WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.660 if you don't have a space and time to be physically 00:00:02.660 --> 00:00:05.519 separate from your home life and have a physical 00:00:05.519 --> 00:00:07.559 outlet for all that energy, because it has to 00:00:07.559 --> 00:00:09.740 go somewhere. And if it doesn't, it becomes an 00:00:09.740 --> 00:00:12.220 autoimmune condition. I mean, in women, that's 00:00:12.220 --> 00:00:14.039 just how it ends up, whether you like it or not. 00:00:14.119 --> 00:00:17.460 You can only suppress so much emotion for so 00:00:17.460 --> 00:00:20.579 long. It has to come out somewhere, somehow. 00:00:21.140 --> 00:00:24.079 Usually it's an autoimmune condition and you'll 00:00:24.079 --> 00:00:27.019 be mid forties, completely stressed, completely 00:00:27.019 --> 00:00:31.429 overwhelmed. be so good at downplaying your emotions 00:00:31.429 --> 00:00:34.070 that you don't even realize how stressed you 00:00:34.070 --> 00:00:37.189 are. And you'll have to run some routine blood 00:00:37.189 --> 00:00:39.210 work. Suddenly all these markers are just completely 00:00:39.210 --> 00:00:41.969 off. And you're like, what is this about? Guess 00:00:41.969 --> 00:00:43.909 what honey buns that's been forming for the last 00:00:43.909 --> 00:00:46.189 two to five years. I guarantee you. Yeah. Well, 00:00:46.270 --> 00:00:49.390 and that brings up, you know, what I I'm treading 00:00:49.390 --> 00:00:51.490 on some tricky ground here to say excuse, but 00:00:51.490 --> 00:00:55.070 perimenopause. So perimenopause gets. all the 00:00:55.070 --> 00:00:56.609 attention in the world right now, right? And 00:00:56.609 --> 00:00:58.689 it's almost at the point where it's like, well, 00:00:58.750 --> 00:01:00.929 perimenopause is the culprit behind every single 00:01:00.929 --> 00:01:04.209 thing going wrong and there's no way out. It's 00:01:04.209 --> 00:01:07.390 another way to victimize yourself, right? It's 00:01:07.390 --> 00:01:09.790 like, well, my hormones changed, thus I have 00:01:09.790 --> 00:01:12.450 gained weight and I cannot. How do you address 00:01:12.450 --> 00:01:15.510 women that give you that excuse? Let's be real 00:01:15.510 --> 00:01:18.329 because that's what I'm all about. You have been 00:01:18.329 --> 00:01:21.189 fucking with your hormones for the last 15 years. 00:01:21.659 --> 00:01:24.480 And now menopause, premenopause, perimenopause 00:01:24.480 --> 00:01:27.099 has turned up. Now it's just a magical time to 00:01:27.099 --> 00:01:29.540 use that excuse, isn't it? You haven't been lifting 00:01:29.540 --> 00:01:31.879 weights for 10 to 15 years. You haven't been 00:01:31.879 --> 00:01:34.379 eating enough protein for the last 10 to 15 years. 00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:36.560 You haven't been drinking enough water. Girl, 00:01:36.659 --> 00:01:39.620 you are dehydrated. Drink some water. Get a glass 00:01:39.620 --> 00:01:41.959 of water. Get a glass of water. You haven't been 00:01:41.959 --> 00:01:44.640 drinking enough water for the last 10 to 15 years. 00:01:45.180 --> 00:01:47.319 Probably not up to speed with your blood work, 00:01:47.519 --> 00:01:51.400 your blood sugars. probably not very well managed 00:01:51.400 --> 00:01:54.680 because you stress eat a lot haven't been deep 00:01:54.680 --> 00:01:56.640 breathing journaling so let's say your headspace 00:01:56.640 --> 00:02:00.599 isn't in the best space of headspaces and oh 00:02:00.599 --> 00:02:04.079 yeah they're all symptoms of perimenopause aren't 00:02:04.079 --> 00:02:08.300 they great yes now i have a reason yep there's 00:02:08.300 --> 00:02:11.240 a straw man that looks good to me yeah at the 00:02:11.240 --> 00:02:13.639 end of the day we if we know that that's going 00:02:13.639 --> 00:02:16.659 to happen biologically speaking because that's 00:02:16.659 --> 00:02:18.520 what's going to happen would you like that to 00:02:18.520 --> 00:02:22.020 be a like kind of terrible you know experience 00:02:22.020 --> 00:02:23.740 or would you like it to be a completely horrendous 00:02:23.740 --> 00:02:26.639 experience because you get to choose right and 00:02:26.639 --> 00:02:29.360 some people get through it relatively unscathed 00:02:29.360 --> 00:02:31.219 shall we say and for some people it's really 00:02:31.219 --> 00:02:33.139 really tough but you're not helping yourself 00:02:33.139 --> 00:02:36.840 if you weren't previously helping yourself and 00:02:36.840 --> 00:02:38.699 a lot of people aren't because they don't feel 00:02:38.699 --> 00:02:41.409 worthy yeah And instead of working on how worthy 00:02:41.409 --> 00:02:43.449 they feel, because that is very confronting, 00:02:43.750 --> 00:02:46.310 it requires you to sit in a lot of ick, become 00:02:46.310 --> 00:02:48.770 very uncomfortable with yourself, realize you're 00:02:48.770 --> 00:02:52.069 responsible for 99 % of your problems. It's just 00:02:52.069 --> 00:02:54.650 easy to say, oh, perimenopausal. What do you 00:02:54.650 --> 00:02:56.389 know? And it's almost like that thing where, 00:02:56.449 --> 00:02:59.509 you know, it's that one thing I'm missing. It's 00:02:59.509 --> 00:03:01.849 the one thing that I haven't done, which has 00:03:01.849 --> 00:03:03.990 caused all my problems. But actually, it's not 00:03:03.990 --> 00:03:06.889 that one big thing. It's all those tiny little 00:03:06.889 --> 00:03:09.830 things. It's all the stuff that you do not focus 00:03:09.830 --> 00:03:11.669 on. Like you mentioned, you know, the sleep, 00:03:11.909 --> 00:03:14.349 the stress eating, the not journaling, the not 00:03:14.349 --> 00:03:17.330 breathing, not having an outlet. Yes. If you 00:03:17.330 --> 00:03:20.650 actually looked at all of those aspects of your 00:03:20.650 --> 00:03:24.280 life, where are you? Are you at 80 %? Or are 00:03:24.280 --> 00:03:27.379 you at like 30 %? Yeah. And maybe if you brought 00:03:27.379 --> 00:03:30.500 that up, you might actually have an easier transition. 00:03:31.139 --> 00:03:34.219 Completely. Because menopause is only going to 00:03:34.219 --> 00:03:37.460 amplify what your baseline is. So if your baseline 00:03:37.460 --> 00:03:40.520 health sucks, yes, menopause is going to make 00:03:40.520 --> 00:03:43.620 it complete shit show. Yeah. So what do you expect? 00:03:43.699 --> 00:03:46.759 Again, it's just easy to not be responsible for 00:03:46.759 --> 00:03:49.060 everything in life. It's convenient. It's really 00:03:49.060 --> 00:03:50.580 nice to not look in the mirror and be like, oh, 00:03:50.620 --> 00:03:53.189 actually, that's my fault. That's my fault. That's 00:03:53.189 --> 00:03:54.569 my problem. I could have done more about that. 00:03:54.610 --> 00:03:55.669 I could have done more about that. Could have 00:03:55.669 --> 00:03:58.110 been more proactive here. It's so much more convenient 00:03:58.110 --> 00:04:00.210 to blame children, blame work, blame husband, 00:04:00.349 --> 00:04:04.870 blame living abroad, you name it. But does that 00:04:04.870 --> 00:04:08.250 serve you? And do you want to actually do something 00:04:08.250 --> 00:04:11.009 about it or do you just want to complain? Because 00:04:11.009 --> 00:04:13.430 you don't get it both ways. You can't actually 00:04:13.430 --> 00:04:16.509 say, you know, this about my health sucks and 00:04:16.509 --> 00:04:17.889 that about my health sucks and that about my 00:04:17.889 --> 00:04:19.990 life sucks and that about my life sucks. without 00:04:19.990 --> 00:04:21.829 eventually getting so sick of your own bullshit 00:04:21.829 --> 00:04:25.149 that you take action yeah and that's the space 00:04:25.149 --> 00:04:27.589 that i create for the people i work with i'm 00:04:27.589 --> 00:04:31.449 like i recognize challenge a b and c get that 00:04:31.449 --> 00:04:34.170 we all have challenges okay they might be first 00:04:34.170 --> 00:04:35.949 world problems they might be expat problems they 00:04:35.949 --> 00:04:39.189 might be menopause problems children mother parenting 00:04:39.189 --> 00:04:42.370 problems got it cool we all have problems here's 00:04:42.370 --> 00:04:44.550 the thing though you are the common denominator 00:04:44.550 --> 00:04:47.509 because they all belong to you So what are you 00:04:47.509 --> 00:04:49.310 doing about them? Unless you're doing something 00:04:49.310 --> 00:04:51.769 about it, I don't want to hear about it. Yes. 00:04:51.769 --> 00:04:54.149 Preach, girl. Again, like this is what I talk 00:04:54.149 --> 00:04:56.589 about when she does not shy about expressing 00:04:56.589 --> 00:04:58.629 her views. And I love it because you're right. 00:04:58.709 --> 00:05:00.410 And I think, you know, a lot of things that you 00:05:00.410 --> 00:05:03.230 just mentioned are boundary issues. Yes. Right. 00:05:03.310 --> 00:05:05.430 So the husband thing, this is one I get all the 00:05:05.430 --> 00:05:07.449 time. And I bet you do, too, which is like, oh, 00:05:07.470 --> 00:05:09.569 well, I'm going to change the way that I eat. 00:05:09.769 --> 00:05:12.910 But my husband doesn't want to. My husband is 00:05:12.910 --> 00:05:15.329 my saboteur. My husband is ordering pizzas to 00:05:15.329 --> 00:05:17.750 the house. My husband. And it's like and I am 00:05:17.750 --> 00:05:21.389 just merely a passerby. this pizza that has suddenly 00:05:21.389 --> 00:05:23.910 come into my purview. It just happened to go 00:05:23.910 --> 00:05:26.029 down my digestive tract just because I looked 00:05:26.029 --> 00:05:27.829 at it and he ordered it, so it's his fault. So 00:05:27.829 --> 00:05:31.129 this is his fault. Right. So how do you help 00:05:31.129 --> 00:05:33.889 women set stronger boundaries? Again, whether 00:05:33.889 --> 00:05:35.850 it's the husband or whether it's the job or whether 00:05:35.850 --> 00:05:37.709 it's, you know, how do you help women stand up 00:05:37.709 --> 00:05:39.889 and say, I am not, like you said, I'm sick of 00:05:39.889 --> 00:05:41.550 my own bullshit and I'm not taking this anymore. 00:05:41.709 --> 00:05:43.889 I often ask them, how's that working out for 00:05:43.889 --> 00:05:47.149 you? So if they are mentioning a problem, again, 00:05:48.120 --> 00:05:50.060 Problems are problems. Great. Create the space 00:05:50.060 --> 00:05:51.980 to acknowledge them because when you acknowledge 00:05:51.980 --> 00:05:53.819 it, you can do something about it. So there's 00:05:53.819 --> 00:05:55.459 power in acknowledgement. There's no power in 00:05:55.459 --> 00:05:58.560 whinging and not taking action. So often I'll 00:05:58.560 --> 00:06:01.660 say, and how's that working out for you? And 00:06:01.660 --> 00:06:06.639 they go, oh, it's not. But you can't set a boundary 00:06:06.639 --> 00:06:08.319 externally unless you can set it within yourself. 00:06:08.579 --> 00:06:10.639 So if you say to yourself that you're going to 00:06:10.639 --> 00:06:13.639 turn up to a podcast at 12 p .m. and you turn 00:06:13.639 --> 00:06:16.560 up at 12 .05, you can't believe anything that 00:06:16.560 --> 00:06:18.459 you say to yourself. If you say you're going 00:06:18.459 --> 00:06:21.680 to take the trash out at 5pm and you don't, you 00:06:21.680 --> 00:06:23.120 can't believe the next thing that you say to 00:06:23.120 --> 00:06:24.540 yourself. If you say, I'm going to go to bed 00:06:24.540 --> 00:06:27.300 at 10pm because I know I need more sleep and 00:06:27.300 --> 00:06:30.899 you do not. You cannot uphold a boundary outside 00:06:30.899 --> 00:06:32.899 of you that cannot be upheld within your own 00:06:32.899 --> 00:06:35.420 self. So unless you can set a standard for yourself 00:06:35.420 --> 00:06:37.939 and uphold it for yourself, you will not be able 00:06:37.939 --> 00:06:39.819 to externalize it. You will not be able to say 00:06:39.819 --> 00:06:41.540 it to your children. You will not be able to 00:06:41.540 --> 00:06:44.910 say it to your boss. to your partner, to your 00:06:44.910 --> 00:06:47.410 mother -in -law, you name it, you will not be 00:06:47.410 --> 00:06:50.389 able to externalize it because you do not believe 00:06:50.389 --> 00:06:53.189 what you say because there's no alignment between 00:06:53.189 --> 00:06:56.290 your words and actions. So if you see incongruence 00:06:56.290 --> 00:06:59.370 within your own self, game over. You cannot set 00:06:59.370 --> 00:07:01.750 a boundary, let alone uphold a boundary. You 00:07:01.750 --> 00:07:03.449 must have congruence between words and actions. 00:07:03.829 --> 00:07:05.709 That's brilliant. I always say to my kids, you 00:07:05.709 --> 00:07:07.790 know, we made a commitment. We're going to do 00:07:07.790 --> 00:07:10.089 it. You know, like if you make that commitment, 00:07:10.230 --> 00:07:12.490 then you are showing up and you are doing what 00:07:12.490 --> 00:07:14.589 you're saying. So, yeah, I think that's excellent. 00:07:14.670 --> 00:07:16.529 I feel like, you know, a lot of people need to 00:07:16.529 --> 00:07:18.790 hear these words. And it reminds me of one of 00:07:18.790 --> 00:07:20.189 my favorite quotes that I use in my coaching 00:07:20.189 --> 00:07:22.569 all the time, which is how you do anything is 00:07:22.569 --> 00:07:25.410 how you do everything. So if you're a half asser 00:07:25.410 --> 00:07:27.069 in the gym, you're a half asser at work, you're 00:07:27.069 --> 00:07:29.209 a half asser at home. There is an element of 00:07:29.209 --> 00:07:32.490 commonality in all areas of your life. But it's 00:07:32.490 --> 00:07:34.750 I would say it's most obvious in the ones that 00:07:34.750 --> 00:07:36.970 you struggle with. Yes. You know, and it's like, 00:07:37.050 --> 00:07:40.129 what are you doing in that area that potentially 00:07:40.129 --> 00:07:42.089 there are hints of in other areas because you 00:07:42.089 --> 00:07:44.490 can take your own lessons. It really reflects 00:07:44.490 --> 00:07:48.529 a person's self -confidence. And again, you can't 00:07:48.529 --> 00:07:51.529 endeavor to have greater self -confidence if 00:07:51.529 --> 00:07:53.930 you want to keep lying to yourself about yourself. 00:07:54.110 --> 00:07:56.269 And again, that's just convenient. We default 00:07:56.269 --> 00:07:59.490 to what is familiar. So if you telling yourself 00:07:59.490 --> 00:08:01.829 lies and not following through with your promises 00:08:01.829 --> 00:08:04.170 to yourself is familiar, there's an element of 00:08:04.170 --> 00:08:06.850 comfort there. So if you make that your default, 00:08:06.949 --> 00:08:08.930 it's a very slippery slope. How you then turn 00:08:08.930 --> 00:08:11.290 that around and how you then create traction 00:08:11.290 --> 00:08:13.250 in other areas of life, such as health, fitness, 00:08:13.350 --> 00:08:15.509 nutrition, well -being is very, very challenging, 00:08:15.610 --> 00:08:17.720 but it's not impossible. It's not impossible. 00:08:17.839 --> 00:08:20.379 And you are living proof because, you know, what 00:08:20.379 --> 00:08:22.379 you folks at home seeing this beautiful bod and 00:08:22.379 --> 00:08:24.100 this amazing strength, strong woman might not 00:08:24.100 --> 00:08:27.180 realize that you were 15 kgs heavier. You guys, 00:08:27.180 --> 00:08:29.600 that's 35 pounds, my American listeners. And, 00:08:29.620 --> 00:08:32.200 you know, Laura's not huge. So like this is a 00:08:32.200 --> 00:08:34.059 significant amount of weight. You just heard 00:08:34.059 --> 00:08:36.379 a clip of Laura Phillips on the 40s formula in 00:08:36.379 --> 00:08:38.840 focus. To listen to the full conversation with 00:08:38.840 --> 00:08:40.980 Jasmine and Amanda, click the link in the show 00:08:40.980 --> 00:08:44.320 notes or search the 40s formula wherever you 00:08:44.320 --> 00:08:45.200 get your podcasts.