WEBVTT 00:00:00.110 --> 00:00:02.870 It's been three days since I found Eric's letter. 00:00:03.710 --> 00:00:05.889 Three days since I caught a new scent of him. 00:00:06.889 --> 00:00:10.050 I don't ever want it to go away, so I keep it 00:00:10.050 --> 00:00:13.390 locked in the box. Whenever I want to smell him, 00:00:13.589 --> 00:00:17.969 I open it. I haven't seen Brandon since our fallout, 00:00:18.449 --> 00:00:22.530 and honestly, I feel bad about it. If he was 00:00:22.530 --> 00:00:25.230 just trying to help and I flipped on him, then 00:00:25.230 --> 00:00:28.149 he's probably avoiding me now. He hasn't done 00:00:28.149 --> 00:00:31.000 anything around my house lately. And it feels 00:00:31.000 --> 00:00:36.219 uncanny. What's worse? I don't even see his car 00:00:36.219 --> 00:00:39.119 in the driveway anymore. Maybe he's at another 00:00:39.119 --> 00:00:43.460 conference or something. I don't know. But guilt 00:00:43.460 --> 00:00:47.579 is tearing me up inside. Five days pass, and 00:00:47.579 --> 00:00:50.780 when I'm out getting groceries, I spot him. He's 00:00:50.780 --> 00:00:53.859 holding a basket. He doesn't come over, so I 00:00:53.859 --> 00:00:56.939 take the initiative and go to him. Brandon gives 00:00:56.939 --> 00:01:01.270 me a small smile. Hey, I haven't seen you in 00:01:01.270 --> 00:01:08.769 a while. I've been about oh Okay, so um The shower 00:01:08.769 --> 00:01:11.750 thing stopped working again. I can give you a 00:01:11.750 --> 00:01:14.310 plumber's number someone who can fix it for you. 00:01:15.269 --> 00:01:18.549 I Watch him carefully His response is totally 00:01:18.549 --> 00:01:21.849 valid, but I don't want anyone else to fix it. 00:01:21.849 --> 00:01:27.049 I want him to fix it I Get it. You're mad. You're 00:01:27.049 --> 00:01:29.870 angry with me And I want to say I'm sorry for 00:01:29.870 --> 00:01:32.489 treating you the way I did. That was uncalled 00:01:32.489 --> 00:01:37.230 for. Brandon shakes his head. It's fine. You're 00:01:37.230 --> 00:01:40.069 grieving your husband. You're just battling emotions. 00:01:40.829 --> 00:01:44.109 I'm just giving you space, Shauna. I grip the 00:01:44.109 --> 00:01:46.469 handle of my trolley, holding on longer than 00:01:46.469 --> 00:01:49.150 I should, because I don't want this moment to 00:01:49.150 --> 00:01:52.349 end. I feel responsible for the tension between 00:01:52.349 --> 00:01:56.829 us, and I want to fix it. Brandon takes a step. 00:01:57.099 --> 00:02:00.260 lifts one of the jam jars from the shelf and 00:02:00.260 --> 00:02:04.700 inspects the label. I have this thing, a party. 00:02:05.659 --> 00:02:07.739 Well, I was invited to one in the neighborhood 00:02:07.739 --> 00:02:10.620 just a few blocks down. Have you heard of it? 00:02:11.240 --> 00:02:15.319 I shake my head. Of course I haven't. I never 00:02:15.319 --> 00:02:17.319 hear about these things because I keep myself 00:02:17.319 --> 00:02:21.479 shut away. Brandon, on the other hand, he mingles. 00:02:22.139 --> 00:02:25.680 He knows people. The Peters, they're having a 00:02:25.680 --> 00:02:29.210 party, he says. Setting the jar back down. And 00:02:29.210 --> 00:02:33.629 I have to bring jam. Jam? A small smile tugs 00:02:33.629 --> 00:02:38.229 at my lips. Why that of all things? He shrugs. 00:02:38.849 --> 00:02:41.830 Maybe it's part of their games? That's weird. 00:02:42.789 --> 00:02:45.789 Brandon smiles faintly. Whatever it is, I won't 00:02:45.789 --> 00:02:49.729 be taking part in any jam eating. Is the invitation 00:02:49.729 --> 00:02:53.729 open? Yeah, totally. You should have gotten one 00:02:53.729 --> 00:02:56.840 in your mailbox. Oh, I haven't checked it all 00:02:56.840 --> 00:03:00.419 week. Then it's probably sitting in there. I 00:03:00.419 --> 00:03:05.259 shake my head. I don't think it is. I get home 00:03:05.259 --> 00:03:08.259 and head straight for the mailbox, already bracing 00:03:08.259 --> 00:03:11.620 for disappointment. I never get invited to anything, 00:03:12.080 --> 00:03:15.539 so why would today be different? Inside are a 00:03:15.539 --> 00:03:20.139 few bills, a flyer, and then I see it. The invitation. 00:03:20.800 --> 00:03:24.060 To the party down the block. When I glance up, 00:03:24.199 --> 00:03:27.479 Brandon is standing by his car. He motions toward 00:03:27.479 --> 00:03:30.479 me as if to ask whether I'd gotten it. I lift 00:03:30.479 --> 00:03:33.280 the flyer and wave it in the air. He gives me 00:03:33.280 --> 00:03:36.879 two thumbs up, grinning. Now I don't even know 00:03:36.879 --> 00:03:40.099 what to bring. The invitation says to carry a 00:03:40.099 --> 00:03:43.819 board game. Scrabble, maybe. Eric and I used 00:03:43.819 --> 00:03:47.240 to play Scrabble all the time. That settles it. 00:03:47.580 --> 00:03:50.879 I'll take that. The real question is what to 00:03:50.879 --> 00:03:54.610 wear. With only two hours notice, I pull on a 00:03:54.610 --> 00:03:57.569 denim jumpsuit. By the time I'm zipping it up, 00:03:57.909 --> 00:04:01.729 a knock comes at the door. It's Brandon. He's 00:04:01.729 --> 00:04:06.050 dressed casually. Tunic and loose pants. So different 00:04:06.050 --> 00:04:09.750 from me, but somehow it works. Want us to walk? 00:04:10.990 --> 00:04:16.089 Um, okay. We stroll down the street in silence. 00:04:16.910 --> 00:04:19.889 He doesn't fill the gaps, doesn't step too close, 00:04:20.490 --> 00:04:23.040 keeps that careful distance. Like we're only 00:04:23.040 --> 00:04:27.259 neighbors, or like we're pretending to be. I 00:04:27.259 --> 00:04:29.800 texted you the plumber's number. Did you get 00:04:29.800 --> 00:04:35.019 it? Yeah, I did. Thanks, but I'd prefer if you 00:04:35.019 --> 00:04:38.240 fixed it. He stops walking. Are you sure about 00:04:38.240 --> 00:04:42.579 that? I nod. Alright, I'll see what I can do. 00:04:43.360 --> 00:04:46.939 I do a small dance inwardly. When we arrive, 00:04:47.319 --> 00:04:51.430 the party is already in full swing. Music. chatter, 00:04:51.670 --> 00:04:54.790 clinking glasses. People gather around tables, 00:04:55.209 --> 00:04:58.389 laughing, playing games. Crackers and spreads 00:04:58.389 --> 00:05:01.069 line the counter, and Brandon's jar of jam has 00:05:01.069 --> 00:05:04.970 been opened, smeared across a plate. Earlier, 00:05:05.310 --> 00:05:08.189 after we got home from the grocery, Brandon had 00:05:08.189 --> 00:05:10.649 passed to drop off his jam and my Scrabble game 00:05:10.649 --> 00:05:14.089 in advance for preparation. The hostess waves 00:05:14.089 --> 00:05:18.370 her hand at another guest. Oh no, that was for 00:05:18.370 --> 00:05:21.629 one of the games. Brandon lifts a brow at me, 00:05:21.810 --> 00:05:25.850 amused. I can't help but smile back. I guess 00:05:25.850 --> 00:05:31.490 they are Jamaholics. He whispers. The night unfolds 00:05:31.490 --> 00:05:34.350 easier than I expect. It feels good to actually 00:05:34.350 --> 00:05:37.889 be out. We sip wine and cocktails, courtesy of 00:05:37.889 --> 00:05:40.870 the host's husband, a skilled bartender. And 00:05:40.870 --> 00:05:44.089 I have to admit, they're really good. For the 00:05:44.089 --> 00:05:48.230 first time in a long while, I feel almost normal. 00:05:49.099 --> 00:05:52.399 The party lasts about four hours, and by the 00:05:52.399 --> 00:05:56.160 time it winds down, it's close to midnight. Brandon 00:05:56.160 --> 00:05:59.120 and I decide to stay back to help clean up, even 00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:02.519 though the hosts insist it's fine. Most of the 00:06:02.519 --> 00:06:05.079 neighbors have already left, but neither of us 00:06:05.079 --> 00:06:08.300 is quite ready to call it a night. When we finally 00:06:08.300 --> 00:06:11.899 finish, it's half past 12, late enough for the 00:06:11.899 --> 00:06:16.819 streets to feel quieter, softer. I'm glad Brandon's 00:06:16.819 --> 00:06:20.959 walking me home. He makes me feel safe. We're 00:06:20.959 --> 00:06:24.920 both a little tipsy, not drunk, just warm and 00:06:24.920 --> 00:06:28.560 giggly. Our shoulders brush now and then, and 00:06:28.560 --> 00:06:32.120 when we bump into each other, he laughs, steadying 00:06:32.120 --> 00:06:36.699 me by the hand. I don't pull away. I just let 00:06:36.699 --> 00:06:40.480 it happen. A second later, he seems to catch 00:06:40.480 --> 00:06:45.060 himself and lets go. It's fine. He hesitates, 00:06:45.300 --> 00:06:48.819 then takes my hand again. We walk in a comfortable 00:06:48.819 --> 00:06:52.120 silence until we reach his walkway. He's about 00:06:52.120 --> 00:06:55.759 to cross me over when I say... You know, I've 00:06:55.759 --> 00:06:58.500 never actually seen inside anyone else's house 00:06:58.500 --> 00:07:01.860 on this street, except the one we were just in. 00:07:02.379 --> 00:07:05.180 And it's strange. It's almost a carbon copy of 00:07:05.180 --> 00:07:08.699 mine. Well, except for one extra room. Isn't 00:07:08.699 --> 00:07:11.800 that weird? Does yours look like that? He shakes 00:07:11.800 --> 00:07:16.399 his head. Not really. The layout's similar, but... 00:07:16.779 --> 00:07:21.319 I did a few changes. Oh. I can show you if you 00:07:21.319 --> 00:07:27.399 want. Show me? Yeah. Um, okay. Though it's late. 00:07:28.019 --> 00:07:31.819 Are you sleepy? I shake my head. Not even a little. 00:07:32.540 --> 00:07:36.120 Truth is, I'm feeling something. But it's not 00:07:36.120 --> 00:07:41.459 sleepiness. Maybe he senses it. Maybe not. Brandon 00:07:41.459 --> 00:07:44.660 releases my hand, walks up the steps and unlocks 00:07:44.660 --> 00:07:48.889 the door. I follow him inside. It's nothing like 00:07:48.889 --> 00:07:54.550 my place. Wow. Did a bit of remodeling. A bit? 00:07:55.209 --> 00:07:58.790 You changed the whole thing. Yep. When Keisha 00:07:58.790 --> 00:08:01.029 and I first moved here, she didn't like the layout. 00:08:01.949 --> 00:08:05.129 Brandon says, leaning against a wall. She wanted 00:08:05.129 --> 00:08:07.629 me to move things around. Just little stuff at 00:08:07.629 --> 00:08:11.350 first. But then she got obsessed. Said it didn't 00:08:11.350 --> 00:08:14.889 feel like home. So we remodeled everything. And 00:08:14.889 --> 00:08:18.649 this... This is what's left. I glance around 00:08:18.649 --> 00:08:22.550 the room. It's beautiful, but in a hollow way. 00:08:23.189 --> 00:08:28.670 Quiet, muted, almost clinical. Mine has color, 00:08:29.470 --> 00:08:34.450 warmth. His place feels gray, like a photograph 00:08:34.450 --> 00:08:37.649 drained of life. I guess she was going for a 00:08:37.649 --> 00:08:40.490 monotone kind of atmosphere. He adds with a small 00:08:40.490 --> 00:08:45.129 shrug. You need a glass of water? I nod. My throat 00:08:45.129 --> 00:08:48.429 is parched from all the wine earlier. He disappears 00:08:48.429 --> 00:08:50.970 into the kitchen and returns with a glass, handing 00:08:50.970 --> 00:08:56.049 it to me. I take a sip, grateful. You can sit. 00:08:56.870 --> 00:09:00.029 I lower myself onto the couch. It's far comfier 00:09:00.029 --> 00:09:03.710 than mine and he sits beside me, sinking into 00:09:03.710 --> 00:09:07.710 the seat. For a moment, we just stare at each 00:09:07.710 --> 00:09:11.009 other. I set the glass down on the coffee table. 00:09:12.169 --> 00:09:15.120 Look. I'm really sorry about the other night. 00:09:15.460 --> 00:09:19.379 I say again. Brandon shakes his head. Why are 00:09:19.379 --> 00:09:22.879 you still apologizing, Shauna? I don't know. 00:09:23.539 --> 00:09:26.799 I just feel bad about how I reacted. The whole 00:09:26.799 --> 00:09:30.759 situation. That was the past. We're here now. 00:09:31.679 --> 00:09:35.879 But are we really okay? I feel like I broke something 00:09:35.879 --> 00:09:40.360 in you. You didn't break anything in me, trust 00:09:40.360 --> 00:09:45.059 me. I smile. relief flickering across my face. 00:09:45.740 --> 00:09:50.299 Good. Silence settles between us again. Not awkward. 00:09:51.580 --> 00:09:56.480 Just... full. Why do you... Why do you keep doing 00:09:56.480 --> 00:10:00.980 things for me? It's not just curiosity. I already 00:10:00.980 --> 00:10:05.960 know why. He likes me. Of course he does. But 00:10:05.960 --> 00:10:08.980 I want to hear it from him. To know that someone 00:10:08.980 --> 00:10:12.649 still sees me. That someone still finds me worth 00:10:12.649 --> 00:10:16.750 doing things for that I can still be liked even 00:10:16.750 --> 00:10:21.529 after being broken He turns fully toward me draping 00:10:21.529 --> 00:10:24.889 his arm over the back of the couch You're a good 00:10:24.889 --> 00:10:28.090 woman Shauna. I saw how you and Eric were how 00:10:28.090 --> 00:10:30.870 much love you had between you No woman deserves 00:10:30.870 --> 00:10:34.009 what happened to you? You deserve everything 00:10:34.009 --> 00:10:38.750 a happy ending He exhales his voice tightening 00:10:39.529 --> 00:10:42.450 I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry you had to go 00:10:42.450 --> 00:10:45.330 through that. I admired you both. And as for 00:10:45.330 --> 00:10:48.909 me, my marriage was a failure. A shamble, really. 00:10:49.509 --> 00:10:52.389 But that was a long time coming. We got married 00:10:52.389 --> 00:10:56.169 young, 19. Thought it was love, but it was just 00:10:56.169 --> 00:10:59.370 lust. Or comfort, I don't even know anymore. 00:11:00.750 --> 00:11:04.009 He looks away for a moment. Seeing you go through 00:11:04.009 --> 00:11:07.870 this, after having something real, it breaks 00:11:07.870 --> 00:11:12.450 me. You deserve more, Shauna. You really do. 00:11:13.750 --> 00:11:17.110 I blink up at him, caught off guard. I didn't 00:11:17.110 --> 00:11:20.809 expect any of that. God, I don't even know what 00:11:20.809 --> 00:11:24.230 I was expecting. Tears well in my eyes before 00:11:24.230 --> 00:11:27.710 I can stop them. Because he just reminded me 00:11:27.710 --> 00:11:32.129 of what I lost. Of Eric's love. The kind of love 00:11:32.129 --> 00:11:36.029 I'd give anything to feel again. Brandon gets 00:11:36.029 --> 00:11:38.960 up. Walks to the side table and hands me a box 00:11:38.960 --> 00:11:43.860 of tissues. I wipe my eyes. Sorry. I whisper. 00:11:44.639 --> 00:11:48.019 Don't you ever apologize for your feelings. I 00:11:48.019 --> 00:11:50.139 finish my glass of water and set it back on the 00:11:50.139 --> 00:11:53.159 coffee table. But then I hesitate, pick it up 00:11:53.159 --> 00:11:57.120 again, and hand it to him as I stand. I should 00:11:57.120 --> 00:11:59.919 probably call it a night. I say, glancing at 00:11:59.919 --> 00:12:03.559 my watch. It's late. I'll walk you to your door. 00:12:04.759 --> 00:12:07.120 Brandon sets the glass down and opens the door 00:12:07.120 --> 00:12:10.820 for me. The chilly air hits my face, sobering 00:12:10.820 --> 00:12:14.019 me slightly, reminding me just how late it is. 00:12:14.779 --> 00:12:17.899 The wine still hums in my system, loosening my 00:12:17.899 --> 00:12:21.000 thoughts, making me think in ways I probably 00:12:21.000 --> 00:12:24.480 shouldn't. I don't want to ruin this, whatever 00:12:24.480 --> 00:12:29.240 this is. I like Brandon the way he is. Kind. 00:12:30.019 --> 00:12:34.330 Steady. Safe. He follows me across the street 00:12:34.330 --> 00:12:38.309 and waits until I step inside. Thank you for 00:12:38.309 --> 00:12:42.350 tonight, for reminding me about the party, and 00:12:42.350 --> 00:12:46.730 for showing me your house. Not a problem. I return 00:12:46.730 --> 00:12:50.690 the smile. You have a good night, okay? Yeah, 00:12:51.009 --> 00:12:54.809 you too. I close the door, listening to his footsteps 00:12:54.809 --> 00:12:58.389 fade. When I'm sure he's gone, I slump to the 00:12:58.389 --> 00:13:01.029 floor, leaning against the door and exhaling 00:13:01.029 --> 00:13:04.080 hard. I don't even know what I'm feeling right 00:13:04.080 --> 00:13:08.360 now. Grief, relief, or something in between. 00:13:09.440 --> 00:13:12.639 But for the first time, I've let myself feel 00:13:12.639 --> 00:13:17.100 again. And what I feel for Brandon, it's more 00:13:17.100 --> 00:13:21.340 than friendship. And it hurts. It fucking hurts. 00:13:22.000 --> 00:13:24.419 Because even though Eric told me to move on, 00:13:24.740 --> 00:13:28.179 it still doesn't feel right. Brandon messages 00:13:28.179 --> 00:13:31.360 me to say he's home safely, and I smile at my 00:13:31.360 --> 00:13:34.350 phone. He adds that he won't be able to do the 00:13:34.350 --> 00:13:36.730 plumbing tomorrow, but will be free the day after. 00:13:37.669 --> 00:13:39.830 I send him a thumbs up and a quick good night. 00:13:40.590 --> 00:13:43.710 It usually takes me forever to fall asleep, my 00:13:43.710 --> 00:13:46.110 mind always spinning with thoughts of Eric and 00:13:46.110 --> 00:13:50.190 everything I've lost. But tonight, maybe it was 00:13:50.190 --> 00:13:53.090 the wine, maybe it was the warmth of Brandon's 00:13:53.090 --> 00:13:59.850 company. I fall asleep like a baby. Two days 00:13:59.850 --> 00:14:02.669 later, Brandon shows up at my doorstep with two 00:14:02.669 --> 00:14:05.990 tool bags. He actually looks like a plumber. 00:14:06.210 --> 00:14:10.350 Plaid shirt, cargo pants, work boots. I poke 00:14:10.350 --> 00:14:13.669 fun at his uniform and he chuckles. Before starting, 00:14:13.710 --> 00:14:17.429 he turns off the water system. No surprise showers 00:14:17.429 --> 00:14:21.090 this time, he says with a grin. While he works, 00:14:21.149 --> 00:14:24.610 I fetch him a glass of water. I don't stay upstairs. 00:14:25.289 --> 00:14:28.649 It feels strange. Another man in my marital home. 00:14:29.100 --> 00:14:32.960 A man I secretly like, even though I shouldn't. 00:14:33.379 --> 00:14:35.899 I stay downstairs watching TV until I hear him 00:14:35.899 --> 00:14:39.139 call my name. When I head back up, there's a 00:14:39.139 --> 00:14:41.519 brand new shower head gleaming under the light. 00:14:42.480 --> 00:14:45.419 Brandon turns to me. Did you know the old one 00:14:45.419 --> 00:14:50.740 had a timer? A timer? I frown. Yeah. It shuts 00:14:50.740 --> 00:14:52.639 off after a certain amount of time, but it was 00:14:52.639 --> 00:14:57.100 malfunctioning. Didn't you know? I shrug. I think 00:14:57.100 --> 00:15:01.080 Eric bought it, so... He must have known. He 00:15:01.080 --> 00:15:05.659 studies me for a second. Huh. What? Nothing. 00:15:07.360 --> 00:15:09.299 Just... Well, you said it's been happening for 00:15:09.299 --> 00:15:11.919 a while and he never told you. Maybe he just 00:15:11.919 --> 00:15:14.779 wanted you to call him. You know, feel useful. 00:15:15.799 --> 00:15:21.240 I smile, shaking my head. Useful? Yeah. Let him 00:15:21.240 --> 00:15:25.919 fix things. Made him feel needed. I pause, the 00:15:25.919 --> 00:15:30.190 thought sinking in. Wow. I never saw it that 00:15:30.190 --> 00:15:35.370 way. It makes sense. And it does. Eric used to 00:15:35.370 --> 00:15:37.370 tinker with that shower even when he was too 00:15:37.370 --> 00:15:40.490 weak to stand. Maybe that was his way of holding 00:15:40.490 --> 00:15:45.529 on. Of taking care of me one last time. Brandon 00:15:45.529 --> 00:15:49.110 breaks the silence. Anyway, it's all good now. 00:15:49.730 --> 00:15:52.610 Your shower's ready for the taking. I smile up 00:15:52.610 --> 00:15:56.370 at him. Thank you so much for this. He shrugs. 00:15:56.700 --> 00:16:01.340 Call me anytime. You have my number. As he gathers 00:16:01.340 --> 00:16:04.879 his tools and heads downstairs, I say, Oh, wait, 00:16:04.960 --> 00:16:07.659 I baked a cake for you. He stops, surprised. 00:16:08.259 --> 00:16:12.860 Cake? Yeah, carrot. Do you eat carrot cake? I 00:16:12.860 --> 00:16:15.000 wasn't sure, but I felt like baking something. 00:16:15.740 --> 00:16:20.179 Yeah, I do. I hand him the loaf pan. He grins 00:16:20.179 --> 00:16:23.360 and gives it a long inhale. You know I'm totally 00:16:23.360 --> 00:16:31.019 going to finish this in an hour, right? I laugh 00:16:31.019 --> 00:16:34.840 again, watching him go to my door. Brandon doesn't 00:16:34.840 --> 00:16:38.000 look like a man who eats cake for comfort. But 00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:41.320 if he does devour an entire loaf, he won't gain 00:16:41.320 --> 00:16:44.799 a goddamn thing. Brandon pauses at the bottom 00:16:44.799 --> 00:16:48.480 of my stairs, both tool bags and cake in hand. 00:16:49.379 --> 00:16:52.279 He hesitates, shifting his weight like he's debating 00:16:52.279 --> 00:16:58.679 something big. I blink at him. Brandon? He exhales, 00:16:59.000 --> 00:17:01.440 sets one bag down and scratches the back of his 00:17:01.440 --> 00:17:05.059 neck. There's a deep breath. Then he lets it 00:17:05.059 --> 00:17:07.819 out slowly, like the world might end with his 00:17:07.819 --> 00:17:12.039 next words. Can I take you out for dinner? My 00:17:12.039 --> 00:17:15.700 eyes widen. I wasn't expecting that. Not now. 00:17:16.299 --> 00:17:19.779 Not like this. He notices my silence and rushes 00:17:19.779 --> 00:17:23.299 to add... It's okay if it's too soon. If you're 00:17:23.299 --> 00:17:28.210 not ready, or... Yes. Yes? Yes, I'll go on a 00:17:28.210 --> 00:17:32.150 date with you. His face lights up, just a flicker 00:17:32.150 --> 00:17:35.210 at first, then a full boyish grin that makes 00:17:35.210 --> 00:17:42.130 my chest tighten. You will? I nod. Great. His 00:17:42.130 --> 00:17:45.009 voice softens. I'll message you the time and 00:17:45.009 --> 00:17:49.289 place. We'll take it from there, okay? Okay. 00:17:50.069 --> 00:17:52.670 He picks up his bag again, tucks the loaf pan 00:17:52.670 --> 00:17:56.329 under one arm. and heads toward the door. This 00:17:56.329 --> 00:17:59.569 time, his steps are sure, his shoulders straight. 00:18:00.509 --> 00:18:02.930 Like the simple act of asking me has given him 00:18:02.930 --> 00:18:06.369 new confidence. I watch from the doorway as he 00:18:06.369 --> 00:18:09.710 crosses the street, the evening sunset illuminating 00:18:09.710 --> 00:18:13.650 on his back. For the first time in a long time, 00:18:14.250 --> 00:18:19.410 something warm unfurls inside me. Brandon reminds 00:18:19.410 --> 00:18:21.990 me of an excited schoolboy on his first date. 00:18:22.569 --> 00:18:25.990 When he comes over to greet me, he brings a single 00:18:25.990 --> 00:18:30.109 rose. I have no idea where he got it, but the 00:18:30.109 --> 00:18:34.970 way he presents it, nervous, hopeful, it's one 00:18:34.970 --> 00:18:37.710 of the sweetest things I've ever seen. The restaurant 00:18:37.710 --> 00:18:41.730 he chose is elegant, maybe too elegant. I should 00:18:41.730 --> 00:18:44.849 have dressed up more. My cocktail dress suddenly 00:18:44.849 --> 00:18:47.970 feels too casual for a place like this, where 00:18:47.970 --> 00:18:51.119 the air hums with quiet sophistication. and the 00:18:51.119 --> 00:18:54.720 women wear gowns that brush the floor. Still, 00:18:55.079 --> 00:18:57.400 Brandon doesn't seem to notice. He talks about 00:18:57.400 --> 00:19:00.680 work, about the new interns, about small things 00:19:00.680 --> 00:19:03.960 that keep conversation easy. I laugh more than 00:19:03.960 --> 00:19:07.599 I expect to. He insists I try the chocolate cake 00:19:07.599 --> 00:19:10.779 for dessert, but it's so huge I can't finish 00:19:10.779 --> 00:19:14.339 it. After dinner, we take a slow walk down the 00:19:14.339 --> 00:19:17.680 street, then circle back to the car park. The 00:19:17.680 --> 00:19:21.650 night is calm, the breeze soft. Brandon is sweet. 00:19:22.230 --> 00:19:25.730 As always. So much that it reminds me of Eric. 00:19:26.690 --> 00:19:30.009 He's gentle like Eric was. And that gentleness 00:19:30.009 --> 00:19:33.309 makes my chest ache. It makes me want to cry. 00:19:33.890 --> 00:19:38.430 But I don't. And I won't. I refuse to ruin the 00:19:38.430 --> 00:19:41.589 night with my tears. I hate that I keep reminding 00:19:41.589 --> 00:19:44.130 him how deeply Eric still lives in my heart. 00:19:45.049 --> 00:19:48.859 He knows it. But it must be exhausting. watching 00:19:48.859 --> 00:19:51.940 me crumble every time a memory slips through. 00:19:52.839 --> 00:19:55.579 Brandon walks me to my front door. When I unlock 00:19:55.579 --> 00:19:59.980 it, he smiles softly. Hope you enjoyed your night, 00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:05.039 Shauna. I did. It was lovely, thank you. I can't 00:20:05.039 --> 00:20:06.920 even remember the last time I went out dressed 00:20:06.920 --> 00:20:10.480 up like this. It felt like a breath of fresh 00:20:10.480 --> 00:20:16.059 air. Brandon's smile widens. Good. I'm glad you 00:20:16.059 --> 00:20:19.380 enjoyed it. You look happy. I like seeing you 00:20:19.380 --> 00:20:24.220 smile. He pauses, his voice lowering. You have 00:20:24.220 --> 00:20:29.059 a beautiful smile. I stare up at him. Every time 00:20:29.059 --> 00:20:32.440 I look at this man, I wonder, if I kissed him, 00:20:32.680 --> 00:20:35.700 would it be a sin? Would I be betraying Eric's 00:20:35.700 --> 00:20:38.779 memory? Would his kiss erase what's left of the 00:20:38.779 --> 00:20:42.519 man I loved? It's as if Brandon reads my thoughts. 00:20:43.420 --> 00:20:48.380 He leans in, hesitant, and my body tenses. He 00:20:48.380 --> 00:20:50.819 notices immediately and starts to pull back, 00:20:51.039 --> 00:20:56.339 murmuring, I'm sorry, I... But I stop him. My 00:20:56.339 --> 00:20:58.960 hand rises to his cheek, and I pull him toward 00:20:58.960 --> 00:21:05.079 me. The kiss is soft, sweet, tender. Nothing 00:21:05.079 --> 00:21:08.039 about it feels wrong. It feels like breathing 00:21:08.039 --> 00:21:11.460 for the first time after being underwater. When 00:21:11.460 --> 00:21:15.319 I pull away, I wipe my lips, my heart trembling. 00:21:16.350 --> 00:21:20.390 Brandon just stands there, stunned, his fingers 00:21:20.390 --> 00:21:23.549 brushing the corner of his mouth. Have a good 00:21:23.549 --> 00:21:26.869 night, Brandon. I whisper, before closing the 00:21:26.869 --> 00:21:30.390 door and disappearing behind it. And just like 00:21:30.390 --> 00:21:34.390 that, something new begins in my life. I slip 00:21:34.390 --> 00:21:37.529 into bed wearing my silk pajamas, feeling warm 00:21:37.529 --> 00:21:41.250 and fuzzy inside. The night replays in my head. 00:21:41.809 --> 00:21:46.730 His smile, his gentleness, that kiss. Brandon 00:21:46.730 --> 00:21:48.769 reminds me of the way Eric once looked at me 00:21:48.769 --> 00:21:54.349 in those early years. Soft, careful, full of 00:21:54.349 --> 00:21:57.430 promise. Sometimes I wonder if that's what draws 00:21:57.430 --> 00:22:01.309 me to him, the familiarity. But I know Brandon 00:22:01.309 --> 00:22:07.049 isn't a replacement. He's just different. Still, 00:22:07.609 --> 00:22:10.829 as sleep creeps in, I curl up with one of Eric's 00:22:10.829 --> 00:22:13.730 old shirts, pressing it close to my chest and 00:22:13.730 --> 00:22:16.980 breathing in what's left of his scent. The warmth 00:22:16.980 --> 00:22:19.680 in my heart collides with the ache in my soul. 00:22:20.579 --> 00:22:23.799 And somewhere between both, I finally drift off. 00:22:25.880 --> 00:22:28.480 For the next few weeks, Brandon keeps setting 00:22:28.480 --> 00:22:32.440 up dates for us. Twice a week, sometimes more. 00:22:33.420 --> 00:22:35.920 Sometimes it's a walk in the park, sometimes 00:22:35.920 --> 00:22:39.259 a fancy dinner. Other times he just texts me 00:22:39.259 --> 00:22:43.259 out of the blue. You free for lunch? And I always 00:22:43.259 --> 00:22:47.220 say yes. I enjoy his company, maybe more than 00:22:47.220 --> 00:22:50.440 I should, but part of me worries I'm moving too 00:22:50.440 --> 00:22:54.799 fast. Brandon takes things slow. Since that night, 00:22:55.259 --> 00:22:57.839 the night of our kiss, he hasn't tried anything 00:22:57.839 --> 00:23:01.940 again. I think he's being careful, giving me 00:23:01.940 --> 00:23:07.119 space. Still, I find myself yearning for his 00:23:07.119 --> 00:23:10.279 touch, for that quiet moment when his lips met 00:23:10.279 --> 00:23:14.670 mine. Maybe it'll happen again soon. maybe even 00:23:14.670 --> 00:23:18.490 tomorrow. We have a dinner date planned, a dockside 00:23:18.490 --> 00:23:21.210 restaurant overlooking the water, with yachts 00:23:21.210 --> 00:23:24.069 swaying beneath the moonlight. Just thinking 00:23:24.069 --> 00:23:26.710 about it makes me nervous and excited all at 00:23:26.710 --> 00:23:31.609 once. It's Saturday, and I've just returned from 00:23:31.609 --> 00:23:35.089 the grocery store. I haven't seen Brandon all 00:23:35.089 --> 00:23:38.369 morning, but he messaged me about our plans tonight. 00:23:39.329 --> 00:23:42.069 I head toward the mailbox. figuring I'll check 00:23:42.069 --> 00:23:45.430 the mail I missed yesterday. That's when a black 00:23:45.430 --> 00:23:47.849 tinted car pulls up in front of Brandon's house. 00:23:48.549 --> 00:23:52.589 I pause, watching from across the street. A woman 00:23:52.589 --> 00:23:57.230 steps out. Elegant, confident, and achingly familiar. 00:23:58.329 --> 00:24:02.869 My heart clenches. It's her. Keisha. Brandon's 00:24:02.869 --> 00:24:08.670 ex -wife. No, not ex -wife. His goddamn wife. 00:24:15.339 --> 00:24:19.420 Hey Raiders, you have met the end of The Widow, 00:24:19.700 --> 00:24:23.599 part two. Stay tuned for part three, the final 00:24:23.599 --> 00:24:26.579 episode of the season. And if you haven't already, 00:24:27.200 --> 00:24:30.420 subscribe, share, and follow me on TikTok and 00:24:30.420 --> 00:24:32.700 YouTube. See ya, bye.