Hey girl, sit tight, don't mind the chaos, and
just smile. Hi besties. What is up besties? It
is your host, Zoe, and I am back with another
freaking episode on the Did I Overshare podcast
today. How are my besties doing? I hope you guys
are having a great week. I know it just started,
but I hope it's been great to you, nonetheless.
And if you are new... What the fuck is up? Thank
you for joining this brother coaster. If you're
not new, you already know what the fuck's up.
What's today's episode gonna be about? You may
ask. Today's episode is ending the cycles called,
Healing is Refusing to Repeat the Cycle. Right?
Right, right, right. And... Like I said, ending
the cycles. Before we get into this, if you end
up liking this show, liking this episode, please
leave a five star rating and a review. It helps
me so much. It helps the podcast grow. And yeah,
thank you so much for listening and listening.
So like I said, the title of this is going to
be healing is refusing to repeat the cycle. A
couple of different things I want you to think
about as we talk about this today, building something
new. seeing the pattern in this, feeling the
grief, losing relationships, having boundaries
and standing firm on them, getting therapy. When
things come up, like the patterns and stuff,
like I said before, name it, see it, you know,
describe it. How is it? And I think the reason
why I wanted to talk about ending cycles is because
I feel like no matter where you are in life,
how far you are, you are going through a cycle
at that point. No matter what it is, you could
be going through multiple different cycles. Cycles
are all across the board. Some I have written
down are, what, like trauma, family, friends,
work, money, our triggers, how we apologize.
There's cycles in everything and how we learn
and grow. I think starting from childhood, everything
kind of starts, everything kind of builds. And
whether we're talking cycles as in ancestral
cycles, things that have been going on in your
family forever. My cat is about to be a menace.
Just want to let you guys know. Things that have
been going on in your family forever or cycles
of addiction, cycles of bad friendships, cycles
of bad jobs. bad money habits. There are so many
different cycles that we deal with as humans
and I feel like I wanted to touch on that because
I think going through these changes and having
these cycles is a beautiful thing but it is a
very exhausting thing at the same time and I
think not enough of us give ourselves grace for
going through this and also being aware of it
and being the one to take it on. So yeah, choosing
yourself is, in my opinion, number one in breaking
a cycle. And no matter what the cycle is, I think
that choosing yourself is the strongest thing
to lean towards first, like not fixing money
or doing something else irrelevant. I think a
cycle starts with you. whether it be something
direct or indirect that you're dealing with,
I think it starts with you. How are you approaching
this? How have you been dealing with this? How
did this even come to fruition? Like, you know,
what are we doing here? And two, I think one
of the best things in my opinion that I've learned
when going through cycles is for me, I think
patterns come into play. I know personally for
me, let me know if it does for you guys as well,
but When I start getting into situations, I like
the same things start happening like they did
years prior or months prior with like the same
but kind of different situation. But the principle
is still the same at the end of the day. But
what I'll notice is the same things are happening
or the same things he being said or I'm feeling
the same or somebody is reminding me of somebody.
That's when you know, hey, This might be a pattern
and this might be another cycle we need to break.
Is this another lesson you need to learn? What's
going on here? Like, how can I analyze this situation?
And I think analyzing situation is our number
one goal when it comes to a cycle. So let's say,
what's a good one? No, I don't feel like I'm...
Okay, let's say the cycle is going back to your
ex, right? Why, why are you going back to your
ex? I think in my, what works best for me is
locating a feeling first. Or like, why, why do
I feel the need to do this? So, and let's say
this is the case of your ex. Oh, maybe it's,
well, I keep going back to him because you know,
he's just, you know, he's somebody I love. I
don't want to find anybody new. I want you to
locate that emotion, locate that feeling, locate
that why, get a reason. And like I said, no matter
the situation, why aren't you into the gym? Why
aren't you doing this that the other? What is
this relationship with this person? Why do you
feel that way? What's going on? Like a lot of
the times we'll get you can some can say it's
our intuition. Some can just say, you know, we've
dealt with a lot of shit. I think a lot of times
it's both. Usually when you're in a situation,
no matter what it is, we get a feeling like something,
something feels wrong, right? Something feels
not right. It feels like kind of a split decision
needs to be made. Let's say it's like speaking
up about something. Hey, do I say something or
do I keep it quiet or do I say something for
once and actually address my feelings or am I
going to be quiet? Am I going to do this? Where
are you at, right? I definitely forgot what else.
And when you notice where you're at, I want you
to, in turn, start making those necessary changes
in order to make these patterns different, in
order to learn your lesson, per se, or learn,
you know, how to more effectively approach certain
things. I think that's very important in cycles,
but also you can also hit... Those are more so
focused on personal cycles, but we can also hit
like familial cycles. Those are very hard to
carry, especially let's say it's one when it
comes to alcoholism or drugs or anything of that
nature. Are you going to be the one that falls
in this trap? Are you going to be the one that
kind of just indulges like everybody else? How
is this being, if you grew up being only around
alcoholics, hating your life because of it, hating
your situation, your predicament, losing out
on things around you, and you know, just having
that burden, in turn, are you gonna follow in
those footsteps? Because if I'm gonna be honest,
from what I've seen, it is definitely a cycle.
Um, and it continues unless it is broken and
I've seen it continue my whole life in so many
different forms in so many different ways. It's
like you grow up hating one thing and then you
slowly, slowly fall into it. And you know, part
of that, okay, we can talk about it next week
and talk about everything. And I don't, I don't
get up here and I don't say this because it's
some easy thing. And I think I, I've cured it
and I've conquered it and I just, you know, I'm
the best. No, not at all. I come up here to say
this, that I am actively currently trying to
break cycles, trying to get myself out of that,
trying not to repeat things. And it is exhausting,
like I said at the beginning. And I talk about
this because I know there's a lot of us dealing
with it. I know there's a lot of us who, in our
day to day lives, we have these decisions and
we're like, well, am I just like them? Am I a
horrible person? Am I this? Am I that?" Beating
yourself up all the time. And when it comes to
learning and growing on something, it's okay
if bumps along the road happen. Let's say, since
we were talking about alcohol, let's say you
did fall into the family cycle. You drink a lot.
You party a lot. Fine. Fine. The first step in
that cycle is wanting to make a change. It's
okay if throughout that change you keep going
back to drinking, you keep doing this, as long
as you get up every day and continue to move
forward and try. Like I said in a couple episodes
ago, I don't think you have failed until you
give up. I think getting up and trying every
day to break a cycle, to grow, to learn and continue
is... Therefore eventually going to get you to
the finish line to where you need to be as long
as you wake up and say hey You know what today?
I'm four days sober four days is better than
no days Do you know it's? everything is a constant
on growing uphill battle and I think it is not
easy, but it is very rewarding I can say There's
no greater confidence than knowing that you have
persevered when all odds were against you. There
is no better feeling than knowing you're safe,
you are happy, you're comfortable. And I think
in the best terms for me, a bad day for me is
I didn't get the snack I wanted and maybe the
dishes weren't done. A bad day is not coming
home, hearing slamming doors, having the cops
call. That's not a bad day. That's breaking a
cycle. Something I want to touch on me and me
too were talking earlier because he had therapy
today and he told me I can talk about it one
thing I really wanted him to talk with his therapist
about because I don't really get into what he
has going on over there because that's I mean
it's his business but there was something me
and him shared and I was like hey I want you
to talk to your therapist about your anger you
know what do you do with that? Rose of Scorpio
Moon like He does not deal with his emotions,
okay? No shade to him. He's just like a ball
of fire in the inside and you'll never see it.
He's like the sweetest guy ever. And I'm like,
talk to her about it, do something. And he was
talking about it and it's been going good. And
one thing he said to me today, he came to a realization
and he was like, hey, I kind of noticed in a
way growing up, like he already was kind of very
inward when it came to his feelings. But he said
growing up, I noticed that, you know, I would
get in more trouble if I showed my feelings,
you know, and we all know. And so growing up,
it's kind of like, oh, here, I'm going to give
you something to cry about. Or if you're getting
a whooping like here, if you keep crying, you're
going to get hit more. So it's one of them things
like, yeah, essentially you are taught to shut
the fuck up and take it like, you know. And not
to be as morbid as it sounds. But in turn, yes,
that does add on to why he feels like that. Or,
you know, his struggle as a man when he would
get in those things, it was kind of like tighten
the fuck up and shut up. You know, you're cool.
You're cool. You're cool. And I think it was
great that he came around to that. And like I
said, breaking cycles, that is him. That first
step, he might still catch himself in that proc.
like that process of suppressing his emotions.
But first of all, going to therapy, breaking
a cycle that didn't happen before him, that didn't
happen before me, like, you know, not a lot of
people indulge in that. Sitting with himself,
you know, first of all, acknowledging that, hey,
maybe I do want to talk to my therapist about
this, maybe I will listen. And being able to,
you know, comfortable enough to talk to me about
it first, right? These are all steps. that happen,
that is you breaking the cycle. You are breaking
it day by day with each decision you are making.
I think a lot of times, me especially, I know
I do this and I am victim of it. A lot of times
I'm just waiting for the grand finish line. I'm
waiting for the surprise. I'm waiting to be done.
I'm waiting to just do this. When really the
true magic is in the journey, the true healing
is in the journey and what's going on through
that, you know? And your healing may never make
people proud, but it will make you free. And
that's a really, really hard thing to sit with,
especially if, I would say used to be a people
pleaser like me. It was really hard for me to
even want to start a journey in any sense because
I had the fascination of not making people upset
with me because I just couldn't deal with it.
And I had to get over that first, but. A big
thing is, especially if you are doing the opposite
of what's been taught to you your whole life,
let's say it is, you know, in the family or something
that's been passed down for generations, you
will be that black sheep and you will stick out.
You will look like a hater. I've been called
a hater so many times and that I think I'm better
than everybody. What? No, but you will. be ostracized
before like because of that like you will undoubtedly
because They they see what you're doing is odd
and a lot of the times they When people see you
doing opposite or making a change or doing different
and a lot of the times it comes off as hating
comes off an empty and be but deep down that
person truly is probably like Bitch, I just I
wish I did that first You know what? I hate that
you're making the change that I didn't make.
And a lot of times that really wouldn't like
that's what it is with people. They're upset
that you're making a change in effort that they
didn't make before. And so in turn, their life
cannot be the same. Oh, my gosh. My cats are
fighting and then knocked over the damn playpen.
What the fuck is happening? OK, relax. We're
good guys. What I had written down next was don't
let your emotions control you and That's so important
in this cycle because it's first of all so so
important to feel your emotions throughout this
Because it's it's a lot especially when you start
Let's say breaking these cycles or healing as
an adult. A lot of times you're not healing as
an adult. You have to heal your inner child.
And I know a lot of times on social media, all
we hear is, oh, inner child work, inner child
this, da da da. No, genuinely, I've caught myself
time and time again. You have to go back to your
roots. You have to go back to... everything you
once knew as a child. You have to go back to
your childhood and what was enforced in you and
instilled within you. You have to go back to
that and think, hey, why do I react like this
as an adult? Why do I apologize like this as
an adult? Why am I scared to do these simple
little things as an adult? Why? And I guarantee
you, if you sit there long enough with yourself,
you can pinpoint it to childhood. You can pinpoint
it to something. Those emotions are gonna be
rough and you're really not gonna know what to
do, right? But a lot of the times When we feel
so angry or feel so Hopeless, maybe like emotions
can be all over the place. Let's say you feel
hopeless about this and you're just like damn
I'm I'm tired of having to break this shit. I
got to this point. I'm gonna be honest very very
recently I was like, you know what? I'm tired
of this like genuinely why the fuck did y 'all
choose me? I'm over it. Like I'm cool, bro like
And then you gotta realize, hey, don't let my
emotions speak for me. Don't let my emotions
speak for me, it's fine. I'll get over it, give
me a couple days. I'll get over it, give me a
couple days. Because you'll catch yourself breaking
that cycle. You won't feel like shit anymore.
I recently went through something where I had
away my options and I was like, hey, do I protect
what I have over here? Or do I choose me, even
though something I had to protect genuinely felt
like something in my soul? Or do I choose me?
And I'm going to be honest, I chose myself. I
chose it in the most balanced way I could, but
I still was like, hey, I need to address this
on behalf of me. I got to put my boundaries up
on behalf of me and myself and my respect. I
was breaking a cycle I had. I could never communicate
my feelings effectively because I was just kind
of terrified of a response, honestly. And that
was a cycle I had to break. There's a lot of
things I'm constantly going through and living
and evolving through. And I want to ask you,
are you? And are you noticing that you're doing
it? Because I think a lot of times we are constantly
breaking cycles and constantly growing and evolving
and living to our best ability, but a lot of
times we focus on the negative and beat ourselves
up along the way. You can't do that. I want you
to acknowledge your wins. Acknowledge when you
have a good thought and you're like, damn, hey,
I need help or damn, hey, don't talk to me like
that. Every single time you see yourself taking
a step in the right direction, no matter how
big or small, acknowledge it, embrace it, and
be proud of yourself. because you are different,
you are taking different steps, you're living
a different life and you're leading a different
life and that is a beautiful thing to go through
and a beautiful thing to experience. You will
in turn keep breaking your own heart, expecting
people to end cycles with you or to get help
with you. You will break your own heart. I sat
there for so many times and I'm like, damn, please
get sober, please get sober, please get sober.
And then you got to realize, hey, People are
gonna do what they want to do, you know people
have the capacity they have if Somebody doesn't
want to do something. They won't do it and just
because I have that willpower You know doesn't
mean they do but also in the same turn it doesn't
mean I need to wait for them to I have to choose
me I have to choose my life and I have to move
forward with it and and essentially Be better,
you know No matter how hard the situation is,
you have to find light in any little part of
it to keep going, to want to keep trying and
to get better. Like I said, heal, learn, grow.
It's not linear. Growth is not linear. It is
a spectrum and it's all over the fucking place.
But as long as you wake up every day and you're
like, hey, I'm going to be a better me. And it
can be in the smallest way possible. The smallest
way possible. Even if it means changing a negative
thought no matter what it is wake up and choose
to be a better you change Change yourself in
order to change your future Do it And one more
thing I want to touch on one of the biggest cycles
I think I hello that This started a cycle, I
think, for everything else in my life. Sometimes
in order to break a cycle, you have to leave
the environment that is keeping you within all
of these cycles, you know? And for me, I made
that the second, I think I moved a month after
I graduated high school. I moved. I couldn't
be in a place where I seen no growth for myself,
and I knew... Really, it didn't even matter about
my environment and everything. Well, it did but
like not really it was more so for me I was like,
I know I can't progress here With with my environment.
So these outside sources with attitudes with
the seasons with everything I just I don't see
growth for me. I don't I don't see myself winning
here. I don't see myself improving here. I see
myself falling into these cycles if I stay here.
And that's another thing when they talk about
you are who you are like are around and hang
out with. It's true. It's true. You ultimately
become that or because you're going to get influence
regardless. You will get influence regardless.
You are ultimately that. So like I said at the
end, heal, learn, and grow. But yeah. That was
today's episode and I hope you guys enjoyed it
and I hope you guys catch yourself and notice
how many cycles you have broken this far because
I know you have and I know you guys will be great
and no matter what you do. So yeah, like I said,
if you like this podcast, please leave a five
-star rating and a review. You know, I love talking
to you guys and if you want to overshare on this
year podcast, look in the show notes down below
and you can email Did I Overshare Podcast at
gmail .com for, you know, to submit your story.
And yeah, this is available on everything. I
will have some clips up on YouTube and yeah,
I love you guys so much. I hope you have a blessed
week. Bye.