Guys, we have some exciting news. The 40s Formula
is going live on August 14th at the Green Collective
at Funan Mall. We are going to dive deep into
the science, myths, and struggles around sugar
addiction. Breakfast and coffee are on us, thanks
to the generous sponsors, Guzman y Gomez. It's
a small and intimate event with only 15 spots,
so it's first come, first served. Tickets are
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$5 towards your purchase at the Green Collective.
Come and join us for a conversation that might
change the way you eat. Think and fail. Everybody's
getting a little bit noisy. It's about time for
us to just start to try to reconnect with who
we are. More often than not, I think we really
need to just quiet it down. Stop trying to live
somebody else's script. Really stop trying to
figure out what society wants you to be and try
to figure out where you are coming from yourself.
Suddenly the script just doesn't fit. Suddenly
I just don't feel like I'm in the place that
I'm supposed to be. Hide behind that. persona
that we think the world is expecting us to be
the whole world is getting a little bit uncertain
and with uncertainty breeds fear our identities
shouldn't be wrapped up in what we do it should
be wrapped up in what we believe because when
you get down to the root of it all that person
that voice she's really not gone Hey, and welcome
to The 40s Formula, your go -to place for insightful
discussions on navigating the 40s and thriving
in this transformative decade. We're your hosts,
Jasmine and Amanda, two women that are passionate
about exploring the challenges and adventures
that come with turning 40 and what lies ahead.
All right, before we dive into today's episode.
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meets convenience. Today's episode is for any
woman who's ever looked at herself in the mirror,
looked at her life and even her LinkedIn bio
and thought, who am I now? In our 40s, the identity
wobble is real. Between the algorithm, your responsibilities,
aging, expectations, you feel like you're being
pulled in a million different directions while
trying to stay grounded to who you truly are.
So joining us today, we have Chrissy Choo. She
is a storyteller, a brand strategist, an all
-round voice of reason in a world that often
rewards the loudest, the fakest, and the most
filtered versions of ourselves. Welcome, Chrissy.
Thank you, Jasmine. Such a lovely introduction
as well. And thank you so much for inviting me,
Amanda. We are so happy to have you here. This
is one of our fave topics, I think. Yes, so excited.
Now, before we get going, Chrissy, the first
question we'd like to ask you is, why should
women tune into today's conversation? Thanks
for putting the pressure on. Gotta start big.
Make it hot. Go big or go home. Actually, I don't
think that I usually would lean on the word should.
Should always leads to shame. And I think today's
topic, we're really trying to move away from
shame and move into creation instead. One of
the most important things that I see in the world
today is that everybody's getting a little bit
noisy. this is the noisiest I've ever seen. And
there's so much news, right? So much going on
out there. You've got AI, you've got productivity,
you've got everybody that is getting into AI.
They're going like, how come I'm not feeling
like I have my time back? And unfortunately for
Act 2, for most of us ladies in our 40s, this
is when it really gets really noisy. But the
mirror also gets really blurry. So I think today's
topic is quite timely because it's... It's about
time for us to just start to try to reconnect
with who we are beneath our roles and beneath
the reels. It does feel like there's just so
much going on. And how do you know who you really
are? You say something along the lines of, are
you an extra in your own life or are you the
main character? How do you become the main character?
I think it really is about quieting it down.
Early on, we're talking about noise and how it's
really noisy out there. But if you want to talk
about analogies, because, you know, you brought
up the extra in somebody else's film rather than
the hero in your own plot. If you really want
to talk about analogies, doesn't it feel like
we're playing some drama, soap opera, and the
fourth wall is totally broken and everybody's
just watching with popcorn in their hands and
waiting for you to just be profound and, you
know, polished all the time on demand? But more
often than not, I think we really need to just
quiet it down and stop trying to live somebody
else's script, right? Really stop trying to figure
out what society wants you to be and try to figure
out where you are coming from yourself. Because
when you get down to the root of it all, that
person, that voice, she's really not gone. she's
just hiding underneath all those roles under
those responsibilities and all your habits that
become second nature to you so now you're just
a person that's practicing somebody else somebody
that somebody else is expecting you to be well
i don't think that's very good for us because
more often than not when we get into our 40s
we start realizing that this person that i have
Spent all my life building up to become. Suddenly
the script just doesn't fit. Suddenly I just
don't feel like I'm in the place that I'm supposed
to be. It could be just as simple as spending
your whole life just serving other people, looking
after the kids, forgetting yourself, putting
yourself last. Ladies, aren't we doing that all
the time? All the time. No matter how much we
tell ourselves we're going to have me time, we're
going to have pampering time, but we're always
putting ourselves last. It's about time that
we start thinking about what we want, about finding
out who we really want to be. You know, that
voice that you have toned down, tamed down and
just forgotten, just to fit in. Because so many
times in our lives, we just want to fit in just
so that we can hide behind that persona that
we think the world is expecting us to be. and
it could be it's not our fault it really is not
our fault because we spent half our lives trying
to just fit in trying to not stand out in class
because you're going to get picked on by the
teacher and we spent i don't even know if i should
say this but we spent the first 10 years in singapore
saying the pledge and progress for our nation
productivity then becomes self -worth right our
achievements becomes our identities we move that
on into life right we start looking at our certificates,
our achievements, the projects that we've done,
the things that we're trying to achieve, the
goals that we're setting for ourselves so that
it's going to look good on our CVs. But the CVs
doesn't have what we believe. Do you think that
that is a more, do you see that more urgently,
I should say, in women in their 40s who are Singaporean
versus women in their 40s who have grown up overseas?
I can't really speak for other people that have
grown up overseas, but I don't think that this
is a Singaporean story. I think that the whole
world is getting a little bit uncertain. And
with uncertainty breeds fear, right? But it's
not to say that we don't know who we are. Because
there's one thing that social media has done
for us. It's also created a lot more points of
views. a lot more perspective and it's easier
for us to look outside our cultures and then
we start to decide and we start to believe that
we have permission to choose and i think that's
really important because more often than not
we're not allowing ourselves to be loud and we're
not allowing our voices to come out because we're
waiting for permission for us to allow ourselves
to speak but when we see somebody else it's like
that four minute mile it's like Okay, so sorry.
All my film analogies coming on now. We love
it. Again, Roger Bannister fan right here. Tell
the story, girl. So it's just like the four -minute
mile. When you can see somebody else do something
that you thought you couldn't achieve, all of
a sudden it opens up. Correct. Opportunities,
perspective, possibilities all open up for you.
And then all of a sudden, it's not about, well,
what are you posting for? What are you trying
to create? I think it's more intentional. versus
attraction are you looking to pose for attention
or intention and I think once we start to understand
that this is for us this is for us finding our
own journey then productivity as our self -worth
kind of fades away do you think that then this
whole sort of digital age with AI and everything
that's happening is making midlife messier or
more meaningful I think it's a little bit of
both isn't it I think I'd have to agree with
you. Oh, gosh. Messier or more meaningful? I
think it's more convenience versus... Well, it's
all messy, isn't it? Everything's messy. I don't
know. It really feels like in our 40s, we thought
that we've come so far. We've built so much.
And in our 40s, we've kind of started to feel
that this is a bit of a messy middle. I like
to call us ladies, women in our act two, right?
I love that term, by the way. I feel like, you
know, it is, it's like round two, act two, it
works very well. And once we start to identify
that, you know, this is not the end and we start
to try to figure out like how are we going to
then use this digital age to kind of build us
and help us to amplify our voice, then all of
a sudden it's not just a tool to distract us
anymore, right? Gosh, there's this narrative
going around that AI is supposed to be there
to make life so much easier, more productive,
get more stuff done. But what do we do with that
extra time? Yeah. Go right back to the school
or whatever. Yeah. What else can I do now? No.
I believe that this extra time is a gift, right?
For us to ramp up and be more robotic, more of
a machine to show that we can, or you've got
this extra time. So that you can do all the things
that you wanted to do. To find yourself, to allow
yourself to be more human. Human versus AI. Wow.
Human should win. I hope so. AI is just supposed
to be a tool to amplify us, right? Not to fear.
I think we're just so used to fear. I think that
we're just in this habit loop. That if we don't
have anything to fear anymore, we don't know
what to do with our time. I don't know if you
know this, but there's this saying that says
that, you know, a person never really finds himself
more than 30 minutes of quiet a day. Like, they
just don't know what to do with their time. It's
hard. It's hard to just sit there in silence.
Yeah, and do nothing. Because they're more afraid
of their own thoughts. Yeah. I think that's a
shame. You know, it's like, we're even afraid.
Earlier on, before we started, we were even afraid
of giving our children some space to be bored.
Because we're afraid that we're going to be up
to no good. Although I do say to the kids, I'm
like, when you're bored, that's when ideas come.
That's when you, you know, you come up with something
to do. So I'm like, go figure it out. Yeah, go
make up a game. Yeah, exactly right. Best ideas
will come during that moment of being bored,
being quiet. But you're 100 % right because no
one has the, no one has the, I'm not going to
say time. That's not the correct word. But I
think it's the feeling. comfortable in that situation
because no one likes to feel uncomfortable yeah
the whole idea is about being self -aware isn't
it being comfortable with yourself is being self
-aware i think there's so much that we don't
want to look to ourselves in the first place
and that's pretty much the problem coming back
to a question earlier on i think that this is
finally the time digital age right it's finally
the time where we can actually find ourselves
looking for our tribe We're so much more connected.
And you're asking yourself, am I posting to connect
or am I posting for applause? But more often
than not, we're also looking for other people
that we can connect with. And this resonates
with everybody's stories. And that's what I love
about social media. So right now I'm working
on a book for pregnant and postpartum women.
And I think this is a community for whom social
media has been a savior. Because when you are
in the trenches of postpartum, three weeks out,
feeding around the clock, you're up at 3 a .m.,
you're up at 4 a .m., and you're just looking
for someone who's in that world with you, and
no one is in that world with you other than social
media, right? Even your partner is sleeping away
in the bed, right? Or even your mom friend that
had a baby at the same time, she's down the street.
It's like you are literally so alone in that
moment, but if you can click on and connect with
some women going through the exact same thing
in that same moment, there is such value. value
in that tribe and it's fully online right there's
no you know there's no interaction in that moment
at 3 a .m other than your baby but i think that
that's where the power lies for women who have
formerly not been exposed to those communities
no 100 i so agree with you i just brought back
memories right it's like either you're feeding
them and you just Don't drop the baby. Yes. That's
the first. Yes. Don't drop the baby. It's like
pitch black, right? So you're just like, I hope
it's like in the right place. Or you're just
listening to this pump, you know, this monotonous
pump and you just go, oh, when is this going
to end? And it's like, don't fall over the chair.
Yes. Oh my gosh. And there you are online and
somewhere around the world, another lady is awake
at the very same time. And it's magical. Yes.
You just connect. and you know that you are not
alone i think that's the key yeah just knowing
that you are not alone knowing that somebody
else is going through the same thing and that's
your tribe and that's what i'm so in love with
what you ladies are doing right here thank you
because this is so important we're trying to
connect the tribe girl all across this island
but also worldwide and everybody feels the same
thing correct me if i'm wrong but i think most
of us are afraid to just voice it out Because
we always baby our problems, right? It's like,
no, this is my problem. You're not going to understand.
And if you say that, then you're probably right.
But if you allow yourselves to find that connection,
and sometimes you have to be the first one to
post. And that's what storytelling is, right?
You post. And it's not about creating a personal
brand. You're not branding yourself, but you're
just finding a way to just let your story. Number
one, help you find yourself. And number two,
when this actually resonates with somebody else,
that's number two. She could be in your same
country. She could be halfway around the other
side of the world. But at the end of the day,
we are all human. Humans got human stories and
we're probably all pretty much the same, regardless
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new app. So when it comes to posting your story.
Being authentic is a big thing. And I feel like
people really do connect with people, other people
who show authenticity. That's the right way of
saying it. How do you show up authentically online?
Because there's so many filters and everyone's
posting with the most perfect skin and the biggest
lips and the bluest eyes. How do you be yourself?
When everyone else always seems prettier and
taller and slimmer and more muscular than me.
I better not post anything because it'll look
like crap compared to XYZ. Oh gosh, that's a
big one, isn't it? Because it's not about authenticity.
I think authenticity is also a very difficult
word to wrestle with. It's not about being raw.
It's more about being rooted. It's more about...
What are your intentions when you post? Are you
trying to post to get an applause? Are you trying
to post to get validation? Are you posting, well,
maybe for a job, you know? I think more often
than not, when we try to figure out what storytelling
really is, is to help us understand who we are
and how we're showing up doesn't have to be for
somebody else. It can really just be about us
trying to find ourselves. I have a newsletter.
And to be very honest, I posted very, very early
on, like maybe July last year, with the little
intention of just trying to see if anybody else
felt stuck just like me. And I'd learned how
to get myself unstuck. I was learning how to
reinvent myself. I was learning how to, oh gosh,
find a way to... use my storytelling to help
somebody else you know because I was thinking
myself like I documented this for a reason you
know it was maybe it was to help my son maybe
it was to help my friends get out of a hard place
and then I started to question myself is this
really helpful and then I thought oh gosh that's
very um egotistical for me to say You should
do this or, you know, try this out. You know,
that's just not a really nice way to get around.
So what I tried to do earlier on was just to
post for myself, first person and say, this is
my story. This is what helped me. Let me know
if this resonates with you. And it did in about,
oh gosh, how long has it been? 10 months. I've
got maybe 800 people organically. It started
with mostly Singaporeans and then all of a sudden
it's like 8 % Singapore. Wow. So it's not even
Singapore, it's like Afghanistan, Malaysia, Indonesia,
Philippines. And what I found was that maybe
mindset isn't something that we are very open
to talk about here, but everybody's just going
through the same thing. So in posting to try
to find out about myself. to try to write so
that I can understand myself better. I started
to see that a lot of people were DMing me and
saying, hey, thanks for putting this out there.
This really got to me and it helped me to understand
my son better and so on and so forth. And then
it got addictive, isn't it? And then I started
to see that, yes, just like everybody else, it
was always a two -way street. It's not just me
posting just for myself, but that was part one.
After that, it was also seeing how it can help
other people. Knowing that I can reach somebody
to make somebody feel something gave me a lot
more encouragement that my life lessons now had
a reason for living, right? For me going through
all that pain. Now there was a reason that helped
me understand myself better. And now I can show
other people that they can do the same to get
themselves unstuck. And I think that's quite
important. I think everybody has a capacity to
do that. But a lot of people don't believe that
their voice actually matters. And just give it
a shot. I say that. So I tend to get a few people
asking me also about sort of Instagram and, you
know, how do I put myself out there? And sometimes
I just say, just do it. Because if someone finds
you interesting, they'll watch. If they don't
find it interesting, they'll swipe. No one's
going to comment and say, oh, my God, that was
so cringe or no one's going to. Or why didn't
you put makeup on? Yeah. Like, you know, I think
women especially, they worry so much about how
they appear on social media. And it's like, no,
no, it's just like, say your thing. People love
it. Like they're not looking at that aspect of
you the way you look at that aspect of you. Yeah.
It's more about the message and whether that
resonates with somebody. Yeah. Yeah. I totally,
I totally hear that. And, and so one of the other
things you tend to find is that when women approach
their forties or get into their forties, they
don't know who they are. They, you know, they've,
they've gone their whole life being, you know,
somebody's mom, a wife, employee. And then it's
like, how do you find who you are? How do you
write your story? If that is something that you
now want to do, if you want to really truly become
the person who you want to be how how would you
go about doing that i think it's more about unlearning
what we had to put on it's about decluttering
all that noise that's surrounding us whether
it's trying to be somebody else you know how
they always say we don't have the luxury for
purpose or passion you've got kids what passion
are you talking about i don't think that it's
supposed to be a luxury i think it's essential
i think women especially so we need to be the
pillars in our family we need to just understand
who we are and live honestly because the children
are watching yeah and if we actually just take
a moment to pause and just go inside and just
ask yourself what is actually more important
because we all play different roles in our house
right especially for the mom the working mom
We have to play the different role. We have to
be a bit of a balancing beam to, you know, the
other half. And his role is very clear. He is
there and he is there to just have a little bit
more foundation, you know, be the achiever going
out there to, I don't know, you know, put his
flag in the sand and so on. And the kids are
watching him too. But if that is all they're
seeing from both parents, then we've got a bit
of a problem because then we are also then creating
what we're trying to avoid, which is productivity
being self -worth. But I don't think that that's
the end of the story because if you start to
think about it, our identities shouldn't be wrapped
up in what we do. It should be wrapped up in
what we believe. I think this whole thing about
this AI trying to help us be... more productive
is to give us a bit more space so that we can
be there for our families so that we can actually
find ourselves now how do we find ourselves after
all this noise maybe it's not supposed to be
a destination maybe it's not about arriving maybe
it is the direction i don't think that i can
sit here and tell you honestly that I enjoyed
all the calamities or all the pain and suffering
that I had in my life. No, I don't think it's
about that. But after a while, I realized that
asking why does this keep happening to me was
not doing me any favors. It was keeping me stuck.
I felt like I was playing somebody else's script,
like trying to reinvent myself in somebody else's
game. And the minute I said, well... I hear this
all the time. Life is not happening to me. Life
is happening for me. Yes, it got me unstuck,
right? And I started looking at things a little
bit differently. But after a while, when you
think, what about taking it a little bit further?
What about if life is happening through me? What
does that mean? What does it mean? So if life
is happening through me, it means that I have
more control. The steering wheel is back in my
hands. Life is happening to me creates a lot
of fear. So I'm there stepping on the accelerator
and the brake at the same time. I'm going to
wear out my engine very fast, right? Life is
happening for me. Helps me to then clarify, get
settled and go like, okay, all this stuff that
is wrecking my focus right now, I'm sure I'm
supposed to learn something for it, right? that
helps me a little bit. But when you think that
life is happening through you, you have the choice.
You then are able to take responsibility for
what you're going to choose. And decisions are
so important. So all of a sudden, you have this
decision to make. If this is happening through
me, what does this pain actually mean? I think
it's also about how the pain then doesn't define
you or confine you. It starts to become like
road signs. I mean, we're using driving analogies.
Yeah, I like it. I'm in the car. Let's go. And
if you're seeing the pain points and the pain
signs and all these things are suffering, then
you're just going to be like, oh, again. And
you're going to be in a loop because you're not
going to see the signs. But if you see the signs
and signals, then it's like, okay, this pain
is what I do not want. I don't want to live this
again. And if you start to... speak of it, you
get a little bit more distance from yourself
and the pain. You name it and then all of a sudden
you're even more distant. It's now a character
in your story. Once you see that this is happening
again and again, you can identify it as a trigger
point. Once you have done so, then this trigger
point is going to be telling you two things.
This is not where I want to be and now I can
imagine where I do want to be. So then you split.
Have a choice. Do you want to go down the same
road and do the loop again? Just stay in the
roundabout. Or you want to make different decisions
and get into a place of control. More often than
not, I think we all want to go for the control,
right? And once you start seeing that you can
have this ownership of making these different
decisions, you're no longer a victim anymore.
And you're no longer living in fear. And you
have separated yourself so far that every time
you start to see, this trigger come up again,
then all of a sudden it's just like, oh, I've
been here before. Me too. What can I do differently
this time? And every time you have another experience
from that moment on, you can see it as road signs
that will lead you further away from the life
that you actually want to live or bring you closer.
I think that's really beautiful because we want
control. And I think that's so important, isn't
it? Because I think a lot of people get stuck
in this victim mindset of, oh, why does this
always happen to me? This is my life. I've just
got to deal with it. But you're right. If you
can look at what the issue is, you can then make
a choice of having a different path, going down
a different road. Because it's easier. It's easier
to be. in pain it's easier to just say i am this
is always happening to me i have no control you
know this is my society this is the place that
i grew up in and you relinquish your control
but if you just even take responsibility for
that moment and if this i'm not saying go and
quit your job by the way you know like we have
responsibilities but don't think that you didn't
make that decision if you do it on purpose and
you make the choice that this is this is what
i chose to do It might just be for a moment.
It could be for a season. It could be for a lifetime.
But I choose this because I know what my values
are and I know what I'm sacrificing for this.
And it's okay. Then all of a sudden, you're not
a victim anymore. I came across an amazing quote
over the weekend. I posted it and I was like,
I posted with like the brain explosion emoji
because it really hit me. And it was like, Everything
gets easier with practice. So be careful what
you practice. Exactly. So if you practice being
a victim and you practice falling into the same
traps every fucking time, guess what? That's
going to be your easy path. And it's very unfortunate
for you. That is so good. That is so good. Right?
I know. Brain exposure emoji definitely warranted
there. I can't attribute the quote. I'm not sure
who was, but the internet gave me that. Yeah,
you see, it helps you just realize sometimes
we know this. Sometimes it's just something that
we understand internally, but we just don't want
to admit it. And we don't want to be in the gray
list by saying something naughty. And everybody's
going to be like, who do you think you are? A
lot of us want somebody to speak out some truth
that... we feel deep inside and hello ladies
you guys are doing that damn right oh yeah do
you think personal storytelling is primarily
just for people starting out businesses or can
it even work for someone who you know has got
nothing to sell nothing to nothing to to to prove
like how does that all work Do you need a brand?
Do you need to be a brand? Do you feel like that's
the thing that people are moving towards now?
No, you don't need a brand to have personal storytelling.
What is personal branding? Personal branding
is pretty much PR. And we start to think about
it that way. What is storytelling? Storytelling
is how we, well, it's the long approach of us
trying to figure out who we are. As a human,
as a person. or as a community now storytelling
is a way of helping to reach people because we
don't like to think in point form of course it
helps us to i like to joke right the point form
and the logic it's there the emotions it what
that's what gets us moving that's what makes
us make decisions the logic It's what we use
to explain why we use the credit card in the
first place. But when you start to think about
it, I think personal branding is for everyone.
Right now, especially with AI, everybody has
something to say. But because of AI, everybody
looks the same. And it's terrible because then
if you wanted to then just... come out and be
authentic and actually say what counts and what
you think is going to help people because you're
finally being true, you're going to stand out
and it's not going to take much effort. All you
have to do is to own your story, to understand
where you're coming from and to be brave enough
to just put it out there. It doesn't have to
be raw, but it has to be rooted. authentic, truthful,
because that's going to be exactly the opposite
of what everybody else is going to be doing with
the AI comments, you know, the auto AI comments.
And everybody else is going to sound the same,
but if you have something beautiful to say and
you can be really authentic, then your story
is going to stand out. I think that's really
important. Let me counterpoint that, though.
Right. So I'm thinking of a business perspective
specifically. Right. So it's like the algorithms,
you know, the views, the eyeballs, they reward.
You looking more like the others. Right. So it's
like if you use the same trending audio, you're
going to get more eyeballs. If you hop on that
little Instagram trend of I met my former self
today, you're going to get more looks. So it's
like how do we as business owners dissociate
from what we're being rewarded with financially
or, you know, PR wise with what is authentic
to our stories? Well, I think it's about being
honest. And at the end of the day, are you really
posting to connect or are you posting for applause?
And it's really very simple. If you're posting
and you're getting so much attention from algorithm,
you got to start wondering whether these people
are really there to hear what you have to say,
or is it just the algorithm helping you to boost
that post? I don't think that I'm doing really
well online. I like to joke that I used to be.
More IRL, you know, in real life. And right now
it is about trying to figure out and do a little
bit of experimentation online. If you're going
to be allowing yourself to sound like everybody
else, there is no differentiation. How is your
audience then going to pick and choose from you?
It would be a price battle if you have something
to sell. But more than ever right now. AI is
helping us with our CVs. It's helping us with
our copy. It's helping us with our funnels. So
when you start to think about it, everybody else
is going to have the same thing, the same look,
the same voice. Then how are you going to stand
out? I think the market is big enough. And I
think that if we wanted to really touch people
and connect with people, it's not just about
getting the looks and the views. It's not about
going viral to stand out. It's more about being
able to connect truthfully with people. Because
in the age of AI, well, IP is gone. Everything
that you put online, your LLM is going to pick
it up. Somebody on the other side of the world
is going to be able to have your voice. But what
are you going to stand out with is those connections.
Authenticity, human connection, imagination,
creativity. Those are the things that AI cannot
replicate. That's what's going to make you human.
It's going to be so simple to stand out. All
you have to be is human. Allow yourself to be
human. But that's not so simple anymore. And
I do think AI really illuminates the difference
between someone who's just regurgitating something
that they heard online and someone who has a
unique and different thought. I do think the
competence gap... in users of ai is becoming
increasingly obvious like it's so funny you know
obviously us running the podcast we get a lot
of guest pitches if you look at them you can
tell they were ai generated meaning like they
somebody said tell me how to write a pitch for
a podcast and it's like i enjoyed your recent
episode on x i also have an idea about x i would
like to come on your thing and it's like How
will I want to have you as a guest when I literally
know that you couldn't even come up with a pitch
for us that was unique? So I think it's illustrating
competence gaps already. It's funny that you
said that because I just had a little conversation
with this, I think, director from SIT. And we
were discussing how we could try to weave a little
bit of how to use AI to build your stories so
that you're not using your AI to be your stories.
Yes, exactly. Research, for brainstorming. Great
for all those things, by the way. Yes, perfect.
I mean, I am 100 % for AI. I do think that it
is a very good tutor and a very good buddy. Great
assistant as well. Yeah, perfect assistant, right?
Just not the one to hand in your final piece
of product. Not a good employee. Yeah. They're
not going to be able to tell you that this idea
is shit. A hundred people have done it before.
They're going to be like, oh, that's a great
idea. It's the best intern. Good hype man. Always.
Yes. Oh, yeah. The funny thing was that he told
me this. He said one of the things that they
tried to do with one of the classes was use AI.
put in the brief the students were so happy they're
like yes let's do it let's do it and then they
all started to do their own interpretation when
it was time to get up to present to the class
they thought that they had smash hot ideas the
concept was snazzy and everything it's like oh
they got it complete in just a matter of hours
guess what they all had the same everybody's
just the same yeah yeah it was hilarious all
of them go like I don't think I want to present
after this. Yeah. It's like, why, why, why? Yes,
exactly. Yep. I think that that really helps
you to understand it when they realize it themselves.
Yeah. Going through the process, you tell them
they're not going to listen. Yeah. Which teenager
has ever listened? They have to hit the head
on the ground by themselves and see it for themselves
before they're going to be able to go like, oh,
okay, it looks like I got to put in a little
bit of work. It helps you to Get past that first.
I'm not saying no. So I was actually helping
out this girl. And she was one of my speech clients.
Good friend. But very timid. Really meek. One
of the things that AI did for her was that she
would key in all her brain juice, right? And
she's brilliant. But she doesn't allow herself
to speak. That was the first round. It helped
her to just get good enough because she's not
really English speaking. A lot of Singaporeans
aren't. We don't all speak English at home, right?
So there was this confidence gap. She's brilliant.
She just needed to see it. But she couldn't get
over that first hurdle of fear. Many of us can't,
right? When she used AI and she saw that, oh,
hey, you know what? I could have come up with
something quite similar. Maybe even better. But
if this AI tells me that this is proper English,
I'm going to go with it. She hears herself speak.
It is her information. She keyed it in, right?
That gave her enough confidence to go back, look
at herself and go, you know what? I think I can
do better than this. She went on and on and on.
Sometimes you just need a little bit of push.
And AI is a nice companion to do that for us.
So it's not like it's bad, you know, but it's
a tool. And as a tool, we've got to let that
tool work for us and not work for the tool. Yeah,
exactly right. You've mentioned connection sort
of when it comes to sort of being digitally out
there. But do you find that, you know, we're
constantly posting and reviewing and replying
to comments and there's always just so much going
on digitally. Do you actually think that this
might be causing a point of disconnection and
maybe sort of digital exhaustion? Yeah, like
trying to connect, right? Trying to reply to
everything and trying to start an engagement,
you know, of some sort. It's confirmed, 100%.
I think that we have looked at our brands and
our posts like a reflex. And curation is now
the thing that we do even when we want to post
something simple or, you know, you stop yourself
in mid -sentence when you're trying to do a comment.
And I think that this is also the fear of what
are we going to make ourselves look like? How
are we going to appear? How are we going to show
up? But it doesn't have to be this way. I don't
think it's all about trying to shout to get viral
and trying to get permission by being out there
in one way or the other. I think it comes back
to your point about authenticity. I think when
we try to post, and we're trying to create ourselves,
it's also about belonging. It's about coming
back to being a part of our communities and how
we can actually connect. Exhaustion is also a
choice, right? At the end of the day, when we
start to think about how we're going to come
across and how we put so much pressure on ourselves
to be perfect, I think we're tying that self
-worth back to... being recognized again that's
tiring it's not just about being online i think
this is an online and offline issue yeah and
if we then can practice this stillness this slowing
down posting to connect right posting to find
ourselves early on we're talking about like how
we can actually find our direction not as a destination
but as a direction and if we can find that way
that we can just reconnect with our purpose Nobody
knows their purpose. No. Show me somebody that
says that that is their purpose and they know
their purpose from day one. And I'll tell you,
well, maybe they're lying to themselves because
they just need to validate all that hard work
that they put into it. We're not supposed to
know our purpose. And even if we do know our
purpose for today, it could be a season, right?
We're supposed to keep working ourselves. The
minute we stop growing is the minute that we're
dying. Because every day that we're alive, we're
supposed to be fine -tuning and aligning ourselves
to our purpose. That takes work. But it doesn't
need to be exhausting. It can be fun. It doesn't
need to be life and death. It doesn't need to
be so heavy. It can be joyous. The process of
trying to find out who we are and trying to align
ourselves bit by bit, experience by experience,
pain and celebration. It just helps us to filter
our way forward and get closer to our purpose.
How do we find out what we are and what that
purpose is really comes down to joy. Passion
is another word for finding joy in what we want
to do. So it doesn't have to be exhausting. It
just has to be. honest, rooted with our values,
with what we want to do, with what we really
love and who we want to do things with. And then
it's not going to be exhausting. It's going to
be an adventure. I love thinking of it in that
way because I feel like, you know, if you get
fixed on one thing, and I'm going to put it out
there, I'm just going to say like Brian Johnson,
his empathy thinks is... He wants to live longer.
Live forever. But he's so deep rooted into what
he's doing. I feel like he's it's become like
this sort of narrow viewpoint that he's not looking
at the bigger picture. There are other elements
and stuff that he could be doing. For example,
yes, you know, going to bed at three. You know,
it might be brilliant for his sleep, but he's
missing out on a lot of other stuff, you know.
So true. I mean, but, you know, it could be.
That is right for him, right? That could be his
life path. That could be his thing, right? And
if he's built so much around his life, around
this one vision point, this one mission point,
then that would be right for him. Whatever he
believes is true, is true. But it doesn't have
to be right for us. And I think that's the point
of today's topic, right? It's all about what
is right for you. What's your intention? and
you don't have to fit into other people's script
yeah your script has to be unique because you
are unique you're right i think everything is
always personalized it's it's not you know one
size fits all it's not one diet for everyone
it's not one exercise plan for everyone it's
not one story for everyone every yeah because
You're right. Otherwise, everyone would just
be the same and we'll all be robots. I remember
I had an audit of my Instagram account once when
I was starting off kind of rebranding. And the
auditor was like, hey, you just got to drop all
the family stuff. Like she's like, you know,
you're a coach. Like it should just be fitness,
metabolism, nutrition. Like that's it. And I
was like, I really can't. And I told her, I said,
I really she's got to put that on a separate
account, make it a private account. I was like,
I hear you. And I know that there's moms that
do that. But I was like, that is absolutely.
inauthentic to my story and you know my business
i run with my husband our kids are always there
it's like for us to just pretend like that's
not a part of our life is super weird to me and
that is so 2d we want 3d people we want authentic
people we want somebody that we can relate to
that we know is not having this perfect body
and this perfect life and perfect structured
schedule because we are not going to be able
to live up to that. And if I see you in this
messy middle, I'm going to be like, I can be
like her too. I too could have a totally messy
house with three insane children. Me too. But
also sort of run a business. No, I'm just kidding.
But no, it's true. Yeah, I just remember thinking
like it was so offensive to me for the idea that
I had to just like squash this part of my life
completely out of my messaging if I wanted to
be successful. It's like, I don't believe it.
Well, I can see that in two points as well. For
the first part of it, you know, There are people
that do believe that they don't want to put any
children's photos. Oh, totally. Respect. And
that works, right? But at the same time, there's
the other camp that actually comes around and
says, you know what? We have to be that. We have
the responsibility to show other people that
it doesn't have to be perfect. And it can be
messy. And we still can get things done. It's
yes and, not yes but. I think that's really important.
I'm so glad that you kept that on. Yeah, you
will always see my children. And to be fair,
actually, so I had a cousin. So I had a cousin
whose middle child was trans. And when they were
navigating that journey with them. she was like
I don't want to put anything on right now because
that's not respectful of her journey you know
that was a wonderful amazing choice because this
is a mom much like myself my cousin where it's
like you know her kids all over social media
and then obviously very obvious when the middle
one started not being you know featuring it's
like I know she's there you know or pardon me
they're there and it's like So where are they?
And then, you know, my cousin was like, hey,
we're actually protecting their identity and
their privacy during this transitional time.
And I was like, that's how you do this shit.
Right. That's exactly how you do it is, you know,
when your children or your partner or your life
asks you to present them differently or to particular
privacy, you do it and you don't have to justify
it. You know, you can make that choice and not
have this. So, you know, for all those moms who
are like, I do not want my children on social
media. I hear it. I hear it. It's totally. you
know, value based choice. I've got the opposite
thing. My husband is not on any social media.
He always says to me, do not put me on your Instagram.
Yeah, he's never there. He's never there. And
he's always like, and I hate it when you talk
about me on your podcast. Yeah. Hi, we love you.
No, I think I think there is, you know, there's
truth to both sides. Growing up, there was nothing
like this, right? There was no online presence
and the freedom to make mistakes. You know, it's
real. you know you can find yourself comfortably
and not fear about somebody looking at you and
coming back to bite you in the ass later on and
i think that you know if i could i would like
to gift my children that you know just keeping
them offline until they find themselves and decide
how they want to appear it's not like they're
not experiencing it yeah you know they get to
play around they get to understand what's going
on i explain everything to them i explain to
them what's advertising what people think um
you know what's fear based what's not and you
have a choice right everything that you put out
there you have a choice between love or fear
you can create it with love you can create it
with fear you can watch it with love you can
watch it with fear but you have to be very careful
because a lot of the well well white bread It's
designed to instill fear. Why? Because when you're
fearful, then you're kind of incapacitated. The
more fear you feel, the more paralyzed you feel.
And then somebody else can come in and say, I
know how to make you feel happy. And that's how
they're going to control you. So as long as you
explain to them what's actually going on, they're
happy to be able to navigate it themselves. And
they'll check back because you're like, is this
what's going on? Because you explained it to
them. The minute you just go like, no, don't
do it because I say so. Oh, the opposite is going
to happen. I'm going to try it just to be rebellious.
I've loved this conversation, Chrissy. I feel
like you've given us so much to think about.
But we do have one final question. Before we
finish up, we would like to ask you, what's your
40s formula? Now, this is a question we tend
to ask all of our guests. And we want to know,
how would you sum up what women in their 40s
can do to truly thrive, especially when it comes
to storytelling, their identity, being online?
What would you say was your 40s formula? You
already know that my... Avatar is almost like
a director, right? And what I would say would
be working for me, how I try to separate myself
from productivity to trying to find my own identity
is really to have that separation. And I like
to describe it as be your own director for your
own epic movie. The more you are able to then
separate yourself from your story. So look at
yourself from outside. Find a different perspective.
Give yourself a character. Give all your parts
a character. So you're looking at yourself as
a director and then all of a sudden that emotion
doesn't feel so strong and you get more perspective.
And then you will be able to perceive that life
is not so hard. That there could be a different
way to then touch on something, right? The football
analogy. Do you know about this one? No, but
I do love football. Tell me more. It depends
which football. Yeah, I was going to say, actually,
is this American football? I see you like leaning
into the microphone. Okay, so the football analogy
goes a little bit like this. So when you're a
player in the field, right? Like a soccer. I'll
allow it. I'll allow it. Damn it. Now she's going
to kick me off. It's okay. I'm British, so we
call it football. 50 % of this audience understand.
When you're playing a field, you're really in
it. You're pushing in. You're reflexive. You're
playing. You don't have time to think about keeping
score. You're really in the game. You're there.
You're present. But you're also feeling all the
emotion and all the stress all at the same time.
But then you think about yourself as a coach
in the box. And all of a sudden, you're really
far away, like a director. And you can see the
plays on the fields. You can check out the strategy.
You know how to rearrange players. And you know
how to go at it from a different point of view.
Let's talk about the people in the sidelines,
on the stands. Now, they are not in the game.
They can comment. And they will keep score. Right?
Not really the... nice way either yep you're
right but they're also supporters and they're
also there to cheer you on now what about in
the helicopter you know the newscaster giving
you that bird's eye view now you're really far
away and all of a sudden your problems are going
to seem so small and you have to suddenly you
have a little bit of space to go into all right
you're there to then just breathe a little see
it from bird's eye view And all those pains just
melt away. It's not so important anymore. So
if you can think of yourself as a director, sometimes
you're in the game, sometimes you're in the box,
sometimes you're on the sidelines. They all have
their, can I say purpose, right? And they all
have their seasons too, right? You can plan,
you can see, you can strategize, and then you
can be in the game. But don't forget to reflect.
Get out of the game. Far away enough so that
everything feels a little bit more sustainable.
That's the word, sustainable. And find a different
perspective. Get in the chopper. Get in the chopper
and zoom out. Be in it when you need to. Yes.
Be the coach when you need to, the manager when
you need to. Sometimes you can make some comments,
you know, like, ah, that was a fucking shit pass.
Exactly. But, you know, overall, yeah, take a
step back and take charge. Be in control. Yeah.
I mean, there's so many choices out there. And,
oh my gosh, we're just going to be even more
muddled with even more choices coming, you know,
in the next. Oh gosh, not even next year. Next
few months, we're going to have like more improvements
of AI, the more apps that we can actually use.
We're going to be totally confused. So just take
a step back. Go inside, not outside. That's where
the noise is. Let the noise be there. Entertainment.
And then just be a director and see where you
want to go because it's not about productivity.
It's not about who or what we've achieved. It's
about alignment. And we're supposed to just align
ourselves a little bit every day. No pressure.
Love it. Love it. Take that pressure away and
take direction, take charge. Yeah, because you
know what? The pen is in your hand and you can
write your own script. That is the true story.
The next chapter is yours, right? Thank you so
much, Chrissy. It's been absolutely wonderful
having you here. Thank you. Really enjoyed this
conversation. Thank you for having me. Oh, thank
you. Right guys, let's talk about perimenopause
for a second. One moment you're feeling like
yourself and the next everything seems to shift.
Your body's making changes that can leave you
feeling out of control and that's when it starts
to feel like a bit of a roller coaster. But here's
the good news. Strength, both physical and mental,
can be your anchor through it all. The right
kind of movement along with the right kind of
support really helps you manage these shifts.
That's why we love Great Moves and their Menopause
Mojo program. It's specifically designed for
perimenopause and menopause with pelvic floor
support, breathwork and strength training, all
aimed at helping you feel more confident and
in control. Exactly. It's about building resilience
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stop the changes, but you can take charge of
how you respond. And that's exactly what Great
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Guys, you know, we love coffee. And if you want
to show us some love, you know, you can always
get us one. Just visit buymeacoffee .com slash
the 40s formula. Cheers. Before we go, please
remember to hit subscribe and take a moment to
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We appreciate your time and support. Thank you
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back next week for more empowering conversations
with inspiring guests. Bye. A little treasure
hunt for him to go and find his present. That
is so cute. And they say, oh no, it's a treasure
hunt for mummy, not you. Yeah, very convincing,
very convincing. Yes, yes. The bait and switch.
Just kidding, it is you. A lot to learn from
them.