It has often been said that marriage has a 50% chance of success.
Recent statistics show that both marriage rates and divorce rates in the U.S. are decreasing.
But is this a good trend?
C.S. Lewis is quoted as saying,
Love is not merely a feeling.
It is a deep unity maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit,
reinforced by the grace which both partners receive from God.
And it's on this love that the engine of marriage is run.
In this episode of Keep It 100,
we will run with the core values that have cultivated our connection
and it's spicy when things go bland.
What's up, Keep It 100 Tribe?
This is Daniel from Toronto, Canada,
and I got a message for you real quick.
Don't wait until the end of this podcast to subscribe.
My metrics from Spotify came in,
and the hottest pod, Ghosts of None Other, then Keep It 100 with Sean and Christa Smith.
Hey everybody, welcome to another sit down with Sean and Christa Smith.
Thank you for joining us,
and we are so excited about this really fun segment.
We can promise you we're going to have a blast today.
You know, Sean, isn't it crazy that we're already at the end of 2020?
Yes, and this year has gone so slow and so fast at the same time.
It is so true.
I feel like literally we are already here at the end.
I'm like, wait, what?
And then there are moments that felt like the days were so long.
It's been the weirdest year of my life, right?
For all of us.
This has just been so bizarre.
Facts.
The fact we're still in this as we're wrapping up 2020 is like,
I really didn't see this coming.
I just have to be honest.
And it really does feel like there are moments when it was like snail pace slow,
and other times when it was like Usain Bolt in the Olympics for Jamaica Fast.
Oh my goodness.
I tell you what, it's so true.
Well, I want to dive in today because we're talking about probably one of my favorite
topics and it's the topic of marriage.
Yep.
Real talk, wedlock here.
We're talking about marriage.
And it's funny because I read this article, Christa, and it's the oddest museum I've ever
heard of.
And keep it 100 tribe.
I believe it will be the oddest museum you've ever heard of.
Okay, I'm ready.
In the Croatia capital city of Zagreb, it is the home for an unusual museum.
This article describes it is the museum of failed relationships.
That's what the whole museum is about.
That's what it's about.
That's hilarious.
It was founded by two Zagreb artists after the end of their romantic relationships.
Perrin laughed about Senegal Museum to showcase their many shared objects that now hold complicated
memories.
And then after a while, I began to catch on.
This is real odd, right?
Oh my gosh.
Right.
They started collecting items from friends and visitors to their growing number of gallery
exhibits that soon had over a thousand items each with a story on their hands.
What?
Yeah, you want to hear what some of the collection.
The collection includes a shiny new axe used to splinter the furniture of an ex-lover one
item per day.
That is hilarious.
Another item they had a pink fur covered handcuffs with no description given nor needed.
Hello, somebody.
We don't need that description.
Nope.
And they had a scarred, partially crushed lawn gnome that was hurled at the car of a
departing husband.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, so time out.
I got to really track with this because I want to make sure I'm catching this and definitely
are keeping 100 tribe or catches.
So we have two people that had a relationship, two artists.
They, it sounds like they did it for quite a few years.
They break up and they're laughing about the fact that they could create a museum with all
the sentimental things, kind of the objects that they shared in their relationship.
And the trend caught on that people started donating to the museum from all the objects
from their broken relationships.
Yep.
That is so funny.
So the museum is dedicated to all the objects of failed relationships.
Can you imagine?
Like you're the museum guide and you go, that crowbar right there was used to break my ex-lover's
windshield.
I love the gnome.
The half broken gnome has to be possibly my favorite that it was hurled at the car of
a departing husband.
Oh my gosh.
That's hilarious.
You have this feeling that during this time of quarantine, either now when we get out of
it, there might be a whole bunch of new artifacts added.
Right.
But hopefully you're coming out of this season with no artifacts to add to this museum.
That would be the goal.
But the struggle is real.
Oh yeah.
It, you know, it is real.
And that's actually why Sean, you know this, we're talking about this today, because recently
we've had a lot of conversations with married couples all over the nation that have contacted
us, people that we're in relationship with, and they are just going through really real
hard times.
And there's just difficulty in the moment that we're in in history.
And because we're in such difficult time, you know, they're just wanting an outside
perspective.
People they, they know people they have a relationship with like us and they're saying,
how do we navigate this stuff?
And so, you know, it's really caught our attention of so many people in struggles.
And we're, you and I, we started kind of talking about it.
And we were kind of agreeing that social distancing and staying home really are the
keys to reducing transmission of COVID.
But they've caused a lot of disruption and disunity in couples and family routines.
And, you know, this quarantine, because it's been such a pressure cooker, it's exposed cracks
in people's relationships.
And the tension created by this, it's been a forced isolation on couples and families.
It's caused a very real tension and very real struggle for a lot of people because,
you know, rising tensions is really normal.
It's kind of par for the course in the midst of, you know, forced isolation.
So true.
But because so many families and couples routines have been upended, you know, their work
looks different, school looks different.
They can't go to the gym, they can't travel, all their weekend previous engagements don't
exist.
You know, it's like life as we knew it is no longer.
And in that, people are kind of looking at what's my new normal and they're finding
themselves always with the same people with no diversion from that.
There's very little diversion, which has caused a lot of issues.
That's true.
Also on the trend, tragically, is even domestic violence has worsened amidst COVID and quarantine.
I was even reading an article where now they even have a national day calling attention
of trying to reduce or domestic violence awareness against women that have taken place.
And the truth be told, without the buffer of our routines and our sometimes over scheduled
lives, previously existing issues got out of hand, out of proportion.
Fuses are shorter now.
People are stuck together longer and with more stress.
And I was also reading this other article, Christa, that family law experts predict a spike
in divorce filings after the quarantine ends.
And they're making this prediction based on China's a little bit ahead of us in the
quarantine.
And when their quarantine ended in China, they saw a spike in divorce filing.
So they're predicting that for the United States of America.
But I just want to say to our Keep It 100 tribe, don't draw any conclusions during this time
and don't make any big decisions, especially not before listening to the rest of these
five weeks.
Come on.
And we just want you to know this episode is going to be filled with practical tools on how to
really go after a marriage that is satisfying and fulfilling because we're going to share
some hard stuff today.
We're going to share, we've shared some hard stats and you could go, wow, that's really
like depressing to Sean and Christa.
We want you to know, don't be swayed by stats.
We simply bring up data and research because Sean and I love data and research in the sense
of it gives a gauge over what's the struggle right now.
It simply gives like a portion of what's a reality of a trend right now.
But we want to declare over you as a listener, it's not going to be your trend.
This is not going to be your reality.
We're going to give you some really practical things that we believe are going to help you
today.
Another article and it's very interesting because we're talking about keeping your love
amidst a quarantine.
Yeah.
They had this article about how long it takes for romance chemicals to dissipate,
which is interesting because they say a lot of marriages begin to hit problems after year
one and especially after year two.
So anyway, these scientists who are researchers at the University of Pavia,
they studied the brain chemistry of the newly love struck and they found that there are certain
chemicals that are elevated.
Get this when the love is new.
Wow.
So they found that this NGF, they're calling it nerve growth factor was hiring people who
reported just falling in love when compared to a single person or to those in long term
relationships.
And they studied that after about a year, the subjects NGF again, nerve growth factor
levels fell back to normal and then they found that after the first years of wedded bliss,
some discontentment began to surface and a poll of 5,000 married couples found that men
and women began to take their marriage for granted after two years.
Okay.
Wait.
So let me again, I'm the break it down person.
I'm like, okay, let me understand what you just, because what you just said is actually
powerful, but I don't want anyone to miss it.
So, you know, the first year of someone falling in love that, that bubble, that bliss that
you fork feeling of like new, new love and that feeling that we all love, right?
And then it begins to go back to normal after a year.
You actually have a chemical in your brain.
That's right.
That actually is you fork it's elevated when it's new and after a year, your brain actually
goes what it's called back to normal.
And when people view that after a year sensation, they're viewing it as like, oh, I'm not really
in love with that person anymore.
When actually it's just matured.
That's right.
Your love is mature.
Right.
You're, you haven't, you haven't lost it.
You've lost a love.
It's just matured.
It's gone from that you fork, puppy love, newness, honeymoon to actually, I'm, this
is my normal.
I've actually settled into this relationship.
It's actually safe because there is you fork and yes, that's fun, but there's a maturity
and a vulnerability that comes in the safety of that relationship.
That's right.
Because love can't be based on a chemical.
It must be based on a choice.
Ooh, say that.
I love that.
You know, just to keep kind of adding to some interesting data that we discovered, you know,
they took a recent poll of couples in quarantine and only 18% reported that they're satisfied
with the communication during this quarantine time.
That means 82% are not satisfied with the communication and their marriage at this time.
Wow.
I mean, that's, that's staggering.
That's alarming.
That is so alarming.
And another alarming statistic is all those 25% of married couples are spending 35 plus
hours together, which means a minimum of 35 hours together, which is more than normal because
people aren't going to work that are, they're working from home together.
Only 29% reported satisfaction with the amount of quality time they spend together.
Now, isn't that interesting?
Very interesting.
Because I think what people have to understand is just because you're in proxy with someone,
doesn't mean you're connecting with them.
And I know that firsthand because I'm a quality time person.
That's your love language.
And we had to discover that in our marriage because we're traveling together, we're doing
ministry together, we're flying across the country together and sitting next to each other for a
six hour flight.
And we would laugh because you would, I'd feel like I would say to you after a flight or after a
ministry trip, we've spent the entire weekend together and you know this, we're already laughing.
I would be like, I just feel like we haven't spent any time together.
And it's true.
And that was very puzzling to me because I'm like, hey, we just spent all this ministry time,
we're together on a flight the entire way.
And then I began to realize kind of the importance of quality time doesn't just mean we're sitting
next to each other, but that there is an intentional, non-distracted place where we're giving each
other our hearts and our communication and our love.
And I began to learn you helped me out with that.
Ah, well, you're an amazing listener and you, you know, you lean into me and you're willing
to learn, right?
But I had to learn that you guys, you know, to all our listeners.
I had to learn that I was, you know, I'm saying this to my husband.
I'm like, why, I know in the natural, I know that we're spending all this time together,
but why am I, why am I not feeling connected?
And I realized just doing stuff with him for ministry, I love it.
And it does bond us and it's amazing and I wouldn't want to share it with anyone else.
But as a wife and as a woman, I want my husband to connect with me on an emotional level.
I want to have conversations about what's on my heart.
I want to process things with him.
I want to cuddle with him.
I want to just spend just uninterrupted time where I don't have to share him with the world
or with the pulpit.
I just get Sean all to myself.
That's my quality time.
And I just, I get a part of him that no one else gets and that's what I'm craving.
And I want him to have that part of me that no one else gets, right?
That's that quality time.
And that, that quality time really does begin to fortify a love during a season like this.
It sure does.
Hey, keep it 100.
We're excited because we're heading into the 100% segment,
also known as the Hondo P segment.
Well, we kind of want to open up this segment by saying,
Christian, I actually feel like we've thrived during this season.
We have.
And it's really been good.
We were just saying how much we enjoy each other's company, how you're my best friend.
And it hasn't been that we haven't had disagreements.
Right.
It's not that we haven't had, even today, we kind of had a bit of disagreement.
We did.
Talked about it.
Yep.
Both came to each other.
I was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Right.
Just getting ready for the marriage talk.
But we didn't sweep anything underneath the carpet.
We talked about it.
That's right.
So then we began to ask ourselves, why have we thrived during this challenging and stressful
season?
So, Christian, let me ask you, why do you think we thrive during this challenging and stressful
season?
I love that.
It's a great question.
You know, I think a lot of it has to do with our story.
And we got married older and I knew what life was without you.
You knew what life was like without me.
I think that allowed us to come into our marriage with a deep gratitude.
And I think the gratitude has really led us to this.
And that is, we really give 100% to our marriage every day.
So true.
So I would say the reason we've thrived is because gratitude has provoked in us to give
100%.
And what I mean by 100% is every day we're choosing to love.
Every day we're choosing to prefer.
Every day we're leaning to the other person.
We're intentionally showing empathy and compassion.
We're very slow to react, quick to listen.
There's a patience that you and I consistently give one another.
And there's just a joy in our enjoyment of each other.
We enjoy each other.
We laugh at each other's jokes.
And we're giving 100% of ourselves to the marriage.
There's not a half-hearted approach to who we are in our participation or engagement.
Neither one of us has ever checked out of our marriage.
We're daily committed because we're daily saying, I give you all of who I am.
And that doesn't ever lessen, no matter what.
And you know, a really practical way that I've seen this manifested in my own life is
just as a woman for me, I really had to make sure I was giving 100% in my communication.
And what I call that is mean what I say and say what I mean.
And what I really mean by that is I'm very honest about how I'm feeling about things,
how things affect me.
And I'm really choosing vulnerability and authenticity and my marriage.
I'm not just doing or saying maybe what feels safe.
I'm actually saying, hey, you know what, maybe I shouldn't be feeling that way.
But if I'm really honest, I am feeling this way.
Can we talk about that?
And you're incredibly safe to be able to do that with.
You're very compassionate.
You're kind.
You've created a safe space for me to be able to do that.
But I think it's really important because it's really in our marriage had honest communication
where I'm not making you guess how I feel.
I'm not making you try to figure out where I'm coming from.
And then on the flip side of that, if I say, hey, Sean, I forgive you or you say,
Christa, I forgive you, there is a mean what you say, say what you mean.
We're letting it go.
We're moving on.
There's not a rehash of that.
There is a I forgive you.
We're moving forward and we're committed daily to continue to grow in our marriage.
I 100% agree with that.
And that is facts.
As you were talking about giving it 100%, I love that.
And I feel like part of that given it 100%, Christa, is it you have to give your marriage
more attention than your hobbies.
And in that, I think we've had more time, but part of those stats are telling us that maybe
we've not invested that time intentionally in our spouse and in our family.
And so you have hobbies and everybody has hobbies and they have interests.
And I think it's important to have those, but you have to give your marriage more
attention than your hobbies.
Like it's funny, you can read the gospels.
You don't know what hobby Jesus had, but you know that he had this obsession to give
his life and lay it down for his bride, which is a church and marriage ought to be an example.
It ought to be a picture to the world of how Jesus loved the church.
And so I'd say, Hey, neglect the whole world rather than each other.
Like put other things down, shut off the cell phone, cut off the Netflix, whatever you got to do,
get that quality time, look in your spouse's eye.
And I think one of the things that we've done is that we've taken time and we made sure
that we give our marriage more attention than our hobbies.
I love that.
You know, it is so key what we're talking about because if our Keep It One,
how to try really grabs ahold of what we're sharing today, I really feel like there's just
some foundational, fundamental things that can really change marriages today.
You know, if I added another thing to this part of the conversation, I would say a real
foundational thing for us is keeping it fun.
Keeping it fun.
Because you and I know a happy marriage, you know, has taken a seat next to the humpback
whales on the endangered list.
And you and I have discovered laughter is a secret weapon of any happy marriage.
And you and I, we are like car dance party king and queen.
Like we always have fun music on in the car.
We have fun dance parties.
You're hilarious and always making me laugh.
We can be really silly together.
And we'll just cut it up and just laugh and enjoy each other, laugh at each other's jokes.
And there is a funness and a lightheartedness that I think is so important for a marriage
because the world is so serious.
Life is serious.
It's been a very serious and somber year.
And if you tend to be a more serious person, I want to encourage you, find out what makes
you laugh.
Get that funny movie.
Like get that thing that lightens you up into your life.
And you know, I think it's important for us to have things and people in our life that
unwind us and bring out that lighter side.
And really where your family's actually seeing your full personality.
You don't want the people outside of your family enjoying actually who you are, your
sense of humor, more than the people that you should be doing daily life with.
And they should actually be the ones enjoying that the most more than anyone.
So Sean and I are really intentional.
We laugh all the time.
Every day we're laughing about something.
I mean, laughing, laughing.
And I think that's key.
Laughter helps you change your emotional state.
Yeah, it does.
You know, it doesn't just work in babies.
It works in all humans.
If you can get a baby to laugh, they could be mad that they didn't get their toy or you
had to pull something away.
They weren't supposed to be playing with, but you make them laugh.
It's like it changes the emotional channel.
And so I think laughter, you know, the Bible says laughter do with good like a medicine.
And it really is a medicine for a marriage that could be ailing.
And so I think that's such an important point right along the lines.
I think of one of the things that has helped us thrive during the quarantine in terms of
our marriage is that you have to be very judicial on picking your battles.
And my thing is if it's a small thing, you need to just get Queen Elsa on somebody.
And she's saying the frozen theme, let it go, let it go, let it go.
If it's a small thing, let it go.
Like why get all upset, like stick in the butt, you know, I mean, you're just,
you're just going to be grumpy all day over it.
No, not every hill is worth dying for.
And so in the midst of that, you got to understand that your spouse is on your same team.
Come on.
I watch some sports and whenever I see a team beginning to fight with each other on the sidelines,
I know they lost because they're fighting the wrong enemy.
You're not competing against your teammates.
You're competing against the other team.
You got to understand you and your spouse are on the same team.
So what I mean by that is you need to fight for your marriage, not against it.
Oh, come on.
Say that you need to learn even in the midst of that, learn to fight fair, be respectful,
even when you argue, because we know that there's certain buttons and certain things you could say
that could just set off the person.
You got to learn to fight fair.
And also I would, I would even conclude that thought with marriage is often about fighting
the battle between your ears.
And what I mean by that is you got to understand, you got to resist the devil.
There's an element of spiritual warfare that sometimes it's not your spouse making you upset
and all that thing.
You got to understand the devil is piggyback and stressing your life.
And now, because you're not recognizing your fight in invisible battle, you turn it to the
natural and fight your spouse and that's wrong.
So true.
You know, the devil wants to piggyback in intensity of seasons that we're in right now.
You know, there has been what, you know, psychologists call adaptive energy and adaptive energy is when
we're constantly having to adapt.
And because there's so much change, things are fluid, things are changing.
There's not a lot of certainty.
There's not a lot of stability.
And when that is lacking, our adaptive energy is put on demand and adaptive energy actually
makes you really tired.
It makes you feel really weary and we can all agree, none of us are at our best.
We're not our most patient.
We're not the most compassionate.
We're often not the most kind when we're tired and we have to understand the tiredness, the
weariness of this season.
So when you put it in perspective and when you feel the enemy throwing some arrows your way and you
can feel kind of your patients getting thin, recognize your capacity has maybe decreased
on what it was in a previous season where you had space.
So good.
Where you had time to yourself where you had more time, downtime, you weren't as on as much.
You weren't, we're having so much adaptive energy required in your life.
Give yourself some grace.
Maybe recognize you're not able to accomplish the same amount of work you were previously able
to accomplish, give your family more downtime versus trying to still accomplish the same
amount and you're frustrated and you're frazzled, your patience is running out and then you recognize
you're not at your best and then you wonder why there's tension in the relationships.
We have to understand this is an unusual season.
So you have to give yourself some greater parameters so that you can actually thrive.
I love that.
That is so good.
And you know what?
We said we're going to keep it spicy.
So I'm going to keep it spicy.
I'm going to throw in there too.
One of the things I believe that's helped us during this quarantine time and I believe it's
important in any marriage is you have to enjoy an active, intimate life.
What?
As Marvin Gaye says, let's get it on.
Come on.
You know what I'm talking about because if you don't have an active, intimate life,
you're going to slide in the roommate territory.
Come on.
You're just sharing a house.
You're just sharing a room.
You're sharing a bed.
And yes, it is about what happens in between the sheets, as one song said back in the day,
but it's really about intentionally dating your spouse.
Right.
It's just doing something for fun.
You know, like whatever we've said many times, hey, I got to run to the mall.
You want to come?
Yeah, let's just go together or, hey, I've got to run some errands.
Would you come with me?
You want to go get something to eat?
Do some takeout?
Obviously we've done a lot of takeouts, y'all.
But I think it's so important to enjoy an active, intimate life.
The Bible even talks about do not deprive one another except for mutual consent and to
understand your body's not your own now.
Your body also belongs to your spouse, biblically speaking, the scripture that backs that.
And I think it's so important, and I know men have heard this, but if you know today,
I feel like some men really need to be reminded it's more than just a physical act.
For women, it is emotional.
And to not be in a hurry, I think that's really important.
There's something about lingering in the time of enjoying one another, lingering in conversation,
or just even in the silence, just lingering in the company, not being in a hurry in the act,
or even after the act, of just recognizing the importance of just enjoying one another.
Because for a woman, it is the emotional spiritual connection that is a byproduct of the physical.
Yes, the physical act is important.
But for a woman, we're looking for that emotional connection with you.
And I would just also say, I think particularly as guys, to make sure your wife is enjoying it,
make sure that you bring pleasure to your wife.
And I just feel like, hey, let's be intentional about having a communication is what pleases you.
What is it that brings you pleasure?
And let's do those things in a way that we're saying we prefer the other person,
even in our intimate life over ourselves.
And I think that's so important.
I love that.
You know, it's keep it 100 tribe, but as always, we want to give you some takeaways.
And today we have three takeaways about how to keep your love fresh in the midst of quarantine.
You know, the first thing I want to bring you to the table,
just talking about keeping your love fresh and your marriage fresh is not keeping score.
So Sean and I have a core value in our marriage and in the Smith household called no scorekeeping.
And what I mean by that is we are not comparing on who is doing what,
how many one of us is doing, or if the other one's doing this or that,
there is no list Sean and I are living by.
So we are recognizing each of us are putting forth effort and contributing to the marriage
and leaning into one another.
And yes, there are seasons where Sean might be doing more on this or I might be doing more on that,
but we refuse to keep score in the seasons because we recognize that our marriage is not one season.
It is decades, a compilation of two lives that are shared.
And in the compilation, there are going to be seasons of what it looks like in the roles
and even the serving of one another where there's that daily leaning into one another,
but it's also going to look different in the years.
And so here's just a really practical way is Sean and I don't harp on the mistakes of the past.
We don't hold grudges and we don't keep score in the sense of if I'm keeping a list on,
I'm doing this or I'm doing that.
Here's what someone told me once and I thought it was such wisdom.
If you keep score, you'll always come out on top Christa.
And that could not be more true.
You don't know all the small decisions, all the sacrifices.
You don't know the battle that your spouse is going through on that day.
You don't know all the ins and outs of all the effort they put forth just to show up that day,
to, to be present, to be home at a certain time, to, to do that thing that you asked them to do
on that to do list or to do that thing in the house or show up to participate in this, that or
the other, whatever it may be.
And we have to understand if you only keep track of all your effort,
you're going to see all those quiet, silent sacrifices, all the decisions you made.
And you're always going to be like, wow, look at everything I'm doing,
but you're not seeing everything they're doing.
And so if you refuse to keep score, you're allowing an atmosphere that is safe.
Because if someone feels like they are going to fail because they're literally on a test,
it's a pass fail system.
There, there's not a safety in that.
And, and if a lot of personalities, I know want to just quit and resign from even trying
because if they don't feel like they can win, they don't even want to try.
And if you have a score keeping culture in your marriage,
you're actually creating a culture where they don't even want to try anymore.
The second thing I would add to how to keep your love fresh in the midst of quarantine
is not having a culture of punishment.
Say that.
So I want to break this down real quick for you because I think this is a really,
really fundamental aspect of Sean and I's marriage.
You know, a lot of times people are like, you guys are so fresh in the sense of,
you're so lovey-dovey.
You know, Sean and I are really intentional about every day telling each other why we
love each other.
And it may just be one or two things.
Other days, it may be more extravagant than that, but there's a real appreciation and
gratitude and gratefulness to one another.
But there are days where we both do things that the other doesn't like.
We'll say things we the other doesn't like.
There are situations that happen where we're like, no, that's not my favorite thing you've
ever actually done right now.
I don't, I'm not into that.
And yet we never change our affection to the person.
So this is what I mean.
The behavior and the culture between Sean and I of love, appreciation and even verbal
affirmation and physical intimacy does not change based on if we like what the other
person just did.
I know there's some jobs that are dropping right now.
We have a no culture of punishment, which means even if I do something that Sean doesn't
like, I know that I can go over and give Sean a hug and he'll hug me back.
And it's sincere.
It's not stiffed arm.
It's not like, you know, the arms that like aren't engaging.
It's not the awkward arms, you know, not hugging me.
It's the, no, I'm going to hug you.
I'm going to embrace you.
I'm going to engage.
I'm, I still love you, Christa.
I'm still into you.
I'm not going to be passive aggressive and I'm not going to slam a door.
I'm not going to leave a room.
I'm not going to leave the house without telling you that type of behavior is not allowed in
a no culture of punishment home because when you have no culture of punishment, it means
that Sean's never in the doghouse.
I'm never in the doghouse.
We can have disagreements.
We can have conflict, but we're still leaning into each other.
There's still affection.
There's still appreciation and there's still even affirmation because we don't say one
situation affects each other's love or covenant to one another.
We're still seeing each other in the context of who we are.
That's so true.
And I just want to emphasize, Christa and I, we have had disagreements.
Absolutely.
We were just talking about today, one of our arguments and even the one we had today was
about the other one felt dismissed.
Yeah.
That maybe just in that moment, the other one said something, but you know what?
These are core values in the Smith household, no scorekeeping, no culture of punishment.
And now I want to give you the third, keep it 100 takeaway to keep your love fresh in
the midst of a quarantine, no giving up.
Come on.
When I say no giving up, that has to always be important.
You know, right now in the NBA landscape, there were two superstars that both said,
Hey, I don't want to be here.
I want to be traded.
Well, yesterday they both were traded for one another because why you can't have that
in the locker room that one guy is kind of wanted to be on another team, but he's going
to play out the year because they, everyone says it would destroy the morale of the locker
room.
And so the aspect of bouncing peace out, I'm going to walk out.
I'm going to give up.
You got to remove that because you've entered into a holy covenant with that spouse.
And so what will help you in the no giving up is establish a marital work ethic.
They have found that trouble couples can move towards reconciliation through counseling,
married seminars, good books, mentoring relationships, calling up some people, getting some people
to speak into your life.
Hey, take advantage of these outlets.
This is part of establishing a marital work ethic.
Like, Hey, let's just go to a couple's retreat together.
Hey, we're doing good, but let's sit down and have someone speaking to our lives.
Share something with some older couples or talk some godly couples.
We have the benefit of hanging around Christmas folks that have been married over 50 years
and they're going to be spending the holidays with us, but just talking about the things
that they've done that have helped them.
I think the other thing in no giving up is the commitment to stay married.
They found an interviews with couples whose marriages improve.
Some said they didn't necessarily do something extra in the area of work on their marriages.
Instead, they just stood strong or they, in biblical terminology, they endured them.
The couples reported that over time their problems got better.
Now, I'm not talking about trying to outlast your marital problems through stubborn willpower,
but I am talking about a commitment to stay together no matter what.
And when you stay together and you have that as kind of your core value, it can serve as
a foundation for finding ways to improve your marriage.
And I just want to say right now to someone, even you're thinking about giving up, don't
give up, begin to work on it because happiness is not promised by getting free and going
and being with someone else.
Happiness is not really about how you feel.
It's about staying in a place where you've made love the choice, not the chemical.
Ooh, come on.
I love what you just dropped because when our Keep It One Heart Tribe grabs ahold of
what's shared today, truly I believe marriages can and will be changed.
We are our prayer and our hope in this episode is that your marriage is actually transformed
through the application of what's been shared today because we believe marriages were created
to thrive even in pressure cooker seasons.
They can thrive.
Why?
Because God can utilize the most intense situations to create the diamonds and the rough.
And we want you to know that even in the pressure, God is making something beautiful.
As always, Keep It One Heart Tribe, thanks so much for tuning in, for taking the time
to be with us every single Tuesday when a new episode drops.
Make sure and subscribe if you haven't already so you're alerted when a new episode comes
out and continue to rate, review, and refer.
And share links of our episodes on your social media platforms.
Let's get the word out there because we believe these episodes in this podcast can truly disciple
people in wanting to go deeper in their walk with God.
Check us out on www.SeanAndChristasmith.com.
Find us at Facebook at Sean and Christa Smith Ministries.
We love hearing how this podcast has impacted you.
We want to thank you personally that we just got some stats on how many downloads we have
from our representative for our podcast.
And we had a record month and it is being listened to and downloaded all over the globe.
Thank you so much.
You guys are getting the word out.
You're really helping us.
So grateful.
And also Keep It One Heart, you do not want to miss next week because we're going to talk
about the one thing, one thing you need to have in your house.
It's more important than your tree, your bread stuffing, or your presence.
And it will be the game changer this holiday season.
So remember, relief may change your circumstance, but a revelation will change you.