Lord, forgive me for I am a sinner. I've always done good by the book. I've always done good deeds.
I've never done anything to dissatisfy you, but ever since Danny Faltrow came into my life,
she has set me back years of hard work and dedication.
Two months ago, when she walked through those double doors with her mother,
I thought she was heaven sent. It might just be blasphemy, but that was how she felt to me.
I couldn't stop looking at her, and I still can't. She is the epitome of beauty. She is beauty.
My plan is always simple. Stay headstrong, serve the Lord, be kind, and become a pastor.
I was 10 when my mom first brought me to church. They sang, and they gave out food.
And it was one of my best days ever. From that day, I had planned to serve the Lord for all the days of
my life. But now, everything has changed since Danny. She's bad. She's rotten. She's everything
terrible for me, but yet I still want her. Danny is the forbidden apple. I know she sees me looking
at her. I always take quick glances. She is beautiful. She is magnificent, a true temptress.
For the time she has been at this church, we've only crossed paths seven times. It is usually
met with a hi, hello or short wave. It's sad because I want more. I want to talk to her.
I want to know what she's like, how she processes things. But based on the whispers and gossip,
especially the ones my mother speaks about, Danny is the one to stay away from.
Danny's mother was a stripper, but now she waits tables. I don't know why they would judge Danny
based on that or the ears of her mother, but that's how it can be sometimes. Our church isn't perfect,
but it helps. I didn't see Danny last Sunday or even the Sunday before that, but I guess she wasn't
in the mood for church or had something else to do. She does that sometimes, disappear, and then
show up. And the crappy thing about that is when she doesn't show up, my mind goes into disarray.
I begin wondering what she's doing and where she is. She's my unhealthy obsession. Today,
I'm sitting behind the pastor on the stage because I'm his assistant. The pastor is also my father,
my stepfather. Richard met my mom at this church, and two years later, he married her and made us a
family. Ever since then, I've loved him as a father and I wanted to do good by him. I follow him as a
leader. I wanted to be a pastor just like him. But now, I just want Danny. My father is carrying on a
sermon and Danny is sitting near the front row. She's watching me. Her eyes are fixated on me.
I don't know why because I have never spoken to this girl. I've had only two sentences with her.
And that's a lot. But Danny always does this. She always sits close to the front and stares at me.
The feelings I get when I look back at her worry me. These feelings are just like the ones I felt
back in high school. I had control over it then. But now it's different. Maybe it's because I want
to act on them. Maybe it's because of her. My father is finished with his speech and everyone
is clapping but Danny. She isn't clapping because she's still staring at me. Despite having an
air conditioned room, I feel hot. My forehead is damp. I get up and leave walking towards the
washroom area in the hallway and wet my face. I would think it should be easier to control these
thoughts, these feelings as an older adult. But it's not. When I was 16, it had been easy. But now,
at 22, it's not. I've had my share of women, but I've never done anything to compromise my faith.
Yes, I'm a virgin, but my lips aren't. I've kissed girls before. But that was it. I never let
it get beyond that. When I'm sure I'm fine and the feelings in my groin area have subsided,
I head back out. The choir is now singing and Danny is no longer sitting at the front.
My eyes quickly scan the room. She usually wears bright colors and today she is wearing pink,
but I'm not seeing the bubblegum pink dress she's wearing. She's gone. Damn.
The week passes and I can't tell you how many times I've thought about Danny. She's on my mind
24-7. I'm reading the Bible stories to the kids and my mind is on Danny. I'm taking a dump,
praying, eating, chatting with my dad about the next sermon and my mind is on Danny. It's unhealthy.
We are supposed to be having a barbecue fundraising event tomorrow, Saturday, and everyone,
including Danny and her mom, is invited. The sad thing is that I don't think she'll come.
She never shows up to any of the events we have. Saturday comes and it's busy. Mom and dad,
along with others in the church, spend the entire morning preparing for the event. By one o'clock,
everyone is here. We are utilizing a community center so we have a lot of space and there's also
a field at the back for playing games. Meredith is in charge of the games, so when three o'clock
arrives, she begins setting it up. I'm sharing plates for the pastries and snacks when Danny
enters with her mom. My heart skitters because I'm not expecting her. She leaves her mom and
heads for the girls she usually hangs with. She's wearing a green t-shirt and short jeans.
The older women are staring and whispering. Danny isn't wearing what we would consider modest,
so everyone is going to talk. But I like it. I like her. The baby tee jersey she's wearing
is exposing her navel ring. It's a gold heart and it shakes every time she moves.
Danny is talking with everyone except me, but I guess I know why. I'm not cool enough.
I get it. I'm the church boy. The pastor's son with no fun. My eyes follow her every move.
She's laughing and talking with them, and though she's only 19, she gets along well with those
in their mid and late 20s. She doesn't see the teenagers as her equals. Now, I just don't feel
like helping my father anymore. It's too much to be standing here watching her. I tell him,
I'm going for a bathroom break, but really, I'm just going in the bathroom to sit and think,
or at least try to erase the thoughts of Danny in my head. I splash my face with water. I'm
handsome. I'm put together. I don't stink. So why does she not want to talk with me? Why would
she stare and not say hi? I know I should be the one to approach her, but it might not sit well
with my mother or anyone else at the church. I'm the good boy. I'm supposed to lead by example.
Being seen with Danny comes like an abomination. The door makes a sound, and at first, I thought it
was someone else coming in to use the washroom. But when I turn, it's Danny standing at the door.
My heart goes into overdrive. My heart begins to speed up, and I can't even move.
She is standing there with her baby T and shorts holding on to the door handle.
She's staring at me, and I'm staring back at her. Why is she here? Why is she in the men's toilet?
She takes another step inside and closes the door behind her, locking it. I take a step back.
I have no idea what she's doing or why she's doing it, but it's not a good time. Here is not the
place. I take another step back, only to realize I'm against the wall. My breaths are now heavy,
and I can't even breathe. Danny moves like a cat, tilting her head as if to observe me.
Danny, I say. It's Danny, right? She nods. And you're Seiko, right? She finally says.
I nod too. What are you doing in here? You know this is the-
Male toilet? I know. She says. Then why? I came to see you, Seiko. Me?
It comes out high-pitched, like a wounded dog. Danny laughs and takes a step towards me,
stopping mere inches from my face. I can smell her. I can even feel her.
Why is she so close? This is not good. This is not good at all. She gives me a little smile.
Relax. I don't bite. Then her eyes drift down my body and stop just where I know it doesn't
feel right. Do you always get this aroused for everything? I shake my head. No. Why are you here,
Danny? You shouldn't be in here. She tilts her head. Why? Because it's the male toilet.
And your presence makes me feel uneasy. How uneasy? You make me feel things. I'm not supposed to be
feeling. My heart is now going at an unstoppable speed. She's so close, I can smell the strawberries
in her hair. Like? Like this, Danny. I point at my pants. I'm not supposed to be feeling like this.
I'm not supposed to be aroused or have an erection. She slides her palm up and over my
shoulder. But it's only natural, Seiko. What you're feeling is perfectly normal for someone you're
attracted to. No. I shake my head. This is not the example I wish to set. I'm supposed to become a
pastor. Oh, do you really want to be a pastor? I nod. What about it? She asks. What about being a
pastor is so great. You, you get to serve the people. You get to serve the Lord. You get to
make it to heaven. You. I stopped talking when Danny reaches out and grips my crotch.
I can make you feel like you're in heaven now. I shake my head, but I don't push her hands away.
I don't stop her. I don't tell her it's wrong. I just let her continue to hold me and shake my head.
How does that feel? She rubs her palm up and down over my erection.
She rubs her palm up and down over my erection. Good, I say. It, it feels good.
Do you want me to stop? I shake my head again, telling her no, when I should have been nodding
to tell her yes, but I don't want her to stop. Her touching me like this feels good,
sinfully good. If judgment is to come now, then I'll. Danny takes her other hand and slides it
up my t-shirt. Jesus, you're ripped. Please don't call the Lord's name Danny. I say through trembling
breaths. She remains quiet, moving her palm up and down my chest while squeezing my groin area.
This is all wrong. I should tell her to stop, but I don't want to. I can't. This is Danny.
This is all the feelings I've been having in my head, all the things I wanted to do with her.
My wishes are coming to reality. When she leans in closer, I smell her neck. I want to kiss her
there, but I don't. I don't give in to the temptations. You smell good, I say. Danny releases
me and steps away, leaving my mind frazzled. I can't comprehend why she's doing this,
why she's stopping, why she's teasing me and then pulling away.
Who sent you? Was it my father? He might do something like this as a test. She shakes her head.
I don't want to do anything you don't want to do, Seiko. But I never told you to stop.
But you never asked me to do it in the first place. Then why would you do it? Why would you touch
me like that? Because, uh, she shakes her head. Because what? Because I don't know, Seiko. So why
did you come in here? Did you decide to play a joke on me because I'm the quiet church boy?
Because I don't talk to anyone other than my parents and people who need help with actual things?
No, it's not that. She glances away. Don't lie, Danny. All right. She rubs her elbow.
No. It's because I like you. You like me? I laugh. Did they put you up to this? Who?
Your friends, the ones you were talking with outside. No. Then why me? Why like me out of all people?
Because you stood out. Everyone is fake around here. People pretend as if they like you when
really they are talking behind your back. At least with you, I can feel good energy. You just be
real and avoid me. I don't avoid you. Is that what you think? Yes, you're not like the rest.
So you came to me. You chose to tempt me because I wasn't like the rest.
My anger is burning inside me. And now I know why she is considered to be the bad Apple.
But even with everything she said, I don't want her to go. Danny turns and moves to the sink.
I'm not the one you want, Danny. I can't give you anything. She inhales and exhales while watching
herself in the mirror. Then she sighs. I'm sorry for coming in here. You're right. This should
have never happened. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking she runs, but I stop her. Wait. I reach her by the
door. I like you too, Danny. She gives me a half smile, but my words mean nothing. So I take her
small hand and kiss the back of it. My mind was telling me not to do it. And I know I shouldn't
have been doing this. But my heart craves more. I don't remove her hands from my lips. Instead,
I begin trailing small kisses to her wrist and up to the dent in her elbow.
Danny, let's go a small sigh. Tell me to stop, Danny. And I will.
Don't stop. I do a small dance inside my head because I don't want this to end.
The moment I go back out there, it's back to normal. It's as if everything in here never
happened. I prolong my kisses because if I do anything else, I may never come back from here.
Wait, Danny says softly. I start thinking she doesn't want to do this anymore,
and that I'm just as bad as the other guys. But instead, she reaches behind her and unclasps
her bra. It falls away from beneath her tiny green t-shirt. I lose all my senses and my breath is
gone.
Danny, I rasp.
Is this too much?
I remain mum. Answering her might just get me into trouble. She moves to lift her t-shirt,
but I stop her, resting my hands on her chest. Really, it was to stop her. But now my brain takes
it for something else. I shouldn't have touched her because now I want to taste her. I move my
hands over her chest and finish lifting the t-shirt. I'm a bad man. I'm a sinner. Lord,
forgive me because my thoughts and actions are impure. Danny's breasts are now exposed,
and her nipples stand erect. I move my hands over them, and she laughs.
You're acting like you've never touched breasts before.
Because I haven't. She covers my hands with hers.
Good, then. I'll be your first.
When she presses my palms into her chest, helping me need her breasts, she says,
I want to be your first for everything.
My eyes close at the thought of that. My mind wanders to everything ungodly.
Danny is now flush against the door, so if anyone is passing or if anyone wants to use
the washroom, we are screwed. My entire life will be up in flames, and everything I've worked for
is going to disappear in a second. But at this point, I don't care. At this very moment, I do
not care. Danny licks her lips, waiting for me to do something. And then I do the unthinkable.
Before I know it, I lean in, putting my mouth on her breast. I'm sucking hard. I'm squeezing her
against me into my mouth, and she tastes good. So pure. I devour her more. I'm so hard right now
that any mistake, anything I do from this moment can be the change of things.
Danny moans my name out loud, and I stifle her mouth with my other palm. I don't want us to get caught.
She holds my head, pressing me onto her chest as I milk her with my mouth.
She pushes me away, her breath heavy and breathy as if she'd just run a mile.
She drops to her knees and frantically unzips my pants. I don't stop her. She can do whatever she
wants. There's no going back, and I've acknowledged that. Danny yanks my pants and boxers down,
making my penis spring free. It's the hardest I've ever seen it. She takes it into her hand,
and begins stroking it. Pleasure comes to me in two folds. Her stroking me like this
feels insanely good. I groan out loud, and she puts her finger on her lips. This is sinful.
This is wrong, but yet it feels so damn good. She continues to stroke me. Danny lowers her head.
You don't have to. Stop. She fills her mouth with my penis and sucks. Damn it. She's a soul
sucker. That's how it feels. That's how I feel right now, as if she's sucking my very being
of existence. This is raw pleasure. So raw that I don't ever want to go back to not having this.
A guttural sound escapes my mouth. I don't even make it past two minutes because
a burst of relief escapes me right into her mouth. Danny smiles and swallows, licking her lips.
But I'm not smiling. I just came in her mouth. I just did the unthinkable. I had sex before marriage.
I had dirty, unholy sex with the girl I have been crushing on for the last few weeks.
Now, I'm a sinner. I'm a heathen, and the crappy thing about it is that I want to do it again.
I want to have her suck me off and ejaculate in her dirty little mouth. Danny stands and reaches
for her bra. She puts it on, knowing that I'm watching her. I want her. I want her every day.
I want her in my life. I want this. She reaches for the door handle, but I stop her again.
I want to see you again. She smiles and digs into her back pocket, handing me a slip of paper.
This is my number. Call me. She unlocks the door and opens it with a grin.
See you later, Church Boy.