1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 Okay, welcome to the podcast. I'm Manon and I'm here with 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:07,920 the honey 3 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,920 Melanie Andrea and yes 4 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:29,400 Okay 5 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:36,040 Am I the jerk for reporting my friend's sexual relationship with the TA at university? 6 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,120 with 7 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:47,280 Have a friend who I have a class with this semester, she's a really kind and beautiful person 8 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:51,080 I always thought she was the type to have a great moral compass 9 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:56,600 Anyway, we have the same TA that teaches a separate section for our main class 10 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,600 right off the bat a 11 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:02,760 Ton of people thought she was super cute and began to flirt with him during class 12 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:10,840 My friend let's call her Anna seemed especially uninterested and even made fun of the girls who were literally throwing themselves at him 13 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:16,040 The semester went on and even though Anna never was interested 14 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,840 It seemed like the TA himself was growing more and more fond of her 15 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:25,280 Anna was doing extremely well in the class and she stood out as one of the smartest students 16 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:31,280 So he regularly praised her for her work and even wrote cute little compliments on her essay 17 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:36,640 I noticed that he would also try to talk to her a lot before and during class 18 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:41,440 Since Anna is really nice. She engaged him and they seem to hit it off 19 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:48,160 Soon Anna had nothing but good things to say about him. She was always going on about how nice and funny he is 20 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,520 It was pretty obvious. She was starting to develop a crush 21 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:57,920 We joked a couple times about her sleeping with him and she always said she'd never end that they were just flirty 22 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:04,640 About two months later, we were walking back from a party with a small group of girls and she was pretty drunk 23 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:11,040 One girl noticed that she kept messaging someone and asked her who it was and Anna blurted out that the name 24 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,440 of our TA 25 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:19,520 Shocked I asked her why she was messaging him and she just giggled and said that he wanted her to come over to her 26 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:24,240 Department, but she didn't want to but she didn't want to because she was so drunk 27 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:30,880 The other girls not really realizing who it was thought it was so funny and continued teasing her asking if he was cute 28 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:39,040 Another girl asked if she'd slept with him yet and Anna said yeah a couple of times. I was just completely taken aback by that 29 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,480 That was last weekend 30 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:47,280 I texted her about it the day after and she admitted that it was true and it started happening 31 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:52,320 Last month, she said it was nothing serious and they're just having fun. I didn't really respond 32 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:57,280 Well, I sat on it for a couple of days and talked with a few of my close friends about it 33 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:01,600 Most of them told me to report the incident to the professor or department chair 34 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:06,800 Because it's a serious violation and that she won't get in any trouble only the TA will 35 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:13,520 I sent an email to my professor about it last night leaving out Anna's name and only saying who the TA was 36 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:19,680 He responded this morning and said that it was indeed an incredibly serious violation and that he would like to have a meeting with me 37 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,840 In the department chair sometime this week 38 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:27,760 It all got really serious all of a sudden and I don't know why but I feel like I messed up really badly 39 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:32,480 I don't know what I was expecting, but this just made me feel like a jerk for some reason 40 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:40,160 Edith should probably add that we're second years and the TA is a first year grad student. So probably 22 to 24 41 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:44,320 So what do you guys thought? Not the asshole. No, no 42 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:50,720 I don't know. It's would even be on the page to be honest. This is like an obviously like not the asshole. She did the right thing 43 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,440 A teacher sleeping with their student 44 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:58,960 There's obviously a power imbalance 45 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:03,840 Yeah, it's not like she's a teacher. She's a teacher. She's a teacher 46 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:13,440 Like there's obviously a power imbalance. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's not really ethical for like a TA to be sleeping with like 47 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:19,360 You know like um, I think you mentioned that there were like second year students, right? Yeah 48 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,720 Yeah, and like she's obviously way younger too 49 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:28,960 So of course she's gonna be more naive about like how he's gonna approach that relationship like becky said like, you know 50 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,960 this huge like power like 51 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:36,000 In balance, that's not good. Plus he's gonna be grading her papers through like what? 52 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:58,000 It even says they have like seminars and videos saying that they shouldn't do that so 53 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,960 So he definitely knew he shouldn't be doing that 54 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:09,600 Someone oh my god, okay someone said this person is 55 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:12,800 And they said 56 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:17,920 He shouldn't have done it. Yeah, but it doesn't seem like this is the main issue why you reported it 57 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:22,800 I don't know, but that's how it sounds. Are you serious when your computer 58 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,240 Because she's mad that she wasn't 59 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:28,240 The one getting 60 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:32,400 Risky with it. Really? Yeah, i'm reading in the comments too 61 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:38,000 I'm like some of them are like trying to justify the situation and like make the poster 62 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:42,000 As like, you know the villain in this situation 63 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:47,760 I think she's acting like reasonably that someone older is taking advantage of her friend 64 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,080 Yeah 65 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,080 She even went to like other people 66 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,640 to ask them 67 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:56,640 Like what she should do 68 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,240 She didn't just like 69 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,520 I'm sorry continue 70 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:05,680 No, I was just gonna say like 71 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:09,040 She didn't just like come out and like tell the professor 72 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,700 She actually she got like advice as well. So exactly 73 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,200 Someone said everyone is 74 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:24,240 Because the teacher shouldn't have done it the friend shouldn't have done it and the person shouldn't have reported it 75 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:27,120 It says 76 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:31,040 You're you say you're your friend, but you didn't give her the option to go to anyone herself 77 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,000 You all think she was gonna go to somebody 78 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,640 I think she would have gone to somebody 79 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:42,800 Had he done her dirty like I think her friend like, you know had the choice to get in a relationship with him 80 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:46,960 Um, like we actually we still have to consider that this girl is still very young 81 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,640 She's not going to know any better 82 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:52,960 I wouldn't blame the friend at all in this situation. The only person who wasn't involved in this situation is 83 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,600 Because I know better 84 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:58,320 Yes 85 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,320 I definitely don't think that 86 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,040 the person the poster is 87 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:07,280 In the wrong for even reporting it because they didn't say their friend's name 88 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,440 exactly 89 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:13,680 So how is the friend putting in any harm's way for this motion of action? 90 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,600 Yeah 91 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,920 That's crazy 92 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,440 Okay, you guys ready for the next one 93 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:30,160 Yeah, and a link are we taking turns reading or 94 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:37,760 Um, if you guys want to read you can am I the asshole community? 95 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:46,400 Yeah, yes, oh wait you guys can hear me yes, yeah, okay, okay 96 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:51,040 First step son money not the evil 97 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:55,380 Nor do I feel like people who write these things are narcissists 98 00:07:55,380 --> 00:07:59,780 I'm not a narcissist. Probably some of them are some of them definitely 99 00:08:03,380 --> 00:08:07,220 Can I read yeah, you can read all right 100 00:08:10,420 --> 00:08:16,600 Am I the jerk for not giving my son's step son money for university when I have for all my other grandkids 101 00:08:18,180 --> 00:08:24,420 I have three kids my husband and I work so hard to raise them and get them to be productive adults and they are 102 00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:31,060 I'm proud of all three. They were great kids and they've become pretty good adults if I do say so myself 103 00:08:32,420 --> 00:08:34,420 When my oldest daughter remarried 104 00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:39,860 Remarried, I'm sorry a widower who already had a two-year-old child 105 00:08:40,340 --> 00:08:43,780 My husband and I put money into an education fund 106 00:08:44,820 --> 00:08:47,700 We did the same for every biological grandchild 107 00:08:47,700 --> 00:08:52,420 We know a little bit about investing in compound interest by 108 00:08:52,820 --> 00:08:58,980 Starting early we can invert invest a little bit each month and by the time they graduate high school 109 00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:03,700 We were able to provide each one with enough money to for a good start in life 110 00:09:04,980 --> 00:09:07,700 My oldest grandchild just graduated from high school 111 00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:14,580 We were able to let them know that after scholarships and everything were taken into account. They would be 112 00:09:14,580 --> 00:09:16,580 graduating debt-free 113 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,140 We don't give them the money 114 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:23,860 We don't give them any money. We pay for tuition and fees and such 115 00:09:24,260 --> 00:09:29,380 We learned our lesson from our youngest our only son. We give him the money 116 00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:32,100 Like we had for his two older sisters 117 00:09:33,460 --> 00:09:35,460 We had scholarships as well 118 00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:39,300 But he knew through the money 119 00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:43,700 He we gave him and chose to become a trans 120 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:45,300 Trat 121 00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:48,500 Trans person instead trade person 122 00:09:49,860 --> 00:09:54,020 I don't even know what i'm reading right now. I kind of just zone out and like read the words I see 123 00:09:58,340 --> 00:10:01,700 He does very well and now owns his own successful business 124 00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:04,500 He was married 125 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:08,100 But it didn't work out. We had to pay for the school 126 00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:11,140 It didn't work out. We have two grandkids from that marriage 127 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:17,940 Last year, he married a very nice woman who has a 15 year old son 128 00:10:19,460 --> 00:10:26,200 She had him very young and it caused a rift in their family. None of them became even came to the wedding 129 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:35,320 Um, my son approached us about money for his stepson's education after my husband and I discussed it 130 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:40,920 We said that we could afford to give him five thousand dollars to help but that was it 131 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,640 My son is very disappointed 132 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:50,120 He knows that all my other grandkids have enough money in their accounts to pay for at least two and a half years 133 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:52,520 of in-state tuition and expenses 134 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:56,040 He makes good money, but he also likes to spend it on toys and vacations 135 00:10:56,680 --> 00:11:04,680 I don't think that him or my daughter-in-law have anything put away for his stepson. That is why we offered the five thousand dollars 136 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,880 My son and his wife are planning ahead for when he graduates in june 137 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:16,280 And they are still complaining that i'm treating him different from our other grandkids 138 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:23,240 I know that we are but we didn't have almost two decades to save for him 139 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:27,960 That's five thousand came out of my fund for when I need to replace my car 140 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:34,280 Edit my son and daughter-in-law are not spending their money on toys and vacations 141 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,680 I may have put that badly 142 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:42,680 The reason that my son doesn't have a lot of savings to pay for his stepson is because he's not going to be able to afford it 143 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:50,200 The reason that my son doesn't have a lot of savings to pay for his son's education is because of how he chose to spend his money 144 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,400 Prior to getting married. I hope that is clear now 145 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:56,040 edit two 146 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,360 I have talked to my husband and son 147 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:03,640 My son wants me to take money from all the accounts and make one for his stepson 148 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:05,960 what 149 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:14,360 We counter offer to split the two accounts we have for his biological children into three and split the five thousand into them 150 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:20,620 And we will continue to contribute the accounts until they get used. He seems unhappy with that option 151 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,120 What is he doing his entitlement from? 152 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,000 No, thank you 153 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,920 Yeah, this is my take on it like of course like I 154 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:37,480 I go to school on scholarship. My parents didn't even save anything for me 155 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,400 Like I have to work my way up like educate like get my education 156 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:46,920 For me is like I think it's like it's a privilege in general just to even receive money for college 157 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:48,680 so like 158 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:53,960 I think their son is very entitled like unaware that you know, it is a privilege that you know 159 00:12:54,920 --> 00:13:00,860 His parents were able to even like save money for his other children and like his other kids and nephews 160 00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:08,060 They like was they didn't have enough time to save that amount of money for their stepson that 161 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:10,700 You know, they just married 162 00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:16,540 Yeah, yeah, like they had like a decade they gladly like 163 00:13:18,860 --> 00:13:20,860 How are you asking 164 00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:26,060 For a child that you yourself don't have funds for 165 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,780 Exactly 166 00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:33,740 You're their parent not your grandparents. I was like, I thought they were even happy with like five grand. I'm like 167 00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:39,900 It's like, you know five grand would so benefit his step kid a lot even in in-state tuition 168 00:13:40,140 --> 00:13:42,700 I would just take that money and you know, at least try to find 169 00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:50,460 Other ways to help fund these this kid's college education and plus you might do the realistic thing that almost everyone else does 170 00:13:50,780 --> 00:13:52,780 Which is get a load 171 00:13:52,860 --> 00:13:54,860 exactly 172 00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:57,420 Most parents wouldn't even do that 173 00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:01,820 Honestly, yeah, my mom was down. I know that for sure. That's crazy 174 00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:05,820 I'm even lucky. I even got her scholarship. If not, I was not being called 175 00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:09,100 Exactly exactly 176 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,320 Ridiculous 177 00:14:14,860 --> 00:14:16,860 Wouldn't it 178 00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:24,780 Oh, can I read this one? Sure 179 00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,780 Sure 180 00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:27,980 Okay 181 00:14:27,980 --> 00:14:31,420 Am I the jerk for telling my boyfriend he can't go to university? I 182 00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:38,700 19 female i'm currently in college studying an access course to go to uni next year. My boyfriend a 24 male 183 00:14:39,260 --> 00:14:40,940 Works in a warehouse 184 00:14:40,940 --> 00:14:47,180 He has a child and I have a child both from previous relationships and we're in an okay place financially 185 00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:51,420 He's been to uni twice for different courses and dropped out because he got bored of them 186 00:14:51,420 --> 00:14:55,420 Since I started taking since I've started the process of going to uni 187 00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:58,300 He's been constantly talking about him doing uni too 188 00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:04,300 But because he's done two courses we would have to pay out of pocket for his uni his uni, which would cost about 189 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,320 9 000 pounds a year 190 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:11,580 Yeah, he also has told me that he doesn't know what he would want 191 00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:18,700 To do for definite. I told him that if he wants to go back to university then I need a guarantee that it's something 192 00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:22,940 That he wants to do but also that he needs to wait until after I finish university 193 00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:28,540 Because I think it's not possible financially and with two children. It would be tough on both of us 194 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:33,500 He thinks I'm making it unfair and he should be able to go back to uni 195 00:15:33,740 --> 00:15:38,300 So am I the jerk for not wanting him to go to uni until we have more spare income after i've got a job 196 00:15:38,540 --> 00:15:40,540 And he's sure on what he wants to do 197 00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:43,420 Tld my boyfriend wants to go to uni, but he dropped out twice already 198 00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:49,260 He doesn't know what he wants to do and I want him to wait until i'm finished with uni and I have a better job 199 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,340 He most definitely not 200 00:15:51,340 --> 00:15:53,340 He's being so unrealistic 201 00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:57,100 Yeah 202 00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:00,620 You're like let's do it 203 00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:04,860 You're like 204 00:16:06,780 --> 00:16:08,060 Yeah 205 00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:13,900 So for him like during this from like, you know i'm thinking like for example, like my brother like had like 206 00:16:14,220 --> 00:16:17,500 Isn't basically in like a similar spot, you know, he has a kid 207 00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:21,100 And like, you know, he still has desire to like go to school 208 00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:25,340 But even he knows realistically that he cannot go back to like college 209 00:16:25,420 --> 00:16:31,100 And so he has a more stable income and more like flexible time to even do school because he already knew 210 00:16:31,660 --> 00:16:33,660 From his past experiences 211 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:39,820 That if he dropped out and like, you know, he still had to pay out of pocket, you know, it's a very expensive decision to even go back 212 00:16:40,220 --> 00:16:44,460 Like just to want to go in just because your girlfriend's in and you don't even have an idea for your future 213 00:16:44,780 --> 00:16:46,780 You're just gambling your life away 214 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,340 And it's not worth risking 215 00:16:50,060 --> 00:16:56,620 I actually want to mention like, you know, like 9 000 something pounds like i'm not here about and that's 216 00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:59,500 Just for him. That's crazy 217 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,220 Seven thousand dollars 218 00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:05,740 In us dollars because what how much is it in us dollars? 219 00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:09,420 Eleven thousand. Oh my god. Yeah 220 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:15,580 Because what happens he pays the tuition right and then he drops out again 221 00:17:16,460 --> 00:17:17,740 Mm-hmm 222 00:17:17,740 --> 00:17:20,700 Like he should probably just look for like, you know 223 00:17:21,180 --> 00:17:27,580 a cheaper way to go to school like i'm not sure if like colleges over there and like the 224 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:36,700 The op's country like has like something similar to college or something or like even like online classes like something that's doable for him 225 00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:38,700 Or he doesn't have to pay that 226 00:17:39,740 --> 00:17:41,740 But even then like 227 00:17:42,380 --> 00:17:46,540 We don't really know like the type of person this guy is but like just to lose posi-lan I just 228 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:51,260 See that he's just very impulsive with his decision making 229 00:17:51,260 --> 00:17:57,120 Very much. Oh my god 230 00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:05,120 Oh 231 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:20,400 I saw this one. I don't know if you guys want to read that one or not. I can read this one. All right 232 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,400 Okay 233 00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:26,560 Okay 234 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:33,680 Am I the uh a hole for indirectly telling my friend that no one will ever love her 235 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:36,720 Um 236 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,200 I 23 well have been with my 237 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,840 Uh, i'm 27 boyfriend 238 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:46,800 For two years and he recently proposed I then had a weekend brunch with my friends 239 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:51,920 They all wanted to know about it and started asking about my wedding plans. A lot of them are married 240 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:56,240 So they were giving advice on a few things. It was all going well until my friend alicia 241 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:58,240 F33 242 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,320 Noticed my necklace and asked me about it 243 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:06,960 My fiance also gave me a necklace with my future initials on it when he proposed my first name and his last name 244 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,720 He started discussing in the past and I loved the idea of sharing his last name 245 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:15,040 The woman I told it was a gift from him. Alicia started berating my fiance for upholding 246 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:20,020 Outdated cultural beliefs and that he must be really controlling and possessive 247 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:24,400 Acclaimed that I wanted to take his last name after marriage and she still continued 248 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:29,760 She told him that this necklace is like a dog collar and he's trying to claim that i'm misrapelling 249 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,680 I should feel insulted for such a misogynistic present at this one 250 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:38,640 I lost him so well, you should be glad because no one ever claimed you in such a patriarchal 251 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:43,600 Fashion she started crying and left my friends agreed to me that she's being extremely insulting 252 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:47,280 But few of them said I should still apologize because alicia the source what? 253 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:52,560 Marriage is a sore spot for alicia as she's held as a group and unmarried nowhere ever shamed her father 254 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,560 But she has cried out a few friends weddings 255 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:59,200 So I might have asked for for interrupting saying that nobody will marry her. He has English 256 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,560 Okay, um 257 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,680 I don't know why the friend felt the need to say all that 258 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,280 About her taking his last name 259 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:14,960 But I feel like there was a better way to say it. I still feel like both of them are slightly in the wrong 260 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:20,400 Like yeah, I've never said something like that. She should have said hey just back off leave me alone 261 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,640 Instead of saying no one will ever love you 262 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,680 And like her friend also like overreacted 263 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,640 Like, you know some people do so 264 00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:31,760 Um take their husband's last name. Some people don't 265 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,120 You know, it really should not be a big deal as it is 266 00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:37,120 Yeah, I mean 267 00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:40,160 What saying that she's fine with it, but she kept like 268 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,160 Mm-hmm 269 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,160 You know like her friend was going 270 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,000 too far 271 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:51,760 But like her she also couldn't have said that I think they're both for very immature in this situation 272 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,640 Yeah, I feel like 273 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:59,920 From what I'm reading it seems like there's a lot of things that are unsaid maybe in this 274 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,480 Yeah, I'm feeling these 275 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:08,000 I don't know the way she's writing about lisa just kind of like seems like they just don't like her 276 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:10,720 Yeah 277 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,720 I think they're in the friend group 278 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:16,720 Which when you're in your 30s or preaching your 30s, then why are you still doing this? 279 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,920 Yeah 280 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:23,120 It's like we're people who are 20s. Yeah, we still know better like 281 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:28,000 If the friend group mutually agrees that this person is toxic that you know 282 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,280 You just move on with your life 283 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:35,120 But these people just seem like they're keeping alicia around for company despite them not enjoying her presence 284 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,600 exactly 285 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,640 Strange 286 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,440 Yeah, what she said 287 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,720 I just want to do one 288 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,280 We do what one more 289 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,280 One more story 290 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,280 Yeah 291 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:06,800 Jasmine do you want to read it? 292 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:12,320 Okay, I was just waiting when the time was for me to read it 293 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:19,280 Uh, you only read this one that you recently sent? Yeah. Oh the one that we oh, okay 294 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,720 Okay 295 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,280 Uh, yeah, let me just open up the link 296 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,280 Oh, this is a long one 297 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,280 It doesn't seem so long, okay 298 00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:40,320 Am I the a-hole for not telling my friend the real university I applied to 299 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:42,640 I 300 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:49,600 17 female am a high school student in my senior year who attends on going to university in the united states 301 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:54,960 Background knowledge for people who aren't familiar with the u.s. Application system 302 00:22:55,280 --> 00:23:00,800 Application deadline for the early round was november and decisions were released around mid december 303 00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:09,600 If we apply early decision to a certain university, then we have attend if we are if we are accepted 304 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:15,360 Hence students can only apply to a single early decision school 305 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:22,720 Since the beginning of the school year in september every single student had been asking others about where they're applying to 306 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:28,880 Apparently the reason why people do this is to avoid applying to the same university as 307 00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:34,400 The competitive applicants who are at the top of their class since people think there is 308 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:36,800 A high school quota 309 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:42,960 My school gives an award to the students who are the top of their class at the end at the end of their class 310 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:46,960 Or the top of their class at the end at the end of each year and I am one of them 311 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:53,920 Several months earlier I had decided on applying early decision to school b 312 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:59,600 And this is what I told people including friend a whenever they asked me 313 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:05,360 However, I suddenly changed my mind and decided to apply to school c 314 00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:13,440 A week before the application deadline and didn't tell anyone because I didn't think I would get in 315 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:18,960 Here is where the conflict arises friend a also applied to school c 316 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:23,440 For the past few months. He kept asking me which university I will 317 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:27,120 Be applying to because he did not want to apply to the same 318 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:34,340 One as me he thinks I had a stronger application because I had a higher standardized testin score and gpa 319 00:24:34,340 --> 00:24:36,820 But he is really good, too 320 00:24:38,580 --> 00:24:42,740 When the decisions were released I was surprised to find out that I got in 321 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,740 Unfortunately friend a did not get in 322 00:24:47,700 --> 00:24:54,820 I didn't tell anyone in my school that I got in but my university counselor had posted about my acceptance to school 323 00:24:54,980 --> 00:25:00,180 C on the social media platform friend a saw this and became furious 324 00:25:01,060 --> 00:25:03,300 I apologized to him about not 325 00:25:03,300 --> 00:25:10,420 Telling him that I made a last minute change and that it was wrong. It was wrong of me to not update him 326 00:25:10,900 --> 00:25:14,100 However friend a is blaming me for his rejection 327 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:20,660 Slash deferral. He said that he would have gotten in if I didn't apply and that he would have 328 00:25:21,140 --> 00:25:26,180 Not he would have not applied to the school c if he had known that I would apply to 329 00:25:26,180 --> 00:25:33,060 Up to today. He is still incredibly mad and has been badmouthing me to all my classmates 330 00:25:34,260 --> 00:25:35,460 Notes 331 00:25:35,460 --> 00:25:42,820 Note schools b and c are both top 10 universities and I currently attend an international school 332 00:25:44,180 --> 00:25:45,860 Am I the asshole? 333 00:25:45,860 --> 00:25:49,940 Edit one. Sorry. I made a mistake about the existence of a school quota 334 00:25:49,940 --> 00:25:55,860 Several commenters clarified that colleges don't set a limit on the number of students from each high school 335 00:25:55,940 --> 00:25:57,940 They can accept edit two 336 00:25:58,260 --> 00:26:03,060 I made the change because I realized I wanted to go to school c way more than school b 337 00:26:03,460 --> 00:26:10,740 My counselor also spoke to me with the other ones at my high school and told me my profile was more suitable for school c as well 338 00:26:11,780 --> 00:26:18,580 I didn't tell anyone I changed because it would have been a waste of time to update every single student who asked me about my 339 00:26:18,580 --> 00:26:21,300 Early decision in school only to get rejected 340 00:26:21,780 --> 00:26:28,840 I generally didn't think I would not I would get in not only because of the sheer complexity of admissions decisions 341 00:26:30,100 --> 00:26:35,220 But also because my high school is rumored to have been blacklisted by several colleges 342 00:26:35,860 --> 00:26:39,480 The last time someone got into this university was back in 2019 343 00:26:44,340 --> 00:26:45,700 So in my 344 00:26:45,700 --> 00:26:49,860 Personal opinion, I don't think they're the asshole. I think that um 345 00:26:50,980 --> 00:26:56,420 I don't think it was because of the admissions that uh of their of her standardized testing 346 00:26:56,980 --> 00:27:05,140 I think it's because the schools do pick out which is more suitable for their college and also who has the better standardized testing score 347 00:27:05,940 --> 00:27:12,580 But it's but I don't think she's the I don't think she's the asshole for not telling her friends because some people will 348 00:27:12,580 --> 00:27:20,580 Go after you for the school that they're that you know your friends like they'll sometimes go after you for the for colleges 349 00:27:20,580 --> 00:27:26,580 And that actually happens sometimes that actually happens a lot of a lot of people a lot of friends 350 00:27:26,580 --> 00:27:32,820 They would try to like sabotage their applications their friends applications so they would get into the school 351 00:27:32,820 --> 00:27:34,820 So that actually happens quite commonly 352 00:27:35,780 --> 00:27:41,060 So I don't I don't think she's the asshole in this particular situation 353 00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:49,300 The friend is definitely the asshole because they're bad-mouthing and they're also mad at a personal decision that she made for 354 00:27:50,100 --> 00:27:52,100 herself so 355 00:27:52,740 --> 00:27:54,500 Right, yeah, like 356 00:27:54,500 --> 00:28:00,180 This is her school is like something she has to live with for like a while 357 00:28:01,540 --> 00:28:02,900 so 358 00:28:02,900 --> 00:28:09,940 It's better for her to pick a college that she likes rather than stick with one that she didn't feel like she's suited 359 00:28:09,940 --> 00:28:11,940 exactly 360 00:28:13,060 --> 00:28:17,220 Yeah, and like in my opinion like coming from like a person who did like apply 361 00:28:18,660 --> 00:28:24,420 During the cycle because this is around two years ago, so I would have been probably roughly around the same age as these kids 362 00:28:25,300 --> 00:28:30,020 Like honestly, I think the friend is just being a jerk straight up and like you've done 363 00:28:30,420 --> 00:28:35,220 I read in the comments. It seems like they're like friends, but they're not even like close friends like that 364 00:28:35,220 --> 00:28:41,460 So he's basically bad-mouthing a girl that he's friendly with for no reason just because she was more successful 365 00:28:42,180 --> 00:28:45,700 Them and got a spot that he thought that he deserved 366 00:28:46,100 --> 00:28:52,020 In reality, someone like that does not deserve a spot in a top 10 school at all for their behavior like that 367 00:28:53,540 --> 00:28:56,100 It's like you're seeing image turn childish 368 00:28:56,740 --> 00:28:58,740 Not like they're seniors in high school 369 00:28:58,740 --> 00:29:05,700 But you know the way he's acting is ridiculous and that's not a quality that most schools want in their students 370 00:29:07,540 --> 00:29:10,660 And plus like if he didn't get in she got in they're both from the same school 371 00:29:10,740 --> 00:29:16,340 It just shows that she was just a better applicant in the end. So why is he blaming her like basically? 372 00:29:17,300 --> 00:29:19,300 like they're blaming them for 373 00:29:20,500 --> 00:29:23,060 Just like for taking away their spot 374 00:29:23,060 --> 00:29:29,540 But in reality, I think most schools don't even care about what high school even go to as long as you like prove yourself 375 00:29:29,620 --> 00:29:35,300 And like your resume and your application that you're a fit like a fitting well-fitting student for their like school 376 00:29:37,140 --> 00:29:39,140 Right, yeah 377 00:29:39,380 --> 00:29:41,380 And he doesn't even seem to like 378 00:29:42,180 --> 00:29:49,940 No, he's not like serious about the school because he said he he keeps saying he would have picked a different school 379 00:29:49,940 --> 00:29:53,300 So I don't see why yeah, like why is it such a big deal? 380 00:29:53,300 --> 00:29:55,300 We didn't really care about it originally 381 00:29:55,620 --> 00:30:01,540 I think he kept saying care about it just like these months and that's because he thought he was gonna get in and you know 382 00:30:01,620 --> 00:30:03,620 Like, you know, he didn't want to protect his ego 383 00:30:03,620 --> 00:30:10,740 But once his ego was father when he was rejected and he saw that his classmate his friend actually got in 384 00:30:10,900 --> 00:30:15,700 Despite him like thinking they weren't gonna get in at all. I think that just crushed his ego 385 00:30:15,700 --> 00:30:17,700 So now he's like talking bad about 386 00:30:17,700 --> 00:30:20,900 Okay, despite them not doing anything wrong 387 00:30:22,580 --> 00:30:24,500 Yeah, yeah 388 00:30:24,500 --> 00:30:28,420 But definitely the girl is not the asshole just that the guy is literally 389 00:30:29,060 --> 00:30:33,540 The asshole for getting mad for something that basically wasn't her fault 390 00:30:33,860 --> 00:30:37,140 in fact, he probably like have like a lower like he probably 391 00:30:37,700 --> 00:30:39,140 uh 392 00:30:39,140 --> 00:30:40,020 Thought that he did well 393 00:30:40,020 --> 00:30:48,260 But he probably didn't meet the school requirements or some stuff because like, you know, you have to have the certain requirements of the school for the school 394 00:30:48,900 --> 00:30:54,280 Even then standardized testing scores can only get you so far like other things like volunteering 395 00:30:55,300 --> 00:31:01,540 Or like, you know internships things like that. Those things count too. In fact, often they play an even bigger role 396 00:31:02,180 --> 00:31:03,620 In like your application 397 00:31:03,620 --> 00:31:09,940 so like if he didn't do like the same things that you know, op did of course he wasn't gonna get because he 398 00:31:10,020 --> 00:31:13,700 He focused more on like the academic side than other than you know, the other side 399 00:31:14,420 --> 00:31:17,140 That you know schools care about which is like, yeah, right 400 00:31:17,220 --> 00:31:22,420 like what if like, you know, they did good on like the schooling and stuff like that, but let's say like I know like 401 00:31:23,060 --> 00:31:25,460 for example, like the bright futures, I know they required like 402 00:31:26,020 --> 00:31:30,100 Um volunteer hours. What if the school required volunteer hours and he didn't have any? 403 00:31:30,100 --> 00:31:34,740 Yeah, I think that's true as someone who had to do like volunteer hours or like bright future 404 00:31:35,140 --> 00:31:40,020 Honestly, I think it was really just something that just benefited like my applications to multiple schools 405 00:31:40,580 --> 00:31:44,340 Even if they were like out of state they saw me doing like more than 100 hours 406 00:31:44,340 --> 00:31:48,740 They're like, oh this person like really cares about their community and things like that if he 407 00:31:49,300 --> 00:31:52,500 Like for like other people I know who did not put the amount of effort 408 00:31:52,740 --> 00:31:56,340 They were directed for like a lot of schools because they just focus on like academics 409 00:31:56,340 --> 00:32:03,220 They just focus on like the academics. So, um, like in florida schools, I think they care about the academic part a lot more 410 00:32:04,660 --> 00:32:12,120 And like my personal opinion when it came to the application cycle, I still think they still cared about other groups. You did like extracurricular 411 00:32:13,060 --> 00:32:14,580 Yeah, that's also true 412 00:32:14,580 --> 00:32:19,060 Also, I was looking through the comments and it seemed like they're just getting it seemed like they're 413 00:32:19,620 --> 00:32:25,140 Thinking that she's in the wrong for not telling them. I'm like, no, she's not in the wrong. She's allowed to let 414 00:32:25,140 --> 00:32:29,860 that she's not allowed to tell anyone like she's like he has her own like 415 00:32:30,580 --> 00:32:33,380 Like she doesn't if she doesn't want to tell anyone that she doesn't want to tell anyone 416 00:32:33,940 --> 00:32:39,380 But like isn't it a little weird that the school the university that you got up that you got accepted to 417 00:32:40,180 --> 00:32:42,180 um 418 00:32:42,180 --> 00:32:45,220 Aren't they not supposed to like say that oh you got in 419 00:32:46,180 --> 00:32:51,380 Like on social media was her school like the school that she's currently attending 420 00:32:51,380 --> 00:32:54,660 Yeah, I was like counselor. I imagine they 421 00:32:55,300 --> 00:32:59,400 Like very like a lot of international schools are pretty prestigious 422 00:33:00,100 --> 00:33:01,460 so I 423 00:33:01,460 --> 00:33:06,100 It's it's it said her, you know, it said the university council that she was going to 424 00:33:06,820 --> 00:33:08,820 Uh put it on their social media platform 425 00:33:10,500 --> 00:33:11,460 Oh 426 00:33:11,460 --> 00:33:12,980 oh 427 00:33:12,980 --> 00:33:15,860 Yeah, so that's why i'm like isn't like aren't you not supposed to do that? 428 00:33:15,860 --> 00:33:23,220 Because I don't think you're supposed to do that because it says here that I didn't tell anyone in my school that I got in 429 00:33:23,700 --> 00:33:29,700 But my university counselor had posted about my acceptance to school c on his social media platform 430 00:33:30,020 --> 00:33:35,380 Oh university counselor, so it's not the university. I think in this case this would be like, you know 431 00:33:35,780 --> 00:33:38,180 They're you know, like guidance counselor here 432 00:33:38,820 --> 00:33:41,700 Like they go to international school. So I imagine it's basically 433 00:33:41,700 --> 00:33:49,700 Um their guidance counselor being proud of the girl and posting it on his social media, even though I still think that's odd 434 00:33:50,740 --> 00:33:54,500 and I remember like they like, you know, I know like in 435 00:33:55,140 --> 00:33:57,300 The high school that someone went through 436 00:33:57,860 --> 00:34:01,620 But then you know, they still like did things like celebrate like kids that got like, you know 437 00:34:01,700 --> 00:34:07,220 Really big schools like, you know stanford or like uf like they had like, you know the top sand ceremonies 438 00:34:07,220 --> 00:34:12,340 But never they posted anything like that on social media that could breach potentially the students 439 00:34:12,820 --> 00:34:16,740 Privacy like no essentially privacy like who knows like a dog can look they're like 440 00:34:16,740 --> 00:34:22,180 Oh like this girl is going to some school like who knows what happened. That's like another issue. We didn't even 441 00:34:22,820 --> 00:34:24,820 Like we glossed over it, too 442 00:34:28,980 --> 00:34:30,980 I don't like 443 00:34:31,060 --> 00:34:32,260 Okay 444 00:34:32,260 --> 00:34:40,340 I can kind of see why they think that she'd be the asshole because she didn't tell her friend and she knew it was her friends like 445 00:34:40,980 --> 00:34:42,980 quote unquote dream school or whatever 446 00:34:43,380 --> 00:34:48,820 But I really obligated to tell anybody I think the fact that she told him like she left out with that 447 00:34:49,780 --> 00:34:51,780 I don't think she is at all. I 448 00:34:52,580 --> 00:34:54,580 Either what I see? 449 00:34:54,580 --> 00:35:00,100 Like I can kind of see the argument. There's that's the only thing that you could really say for the opposite side is that 450 00:35:00,100 --> 00:35:02,340 All her friend told her and she wouldn't have applied anyways 451 00:35:03,060 --> 00:35:05,460 Yeah, but she's not even like 452 00:35:07,060 --> 00:35:12,900 They're not even friends they like have the same classes and like talk to each other and pass 453 00:35:12,900 --> 00:35:14,900 They're not even, no not at all 454 00:35:16,420 --> 00:35:18,420 They're more like school friends like 455 00:35:18,420 --> 00:35:23,940 I had like a good amount of friends that were just school friends, you know friends you don't talk to outside of school 456 00:35:25,380 --> 00:35:26,340 Yeah 457 00:35:26,340 --> 00:35:30,580 Yeah, even like she had no like obligations at all 458 00:35:31,700 --> 00:35:35,540 Not obligated at all. She did not owe him anything the fact that she told him 459 00:35:36,100 --> 00:35:38,740 Well, it was she got lucky. He got lucky with that 460 00:35:39,300 --> 00:35:44,180 He was I think he was definitely intimidated by her like her education 461 00:35:44,900 --> 00:35:47,380 That is he knew that her record was clean 462 00:35:47,380 --> 00:35:54,340 And he didn't want any chances none he wanted jeopardize his shot and guess what he still didn't get it deserved 463 00:35:56,260 --> 00:36:00,740 And I highly doubt one person will make a difference on his like 464 00:36:01,300 --> 00:36:06,420 Acceptance because there's multiple people in the world that are probably applying at the same time 465 00:36:06,420 --> 00:36:09,220 It's not like this is the last spot ever like 466 00:36:09,220 --> 00:36:16,580 Or they're going head-to-head making it a competition for no reason. Yeah 467 00:36:17,620 --> 00:36:23,780 I kind of wish they gave us an update on the girl and her friend because 468 00:36:26,340 --> 00:36:31,220 I would like to know the update but I will say there's a lot of comments say that she's basically the asshole kind of 469 00:36:31,220 --> 00:36:35,460 And I was like, she's not the asshole. You guys are just dicks. I'm like you guys are just dicks 470 00:36:35,460 --> 00:36:37,460 Which is so weird 471 00:36:37,460 --> 00:36:39,460 Which is so weird 472 00:36:40,020 --> 00:36:44,180 Which is a lot of what redditors are they're dying to hold. Yep 473 00:36:46,260 --> 00:36:48,260 All right, so is that all 474 00:36:50,020 --> 00:36:52,020 Um, yeah 475 00:36:54,740 --> 00:36:57,460 Yes, I gotta do that you guys want to do that 476 00:37:00,420 --> 00:37:02,420 You're so funny right now 477 00:37:03,460 --> 00:37:05,460 She's so silly 478 00:37:05,460 --> 00:37:09,220 So we collectively as a group have to say something 479 00:37:10,900 --> 00:37:12,900 Well, I said what I already 480 00:37:12,900 --> 00:37:33,400 Okay, adios muchachos. All right, that's your outro