WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.379 And could I just leave knowing that I did these 00:00:02.379 --> 00:00:05.019 things and I tried, even if I failed? Who cares? 00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:07.059 The judgment is only myself. Nobody's judging 00:00:07.059 --> 00:00:09.619 me, my family, my friends, random people especially. 00:00:10.300 --> 00:00:13.220 But for mothers out there, you know, it's hard. 00:00:13.339 --> 00:00:16.239 If you don't give yourself a break, you kind 00:00:16.239 --> 00:00:19.120 of get trapped in emotion. And I used to bring 00:00:19.120 --> 00:00:23.460 my screaming child out. with me in fact both 00:00:23.460 --> 00:00:25.699 of them and i would get messages being in the 00:00:25.699 --> 00:00:27.660 media like i don't know how you're bringing your 00:00:27.660 --> 00:00:29.620 child out i haven't gone out the house for two 00:00:29.620 --> 00:00:33.200 years yeah i'm a person who is highly active 00:00:33.200 --> 00:00:38.859 and like out there um um i can constantly move 00:00:38.859 --> 00:00:42.579 and think and do things i have i've had moments 00:00:42.579 --> 00:00:46.460 of panic attacks which i think i'm finding out 00:00:46.460 --> 00:00:50.460 more and more people like me have them the people 00:00:50.460 --> 00:00:52.780 who do a lot of high impact stuff and who can 00:00:52.780 --> 00:00:56.100 just like uh like in term in in times of like 00:00:56.100 --> 00:00:59.079 drama and turmoil i just seem to work like i 00:00:59.079 --> 00:01:01.539 can figure things out i'm really good in emergencies 00:01:01.539 --> 00:01:04.439 but there's a weird side to me because of age 00:01:04.439 --> 00:01:08.019 and hormones um i have to let go and realize 00:01:08.019 --> 00:01:11.519 i can't do these things i can't be that person 00:01:11.519 --> 00:01:15.560 um and and learning to be easy on myself and 00:01:15.560 --> 00:01:18.930 understand that my body has changed My hormones 00:01:18.930 --> 00:01:21.810 have changed. I can't be that person anymore. 00:01:21.989 --> 00:01:26.349 And it's okay. It's okay to be like that. And 00:01:26.349 --> 00:01:29.090 really, I think going back to your question, 00:01:29.290 --> 00:01:35.269 which was what I'd tell mothers, right? I think 00:01:35.269 --> 00:01:37.989 just being honest with yourself. Say you need 00:01:37.989 --> 00:01:42.329 the help. Ask people around you. Even as a friend, 00:01:42.349 --> 00:01:45.030 I need a break. I need to get out of here. I 00:01:45.030 --> 00:01:47.090 think the communication between partners is massive. 00:01:48.040 --> 00:01:51.819 A lot of the times I would think, how come he's 00:01:51.819 --> 00:01:54.560 not planning this? He's not doing this. I would 00:01:54.560 --> 00:01:59.260 have these inner, I would say, feelings of like 00:01:59.260 --> 00:02:02.340 jealousy. And I was really honest with my partner 00:02:02.340 --> 00:02:04.540 going, I'm sitting here, eight months pregnant, 00:02:04.680 --> 00:02:06.939 feeling like a whale. You're achieving all these 00:02:06.939 --> 00:02:09.900 things. I'm doing nothing. And not every partner 00:02:09.900 --> 00:02:12.229 is going to say this. I know. But he was. for 00:02:12.229 --> 00:02:14.330 a person who believes in drink concrete claire 00:02:14.330 --> 00:02:16.990 you know suck it up like you'll be fine like 00:02:16.990 --> 00:02:18.810 you know a person who didn't understand what 00:02:18.810 --> 00:02:21.349 panic attacks until i had them it was a whole 00:02:21.349 --> 00:02:25.250 new game for him as well he said some really 00:02:25.250 --> 00:02:29.590 kind things to me he said what is wrong with 00:02:29.590 --> 00:02:32.229 being just a mother yeah you know i get emotional 00:02:32.229 --> 00:02:35.569 thinking about that now because i didn't expect 00:02:35.569 --> 00:02:38.189 that from him and he was like why is it not achievement 00:02:38.189 --> 00:02:41.449 being a mother just a mother yeah And he's like, 00:02:41.509 --> 00:02:44.030 you wanted this so much. It's okay. It's okay 00:02:44.030 --> 00:02:46.750 to be nothing else but a mother. It's all right. 00:02:46.909 --> 00:02:49.629 And it really took away my feelings of like, 00:02:49.770 --> 00:02:52.949 oh no, I'm getting emotional. Like the jealousy 00:02:52.949 --> 00:02:55.129 and all these things. And maybe it's a whole 00:02:55.129 --> 00:02:58.349 motion of things, but it also because I tagged 00:02:58.349 --> 00:03:02.729 my career and everything to who I was before. 00:03:02.990 --> 00:03:06.469 And that's ego chasing. With that, it's just, 00:03:06.530 --> 00:03:09.620 like I said, be easier on yourself. you have 00:03:09.620 --> 00:03:11.460 to let go of certain things. I never see things 00:03:11.460 --> 00:03:13.759 as a sacrifice. Don't think you're sacrificing 00:03:13.759 --> 00:03:18.500 who you are, what you're doing, your work, your 00:03:18.500 --> 00:03:20.740 family and that. I personally don't like to use 00:03:20.740 --> 00:03:22.800 the word sacrifice because it's a negative connotation. 00:03:23.939 --> 00:03:25.719 It's just a choice. There's a time and place 00:03:25.719 --> 00:03:30.520 for everything. You know, I personally don't, 00:03:30.520 --> 00:03:32.659 I'm very careful and I've said this before about 00:03:32.659 --> 00:03:35.419 doing the things about being inclusive for women. 00:03:36.090 --> 00:03:39.189 Like when people go, oh, how are you doing sport? 00:03:39.550 --> 00:03:41.830 How are you trying to run a business? How are 00:03:41.830 --> 00:03:44.830 you being a mother and being there for all their 00:03:44.830 --> 00:03:48.550 things? I do not feel like you can have it all. 00:03:48.909 --> 00:03:52.870 You can't. You can't. And it's okay. It's just 00:03:52.870 --> 00:03:55.629 you've got to plan when you want to do it at 00:03:55.629 --> 00:03:57.490 a certain time. They always say, right, you can 00:03:57.490 --> 00:03:59.870 have it all, just not at the same time. And that's 00:03:59.870 --> 00:04:01.650 the reality. You can have all the four things 00:04:01.650 --> 00:04:03.389 you just mentioned. Absolutely. In your life, 00:04:03.449 --> 00:04:05.330 you can have those. Yeah. But you cannot operate 00:04:05.330 --> 00:04:07.810 at 100 percent on all of those all of the time. 00:04:07.849 --> 00:04:10.990 And to expect that is ridiculous. Right. And 00:04:10.990 --> 00:04:12.469 like you said, you know, something when you were 00:04:12.469 --> 00:04:13.849 talking about like you don't have to sacrifice, 00:04:13.969 --> 00:04:15.849 like sacrifice is not what makes you a mother. 00:04:15.949 --> 00:04:18.230 No. I always this is something that I feel very 00:04:18.230 --> 00:04:20.730 strongly about. It's like you are a mother. You 00:04:20.730 --> 00:04:24.389 are not a martyr. So you giving up yourself in 00:04:24.389 --> 00:04:26.769 the name of your children is not something that 00:04:26.769 --> 00:04:28.449 you need to strive for. Like you can let that 00:04:28.449 --> 00:04:30.600 go. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. Yeah. I love the 00:04:30.600 --> 00:04:32.680 the mod of it. Like, yeah, absolutely. Like that 00:04:32.680 --> 00:04:34.560 that doesn't make you a better mom or it doesn't 00:04:34.560 --> 00:04:36.300 make it. That's not the badge of motherhood. 00:04:36.300 --> 00:04:38.160 It's like, look what I gave up. It's like, no, 00:04:38.220 --> 00:04:40.339 look what I created. All these two and three. 00:04:41.319 --> 00:04:43.980 All these humans, you know, but also my life. 00:04:44.160 --> 00:04:47.759 Yeah. to be a home mom and home like home school 00:04:47.759 --> 00:04:52.740 no effing way me like i'm very impatient i have 00:04:52.740 --> 00:04:55.420 patience but as i'm very impatient yeah you have 00:04:55.420 --> 00:04:57.740 to be of a certain personality to be able to 00:04:57.740 --> 00:05:00.790 do that and hands down I couldn't do that. You 00:05:00.790 --> 00:05:02.370 want to talk about structure, girl? So again, 00:05:02.410 --> 00:05:04.430 at least we send our kids to school and school 00:05:04.430 --> 00:05:06.209 gives them a structure. Can you imagine you are 00:05:06.209 --> 00:05:07.629 the school and you are giving them a structure? 00:05:07.769 --> 00:05:10.050 It's so intense. Those homeschooling moms get 00:05:10.050 --> 00:05:12.069 like absolute mad props from this side of the 00:05:12.069 --> 00:05:14.649 table. Yeah, I can't do it. Incredible. I couldn't. 00:05:14.649 --> 00:05:17.269 And also, I just want that distance. Yeah. I 00:05:17.269 --> 00:05:20.470 want that distance because the kids learn more. 00:05:20.529 --> 00:05:25.850 I think they peg their emotions to us. And so 00:05:25.850 --> 00:05:27.769 do we. Yeah. you know because i feel like you 00:05:27.769 --> 00:05:29.810 can do better like you know and i totally understand 00:05:29.810 --> 00:05:32.110 as a parent now why you do that i have to hold 00:05:32.110 --> 00:05:35.490 back now i understand why football matches get 00:05:35.490 --> 00:05:38.329 punch -ups and stuff like before i'm like these 00:05:38.329 --> 00:05:40.970 hooligans like you know look at this it's terrible 00:05:40.970 --> 00:05:44.209 for the first time in my life i knew claire don't 00:05:44.209 --> 00:05:46.660 say anything don't get too involved seven -year 00:05:46.660 --> 00:05:49.980 -olds playing a friendly game my son is not particularly 00:05:49.980 --> 00:05:52.839 like the fastest he's learning and he loves it 00:05:52.839 --> 00:05:56.139 he likes the team he's so sure but i'm out there 00:05:56.139 --> 00:05:59.800 after 10 minutes i found myself going and you 00:05:59.800 --> 00:06:02.360 usually give me like calm down claire like whoa 00:06:02.360 --> 00:06:05.019 like that's a bit loud i was like oh i'm that 00:06:05.019 --> 00:06:07.240 mom too and i don't want to be i don't want to 00:06:07.240 --> 00:06:09.439 be but it's just something comes over me and 00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:12.459 i'm like oh my god i am shouting from the sidelines 00:06:12.459 --> 00:06:15.790 and i need to be so judgy about soccer moms i'm 00:06:15.790 --> 00:06:18.850 one of them of all people it's become me yeah 00:06:18.850 --> 00:06:21.290 you know i'm i'm that person and i totally get 00:06:21.290 --> 00:06:24.870 it you know like uh but yeah i need that separation 00:06:24.870 --> 00:06:28.370 yeah for them for me and i definitely am a better 00:06:28.370 --> 00:06:31.709 person for the teaching for my time to go away 00:06:31.709 --> 00:06:34.170 and and it's really difficult in the beginning 00:06:34.170 --> 00:06:37.829 um the first both kids at three months i would 00:06:37.829 --> 00:06:39.970 i disappeared to go and do my work i purposely 00:06:39.970 --> 00:06:42.810 took the job because i knew i would get sucked 00:06:42.810 --> 00:06:45.839 in to wanting to be with them all the time. And 00:06:45.839 --> 00:06:49.339 people ask me about mom guilt. It is always there. 00:06:49.360 --> 00:06:51.680 Of course. Never goes away. Yeah, just because 00:06:51.680 --> 00:06:53.000 we're not martyrs doesn't mean we don't feel 00:06:53.000 --> 00:06:55.980 the guilt. But I have good reminders around me. 00:06:56.060 --> 00:06:58.120 Like when Yui goes, look, you're at a job. There's 00:06:58.120 --> 00:06:59.699 no point thinking. You're there for five days. 00:07:00.459 --> 00:07:03.240 You're there. You have to put your 100 % focus 00:07:03.240 --> 00:07:06.339 on being there. I'm like, I know, I know. But 00:07:06.339 --> 00:07:08.220 I just, you know, the think and the thought. 00:07:08.259 --> 00:07:11.459 And some moms will tell me, don't worry. don't 00:07:11.459 --> 00:07:13.259 don't worry about it they're really not going 00:07:13.259 --> 00:07:15.579 to miss you and actually the ones who would judge 00:07:15.579 --> 00:07:19.579 me more were dads yeah yeah i've got some of 00:07:19.579 --> 00:07:23.000 the harshest comments from men yeah as much as 00:07:23.000 --> 00:07:25.360 i love men yeah how could you leave right how 00:07:25.360 --> 00:07:27.600 could you what kind of a mother are you i've 00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:30.339 had random guys said you know two three years 00:07:30.339 --> 00:07:33.420 old it passes i don't know why you left and left 00:07:33.420 --> 00:07:36.040 them so young i remember random telling me and 00:07:36.040 --> 00:07:39.019 we just he asked me you know, about it. And I 00:07:39.019 --> 00:07:41.040 was a bit like taken aback. And then, you know, 00:07:41.040 --> 00:07:43.939 I was like, it's a bit full on. And I was like, 00:07:43.959 --> 00:07:47.199 whoa. And I just didn't feel like the need to 00:07:47.199 --> 00:07:48.839 explain myself because I wanted to take that 00:07:48.839 --> 00:07:51.420 job. And you know what? And to be honest, I do 00:07:51.420 --> 00:07:54.300 have expiry. I have an expiry and it's a truth. 00:07:54.420 --> 00:07:57.480 I don't care what you say. I have an expiry in 00:07:57.480 --> 00:08:00.920 my industry. I have an expiry because for marketing, 00:08:01.040 --> 00:08:03.000 they can't use the same person always for 10 00:08:03.000 --> 00:08:05.639 years. You know, they're going to. have recycle 00:08:05.639 --> 00:08:09.819 of people in for new hosts for fresher for for 00:08:09.819 --> 00:08:12.680 certain brands where that brand is going they 00:08:12.680 --> 00:08:15.800 need a refresh yeah i have an expiry date so 00:08:15.800 --> 00:08:17.480 i want to do it i want to take this opportunity 00:08:17.480 --> 00:08:19.319 because i know it's going to pass and that's 00:08:19.319 --> 00:08:21.899 a selfishness yes i'm selfish but that's okay 00:08:21.899 --> 00:08:24.120 but i think everyone has to be yeah because if 00:08:24.120 --> 00:08:27.819 you if you don't do anything for yourself then 00:08:27.819 --> 00:08:29.399 where are you going to be? Everyone's just going 00:08:29.399 --> 00:08:31.120 to walk all over you. Yeah. And then the resentment 00:08:31.120 --> 00:08:33.299 builds. And then, you know, there's a whole different 00:08:33.299 --> 00:08:35.559 path that you can walk. You know, one of the 00:08:35.559 --> 00:08:38.240 best tips that piece of advice that I've ever 00:08:38.240 --> 00:08:40.200 received that I still think about to this day 00:08:40.200 --> 00:08:43.279 is like for working moms and working moms who 00:08:43.279 --> 00:08:45.899 are also athletics, doing athletics, be where 00:08:45.899 --> 00:08:48.360 your feet are. So when you are training, when 00:08:48.360 --> 00:08:50.279 you are on the bike, you are on the bike. That's 00:08:50.279 --> 00:08:52.019 where you are. You are not thinking about the 00:08:52.019 --> 00:08:53.559 10 ,000 things your kids have to do for their 00:08:53.559 --> 00:08:54.960 school project. You are not thinking about work. 00:08:55.159 --> 00:08:57.539 When you're presenting, you're presenting. You 00:08:57.539 --> 00:08:59.500 are professional Claire. You are doing the things 00:08:59.500 --> 00:09:00.940 that you're passionate about. When you're with 00:09:00.940 --> 00:09:04.309 your kids, you are their mother. 100%. You're 00:09:04.309 --> 00:09:05.610 not looking at a screen. You're not on a phone 00:09:05.610 --> 00:09:07.850 call. And I think be where your feet are is the 00:09:07.850 --> 00:09:12.330 best piece of advice that has, when I catch myself, 00:09:12.409 --> 00:09:16.529 you know, when I catch myself, we need to do 00:09:16.529 --> 00:09:19.230 this. Yeah. But it's like, cause it is easy to 00:09:19.230 --> 00:09:21.769 kind of like, like even when you, like you said, 00:09:21.789 --> 00:09:24.009 you're confident being in those places and having 00:09:24.009 --> 00:09:26.450 that part. you can feel it start to bleed, right? 00:09:26.529 --> 00:09:29.350 You can feel the kind of like edges. Yeah, yeah. 00:09:29.389 --> 00:09:32.169 I get cracks. I get these little holes in the 00:09:32.169 --> 00:09:35.889 dam and once they pop, sometimes the dark thoughts 00:09:35.889 --> 00:09:38.470 just go whoosh. Yes, yeah. And again, the panic 00:09:38.470 --> 00:09:41.070 attacks, right? That's what makes the opportunity 00:09:41.070 --> 00:09:44.830 for those emotions to run wild is how difficult 00:09:44.830 --> 00:09:46.009 it is to navigate all those identities.