Hey, welcome to episode two of Love, Death and Dice.
I am your Game Master for the night, of course.
Turkey, and I'll be here all night, that's right.
And I'm here with three amazing people,
GrouchCouch crew members and dang all,
some of my dang all best friends.
This week from left to right, starting with Proteus,
tell us who the hell you are.
Hello, I am Proteus.
I will be playing T-357,
also known as Test, a warthog,
and I'm ready to get going.
We couldn't hear that turkey.
Oh, let me fix it.
Love you too, Soil.
Thank you for 21 months, tier one.
So you fucking rock.
You fucking rock.
Cheers, Red.
Continue on, Connor, I'll fix this.
Hello, everybody, I'm Connor.
You know me from my work here on the GrouchCouch.
And I'm excited to get back into it.
Yes.
I know, I'm fishy, but you already knew that.
I am playing Bomblin this season.
I am very excited to see what other shenanigans
I can pull off tonight.
And you'll see, you'll see, I'll do it.
It won't be pretty, but it'll be great.
Last week's reel of Bomblin shenanigans
is at like 4,000 views on Instagram.
So you know what?
Keep it up, fishy.
I'm trying.
It'll be awesome. You're killing it, buddy.
Just you wait.
Yeah, yeah.
Cheers.
I can't wait to draw it.
Rob, man.
No.
Rob, man.
You're a rock, Rob, man.
That's not the same kind of compliment
when you put it that way.
It's not at all.
And I am so excited to be here once again,
rolling dice with three of my best friends.
This is one of my favorite things to do
in the world.
I look forward to it every week.
And I'm so excited to be here doing this.
So thank you all for joining us.
Thanks to these crew members for being here.
I'm in love with this campaign so far.
And I hope you guys are too.
All right?
It's been 30 years since the mysterious heroes arose
and banished the Mind Flayer colony back to the Astral Plane,
saving the people of Mead Harbor.
In those 30 years, the king of all Intoxica,
Rufflecock, has defended his crown more than once.
The last time this happened, a war raged amongst the realms
and almost destroyed all that was once peaceful in our world
and has since turned everything upside down.
The Jarl and leader of Helmfurth, Rania Rook,
a female dragonborn, believed Rufflecock not strong or smart
enough to lead our great land.
But she took up arms and amassed an army.
At her side, Mead Harbor and its leader, Zidillac, the Gnome,
and his army of auto-gnomes.
The king, of course, retaliated by calling upon all of the friends
he had made over the years, including the Oakheart Kingdom,
the Hippogryphs from the Astral Plane, the Firebeard Dwarven
Clan, and an army of warforged robots
that were created just for this war.
Many years passed during this war.
Intoxicants picked sides and blood
was shed all over the world.
In the end, Rufflecock was victorious,
leading his own army riding on a valiant steed
into the last battle at Mead Harbor.
The war was won, and Rania Rook was pushed back
into the mountains of Eastgrip.
But at a cost, our king, battle-scarred and worn,
now lays in his deathbed in Stein Kingdom
and awaits to crown his successor before he
spills his last breath.
Warforged now walk amongst the people of the realm.
And without the war, they are lost and without a cause.
They are wildly not accepted in most places,
and intoxicants don't even accept them as people
and constantly call them names wherever they can.
The war and bloodshed also caused dragons to wake
from their 100-year slumber, and they rule the skies once again,
raining down fire and brimstone on local farmsteads and towns.
This has caused a majority of the worshipers of gods
to be without churches or steeples,
and most have lost faith.
Even the mention of a god is replied to with a spat
at your feet.
The goblins have slowly been developing technologies
like gunpowder and bombs and trade relationships,
allowing them to gain independence
and are wildly accepted in most major cities due to their trade
and are now demanding sovereignty far south in Iradrum.
Common Steel City, a city of the people.
It is, by and large, the most civilized city in Intoxica.
Yet civilized does not mean safe,
nor does it mean easy to navigate.
Common Steel is huge, with multiple districts and harbors
for trade on the river that runs right through the middle.
And after all this, Common Steel City stands strong,
in large part due to its unrelenting loyalty
of its people to the king.
They await his decision of who will get the crown next,
and all yarls of all independent realms and cities,
even factions and guild leaders, have thrown their hat
in the ring to try and be the next true king.
Some have even heard rumors of a dragon vault hidden somewhere
in the central cheer and have come to Common Steel City
to try and search it out, in hopes that the gold they find there
will help them win their way to the crown.
But they aren't the only ones trying to find the dragon vault.
So, Riven Raz.
Raz, well, you're standing in this room.
I just thought about a thing.
You managed to step on an old picture frame down on the ground
that Bomblin had taken out of a box while he was searching them earlier.
It's an old frame that had a picture in it.
And so you step right down on the glass and the glass cracks.
And then outside the door,
you start hearing the murmurs of a few guards,
and it gets louder and louder.
You need to hear until you hear one of them right outside.
And he's like, all right.
I know you're in there.
Come on out.
Why don't we do this, too, because we don't know who wants to act.
In this first scene, let's roll initiative so we know who's talking,
what the marching order is.
Oh, there's not really an initiative role.
There's not just a B20.
OK, looks like E357 is going first,
and then we'll go counterclockwise.
You are when he says that, come out and know you're in there.
What do you do? You want to pass?
What do you do?
All right. What do you got?
I would like to open the secret door
and address the person outside the door.
Bombaland, you have something to say about that?
I don't think you know how hiding works.
Yes, but this is a warehouse owned by my guild.
The illegal guild, Mike. Your guild.
I was never informed that it was illegal.
Ha ha ha. Yeah, it's a.
Of course I want to tell you that it's illegal.
It's implied.
Pride syndicate.
It's all right. I think it's funnier that T357
didn't know that it was an illegal guild that murders and sells weapons.
I think it's funnier that way.
This is a perfectly legal operation.
I love that.
Love that. OK, Bombaland.
I don't think to say as T357, you reach down and grab this lever
by the hand and look over to him.
Oh, all right.
You pull the lever and it opens.
And there's a guard standing there.
He's fairly tall.
He's got like black hair kind of coming through this nightly helmet.
It's kind of like golden inlaid, and he has like red kind of like
clothing underneath this shiny silver armor.
And he's a little bit taller than all of you guys, maybe about seven feet tall.
For a second, you think maybe he's some kind of like half giant
or something like that.
And then he is standing there with a torch and he waves his torch.
You can hear the fire as he waves it.
It's like, come on out, let's go.
And he holds his torch up high.
And as you three step out of the room, you can see there are about four, five,
maybe even a couple more stragglers, total like eight
Knights acquisition all around here.
And one of them in the far back kind of looks familiar, like you've seen him
earlier on the docks like earlier that day, but they're all kind of standing
in the dark. He's the only one holding up a torch in front of you.
And he looks at all three of you and he's like.
All these dead bodies.
You're here, hiding.
In any legal warehouse.
I'm going to need you to explain yourself.
Hiding is a bit of a overstatement.
We got trapped in that room.
That's pretty good.
T357, I mean, you're going to make me a charisma check.
That's pretty good.
I can't see what it is.
I also cannot.
The 15.
Which totally meets the target number success.
He's like, OK, so trapped.
Did these.
Legion people trap you in there.
There's another guy outside, blondish, red hair, short kid.
He said he was trapped here, too.
Yes.
We were walking by and a commotion broke out
and we were mistaken as other members of the car.
Fafel and were.
Led upstairs.
All right.
Yeah, there's been a lot of, you know,
faction fighting, stuff like that happening around here.
I got to say, you all need to stay safe out here.
All right, because it's not it's not it's not good to be out here.
One thing I will say, you know, best not to meddle in criminal matters.
Leave the dirty business to the night's acquisition.
That seems like a logical reason to stay out of trouble.
Yeah, yeah.
And then he like waves around his torch a little bit to like
look and nod to his fellow night.
And as he does, the torch goes over the face of one of the night
standing next to him and right away, he three five seven.
This face looks familiar to you.
And now I would like you to make me a wisdom check with your plus one
see if you can gather why this face looks familiar to you.
I Scott, what's up?
Dirty.
16.
As the torch goes over his face,
you can see this man with like a chin strap, black beard,
scar over his eye.
He's got like a buzz cut.
And he's like standing there with like a black beard.
And he's like standing there with like a toothpick in his mouth,
just kind of like twiddle in a dagger.
And this description matches one of the last assassination contracts
that you got before you got demoted at the Legion.
This is a.
It was an ironhead who got promoted
the King's acquisition, and he's dirty as shit.
He's been meddling in all different kinds of stuff.
Or so you've been told.
He's been giving gold to the wrong people.
He's been like beating people up and being all kinds of a piece of shit.
And you got your last contract to kill this man.
It never got fulfilled because you got demoted.
And he waves the torch around.
He looks over at him and he nods and he looks up better.
And he's like, hey, Sajic.
Hey, just let him go.
I mean, who cares, right?
These guys are dead.
Can I go stab him, stab him a little bit more just to make sure they're dead?
And he looks down at him.
He's like.
No, that's that's don't don't do that.
Don't do that.
Anything you want to say before I pass it over to Raz?
Officer.
Yeah.
Speaking, speaking on things that about staying out of trouble.
And I would like to lower my voice module just a little bit.
So it's more of a whisper.
All right.
I do believe I have witnessed that man doing illegal activities.
Does he work undercover?
He wanted to say I have this name for him in my head, but I know legally here
on the grouch couch, I'm not allowed to name anything.
So chat, please use name of thing and name this evil Knights acquisition guy
who was supposed to be assassinated.
There's a name of thing command at the bottom of chat.
You can click that bad boy and make this canon in our world.
But he whispers back to you and he's like.
Who?
Oh, Mr.
You know, little stabby guy.
He likes to stab people all the time.
Now we we actually just promoted him recently.
He came around.
He bought all the Knights acquisition beers, didn't he?
And he high fives it.
I would maybe look into where he got the funds.
I bet you can make killer kebabs.
And then I would like to.
Oh, all right, Scott.
Oh, yeah, buddy. Oh, yeah.
We'll get to that in a sec.
Go ahead. I would like to leave my companions out of the building.
OK, so there is there's like an upstairs still.
And you can be upstairs.
Now you're still on the bottom floor where you came in.
But there is still an upstairs you have not searched yet.
So you have two options.
You can kind of wait around for these Kingsguard to leave.
And then you can go up there and search it for stuff.
Or you can just leave without them and come back later.
Now, as being a part of the Legion before you've been to this warehouse before,
I'm going to say, three, five, seven.
But you were never allowed to go upstairs
because you were too low on the totem pole.
They wouldn't allow you up there.
So if you ever wanted to now would be the perfect opportunity
to get up those stairs and see what's going on.
But it's up to you.
I believe you fish leopards.
Fuck off, Dan.
Oh, you mean, Swampy Fish slapper?
Ha ha ha.
My apologies. Right.
I believe it would not be
advantageous to hang around with police and dead bodies.
True. Do you want to have a little team meeting about it?
What do you guys think, Raz?
Yeah, I'm assuming like at this point.
You're leaving.
They kind of like.
They separate a little bit in all the nights,
kind of like start looking around in this bottom floor and stuff like that.
They're not really paying attention to you.
So if you do want to talk amongst yourselves, you're more than welcome to do so.
I'd like to drop this damn sword.
Once per day, the day isn't over.
The day isn't over.
No, same day.
I mean, that damn it. OK.
Fine. Whatever.
I guess I'll keep fucking holding it. Right.
I am Moliari.
I like Moliari.
I like that a lot.
So maybe we'll do that.
Terrifiable. OK.
So you guys just want to bounce right away.
Yeah, sure. Fuck it.
Fumbling. Like, I mean, like we could go look upstairs, right?
I think so. Right.
Look, really, sus.
That depends.
We'll make it real nice with the police here.
Yeah, yeah, like we don't know how to get out of the building and stumble into the wrong room.
But going up a flight of stairs seems a bit counterintuitive.
That's only if you put too much thought into it.
I don't want to be like talking, but also walking towards the stairs.
You just got to like like you just got to understand that the stairs is just another ordinary.
I will go in the wrong way. I can't really go upstairs.
I can only go downstairs.
But we are just walking up the stairs, explaining that if you walk upstairs,
nobody's going to really wonder why you're walking upstairs.
See, stairs were made for walking. That's just what they do.
But having a alibi is always a good plan when dealing with corrupt police.
Is it?
You guys are going in circles. So, Bomblyn, you go up the stairs.
Absolutely.
Is there a door at the top of the stairs?
No, it kind of just goes up to like a balcony a little bit.
They kind of overlooks down below of everything that's happening down below.
But as you get up there, there are like a bunch of boxes kind of stacked up.
Some of them are knocked over. You can see inside of them.
And it looks like there's like, I don't know, a couple few dozen of like these wooden sandals
that were totally in style like last season and they're no longer in style.
So there's just like boxes of these wooden sandals.
And then over towards the corner, there are three doors that look to go into some kind of offices.
I'm going to walk to the door.
Well, actually, I kind of want to stack some of these boxes, the sandals right next to the stairs.
OK, you do that.
But leave enough of a path so my compatriots could come up here and take a look.
OK.
Are you guys waiting for.
They're just there.
I'm looking the wrong way.
Permission. You don't need permission to walk upstairs.
This is what I'm talking about.
OK.
They're just stairs.
I'm coming up.
All right.
You go up and you guys join Bomblin on the top of the stairs while the guards are continuing to like look at things down there.
They aren't really paying a lot of attention to you guys.
They did their due diligence.
Now they don't really care.
This is Knight's acquisition.
You guys know that they don't really pay attention.
So you guys approach these three doors up at the top.
And as you approach first, Bomblin, please make me a perception check, if you will.
This is wisdom.
Throw me a wisdom.
It's a two.
Yeah, they're doors.
That's a door.
I don't like these Roll 20 dice.
I'm not going to lie.
This has been rough.
This whole first season has been rough.
They're catering to testo.
Holy Jesus.
Please do not jinx it.
I am not that lucky.
No, don't even start with me.
You're rolling like 19s and 17s.
Me and Reverend Razz can't get above a seven.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I get 20s.
That's right.
They did.
Yeah.
So as you're walking up, you're about to open it.
Proteus.
I mean, T357.
Why don't you go on ahead and roll me a wisdom as well.
If you are plus one, see if you see it.
You don't.
They're also just doors.
Yeah.
How much attention are you paying?
Are you still just focused on the sword or are you also paying attention?
I'm paying attention.
Although this thing bugs the shit out of me.
Yeah.
I guess I'll look at these doors for you guys since you can't figure out the fuck they are.
Yeah.
They're dogs.
Well, yeah, they're doors.
Yep.
Indeed.
This this door appears to be made out of door.
So as you go to open this door, we need.
As you go to open this door.
You push it open.
And as you do, you see this little tiny wire attached to the doorknob snap.
And then it goes up a pulley and around another pulley and flies all the way over to a bell on the other side of the wall and starts.
All around the alarm.
And you hear down below all the guards go.
And all of them turn and look at the stairs as the doors open.
T357 you get a slight glance inside of the doorway and you can see all over the walls, they're like pictures and like drawings and like different kinds of maps and stuff with some different kind of like crazy plans that the Legion might have been putting together.
And one of the things you do see, you got an awful perception role just a second ago, so I'm not going to let you reroll it.
But one of the things you do see seems to be like a rock.
There's like a drawing of a rock and it's like shining.
There's like shining lines coming off the rock and the center of the wall.
It's like the biggest thing that you see.
And then bombs and sneezes and all the papers go flying.
I'm just getting the alarm continues to go off.
Then all the guards rush over to the stairs.
God damn it.
Is there a window in this room?
Yeah, you bet your ass there is.
There's a window out the balcony, but it goes about 20 feet down.
Okay, well, say my first rodeo cowboy and I'm just going to sprint towards the window and dive out of it.
Okay, as you dive out the window, make me a dexterity save for keeping it at a 15.
If you yeah, just go ahead and make me a dexterity saves you jump out of this one.
Ah, you got 15 because you have a plus one night before I tell you what happens.
Bombaland, he three five seven as the guards start rushing towards the stairs and the alarms going off.
What do you do?
I guess bomb lens.
I'm just went.
So I guess we're back.
What do you do?
You three five seven.
I guess I'm following Raz.
I make me a dexterity save.
Bomlin, what about you?
Is there like on the way there?
Curse me.
Yeah, that's awful.
I told you I dealt with powerful magic.
Yeah, that's I am going to use you to bust out my dented Cougar.
I imagine Tess just runs towards the window, but doesn't jump or anything.
And her waist just hits like the windowsill and she just falls through it.
Yeah.
All right.
Bomlin, what do you do?
Is there like any type of table or desk that it says maybe has a bunch of papers like a blueprints and plans and such?
Sure.
Well, running towards the window, I want to try and arm scoop as much as I possibly can and then jump out the window.
OK, if you get high enough on your dexterity save, because that's also flat of hand.
All right. If you get high enough on this roll, I'll let you grab some on your way out.
If you fail, I must say you only grab the tablecloth.
You got a nine.
Ten.
You got a ten.
It's a big fail.
But I tell you what I will do.
I love the idea of you grabbing all these documents as you're jumping out the window.
That's super great.
I'm going to give you a couch coin for that because I love that idea.
So you get a couch one, buddy. Congrats.
Hell, yeah.
Right. So I mean, if you want to spend it now.
I could spend it now.
And I well, no, I'm going to hold on to it.
And I'll just grab a tablecloth and a couch coin.
Yeah.
And then jump out the window.
OK, Raz, you're the first out the window.
You jump out and there just happens to be.
Now, I was taking that bomb when I was taking that nine.
You failed this role to that nine was for the whole motion, baby.
So Raz, you jump out the window and there just so happens to be a cart full of hay and you just land right in it.
You're like, I've been down this rodeo and you just jump out the window and then behind you, just like you said, T3.
But you don't even jump. You just hit the window seal and then bomb land with a tablecloth runs into you.
And the tablecloth goes over both of you and both of you just go tumbling out the window down onto the ground.
As Raz stands up and sees you guys just.
You guys are both going to take one before falling damage because it was only 20 feet.
So it's not too bad, but you're going to take some falling damage.
And you're together.
You both take two. Hi, Suni. What's up, dude? How you doing?
OK. Raz.
We're going counterclockwise, but this is me now.
You guys here running up the stairs from outside the wall, it's like a wooden wall.
You could hear through it, you're running up the stairs loud as hell.
All these cards and then Raz, you see up in the window guards running around up there with torches, just searching around.
Cheers, buddy. Welcome home. Hey, thanks Isaiah. Cheers, man.
Cheers, man. It's good to be back.
OK, continuing in counterclockwise, P3 by seven, you stand up, dust yourself off, you look up, you see Raz standing there,
Bomblin on the ground next to you with like a tablecloth on his head.
And it pictures like a cat stuck inside of a tablecloth. So Bomblin is just like.
Oh, I'm trying to get the tablecloth off, you know what I mean? Yeah, cloak for prop, there you go.
What do you do?
Help! Help! It's attacking me!
Can I use my arm blade to free him? Sure. No, it's a new cloak!
Hold still, buddy, we'll get you out.
Yeah, you think it'd be a free action, you could just. You can cut it a little bit.
Absolutely. Yeah, help him out.
All right, now. See, Bomblin, you were battling your cloak and a tablecloth.
That is quite the person, quite the ordeal for someone with no thumbs.
Thanks. Wait, I have thumbs.
Yeah, yeah, a little bit.
You know what that would be, Robot.
As you cut it off of him, all three of you turn and look, the city in front of you.
They're kind of standing in this alleyway here, and you can see down the road in this alleyway,
it's kind of lit up by moonlight a little bit because it's still fairly late.
There's a sewer grate, you guys could go directly down.
But I want to remind you. Yeah, well.
You have to. That's the goal currently, to go down to the sewers to find Tony, right?
But I want to remind you that all of your pockets are full.
You have ingots and picture frames that are super expensive that you could also.
So at this point, you can go to the sewer grate or you can go off, run off into the city
and you can find a place to sell all these things.
My pockets are nowhere close to full.
Mine are.
I can hold any additional things we gain. I have 10 extra slots in my cloak.
Yeah, I don't have a lot of, you know, taking up space in my inventory either.
I only have three bars.
Not like greedy Gary over here, he's got his whole fucking inventory full.
Well, who are you calling Gary there? Sam said.
No, I say we go like Tony's still going to be kidnapped either way.
Like that's not changing.
But what we could do is we could go and sell all of this stuff,
maybe get a bite to eat and then go save Tony.
You guys also have the day before also have arrested.
Aren't you trying to get rid of that? So I am.
I guess we can like we could go take a nap and then, you know, get some breakfast.
Maybe brunch and then go save Tony. Yeah.
Like who is Tony?
The essence from our employer.
We said 24 hours. So you have till the end of morning.
Yeah, we have the end until tomorrow night,
which means we could totally end up doing this very last moment.
Oh, thanks, Soty or Soty.
We haven't seen what the card is yet.
You have a flashback about your character.
Describe the sequence like a noir story. No, but hold on.
We must turn on the effects. Thanks, Soty. Appreciate you, bro.
The effects must get turned on.
Then I see your problem with us resting and getting the heat off our backs.
Mm hmm.
Should I have a door?
All right.
Maybe it's flat.
We'll do flat.
I just type in flashback.
I'm not sure.
Wait.
Give it to us.
I'm not sure.
Just so you know,
I'm not sure.
But it's very sad he cannot wield it.
So that's why he invested a lot of his time.
Precuring medical items.
All right.
That was more of an explanation of the past than it was a flashback,
but I still like.
I still like it.
There I was.
He has a child.
Trying to cast magic.
Hey, I feel like it.
I like it a lot.
All right.
What is the consensus?
You guys going to head into the town?
Yeah.
I'm going to go to the town.
Turn this off.
After jumping out the window,
You guys settle yourselves.
Knock the dust off.
And then just walk up the street.
Like nothing happened.
Now you guys.
Continue up candle lane.
And as you remember, candle lane.
All of the.
The city of common steel.
But eventually you guys get to an open marketplace.
And this is the city.
This is the city of common steel, baby.
Shops run 24 hours.
Ain't nobody got time to be taken breaks or close in their shops.
No, they don't.
So you guys find yourselves.
In a little.
Marketplace.
And what I'm going to do here now,
Is I'm going to go to the marketplace.
And I'm going to go to the marketplace right now.
Things are fairly chill.
Now in this marketplace, of course,
there's a fountain and there's about half a dozen shops all around.
And what I will do.
Is explain to you what the.
The drops are in a second.
Thank you, Scott.
I almost forgot about.
He threw five seconds.
Magical item.
Scott's here to help us out.
So.
Roll me.
Best.
Run to the casino.
That's right, baby.
I think that's a good one.
I think it's a good one.
Three.
I need to print this out.
Four.
Five.
Bizarre loot.
Uh.
Roll me one D 100.
60.
You get the sifter of all things.
Item.
A culinary sifter.
You can sift things inside to make those things become other things.
It's a, it's a rock tumbler, dude.
It's a magical rock tumbler.
When we just talking about that.
It's fucking.
It's a magical rock tumbler.
That's what you've always dreamed of.
I don't think I qualify for rock tumbling.
Thank you.
Perfect.
Built in rock tumbler.
It's what grinds my gears.
Oh my God.
Can we make the sifter of all things built inside of your mechanical
workings?
I can't wait to install it during my short vest.
Yes, you can.
I was even thinking like after you jumped out of that window.
You landed on your head.
And it unlocked some memory.
It made you remember.
It's your equipped with the sifter of all things.
And it's like somewhere in your side or like in your arm or something.
And you can like, you're like, I forgot I had this.
And it's just like this thing you could open up on your body and just
like, yeah.
Absolutely.
It opens like a fridge door.
Because you know what I need when I'm adventuring and fighting dragons and
stuff?
A sifter.
Fucking useless robot.
These are the things they're attached with.
I also have poisoned blades that can go right through you.
Yeah.
And what do those do?
A sword, rocks.
Yeah.
I'm tired.
I'm hungry.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to go into this inn over here and just pay for everybody's stay.
All right.
I will explain the inn in a second.
But first we're going to take a quick break and then I'll tell you what the
inn is in front of you.
Raz is really excited to get rid of this fucking sword.
Try.
I want to try.
I hate this thing.
The target number is lower.
So you have a chance now.
You have a chance.
All right.
So we're going to take a quick break, everybody.
But first we're going to do a thumbnail pose.
That's what we're going to do.
So you guys can throw in a pose in the chat and these guys will try and pose as
those things.
But if you could, I would like all of you to pretend like you're falling out of a
window.
Maybe I can do this to help you out here.
I'm going to try to get my own space.
Really isn't going to work.
I can do the assassin creed fall.
Yeah.
There you go.
Assassin's creed fall.
That'd be perfect.
Well, the hell did you just go.
Hold on.
But my whole space has been flipped upside down.
Okay.
You understand?
I'm trying to figure it out.
I'm going to have to flip it later, I think is what I'm going to have to do.
Because it is not one to operate with.
Yeah, it won't let me move your camera.
Oh, wait.
Oh.
There you go.
Oh, you're finally awake.
Hello everybody.
And welcome back to love death and dies.
This is episode two right here on the grouch couch.
I'm your lovely dungeon master, Turk.
And I'm here, of course, Connor, Bishy, and Proteus playing T357,
Raz and Bomblin.
We're in our second act.
Thank you so much for being here.
Being friggin awesome.
While we're on our break, we did toss up a name suggestion.
So this will continue for the next couple of minutes.
If you have any ideas for shops and you would like to make a shop name
canon in our world, please feel free to do so by using the name of thing command.
Now, as we return to you three, you just ran out of a building,
quickly escaping the clutches of the night's acquisition, stopping yourselves
from not having to go to prison, possibly.
And you guys ran away safe.
And oh, we also got raided by for the lore on the break there.
Cheers for the lore.
Thank you for joining us, buddy.
Yeah.
You're forging some good stuff.
Now, this is a marketplace you guys are entering into.
It's kind of like a little town square of a marketplace up here in the North Ward
here in Common Steel City.
Now, for those of you guys have been in the city for a long time, you've been here
before. There are some new shops.
There are some old shops.
There are some things that are familiar now going around in this circle.
There's all different kinds of shops, as I said before, that stay open late
because this is Common Steel City after all, and shops stay up late here,
especially in the North Ward, where it seems to be a little bit more urban.
Now, one of the shops you do see is a shop called Blood of Thy Enemies.
And underneath Blood of Thy Enemies is another name, another little sign that's
kind of been attached to that sign.
And it says Blood of My Blood.
And it looks like it was kind of like scrawled into it.
So it's Blood of My Enemies and Blood of My Blood.
And walking past it, you can see inside the windows, it looks like one side has
like chains and spikes and other kinds of stuff.
And the other side kind of looks like adventuring gear.
And then a little ways down, I'm just going to explain a few of them, and then
you guys can kind of decide what you want to do.
A little ways down, there's another shop called Rock Candy.
And looking through the window, you can see it looks like they sell all different
kinds of rocks, ingots, things for blacksmithing, metals, other kinds of stuff
like that, and crystals, kind of weird shit like that.
And then, just because I really love Forge of Lore's idea, Ali's Potion Place,
which looks like an apothecary.
They have all different kinds of potions on the walls and all different kinds of
stuff all over the inside.
And I do also want to state, a lot of these shops are like connected.
It's like one big circle of shops that are connected.
There's no alleyways in between them.
It's like one large building, and all of them are kind of like stacked in place,
much like you would see in like a mall kind of thing.
Another one you see is called Theander's Books, and it looks like a poorly lit
bookshop filled with a lot of different kinds of books from like ancient lore
and stuff like that.
And the last one is simply called The Adventurer's Emporium.
And on the outside, it kind of looks abandoned, actually.
But you guys have heard around town that it kind of looks that way because
there's like rumors that the place is haunted.
Yeah.
So even the owner kind of stays with the back.
Yeah, this music is so Christmassy.
Wild to me.
All right. So, how do you guys stand in this center square?
I want each one of you to roll me in the center circle.
Each one of you guys roll me initiative again.
We're going to pick a new initiative order, and then we'll get to see who wants to do what first.
Let's go.
What about this?
That's not too bad.
Okay, which one of you gets the higher?
Ah, man, baby!
That's you, Bondlin. You got a 17.
What do you want to do first, my friend?
Hmm.
Come on, friends.
I love a good haunted store in Porium.
Especially one that might be empty, considering the shopkeep might not be there.
Hmm.
So as you walk in, tinglingling.
Hold on. We need.
It needs to be.
I need this.
Will this come up?
I'm switching music. I didn't have time to pick music this episode because I was out of town, y'all.
So we're kind of doing it by the fly.
As you walk in, shivers go down your spine.
When you walk in, it's as you get through the door, all of a sudden, the place is well lit.
On the outside, it looks dark.
But as you get on the inside, all of a sudden, there's torches everywhere and candles like way too many, even as if you can tell the owner is afraid of the dark.
Now, there's a bunch of poles like 10 foot poles all around, iron spikes, torches and other different kind of adventuring gear.
And as you walk towards the back of the shop, kind of looking at all the shelves and stuff, an old man kind of appears from behind the counter.
And he says, hello, be with you in one sec.
And then he goes in the back.
And then a few minutes later, a halfling comes out and happens like, oh, hi, how can I help you guys?
Great. I would like to sell all of my silver bars here.
Oh, you have silver bars for me.
I like silver bars.
And he pulls out his little thing and he says little magnifying glass.
And as he looks down at him, he like.
And then he looks back down at the silver bars.
He's like, oh, these are really nice. These are really nice.
It's pretty exciting.
Well, how many do you have?
I have nine of them.
I have three.
I also have three.
What is that in total?
Nine, three and three. Is that fifteen?
Yes.
I will give you 500 gold for the lot.
Calculating.
That's not good math.
What's math?
Math.
Are you using a calculator over there?
I am using my internal calculator. Yes.
That doesn't sound like internal clicks to me.
Do you not know what the inner gears of a war for sound like?
No, not at all.
But now I hear it is pretty awful.
My apologies.
Calculations complete.
The total worth of the bars we picked up would be over 700 gold.
Do you want to sell them for 500?
Absolutely not.
Well, I didn't know you had a war forged with you.
Can't you read any points?
And there's a sign.
There's a sign that says no war forged allowed.
Is it because you are bad at math?
Well, I have to make a profit.
Don't I?
So I buy them for 500 and then I sell them for 700.
You don't care?
I just want these things out of my inventory.
Get some gold.
It doesn't matter how much.
Any little bit of gold is going to help open the church.
All right.
650 or no deal.
Roll me a charisma, Bomblin.
15.
That beats the target number of 12.
I'm going to make a little bit of a profit.
650.
I make a little bit.
You can also always mark these things up way more than even their selling price.
That's true.
Okay, fine.
650.
That'll do it.
All right.
Great.
Sir, before I leave.
I'm the only one in here, you know, and I keep hearing things.
But we were greeted by an older man.
You seen him too?
Yes.
Yeah.
Little nice guy.
Oh.
Oh, God.
That means he's here.
There's no one in here, I swear.
Who is it supposed to be?
I don't know.
I'm old man in the night.
He licks my toes while I'm sleeping.
I swear.
I can't prove it.
But he usually leaves me alone as long as I stay in the back.
Rumor is.
That's why he said he went.
Oh, no.
Rumor is.
That this shop used to be owned by an old man.
Who was murdered during the war of the key.
And his wife.
Used to let him lick her toes.
Oh, now he does it to anyone who sleeps in the building.
Why do I come to decoy feet?
This is a good idea.
For that suggestion.
Or forged.
I will make the exception, allow you in my shop.
I hope I can give ample advice in the future.
Well.
He shakes his head and kind of looks down at the ground.
T357 as you're standing there, you're talking to him.
You look up above his head and you can see on a shelf above his head.
There's a little.
I guess it's not little, but it's like a hand crossbow.
And the hand crossbow.
Looks like it has a tiny little flame at the tip.
And on the handle, it's kind of like golden, like inlaid.
It's got like carvings in it.
And it's just sitting up there on the shelf.
And the flame on the tip almost seems to be magical, but it's hard to tell.
Cause everything else in here is lit up.
Really bright.
And then there's the hand crossbow and a very very bright flame.
You want to read something?
I don't know.
This is a very good question.
Maybe I'll ask a little bit about the crossbow.
Read what Dan says.
I keep jolly racing when he just told before I go to bed.
Solid plan.
Well.
That crossbow was here.
Or I got the shop.
I don't know a lot about it, but it looks magical in nature.
I could use something of that nature.
Well, I'll sell it to you for 400 gold.
How about 10?
I can't do 10. Can't do 10. Gotta keep the roof over my head.
Ten hundred gold? That's way more than 400.
No! No yellow numbers!
Ten hundred sounds pretty good.
Anyways, I could do it for you for 400.
I mean, maybe you can haggle me if you make a reasonable price, but 10 is crazy.
Man, I really wish there was a really high value item that I could sell to this guy.
That's okay. I have these four paintings worth a hundred gold apiece.
What kind of paintings are they? Who made them?
Oh. They were found in an ancient mysterious vault.
That's right.
You know how much I like painting in mysterious.
I'm trying to remember exactly what was on those paintings.
I didn't. I was getting right on that, but I totally forgot.
I do remember one of the ideas was like a painting of Reggie, but he was like naked or something.
That's a new Reggie.
You set the paintings on the counter.
He sets them all out and begins inspecting them.
He's going to put a magnifying glass up to all of them. I'm actually going to make a check real quick.
Unlike the last picture frame, I want to peel off the sticker that says worth a hundred gold.
That's not good for you all at all. That's the only roll I've made tonight and it's a natural 20.
Unless chat wants to help you with the reroll, that's not good for you at all.
All I'm going to say is you're not getting that crossbow for these paintings if that roll stays.
That's what I'm going to say. Unless chat wants to help you.
Forge of Lore coming in.
All right.
Does that mean you get a mastery point?
That's an eight.
He looks over them and he's like, wow, these all seem to be genuine paintings, not fakes at all.
I would have definitely seen that they were fakes if I got a natural 20, but these all seem to be genuine paintings.
I tell you what, I'll trade you all for the crossbow, even trade.
I'll hang them up here. Maybe the old ghost man will leave me alone now that he's got some new decorations in this place.
Sounds like a solid deal.
Maybe before bed, point out that Reggie is showing his toes in the picture.
Oh, maybe he'll love that. I love that.
He'll just lick the painting all night. That'd be pretty good.
Or maybe put Jolly Ranchers in between your toes every night.
He pulls out a step stool and the little halfling climbs all the way up the step stool and this crossbow looks huge in his little hands.
But then as he turns it around and hands it to you, it's just a normal size and crossbow.
And as you take it, T357, the crossbow is a simple hand crossbow that just does basic weapon damage, but it also does an additional 1d4 magical fire damage.
And if you ever get a natural 20, whenever you shoot, you'll get a full damage.
So you'll get a full damage.
And if you ever get a natural 20, whenever you shoot this crossbow, it will light whatever you shoot immediately on fire.
On a natural 20.
Use their away. We can put that in the description in my inventory.
Yeah, we could type it up together.
And then we can summarize. So whenever you use it, we're pretty much good.
But he looks at you and he goes, beautiful crossbow, but doesn't have a name.
And a weapon like this needs a name.
What do you think? I agree.
I agree. That's a good name for a crossbow.
I would call it dragon spit.
That's what I'd call it. That's pretty good chat. Yeah, go ahead.
Use name a thing and get some names for this here. Crossbow.
Make it bad ass.
That's right. He doesn't really seem to have anything else like of peak interest currently, but he does tell you with the money and the paintings and all the things you've given him, he's going to be able to use it.
He's going to do his best to restock up on some more fun magical items and stuff.
He just came across this shop recently, so he's kind of just opening it up.
And yeah, he'll let you know how everything goes.
If there's any kind of general adventure gear you guys want, you can get it from here.
But there are a few other shops that you're welcome to check out.
Go to the book shop next if we can.
Yes, a book shop.
Would we like for me to hold on to the 650 gold so Bumblet does not gamble it away?
Well, hold on now. Why are you doing that money fair and square?
Yes, but you owe 250,000 dollars.
I'm going to give you a tiny 50 for now.
Oh, you're just going to give me a tiny 50 dollar bill after I carried it all here.
I see how it is.
It wasn't that you just gave up all my paintings so you could get a shiny new crossbow. Where do you get off trying to teach us how to live?
According to the DM explaining last week, 50 gold is equal to 5500 real life dollars.
I don't know what real life dollar this even means. You don't even know what that means.
That's not the point. Give me my money.
It is a 400 gold. That should be my money. Who said I was going to go blow it all on cards?
Maybe I was going to blow it all on books.
I said nothing about what you I just said you were going to gamble it away.
I did not say how you would do it. But now I know you are thinking about.
Now you thought I would go straight to the craps table and just start rolling dice and give it out money.
But no, no, you won't even give me a chance to prove you wrong.
Prove me wrong with the 50 gold.
You got it.
Oh, I think that's James because they said cross cooter.
I'm going to attach the crossbow to my belt.
It'll be the cross cooter.
All right, it's pretty good. So Raz, you're the first one out the shop.
All these two are arguing the whole way out. You go next door to the.
What was it called? Pianters books. Now, this is a poorly lit bookshop filled with books of ancient lore.
And as you walk in, tingling, the smell of books, of course, the old paper.
There are books all over the walls, all over the place.
Now, right off to the side, you can see a man in a dark cloak.
And as you walk in, doesn't say a word, he just stands behind the counter and looks at you as you walk past.
Well, I'd like to go ahead. I need to look for something. OK.
What are you looking for? Well, sir, I'm looking for a spell and I'm not sure if you would have it or not.
But it's it might be here somewhere in your vast library.
I'm looking for the remove curse spell and a book, please.
Yeah. Grunts doesn't say a word, but he grunts and he pulls down like a little crate of scrolls from the shelf behind him and that's it down.
It flies it over to the side and goes through him a little bit and then he pulls out the remove curse roll. He sets it on the counter. And you can see it has a little tag on it.
It says one twenty five gold. OK.
What can I get for? I'm going to reach into my magical bag of keys and pull out a key.
OK. Roll that.
Come on, baby. Damn it. Oh, it's right there.
It's an eight. So I just have a random key. What can I get for this?
Hmm. OK. How about how about three?
Wait, who's holding on to the money? He's refining. Oh, my God.
As does six hundred.
Bomblin has fifty. May I have some monies to purchase this fucking scroll to get this thing off me?
You realize it will just remove it from the sword. You will still have the sword.
Well, yeah, but then I could let go of the sword and like tell you what, dark, mysterious guy.
I'll fucking give you the sword if I if I remove the curse.
Hmm. And he on the piece of paper.
Actually, first, roll me a charisma. Roll me a charisma.
That's pretty good.
Got to be to 12. You got 11. So close. Come on, Chad.
Help out Raz, chat. Help out Raz. Nine plus two charisma.
That's an 11. Come on, Chad.
We roll. Oh, there it is.
Hit him with a reroll. Thanks, dude. Appreciate it.
Hey, yeah. Fuck.
Nine plus two. That's an 11.
Someone can hit you with a plus card. They can hit you with a plus card.
I don't think we've actually gotten a chance card.
We haven't gotten one of those yet. This whole campaign.
And I'm just waiting. I'm just waiting. Yeah.
And I do want to remind you guys, one of the ways that's we write it down.
I'll do it. I'll do it as well.
I'll do it plus one from an iron head. That'll do it.
Well, he takes out a pen. He scribbles on the thing and then he lowers it to 90.
And he draws a 90 plus.
I will give you 90 gold.
Okie doke.
So I put the gold on the counter.
He takes the gold, boots the scroll over to you.
I'd like to unfurl the scroll.
I would like you to read the words. The scroll says.
You want some magical music to improv on?
Wait.
I don't know.
What?
What does the scroll say? Read it. It says.
Finley do and butthole bursts.
Let's get rid of this fucking curse.
Nice.
Nice, dude. Butthole bursts. Of course.
And then as you say that, you can feel your grip loosening and the sword falls to the ground.
Oh my God. Here, take it. I fucking hate this thing.
The man walks around with some tongs and grabs it.
It's up on the shelf.
And then he walks over to the crate and pulls out one more scroll.
Boots it over to you.
There's a price tag on it as well.
100 gold.
But this is a scroll that contains a spell.
Now, when you have this scroll, you can use this spell.
All right. That's kind of the way that these scrolls work.
This spell is called fire blood.
You know this spell.
It will actually when you cast it on someone, it will make someone's blood boil.
Dealing magic damage or 1d4 round.
Yeah.
Blood boil.
Do you show an interested face to him or do you show a no thank you face?
I show a slight interested face.
You can't show his face. What are you talking about?
It's all in the eyes asshole.
It's all in the eyes.
He pulls out another one.
Boots it over to you.
And it's a scroll of false life.
It allows you to give basically temporary hit points to you or a companion.
False life.
That's right up my alley.
I want them.
Boblin's just eyeballing all of it.
But the mute man isn't even talking to you, Boblin.
Like he sensed that you're not magical.
So he ain't even looking at you.
I know.
He's just looking at you.
He's looking at all the magic.
He's just looking right at Raz.
Can I picked up the already used scroll on the floor?
Yeah.
And I'm going to like just kind of roll it back up.
Can I roll a slight ahead?
I don't want the shopkeeper.
Is he just like not paying attention to me at all?
Roll me.
I don't want to be the shopkeeper.
I want to see if he's paying attention.
Oh,
You don't think so.
And he looks back at you.
And he's like,
Hmm.
He starts to.
Two scrolls back.
Would you take this and I pull out another key?
He points at the bag of keys.
He wants the bag of keys.
Wait, I need to roll for the keys.
No, no roll.
Okay.
This guy drives a hard bargain.
He points at the bag of keys.
Oh man.
No, I like the bag of keys.
I can't get rid of that.
It gave me that one time.
The first time I used it.
And it's probably never going to give it to me again.
So I've got to keep it.
He takes the scrolls.
There's about like six more in this crate.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on.
Don't be rash.
He rational.
She's like,
Wait, hold on.
I didn't get to go.
I don't know if that's what I'm doing.
That's not what I'm doing.
He rational.
Say what if I had.
50 gold.
And a scroll.
I don't know what it does because I can't.
I can't you read magic.
He looks at you.
All right.
I get it.
All right.
The gold's not good enough.
I'll take the gold off the table.
And it'll be just a scroll.
You know what this scroll does.
I bet you it will take you a few hours to figure it out.
I'm going to let you make the roll.
It's not a deception role.
It's charisma, but it's going to be a hard role, which means.
Is that's literally the remove curse scroll that.
He just used.
But you've got him a little confused.
And he's like,
So I'm going to let you make the role.
And he's like, I'm using my couch card for this one.
Oh, what's this?
Bullshit.
He grabs it.
He looks at you and he's like.
And he throws it in the garbage.
And then what he does do.
Is he takes your 50 gold on the counter.
Boots it to the side.
And then he pulls out another scroll.
And on it, you can see the tag.
Does 50 gold.
And he slides it over to you.
And it's a scroll.
Of produce.
Water.
Oh.
He goes.
Like he gives you that look.
That's like.
You're a beginner magic user.
This is what I have.
He goes.
That look of listen here.
Fuck ass.
This is all the magic.
I know.
All right.
Bye.
I'll take this.
And he slides it over to you.
He takes your 50 gold.
And then he puts the other two scrolls back in the crate.
And he puts them back on the shelf.
Now I want to remind you guys, these shops are here.
So if you don't buy something now, but you think later, man, I really want that.
Or I want to go back and look back in that crater.
I want to go whatever.
You can always come back to this.
This area.
This is common steel city.
These shops aren't going anywhere.
So if you ever want to come back to this book shop, let me know.
Right.
Then the.
Man in the dark cloak.
Like a scarred up face.
And then he goes to the shop and he puts his hand up towards the door.
Kind of like.
What's his hand up towards it.
And then he pulls out his book.
Continues reading again.
Cool.
Well, I don't have to carry around a sword anymore.
That's fucking cool.
Congratulations.
Hands free bitches.
Hands free baby.
As the other two are leaving,
I'm going to go to the shop.
Three, three, five, seven.
No, I believe I am ready to leave.
Hands free, baby.
You guys walk back out into the center circle square.
And.
Things are still a little bit lively, a little bit lively.
You can see the moon has gone down.
And the sky is kind of turning like a purplish pink.
And, you know,
It's starting to be a kind of red like kind of something that
is going to be over the sea.
And over, you know, common steel.
It's starting to come up.
But all the shops are still open.
There are three left.
If you haven't been to.
So if you want to go to those, you can.
And additionally, we're going to say there is an in.
On this shop corner as well.
If you guys choose to stay there.
Hold on.
one sec, again I was gone all weekend so my prep is a little bit all over the place here
alright well, I don't know where it is in my notes, so you know what?
there's an inn called...
wait
nope it ain't there
oh dang it
no no sorry, it's called the Stumble Inn, because that's just another name that I have
here
well the Stumble Inn
there you go
so, at the end of the day, where do you guys go?
well let's go to the Stumble Inn, and stumble on in there
that tires, shit
gotta stumble in to the Stumble Inn
as you guys get closer to the Stumble Inn, you can see in big large letters on the outside
of the Stumble Inn there is a sign that's fresh, and it says no war forged allowed
on the outside there's a sign
now, T357 you're wearing a hood to disguise your identity
if you would like to make a performance role, which I believe would be charisma, to kind
of hide your identity, you could even do a dexterity to kind of do stealth to keep your
face hidden from people, you're welcome to go in with these guys if they decide to go
into the Stumble Inn
god
I would like to stay outside while they get the price for the inn for the evening, I can
power down anywhere
I don't think you'd want to power down in the middle of the street though
you heard the robot, he's gonna take a nap in the streets, come on let's stumble in to
the Stumble Inn
that's how you get robbed and you have all of the gold on your purse
yeah, that's a, come on now
what are you mad at me that I used the logic?
no, I'm mad that you're flailing future plans
if you could actually try to hide that I am a robot, I will give it a shot
I mean what's the worst that could happen, you still end up taking a nap outside?
hmm, not bad
alright here goes nothing
okay make me a roll
which one am I rolling again?
you could do dexterity or you can do charisma, you have a plus two in dexterity, zero in
18
okay
alright your face is in
okay, you three walk into the Stumble Inn together
when you guys get inside, you can see that the place is pretty much still
the smell of alcohol and food is kind of still out from the night before but everyone here
is asleep
there are even a bunch of drunk, passed out patrons over to the side
but a really nice blue haired, white haired old lady comes out
she's got like curly hair all around her back
she comes out and she's like
hello, welcome to the Stumble Inn you three, late night lodgings huh?
yeah we're pretty tired lady, we would like a room to stay
I mean you guys are welcome to share a room with me but you know
if you want your own room I get it but
you don't wanna do that
we're trying to save our money here
she farts a lot
I'm fine with sharing
I'll just bunk with the robot
the what now?
alright I'll bunk with the
the woman
the woman standing right behind us that is very clearly a woman
yeah the woman
hmm okay
stumbling we left the robot in the streets where it belongs
right we left the old tin bucket of bolts outside to sleep in the streets
one room please, two rooms please
that's right don't take Kylie to war forge
they killed my husband in the war
those goddamn springing gears
right
god
being ruffle cock should have never been king
anyways, if you want a nice room it's gonna be five gold
if you want a shabby one it'll be three and a room with no bed is one gold
alright
I'll go ahead and do the just the room with one bed
alright sorry no no no I want the cheapest room
give me the cheapest room
Uncle Rad is trying to save some money
alright that's right and this high class woman would like your most luxurious lettuce
with the fancy bar soaps and the rubs
alright well we don't got a lot of that
of course my business kind of went under whenever king ruffle cock came in
rule
I'm grandma Elmer by the way people just call me L and they're always welcome here
long as you aren't brandishing the king's colors I'm fine with it
and she rings you up and she says six gold please
I hand over six gold
thank you
she hands you guys keys and she waves you off
you guys go up to your rooms Raz you walk into a single 15 by 15 room that you could
probably lay down in and have a little bit of extra stretching room
but there's nothing in just woodland boards
I would like to walk up to one of the other doors up there
the doors in which I'm pretty sure the fancy rooms with the beds and whatnot
I'd like to reach in my bag of keys
alright roll me keys out the right key
come on baby give me that fucking key
damn it
18 no key for you
okay it's just a random key then
you try it on the lock
damn it doesn't work
I mean you go to the room there's nothing in there
and then bomblin you step into a room
as soon as the door opens you're wafted with the smells soaps flowers
beautiful lavishing thing
all around the room there are golden like not golden but like golden inlaid like bronze
candlesticks in the walls and the bed has like an awning on it
it's really nice like a nice little privacy curtain just over the bed
the bed's huge and full of you know nice linens blankets stuff like that
there's even like a cabinet to keep your clothes in and other kinds of stuff
and there's a window view out into the city
I would like to go and stand at the window and just just ponder
there's got to be somebody out there for me
maybe even somebody for doing old tennis
yeah T357 what do you do in this room there's one bed
although you are a warforged you don't need to sleep in a bed
I will lock myself in the cupboard for the evening and power down
love that love that
yeah you get a couch going for that that's funny
um okay excellent how industrious
how industrious that's right
I would love it if she got in the cabinet you just start hearing like jackhammer noises
construction like bzzzzz
I have to cut out the dent in my cooter
just bring it right over here gary lay this bed right there
I'm walking in
the sound of New York City
just like bubbling trying to sleep all night with the pillow over his ears like what is
happening
there's like sparks coming from under the door of the cabinet
there's like grinding noises
buffing out the cooter dent
could also go full creepy just stand at the foot of the bed watch bamblin sleep
also pretty good
okay at this point there's nothing else you guys want to do you're going to rest for the
night which means in this system whenever you rest somewhere safe for a long period
of time you get restored back to full health so congratulations you're all back at 10 hp
yeah I've been at 10
oh congrats because you're vampire powers
yes but also you have that dumb ass sword so that's kind of like your rest
hmm oh yeah
that is your celebration of rest
let me get one last like residual sheep bath as you fall asleep
you're like counting sheep as you're falling asleep
and then you like for a second see your face on the sheep as it jumps over the fence and
you're like oh you shake it off
oh god that's just a dream
okay thank you all right and you guys rest for the night and I think that's it that's
the full on rest for you guys all right which unless there's anything specific you guys
want to be doing while you're resting or while you're you could be reading something I don't
know learning anything right whatever we don't have much but if you have any ideas free to
shoot them while you take your rest
I don't have any ideas maybe I think we're good read the one of my good verses from book
death
because this is a treat
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ah
okay great this is uh this is the psalm of decay
and as brave says as I guide thee on to the next life your body drifts furthermore into
the state of decay not only withers away your soul but your physical being as well I guide
you in these moments and make sure that you can grasp the full concept that is death
that's comforting isn't it
get me out of there jesus christ
the people are trying to sleep in here
I am powered down but you are so loud bumbling
well tell that to the guy that's preaching three rooms down
I am trying to map streets in my mind and how the sewers run underneath them
it doesn't sound like sleeping at all
all right you read your verses which I do love that uh Raz you know what you're gonna
get a couch coin as well um now when you guys wake up in the morning you wake up to grandma
um l or elmer as she's knocking on the door kind of telling you that it's check out time
um she knocks on the door wakes you guys up and she's like come on sweetheart it's time
to get out there and start a revolution and she knocks on the doors and you could hear
her going down the hallways waking everybody up so you wrap up your things and get dressed
for the day and head down stairs um where it looks like elmer uh grandma elmer has already
made like a full breakfast spread for everyone who stayed at her in the night before there's
like yeah there's like muffins and all their kinds of like beautiful little goodies complimentary
complimentary breakfast from the um from grandma elmer the old rebel praise praise that's right
so if there's anything specific for breakfast that your character might eat I know this
is dumb but I love little shit like this um let me know um I don't think she 357 there
would be anything for you um but yeah you guys come up fellas I'll meet you outside
I'm going to go for my morning jog this is like your favorite part of everything is watching
people eat stuff I know I just need to get the morning jog out of my system oh great
I took her jogs once in her life what is she talking about as I grabbed a whole barrel
of berries that is there eat your feelings and you know what how about you go rest outside
what was that the worst part of waking up is war folgers in your cup war for yeah nothing
sucks worse than resting outside hurry out of the inn I see you do that uh bomb let me
grab a big old basket of berries raz anything raz eats for breakfast uh I'm just eating
a simple piece of bread okay um and certifiable is a question of raz is so enamored at death
and decay how does he feel about embalming and uh for mildehyde I don't like that shit
it's not natural fucking new technologies these days trying to keep keep dead bodies
looking good for a while that's not natural I fucking hate it thanks for answering the
question certifiable nerd it's unnatural all right but wouldn't you want death to last
longer no the whole point of death is that your body decays and eventually goes into
nothing and received back to the earth it's completing a cycle it's the whole point if
you're interrupting that cycle at any point it's unnatural and it's you know it's like
a vampire you know that part is stupid because they gotta to get to live forever and it's
just not natural it's super natural you get what I'm going here with yeah I get it um
maybe all right that's why I hate immortals now you guys have fully rested you have your
plans um is to where to find tony for berry thornberry and you guys came a little ways
to get to this central market area um and you kind of remember the way back to that
warehouse but what I would like each of you to do is to make me a wisdom perception check
make me a wisdom check because you guys are kind of walking to the street
that's two oh no shit ten from bomblin that is a 12 from raz which meets the target raz
these guys are walking through trying to go back to that sewer grate you see on the wall
in like purple chalk right on the corner where that sewer grate was there's like drawn in
the wall looks like a circle with like some little lines coming out of it and you make
note of it as you walk past and then you three walk all the way over to the sewer entrance
on the ground and you can see on the sewer entrance that same exact symbol purple chalk
circle or little lines coming out of it does that not look a little like a beholder well
let's say it's uh isn't this it's just vaguely familiar i feel like we've seen this before
now he doesn't look like he's holding bees at all well now can we see the symbol with
the cankoos um or something yeah yeah indeed okay well okay let's let's keep pushing forward
i suppose i think we have to go downward reverend not forward yeah yeah down is forward forward
is down let's keep going okay all right as you open the grate utrid like steam blasts
out and kind of flows on the ground each one of you grabs onto the ladder begin walking
down into the sewers as you do your feet hit the water below and the futured steam continues
to flow along this sewer tunnel smells like hot ass in here oh my god oh i can only imagine
with you you have a super sensitive nose being all no it's awful different species i would
also like to point out that both me and reverend razz are not wearing shoes gangrene anyone
god i'm never gonna get that smell out of my fur i'm not gonna get it out of my toes
as you're walking you follow i don't have the sewer background yet but i promise i will
next week um but as you're walking through the sewers you can see the putrid steam it
kind of leads off in two different directions as the tunnels kind of open up two different
directions one way to the left one way to the right i think we should go left as bomblin
says that razz you look to the right and see on the right wall there's a purple circle
or lines coming out i think we should go that way what do you got i know that i keep seeing
these circles and they're pointing us in the right direction maybe that's what they want
to do the kenkoos from last night maybe we should trust him ah fine two against one but
i'm not taking the lead on this that way i could tell you guys were wrong when we get
there oh oh i at this point i'm gonna reach into my bag of keys part of the crew 19 months
edgy thanks buddy appreciate you so much thank you so much for supporting the show my friends
thank you thank you cheers i just want to reach into my bag of keys and just grab a
random one twice all right just a random key well just a random key that i'm gonna entice
bomblin with oh look hey hey look something it's a key it's a key look oh wait that's
yeah sorry sorry about that test look it's a key it's a key look at it yeah go go go
get it it's it's over there go get it what do you throw it's not a dog you asshole fucking
human that works jesus it feels nice to have him be a bigot against at least someone push
him out of the way like almost push him into the shitty sewer water you know what no no
i'm gonna push you into the shitty sewer water no i'm gonna push him out of the shitty sewer
water like get out of my way fine i'll take the lead okay uh we could do contested strength
rolls unless you just want to be pushed you can hold him down i don't want to be pushing
all right tested strength it is okay for 10 oh 18 get down yeah all right you stumble
into the water a little bit right your strength
yeah that was a good that wasn't a good choice
we will uh we will come on one dang
dang still 15 jesus he stands up i push it back down stand up i was gonna walk forward
angrily oh man he doesn't like that now after about an hour of you guys following these
symbols and walking through the sewers and pushing each other around and you know having
a big old little little laugh a little bit of fun um you eventually come to a three-way
intersection this is the first time you've seen this where in the center there is a ladder
leads up a spine shaft up at the top it looks like it's capped off by a metal cover
the left just leads further off into the sewer and to the right as you three are standing there
you look over and you see the familiar chalk symbol marked on a wall nearby but as you're
standing there i need each one of you to roll me a stealth just just kind of show me how much
noise you're making at this point is this dex yes
okay so two of you failed
and this will move into this next scene
ah target number goes up to a 16
you look over one moment please all right go ahead
uno momento or favor
thank you it is thunderstorming like the mother fucker
hey England hey that would have been the weirdest pizza delivery ever yeah
um you look over near the chalk symbol on the wall floating near it looks to be a
two-oracle kind of like basketball sized creature with a bulging central eye
and about four more lumpy eye stock it turned and bears its teeth right away as soon as it sees
it has
roll me roll me initiative
oh man aren't i hidden oh yeah i fucking hate these dice man
goblin fuck me damn it oh my god at least it's not that bad does that mean i just don't get to go
does that mean all of us don't get to go
that means that i'm gonna go first um and then we're gonna go clockwise on the next um yeah
that's fun out of its eye it shoots a beam um but first i have to roll a g4 to see what kind of
beam it is which is fun the one um right at you bomblin has out of its voice you hear your voice
and it says i'm not a dog get back in the sewer water and it shoots a ray right at you i need you
to make me um a wisdom saving throw beat the target number of 16
i rolled a 13 you rolled a 13 yeah because you got a plus one on that wisdom so you fail
as it hits you with this beam you all of a sudden have this feeling like you need to protect it
and your body turns sword in hand at raz once more
reroll oh soon he gave you the reroll
much worse sony thank you now while you are turned at raz
when you're charmed in this way your speed is now halved and you have disadvantage on attack rolls
so even though in your mind you want to attack raz which i'll let you make a save every turn
to see if you do you have disadvantage on the attack after right now okay it's your turn
it's your turn yeah you know what this b holder is my this isn't a b holder though is it
anyways this b holder is my friend and it has bare teeth just like me i've had enough and i'm going
to send you to price faster than you want to die and i'm gonna attack with my claymore sword at
reverend raz all right now you get to do it at disadvantage remember when you're attacking a
player you don't attack the target number you attack raz's ac okay right which is everyone
remembers well and i use strength to attack yeah now 15 god damn it wait disadvantage
all right disadvantage all right 14 right do your weapon that's a decent weapon damage
no since it's a heavy claymore sword it does ultimate damage the d12 plus one
god damn it six damage
all right now make me the wisdom save to break out of it
out of it
and you get a mastery point for that you get a mastery point congrats buddy oh reverend who
stabbed you jesus buddy that doesn't look good you stabbed me and stab me i don't have
your asshole whatever man all right raz your turn now what do you do is it my turn
and let's see yeah
i guess i'm gonna do vampiric ray but i have to touch it so i'm gonna run towards the floating
eyeball bitch and fucking ragel fargo and touch him nice i cast vampiric ray all right to cast
it you got to beat the target number so roll me um a d20 plus your intelligence so plus three 16
so it says transfer effort rolled from their hp to yours yeah that's damage yeah and i'm doing
this as an intelligence spell so my intelligence roll yes okay and you play wow get fucked you
stupid floating eyeball what this means now is you get to do your magic plus ultimate all right so
you do d10 plus two d12 plus one two in a row that's right suny fucking badass and you get a
mastery point so remember that um so roll me a d20 and a d12 okay so my energy and magic right yeah
yeah
five plus two seven now the d and then my ultimate
which is a nine with us 17 damage
raz
after bomblin hits you and wakes up you rush through the water in the sewer kicking up god knows what
the bottom of your red cloak all dirty and shitty smelling in the hour you've been walking through
this sewer and you vampiric ray this thing to death you stick your hand out and touch it and
just completely suck the entire life out of it as it screams its eyes go into the back of its
eye tubes and it falls down into the water i imagine like just like my finger was like
dirty and shitty from the sewer and i just touched it in the eye i just instantly turned red
pretty good yeah it's dead she killed it congratulations now
you stand here the three-way intersection there's a ladder that goes up and
the sewers continue on for a little ways fast you stand well they didn't say anything about the
pretty boys not being in the sewer at least that's what i remember so wouldn't he still be down here
that's what we're hoping for yeah so yeah how much longer do we have until the complete this
quest right now as soon as you decide which direction you're gonna go oh this quest is a whole
not the episode right you gotta find tony that's when the quest yeah we gotta find tony he's gotta
be in the sewer forward to the sewers deeper follow the purple markers as you continue the
sewers eventually like this main sewer tunnel expands into like this tiny little circular hub
that has a door you can see they're like a pair of arrows arrow slits carved into like the outer
walls looking through them it just kind of leads into darkness and they're directly across from
each other there are two passages that continue on to the north and to the south and there's a
stone door that's set back into the wall and i know that might have been a little bit confusing
but when we come back next week we'll have a map but this is where we end our episode for the night
haha yes i know t357 you didn't get to do anything against that fucking enemy
brand new crossbow didn't even get to use it sorry bitch but you might ampere craze a little op
from getting syphilis from the poop water yeah i think i want to change the name of it from
vampiric raid or like life suck or something i don't know life suck so we're doing a shorter
stream tonight everybody um a shorter episode for those of you guys watching on youtube uh because
i was gone all weekend and i'm exhausted and so i didn't have a lot of time to prep things and
next week we're going to be back though it's going to be a normal scheduled programming
so thank you guys for joining us but those of you guys watching here live we'll be back in
about five minutes for our short rest where we're going to look at clips and anything and everything
that was submitted into discord if you guys made any clips or made anything over the course of the
night please submit it into discord if you have some ideas some things you want to tell us about
tonight drop it in the love death and dice section of the discord even if it's just a comment or an