Guys, we have some exciting news. The 40s Formula
is going live on August 14th at the Green Collective
at Funan Mall. We are going to dive deep into
the science, myths, and struggles around sugar
addiction. Breakfast and coffee are on us, thanks
to the generous sponsors, Guzman y Gomez. It's
a small and intimate event with only 15 spots,
so it's first come, first served. Tickets are
only 20 bucks, and that includes breakfast and
$5 towards your purchase at the Green Collective.
Come and join us for a conversation that might
change the way you eat. Think and fail. What
you're not changing, you are choosing. So if
you are choosing your business time and time
again, you're choosing to not put that time,
energy, and attention into your health. And so
why should you be so surprised when you go up
another size next year? You have all this stress
at home. Does it make sense to not have a physical
outlet for it? It has to go somewhere. And if
it doesn't, it becomes an autoimmune condition.
I mean, in women, that's just how it ends up.
Menopause is only going to amplify. what your
baseline is. So if your baseline health sucks,
yes, menopause is going to make it complete shit
show. You cannot uphold a boundary outside of
you that cannot be upheld within your own self.
So unless you can set a standard for yourself
and uphold it for yourself, you will not be able
to externalize it because you do not believe
what you say because there's no alignment between
your words and actions. was 15 kilos heavier
but i not once thought less of myself because
of the number i saw on the scales then people
do this every single day your listeners get on
the scales they see a number they don't like
and they judge themselves and they berate themselves
and they pull themselves apart girl stop girl
let's just be real for two seconds you need to
get the steps in put the hug and nose down go
for a walk where am i likely to default what
comfort is killing my dreams and what comfort
is enabling me to get to where i want to be few
things beat feeling strong in your own skin your
rate of loss of muscle mass is only going to
accelerate after menopause but there is no substitution
for lifting weights so you have to have to have
to have to have to lift weights if you want to
age well and it's your best anti -aging organ
if you want a high performance body you have
to have high performance habits and a belief
system that backs it up preparation for menopause
and Your 40s starts in your 30s. I even tell
women in their 20s, it's never going to be easy
to build muscle right now. Get good at turning
up for yourself and keep turning up. Hey, and
welcome to The 40s Formula, your go -to place
for insightful discussions on navigating the
40s and thriving in this transformative decade.
We're your hosts, Jasmine and Amanda, two women
that are passionate about exploring the challenges
and adventures that come with turning 40 and
what lies ahead. All right, before we dive into
today's episode, let's talk about something that
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TMC drop check. Let's see what we got here. Oh,
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fair enough. But chicken breast, that's the workhorse
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We'll drop it in the show notes or you can find
it on our Instagram. The Meat Club, where quality
meets convenience. So I am so excited to have
Laura on the show today. I always joke, you know,
we're both in the same coaching community and
I always joke that Laura says the things that
my brain wants to say, but she actually says
them out loud. She's amazing. She doesn't back
down from laying down the truth and she sure
doesn't back down from giving you the best possible
advice on how to lose fat and keep it off. Welcome,
Laura. Thank you. It's such a pleasure and privilege
to be here. We are so happy to have you here
on one of our most requested topics. I know that
you work primarily with CEOs, high achievers,
you know, women who are getting it done, right?
So why do you think so many high achieving women
feel like, okay, now I've reached the pinnacle
of my career, but I can't get in shape. It's
a trade off, right? And I think moms do this
too, by the way. It's not just the high performers.
Moms are like, oh, I have kids now. So that's
where my priorities, I can't be in shape. How
do you coach clients to get out of that? That's
a really good question. As it relates to being
a mom, I think a lot of this, ties back to worthiness.
So if you're a person who doesn't feel worthy
of prioritizing your health and well -being and
fitness, it doesn't matter if you have a business
or if you have children or if you have a dog
or two or three or, you know, a whole farm, you'll
always find ways to prioritize other things above
your health and fitness. So I think this really
comes back to what are your priorities? What
do you value? And what fuels you to be better
in your business, better in your family, better
as a mom? it's easy to blame those things. It's
easy to blame your business. It's easy to blame
your children and circumstances. But at the end
of the day, what you're not changing, you are
choosing. So if you are choosing your business
time and time again, you're choosing to not put
that time, energy and intention into your health.
And so why should you be so surprised when you
go up another size next year? When they're choosing
their business, let's say in the CEO example,
right? How do you get them to actually see that?
Because a lot of times women are like, well,
this is the only way, right? If I don't spend
15 hours in the office, I will not get ahead.
So where do you wedge in health and fitness in
that type of thinking? As it relates to... Business,
I mean, that's the cool thing with fitness. There
are so many parallels. The people who are getting
ahead in any area of life are investing in two
areas, with their time and with their money.
And you can only put so much time into your business
before you start reaching diminishing returns.
We've all been at the computer for so long where
you've stopped being able to make sense of what
you're reading. We've gotten to that 12th hour,
13th hour of the day, and we've gone, I'm just
looking at the words. I'm not even computing
what I'm reading anymore. it's not just a matter
of time it's a matter of leveraging your time
what are you getting out per minute that you
were putting into your business are you working
intensely for that minute are you working intensely
for that hour are you only working at 50 60 70
because again if you're only working at 60 of
your capacity for that hour you're probably better
off going to the gym so that you can go back
and work at 90 it's all about the the return
on the time it's not just oh more hours in equals
progress no it's intensity of those minutes oh
that makes so much sense doesn't it because i
think everyone does look at quantity over quality
and then if you get If you get to the gym and
you do something hard, then the rest of your
day, everything's going to seem so much easier.
So much easier. Because your day doesn't get
worse than doing Bulgarian splits. No, it does
not. By the way, it does not. I did it this morning.
That was the worst thing I did today. If you
start your day and you do Bulgarian splits, I
promise you your day only gets better. It will
improve. And it's the same with parenting for
the moms who are listening. Are you just in the
same room as your children? Or are you having
meaningful conversations with them? Are you seeking
to understand them? seeking to explore new areas
of creativity with them are you looking at your
phone the whole time you know time is not the
same as quality time so I would go back to what
is the quality of that time spent in that avenue
and is it actually giving you a return Because
I get to a point where I've done, let's say four
hours of admin. I'm like, girl, you are going,
you've been looking at the same tab for 20 minutes.
Go change task. Anything else, just break it
up. Go, go do some squats, fill your water bottle,
have a meaningless conversation and then come
back. Amanda, can we talk about how clean Guzmina
Gomez's food is? Truly clean. Not the it has
letters so it's healthy kind of clean. Oh, totally.
GYG is on another level. There's no preservatives,
no artificial colors, no weird additives. It
is just proper, real food. I read that they went
through 21 versions of their corn chips before
they found the one. Now that's commitment. And
they fly in their avocados and tomatoes daily
from Australia to Singapore. That is the level
of commitment I want in my food. You can taste
it, whether it's the burritos, the bowls, or
those chipotle -seasoned fries. You just feel
good after eating it. And it's really why my
entire family keeps going back. Clean is the
new healthy, and GYG has been leading that charge
since day one. They've literally reinvented fast
food. Who says it has to be dodgy and deep -fried?
Not on GYG's watch. That is so true. And exactly
what you said about moms, right? It's like I
work with a lot of postpartum moms, like immediate
postpartum moms. And it's always like, I can't
leave the baby. I can't leave the baby. I was
like, fun fact, this is when it is actually easiest
to leave the baby because they are not. particularly
aware of your interactions with them other than
from the fact that you are feeding them. You
know, like they don't actually have the emotional
capability to feel abandoned right now by you
going to take 20 minutes at the gym. So no worries.
It actually gets harder when they get older.
Although then you can just take them to the gym
like Jasmine did. Oh yeah, I do. I take them
with me. Oh, it's so cute. Yeah, those guys are
in there getting it done. But they're seeing
that from such a young age, so it's so powerful
to have that behavior modeled to them from such
a young age. So they're lucky to have you. Yeah,
they are. Great job, Mom. I say the same thing.
You're lucky to have me. So, OK, so I'm working
so much I can't work out. I have kids. I can't
work out. What are some of the other main excuses
that you see? And then how do you kind of turn
that around? I think it continues to come back
to that order of priority. So let's say one child
might be potentially ADHD, might have autism,
might have Asperger's, might need some sort of
special attention and diagnosis. And then that's
when the routine starts to waver for that person
that we're training. Again, it comes back to,
well, you have all this stress at home. Does
it make sense to not have a physical outlet for
it? Does that? Are you not going to be crazier
for not training? Are you going to be just as
supportive of that child when you're physically
with them if you don't have a space and time
to be physically separate from your home life
and have a physical outlet for all that energy?
Because it has to go somewhere. And if it doesn't,
it becomes an autoimmune condition. I mean, in
women, that's just how it ends up, whether you
like it or not. You can only suppress so much
emotion for so long. It has to come out somewhere,
somehow. Usually it's an autoimmune condition
and you'll be mid -40s, completely stressed,
completely overwhelmed, be so good at downplaying
your emotions that you don't even realize how
stressed you are and you'll have to run some
routine blood work. Suddenly all these markers
are just completely off and you're like, What
is this about? Guess what, honey buns, that's
been forming for the last two to five years.
I guarantee you. Yeah. Well, and that brings
up, you know, what I'm treading on some tricky
ground here to say excuse, but perimenopause.
So perimenopause gets. all the attention in the
world right now, right? And it's almost at the
point where it's like, well, perimenopause is
the culprit behind every single thing going wrong
and there's no way out. It's another way to victimize
yourself, right? It's like, well, my hormones
changed, thus I have gained weight and I cannot.
How do you address women that give you that excuse?
Let's be real because that's what I'm all about.
You have been fucking with your hormones for
the last 15 years. And now menopause, pre -menopause,
perimenopause has turned up. Now it's just a
magical time to use that excuse, isn't it? You
haven't been lifting weights for 10 to 15 years.
You haven't been eating enough protein for the
last 10 to 15 years. You haven't been drinking
enough water. Girl, you are dehydrated. Drink
some water. Get a glass of water. Get a glass
of water. You haven't been drinking enough water
for the last 10 to 15 years. Probably not up
to speed with your blood work, your blood sugars.
probably not very well managed because you stress
eat a lot haven't been deep breathing journaling
so let's say your headspace isn't in the best
space of headspaces and oh yeah they're all symptoms
of perimenopause aren't they great yes now i
have a reason yeah there's a straw man that looks
good to me yeah at the end of the day we if we
know that that's going to happen biologically
speaking because that's what's going to happen
would you like that to be a like kind of terrible
you know experience or would you like it to be
a completely horrendous experience because you
get to choose right and some people get through
it relatively unscathed shall we say and for
some people it's really really tough but you're
not helping yourself if you weren't previously
helping yourself and a lot of people aren't because
they don't feel worthy yeah And instead of working
on how worthy they feel, because that is very
confronting, it requires you to sit in a lot
of ick, become very uncomfortable with yourself,
realize you're responsible for 99 % of your problems.
It's just easy to say, oh, perimenopausal. What
do you know? And it's almost like that thing
where, you know, it's that one thing I'm missing.
It's the one thing that I haven't done, which
has caused all my problems. But actually, it's
not that one big thing. It's all those tiny little
things. It's all the stuff that you do not focus
on. Like you mentioned, you know, the sleep,
the stress eating, the not journaling, the not
breathing, not having an outlet. Yes. If you
actually looked at all of those aspects of your
life, where are you? Are you at 80 %? Or are
you at like 30 %? Yeah. And maybe if you brought
that up, you might actually have an easier transition.
Completely. Because menopause is only going to
amplify what your baseline is. So if your baseline
health sucks, yes, menopause is going to make
it complete shit show. Yeah. So what do you expect?
Again, it's just easy to not be responsible for
everything in life. It's convenient. It's really
nice to not look in the mirror and be like, oh,
actually, that's my fault. That's my fault. That's
my problem. I could have done more about that.
I could have done more about that. I could have
been more proactive here. It's so much more convenient
to blame children, blame work, blame husband,
blame living abroad, you name it. But does that
serve you? And do you want to actually do something
about it or do you just want to complain? Because
you don't get it both ways. You can't actually
say, you know, this about my health sucks and
that about my health sucks and that about my
life sucks and that about my life sucks. without
eventually getting so sick of your own bullshit
that you take action yeah and that's the space
that i create for the people i work with i'm
like i recognize challenge a b and c get that
we all have challenges okay they might be first
world problems they might be expat problems they
might be menopause problems children mother parenting
problems got it cool we all have problems here's
the thing though you are the common denominator
because they all belong to you So what are you
doing about them? Unless you're doing something
about it, I don't want to hear about it. Yes.
Preach, girl. Again, like this is what I talk
about when she does not shy about expressing
her views. And I love it because you're right.
And I think, you know, a lot of things that you
just mentioned are boundary issues. Yes. Right.
So the husband thing, this is one I get all the
time. And I bet you do, too, which is like, oh,
well, I'm going to change the way that I eat.
But my husband doesn't want to. My husband is
my saboteur. My husband is ordering pizzas to
the house. My husband. And it's like and I am
just merely a passerby. this pizza that has suddenly
come into my purview. It just happened to go
down my digestive tract just because I looked
at it and he ordered it, so it's his fault. So
this is his fault. Right. So how do you help
women set stronger boundaries? Again, whether
it's the husband or whether it's the job or whether
it's, you know, how do you help women stand up
and say, I am not, like you said, I'm sick of
my own bullshit and I'm not taking this anymore.
I often ask them, how's that working out for
you? So if they are mentioning a problem, again.
Problems are problems. Great. Create the space
to acknowledge them because when you acknowledge
it, you can do something about it. So there's
power in acknowledgement. There's no power in
whinging and not taking action. So often I'll
say, and how's that working out for you? And
they go, oh, it's not. But you can't set a boundary
externally unless you can set it within yourself.
So if you say to yourself that you're going to
turn up to a podcast at 12 p .m. and you turn
up at 12 .05, you can't believe anything that
you say to yourself. If you say you're going
to take the trash out at 5pm and you don't, you
can't believe the next thing that you say to
yourself. If you say, I'm going to go to bed
at 10pm because I know I need more sleep and
you do not. You cannot uphold a boundary outside
of you that cannot be upheld within your own
self. So unless you can set a standard for yourself
and uphold it for yourself, you will not be able
to externalize it. You will not be able to say
it to your children. You will not be able to
say it to your boss, to your partner, to your...
Mother -in -law, you name it, you will not be
able to externalize it because you do not believe
what you say because there's no alignment between
your words and actions. So if you see incongruence
within your own self, game over. You cannot set
a boundary, let alone uphold a boundary. You
must have congruence between words and actions.
That's brilliant. I always say to my kids, you
know, we made a commitment. We're going to do
it. You know, like if you make that commitment,
then you are showing up and you are doing what
you're saying. So yeah, I think that's excellent.
I feel like, you know, a lot of people need to
hear these words. And it reminds me of one of
my favorite quotes that I use in my coaching
all the time, which is how you do anything is
how you do everything. So if you're a half asser
in the gym, you're a half asser at work, you're
a half asser at home. There is an element of
commonality in all areas of your life, but I
would say it's most obvious in the ones that
you struggle with. And it's like, what are you
doing in that area that potentially there are
hints of in other areas because you can take
your own lessons. It really reflects a person's
self -confidence. And again, you can't endeavor
to have greater self -confidence if you want
to keep lying to yourself about yourself. And
again, that's just convenient. We default to
what is familiar. So if you telling yourself
lies and not following through with your promises
to yourself is familiar, there's an element of
comfort there. So if you make that your default,
it's a very slippery slope. How you then turn
that around and how you then create traction
in other areas of life, such as health, fitness,
nutrition, well -being is very, very challenging,
but it's not impossible. It's not impossible.
And you are living proof because, you know, what
you folks at home seeing this beautiful bod and
this amazing strength, strong woman might not
realize that you were 15 kgs heavier. You guys,
that's 35 pounds, my American listeners. And,
you know, Laura's not huge. So like this is a
significant amount of weight. So how did you
cut through your own bullshit? Like what held
you back that you were able to get over? That
is quite a distant memory now. But good. It's
funny to reflect. So on that period of time,
that weight by and large came about because of
an injury. Flashback 2010, I had chronic inflammation
in my rib cage. The cartilage which connects
your rib cage to your sternum for me was inflamed.
It's called costochondritis for anyone listening
who can relate, who wants to Google that. And
I went from being very, very active to being
very, very stiff in my thoracic, especially my
rib cage region, my trunk. And it became increasingly
painful, hard to breathe. I was a swimmer. So
if you can imagine having challenges, breathing
and swimming is not a very good combination.
Not a good combo. Not a good combo. Not very
conducive to fast swimming. And I eventually
had to stop swimming. In fact, I couldn't even
walk to the bus stop without getting a massive
stitch and pain through my trunk. So that was
a journey. I didn't know how to eat. as someone
who wasn't exercising five, six, seven hours
a day, because that was my reality. I was swimming
about five hours a day. I was still in high school.
I was doing dance. I was doing physical education
as subjects. I was exercising about seven, eight
hours a day some days. And so it was quite a
180 on life. And hence you go through this transition
of being super athletic, super fit, super strong,
feeling physically unstoppable, mentally unstoppable,
to not even recognizing yourself mentally as
well, not just physically, but mentally as well.
Like this is not me. I am depressed. I don't
know life if I can't exercise. My whole world
was swimming. So it's like having your identity
ripped off of you. The power in that is it's
the worst, best thing that ever happened to me.
And I had to then connect with myself on a deeper
level and understand who I was at my own core.
And that was confronting. That was my discomfort.
I had to sit in, got to sit in. That was the
privilege of that. So how I started to lose the
weight, I had to find someone who could help
me with my injury. That took me about two years
to find the right person. And I would have seen
about six different specialists in that time.
I eventually found someone who could help me
and I educated myself. But I think the real pivotal
point in all of this and the biggest takeaway
is I, when I stood on those scales, because I
didn't grow up with scales in my house, I was
never really aware of weight. It had no value.
And when I finally was starting to feel better,
a few stars aligned. I got a job at a gym and
pool complex. I got free gym and pool membership.
Great. Hallelujah. I remember going to the gym
to use the gym and standing on the scales. Now
you have to remember, I hadn't weighed myself
in years. I'd also been very unwell, unable to
exercise for years. I stood on the scales and
went, holy mother of God, get me on the treadmill
right now. But in the same breath, I didn't think
less of myself. And that's what people don't
get. People will hear this and be like, oh, good
for her. She's always been fit. She has fit people
jeans. Like how special? No, I was 15 kilos heavier.
And what made it so much easier to lose that
weight was, yes, I had an active upbringing.
I had health minded parents. I had role models
who are healthy. All of that made it easier.
I had a degree in public health that made it
easier. But I not once thought less of myself
because of the number I saw in the scales. Not
once, not even a millimeter less. Not once did
I think even a tiny bit less of myself. In fact,
I had enormous compassion because I couldn't
exercise for two years. Like not even stand in
the gym and do a bicep curl. I couldn't exercise.
So what would be the point of me judging myself?
Like what would that actually do? And I could
have. I could have. And people do this every
single day. Your listeners get on the scales.
They see a number they don't like and they judge
themselves and they berate themselves and they
pull themselves apart. Girl, stop. Drink some
water. You're dehydrated. Okay. It does you absolutely
no service. Easy to say, but it does you no service.
And so that is what allowed me to lose the weight.
It was the fact that I didn't think less of myself.
My self -worth was never tied to that number,
still is not. And I educated myself. And so I
learned about protein and I started eating more
protein. And I could start returning to the gym
because my body was recovering. And I just loved
it. Yeah. You gave yourself grace. Yes. And so
many women do not. Again, we go back to what
is comfortable and what is familiar is comfortable.
So there's an element of comfort in judging yourself
if that's how you start every single morning.
If you start every single morning with a cup
of coffee and a cup of judgment, guess what?
That's comfortable. Yeah. And the one's gotten
very cold and stale. You should put that down.
You should get rid of that. So, I mean, it's
all well and good to think that judgment is what
gets you further. You know, if I think harsher
thoughts about myself, I'll lose more weight.
I promise you it's not the truth. Oh, if it was.
Absolutely. We would be so skinny. It would be
crazy if we lost a gram for every judgment we
had of ourselves. But you do not. The people
who give themselves grace, the people who give
themselves space to evolve, to change, are the
people who actually get ahead and create that
long -term change. And instead we get on the
scales and go, I don't like that number. I'm
an asshole. I'm a fat bitch. I will always be
a size extra, extra, extra large. There are no
clothes in this country that fit me. Look at
my flabby arms. Look at my flabby thigh. Look
at my flabby everything. My whole body is flabby.
And where have you actually moved the needle?
Not on your head space. not in your physical
health, you probably then go in, eat some chocolate
because you're feeling down or a donut or whatever
you gravitate towards. That's a really critical
part that's missing for a lot of people. It's
where are you giving yourself space to succeed,
to become that version of yourself, to become
the healthier version of yourself, where for
most people they wouldn't be able to tell you.
I asked a client the other day, I said, what
was the last kind thought you had about yourself?
She couldn't answer it. It's similar at Lift
Clinic. One of our intake form questions is,
when is the last time you woke up feeling healthy
and well? It's mind blowing that we get everything
from this morning, right? Like quite obviously.
I woke up like this. I don't remember. And that's
always the big red flag for me. And it almost
always ties in with the correlation of their
happy score. Because we also ask one to 10, how
happy are you? How stressed are you? And it's
like the folks that say, I can't remember feeling
healthy and well. don't give me a 10 on happiness
either you know so you're absolutely right that
the self -worth and just the way that you live
your life is so impacted if you let the scale
number yeah you know judge judge jury and executioner
as they say I've heard you say a few times now
you know feeling comfortable with what you're
doing you know not doing things that are hard
how do you think that relates to women in general
when it comes to getting on with their weight
loss Because I feel like that whole comfort thing
kind of provides like a blanket, security blanket
for everybody. But then, you know, actually getting
on and doing something does feel difficult. So
how can women go and work towards discomfort
to achieve their goals? It can be as small as
just saying no to catching up with a friend.
I don't think it has to be monumental. And again,
this is where I think. people think that the
needle has really moved in those monumental moments
where it's, I stood on the scales and I saw I'd
lost five kilos. Guess what? No, one's going
to declare it a public holiday. I promise you.
Right. I mean, sorry, but not sorry. No, one's
going to pop a bottle of champagne and be like,
congratulations. Now we can be friends. Now,
now you're under 70 kilos. Now we can actually
be friends. No, no one cares. Only you care.
Okay. So the, The reality is it doesn't have
to be monumental. It's just do what you say you're
going to do. If that's uncomfortable for you
to align your words with your actions, start
there and start in the smallest way possible
because the barrier to entry, the lower it is,
the easier it is to get momentum. And once you
have momentum, it's so much easier to ride the
wave of momentum. But instead, again, what's
easy for people living in extremes, making something
so hard that it's almost impossible because they
think they're a better person if they can achieve
that monumental task. It's like, if I can't climb
Mount Everest, then am I even an athlete? It's
like, are you out of your mind? Like, really?
So again, you have to have the self -awareness
to understand what do you default to in the first
place? Most people are completely unaware. Like
have no self -awareness. And that's why change
is a thousand times harder for those people.
The people who make the most change and continue
to make the most change and let that compound
are the people who actually have a practice of
building their awareness, which means they're
journaling, which means they're having uncomfortable
conversations with themselves, which means they're
having uncomfortable conversations with their
peers, which means they're confronting their
ick. They're sitting in their ick. They're meditating.
They're reading self -development books. They're
listening to self -development podcasts. They're
asking themselves the same questions from those
podcasts. They're not just going, oh, yeah, sounds
good, cool. Or like, oh, she had an interesting
story, great. It's taking a moment to really
reflect and be introspective. And that's uncomfortable
for most people. For most people, that's the
discomfort they need to start with. It's actually
going, what are the thoughts that are holding
you back? Not just, oh, I didn't go to the gym
this morning. You didn't go to the gym because
there were thoughts which led to you not going
to the gym. What were those thoughts? Or you
didn't say no to the piece of pizza that your
husband ordered. What were the thoughts that
allowed you to not say no? You didn't think you
were worthy of saying no. Why did you not think
you were worthy of saying no? Where does that
come from? What part of your childhood does that
come from? What role modeling behavior? Did you
ever see your mom say no growing up? Did your
mom always say yes to your father perhaps? Like
people aren't thinking this through. Yeah. They
don't want to go way back. Also thinking is hard.
Like let's face it. Do you know, like thinking
is hard and thinking is uncomfortable. Yeah.
So it's just easy to blame, not sit in the ick,
not seek out discomfort. But you know, like I
grew up in a high performance environment. So
I, I had no choice because I wanted to be better.
So my number one value is growth, which means
I seek discomfort physically, mentally, emotionally
actually as often as I can. And again, The Comfort
Crisis, right? That book, I'm blanking on the
author, but The Comfort Crisis is the book. And
that's exactly the thesis of the book. It's like
if you never thrust yourself full speed into
discomfort, you will have a harder life. By the
way, your life will be worse. You think it's
comfortable, but we'll actually end in discomfort,
you know, for whatever, whatever period that
you avoid doing that. I think it's a form of
self -love to seek discomfort because you're
allowing yourself to grow, allowing yourself
to grow. Is that not the best kind of self -care
that you can give yourself? To me, it beats a
bubble bath because I get really bored. I just
get too bored to have, you know, a bath. But
I think that's one of the greatest forms of self
-care. is to, in fact, allow yourself to grow.
And what you need to grow is an element of discomfort.
Now, how you do that can vary. Again, it could
be journaling. It could be hiking. It could be
going to the gym. It could be a silence retreat.
It could be fucking hard. Yeah, that would be
uncomfortable. So the vehicle for that can vary,
though there has to be, in order to grow, there
has to be an element of discomfort. Because how
else? are you forced to expand yourself? There's
also that issue, isn't there, where you kind
of look at the short -term pain versus the long
-term gain. And, you know, if you think, oh,
do you know what? I'd rather sit here and have
a hug and dars and watch Netflix because I'm
tired. But then what's going to happen later
on down the line? You know, I think we need to
really think about being in that discomfort.
For a short while now, it's going to have...
Massive benefits later on down the line. Yes.
I think you have to look at your defaults. If
it's your default to do that when you are in
need of something else, when actually it would
be much more beneficial for you to go on a walk
because you barely get 2000 steps a day. Girl,
let's just be real for two seconds. You need
to get the steps in, put the hug and nose down,
go for a walk. Okay. On the opposite side of
that, for people like myself, I actually need
permission. to be in comfort because that's not
my default yeah being in comfort is not my default
it's not what I gravitate to giving myself permission
to say yeah if you just want to sit still for
20 minutes like no one's gonna die yeah that's
what I need yeah so it's it's that self -awareness
piece of going back to where am I likely to default
what comfort is killing my dreams and what comfort
is enabling me to get to where I want to be Because
I can't keep going at a million miles an hour
unless I sit still for 20 minutes once a week.
But I have that self -awareness. I know when
I need to be still. I often resist it. But then
I, you know, come to my senses and realize this
will be the fuel for the next 12 hours, 14 hours,
whatever the case may be. But it's that self
-awareness piece. What do you default to? Without
self -awareness, you will have no idea. And I
think the self -awareness is so huge. And I think
you are right. There are a lot of women that
are just not in touch with their deeper needs.
And again, whether that's screaming for rest
or screaming for movement or whatever it may
be. And I think something that we all share in
terms of what our jobs are here in Singapore
is we get tagged a lot on these expat wives groups.
So again, for those listening out of Singapore,
it's just Facebook groups. And there's some popular
ones here in Singapore. And you get tagged. Every
single time there's a woman in their 40s trying
to lose weight. And that in itself is not remarkable,
right? But what is remarkable is the advice that
is given on these platforms. For example, you
know what it really is? It's your gut health.
You know what it really is? You got to get to
Pilates. You know what would really help you
is joining the neighborhood Zumba. pickleball
yeah pickleball that's the new one yeah it's
like pickleball will change your life you know
I think that all three of us sitting here devotees
of weight training, of getting muscle on the
bod. How do you, again, get women that are not
comfortable with this form of training and immediately
think they're going to bulk up, get huge and,
you know, not burn enough calories from it, let's
say. How do you get women in the weight room?
Because I know that's how you work with your
clients. Absolutely. I mean, I'm still trying
to get bulky. Right, girl. God. Preach. That's
what I say to them. I'm like, if you figure it
out, let me know because I'm still working on
that. think few things beat feeling strong in
your own skin and so when you create space and
opportunity for women in particular to feel strong
which then translates to real world examples
such as lifting the suitcase off the the luggage
carousel in the airport without their husband's
help because this is a common story that I receive
they're like I lifted that suitcase up all by
myself I was like brace your core hinge at the
hips engage your back rotate and they're like
and i just lift it like it was nothing i'm like
because we've been practicing why else do we
deadlift you can easily lift up suitcases off
off luggage carousels and airports and i i don't
think anything beats that once you've been exposed
to that you can't be unexposed to that you can't
unhave that experience and it's such a badass
feeling to be able to do that oh i love it right
to be able to even lift heavier than some men
in the gym is quite exciting and fun for a lot
of women and i just think people are so delusional
about what it actually takes to look bulky to
look like a bodybuilder often you're going to
be on some sort of performance enhancing drugs
In most instances at the elite level, you have
to be in the gym six, if not seven days a week.
You have to have every gram of food weighed out
to the gram. I mean, your calories and your macros
are precision point. Hydration, also incredibly
precise. Supplementation, incredibly precise.
Blood work has to be done every six or so months.
That's a sport. You have to think of it as a
sport. You don't accidentally become Lando Nas
just because you drove a car once. You don't
become someone who looks like a bodybuilder by
going to the gym three times a week and eating
two grams of protein per kilo of what you weigh.
People are just so delusional. If only it were
that easy. Is that your recommendation for most
women? Three times a week, two grams for kg body
weight? Minimum. Less than that, just... like
okay not a bad effort i don't want to discourage
anyone who's listening they're like i'm only
on 1 .5 grams and that's really really tough
that's cool but i like people at two because
let's face it you're only your rate of loss of
muscle mass is only going to accelerate after
menopause and so i want people to have that buffer
where it's like if i get you two grams of protein
per kilo of what you weigh and you're lifting
three times a week in your 30s and early 40s
by the time you get to 45 and let's say menopause
is starting to creep in we're sensing it's around
the corner girl you're going to be in such a
better position than if you start all of that
at 45 so for someone who say overweight would
you then say ideal body weight or would you then
so like if someone is i know 75 kilos you would
say 150 yes okay but most people that's a damn
struggle because yeah most people would barely
get one gram per kilo of what they weigh so i
do it in stages i try to get them up to 1 .5
that usually takes people 16 weeks before they
have a good gauge and sense of how to do that
on a day -to -day basis how to do that on a busy
day how to do it on a day where the school bus
comes late or doesn't turn up at all how to do
that when they're on a long -haul flight how
to do that on a day where they don't exercise
and all those different circumstances a lot of
people are just focused on the number they're
not focused on how to still reach that number
a thousand different ways. And that's what I
say to people. Your goal is to figure out how
to get two grams of protein per kilo a thousand
different ways. Under a thousand different circumstances.
Sorry, what about the type of protein now? Does
that matter? Can someone just eat like loads
of tofu and drink protein shakes all day long?
Would that be sufficient? Like what's your thoughts
on the type of protein that they should be taking
in? I think that is something that you can refine
over time. But initially I just want people to
get the protein, honestly. At the end of the
day, if someone likes white fish, cool. Get as
much protein from white fish as possible. I don't
want to make it harder for people. It's already
hard. Yeah, exactly right. Amanda, you know how
people always ask us, what supplements do you
actually take? Yeah, it's like they think there's
some magical midlife stack that'll just fix everything.
Exactly. And while there's no magic, I do like
things that are intentional and well -formulated,
like the Longevity Bundle from Avea Life. It's
one of the few supplements I'd actually recommend.
NMN for cellular energy. booster with antioxidants
to support recovery and stress, and a collagen
activator because joints and skin need some love
too. Honestly, it's just smart. Three products
that support how we live, busy, health conscious,
and not here for the gimmicks. You can check
it all out at avea -life .com and use code FORMULA20
for 20 % off at checkout. It's clean, effective,
no fluff. I think we actually mentioned this
quote, it's probably something I say on the podcast
10 times, but it's like, you know, the best time
to start was in your 30s. The second best time
to start though is literally right now. So let's
get on that, right? But what type of investments
do you think women need to be taking in their
health for the future? So, you know, it's like
so many times in our line of work, it's like
people are investing in supplements, investing
in rapamycin, invest in, you know, molecular
stuff, investing in some piece of home Pilates
equipment or, you know, the - Because you won.
All the sponsors will never have. So the point
is, where should women be directing the time
and money resources that you mentioned earlier
are the most important and really the only things
we have, right? So what's the investment that
pays back? Building muscle 100%. Yeah. Yes. It
can sound, it does run the risk of sounding very
snooty, especially coming from someone who physically
looks like me. But there is no substitution for
lifting weights. You can get aerobic. training
done through swimming through running through
elliptical through cycling through walking through
hiking um there's a lot of different ways in
which you can improve your cardiovascular fitness
there's a lot of vehicles for that the same cannot
be said for resistance training there is no substitution
okay if you want to lift lighter weights quickly
cool if you want to lift heavier weights slowly
cool ultimately there's no substitution for the
lifting itself So you have to, have to, have
to, have to, have to lift weights if you want
to age well. And it's your best anti -aging organ.
Muscle mass is your best anti -aging muscle.
So all the tretinoin and all the sunscreen in
the world is great. But if your body is saggy
and if you have poor bone density, then walking
up and down stairs, you might have a really cute
face walking up and down stairs because of all
that tretinoin and all that sunscreen. But if
you're holding onto the damn handrail, afraid
that you're going to break your ankle. That doesn't
sound like fun. I mean, what service have you
actually done to you? If you're completely hunched
over, if you're a bit kyphosis -y, that's not
cute. And again, you can have the most clean
skin in the universe, but if you are not able
to lift up a box off the ground, lift up your
grocery bags, take something out of the back
of a taxi, just normal day -to -day stuff, then...
like what are you prioritizing here yeah i really
don't understand so lifting weights no substitution
for it supplements i love creatine it's very
well documented the benefits of that are very
well documented um so and cognitive benefits
too especially as we age tremendous especially
at high doses so creatine i think for sure great
takes two seconds put it in water drink it easy
done So between those two, I think it's hard
to beat that. And then, of course, the protein.
And again, creatine, protein, muscle mass, lifting
weights. These are all related. These are not
separate line items. These are literally the
same exact line items said four different ways.
Yes. But what about protein being bad for your
kidneys? Performance enhancing drugs are bad
for your kidneys. Yeah, alcohol. Also not great
for the kidneys. Not great for your kidneys.
So the thing about protein, right? We often see
behaviors go together. So people who tend to
have better cardiovascular fitness might also
have higher vitamin D levels because they walk
outside or they might swim. So they're getting
that vitamin D exposure. So we often see healthy
behaviors in conjunction with one another. And
what we probably are noticing as it relates to
kidneys is those people with kidney problems
are probably on performance enhancing drugs.
So you probably shouldn't be afraid of that unless
you're taking performance enhancing drugs. Yeah.
But we've studied people at three grams of protein
per kilo of what we weigh. And at three grams
of protein, their kidneys are still perfectly
fine. And there's a new study that came out of
older men, 3 .5 grams, men over 75, right? So
it's, you know, this is the question I get a
lot where it's like, well, okay, that might be
okay for me now. Like, what about my parents?
I was like, your parents, you know, add 20 %
to what I just told you. Absolutely. They do
really well in higher doses in one go, from what
I understand. So like 40 grams of protein per
meal. Older population people tend to respond
really, really well to those really high doses
in one sitting. So again, what's bad for your
kidneys? Is all that alcohol to distract you
from your misery good for your kidneys? No. Should
you be worried about protein? Probably not. I'd
worry about the wine. Yeah, definitely that.
What about coming to, excuse me, calories? Like
obviously people are going to say, oh, you know,
I shouldn't be having carbs or I don't eat that
much or, you know, my job means I have to go
back drinking loads. How can people understand
what is actually impacting them when it comes
to what they put into their bodies? It's just
tuning in, isn't it? So what types of carbohydrates
work with you before you exercise comes back
to you observing how you feel when you have that
form of food. You know, people are often quite
surprised, I suppose, when I can tell them the
level of detail to which I understand things
about my body, which seemed just so normal to
me because, I mean, I've been an athlete since
the age of two. So I do have all that data. I
do have all that anecdotal data. If you're not
making an effort to tune in, you're not going
to get the data. The data is there. Now, whether
you respond well to rice before exercise or a
banana, or bread or potato really comes down
to you trying and you're observing. I mean, we
know what the parameters are in terms of dosage,
but how that digests for you and under what circumstances,
again, you just have to try and you just have
to observe because I can only tell you so much.
Nutrition is an art and a science. Working with
people is also arguably an art and a science.
So you have to, in a way, treat yourself a little
bit like a guinea pig until you have that insight.
That takes time and people have no patience.
And impatience often comes down to people judging
themselves. People are impatient because they
judge themselves and they don't want to sit in
that discomfort of not having that outcome. So
instead of sitting in that in -between, that
journey, you know, that process phase, they judge
themselves, get upset, go on a downward spiral,
and then default to their normal behaviors, their
comfortable behaviors, because that's what they
are familiar with. And that's where you really
have to hold that space for people and be like,
this is a process. This is a journey. You don't
get to that five kilo weight loss or that 10
kilo weight loss without enduring some icky,
uncomfortable in between phase of not really
knowing where this is going, where you might
plateau for a while. You might hold water weight
for a while. You might not see the scale change
for a while. But if you sit in it long enough,
we know that we will achieve X, Y and Z outcome.
But that's where trusting a really good coach
makes all the difference. And like you said,
you have to trust the process. You have to. Getting
obsessed with the outcome. Yes. It's the other
end of that bracket of never getting started
because you're so self -hating. The other end
of that is getting so hyper -focused on the outcome
that you cannot appreciate or be happy in the
process. Absolutely. If you want a high -performance
body, you have to have high -performance habits
and a belief system that backs it up. And until
you have that, you'll continue to spiral. You'll
continue to spiral. You'll continue to spiral.
All of this comes back to behaviors, but your
behaviors are predicated on your belief system.
And a lot of people just go about changing their
behaviors. I'm like, that's cute, honey buns.
But if you have the same belief system, you'll
inevitably go back to where you were. You have
to evolve your belief system to allow you to
become that healthy version of yourself. It's
almost like saying, you know, like, oh, I'm trying
to give up smoking versus I don't smoke. You
know, if you say I'm trying to give up smoking,
it indicates that you are a smoker. But if you
say I don't smoke, it's like I'm not a smoker.
So, you know, I don't need a cigarette. And same
goes for food. Same goes for exercise. If you've
got that mindset and you're saying that I am
this person, then you're more likely to believe
that about yourself and go ahead and do that.
And then again, also, I feel like it's habit
based as well. Like for us, we don't need motivation
to go to the gym. Never once. We just go because.
I don't expect to be motivated. I don't. There's
no real sense of feeling. It's just fact. Yes.
This is when I'm going. I sometimes get there
and I'm like, I don't really feel like being
here. Like, oh, well, well, I'm here. Might as
well do it. I'm not going to not do my workout.
So here we go. Just turn on music a little louder
and now I get to it. The music might be a little
bit more like gangster badassery today instead
of maybe Beyonce. But yeah, it's exactly that.
It's embedded in your identity. Again, I never
thought less of myself when I stepped on the
scales because my identity had nothing to do
with the scales. My identity had all to do with
how I see me. How I see me. The scales doesn't
come into that factor. My weight doesn't come
into that. And that's why it was relatively speaking,
easy to lose the weight once my body was well
enough to start exercising again. So you're absolutely
right. It's that whole habits side of things,
but it's the beliefs that map to the habits.
Most people couldn't tell you what beliefs they
have, which lead them on those habits, which
are keeping them stuck. they don't understand
the beliefs that stop them from saying no to
that piece of pizza that their husband ordered
yeah they couldn't tell you they absolutely could
not tell you yeah or they rationalize it with
some other thing that isn't that thing. So instead
of saying, I'm not setting proper boundaries
and I'm not worthy of a better life, they'll
be like, oh, well, I feel ungrateful. When I'm
offered the food at the party that is the indulgent
food that I know is not on my plan, I feel ungrateful
if I say no. So they create this rationalization
lifestyle around some of those beliefs. And that's
just as damaging. It's almost a way of being
a victim, but on the other side of that same
coin. Yeah, exactly. It's like I'm a victim.
of this circumstance of gratitude. So then somehow
it sounds lofty and, you know. There's a lot
of ways in which we can position keeping ourselves
stuck as being for the betterment of others.
Yes. And you're either going to make an effort
to identify how that turns up in your life and
evolve that. Or it's going to be the same reason
why you lose five kilos next year and put on
10 for the 10th year in a row probably. Yeah.
Cause you're right. Cause you get into that habit,
don't you? Where it's like, I've lost the weight
and now I've gained the weight and lost the weight.
But, and I think a lot of the time it's like
almost anyone can lose weight, but it's that
keeping it off, which is the hard bit because
that's what requires the discipline and the identity
shift and actually understanding that. You are
a new person now. You can't go back to your old
ways because then you'll revert back to your
old self. It doesn't even cross your mind. Once
you have made that evolution, it doesn't even
cross your mind. You just continue to fall more
into the next version of you because there's
no full stop to it. I don't see a full stop to
my health and fitness journey. I mean, I half
jokingly tell people that I lift weights because
I want to be able to unscrew jars of peanut butter
in my 80s. And I'm actually very serious about
that because if I can't, live life with peanut
butter, then that is no life. Not a life I want
to be here for, quite frankly. I don't want to
be bothering my neighbor to be like, so sorry
to inconvenience you. Unless he's really fit
though. Then I might deliberately not be able
to do this. Or even worse, you just say, well,
I guess my life doesn't have peanut butter now.
Because that's what people do is they just give
up the part of their life that required that
strength or skill or ability. And that is heartbreaking.
Look, even people in their 30s, I see them get
onto the ground in the gym and they put their
hand on the nearest object. To get up. They start
acting. fragile before they are fragile okay
if you're walking up and down the stairs holding
the handrail and you're not wearing high heels
and it's not a slippery set of stairs why why
you're what you're telling yourself is that you
don't trust yourself you don't trust your body
to get you up and down those stairs because you
don't have strength and on a subconscious level
your body knows it doesn't have strength that's
why it's reaching for the handrail so you're
absolutely right i mean i think of my health
and life in decades and that's again how it's
easy to keep the weight off that I've lost because
I have that long -term vision. But you have to
have an abundance mindset to have that. You can't
just be living month to month. I'm going to do
the next 30 -day challenge. I'm going to do the
next 30 -day challenge and the next 30 -day challenge
and the next 30 -day challenge. At some point,
you have to realize most of us are going to live
somewhere into our 80s. That's the average life
expectancy in most developed countries, right?
So if you're only thinking about one year and
you're going to live to be 80, you know what
is that like not even two percent of your whole
life really you're just not even thinking like
if you live to be a hundred one year is literally
one percent of your life you have to think beyond
one percent at some point it's the 40 year challenge
yeah nicely yeah and really I mean preparation
for menopause and your 40s starts in your 30s
I even tell women in their 20s it's never going
to be easier to build muscle it's never going
to be easier to build muscle right now So like,
please leverage that. Yes. Because. It only gets
hotter. Yes. And again, those women in their
20s are potentially getting pregnant in their
30s. And it's like, you know, you have to be
if that's part of your life, if you're having
kids part of your life and you have to remember
that you're going to have these extended periods
where animalism is not in your favor. So like
do what you can before that time. And then again,
and then after pregnancy, get back on it because
your menopause is coming. It's like like we as
women, unfortunately, do have these cycles that
kind of pull us into places that are not favorable
for muscle mass. Right. So we. have to do everything
we can to take control of our own health in that
regard. Absolutely. Yeah. So I get very heated
up about that. Love it. Well, speaking of things
in the future for you, girl, you are not 40 yet.
And that, you know, you are one of our very esteemed
guests that's allowed to be here under 40. So
thank you for joining us for that. But I do think
that you have some wisdom to impart on women
who are in their 40s. And one of the questions
we ask every guest on this show is what is your
40s formula? Can you distill all that beautiful
message that you just gave us over the past hour
into something that women can take right now
into their lives and implement? So I work with
a lot of women who are who have experienced menopause,
who are in that aging stage of life. And what
I've noticed is most of them are under -muscled.
We talk about body fat being high. That's a thing
for sure. But I don't think being under -muscled
gets enough recognition. And if we look at preparing
for the 40s and 50s and beyond, what holds us
in good stead and steed is having sufficient
muscle mass. Again, quality of life. independence
as you age healthy blood sugar relationship healthy
metabolism everyone wants to blame menopause
for their metabolism but if you enter menopause
under muscled your metabolism stands no chance
of course it's going to be complete shit show
so muscle mass muscle mass muscle mass build
the muscle as early as you can as often as you
can and do not stop like just keep going turn
up imperfectly And make that a habit. I tell
that to my clients all the time. I'm like, I
can help anyone who turns up, but I cannot do
the turning up for you. So you get here. I don't
care if you've had three hours of sleep. I don't
care if you haven't slept. I don't care if your
child is sick. I mean, I do. I hope they get
better soon. But that is irrelevant. You know,
it's your health and fitness journey. So get
good at turning up for yourself and keep turning
up. And then routine. Lots of protein. All the
protein you can. Creatine, great supplement.
Love it. Five, six to ten. I think high doses
of ten. We're studying and seeing great cognitive
benefits. So love, love, love, love, love me
some creatine. And just keep connecting with
yourself because it's easier for you to help
yourself if you understand why you're not helping
yourself or where you're not helping yourself,
where you're not asking for help. So for me,
it comes down to those three pillars. It's building
muscle. It's getting enough protein in the diet.
And it's unpacking your own relationship with
yourself and continuing to evolve that because
that only makes it easier to do the other two
things time and time again. Real talk, girl.
Know thyself, right? Know thyself. Thank you
so much for being here today, Laura. You have
given us just some wonderful hardcore advice,
but also just some really beautiful things to
think about. And I thank you for that today.
Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. It's
been amazing. Thank you. Thank you. You know,
we talk a lot on the podcast about showing up
for ourselves, but it really does start with
what we put in our bodies. Exactly. I'm at that
stage where I want to feel strong, clear headed.
I feel like my skin's not giving up on me. Relatable.
So what is your go -to right now? I've been using
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And we'll be back next week for more empowering
conversations with inspiring guests. Bye. think
we're too quick to pedestalize fit people yeah
it's like no honey buns i don't have fit people
jeans like i was 15 kilos heavier so i think
a lot of people do think oh you know you you're
only doing this job because you you've always
been skinny and you've never had to struggle
through that weight loss yeah yeah no if i eat
more calories than what i burn i will also put
yeah sorry i don't have a special thing that
i'm hiding like That's just thermodynamics. Yeah.
And if you don't lift, those extra calories will
go where? Yeah. You'll still have muscles though,
right? To my hips. Yeah, exactly. Oh, man.