WEBVTT

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Guys, we have some exciting news. The 40s Formula

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is going live on August 14th at the Green Collective

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at Funan Mall. We are going to dive deep into

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the science, myths, and struggles around sugar

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addiction. Breakfast and coffee are on us thanks

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to the generous sponsors, Guzman y Gomez. It's

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a small and intimate event with only 15 spots,

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so it's first come, first served. Tickets are

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only 20 bucks, and that includes breakfast and

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$5 towards your purchase at the Green Collective.

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Come and join us for a conversation that might

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change the way you eat. think and feel. So when

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we look at Western cultures, they're very individualistic.

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But when we look at collectivist cultures, they're

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very interdependent and they have values such

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as social harmony, reputation of the family,

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multi -generational bonds, how you fit in to

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the bigger system. You are one person. of many.

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You're not fulfilling your own dreams because

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you want to fulfill your family's expectations

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of you. I did not fulfill my parents' expectations.

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That created some conflict. Who am I if I'm not

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fulfilling other people's expectations? When

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you have that opportunity to ask yourself what

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is really important to you, I think you already

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start setting some boundaries for yourself. I'm

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already running on low battery. I need to do

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something for myself, fill my own cup. Some people

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do struggle to say, I'm struggling. Yeah, I need

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help. Can women really have it all? If it's not

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100 % yes, it's a no. and welcome to The 40s

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Formula, your go -to place for insightful discussions

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on navigating the 40s and thriving in this transformative

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decade. We're your hosts, Jasmine and Amanda,

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two women that are passionate about exploring

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the challenges and adventures that come with

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turning 40 and what lies ahead. Welcome back

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to the 40s Formula, the show where we blend science,

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soul and a whole lot of sass to help you thrive

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in your 40s. I'm your host, Jasmine Dillon, an

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Executive Health Strategist at Eat With Jasmine.

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And I'm Amanda Lim, Metabolic Health Coach and

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Director of Lift Clinic. Each week we explore

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what it really takes to feel good, think clearly

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and show up as your most powerful self, whether

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that's through food, hormones, movement, mindset

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or just finally learning how to say no without

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feeling like a bad person. If you love honest

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conversations with real women and expert guests

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who aren't afraid to go deep and occasionally

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drop an F -bomb, then hit that subscribe button,

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leave us a review and share this episode with

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a friend who needs to hear it. And before we

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get into today's episode, here's a quick word

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from our sponsor. All right, before we dive into

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TMC drop check. Let's see what we got here. Oh,

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well, first things first, you can't have Taco

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Tuesdays without snapper. But what about salmon?

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Because that's definitely our favorite. OK, fair

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enough. But chicken breast, that's the workhorse

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we're eating every single day. I think it's all

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about the chicken thighs. Oh, my gosh. Chicken

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thighs. I don't know if I could get one down

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myself, but I do know that this mince makes a

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mean burger. Who wants burgers when you can have

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a grass fed? Beef eye fillet steak. Okay, that

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We'll drop it in the show notes or you can find

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it on our Instagram. The Meat Club, where quality

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meets convenience. Today's guest is someone who

00:05:08.290 --> 00:05:10.430
embodies reinvention, emotional intelligence

00:05:10.430 --> 00:05:14.430
and real talk, Marissa Nasution. You know her

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as former MTV VJ and TV host but these days she's

00:05:17.730 --> 00:05:19.790
also a trained psychologist, wellness coach and

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conscious parenting advocate. She's lived many

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lives from red carpets to research papers and

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she brings all that wisdom into how she's raising

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her daughters, supporting other women and breaking

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generational patterns. In this episode, we're

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diving into one of the hardest things for women

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to do, setting boundaries and learning to say

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no without guilt, shame or apologising for having

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needs. You're going to want to take notes, grab

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yourself some coffee and settle in. So let's

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get into it. Hi, Marissa. Hi, thank you so much

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for having me today. Oh, we are so excited to

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have you here. So before we get going, I want

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to know why do us women find it so hard just

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to say no? Well, you're starting off with a really

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heavily loaded question. I think there's lots

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of factors why we women... have a hard time saying

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no. And I think one of the things is that we

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have so many roles that we play, that we carry

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within us. So we're all daughters, we might be

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siblings, we might be wives, we might be mothers,

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but we also might be entrepreneurs, corporate

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career woman, that comes with a lot of responsibilities,

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but also a lot of expectations. So when we look

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at society, how society has created certain expectations

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for us women and how we always try to fulfill

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those. That, I think, really drives this internal

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pressure that we have to people please, to take

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on opportunities or say yes to things that we

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initially already know we don't want to say yes

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to and how we live our lives. looking to always

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fulfill other people's expectation or society's

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expectations instead of filling our own cup.

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It's really hard, isn't it? And I think the other

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element is growing up in Asia, being Asian, you

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get this sort of good girl pressure. You know,

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you have to listen to your elders. You have to

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do what they say and you can't go against what

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that is. Do you think that was something that

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you struggled with growing up as well? I did.

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I always try to explain it in a way because I

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have Western roots, but I also have the Eastern

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roots. So my mother is Indonesian and my father

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is German. And I always find this internal fight

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within me. What am I and how do I feel? So, for

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example, let's try to see this concept a little

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bit from a cultural point of view, right? So

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when we look at Western cultures, they're very

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individualistic, which means that there's an

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emphasis on being independent. So it's really

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on cultivating your independent self. But when

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we look at collectivist cultures... They're very

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interdependent and they have values such as social

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harmony, reputation of the family, multi -generational

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bonds, and also harmony of the community. So

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you see yourself in these collectivist cultures,

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predominantly Asian cultures, how you fit in

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to the bigger system. You are one person. of

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many. Whereas in Western cultures, the focus

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is on yourself and how you develop yourself.

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When we look at the image of the traditional

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good girl. The good girl in an Asian culture

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context might be stereotypically the quiet one,

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following rules that then can also manifest as

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being shy or your belief of being shy, for example,

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or your belief of you're not capable of doing

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things because it goes against other people's

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wishes. You're not fulfilling your own dreams

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because you want to fulfill your family's expectations

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of you. So it's really hard. how to have this

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conversation because there's so many different

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angles to look at it. But when I bring it back

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to like my own story, I probably can share like

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some personal moments where we had this huge

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conflict when I was expected to go to university

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and... I had my Asian tiger mom giving me the

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three job opportunities that I had. You can either

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be a lawyer, you can be an engineer, or you can

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be a doctor. Of course. You can be anything else.

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Doctor has to be on that list. And I think that

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many who have Asian parents can empathize with

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this conversation. And I said to my mom, actually,

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back then when I was like 18 years old, I was

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like thinking of becoming a psychologist. And

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she's like, no, no, no, that's only for crazy

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people. Because there was this huge stigma around

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mental health and what it means to be a psychologist.

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So I said, okay, I'm going to do something totally

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different. And then went into the television

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industry. Which is so different. So different.

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But I did not fulfill my parents' expectations

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of being the firstborn child, going to university,

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going down this path that has been laid out for

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me already from probably before I was born in

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a way. And that created... some conflicts, but

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that also fueled probably my inner internal conflict

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of who am I if I'm not fulfilling other people's

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expectations. So I learned very early on that

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to become an independent self, you also need

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to be able to do things independently. You need

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to earn money at 19. You need to figure out how

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to live by yourself and all of these things.

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It's funny you brought up the three career paths

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because I actually did study law at university.

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It was like tick! But you know like one of the

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things that was also drilled into me growing

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up was oh when you get married you know you're

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not just marrying the guy which is like the independent

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side you're marrying the whole family and you've

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obviously married into an Asian family. Now you

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know it's funny because you're right. that when

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it comes to asian culture is that whole sort

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of wider element and that wider piece um because

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it's not just you it's everyone that's right

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it's not just you and i think this is also something

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that you have to be clear especially when you

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are joining forces and joining a family what

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are their expectations and I think this is also

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a point where maybe many couples don't really

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have open conversations about it, especially

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when you have two different cultures that come

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together, that both sides are very aware. of

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the values each side has, how to have a harmonious

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relationship, how to have a harmonious multi

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-generational family. I think these are all very

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important points. Do you live in a multi -generational

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home? I do not. I always joke with my husband.

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My husband's German as well. So I flew all the

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way to Asia. I built a whole life around Asia

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just to end up with another German guy. Just

00:11:59.309 --> 00:12:02.789
to find yourself a German. Exactly. But we share

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the same values. and both of our families don't

00:12:06.789 --> 00:12:09.049
live here in Singapore so it's just us who are

00:12:09.049 --> 00:12:11.590
here but it was important for us to discuss these

00:12:11.590 --> 00:12:14.529
things when we were building our own family our

00:12:14.529 --> 00:12:16.850
own small family what kind of family values do

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we have and what do we want to pass on to our

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children you're a mother of girls two yes the

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opposite to me because I've got three boys okay

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boys mom but has motherhood challenged you in

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how to say no because okay when it comes to the

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kids I feel like the only word that comes out

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of my mouth is no. But, you know, like, do you

00:12:39.159 --> 00:12:42.019
find now that, you know, having to say no to

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other things is causing mum guilt or sort of

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other feelings being invoked inside of you? When

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we look at being parents in general, right, I

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feel that most of us will prioritise our children's

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needs before our own. Drive them around town

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every day. Fill their calendars before we fill

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our own. And I wholeheartedly do it out of passion

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and out of love and care. And I do enjoy that.

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So when I became a mother, it really changed

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my life. It changed my life because I got this

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opportunity to reprioritize what my purpose is.

00:13:24.669 --> 00:13:28.149
what I want this new chapter in my life to look

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like so when you have that opportunity to ask

00:13:31.029 --> 00:13:33.330
yourself what is really important to you I think

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you already start setting some boundaries for

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yourself to help them also set these boundaries

00:13:38.129 --> 00:13:42.450
so yes I do say no to a lot of things but when

00:13:42.450 --> 00:13:45.889
I say no I ask myself why do I say no so it's

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either saying no to the children for very safety

00:13:50.350 --> 00:13:53.330
related reasons for example but then also saying

00:13:53.330 --> 00:13:56.129
no to lots of social things for myself where

00:13:56.129 --> 00:13:58.990
I feel like I'm already running on low battery

00:13:58.990 --> 00:14:02.370
I need to do something for myself take care of

00:14:02.370 --> 00:14:04.830
my self -care do something to fill my own cup

00:14:04.830 --> 00:14:07.450
and then I would say no to maybe social gatherings

00:14:07.450 --> 00:14:10.370
or like meeting up with people where I feel you

00:14:10.370 --> 00:14:13.070
need to make these priorities so if I'm running

00:14:13.070 --> 00:14:16.049
on only 20 % I cannot be 100 % to the people

00:14:16.049 --> 00:14:19.169
that I want to serve and I want to take care

00:14:19.169 --> 00:14:21.769
of. So it's really important. And I think this

00:14:21.769 --> 00:14:26.070
is also maybe an invitation for the women listening

00:14:26.070 --> 00:14:28.029
to have this conversation with their partners,

00:14:28.070 --> 00:14:31.070
because lots of them feel that you have to always

00:14:31.070 --> 00:14:33.830
show that you have it together, but you don't.

00:14:33.830 --> 00:14:38.009
You don't have to play this mask or this role

00:14:38.009 --> 00:14:40.850
all the time. It's important to also have a conversation

00:14:40.850 --> 00:14:43.110
with your partner and saying like, I am running

00:14:43.110 --> 00:14:46.169
on a short fuse today. You need to step in and

00:14:46.169 --> 00:14:49.759
help me and also ask for this help or say, I

00:14:49.759 --> 00:14:53.399
need to just get away for a day just to focus

00:14:53.399 --> 00:14:56.460
on myself, get a little bit of headspace, get

00:14:56.460 --> 00:14:59.600
a little bit like emotional decompression. So

00:14:59.600 --> 00:15:01.379
all of these things are really important. And

00:15:01.379 --> 00:15:03.059
then you can come back and then you can step

00:15:03.059 --> 00:15:05.919
into your role as a mother or your role as a

00:15:05.919 --> 00:15:09.059
wife or your role as an entrepreneur. You can

00:15:09.059 --> 00:15:11.559
be then much fuller. Yeah, I think that's so

00:15:11.559 --> 00:15:13.860
important, that communication element, because

00:15:13.860 --> 00:15:17.080
some people do struggle to say, I'm struggling.

00:15:17.200 --> 00:15:19.889
Yeah. I need help. And to their own partners.

00:15:20.169 --> 00:15:22.250
That's what always is crazy to me, where it's

00:15:22.250 --> 00:15:24.450
like the person that could help you the most

00:15:24.450 --> 00:15:27.029
and that literally should help you the most because

00:15:27.029 --> 00:15:28.669
those kids are half his. Don't ever forget it.

00:15:29.269 --> 00:15:32.070
I didn't make them on my own, bro. That's the

00:15:32.070 --> 00:15:34.090
person that I find a lot of women struggle with

00:15:34.090 --> 00:15:36.309
that boundary the most. And I find this too,

00:15:36.330 --> 00:15:38.169
just professionally, right? Thinking about fitness

00:15:38.169 --> 00:15:39.710
and nutrition. A lot of times like, oh, you know,

00:15:39.769 --> 00:15:41.769
I want to eat healthy, but my husband doesn't

00:15:41.769 --> 00:15:44.090
want to. And I'm like, I'm sorry. Shouldn't that

00:15:44.090 --> 00:15:45.970
be your number one fan? Isn't that the guy in

00:15:45.970 --> 00:15:47.509
your corner, like massaging your shoulder? That's

00:15:47.509 --> 00:15:49.070
not the guy that's bringing you down in the ring,

00:15:49.169 --> 00:15:52.029
right? So I hear you, girl. It's like that boundary

00:15:52.029 --> 00:15:53.909
with your partner I think is a really important

00:15:53.909 --> 00:15:57.269
one to work on. It is. And it's in a way because

00:15:57.269 --> 00:16:00.649
we think that we have to do it all. When people

00:16:00.649 --> 00:16:03.190
say, like, can women really have it all? I always

00:16:03.190 --> 00:16:05.990
like to say. Yes, you can have it all, but maybe

00:16:05.990 --> 00:16:08.909
not all at the same time. Oh, I love that. So

00:16:08.909 --> 00:16:12.470
take the time if you want to focus on your children

00:16:12.470 --> 00:16:16.730
whilst they're small, do that. It's okay to not

00:16:16.730 --> 00:16:19.230
have a high -flying career, the perfect family

00:16:19.230 --> 00:16:22.309
and take care of your fitness. Just do what you

00:16:22.309 --> 00:16:24.929
can, but you also need to be fine with it. When

00:16:24.929 --> 00:16:28.190
you set yourself unrealistic expectations, you

00:16:28.190 --> 00:16:30.490
have to really look. can I fulfill all of these

00:16:30.490 --> 00:16:33.649
things on my to -do list in a day? Because if

00:16:33.649 --> 00:16:38.269
you can't, you just get demotivated, you feel

00:16:38.269 --> 00:16:42.110
low, you question yourself and you like spiral

00:16:42.110 --> 00:16:45.750
down. But if you really just take two steps back

00:16:45.750 --> 00:16:48.769
and say, hey, what is really my priority here?

00:16:48.909 --> 00:16:51.409
What can I do? And then have this conversation

00:16:51.409 --> 00:16:56.139
with the partner and say. I can't have a 9 to

00:16:56.139 --> 00:17:00.039
7, for example, I cannot have a 9 to 7 p .m.

00:17:00.059 --> 00:17:03.200
Which is actually the real office time, isn't

00:17:03.200 --> 00:17:04.680
it? Like no one finishes at 5. Exactly. Let's

00:17:04.680 --> 00:17:07.680
not say 9 to 5 because it's not 9 to 5. Not in

00:17:07.680 --> 00:17:10.160
Singapore, no. Exactly. So if your priority for

00:17:10.160 --> 00:17:12.640
the first years of motherhood, for example, really

00:17:12.640 --> 00:17:15.880
is to like be there with your children whilst

00:17:15.880 --> 00:17:19.160
they're small, then say that and then make it

00:17:19.160 --> 00:17:21.680
work. Because I think it is about having this

00:17:21.680 --> 00:17:25.000
communication, but also really Set your own expectations

00:17:25.000 --> 00:17:28.480
and you don't have to fulfill society's expectation.

00:17:28.579 --> 00:17:31.940
You really only need to fulfill what you want

00:17:31.940 --> 00:17:35.359
to achieve in your family. And that's so important,

00:17:35.440 --> 00:17:39.859
like looking after that circle where you've got

00:17:39.859 --> 00:17:42.079
control. Because I think this is the problem.

00:17:42.160 --> 00:17:45.400
I think you kind of try to... control every element

00:17:45.400 --> 00:17:47.519
and it's just not possible you can't you can't

00:17:47.519 --> 00:17:49.599
do it all you will burn out like i've been speaking

00:17:49.599 --> 00:17:52.720
about identity burnout because you burn out as

00:17:52.720 --> 00:17:57.240
a mom you burn out as being a small brand entrepreneur

00:17:57.240 --> 00:18:01.400
maybe you burn out in your finance career trying

00:18:01.400 --> 00:18:04.500
to keep it all together one day you will just

00:18:04.500 --> 00:18:06.220
like find yourself like in shambles and like

00:18:06.220 --> 00:18:08.680
asking why am i doing this why am i having then

00:18:09.039 --> 00:18:12.619
Suddenly maybe some health problems and all of

00:18:12.619 --> 00:18:14.259
that. It comes together. It's a really holistic

00:18:14.259 --> 00:18:16.660
picture to look at. Yeah. You can't just focus

00:18:16.660 --> 00:18:19.220
on the one thing. It has to be everything. Amanda,

00:18:19.420 --> 00:18:21.539
can we talk about how clean Guzmini Gomez's food

00:18:21.539 --> 00:18:24.480
is? Like truly clean, not the it has letters,

00:18:24.500 --> 00:18:27.059
so it's healthy kind of clean. Oh, totally. GYG

00:18:27.059 --> 00:18:29.480
is on another level. There's no preservatives,

00:18:29.500 --> 00:18:31.859
no artificial colors, no weird additives. It

00:18:31.859 --> 00:18:34.819
is just proper, real food. I read that they went

00:18:34.819 --> 00:18:37.259
through 21 versions of their corn chips before

00:18:37.259 --> 00:18:39.920
they found the one. Now that's commitment. And

00:18:39.920 --> 00:18:42.220
they fly in their avocados and tomatoes daily

00:18:42.220 --> 00:18:45.089
from Australia to Singapore. That is the level

00:18:45.089 --> 00:18:47.349
of commitment I want in my food. You can taste

00:18:47.349 --> 00:18:49.430
it, whether it's the burritos, the bowls, or

00:18:49.430 --> 00:18:51.890
those chipotle -seasoned fries. You just feel

00:18:51.890 --> 00:18:53.910
good after eating it. And it's really why my

00:18:53.910 --> 00:18:56.450
entire family keeps going back. Clean is the

00:18:56.450 --> 00:18:58.950
new healthy, and GYG has been leading that charge

00:18:58.950 --> 00:19:02.029
since day one. They've literally reinvented fast

00:19:02.029 --> 00:19:04.569
food. Who says it has to be dodgy and deep -fried?

00:19:04.609 --> 00:19:07.000
Not on GYG's watch. you know when you think of

00:19:07.000 --> 00:19:09.119
these things as silos right okay so this is my

00:19:09.119 --> 00:19:11.500
career yeah and this is me as a mother and this

00:19:11.500 --> 00:19:13.200
is me as a friend that is definitely not how

00:19:13.200 --> 00:19:15.839
it works by the way it's like it's all this big

00:19:15.839 --> 00:19:17.980
circle and if you think about like a hoop you

00:19:17.980 --> 00:19:19.700
know it's a good but like a flexible hoop you

00:19:19.700 --> 00:19:22.059
pull one side like the other one has to go in

00:19:22.059 --> 00:19:23.920
a little bit right so it's like if you're really

00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:26.039
excelling as a mom like slaying it there all

00:19:26.039 --> 00:19:28.500
the time like obviously the the career aspect

00:19:28.500 --> 00:19:30.059
is going to pull in a little bit you know but

00:19:30.059 --> 00:19:32.710
the circle is still whole yeah And I think that

00:19:32.710 --> 00:19:34.630
speaks to what you said about you can have it

00:19:34.630 --> 00:19:36.829
all, but maybe not at the same time or not at

00:19:36.829 --> 00:19:39.910
the same level. That's all right. Not saying

00:19:39.910 --> 00:19:42.670
that if you prioritize your career, you're a

00:19:42.670 --> 00:19:46.190
bad parent. Not at all. But it is important that

00:19:46.190 --> 00:19:49.529
you know what your priority is and you're aligned

00:19:49.529 --> 00:19:52.750
with that. And you go after that, not what somebody

00:19:52.750 --> 00:19:55.349
else tells you to do or not what somebody else

00:19:55.349 --> 00:19:58.150
expects you to do. And that's, I think, again.

00:19:58.509 --> 00:20:00.450
to tie this back in why it's so hard for women

00:20:00.450 --> 00:20:03.210
to say no because you think you have to excel

00:20:03.210 --> 00:20:07.890
at all all the time but we're not all perfect

00:20:07.890 --> 00:20:10.250
and we don't have to be I think that's also like

00:20:10.250 --> 00:20:11.829
something very important for women to realize

00:20:11.829 --> 00:20:15.490
it's okay to not be perfect yeah one of the tools

00:20:15.490 --> 00:20:17.829
I use with my clients is we we look at like your

00:20:17.829 --> 00:20:19.910
priorities and we're like right okay you got

00:20:19.910 --> 00:20:22.069
a number out of 10 that's basically everything

00:20:22.069 --> 00:20:25.890
now you need to tell me how much of each of the

00:20:25.890 --> 00:20:28.009
priorities that are important to you, are you

00:20:28.009 --> 00:20:30.869
going to assign, you know, that section, that

00:20:30.869 --> 00:20:34.549
number two? So if work is six, then you've got

00:20:34.549 --> 00:20:36.549
to look at family. You've got to look at your

00:20:36.549 --> 00:20:38.750
health. You've got to look at, you know, being

00:20:38.750 --> 00:20:41.990
active, your friends, like how much are you then

00:20:41.990 --> 00:20:44.049
going to sleep? Like all of these things. How

00:20:44.049 --> 00:20:46.450
much are you going to distribute amongst those

00:20:46.450 --> 00:20:49.440
things? And then. We've got to look at realistically,

00:20:49.640 --> 00:20:53.039
how are you distributing your energy, your time?

00:20:53.200 --> 00:20:55.319
Expectations mismatch, right? Right. So your

00:20:55.319 --> 00:21:00.799
career has gone from MCVVJ to psychologist. You

00:21:00.799 --> 00:21:03.859
know, you've had a massive change and a massive

00:21:03.859 --> 00:21:06.680
pivot. Now, obviously, high pressure world. Has

00:21:06.680 --> 00:21:09.640
there ever been a time where you had to say no

00:21:09.640 --> 00:21:12.140
to an opportunity and people thought you were

00:21:12.140 --> 00:21:14.480
absolutely batshit crazy? It was like, how did

00:21:14.480 --> 00:21:15.880
you say no to that? How did you turn that down?

00:21:16.269 --> 00:21:18.490
Very good question. I pondered on this for a

00:21:18.490 --> 00:21:21.829
while. I'm going to say two things. So I had

00:21:21.829 --> 00:21:23.769
one opportunity, like when I was straight out

00:21:23.769 --> 00:21:26.349
of my master's, where I could have like immediately

00:21:26.349 --> 00:21:28.910
went on to do a doctorate, which I would have

00:21:28.910 --> 00:21:31.690
loved. I'm really a little nerd inside. So I

00:21:31.690 --> 00:21:34.490
would have loved to do that. But it would have

00:21:34.490 --> 00:21:38.150
cost me to move to the UK for one and a half

00:21:38.150 --> 00:21:40.029
years. And I could have done like one and a half

00:21:40.029 --> 00:21:43.680
years here. And that was simply not possible.

00:21:43.880 --> 00:21:48.460
It was not worth it to get my whole family and

00:21:48.460 --> 00:21:51.220
move to a new country in this phase and stage

00:21:51.220 --> 00:21:53.700
that we're in at the moment. Was it crazy to

00:21:53.700 --> 00:21:58.140
say no? Probably yes. But at the same time, back

00:21:58.140 --> 00:22:01.640
again at priorities, I cannot have everything

00:22:01.640 --> 00:22:05.069
at the same time. That will just need to wait

00:22:05.069 --> 00:22:07.009
because I have a different priority, which is

00:22:07.009 --> 00:22:10.369
now being here with my children and really being

00:22:10.369 --> 00:22:13.049
there for them in this early phase of their life.

00:22:13.250 --> 00:22:14.970
And maybe when they're teenagers and don't want

00:22:14.970 --> 00:22:17.589
to hang out with me anymore, I can do all of

00:22:17.589 --> 00:22:19.769
these other things that I just had to put on

00:22:19.769 --> 00:22:22.190
the back burner for a while. I'm absolutely okay

00:22:22.190 --> 00:22:23.890
with that. And I think that's the most important

00:22:23.890 --> 00:22:27.839
thing. regrets because I have other priorities

00:22:27.839 --> 00:22:29.779
currently in my life and this is like something

00:22:29.779 --> 00:22:31.680
that everybody needs to figure out for themselves

00:22:31.680 --> 00:22:34.019
another thing opportunities where I had to say

00:22:34.019 --> 00:22:37.700
no this is like in the early 2010s before social

00:22:37.700 --> 00:22:41.799
media is what it is today there were in the showbiz

00:22:41.799 --> 00:22:46.480
industry opportunities that you could get if

00:22:46.480 --> 00:22:51.450
you would probably take on some indecent proposals

00:22:51.450 --> 00:22:55.109
by powerful, much older men. Let's say that,

00:22:55.130 --> 00:22:58.430
right? So if we all like look at the Me Too movement

00:22:58.430 --> 00:23:01.170
and what happened there, that's a real thing.

00:23:01.369 --> 00:23:03.710
And I still believe that it is in the entertainment

00:23:03.710 --> 00:23:07.829
industry a real thing. So I did have some opportunities

00:23:07.829 --> 00:23:13.390
that I shut down that could have advanced my

00:23:13.390 --> 00:23:16.470
career. but it was important to figure out what

00:23:16.470 --> 00:23:19.710
price would I be paying. And for me, like my

00:23:19.710 --> 00:23:21.950
thing that I always like told myself is like,

00:23:22.029 --> 00:23:24.450
yes, you could take this to advance your career,

00:23:24.569 --> 00:23:26.849
but would you be able to look at yourself in

00:23:26.849 --> 00:23:31.130
the mirror every day, knowing that you went against

00:23:31.130 --> 00:23:34.470
your gut, your values, the things that you believed

00:23:34.470 --> 00:23:39.289
in. And that also helped very early on to find

00:23:39.289 --> 00:23:42.750
the strength in your own personality and character

00:23:42.750 --> 00:23:45.440
to say no. Too many things. Because if I can

00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:47.059
say no to these kind of things that would have

00:23:47.059 --> 00:23:50.000
like propelled my entertainment industry career,

00:23:50.180 --> 00:23:53.140
then I can say no definitely to lots of smaller

00:23:53.140 --> 00:23:56.200
things as well. And it just really helps in building

00:23:56.200 --> 00:23:59.420
character. Once you really know your boundaries,

00:23:59.559 --> 00:24:01.640
it's important to like know what are my values

00:24:01.640 --> 00:24:04.119
that I really don't want to go against. Like

00:24:04.119 --> 00:24:07.640
I stand for maybe it's loyalty, maybe it's family,

00:24:07.759 --> 00:24:11.140
maybe it's time. So if somebody crosses these

00:24:11.140 --> 00:24:15.549
boundaries and pushes them, It helps you to find

00:24:15.549 --> 00:24:19.829
that strength within you to say no until here,

00:24:19.910 --> 00:24:22.890
but not any further. Say the big no, right? And

00:24:22.890 --> 00:24:26.109
then the little no's are easy. As long as the

00:24:26.109 --> 00:24:30.029
big one gets known. For you, saying no to those

00:24:30.029 --> 00:24:34.009
types of indecent proposals would have been hard

00:24:34.009 --> 00:24:37.329
at the time because it's something you're like,

00:24:37.390 --> 00:24:39.140
right, I'm starting this career. This is going

00:24:39.140 --> 00:24:41.299
to help me. I don't know how many people would,

00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:43.279
not that I'm saying I would have, but what I'm

00:24:43.279 --> 00:24:45.900
saying is. What are you trying to tell us? No,

00:24:45.960 --> 00:24:47.440
for some people that would have been no, because

00:24:47.440 --> 00:24:49.079
they would have been like, oh, you know, maybe

00:24:49.079 --> 00:24:52.440
I don't know enough. Maybe, you know, if I do

00:24:52.440 --> 00:24:54.619
it this once again, the reason I'm bringing this

00:24:54.619 --> 00:24:56.319
up is because I'm currently listening to the

00:24:56.319 --> 00:24:59.380
PDD trial. So, you know, all of these things

00:24:59.380 --> 00:25:02.099
are relevant. Yeah, they're like all playing

00:25:02.099 --> 00:25:04.859
on my mind. Like, geez, it's like some of these

00:25:04.859 --> 00:25:08.250
people. felt that they couldn't say no. And a

00:25:08.250 --> 00:25:10.130
lot of it sometimes comes down to how do they

00:25:10.130 --> 00:25:12.970
say no to themselves? Because I guess they don't

00:25:12.970 --> 00:25:15.789
know what they want. And maybe at the time, they

00:25:15.789 --> 00:25:18.750
felt that there was no other way out of that

00:25:18.750 --> 00:25:21.470
situation. Like, do you have any advice for women

00:25:21.470 --> 00:25:24.569
or even younger girls who are in a situation?

00:25:24.609 --> 00:25:27.670
Like, how can they help themselves and sort of,

00:25:27.670 --> 00:25:32.210
you know, and stand up and speak for what they

00:25:32.210 --> 00:25:34.890
actually believe in? There is like one saying,

00:25:35.089 --> 00:25:37.549
it goes a little bit like this. If it's not a

00:25:37.549 --> 00:25:40.589
hundred percent yes, it's a no. We can unpack

00:25:40.589 --> 00:25:45.970
the details later. If your body, your, because

00:25:45.970 --> 00:25:48.349
it's not just your brain, right? It's your body

00:25:48.349 --> 00:25:52.700
is also. emphasizing we are not safe. We are

00:25:52.700 --> 00:25:55.359
feeling anxiety. We're nervous about something.

00:25:55.480 --> 00:25:57.799
You probably just feel it in your hands or like

00:25:57.799 --> 00:26:00.299
with a faster beating heart. So your body is

00:26:00.299 --> 00:26:03.180
trying to tell you we are going against values,

00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:06.759
our core values, things that we believe in. We

00:26:06.759 --> 00:26:10.259
need to get to safety here. And it's hard when

00:26:10.259 --> 00:26:13.619
you're in a situation where you need to say no

00:26:13.619 --> 00:26:16.000
to something that could jeopardize maybe your

00:26:16.000 --> 00:26:19.009
career. progression that could jeopardize maybe

00:26:19.009 --> 00:26:21.769
also relationship with your friends, where friends

00:26:21.769 --> 00:26:23.670
maybe expect something from you and you have

00:26:23.670 --> 00:26:25.549
to say no, because, you know, I cannot do that.

00:26:25.609 --> 00:26:28.990
I don't want to. Because usually it's you know

00:26:28.990 --> 00:26:31.549
that you don't want to, but you end up saying

00:26:31.549 --> 00:26:34.450
yes to something afterwards and then it's not

00:26:34.450 --> 00:26:38.049
going to be fun. And you do it usually with resentment.

00:26:38.250 --> 00:26:41.210
You're frustrated about it. And that also feels

00:26:41.210 --> 00:26:43.109
this negative narrative that you don't have.

00:26:43.289 --> 00:26:46.509
I think how to learn to start no is. First of

00:26:46.509 --> 00:26:50.609
all, before jumping to your usual yes, because

00:26:50.609 --> 00:26:53.190
if you're a people pleaser or you have like that

00:26:53.190 --> 00:26:55.750
kind of traits, it comes easy to you to say yes

00:26:55.750 --> 00:26:57.970
to everything. Can you take on this extra work?

00:26:58.029 --> 00:27:00.609
Yes, sure. Yes, sure. I do it. And you realize,

00:27:00.769 --> 00:27:02.789
why did I just say that? I didn't even want to

00:27:02.789 --> 00:27:06.849
say that. So introducing a pause to gain awareness

00:27:06.849 --> 00:27:09.910
of what is actually going on here. Take a step

00:27:09.910 --> 00:27:13.390
back from your routine answers that you would

00:27:13.390 --> 00:27:16.289
go to. And really try that in conversations.

00:27:16.849 --> 00:27:20.390
Usually I would say it's more about listen and

00:27:20.390 --> 00:27:23.289
before, it sounds silly, but before answering,

00:27:23.369 --> 00:27:25.569
just think about what you're going to say instead

00:27:25.569 --> 00:27:28.349
of just jumping to conclusions here and there.

00:27:28.470 --> 00:27:31.849
And you can use that with your friends. Try saying,

00:27:31.849 --> 00:27:34.809
no, I had a phase where, especially when I was

00:27:34.809 --> 00:27:38.660
like early in Singapore and I've just... Made

00:27:38.660 --> 00:27:41.400
some friends, some mom friends, trying to build

00:27:41.400 --> 00:27:44.039
connections. I would say yes to everything. Yes

00:27:44.039 --> 00:27:47.519
to every play date. Yes to every social gathering.

00:27:47.579 --> 00:27:50.500
Although I already knew I did not want to. I

00:27:50.500 --> 00:27:53.539
wanted to just be at home, take a rest or be

00:27:53.539 --> 00:27:56.160
with my kids or just go even like on date night

00:27:56.160 --> 00:27:58.920
with my husband. It was really hard because I

00:27:58.920 --> 00:28:02.599
felt like I would be missing out on an opportunity.

00:28:03.140 --> 00:28:05.559
You're missing out on a fun night with your friends.

00:28:05.619 --> 00:28:08.670
You're having this like formal. most of the times

00:28:08.670 --> 00:28:10.529
you realize that you actually didn't miss out

00:28:10.529 --> 00:28:14.109
on anything. So just really introduce it in your

00:28:14.109 --> 00:28:17.769
daily life before saying no to the big things,

00:28:17.789 --> 00:28:20.049
then probably say no to the small things first.

00:28:20.230 --> 00:28:22.630
I mean, we have like a crazy reputation in our

00:28:22.630 --> 00:28:24.789
circle of friends, my husband and I. So we have

00:28:24.789 --> 00:28:26.109
a five -year -old, three -year -old, one -year

00:28:26.109 --> 00:28:28.170
-old. We have yet to have a birthday party for

00:28:28.170 --> 00:28:30.819
any of them. We don't do it. Because, first of

00:28:30.819 --> 00:28:32.920
all, they have not asked for one. They have attended

00:28:32.920 --> 00:28:35.559
birthday parties. They're aware they exist. They

00:28:35.559 --> 00:28:39.859
themselves have never requested one. And we have

00:28:39.859 --> 00:28:42.420
no desire to host a bunch of five, three, and

00:28:42.420 --> 00:28:45.319
one -year -olds in our house. So we just don't

00:28:45.319 --> 00:28:47.660
do it. And I said, at a certain point, when they

00:28:47.660 --> 00:28:49.279
ask and they say, I would like to have a birthday

00:28:49.279 --> 00:28:51.579
party, I would like to have these friends invited,

00:28:51.839 --> 00:28:53.740
we're happy to do it. We're not like weird ogres.

00:28:54.079 --> 00:28:56.970
But it's like, I know. that's saying yes to that,

00:28:57.009 --> 00:28:59.250
or let me, creating that experience out of nowhere

00:28:59.250 --> 00:29:01.369
because they didn't ask for it, is going to bring

00:29:01.369 --> 00:29:04.450
a ton of stress, a ton of financial output, a

00:29:04.450 --> 00:29:07.710
ton of commitments into my space that I don't

00:29:07.710 --> 00:29:09.950
want. You don't need it. You don't need to. We

00:29:09.950 --> 00:29:11.529
don't need it. And they don't need it. We celebrate

00:29:11.529 --> 00:29:14.750
their birthdays, by the way. This really makes

00:29:14.750 --> 00:29:16.190
us sound like terrible people. We go to Legoland,

00:29:16.329 --> 00:29:17.829
you know how we do. But it's like, until they

00:29:17.829 --> 00:29:20.789
express that, it's like, then I'm just creating

00:29:20.789 --> 00:29:23.619
that for them and really creating that. stress

00:29:23.619 --> 00:29:27.339
back for me yeah so what the f honestly you're

00:29:27.339 --> 00:29:30.240
so lucky because i have done a birthday party

00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:33.019
every single year since i'm one years old and

00:29:33.019 --> 00:29:36.059
now i'm like fucking hell this is this is like

00:29:36.059 --> 00:29:38.700
so draining it's so hard now it's the back side

00:29:38.700 --> 00:29:41.140
of that but you know at one point i've got twins

00:29:41.140 --> 00:29:43.859
yeah and at one point we decided to have a double

00:29:43.859 --> 00:29:45.980
class party and obviously when it's a double

00:29:45.980 --> 00:29:49.180
class party the parents come so we had let's

00:29:49.180 --> 00:29:52.460
say 60 kids Plus parents. And I was just everywhere.

00:29:52.720 --> 00:29:55.559
In your home? No. I was like, absolutely not.

00:29:55.700 --> 00:29:59.349
No. Luckily not in the home. But it was. stressful

00:29:59.349 --> 00:30:02.809
now it's like to the twins i say 10 kids that's

00:30:02.809 --> 00:30:07.470
five friends each but then you then there's my

00:30:07.470 --> 00:30:09.490
son who's gonna be 10 soon and he oh he probably

00:30:09.490 --> 00:30:11.809
will be 10 by the time we do this his party has

00:30:11.809 --> 00:30:13.890
probably already happened and he's like right

00:30:13.890 --> 00:30:16.930
mommy i want to i want a party bus whoa yeah

00:30:16.930 --> 00:30:19.829
dang i know he and he's like i want to do this

00:30:19.829 --> 00:30:22.789
and i'm just like oh my god how do i now sort

00:30:22.789 --> 00:30:24.589
this out because where does a 10 year old's party

00:30:24.589 --> 00:30:29.980
bus go to He wants to go to, and I'm sure this

00:30:29.980 --> 00:30:32.180
has already happened, and I'm thinking this is

00:30:32.180 --> 00:30:35.000
what is going to happen. He wants to go to, what's

00:30:35.000 --> 00:30:37.680
the Wet n' Wild in Passeris? Oh, yeah. Wild,

00:30:37.779 --> 00:30:39.720
Wild, Wild. Which I always called Wet, Wet, Wild,

00:30:39.819 --> 00:30:41.059
and my husband's like, don't say that. Yeah,

00:30:41.119 --> 00:30:43.019
he's like, don't say that. It's a different thing.

00:30:44.339 --> 00:30:46.259
But isn't that the American version? Isn't there

00:30:46.259 --> 00:30:48.420
one in American? We have Wet n' Wild. Oh, which

00:30:48.420 --> 00:30:50.640
is what I just called it, right? Yes. Okay. But

00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:52.960
anyway, yeah, so he wants to go there. Party

00:30:52.960 --> 00:30:55.740
bus to the water park. I mean, that's living

00:30:55.740 --> 00:30:57.900
the dream, man. But, you know, it's going to

00:30:57.900 --> 00:30:59.839
be a bunch of 10 -year -old boys. So I've said

00:30:59.839 --> 00:31:02.420
to my husband, you can go in the party bus from

00:31:02.420 --> 00:31:06.420
there. I'll drive up. I'll drive up. I will be

00:31:06.420 --> 00:31:10.339
listening to my own music and my own way of doing

00:31:10.339 --> 00:31:14.700
things. Back to the women. So a woman who spent

00:31:14.700 --> 00:31:17.519
like 40 something years saying yes to everything.

00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:19.539
I know you've already said, you know, to take

00:31:19.539 --> 00:31:22.460
a pause, but how can she really take that step

00:31:22.460 --> 00:31:27.019
and feel more confident? Is it like a mindset

00:31:27.019 --> 00:31:29.220
shift she needs to work on? Is there some kind

00:31:29.220 --> 00:31:32.299
of gratitude practice? Is there something that

00:31:32.299 --> 00:31:35.480
she can do for herself to really make that easier?

00:31:35.660 --> 00:31:38.160
Because it can be hard. It can be really, if

00:31:38.160 --> 00:31:40.819
you've already spent so much time saying no.

00:31:41.369 --> 00:31:44.450
it can be hard to, you know, say, oh. Absolutely.

00:31:44.670 --> 00:31:47.710
And I think it's also because if you have said

00:31:47.710 --> 00:31:50.549
yes to lots of things, it comes usually as a

00:31:50.549 --> 00:31:52.509
shock to the other person who is hearing the

00:31:52.509 --> 00:31:55.140
noise. Like, where is this coming from? You need

00:31:55.140 --> 00:31:57.440
to figure out what your values really are. And

00:31:57.440 --> 00:31:59.259
that's then how you can build these boundaries

00:31:59.259 --> 00:32:02.000
around you. So what is really important to you?

00:32:02.119 --> 00:32:05.400
So there is lots of resources on the internet.

00:32:05.460 --> 00:32:07.339
If you type in like core values, how to figure

00:32:07.339 --> 00:32:10.019
them out, and it gives you some prompts to figure

00:32:10.019 --> 00:32:13.460
out what you really care about and then figure

00:32:13.460 --> 00:32:17.259
out what triggers you. So when we say no, it

00:32:17.259 --> 00:32:19.880
can be like two different things, right? Is it...

00:32:20.240 --> 00:32:22.599
How do you feel like when you're triggered, when

00:32:22.599 --> 00:32:24.779
you say yes to something that should be a no,

00:32:24.940 --> 00:32:27.140
you feel it within your body, you get frustrated,

00:32:27.339 --> 00:32:29.420
you're resenting the work that you do, or you

00:32:29.420 --> 00:32:31.519
took on like something extra that you definitely

00:32:31.519 --> 00:32:33.839
didn't need to. And then you ask yourself why

00:32:33.839 --> 00:32:36.220
you did it. I think it's like having this moment

00:32:36.220 --> 00:32:39.420
of reflection instead of just brushing it off.

00:32:39.819 --> 00:32:42.640
And just saying, it's okay, I will just figure

00:32:42.640 --> 00:32:44.720
it out. You really need to reflect like, why

00:32:44.720 --> 00:32:48.200
did I do this? Where is this coming from? Have

00:32:48.200 --> 00:32:52.720
you been condition from a young age to be like

00:32:52.720 --> 00:32:55.759
this be people pleasing because like for example

00:32:55.759 --> 00:32:58.960
never were allowed to say something against our

00:32:58.960 --> 00:33:02.880
parents our relatives our grandparents it can

00:33:02.880 --> 00:33:05.240
turn out later as a people pleasing factor where

00:33:05.240 --> 00:33:09.059
we are afraid to confront somebody there's lots

00:33:09.059 --> 00:33:11.920
of people that I've spoken to who said like I

00:33:11.920 --> 00:33:15.390
am great at my job but like with my family I'm

00:33:15.390 --> 00:33:18.009
very conflict avoidant. I don't want to raise

00:33:18.009 --> 00:33:20.609
anything because they want to keep the social

00:33:20.609 --> 00:33:23.769
harmony as well. So I think it's about taking

00:33:23.769 --> 00:33:26.450
the time to reflect on the boundaries that you

00:33:26.450 --> 00:33:28.789
have or also the boundaries that you don't have.

00:33:29.029 --> 00:33:31.750
Are you usually saying yes to when it's actually

00:33:31.750 --> 00:33:34.369
a big no? And to figure out that relationship,

00:33:34.630 --> 00:33:38.130
where it came from, why it's still happening

00:33:38.130 --> 00:33:40.710
and what is the reason behind it? Is it fear?

00:33:41.029 --> 00:33:46.019
It's very hard for adult children of maybe emotionally

00:33:46.019 --> 00:33:48.559
immature parents to have conversations about

00:33:48.559 --> 00:33:51.440
their childhood with them because it always gets

00:33:51.440 --> 00:33:55.319
like brushed off. I hear the sigh. And that is

00:33:55.319 --> 00:33:58.200
something that you need to figure out. And I

00:33:58.200 --> 00:34:02.119
think also, again, you can ask for help. You

00:34:02.119 --> 00:34:06.200
don't need to unpack big topics in your own head.

00:34:06.400 --> 00:34:10.539
We tend to think that counseling or therapy or

00:34:10.539 --> 00:34:15.070
seeing somebody is just if you have major issues,

00:34:15.070 --> 00:34:20.170
no, any form of distress or unpacking that needs

00:34:20.170 --> 00:34:23.630
to be done. It's better to have a very objective

00:34:23.630 --> 00:34:26.750
person who doesn't know you to help you through

00:34:26.750 --> 00:34:30.110
this phase of your life or through this narrative

00:34:30.110 --> 00:34:32.130
or story that you're currently experiencing.

00:34:32.869 --> 00:34:35.750
Your partner is usually way too close to you.

00:34:35.809 --> 00:34:38.409
You don't want to really open up your deepest

00:34:38.409 --> 00:34:41.530
and darkest fears. thoughts behaviors and secrets

00:34:41.530 --> 00:34:43.889
to somebody that you share a house with that

00:34:43.889 --> 00:34:47.269
you share a life with and your parents are usually

00:34:47.269 --> 00:34:50.210
also not the ones that you can talk freely with

00:34:50.210 --> 00:34:52.869
even your best friend I guess they become part

00:34:52.869 --> 00:34:55.369
of your story don't they so whatever the story

00:34:55.369 --> 00:34:58.030
is you know they're intertwined in it in some

00:34:58.030 --> 00:35:01.280
way yes and often it's easier to just like speak

00:35:01.280 --> 00:35:03.820
to somebody objectively for a couple of weeks,

00:35:03.920 --> 00:35:06.000
then you maybe have resolved it. You feel better.

00:35:06.119 --> 00:35:08.280
But then just letting it all go. And I think

00:35:08.280 --> 00:35:10.199
this is this misconception that people still

00:35:10.199 --> 00:35:13.739
have that you need to have something major. If

00:35:13.739 --> 00:35:17.280
it feels major to you. It is important. It is

00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:19.139
important to sort it out. And if it's a stumbling

00:35:19.139 --> 00:35:21.079
block for you to achieve something that you want

00:35:21.079 --> 00:35:23.719
in your life, like clearly you need to find a

00:35:23.719 --> 00:35:26.059
way around that block. I think as coaches that

00:35:26.059 --> 00:35:28.840
happens with us a lot as well. It's like I had

00:35:28.840 --> 00:35:31.239
a client in my office the other day. It made

00:35:31.239 --> 00:35:32.619
me think of her so much when you were just saying

00:35:32.619 --> 00:35:37.139
these things. She is in her 50s now. Adult children

00:35:37.139 --> 00:35:39.960
that still live with her. So her daughter put

00:35:39.960 --> 00:35:44.329
her laundry out on the stairs. My client was

00:35:44.329 --> 00:35:46.570
like, I'm not doing anything with that. And then

00:35:46.570 --> 00:35:48.289
her daughter got home and said, my laundry's

00:35:48.289 --> 00:35:52.690
still out. Oh, my God. And unfortunately, my

00:35:52.690 --> 00:35:54.570
client cowered and was like, oh, I'll get it

00:35:54.570 --> 00:35:56.309
done. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I was

00:35:56.309 --> 00:35:59.429
like, okay, so next time, next time. And she

00:35:59.429 --> 00:36:02.809
said, I felt bad saying no because I have always

00:36:02.809 --> 00:36:05.289
done her laundry in the past. And I was like,

00:36:05.690 --> 00:36:09.630
I was like, she is 19. Yeah. First of all, number

00:36:09.630 --> 00:36:11.329
one, your past doesn't dictate your future. So

00:36:11.329 --> 00:36:14.210
you can set a boundary right now, even if you've

00:36:14.210 --> 00:36:15.869
never said it in the past. Yes. So like that

00:36:15.869 --> 00:36:18.289
can definitely still happen. Secondly, she is

00:36:18.289 --> 00:36:21.309
19. She is an adult. We can all sit down and

00:36:21.309 --> 00:36:23.210
have a conversation about who needs to do that

00:36:23.210 --> 00:36:25.710
laundry and why. You know, even if in the past

00:36:25.710 --> 00:36:27.130
you've done it, your helper's done it, whatever.

00:36:27.289 --> 00:36:29.630
It's like these are conversations that are absolutely

00:36:29.630 --> 00:36:31.849
viable to have, but she's terrified to have them.

00:36:31.929 --> 00:36:34.650
It's hard, like you said, because she has been

00:36:34.650 --> 00:36:38.110
doing it for so many years. But you can change

00:36:38.110 --> 00:36:41.809
and you need to change because if not, this resentment

00:36:41.809 --> 00:36:44.829
is just going to fester over and over again.

00:36:44.929 --> 00:36:47.630
And you keep having the same conversations. Over

00:36:47.630 --> 00:36:49.949
and over again. That's why suddenly people like

00:36:49.949 --> 00:36:52.869
come and have burnouts or like distress and they

00:36:52.869 --> 00:36:55.670
feel like, why am I feeling the way that I'm

00:36:55.670 --> 00:36:58.809
feeling? Because you're not facing difficult

00:36:58.809 --> 00:37:01.829
conversation. Usually there's like somebody that

00:37:01.829 --> 00:37:03.530
you need to say something to, but you've been

00:37:03.530 --> 00:37:07.110
holding it inside and it keeps feeding this resentment

00:37:07.110 --> 00:37:10.010
that you then have. Sometimes people like look

00:37:10.010 --> 00:37:12.550
at each other after 10 years. And they still

00:37:12.550 --> 00:37:14.750
talk about a fight that happened 10 years ago

00:37:14.750 --> 00:37:17.030
because they have not resolved it. You're only

00:37:17.030 --> 00:37:21.150
gaining something if you bring this change. You're

00:37:21.150 --> 00:37:24.289
not winning if you keep in this negative feedback

00:37:24.289 --> 00:37:26.889
loop. Yeah, festering, like you said. And also,

00:37:26.969 --> 00:37:28.309
you know, from the feminist standpoint of this

00:37:28.309 --> 00:37:30.650
whole thing, this is your daughter. She's 19.

00:37:30.989 --> 00:37:33.929
You need to teach her what it looks like to stand

00:37:33.929 --> 00:37:37.369
up for yourself. And also, like you said, if

00:37:37.369 --> 00:37:40.070
she wants to be an independent adult moving forward,

00:37:40.210 --> 00:37:42.010
then you need to learn how to do your own laundry.

00:37:42.070 --> 00:37:44.369
So it's like I'm imparting upon you this wisdom

00:37:44.369 --> 00:37:48.230
and also this gift of how to set boundaries.

00:37:48.409 --> 00:37:50.650
It's like you're doing her a disservice because

00:37:50.650 --> 00:37:53.929
now when she's in her 50s and she's facing down

00:37:53.929 --> 00:37:55.690
this same teenage daughter that's making the

00:37:55.690 --> 00:37:57.610
same thing, all you've taught her is how to cower.

00:37:57.829 --> 00:38:01.469
Yeah, that's very true. So, I mean, it's the

00:38:01.469 --> 00:38:04.840
same. conversations is important but let's say

00:38:04.840 --> 00:38:07.820
someone invites you out for dinner and drinks

00:38:07.820 --> 00:38:10.139
and you really don't want to go and i always

00:38:10.139 --> 00:38:12.420
find myself making an excuse see me in my daily

00:38:12.420 --> 00:38:14.900
life every time i ever do that like obviously

00:38:14.900 --> 00:38:17.840
do you need to give an excuse do you need to

00:38:17.840 --> 00:38:22.059
say i cannot go because i'm busy my kids are

00:38:22.059 --> 00:38:24.539
sick yeah you know like do we need to have a

00:38:24.539 --> 00:38:27.320
conversation can we just say no or is it rude

00:38:27.320 --> 00:38:31.309
to just say no like how do you turn down That's

00:38:31.309 --> 00:38:34.010
not, you know, something to do with laundry or

00:38:34.010 --> 00:38:35.889
your husband that you need to have a conversation

00:38:35.889 --> 00:38:38.210
with your parents. But it's just someone, maybe

00:38:38.210 --> 00:38:40.789
a friend, maybe a colleague or, you know, someone

00:38:40.789 --> 00:38:43.050
who you've just met. How do you say no to them?

00:38:43.329 --> 00:38:46.670
You can just try and say, I can't. And then usually

00:38:46.670 --> 00:38:50.250
they go, OK. Because you have this narrative

00:38:50.250 --> 00:38:53.349
in your head that you need to spin this big story

00:38:53.349 --> 00:38:57.050
and there will be meltdowns and people will miss

00:38:57.050 --> 00:38:59.250
you so much. But usually people will just go,

00:38:59.369 --> 00:39:02.429
okay, it's fine. And what if they keep asking

00:39:02.429 --> 00:39:05.090
you? And you say, I can't, I'm busy. Okay. And

00:39:05.090 --> 00:39:07.829
then eventually get the message. Exactly. And

00:39:07.829 --> 00:39:09.530
eventually they will get it. I think it also

00:39:09.530 --> 00:39:11.670
depends on what kind of relationship you have

00:39:11.670 --> 00:39:14.010
with a friend, right? I'm sure you feel it as

00:39:14.010 --> 00:39:16.550
well. The older we get. Time becomes so much

00:39:16.550 --> 00:39:19.269
more valuable. And also the people that you spend

00:39:19.269 --> 00:39:22.070
this time with. We're very limited in this hustle

00:39:22.070 --> 00:39:25.210
bustle world that we live in. And we always feel

00:39:25.210 --> 00:39:28.590
like we need to do something. Who you spend your

00:39:28.590 --> 00:39:32.110
time with is also very important that it fulfills

00:39:32.110 --> 00:39:34.630
you, that it gives you energy, that it gives

00:39:34.630 --> 00:39:37.130
you the connections, that it gives you something

00:39:37.130 --> 00:39:40.969
in return. Because if you say yes to a social

00:39:40.969 --> 00:39:42.860
gathering that you don't want to be at. You're

00:39:42.860 --> 00:39:45.079
literally just wasting your time. And you also

00:39:45.079 --> 00:39:48.039
feel like, why did I do this? I had this sometimes

00:39:48.039 --> 00:39:50.260
with my husband. And that's like how I built

00:39:50.260 --> 00:39:52.780
also the confidence for these social occasions

00:39:52.780 --> 00:39:55.619
to say, no, I would sometimes come home and I

00:39:55.619 --> 00:39:58.500
would be driving home after a two hour thing.

00:39:59.039 --> 00:40:01.179
And I would ask myself, why did I do this? So

00:40:01.179 --> 00:40:03.679
I have this very real conversation in my head.

00:40:03.699 --> 00:40:06.880
It was like, it really was not. eventful it did

00:40:06.880 --> 00:40:10.039
not give me anything it did not enlighten me

00:40:10.039 --> 00:40:12.800
this this type of conversations because there's

00:40:12.800 --> 00:40:14.519
different type of conversations that like social

00:40:14.519 --> 00:40:16.719
circles have right and i said this to my husband

00:40:16.719 --> 00:40:19.460
and then he just simply said so just don't go

00:40:19.460 --> 00:40:24.090
and i'm like wow can i do that realize yes of

00:40:24.090 --> 00:40:26.989
course I can just not go I will not miss out

00:40:26.989 --> 00:40:29.909
on anything or you just reduce the frequency

00:40:29.909 --> 00:40:33.650
and spend time with people who inspire you people

00:40:33.650 --> 00:40:37.690
you want to have dinner with people who really

00:40:37.690 --> 00:40:40.760
fill your cup as well And I know those people.

00:40:40.800 --> 00:40:43.579
I know the people who make me feel energised

00:40:43.579 --> 00:40:45.719
after I've had a conversation with them and who

00:40:45.719 --> 00:40:47.780
I want to spend my time with. And the problem

00:40:47.780 --> 00:40:50.159
is, like you said, you're at this stage in life

00:40:50.159 --> 00:40:52.599
now where your time is so limited. And saying

00:40:52.599 --> 00:40:56.420
yes to the people who are not going to fill your

00:40:56.420 --> 00:41:00.099
cup feels counterproductive and takes away time

00:41:00.099 --> 00:41:01.960
from the people you actually do want to spend

00:41:01.960 --> 00:41:04.340
time with. Yeah, it does. And can we even like

00:41:04.340 --> 00:41:07.000
talk about it instrumentally in Singapore? You

00:41:07.000 --> 00:41:08.440
come home from that two hour dinner and you've

00:41:08.440 --> 00:41:14.219
also spent like 200 bucks, you know, and something

00:41:14.219 --> 00:41:15.840
I'm working on this year is like trying to reduce

00:41:15.840 --> 00:41:17.280
my alcohol consumption. Right. So it's like,

00:41:17.300 --> 00:41:19.760
I don't want to contribute to the like sixth

00:41:19.760 --> 00:41:21.780
bottle of wine going around and I'm not drinking,

00:41:21.800 --> 00:41:23.380
but you can't bow out of it because it's like

00:41:23.380 --> 00:41:25.000
part of the group, you know, it's like all these

00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:27.400
other, it's like, honestly, time it's money.

00:41:27.480 --> 00:41:30.280
It's your social battery. It's everything. Yeah.

00:41:30.619 --> 00:41:35.420
say F and no. So my husband is the extrovert

00:41:35.420 --> 00:41:38.599
and I'm the introvert. So when we go out together,

00:41:38.739 --> 00:41:42.199
he gets, it really fills him with energy when

00:41:42.199 --> 00:41:47.679
he spends time with so many people. And me after

00:41:47.679 --> 00:41:49.079
like two, three hours, I was like, I'm happy

00:41:49.079 --> 00:41:51.519
to go home and just be quiet. I don't need to

00:41:51.519 --> 00:41:54.460
talk or like do anything. I just like need to

00:41:54.460 --> 00:41:58.619
decompress. And when In like busy holiday seasons,

00:41:58.800 --> 00:42:00.619
for example, like Christmas, you just go like,

00:42:00.699 --> 00:42:02.320
remember when it was Christmas and you could

00:42:02.320 --> 00:42:04.239
only have like five people? Oh my God, that was

00:42:04.239 --> 00:42:07.619
amazing. That was my family's Christmas. Yeah,

00:42:07.719 --> 00:42:09.820
it was though. But it felt like you would have

00:42:09.820 --> 00:42:11.900
Christmas dinners every day because you have

00:42:11.900 --> 00:42:14.039
to go to this person's house and this person's

00:42:14.039 --> 00:42:16.940
house. It was like so many things. It energizes

00:42:16.940 --> 00:42:20.239
extroverts because they really need that social

00:42:20.239 --> 00:42:22.719
energy and they enjoy it. And it's absolutely

00:42:22.719 --> 00:42:26.389
fine if you're like that. But if you are... More

00:42:26.389 --> 00:42:28.449
on the introvert side where you feel like I'm

00:42:28.449 --> 00:42:31.730
okay with just doing once a week kind of dinner

00:42:31.730 --> 00:42:34.489
with friends. You don't have to do more. Not

00:42:34.489 --> 00:42:38.170
because who expects it of you. It's only like

00:42:38.170 --> 00:42:40.309
this own expectations that you set for yourself

00:42:40.309 --> 00:42:44.190
to fit somebody else's image or society's standard

00:42:44.190 --> 00:42:47.590
in a way. But if it doesn't fulfill you, don't

00:42:47.590 --> 00:42:50.550
do it. Because in a way, again, it will drain

00:42:50.550 --> 00:42:54.239
your... battery it's this emotional well -being

00:42:54.239 --> 00:42:58.239
you're mentally just fatigued and exhausted so

00:42:58.239 --> 00:43:00.820
you really need to fill your own cup again what

00:43:00.820 --> 00:43:03.079
i find is it's actually quite funny there's always

00:43:03.079 --> 00:43:05.219
that couple isn't there the one that needs the

00:43:05.219 --> 00:43:07.800
the socializing and the one that doesn't and

00:43:07.800 --> 00:43:11.159
they always end up together yeah it's true it's

00:43:11.159 --> 00:43:13.719
true but like we recently went for dinner and

00:43:13.719 --> 00:43:16.900
my husband is like do you want to come and he's

00:43:16.900 --> 00:43:20.039
like A, B, C, D, E is coming. And I'm like, no.

00:43:21.059 --> 00:43:24.360
And he's absolutely fine with that. I told him,

00:43:24.380 --> 00:43:26.900
you guys are just going to be talking about topics

00:43:26.900 --> 00:43:29.039
that I have nothing in common with, which is

00:43:29.039 --> 00:43:33.679
shipping, by the way. My husband will probably

00:43:33.679 --> 00:43:38.039
fit right into that. Exactly. And he's like,

00:43:38.119 --> 00:43:39.880
why don't you come? And I was like, I'm going

00:43:39.880 --> 00:43:41.840
to be sitting there. I'm going to be wondering

00:43:41.840 --> 00:43:44.820
what I'm doing here. Or somebody will try to

00:43:44.820 --> 00:43:47.059
explain to me the differences between this. ships

00:43:47.059 --> 00:43:49.960
and the cargos. And I don't need that. I rather

00:43:49.960 --> 00:43:52.639
just Netflix with my children at home. You have

00:43:52.639 --> 00:43:54.920
dinner and maybe I come after dinner and join

00:43:54.920 --> 00:43:57.059
you guys for an hour for drinks or something.

00:43:57.179 --> 00:43:59.539
But that's it. But like a sit down dinner to

00:43:59.539 --> 00:44:04.320
talk about things that are not. It's you need

00:44:04.320 --> 00:44:07.099
to know this is your boundary. This is something

00:44:07.099 --> 00:44:09.539
really important to you or not important to you.

00:44:09.579 --> 00:44:11.929
And you need to also follow through. You need

00:44:11.929 --> 00:44:13.989
to probably make these mistakes five times where

00:44:13.989 --> 00:44:16.289
you realize, okay, right. This is it. I realized,

00:44:16.349 --> 00:44:18.909
I think I actually am the, I'm actually the extrovert.

00:44:19.210 --> 00:44:21.230
Now that you just said it, I'm like, oh crap,

00:44:21.329 --> 00:44:23.289
it is me. Cause I make Tyler do all these things.

00:44:23.369 --> 00:44:25.550
Yeah. I make, I'm into these things, but I don't,

00:44:25.550 --> 00:44:27.489
you know, so I actually think I've gotten to

00:44:27.489 --> 00:44:29.630
the point where I used to be the extrovert. Like

00:44:29.630 --> 00:44:32.590
I needed to be out and now I've somehow flipped.

00:44:32.690 --> 00:44:34.190
And I would say, I feel like my husband's just

00:44:34.190 --> 00:44:37.690
kind of dragged me into his, his way of doing

00:44:37.690 --> 00:44:40.889
things. But I'm the one now who's like, I, I,

00:44:41.199 --> 00:44:43.159
just don't feel like I've got the energy for

00:44:43.159 --> 00:44:45.119
it as much as I used to when I was younger. So

00:44:45.119 --> 00:44:47.840
I don't know, you know, I used to love it before,

00:44:47.900 --> 00:44:49.320
but now I'm getting to the point where I'm like,

00:44:49.380 --> 00:44:52.000
I don't know if I love it as much as I did. I

00:44:52.000 --> 00:44:54.219
think like one of the main things that our divide

00:44:54.219 --> 00:44:56.159
is on, it's not even like introvert extrovert.

00:44:56.480 --> 00:44:59.019
It's like. I exist in gym clothes, right? Like,

00:44:59.039 --> 00:45:00.820
like literally exist in gym clothes. Like makeup

00:45:00.820 --> 00:45:05.099
is like all I get. I actually crave like dressy

00:45:05.099 --> 00:45:06.980
time. Yeah. You know, like I want to have dressy

00:45:06.980 --> 00:45:08.900
time. Actually, that's me as well. I want to

00:45:08.900 --> 00:45:10.280
have, I want to have like a necklace on or whatever.

00:45:10.380 --> 00:45:12.980
And like Tyler, my husband never craves dressy

00:45:12.980 --> 00:45:15.440
time. Are you effing kidding? That dude is gym

00:45:15.440 --> 00:45:17.500
clothes, scrubs and scene. Like there is no other

00:45:17.500 --> 00:45:20.260
thing. Right. So we recently went to a ball.

00:45:20.380 --> 00:45:23.000
It was our first and only after being here for

00:45:23.000 --> 00:45:27.420
10 years. And Tyler was like, I. can never do

00:45:27.420 --> 00:45:30.679
that again like i there's zero time like a tuxedo

00:45:30.679 --> 00:45:32.659
the length of it you know it's like a six hour

00:45:32.659 --> 00:45:34.300
production right with all the things you know

00:45:34.300 --> 00:45:36.059
and it was an american ball like i was playing

00:45:36.059 --> 00:45:38.519
the thing anyway and i was like i really can't

00:45:38.519 --> 00:45:40.099
do it again it's like never again and i was like

00:45:40.099 --> 00:45:42.320
well i i like i need to put on ball gowns sometimes

00:45:42.320 --> 00:45:44.699
and we're gonna have to go together instead so

00:45:44.699 --> 00:45:47.940
no problem so in our in this year We're going

00:45:47.940 --> 00:45:49.960
to do, I'm going to do an all girls table. Yeah,

00:45:49.960 --> 00:45:51.260
makes sense. And we're just going to be pretty

00:45:51.260 --> 00:45:53.619
princesses together and F it. And none of the

00:45:53.619 --> 00:45:56.639
husbands need to go. You find these ways around

00:45:56.639 --> 00:45:57.980
where it's like, you don't have to, then it's

00:45:57.980 --> 00:45:59.719
not like, well, you never get to do stuff you

00:45:59.719 --> 00:46:02.300
want to do, but also like you can't, you don't

00:46:02.300 --> 00:46:04.639
have to drag another person into something against

00:46:04.639 --> 00:46:06.760
their will. You don't. To set your own boundary.

00:46:06.920 --> 00:46:09.099
Yeah. I think like in a couple, right? It's like,

00:46:09.099 --> 00:46:11.679
like you said, you do stuff for one another,

00:46:11.840 --> 00:46:14.179
but it should not be the expectations that you

00:46:14.179 --> 00:46:16.840
have to do it all the time. So where you go,

00:46:17.260 --> 00:46:20.179
Sure, I'll come once in a while and it's a nice

00:46:20.179 --> 00:46:22.699
thing then, but I don't need to do this every

00:46:22.699 --> 00:46:25.719
Friday night. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's the give

00:46:25.719 --> 00:46:27.539
and take, isn't it? It's like in every relationship,

00:46:27.719 --> 00:46:30.300
you've got to give a little and then also take

00:46:30.300 --> 00:46:33.199
some. Because it can't always be giving the whole

00:46:33.199 --> 00:46:35.739
time is too much. Yeah, I had this with my husband,

00:46:35.820 --> 00:46:39.860
like Dr. Shefali. She wrote a book about conscious

00:46:39.860 --> 00:46:42.400
parenting. She was in Singapore. Oh, she was?

00:46:42.780 --> 00:46:46.769
How do we know that? It's okay. There was only

00:46:46.769 --> 00:46:50.010
like a one week notice to this. I was also like

00:46:50.010 --> 00:46:52.329
in shock, but I saw it and I sent it to my husband

00:46:52.329 --> 00:46:54.929
and I was like, we should go. I didn't say I

00:46:54.929 --> 00:46:57.550
should go because I know that I should go. I

00:46:57.550 --> 00:46:59.730
was like, we should go. And he's like, you're

00:46:59.730 --> 00:47:02.710
right. I will go with you. He immediately saw

00:47:02.710 --> 00:47:04.929
the importance in that. Yeah, because like you

00:47:04.929 --> 00:47:07.269
do things for each other. It doesn't mean that

00:47:07.269 --> 00:47:10.889
also you have to say no to everything. But once

00:47:10.889 --> 00:47:14.539
in a while. Yeah, you're right. And I think in

00:47:14.539 --> 00:47:17.639
order to find yourself and be true to yourself,

00:47:17.840 --> 00:47:21.639
saying no is important, but then also finding

00:47:21.639 --> 00:47:24.739
out what your values are and being who you want

00:47:24.739 --> 00:47:27.920
to be is how you're going to basically. thrive

00:47:27.920 --> 00:47:30.860
yeah you know and again never never more important

00:47:30.860 --> 00:47:32.599
than when you're in your 40s if you ask me like

00:47:32.599 --> 00:47:34.780
you if you haven't figured it out by now it's

00:47:34.780 --> 00:47:38.320
a long road ahead it is it is 40s is a new 30s

00:47:38.320 --> 00:47:44.659
right and it's a fantastic time to to really

00:47:44.659 --> 00:47:48.980
discover yourself if women but also men haven't

00:47:48.980 --> 00:47:51.679
had but i also would like to say there is a growing

00:47:51.679 --> 00:47:55.650
population of men who through probably the help

00:47:55.650 --> 00:47:57.769
of social media and the resources that you have

00:47:57.769 --> 00:48:02.150
now, are revisiting their childhoods, their experiences

00:48:02.150 --> 00:48:04.630
and how it shaped them. So they're also going

00:48:04.630 --> 00:48:08.929
through this self -growth at the moment and having

00:48:08.929 --> 00:48:11.389
so much more awareness. And I think it's a great...

00:48:12.039 --> 00:48:14.380
I would like to say like it's like our generation

00:48:14.380 --> 00:48:18.480
where we really are trying to be more aware and

00:48:18.480 --> 00:48:21.000
conscious about how we are parenting the next

00:48:21.000 --> 00:48:23.880
generation. What values do you want to pass on?

00:48:23.960 --> 00:48:25.960
Even if you don't have kids, but like how do

00:48:25.960 --> 00:48:27.480
you want to live your life? What is important

00:48:27.480 --> 00:48:29.760
to you? Because the priorities that you probably

00:48:29.760 --> 00:48:33.119
had in your 30s and 20s are not it anymore. So

00:48:33.119 --> 00:48:37.360
what can we do to get better? And also to have

00:48:37.360 --> 00:48:39.960
better conversations with ourselves in our head,

00:48:40.099 --> 00:48:42.719
because this is the person you're going to spend

00:48:42.719 --> 00:48:45.179
the most time with in the future. It's yourself.

00:48:45.500 --> 00:48:48.800
You need to be really attuned to who you are.

00:48:49.360 --> 00:48:52.619
You need to be aware of your values, your boundaries,

00:48:52.679 --> 00:48:55.860
and you need to be okay with who you are. This

00:48:55.860 --> 00:48:58.000
has been an absolutely wonderful conversation.

00:48:58.239 --> 00:49:01.400
I feel like we've got so much out of it and understanding

00:49:01.400 --> 00:49:04.340
who we are, how to say no, and how to say yes

00:49:04.340 --> 00:49:06.440
to things that we want to say yes to. But before

00:49:06.440 --> 00:49:08.599
we go, we do want to ask you one final question.

00:49:08.659 --> 00:49:11.840
And that is, what's your 40s formula? What piece

00:49:11.840 --> 00:49:15.280
of advice, mantra, or just some tips you would

00:49:15.280 --> 00:49:17.340
like to give our listeners on how they can thrive

00:49:17.340 --> 00:49:20.719
in their 40s? Know your core values, set your

00:49:20.719 --> 00:49:24.280
boundaries and be really attuned to your inner

00:49:24.280 --> 00:49:27.059
world. I think that's really important. Amazing.

00:49:27.360 --> 00:49:29.699
Boundaries, values. That's very psychology of

00:49:29.699 --> 00:49:34.159
you. Thank you for that, doctor. Amazing. Thank

00:49:34.159 --> 00:49:36.699
you so much, Marissa. It has been amazing. Thank

00:49:36.699 --> 00:49:38.579
you so much for having me. This was amazing.

00:49:38.800 --> 00:49:41.480
Thank you. Thank you. Right, guys, let's talk

00:49:41.480 --> 00:49:43.480
about perimenopause for a second. One moment

00:49:43.480 --> 00:49:45.639
you're feeling like yourself and the next everything

00:49:45.639 --> 00:49:48.219
seems to shift. Your body's making changes that

00:49:48.219 --> 00:49:50.480
can leave you feeling out of control. And that's

00:49:50.480 --> 00:49:51.960
when it starts to feel like a bit of a roller

00:49:51.960 --> 00:49:54.739
coaster. But here's the good news. Strength,

00:49:54.880 --> 00:49:57.059
both physical and mental, can be your anchor

00:49:57.059 --> 00:49:59.380
through it all. The right kind of movement along

00:49:59.380 --> 00:50:01.699
with the right kind of support really helps you

00:50:01.699 --> 00:50:03.900
manage these shifts. That's why we love Great

00:50:03.900 --> 00:50:06.119
Moves and their Menopause Mojo program. It's

00:50:06.119 --> 00:50:08.880
specifically designed for perimenopause and menopause

00:50:08.880 --> 00:50:11.300
with pelvic floor support, breathwork and strength

00:50:11.300 --> 00:50:13.579
training. all aimed at helping you feel more

00:50:13.579 --> 00:50:16.599
confident and in control. Exactly. It's about

00:50:16.599 --> 00:50:19.119
building resilience in both your body and your

00:50:19.119 --> 00:50:21.579
mindset. You can't stop the changes, but you

00:50:21.579 --> 00:50:24.380
can take charge of how you respond. And that's

00:50:24.380 --> 00:50:26.980
exactly what Great Moves helps you do. Stay strong

00:50:26.980 --> 00:50:29.739
and supported through the whole journey. And

00:50:29.739 --> 00:50:32.099
we've got an exclusive offer just for our listeners.

00:50:32.380 --> 00:50:38.480
Use code TFF30 at moves .great .com for $20 off

00:50:38.480 --> 00:50:41.650
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00:50:41.650 --> 00:50:44.929
menopause mojo program. Guys, you know, we love

00:50:44.929 --> 00:50:46.489
coffee. And if you want to show us some love,

00:50:46.590 --> 00:50:48.389
you know, you can always get us one. Just visit

00:50:48.389 --> 00:50:52.789
buymeacoffee .com slash the 40s formula. Cheers.

00:50:53.809 --> 00:50:56.409
Before we go, please remember to hit subscribe

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00:51:26.079 --> 00:51:27.960
this community. And we'll be back next week for

00:51:27.960 --> 00:51:29.739
more empowering conversations with inspiring

00:51:29.739 --> 00:52:14.159
guests. Bye. You know, like someone might be

00:52:14.159 --> 00:52:16.059
on there because their mum has always told them,

00:52:16.079 --> 00:52:18.179
oh, you're amazing and you're great. And then

00:52:18.179 --> 00:52:23.599
you're like, yeah, la, la, la, la. And you go,

00:52:23.699 --> 00:52:29.440
thank you. All right, so Marissa, bear with us

00:52:29.440 --> 00:52:31.420
with this because we're actually semi -new to

00:52:31.420 --> 00:52:33.480
the teleprompter. Yeah, we always get the speed

00:52:33.480 --> 00:52:35.880
wrong. Ideally what will happen is we'll do this

00:52:35.880 --> 00:52:37.920
little intro and we'll go smoothly into the discussion.

00:52:38.019 --> 00:52:41.110
Okay. If we F up, then we'll just start at the

00:52:41.110 --> 00:52:44.449
top. It's the best case scenario. You'll see

00:52:44.449 --> 00:52:44.769
what happens.