Coming up on The 40s Formula. How do you take
care of your mental health given the things that
you are up against? Being visible, being in an
athletic environment as well, and also obviously
being out and gay. You need to be visible to
be heard, right? If you want to get your message
out there, then you need to be prepared. Be bold,
have the courage, go out there and just have
bold. If you suppress yourself for too long,
you're going to implode one day and sometimes
the consequences can be really bad. You can be
the perfect person and there will still be someone
who has a problem with you. I grew up with the
typical Asian parenting environment where it's
always about grades first, it's always about
like face. How was it for you when you came out
to your family? mom stood up and went to the
kitchen to wash dishes dad walked to the living
room and started watching tv and i was just left
there crying by myself and then i just like i
suffered from eating disorders as a teen i was
running 20k in the morning and then 6k in the
evening and doing like three hours of kickboxing
and not eating at all one very simple question
to ask yourself are you happy cheryl tay is a
singaporean athlete writer and body image advocate
whose work lives at the intersection of fitness,
identity, and self -worth. A former motoring
journalist in a male -dominated industry, Cheryl
now channels her voice into endurance sports,
community wellness, and the platform she founded,
Rock the Naked Truth, a body confidence movement
born from her own struggles with self -image.
Openly married to a woman in socially conservative
Singapore, Cheryl uses her platform to challenge
norms around gender, body, and belonging. proving
that strength means showing up fully even when
it's uncomfortable the 40s formula the 40s formula
the 40s formula hosted by jasmine dillon integrated
health strategist specializing in gut health
hormones and midlife well -being and amanda lim
director of lift clinic and a leading expert
in female strength and metabolism named one of
cna's top podcasts and winner of the 2025 Asia
Podcast Awards in the Best Health and Wellness
Podcast category. The 40s Formula is your no
-fluff, science meets real -life guide to thriving
in your 40s. This episode is about what it costs
to be visible in your body, in your identity,
in your truth. When everything around you is
telling you to tone it down or worse, hide it
away. If you've ever felt the weight of being
too much for the culture you're in, This conversation
will remind you that taking up space might just
be radical and necessary to finding out who you
really are in your 40s. And if you like this
episode, please don't forget to share it with
a friend or a loved one. And don't forget to
follow the 40s formula on wherever you get your
podcasts. So Cheryl and I have crossed paths
all over Singapore, it seems. So I think endurance
events, definitely. I think CrossFit stuff back
in the day. And then we even go to the same tattoo
artist. We found out like completely coincidentally.
So I'm honored to have you joining us here. Thank
you for having me. Yeah, we're so excited to
have you. And you're a woman who wears so many
hats, you know, does so many things. And I think
what's common, though, across all the things
that you do is that you're visible. Right? You're
not someone who shies away from sharing the reality
of your experiences. How do you think that visibility
is important for women to be empowered? I think
you need to be visible to be heard, right? In
the first place. But I do get the hesitation
and apprehension from that because some people
will feel like if I'm visible, you're putting
yourself out there. It means making yourself
a target almost, right? Because it means that
people will see you, but at the same time, they
have... access to you right they can command
and we can't control the commands yes but if
you want to get your message out there you need
to be able to um i don't know if i can say but
have the balls yeah yeah you can say have the
balls girl we are welcome anything you want okay
yeah i think if you want to be heard if you have
a message you want to be visible i think you
need to be prepared to like be bold have the
courage go out there and just have balls how
do you develop the balls because i think you're
right i think women are generally scared to put
stuff out there that is vulnerable. Because exactly
what you said, because if you're there, you're
visible, you're judgeable, right? Like, okay,
now I'm going to cut into this lady. How do you
like develop that callous against that? Grow
thicker skin. I think it comes from confidence.
Obviously, you need to be sure about what you
say, right? You must be able to back it up. You
don't go out there and like say shit or say the
wrong thing. But I think... in order to not be
scared I think firstly you need to be very assured
like I mean we all have our own moments of low
self -confidence that's normal right there are
days when we don't feel good but I think if you
are assured if you are confident that you know
what you're saying you know what you want and
you're putting yourself out there to say something
or to spread a message then you know whatever
comes your way I mean we have to be prepared
that there will be differing opinions you know
you can be the perfect person and there will
still be someone who has a problem with you totally
right so it's more of like not wavering and being
able to understand the difference between constructive
criticism and people who are just keyboard warriors
and just want to say something. I always say
like, if you don't know this person and this
person says something about you, then it shouldn't
mean or matter to you. But if it's someone close
to me that says something, then obviously I will
feel a bit more, okay, look, you know me and
why do you say that? If someone says something
to you and it's not like you hadn't directed
it to them, you know, but they come back and
they comment on a social media post or a video
or something that you've done, which is just
out there. I think if it's triggering for them,
it's because it's something to do with them and
not necessarily something to do with you. And
like one of the things, we had an episode on
divorce go out on our YouTube channel and a gentleman
commented on one of the reels saying something
along the lines of, and then she lies and then
she leaves you and then she does this and, you
know, blah blah blah blah blah and my response
was I'm really sorry this has happened to you
and you feel this way I hope you find someone
who appreciates your worth yeah because it's
you know it's kind of like clearly he's triggered
by that because something has happened to him
and you know like and I think when we put something
out there it's really important to understand
that if someone is triggered by that it's not
usually you it's them and they're feeling something
because you invoked something in them that has
reminded them of someone else or something else
yes yeah or a deep wound that they have that's
like oh this is a topic that hurts to be fair
sometimes certain comments do sting and you need
to just like deflect it how can you deflect it
though because I think you do find that don't
you though you know you've gone to bed and you're
like you never think of the comments that have
been good like oh you look awesome in that outfit
you think of the oh you know your legs look fat
and you're like oh it's true but oh I think for
me, the older I get, the less fucks I have to
give. Yes. Especially as we get more responsibilities
in life, whether you're at work, you have a higher
position at work, your kids get older. You just
have so many things to deal with and I just don't
have the bandwidth to go and deal with these
things that these people do. I don't know these
people. You don't know me. I'm just putting it
out there. Like I always say, if there's nothing
good to say, don't say anything. So talk to us
about growing up in Singapore. So, you know,
we have an international leadership here, right?
International listenership here. So what are
some of the norms around how you should look,
how you should act, what you should be like?
And are those norms things that you like lean
into now with your messaging? Or is it stuff
that you're kind of unlearning now? Well, I've
unlearned a lot, actually, because I went through
the entire. singapore education system okay like
primary school secondary school junior college
university i did it all in singapore so i went
through the entire system here um i think i don't
know about now but when i was back in school
i think the the main the underlying theme was
um no you cannot make mistakes and you cannot
or like failure is wrong, right? At least that's
what I interpreted it as. So I grew up with a
typical, sorry mom and dad, with a typical Asian
parenting environment where it's always about
grades first, it's always about like face, it's
always about being kiasu. So I grew up with that
and a lot of societal stereotypes. Like for example,
like certain people of colour that we should
avoid and things like that. And it was just things
that you don't because you're a child, right?
So you just take whatever your parents say. And
as I grew up and I started travelling around
the world for work and I don't know, I just,
maybe because I'm such a social butterfly, I
meet a lot of people and then I start to see
the world and then you're like, oh, like you're
in that pigeonhole, you know? And then now you
start to realise that, oh, I don't have to follow
these societal norms, right? And I mean, which
is why I have a wife. Yeah. Well, talk to us
about that. So you live a life with your wife
in a culture where technically, you know, same
-sex marriage is not legal and recognized here.
What is it like your day -to -day living in Singapore?
And do you feel like there's risks involved with
kind of being out in Singapore? Actually, so
far, so good. I've not had anyone thrown rocks
at me. Good job, dude. Good job, dude. Good job,
society. Or maybe it's the people that I surround
myself with. Yeah. You know, I'm sure there may
be people who, who have maybe i don't know maybe
have unfollowed me because they don't agree um
right or i've had someone tell me that oh you
know i'm i'm happy for you but my kids can never
be gay so i'm like you know wow someone's actually
said that to you yeah and you and what did you
say back i i did not do it i'm just like okay
thanks when they say my kids can never be gay
what they're what are they trying to say that
i will not allow it yes yeah okay yeah and so
I was a bit like I was a bit taken aback I couldn't
process it quickly enough to come up with a response
right I'm just oh okay thank you so I guess it's
easy I mean my mum's Zumba good friend is gay
it's always like that it's okay if it's not within
your nest yes right it's always it's very common
I mean who knows I might be like that if I'm
a parent too I wouldn't know right but it's just
I think I've been very lucky that people around
me have been very supportive they've all loved
us very much and I haven't faced much I mean
I do get mean comments like you know hell has
a special place for you and your wife and things
like that yeah I do get that but I think and
I do I used to get very like but then now I'm
just like okay whatever look I'm happy I don't
feel any difference in my life like she's just
female other than that like we're just an ordinary
regular couple doing our things we go to holidays
we have food we go out for events we have a dog
it's just if I was with a man it would be the
same thing how was it for you when you came out
to your family like how was that that was hard
yeah it was hard it was hard because My mum and
dad, I think they grew up in a generation where
it's wrong. It's wrong to be gay. Like, regardless
of whether male or female, right? It's just wrong.
And I think they cannot understand the concept
of like, how can you like a woman? Why? I see
women also won't like them. I'm just like, okay,
okay. This is you. You know, this is you. And
I did grow up with them like, making passing
comments. Oh, you look at this person. You know,
this person talks like this and moves like that.
Confirm gay. And I'm just like, and then, like,
okay, sure, right? Yeah, but they say it a very...
like judgy I don't blame them I really don't
blame them because if you grew up with that mindset
for like 70 years of your life I don't expect
you to change it suddenly it's gonna be it's
gonna take a lot but to be fair they have at
the start at the start they were they were really
angry like when I finally sat down and told I
was at that place I don't live with them anymore
so when I was at that place and I spoke to them
about it mom stood up and went to the kitchen
to wash dishes dad walked to the living room
and started watching tv and i was just left there
crying by myself at the dining table and then
i just like okay then i just left the house and
then they didn't speak to me for like a couple
of months oh my gosh so after that night yeah
they just kind of avoided it after you talked
about it and then didn't speak to you for yeah
and eventually she needed help for me to do something
you know as all moms do yeah yeah but it was
hard because um I can understand her anger. I
think for her, it was, for my mom, it was also
a lot of, she calls it humiliation. Yeah. She
said like, oh, you know, like you, you never
think of our family. Our family name, excuse
me, we are not the Kardashians. We are not like,
we are not like, I don't know, the queen. It's
like, who knows us hello you know what I mean
like I'm just like huh and then but because I
was so out there on social media I had to block
her on social media because she kept seeing my
post with Grace and then she'll get triggered
like she'll just keep seeing us like with her
arms around each other or like whatever and then
she'll just be like or like love you here and
there and she'll be like and so in the end I
had to she still blocked Does she know? She knows.
And she thinks it's probably better for everybody?
Yeah, I mean, she didn't say so, but yeah, I
don't ever expect. acceptance from them I think
tolerance is good enough for me like now they
are okay with her I mean my mom just insisted
on having Grace send her to work one day because
I wasn't in town but I was like it's getting
there I guess it's because it's been four and
a half almost five years now I think she gets
the message that she's here to stay yeah finally
they were hoping for like let it be a phase you
know and then it didn't become a phase so but
I guess as all parents would want they just want
that the best for their children right so I also
understand where they're coming from and I love
my parents very much so I don't want to like
clash too hard so it's like look you know she's
here to stay I'm not going to force you to like
buy her a birthday present but I mean at the
start it used to be like oh yeah that butcher
what's that butcher I'm like that butcher has
a name oh yeah they were really really livid
is she also Singaporean your wife okay what's
um I don't know if it's funny or not. I actually
found it quite funny. But I remember seeing this
Indian skit of this guy who was telling his family,
similar things happen in Indian culture, but
telling his family that, you know, he was gay
and his boyfriend who was Caucasian. And the
mom's response was, oh, why couldn't you find
an Indian boy? Like, ah, both wrong. No, I'm
just kidding. Oh, that's cute. So you already
mentioned that, like, okay, so some people are
like, oh, like, you know, what's your crazy world
like? And you're like, we just do normal stuff.
We walk our dog, we cook food. Another thing,
you know, is that you said like, there's, I think
there's a lot of myths around what gay and queer
relationships look like. What are some of the
myths that you think should just die? Or that
you've heard about gay and queer relationships?
I can't remember. But, but, but it's just really
strange because I always tell people that I'm
the same person. I'm the same friend, the same
sister, the same daughter, the same employee,
colleague, whatever. yeah I don't understand
why people just people think it's I think they
just feel it's in their head it's like it's wrong
that it's not supposed to be like that and I
guess the culture doesn't help as well because
Singapore's culture is all like what's that nucleus
the family nucleus is one boy one father mother
son and daughter the 2 .4 children something
like that right so I guess as long as it doesn't
fit in that mold it's wrong yeah do you think
it's getting better? I feel with the younger
generations, yes. So I think there's hope. Yeah.
Not now, but like maybe after I'm gone. Well,
similar thing, right? So you mentioned that,
you know, you're the same daughter, same friend,
same employee, all that, right? So I think women
in their 40s do bury parts of themselves for
a long time. You know, I think that they either
do that to protect others. So, you know, maybe
to protect, you know, your parents, you know,
humiliation as you used or to make other people
happy, right? We tuck things away. How do you,
give advice to women who have been hiding parts
of themselves and again, sexuality or others.
And when they say things like, oh, well, I've
been hiding it for so long, there's no point
at this age. Like, I'll just keep going this
way. Okay, so I turn 40 next year. Woohoo. Yeah.
Almost welcome. We'll send you the membership
papers later. I feel like, I mean, who I was
in my 20s. It's a very, very different person
from who I was in my 30s. And I feel like now
entering my 40s, I'm also a very different person.
You're right that we do, because we get so busy
and caught up, right? I think most of us tend
to take the path of least resistance because
you just have so many things to do. The easiest
way is okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm just
going to keep it in. I'm not going to say anything
and then hopefully you'll move on. But the danger
in that is if you suppress yourself for too long,
you're going to implode one day and sometimes
the consequences can be really bad. Like you
might, I don't know, walk out. a home or like
i i had a a friend who packed up and i mean she
took the kids and left and like yeah because
it just got too much for her so i i guess suppressing
i get sometimes it's you're just hiding you don't
want to hurt people you know we don't want to
because sometimes the full truth can hurt others
so you omit you omit certain parts of it but
at the same time i always believe in being true
to yourself uh and and one very simple question
to ask yourself are you happy yeah that's all
You know, I'm not asking you to burn the world
to be happy, but you need to be happy first in
order to take care of everybody else around you.
Because if you're not happy, it will spill over
and then you will start being grumpy, you'll
snap at your kids and the people closest to you
in the nearest proximity will then get hurt first.
And it's very ironic, right? You are here suppressing
it because you're trying to protect them. Yes.
But because you suppress so much and then you
go, one day you snap and then you like yell and
then you throw something and then someone gets
hurt or whatever. And then in the end, it's like...
too late right and you don't want that to happen
did you find so obviously before you told your
parents that for you it was it was brewing inside
and you were you were trying to sort of figure
out how you can say this did you have any other
like you know issues that were also coming out
at the same time or or was it you know quite
um you know you realized and it was quite a natural
way to tell your parents I think I found a way
to deal with my parents over the years. Yeah.
I mean, they have a lot of like generational
trauma and this and that. So it's on me to then
break that. Break it, right? And not let it carry
on. I mean, I don't want kids, so it's okay.
You stand here. All set. Yeah. But it's more
like, I think. it's very normal to be scared
of our parents. I mean, after all, like I said,
they did bring me up. They did give me a very
good life. I can't complain. You know, they did
give me a very comfortable life. I went to school.
I didn't have to worry about money. You know,
we got holidays and it was great, right? They
brought me up the only way they knew how. And
they rewarded me with money. I guess it's a very
Asian thing, right? They use money as incentives.
In their heads, getting new things or buying
new things is a way of showing love. But we don't
understand that, you see. I mean as a child or
even now you just want quality time you just
want someone you can talk to so I think for me
was I tried to explain generation trauma to my
mum and it failed miserably she's like well your
paw paw not like this I'm just like you know
never mind and then I'm like and then like you
know to her therapy she's like allergic therapy
the word is like oh no I'm not sick I don't want
to go so I'm like you know it's okay I kind of
decided that I think there's no point trying
to uh get them woke but more like just find a
way to uh harmonize and and and get along and
then you know like just give her what she wants
and as long as we're all happy yeah the reason
i asked this is because actually one of my cousins
um she's she also came out as gay but prior to
that for a long time, she actually suffered from
quite a serious autoimmune condition that affected
her heart to the point where she needed to have
a heart transplant. And I wonder if, you know,
like suppressing these feelings really do manifest
in physical symptoms as well. Like obviously
it did for my cousin. I'm sure it doesn't happen
to everybody, but you know, it's something that
where you're kind of struggling with, you know,
like this, like you mentioned earlier, you know,
like the shame, obviously not that it's shameful
to be of a different sexuality, but for... But
I guess, you know, for the family, they perceive
it like that or, you know, how you think your
family are going to take it, whether they're
going to talk to you or not talk to you, disown
you. I think it's a lot of stress and a lot of
pressure to deal with. But it's true. I also
believe that it will manifest in some kind of
physical condition. Yeah, I definitely think
so. Okay, Amanda, I've got to say GYG has done
it again. They've launched a new butter chicken
filling and it's honestly next level. Oh my god,
yes! I finally tried it last week and it's the
third edition of the GYG Goes Local series. This
one is my favorite yet. It's this beautiful mash
-up of homely Indian comfort food with GYG's
Mexican flair. We're talking rich, creamy butter
chicken made with tomato, butter, kasoori methi,
that's dried fenugreek leaves, and koya, which
gives it that signature depth. And they've paired
it with their perfectly grilled Guerrero chicken.
That's what gives it that smoky, slightly charred
kind of flavor that makes it also addictive.
And here's the best bit. For the first time ever
in their local series, you can actually get the
butter chicken sauce on the side. Yet another
reason I love GYG so much, because you can customize
your order to fit your macros. It's rich, it's
comforting, it's a total flavor bomb, and it's
only here for a limited time. So if you haven't
tried it yet, get in quick. The GYG Butter Chicken
is only available from 14th October to 23rd November.
Dine in, take away, or order using the GYG app.
Clean food, local flair and seriously addictive
sauce. What more could we want? Exactly. Visit
GYG across their 22 island -wide locations or
follow at Guzman E Gomez SG for all the latest.
But I guess it's sometimes people say, oh, it's
so easy for you to just go out there and save
and save. You know, it's so hard for us. But
I think no harm trying. Yeah. Like getting out
of your comfort zone. I mean, YOLO, right? I
mean, touch wood. I'm really halfway through
life. yeah right it's scary to think of that
like we're already halfway through or like yeah
but no we're in Singapore we're in a blue zone
we're gonna go longer we still got a little bit
more than half but it's like if you don't do
it now I don't want you to get to your 50 60
70 and then regret yeah because you really only
have this one life I'm not asking you to do crazy
things like like strip and run down Orchard Road
you know I'm just saying like you just want to
get arrested for that wouldn't you yeah don't
do that in Singapore you want to give yourself
the best life you can give yourself And no one
can do it for you. No one owes you anything.
And you don't owe anyone anything. You just have
to want to do it for yourself. And you can't
expect your partner or anyone else to do it for
you because... Yeah, we can preach all we want
here, but at the end of the day, you control
your own actions. That's what I always say. Well,
and you've done an amazing job of controlling
your own actions. Like I said, you've chosen
the way that you represent yourself and your
career, your relationship, all of that. But you
are also doing work for the community of women.
And I think this is something I really want to
talk to you about, was your project, your campaign,
Rock the Naked Truth. Can you tell us a little
bit about how that body positivity campaign came
to be, when it started, and why that's passionate
work for you? So I suffered from eating disorders
as a teen. It got really, really bad. Like I
was at some, please don't learn this at home,
but at one point I was over -exercising, like
running 20K in the morning and then 6K in the
evening and doing like three hours of kickboxing
and not eating at all, starving myself. And I
became green, like my skin turned green and then
my period didn't come. It was... I think I still
feel effects of that till today though because
you ruin your metabolism at such a young age,
right? And then I came out of that because I
realized that it was just so tiring to chase
calories, to worry about how you look. But again,
when you're younger, right, you kind of have
less things to worry about. True. So you obsess
over these things. And also like, if you can't
control everything around you, this is the one
thing you can control, which is your weight.
And from there, So I developed like binge eating,
bulimia and things like that. And then as I got
older, when I turned 30, I was like, okay, I'm
done with this. I'm so tired. My weight keeps
yo -yoing, right? It's like 60 plus, 40 plus.
Then my stretch marks. And it's very mentally
draining because you just don't want to keep
worrying about it. I mean, we have so many numbers
to worry about. Bank account, salary, taxes,
bills, you know, like enough. You know, I don't
want to worry about another set of numbers. So
I decided that I wanted to start something. I
realized it was missing. I mean, this is like
2016. I started it on 8th January 2016 Rock The
Naked Truth and it was I got the name when I
was sitting on the toilet one day it was just
like yeah it's like okay Naked Truth The Naked
Truth Rock The Naked Truth love it yeah so it's
more of like don't be afraid to be yourself obviously
there's more to just the digits on a scale I
think we all have our own strengths our own talents
and our own personalities, it's not always about
how you look or how you present to others because
confidence can override that. And I used to think
that men only want like the skinny girls or pretty
girls. You don't want those men then. Right?
People should see you for who you are. And there's
so much more than that. And as you get older
again, you have a lot of things to worry about.
Now if I were to talk to my 18 -year -old self,
I'll be like, girl, you have so much going on
for you. The last thing you need to worry about
is how much you weigh. Yeah, you are so right.
I mean, that's something we stand for in here
so much. And I think the time wasted in the prime
of your life, worrying about things like the
number on the scale or how skinny you can possibly
get, that type of energy just blows my mind where
it's like, all you want to do is get smaller.
And then 30 years down the line, you actually
killed yourself. Like that's, you were working
against your future that entire time. Yeah, I
have a friend who she really, really, not a friend.
Yeah, I had a friend who, really also went through
the whole dieting process and then it gets to
a point where you might suffer from infertility
as you get older yes and she did she had trouble
conceiving because at 18 years old you're like
it's okay I don't want a kid and then you meet
a man you fall in love and then you pay money
to go to fertility clinics and all because you
wanted to look skinny it's just I'm just saying
that this might not be the only problem but there
might be other health problems that will come
back to haunt you when you're older and all the
amount of money in the world may not be able
to save you I feel like you're telling my story
here honestly like During my young years, I also
had bouts of eating disorder. I was bulimic at
one point. And I was always chasing that number
on the scale, you know. And it's scary to think
how many people go through that. You know, like
I... was always i actually started a facebook
group at one point i remember when i was in the
uk and it was called let's get skinny you know
like yes i did i never told you this but oh my
god no no it was this was like it was just a
group of us friends who were trying to figure
out you know how we can lose weight and then
i was just and now i think back to myself oh
my god i fucked up my body my metabolism like
so much because I had trouble conceiving when
I wanted to have a baby. Finally got pregnant,
you know, and then after my twins were born,
I went into perimenopause. And I'm just like,
did I do this all to myself? Because I've got
an autoimmune condition, thyroid condition, underactive
thyroid. And I fucked up my own metabolism with
all the stupid shit that I did. And now I'm out
there and I'm like trying to help people. get
over that you know that 90s mentality of you
know let's be skinny yeah I mean I think you
know even though we're slightly older than you
not crazily I think we all relate to that yeah
you know that mentality of like get skinny get
small be invisible I can't imagine though going
through that in Asia yeah can I tell you like
because that overwhelming pressure I felt it
the second I landed here but I was at least like
34 so I could I could kind of get what was going
on you know I grew up in this yes yeah That is
crazy stuff, man. That's a powerful cocktail
you guys got going on here in the smallness pressure.
And then it doesn't help that our Asian counterparts
are even smaller. Yeah. Like your Vietnamese,
your Thai, right? Yeah, it's tiny. By nature,
you know? Yeah, by BMI and frame. Yeah, but then
we were like, oh, compare and all that. I remember
the first time I went to buy an outfit here in
Singapore, we went to a store. It wasn't even
a store. I think it was like, you know, just
like a little shop thing. market thing I don't
know and I walked in and I was like oh do you
have this in whatever size it was and the lady
was like looking at me and goes sorry we don't
do your size and I'm like what what I'm not that
big yeah and I was I must have been a UK 10 12
maybe about the same as I am now and I was like
wow like my size like what am i i don't know
like xxl or that was what like 12 years ago yeah
yeah not like ancient times you know i mean like
in the relevant future oh relevant present i
should say well okay so someone like you cheryl
who is always public facing and you know obviously
you know putting your body out there in different
types of ways how do you take care of your mental
health given the things that you are up against
you know like again just being visible being
in an athletic environment as well and also obviously
being out and gay my motto in life is do first
thing later that's good girl it has gotten me
to travel sometimes but for the most of it is
just having that spontaneity to just go do it
right I think the key word here is boundaries
that's something that I've learned this year
because I started two businesses this year and
we got a puppy And then, you know, it got to
a point where like, you get comfortable in a
relationship, right? Because you've been together
for so long. And then you tend to, and I'm a
workaholic. I love working and I love the work
I do. So I'll throw myself into it. And then
it got to a point where I was overworked, neglecting
the family, neglecting the house. And obviously
there were consequences. And so I've learned
that you need to, in order to take care of yourself,
you need to be able to draw. So set yourself
a timeline. I will tell myself, okay, I'm going
to sleep by 12. I mean, that's actually too late.
You should sleep by like 11, 10. But set boundaries
and not just with yourself, but with your clients
or whoever's around you. Like, okay, I'm only
going to, like for example, I have friends who
take blackout periods. Okay, like this month
or this week, I'm not going to take any jobs.
I'm just going to chill. But again, it's a Singaporean
mindset, right? There's money to take, there's
money to take or jobs to take. You know, it's
like, I cannot lose, I cannot lose. So it's very
hard. I still live like that. So I think the
key word here is to learn to take care of yourself.
First, you need to recognize that if you fall,
everyone else around you will have an impact
due to collateral damage. So you must understand
that your actions are not... soul to you like
it is going to have a spillover effect on the
others so understand that first and then have
set boundaries with yourself with the people
you worked with or like you know even with your
family and then make sure you and make sure you
stick to it yeah I think boundaries is so such
a problem that we i won't say a problem but it's
something that we see in our coaching as well
all the time right where it's like the the setting
of the boundary is actually the thing that then
moves the needle on whatever habit or whatever
lifestyle change you're trying to make and set
time aside for yourself no matter how small that
time is i know it's very cliche it's very easy
to say but when's the last time you did something
for yourself as simple as that like just check
in with yourself okay I'm gonna have now companies
have have mental health day on like like the
last Friday of the month something then have
that for yourself too you know like one day a
month I'm gonna have mental health day for myself
I'm gonna go book a massage you can just take
two hours out I'm not asking you to take the
whole day right and you have to do something
for yourself so you're not buying something for
your child you're not packing the house you're
not doing something for a client you are doing
something for you and you only yeah so always
remember do something for yourself Well, and
that's a perfect segue into one of our weekly
features here on The 40s Formula, which is called
Fuel Your 40s, sponsored by The Meat Club. They
have submitted a question for you, Cheryl. Oh,
wow. I would think that this is something that
is part of how you take care of yourself. So
you're an athlete generally focused on endurance
athletics. Am I right on that? How do you think
that protein and healthy eating help you take
care of yourself while you're pursuing all of
that amazing hard work in the gym? Oh, protein
is very important because you need protein to
fuel your muscles, which will then help you to
maintain your metabolism, which declines as we
get older. Preach. Yeah, we always, I mean, I
think in... Singapore at least in Asia we eat
a lot of carbs naturally rice noodles bread right
we are very carb heavy that day there was sweet
potato in bread I'm like what like that's already
a carb yeah and then but that's the thing they
are everywhere right and then you have like I
don't know they have all these kind of carbs
we don't realize it because we are so used to
we eat porridge for breakfast right we are so
used to like like these things that we eat growing
up but we don't realize that you miss out you
should have more protein in your food and if
you can't get enough food then go get like your
supplements that's where they come in Love that.
You have to have protein. If not, what is protein
going to give you? Protein is essential. And
again, that's athletes, but that's also everyone.
Yes. For everyone. It doesn't matter how much
you're exercising, there's a certain number of
protein you need to have a day. All right. Well,
so from that segment to our other most fun segment,
I love this. I actually love this segment. And
this is what I really want to get your opinion
on. So the segment's called Hot or Hype. So basically,
we're going to be asking, we're going to be giving
you a topic that's kind of hot in wellness media.
And then you tell us if you think it's hot. Or
you think it's all hype. And you can justify
it. It's not just a hot hype situation. You can
tell us why. Alrighty, so. Health at any size.
Health at any size. Wait, wait. Hype means it's
just short term. Hot is long term. Hype means
you don't believe in that really. And hot means
you think that's legit. Health at any size. Health
at any size. Wow, that's tricky, man. Shit. I
don't know. This is tricky. I mean, I believe
that you can have health at any size, but at
the same time, you cannot be too comfortable.
Because if you are taking care of yourself and
this is your body's natural state of weight,
then that's fine. But if you're neglecting yourself,
sitting on a couch every day and not moving and
stuffing your face with pizza and chocolate,
then that's not right. So kind of self -care
at any size. Take care of yourself. Yeah, then
that's hot. So Amanda, you know how I've been
on this journey about improving my sleep? Oh,
you have been obsessed about it lately. Well,
I have found something that has been incredible.
Cozy Earth bed sheets. That's saying a lot because
you are really picky about your sleep setup.
Exactly. These sheets are made from bamboo viscose.
They are naturally breathable and I get the perfect
night's sleep. They keep me cool all night. Oh,
and I've been eyeing the pajamas too. They are
so chic and super cozy. It's a total game changer
and so relaxing for the evenings. And what's
crazy is that Cozy Earth actually ships to Singapore,
orders over $560 ship free, and in the US orders
over $50 ship free. And did you know you can
get your biggest ever discount, 41 % if you use
code TFF today. So head over to CozyEarth .com
and use that code TFF today. Okay, how about...
Chasing PRs in your 40s. So for our listeners,
that's personal records or personal best. Can
you still chase PRs in your 40s? Hot or hype?
Hot. Because I feel that as you get older, all
the goals you set in life are very materialistic.
You want to stay in a bigger house. You want
to go for nicer holidays. You want to see business
class and buy a bigger car. But... then you forget
about the intangible personal goals so like for
me I like doing like marathons or like triathlons
because then I set a target for myself first
it keeps me motivated otherwise I'll feel like
I'm training for nothing because then I'm not
gonna get up in the morning there's nothing I'm
training for I'm not gonna get up two it's something
that you can do for yourself and you see results
short term Like, okay, in three months, I'm going
to train for this. I'm going, and it's not by
weight. It's like, okay, I'm going to achieve
a certain timing. And then when you do, you feel
so good. You feel like you're invincible. You
can take on the world. And then it also spills
over into the rest of your life because you feel
good and you feel confident. So we can chase
those PRs still. We're not, we're not too out
of the game yet. All right. Last one, because
I know you've worked in a lot of different kind
of masculine male dominated fields and masculine
sports and all that stuff. Hot or hype? Playing
up your femininity. in a masculine situation.
No, I don't agree. I would say, yeah, I'm just
myself. Yeah, I don't think you need to be extra
feminine or extra girly just because you're surrounded
by males. Yeah. No. Just be yourself. For sure.
You don't need to be performative or anything.
No, I hear you. All right, Gal, well, you've
given us so much. I love your real vibe. You
know what I mean? Like, you're like, this is
literally how I live my life. Take it or leave
it. And also, you know, maybe take a little more
of that into your own life, you know, and take
more of that approach. But we would love to know
from you personally, what's your 40s formula?
What is the kind of, you know, mixture of things
that you would tell women in their 40s, again,
as a young 39 -year -old like yourself, about
how to thrive in this decade? Three things I
would say. One is surround yourself with the
right people that will lift you up. Because you
don't have time for bullshit. I'm just going
to call it. You just really, really don't have
time for anything else. Cut out people that won't
lift you. You don't need any of that. Number
two, three key questions to ask yourself about
anything that bothers you. Will you lose sleep?
Will you lose money? Will it affect your health?
The answer is no to all of it. Fuck it. You really
don't have time for it. Because I just feel like
we are so time -starved as we get older. I feel
like this is my underlying theme for this entire...
podcast which is like you know um prioritize
oh and the third thing is um don't be afraid
to prioritize yourself over others i think this
is something we tend to lose ourselves trying
to please others whether it's your partner or
your boss or your friend but if you lose yourself
then you there's a risk you might never find
yourself back or it's good you have to go to
great lengths to get yourself back yeah so set
boundaries take risks and do not lose yourself
in the process yes Cheryl, thank you so much
for being on the show today. We really appreciate
your time. No problem. Thank you. Thank you.
Bye. the legs are it's got to be short yeah you're
like oh just get comfy