if you don't have a space and time to be physically
separate from your home life and have a physical
outlet for all that energy, because it has to
go somewhere. And if it doesn't, it becomes an
autoimmune condition. I mean, in women, that's
just how it ends up, whether you like it or not.
You can only suppress so much emotion for so
long. It has to come out somewhere, somehow.
Usually it's an autoimmune condition and you'll
be mid forties, completely stressed, completely
overwhelmed. be so good at downplaying your emotions
that you don't even realize how stressed you
are. And you'll have to run some routine blood
work. Suddenly all these markers are just completely
off. And you're like, what is this about? Guess
what honey buns that's been forming for the last
two to five years. I guarantee you. Yeah. Well,
and that brings up, you know, what I I'm treading
on some tricky ground here to say excuse, but
perimenopause. So perimenopause gets. all the
attention in the world right now, right? And
it's almost at the point where it's like, well,
perimenopause is the culprit behind every single
thing going wrong and there's no way out. It's
another way to victimize yourself, right? It's
like, well, my hormones changed, thus I have
gained weight and I cannot. How do you address
women that give you that excuse? Let's be real
because that's what I'm all about. You have been
fucking with your hormones for the last 15 years.
And now menopause, premenopause, perimenopause
has turned up. Now it's just a magical time to
use that excuse, isn't it? You haven't been lifting
weights for 10 to 15 years. You haven't been
eating enough protein for the last 10 to 15 years.
You haven't been drinking enough water. Girl,
you are dehydrated. Drink some water. Get a glass
of water. Get a glass of water. You haven't been
drinking enough water for the last 10 to 15 years.
Probably not up to speed with your blood work,
your blood sugars. probably not very well managed
because you stress eat a lot haven't been deep
breathing journaling so let's say your headspace
isn't in the best space of headspaces and oh
yeah they're all symptoms of perimenopause aren't
they great yes now i have a reason yep there's
a straw man that looks good to me yeah at the
end of the day we if we know that that's going
to happen biologically speaking because that's
what's going to happen would you like that to
be a like kind of terrible you know experience
or would you like it to be a completely horrendous
experience because you get to choose right and
some people get through it relatively unscathed
shall we say and for some people it's really
really tough but you're not helping yourself
if you weren't previously helping yourself and
a lot of people aren't because they don't feel
worthy yeah And instead of working on how worthy
they feel, because that is very confronting,
it requires you to sit in a lot of ick, become
very uncomfortable with yourself, realize you're
responsible for 99 % of your problems. It's just
easy to say, oh, perimenopausal. What do you
know? And it's almost like that thing where,
you know, it's that one thing I'm missing. It's
the one thing that I haven't done, which has
caused all my problems. But actually, it's not
that one big thing. It's all those tiny little
things. It's all the stuff that you do not focus
on. Like you mentioned, you know, the sleep,
the stress eating, the not journaling, the not
breathing, not having an outlet. Yes. If you
actually looked at all of those aspects of your
life, where are you? Are you at 80 %? Or are
you at like 30 %? Yeah. And maybe if you brought
that up, you might actually have an easier transition.
Completely. Because menopause is only going to
amplify what your baseline is. So if your baseline
health sucks, yes, menopause is going to make
it complete shit show. Yeah. So what do you expect?
Again, it's just easy to not be responsible for
everything in life. It's convenient. It's really
nice to not look in the mirror and be like, oh,
actually, that's my fault. That's my fault. That's
my problem. I could have done more about that.
I could have done more about that. Could have
been more proactive here. It's so much more convenient
to blame children, blame work, blame husband,
blame living abroad, you name it. But does that
serve you? And do you want to actually do something
about it or do you just want to complain? Because
you don't get it both ways. You can't actually
say, you know, this about my health sucks and
that about my health sucks and that about my
life sucks and that about my life sucks. without
eventually getting so sick of your own bullshit
that you take action yeah and that's the space
that i create for the people i work with i'm
like i recognize challenge a b and c get that
we all have challenges okay they might be first
world problems they might be expat problems they
might be menopause problems children mother parenting
problems got it cool we all have problems here's
the thing though you are the common denominator
because they all belong to you So what are you
doing about them? Unless you're doing something
about it, I don't want to hear about it. Yes.
Preach, girl. Again, like this is what I talk
about when she does not shy about expressing
her views. And I love it because you're right.
And I think, you know, a lot of things that you
just mentioned are boundary issues. Yes. Right.
So the husband thing, this is one I get all the
time. And I bet you do, too, which is like, oh,
well, I'm going to change the way that I eat.
But my husband doesn't want to. My husband is
my saboteur. My husband is ordering pizzas to
the house. My husband. And it's like and I am
just merely a passerby. this pizza that has suddenly
come into my purview. It just happened to go
down my digestive tract just because I looked
at it and he ordered it, so it's his fault. So
this is his fault. Right. So how do you help
women set stronger boundaries? Again, whether
it's the husband or whether it's the job or whether
it's, you know, how do you help women stand up
and say, I am not, like you said, I'm sick of
my own bullshit and I'm not taking this anymore.
I often ask them, how's that working out for
you? So if they are mentioning a problem, again,
Problems are problems. Great. Create the space
to acknowledge them because when you acknowledge
it, you can do something about it. So there's
power in acknowledgement. There's no power in
whinging and not taking action. So often I'll
say, and how's that working out for you? And
they go, oh, it's not. But you can't set a boundary
externally unless you can set it within yourself.
So if you say to yourself that you're going to
turn up to a podcast at 12 p .m. and you turn
up at 12 .05, you can't believe anything that
you say to yourself. If you say you're going
to take the trash out at 5pm and you don't, you
can't believe the next thing that you say to
yourself. If you say, I'm going to go to bed
at 10pm because I know I need more sleep and
you do not. You cannot uphold a boundary outside
of you that cannot be upheld within your own
self. So unless you can set a standard for yourself
and uphold it for yourself, you will not be able
to externalize it. You will not be able to say
it to your children. You will not be able to
say it to your boss. to your partner, to your
mother -in -law, you name it, you will not be
able to externalize it because you do not believe
what you say because there's no alignment between
your words and actions. So if you see incongruence
within your own self, game over. You cannot set
a boundary, let alone uphold a boundary. You
must have congruence between words and actions.
That's brilliant. I always say to my kids, you
know, we made a commitment. We're going to do
it. You know, like if you make that commitment,
then you are showing up and you are doing what
you're saying. So, yeah, I think that's excellent.
I feel like, you know, a lot of people need to
hear these words. And it reminds me of one of
my favorite quotes that I use in my coaching
all the time, which is how you do anything is
how you do everything. So if you're a half asser
in the gym, you're a half asser at work, you're
a half asser at home. There is an element of
commonality in all areas of your life. But it's
I would say it's most obvious in the ones that
you struggle with. Yes. You know, and it's like,
what are you doing in that area that potentially
there are hints of in other areas because you
can take your own lessons. It really reflects
a person's self -confidence. And again, you can't
endeavor to have greater self -confidence if
you want to keep lying to yourself about yourself.
And again, that's just convenient. We default
to what is familiar. So if you telling yourself
lies and not following through with your promises
to yourself is familiar, there's an element of
comfort there. So if you make that your default,
it's a very slippery slope. How you then turn
that around and how you then create traction
in other areas of life, such as health, fitness,
nutrition, well -being is very, very challenging,
but it's not impossible. It's not impossible.
And you are living proof because, you know, what
you folks at home seeing this beautiful bod and
this amazing strength, strong woman might not
realize that you were 15 kgs heavier. You guys,
that's 35 pounds, my American listeners. And,
you know, Laura's not huge. So like this is a
significant amount of weight. You just heard
a clip of Laura Phillips on the 40s formula in
focus. To listen to the full conversation with
Jasmine and Amanda, click the link in the show
notes or search the 40s formula wherever you
get your podcasts.