1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:28,400 I love Chuck just so you know. 2 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,400 We're going to talk about divorce today, not lust. 3 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:35,880 If you ever Bible Matthew 5 or will be. 4 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:38,560 You might want to know this. 5 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:39,560 You might not. 6 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,480 I'm going to share with you anyway. 7 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:50,840 But over the years, my way of preparing for a sermon has changed quite a bit. 8 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:56,980 When I was bivocational, I didn't have much time to think about a sermon until Saturday, 9 00:00:56,980 --> 00:01:02,720 so there was never really a plan except that I was just going to go through a book like 10 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:04,160 I do now. 11 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:09,640 So I would decide the Saturday before the Sunday how many verses we were going to cover 12 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:10,640 the next day. 13 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:17,120 Depending on how much time I had to prepare would determine how deep we would go into 14 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:18,680 a particular text. 15 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:24,360 Since I've been full time, I like to spend a few weeks every year just kind of outlining 16 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:27,720 where we will go for the next year or so. 17 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:34,600 So last February a year ago, I outlined the sermons through June of this year. 18 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:39,080 Not knowing what my life was going to look like, not knowing what our church would look 19 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:44,520 like, but just trusting the Lord that this is where we would go. 20 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:51,080 Here in the next few weeks, I will begin that process again and try to outline another year's 21 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,440 worth of sermons. 22 00:01:53,440 --> 00:02:00,840 Now Sina was in my office this week, not because she was in trouble, but just because she was 23 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:07,680 in visiting with me and she was asking me what the text was this week and I told her 24 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:11,360 it was about divorce. 25 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:15,280 And she said, well, that's ironic. 26 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,280 It's ironic. 27 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:22,440 Not because we are getting a divorce or would consider a divorce, but because we've been 28 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:29,640 in a hard season, a season of growth, a season of learning new things, a season of breaking 29 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,840 some old habits. 30 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:39,920 I also didn't consider that this is the first Sunday after Valentine's Day. 31 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:44,080 So there's no greater way of celebrating love than talking about divorce. 32 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,800 Am I right? 33 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:52,280 Now I know there has to be others that would rather me be talking about anything other 34 00:02:52,280 --> 00:03:00,280 than marriage and divorce this morning because things might be a little tense in your house. 35 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,640 But this is why I like going through books of the Bible. 36 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:09,920 This is why I like outlining passages in advance because it forces me to deal with the text. 37 00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:14,760 And not one person can think that I am pointing them out for anything. 38 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,480 It's not like something happened this week and I was like, oh, I'm going to write a sermon 39 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:18,840 about that. 40 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,340 That's not how it works. 41 00:03:20,340 --> 00:03:24,520 So this morning we're going to be looking at two verses, but really what we are going 42 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:30,240 to be looking at is what does the whole Bible say about marriage and divorce? 43 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:35,800 And hopefully as we walk out of here in just a little bit, we'll have a better understanding 44 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:40,240 of why Jesus was addressing this topic with his disciples. 45 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,680 So I'm going to invite Isabelle up here this morning to read our passage. 46 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:47,720 She's going to be reading Matthew chapter 5, 31 through 32. 47 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:51,560 If you are up for it and able and willing, we'd love for you to stand as we honor the 48 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:56,560 Lord's word together. 49 00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:01,400 It was also said that whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. 50 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:05,040 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual 51 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:10,160 immorality, makes her commit adultery and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. 52 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:11,160 Amen. 53 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:12,160 Let's pray. 54 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:13,640 Father, we pray right now over this text. 55 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,320 We pray that it will make sense to us. 56 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,720 We pray that we will apply it. 57 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:22,400 We pray that we will understand it in a way that brings honor and glory to you. 58 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,400 Thank you for Isabelle. 59 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:26,800 Thank you for just how you're growing her and her willingness to read your word in front 60 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:27,800 of our church today. 61 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:28,800 We pray you bless her for it. 62 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,360 We ask all these things in Jesus' name. 63 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:31,360 Amen. 64 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:35,360 Thanks, Ezi. 65 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:39,640 So we're 30 verses in so far to the Sermon on the Mount. 66 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:46,040 If Christ hasn't stirred up enough of a hornet's nest so far in dealing with the law and adultery 67 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:52,080 and lust and those things, He's just going to continue to make things uncomfortable. 68 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:57,860 And so again, because of this text, we need to look back and understand what the Old Testament, 69 00:04:57,860 --> 00:05:03,560 we need to understand what Jesus was referencing in this sermon to His disciples. 70 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,080 Once again, He's not going to throw away the law. 71 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:10,920 He's not getting rid of the law or changing the law, but He's going to give us a complete 72 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:11,920 understanding. 73 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:18,720 So what Jesus says in verse 32 is that the only acceptable reason for a divorce is because 74 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:21,720 of sexual immorality. 75 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:26,320 God did not command divorce, but He did permit it. 76 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:34,280 God's ideal is reconciliation, even if there is infidelity, even if there is adultery. 77 00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:38,880 The classic example of this is Hosea and his wife, Gomer. 78 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,400 Gomer wasn't faithful to Hosea. 79 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:47,680 Time and time again was betraying Hosea, but Hosea forgave her and their home was restored. 80 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:53,760 Listen, there is far too many foolish excuses today for divorce. 81 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:59,320 The most used is, I just don't love her anymore. 82 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:04,080 Since the feeling of love is gone, we just need to get a divorce. 83 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:09,000 And I need you to hear me say, love does not strengthen marriage, but your marriage will 84 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,720 strengthen your love. 85 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:15,400 When we think of love, we think of it as an emotion. 86 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,840 But love is a commitment. 87 00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:21,480 Christians, if you're a believer, you don't have a choice about loving. 88 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,680 We are commanded to love. 89 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,800 We don't just love when things are going well. 90 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,640 We are to love when things aren't. 91 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:36,160 We need to understand that when God created marriage back in Genesis chapter two, he says 92 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:41,160 that you are to leave your father, you're to leave your mother, you're to hold fast 93 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:45,120 to your spouse, and you become one flesh. 94 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:51,640 It was God's intention that we go into a marriage thinking of it as more than just moving into 95 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:53,520 a house together. 96 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,600 More than just changing addresses. 97 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:59,160 This is a lifelong commitment. 98 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:05,520 That's why I often will turn people down who want me to marry them. 99 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:10,280 If I do not feel like it's a God-honoring relationship, then I'm going to make sure and 100 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:16,040 tell them I don't feel like it's a God-honoring relationship and I can't be a part of it. 101 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:21,360 If they are unwilling to honor the Lord before their marriage, I know that there's going 102 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:28,320 to be little hope for them to honor him during their marriage when things get real. 103 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:31,680 Does that make it a little harder on the couple when it comes to planning a wedding because 104 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:35,600 now they got to go find somebody else to do it for them? 105 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:36,760 Probably. 106 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:40,320 But going into a marriage shouldn't be easy. 107 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:41,880 It shouldn't always be easy. 108 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:45,160 This is the problem that Jesus is addressing. 109 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:50,080 The Pharisees allow divorce for almost any reason. 110 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:55,760 In Deuteronomy chapter 24, it reads, when a man takes a wife and marries her and then 111 00:07:55,760 --> 00:08:03,560 she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her. 112 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:09,520 So that passage in Deuteronomy chapter 24, because of that text, it created this big 113 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,400 debate amongst the Jews. 114 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:18,480 They began to try and determine what the Lord meant with that word indecency, that word 115 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:19,880 indecent. 116 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:27,320 The most conservative teacher said that it meant adultery or he discovered that she wasn't 117 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:30,280 a virgin when they were married. 118 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,360 That was one side of the debate. 119 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:37,000 The other side of the debate was that she made her husband unhappy in some ways. 120 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,500 It could be that she couldn't have any children. 121 00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:41,520 It could be that she was disobedient. 122 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:45,760 It could be that she was a nag or maybe she was constantly burning dinner. 123 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:52,080 But whatever reason is, he found somebody that he did not like or he found somebody 124 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,040 else that he preferred over her. 125 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:59,400 Now it was the second more liberal view that was held by the majority of the Jews at the 126 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,640 time, at least the majority of the men. 127 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:09,880 And so if the wife displeased her husband in any way, then he gave her a contract of divorce 128 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,080 and said, let this be your letter of dismissal. 129 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,680 Let this be your deed of liberation. 130 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:20,760 So now you can go and marry somebody else, whatever man you wish. 131 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:26,160 This was the law for society then, but it also remains today as well. 132 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:31,480 If you cannot live with your spouse, if you just can't see eye to eye and you aren't a 133 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:35,480 Christian, you still can't simply desert them. 134 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:41,160 You have to go through the necessary actions, the necessary paperwork to make it official. 135 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:46,560 Now even our society is trying to protect the institution of marriage to provide a waiting 136 00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:48,600 period so to speak. 137 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:52,800 So just to make it a little more difficult than just saying, see you later, I'm out of 138 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:53,800 here. 139 00:09:53,800 --> 00:10:01,440 Now this passage, when Jesus is addressing the Jewish law, is for men. 140 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:05,920 Because women in this day and age, they didn't have a right to divorce. 141 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,880 They didn't really have any rights whatsoever. 142 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:15,080 That isn't the case today as women have equal rights under our law. 143 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:20,120 The other thing that we need to remember is that adultery was a capital offense under 144 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,560 Jewish law. 145 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:26,720 You didn't become a divorcee if your spouse cheated on you. 146 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,160 You became a widower. 147 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:32,640 There's less paperwork that way. 148 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:38,880 What this says is that the only acceptable reason for two Christians to divorce, and 149 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:43,120 remember this is for two believers, is for adultery. 150 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,640 And that permits remarriage. 151 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:48,440 But let's look at Jesus' higher standard. 152 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,880 Let's look at his higher standard. 153 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:56,160 In Matthew 19, Jesus is, he's approached by the Pharisees and they asked him if it was 154 00:10:56,160 --> 00:11:00,280 lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause. 155 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:05,760 He then explains to them, Genesis chapter 2, where God created marriage and he says, 156 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:11,200 what God has joined together, let no man separate. 157 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,120 Well they didn't like that answer. 158 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:14,640 They didn't like that response. 159 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:21,120 So they come back at him with, well then why did Moses give us the command or to give us 160 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:24,480 a certificate of divorce to our spouse? 161 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:30,040 And Jesus says it was because of the hardness of your heart. 162 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:34,360 Hardness allowed divorce because you have a hard heart. 163 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,000 Now hardness of heart is a sin. 164 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:44,520 When someone refuses to think past their own emotions, they refuse to think past their 165 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:50,360 own feelings and they become closed off to the heart of God, they're closed off to any 166 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:55,600 sort of counsel, they are living with a hard heart. 167 00:11:55,600 --> 00:12:02,200 In other words, if you have made up your mind and nothing is going to change it, you have 168 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:09,640 become closed off to God doing a work in your life and you are living in sin. 169 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:13,720 And for the Jews, that happened far too often. 170 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:17,720 Now Jesus brings us back to the heart of marriage. 171 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:25,440 He reminds them in Matthew 19 that marriage is not just a legal contract, it's a covenant. 172 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:34,320 Now, our society has proven that legal contracts can be broken frequently and if that is how 173 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:40,720 we view our marriages, if that's how we, when we're walking down the aisle looking forward 174 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:44,440 to a legal contract, if that's how we view our marriages, there isn't a whole lot of 175 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:45,680 hope. 176 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:54,080 When we stand before our families as a husband and a wife and we recite vows to one another, 177 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:57,960 they are making a commitment for the rest of their lives. 178 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,600 This isn't, shouldn't be taken on a whim. 179 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:04,640 When a couple gets married, it's usually good. 180 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:07,440 That's usually one of the best days of their life, right? 181 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,480 The bad times haven't come yet. 182 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,280 The sickness hasn't come yet. 183 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,840 The job loss, the insurance claims, they haven't come. 184 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:18,360 So it's easy to make those vows. 185 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,800 It's easy to make that commitment. 186 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:24,480 There have been times in my life where I've broken my vows. 187 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:30,200 Now, I was looking at my, our vows yesterday and I've realized, man, I've broken a few 188 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,600 of them. 189 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:42,120 If my, there have been times where I have failed to place my wife's needs above my own. 190 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:50,160 And if my marriage was just a legal contract, Sina would have every right to divorce me. 191 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,400 But it's not, we made a covenant. 192 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:55,680 Before we got married, we said divorce is not an option. 193 00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:59,320 So what that makes us do is it makes us work it out. 194 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:02,240 There's no, there's no exit ramp on this thing. 195 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,520 We're either going to be miserable or we're going to work it out. 196 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:12,280 When Jesus says that what God has joined together, let no man separate, that includes me. 197 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:13,800 That includes her. 198 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,160 He wasn't just talking about outside forces. 199 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,400 He wasn't just talking about culture. 200 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:25,120 That means I need to get over the hardness of my heart when I'm angry. 201 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:30,280 I need to get over it when my head starts wandering about what my life would look like 202 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:31,280 without her. 203 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:39,600 Now, I don't know if you've ever been there, but if I'm not careful, my mind can take me 204 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:45,520 to some dark places where I begin to think that maybe my life would be better off without 205 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:48,360 her. 206 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:52,000 In the middle of a fight, in the middle of an argument, in the season of just not getting 207 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,000 along. 208 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,560 If I'm not careful, my mind will wander and I'll begin to think my life would be better 209 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:59,880 off without her. 210 00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:04,280 If all I have is a legal contract, that doesn't carry much weight. 211 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:09,200 I have to remember that God has called us to a covenant. 212 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:15,200 And inside a covenant, the commitment goes way beyond the law. 213 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:21,160 Jesus' higher standard is that marriage reflects a holy relationship. 214 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:28,720 As a husband, I am supposed to love Sina just like Christ loves his people, just like he 215 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,000 loves the church. 216 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:37,560 If Christ just loved us legally, then we would all be condemned to die because we fail him 217 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,240 all the time. 218 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,720 We don't hold up our end of the bargain all the time. 219 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:50,120 He break his law often and he has every right as a just judge to condemn us to hell. 220 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:59,120 Instead, he sacrificially loves, loves right to the point where he laid down his life for 221 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,040 our sin. 222 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:09,000 He laid down his life for us so that we could be in relationship with the Father. 223 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:14,920 Instead of all of our sin, he willingly chose to die for us. 224 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,760 Why? 225 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:20,680 Because God has made a covenant with his people. 226 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:25,640 Now back in the Old Testament, during that time period, when you made a covenant with 227 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:31,200 somebody, it was as serious as death. 228 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,840 There was this big ritual, big ordeal. 229 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:38,000 You would take animals and you would cut them in half. 230 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:43,720 And you and the person that you were making an agreement with would walk in between them. 231 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:48,920 What that meant was, if one of you broke the covenant that was being made, your fate would 232 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,440 be similar to the animals that were split in half. 233 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:58,280 I think we should bring this back to marriage ceremonies. 234 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:07,840 Just bring that into the church and... maybe not. 235 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:14,400 Genesis 15, God makes a covenant with Abraham. 236 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,880 Just very similar to that. 237 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:22,640 The difference is that God was the only one who passed through the split carcasses. 238 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:28,800 What God was saying is that even though you were going to be unable to fulfill this covenant, 239 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:34,840 even though you're going to mess this up over and over again, I'm still going to pass through 240 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:39,560 this thing because I'm able to keep the covenant. 241 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:45,640 So that means that my marriage and your marriage reflects how God feels about us. 242 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:53,960 I am to love Sina and sacrifice her for her even when she wrongs me. 243 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:59,000 Even when she speaks to me in a tone that I don't like. 244 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:04,640 Even when she messes up and leaves a chapstick in the laundry and I get grease stains all 245 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:09,480 over my clothes. 246 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:15,280 Even when she doesn't show me love the way I would prefer, I'm still supposed to sacrifice 247 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:18,360 for her and I'll be real honest with you. 248 00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:26,160 There are times that it is so hard for me to love her and it's not because of her. 249 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,520 It's because of the hardness of my heart. 250 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:36,600 But I'm reminded in those moments that it wasn't easy for Jesus. 251 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:41,800 It wasn't easy for Jesus to carry the cross up that hill to die for me. 252 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:47,800 So I can and I should forgive her when things aren't ideal. 253 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,240 I will be the first to tell you. 254 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:56,040 Sina will be the second to tell you that I failed to love her at times like Christ loves 255 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,400 me. 256 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:03,040 That's why I'm so grateful for the grace that not only God gives me but the grace that 257 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,480 Sina gives me. 258 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:09,160 Because she understands that I'm not perfect. 259 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:12,960 She understands that this is a covenant that we entered into. 260 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:17,840 We have walked between the carcasses together, so to speak. 261 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:25,720 Nothing has brought more sanctification to my life than being married and having children. 262 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:31,480 The scriptures often refers to the church as the bride of Christ, which means that 263 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:36,960 my relationship with Sina is a symbol of his relationship to us. 264 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:42,960 Now what I've realized in my marriage is my pride comes out at times in my relationship. 265 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:46,200 My selfishness at times comes out in my relationship. 266 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:50,760 My hard-heartedness has come out of in my relationship. 267 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:57,240 And if I care at all about my marriage, I'm going to put those things to death. 268 00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:02,560 And as believers, we need to do the same thing with our relationship to the Lord. 269 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,280 That's Jesus' standard about marriage. 270 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:12,120 But far too often, even as believers, we fail to live up to that standard. 271 00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:16,280 So let's consider the impact of divorce. 272 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:22,720 If you break a covenant, not a legal contract, but if you break a covenant, there are lasting 273 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:25,960 consequences to that decision. 274 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:29,800 This goes beyond a broken promise. 275 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:33,720 We should feel the weight of a broken covenant. 276 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:39,960 Marriage vows are not the only victims when it comes to divorce. 277 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:47,200 The comedian Nate Barghetti says that his wife comes from a divorce family. 278 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:52,560 And he believes that decision has been the hardest on him because now he has to go to 279 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:56,080 two different families for the holidays. 280 00:20:56,080 --> 00:21:00,560 Now he was joking, but there's a lot of truth in that joke, isn't there? 281 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:05,520 When divorce happens, there are more people involved than just the husband and the wife. 282 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,520 Many times there are kids involved. 283 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,080 There are friends that have to pick sides. 284 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:15,720 There are relationships within laws that just cease to exist. 285 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:19,800 Divorce brings all kinds of broken relationships with it. 286 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:25,720 I've been at lunch with people over the years where the ex-father-in-law walks in. 287 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:29,880 It creates some tension, like you can feel the tension. 288 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,360 You know what I'm talking about? 289 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:35,440 They aren't usually happy to see each other. 290 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:39,680 And what ends up happening is a bunch of awkwardness and avoidance. 291 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,920 That doesn't seem like a great way to live for me. 292 00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:48,680 Now I like, if you know me well, I like awkward situations as much as the next guy. 293 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:52,200 But that seems a little too much, even for me. 294 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:58,920 If Sina and I were to ever break up, which we aren't because it's not an option, right? 295 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:05,600 It would be really awkward for me to call my mother-in-law around Christmas time and 296 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:09,920 ask her if she could send me the treats that she makes at Christmas time. 297 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:13,280 Because that would be awkward for me. 298 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:18,000 And that would, you know, now knowing her, she would probably do it, but it's still 299 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,000 an awkward conversation. 300 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:22,160 I'm trying to avoid that conversation. 301 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:28,440 Divorce has many victims, but I think the kids are the ones who are affected the most. 302 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:34,520 Studies show that teens from single-parent homes are twice as likely to drop out of high 303 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:35,520 school. 304 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:39,960 They're twice as likely to become teen parents. 305 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:44,040 They're more than twice as likely to end up divorced themselves. 306 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:48,760 I don't think that that's what anybody hopes for the children. 307 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:54,280 And even if you have a great relationship with your ex after a divorce, it still has 308 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,560 a lasting impact on your children. 309 00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:05,400 I've never met a kid that has divorced parents who love splitting time between two homes. 310 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:08,600 Now I've seen some great situations where the parents are divorced and get along for 311 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,240 the most part and they have good lives at both houses, but even those kids, I've never 312 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:15,480 said, man, I love going to dads on the weekend. 313 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,680 I love splitting my time. 314 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:21,080 It just doesn't work that way. 315 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:26,320 I also want you to consider this, divorce rarely brings more happiness. 316 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:31,160 You might not realize it in the moment because we think this is as bad as it gets. 317 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,920 This feeling I have is as bad as it gets, but the grass is not greener on the other 318 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:36,920 side of divorce. 319 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:44,760 In her book, For Better or For Worse, psychologist Mavis Heatherington says that after divorce, 320 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:51,000 only 20% of individuals indicated that their lives had improved. 321 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:55,520 20% said, my life is better after a divorce. 322 00:23:55,520 --> 00:24:02,640 While in 70% of cases, the individuals were in the same or worse emotional and social 323 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,600 condition. 324 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,400 Divorce does not mean more happiness. 325 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:13,480 Divorced adults are more susceptible to severe emotional and psychological problems. 326 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:20,520 Suicide rates for divorced males is four times higher than those that remain married. 327 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:27,760 A study at Yale University says that being divorced and a non-smoker is just slightly 328 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:34,240 less dangerous than smoking a pack or more a day and remaining married. 329 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,040 It affects us. 330 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:39,120 Here's what I know. 331 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:46,400 If you get divorced and remarried and never deal with your own issues, you will get divorced 332 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:54,400 again because that new husband or that new wife is going to expose all of those sinful 333 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,600 ways that the previous one did. 334 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:03,360 The common denominator of divorce is sin. 335 00:25:03,360 --> 00:25:09,520 You have a sin issue just as much as your spouse has a sin issue. 336 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:13,040 Now I don't know how the laws in Iowa are. 337 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:14,040 Haven't come across it yet. 338 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:21,240 In Texas, you can only get married four times. 339 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,000 Only four. 340 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:27,520 We knew this one girl back in La Mesa that was a little younger than us that was about 341 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:30,400 to get married when we got there. 342 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:35,560 Her future in-laws were coming to our church and we found out the wedding was going to 343 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:38,040 be in the mountains of Río de Oceño, Mexico. 344 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:39,360 It wasn't uncommon. 345 00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:41,080 It's a beautiful place. 346 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:44,960 But it does make it more difficult to plan a wedding because it's four and a half hours 347 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,000 away. 348 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:52,280 We learned that the reason they were getting married in New Mexico wasn't because of the 349 00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:58,480 scenery but because legally she couldn't get married in Texas anymore. 350 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:04,400 This was her fifth marriage. 351 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:07,760 Now I think by that time, if you're starting to look at four or five marriages, I think 352 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:08,760 that's the time. 353 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:15,960 We just kind of stop and look in the mirror, maybe take some stock of your life and realize 354 00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:19,200 maybe all the ex-husbands weren't the problem. 355 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:26,640 If you go into a marriage only pursuing happiness, it will betray you quickly. 356 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:31,840 If you leave a marriage in the pursuit of happiness, you will soon realize that a whole 357 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:35,040 new set of problems are going to follow you. 358 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:40,280 Marriage has a lasting impact because a covenant has been broken. 359 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:45,480 You were dealing with a high degree of seriousness when it comes to ending a marriage. 360 00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:49,760 Make sure you consider all your options before you pull the trigger. 361 00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:52,080 That leads me to my last point. 362 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,840 Choose your hard. 363 00:26:54,840 --> 00:27:01,000 Marriage is hard and divorce is hard, so choose wisely. 364 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:06,800 When I think about my marriage over the last 18 years, I would say that it's been really 365 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,560 great. 366 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:13,680 We had a rough start at the beginning, just kind of figuring some things out about each 367 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:20,720 other, but for the most part I would say that 95% of my marriage has been fantastic. 368 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:24,720 Seeing them I disagree, that's my opinion. 369 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:33,280 However, we decided a few months ago that we should go through some marriage mentoring. 370 00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:39,480 The reason I wanted to go through that process before we walked through it with others. 371 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:45,920 I wanted to be able to empathize with any couple that we mentored in the future. 372 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:51,640 It would have been really hard to empathize if we didn't go through that process ourselves. 373 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:59,840 But for 10 weeks we would meet with our mentor couple to try to fix or work on that 5%, and 374 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:03,240 it was not easy. 375 00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:06,200 It created some hard feelings. 376 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,600 There were periods of time that it created distance. 377 00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:16,040 There were times that I was so mad and angry because we were dealing with the 5% instead 378 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:19,800 of focusing on all the good that we had. 379 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:21,480 It took some work. 380 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,000 It was hard. 381 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:27,160 Maybe one of the hardest things that we have ever done in our time together, but I would 382 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:32,160 do it again because my marriage is worth it. 383 00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:38,000 It revealed some things in me that I was ignoring or just plain oblivious to. 384 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,240 Some of you guys can understand that. 385 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:45,760 It revealed some things in Sina that I just wasn't able to find the words to explain to 386 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:46,760 her. 387 00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:53,480 Now that we have put in some work, I feel our marriage is stronger than it was. 388 00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:58,440 Not perfect by any means, but better than it was before we did it. 389 00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:01,040 Marriage takes work. 390 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:05,760 And I would say that if you've never tried to work on your marriage, then don't even 391 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:12,600 consider divorce because that is a whole other set of problems. 392 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,600 Divorce is hard too. 393 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:17,640 You've got custody battles. 394 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:18,840 You've got court appointments. 395 00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:21,360 You're dividing up property. 396 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,840 You're only seeing your kids on the weekends. 397 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,240 I mean, that's a brutal process. 398 00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:31,040 I've seen far too many people brokenhearted because they have to say goodbye to their 399 00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:33,080 kids for a week. 400 00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:39,040 I understand that being in a bad marriage is hard, but divorce isn't any easier. 401 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:43,640 There's no easy button when it comes to life. 402 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:48,880 Now if you're single in here and you hope to get married one day, I hope you will understand 403 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:52,720 that marriage is hard, but it's worth it. 404 00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:56,880 Now one of the non-negotiables that I have, if any couple asks me to marry them, is that 405 00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,760 they go through some premarital counseling. 406 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:04,360 It's important that you lay the foundation before you build the house. 407 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:08,080 Make sure you know what you're signing up for. 408 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:14,720 If you're married in here, I would highly encourage you to put in some work for the 409 00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:16,760 sake of your marriage. 410 00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:21,200 Even if you have a good one, make it better. 411 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:27,800 When was the last time you spent some real time working on your marriage by making it 412 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:28,960 stronger? 413 00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:30,520 Get out of the routine. 414 00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,120 Give your marriage a tune up. 415 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:38,860 I learned this week that if you were to buy a newer car, the newer cars need tuned up 416 00:30:38,860 --> 00:30:44,080 around every 75 to 100,000 miles. 417 00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:50,640 But older cars, they need tuned up every 20,000 miles or so. 418 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:57,840 I'd be willing to bet that many of you who've been married a long time are well past that 419 00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,600 mark in regards to your marriage. 420 00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:03,440 You're well past the 20,000 miles. 421 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,080 You've just learned to deal with it. 422 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,400 You've learned to deal with the noises. 423 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:10,640 You've learned to deal with the leaking fluids. 424 00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:13,960 It's just life. 425 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:17,760 Every marriage needs a tune up. 426 00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:22,520 Now some of you understand that leaking fluids thing. 427 00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:25,120 Signed a tune up. 428 00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:38,640 If you were in a bad marriage, sorry. 429 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:45,320 If you're in a bad marriage and you are tired of pretending that it is something that it's 430 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:50,300 not, you're tired of putting on a fake smile. 431 00:31:50,300 --> 00:31:52,200 You're tired of pretending that everything's okay. 432 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:55,520 I would encourage you to let us help you. 433 00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:59,520 We have several couples in this church that would be happy to walk with you as you try 434 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:01,320 to make it better. 435 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:05,120 But it's going to be hard and it's going to take some work. 436 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:09,300 But again, I believe that it is worth it. 437 00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:17,920 If you are divorced, I want you to hear me say this, divorce and adultery aren't the 438 00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:21,040 unforgivable sin. 439 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:28,280 If violating God's perfect plan for our world excluded us from the kingdom of heaven, none 440 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,800 of us would qualify. 441 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:39,680 I do not believe that it is God's plan though for your life to stay in an abusive relationship. 442 00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:44,400 If you are staying in an abusive marriage because you are worried about God sending 443 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:49,440 you to hell, I need you to hear me say that. 444 00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,560 Please seek help. 445 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:56,480 But please don't continue to let yourself or your children be abused. 446 00:32:56,480 --> 00:33:02,680 Now depending on the type of abuse should determine the speed at which things change. 447 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:08,880 If you are in physical danger, if your children are in physical danger, something needs to 448 00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:12,040 change today. 449 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:17,200 I will drop, there's people that will drop whatever we are doing today to help you. 450 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:18,920 It needs to change today. 451 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:26,640 If you are in an emotional abuse, if you are in a marriage where there is emotional abuse, 452 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:32,520 let us walk with you through that to see if we can help you get to a better situation. 453 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:37,200 But we all need to remember that when you put two sinners into the same house, there 454 00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:39,800 is going to be issues. 455 00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:44,120 You put two sinners together, there is going to be some problems. 456 00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:47,920 But here is what we all need to be aware of and here is what we all need to understand. 457 00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:54,000 The issue with all of our relationships, the problem with all of our relationships is a 458 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:57,560 sin issue. 459 00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:00,600 Pride seems to flare up. 460 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:04,560 Selfishness seems to show up. 461 00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,800 Hard heartedness seems to show up. 462 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,520 All symptoms of sin. 463 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:16,600 And so I don't know what your marriage is like. 464 00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:24,240 But if you are having some issues, it is because you have some sin issues. 465 00:34:24,240 --> 00:34:29,840 And so what better way, what better time to confess those things today? 466 00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:37,520 What better day to take a step to improving our marriage situations than today? 467 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:41,160 Maybe it is a little uncomfortable for you? 468 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:45,000 Maybe you are mad at me right now because I am talking about it? 469 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:48,000 Because you know on the way home your spouse is going to talk about saying hey we need 470 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,880 to take some steps and you are not ready? 471 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:57,640 My hope for you would be that you start praying right now that God would soften your heart, 472 00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:04,160 that He would change you. 473 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:13,480 If we don't deal with our sin issues, our marriages have no shot, no hope. 474 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:18,720 And so we are going to sing one more song together. 475 00:35:18,720 --> 00:35:25,320 We are going to have time to respond to the Lord together. 476 00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:31,160 We will do it in a second. 477 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:34,360 Let me pray for us. 478 00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:38,600 Father right now I pray that you will just be in our midst. 479 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:43,280 I pray that you will speak to our hearts. 480 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:48,640 I pray that you will give us soft hearts towards one another. 481 00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:56,160 I pray God that as we sing and as we respond that you will just move in this place. 482 00:35:56,160 --> 00:36:04,880 That your Holy Spirit would fall on this room and speak to our hearts. 483 00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:06,200 I pray God that your will be done. 484 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:09,240 I pray that you will strengthen our marriages. 485 00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:17,920 As our marriages are strengthened, our community will be strengthened. 486 00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:21,720 I pray Father that your will be done in our life. 487 00:36:21,720 --> 00:36:22,920 We ask all these things in Jesus' name. 488 00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:40,920 Amen.