WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.000 Coming up on The 40s Formula. How do you take 00:00:04.000 --> 00:00:06.580 care of your mental health given the things that 00:00:06.580 --> 00:00:08.759 you are up against? Being visible, being in an 00:00:08.759 --> 00:00:11.419 athletic environment as well, and also obviously 00:00:11.419 --> 00:00:13.339 being out and gay. You need to be visible to 00:00:13.339 --> 00:00:15.359 be heard, right? If you want to get your message 00:00:15.359 --> 00:00:17.960 out there, then you need to be prepared. Be bold, 00:00:17.980 --> 00:00:19.839 have the courage, go out there and just have 00:00:19.839 --> 00:00:21.920 bold. If you suppress yourself for too long, 00:00:21.980 --> 00:00:24.219 you're going to implode one day and sometimes 00:00:24.219 --> 00:00:26.559 the consequences can be really bad. You can be 00:00:26.559 --> 00:00:28.620 the perfect person and there will still be someone 00:00:28.620 --> 00:00:31.260 who has a problem with you. I grew up with the 00:00:31.260 --> 00:00:34.700 typical Asian parenting environment where it's 00:00:34.700 --> 00:00:37.079 always about grades first, it's always about 00:00:37.079 --> 00:00:40.640 like face. How was it for you when you came out 00:00:40.640 --> 00:00:43.310 to your family? mom stood up and went to the 00:00:43.310 --> 00:00:46.270 kitchen to wash dishes dad walked to the living 00:00:46.270 --> 00:00:48.270 room and started watching tv and i was just left 00:00:48.270 --> 00:00:50.429 there crying by myself and then i just like i 00:00:50.429 --> 00:00:53.909 suffered from eating disorders as a teen i was 00:00:53.909 --> 00:00:56.590 running 20k in the morning and then 6k in the 00:00:56.590 --> 00:00:58.509 evening and doing like three hours of kickboxing 00:00:58.509 --> 00:01:01.649 and not eating at all one very simple question 00:01:01.649 --> 00:01:06.069 to ask yourself are you happy cheryl tay is a 00:01:06.069 --> 00:01:09.150 singaporean athlete writer and body image advocate 00:01:09.640 --> 00:01:11.760 whose work lives at the intersection of fitness, 00:01:11.939 --> 00:01:15.140 identity, and self -worth. A former motoring 00:01:15.140 --> 00:01:18.000 journalist in a male -dominated industry, Cheryl 00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:20.019 now channels her voice into endurance sports, 00:01:20.299 --> 00:01:22.760 community wellness, and the platform she founded, 00:01:22.959 --> 00:01:25.879 Rock the Naked Truth, a body confidence movement 00:01:25.879 --> 00:01:27.959 born from her own struggles with self -image. 00:01:28.799 --> 00:01:31.180 Openly married to a woman in socially conservative 00:01:31.180 --> 00:01:34.340 Singapore, Cheryl uses her platform to challenge 00:01:34.340 --> 00:01:37.719 norms around gender, body, and belonging. proving 00:01:37.719 --> 00:01:40.359 that strength means showing up fully even when 00:01:40.359 --> 00:01:44.700 it's uncomfortable the 40s formula the 40s formula 00:01:44.700 --> 00:01:49.219 the 40s formula hosted by jasmine dillon integrated 00:01:49.219 --> 00:01:51.859 health strategist specializing in gut health 00:01:51.859 --> 00:01:55.000 hormones and midlife well -being and amanda lim 00:01:55.000 --> 00:01:57.859 director of lift clinic and a leading expert 00:01:57.859 --> 00:02:00.680 in female strength and metabolism named one of 00:02:00.680 --> 00:02:04.739 cna's top podcasts and winner of the 2025 Asia 00:02:04.739 --> 00:02:07.359 Podcast Awards in the Best Health and Wellness 00:02:07.359 --> 00:02:10.400 Podcast category. The 40s Formula is your no 00:02:10.400 --> 00:02:13.919 -fluff, science meets real -life guide to thriving 00:02:13.919 --> 00:02:19.719 in your 40s. This episode is about what it costs 00:02:19.719 --> 00:02:22.080 to be visible in your body, in your identity, 00:02:22.159 --> 00:02:25.020 in your truth. When everything around you is 00:02:25.020 --> 00:02:27.479 telling you to tone it down or worse, hide it 00:02:27.479 --> 00:02:30.159 away. If you've ever felt the weight of being 00:02:30.159 --> 00:02:32.969 too much for the culture you're in, This conversation 00:02:32.969 --> 00:02:35.629 will remind you that taking up space might just 00:02:35.629 --> 00:02:38.770 be radical and necessary to finding out who you 00:02:38.770 --> 00:02:41.530 really are in your 40s. And if you like this 00:02:41.530 --> 00:02:43.189 episode, please don't forget to share it with 00:02:43.189 --> 00:02:45.210 a friend or a loved one. And don't forget to 00:02:45.210 --> 00:02:48.030 follow the 40s formula on wherever you get your 00:02:48.030 --> 00:02:50.669 podcasts. So Cheryl and I have crossed paths 00:02:50.669 --> 00:02:53.250 all over Singapore, it seems. So I think endurance 00:02:53.250 --> 00:02:56.270 events, definitely. I think CrossFit stuff back 00:02:56.270 --> 00:02:59.610 in the day. And then we even go to the same tattoo 00:02:59.610 --> 00:03:02.509 artist. We found out like completely coincidentally. 00:03:02.550 --> 00:03:04.810 So I'm honored to have you joining us here. Thank 00:03:04.810 --> 00:03:06.590 you for having me. Yeah, we're so excited to 00:03:06.590 --> 00:03:08.870 have you. And you're a woman who wears so many 00:03:08.870 --> 00:03:11.750 hats, you know, does so many things. And I think 00:03:11.750 --> 00:03:13.370 what's common, though, across all the things 00:03:13.370 --> 00:03:16.580 that you do is that you're visible. Right? You're 00:03:16.580 --> 00:03:19.139 not someone who shies away from sharing the reality 00:03:19.139 --> 00:03:22.199 of your experiences. How do you think that visibility 00:03:22.199 --> 00:03:25.520 is important for women to be empowered? I think 00:03:25.520 --> 00:03:27.740 you need to be visible to be heard, right? In 00:03:27.740 --> 00:03:32.060 the first place. But I do get the hesitation 00:03:32.060 --> 00:03:34.840 and apprehension from that because some people 00:03:34.840 --> 00:03:36.240 will feel like if I'm visible, you're putting 00:03:36.240 --> 00:03:38.199 yourself out there. It means making yourself 00:03:38.199 --> 00:03:40.419 a target almost, right? Because it means that 00:03:40.419 --> 00:03:43.439 people will see you, but at the same time, they 00:03:43.439 --> 00:03:45.199 have... access to you right they can command 00:03:45.199 --> 00:03:48.560 and we can't control the commands yes but if 00:03:48.560 --> 00:03:50.259 you want to get your message out there you need 00:03:50.259 --> 00:03:53.819 to be able to um i don't know if i can say but 00:03:53.819 --> 00:03:56.080 have the balls yeah yeah you can say have the 00:03:56.080 --> 00:03:59.539 balls girl we are welcome anything you want okay 00:03:59.539 --> 00:04:01.680 yeah i think if you want to be heard if you have 00:04:01.680 --> 00:04:03.099 a message you want to be visible i think you 00:04:03.099 --> 00:04:05.340 need to be prepared to like be bold have the 00:04:05.340 --> 00:04:07.659 courage go out there and just have balls how 00:04:07.659 --> 00:04:09.419 do you develop the balls because i think you're 00:04:09.419 --> 00:04:12.370 right i think women are generally scared to put 00:04:12.370 --> 00:04:14.590 stuff out there that is vulnerable. Because exactly 00:04:14.590 --> 00:04:16.329 what you said, because if you're there, you're 00:04:16.329 --> 00:04:18.470 visible, you're judgeable, right? Like, okay, 00:04:18.589 --> 00:04:20.410 now I'm going to cut into this lady. How do you 00:04:20.410 --> 00:04:23.029 like develop that callous against that? Grow 00:04:23.029 --> 00:04:28.730 thicker skin. I think it comes from confidence. 00:04:29.449 --> 00:04:31.430 Obviously, you need to be sure about what you 00:04:31.430 --> 00:04:35.550 say, right? You must be able to back it up. You 00:04:35.550 --> 00:04:37.610 don't go out there and like say shit or say the 00:04:37.610 --> 00:04:42.290 wrong thing. But I think... in order to not be 00:04:42.290 --> 00:04:44.110 scared I think firstly you need to be very assured 00:04:44.110 --> 00:04:46.370 like I mean we all have our own moments of low 00:04:46.370 --> 00:04:48.550 self -confidence that's normal right there are 00:04:48.550 --> 00:04:51.029 days when we don't feel good but I think if you 00:04:51.029 --> 00:04:53.430 are assured if you are confident that you know 00:04:53.430 --> 00:04:55.329 what you're saying you know what you want and 00:04:55.329 --> 00:04:57.029 you're putting yourself out there to say something 00:04:57.029 --> 00:04:59.769 or to spread a message then you know whatever 00:04:59.769 --> 00:05:01.589 comes your way I mean we have to be prepared 00:05:01.589 --> 00:05:03.889 that there will be differing opinions you know 00:05:03.889 --> 00:05:05.490 you can be the perfect person and there will 00:05:05.490 --> 00:05:07.610 still be someone who has a problem with you totally 00:05:07.610 --> 00:05:11.360 right so it's more of like not wavering and being 00:05:11.360 --> 00:05:15.379 able to understand the difference between constructive 00:05:15.379 --> 00:05:18.240 criticism and people who are just keyboard warriors 00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:20.860 and just want to say something. I always say 00:05:20.860 --> 00:05:22.699 like, if you don't know this person and this 00:05:22.699 --> 00:05:25.480 person says something about you, then it shouldn't 00:05:25.480 --> 00:05:29.240 mean or matter to you. But if it's someone close 00:05:29.240 --> 00:05:31.079 to me that says something, then obviously I will 00:05:31.079 --> 00:05:33.040 feel a bit more, okay, look, you know me and 00:05:33.040 --> 00:05:35.980 why do you say that? If someone says something 00:05:35.980 --> 00:05:39.779 to you and it's not like you hadn't directed 00:05:39.779 --> 00:05:41.899 it to them, you know, but they come back and 00:05:41.899 --> 00:05:44.000 they comment on a social media post or a video 00:05:44.000 --> 00:05:45.800 or something that you've done, which is just 00:05:45.800 --> 00:05:48.779 out there. I think if it's triggering for them, 00:05:48.819 --> 00:05:51.199 it's because it's something to do with them and 00:05:51.199 --> 00:05:54.079 not necessarily something to do with you. And 00:05:54.079 --> 00:05:56.740 like one of the things, we had an episode on 00:05:56.740 --> 00:06:00.779 divorce go out on our YouTube channel and a gentleman 00:06:00.779 --> 00:06:03.420 commented on one of the reels saying something 00:06:03.420 --> 00:06:05.600 along the lines of, and then she lies and then 00:06:05.600 --> 00:06:07.480 she leaves you and then she does this and, you 00:06:07.480 --> 00:06:09.920 know, blah blah blah blah blah and my response 00:06:09.920 --> 00:06:12.819 was I'm really sorry this has happened to you 00:06:12.819 --> 00:06:15.199 and you feel this way I hope you find someone 00:06:15.199 --> 00:06:17.579 who appreciates your worth yeah because it's 00:06:17.579 --> 00:06:20.060 you know it's kind of like clearly he's triggered 00:06:20.060 --> 00:06:23.180 by that because something has happened to him 00:06:23.180 --> 00:06:26.399 and you know like and I think when we put something 00:06:26.399 --> 00:06:28.319 out there it's really important to understand 00:06:28.319 --> 00:06:30.879 that if someone is triggered by that it's not 00:06:30.879 --> 00:06:35.620 usually you it's them and they're feeling something 00:06:35.620 --> 00:06:38.779 because you invoked something in them that has 00:06:38.779 --> 00:06:40.620 reminded them of someone else or something else 00:06:40.620 --> 00:06:43.560 yes yeah or a deep wound that they have that's 00:06:43.560 --> 00:06:45.439 like oh this is a topic that hurts to be fair 00:06:45.439 --> 00:06:47.920 sometimes certain comments do sting and you need 00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:50.500 to just like deflect it how can you deflect it 00:06:50.500 --> 00:06:52.819 though because I think you do find that don't 00:06:52.819 --> 00:06:54.180 you though you know you've gone to bed and you're 00:06:54.180 --> 00:06:56.240 like you never think of the comments that have 00:06:56.240 --> 00:06:58.819 been good like oh you look awesome in that outfit 00:06:58.819 --> 00:07:00.899 you think of the oh you know your legs look fat 00:07:00.899 --> 00:07:05.850 and you're like oh it's true but oh I think for 00:07:05.850 --> 00:07:09.189 me, the older I get, the less fucks I have to 00:07:09.189 --> 00:07:13.949 give. Yes. Especially as we get more responsibilities 00:07:13.949 --> 00:07:15.990 in life, whether you're at work, you have a higher 00:07:15.990 --> 00:07:18.269 position at work, your kids get older. You just 00:07:18.269 --> 00:07:21.470 have so many things to deal with and I just don't 00:07:21.470 --> 00:07:23.790 have the bandwidth to go and deal with these 00:07:23.790 --> 00:07:25.750 things that these people do. I don't know these 00:07:25.750 --> 00:07:28.370 people. You don't know me. I'm just putting it 00:07:28.370 --> 00:07:30.329 out there. Like I always say, if there's nothing 00:07:30.329 --> 00:07:32.810 good to say, don't say anything. So talk to us 00:07:32.810 --> 00:07:35.009 about growing up in Singapore. So, you know, 00:07:35.029 --> 00:07:36.910 we have an international leadership here, right? 00:07:37.149 --> 00:07:39.990 International listenership here. So what are 00:07:39.990 --> 00:07:42.029 some of the norms around how you should look, 00:07:42.110 --> 00:07:44.209 how you should act, what you should be like? 00:07:44.430 --> 00:07:47.069 And are those norms things that you like lean 00:07:47.069 --> 00:07:49.329 into now with your messaging? Or is it stuff 00:07:49.329 --> 00:07:51.509 that you're kind of unlearning now? Well, I've 00:07:51.509 --> 00:07:54.230 unlearned a lot, actually, because I went through 00:07:54.230 --> 00:07:57.189 the entire. singapore education system okay like 00:07:57.189 --> 00:07:59.189 primary school secondary school junior college 00:07:59.189 --> 00:08:01.569 university i did it all in singapore so i went 00:08:01.569 --> 00:08:05.670 through the entire system here um i think i don't 00:08:05.670 --> 00:08:07.829 know about now but when i was back in school 00:08:07.829 --> 00:08:11.649 i think the the main the underlying theme was 00:08:11.649 --> 00:08:15.269 um no you cannot make mistakes and you cannot 00:08:15.769 --> 00:08:18.889 or like failure is wrong, right? At least that's 00:08:18.889 --> 00:08:22.189 what I interpreted it as. So I grew up with a 00:08:22.189 --> 00:08:25.490 typical, sorry mom and dad, with a typical Asian 00:08:25.490 --> 00:08:28.310 parenting environment where it's always about 00:08:28.310 --> 00:08:32.090 grades first, it's always about like face, it's 00:08:32.090 --> 00:08:34.850 always about being kiasu. So I grew up with that 00:08:34.850 --> 00:08:41.750 and a lot of societal stereotypes. Like for example, 00:08:41.870 --> 00:08:44.279 like certain people of colour that we should 00:08:44.279 --> 00:08:46.620 avoid and things like that. And it was just things 00:08:46.620 --> 00:08:47.679 that you don't because you're a child, right? 00:08:47.740 --> 00:08:48.980 So you just take whatever your parents say. And 00:08:48.980 --> 00:08:51.100 as I grew up and I started travelling around 00:08:51.100 --> 00:08:53.620 the world for work and I don't know, I just, 00:08:53.679 --> 00:08:56.100 maybe because I'm such a social butterfly, I 00:08:56.100 --> 00:08:57.539 meet a lot of people and then I start to see 00:08:57.539 --> 00:09:00.360 the world and then you're like, oh, like you're 00:09:00.360 --> 00:09:02.840 in that pigeonhole, you know? And then now you 00:09:02.840 --> 00:09:04.919 start to realise that, oh, I don't have to follow 00:09:04.919 --> 00:09:08.059 these societal norms, right? And I mean, which 00:09:08.059 --> 00:09:11.129 is why I have a wife. Yeah. Well, talk to us 00:09:11.129 --> 00:09:14.009 about that. So you live a life with your wife 00:09:14.009 --> 00:09:17.409 in a culture where technically, you know, same 00:09:17.409 --> 00:09:19.370 -sex marriage is not legal and recognized here. 00:09:19.590 --> 00:09:22.370 What is it like your day -to -day living in Singapore? 00:09:22.470 --> 00:09:25.210 And do you feel like there's risks involved with 00:09:25.210 --> 00:09:27.970 kind of being out in Singapore? Actually, so 00:09:27.970 --> 00:09:30.309 far, so good. I've not had anyone thrown rocks 00:09:30.309 --> 00:09:32.450 at me. Good job, dude. Good job, dude. Good job, 00:09:32.750 --> 00:09:34.830 society. Or maybe it's the people that I surround 00:09:34.830 --> 00:09:37.370 myself with. Yeah. You know, I'm sure there may 00:09:37.370 --> 00:09:40.840 be people who, who have maybe i don't know maybe 00:09:40.840 --> 00:09:43.460 have unfollowed me because they don't agree um 00:09:43.460 --> 00:09:45.980 right or i've had someone tell me that oh you 00:09:45.980 --> 00:09:48.159 know i'm i'm happy for you but my kids can never 00:09:48.159 --> 00:09:51.259 be gay so i'm like you know wow someone's actually 00:09:51.259 --> 00:09:54.799 said that to you yeah and you and what did you 00:09:54.799 --> 00:09:58.220 say back i i did not do it i'm just like okay 00:09:58.220 --> 00:10:00.519 thanks when they say my kids can never be gay 00:10:00.519 --> 00:10:02.279 what they're what are they trying to say that 00:10:02.279 --> 00:10:05.860 i will not allow it yes yeah okay yeah and so 00:10:05.860 --> 00:10:07.639 I was a bit like I was a bit taken aback I couldn't 00:10:07.639 --> 00:10:10.480 process it quickly enough to come up with a response 00:10:10.480 --> 00:10:14.059 right I'm just oh okay thank you so I guess it's 00:10:14.059 --> 00:10:16.759 easy I mean my mum's Zumba good friend is gay 00:10:18.179 --> 00:10:20.440 it's always like that it's okay if it's not within 00:10:20.440 --> 00:10:23.700 your nest yes right it's always it's very common 00:10:23.700 --> 00:10:25.559 I mean who knows I might be like that if I'm 00:10:25.559 --> 00:10:27.360 a parent too I wouldn't know right but it's just 00:10:27.360 --> 00:10:30.139 I think I've been very lucky that people around 00:10:30.139 --> 00:10:32.360 me have been very supportive they've all loved 00:10:32.360 --> 00:10:34.759 us very much and I haven't faced much I mean 00:10:34.759 --> 00:10:37.559 I do get mean comments like you know hell has 00:10:37.559 --> 00:10:39.899 a special place for you and your wife and things 00:10:39.899 --> 00:10:43.120 like that yeah I do get that but I think and 00:10:43.120 --> 00:10:46.679 I do I used to get very like but then now I'm 00:10:46.679 --> 00:10:48.919 just like okay whatever look I'm happy I don't 00:10:48.919 --> 00:10:51.759 feel any difference in my life like she's just 00:10:51.759 --> 00:10:53.840 female other than that like we're just an ordinary 00:10:53.840 --> 00:10:56.779 regular couple doing our things we go to holidays 00:10:56.779 --> 00:10:59.500 we have food we go out for events we have a dog 00:10:59.500 --> 00:11:02.120 it's just if I was with a man it would be the 00:11:02.120 --> 00:11:05.440 same thing how was it for you when you came out 00:11:05.440 --> 00:11:09.360 to your family like how was that that was hard 00:11:09.360 --> 00:11:14.759 yeah it was hard it was hard because My mum and 00:11:14.759 --> 00:11:17.500 dad, I think they grew up in a generation where 00:11:17.500 --> 00:11:20.860 it's wrong. It's wrong to be gay. Like, regardless 00:11:20.860 --> 00:11:22.399 of whether male or female, right? It's just wrong. 00:11:22.500 --> 00:11:24.240 And I think they cannot understand the concept 00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:27.100 of like, how can you like a woman? Why? I see 00:11:27.100 --> 00:11:28.379 women also won't like them. I'm just like, okay, 00:11:28.399 --> 00:11:30.940 okay. This is you. You know, this is you. And 00:11:30.940 --> 00:11:33.820 I did grow up with them like, making passing 00:11:33.820 --> 00:11:35.259 comments. Oh, you look at this person. You know, 00:11:35.279 --> 00:11:36.840 this person talks like this and moves like that. 00:11:37.080 --> 00:11:39.220 Confirm gay. And I'm just like, and then, like, 00:11:39.340 --> 00:11:41.620 okay, sure, right? Yeah, but they say it a very... 00:11:42.189 --> 00:11:44.350 like judgy I don't blame them I really don't 00:11:44.350 --> 00:11:46.269 blame them because if you grew up with that mindset 00:11:46.269 --> 00:11:48.950 for like 70 years of your life I don't expect 00:11:48.950 --> 00:11:51.590 you to change it suddenly it's gonna be it's 00:11:51.590 --> 00:11:54.009 gonna take a lot but to be fair they have at 00:11:54.009 --> 00:11:56.149 the start at the start they were they were really 00:11:56.149 --> 00:11:59.629 angry like when I finally sat down and told I 00:11:59.629 --> 00:12:01.110 was at that place I don't live with them anymore 00:12:01.110 --> 00:12:03.090 so when I was at that place and I spoke to them 00:12:03.090 --> 00:12:06.730 about it mom stood up and went to the kitchen 00:12:06.730 --> 00:12:09.669 to wash dishes dad walked to the living room 00:12:09.669 --> 00:12:11.590 and started watching tv and i was just left there 00:12:11.590 --> 00:12:13.710 crying by myself at the dining table and then 00:12:13.710 --> 00:12:17.090 i just like okay then i just left the house and 00:12:17.090 --> 00:12:18.750 then they didn't speak to me for like a couple 00:12:18.750 --> 00:12:21.889 of months oh my gosh so after that night yeah 00:12:21.889 --> 00:12:23.789 they just kind of avoided it after you talked 00:12:23.789 --> 00:12:25.730 about it and then didn't speak to you for yeah 00:12:25.730 --> 00:12:28.830 and eventually she needed help for me to do something 00:12:28.830 --> 00:12:32.370 you know as all moms do yeah yeah but it was 00:12:32.370 --> 00:12:34.950 hard because um I can understand her anger. I 00:12:34.950 --> 00:12:36.809 think for her, it was, for my mom, it was also 00:12:36.809 --> 00:12:40.789 a lot of, she calls it humiliation. Yeah. She 00:12:40.789 --> 00:12:42.769 said like, oh, you know, like you, you never 00:12:42.769 --> 00:12:45.309 think of our family. Our family name, excuse 00:12:45.309 --> 00:12:47.570 me, we are not the Kardashians. We are not like, 00:12:47.889 --> 00:12:50.230 we are not like, I don't know, the queen. It's 00:12:50.230 --> 00:12:53.440 like, who knows us hello you know what I mean 00:12:53.440 --> 00:12:57.240 like I'm just like huh and then but because I 00:12:57.240 --> 00:12:58.840 was so out there on social media I had to block 00:12:58.840 --> 00:13:00.539 her on social media because she kept seeing my 00:13:00.539 --> 00:13:03.320 post with Grace and then she'll get triggered 00:13:03.320 --> 00:13:06.220 like she'll just keep seeing us like with her 00:13:06.220 --> 00:13:08.340 arms around each other or like whatever and then 00:13:08.340 --> 00:13:09.740 she'll just be like or like love you here and 00:13:09.740 --> 00:13:11.480 there and she'll be like and so in the end I 00:13:11.480 --> 00:13:14.539 had to she still blocked Does she know? She knows. 00:13:14.659 --> 00:13:17.220 And she thinks it's probably better for everybody? 00:13:17.379 --> 00:13:20.700 Yeah, I mean, she didn't say so, but yeah, I 00:13:20.700 --> 00:13:24.940 don't ever expect. acceptance from them I think 00:13:24.940 --> 00:13:27.799 tolerance is good enough for me like now they 00:13:27.799 --> 00:13:29.620 are okay with her I mean my mom just insisted 00:13:29.620 --> 00:13:31.820 on having Grace send her to work one day because 00:13:31.820 --> 00:13:34.240 I wasn't in town but I was like it's getting 00:13:34.240 --> 00:13:36.340 there I guess it's because it's been four and 00:13:36.340 --> 00:13:38.840 a half almost five years now I think she gets 00:13:38.840 --> 00:13:41.080 the message that she's here to stay yeah finally 00:13:41.080 --> 00:13:43.100 they were hoping for like let it be a phase you 00:13:43.100 --> 00:13:48.039 know and then it didn't become a phase so but 00:13:48.039 --> 00:13:51.740 I guess as all parents would want they just want 00:13:51.740 --> 00:13:54.049 that the best for their children right so I also 00:13:54.049 --> 00:13:56.350 understand where they're coming from and I love 00:13:56.350 --> 00:13:57.789 my parents very much so I don't want to like 00:13:57.789 --> 00:13:59.990 clash too hard so it's like look you know she's 00:13:59.990 --> 00:14:02.610 here to stay I'm not going to force you to like 00:14:02.610 --> 00:14:05.330 buy her a birthday present but I mean at the 00:14:05.330 --> 00:14:06.529 start it used to be like oh yeah that butcher 00:14:06.529 --> 00:14:08.129 what's that butcher I'm like that butcher has 00:14:08.129 --> 00:14:11.429 a name oh yeah they were really really livid 00:14:11.429 --> 00:14:15.649 is she also Singaporean your wife okay what's 00:14:15.649 --> 00:14:17.649 um I don't know if it's funny or not. I actually 00:14:17.649 --> 00:14:19.870 found it quite funny. But I remember seeing this 00:14:19.870 --> 00:14:24.210 Indian skit of this guy who was telling his family, 00:14:24.370 --> 00:14:26.730 similar things happen in Indian culture, but 00:14:26.730 --> 00:14:29.210 telling his family that, you know, he was gay 00:14:29.210 --> 00:14:33.049 and his boyfriend who was Caucasian. And the 00:14:33.049 --> 00:14:35.629 mom's response was, oh, why couldn't you find 00:14:35.629 --> 00:14:40.470 an Indian boy? Like, ah, both wrong. No, I'm 00:14:40.470 --> 00:14:42.669 just kidding. Oh, that's cute. So you already 00:14:42.669 --> 00:14:44.250 mentioned that, like, okay, so some people are 00:14:44.250 --> 00:14:46.679 like, oh, like, you know, what's your crazy world 00:14:46.679 --> 00:14:48.059 like? And you're like, we just do normal stuff. 00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:50.620 We walk our dog, we cook food. Another thing, 00:14:50.620 --> 00:14:52.759 you know, is that you said like, there's, I think 00:14:52.759 --> 00:14:54.940 there's a lot of myths around what gay and queer 00:14:54.940 --> 00:14:56.860 relationships look like. What are some of the 00:14:56.860 --> 00:14:59.919 myths that you think should just die? Or that 00:14:59.919 --> 00:15:01.820 you've heard about gay and queer relationships? 00:15:02.240 --> 00:15:05.500 I can't remember. But, but, but it's just really 00:15:05.500 --> 00:15:07.580 strange because I always tell people that I'm 00:15:07.580 --> 00:15:10.460 the same person. I'm the same friend, the same 00:15:10.460 --> 00:15:13.820 sister, the same daughter, the same employee, 00:15:14.019 --> 00:15:17.809 colleague, whatever. yeah I don't understand 00:15:17.809 --> 00:15:20.169 why people just people think it's I think they 00:15:20.169 --> 00:15:23.490 just feel it's in their head it's like it's wrong 00:15:23.490 --> 00:15:27.330 that it's not supposed to be like that and I 00:15:27.330 --> 00:15:28.990 guess the culture doesn't help as well because 00:15:28.990 --> 00:15:31.289 Singapore's culture is all like what's that nucleus 00:15:31.289 --> 00:15:33.950 the family nucleus is one boy one father mother 00:15:33.950 --> 00:15:37.129 son and daughter the 2 .4 children something 00:15:37.129 --> 00:15:40.710 like that right so I guess as long as it doesn't 00:15:40.710 --> 00:15:43.570 fit in that mold it's wrong yeah do you think 00:15:43.570 --> 00:15:45.350 it's getting better? I feel with the younger 00:15:45.350 --> 00:15:47.649 generations, yes. So I think there's hope. Yeah. 00:15:47.789 --> 00:15:51.309 Not now, but like maybe after I'm gone. Well, 00:15:51.350 --> 00:15:52.789 similar thing, right? So you mentioned that, 00:15:52.809 --> 00:15:54.509 you know, you're the same daughter, same friend, 00:15:54.549 --> 00:15:56.830 same employee, all that, right? So I think women 00:15:56.830 --> 00:16:00.149 in their 40s do bury parts of themselves for 00:16:00.149 --> 00:16:02.649 a long time. You know, I think that they either 00:16:02.649 --> 00:16:04.649 do that to protect others. So, you know, maybe 00:16:04.649 --> 00:16:06.470 to protect, you know, your parents, you know, 00:16:06.470 --> 00:16:09.309 humiliation as you used or to make other people 00:16:09.309 --> 00:16:12.970 happy, right? We tuck things away. How do you, 00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:15.539 give advice to women who have been hiding parts 00:16:15.539 --> 00:16:17.799 of themselves and again, sexuality or others. 00:16:18.419 --> 00:16:20.980 And when they say things like, oh, well, I've 00:16:20.980 --> 00:16:22.600 been hiding it for so long, there's no point 00:16:22.600 --> 00:16:25.259 at this age. Like, I'll just keep going this 00:16:25.259 --> 00:16:28.740 way. Okay, so I turn 40 next year. Woohoo. Yeah. 00:16:29.159 --> 00:16:34.139 Almost welcome. We'll send you the membership 00:16:34.139 --> 00:16:37.960 papers later. I feel like, I mean, who I was 00:16:37.960 --> 00:16:40.480 in my 20s. It's a very, very different person 00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:42.259 from who I was in my 30s. And I feel like now 00:16:42.259 --> 00:16:44.600 entering my 40s, I'm also a very different person. 00:16:45.059 --> 00:16:48.200 You're right that we do, because we get so busy 00:16:48.200 --> 00:16:50.620 and caught up, right? I think most of us tend 00:16:50.620 --> 00:16:52.840 to take the path of least resistance because 00:16:52.840 --> 00:16:54.179 you just have so many things to do. The easiest 00:16:54.179 --> 00:16:56.039 way is okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm just 00:16:56.039 --> 00:16:57.379 going to keep it in. I'm not going to say anything 00:16:57.379 --> 00:16:59.700 and then hopefully you'll move on. But the danger 00:16:59.700 --> 00:17:02.039 in that is if you suppress yourself for too long, 00:17:02.200 --> 00:17:04.400 you're going to implode one day and sometimes 00:17:04.400 --> 00:17:07.079 the consequences can be really bad. Like you 00:17:07.079 --> 00:17:10.079 might, I don't know, walk out. a home or like 00:17:10.079 --> 00:17:14.019 i i had a a friend who packed up and i mean she 00:17:14.019 --> 00:17:16.400 took the kids and left and like yeah because 00:17:16.400 --> 00:17:19.839 it just got too much for her so i i guess suppressing 00:17:19.839 --> 00:17:22.960 i get sometimes it's you're just hiding you don't 00:17:22.960 --> 00:17:24.960 want to hurt people you know we don't want to 00:17:24.960 --> 00:17:26.640 because sometimes the full truth can hurt others 00:17:26.640 --> 00:17:29.420 so you omit you omit certain parts of it but 00:17:29.420 --> 00:17:31.420 at the same time i always believe in being true 00:17:31.420 --> 00:17:35.119 to yourself uh and and one very simple question 00:17:35.119 --> 00:17:37.480 to ask yourself are you happy yeah that's all 00:17:37.900 --> 00:17:39.200 You know, I'm not asking you to burn the world 00:17:39.200 --> 00:17:42.559 to be happy, but you need to be happy first in 00:17:42.559 --> 00:17:44.700 order to take care of everybody else around you. 00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:47.640 Because if you're not happy, it will spill over 00:17:47.640 --> 00:17:49.599 and then you will start being grumpy, you'll 00:17:49.599 --> 00:17:51.759 snap at your kids and the people closest to you 00:17:51.759 --> 00:17:54.500 in the nearest proximity will then get hurt first. 00:17:54.960 --> 00:17:57.200 And it's very ironic, right? You are here suppressing 00:17:57.200 --> 00:17:58.720 it because you're trying to protect them. Yes. 00:17:58.759 --> 00:18:00.420 But because you suppress so much and then you 00:18:00.420 --> 00:18:02.579 go, one day you snap and then you like yell and 00:18:02.579 --> 00:18:04.019 then you throw something and then someone gets 00:18:04.019 --> 00:18:06.980 hurt or whatever. And then in the end, it's like... 00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:09.140 too late right and you don't want that to happen 00:18:09.140 --> 00:18:11.900 did you find so obviously before you told your 00:18:11.900 --> 00:18:15.299 parents that for you it was it was brewing inside 00:18:15.299 --> 00:18:18.039 and you were you were trying to sort of figure 00:18:18.039 --> 00:18:20.660 out how you can say this did you have any other 00:18:20.660 --> 00:18:24.039 like you know issues that were also coming out 00:18:24.039 --> 00:18:26.920 at the same time or or was it you know quite 00:18:26.920 --> 00:18:29.059 um you know you realized and it was quite a natural 00:18:29.059 --> 00:18:33.240 way to tell your parents I think I found a way 00:18:33.240 --> 00:18:35.740 to deal with my parents over the years. Yeah. 00:18:36.400 --> 00:18:38.240 I mean, they have a lot of like generational 00:18:38.240 --> 00:18:40.680 trauma and this and that. So it's on me to then 00:18:40.680 --> 00:18:43.299 break that. Break it, right? And not let it carry 00:18:43.299 --> 00:18:45.339 on. I mean, I don't want kids, so it's okay. 00:18:45.440 --> 00:18:49.359 You stand here. All set. Yeah. But it's more 00:18:49.359 --> 00:18:52.509 like, I think. it's very normal to be scared 00:18:52.509 --> 00:18:53.789 of our parents. I mean, after all, like I said, 00:18:53.849 --> 00:18:55.130 they did bring me up. They did give me a very 00:18:55.130 --> 00:18:57.269 good life. I can't complain. You know, they did 00:18:57.269 --> 00:18:59.650 give me a very comfortable life. I went to school. 00:18:59.690 --> 00:19:01.509 I didn't have to worry about money. You know, 00:19:01.509 --> 00:19:04.089 we got holidays and it was great, right? They 00:19:04.089 --> 00:19:06.450 brought me up the only way they knew how. And 00:19:06.450 --> 00:19:08.069 they rewarded me with money. I guess it's a very 00:19:08.069 --> 00:19:09.670 Asian thing, right? They use money as incentives. 00:19:09.950 --> 00:19:12.329 In their heads, getting new things or buying 00:19:12.329 --> 00:19:14.349 new things is a way of showing love. But we don't 00:19:14.349 --> 00:19:17.900 understand that, you see. I mean as a child or 00:19:17.900 --> 00:19:20.680 even now you just want quality time you just 00:19:20.680 --> 00:19:23.180 want someone you can talk to so I think for me 00:19:23.180 --> 00:19:27.279 was I tried to explain generation trauma to my 00:19:27.279 --> 00:19:29.920 mum and it failed miserably she's like well your 00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:32.099 paw paw not like this I'm just like you know 00:19:32.099 --> 00:19:34.960 never mind and then I'm like and then like you 00:19:34.960 --> 00:19:36.519 know to her therapy she's like allergic therapy 00:19:36.519 --> 00:19:38.279 the word is like oh no I'm not sick I don't want 00:19:38.279 --> 00:19:42.579 to go so I'm like you know it's okay I kind of 00:19:42.579 --> 00:19:44.099 decided that I think there's no point trying 00:19:44.099 --> 00:19:49.880 to uh get them woke but more like just find a 00:19:49.880 --> 00:19:55.000 way to uh harmonize and and and get along and 00:19:55.000 --> 00:19:56.480 then you know like just give her what she wants 00:19:56.480 --> 00:19:59.180 and as long as we're all happy yeah the reason 00:19:59.180 --> 00:20:01.440 i asked this is because actually one of my cousins 00:20:01.440 --> 00:20:05.160 um she's she also came out as gay but prior to 00:20:05.160 --> 00:20:07.569 that for a long time, she actually suffered from 00:20:07.569 --> 00:20:09.549 quite a serious autoimmune condition that affected 00:20:09.549 --> 00:20:11.549 her heart to the point where she needed to have 00:20:11.549 --> 00:20:13.890 a heart transplant. And I wonder if, you know, 00:20:13.930 --> 00:20:16.750 like suppressing these feelings really do manifest 00:20:16.750 --> 00:20:19.150 in physical symptoms as well. Like obviously 00:20:19.150 --> 00:20:20.809 it did for my cousin. I'm sure it doesn't happen 00:20:20.809 --> 00:20:23.210 to everybody, but you know, it's something that 00:20:23.210 --> 00:20:26.009 where you're kind of struggling with, you know, 00:20:26.009 --> 00:20:28.289 like this, like you mentioned earlier, you know, 00:20:28.289 --> 00:20:30.230 like the shame, obviously not that it's shameful 00:20:30.230 --> 00:20:34.390 to be of a different sexuality, but for... But 00:20:34.390 --> 00:20:35.950 I guess, you know, for the family, they perceive 00:20:35.950 --> 00:20:40.029 it like that or, you know, how you think your 00:20:40.029 --> 00:20:41.490 family are going to take it, whether they're 00:20:41.490 --> 00:20:43.490 going to talk to you or not talk to you, disown 00:20:43.490 --> 00:20:45.930 you. I think it's a lot of stress and a lot of 00:20:45.930 --> 00:20:49.430 pressure to deal with. But it's true. I also 00:20:49.430 --> 00:20:52.230 believe that it will manifest in some kind of 00:20:52.230 --> 00:20:54.349 physical condition. Yeah, I definitely think 00:20:54.349 --> 00:20:57.609 so. Okay, Amanda, I've got to say GYG has done 00:20:57.609 --> 00:20:59.829 it again. They've launched a new butter chicken 00:20:59.829 --> 00:21:03.269 filling and it's honestly next level. Oh my god, 00:21:03.289 --> 00:21:05.390 yes! I finally tried it last week and it's the 00:21:05.390 --> 00:21:08.630 third edition of the GYG Goes Local series. This 00:21:08.630 --> 00:21:11.309 one is my favorite yet. It's this beautiful mash 00:21:11.309 --> 00:21:13.750 -up of homely Indian comfort food with GYG's 00:21:13.750 --> 00:21:16.190 Mexican flair. We're talking rich, creamy butter 00:21:16.190 --> 00:21:19.029 chicken made with tomato, butter, kasoori methi, 00:21:19.049 --> 00:21:21.769 that's dried fenugreek leaves, and koya, which 00:21:21.769 --> 00:21:24.490 gives it that signature depth. And they've paired 00:21:24.490 --> 00:21:26.789 it with their perfectly grilled Guerrero chicken. 00:21:27.009 --> 00:21:29.529 That's what gives it that smoky, slightly charred 00:21:29.529 --> 00:21:31.750 kind of flavor that makes it also addictive. 00:21:32.410 --> 00:21:34.390 And here's the best bit. For the first time ever 00:21:34.390 --> 00:21:36.630 in their local series, you can actually get the 00:21:36.630 --> 00:21:39.069 butter chicken sauce on the side. Yet another 00:21:39.069 --> 00:21:41.809 reason I love GYG so much, because you can customize 00:21:41.809 --> 00:21:44.950 your order to fit your macros. It's rich, it's 00:21:44.950 --> 00:21:47.589 comforting, it's a total flavor bomb, and it's 00:21:47.589 --> 00:21:50.089 only here for a limited time. So if you haven't 00:21:50.089 --> 00:21:52.950 tried it yet, get in quick. The GYG Butter Chicken 00:21:52.950 --> 00:21:56.710 is only available from 14th October to 23rd November. 00:21:57.109 --> 00:22:00.369 Dine in, take away, or order using the GYG app. 00:22:00.670 --> 00:22:03.250 Clean food, local flair and seriously addictive 00:22:03.250 --> 00:22:06.549 sauce. What more could we want? Exactly. Visit 00:22:06.549 --> 00:22:10.349 GYG across their 22 island -wide locations or 00:22:10.349 --> 00:22:14.049 follow at Guzman E Gomez SG for all the latest. 00:22:14.490 --> 00:22:17.470 But I guess it's sometimes people say, oh, it's 00:22:17.470 --> 00:22:18.789 so easy for you to just go out there and save 00:22:18.789 --> 00:22:20.950 and save. You know, it's so hard for us. But 00:22:20.950 --> 00:22:24.970 I think no harm trying. Yeah. Like getting out 00:22:24.970 --> 00:22:26.349 of your comfort zone. I mean, YOLO, right? I 00:22:26.349 --> 00:22:28.509 mean, touch wood. I'm really halfway through 00:22:28.509 --> 00:22:32.019 life. yeah right it's scary to think of that 00:22:32.019 --> 00:22:33.819 like we're already halfway through or like yeah 00:22:33.819 --> 00:22:35.140 but no we're in Singapore we're in a blue zone 00:22:35.140 --> 00:22:36.559 we're gonna go longer we still got a little bit 00:22:36.559 --> 00:22:40.000 more than half but it's like if you don't do 00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:41.740 it now I don't want you to get to your 50 60 00:22:41.740 --> 00:22:44.819 70 and then regret yeah because you really only 00:22:44.819 --> 00:22:46.660 have this one life I'm not asking you to do crazy 00:22:46.660 --> 00:22:48.839 things like like strip and run down Orchard Road 00:22:48.839 --> 00:22:50.160 you know I'm just saying like you just want to 00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:53.279 get arrested for that wouldn't you yeah don't 00:22:53.279 --> 00:22:55.039 do that in Singapore you want to give yourself 00:22:55.039 --> 00:22:58.299 the best life you can give yourself And no one 00:22:58.299 --> 00:23:00.480 can do it for you. No one owes you anything. 00:23:01.259 --> 00:23:03.880 And you don't owe anyone anything. You just have 00:23:03.880 --> 00:23:06.440 to want to do it for yourself. And you can't 00:23:06.440 --> 00:23:09.000 expect your partner or anyone else to do it for 00:23:09.000 --> 00:23:12.319 you because... Yeah, we can preach all we want 00:23:12.319 --> 00:23:13.960 here, but at the end of the day, you control 00:23:13.960 --> 00:23:15.940 your own actions. That's what I always say. Well, 00:23:15.980 --> 00:23:18.059 and you've done an amazing job of controlling 00:23:18.059 --> 00:23:20.079 your own actions. Like I said, you've chosen 00:23:20.079 --> 00:23:21.519 the way that you represent yourself and your 00:23:21.519 --> 00:23:23.900 career, your relationship, all of that. But you 00:23:23.900 --> 00:23:26.039 are also doing work for the community of women. 00:23:26.180 --> 00:23:27.859 And I think this is something I really want to 00:23:27.859 --> 00:23:29.940 talk to you about, was your project, your campaign, 00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:32.839 Rock the Naked Truth. Can you tell us a little 00:23:32.839 --> 00:23:35.640 bit about how that body positivity campaign came 00:23:35.640 --> 00:23:38.440 to be, when it started, and why that's passionate 00:23:38.440 --> 00:23:42.470 work for you? So I suffered from eating disorders 00:23:42.470 --> 00:23:46.049 as a teen. It got really, really bad. Like I 00:23:46.049 --> 00:23:48.609 was at some, please don't learn this at home, 00:23:48.630 --> 00:23:50.829 but at one point I was over -exercising, like 00:23:50.829 --> 00:23:53.690 running 20K in the morning and then 6K in the 00:23:53.690 --> 00:23:55.569 evening and doing like three hours of kickboxing 00:23:55.569 --> 00:23:59.390 and not eating at all, starving myself. And I 00:23:59.390 --> 00:24:02.029 became green, like my skin turned green and then 00:24:02.029 --> 00:24:05.660 my period didn't come. It was... I think I still 00:24:05.660 --> 00:24:07.839 feel effects of that till today though because 00:24:07.839 --> 00:24:09.819 you ruin your metabolism at such a young age, 00:24:09.900 --> 00:24:13.079 right? And then I came out of that because I 00:24:13.079 --> 00:24:15.799 realized that it was just so tiring to chase 00:24:15.799 --> 00:24:19.339 calories, to worry about how you look. But again, 00:24:19.400 --> 00:24:20.759 when you're younger, right, you kind of have 00:24:20.759 --> 00:24:22.920 less things to worry about. True. So you obsess 00:24:22.920 --> 00:24:25.319 over these things. And also like, if you can't 00:24:25.319 --> 00:24:26.940 control everything around you, this is the one 00:24:26.940 --> 00:24:28.099 thing you can control, which is your weight. 00:24:28.920 --> 00:24:31.940 And from there, So I developed like binge eating, 00:24:32.299 --> 00:24:35.859 bulimia and things like that. And then as I got 00:24:35.859 --> 00:24:37.799 older, when I turned 30, I was like, okay, I'm 00:24:37.799 --> 00:24:39.839 done with this. I'm so tired. My weight keeps 00:24:39.839 --> 00:24:42.180 yo -yoing, right? It's like 60 plus, 40 plus. 00:24:42.339 --> 00:24:45.359 Then my stretch marks. And it's very mentally 00:24:45.359 --> 00:24:47.259 draining because you just don't want to keep 00:24:47.259 --> 00:24:48.559 worrying about it. I mean, we have so many numbers 00:24:48.559 --> 00:24:50.440 to worry about. Bank account, salary, taxes, 00:24:50.680 --> 00:24:53.200 bills, you know, like enough. You know, I don't 00:24:53.200 --> 00:24:55.220 want to worry about another set of numbers. So 00:24:55.220 --> 00:24:58.119 I decided that I wanted to start something. I 00:24:58.119 --> 00:24:59.579 realized it was missing. I mean, this is like 00:24:59.579 --> 00:25:04.529 2016. I started it on 8th January 2016 Rock The 00:25:04.529 --> 00:25:07.029 Naked Truth and it was I got the name when I 00:25:07.029 --> 00:25:08.609 was sitting on the toilet one day it was just 00:25:08.609 --> 00:25:13.950 like yeah it's like okay Naked Truth The Naked 00:25:13.950 --> 00:25:17.269 Truth Rock The Naked Truth love it yeah so it's 00:25:17.269 --> 00:25:20.369 more of like don't be afraid to be yourself obviously 00:25:20.369 --> 00:25:22.890 there's more to just the digits on a scale I 00:25:22.890 --> 00:25:25.670 think we all have our own strengths our own talents 00:25:25.670 --> 00:25:28.299 and our own personalities, it's not always about 00:25:28.299 --> 00:25:29.900 how you look or how you present to others because 00:25:29.900 --> 00:25:32.140 confidence can override that. And I used to think 00:25:32.140 --> 00:25:34.259 that men only want like the skinny girls or pretty 00:25:34.259 --> 00:25:37.019 girls. You don't want those men then. Right? 00:25:37.140 --> 00:25:39.900 People should see you for who you are. And there's 00:25:39.900 --> 00:25:41.400 so much more than that. And as you get older 00:25:41.400 --> 00:25:43.500 again, you have a lot of things to worry about. 00:25:43.799 --> 00:25:46.440 Now if I were to talk to my 18 -year -old self, 00:25:46.619 --> 00:25:48.660 I'll be like, girl, you have so much going on 00:25:48.660 --> 00:25:50.880 for you. The last thing you need to worry about 00:25:50.880 --> 00:25:53.150 is how much you weigh. Yeah, you are so right. 00:25:53.269 --> 00:25:54.630 I mean, that's something we stand for in here 00:25:54.630 --> 00:25:58.130 so much. And I think the time wasted in the prime 00:25:58.130 --> 00:26:00.329 of your life, worrying about things like the 00:26:00.329 --> 00:26:03.230 number on the scale or how skinny you can possibly 00:26:03.230 --> 00:26:06.890 get, that type of energy just blows my mind where 00:26:06.890 --> 00:26:08.250 it's like, all you want to do is get smaller. 00:26:08.470 --> 00:26:10.269 And then 30 years down the line, you actually 00:26:10.269 --> 00:26:12.190 killed yourself. Like that's, you were working 00:26:12.190 --> 00:26:15.049 against your future that entire time. Yeah, I 00:26:15.049 --> 00:26:19.829 have a friend who she really, really, not a friend. 00:26:19.990 --> 00:26:23.599 Yeah, I had a friend who, really also went through 00:26:23.599 --> 00:26:25.420 the whole dieting process and then it gets to 00:26:25.420 --> 00:26:27.200 a point where you might suffer from infertility 00:26:27.200 --> 00:26:29.720 as you get older yes and she did she had trouble 00:26:29.720 --> 00:26:32.640 conceiving because at 18 years old you're like 00:26:32.640 --> 00:26:34.579 it's okay I don't want a kid and then you meet 00:26:34.579 --> 00:26:37.259 a man you fall in love and then you pay money 00:26:37.259 --> 00:26:39.859 to go to fertility clinics and all because you 00:26:39.859 --> 00:26:41.579 wanted to look skinny it's just I'm just saying 00:26:41.579 --> 00:26:43.200 that this might not be the only problem but there 00:26:43.200 --> 00:26:45.019 might be other health problems that will come 00:26:45.019 --> 00:26:46.859 back to haunt you when you're older and all the 00:26:46.859 --> 00:26:48.000 amount of money in the world may not be able 00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:49.940 to save you I feel like you're telling my story 00:26:49.940 --> 00:26:53.569 here honestly like During my young years, I also 00:26:53.569 --> 00:26:57.549 had bouts of eating disorder. I was bulimic at 00:26:57.549 --> 00:26:59.730 one point. And I was always chasing that number 00:26:59.730 --> 00:27:02.869 on the scale, you know. And it's scary to think 00:27:02.869 --> 00:27:04.910 how many people go through that. You know, like 00:27:04.910 --> 00:27:09.210 I... was always i actually started a facebook 00:27:09.210 --> 00:27:10.829 group at one point i remember when i was in the 00:27:10.829 --> 00:27:12.970 uk and it was called let's get skinny you know 00:27:12.970 --> 00:27:16.430 like yes i did i never told you this but oh my 00:27:16.430 --> 00:27:20.869 god no no it was this was like it was just a 00:27:20.869 --> 00:27:22.250 group of us friends who were trying to figure 00:27:22.250 --> 00:27:24.250 out you know how we can lose weight and then 00:27:24.250 --> 00:27:26.250 i was just and now i think back to myself oh 00:27:26.250 --> 00:27:29.410 my god i fucked up my body my metabolism like 00:27:29.410 --> 00:27:32.259 so much because I had trouble conceiving when 00:27:32.259 --> 00:27:34.220 I wanted to have a baby. Finally got pregnant, 00:27:34.460 --> 00:27:36.359 you know, and then after my twins were born, 00:27:36.380 --> 00:27:38.380 I went into perimenopause. And I'm just like, 00:27:38.420 --> 00:27:40.279 did I do this all to myself? Because I've got 00:27:40.279 --> 00:27:43.019 an autoimmune condition, thyroid condition, underactive 00:27:43.019 --> 00:27:46.579 thyroid. And I fucked up my own metabolism with 00:27:46.579 --> 00:27:49.480 all the stupid shit that I did. And now I'm out 00:27:49.480 --> 00:27:52.299 there and I'm like trying to help people. get 00:27:52.299 --> 00:27:56.059 over that you know that 90s mentality of you 00:27:56.059 --> 00:27:58.700 know let's be skinny yeah I mean I think you 00:27:58.700 --> 00:28:00.680 know even though we're slightly older than you 00:28:00.680 --> 00:28:02.759 not crazily I think we all relate to that yeah 00:28:02.759 --> 00:28:04.920 you know that mentality of like get skinny get 00:28:04.920 --> 00:28:07.700 small be invisible I can't imagine though going 00:28:07.700 --> 00:28:09.720 through that in Asia yeah can I tell you like 00:28:09.720 --> 00:28:13.039 because that overwhelming pressure I felt it 00:28:13.039 --> 00:28:15.700 the second I landed here but I was at least like 00:28:15.700 --> 00:28:18.440 34 so I could I could kind of get what was going 00:28:18.440 --> 00:28:22.079 on you know I grew up in this yes yeah That is 00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:25.019 crazy stuff, man. That's a powerful cocktail 00:28:25.019 --> 00:28:27.759 you guys got going on here in the smallness pressure. 00:28:28.119 --> 00:28:29.980 And then it doesn't help that our Asian counterparts 00:28:29.980 --> 00:28:32.319 are even smaller. Yeah. Like your Vietnamese, 00:28:32.539 --> 00:28:36.059 your Thai, right? Yeah, it's tiny. By nature, 00:28:36.240 --> 00:28:38.299 you know? Yeah, by BMI and frame. Yeah, but then 00:28:38.299 --> 00:28:41.259 we were like, oh, compare and all that. I remember 00:28:41.259 --> 00:28:44.119 the first time I went to buy an outfit here in 00:28:44.119 --> 00:28:45.960 Singapore, we went to a store. It wasn't even 00:28:45.960 --> 00:28:47.680 a store. I think it was like, you know, just 00:28:47.680 --> 00:28:50.019 like a little shop thing. market thing I don't 00:28:50.019 --> 00:28:53.420 know and I walked in and I was like oh do you 00:28:53.420 --> 00:28:55.480 have this in whatever size it was and the lady 00:28:55.480 --> 00:28:57.220 was like looking at me and goes sorry we don't 00:28:57.220 --> 00:29:00.380 do your size and I'm like what what I'm not that 00:29:00.380 --> 00:29:04.940 big yeah and I was I must have been a UK 10 12 00:29:04.940 --> 00:29:07.539 maybe about the same as I am now and I was like 00:29:07.950 --> 00:29:11.089 wow like my size like what am i i don't know 00:29:11.089 --> 00:29:14.690 like xxl or that was what like 12 years ago yeah 00:29:14.690 --> 00:29:17.769 yeah not like ancient times you know i mean like 00:29:17.769 --> 00:29:20.369 in the relevant future oh relevant present i 00:29:20.369 --> 00:29:23.069 should say well okay so someone like you cheryl 00:29:23.069 --> 00:29:25.450 who is always public facing and you know obviously 00:29:25.450 --> 00:29:27.490 you know putting your body out there in different 00:29:27.490 --> 00:29:31.369 types of ways how do you take care of your mental 00:29:31.369 --> 00:29:33.960 health given the things that you are up against 00:29:33.960 --> 00:29:35.839 you know like again just being visible being 00:29:35.839 --> 00:29:39.019 in an athletic environment as well and also obviously 00:29:39.019 --> 00:29:41.539 being out and gay my motto in life is do first 00:29:41.539 --> 00:29:45.259 thing later that's good girl it has gotten me 00:29:45.259 --> 00:29:48.700 to travel sometimes but for the most of it is 00:29:48.700 --> 00:29:50.660 just having that spontaneity to just go do it 00:29:50.660 --> 00:29:52.700 right I think the key word here is boundaries 00:29:52.700 --> 00:29:55.220 that's something that I've learned this year 00:29:55.220 --> 00:29:58.359 because I started two businesses this year and 00:29:58.359 --> 00:30:01.890 we got a puppy And then, you know, it got to 00:30:01.890 --> 00:30:03.809 a point where like, you get comfortable in a 00:30:03.809 --> 00:30:04.930 relationship, right? Because you've been together 00:30:04.930 --> 00:30:08.210 for so long. And then you tend to, and I'm a 00:30:08.210 --> 00:30:09.970 workaholic. I love working and I love the work 00:30:09.970 --> 00:30:11.529 I do. So I'll throw myself into it. And then 00:30:11.529 --> 00:30:14.029 it got to a point where I was overworked, neglecting 00:30:14.029 --> 00:30:16.569 the family, neglecting the house. And obviously 00:30:16.569 --> 00:30:18.930 there were consequences. And so I've learned 00:30:18.930 --> 00:30:22.109 that you need to, in order to take care of yourself, 00:30:22.190 --> 00:30:24.849 you need to be able to draw. So set yourself 00:30:24.849 --> 00:30:26.410 a timeline. I will tell myself, okay, I'm going 00:30:26.410 --> 00:30:29.609 to sleep by 12. I mean, that's actually too late. 00:30:29.690 --> 00:30:32.750 You should sleep by like 11, 10. But set boundaries 00:30:32.750 --> 00:30:35.470 and not just with yourself, but with your clients 00:30:35.470 --> 00:30:38.349 or whoever's around you. Like, okay, I'm only 00:30:38.349 --> 00:30:40.210 going to, like for example, I have friends who 00:30:40.210 --> 00:30:42.480 take blackout periods. Okay, like this month 00:30:42.480 --> 00:30:43.859 or this week, I'm not going to take any jobs. 00:30:43.880 --> 00:30:46.279 I'm just going to chill. But again, it's a Singaporean 00:30:46.279 --> 00:30:47.559 mindset, right? There's money to take, there's 00:30:47.559 --> 00:30:48.940 money to take or jobs to take. You know, it's 00:30:48.940 --> 00:30:50.940 like, I cannot lose, I cannot lose. So it's very 00:30:50.940 --> 00:30:54.839 hard. I still live like that. So I think the 00:30:54.839 --> 00:30:56.819 key word here is to learn to take care of yourself. 00:30:56.880 --> 00:30:59.539 First, you need to recognize that if you fall, 00:30:59.839 --> 00:31:02.539 everyone else around you will have an impact 00:31:02.539 --> 00:31:06.660 due to collateral damage. So you must understand 00:31:06.660 --> 00:31:10.000 that your actions are not... soul to you like 00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:12.160 it is going to have a spillover effect on the 00:31:12.160 --> 00:31:15.119 others so understand that first and then have 00:31:15.119 --> 00:31:18.519 set boundaries with yourself with the people 00:31:18.519 --> 00:31:21.019 you worked with or like you know even with your 00:31:21.019 --> 00:31:24.599 family and then make sure you and make sure you 00:31:24.599 --> 00:31:28.250 stick to it yeah I think boundaries is so such 00:31:28.250 --> 00:31:30.230 a problem that we i won't say a problem but it's 00:31:30.230 --> 00:31:31.589 something that we see in our coaching as well 00:31:31.589 --> 00:31:34.009 all the time right where it's like the the setting 00:31:34.009 --> 00:31:36.109 of the boundary is actually the thing that then 00:31:36.109 --> 00:31:38.130 moves the needle on whatever habit or whatever 00:31:38.130 --> 00:31:40.369 lifestyle change you're trying to make and set 00:31:40.369 --> 00:31:43.009 time aside for yourself no matter how small that 00:31:43.009 --> 00:31:44.529 time is i know it's very cliche it's very easy 00:31:44.529 --> 00:31:46.210 to say but when's the last time you did something 00:31:46.210 --> 00:31:48.809 for yourself as simple as that like just check 00:31:48.809 --> 00:31:50.990 in with yourself okay I'm gonna have now companies 00:31:50.990 --> 00:31:53.690 have have mental health day on like like the 00:31:53.690 --> 00:31:54.849 last Friday of the month something then have 00:31:54.849 --> 00:31:56.970 that for yourself too you know like one day a 00:31:56.970 --> 00:31:59.450 month I'm gonna have mental health day for myself 00:31:59.450 --> 00:32:01.690 I'm gonna go book a massage you can just take 00:32:01.690 --> 00:32:03.150 two hours out I'm not asking you to take the 00:32:03.150 --> 00:32:05.589 whole day right and you have to do something 00:32:05.589 --> 00:32:06.829 for yourself so you're not buying something for 00:32:06.829 --> 00:32:09.089 your child you're not packing the house you're 00:32:09.089 --> 00:32:10.589 not doing something for a client you are doing 00:32:10.589 --> 00:32:14.250 something for you and you only yeah so always 00:32:14.250 --> 00:32:15.720 remember do something for yourself Well, and 00:32:15.720 --> 00:32:17.720 that's a perfect segue into one of our weekly 00:32:17.720 --> 00:32:20.039 features here on The 40s Formula, which is called 00:32:20.039 --> 00:32:22.819 Fuel Your 40s, sponsored by The Meat Club. They 00:32:22.819 --> 00:32:24.680 have submitted a question for you, Cheryl. Oh, 00:32:24.680 --> 00:32:26.299 wow. I would think that this is something that 00:32:26.299 --> 00:32:28.640 is part of how you take care of yourself. So 00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:31.140 you're an athlete generally focused on endurance 00:32:31.140 --> 00:32:34.000 athletics. Am I right on that? How do you think 00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:36.940 that protein and healthy eating help you take 00:32:36.940 --> 00:32:38.779 care of yourself while you're pursuing all of 00:32:38.779 --> 00:32:41.339 that amazing hard work in the gym? Oh, protein 00:32:41.339 --> 00:32:43.460 is very important because you need protein to 00:32:43.460 --> 00:32:46.380 fuel your muscles, which will then help you to 00:32:46.380 --> 00:32:48.559 maintain your metabolism, which declines as we 00:32:48.559 --> 00:32:52.460 get older. Preach. Yeah, we always, I mean, I 00:32:52.460 --> 00:32:56.259 think in... Singapore at least in Asia we eat 00:32:56.259 --> 00:32:58.880 a lot of carbs naturally rice noodles bread right 00:32:58.880 --> 00:33:00.440 we are very carb heavy that day there was sweet 00:33:00.440 --> 00:33:03.339 potato in bread I'm like what like that's already 00:33:03.339 --> 00:33:06.599 a carb yeah and then but that's the thing they 00:33:06.599 --> 00:33:08.299 are everywhere right and then you have like I 00:33:08.299 --> 00:33:09.500 don't know they have all these kind of carbs 00:33:09.500 --> 00:33:12.099 we don't realize it because we are so used to 00:33:12.099 --> 00:33:14.039 we eat porridge for breakfast right we are so 00:33:14.039 --> 00:33:16.579 used to like like these things that we eat growing 00:33:16.579 --> 00:33:18.380 up but we don't realize that you miss out you 00:33:18.380 --> 00:33:20.559 should have more protein in your food and if 00:33:20.559 --> 00:33:22.440 you can't get enough food then go get like your 00:33:22.440 --> 00:33:24.410 supplements that's where they come in Love that. 00:33:24.529 --> 00:33:27.750 You have to have protein. If not, what is protein 00:33:27.750 --> 00:33:30.329 going to give you? Protein is essential. And 00:33:30.329 --> 00:33:31.930 again, that's athletes, but that's also everyone. 00:33:32.170 --> 00:33:35.130 Yes. For everyone. It doesn't matter how much 00:33:35.130 --> 00:33:37.069 you're exercising, there's a certain number of 00:33:37.069 --> 00:33:38.970 protein you need to have a day. All right. Well, 00:33:39.029 --> 00:33:41.490 so from that segment to our other most fun segment, 00:33:41.589 --> 00:33:43.089 I love this. I actually love this segment. And 00:33:43.089 --> 00:33:44.470 this is what I really want to get your opinion 00:33:44.470 --> 00:33:47.369 on. So the segment's called Hot or Hype. So basically, 00:33:47.410 --> 00:33:48.549 we're going to be asking, we're going to be giving 00:33:48.549 --> 00:33:50.569 you a topic that's kind of hot in wellness media. 00:33:50.630 --> 00:33:52.779 And then you tell us if you think it's hot. Or 00:33:52.779 --> 00:33:54.519 you think it's all hype. And you can justify 00:33:54.519 --> 00:33:56.259 it. It's not just a hot hype situation. You can 00:33:56.259 --> 00:34:00.519 tell us why. Alrighty, so. Health at any size. 00:34:01.299 --> 00:34:04.220 Health at any size. Wait, wait. Hype means it's 00:34:04.220 --> 00:34:06.720 just short term. Hot is long term. Hype means 00:34:06.720 --> 00:34:09.800 you don't believe in that really. And hot means 00:34:09.800 --> 00:34:12.420 you think that's legit. Health at any size. Health 00:34:12.420 --> 00:34:20.070 at any size. Wow, that's tricky, man. Shit. I 00:34:20.070 --> 00:34:23.090 don't know. This is tricky. I mean, I believe 00:34:23.090 --> 00:34:24.510 that you can have health at any size, but at 00:34:24.510 --> 00:34:26.849 the same time, you cannot be too comfortable. 00:34:27.110 --> 00:34:29.250 Because if you are taking care of yourself and 00:34:29.250 --> 00:34:30.670 this is your body's natural state of weight, 00:34:30.730 --> 00:34:32.909 then that's fine. But if you're neglecting yourself, 00:34:33.010 --> 00:34:34.889 sitting on a couch every day and not moving and 00:34:34.889 --> 00:34:36.969 stuffing your face with pizza and chocolate, 00:34:37.170 --> 00:34:40.210 then that's not right. So kind of self -care 00:34:40.210 --> 00:34:43.849 at any size. Take care of yourself. Yeah, then 00:34:43.849 --> 00:34:46.659 that's hot. So Amanda, you know how I've been 00:34:46.659 --> 00:34:48.559 on this journey about improving my sleep? Oh, 00:34:48.579 --> 00:34:50.900 you have been obsessed about it lately. Well, 00:34:51.079 --> 00:34:54.059 I have found something that has been incredible. 00:34:55.000 --> 00:34:57.579 Cozy Earth bed sheets. That's saying a lot because 00:34:57.579 --> 00:34:59.500 you are really picky about your sleep setup. 00:34:59.780 --> 00:35:02.239 Exactly. These sheets are made from bamboo viscose. 00:35:02.260 --> 00:35:05.940 They are naturally breathable and I get the perfect 00:35:05.940 --> 00:35:09.400 night's sleep. They keep me cool all night. Oh, 00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:11.440 and I've been eyeing the pajamas too. They are 00:35:11.440 --> 00:35:14.710 so chic and super cozy. It's a total game changer 00:35:14.710 --> 00:35:17.670 and so relaxing for the evenings. And what's 00:35:17.670 --> 00:35:20.210 crazy is that Cozy Earth actually ships to Singapore, 00:35:20.409 --> 00:35:24.469 orders over $560 ship free, and in the US orders 00:35:24.469 --> 00:35:26.969 over $50 ship free. And did you know you can 00:35:26.969 --> 00:35:31.070 get your biggest ever discount, 41 % if you use 00:35:31.070 --> 00:35:35.289 code TFF today. So head over to CozyEarth .com 00:35:35.289 --> 00:35:38.590 and use that code TFF today. Okay, how about... 00:35:39.509 --> 00:35:41.989 Chasing PRs in your 40s. So for our listeners, 00:35:42.030 --> 00:35:43.889 that's personal records or personal best. Can 00:35:43.889 --> 00:35:45.829 you still chase PRs in your 40s? Hot or hype? 00:35:46.210 --> 00:35:49.389 Hot. Because I feel that as you get older, all 00:35:49.389 --> 00:35:51.309 the goals you set in life are very materialistic. 00:35:51.329 --> 00:35:52.409 You want to stay in a bigger house. You want 00:35:52.409 --> 00:35:53.570 to go for nicer holidays. You want to see business 00:35:53.570 --> 00:35:56.650 class and buy a bigger car. But... then you forget 00:35:56.650 --> 00:35:59.210 about the intangible personal goals so like for 00:35:59.210 --> 00:36:01.610 me I like doing like marathons or like triathlons 00:36:01.610 --> 00:36:03.849 because then I set a target for myself first 00:36:03.849 --> 00:36:05.630 it keeps me motivated otherwise I'll feel like 00:36:05.630 --> 00:36:07.769 I'm training for nothing because then I'm not 00:36:07.769 --> 00:36:08.989 gonna get up in the morning there's nothing I'm 00:36:08.989 --> 00:36:11.170 training for I'm not gonna get up two it's something 00:36:11.170 --> 00:36:13.289 that you can do for yourself and you see results 00:36:13.289 --> 00:36:15.940 short term Like, okay, in three months, I'm going 00:36:15.940 --> 00:36:17.619 to train for this. I'm going, and it's not by 00:36:17.619 --> 00:36:19.380 weight. It's like, okay, I'm going to achieve 00:36:19.380 --> 00:36:21.039 a certain timing. And then when you do, you feel 00:36:21.039 --> 00:36:23.199 so good. You feel like you're invincible. You 00:36:23.199 --> 00:36:25.320 can take on the world. And then it also spills 00:36:25.320 --> 00:36:26.780 over into the rest of your life because you feel 00:36:26.780 --> 00:36:29.099 good and you feel confident. So we can chase 00:36:29.099 --> 00:36:30.780 those PRs still. We're not, we're not too out 00:36:30.780 --> 00:36:32.920 of the game yet. All right. Last one, because 00:36:32.920 --> 00:36:34.480 I know you've worked in a lot of different kind 00:36:34.480 --> 00:36:37.400 of masculine male dominated fields and masculine 00:36:37.400 --> 00:36:40.679 sports and all that stuff. Hot or hype? Playing 00:36:40.679 --> 00:36:43.900 up your femininity. in a masculine situation. 00:36:44.599 --> 00:36:47.880 No, I don't agree. I would say, yeah, I'm just 00:36:47.880 --> 00:36:50.340 myself. Yeah, I don't think you need to be extra 00:36:50.340 --> 00:36:53.280 feminine or extra girly just because you're surrounded 00:36:53.280 --> 00:36:58.019 by males. Yeah. No. Just be yourself. For sure. 00:36:58.119 --> 00:37:00.659 You don't need to be performative or anything. 00:37:01.059 --> 00:37:03.340 No, I hear you. All right, Gal, well, you've 00:37:03.340 --> 00:37:06.300 given us so much. I love your real vibe. You 00:37:06.300 --> 00:37:07.239 know what I mean? Like, you're like, this is 00:37:07.239 --> 00:37:09.320 literally how I live my life. Take it or leave 00:37:09.320 --> 00:37:11.139 it. And also, you know, maybe take a little more 00:37:11.139 --> 00:37:12.659 of that into your own life, you know, and take 00:37:12.659 --> 00:37:14.920 more of that approach. But we would love to know 00:37:14.920 --> 00:37:18.079 from you personally, what's your 40s formula? 00:37:18.559 --> 00:37:21.179 What is the kind of, you know, mixture of things 00:37:21.179 --> 00:37:22.840 that you would tell women in their 40s, again, 00:37:22.860 --> 00:37:25.639 as a young 39 -year -old like yourself, about 00:37:25.639 --> 00:37:28.460 how to thrive in this decade? Three things I 00:37:28.460 --> 00:37:31.079 would say. One is surround yourself with the 00:37:31.079 --> 00:37:32.980 right people that will lift you up. Because you 00:37:32.980 --> 00:37:35.079 don't have time for bullshit. I'm just going 00:37:35.079 --> 00:37:37.260 to call it. You just really, really don't have 00:37:37.260 --> 00:37:40.920 time for anything else. Cut out people that won't 00:37:40.920 --> 00:37:43.059 lift you. You don't need any of that. Number 00:37:43.059 --> 00:37:45.400 two, three key questions to ask yourself about 00:37:45.400 --> 00:37:47.940 anything that bothers you. Will you lose sleep? 00:37:48.099 --> 00:37:49.780 Will you lose money? Will it affect your health? 00:37:50.000 --> 00:37:52.739 The answer is no to all of it. Fuck it. You really 00:37:52.739 --> 00:37:54.460 don't have time for it. Because I just feel like 00:37:54.460 --> 00:37:57.800 we are so time -starved as we get older. I feel 00:37:57.800 --> 00:37:59.460 like this is my underlying theme for this entire... 00:37:59.929 --> 00:38:02.949 podcast which is like you know um prioritize 00:38:02.949 --> 00:38:05.610 oh and the third thing is um don't be afraid 00:38:05.610 --> 00:38:08.130 to prioritize yourself over others i think this 00:38:08.130 --> 00:38:10.050 is something we tend to lose ourselves trying 00:38:10.050 --> 00:38:12.110 to please others whether it's your partner or 00:38:12.110 --> 00:38:15.849 your boss or your friend but if you lose yourself 00:38:15.849 --> 00:38:19.210 then you there's a risk you might never find 00:38:19.210 --> 00:38:21.090 yourself back or it's good you have to go to 00:38:21.090 --> 00:38:23.489 great lengths to get yourself back yeah so set 00:38:23.489 --> 00:38:25.769 boundaries take risks and do not lose yourself 00:38:25.769 --> 00:38:28.900 in the process yes Cheryl, thank you so much 00:38:28.900 --> 00:38:30.360 for being on the show today. We really appreciate 00:38:30.360 --> 00:38:32.840 your time. No problem. Thank you. Thank you. 00:38:32.860 --> 00:39:08.159 Bye. the legs are it's got to be short yeah you're 00:39:08.159 --> 00:39:09.340 like oh just get comfy