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You know, I had a girlfriend that would sit with my children and let me go through deliverance

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and let me go through inner healing, and I felt like God was tearing me apart.

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It hurt so bad to deal with some of the things that I was dealing with.

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And over a period of about five years, I allowed God to just tear me apart and put me back

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together.

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And He healed me and He healed me and He healed me some more.

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God promises in Joel 2.28 to pour out His Spirit on all humanity.

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Welcome to Global Outpouring, where we contend for that promised outpouring, we equip for

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that outpouring, so that we may engage in that very outpouring.

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I'm Philip Buss.

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And I'm Sharon Buss.

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Welcome to the podcast today.

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We are so glad that you are with us today.

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And we have also with us a very special guest, Olivia Bui.

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And she's going to share with us some of her testimony about overcoming rejection.

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Thanks for joining us today.

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We want to encourage you, if you haven't already done so, to go to our website, globaloutpouring.net,

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and make sure that you have joined our email list so that we can stay in touch with you

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just in case something happens to the internet or something happens to our platforms.

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We want to be able to keep in touch with you.

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And we do love to hear from you.

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If you've got any feedback for us, there's a feedback form on globaloutpouring.net.

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And there's also our email address, feedback at globaloutpouring.org.

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And we'd love to hear from you.

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And you can find all kinds of wonderful things on our website.

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Our bookstore is just awesome.

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And we have blogs and devotionals, all kinds of things that will help you to grow in God

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and help to prepare you to participate in the things that God is doing in these days

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as His glory is increasing in the earth.

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So Olivia Bui, we are so happy to have you with us today.

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I'm just tickled to be here.

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Thank you for having me.

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Yes, we've been enjoying having you as a house guest in our house and the event that we've

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just finished, an intercessory event.

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And you've just been a blessing to us.

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And we've enjoyed visiting with you and hearing your testimony.

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So one of the things that you mentioned as you were talking with us the other day was

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about overcoming rejection and the things that God has worked in you.

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So let's go back and tell a little bit of your story.

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But before we do that, I wanted to say this.

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I want to make a comment that I think is universal.

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And you can tell me if you agree with that or not.

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But I think it's universal that the enemy of our souls hates us.

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Okay, that's universal.

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And he has been busy since the Garden of Eden, trying to get people to disobey God in order

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that their sin will put a wall up between them and God and cause him to reject them.

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Yes, I agree with that.

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And so he's busy from conception, trying to do things that would cause a child, an innocent,

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innocent child that's just been being formed to have rejection come on from the womb or

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maybe as a baby, something happens, some kind of trauma, some kind of things that are going

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on around like the parents arguing or abuse or neglect or something that would cause somebody

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saying something that would cause there to be a switching off of our connection to God.

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What's your thoughts on that?

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Well, you know, my wounding didn't come from the womb.

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It came from my father and my mother separating.

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Okay.

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And I had been like the apple of their eye.

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I was the center of their attention.

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They built me a big, huge playhouse and just doted over me.

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My dad thought that I was just the best thing since white bread, you know.

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A princess.

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He just loved me.

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And I felt very adored when I was young, when I was a baby.

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And the enemy, I mean, it just seemed like one day I was asleep in my bed one night.

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The enemy visited me.

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Okay, tell that story.

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And so I was laying in my bed and I looked in the hallway and there were clothes in the

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hallway.

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Dirty clothes.

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Dirty clothes.

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We threw our, while we were washing them and things like that.

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The red cloth and the clothes just stood up and became like a child demon.

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And it had horns.

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It had the goatee.

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It had the mustache.

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It looked like your cartoon devil.

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With a tail.

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With a tail and a pitchfork.

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And it had the treasure cat smile.

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And I was laying there and my mother only taught me one prayer when I was five years

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old.

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And that was now I lay me down to sleep.

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I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

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And I just kept putting the blanket over my head, praying that prayer.

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And that demon came to me and was smiling and I didn't see his mouth move.

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And he said, you're mine.

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Oh, wow.

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And he went to touch me and I covered my head again.

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So now let me, he was there every single time.

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It was real.

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I thought it was a dream.

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And he looked at me and smiled and he went back to the clothes and dropped.

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And at that moment I was afraid.

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And so I jumped to the light.

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I stood on my bed and I jumped to the light because I thought he was under my bed by then

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if he dropped in the clothes, he had to have gotten under my bed.

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And I jumped to the light, ran to my mommy and I crawled up in the bed with my mom.

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And that was the beginning of me feeling like there was something wrong with me.

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Like there was something wrong with me.

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And two weeks after that, it had to be not long after that.

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I was little, so I'm going to say two weeks.

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My dad's putting his boots on and saying that my mom no longer wants him there and he's

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leaving.

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And so I go and thrush myself on the bed and say, Lord, make me a good little girl.

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I took responsibility for what was happening in my family.

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Yes.

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That's what the devil wants us to do.

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Yes.

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The memory of what happened in my room that night triggered that.

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And so from that day forward, I started taking responsibility for everything that happened

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in the family.

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And so I was a target from then on.

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It made me into a target.

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And so it seemed like a curse had been there where people did start blaming me and abuse

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came in and my mom's first boyfriend hit me.

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Oh, boy.

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So it started very young and the enemy just was trying to destroy me, just my confidence

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and the love that I even had for myself at that time.

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Because you love yourself when someone gloats on you and loves you and sees the best in

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you.

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And then when all that's taken away, it hinders you.

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It keeps you from doing anything that you feel like you're capable of doing.

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And then your mother remarried.

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Yes.

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And married a Mormon.

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Yes.

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She married a Mormon and she came to me when I was nine.

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She had raised us for four years by herself and asked me, was I okay with her marrying

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again and how this man, he was family's forever.

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She was very drawn to that.

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She thought it was wonderful.

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It touched her heart to be family's forever.

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And so we married into Mormonism.

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Okay.

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And then stuff came with that.

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Absolutely.

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Doesn't just stuff come with everything?

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Every sin, it seems like more stuff piles on and we can sin and ignorance and it's still

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going to pile on regardless if we know better or not.

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It just is what it is.

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That's the law.

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Deception.

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Yes, deception.

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Deception brings, I was meditating on this earlier and we mentioned it in an earlier

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podcast that all of these things start with doubt.

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Like in the garden, Eve started doubting what God said because what the snake said.

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Yes.

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And she began to doubt and that gave way to disobedience, rebellion, and that gave way

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to fear.

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That was where fear first appeared was because they had first doubted.

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Yes.

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So the doubts of what you've been taught, the doubts of what you understood to be the

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truth generally then moves into disobedience to the truth.

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And then once you've done the wrong things, then now you're into fear.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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And it does.

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That's the first thing.

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You first lose your confidence.

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And the next thing is now you wonder if you have purpose and you doubt yourself.

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And then now you feel unloved and then you feel inferior to people because where's your

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support system?

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Your support system gets taken.

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That's what the enemy wants.

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That's why the devil's always working in the church.

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Support systems.

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He doesn't want that to happen.

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Breaking down families, breaking down churches.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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So you were Mormon for a few years and then what happened?

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So I was Mormon until I was about 18 when I had betrothed myself to a Mormon missionary

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named Scott.

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I met him when I was 14.

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I was at a dance and he said he heard wedding bells.

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Oh my.

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And he felt like I was his wife when he came back.

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And I believed it.

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And I gave him my little pinky ring and said that when he came back off his mission trip,

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I would marry him.

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How old were you at this time?

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I was 14.

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So 14.

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That's why I asked it again.

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Yeah.

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So you would have been 18, right?

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Yeah.

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He was 18.

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Yeah.

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And I was 14.

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And I know that's probably statutory.

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I don't know, but maybe it was illegal.

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But nothing happened or transpired between us.

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He just believed that I was his wife when he came back on his mission trip.

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And then what happened?

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We stayed in contact over the years.

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He wrote me letters.

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I've got plenty of pictures.

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I still have those pictures, in fact, of him on his bicycle and where he was stationed out

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in the States is where he was at.

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And we talked back and forth for the four years.

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And I think it was around that time when I was having a identity crisis.

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Okay.

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Then what happened?

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You know, 14, 15 is when children typically go through some sort of identity crisis.

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And parents are very unaware of this.

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They really are.

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I believe that parents should be more aware that children do go through identity crisis

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at that time.

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We forget that we went through it.

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Yes.

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I mean, how do you forget that?

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Right.

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So I was going through that and I was mad at God because I had no peace in the Mormon

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belief system because I had my stepdad was abusive.

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There was a lot that transpired.

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I don't want to go in deep with that, but it broke me down even more.

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I took a lot of blame.

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I took a lot of feeling inferior.

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He was military and Mormon.

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And so those two working together wasn't great.

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And I always felt like I had to do all these works to feel better about myself and to get

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into it.

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I mean, I became blemish during that time.

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I never felt skinny enough.

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I was anorexic.

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I was starving myself for weeks and then eating and gorging.

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I mean, I was doing things like this.

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So we knew unhealthiness was around me because I saw myself in unhealthy ways.

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And so I was very hard on myself, always thinking everything was my fault and I wasn't good

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enough and I became a loner.

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I didn't hang out with people.

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I kind of kept myself separated and I didn't hang around with people.

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I really stayed away from people.

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And because of the inferiority and the self-love just was not really there for me.

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And so as I grew up and I told the Lord one day, I said, I don't like you.

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I said, I just don't like you.

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I said, I feel like I'm working myself to get your approval.

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And I still don't feel like I have your approval.

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I don't want to serve you because of this because I don't feel accepted by God that

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supposedly created me.

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And I'm like, my cousin comes to church with black eyes all the time.

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She's being mistreated and I'm being mistreated.

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And I was babysitting my little sisters all the time.

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I mean, I was working.

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It was like I was the maid, kept the house clean and we couldn't sleep in on Saturdays.

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We had to get up at six, get to work, get things done.

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And that's fine to a degree, but no free time, no cartoons.

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Be a child.

250
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:46,680
You got to be a kid when you're a kid too, because you can only handle so much at that

251
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:47,960
age.

252
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:53,480
And I had so many thoughts of suicide and not wanting to live.

253
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:58,960
And I slept with pills under my pillows, guns under my pillows, never told nobody, always

254
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,440
felt unloved.

255
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:04,320
I was a happy child too, by the way.

256
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,320
That was the cover.

257
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,320
Happy happy.

258
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,880
Everything was just a joke.

259
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:14,720
And so I covered at the time with the happiness.

260
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,760
And some of the happiest people you'll meet are the saddest.

261
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:18,760
Wow.

262
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:19,840
It's a put on.

263
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,040
It's a put on.

264
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:27,080
It's the only way you get any kind of release when you're going through so much pain.

265
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:34,400
And so I went through this whole thing where I was asking God to reveal Himself.

266
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:39,200
I needed to know who God really was.

267
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,960
I said, reveal yourself to me.

268
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,380
I want to know.

269
00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:48,640
Because if this is the way that you are, I don't want to serve you.

270
00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:54,200
But if there's another side of you that I don't know about, I want to know them.

271
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,800
I want to know who you are.

272
00:14:56,800 --> 00:15:02,560
And so God brought this little girl in my life and she took me to church one day.

273
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,440
Took me to church church.

274
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:05,440
Church church.

275
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:06,440
Not market church.

276
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:10,000
Yeah, it was a Pentecostal church, I think.

277
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:15,720
And they did a call for repentance and a call for giving your life to Jesus.

278
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,100
And it touched my heart.

279
00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:22,960
And I went forward and I said, I thought I was saved.

280
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,560
Because I believed in Jesus too, right?

281
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:26,560
Sure.

282
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,280
Jesus was not their Jesus.

283
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:34,000
There's many Jesuses in this world, but there's only one true Jesus.

284
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:39,160
I mean, there's Jesus, believe me, you can find Jesus, but it ain't the right Jesus many

285
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,080
times.

286
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:45,960
And so the lady looked at me, she says, you're not saved, honey.

287
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,200
And she was honest with me.

288
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,360
She gave me the rundown.

289
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:55,560
And at that moment, it was the start of my eyes opening.

290
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,020
I became friends with this young lady.

291
00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:00,180
She became a big influence to me.

292
00:16:00,180 --> 00:16:05,560
So all those years, it was just like, I felt like I found something.

293
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,120
I kept it in my heart.

294
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,560
I still went to Mormonism.

295
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:09,880
I still went to the camps.

296
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:14,520
I still did the studies, LDS studies.

297
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,280
And still had these thoughts in my head.

298
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:18,440
Well, what did I do that day?

299
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:21,320
I gave my life to Jesus.

300
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,720
The real Jesus.

301
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:28,280
And then come around 17, 18, my mom divorced this man.

302
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:34,120
So now we're gone from him, but I always have fear in my heart that he's after me.

303
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:39,680
Like having terrible dreams of a man chasing me and wanting to kill me and just all these

304
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,800
dreams I was having and very fearful.

305
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:49,200
And one day I took the LDS Bible and I took the Bible and I compared the two.

306
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:53,800
Latter-day Saint Bible is connected to the Book of Mormon.

307
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:58,880
So this whole thing, my stepdad bought me one with my initials on it and everything.

308
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:03,740
And I had the full set of Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price, everything that came

309
00:17:03,740 --> 00:17:09,120
with the Book of Mormon that was attached to that Bible.

310
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:15,680
Well I took the King James Bible and I took that Bible and I compared the two.

311
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:25,440
And when I saw a loving, accepting, beautiful father in the King James Version, and then

312
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:33,440
I saw a God of Works in the other Bible, I just really had an epiphany.

313
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:41,520
And I decided that I wanted to follow the Jesus that was full of love for me and gave

314
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:47,000
me this feeling of life, like you felt it.

315
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,360
You felt the life that came from that.

316
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:56,320
And the other one felt heavy and felt dry.

317
00:17:56,320 --> 00:18:00,200
And it felt like it was full of emotion.

318
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:04,160
There's a difference between emotion and spirit.

319
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:09,040
And you do feel emotion in the spirit, but it is different.

320
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,920
So when I felt that, I became confused.

321
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:16,700
I wrote a letter to the guy that I had promised that I would marry all those years.

322
00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:22,480
And I told him that I was now a Christian and that I was no longer a Mormon.

323
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:27,000
And he wrote me back and said that we are unequally yoked and he could not marry me

324
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,760
now.

325
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,320
And it broke my heart.

326
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:36,380
I grew up believing that he was my husband for a minute.

327
00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:39,840
So I had to get through the emotions of that.

328
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:43,720
And honestly, it actually did the opposite of what you thought it would happen.

329
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:49,760
I actually ran back into the world, started partying, doing drugs even more.

330
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,160
Lost it.

331
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,680
I lost my mind.

332
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,560
Were you already doing drugs as a Mormon?

333
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:55,560
Oh yeah.

334
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:56,560
Yeah.

335
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:57,800
I started when I was like 13.

336
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,680
I lost my virginity when I was 13.

337
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,060
I didn't want to live.

338
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:10,200
I was on a self-sabotage, did not want to exist tantrum.

339
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:15,000
And so I was doing things that were dangerous and not good for me.

340
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,320
And I had a loving mother.

341
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:17,320
I really did.

342
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,000
I had the best mommy in the world.

343
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:24,080
I mean, she really loved me and she always spoke good things over me.

344
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:29,880
She always told me, Olivia, when the world is coming down on you, put your makeup on,

345
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:35,400
brush your hair and throw your head back and walk out like you're the boss.

346
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:39,800
She's always told me, don't let the world affect you like that.

347
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,000
Wow.

348
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:44,560
So I've always learned from that.

349
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,160
So at least you have a good front.

350
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,160
Yeah.

351
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,160
Great front.

352
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,360
So much bad underneath though.

353
00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:51,360
Just so much.

354
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:52,360
Yeah.

355
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:53,360
It doesn't really deal with the problem.

356
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,360
It didn't.

357
00:19:54,360 --> 00:20:00,320
It helps you maintain a persona that you can survive with in the world.

358
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,320
Yes.

359
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,000
But that's not where we're trying to survive.

360
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,000
No.

361
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:09,080
And I'm so thankful that even though I call it backsliding, because I mean, if you're

362
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,600
not going forward, you're going backwards.

363
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:12,600
Very true.

364
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,120
And so, I mean, is that not true?

365
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:16,340
It's very true.

366
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:21,480
So I felt like I was backsliding, going back into my old ways, but just without Mormonism.

367
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,480
I'm running from God now.

368
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:24,480
I'm running from God.

369
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,880
I'll go into witchcraft.

370
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,880
I start reading people's palms.

371
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:29,880
Oh my.

372
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:35,880
That's just the prophetic gift that God gave you starting to operate on the dark side.

373
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:36,880
Exactly.

374
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:37,880
Exactly.

375
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,440
And all that was happening.

376
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:44,520
And I had a good friend that, you know, we were following the Grateful Dead for a minute

377
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:45,520
and all this stuff.

378
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:50,880
And I just really just went a total left field is what I did.

379
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,200
And I was on crack.

380
00:20:53,200 --> 00:21:00,800
And I was gone for a year and the Lord woke me up and he said, go home.

381
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:05,280
And I told the guy next to me, I said, I have to go home now.

382
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,120
And I said, when you come out of there, I have to go home.

383
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,280
You're not going to see me anymore.

384
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:16,200
And I went home and I toughed it out and I got dried out and it took me about two weeks

385
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:22,000
to dry out, went all the way out in the country and just sat in the tent for two weeks.

386
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:27,080
And then after that, I realized that I put myself in some dangerous situations, you know,

387
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,600
I mean, no telling them what they got.

388
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:29,600
He came from prison.

389
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,360
So, I mean, I was hanging out with some pretty tough folk.

390
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:33,360
Oh yeah.

391
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:34,360
Yeah.

392
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:38,520
So it was a lot of school of hard knocks for me.

393
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:45,280
It was, but God was so gracious and so forgiving.

394
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:53,920
But working that works out of me because in Mormonism, you are programmed for works.

395
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,600
You're programmed to go to the temple and do works.

396
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,040
You're programmed that that's what your existence is.

397
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:02,880
And if you sin, you can be excommunicated.

398
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:07,280
It's the people that do well are the ones that get to go to the temple.

399
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:11,520
And I lied a lot when I went into confession.

400
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,840
I called it going to the branch president.

401
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:18,960
The branch president pretty much raked you over the coals, asked how your life was going.

402
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,340
And I always lied.

403
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:22,560
So I did end up going to the temple.

404
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:23,560
Oh my goodness.

405
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:24,560
Yes.

406
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,480
And I got baptized for like 300 dead people.

407
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:28,480
Oh my goodness.

408
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:29,480
Yeah.

409
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:30,480
Come on.

410
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:31,480
Yeah.

411
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,240
The bulls and it's this big baptismal.

412
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:35,240
Yeah.

413
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:40,040
And you get in it and they read all these names off and they dunk you down one time

414
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,040
for all those people.

415
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,040
They dunk you 300 times?

416
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:44,320
No, no, no.

417
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:47,800
One time they read the 300 names and then they dunk you once.

418
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,080
And so you're taking them on in one dunking.

419
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,200
In one dunk you get all 300.

420
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,200
Yes.

421
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:58,440
And they claim that Abraham Lincoln, you know, accepted it after death and all this because

422
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:04,600
they thought that that's an open door for them to receive the truth by getting baptized.

423
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:09,840
Oh my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my.

424
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:13,400
That was a rewind back when I was 14 or so.

425
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:14,400
Yeah.

426
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:15,400
Wow.

427
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:16,400
But you got there by, by deception.

428
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:17,400
Oops.

429
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:18,400
Absolutely.

430
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:19,400
Absolutely.

431
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:23,200
I was scared to tell the truth.

432
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,280
You feel beat.

433
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,960
You feel like you were, you're worth nothing.

434
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,680
They can easily just tell you to go.

435
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:31,680
Yeah.

436
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,120
So they kind of loaded over you that, you know.

437
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:35,120
Yeah.

438
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:36,120
It felt that way.

439
00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:37,120
And it was my uncle.

440
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,760
I mean, my uncle was the branch president, you know, I mean.

441
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:40,760
Oh my.

442
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:44,480
My step uncle, but I'm like, he was my, you know, family at the time.

443
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:45,640
Your step dad's brother, right?

444
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:46,640
In law.

445
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:47,640
A brother in law.

446
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:48,640
Okay.

447
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:49,640
Okay.

448
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:51,280
So then you've had this epiphany.

449
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:55,080
If you've had this visitation from the Lord, get out of here.

450
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,080
Stop this.

451
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,080
Then what happened?

452
00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:01,120
I had to take inventory.

453
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:06,960
It's called taking inventory and responsibility for who you are and what you are.

454
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:07,960
Yeah.

455
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,360
And the things that you are responsible for.

456
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:14,360
Cause you've been busy taking responsibility for things that weren't your responsibility.

457
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:15,360
Yes.

458
00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:16,360
Yes.

459
00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:17,360
Because I was blamed.

460
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:22,720
My mother's daughters were taken from her and I was blamed for it.

461
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:28,440
So I carried terrible burdens when I was young and it wasn't my fault.

462
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:34,760
He just used it as a way to take the children from her and saying that I didn't see anybody

463
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:35,760
there.

464
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,720
I went to the loop to see if there was a grownup there before I dropped my little sisters off.

465
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,080
I was the one that dropped them off that day.

466
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:43,640
Oh my goodness.

467
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:44,640
And it was a lie.

468
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:49,600
I mean, it was a whole lie just to keep the girls away from my mom.

469
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,160
And my mom suffered for years.

470
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,080
She didn't get to raise her girls.

471
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:54,080
Oh my.

472
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:55,080
And that was from him.

473
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,880
You know, we're a different litter, me and my two brothers.

474
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:03,920
So I mean, I carried horrible burdens as a child, just broken, you know?

475
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:09,640
All because the devil was trying to keep you from doing what you're doing now.

476
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:10,640
Amen.

477
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:14,600
It took me 25 years, but here I am.

478
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:19,520
So we're going to go back in a minute and tell how you got over all of this, but just

479
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:23,800
give us a small portion of what the Lord is doing in your life now.

480
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:27,920
So now I have started a ministry called Breath of God Ministries.

481
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,800
It's just been birthed.

482
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:35,120
I have been to two nations, three to four times each.

483
00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:36,440
That's the Philippines and Uganda.

484
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:40,480
Yes, Uganda and the Philippines, Maxase Islands.

485
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:46,960
And God is using me to set the captives free, lift up the down laden, preach the gospel,

486
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,360
and bring life to people.

487
00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:53,080
And my forte is deliverance.

488
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:58,800
Much of it is deliverance, inner healing, counseling, and God is using it.

489
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,400
And it is because of my life.

490
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,520
This is my life's work, who I am.

491
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:05,520
Right.

492
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:11,000
So the woundings that you took through your life have set you up for the ministry that

493
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,000
you have now.

494
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:13,640
Your mess has become your message.

495
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:14,640
Amen.

496
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:15,640
Amen.

497
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:16,640
Okay.

498
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:22,240
So how did you get out of that mess into this place of being delivered from rejection?

499
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:26,920
I found a true deliverance through Brownsville Revival.

500
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:31,320
Steve Hill was speaking that night, and it was kind of at the end of Brownsville Revival

501
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,080
that I was starting to come to it.

502
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:35,840
I had both of my children with me.

503
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:40,080
Sarah was in the room with me while he was preaching.

504
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:44,480
And he just started talking about the love of the Father.

505
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:49,240
And as a little girl, as I've told y'all, I felt like I lost my father.

506
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:50,240
Yes, you did.

507
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:55,160
Because when he divorced my mother, he, in essence, pretty much divorced us.

508
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:56,760
I barely saw my dad.

509
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,440
I went to my grandparents a lot.

510
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:05,640
And so Steve Hill is talking about this Father and the love of the Father.

511
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,320
And my heart just swelled.

512
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,120
It just swelled.

513
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:13,000
And tears just, I couldn't stop them.

514
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,000
Wow.

515
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,640
And I realized I need a father.

516
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,280
I need my father.

517
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:19,280
Yes.

518
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:21,680
And I said, I want to know this father.

519
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,200
That was what was coming up out of me.

520
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:28,720
Like I want to know that kind of love, the kind of love that picks you up when you become

521
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,800
an orphan.

522
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:35,960
Because when your mother and father forsake you, he said he will take you up.

523
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,040
Exactly.

524
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:42,400
And when he was talking about it, I was like, I just want God.

525
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,920
And so I ran forward.

526
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,180
And Steve Hill, I call it, slapped me down.

527
00:27:47,180 --> 00:27:48,360
He didn't slap me down.

528
00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:51,720
He put his hands on me and I just flew down.

529
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:55,160
And my baby sat on my stomach.

530
00:27:55,160 --> 00:28:01,880
And I felt the love just like fire going through me.

531
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:02,880
Glory to God.

532
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,560
And it embraced my entire being.

533
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:06,560
Wow.

534
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,040
And I could not get up for at least two hours.

535
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:12,280
I was just laying there under the glory.

536
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,960
And I felt so loved.

537
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:15,960
Hallelujah.

538
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,120
And so accepted at that moment.

539
00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:19,600
I needed that.

540
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:20,600
Yes.

541
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:21,880
I needed that healing.

542
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:29,040
I needed that moment that God really loved me and that I didn't have to do anything.

543
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:36,440
I could sit in my chair at home and eat popcorn and watch TV and not have to do anything for

544
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:37,440
him.

545
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:43,080
And he would love me just as much as if I'm out there preaching.

546
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:44,080
Yes.

547
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:45,800
The love doesn't change.

548
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,800
It doesn't change.

549
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:48,800
Yeah.

550
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:49,800
Yeah.

551
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:56,520
And people work themselves so hard in their life and they don't realize that rest is just

552
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,840
as important as running.

553
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,080
Absolutely.

554
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:03,720
And we can rest in him and sit like Mary.

555
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:08,600
Just sit at his feet and just let him love on us.

556
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:15,360
He loves us just as much as when we're out there running and telling people about Jesus.

557
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:19,240
The platform is as important as the time at his feet.

558
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,760
They're both important.

559
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:24,760
But the time at his feet is the most important.

560
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:25,760
Yeah.

561
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:26,760
Yeah.

562
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,920
The Lord spoke to me sometime back.

563
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:30,440
I don't remember just how long.

564
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:34,900
I wrote it in my journal and he said, you work to please men.

565
00:29:34,900 --> 00:29:40,380
You rest to please me because rest implies trust.

566
00:29:40,380 --> 00:29:41,860
That's so good.

567
00:29:41,860 --> 00:29:43,280
It's so real.

568
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:47,200
I think about a parent with their child.

569
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:52,640
Because the child is growing up, we forget when we become parents that this is how God

570
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:57,840
thinks because you want your child to know that you love them.

571
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:02,600
Even if they do something really stupid or they do something really bad, you have to

572
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,120
correct them.

573
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:08,160
But you love them and it doesn't change the love.

574
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:12,700
They don't have to obey you to get you to love them.

575
00:30:12,700 --> 00:30:16,000
But their obedience shows you that they love you.

576
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:17,000
Amen.

577
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,840
A good parent should try to say those kind of things.

578
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:22,560
A good parent should try to say those kind of things.

579
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,560
If you love me, obey me.

580
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:25,920
That's what Jesus said to his disciples.

581
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,880
If you love me, keep my commandments.

582
00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:32,940
So this is a way you show me that you love me is by obeying me.

583
00:30:32,940 --> 00:30:36,400
But even if you don't obey me, I still love you.

584
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,000
Nothing changes how much I love you.

585
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:40,000
Amen.

586
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,000
Amen.

587
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,240
Your behavior might hurt me.

588
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:49,920
It grieves our father when we misbehave, but it doesn't change how he loves us.

589
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:50,920
No.

590
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:56,360
And waiting is some of the best obedience you can do sometimes.

591
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:57,360
Very true.

592
00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:58,360
Just wait.

593
00:30:58,360 --> 00:30:59,360
Yeah.

594
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,520
Sometimes we want to jump off the side of a big mountain and say, catch me God.

595
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:05,280
And he does, but he didn't tell you to jump.

596
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:07,120
Right, right, right.

597
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:08,420
Yeah.

598
00:31:08,420 --> 00:31:13,440
So how did you get to the point, like, would you say that you loved yourself through those

599
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,520
years or did you hate yourself?

600
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:19,280
I still had a problem with that.

601
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:22,680
I mean, it wasn't a fix, like a sudden fix.

602
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:26,880
I realized God took me from glory to glory, faith to faith.

603
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:27,880
Right.

604
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:31,720
You know, at that moment, I just met God, really met God.

605
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:35,580
14, I knew that I was missing something.

606
00:31:35,580 --> 00:31:40,480
By the time I got to that point, now I've met him.

607
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:48,880
And I had to get the understanding that he was no longer expecting me to do it by works,

608
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,640
but that it was backwards.

609
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:57,200
Doesn't mean you don't work your faith, but there's so much more peace in the way God

610
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:58,200
does it.

611
00:31:58,200 --> 00:31:59,200
Yes, exactly.

612
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:03,980
It was interesting how God worked in me because it was layers.

613
00:32:03,980 --> 00:32:04,980
Everybody has layers.

614
00:32:04,980 --> 00:32:08,360
We all have layers that God is working on.

615
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:11,320
And at that moment, I met God and I knew he loved me.

616
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:14,160
So he gave me a safe place.

617
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:16,200
And as children, that's what we need, too.

618
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,400
We need safe places.

619
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:19,920
So God gave me that back.

620
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:21,960
It was restored to me.

621
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:32,520
And now I'm like a little wild horse, little pony, little wild pony, rough around the edges.

622
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:37,880
I don't realize some things that I'm doing is sin because nobody taught me that it was

623
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:39,480
sin.

624
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:44,880
And so I'm this little wild pony throwing all my stuff on everybody, hoping they can

625
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:48,800
fix it, hoping they can help me.

626
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:55,240
Some of the things that I found out were sin blew my mind because many people think they're

627
00:32:55,240 --> 00:33:01,000
not walking in sin and it really is sin because they're not lining up with the Bible.

628
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:02,000
Exactly.

629
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:03,000
The instruction book.

630
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,120
The instruction book.

631
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:09,280
And it's painful when you find out that you don't know.

632
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,200
You're totally ignorant.

633
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:19,120
And so I was going through a walk, a time where I found out what sin really was and

634
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:22,540
I had to become transparent.

635
00:33:22,540 --> 00:33:24,040
God gave me my spiritual mother.

636
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:26,720
Her name was Rosemary Gileard.

637
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:32,320
And that lady had the sweetest, most angelic face she'd ever meet.

638
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:37,340
And she would say, oh, honey.

639
00:33:37,340 --> 00:33:39,080
And she taught me deliverance.

640
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:41,080
She taught me how to speak.

641
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,400
She brought me into tongues.

642
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:48,580
And I learned from her everything in the beginning.

643
00:33:48,580 --> 00:33:54,020
And God, that was when I actually, actually I was married to my first husband.

644
00:33:54,020 --> 00:33:57,720
And our house was a drug house when that happened.

645
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:02,120
When that happened, I came all the way like from everybody.

646
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:03,480
Your house was the drug house.

647
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:05,480
My house was a drug house.

648
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:10,560
My husband at the time dealt, he sold drugs.

649
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:13,400
I didn't know everything about it, but he did.

650
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:16,300
And people always came to our house to do them.

651
00:34:16,300 --> 00:34:21,400
And when I got home that night after the love of God, I didn't tell this part.

652
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:26,760
I got home that night and I blew.

653
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:33,800
I said, I got to tell you about a man that I just met.

654
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:37,280
And I told them all about Jesus while they were all high.

655
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:39,100
Oh my goodness.

656
00:34:39,100 --> 00:34:45,280
And they all looked at me and they said, they said, well, one thing's for sure.

657
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,160
You ruined our buzz.

658
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,560
Ruined our buzz.

659
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:59,520
And I said, I don't understand how you don't want to know this man.

660
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:00,520
Wow.

661
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:01,840
I couldn't understand it.

662
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:10,320
It was such pure love and it changed me so much that I wanted to share it with everyone.

663
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,680
I wasn't the same person.

664
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:17,820
I became a new creature in that instant when he laid hands on me.

665
00:35:17,820 --> 00:35:25,320
And when I came home and told them all about Jesus, man, I was so on fire and wanted everybody

666
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:28,360
to know what God had done in my life.

667
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:32,200
I knew I was not even the same person.

668
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:33,960
And my husband at the time looked at me.

669
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:35,960
He said, who are you?

670
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,520
Oh my, a new creature.

671
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:39,680
You were a new creature.

672
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,480
You weren't the same old Olivia.

673
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:42,720
Oh man.

674
00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:43,840
Yes.

675
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:47,360
And it was that big of a change in an instant.

676
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,200
And he kept saying, I hate the Jesus in you.

677
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:51,200
He said it.

678
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,400
Oh, I hate the Jesus in you.

679
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,320
I want the old Olivia back.

680
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:56,320
Bring her back.

681
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:57,600
Oh my goodness.

682
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,600
And I said, I can't.

683
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,400
Oh my, my eyes are open.

684
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:03,560
My heart is full.

685
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,280
I can't.

686
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:08,680
And that's when he broke my, he broke my nose, blacked my eyes.

687
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:13,800
I ended up being very hurt and he locked me out of the house.

688
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:14,800
Yeah.

689
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:15,800
Things happened.

690
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,480
And I tried to tough it out for a month.

691
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:19,480
Oh my goodness.

692
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:20,480
Yeah.

693
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:21,960
Because I didn't believe in divorce after that.

694
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:25,560
I was trying to do things God's way, you know.

695
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:31,800
And so I got counsel from pastors and asked questions and they read scripture to me telling

696
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:35,240
me that it was okay for divorce.

697
00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:37,660
And even after that, it was hard.

698
00:36:37,660 --> 00:36:40,120
But then one day I told him, I said, it's over with.

699
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:41,640
I'm done.

700
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:42,640
And I sat in my chair.

701
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:47,200
There was around me like a bee for about 30 minutes telling me nobody would have me.

702
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:48,200
I'm nobody.

703
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:50,160
You know, you're unlovable.

704
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:51,160
Look at you.

705
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:52,160
Look at you.

706
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:53,160
And oh my.

707
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:54,640
It's a devil speaking to your own.

708
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:55,640
Yeah.

709
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:56,640
Yes.

710
00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:58,880
And I just sat there and I just looked at him.

711
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:01,040
I said, I don't care what you say.

712
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:04,740
I found God out.

713
00:37:04,740 --> 00:37:05,920
And he left that day.

714
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,300
His parents came and got him.

715
00:37:08,300 --> 00:37:09,880
An angel inhabited my house.

716
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:15,280
The next morning I was sleeping in the bed with my daughter and I heard this beautiful

717
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:19,360
voice in the next room with my son.

718
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:28,240
Mind you, he was in his little bassinet and I heard it go, Oh, sweetie, you're so cute.

719
00:37:28,240 --> 00:37:30,180
Like she's talking to him.

720
00:37:30,180 --> 00:37:33,280
And I hear her voice and I'm like, somebody's in my house.

721
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:38,500
Like I couldn't believe there was a voice in the next room.

722
00:37:38,500 --> 00:37:43,440
And I got up and I went in there to my baby, my little boy, and I looked down and he has

723
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:46,360
the biggest, cutest smile on his face.

724
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:47,360
Still asleep?

725
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:48,360
No, he was awake.

726
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:49,360
He was awake.

727
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:55,400
I think he was talking to this angel all morning long, cooing with her or what have you.

728
00:37:55,400 --> 00:38:00,440
And I looked at him and I said, well, there's nobody in here.

729
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:06,720
But all day long, I felt an angelic presence in my house.

730
00:38:06,720 --> 00:38:13,440
I was giving my babies a bath and I saw the train of that angel go by my door while I

731
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:16,980
was giving my, the door was open while I was giving them a bath.

732
00:38:16,980 --> 00:38:19,760
And that train was just pure clear.

733
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:21,260
It was clear.

734
00:38:21,260 --> 00:38:25,920
It looked like sparkles was all in it and it just went by the door.

735
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,560
And I was so aware of that angel being in my house.

736
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:35,920
I knew it was protecting us from him coming back because I was fearful.

737
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:40,200
And didn't he make some kind of comment about he would rather have crack than you?

738
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,440
No, that was the guy earlier.

739
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:43,440
Yeah.

740
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:48,120
Yeah, I went through a lot of experiences.

741
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:49,480
I wasn't a good girl.

742
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:50,640
We'll just put it that way.

743
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:54,280
Well, the devil was trying to keep you from doing what you're doing now.

744
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:58,600
He was trying to discourage you, trying to get you to commit suicide, trying to get you

745
00:38:58,600 --> 00:38:59,600
to quit.

746
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:00,600
Yes.

747
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:01,600
Yes.

748
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:07,560
And then when he left, I went and lived with my mom in Panama City for a little while.

749
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:09,800
And then I lived with my grandmother.

750
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:16,680
And when I had to raise my kids by myself, I did at one time have a breakdown, a meltdown.

751
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:21,360
And I tried to give my kids to their grandmother on my husband, my ex-husband side.

752
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:22,360
Oh my goodness.

753
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:25,240
And I was going to commit suicide that night.

754
00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:27,320
And I went speeding down the road.

755
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:31,520
I was going to hit the side of a bridge and just fly off the side of it.

756
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:35,600
And hopefully it would have just taken my life was my thought.

757
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:42,240
And as I was coming near that bridge, the Lord said, I want you to calm down and get

758
00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:45,760
yourself together and line up.

759
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:46,940
Wow.

760
00:39:46,940 --> 00:39:47,940
And I did.

761
00:39:47,940 --> 00:39:53,960
And then I pulled over at the gas station, just cried my eyes out because I was uneducated.

762
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:55,620
I had no trade.

763
00:39:55,620 --> 00:39:56,840
I was a waitress.

764
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:58,440
I was struggling.

765
00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:01,160
I had to ask for help all the time.

766
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:04,840
I mean, I felt like a beggar, you know?

767
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:09,400
And it was horrible to have to ask for help all the time.

768
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:14,600
And when you feel inferior to everyone, the church that I went to, everybody had money,

769
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:16,320
it seemed, you know?

770
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:17,480
And I was the poor one.

771
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,560
I lived in the ghetto.

772
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:21,000
I had favor with the pastor.

773
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:25,080
The pastor owned, one of the pastors owned the house that I stayed in.

774
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:27,800
But I was still on Section 8 housing.

775
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:32,760
I was living in the ghetto, and it was just oppressive.

776
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:39,400
But I realized, you know, God started talking to me about my life and about how sometimes

777
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:45,080
it takes a minute for the bad seed and then the good seed to overtake the bad seed.

778
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:48,720
And so I realized I was having a bad harvest.

779
00:40:48,720 --> 00:40:54,360
And so I had to realize that the sin in my life reaped that bad harvest.

780
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:56,800
And I asked God to cut it short.

781
00:40:56,800 --> 00:41:02,360
But awesome thing about that was I got put in a position where I could go through demonic

782
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:03,360
deliverance.

783
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:08,680
You know, I had a girlfriend that would sit with my children and let me go through deliverance

784
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,080
and let me go through inner healing.

785
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:14,560
And I felt like God was tearing me apart.

786
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:18,840
It hurt so bad to deal with some of the things that I was dealing with.

787
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:25,560
And over a period of about five years, I allowed God to just tear me apart and put me back

788
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:27,120
together.

789
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:35,640
And through that, God transitioned me from being inferior to people, which I always felt

790
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:37,320
like I couldn't sit in a room with you.

791
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,520
I could have never sat in a room with you.

792
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:40,520
Wow.

793
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:41,520
Ever.

794
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:44,520
It would have scared the bajiggers out of me.

795
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:47,720
I would have never been able to sit with another minister ever.

796
00:41:47,720 --> 00:41:51,360
Even when the pastor talked to me, I would be afraid.

797
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:52,360
Wow.

798
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:55,480
Because I didn't feel good enough for nothing.

799
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:56,480
Wow.

800
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:58,480
Nothing.

801
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:00,640
And God just worked that out.

802
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:04,800
And He healed me and He healed me and He healed me some more.

803
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:07,300
And as I could handle it, He healed me.

804
00:42:07,300 --> 00:42:09,000
But I wanted it to happen.

805
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:10,000
Yes.

806
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,000
I wanted it to happen.

807
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,560
So I took the counsel.

808
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:13,760
I took the healing.

809
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:15,160
I took the deliverance.

810
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:20,880
I took the training and I just let God build me.

811
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:22,440
I let Him father me.

812
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:23,440
Let's put it that way.

813
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:24,440
That's it.

814
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:31,280
But I didn't even know the touch of a father without feeling like a man was being perverted.

815
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:37,740
Like until one day a man hugged me and it was Pastor Sumerall of Liberty Church.

816
00:42:37,740 --> 00:42:46,560
And he hugged me so tight and I cried my eyes out after he hugged me because I didn't know

817
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:50,920
what it was like to be hugged by a man with pure motives.

818
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:52,240
Wow.

819
00:42:52,240 --> 00:42:55,400
And when he hugged me, I felt a father's hug.

820
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:58,400
It was the greatest feeling.

821
00:42:58,400 --> 00:42:59,400
Wow.

822
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:00,400
Wow.

823
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:06,080
You know, I'm reminded of the scripture in Hosea 6.1 and the New Living Translation puts

824
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:10,480
it beautifully, it says, come, let us return to the Lord.

825
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:13,120
He has torn us to pieces.

826
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:14,560
Now He will heal us.

827
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:15,880
He has injured us.

828
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:18,720
Now He will bandage our wounds.

829
00:43:18,720 --> 00:43:24,440
You know, when I was going through a thing where the Lord was working out some deep things,

830
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:30,000
deep wounds from my childhood, I was having these experiences like we had in Toronto and

831
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,600
it's similar to what went on in Pensacola.

832
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,920
I was drunk a lot in the spirit.

833
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:38,960
I was like, I was not with it at all.

834
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:40,200
Philip remembers those times.

835
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:45,400
Yeah, he just collapsed on the floor.

836
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:51,140
At the end of it where I came back to kind of a semi-normal, what came to me was that

837
00:43:51,140 --> 00:43:55,560
he had discombobulated me and then he recombobulated me.

838
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:56,560
Yes.

839
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:59,400
He had to take everything apart.

840
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:05,000
It's like if you have a puzzle and something gets spilled on it and gets all down in between

841
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:09,440
the pieces, you know, you've got to take it apart and you've got to clean all the pieces

842
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:12,040
before you can put it back together and have it be right.

843
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:13,040
That's good.

844
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:14,040
That's good.

845
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:17,280
So I think that's what God has been doing in our lives and I'm sure He's really doing

846
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:20,880
it with everybody if we'll just let Him.

847
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:21,880
That's the purpose.

848
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:22,920
That's the plan.

849
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:23,920
That's the plan.

850
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:28,460
Okay, now tell us about what you said earlier to us before we started this recording about

851
00:44:28,460 --> 00:44:33,960
how you got in touch with your purpose so that you could begin to love yourself.

852
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:36,200
So we all have gifts.

853
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:39,080
We all have callings.

854
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:45,080
And many times when we've walked through curses and things in our life that have hindered

855
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:51,720
that and have stopped the blessing of God on our lives because of, and I hate to say

856
00:44:51,720 --> 00:44:52,720
it, people.

857
00:44:52,720 --> 00:44:57,720
You know, we say the enemy is our worst enemy, but sometimes it's people and ourselves that

858
00:44:57,720 --> 00:45:00,240
are worst enemies.

859
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:07,600
And the Lord has shown me where Olivia, you're your best friend.

860
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,280
You have to be your best friend.

861
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:11,400
You have to encourage you.

862
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:12,400
What did David do?

863
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,200
Oh yes, he encouraged himself and the Lord.

864
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:17,320
He encouraged himself.

865
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:23,320
He said, you know, many times he would say, but Lord, you created me.

866
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:24,960
You made me.

867
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:27,360
I'm perfect in you, Jesus.

868
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:33,280
And like he was, he was just ministering it back to the Lord, what God said about him,

869
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:34,280
you know?

870
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:35,480
And so I've learned to do that.

871
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:39,880
I've learned to say, okay, God, I've come through dark times.

872
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:48,080
I did a lot of bad things in my life, but I'm so proud of myself in you, Jesus, that

873
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:50,880
you can take that broken thing in me.

874
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:52,040
And I didn't give up.

875
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:55,040
I didn't give into the death.

876
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:57,720
I didn't give in to the perversion.

877
00:45:57,720 --> 00:46:02,000
I didn't allow that to be the end all.

878
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:03,240
That's it.

879
00:46:03,240 --> 00:46:10,400
You know, we, a lot of times people's condemnation keeps them from growing.

880
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:17,680
And they think that God's arm is too short to keep them, you know, too short to say,

881
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:22,920
okay, you're this way today, but you can be this way tomorrow.

882
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:25,440
So I realize I have a tenacity.

883
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:26,640
Okay, that's good.

884
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:31,960
I have this tenacity in me that says I refuse to settle.

885
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:33,440
Yes.

886
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:41,840
Because so many times people settle and they say, well, that's just the way that I am.

887
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:43,560
Oh, that's the line.

888
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:45,800
Oh, that's just how I am.

889
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:47,600
Everybody says that.

890
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:48,600
I'm just human.

891
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:50,920
That's one of my favorite ones.

892
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:51,920
I'm just human.

893
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:52,920
Yes.

894
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:53,920
It's an excuse.

895
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:54,920
Exactly.

896
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:55,920
But it's a poor excuse.

897
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:58,000
It's a poor excuse.

898
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:04,520
You know, and so many times I hear people say, well, I think that's just in my DNA.

899
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:06,000
You know, my grandma was like that.

900
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:07,360
My granddad was like that.

901
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:08,360
Okay, yes.

902
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:10,080
My grandmother was this way.

903
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:12,000
My mother was this way.

904
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:13,800
And I saw it as curses.

905
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:15,720
Come on.

906
00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:21,640
And I said, God, you do a new thing in me for the next generations to come.

907
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:25,280
Because what you do in me, it's going to break it off of them.

908
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:27,680
And I believe that wholeheartedly.

909
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:36,380
So I love myself now because I realized I was willing to hide myself in him and sacrifice

910
00:47:36,380 --> 00:47:41,440
myself and say, okay, God, I'm going to lay on the altar.

911
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:45,280
Even if I crawl off the altar, because a lot of times we're living sacrifices, we'll just

912
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,160
crawl right off the altar.

913
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:49,320
But we have to keep going back.

914
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:50,320
Go back.

915
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:51,320
Go back.

916
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:56,360
Go back to where God was talking to you if he's not talking to you anymore.

917
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:58,120
Go back.

918
00:47:58,120 --> 00:47:59,240
It's okay.

919
00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:01,600
It's okay to fail even.

920
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:02,600
I failed.

921
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:03,600
You know what?

922
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:10,880
I think that because I have failed so much in my life, it's become a victory in my life.

923
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:15,320
Because I'm like, who was it that invented the light bulb?

924
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:16,320
Yes, Thomas Edison.

925
00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:18,080
I mean, what did he go through?

926
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:21,240
He failed many, many, many, many, many times.

927
00:48:21,240 --> 00:48:22,240
10,000 times.

928
00:48:22,240 --> 00:48:23,240
But look what happened.

929
00:48:23,240 --> 00:48:24,240
He didn't quit.

930
00:48:24,240 --> 00:48:25,240
Yeah.

931
00:48:25,240 --> 00:48:26,240
And that's the point.

932
00:48:26,240 --> 00:48:27,240
Right.

933
00:48:27,240 --> 00:48:28,240
You don't quit.

934
00:48:28,240 --> 00:48:29,240
Yeah.

935
00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:34,960
I've heard the greatest pastors, they say, run back to the mercy seat.

936
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:35,960
Yes.

937
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:44,080
Run back to where that hurt was and let God cut it out of your life and let yourself feel

938
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:47,840
everything you need to feel to get delivered from that thing.

939
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:48,840
Amen.

940
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:49,840
Amen.

941
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:55,040
And to be human, but to live in it and to make excuses for it.

942
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:59,560
People take grace and they say, well, God's grace is sufficient.

943
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:02,720
It is sufficient for you to overcome that thing.

944
00:49:02,720 --> 00:49:03,720
Exactly.

945
00:49:03,720 --> 00:49:05,880
It's an empowerment.

946
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:07,760
It's not an excuse.

947
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:08,760
Right.

948
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:10,680
And so that's where I love myself.

949
00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:14,600
I realized that it's not an excuse for me.

950
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:16,800
It's an empowerment for me.

951
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:17,800
Beautiful.

952
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:20,680
And now I know who Olivia is.

953
00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:27,760
And now that I see where the devil so tried to twist my life and so tried to kill me and

954
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:33,720
try to take out the destiny that is ingrated in me from the day that I was conceived in

955
00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:35,280
my mother's womb.

956
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:36,280
Right.

957
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:43,200
That now Olivia gets to be who she is because she was willing to die for it.

958
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:44,200
Yes.

959
00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:45,200
Beautiful.

960
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:46,200
Beautiful.

961
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:49,560
And so when you die, the spirit brings life.

962
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:50,560
Right.

963
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:53,760
You kill your flesh and that spirit is going to overtake the flesh.

964
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:58,400
And next thing you know, you're alive in that area and no longer can people touch you.

965
00:49:58,400 --> 00:49:59,400
Amen.

966
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,600
I'm still rejected to this day.

967
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:05,000
I go through a lot of rejection, but guess what?

968
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:06,000
What?

969
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:07,640
Now I know I'm loved.

970
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:08,640
Yes.

971
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:10,360
Even if someone rejects me.

972
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:11,360
Right.

973
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:14,800
Because Olivia loves her and God loves Olivia.

974
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:15,800
Yes.

975
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:19,000
I love people regardless of how they feel.

976
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:20,000
Yeah.

977
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:21,000
And I do.

978
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:22,000
I love people.

979
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:23,000
I'm a tenacious lover.

980
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:27,600
I love a person even when they hate me and I'll do pray blessings on them and I don't

981
00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:28,600
curse them.

982
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:33,160
I hurt when they don't love me because I'm a sanguine personality.

983
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:36,280
Outgoing people want to be loved of loved.

984
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:42,120
And so that's a weakness in me, but I use that weakness as my strength now.

985
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:46,040
I allow God to make the weakness in me strong.

986
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:47,040
Amen.

987
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:52,480
You know, because I realized the weaker I am, it seems like the spirit grows even stronger.

988
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:54,280
And that's the whole point.

989
00:50:54,280 --> 00:51:02,520
The whole point is we see in Romans seven how the real you, the real me is our spirit.

990
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:03,520
Yes.

991
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:04,520
Okay.

992
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:05,640
That's the real me.

993
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:08,920
We are not defined by our flesh.

994
00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:09,920
Amen.

995
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:13,720
We are defined in eternal matters by our spirit.

996
00:51:13,720 --> 00:51:14,720
Amen.

997
00:51:14,720 --> 00:51:20,520
And the problem is that we all mostly tend to see things in the flesh.

998
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:22,040
We look at things in the flesh.

999
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:28,040
We sense things in the flesh instead of staying in the spirit side where we can be ruled by

1000
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:32,080
what the word of God says and we can rule our circumstances.

1001
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:33,400
We can rule our spirit.

1002
00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:34,800
We can rule our soul.

1003
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:36,760
We can rule our flesh.

1004
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:37,920
Key.

1005
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:38,920
That's the key.

1006
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:41,040
We can overcome our own flesh.

1007
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:43,320
It's about our soul getting saved.

1008
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:44,320
Okay.

1009
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:45,320
Amen.

1010
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:46,320
Jesus saved our spirit.

1011
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:52,800
Instantly we were reborn, but it's all about saving our soul, getting our fleshly nature

1012
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:56,640
into sync with the spirit of God.

1013
00:51:56,640 --> 00:52:04,400
And the way you get that rolling in your life, we'll say, is by reading the word, renewing

1014
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:12,640
your mind, knowing what the word of God says over you, as he does everyone, and hiding

1015
00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:18,000
it in your heart, but not just having it in your heart, but working it out and letting

1016
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:19,440
it become spirit.

1017
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:24,480
Because when Jesus came in the flesh, he was the spirit embodied.

1018
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:25,480
Yes.

1019
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:26,480
Very true.

1020
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:28,780
He was the spirit embodied.

1021
00:52:28,780 --> 00:52:34,280
And everything you see Jesus doing, it lines up with your spirit, man.

1022
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:35,920
Like your tricycle wheels.

1023
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:41,360
You just keep going everything, whatever the Bible says, you do what the Bible says.

1024
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:44,400
And then one day it becomes a part of you.

1025
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:52,360
And then the spirit comes alive because that word came alive inside of you, which is Jesus.

1026
00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:55,880
And it's feeding that eclipse.

1027
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:58,880
The light is taking over the soul.

1028
00:52:58,880 --> 00:52:59,880
Yes.

1029
00:52:59,880 --> 00:53:00,880
Yes.

1030
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:01,880
Hallelujah.

1031
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:07,200
And the more angry you are, and the more you chase God, you'll chase him until one day

1032
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:08,680
he'll catch you.

1033
00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:09,680
Yes.

1034
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:13,320
Or you'll catch him, and then he'll push you.

1035
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:14,500
He becomes your wind.

1036
00:53:14,500 --> 00:53:19,880
He becomes that spirit, everything to you.

1037
00:53:19,880 --> 00:53:23,520
The word becomes life.

1038
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:27,360
And suddenly you're able to do the Ten Commandments.

1039
00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:31,960
And the reason you're able to do the Ten Commandments is because the word became life.

1040
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:33,200
It became everything.

1041
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:35,240
It fulfills the law inside of you.

1042
00:53:35,240 --> 00:53:36,240
Yes.

1043
00:53:36,240 --> 00:53:39,600
You no longer have to go in the flesh and say, I have to turn the light switch on three

1044
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:44,160
times before I can actually walk out the door.

1045
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,160
You don't have to do something like that.

1046
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:48,240
It's not a law anymore.

1047
00:53:48,240 --> 00:53:49,960
It becomes a part of who you are.

1048
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:51,520
It's in your DNA now.

1049
00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:52,520
Yes.

1050
00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:53,520
Yes.

1051
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:55,040
Which is Christ's DNA when you get saved.

1052
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:56,040
Exactly.

1053
00:53:56,040 --> 00:54:01,400
And we can behold ourselves in the mirror, a reflection of him.

1054
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:03,200
The bride.

1055
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:04,720
We become the bride.

1056
00:54:04,720 --> 00:54:06,680
We're a reflection.

1057
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:08,920
It's a mystery that two become one.

1058
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:09,920
Right.

1059
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:10,920
Okay.

1060
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:15,060
Well, if there's a mystery of a woman and a man coming one, then there's a mystery in

1061
00:54:15,060 --> 00:54:17,240
you and Christ becoming one.

1062
00:54:17,240 --> 00:54:18,240
Absolutely.

1063
00:54:18,240 --> 00:54:19,880
You become like your father God.

1064
00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:21,160
Now you become the bride.

1065
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:23,480
You become married to Christ.

1066
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:29,200
Now you and Christ are one and now you take on the very DNA of who he is.

1067
00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:30,200
Yes.

1068
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:31,200
Amen.

1069
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:32,200
Absolutely.

1070
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:33,200
Beautiful.

1071
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:34,200
Beautiful.

1072
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:35,200
Beautiful.

1073
00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:36,200
Would you pray for our listeners?

1074
00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:39,240
I believe there's somebody out there who's really being able to relate to some of your

1075
00:54:39,240 --> 00:54:40,240
stories.

1076
00:54:40,240 --> 00:54:42,520
Lord, thank you, Father God.

1077
00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:48,720
Thank you, Lord, that you've given us an opportunity, Lord, just to love on people.

1078
00:54:48,720 --> 00:54:54,280
And Lord, I know God that there are people out there that do not know you as a loving

1079
00:54:54,280 --> 00:54:55,400
father.

1080
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:59,120
And they believe that you're standing over them with this mallet, just beating them in

1081
00:54:59,120 --> 00:55:03,280
the head and telling them how horrible they are.

1082
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:05,320
And God, that's a bondage.

1083
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:10,140
And Lord, I ask you, God, to break that bondage off of their life, Father God, because your

1084
00:55:10,140 --> 00:55:15,340
word says, whom the Son sets free is free indeed, Father God.

1085
00:55:15,340 --> 00:55:21,380
And Lord, I just ask you, Lord, to set them free so that they can come up on the rock,

1086
00:55:21,380 --> 00:55:23,140
the rock of salvation.

1087
00:55:23,140 --> 00:55:28,320
They could come up on that rock and plant themselves, God, by the waters and become

1088
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:33,200
those trees, not those walking trees that everybody else is just moving here.

1089
00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:38,620
Let them plant themselves in your word and in who you are, Father God.

1090
00:55:38,620 --> 00:55:44,200
And Lord, I ask you, God, to bring life to their branches, bring life to their fruit,

1091
00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:49,800
Father God, but not to walk in the flesh any longer, but to come on the other side and

1092
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:54,080
get in your word and renew their minds and allow you to do the work.

1093
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:57,840
It's no longer, I'll clean myself up before I go to church.

1094
00:55:57,840 --> 00:56:00,800
It'll be, I'll go to church so God can clean me up.

1095
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:01,800
Amen.

1096
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:10,320
And God, I pray that every person that hears this understands that God is backwards.

1097
00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:13,400
He's not looking for you to do the work.

1098
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:22,640
He takes you as you are and he cleans you up as you are hungry for him.

1099
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:25,440
We can't change ourselves.

1100
00:56:25,440 --> 00:56:28,600
You've been doing it for 20 years.

1101
00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:35,320
Try it God's way and see if he doesn't show himself glorious in your life.

1102
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:40,440
And you'll find yourself walking and talking and doing things that you never thought you

1103
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:48,000
would do because you sacrificed, you released it, you finally surrendered.

1104
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:49,680
Can't do it without him.

1105
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:52,040
You can't do it without him.

1106
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:53,040
That's right.

1107
00:56:53,040 --> 00:56:58,480
And Lord, right now I pray that the love of the Father would just come into every heart

1108
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:05,280
and every person that just desires to know who you really are, Father.

1109
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:07,960
In Jesus' name, amen.

1110
00:57:07,960 --> 00:57:09,200
Amen.

1111
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:10,200
Thank you so much, Olivia.

1112
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:12,160
We really appreciate you being with us.

1113
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:14,160
Thank you for having me.

1114
00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:15,280
Amen.

1115
00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:25,080
If you enjoyed today's podcast, please subscribe, rate and review this podcast on Apple podcasts

1116
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:27,640
or wherever you listen to podcasts.

1117
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:32,160
Your review helps the podcasting platform suggest this podcast to other listeners who

1118
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:35,760
are also looking for a great move of the Holy Spirit.

1119
00:57:35,760 --> 00:57:41,080
Check out our website at globaloutpouring.org to find out more information, read our blogs,

1120
00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:42,920
connect with us and donate.

1121
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:47,360
You can also browse our web store for life-changing anointed books.

1122
00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:49,920
Until next time, this is Sharon Buss.

1123
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:51,440
And I'm Philip Buss.

1124
00:57:51,440 --> 00:58:06,800
God bless you with His overwhelming loving presence.