Welcome to a very special Christmas Day episode
of the 40s Formula. If you're listening as a
woman in her 40s who's doing all the things for
everyone else and quietly wondering, is this
really it? Then this episode is for you. Because
today, instead of one guest, we've pulled together
a collection of powerful moments from women who
have sat where you are, felt what you're feeling,
and asked the same questions that you might be
asking in this season of life. At the end of
every conversation, we ask our guest one simple
but meaningful question. What's your 40s formula?
And their answers? They're honest, layered and
real. They speak about boundaries, confidence,
health, identity shifts, relationships, rediscovering
purpose and learning to choose themselves without
guilt. So if you're feeling a little stretched
thin, a little invisible or even just reflective
as another year comes to a close, consider this
your invitation to pause, to listen and to start
shaping your own version of what life in your
40s could look like. And if this episode resonates,
we would love for you to share it with another
woman who needs to hear that she is not alone
in this phase of life. And if you've been finding
comfort, clarity, or inspiration in these conversations,
the biggest gift you can give to us this Christmas
is to follow the podcast and leave a quick review.
It truly helps us reach more women like you.
And you can also come and say hello on our Instagram
at at the 40s formula, where we share behind
the scenes moments, real talk, and updates on
upcoming episodes and events. So wherever you
are today, whether you're surrounded by family
or carving a moment just for yourself, we hope
this episode feels like a gentle reminder that
your story still matters. Merry Christmas. But
there is one thing that I say quite often, which
I think answers it, which is that nothing exceptional
ever comes from a comfort zone. And I believe
that so entirely. And it helps me every day,
literally every day, because it's not easy. life
is not easy parenting is not easy doing this
work that I absolutely love and I'm so grateful
I get to do it and I know it looks super glamorous
on social media and I am so grateful I can't
even tell you how grateful I am but it's really
hard right it's really really hard it's really
hard to leave my daughter at four in the morning
and have to replace me with a teddy bear and
then she wakes up at ten to six and calls me
at the airport that's really hard right it's
really hard to travel around alone and land in
cities that you don't know and all of these things
It's really hard to not know where your money's
coming from when you're building a business and
you've got cash flow challenges and all of those
things. But we don't talk about it. But what
I always remind myself is, well, if it was easy,
everybody would do it. If it was easy, it wouldn't
be great. Because if it was easy, it would just
be boring, right? Probably. So I think that's
really powerful. I believe it's really true.
I don't think anything exceptional comes from
just being comfortable. I think we have to push
ourselves and probably throughout our 40s, it's
going to happen more and more and more because
our children are going to grow, our bodies are
going to change, life changes. But I also think
that there are more women in their 50s and 60s
thriving now than ever in history. So I feel
like we have a lot to look forward to. I would
say, I think as women in our 40s, we should stand
in our power, you know. We used to probably prioritize
other people or, you know, say yes too much.
I think now is a time where we look inward and
we look at that self -care and that's through
the food choices that we make. And we stand in
that. We own it. And it's that mindset change,
really, that, you know, now it's about us, focusing
on us. This is that time. And, you know, that
40s also goes into that perimenopausal phase.
And I love to use that word. It's perimenopause.
Pause. Let's all stop and think and reflect and
then move forward. I work with a lot of women
who have experienced menopause, who are in that
age and stage of life. And what I've noticed
is most of them are under -muscled. We talk about
body fat being high. That's a thing for sure.
But I don't think being under -muscled gets enough
recognition. And if we look at... preparing for
the 40s and 50s and beyond what holds us in good
stead and steed is having sufficient muscle mass
again quality of life independence as you age
healthy blood sugar relationship healthy metabolism
everyone wants to blame menopause for their metabolism
but if you enter menopause under muscled your
metabolism stands no chance of course it's going
to be complete shit show so muscle mass muscle
mass muscle mass build the muscle as early as
you can as often as you can and do not stop like
just keep going turn up imperfectly and make
that a habit I tell that to my clients all the
time I'm like I can help anyone who turns up
but I cannot do the turning up for you so you
get here I don't care if you've had three hours
of sleep I don't care if you haven't slept I
don't care if your child is sick I mean I do
I hope they get better soon That is irrelevant.
You know, it's your health and fitness journey.
So get good at turning up for yourself and keep
turning up. And then protein. Lots of protein.
All the protein you can. Creatine, great supplement.
Love it. Five, six to ten. I think high doses
of ten. We're studying and seeing great cognitive
benefits. So love, love, love, love, love me
some creatine. And just keep connecting with
yourself because. It's easier for you to help
yourself if you understand why you're not helping
yourself or where you're not helping yourself,
where you're not asking for help. So for me,
it comes down to those three pillars. It's building
muscle. It's getting enough protein in the diet.
And it's unpacking your own relationship with
yourself and continuing to evolve that because
that only makes it easier to do the other two
things time and time again. Don't be afraid to
take your space. Yeah. You work for it. You earned
it. You deserve it. So take this piece. Damn
right. Get what you want. Yeah. I'm still figuring
it out. What I've discovered so far is that it's
so important to, if you want, to meet yourself
and whatever vehicles that works best for you.
For me, that's therapy. And I have come to treat
therapy like going to the gym. And I used to
only call my therapist when something happened
instead of, you know, now we meet every two weeks,
regardless if I have something to talk about
or not. So whatever medium you want to use to
meet yourself. And then I guess just asking yourself
if all dimensions of you are really showing up
in the way that you would like to show up. It's
OK if you don't want all of them to show up,
but I want all of me to show up. So I feel like
I'm in my reinvention stage. I believe that the
40s are where you ask all the questions and the
50s is where, you know, apparently life is going
to be really, really amazing. And then I'm looking
at Melinda Gates in 60 and then Oprah at 70.
Yes. And I'm like, yeah. So I'm looking at them
going, OK, that's great. I think 40s is also,
you know, the period of perimenopause for most
women in the world. And this can really throw
a spanner in the works and give you more questions
to doubt yourself, right? So just remember that
sometimes your hormones are playing a role, a
major role in whatever lens that you're looking
at life at, all the questions that you're asking.
So definitely meet yourself, your health and
your mental state. And I believe I learned this
at the Hoffman process. You know, there's four
parts to us, your physical body, your logical
mind. That's the one that wants to do, do, do
and be logical. Then your emotional child or
self. So every day that person is different.
Sometimes it's a child. You know, sometimes it's
a five -year -old Uma that needs something sometimes
is exactly who I am today. Uma 5 .0. Yeah, not
yet, three years. The last part is your soul.
So if you think of it as a horse carriage, the
horse is the emotional child. It just wants to
go and play, play with other horses, right? It
doesn't want to be on the leash, right? And then
the rider is the logical self, telling the child
where to go. right and the entire carriage is
the body but the passenger is your soul and your
soul is telling the writer where to go yeah and
i think i only found my soul recently yeah like
i didn't know she was there so now i can see
her yeah on most days so yeah i think 40s is
like the best time ever for women it's the best
and the hardest i think because you're somewhere
where you got maybe some decent money, right?
You've kind of figured out what you like, you
don't like. Then your body is starting to send
you signals and question yourself. But I think
it's the great decade of being a questionologist
for yourself. To focus on loving yourself more
and putting yourself as a priority at this point
is the perfect time because you're going to be
learning how to live the future you. You already
know that my avatar is almost like a director,
right? And what I would say would be working
for me, how I try to separate myself from productivity
to trying to find my own identity is really to
have that separation. And I like to describe
it as be your own director for your own epic
movie. The more you are able to then separate
yourself. from your story. So look at yourself
from outside. Find a different perspective. Give
yourself a character. Give all your parts a character.
So you're looking at yourself as a director and
then all of a sudden that emotion doesn't feel
so strong and you get more perspective. And then
you will be able to perceive that life is not
so hard. That there could be a different way
to then touch on something, right? The football
analogy. Do you know about this one? No, but
I do love football. Tell me more. It depends
which football you like. Yeah, I was going to
say, actually, is this American football? I see
you like leaning into the microphone. Okay, so
the football analogy goes a little bit like this.
So when you're a player in the field, right?
Okay, soccer. I'll allow it. I'll allow it. Damn
it. Now she's going to kick me out. It's okay.
I'm British, so, you know, we play football.
50 % of this audience understand. No, I'm just
kidding. When you're a player in the field, you're
really in it. Yo. Pushing in, you're reflexive.
You're playing. You don't have time to think
about keeping score. You're really in the game.
You're there. You're present. But you're also
feeling all the emotion and all the stress all
at the same time. But then you think about yourself
as a coach in the box. And all of a sudden, you're
really far away, like a director. And you can
see the plays on the fields. You can check out
the strategy. You know how to rearrange players.
And you know how to go at it from a different
point of view. Let's talk about the people in
the sidelines on the stands. Now, they are not
in the game. They can comment. And they will
keep score. Right? Not really the nice way either.
Yep, you're right. But they're also supporters.
And they're also there to cheer you on. Now,
what about... in the helicopter, you know, the
newscaster, giving you that bird's eye view.
Now you're really far away. And all of a sudden,
your problems are going to seem so small. And
you have to, suddenly you have a little bit of
space to go into awe, right? You're there to
then just breathe a little, see it from bird's
eye view, and all those pains just melt away.
It's not so important anymore. So if you can
think of yourself as a director, sometimes you're
in the game. Sometimes you're in the box. Sometimes
you're on the sidelines. They all have the, can
I say, purpose, right? And they all have their
seasons too, right? You can plan, you can see,
you can strategize, and then you can be in the
game. But don't forget to reflect. Get out of
the game far away enough so that everything feels
a little bit more sustainable. That's the word,
sustainable. And find a different perspective.
get in the chopper get the chopper once in a
while be in it when you need to yes be the coach
when you need to the manager when you need to
sometimes you can make some comments you know
like ah that was a fucking shit pass exactly
but you know overall yeah take a step back and
and take charge be in control yeah i mean there's
so many choices out there and oh my gosh we're
just gonna be Even more muddled with even more
choices coming, you know, in the next, oh gosh,
not even next year. Next few months, we're going
to have like more improvements of AI, the more
apps that we can actually use. We're going to
be totally confused. So just take a step back.
Go inside, not outside. That's where the noise
is. Let the noise be there. Entertainment. And
then just be a director and see where you want
to go because it's not about productivity. It's
not about... who or what we've achieved is about
alignment. And we're supposed to just align ourselves
a little bit every day. No pressure. Love it.
Love it. Take that pressure away and take direction,
take charge. Yeah, because you know what? Pen
is in your hand and you can write your own script.
That is the true story. The next chapter is yours,
right? Own it. Be unapologetic. Why are we so
afraid to... Say the word menopause. Yeah. You
know, use the word. The more we use it, the more
we normalize it. You know, we are giving you
today important information. But you have a choice
if you want to use that or not. And that's your
choice. So you can use little bits of it. You
can take the protein shake and not the creatine.
You know, you will still be OK. Go and see the
doctor if you need the help. Don't wait until
it's too late. Do the strength training. Do ensure
that you bank your bones because we are living
longer and we do want to make sure that we have
that. quality of life that our mothers don't
my mom has osteoporosis she's 68 you know like
I want to be 85 and still trying to do a chin
up even though I can't but I still want the ability
to try it's never too late but it's never too
late ever and that's it it's never too late if
you are listening and you're over 40 it's never
too late if you're under 40 start learning and
putting things in place now yeah There you go,
girl. Preach, you know, use your youth, but also
it's never too late, right? It's never too late
to start. Your body is so incredible. I've had
cancer twice. I'm 13 years in menopause. I've
been through ups and downs and rounds and rounds.
And honest to goodness. Your body is the most
incredible, particularly women. Come on. Yes.
Our bodies are superhuman. Superhuman. And if
you treat it well, it will give you back. It's
like a boomerang effect. If you look after it,
it will look after you. All I want to say is,
hello, everybody. My name is Jasmine. I'm 42
years old and I'm in perimenopause. Hello, Jasmine.
Oh, my girl. You're in the right circle for sure
today. I would say 40s is when I think most of
us start to feel a lot of. tension and um stress
in our lives so for me what i would always recommend
is to nourish your bodies with like proper food
like proper proper food like no process and also
not just the food but what you see what you read
what you hear you know nourish that properly
move daily right And sleep, right? Sleep deeply,
right? I feel like we are a nation of people
who don't have enough sleep. Yeah. So, but that's
super, super, super important. So, yeah. Yeah,
bring it back to being human. That's it. So,
you know, eat well, sleep well, move well. Yep,
totally. Be surprised at how good it feels to
be a human being. Yes, absolutely. This is something
that I tell myself all the time. Everything that
I can see and touch is tangible, including how
I look right now or a certain situation that
I'm in. And so if it's tangible, it means it's
subject to change, right? So it will never always
be like that. So if I'm having a really bad time
now or something really bad is happening. this
too shall pass, right? So I won't always be in
this situation. Or if I'm having, like, a great
time, something really good, it will also pass.
So it sort of, like, teaches me to, like, enjoy
the moment and be in the present. So that is
something that I'm still learning, like, to live
by it. Yeah, but it's something I tell myself.
I love that. Stay present, live in the now, and
just know that everything, yeah, is temporary.
It truly is. I would say energy wise, quality
over quantity is my thing. So don't spread yourself
too thin. I used to do it. Choose where you have
to put your energy. Choose where you want to
put your energy and put it there. And you will
be so much happier because I was a people pleaser.
I wanted to spread myself across whoever needed
me. Not anymore. Now I just spend my time doing
what I want to do with the people I want to do
it with. Three things I would say. One is surround
yourself with the right people that will lift
you up because you don't have time for bullshit.
I'm just going to call it. You just really, really
don't have time for anything else. Cut out people
that won't lift you. You don't need any of that.
Number two, three key questions to ask yourself
about anything that bothers you. Will you lose
sleep? Will you lose money? Will it affect your
health? The answer is no to all of it. Fuck it.
you you really do have time for it right because
i i just feel like we are so time starved as
we get older and it's all i i feel like this
is my underlying theme for this entire podcast
which is like you know um prioritize oh and the
third thing is um don't be afraid to prioritize
yourself over others i think this is something
we tend to lose ourselves trying to please others
whether it's your partner or your boss or your
friend but if you lose yourself then there's
a risk you might never find yourself back. Or
you have to go to great lengths to get yourself
back. My mantra is I'm doing the best that I
can given the resources that I have. Yeah. And
that's okay. That is a formula. I mean, put that
on a t -shirt, girl. I'm doing the best that
I can given the resources that I have. And that's
really the best that we can do, right? I think
sometimes we often push ourselves to say, I need
to do more, be more. And I get that. I get where
that's coming from. But honestly, some days for
me, my battery's flat. And if my battery's flat
and I still show up doing something, that is
100%. That is not 0%. Many people do not see
it that way. But I think we need to live that
way so that we're not so hard on ourselves. Yes.
Well, for me, I feel the best at my current age,
to be honest. Because I don't need to care about
what people think. And I can be fully myself
and unapologetically myself. And I don't have
to prove to anyone my worth or who I am. And
I'm just being very happy of who I am right now.
So I think to be able to say, I have a mantra
that I also teach my female clients is when you
do your breath work, if you can't talk, you just
have this mantra in your head. It's called I'm
sovereign mantra. So it starts with I'm sovereign,
I'm humble, I'm compassionate, and I'm surrendering
to the present moment. So what I would say is
while you're navigating perimenopause and menopause,
see it as an opportunity to look at your health,
your holistic health overall. Yes, absolutely.
Get some help with your symptoms and improve
your quality of life. But look at the bigger
picture. Think about those long -term health
risks that are silent, that you may not feel.
Educate yourself about them. Get tested. Know
what your risks are for them. And there is plenty
you can do out there to minimize those risks.
Look at those six pillars or six cogs of health
and see. What is important to you right now?
Where are you ready to make some changes that
will be sustainable? And think about what kind
of life would you like to have in your last 10
years of your life? You know, women are living
till into their 80s, 90s. We want to remain well
and healthy and do the things we enjoy and love
and be independent for as long as possible. So
that would be my message to women. I think for
me, that has to be sleep. I certainly went through
my twenties and thirties in a job where I often
didn't get as much sleep as I needed. And I thought
that was fine. And in my forties, I discovered
that it's really not fine. So I'd just say sleep,
sleep, sleep, make it a priority because I think
certainly for me, When I've had enough sleep,
anything is possible. When I'm sleep deprived,
everything becomes a struggle. And that's so
common for so many women, I think, in midlife.
Yeah, you got that right. We're preaching the
same gospel. I promise you. Yeah, you don't have
to tell me to sleep twice or three times.