Guys is this thing on? What is up besties it
is your host Zoe and I'm back with another episode
on the Did I Over Share podcast today, so I've
been gone Really friendly about a week. I didn't
know really how long I was gonna be gone. I'm
gonna be honest But I am going to let you know
today's episode is a bit of a different episode
a very different episode And if you don't want
to listen to it, I don't blame any single part
of you. I don't know. I feel like I talk to women,
right? This is a very much thing that happens
to everyday people. So I was like, you know,
as much as it sucks, I'm going to talk about
it. And there's also going to be probably crying
in today's episode. So if you don't like that
either, then dip. Because, oh, I'm also recording.
But my eyes is, they're getting a lot of water.
And you know, I thought they wouldn't because
you know, granted I'm still in my grieving process,
but it's just like I was like, okay, it's been
a week. I can like, I can talk, it's been like
two weeks. But yeah, no, today's conversation
will be miscarriageous. So if you don't want
to do that, like listen to that, click on this
episode. I don't blame you. It's not everybody's
cup of tea. Some people may not want to relive
this or just hear about it in general, or they
don't like, you know, people crying and all this
extra stuff. Don't blame you at all if you do
not want to listen, but that is what today's
episode is So yeah, I don't I Don't know where
this episode is going. I don't really know there's
no structure, right? But yeah, I did experience
a miscarriage pretty far along I had to give
birth the worst worst thing I think I've ever
been through my life And that's coming from a
bitch who's been through a lot of shit and i
always thought oh my gosh you know this this
is it this is it no honey this this was the icing
on the cake okay so i was 17 weeks 17 weeks pregnant
um in my recent like my first ultrasound not
my first but like my most recent ultrasound scan
besides this one i think i was like 12 13 weeks
and when we went my my son He was he was on ultrasound
just kicking everything like that. My pregnancy
was low risk. Everything was low risk not had
any complications And yeah, everything was good
Three four weeks later. We have another appointment
I'm gonna be so honest. I was waiting for September
for the longest because This is what my anatomy
scan was. I was like so excited. I don't know
I feel like I didn't get to see baby a lot because
I don't know what it was You know how people
get so many pictures at the damn like ultrasound
thing Did not I got like one and then two like
that was it so I was just like I want to see
my baby and Yeah, we went in on the eighth Monday
the eighth and I Had the urge I had the urge
for a couple days leading up I was like I want
to see the baby like I was literally crying and
I was just like sorry if you you were watching
this and you see me Adjusting my camera. I feel
like I'm tweaking out but um I was like I want
to see the baby. I want to see the baby in Just
had like I don't know. I felt like that day was
such a big day, but I thought more so on a good
reason No Um, so yeah, we showed up at the appointment.
I really haven't went through any of the steps
before so like please bear with me I'm already
someone who cries a lot. So if you don't want
to listen this like I said, I don't blame you
anyway So we go there Chillin, you know Why is
my phone tilting, guys? I'm so sorry. I'm so
sorry. So we go there, um, laying down, we're
yapping a gee with my OB and, you know, talking.
And then she's like, oh yeah, I was like, can
I get an ultrasound today? Like the ones they
bring into the room, not like the big ones. Cause
she was just, you know, they just listened to
baby's heartbeat at that point. Cause I mean,
there's not much you can do. And then the anatomy
stands in like three weeks. So she brings the,
um, the damn machine in. fuck that machine and
you know it's funny my dumbass well very not
dumb i'm gonna call myself dumb but put baby
on the screen and he was just like cuddled up
cuddled up in there like i'm talking like just
cuddled up like literally like i don't know what
he was along but he was like on the side of my
stomach but like cuddled up in there and i was
like oh my gosh he's sleeping yeah bitch for
eternity like what's and So I knew something
was wrong when she was talking to us and then
she just stopped talking She just kept she just
kept pushing on my damn stomach like looking
around. I was just like, oh What's wrong? It's
like I expected something to be wrong. I just
didn't know It was gonna be a dead baby. That
was wrong. So Yeah, she's just pushing around
and shit and I'm just like oh What's wrong with
my child? She's like, um, we can't find baby's
heartbeat. I said What immediate tears immediate
shit shows? immediate What did I do? What did
I do wrong cuz I mean, of course you're gonna
be like the fuck did I do what the fuck was wrong?
so She's like, I'm pretty positive. There's no
heartbeat But let's go to the bigger room mind
you I didn't even know that miscarriages after
like 12 weeks were like two percent like two
one percent if you're already low risk like you
don't have anything wrong with you only like
one percent two percent not me being one percent
um and so yeah we went to the bigger ultrasound
room and confirmed baby was not a hard to beat
in that mother fucker um so yeah still actively
losing my shit because how else do i react yeah
and then Took us back into another room to talk
it out because she told me she was like so Okay,
first of all, let me say I did tell her I was
like, what do I do cuz I'm like North Carolina's
a red state. I Can't I'm just gonna have to hold
hold it a baby Like I was honestly thinking the
worst at this point cuz I was just like what?
What what am I gonna do? But I don't know what
the fuck's happening. I really honestly that
day I can't really remember it so I'm trying
to tell it the best of my memory because it's
dead -ass blocked from my mind Um So yeah, they
put us in a whole different room. I have to deliver
the baby She's just like you can do it today.
You can do it a different time Best bet would
be to do it immediately and stuff like that.
So, you know Michi thank God Michi I'm not gonna
cry it Michi a hundred out of a hundred fiance
throughout this whole thing Like I just I thank
God every day that I met the most perfect man
ever Who loves me unconditionally that man was
perfect this process even though his heart was
breaking as well And you know, it's a lot will
grant him. He's gonna cry. It's his kid, but
the cries like in our seven years I think I could
see them drop a tear a teardrop one time. Oh
this man was sobbing Not yet. Not yet, though.
So we're in the room and he's talking to me as
I am Inconsolable and he's just like I cuz I
in my head first thing I was saying and I know
like off -bat this might sound Weird, but first
thing I was like, I don't want to see a dead
baby. I don't want to give birth to a dead baby.
I can't, I can't, I can't do that. Cause you
know, like I've always seen like people post
pictures of like pre -term babies and stuff like
that. And it like terrifies me. And I'm just
like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to
do that. Amici is looking at me in my face and
he's just like, I can't lose both of you. What
did we talk about? He was like, what did we talk
about? Do you know what happens when you keep
that baby in you? I think nurse Amici was coming
through. Do you know what happens if you keep
that baby in you? So many things had happened.
And I can't lose you too. So we're going to figure
this out. We're going to do it today. I'm telling
you we're going to do it today. Just tell me
how much time you need. And I'm just like, I
don't fucking know. I don't know. Like, what
are you asking me right now? Yeah, that was that.
Tear, tear, tear. And then we drive to the hospital.
Get to the hospital. My other doctors already
waiting for me because how my doctor works is
they always have an OB on call multiple OBs on
call for like Giving birth and thank God the
OB on call was also my best friend's OB and the
girl who did my first like pelvic exam Love her
down. She is the best doctor ever. Um So that
was good I get there and I'm just like and mind
you I had to sit in the room with every single
other pregnant mother and I'm gonna talk about
later how much envy I felt after this, like how
much anger and sadness I had for other mothers.
And I, and I don't know if that's, like I know
it's normal, but I don't know. I'll get to that
later. But yeah, I'm sending them to the weight
room, they take me back. Cool. Cool, she's like,
I gotta put these pills in your couch so you
can deliver. There are multiple sets of pills,
right? And apparently my body's sensitive. She
was like, oh yeah, these should take like two
hours before you feel any cramping. it took me
10 minutes and I felt cramping. I'm hooked up
to IVs, I'm doing everything and I just can't
honestly at this point I think it's when I tapped
out because I don't really feel like I don't
remember feeling emotion at this point like I
just remember sitting in that hospital bed like
okay okay like what the fuck is happening um
so yeah I start cramping immediately nothing's
too serious I'm too serious okay and she's like
well We could just give you when you feel pain
we can give you normal pain pills or we can do
epidural most people get the epidural because
you got to remember This is actual labor like
granted. You're not gonna rip her tear the baby's
not that big, but it is actual labor You're going
through actual labor, and I was like I was like
that's doing too much. That's doing too much
for this like I'm not giving birth to a whole
damn baby girl. Yes, you are please yes, you
are um Yeah, so cramping cramping my booty off
and I think 30 minutes later after that first
one I give me the medicine okay cool that was
normal ibuprofen normal ibuprofen and then we
get to four hours it's four hour increments and
they give me the second pills put them straight
up my couch and I'm just like Lord no Mind you
I just would like to say I had the best nurses
through this process. I think I I made every
single this is a skill of mine I made every single
doctor and nurse in that bitch cry that day.
Okay, I mean everybody cry especially my nurse.
I had great nurses One of them she prayed for
us. She held my hand. She let me scream cry do
it fuck I needed to do And yeah, so then that
second one came around I was like Give me the
drugs Literally why fuck they give me fentanyl
and let me tell you fentanyl is a crazy drug
First of all it's fentanyl second of all granted
it's hospital fentanyl but the second that shit
put in I thought I was dying I leaned back on
the bed I said they're asking me questions I'm
like I can't I can't talk I can't see I don't
know what the fuck is happening fentanyl worked
five minutes fuck that shit fuck that shit give
me the real shit um pain Excruciating oh my god
labor pain people out here are doing a natural
I mean technically I did go the whole thing natural
right because I didn't get epidural because at
the end when I put those the three pills in there
that Last little round I was done for I was on
the button the button that you push for pain
But I kept hitting my damn max I was rocking
and screaming and I felt like I was the only
person on that floor I was like like losing my
mind Michi amazing angels throughout the whole
thing talking me through it getting me through
everything and they're like oh you're gonna feel
like you have to poop you're gonna feel like
you have to poop and i was like yeah and i was
terrified i'm like i just can't do this i can't
do it i can't like i i i don't know how i'm gonna
do this like i this this isn't real this isn't
real i feel like that was the only thing going
through my brain that's the only thing i remember
thinking to myself is this isn't real right um
And we got to them to the point I'm getting down
this I'm making this real fast um got down I'm
like y 'all know mm -hmm Try to get me online
for that girl so many bitches upstairs like giving
birth They need the epidural so they're getting
that girl and they can't do the epidural downstairs
Because it's not qualified for it right so they
had no room for me upstairs So I gotta get that
epidural biggest mistake of my life. I should
have said that second I walked in worst pain
I've ever felt um So yeah, I get to the point
where I'm like, you know, I Gotta I gotta pull
Yep, it's not poop. Y 'all. It's not it is not
poop It's not um, I should my baby out essentially
They wanted to prevent that of course, that's
all they want to do is prevent that but I said
no get me on this toilet And I remember Michi
telling me afterwards, like, he was like, it
was the craziest thing I've ever fucking seen
in my life. I just seen feet hanging out of your
vagina. And I said, oh. Oh. I don't remember
this whole process. I'm going to be so honest.
Well, the only part I can vividly remember is
when I first felt it come out. And I was just
like, this is graphic. I'm sorry. But you know,
if you don't want to hear, I told you don't listen.
And I just remember saying, holy fuck, no. Can't
do it. Can't do it. Close my eyes. And I was
like, this isn't real. I tried so hard to be
anywhere but there. I can't do this. I can't.
And then fast forward that happened. My placenta
was still inside. My placenta was still inside.
An hour later, still inside. Wasn't coming out.
Was not coming out. So I had to get surgery.
Not surgery, a procedure. You're still under.
You're still under. Why is my phone like tilting?
Like I'm getting stressed out. Um, yeah, I had
to go under a procedure where they like scrape
my uterus out Get everything out. It's terrifying.
I thought I was gonna die. I've never been in
the hospital for myself I was begging those nurses
not to let me die actually Yeah, that's what
I was doing I held hands with every single woman
in that room and then oddly enough this girl
I used to work with she was a nurse there too
rushing me back and I was like, what the fuck?
What the fuck is happening? I was high I was
high out of my mind like the second they put
me on that table. I don't remember thinking I
don't remember having my own thoughts at that
point. So yeah, that's what happened. We got
him cremated. Michi did that whole process because
I could not fathom anything. Michi equally sobbed.
He definitely heals quicker than I do. Well,
in different ways. I think we're grieving very
differently because he sobbed 24 -7. He couldn't
stop. Everything like that. And then me, I was
like perfectly fine at the hospital. I was just
like, there wasn't a thought that really went
through my head. And then that first day home,
I just, I couldn't do anything. We went grocery
shopping. We had to leave grocery shopping because
I was sobbing at the fucking grocery store because
I seen tater tots. And baby boy loved eating
fucking tater tots when I was fucking pregnant
and I lost my fucking marbles. Okay? I hated
going anywhere in public. Still do I like I hate
seeing people with their kids at this time um
now it makes me feel better because I go to the
park and I love seeing people with their kids
because you know now I have more of a positive
outlook because immediately after I was telling
me she I was like I don't and Okay, let me preface
this before I say this the only thing I've ever
wanted to do in life And you know some people
might you know use evil eye for this. I don't
care fuck you You're not more powerful than me
fuck you That's what I gotta say to that. To
all the obssessing, that's what I gotta say to
that. The only thing I've ever wanted in life
is children. Every single time in the past where
I've like, tried to, everything else, like, okay,
you know what? Only thing I'm holding on to,
children, I want kids one day. I want kids one
day. And what a funny fucking prank. For the
first time I get a kid, it is yeeted from my
cooch. What the hell? So that's kind of where
I was I was like, how do you try again after
a miscarriage? Like I'm like, well, what if this
happens again? Honestly, I was going through
every single bad thing in my head. I'm terrified
and I'm gonna be honest. I'm still terrified
I'm so terrified. We we tried for that kid. We
planned for that baby. So it was just like in
my head So unfair like unfair I feel like of
me to say but immediately after all I could think
was How do these people get these babies? They
don't want And to be honest, I thought about
my own family. I'm like, you have babies but
you're on drugs. You're probably but you're on
drugs and you're still caring full term. I was
thinking of every single thing in my brain and
I was just like, it's so unfair. Which, y 'all
know it's unfair. Life unfair. Yeah, so and then
I would just catch myself every single night.
You know what? I would think, oh, I'm good. You
know what? It's fine. I did give birth in the
middle of night, so I gave birth like 4 a .m.
Right and I didn't know this my doctor put two
and two together, but I remember Every single
night. I would just sit here and the clock would
hit like three four. I'm screaming I Am on the
floor sobbing screaming Asking God take me with
them. You know every fucking thing in the book.
You know I Was not here truly And I've never
seen myself that bad and that is one thing Many
times if I've been severely depressed like medicine
like all of that as many times as I've done that
I can say I Never like I might ate less, but
I always ate. I was always a big bag. I always
still loved food This when I tell you I didn't
shower. I didn't eat. I didn't brush my teeth
I didn't do my hair and I know that might sound
crazy, but I've never felt Anything that debilitating
like a pain that debilitating because I've always
had you know Maybe like maybe I can look up to
this like yeah when I like I can look up to this
pain is a whole Different like my body literally
I felt that mental pain, but I also felt the
physical pain First of all my body is healing
great, but it's just like that first couple days
I Don't really know where I left off I'm gonna
be honest. I needed a minute So yeah, I was just
up every single night screaming and crying asking
why to every single thing in the book My pregnancy
was also very spiritual. So I was I'm gonna be
so honest. I was angry I'm not gonna say I still
am but a part of me still is Angry at my spirit
team my ancestors. I'm angry at God. I'm angry
at myself just every single thing the book in
those first couple days after you just think
about every single thing you You could have done
wrong. Like, what did I do wrong? Oh my gosh,
you know, this day I ate this, you know? You
know, this day, maybe this bottle hit my stomach.
Like, I really did not have a hard pregnancy.
I was just really thinking about every single
thing I could have did wrong. And at this point,
we've gotten all testing back. The only thing
we haven't got back is the autopsy from Baby
Boy. We got his ashes. I took more blood work.
Me and she got blood work done. Nothing's going
on with him like hypertension like nothing nothing
like that I got more blood work to see if I had
like a clotting disease Because the only thing
that we have that shows anything right now is
the placenta which the placenta was like The
arteries were like swollen Which means the blood
wasn't passing through something happened and
it was crazy I was even more pissed off and I
was just like why didn't I listen to myself because
I had a dream I had a dream that I delivered
my baby too early. Like, way too early. I didn't
have anything. And the baby was dead in the dream.
Like, dead in the dream. And I just kept bypassing
that part. Like, I just kept, I just kept, no,
that's not, that's not. And that was that week,
like, and I was like, this is not the thing.
And me, she also was like, yeah, no, I just kept
having the feelings. And I just, I just ignored
it, because I was just like, what the fuck, that's
not. We're healthy like babies healthy. Everything's
fine. They said maybe it was healthy So we just
really ignored it and then when we got down to
the point it gets like to where we really just
wished I mean we couldn't have done anything
right, so it's like Not blaming ourselves, but
wishing maybe we could have done something because
they literally said she said at the point She
was like yeah, it looked I mean based on his
development He passed like two days before my
appointment And that breaks my heart every single
fucking time. And it sucks to have to like, like
when I open social media or anything else, I
left all my mom group chats. I was like in those
and I deleted all the apps and everything, but
I would see posts and it's like, oh, here's my
21 -weeker. She's now four. And it's like, yeah,
they go to the ICU and that's horrible and hard
and everything. But it's like, it makes me think
of, I'm like, if you, if we would have been here
for three more weeks. Three more weeks, I would
have had a baby. No, I get, and also I have this
guilt from, I don't remember holding him at the
hospital. That's when I tell you, my brain blocked
every single thing of that day out. It was such
a traumatic day. And I felt so guilty after that,
because I didn't remember holding him at the
hospital, so I would just look at every single
picture of him. And it was so funny, he had Michi's
nose already. It was so identifiable. It was
so cute. so it was like looking at me she got
hard um everything was just fucking hard um everything
sucked i didn't i couldn't see the light and
it i knew it was something different for me because
i've always been a person like no matter what
the situation was no matter what happened i could
always see the good in it i could always do that
person in that in the room where i'm like oh
but this could happen i'm like always so optimistic
i i'm still trying to find any ounce of hope
anywhere because i i lost it all when i lost
him i did i don't have i'm not i can't look on
the brighter side for anything i like i don't
want to see the good side for anything because
it's is there is it um so michi had to be that
for me and it was so weird because he's never
that person and he's been very much that person
in believing and very much the spiritual side
and everything and being oh my gosh but he can
come back to us yada yada yada and i'm just The
fuck of it all right and I Just I would just
beg Beg to be with the baby every day And I was
just like I just I can't I can't do this without
him like I can't do it without my baby like I
was just Losing my damn mind But I can't say
to know myself enough is to know when I'm not
okay And I'm gonna be honest that them first
two days out I wasn't okay. That was the worst
I've ever been. Somebody needed to keep me on
a 24 -hour hold. Okay? But I can say after that,
I know myself enough to communicate and to try
to not let myself slip too far. And I can say
I'm not there. It's the worst pain I've ever
felt in my life, but... I'm finally at the point
now where I can try to see on the other side,
you know, think about future children and everything,
especially now we're getting test work back.
We know that it wasn't anything we did. We got
more genetic testing. Nothing, nothing went wrong
besides something with his heart, like his, the
placenta arteries. And it happened so late. So
they were like, with those, what sucks about
it is we can't really, we don't, they're like.
she said majority of the time since the percentage
is so low for women who miscarry that time with
no cause a lot of times we don't find what happened
like we we don't know what happened um in that
so that's that part really fucking sucks to know
that there's no rhyme or reason as to what happened
that you know of but um As long as we know that,
hey, it's not something we've done or our body
did or like it's not compatible, it didn't work,
that wasn't the case. He had all 10 toes and
10 fingers. I don't know why I kept talking about
that. He did and it was crazy. He was big. He
was a big baby. And I think another part through
this process that I think that really was fucking
me up is I was so alone. And I think this really
made it apparent to me on how how alone I really
am and not because I'm not saying this like I
don't have people like the only but the only
support system I have is like Michi's family
which they are there and they you know they they
checked in and all this but it's just like as
much as his phone kept ringing I didn't get one
phone call like and I and I think that's something
that really hurt in that moment not because it's
like Oh, I just don't got like you know friend
nobody like that, but it's just like I Remember
screaming to the doctor. I was like and I just
can't even call my mom through this like I don't
have like what do I do and I don't know I think
that part really fucked me up through it cuz
I was like I don't have like no family to call
they're fucked up enough on their own like I
Really gotta just do this shit when I mean like
I said I can't like I can't complain. I have
an amazing man by my side, and his family is
more than amazing, but it just sucked. It sucked
ass in the process to experience that and know
that, like, I mean, it still was like that. It
was just me. It was just me and my baby boy and
my thoughts. Like, that was it. So I was just
like, ambitious sucks. Like, I don't... What
do I do? So yeah, that just really fucking sucks.
And I had one of my family members slide up on.
I had posted his little nameplate. They made
him Demetrius LaShawn Vance III. Such a grown
man ass name. That's so funny to me. But I remember
I posted his nameplate and a really close family
member of mine who I don't really talk to much,
but like really close. She stood up. She said,
what the fuck Zoe? And I went like. I still don't
know the meaning. I didn't care to ask. I just
blocked. But I was just like, what? What? Um,
I mean, that was it. And then one of my family
members, she reached out to Michi and she was
like, Well, apparently I'm blocked but I heard
about the news so You know my condolences are
with you guys, but I try to text her but seems
like she just blocked me Yeah, I did because
when you first of all you ruined my whole life
second of all when you reached out about my damn
Baby the first time you know what you said I'm
not happy for you, but I mean I guess oh To hell
with them all and that was the only thing in
my mind. I was just like And fuck it like fuck
it. What do I do now? Fuck it and I was just
telling me too and I was like but this this pain
is so different because it was like No matter
how much family I didn't have no matter if I
had this or that This baby was mine like at the
end of the day meeting you could leave me got
fridge. You never would but it's like This baby
was mine This is another part of my soul. It's
like my body felt so empty like which granted
it was it had didn't have a human anymore, but
it was like It's so weird looking at my body
now and my stomach is so flat like even if I
push it out I couldn't even make it have the
belly I had um and it sucked like I remember
going over I was feeling every fucking little
thing I couldn't smell that good no more and
it was really bothering me like I wouldn't have
to smell food before I would eat it anytime those
first couple days after I didn't eat but like
once we got like thanks to my fifth day I started
to like eat and I grabbed something and I just
wanted to go smell it Didn't bother me couldn't
really You know every single little fucking thing
bothered me, and I didn't it hurt that I didn't
have that no more You know I didn't have this
I'd have that and I like I said I just hated
looking at other people with their kids I hated
thinking oh my gosh You didn't want this baby,
and you got to keep it like I was thinking of
every single negative thing in the book And it
just hurt my heart so much to move forward with
it um So yeah I think that's where I'm at. I
don't, like I said, I wanted to share this because
I always preach growth isn't linear, right? And
we will grow from this. We will learn. We will
try again, right? We'll have healthy babies.
We'll have healthy, happy fucking babies. Literally
the fucking ultrasound before this baby boy was
standing up in me kicking his fucking feet. Literally
kicking his fucking feet in the damn ultrasound.
It's just standing straight up like kid what
are you doing why are you standing straight up
at me um so yeah like i used to try to drink
buffalo sauce out the damn jar i never liked
buffaloes like i mean i never like not saying
i didn't like it but it wasn't my fucking thing
so now the bottles just sit in the fridge because
me trying to give me some other than i was like
oh that's gross and that made me sad i tried
cooking bitch and i think i cried and all the
damn food because his pictures are still in the
fridge now i was just losing my mind um But yeah,
it's just it's a new type of pain It's a new
type of pain Never felt this pain in my life,
and I don't even know how to describe it to someone
I Don't I know I'll be okay, and I know we'll
be okay. I've already made so much product progress.
I'm filming I'm doing what I need to because
I know God forbid I can't you know stop and rot
Make a better life Maybe that's what he's waiting
on Maybe he knows What's to come and he wants
I want that life Who knows and I had to stop
questioning and as somebody who always felt like
she had control over everything I feel like I
have control over nothing Now and I think that's
very hard for me to grasp cuz I'm just like I
know nothing truly. I know nothing So yeah, I'm
just taking you guys on this journey with me
if you are joining but Like I said I just wanted
to make this video today because growth isn't
linear shit happens to everyday people but we
must persevere and heal through it and no matter
how much it sucks I'd like to say everything
happens for a reason but for this particular
chance I I can't say that because why you know
Does this happen for a reason? Like, I'm meant
to feel this pain. I'm meant to go through this.
I think it took us four months to get pregnant.
And I got pregnant. And best day of my life.
So I think I think about that. He has his own
box. He has his own stuff and it's all put away.
I still sleep with his blanket. The blanket he
was wrapped in. Which it's like, it's grief shit
like that that kind of is like... I mean, to
be honest, I'd never lost anybody, right? Family's
like six people, nobody has died. The only person
I lost was my friend who took his life, and then
I think, what, that's really it? Like, that's
really it, so it's just like, for this to be
my first loss, this one's rocked me upside the
damn head. Rocked me up the head, and... Yeah,
I don't... I don't know what else to say but
other than I'm just gonna work my ass off I'm
gonna keep working my ass off and doing what
I need to do to reach every single goal and dream
of mine and keep working but yeah I just wanted
to share that with you guys today I'm not gonna
say I hope you enjoyed honestly who fucking knows
But I'm on the point where I'm making jokes about
it and I had to realize I was at a doctor appointment
the other day because the postpartum checkup
and She probably thought I needed to be fucking
admitted because I gotta realize not everybody
heals how I heal I get very Kiki about it. Like
it's very I gotta laugh through it. Like what
the fuck what the fuck is there to do? And so
she's looking at me. She like Me she's like,
baby, you gotta understand these people don't
know your humor and I'm just like damn they don't
she probably thinks I'm not off myself no I'm
not girl trust I was just kiki kid um to do anything
at this point but yeah the park has been helping
we go to the damn park and I love seeing people
push the kids and all this extra shit makes me
think about what I'll have one day but yeah that
was today's episode Everybody say LLD, okay,
I just planned we just literally took a picture
with his ashes and we're like we ain't posting
nowhere, but it was just like and That was that
was funny That was that was a little lightning
moment. But yeah to all grieving mothers out
there My heart is with you in every single way
it can be if you've ever experienced anything
like this I pray for you every single day You
deserve every single blessing in life. And if
you haven't gone through this, God, I pray you
never do. I hope you never feel a pain like this
ever. I wish no pain on anyone, good or bad.
I don't know. I wouldn't wish this pain on myself,
so I wouldn't wish it on anybody else. And I
pray my baby's having fun up there. I tend to
ask me she every day and I'm just like, what
do you think he's doing? What do you think he's
doing right now? And I always tell him, I'm like,
what if we just, what if he was a little bit
bigger and we just squared up? Because you could
have waited three more weeks. But yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what else to
say. Follow Did I Overshare on Instagram? Duh!
Fuck else. Did I Overshare on TikTok? This video
is on YouTube like I said of me filming. ZOEXE
on Instagram and TikTok as well for my personal
accounts. Did I Overshare podcast at gmail .com.
For emails if you want to reach out to me, talk
to me, collab with me. reach out to there and
yeah that was today's episode I loved you guys
this is me being a bit more vulnerable and somebody
asked oh get more deep with us how's this you
know perfect moment for me to get deep with you
right it makes all the other shit I could have
got deep about look like this little tiny but
yeah we I'm gonna say we love you guys so much
um you know me she loves you too but yeah i love
you guys and i hope you are having a wonderful
september and it's going good for you and you
continue to see on the bright side no matter
what happens in life and just try to push through
it growth is not linear um make the best of what
you can cherish every single small moment and
turn the fuck up and vibe is what the fuck i
gotta say so yeah i love you guys so much bye