it over the edge.
He sees a dead ass guy.
He's like, no dead bodies.
It's not human.
I don't know who you are.
I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to set up a net.
I'm going to stop you from being able to do this.
OK, no dead bodies.
Tequila, the bartender.
And you throw the body in and the cows are like.
And Bomblin, you hear them like, no, no, not Larry.
And one of them's like crying. They're like, oh,
best I want to move and that move at them in their native language.
Like, don't worry, he's going to a better place.
Yeah. And is taking care of him.
It's a big fucking hole in the ground.
I like it there.
Shut the doorway and the cows kind of cart of themselves.
And then in your mind, Raz, you hear, of course, Ned Braith.
He says.
One soul for the day.
Thank you. You've done well.
And it's so funny to me that I was thinking human soul this whole time.
And it's a god damn cow soul.
Fuck.
I'm sick of it.
Oh, we honor him.
The best way to know.
They have not killed that one guy in the town.
Right.
I don't know if he's dead yet.
All right.
But he definitely got fucked up.
This is the butcher shop, right?
Yeah.
Fuck shit.
OK.
That ends the scene.
You guys have managed to, of course, help
save the farmland, the farm life here in the farm district of Common Steel City.
At this point now, you can stay here and party with the fucking cows if you want.
Or you can go back home, go and do where everywhere.
Where do you guys want to do? This is done.
The deed is done. What do you do?
Well, I don't know, but I'd like everybody to keep in mind that
I have a random bomb out in the farmland somewhere.
And I have not going to leave that there.
Yeah, sure. Why not?
It'll be a nice present for a great one.
Yeah, you should.
You should like cite it with your name or something.
No, I don't need to, you know, take credit.
You know, it's all God's work, you know.
Perhance, perhance.
Like, what do you think they're going to walk all the way across the bridge
and then get blown up or be like, oh, there's a bridge.
I'm going to walk across it and then immediately get blown up.
I don't know.
They're probably just going to see a big circle on the ground and go, huh, that's weird.
That's what I would do.
Well, I'll meet you guys back at the house.
I got to go talk to a tree.
OK, fellas, is there anything left of the scarecrow on the ground?
Schemo may like it.
Oh, OK.
Let me grab a little cloth of the scarecrow and wrap it up.
Some of the scarecrow hay.
And I'm going to put that in my pocket and then you could deal with the rest.
How about wait a minute?
T3, OK, you're just taking some for yourself. All right.
T357, you see in the pile of the scarecrow,
like it's it had that like hooded mask
that was wearing made out of like burlap sack.
And it's got like the eyes cut in it.
And that's laying there on top, along with all the hay.
And you can take the burlap sack with the slits in it and all the magic and stuff.
I would like to do that and celebrate my birthday with Schemo.
All right.
Look at that.
As you're going to tell these guys about your birthday.
Yeah, they're like, fuck these assholes.
They don't get to know it's my birthday. All right.
One of them is openly racist against me and the other one assaulted me earlier today.
Why would I want to hang out with them?
I never poured salt on you.
Don't you make lies about me?
Lies and salt.
What you're talking about, you fucking toaster.
Yeah.
Fucking fuck it.
Fuck it. Jesus Christ.
Why would I tell them that this is the day of my creation when they treat me like this?
Jesus. Yeah. All right.
You fucking toaster. Yeah. OK.
Well, first, that's what you guys are going to do.
You're going to talk to the tree.
You're going to celebrate your birthday.
Raz, is there anything you want to go and do?
Now this is over. Fuck this.
I'm going home.
I'm going to open up a doorway to the basement and just just leave.
Step through it. Nice. Nice. Badass.
OK, we're going to do a little bit of role play with you,
a bomb and the tree, which we can do when we return.
But for now, ooh, Raz, you're going to get a card, though.
You don't get off that easy.
Here we go.
What is it? What is it? Sorry.
You must apologize in every sentence for the next five minutes.
Well, that seems fucked up. Sorry.
Yeah, it is.
So is there anything you say before you get in the portal and bounce?
Yeah. Well, I'll see you fuck asses at home.
Sorry. And then I walk through. Sorry.
And then I stick my head back through the door and I say,
hey, don't forget about Friday's sermon. Sorry.
Ridiculous.
I will see if I can make it.
Not going to get through another one of those fucking death parades.
Now, it's OK. Sorry.
Hey, listen, Tess, I'm sorry.
I didn't believe that you couldn't die.
You don't have a soul.
I learned some information today that there may be hope for you dying yet.
So keep your chin up.
Hope is the right word.
Because, well, hopefully I do not die today,
for today is the day of my creation.
Oh, it is.
Well, happy birthday. Sorry.
I appreciate your grace.
So what is it?
I guess it will be a birthday. Sorry.
It's more like a creation day. Sorry.
All this while he's standing in a portal.
Yeah, standing in a portal.
Listen, I'm going to I'm going to get in the house
and I'm going to start cleaning up this basement.
I got to get ready for a sermon on Friday. Sorry.
And then step in the portal and close it. Sorry.
Y'all some good friends.
I'll tell you what.
All right. So Bomblin,
we're going to role play with a great elder tree when we return.
But for now, T357, you go.
To the shop, the weird concoction shop,
and you walk in the door with your mask after this adventure.
You walk in to see Schemo.
And I do believe.
They just they just disappeared
and just do it this way. Oh, I can.
They.
He's right here.
Hot guy gnome.
Yeah, hot guy gnome.
He sees you and he goes.
Oh, hey, welcome back.
Thank you. I brought you something
that you might be able to use in your concoctions.
Really? I am intrigued.
What is it?
We fought a scarecrow.
A magical ability.
Oh, that sounds.
His head sack.
Oh, please, please, please.
Come in closer and he goes around to the back.
He pulls out a couple of chairs and a little table
and he sets it down and he goes, please set it down, please.
And he plays it on the table,
grabs it and looks at it and he's like, oh, this.
This is a fine collection.
Thank you.
T357, this is going to go with everything else.
This is a fine gift.
And what? On the day of your creation,
you bring me a gift that can't be true.
Somehow he knows your birthday.
Oh, yeah, he does.
So he's going to go in the back.
And then he comes out.
He knows enough about my creation in the first place.
Why would I be interested in seeing more of him? Right.
He goes in the back
and he comes out with like a bottle of wine and sets it on a little table.
And he goes, one other thing, and he goes into the back
and he comes back out with a like a biscuit.
And he takes the biscuit
and he puts a little candle on it and he goes, Happy birthday.
Thank you, Schemo.
You're welcome.
And he pours drinks for both of you guys,
and you talk and drink throughout the night and celebrate your birthday.
You reminisce on the past.
Talk about your creation, all other kinds of stuff like that.
Before I just generalize,
is there anything specific you want to talk to him about?
Or are you happy with that?
I would like to think that he was one of the people along with
Banford that found me in Mead Harbor
and brought me back online.
Sure, especially because he knows as much as he does.
I would think so, too. Yeah.
Absolutely. These fuck heads down there, you see them.
I mean, they do have other shit to do.
True, very true.
And they are global racists.
I'm so sick of you, too.
All right.
You drink on the night and talk and discuss about when he found you
and other kinds of stuff like that.
And that, my friends.
Is where we're going to leave it for the night.
We are going to take our last break here,
and we're going to come back and do our short rest.
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That's right.
The bottle of wine really wine or is it laden jar old school capacitor?
I don't know what that means.
Gain all those does indeed
giving out gifts on their own birthdays, right? Right.
Oh, my God. That'd be funny if it was right.
So we're going to write back, y'all, and see me reading chat right now.
If you're watching on YouTube, come join us in the live. Yeah.
And we're going to take our 10 minute break.
Guys, anything you want to say to everybody in costume
before we come back out of costume and do our short rest.
Happy birthday to Tess.
Happy birthday, our creation day to Tess.
Happy creation day to Tess.
Happy creation day to the toaster.
Happy creation day to Tess.
All right. We're going to break, everybody.
Oh, wait, I can do doorway really good, actually,
because I just do this and then I'm like, all right, fuck you guys.