WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.740 Guys, we have some exciting news. The 40s Formula 00:00:02.740 --> 00:00:06.400 is going live on August 14th at the Green Collective 00:00:06.400 --> 00:00:08.660 at Funan Mall. We are going to dive deep into 00:00:08.660 --> 00:00:10.839 the science, myths, and struggles around sugar 00:00:10.839 --> 00:00:13.640 addiction. Breakfast and coffee are on us, thanks 00:00:13.640 --> 00:00:16.219 to the generous sponsors, Guzman y Gomez. It's 00:00:16.219 --> 00:00:18.640 a small and intimate event with only 15 spots, 00:00:18.719 --> 00:00:20.800 so it's first come, first served. Tickets are 00:00:20.800 --> 00:00:23.480 only 20 bucks, and that includes breakfast and 00:00:23.480 --> 00:00:25.960 $5 towards your purchase at the Green Collective. 00:00:26.079 --> 00:00:27.739 Come and join us for a conversation that might 00:00:27.739 --> 00:00:31.149 change the way you eat. think and fail what is 00:00:31.149 --> 00:00:34.189 the formula for deep lasting friendships in your 00:00:34.189 --> 00:00:36.820 40s You might feel young until you go to a club 00:00:36.820 --> 00:00:38.200 and then you see a bunch of 20 -year -olds and 00:00:38.200 --> 00:00:40.039 you're like, I could be your mum. What was friendship 00:00:40.039 --> 00:00:42.640 different for us now? You're figuring out life 00:00:42.640 --> 00:00:45.020 at those different stages together and those 00:00:45.020 --> 00:00:48.359 are deep -rooted experience, deep -rooted friendships 00:00:48.359 --> 00:00:50.740 when you rely on each other. A good friend is 00:00:50.740 --> 00:00:53.179 somebody who is your cheerleader. Yes. Who's 00:00:53.179 --> 00:00:55.399 happy for you and supports you and the good things 00:00:55.399 --> 00:00:58.140 that are going on. This undercurrent of competitiveness 00:00:58.140 --> 00:01:02.359 and comparison that is constant and unyielding. 00:01:02.770 --> 00:01:05.189 And I did not know how to play the game. I don't 00:01:05.189 --> 00:01:07.590 want to play this game. I don't want to fit in 00:01:07.590 --> 00:01:10.969 with this situation right now. I don't want to 00:01:10.969 --> 00:01:12.790 be competitive and I just want you to be you 00:01:12.790 --> 00:01:14.290 and I want to be me. Do you know what I struggle 00:01:14.290 --> 00:01:17.109 with is someone who drains your energy but you 00:01:17.109 --> 00:01:20.510 don't know why. People who leave you... questioning 00:01:20.510 --> 00:01:22.930 yourself and your ability. And those are the 00:01:22.930 --> 00:01:25.569 ones I struggle with. That is a real green flag. 00:01:25.629 --> 00:01:28.230 If somebody is comfortable enough with you, they're 00:01:28.230 --> 00:01:30.709 not seeking your approval all the time. Acceptance 00:01:30.709 --> 00:01:32.909 is the biggest thing at this age. Now there are 00:01:32.909 --> 00:01:36.209 so many ways to keep in touch with people. It 00:01:36.209 --> 00:01:39.269 can get lost, right? Because I'm not messaging, 00:01:39.390 --> 00:01:41.930 I'm not phoning. I'm definitely not phoning. 00:01:42.590 --> 00:01:45.170 It doesn't matter how many years have gone by. 00:01:45.719 --> 00:01:47.760 certain friendships expire and they can be you 00:01:47.760 --> 00:01:50.359 know they can come back and you know be reignited 00:01:50.359 --> 00:02:09.240 hey hey and welcome to the 40s formula your go 00:02:09.240 --> 00:02:11.500 -to place for insightful discussions on navigating 00:02:11.500 --> 00:02:13.960 the 40s and thriving in this transformative decade 00:02:14.949 --> 00:02:17.729 We're your hosts, Jasmine and Amanda, two women 00:02:17.729 --> 00:02:19.870 that are passionate about exploring the challenges 00:02:19.870 --> 00:02:22.270 and adventures that come with turning 40 and 00:02:22.270 --> 00:02:33.370 what lies ahead. All right, before we dive into 00:02:33.370 --> 00:02:35.330 today's episode, let's talk about something that 00:02:35.330 --> 00:02:38.129 makes our lives way easier. And tastier, because 00:02:38.129 --> 00:02:40.550 let's be honest, between work, workouts, and 00:02:40.550 --> 00:02:42.349 you know, life, we don't exactly have time to 00:02:42.349 --> 00:02:44.530 wrestle the trolleys at the supermarket. Which 00:02:44.530 --> 00:02:46.509 is why we've been with The Meat Club since the 00:02:46.509 --> 00:02:49.050 beginning of the 40s formula. Yep, they've had 00:02:49.050 --> 00:02:51.469 our back since episode one and tasty dinners 00:02:51.469 --> 00:02:54.150 on our plates too. With The Meat Club, you skip 00:02:54.150 --> 00:02:56.590 the supermarket chaos and get premium nutritious 00:02:56.590 --> 00:02:59.210 proteins delivered to your door on your schedule. 00:02:59.310 --> 00:03:01.430 It's a subscription that actually simplifies 00:03:01.430 --> 00:03:03.669 life. No last minute grocery runs, just quality 00:03:03.669 --> 00:03:06.889 meat, seafood, fruits and veggies always ready 00:03:06.889 --> 00:03:09.550 when you are. Their mission says it all. Good 00:03:09.550 --> 00:03:12.349 food is the foundation of a great life. And with 00:03:12.349 --> 00:03:14.650 the Meat Club's delivery, it's coming literally 00:03:14.650 --> 00:03:16.830 to your doorstep. This is where quality meets 00:03:16.830 --> 00:03:19.150 convenience, and we're here for it. All right, 00:03:19.189 --> 00:03:21.469 TMC drop check. Let's see what we got here. Oh, 00:03:21.550 --> 00:03:23.610 well, first things first, you can't have Taco 00:03:23.610 --> 00:03:26.669 Tuesdays without Snapper. But what about salmon? 00:03:26.750 --> 00:03:29.050 Because that's definitely our favorite. Okay, 00:03:29.090 --> 00:03:31.889 fair enough. But chicken breast, that's the workhorse 00:03:31.889 --> 00:03:34.870 we're eating every single day. I think it's all 00:03:34.870 --> 00:03:37.090 about the chicken thighs. Oh my gosh, chicken 00:03:37.090 --> 00:03:38.830 thighs. I don't know if I could get one down 00:03:38.830 --> 00:03:41.889 myself, but I do know that this mince makes a 00:03:41.889 --> 00:03:43.949 mean burger. Who wants burgers when you can have 00:03:43.949 --> 00:03:47.030 a grass -fed beef eye fillet steak? Okay, that 00:03:47.030 --> 00:03:49.490 is amazing. But with that steak, I would definitely 00:03:49.490 --> 00:03:52.969 be serving this delicious broccoli and spicing 00:03:52.969 --> 00:03:55.110 it up with these chilies. Okay, you've definitely 00:03:55.110 --> 00:04:01.389 won there. I have got some coriander, some cherry 00:04:01.389 --> 00:04:03.710 tomatoes. I mean, check out the color on those. 00:04:04.370 --> 00:04:08.090 And for dessert, strawberries. We also got some 00:04:08.090 --> 00:04:10.490 fruit for the kids, which they will love. And 00:04:10.490 --> 00:04:12.009 one of the coolest thing about the subscription, 00:04:12.310 --> 00:04:15.610 an amazing quality chef's knife and a beautiful 00:04:15.610 --> 00:04:17.709 wooden cutting board. Honestly, it's the easiest 00:04:17.709 --> 00:04:20.750 way to eat well without overthinking it. So if 00:04:20.750 --> 00:04:22.750 you're ready to upgrade your meals without adding 00:04:22.750 --> 00:04:25.040 to your mental load, head over to themeatclub 00:04:25.040 --> 00:04:28.660 .com .sg. Sign up for the flexible subscription, 00:04:28.920 --> 00:04:31.540 no lock -ins, just high quality proteins delivered 00:04:31.540 --> 00:04:33.480 straight to you. And don't forget to use our 00:04:33.480 --> 00:04:37.459 code TFF12 to save $12 off your first order. 00:04:37.579 --> 00:04:39.120 We'll drop it in the show notes or you can find 00:04:39.120 --> 00:04:41.600 it on our Instagram. The Meat Club, where quality 00:04:41.600 --> 00:04:44.600 meets convenience. Today, we're talking all about 00:04:44.600 --> 00:04:46.920 female friendship. how it shifts, stretches, 00:04:47.160 --> 00:04:49.259 deepens, or sometimes fades as we move through 00:04:49.259 --> 00:04:51.360 different seasons of life. We're joined by two 00:04:51.360 --> 00:04:53.600 amazing women for this Forsen chat. Back with 00:04:53.600 --> 00:04:56.500 us is our first ever podcast guest. Thank you 00:04:56.500 --> 00:04:58.959 so much for coming back, Sharina Shroff -Mansharam, 00:04:58.980 --> 00:05:02.160 founder of Getting to Happy. And making her 40s 00:05:02.160 --> 00:05:05.480 formula debut is Anju Kothra, the brilliant mind 00:05:05.480 --> 00:05:08.779 behind SSEW, Seasoned Singapore Expat Women, 00:05:08.939 --> 00:05:11.019 one of the most vibrant women's communities here 00:05:11.019 --> 00:05:13.560 in Singapore. This one is honest, reflective, 00:05:13.740 --> 00:05:16.100 and definitely one to send to your besties or 00:05:16.100 --> 00:05:17.959 the friend that you've been meaning to text for 00:05:17.959 --> 00:05:20.430 ages. And if you haven't already, don't forget 00:05:20.430 --> 00:05:22.670 to hit that subscribe or follow button so you 00:05:22.670 --> 00:05:24.829 never miss an episode. And if this conversation 00:05:24.829 --> 00:05:26.829 makes you think of someone you love, share the 00:05:26.829 --> 00:05:28.509 episode with them and let them know that you're 00:05:28.509 --> 00:05:31.089 thinking of them. Also, a big thank you to our 00:05:31.089 --> 00:05:33.350 sponsors for supporting this conversation because 00:05:33.350 --> 00:05:35.350 without them, we wouldn't be able to have you 00:05:35.350 --> 00:05:37.769 here and have the real and necessary chats that 00:05:37.769 --> 00:05:40.029 we love having each week. So ladies, the chat 00:05:40.029 --> 00:05:42.730 today is open, round -tail format. Anybody can 00:05:42.730 --> 00:05:45.189 talk at any time. So nothing to worry about there 00:05:45.189 --> 00:05:46.810 in terms of asking for permission. You just go 00:05:46.810 --> 00:05:49.740 for it. I would love to know. From your perspective, 00:05:49.939 --> 00:05:53.040 how has friendship changed for you now since 00:05:53.040 --> 00:05:55.279 you were in your 20s? When I was younger and 00:05:55.279 --> 00:05:58.300 in my 20s, I think friendships were easy to find. 00:05:58.579 --> 00:06:01.579 We were out a lot. Whether it was your first 00:06:01.579 --> 00:06:04.699 job or coming out of university, there were always 00:06:04.699 --> 00:06:09.399 more people around me then than now. So I think 00:06:09.399 --> 00:06:11.379 being in an environment where you're finding 00:06:11.379 --> 00:06:14.120 new friends was much easier. The difference is 00:06:14.120 --> 00:06:17.399 that now the opportunities are less, but the 00:06:17.399 --> 00:06:20.100 friendships are better. Oh, yeah. Definitely 00:06:20.100 --> 00:06:22.720 quality, quantity thing. Yeah, I think that you 00:06:22.720 --> 00:06:25.339 find them when you're in your 20s, but the special 00:06:25.339 --> 00:06:28.000 ones come kind of later on. It's easy to find 00:06:28.000 --> 00:06:30.060 those. Yeah, totally agree. And I think it's 00:06:30.060 --> 00:06:32.199 circumstantial as well. In your 20s, you're going 00:06:32.199 --> 00:06:34.699 through so many new experiences and you're shifting 00:06:34.699 --> 00:06:37.279 through different phases of your life as well. 00:06:37.420 --> 00:06:39.560 And when you're older, you tend to be more settled 00:06:39.560 --> 00:06:41.319 and you have more responsibilities and you're 00:06:41.319 --> 00:06:43.970 busy doing other things. that are taking up your 00:06:43.970 --> 00:06:46.290 time. So you're not necessarily mixing all the 00:06:46.290 --> 00:06:50.350 time in new clubs, activities, jobs, circles. 00:06:50.689 --> 00:06:54.250 And so it's a very different phase. When's the 00:06:54.250 --> 00:06:55.810 last time you were all up in the club? Oh my 00:06:55.810 --> 00:06:57.529 God. For real, for real. Actually, do you know 00:06:57.529 --> 00:07:01.089 what? Last week, last week. You are serious right 00:07:01.089 --> 00:07:02.310 now. You are so much cooler than this. I am, 00:07:02.329 --> 00:07:05.949 I am. Oh my gosh. I honestly can't recall. It's 00:07:05.949 --> 00:07:07.509 been a long time. I honestly cannot recall. Like 00:07:07.509 --> 00:07:10.379 a legit club. what it sounds like but I was traveling 00:07:10.379 --> 00:07:12.899 so maybe that was yeah I think I went a couple 00:07:12.899 --> 00:07:14.680 of years ago in London but it felt weird because 00:07:14.680 --> 00:07:18.019 everyone was so young and I felt really out of 00:07:18.019 --> 00:07:20.339 place and I think that's the problem now is going 00:07:20.339 --> 00:07:22.879 to a club you don't quite feel like you fit in 00:07:22.879 --> 00:07:25.240 anymore you might feel young until you go to 00:07:25.240 --> 00:07:26.779 a club and then you see a bunch of 20 year olds 00:07:26.779 --> 00:07:28.920 and you're like I could be your mum you know 00:07:28.920 --> 00:07:31.139 it just doesn't feel right feel the fear and 00:07:31.139 --> 00:07:34.079 do it anyway yeah no true story but it's you 00:07:34.079 --> 00:07:35.759 know speaking of the club or like you know the 00:07:35.759 --> 00:07:37.930 20 year olds bless them or like you know Being 00:07:37.930 --> 00:07:39.930 surrounded by people. I always think, like, yeah, 00:07:39.990 --> 00:07:41.610 I had more friends in my 20s. But, like, did 00:07:41.610 --> 00:07:43.829 I have more friends in my 20s? Or did I just 00:07:43.829 --> 00:07:45.850 have more people? I agree with that. Right? Because, 00:07:45.870 --> 00:07:47.329 like, basically nowadays I have, like, four people. 00:07:47.389 --> 00:07:48.629 I got my husband and my three kids. Like, I have 00:07:48.629 --> 00:07:51.610 four people. You know? And Jasmine, okay? I'm 00:07:51.610 --> 00:07:54.069 going after me. But, like, you know, if we're 00:07:54.069 --> 00:07:56.029 being real. But, like, in your 20s, yeah, it 00:07:56.029 --> 00:07:57.670 seems like you have a lot of friends just because 00:07:57.670 --> 00:08:00.389 a lot of people do things together. You know, 00:08:00.410 --> 00:08:01.949 it's like we used to go to Vegas, right? Very 00:08:01.949 --> 00:08:03.790 American. Here we are. And it's like, you know, 00:08:03.790 --> 00:08:06.089 we'd take 20 of us and get a bunch of hotel rooms 00:08:06.089 --> 00:08:07.620 and that was it. But, like, we're... we friends 00:08:07.620 --> 00:08:10.500 yeah like how is friendship different for us 00:08:10.500 --> 00:08:13.160 now you know what for me I think it comes down 00:08:13.160 --> 00:08:17.829 to what Who are the people who appreciate you 00:08:17.829 --> 00:08:20.689 for being you, for the things that you still 00:08:20.689 --> 00:08:23.089 need to prioritise without you feeling guilty 00:08:23.089 --> 00:08:26.310 about the stuff that you need to do? And I always 00:08:26.310 --> 00:08:28.269 find that it's one of those things where you 00:08:28.269 --> 00:08:31.709 could not spend any time with somebody for a 00:08:31.709 --> 00:08:34.450 while. It could be like a month or so. And then 00:08:34.450 --> 00:08:36.269 all of a sudden you meet up again or you send 00:08:36.269 --> 00:08:38.110 them a message and it's like nothing's changed. 00:08:38.370 --> 00:08:41.850 And I think those are the friendships that you 00:08:41.850 --> 00:08:45.240 cherish most is the ones where it's... low maintenance 00:08:45.240 --> 00:08:49.159 but high quality often i don't know if you agree 00:08:49.159 --> 00:08:52.950 with this um forged through times that you've 00:08:52.950 --> 00:08:54.610 spent together right you've gone through rites 00:08:54.610 --> 00:08:56.970 of passage and then so you put in the hard work 00:08:56.970 --> 00:08:59.269 yeah yeah at that time you have held the hair 00:08:59.269 --> 00:09:02.009 back in the toilet and then it's like then we 00:09:02.009 --> 00:09:04.669 can all yeah that's true biggest I mean honestly 00:09:04.669 --> 00:09:08.070 this is clearly a vibrant friendship memory yeah 00:09:08.070 --> 00:09:10.149 but no you're right it's forged in hard times 00:09:10.149 --> 00:09:12.470 whether it's school and you're growing together 00:09:12.470 --> 00:09:15.330 or university or you know you're hanging out 00:09:15.330 --> 00:09:17.309 in the clubs literally going through that phase 00:09:17.309 --> 00:09:20.230 of life together or your first job or you know 00:09:20.299 --> 00:09:22.580 you're you're figuring out life at those different 00:09:22.580 --> 00:09:25.779 stages together and those are deep rooted experience 00:09:25.779 --> 00:09:28.740 deep rooted friendships when you rely on each 00:09:28.740 --> 00:09:31.320 other and then i think yes you grow up and you 00:09:31.320 --> 00:09:34.200 move around you know we're all expats here yes 00:09:34.200 --> 00:09:38.860 you break those close physical ties but you can't 00:09:38.860 --> 00:09:41.320 break those bonds yeah i think you hit the nail 00:09:41.320 --> 00:09:42.980 on the head there there's there's something special 00:09:42.980 --> 00:09:44.940 about the people you grow with you're right you 00:09:44.940 --> 00:09:47.580 your roots become intertwined and so it doesn't 00:09:47.580 --> 00:09:49.340 matter where you are you know you see those um 00:09:49.340 --> 00:09:52.299 those uh memes or those necklaces it's like you 00:09:52.299 --> 00:09:59.419 know sisters like far apart completely one of 00:09:59.419 --> 00:10:02.740 those things and you're right you know it is 00:10:02.740 --> 00:10:05.340 all about the the memories and and their times 00:10:05.549 --> 00:10:08.110 you've shared yeah the challenge is then how 00:10:08.110 --> 00:10:10.610 much do you still maintain those or do you need 00:10:10.610 --> 00:10:12.210 to maintain those or do you want to maintain 00:10:12.210 --> 00:10:15.429 those and I think you know as long as you're 00:10:15.429 --> 00:10:17.730 able like you say just to pick up the phone in 00:10:17.730 --> 00:10:19.970 the middle of the night or or call on them when 00:10:19.970 --> 00:10:22.870 something's going on then it's still a relationship 00:10:22.870 --> 00:10:26.320 that has meaning for you All right, big news. 00:10:26.519 --> 00:10:28.720 The Guzmani Gomez app has officially launched 00:10:28.720 --> 00:10:30.919 in Singapore, and we are already hooked. Yes, 00:10:31.000 --> 00:10:33.039 it's giving convenience with standards. You can 00:10:33.039 --> 00:10:34.940 customize your order, skip the queue, and earn 00:10:34.940 --> 00:10:37.419 loyalty points with GoMex every time you order. 00:10:37.639 --> 00:10:39.919 And there are app -only deals, coffee rewards, 00:10:40.179 --> 00:10:42.360 yes, exclusive bundles, and it's all kind of 00:10:42.360 --> 00:10:44.259 brilliant. The best part? The app just makes 00:10:44.259 --> 00:10:47.539 getting clean, quality food even easier. GYG 00:10:47.539 --> 00:10:49.639 hasn't changed their core. No artificial flavors, 00:10:49.919 --> 00:10:52.679 no preservatives, just real ingredients and big. 00:10:53.289 --> 00:10:56.570 So now we can get fast, clean, crave -worthy 00:10:56.570 --> 00:10:58.970 food with a few taps on our phone. I mean, honestly, 00:10:59.110 --> 00:11:01.210 they have nailed it. Download the Guzmini Gomez 00:11:01.210 --> 00:11:03.409 Singapore app and check them out at locations 00:11:03.409 --> 00:11:06.529 all across the island. Vivo City, Jewel, Westgate 00:11:06.529 --> 00:11:08.809 and more. Clean is the new healthy and now it's 00:11:08.809 --> 00:11:10.990 also the new app. One of the things I always 00:11:10.990 --> 00:11:13.509 say and I really feel like I struggle with is... 00:11:14.039 --> 00:11:15.960 making new friends and I tell you why because 00:11:15.960 --> 00:11:18.940 I feel like I don't have enough time right now 00:11:18.940 --> 00:11:21.480 to spend with the people I genuinely want to 00:11:21.480 --> 00:11:23.720 spend time with like my old friends and then 00:11:23.720 --> 00:11:26.200 trying to incorporate new friendships into it 00:11:26.200 --> 00:11:28.899 that feels like a big struggle does anyone else 00:11:28.899 --> 00:11:31.080 feel the same way I agree with that but I also 00:11:31.080 --> 00:11:33.730 think it comes from your own personal development 00:11:33.730 --> 00:11:37.110 okay like i think in i think in my 20s i was 00:11:37.110 --> 00:11:39.409 just a yes person yeah you know i was trying 00:11:39.409 --> 00:11:42.149 to figure out myself so if someone said let's 00:11:42.149 --> 00:11:43.730 hang out let's do this okay do i really like 00:11:43.730 --> 00:11:45.250 that person no it doesn't matter just do it just 00:11:45.250 --> 00:11:49.590 yes and now as you as i've aged and i know myself 00:11:49.590 --> 00:11:53.190 better i know when i want to say no so if i you 00:11:53.190 --> 00:11:54.549 know i might have said no to the same person 00:11:54.549 --> 00:11:57.090 in my 20s all right now as i've grown i have 00:11:57.090 --> 00:11:59.610 the conviction to say i i want to hang out i 00:11:59.610 --> 00:12:04.399 don't or you um add value or you don't i think 00:12:04.399 --> 00:12:07.019 in my 20s was much harder for us to discern who 00:12:07.580 --> 00:12:09.480 who we wanted in our lives and who we didn't. 00:12:09.500 --> 00:12:10.980 Yeah, because there's always that FOMO issue, 00:12:11.080 --> 00:12:13.179 isn't there? It's like, do I want to miss out? 00:12:13.220 --> 00:12:15.139 If I don't go, you know, is something going to 00:12:15.139 --> 00:12:18.019 happen that might be the best thing ever? I think 00:12:18.019 --> 00:12:20.279 people are still suffering from FOMO, even in 00:12:20.279 --> 00:12:22.259 their 40s and 50s. You're so right. And I feel 00:12:22.259 --> 00:12:24.620 like that has been the biggest change to my friendships. 00:12:24.720 --> 00:12:26.480 It's not so much like who I'm friends with or 00:12:26.480 --> 00:12:29.440 what I look for in a friend. It's like the type 00:12:29.440 --> 00:12:31.620 of environments that I'm willing to participate 00:12:31.620 --> 00:12:34.200 in for friendship. So, you know, I coach a lot 00:12:34.200 --> 00:12:36.179 of clients in fitness and nutrition and a recurring 00:12:36.179 --> 00:12:39.740 issue you is always like oh like I'm really trying 00:12:39.740 --> 00:12:41.879 to you know be on top of my protein and limit 00:12:41.879 --> 00:12:44.120 my alcohol intake but my girlfriends want to 00:12:44.120 --> 00:12:46.139 go to brunch you know and they want to do it 00:12:46.139 --> 00:12:50.120 with us first of all find more boring friends 00:12:50.120 --> 00:12:52.399 there's your first tip okay find the fit people 00:12:52.399 --> 00:12:54.480 and go to what they're doing but really it's 00:12:54.480 --> 00:12:55.980 like that it's like my boundaries are more now 00:12:55.980 --> 00:12:58.460 about like what environments I want to find myself 00:12:58.460 --> 00:13:01.700 in and then that kind of by default does curate 00:13:01.700 --> 00:13:03.240 the friend group a little bit yeah that's how 00:13:03.240 --> 00:13:06.080 you find your tribe Right. You hang out more 00:13:06.080 --> 00:13:09.399 and more, not just spending time with them, but 00:13:09.399 --> 00:13:12.000 spending more time with more of them. Yes. In 00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:14.649 both ways. Yes, both ways. You are a mirror. 00:13:14.789 --> 00:13:18.049 The people around you reflect back to you as 00:13:18.049 --> 00:13:20.750 well and vice versa. It's who you surround yourself 00:13:20.750 --> 00:13:23.210 with and how you build your habits and create 00:13:23.210 --> 00:13:26.110 a better you. It has to be reciprocal. So I think 00:13:26.110 --> 00:13:28.629 there is a lot of that of, you know, choose who 00:13:28.629 --> 00:13:30.470 you want to hang out with. Set your boundaries. 00:13:30.570 --> 00:13:32.929 Is that working for me? Is that not working for 00:13:32.929 --> 00:13:35.750 me? And where do I want to go with this? Do I 00:13:35.750 --> 00:13:37.929 want to hang out with them more or not? And if 00:13:37.929 --> 00:13:41.259 not, then that's kind of OK. You're being true 00:13:41.259 --> 00:13:44.100 to yourself. But I think in your 40s, you can. 00:13:44.480 --> 00:13:46.399 It's much easier to be true to yourself. It is. 00:13:46.820 --> 00:13:49.460 You know, there's not a lot of pressure versus 00:13:49.460 --> 00:13:50.779 when you're in your 20s. You're still trying 00:13:50.779 --> 00:13:53.750 to figure out yourself. Or accept yourself. For 00:13:53.750 --> 00:13:55.889 me, it was acceptance or loving myself enough 00:13:55.889 --> 00:13:57.850 to then find the right friendships. And there 00:13:57.850 --> 00:14:00.190 was an interesting post, actually, on the SSEW 00:14:00.190 --> 00:14:02.450 Facebook group. But there was a lady saying that 00:14:02.450 --> 00:14:04.750 she can't seem to find her tribe, her people. 00:14:05.070 --> 00:14:08.110 I saw that. Yeah. And I didn't get through the 00:14:08.110 --> 00:14:11.009 comments, but how do people find their tribe 00:14:11.009 --> 00:14:12.990 in their 40s? Like, what do you think would be 00:14:12.990 --> 00:14:15.730 the way to move forward to find the people, especially 00:14:15.730 --> 00:14:17.029 if you've moved to a different country? Because, 00:14:17.110 --> 00:14:18.570 you know, like you said, we're all expats here. 00:14:18.750 --> 00:14:20.789 And we have to find a new tribe, whether we came 00:14:20.789 --> 00:14:24.149 in our 20s. our 30s or 40s and it can be hard 00:14:24.149 --> 00:14:26.669 so how do we find our tribe in the 40s what would 00:14:26.669 --> 00:14:28.289 you do like what steps would you take I mean 00:14:28.289 --> 00:14:29.870 it's a bit like a needle in a haystack isn't 00:14:29.870 --> 00:14:32.950 it you you land somewhere new and you've got 00:14:32.950 --> 00:14:35.289 a huge population to get to know like where do 00:14:35.289 --> 00:14:37.570 you start right so I think it's about whittling 00:14:37.570 --> 00:14:41.370 it down and so if you can find people that you 00:14:41.370 --> 00:14:43.129 connect with whether it's through an activity 00:14:43.129 --> 00:14:44.769 it's a bit like dating isn't it where do you 00:14:44.769 --> 00:14:47.370 go to find people that you like yeah you you 00:14:47.370 --> 00:14:50.250 have to relate them On different levels. So is 00:14:50.250 --> 00:14:52.690 it through an activity? Is it through an exercise 00:14:52.690 --> 00:14:55.529 class, a mindfulness, kind of, you know, a spiritual 00:14:55.529 --> 00:14:58.590 vibe? The great thing about our community at 00:14:58.590 --> 00:15:02.110 SSEW is that it is full of like -minded women. 00:15:02.429 --> 00:15:04.690 We're seasoned. We've been here for a long time. 00:15:04.850 --> 00:15:06.889 So again, you're whittling down all those people 00:15:06.889 --> 00:15:09.330 who have just arrived and might not be staying 00:15:09.330 --> 00:15:11.549 here for that long. And therefore, you're not 00:15:11.549 --> 00:15:13.789 going to make a long -term friendship out of 00:15:13.789 --> 00:15:17.169 them. So I think it's heading to the right spaces 00:15:17.169 --> 00:15:20.070 and places. First of all, and then investing 00:15:20.070 --> 00:15:22.990 your time and energy and you get out of it as 00:15:22.990 --> 00:15:25.370 much as you put in. If you're not going to show 00:15:25.370 --> 00:15:27.230 up to events, then how are you going to meet 00:15:27.230 --> 00:15:29.429 people? If you're not going to comment and you're 00:15:29.429 --> 00:15:31.330 always just going to lurk, you're never going 00:15:31.330 --> 00:15:35.470 to get replies and forge relationships through 00:15:35.470 --> 00:15:38.090 that way. So I think it's a question of showing 00:15:38.090 --> 00:15:40.190 up, but showing up in the right places. Yeah. 00:15:40.370 --> 00:15:42.509 And I would agree that, you know, showing up 00:15:42.509 --> 00:15:44.309 in the right places for sure. And it's like, 00:15:44.309 --> 00:15:47.980 no. who you are so for me if I was going to well 00:15:47.980 --> 00:15:50.700 I do do this so perfect example like any city 00:15:50.700 --> 00:15:53.139 I travel to I go to CrossFit like CrossFit is 00:15:53.139 --> 00:15:54.720 international so like I go to CrossFit Munich 00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:56.320 when I'm in Munich and I go to CrossFit Taiwan 00:15:56.320 --> 00:15:58.159 when I'm in Taipei and it's like I go to that 00:15:58.159 --> 00:16:02.259 community I know at some level that I will find 00:16:02.259 --> 00:16:04.679 people that have at least one shared interest 00:16:04.679 --> 00:16:07.299 with me. And then the act of suffering together, 00:16:07.480 --> 00:16:09.120 which is, you know, by the way, all my fellow 00:16:09.120 --> 00:16:11.419 CrossFitters listening, you know, you lie in 00:16:11.419 --> 00:16:13.159 each other's sweat pile for a while and guess 00:16:13.159 --> 00:16:15.320 what? You're buddies, you know? So I think if 00:16:15.320 --> 00:16:18.340 you know really deeply what your identity is 00:16:18.340 --> 00:16:20.179 and then you seek out groups that are, you know, 00:16:20.179 --> 00:16:21.960 based on that, like you'll never falter. Like, 00:16:21.960 --> 00:16:23.759 you know, you could always have at least a friend 00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:25.960 if you know yourself really well. I was going 00:16:25.960 --> 00:16:27.879 to say that a lot of people that come to me as 00:16:27.879 --> 00:16:30.200 a life coach, even in their 40s or their 50s, 00:16:30.220 --> 00:16:32.039 they're trying to find their tribe or they're 00:16:32.039 --> 00:16:34.080 trying to understand why certain relationships 00:16:34.080 --> 00:16:36.519 are not working out or why a friend for 10 years 00:16:36.519 --> 00:16:39.139 is not their friend anymore. And a lot of it 00:16:39.139 --> 00:16:41.860 is... Yes, I like what you said, Anju, because 00:16:41.860 --> 00:16:44.399 you literally look after this entire group of 00:16:44.399 --> 00:16:47.659 women. On a personal level, sometimes if you 00:16:47.659 --> 00:16:49.899 don't know yourself well enough, or if you're 00:16:49.899 --> 00:16:52.659 not comfortable in your own skin, in your own 00:16:52.659 --> 00:16:56.360 home, returning back to your partner, or not 00:16:56.360 --> 00:16:58.759 partner, or your children, and you're not okay. 00:16:59.419 --> 00:17:01.779 then what you're going to seek is also not going 00:17:01.779 --> 00:17:04.599 to be right. And then those friendships are going 00:17:04.599 --> 00:17:07.119 to be so much harder to organically cultivate 00:17:07.119 --> 00:17:10.200 and grow because you're not in that right place. 00:17:10.420 --> 00:17:12.519 They're going to feel inauthentic because you're 00:17:12.519 --> 00:17:14.279 like, that's not actually me. Yeah, because you're 00:17:14.279 --> 00:17:15.740 like, oh, I like that person. I like what they 00:17:15.740 --> 00:17:17.759 do. But maybe that's not your vibe. Maybe they 00:17:17.759 --> 00:17:19.420 don't relate back to you. Then you get upset 00:17:19.420 --> 00:17:21.079 or you're not sure about yourself. And then you 00:17:21.079 --> 00:17:23.019 have self -doubt and you're like, what's wrong 00:17:23.019 --> 00:17:25.119 with me? So I think that first step, too, is 00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:28.150 like, make sure that you yourself are. All the 00:17:28.150 --> 00:17:30.630 puzzle pieces are fit together so that you go 00:17:30.630 --> 00:17:32.190 out there and you're not going to break apart. 00:17:32.410 --> 00:17:33.910 Oh, I love that. It's almost like you need to 00:17:33.910 --> 00:17:36.670 love yourself first. And know yourself. And know 00:17:36.670 --> 00:17:39.410 yourself. And then you can share that with others. 00:17:39.589 --> 00:17:41.369 I think that's brilliant. And I think that's 00:17:41.369 --> 00:17:43.309 advice that a lot of people need to take on board. 00:17:43.549 --> 00:17:46.589 Have you ever had to drop a friend? Whether on 00:17:46.589 --> 00:17:50.470 the basis of in your personal life. Do you mind 00:17:50.470 --> 00:17:53.230 sharing? Yeah, no. I was thinking through this 00:17:53.230 --> 00:17:55.390 question earlier. Okay, good. So this is not 00:17:55.390 --> 00:17:57.740 a shock. But I don't know. normally do this because 00:17:57.740 --> 00:18:00.039 I'm a very much a yes person and I'll take it 00:18:00.039 --> 00:18:02.480 I'll take it I'll take and the more the merrier 00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:05.670 you know fill my cup sounds great But I did have 00:18:05.670 --> 00:18:08.910 someone that just drained me. And as I was thinking 00:18:08.910 --> 00:18:10.069 about this question, I was actually thinking 00:18:10.069 --> 00:18:11.670 back to, like, what was I going through in my 00:18:11.670 --> 00:18:13.150 own life? And I was pregnant, actually, with 00:18:13.150 --> 00:18:16.430 my second, my son. And I couldn't take on any 00:18:16.430 --> 00:18:19.890 more of my friend's baggage. Girl, pregnant or 00:18:19.890 --> 00:18:22.970 not, anybody got time. But as a friend, you feel, 00:18:23.029 --> 00:18:24.869 I would do that for a friend. She was a friend, 00:18:24.930 --> 00:18:27.329 many years of friendship. And I'll always be 00:18:27.329 --> 00:18:29.170 there. That's the definition of friendship, right? 00:18:29.190 --> 00:18:31.069 No matter what, you're there for their highs 00:18:31.069 --> 00:18:34.329 and their lows. But I couldn't. carry it anymore 00:18:34.329 --> 00:18:36.609 and i've never done that i've only done it twice 00:18:36.609 --> 00:18:39.750 in my life um and i said i can't and i'm sorry 00:18:39.750 --> 00:18:43.170 and looking back at it now in over 10 years ago 00:18:43.170 --> 00:18:45.690 that person had to figure out who they were and 00:18:45.690 --> 00:18:48.289 they kept trying to come whether it was to me 00:18:48.289 --> 00:18:50.509 or to other people and trying to figure it out 00:18:50.509 --> 00:18:54.230 and we couldn't help or i couldn't help So and 00:18:54.230 --> 00:18:56.349 I know that this person now has evolved. I've 00:18:56.349 --> 00:18:58.470 seen it from a distance. I'm really happy and 00:18:58.470 --> 00:19:00.470 I'm really, you know, and I think that that chance 00:19:00.470 --> 00:19:02.509 to reconnect. Oh, yeah, absolutely. It can happen 00:19:02.509 --> 00:19:05.869 because that person has evolved. Yes. You push 00:19:05.869 --> 00:19:07.529 a little baby bird out of the nest and she flew. 00:19:07.690 --> 00:19:11.970 Yes. So great. That is literally the best possible 00:19:11.970 --> 00:19:14.910 outcome for her and for you, honestly. Yes. Because 00:19:14.910 --> 00:19:16.849 really taking on other people's baggage is just 00:19:16.849 --> 00:19:18.089 again, you know, I want to talk about things 00:19:18.089 --> 00:19:20.809 we cannot do in our 40s. Yes. Taking on other 00:19:20.809 --> 00:19:24.759 people's baggage. Cannot. Nah. No time. No. Yeah. 00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:26.559 And like you said, there's not enough time for 00:19:26.559 --> 00:19:28.460 your own family and the friends that you do have. 00:19:29.759 --> 00:19:33.900 Did you have a big blowout when that sort of 00:19:33.900 --> 00:19:36.140 became apparent? No, it wasn't a big blowout, 00:19:36.140 --> 00:19:39.039 but it was a very, this was a very conscious 00:19:39.039 --> 00:19:41.920 conversation of, I'm really sorry. I don't think 00:19:41.920 --> 00:19:44.380 I can do this. It felt like a breakup. Yeah, 00:19:44.380 --> 00:19:47.000 I was going to say, it sounds like. Traumatic. 00:19:47.000 --> 00:19:49.240 Yeah. No, no, no. It actually sounds like a really 00:19:49.240 --> 00:19:52.109 nice way. to let go because i feel like when 00:19:52.109 --> 00:19:54.450 it comes to friendships it's almost like a ghosting 00:19:54.450 --> 00:20:07.009 like you just stop talking yeah yeah or there's 00:20:07.009 --> 00:20:10.470 that big like I don't like, I don't know. I would 00:20:10.470 --> 00:20:12.589 love a blowout story. Does anyone have any like, 00:20:12.670 --> 00:20:14.809 like where you literally got into it and then 00:20:14.809 --> 00:20:16.490 stopped? Cause I hear about this actually from 00:20:16.490 --> 00:20:18.910 clients a lot. Like, Oh, you know, I don't talk 00:20:18.910 --> 00:20:20.849 to my sister anymore because we had a big blowout 00:20:20.849 --> 00:20:23.450 10 years ago at Thanksgiving. That was it. I've 00:20:23.450 --> 00:20:26.589 never had like, I feel like I've had one blowout 00:20:26.589 --> 00:20:29.289 and it's, it's weird because now that I think 00:20:29.289 --> 00:20:33.109 about it, it wasn't it. So it was weird. And 00:20:33.109 --> 00:20:34.369 we were actually much younger. So I was in my 00:20:34.369 --> 00:20:37.500 twenties and she was my. best best friend that 00:20:37.500 --> 00:20:39.180 to the point where you know we in fact I actually 00:20:39.180 --> 00:20:40.420 get a bit sad thinking about this because we 00:20:40.420 --> 00:20:42.720 were so close we spent a lot of time together 00:20:42.720 --> 00:20:45.059 every night we'd be messaging then we went to 00:20:45.059 --> 00:20:47.000 separate unis and I think growing up in school 00:20:47.000 --> 00:20:49.599 we had a very similar upbringing and we were 00:20:49.599 --> 00:20:53.740 the same and then I went to university but I 00:20:53.740 --> 00:20:57.799 managed to live out so I was away from the norm 00:20:57.799 --> 00:21:01.180 she's had to stay home so then we kind of had 00:21:01.180 --> 00:21:03.299 a different outlook on the things that we did 00:21:03.640 --> 00:21:05.960 Like, you know, being Indian. When you say live 00:21:05.960 --> 00:21:08.079 out, you got to live at school. Yeah. As in I 00:21:08.079 --> 00:21:10.599 wasn't living with my family anymore. She still 00:21:10.599 --> 00:21:13.579 had, you probably won't understand this this 00:21:13.579 --> 00:21:15.559 much, but I think you too will. And being brown 00:21:15.559 --> 00:21:17.519 person, you've got a lot of family responsibilities 00:21:17.519 --> 00:21:20.619 and a lot of, there's a lot of things where you 00:21:20.619 --> 00:21:22.140 have to keep in mind that, you know, what will 00:21:22.140 --> 00:21:23.680 people think? There's like all of this sort of 00:21:23.680 --> 00:21:26.299 stuff. And I think she felt, maybe she felt disconnected. 00:21:26.359 --> 00:21:29.299 Maybe she felt there was a lot going on. And 00:21:29.299 --> 00:21:33.970 at the time we had a little bit of, I guess, 00:21:33.990 --> 00:21:39.529 a separation in our lives and what we were doing. 00:21:39.750 --> 00:21:42.269 And I remember it was really random because I 00:21:42.269 --> 00:21:45.309 was in a good place in my life. I had met Amin. 00:21:45.329 --> 00:21:46.990 We had just started dating and everything was 00:21:46.990 --> 00:21:49.809 great. And she had just gone through a breakup. 00:21:49.950 --> 00:21:53.640 So two very different places in our life. And 00:21:53.640 --> 00:21:56.380 I remember sending this. It was really stupid, 00:21:56.420 --> 00:21:58.819 actually, if you think about it. It was a, what 00:21:58.819 --> 00:22:00.279 are those, chain letters. It was like an email 00:22:00.279 --> 00:22:03.119 chain letter that got forwarded to me. So I forwarded 00:22:03.119 --> 00:22:06.259 it on to her. And she went absolutely ballistic. 00:22:07.019 --> 00:22:09.960 Like, how dare you send it to me? You know, like 00:22:09.960 --> 00:22:12.059 one of those things. And I was like, whoa, that's 00:22:12.059 --> 00:22:14.299 a bit of an overreaction. But basically, we just 00:22:14.299 --> 00:22:16.980 stopped talking from that point on. And now we 00:22:16.980 --> 00:22:19.119 do chat every now and again. You know, it's okay. 00:22:19.140 --> 00:22:22.559 But it's never been the same as it was. Now that 00:22:22.559 --> 00:22:24.579 I think about it, it wasn't the chain letter, 00:22:24.720 --> 00:22:26.420 even though it felt like it was the chain letter 00:22:26.420 --> 00:22:28.420 at the time. It was because we were in different 00:22:28.420 --> 00:22:30.880 aspects and in different areas and different 00:22:30.880 --> 00:22:33.160 times of our lives. And, you know, where I might 00:22:33.160 --> 00:22:35.519 have been like, oh, this guy is amazing, blah, 00:22:35.579 --> 00:22:37.480 blah, blah, blah. She's just broken up with somebody 00:22:37.480 --> 00:22:39.339 and she's feeling like, oh, you're, you know, 00:22:39.380 --> 00:22:42.240 throwing it in my face. Which I hope I wasn't 00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:44.380 doing. Maybe I was. I don't know. Maybe that's 00:22:44.380 --> 00:22:46.440 how it came across. But obviously I was happy 00:22:46.440 --> 00:22:48.400 and I wanted to share it with my friend. But 00:22:48.400 --> 00:22:50.259 she was obviously sad and she didn't want to 00:22:50.259 --> 00:22:52.519 hear it. So, you know, that was my story. I think 00:22:52.519 --> 00:22:56.000 that's a really important factor in female friendships 00:22:56.000 --> 00:22:59.700 is competition and comparing. Yes. We must talk 00:22:59.700 --> 00:23:01.200 about this. You know, I think that's what... 00:23:01.390 --> 00:23:03.410 probably what was going on for her she was feeling 00:23:03.410 --> 00:23:06.809 a deep wound and you know comparing herself her 00:23:06.809 --> 00:23:10.809 life to you and i think as you get older um coming 00:23:10.809 --> 00:23:13.460 back to what you were saying sharina about understanding 00:23:13.460 --> 00:23:16.359 yourself knowing yourself you go through so many 00:23:16.359 --> 00:23:19.440 different things in life that let you learn lessons 00:23:19.440 --> 00:23:24.019 about yourself and you come to a place of acceptance 00:23:24.019 --> 00:23:26.700 and understanding and balance hopefully if you 00:23:26.700 --> 00:23:29.000 do the work and you know work through those things 00:23:29.000 --> 00:23:32.279 that lets you not compare yourself to other people 00:23:32.279 --> 00:23:35.079 when you're older and that hopefully shouldn't 00:23:35.079 --> 00:23:37.799 be a part of your friendships anymore because 00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:40.579 A good friend is somebody who is your cheerleader. 00:23:40.619 --> 00:23:43.539 Yes. Happy for you and supports you and the good 00:23:43.539 --> 00:23:45.220 things that are going on. And maybe obviously 00:23:45.220 --> 00:23:47.839 she wasn't able to do that at that point in life. 00:23:48.059 --> 00:23:51.000 But as you get older. and you're more centered 00:23:51.000 --> 00:23:53.579 even though that may be going on for you in your 00:23:53.579 --> 00:23:55.779 life hopefully you're at a point where you're 00:23:55.779 --> 00:23:58.480 able to cheer your friend on and i think maybe 00:23:58.480 --> 00:24:00.500 like now that i sort of go back and look at it 00:24:00.500 --> 00:24:02.039 and had we have been older maybe it could have 00:24:02.039 --> 00:24:04.960 been a conversation like you had where you know 00:24:04.960 --> 00:24:07.039 i'm really happy for you but i really don't want 00:24:07.039 --> 00:24:09.299 to hear about this great guy that you met you 00:24:09.299 --> 00:24:11.240 know and i think it's like the pregnancy thing 00:24:11.240 --> 00:24:12.799 oh yes it's like women who are going through 00:24:12.799 --> 00:24:15.099 fertility struggles and you know and you're not 00:24:15.099 --> 00:24:17.099 like do you have to hide your family from them 00:24:17.099 --> 00:24:20.119 or or is it their Responsibility to then say, 00:24:20.220 --> 00:24:23.640 hey, I need a little break from you because I 00:24:23.640 --> 00:24:25.680 can't look at this content right now. Communication, 00:24:25.759 --> 00:24:28.420 right? You've got to be okay receiving it and 00:24:28.420 --> 00:24:31.099 also saying it. That's how you do that. Big blowouts, 00:24:31.099 --> 00:24:34.200 it's going to cause pain and trauma. Even a serious 00:24:34.200 --> 00:24:37.059 conversation is hard. It's how you're going to 00:24:37.059 --> 00:24:39.500 deliver that. I grew up with an older brother 00:24:39.500 --> 00:24:44.000 and all male cousins. The only female around 00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:46.400 in terms of family was my mom. And so she was 00:24:46.400 --> 00:24:49.859 never competing with me. And so when I got to 00:24:49.859 --> 00:24:51.880 college, when I got to uni, that was the first 00:24:51.880 --> 00:24:54.779 time. And I joined a sorority. Sorry, that was 00:24:54.779 --> 00:24:57.839 Barry the Leader. So American. I'm the most American 00:24:57.839 --> 00:25:01.000 American. So I joined a sorority, a big classic 00:25:01.000 --> 00:25:02.900 one like you would see on TV. In fact, the movie 00:25:02.900 --> 00:25:05.019 Animal House was made about my college. So that 00:25:05.019 --> 00:25:07.519 movie, that Greek life environment, that was 00:25:07.519 --> 00:25:10.019 my college. All I'm thinking of is, what was 00:25:10.019 --> 00:25:14.990 that? uh play buddy movie oh um i know what you 00:25:14.990 --> 00:25:18.269 mean house bunny house bunny again that's like 00:25:18.269 --> 00:25:20.049 the extreme version but let's just say you get 00:25:20.049 --> 00:25:22.470 what i'm talking about right so i went from you 00:25:22.470 --> 00:25:25.289 know completely kind of you know masculine norms 00:25:25.289 --> 00:25:27.069 of friendship let's say you know and like i was 00:25:27.069 --> 00:25:28.470 really close to my brother and stuff like that 00:25:28.470 --> 00:25:32.150 to being in this hyper feminized environment 00:25:32.150 --> 00:25:34.769 at a time where we were all still hormonally 00:25:34.769 --> 00:25:37.809 and you know prefrontal cortex developing and 00:25:37.809 --> 00:25:41.480 alcohol and We all lived in a house together. 00:25:41.680 --> 00:25:44.099 There was a hundred of us living in a house together. 00:25:44.539 --> 00:25:48.599 And that, my friends, is a crash course in female 00:25:48.599 --> 00:25:52.039 comparison, dynamics. I don't even know how that 00:25:52.039 --> 00:25:54.299 would ever work. It's unreal. I mean, menstrual 00:25:54.299 --> 00:25:56.079 cycles obviously are also happening. I mean, 00:25:56.099 --> 00:25:58.799 it is real. And then again, add the layer of 00:25:58.799 --> 00:26:00.819 the sorority thing where you're being judged 00:26:00.819 --> 00:26:02.880 on physical appearance constantly. Constantly. 00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:04.660 And not just judged, but meaning like people 00:26:04.660 --> 00:26:06.500 want to join your group based on how you look 00:26:06.500 --> 00:26:08.099 or not join your group based on how you dress. 00:26:09.000 --> 00:26:13.220 Oh my God. Unreal. We don't have this in UK universities, 00:26:13.220 --> 00:26:16.640 do we? No. Thankfully. Through that is where 00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:18.960 I learned about what we were just talking about, 00:26:19.000 --> 00:26:22.359 this undercurrent of competitiveness and comparison 00:26:22.359 --> 00:26:26.759 that is constant and unyielding. And I did not 00:26:26.759 --> 00:26:28.519 know how to play the game. I have to be honest 00:26:28.519 --> 00:26:30.880 with you. So it was really hard for me in the 00:26:30.880 --> 00:26:33.400 beginning. Adapted. So you learned to play the 00:26:33.400 --> 00:26:34.700 game or you just ignored the game? Learned to 00:26:34.700 --> 00:26:37.819 play the game. And then through that, realize 00:26:37.819 --> 00:26:39.619 I don't love the game. Not so much a game for 00:26:39.619 --> 00:26:42.299 me. You know, I could not imagine a more boring 00:26:42.299 --> 00:26:44.359 setting than sitting around with a bunch of people 00:26:44.359 --> 00:26:47.160 talking about our exercise, diet habits, and 00:26:47.160 --> 00:26:49.900 body weights, and what our weight on the scale, 00:26:50.099 --> 00:26:52.160 and just... You're like, tell me your barbell 00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:54.380 weight. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, what are 00:26:54.380 --> 00:26:55.799 we going to eat? It's the part where... Yeah, 00:26:56.079 --> 00:26:57.920 yeah. I mean, I just, that whole thing, you know, 00:26:57.920 --> 00:27:00.619 the common topics of conversation, I think, that 00:27:00.619 --> 00:27:03.019 was a... eye -opener for me because can you imagine 00:27:03.019 --> 00:27:05.759 my brother and my cousins never once asked me 00:27:05.759 --> 00:27:08.220 what my weight was but I can't even imagine even 00:27:08.220 --> 00:27:10.900 if you were totally secure as a young woman to 00:27:10.900 --> 00:27:13.579 be in an environment with a hundred even if you're 00:27:13.579 --> 00:27:16.400 so secure and happy with who you are and confident 00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:18.720 it's got you questioning it would still be very 00:27:18.720 --> 00:27:20.940 hard okay I have to share one thing and again 00:27:20.940 --> 00:27:22.359 this is like not about the sorority thing but 00:27:22.359 --> 00:27:23.700 this is I think for people who have not been 00:27:23.700 --> 00:27:26.660 in sororities this will blow your mind so for 00:27:26.660 --> 00:27:28.859 sorority recruitment which is the important thing 00:27:28.859 --> 00:27:31.259 that's when you get the girls to join right We 00:27:31.259 --> 00:27:32.920 had to wear matching outfits. That in itself 00:27:32.920 --> 00:27:35.039 is not crazy. We wear matching outfits all the 00:27:35.039 --> 00:27:37.519 time. First of all, I will match with anyone. 00:27:37.599 --> 00:27:39.660 If you just ask me, I'll match with you. But 00:27:39.660 --> 00:27:43.299 we had a thing called dress checks where you 00:27:43.299 --> 00:27:45.680 had to put on your version of the matching outfit 00:27:45.680 --> 00:27:48.700 and a group of your peers, you'd have to walk 00:27:48.700 --> 00:27:51.950 in in the outfit, do a turn. And they would have 00:27:51.950 --> 00:27:55.329 to assess if that was an adequate version of 00:27:55.329 --> 00:27:58.150 the outfit, a .k .a. did it fit? Did it flatter? 00:27:58.390 --> 00:28:00.549 Was it trendy? Was it the right brands? Were 00:28:00.549 --> 00:28:03.730 your panty lines showing? Do I have to translate 00:28:03.730 --> 00:28:05.470 that for a Gen Z audience? So panty lines are 00:28:05.470 --> 00:28:08.509 these things. Anyway, but all that stuff. And 00:28:08.509 --> 00:28:11.440 then you could be sent away. to have to change 00:28:11.440 --> 00:28:13.960 it if it wasn't up to standard. How humiliating. 00:28:14.400 --> 00:28:16.599 That's a world that exists. Anyway. That sounds 00:28:16.599 --> 00:28:19.599 awful. Big aside. Well, hopefully, you know, 00:28:19.599 --> 00:28:22.759 when you're older, bringing it back to the current 00:28:22.759 --> 00:28:26.160 day, when you're 40 plus, hopefully you're in 00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:27.880 a place where you can recognize that in other 00:28:27.880 --> 00:28:30.329 people. And you can make those decisions. Absolutely. 00:28:30.549 --> 00:28:33.029 As to, I don't want to play this game. I don't 00:28:33.029 --> 00:28:36.730 want to fit in with this situation right now. 00:28:36.910 --> 00:28:38.690 I don't want to be competitive. And I just want 00:28:38.690 --> 00:28:40.569 you to be you and I want to be me. Right? Yes. 00:28:41.089 --> 00:28:43.809 Amazing. So what are some of the red flags for 00:28:43.809 --> 00:28:45.190 female friendships? Like what are the things 00:28:45.190 --> 00:28:46.750 that would keep you away from someone? So like 00:28:46.750 --> 00:28:48.750 for sure for me it would be that hyper -competitiveness. 00:28:48.809 --> 00:28:50.630 I'd be like, I'm out of your game. Me too. No 00:28:50.630 --> 00:28:52.589 worries. Like what else is like a red flag for 00:28:52.589 --> 00:28:54.369 you guys? Do you know what I struggle with is 00:28:54.369 --> 00:28:58.609 someone who's... who drains your energy but you 00:28:58.609 --> 00:29:01.190 don't know why like I've had I've had some friends 00:29:01.190 --> 00:29:03.349 who you know you hang out with them and you know 00:29:03.349 --> 00:29:04.849 sometimes you'll hang out with somebody and afterwards 00:29:04.849 --> 00:29:06.529 you'll feel like oh cup full that was amazing 00:29:06.529 --> 00:29:11.210 but there are other people who leave you questioning 00:29:11.210 --> 00:29:13.650 yourself and your ability yeah and those are 00:29:13.650 --> 00:29:15.750 the ones I struggle with yeah fair because you 00:29:15.750 --> 00:29:17.529 know I'll be like oh I'm all good I'm all happy 00:29:17.529 --> 00:29:18.809 then I'll have a chat with somebody and I'm like 00:29:18.809 --> 00:29:21.029 oh my god I'm not good enough I feel like I haven't 00:29:21.029 --> 00:29:23.539 achieved as much as like yeah and Those are red 00:29:23.539 --> 00:29:25.200 flags for me. Like how do they make you feel 00:29:25.200 --> 00:29:28.240 after the conversation? If you're open and sharing 00:29:28.240 --> 00:29:31.299 with somebody and they're just not really going 00:29:31.299 --> 00:29:34.299 there. Got it. They're still guarded. They're 00:29:34.299 --> 00:29:37.279 still, you know, keeping their cards close to 00:29:37.279 --> 00:29:40.099 their chest. I think that's a real red flag. 00:29:40.619 --> 00:29:42.440 It's not a two -way street. I feel like we get 00:29:42.440 --> 00:29:44.539 that a lot in expat life. Yeah. You know, there's 00:29:44.539 --> 00:29:46.599 that like expat layer that you crack through 00:29:46.599 --> 00:29:48.039 with people and then it's like then we can actually 00:29:48.039 --> 00:29:50.099 chat. Yeah. You know, like once we get through 00:29:50.099 --> 00:29:53.029 that. How about green flags? What is stuff when 00:29:53.029 --> 00:29:55.460 you meet somebody, like... I'll share our meet 00:29:55.460 --> 00:29:58.700 cute. So when Jasmine and I met, so Jasmine approached 00:29:58.700 --> 00:30:00.539 me for a coffee and I was like, for sure. And 00:30:00.539 --> 00:30:03.460 we met and I mean, it couldn't instantly, first 00:30:03.460 --> 00:30:05.819 of all, we knew each other was real, like just 00:30:05.819 --> 00:30:08.019 little signals, you know, like the, obviously 00:30:08.019 --> 00:30:10.059 the slang we use, we both drop F -bombs all the 00:30:10.059 --> 00:30:12.200 time. We're both wearing our gym clothes. We, 00:30:12.259 --> 00:30:14.519 you know, nobody's overly made up. Like today, 00:30:14.599 --> 00:30:18.700 today we are. Yeah. Okay. But like, you know, 00:30:18.720 --> 00:30:20.339 it was like, it was an instant kind of setting 00:30:20.339 --> 00:30:22.980 of realness. And then, you know, we just genuinely 00:30:22.980 --> 00:30:24.640 had so much in common. So the green flag for 00:30:24.640 --> 00:30:27.200 me is that immediate sense that this person is 00:30:27.200 --> 00:30:29.740 not putting on a show for me. Because I can stand 00:30:29.740 --> 00:30:33.000 that. And again, in the expat life, that does 00:30:33.000 --> 00:30:34.700 happen quite a bit. Yeah, a lot. A lot of it's 00:30:34.700 --> 00:30:38.640 about appearances. I would say if somebody is 00:30:38.640 --> 00:30:42.519 candid with their advice to me. You know, if 00:30:42.519 --> 00:30:44.920 I bring a problem to the table, I'm like, well, 00:30:45.059 --> 00:30:46.480 this happened and this is what I think about 00:30:46.480 --> 00:30:48.599 it. I don't want somebody just to agree with 00:30:48.599 --> 00:30:51.220 me and be a yes man. And yes, yes, yes, you're 00:30:51.220 --> 00:30:53.779 so right. I totally agree. Yes, yes, yes. I think 00:30:53.779 --> 00:30:56.519 that real talk is, no, actually, have you thought 00:30:56.519 --> 00:31:00.019 about it from this angle? No, actually, I'm not 00:31:00.019 --> 00:31:02.940 sure I agree with you on that. this is how I 00:31:02.940 --> 00:31:05.720 would think about it I think that has so much 00:31:05.720 --> 00:31:07.680 strength and maybe that's something that only 00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:09.400 those who are really really close to you might 00:31:09.400 --> 00:31:12.039 feel comfortable you know your your parents your 00:31:12.039 --> 00:31:14.799 partner you know your real real bestie but I 00:31:14.799 --> 00:31:17.180 think that is a real green flag if somebody is 00:31:17.180 --> 00:31:20.119 comfortable enough with you that they're not 00:31:20.119 --> 00:31:22.539 seeking your approval all the time yeah yeah 00:31:22.539 --> 00:31:25.579 so true I think it's acceptance for me like acceptance 00:31:25.579 --> 00:31:28.400 is the biggest thing at this age like you accept 00:31:28.400 --> 00:31:31.170 me for things that I don't do well, things that 00:31:31.170 --> 00:31:34.970 I do well, my days that I look like crap, the 00:31:34.970 --> 00:31:37.250 days that I look okay. And I think what I've 00:31:37.250 --> 00:31:39.190 noticed, and this is like from clients that are 00:31:39.190 --> 00:31:41.730 coming in or just talk, you know, in this 40s 00:31:41.730 --> 00:31:44.529 and 50s, this age group with women in Singapore 00:31:44.529 --> 00:31:47.170 is so much competitiveness for so much unhappiness 00:31:47.170 --> 00:31:49.970 for someone else. And, you know, I hate the thing 00:31:49.970 --> 00:31:51.829 about social media that, you know, someone will 00:31:51.829 --> 00:31:53.950 say, did you see what someone put up on social 00:31:53.950 --> 00:31:57.109 media? And I'm like, yes, they are traveling 00:31:57.109 --> 00:31:59.750 the world. And they're like. Oh, but does she 00:31:59.750 --> 00:32:02.589 have to put it up? I'm like, she could put up 00:32:02.589 --> 00:32:05.769 something every minute of the day. But if you're 00:32:05.769 --> 00:32:09.130 not okay, you're the problem. Yes. That is a 00:32:09.130 --> 00:32:11.029 you problem. That is a you problem. Not a her 00:32:11.029 --> 00:32:12.869 problem. You know, like, and if someone puts 00:32:12.869 --> 00:32:15.390 up something sad, it's your choice to reach out. 00:32:15.490 --> 00:32:17.609 Yes. You don't have to victimize, you don't have 00:32:17.609 --> 00:32:19.650 to make them look like they're, you know, it's, 00:32:19.690 --> 00:32:21.869 if they do it every single day, okay, that's 00:32:21.869 --> 00:32:23.769 their prerogative. You have a choice to comment 00:32:23.769 --> 00:32:25.450 or not comment or to reach out or not to reach 00:32:25.450 --> 00:32:26.829 out, no matter how close they are. That's their 00:32:26.829 --> 00:32:28.910 choice to put up into the universe. But I think 00:32:28.910 --> 00:32:31.549 the happiness for someone else, the not comparing 00:32:31.549 --> 00:32:33.890 or not wanting something else makes you a better 00:32:33.890 --> 00:32:35.509 person and you're going to be happy when you 00:32:35.509 --> 00:32:38.440 see people putting up something or doing something 00:32:38.440 --> 00:32:42.259 great, say, good job. Say, I like what you did. 00:32:42.319 --> 00:32:44.420 Or if you don't want to comment on social media, 00:32:44.599 --> 00:32:46.700 take it offline and send a message like, I just 00:32:46.700 --> 00:32:49.400 saw your photo and you look great. Or I saw your 00:32:49.400 --> 00:32:52.380 kid achieve this. How awesome. I'm happy for 00:32:52.380 --> 00:32:55.390 you. But if you're not happy with yourself. you 00:32:55.390 --> 00:32:57.609 will never be able to say to someone else. There's 00:32:57.609 --> 00:32:59.230 always that projection, isn't there? It's like 00:32:59.230 --> 00:33:02.450 usually when something triggers you, it's because 00:33:02.450 --> 00:33:04.849 it's something about you rather than something 00:33:04.849 --> 00:33:05.650 about them. But they don't see that judgment. 00:33:05.650 --> 00:33:08.210 They're like, that person is doing that. Look 00:33:08.210 --> 00:33:10.170 at what they are doing wrong. Yes, it's the judgment. 00:33:10.349 --> 00:33:12.369 It's the judgment and the comparison of why would 00:33:12.369 --> 00:33:13.789 they do that? Why would they put that up? Why 00:33:13.789 --> 00:33:16.339 are they wearing this? But if they have, I mean, 00:33:16.359 --> 00:33:18.480 they can do whatever they want. But you, hi, 00:33:18.599 --> 00:33:21.740 it's you, hi. Why is that an issue for you? And 00:33:21.740 --> 00:33:24.279 even the social media itself. So I had a girlfriend, 00:33:24.480 --> 00:33:26.980 you know, be upset with me because of the fact 00:33:26.980 --> 00:33:28.700 that I do share on social media. I mean, so she's 00:33:28.700 --> 00:33:30.019 like, I had to find it from your social media 00:33:30.019 --> 00:33:32.339 first. Oh, good, yes. And this is pregnancy news, 00:33:32.359 --> 00:33:35.160 pregnancy news. And I was like, girlfriend. I 00:33:35.160 --> 00:33:38.140 was like, if I had time to individually pick 00:33:38.140 --> 00:33:39.819 up the phone. This is my third, right? So I was 00:33:39.819 --> 00:33:41.319 like, first of all, pregnancy news, not big news. 00:33:41.400 --> 00:33:44.059 Yes, well, I'm pregnant again. But, like, secondly, 00:33:44.119 --> 00:33:47.099 I was like, girl, like, I love you, but, like, 00:33:47.099 --> 00:33:49.539 please do not mistake the fact that I didn't 00:33:49.539 --> 00:33:51.559 tell you personally about this pregnancy news 00:33:51.559 --> 00:33:54.099 the moment before I posted. Yeah, yeah. First 00:33:54.099 --> 00:33:56.240 of all, it's my news. Yeah. If we're being serious, 00:33:56.319 --> 00:33:57.440 right? Yeah, you can do it any way you want. 00:33:57.440 --> 00:34:00.640 Yeah. And second of all, it's like I wanted everyone 00:34:00.640 --> 00:34:03.640 to know at the same time. That actually is why 00:34:03.640 --> 00:34:06.359 I do it that way, other than my family. I want 00:34:06.359 --> 00:34:08.260 everyone to know at the same time because I want 00:34:08.260 --> 00:34:10.360 to share that news equally among all friends. 00:34:10.559 --> 00:34:13.380 So it's quite intentional that I did that. But 00:34:13.380 --> 00:34:16.000 she personally felt slighted because she doesn't 00:34:16.000 --> 00:34:17.949 share that way on social media. Right. That's 00:34:17.949 --> 00:34:20.269 not how she releases her news. Right. She reaches 00:34:20.269 --> 00:34:22.389 out to us exactly. She'll send a message personally. 00:34:22.570 --> 00:34:25.610 Right. So you do you. You do you, girl. And I'm 00:34:25.610 --> 00:34:27.530 going to be over here making my hilarious reel, 00:34:27.630 --> 00:34:30.369 by the way. I think that's a huge pressure in 00:34:30.369 --> 00:34:32.130 friendships as well. Other people's expectations. 00:34:32.429 --> 00:34:36.400 Yes. right she was expecting to be one of the 00:34:36.400 --> 00:34:38.739 first to know because she's one of your best 00:34:38.739 --> 00:34:41.519 friends yes yeah but hey i have a lot of good 00:34:41.519 --> 00:34:43.320 friends and i want to share my news with a lot 00:34:43.320 --> 00:34:45.519 of people and accept that right like if you can 00:34:45.519 --> 00:34:48.099 accept your friend for how they do things um 00:34:48.099 --> 00:34:50.619 how they live how they dress how they behave, 00:34:50.800 --> 00:34:52.719 how they raise their kids. You will love them 00:34:52.719 --> 00:34:55.619 for who they are. To me, acceptance is the biggest 00:34:55.619 --> 00:34:57.639 word. Like if you love someone for exactly who 00:34:57.639 --> 00:34:59.719 they are, you have a very strong friendship. 00:34:59.860 --> 00:35:02.280 Because you're not expecting them or expecting 00:35:02.280 --> 00:35:03.840 them to show up in a certain way or behave a 00:35:03.840 --> 00:35:05.500 certain way. They're crappy one day and they're 00:35:05.500 --> 00:35:07.260 kind of off one day and they're kind of super 00:35:07.260 --> 00:35:09.579 awesome the next day. It's okay. It's okay. Because 00:35:09.579 --> 00:35:11.639 you love them for who they are. And I guess what 00:35:11.639 --> 00:35:13.559 you mean and what you've been saying is when 00:35:13.559 --> 00:35:16.119 you expect something from somebody else, that's 00:35:16.119 --> 00:35:17.440 usually when it's going to lead to disappointment 00:35:17.440 --> 00:35:20.400 for you. So, you know, whether that's your best 00:35:20.400 --> 00:35:23.079 friend, your boyfriend, your husband, your kids. 00:35:23.219 --> 00:35:25.500 Your job, even. Yeah. Expectations mismatch. 00:35:25.659 --> 00:35:28.119 Yeah, always. And I always say this to my son 00:35:28.119 --> 00:35:29.539 as well. Like, you know, he'll be like, oh, I 00:35:29.539 --> 00:35:31.039 wanted to have this payday with so -and -so. 00:35:31.719 --> 00:35:33.219 but it was not as good as I thought it was going 00:35:33.219 --> 00:35:35.320 to be. And I'm like, yes, because you were expecting. 00:35:36.139 --> 00:35:38.840 You know, just go in and just, you know, don't 00:35:38.840 --> 00:35:41.059 have any expectations and then just see how it 00:35:41.059 --> 00:35:44.519 goes. Yeah. And I think in your 40s and 50s, 00:35:44.519 --> 00:35:46.679 you should have less expectations. When you're 00:35:46.679 --> 00:35:49.219 young, we want to expect the world. We want everything 00:35:49.219 --> 00:35:51.920 to be magical. We're taught that we can get that, 00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:53.739 right? Like your first job, first day on the 00:35:53.739 --> 00:35:55.179 job is going to be amazing. No, not always. And 00:35:55.179 --> 00:35:58.480 then you're making coffee. Oh, your first day 00:35:58.480 --> 00:36:00.599 is going to be amazing and magical. You're just 00:36:00.599 --> 00:36:02.079 in love. You know he's the one, right? Yeah, 00:36:02.079 --> 00:36:04.519 yeah. So we have those, and it's lovely to live 00:36:04.519 --> 00:36:06.840 like that in your 20s. Go for it. Dream big. 00:36:06.920 --> 00:36:09.719 Fall hard. It's okay. But I think in your 40s 00:36:09.719 --> 00:36:12.340 and 50s, we have less expectations, less of that 00:36:12.340 --> 00:36:14.739 fancy sparkle, which is okay. It doesn't mean 00:36:14.739 --> 00:36:17.420 that life is not as wonderful. It's just that 00:36:17.420 --> 00:36:19.800 you're less disappointed. But also I think that 00:36:19.800 --> 00:36:22.940 for me, I... turn that on its head if i'm ever 00:36:22.940 --> 00:36:25.199 feeling like let's say i don't know there's a 00:36:25.199 --> 00:36:27.099 someone's going out for dinner and i wasn't invited 00:36:27.099 --> 00:36:28.960 to the group dinner or whatever or there's a 00:36:28.960 --> 00:36:31.639 girls trip and oh you know why how come i didn't 00:36:31.639 --> 00:36:34.039 make the list for the girls trip i think it's 00:36:34.039 --> 00:36:37.289 having the agency when you're older to say I 00:36:37.289 --> 00:36:40.269 can make that happen. Why am I feeling disappointed 00:36:40.269 --> 00:36:42.829 about this? Hey, I can get my girlfriends together 00:36:42.829 --> 00:36:45.510 and let's do a dinner. Let's go on a girls trip. 00:36:45.510 --> 00:36:48.050 I think you have to be in the driving seat and 00:36:48.050 --> 00:36:51.710 not just always be expecting that this has to 00:36:51.710 --> 00:36:55.050 be the best friendship. I can make it the best 00:36:55.050 --> 00:36:57.269 friendship according to what that means to me 00:36:57.269 --> 00:37:00.920 and us. And I'm happy. in my skin doing my thing 00:37:00.920 --> 00:37:03.420 that if i'm seeing someone else you have a dinner 00:37:03.420 --> 00:37:06.659 or going on a trip i'm happy yeah yeah i can 00:37:06.659 --> 00:37:08.079 maybe have a conversation with a side friend 00:37:08.079 --> 00:37:10.139 and be like hey maybe next time i want to come 00:37:10.139 --> 00:37:13.079 okay guys that's okay but you know you have to 00:37:13.079 --> 00:37:15.519 be okay in the skin i think that what i'm see 00:37:15.519 --> 00:37:18.699 what i see the most is just that that skin is 00:37:18.699 --> 00:37:22.070 just not theirs even in their 40s So we've talked 00:37:22.070 --> 00:37:23.929 a lot about like, you know, what we expect from 00:37:23.929 --> 00:37:25.489 friends or don't, you know, not setting expectations 00:37:25.489 --> 00:37:27.429 too high and like what other people are doing. 00:37:27.690 --> 00:37:29.730 But let's talk a little bit about ourselves as 00:37:29.730 --> 00:37:32.949 a friend. So are there things now in our 40s 00:37:32.949 --> 00:37:34.969 that you think you could be doing better as a 00:37:34.969 --> 00:37:36.550 friend? Like, you know, like I could actually 00:37:36.550 --> 00:37:39.030 work on this as a friend. I think I need to be 00:37:39.030 --> 00:37:41.090 more of a yes person. So I used to be very much 00:37:41.090 --> 00:37:42.769 a yes person. Yes, yes, yes. Want to do something? 00:37:42.829 --> 00:37:44.670 Yes. Drink champagne for breakfast? Yes. Want 00:37:44.670 --> 00:37:47.030 to go on a ghost trip tomorrow? Yes. And then 00:37:47.030 --> 00:37:50.670 I... Went the other way. And now I'm very protective 00:37:50.670 --> 00:37:54.409 of when I want to do things. And recently, I 00:37:54.409 --> 00:37:57.110 felt like I'm very grateful for my life and my 00:37:57.110 --> 00:38:00.489 friends. And actually, to acknowledge that gratitude, 00:38:00.610 --> 00:38:02.150 I need to be a little bit more of a yes sometimes. 00:38:02.829 --> 00:38:04.489 Because as we become older, we're like, okay, 00:38:04.530 --> 00:38:06.909 this is what I want to eat. I don't want to eat 00:38:06.909 --> 00:38:10.110 something unhealthy. And there's a lot of no's. 00:38:10.869 --> 00:38:13.409 And I see my mom is quite a no person. She's 00:38:13.409 --> 00:38:15.530 very strict about what she wants to do and when 00:38:15.530 --> 00:38:17.710 she wants to go to bed and she's super healthy 00:38:17.710 --> 00:38:21.630 and fit. Sounds like me. I am too seen. I am 00:38:21.630 --> 00:38:23.869 too seen in this description. But she's like 00:38:23.869 --> 00:38:26.769 that and it's commendable. She looks fantastic 00:38:26.769 --> 00:38:28.969 and she has great health and all that. But I 00:38:28.969 --> 00:38:31.710 want to make sure that I say yes even when... 00:38:31.949 --> 00:38:34.590 I want to say no. So I think to be a better friend, 00:38:34.730 --> 00:38:37.230 I should say yes more often. That's my thing. 00:38:37.349 --> 00:38:38.869 So sometimes I have to remind myself and I go, 00:38:38.929 --> 00:38:40.969 no, Srinath, just say yes. Nothing will happen. 00:38:41.570 --> 00:38:43.510 No one will get hurt. You know, you won't die 00:38:43.510 --> 00:38:45.230 if you have the pizza instead of, you know, the 00:38:45.230 --> 00:38:49.570 salad. And you want the pizza. So saying yes 00:38:49.570 --> 00:38:53.139 would be my thing. I love that, actually. I do. 00:38:53.179 --> 00:38:55.619 I think that's such a great way to look at things. 00:38:55.679 --> 00:38:57.019 Yeah, and like you said, and seeing it kind of 00:38:57.019 --> 00:38:58.980 as actually a full circle. Like you used to just 00:38:58.980 --> 00:39:01.280 blindly say yes, then you're like staunchly saying 00:39:01.280 --> 00:39:03.179 no, and then you're like, but I could say yes. 00:39:03.739 --> 00:39:08.500 Like nothing will happen. I think for me, it's 00:39:08.500 --> 00:39:11.880 finding the different ways to connect with certain 00:39:11.880 --> 00:39:14.619 friends. I have a lot of friends who are back 00:39:14.619 --> 00:39:17.320 in England, the time zones and their things going 00:39:17.320 --> 00:39:22.820 on in their families. I think to maintain a good 00:39:22.820 --> 00:39:26.079 friendship, it's finding the MO. How does this 00:39:26.079 --> 00:39:30.280 work? Is it that I'm going to call them once 00:39:30.280 --> 00:39:33.679 a month and make it my walk and talk once a month 00:39:33.679 --> 00:39:35.400 and block out that whole evening and just do 00:39:35.400 --> 00:39:37.679 a two -hour, three -hour blast out? Is it that 00:39:37.679 --> 00:39:39.420 actually I'm going to get a few friends together 00:39:39.420 --> 00:39:42.199 who are common and we're going to just schedule 00:39:42.199 --> 00:39:46.019 in once a... fortnight a video call or something 00:39:46.019 --> 00:39:47.960 and we all just catch up together or is this 00:39:47.960 --> 00:39:51.239 a text chat and this is just how we're gonna 00:39:51.239 --> 00:39:54.360 be right i think quite often now there are so 00:39:54.360 --> 00:39:57.699 many ways to keep in touch with people it can 00:39:57.699 --> 00:40:00.599 get lost yeah right because i'm not messaging 00:40:00.599 --> 00:40:04.219 i'm not phoning i'm definitely not phoning and 00:40:04.219 --> 00:40:08.360 i might see them in person you know once in a 00:40:08.360 --> 00:40:10.280 blue moon or once a year when we go back or something 00:40:10.280 --> 00:40:13.929 but what modality works best for which friend 00:40:13.929 --> 00:40:16.869 and I think I've got a friend in mind who I need 00:40:16.869 --> 00:40:19.449 to work on with she's in Melbourne her name's 00:40:19.449 --> 00:40:21.349 Emily Emily I'm going to send this to you I'm 00:40:21.349 --> 00:40:23.750 thinking of you she had a baby quite a while 00:40:23.750 --> 00:40:26.829 ago and I just never really figured out like 00:40:26.829 --> 00:40:29.989 when's a good time for us to actually she's got 00:40:29.989 --> 00:40:32.190 her you know up to her eyeballs in it she was 00:40:32.190 --> 00:40:35.949 working a really great job that she has and just 00:40:35.949 --> 00:40:37.969 no time you know what it's like with newborns 00:40:37.969 --> 00:40:39.909 there's just never the right time and we tried 00:40:39.909 --> 00:40:41.630 you know oh can I ring you now how about tomorrow 00:40:41.630 --> 00:40:45.409 and she like maybe just like try and I didn't 00:40:45.409 --> 00:40:47.130 want to get in the way of all the other stuff 00:40:47.130 --> 00:40:50.429 and we tried for a bit but actually didn't so 00:40:50.429 --> 00:40:53.110 I think now it's been a little while and hopefully 00:40:53.110 --> 00:40:55.809 that you know she's in a routine and got things 00:40:55.809 --> 00:40:57.530 figured out and now we can figure out what's 00:40:57.530 --> 00:40:59.889 the MO is it is it a text chat when you're you 00:40:59.889 --> 00:41:02.090 know maybe it's late at night for me and hubby's 00:41:02.090 --> 00:41:05.389 asleep in bed next to me but I can message for 00:41:05.389 --> 00:41:08.769 example or is it a video call or a whatever you 00:41:08.769 --> 00:41:11.570 know Do you know something that I do, which we 00:41:11.570 --> 00:41:13.590 say, get off your phone, don't spend so much 00:41:13.590 --> 00:41:15.440 time on your phone, right? And there are moments 00:41:15.440 --> 00:41:17.760 where we're doing absolute nonsense. I'll pick 00:41:17.760 --> 00:41:19.840 up my phone and I'll go through WhatsApp. And 00:41:19.840 --> 00:41:22.000 it's one of the things that I write in my, we've 00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:24.539 done this together, getting to happy, which is 00:41:24.539 --> 00:41:26.699 my box set of cards to live a happier life. And 00:41:26.699 --> 00:41:28.900 one of the cards is relationship repair. And, 00:41:28.980 --> 00:41:31.840 you know, it's not that you have to fix it, but 00:41:31.840 --> 00:41:34.400 you just want to, maybe you can't fix that video 00:41:34.400 --> 00:41:35.880 call. I have a friend that's in New York and 00:41:35.880 --> 00:41:37.800 we just can't, she just has such a busy life 00:41:37.800 --> 00:41:40.840 with the kids. I just go through my WhatsApp, 00:41:41.000 --> 00:41:42.639 so if I have 10 minutes or whatever I'm doing, 00:41:42.739 --> 00:41:44.960 and I'll just scroll, and I'm like, oh, have 00:41:44.960 --> 00:41:46.760 a message to that friend. And I'll be like, oh, 00:41:46.800 --> 00:41:51.699 I saw you had a trip on social media. It looked 00:41:51.699 --> 00:41:54.780 great. I hope you're well. That's it. Or someone 00:41:54.780 --> 00:41:57.480 else, how's work going? Or someone, you know, 00:41:57.519 --> 00:42:00.280 whoever, my cousin. How's my niece? How's my 00:42:00.280 --> 00:42:03.159 nephew? Whatever it may be. And it's just one 00:42:03.159 --> 00:42:07.750 line. And that... Sometimes feels enough. Yes. 00:42:08.289 --> 00:42:10.630 Actually, it's funny you should bring those cards 00:42:10.630 --> 00:42:13.429 up because I have been so inspired by the work 00:42:13.429 --> 00:42:16.110 that we did together around those cards. So many 00:42:16.110 --> 00:42:18.969 different ways. It's very simple inspirations 00:42:18.969 --> 00:42:21.309 to live a better life. But one of the things 00:42:21.309 --> 00:42:24.190 that I do off the back of that is if somebody 00:42:24.190 --> 00:42:26.369 crosses my mind, for whatever reason, we all 00:42:26.369 --> 00:42:27.789 think about different people for different reasons, 00:42:27.949 --> 00:42:30.889 I do just send them a little line. I saw this 00:42:30.889 --> 00:42:33.809 and I thought of you. Hey, how's it going? And 00:42:33.809 --> 00:42:35.949 I think that is... It's just a little, because 00:42:35.949 --> 00:42:38.630 all we want to feel is connected. That's what 00:42:38.630 --> 00:42:41.090 balances out that loneliness. Yes, and it just 00:42:41.090 --> 00:42:44.449 reestablishes the friendship. And it's, you know, 00:42:44.469 --> 00:42:46.110 you're on your phone a lot. We're doing nonsense 00:42:46.110 --> 00:42:48.449 on our phone. And if you can change that to just 00:42:48.449 --> 00:42:52.070 sending messages, scrolling on your WhatsApp, 00:42:52.250 --> 00:42:53.530 don't scroll on Instagram, scroll on WhatsApp, 00:42:53.610 --> 00:42:56.309 and just go down the list of people that you 00:42:56.309 --> 00:42:59.269 haven't. It's just that. And, you know, I've 00:42:59.269 --> 00:43:01.059 had people reach back and go, oh my. my God, 00:43:01.119 --> 00:43:03.739 I was having the worst day. I'm just so happy 00:43:03.739 --> 00:43:05.460 to hear from you. How are you babe? And you're 00:43:05.460 --> 00:43:08.300 like, oh great. And that was it. that's just 00:43:08.300 --> 00:43:10.599 that connection made and then like when we asked 00:43:10.599 --> 00:43:12.159 you to be on this podcast that was a moment like 00:43:12.159 --> 00:43:16.219 that i was so excited i need to stop sending 00:43:16.219 --> 00:43:18.219 like instagram videos to people for me that's 00:43:18.219 --> 00:43:21.920 my way of saying i'm thinking of you the mean 00:43:21.920 --> 00:43:24.280 thing is totally love language i will argue and 00:43:24.280 --> 00:43:25.840 you send different memes to different people 00:43:25.840 --> 00:43:28.159 oh yeah right so it's like you it's like i know 00:43:28.159 --> 00:43:30.739 you so well like only you will find this funny 00:43:30.739 --> 00:43:32.500 oh yeah i have a friend who sends me the most 00:43:32.500 --> 00:43:35.239 like esoteric crazy stuff but she knows i will 00:43:35.239 --> 00:43:37.780 laugh yeah like her and i I only send that stuff 00:43:37.780 --> 00:43:40.280 together. Yeah, and I've got a cousin who literally 00:43:40.280 --> 00:43:43.280 will only speak to each other through Instagram 00:43:43.280 --> 00:43:46.449 me. So I'm like, okay, this works. That's the 00:43:46.449 --> 00:43:48.289 basis for a relationship. That's fine. That's 00:43:48.289 --> 00:43:49.909 what works for you. You're connected. Exactly. 00:43:49.909 --> 00:43:52.730 And you build on that, right? So it's not oblique 00:43:52.730 --> 00:43:54.849 when something happens and you say, hey, do you 00:43:54.849 --> 00:43:56.429 hear about so -and -so and I'm really sorry about 00:43:56.429 --> 00:43:59.550 what happened. You've got some kind of basis. 00:43:59.809 --> 00:44:01.670 Yeah. And that's what's really important. For 00:44:01.670 --> 00:44:03.030 sure. How about you, though? What do you think 00:44:03.030 --> 00:44:04.949 you could do better as a friend? Oh, to be honest, 00:44:05.030 --> 00:44:07.469 I think I just need to be more connected. I feel 00:44:07.469 --> 00:44:11.210 like right now I feel so time poor that I'm constantly, 00:44:11.309 --> 00:44:12.789 you know what it is? I'm constantly on the road. 00:44:12.829 --> 00:44:15.409 I feel like a taxi driver. And so I'm going. 00:44:15.469 --> 00:44:17.829 from one place to the next place doing 100 million 00:44:17.829 --> 00:44:20.909 different things that I'll read a message but 00:44:20.909 --> 00:44:22.969 because I'm driving I don't respond to the message 00:44:22.969 --> 00:44:27.610 so I feel like I need to set some time and just 00:44:27.610 --> 00:44:29.889 go through and respond to all of the messages 00:44:29.889 --> 00:44:31.510 because if you go back and have a look I've got 00:44:31.510 --> 00:44:34.280 like Sometimes I'll even start typing a message 00:44:34.280 --> 00:44:35.460 because I'll be at the red light and then be 00:44:35.460 --> 00:44:36.900 like, oh, it's green now. And I've got like a 00:44:36.900 --> 00:44:39.039 half written message. And then I'll forget because 00:44:39.039 --> 00:44:41.500 my brain is in a million places. But I think 00:44:41.500 --> 00:44:43.820 I need to set some time apart and actually reach 00:44:43.820 --> 00:44:46.119 out to people and finish those messages and, 00:44:46.179 --> 00:44:48.139 you know, answer the questions that I've been 00:44:48.139 --> 00:44:50.739 asked. Something that I do that I've learned 00:44:50.739 --> 00:44:53.199 over a bit of time is because I had enough of 00:44:53.199 --> 00:44:55.099 my brain being in a million different places. 00:44:55.179 --> 00:44:57.420 Sorry, I had to do something about that. And 00:44:57.420 --> 00:45:00.239 I'm much, much more intentional with what I do 00:45:00.239 --> 00:45:03.280 with my time at whatever moment. So I will. Again, 00:45:03.380 --> 00:45:05.500 it's kind of like habit stacking, I guess, and 00:45:05.500 --> 00:45:07.360 just make sure that there's a period of time 00:45:07.360 --> 00:45:09.340 when I only do that. So if I'm going down to 00:45:09.340 --> 00:45:11.719 the bus to pick my kids up off the bus, I'll 00:45:11.719 --> 00:45:14.000 go 10 minutes earlier. And I'll stand out there 00:45:14.000 --> 00:45:15.960 and I'll have 10 minutes of sunshine, which is 00:45:15.960 --> 00:45:18.519 not bad for you. Which is amazing. And I'll actually 00:45:18.519 --> 00:45:21.119 take my shoes off and I'll ground in the grass 00:45:21.119 --> 00:45:23.679 out there for 10 minutes while I'm standing there. 00:45:23.940 --> 00:45:26.219 And I will go through my WhatsApps that I have. 00:45:26.260 --> 00:45:28.420 Maybe I've started and drafted and haven't sent, 00:45:28.579 --> 00:45:30.880 but I've just got 10 minutes to actually think 00:45:30.880 --> 00:45:33.320 about it now and be intentional. about it and 00:45:33.320 --> 00:45:34.920 another thing that I do when I'm driving around 00:45:34.920 --> 00:45:37.820 that is like really cemented my connection is 00:45:37.820 --> 00:45:40.920 I'll call my parents yes I've been doing that 00:45:40.920 --> 00:45:43.460 driving time is parent time brilliant I don't 00:45:43.460 --> 00:45:44.940 drive so I don't have driving time it's parent 00:45:44.940 --> 00:45:47.039 time but you know back to like how we connect 00:45:47.039 --> 00:45:50.079 with different people I have added a daily to 00:45:50.079 --> 00:45:53.579 do item that is message your mom your brother 00:45:53.579 --> 00:45:56.360 or your niece so I have to message one of those 00:45:56.360 --> 00:45:58.139 three people ideally all of them but at least 00:45:58.139 --> 00:45:59.800 one of those people hears from me every single 00:45:59.800 --> 00:46:02.030 day because I will not let a day go by without 00:46:02.030 --> 00:46:04.389 those three people knowing that like I'm in their 00:46:04.389 --> 00:46:06.210 lives you know and they're all they're all in 00:46:06.210 --> 00:46:08.030 the US that goes for friendships too right I 00:46:08.030 --> 00:46:10.469 think we all know those handful of people who 00:46:10.469 --> 00:46:13.789 are super close to you who you invest in and 00:46:13.789 --> 00:46:16.489 who it's important just to check in yeah just 00:46:16.489 --> 00:46:18.130 to like and I have another thing that I used 00:46:18.130 --> 00:46:20.570 to do which was you know this sending someone 00:46:20.570 --> 00:46:23.510 something like so I had this box of brownies 00:46:23.510 --> 00:46:25.750 from this one company that I would just it was 00:46:25.750 --> 00:46:27.710 a standard box it was a certain amount of money 00:46:27.710 --> 00:46:30.130 maybe I didn't have time to meet or maybe I didn't 00:46:30.130 --> 00:46:31.590 want to have a problem proper conversation, they're 00:46:31.590 --> 00:46:33.130 busy, finding the date was just stressful and 00:46:33.130 --> 00:46:35.269 then you didn't want to do it anyways. And sometimes 00:46:35.269 --> 00:46:36.809 that love language of just sending something, 00:46:36.909 --> 00:46:39.150 it was that box of brownies. And I would just 00:46:39.150 --> 00:46:41.030 send it and I'm just like thinking of you and 00:46:41.030 --> 00:46:44.750 that's it. And that feels amazing. Who doesn't 00:46:44.750 --> 00:46:46.670 want brownies? No, first of all, no one does 00:46:46.670 --> 00:46:49.050 not want brownies. Whatever the list is with 00:46:49.050 --> 00:46:51.170 the brownie list, you can just like add me. I'm 00:46:51.170 --> 00:46:52.789 on that one. Tomorrow, tomorrow, Amanda. Has 00:46:52.789 --> 00:46:54.670 a friend ever surprised you? And I don't just 00:46:54.670 --> 00:46:56.469 literally mean surprise with brownies, although 00:46:56.469 --> 00:46:59.070 like that would be, but like done something for 00:46:59.070 --> 00:47:00.969 better or for worse that you were like, wow, 00:47:01.110 --> 00:47:03.650 I really didn't see it coming. So this is really, 00:47:03.650 --> 00:47:06.050 this is really crazy. But this happened recently, 00:47:06.090 --> 00:47:09.150 just a few weeks ago. A friend who cut me off 00:47:09.150 --> 00:47:15.139 some 22 years ago finally reached out. On what 00:47:15.139 --> 00:47:17.000 basis? Both the cutting out and the reaching 00:47:17.000 --> 00:47:20.039 out. I want to know the thing and the other thing. 00:47:20.239 --> 00:47:23.860 They were just in Singapore. And so they reached 00:47:23.860 --> 00:47:27.300 out. After very long, after a very, you know, 00:47:27.300 --> 00:47:32.639 not great ending. And it was magical. You know, 00:47:32.639 --> 00:47:35.880 like sometimes friendships have years in between. 00:47:36.820 --> 00:47:38.760 Decades, sounds like. Decades. And it surprised 00:47:38.760 --> 00:47:40.900 the hell out of me. I really learned that it 00:47:40.900 --> 00:47:43.260 doesn't matter how many years have gone by. certain 00:47:43.260 --> 00:47:45.440 friendships expire and they can be you know they 00:47:45.440 --> 00:47:48.179 can come back and you know be reignited and that 00:47:48.179 --> 00:47:50.539 people are in your life for a reason and sometimes 00:47:50.539 --> 00:47:52.360 they're not there for a certain amount of time 00:47:52.360 --> 00:47:54.719 and that's okay you didn't need them yeah Not 00:47:54.719 --> 00:47:56.820 after a season. Not after a season, exactly. 00:47:57.420 --> 00:48:00.119 And we should be open in our hearts and our minds 00:48:00.119 --> 00:48:01.860 to bring people back in. And, you know, there 00:48:01.860 --> 00:48:03.599 are some people that are very, you're out of 00:48:03.599 --> 00:48:05.099 my life and I'm never going to talk to you again. 00:48:05.119 --> 00:48:07.420 And it's so dramatic. And, you know, life is 00:48:07.420 --> 00:48:10.099 short. But look, you did a yes. I did a yes. 00:48:10.099 --> 00:48:11.699 That was a yes thing, right? To be like, because 00:48:11.699 --> 00:48:13.360 you probably could have been like, nah, I'm busy. 00:48:14.340 --> 00:48:16.440 You know, like, I'm in Bali this weekend. The 00:48:16.440 --> 00:48:19.159 universe looks huge for Singapore. It looks very 00:48:19.159 --> 00:48:22.360 unexpected. Just tell everyone you're in Bali. 00:48:22.400 --> 00:48:25.079 No one ever questions it. expected but that was 00:48:25.079 --> 00:48:27.260 that was very it was very amazing it was just 00:48:27.260 --> 00:48:28.820 a few weeks ago so I definitely thought about 00:48:28.820 --> 00:48:31.619 that and how so I'm intrigued by this how was 00:48:31.619 --> 00:48:34.099 it when you met up did you pick up right where 00:48:34.099 --> 00:48:37.650 you were or was it a little bit no Right where? 00:48:38.349 --> 00:48:40.969 So then it was enough time. It was like the right 00:48:40.969 --> 00:48:44.610 amount of time. Exactly. 22 years to get over 00:48:44.610 --> 00:48:48.710 it. It speaks about both of your maturity as 00:48:48.710 --> 00:48:53.050 well. And acceptance again. It's okay that you 00:48:53.050 --> 00:48:54.230 don't have someone in your life and you don't 00:48:54.230 --> 00:48:57.030 have to be so difficult or hard in terms of cutting 00:48:57.030 --> 00:48:58.849 people out and never letting them back into your 00:48:58.849 --> 00:49:00.980 life. Be open, life is short. Yes, definitely. 00:49:01.440 --> 00:49:03.840 How about you, Anju? Any surprises? I think probably 00:49:03.840 --> 00:49:05.760 these days I'm the one doing the surprising. 00:49:06.360 --> 00:49:09.559 You're the one dropping bombs. Not bombs, but 00:49:09.559 --> 00:49:12.579 I am, you know, as we mentioned earlier, Jasmine, 00:49:12.639 --> 00:49:14.099 you mentioned you're more protective of your 00:49:14.099 --> 00:49:16.679 time and who you spend it with and what you do 00:49:16.679 --> 00:49:19.599 and not being drained of your energy. And I think 00:49:19.599 --> 00:49:22.699 I'm very mindful of that right now. Anju, I want 00:49:22.699 --> 00:49:24.559 to interrupt. Can I ask you a question? Because 00:49:24.559 --> 00:49:27.480 you, you know, look after all these women. Hell 00:49:27.480 --> 00:49:30.739 yeah. Thousands. I can imagine people just want... 00:49:30.739 --> 00:49:32.579 Assume they're your friend. Assume they're your 00:49:32.579 --> 00:49:35.500 friend and also just want a piece of you. Yes. 00:49:35.619 --> 00:49:38.239 You know, want your time or want your advice. 00:49:39.500 --> 00:49:42.019 How do you manage that? Yeah. Sorry to interrupt. 00:49:42.039 --> 00:49:43.800 That's a great question. That is such a good 00:49:43.800 --> 00:49:45.519 question. You're like mama to all these women 00:49:45.519 --> 00:49:48.960 who are just new, no friends, uncertain, depressed, 00:49:49.159 --> 00:49:51.840 excited to hang out. How do you deal? I would 00:49:51.840 --> 00:49:54.440 say that that's not a realistic picture of how 00:49:54.440 --> 00:49:58.530 my life looks, actually. I think our... audience 00:49:58.530 --> 00:50:03.170 of really super amazing like -minded women they 00:50:03.170 --> 00:50:05.449 pretty much look after themselves they don't 00:50:05.449 --> 00:50:07.610 need much mothering or looking after there are 00:50:07.610 --> 00:50:09.750 people who do reach out but actually they reach 00:50:09.750 --> 00:50:11.769 out to each other in the community all right 00:50:11.769 --> 00:50:15.070 more than to me directly and I think that is 00:50:15.070 --> 00:50:17.929 really what the community is there for to help 00:50:17.929 --> 00:50:20.409 each other and share their breadth of experience 00:50:21.679 --> 00:50:23.619 People do reach out and say, hey, I'm going through 00:50:23.619 --> 00:50:25.239 a tough time. I'd really like to post about this. 00:50:25.300 --> 00:50:29.340 Is that OK? Which I really appreciate. They rarely 00:50:29.340 --> 00:50:32.559 actually reach out to me for my personal perspective. 00:50:33.380 --> 00:50:35.579 Yes, I do connect with a lot of business people 00:50:35.579 --> 00:50:38.699 who might want advice on, you know, is your community 00:50:38.699 --> 00:50:41.739 the best way for me to share my business? Or, 00:50:41.820 --> 00:50:44.840 you know, that's the kind of strategy thing and 00:50:44.840 --> 00:50:47.820 a bit more about. being an experienced person 00:50:47.820 --> 00:50:50.579 in singapore i've been here for 18 years now 00:50:50.579 --> 00:50:53.320 so the know the lie of the land yeah it's just 00:50:53.320 --> 00:50:55.639 like any other job i guess you you field your 00:50:55.639 --> 00:50:58.659 emails you know you you set aside time to do 00:50:58.659 --> 00:51:01.400 your deep work in the morning and respond to 00:51:01.400 --> 00:51:04.480 things more thoughtfully and meaningfully and 00:51:04.480 --> 00:51:07.889 then you create events where you can get those 00:51:07.889 --> 00:51:10.269 people together and maybe reach out to those 00:51:10.269 --> 00:51:11.909 people and say hey you know you're asking about 00:51:11.909 --> 00:51:14.150 that a while ago well i'm doing this now and 00:51:14.150 --> 00:51:15.610 would you like to come and we can have a chat 00:51:15.610 --> 00:51:18.429 there and right you know so i guess i use it 00:51:18.429 --> 00:51:23.949 as fuel and inspiration to redirect them to where 00:51:23.949 --> 00:51:27.130 might help them best Does that answer the question? 00:51:27.130 --> 00:51:29.690 Yeah, totally. I just feel like you're so, you're 00:51:29.690 --> 00:51:31.829 very inspiring and people, you know, if they're 00:51:31.829 --> 00:51:33.789 new to Singapore are going to just be like. Like, 00:51:33.789 --> 00:51:37.429 yeah. Oh, absolutely. I want to know her. I want 00:51:37.429 --> 00:51:39.710 to know her. Yeah, she is, you know, to use another 00:51:39.710 --> 00:51:41.630 community's name, she is the oracle of all things 00:51:41.630 --> 00:51:43.829 Singapore. Like, I would like to know. Yes. I 00:51:43.829 --> 00:51:45.730 think that might be trademarked. I don't know. 00:51:46.530 --> 00:51:51.070 From the script. Well, gals, you have given us 00:51:51.070 --> 00:51:53.110 so much great insight on female friendships. 00:51:53.250 --> 00:51:55.349 And I think, you know, the four of us are very 00:51:55.349 --> 00:51:57.710 like -minded, but also come from such distinct 00:51:57.710 --> 00:51:59.409 backgrounds that I think this was a really fruitful 00:51:59.409 --> 00:52:01.909 sharing of the minds. The last thing we must 00:52:01.909 --> 00:52:03.849 do, though, because this is the 40s formula. 00:52:03.909 --> 00:52:07.230 It is. We must figure out what is the formula 00:52:07.230 --> 00:52:10.630 for deep, lasting friendships in your 40s. And 00:52:10.630 --> 00:52:11.909 I don't want to, you know, I think you've actually 00:52:11.909 --> 00:52:13.849 already offered yours, Sharina, which is acceptance. 00:52:14.309 --> 00:52:17.349 Yes. Right? You have to find the tribe that accepts 00:52:17.349 --> 00:52:19.960 you. Accept yourself. Know yourself. And then 00:52:19.960 --> 00:52:21.639 find people that accept you. And how about you? 00:52:21.719 --> 00:52:24.860 Yeah, I would echo those words. I think it really 00:52:24.860 --> 00:52:27.579 starts with you. I think you have to know yourself 00:52:27.579 --> 00:52:31.900 and go out to the right places to find the right 00:52:31.900 --> 00:52:34.380 people that are then going to reflect that back 00:52:34.380 --> 00:52:36.780 to you. I'm going to say low maintenance, but 00:52:36.780 --> 00:52:40.159 high value. I feel like, you know, you don't 00:52:40.159 --> 00:52:43.199 need to expect a lot from other people, but, 00:52:43.199 --> 00:52:45.840 you know, it's what people bring to that relationship. 00:52:46.019 --> 00:52:49.969 So I feel like something that's... too much in 00:52:49.969 --> 00:52:53.849 terms of energy or you know energy draining more 00:52:53.849 --> 00:52:56.789 so is something that's is too much for me so 00:52:56.789 --> 00:52:58.909 yeah low maintenance is what you're gonna get 00:52:58.909 --> 00:53:02.230 with me sorry guys and again I think that's also 00:53:02.230 --> 00:53:04.710 why we connect so well and I think for me it's 00:53:04.710 --> 00:53:07.699 just you know assume the best in people yeah 00:53:07.699 --> 00:53:10.139 you know assume that everyone is coming at you 00:53:10.139 --> 00:53:12.559 with positivity the universe is trying to show 00:53:12.559 --> 00:53:14.780 you the paths of least resistance like accept 00:53:14.780 --> 00:53:17.199 it and and you know don't assume the worst in 00:53:17.199 --> 00:53:18.980 people yes yeah i think that's something we can 00:53:18.980 --> 00:53:22.119 definitely outgrow in our 40s so well gals thank 00:53:22.119 --> 00:53:24.019 you so much for being here with us today we really 00:53:24.019 --> 00:53:26.099 really appreciate it i hope that the listeners 00:53:26.099 --> 00:53:27.860 get a lot out of this convo and we hope to have 00:53:27.860 --> 00:53:29.500 you both again soon like i said with sharina 00:53:29.500 --> 00:53:32.139 is our second time visitor and we'd love to have 00:53:32.139 --> 00:53:34.260 you back as well thank you so much thank you 00:53:34.260 --> 00:53:37.570 oh thank you ladies All right, let's talk about 00:53:37.570 --> 00:53:39.889 strength training. It is one of the most powerful 00:53:39.889 --> 00:53:42.449 things you can do for your body, especially in 00:53:42.449 --> 00:53:45.190 your 40s. It's true. It's not always easy to 00:53:45.190 --> 00:53:47.309 build strength, but it's vital. Strength training 00:53:47.309 --> 00:53:49.489 will help you with metabolism firing, strengthen 00:53:49.489 --> 00:53:52.530 your bones, and makes daily tasks way easier. 00:53:52.690 --> 00:53:54.650 Plus, it gives you that extra confidence in your 00:53:54.650 --> 00:53:57.829 body. Exactly. It's tough work, but it's so worth 00:53:57.829 --> 00:54:00.449 it. And that's where Great Moves comes in. They'll 00:54:00.449 --> 00:54:02.500 guide you through the process. help you build 00:54:02.500 --> 00:54:04.579 strength the right way and keep you motivated. 00:54:04.739 --> 00:54:07.460 No gimmicks, just real results. It's time to 00:54:07.460 --> 00:54:09.699 stop coasting. Strength training isn't just about 00:54:09.699 --> 00:54:11.480 building muscle. It's about building resilience 00:54:11.480 --> 00:54:14.659 and feeling strong every day. And Great Moves 00:54:14.659 --> 00:54:17.559 is here to help you do exactly that. And we've 00:54:17.559 --> 00:54:19.860 got an exclusive offer just for our audience. 00:54:20.159 --> 00:54:26.579 Use code TFF30 at moves .great .com for $20 off 00:54:26.579 --> 00:54:29.659 your trial class or 50 % off any five session 00:54:29.659 --> 00:54:33.059 starter pack. Guys, you know, we love coffee. 00:54:33.179 --> 00:54:34.679 And if you want to show us some love, you know, 00:54:34.699 --> 00:54:37.460 you can always get us one. Just visit buymeacoffee 00:54:37.460 --> 00:54:42.360 .com slash the 40s formula. Cheers. Before we 00:54:42.360 --> 00:54:45.059 go, please remember to hit subscribe and take 00:54:45.059 --> 00:54:47.340 a moment to support the 40s formula by leaving 00:54:47.340 --> 00:54:50.320 a review on your favorite podcast platform. Your 00:54:50.320 --> 00:54:52.300 reviews will help us to reach more people and 00:54:52.300 --> 00:54:54.300 allow us to continue to bring valuable content. 00:54:54.619 --> 00:54:56.480 It should only take a moment and it's a free 00:54:56.480 --> 00:54:58.610 way for you to support the show. You can also 00:54:58.610 --> 00:55:00.889 stay updated with The 40s Formula by following 00:55:00.889 --> 00:55:04.469 us on Instagram at The40sFormula, all one word. 00:55:04.789 --> 00:55:07.289 We share behind the scenes insights, episode 00:55:07.289 --> 00:55:10.030 updates and much more. So please be sure to hit 00:55:10.030 --> 00:55:12.469 that follow button. We appreciate your time and 00:55:12.469 --> 00:55:14.389 support. Thank you for being part of this community. 00:55:14.409 --> 00:55:16.289 And we'll be back next week for more empowering 00:55:16.289 --> 00:56:04.360 conversations with inspiring guests. Bye. I wish 00:56:04.360 --> 00:56:07.699 this level of neon existed in other colors. Do 00:56:07.699 --> 00:56:09.519 you know what I mean? Like orange, red, but like 00:56:09.519 --> 00:56:12.500 neon. Yeah. I'm going to right match. There must 00:56:12.500 --> 00:56:15.539 be some particles in it that make that color. 00:56:15.599 --> 00:56:17.840 Yes. Well, and you know it because when you look, 00:56:17.860 --> 00:56:19.619 you know, when you do that, like it brightens 00:56:19.619 --> 00:56:21.199 up again. So it's like, you know that it's got 00:56:21.199 --> 00:56:23.340 something in it. When I put on my pink shoes, 00:56:23.440 --> 00:56:24.880 I was like, I needed a pink lipstick for it. 00:56:24.900 --> 00:56:26.539 But then I changed my shoes because I was like 00:56:26.539 --> 00:56:28.719 wearing the wrong color. Yeah, I can't do this 00:56:28.719 --> 00:56:30.420 with that. Absolutely not.