WEBVTT

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The walls in that room looked like they were

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on fire. And then I saw little kittens all around

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my bed. Kittens with human faces on them. That

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sounds scary, actually. I think if I saw kittens,

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I don't know. How old were your kids at this

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stage, by the way? Five and four. Oh, my God.

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Across the chair, I could see the window through

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to the other patient. The other patient had my

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gown on. I was like, oh, that's normal. I was

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checking my iPhone. He was checking his phone.

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Then I was moving my neck. He was moving his

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neck. And I was like, okay. And then all of a

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sudden I had something in my eye. So I was doing

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this with my eye and he was doing that. So I

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was like, I was like messaging my husband. I

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was like, something's, something's really weird.

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And I feel like I feel scared and terrified.

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And I feel like the nurses are trying to like,

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they hate me because of my behavior. I'm a bad

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patient. And so I was like, please come like

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right away. And then my heart was going faster

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and faster because I felt terror. And I finally

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went to bed. And then he came, and he was talking

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to the head nurse. And as he was doing that,

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I was just like, oh, this is death. This is it.

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I'm done, you know. So I'm not Christian, but

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I looked up into the ceiling in my bed, and I

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said, one thing, God, my kids. And I clapped

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my hand, and I passed out. Hey, and welcome to

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The 40s Formula, your go -to place for insightful

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discussions on navigating the 40s and thriving

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in this transformative decade. We're your hosts,

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Jasmine and Amanda, two women that are passionate

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about exploring the challenges and adventures

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that come with turning 40 and what lies ahead.

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Dr. Sarah Nami -Ahn is a UCLA -trained neuroscientist.

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whose non -traditional path led her to enroll

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in the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising

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in Los Angeles and start her own label, NAMI

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Design. Her ability to blend her scientific and

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artistic backgrounds, as well as handle the day

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-to -day challenges of running a startup, gave

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her resilience skills that became patently useful

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after a shocking double diagnosis of a brain

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tumor in 2018 and a spine tumor in 2023. Never

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one to be held back, Dr. Ahn now considers herself

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a spiritual scientist. and is constantly developing

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new skills, practices, and ways of designing

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a life that is present and purposeful. We took

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notice of today's guest, Dr. Sarah Nami Ahn,

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when we saw an Instagram post for this pre -loved

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fashion sale that we're kind of obsessed with,

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and we thought her energy is such a good match

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for the 40s formula. But little did we know that

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behind this style maven was a fashion designer,

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a tumor survivor, a PhD in neuroscientist, a

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serious triple threat. with a killer vibe. So

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we are so happy to have you here to tell us about

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your wild journey. That's so nice of you. That's

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so nice of you. Well, it's all true, girl. Thank

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you so much. I mean, the top line in your Instagram

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profile. I feel really seen. I feel seen. Girl,

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we are seeing you, okay? Again, we don't have

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great eyesight. I don't have great eyesight,

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but I can see you, okay? And the top line in

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your Instagram profile says, you know, brain

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tumor 18, you know, 2018, and spine tumor 2023.

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And, you know, you're not trying to hide the

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fact that you're an alumnus of these two really

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serious. health scares. Can you tell us a little

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bit more about what women should know about tumors?

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I realized that when I first got my tumor that

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there's all these, I had to Google all these

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information about like brain tumors. I didn't

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know anything about it. No one talks about it

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and realized that actually women get brain tumors

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more often than men. Are there more? Or we get

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tendency to have more. It's like three to one.

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Wow. Okay. Just like cancer. We don't know how

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it happens or what occurs. A lot of people ask

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me, well, it's. the good kind, right? And they

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call it the good kind. And people do that. Is

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that benign? And most tumors versus cancer are

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considered benign because the fact is because

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it doesn't spread. So the definition of cancer

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cells are usually that they spread. And that's

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the scary part because it's unpredictable. Tumors

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are just uncontrolled cell growth. And so tumors

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take a really long time to grow. Maybe like,

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Maybe you wouldn't even know that it started

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when you were like 15. And then you discover

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it finally at 35 because it took 20 years for

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the size to grow to impede something in your

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body for it to be symptomatic. So for me, my

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brain tumor in 2018, it grew the size of a golf

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ball. Five centimeters here, five by six centimeters.

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And okay, so I'll tell this quick story. How

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I found it? Yeah. I just moved to Singapore and

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I was having headaches and I was nauseous. I

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took pregnancy tests every morning because I

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was like, am I pregnant? But thank God they were

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always negative because this factory is closed.

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Thank God it was just a tumor. I know. And I

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really thought I had maybe vertigo. I was nauseous.

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One time I went to go get my daughter from the

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bus and I was holding her hand. I was walking

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back home. And the next thing I know, I'm in

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the bush. Wow. And then I woke up and I was like,

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and I dragged her with me because I was still

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holding her hand. And this one lady actually

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came up and said, are you drunk? And I'm like,

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do I look drunk to you, lady? But anyway, so

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I had that happen. And finally, I went to the

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hospital so many times, like seeing ENT, seeing

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pain management, blah, blah, blah. Nothing happened.

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So I was like, finally, one day I went to the

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bathroom. In the morning, you take a poop, right?

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And what do you do when you poop? You? Strain.

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Strain. and that strain probably brought pressure

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up into my head and then when i tried to get

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up after i wiped to put my underwear up i started

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falling oh my god i couldn't use my left leg

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so then i ended up just hooking my arms onto

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the sink yeah and i dangled there and in my mind

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i didn't freak out I just went to Tasman. I just

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said, cause my husband Dean and my kids, they,

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he took him down to the bus to go to school and

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we were at NUS housing. So they would just, he

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would just then just walk straight to the office.

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We didn't have a helper. So I'm home alone. So

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you're alone alone. So then I was like, where

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is my phone? It's by the bed. So in my mind,

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I was like, well, I have to army crawl to get

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it to contact someone. So while I'm dangling,

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I was like, this is ridiculous. I slowly put

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myself down. And then. I'm vain. I was like,

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if the paramedics come, I don't want them to

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see my butt. So I wiggled into my underwear,

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even though I couldn't move my legs. And then

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the front door opened. Dean forgot his backpack

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that day. Oh, my God. That's like divine intervention.

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Yes. So then I yelled, and then he came running

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over. And OK, up until that point, my husband

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and I had very. bad relationship because i was

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not feeling well i was yelling at him i was expecting

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him to help me like quickly yeah and he wasn't

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delivering to me in my expectations oh my gosh

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my earring kept falling and then um so i told

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him you know today is about me i've hit ground

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like you know uh what is it i hit rock bottom

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yeah and like Take me to the hospital right now,

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the ER. And we didn't know what the number was.

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Here in the States, it's 911. Yeah. But here,

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it's actually 995. Oh, I was going to say. Yeah,

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999 is like fire station, right? Yeah, I'm not

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sure. And then 995 is medical. Oh, wow. Do not

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take advice from this podcast. We have to Google.

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We have to Google. And I totally understand that

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because actually, I know in the UK, it's 999.

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Yeah. And I assumed it was the same here. Because

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of the British system. But wow, I did not realize.

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995 Singapore people. Probably all of our kids

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know it, to be honest with you. I think so. Maybe

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the school. Yeah, yeah. So he called the private

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one thinking that it'd be faster. But they actually

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recommend that we do the government one, the

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public, the local one. So we did that and they

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came and brought us over there. I was in the

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stretcher and I was just talking like this and

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talking to them. So they were like, oh, let's

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just give her anti -nausea med and then send

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her back home. But our friend, Raghav, he's a

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gastro -oncologist at NUH, so next to NUS. So

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they work in collaboration with Dean. So he was

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there, and he was able to come to the back of

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the ER. So he was like, Sarah, you know, you've

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had so many symptoms. Let's just admit you and

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do all the tests. I was like, thank you, instead

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of going back and forth. So I was like, yeah,

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just admit me. So I got admitted. The next morning,

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I went to the MRI to get my brain scanned. I

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got back up. And there were 10 doctors in my

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room. Dean was staring at the corner and wasn't

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even looking at me. And then I saw a computer

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screen with my brain scan. And it was like, like

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the layers from the top bottom. And I was like,

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I was nerding out with the PhD. And I was like,

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oh, cool. That's my brain. That's so cool. My

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brain looks beautiful. And then towards the bottom,

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I was like, wait a second. Why does it look asymmetrical?

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Wow. And then I was like, huh, okay. And then

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they were like, it's an angioma. Okay, as a neuroscientist,

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I don't know what meningioma meant. So at that

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time, I thought it was cancer, but I just went

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with it. And so it's just the overgrowth of cells

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that are on top of the sheath meninges of the

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brain. And it can happen to a lot of women, but

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different locations. Thankfully, mine was actually

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just right here. And that's why the scars right

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here. Actually, my hair after surgery looked

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exactly the same. It was already like this. I

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was like, you guys can just shave it off. But

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they're like, yeah, it's fine. They were able

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to just do it here. I had an emergency surgery

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the next day because two years prior, after giving

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birth to my daughter, I didn't feel very good.

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So at UCLA, I got like the million dollar checkup.

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So I had brain MRI from there and had nothing.

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So that was two years ago. What? So I had something

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at least to compare with. So from two years ago

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to now, it was like a golf ball size. Like how

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did it grow so fast? So tumors are, so cancer

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is, what is it? It's stages. Okay. Stage one

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through four, depending on how severe it is.

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For tumors, it's actually grade one through three.

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One and two are called benign. They're very slow

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growing. They will not spread. they cause very

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little symptoms and usually it's called wait

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and watch so people don't do anything they don't

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do surgery didn't do any treatments you just

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wait to see if it grows and just monitor it grade

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three is what i had and it's because purely it's

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speed of growth and it's called malignant because

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of the symptoms and the disability it can cause.

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I went in for surgery three hours later, very,

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very fast. I got to the ICU. I was intubated,

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but they took it out. So I was the only one awake

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in the ICU, and I got the VIP treatment of one

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-on -one treatment because I know Dean, or Dean

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knows the people there. And so I kind of pissed

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off the nurses. Because she was poking my veins

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and kept missing. It was so painful. One of my

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husband's pet peeves as well. Oh, really? Incompetent.

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Yeah. Back then, I was quite a harsh person.

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I had a lot of anger. And then at the time, too,

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I had two sticking out of my head for fluids

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and all this stuff was happening. And so I was

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like, what the fuck, bitch? get it right or find

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someone else to do it and then so another nurse

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came and she looked at me and she was and it's

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very sternly and she said look you have small

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veins ma 'am and i go i've never had anyone tell

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me this before anyway so the i thought that there

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was a conspiracy for the nurses to all hate me

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and want to kill me. In retrospect, do you have

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small veins? No, I don't. Okay. Just checking.

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I don't think I do. Just checking on the factuality.

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Yeah. Like in the States, I've never had anyone

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have trouble. I've had people say it to me and

00:12:24.779 --> 00:12:26.659
then I was like, use it. What is it called? A

00:12:26.659 --> 00:12:29.279
butterfly needle? Yes. Yes. Yes. There's a particular

00:12:29.279 --> 00:12:32.080
needle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can use that. And

00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:34.500
then it draws out blood. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And

00:12:34.500 --> 00:12:37.120
I like looking at the needles. Yeah. You said

00:12:37.120 --> 00:12:39.759
that. I can't. I'm like, I hate needles. I hate

00:12:39.759 --> 00:12:43.580
injections. I hate blood. Yeah, I'm all right

00:12:43.580 --> 00:12:46.139
with needles. They're all right. Definitely not

00:12:46.139 --> 00:12:49.700
pre -med for you. So then I went from ICU, which

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was a crazy experience. And then I went down

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to the high dependency ward. And then in the

00:12:54.279 --> 00:12:58.960
walls, the walls were on fire. So obviously I'm

00:12:58.960 --> 00:13:01.279
on fentanyl. I have a lot of things going on.

00:13:01.720 --> 00:13:03.860
Fentanyl, I didn't realize was such a powerful

00:13:03.860 --> 00:13:08.340
and scary drug. Girl, I was not in pain. I was

00:13:08.340 --> 00:13:11.220
good. It was doing its job. Yeah, it was doing

00:13:11.220 --> 00:13:14.039
its job. The walls in that room looked like they

00:13:14.039 --> 00:13:17.539
were on fire. And then I saw little kittens all

00:13:17.539 --> 00:13:21.940
around my bed. Kittens with. human faces on them

00:13:21.940 --> 00:13:23.539
that sounds scary actually i think if i felt

00:13:23.539 --> 00:13:26.620
terrified yeah yeah i don't know how old were

00:13:26.620 --> 00:13:28.320
your kids at this is this stage by the way five

00:13:28.320 --> 00:13:31.879
and four oh my god yeah yeah across the chair

00:13:31.879 --> 00:13:34.179
i could see the mirror our window through to

00:13:34.179 --> 00:13:36.759
the other patient the other patient had my gown

00:13:36.759 --> 00:13:39.019
on i was like oh that's normal i was checking

00:13:39.019 --> 00:13:41.600
my iphone he was checking his phone then i was

00:13:41.600 --> 00:13:44.139
moving my neck he was moving his neck and i was

00:13:44.139 --> 00:13:46.299
like okay and then all of a sudden i had something

00:13:46.299 --> 00:13:48.919
in my eye so i was doing this with my eye and

00:13:48.919 --> 00:13:51.950
he was doing that So I was like, I was like messaging

00:13:51.950 --> 00:13:54.210
my husband. I was like, something's something's

00:13:54.210 --> 00:13:56.490
really weird. And I feel like I feel scared and

00:13:56.490 --> 00:13:58.490
terrified. And I feel like the nurses are trying

00:13:58.490 --> 00:14:00.590
to like, they hate me because of my behavior.

00:14:00.669 --> 00:14:03.549
I'm a bad patient. And so I was like, please

00:14:03.549 --> 00:14:06.230
come like right away. And then my heart was going

00:14:06.230 --> 00:14:08.490
faster and faster because I felt terror. And

00:14:08.490 --> 00:14:11.470
I finally went to bed. And then he came and he

00:14:11.470 --> 00:14:13.769
was talking to the head nurse. And as he was

00:14:13.769 --> 00:14:16.049
doing that, I just like, oh, this is death. This

00:14:16.049 --> 00:14:19.149
is it. I'm done, you know. So I'm not Christian,

00:14:19.269 --> 00:14:22.230
but I looked up into the ceiling in my bed, and

00:14:22.230 --> 00:14:26.690
I said, one thing, God, my kids. And I clapped

00:14:26.690 --> 00:14:31.549
my hand, and I passed out. Hours later, I came

00:14:31.549 --> 00:14:36.230
to, and then my room was bright, like white.

00:14:36.730 --> 00:14:39.470
None of the lights were on. The windows really

00:14:39.470 --> 00:14:41.809
weren't showing that much light. But my room

00:14:41.809 --> 00:14:43.629
was really bright, like everything was gone.

00:14:44.330 --> 00:14:48.639
And then at the base of my bed, were two gigantic

00:14:48.639 --> 00:14:52.879
angels oh wow and it's not anything that i could

00:14:52.879 --> 00:14:54.700
have made up because i thought angels look like

00:14:54.700 --> 00:14:57.580
those cupids like valentine cupids you know but

00:14:57.580 --> 00:15:00.899
these were um white marble i can only see the

00:15:00.899 --> 00:15:03.960
back of them two gigantic wings their heads almost

00:15:03.960 --> 00:15:06.440
hit the ceiling and i imagined if their wings

00:15:06.440 --> 00:15:10.169
were open it would crush the whole room wow like

00:15:10.169 --> 00:15:13.070
and protect me i'm getting goosebumps now hearing

00:15:13.070 --> 00:15:15.750
this description it's like and the marble looked

00:15:15.750 --> 00:15:18.590
a little like battled i mean like damaged so

00:15:18.590 --> 00:15:21.370
you could see a little bit of like gray bits

00:15:21.370 --> 00:15:24.149
that were chunks of broken off and i got the

00:15:24.149 --> 00:15:26.350
sense they didn't talk to me they just i just

00:15:26.350 --> 00:15:29.309
got the sense that they were bored they're every

00:15:29.309 --> 00:15:31.710
they're there every day but they just i just

00:15:31.710 --> 00:15:33.950
happened to see them that day and then i was

00:15:33.950 --> 00:15:36.490
like thank you and i passed out again and this

00:15:36.490 --> 00:15:40.360
time i saw unicorns flying around and i was decorating

00:15:40.360 --> 00:15:43.799
rainbow cookies because i love decorating yeah

00:15:43.799 --> 00:15:48.480
so anyway so that's my um hospital story and

00:15:48.480 --> 00:15:50.419
then i had 33 sessions of radiation for that

00:15:50.419 --> 00:15:53.639
and that one's crazy too like you know chucky

00:15:53.639 --> 00:15:57.340
mask yeah oh yeah you're like this onto a metal

00:15:57.340 --> 00:16:00.279
bed so your head doesn't move so the rate the

00:16:00.279 --> 00:16:02.620
laser can go precisely where it needs to be oh

00:16:02.620 --> 00:16:06.379
my god and so i had 33 sessions of that and there's

00:16:06.379 --> 00:16:09.500
different types of radiation too if um viewers

00:16:09.500 --> 00:16:12.419
want to ask later because there are options and

00:16:12.419 --> 00:16:16.240
they're different um and as a phd i guess i i

00:16:16.240 --> 00:16:19.440
can be nerdy and really explain it to you and

00:16:19.440 --> 00:16:22.039
because people are scared yeah you know they

00:16:22.039 --> 00:16:24.100
don't know what they're supposed to do you know

00:16:24.100 --> 00:16:25.860
what their options are and what's best for them

00:16:25.860 --> 00:16:28.580
you know so for me i had the option of doing

00:16:28.580 --> 00:16:34.269
gamma knife which is one time but extra um strong

00:16:34.269 --> 00:16:38.070
and ex like specifically in one spot but we decided

00:16:38.070 --> 00:16:40.970
to do the carpet bond situation with our method

00:16:40.970 --> 00:16:43.450
which is like 33 sessions but it takes all the

00:16:43.450 --> 00:16:46.509
margins so the problem with cancer and tumors

00:16:46.509 --> 00:16:50.370
that when you do resurgery is that how much are

00:16:50.370 --> 00:16:52.389
you allowed to take out without damaging the

00:16:52.389 --> 00:16:55.190
healthy cells yes correct and microscopically

00:16:55.190 --> 00:16:57.750
you can't see it yeah so radiation has to come

00:16:57.750 --> 00:17:00.070
in to get the little bits that are left over

00:17:00.070 --> 00:17:02.549
that are possibly left over And then you have

00:17:02.549 --> 00:17:04.710
chemo, but I didn't have to do chemo, thank God.

00:17:04.829 --> 00:17:08.349
So tumors for us, we don't have the chemo protocol

00:17:08.349 --> 00:17:12.109
yet. For me, I'm glad, but I'm sure some people

00:17:12.109 --> 00:17:14.529
want it. Amanda, I feel the older we get, the

00:17:14.529 --> 00:17:16.730
more important protein is. But the thing is,

00:17:16.730 --> 00:17:18.829
not many women are eating enough. Absolutely.

00:17:19.069 --> 00:17:20.670
And you know, protein isn't just for muscles.

00:17:20.869 --> 00:17:23.789
It helps with hormones, metabolism, staying full

00:17:23.789 --> 00:17:27.430
longer. And don't just guess, make quality protein

00:17:27.430 --> 00:17:29.599
a priority. And that's why we trust the Meat

00:17:29.599 --> 00:17:32.180
Club. They deliver ethically sourced meats directly

00:17:32.180 --> 00:17:35.740
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00:17:35.740 --> 00:17:39.039
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00:17:39.039 --> 00:17:41.539
-dense and packed full of the good stuff. And

00:17:41.539 --> 00:17:43.440
here's the fun part. We want to see what you're

00:17:43.440 --> 00:17:46.740
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00:17:46.740 --> 00:17:50.380
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00:17:50.380 --> 00:17:53.400
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00:17:54.039 --> 00:17:56.000
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00:17:56.000 --> 00:17:58.220
winner will be announced on the first episode

00:17:58.220 --> 00:18:01.019
of season six. So come on guys, get cooking.

00:18:01.380 --> 00:18:03.400
And if you haven't already used the meat club,

00:18:03.519 --> 00:18:06.200
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00:18:06.200 --> 00:18:10.660
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00:18:10.660 --> 00:18:13.680
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00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:17.119
get $250 off your next shop. I have to ask then,

00:18:17.220 --> 00:18:19.779
so you go through this brain tumor, you go through

00:18:19.779 --> 00:18:22.049
the radiation and you think. That's it. I'm done.

00:18:22.150 --> 00:18:25.210
All set. That has to be my health scare for my

00:18:25.210 --> 00:18:29.349
lifetime. And then it's 2023. Can you talk us

00:18:29.349 --> 00:18:31.970
through that process? I was fine after the brain

00:18:31.970 --> 00:18:36.210
tumor. Honestly, I was a rich tie -tie. I wish

00:18:36.210 --> 00:18:37.609
I could be a rich tie -tie. For our American

00:18:37.609 --> 00:18:39.529
listeners, that basically means like, you know,

00:18:39.529 --> 00:18:42.390
real housewives of Singapore. So we can just

00:18:42.390 --> 00:18:46.569
chill and be ladies of lunch and leisure. So

00:18:46.569 --> 00:18:49.170
I read books. I didn't exercise. I didn't eat

00:18:49.170 --> 00:18:50.849
healthy. I just gave myself permission. permission

00:18:50.849 --> 00:18:53.589
to retire at the age of 39 at the time then I

00:18:53.589 --> 00:18:56.009
started getting headaches that didn't seem to

00:18:56.009 --> 00:18:57.990
be related to my brain tumor at all so there

00:18:57.990 --> 00:19:00.730
were different headaches yeah so this was like

00:19:00.730 --> 00:19:02.789
I don't know it's like tension it was in my neck

00:19:02.789 --> 00:19:05.230
and shoulder and then I had that starting like

00:19:05.230 --> 00:19:10.730
2020 just after um covid it brought me to a very

00:19:10.730 --> 00:19:14.390
very dark place um I had this every single day

00:19:14.390 --> 00:19:16.569
from the moment I wake up to the moment I sleep

00:19:16.569 --> 00:19:19.329
and I still have it right now so As I'm talking

00:19:19.329 --> 00:19:23.269
to you, I have a headache. And so I ran all over

00:19:23.269 --> 00:19:25.390
Singapore looking for something. So it brought

00:19:25.390 --> 00:19:28.029
me to TCM, which was the first natural thing.

00:19:28.210 --> 00:19:30.890
The Western medicine, I got steroid injections

00:19:30.890 --> 00:19:33.250
into my neck. It didn't work. It just gave me

00:19:33.250 --> 00:19:36.529
pimples. I got Botox injected into my neck, but

00:19:36.529 --> 00:19:38.470
it didn't really work. I thought it would help

00:19:38.470 --> 00:19:40.309
my face, but it really didn't because it was

00:19:40.309 --> 00:19:43.069
insurance covered. And then I went into like

00:19:43.069 --> 00:19:45.950
bioresonance. I did TRE, which is trauma release

00:19:45.950 --> 00:19:50.609
exercise. I did rolfing. I've done... Rolfing,

00:19:50.609 --> 00:19:53.369
what's that? Rolfing is fascia. Oh, yes. Okay,

00:19:53.410 --> 00:19:55.809
yeah, yeah. Fascial therapy. Yes. Everything

00:19:55.809 --> 00:19:57.930
in our body is connected by fascia. It looks

00:19:57.930 --> 00:20:00.609
like spider webs. So one part's tight. If you

00:20:00.609 --> 00:20:02.910
release it, then the pain will go away. How do

00:20:02.910 --> 00:20:05.150
they actually... Is it like with rolling? There's

00:20:05.150 --> 00:20:07.569
different methods. It's called rolfing initially

00:20:07.569 --> 00:20:10.430
because of Dr. Rolf. Okay. And she discovered

00:20:10.430 --> 00:20:12.470
that the fascia, if you move a certain way or

00:20:12.470 --> 00:20:15.349
you pull the skin away from the, it sounds a

00:20:15.349 --> 00:20:18.609
little painful. It is painful. But afterwards

00:20:18.609 --> 00:20:21.170
you feel amazing because you feel loose. A lot

00:20:21.170 --> 00:20:22.990
of high level tennis players use it. Oh, okay.

00:20:22.990 --> 00:20:24.849
Because it can like basically, yeah, it makes

00:20:24.849 --> 00:20:27.329
you loose and it prevents injury. Yes. It makes

00:20:27.329 --> 00:20:29.470
you more flexible and like less tight. Maybe

00:20:29.470 --> 00:20:32.009
I need to try this. Yeah. Yeah. There's plenty

00:20:32.009 --> 00:20:34.630
actually. So I realized there's everything simple.

00:20:34.730 --> 00:20:37.289
So I looked at Vipassana. Oh, yeah. Which is

00:20:37.289 --> 00:20:40.750
a 10 -day silent meditation that exists here

00:20:40.750 --> 00:20:43.109
too. Somebody did that. One of our guests. Oh,

00:20:43.130 --> 00:20:46.069
really? The guy who owns Grain Traders. We're

00:20:46.069 --> 00:20:47.890
giving a free plug to Grain Traders now. Thanks,

00:20:48.049 --> 00:20:51.130
Grain Traders. Yeah. He went on a 10 -day silent

00:20:51.130 --> 00:20:54.349
retreat. Yeah. And I can imagine that could be

00:20:54.349 --> 00:20:57.049
so tough. Yeah. So tough. No, I really wanted

00:20:57.049 --> 00:20:59.609
to do it. Looking at all these different modalities,

00:20:59.710 --> 00:21:03.009
I finally came upon energy healing. Okay. I was

00:21:03.009 --> 00:21:05.369
at a high school in Korea on the military base,

00:21:05.410 --> 00:21:07.789
the American school. And he brought me to this

00:21:07.789 --> 00:21:11.829
energy place. And Korean energy is, well, it's

00:21:11.829 --> 00:21:15.809
called gi. In Chinese, it's chi. In Sanskrit,

00:21:15.950 --> 00:21:18.829
it's called prana. In Hawaiian, it's called mana.

00:21:19.289 --> 00:21:21.809
So there's a lot of words for energy in different

00:21:21.809 --> 00:21:24.829
languages, culture. So then I went to this place

00:21:24.829 --> 00:21:28.930
here called Center for Inner Studies. And pranic

00:21:28.930 --> 00:21:32.450
healing is what I studied. Initially, you go

00:21:32.450 --> 00:21:34.390
to a Tuesday. And every Tuesday night, there's

00:21:34.390 --> 00:21:40.069
a little introductory lecture. And then a free

00:21:40.069 --> 00:21:42.289
session of pranic healing from one of the volunteers.

00:21:42.710 --> 00:21:45.769
So I learned all the classes because I wanted

00:21:45.769 --> 00:21:49.079
to heal myself. so my motivation was myself but

00:21:49.079 --> 00:21:51.960
in the in the process i got understand the spiritual

00:21:51.960 --> 00:21:55.660
side and that as a scientist i was very skeptical

00:21:55.660 --> 00:21:59.039
right as scientists we can be very arrogant and

00:21:59.039 --> 00:22:02.119
only believe in our five senses what can we prove

00:22:02.119 --> 00:22:05.119
with our five senses but there's a lot more and

00:22:05.119 --> 00:22:07.859
once you can feel the energy in your hands which

00:22:07.859 --> 00:22:10.420
i learned at 16 and i've always felt it since

00:22:10.420 --> 00:22:15.910
i'm now 45 i decided this is going to be What

00:22:15.910 --> 00:22:20.910
I want to do is that I really want to explain

00:22:20.910 --> 00:22:25.069
science, or sorry, the spiritual modalities in

00:22:25.069 --> 00:22:27.869
a science term that people will then understand

00:22:27.869 --> 00:22:31.890
and give it a try. Because it's free. What's

00:22:31.890 --> 00:22:34.910
a mantra? Our voice. This is a voice box that

00:22:34.910 --> 00:22:37.029
we're an instrument that we have and it's free.

00:22:37.150 --> 00:22:39.289
All those modalities, I was chasing all that.

00:22:39.390 --> 00:22:41.210
And I got really depressed, to be honest, because

00:22:41.210 --> 00:22:43.410
nothing worked. And you're really still chasing

00:22:43.410 --> 00:22:45.170
this just for your for pain management, more

00:22:45.170 --> 00:22:47.529
or less. It is pain management. So I, you know,

00:22:47.569 --> 00:22:49.630
other people have emotional pain or mental pain.

00:22:49.730 --> 00:22:52.369
I have physical pain. Yeah. The universe is showing

00:22:52.369 --> 00:22:54.490
it to me that this is what I need to work on.

00:22:54.769 --> 00:22:59.529
So then 2022, I decided to go to the States.

00:23:00.109 --> 00:23:04.450
to try some shrooms to experience some modalities

00:23:04.450 --> 00:23:07.009
well that's one of them that's one of them i

00:23:07.009 --> 00:23:09.150
feel like i was listening to something yesterday

00:23:09.150 --> 00:23:11.289
i can't remember which podcast it was but they

00:23:11.289 --> 00:23:18.700
are actually talking about So there is a new

00:23:18.700 --> 00:23:22.099
movement where psychedelics are micro -dosed

00:23:22.099 --> 00:23:25.980
like LSD and they're monitored and DNA and they

00:23:25.980 --> 00:23:28.599
have a bad rap from the 60s and because they

00:23:28.599 --> 00:23:31.039
were abused and whatever but to be honest they

00:23:31.039 --> 00:23:34.299
can actually really help you with your pain everything

00:23:34.299 --> 00:23:36.619
pain is a perception in your brain right and

00:23:36.619 --> 00:23:38.539
if these psychedelics are affecting your brain

00:23:38.539 --> 00:23:44.549
it can at least for the meantime, help you get

00:23:44.549 --> 00:23:47.809
to a point where you get some guidance to help

00:23:47.809 --> 00:23:50.849
sustain and maintain your pain management. Okay,

00:23:50.890 --> 00:23:53.869
I do have to ask, though. So, again, you're exploring

00:23:53.869 --> 00:23:55.490
all these modalities and doing all these things,

00:23:55.569 --> 00:23:58.490
and then you tell Dean and the kids. Oh, no,

00:23:58.490 --> 00:24:00.150
I don't tell the kids that. Because you're like,

00:24:00.230 --> 00:24:02.630
yeah, here's the next step. So, mommy's just

00:24:02.630 --> 00:24:05.170
going to fly to the U .S., grab some shrooms,

00:24:05.230 --> 00:24:08.529
I'll be back in a hot sec. Like, how did you

00:24:08.529 --> 00:24:12.880
navigate that? With your life? It was about two

00:24:12.880 --> 00:24:14.920
years of pain at that point. And I was desperate.

00:24:15.099 --> 00:24:17.200
I'm in despair. And when you're in despair, like

00:24:17.200 --> 00:24:19.240
you're - Nothing sounds absurd, right? Yeah.

00:24:19.299 --> 00:24:22.619
I was suicidal. I was in so much pain right here.

00:24:22.700 --> 00:24:25.759
I imagine just bashing my head into the wall

00:24:25.759 --> 00:24:29.619
and ending it all. And then I believe in reincarnation,

00:24:29.640 --> 00:24:32.140
think, okay, I'm gonna just start over. But then

00:24:32.140 --> 00:24:34.359
I was like, okay, well, if I'm at this state,

00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:36.680
I wrote letters to my husband and my kids. You

00:24:36.680 --> 00:24:39.480
know, I was ready. I was like, well, then maybe

00:24:39.480 --> 00:24:41.819
I should just take this trip without the kids

00:24:41.819 --> 00:24:44.920
to go to the States and try everything I can,

00:24:45.039 --> 00:24:47.940
you know, to see if anything can help. So my

00:24:47.940 --> 00:24:50.819
friend there just happened to be very into the

00:24:50.819 --> 00:24:54.019
microdosing. So he offered to be my trip sitter.

00:24:54.400 --> 00:24:58.279
And so I sat in his guest room and I hugged the

00:24:58.279 --> 00:25:01.700
pillow and I put a nice shade on and I had a

00:25:01.700 --> 00:25:06.319
terrible trip. But in hindsight, I got very good

00:25:06.319 --> 00:25:09.940
messages from it. okay very clear i initially

00:25:09.940 --> 00:25:11.859
i thought i was going through a haunted house

00:25:11.859 --> 00:25:16.059
the music in my ear started being like you know

00:25:16.059 --> 00:25:18.859
those like halloween music eerie i was going

00:25:18.859 --> 00:25:22.940
up a wooden creaky wooden uh halloween like haunted

00:25:22.940 --> 00:25:26.680
house okay and then went on forever my pain in

00:25:26.680 --> 00:25:30.200
my body like exponentially increased and then

00:25:30.200 --> 00:25:34.480
i switched to korean so my my friend who is like

00:25:34.480 --> 00:25:36.700
caucasian he was like trying to help me he's

00:25:36.700 --> 00:25:38.500
like Sarah, I don't know what you're saying.

00:25:38.960 --> 00:25:41.700
And I was like in Korean going, 아버지, 아버지, I can't

00:25:41.700 --> 00:25:45.759
do it. 너무 안돼요, 너무 안돼요. And he's like, what are

00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:48.480
you doing? I can't help you. So while you're

00:25:48.480 --> 00:25:52.319
going through this trip, do you know, so is it

00:25:52.319 --> 00:25:54.740
almost like a lucid dream where you kind of know

00:25:54.740 --> 00:25:56.940
that this is happening? But there's nothing you

00:25:56.940 --> 00:25:59.240
can do. There's nothing you can control. But

00:25:59.240 --> 00:26:01.640
you're aware of what it is. You are. But it just

00:26:01.640 --> 00:26:04.160
feels very real. Yeah, it feels very real. And

00:26:04.160 --> 00:26:05.579
the only reason I'm bringing this up is because

00:26:05.579 --> 00:26:08.799
actually the other night I was having a lucid

00:26:08.799 --> 00:26:11.700
dream. Oh, very good. I felt like my mouth was

00:26:11.700 --> 00:26:14.880
taped and I was being held captive. And somebody

00:26:14.880 --> 00:26:17.519
was like. poking their nails like long nails

00:26:17.519 --> 00:26:21.380
into my oh hand and i'm shouting you fucking

00:26:21.380 --> 00:26:23.180
bitch but because my mouth was taped i'm going

00:26:23.180 --> 00:26:26.220
you fucking bitch you fucking bitch and my husband

00:26:26.220 --> 00:26:29.660
in real life next to me was like and then i realized

00:26:29.660 --> 00:26:31.980
what i was doing and i and i knew at the time

00:26:31.980 --> 00:26:34.539
i was dreaming and and then the next morning

00:26:34.539 --> 00:26:36.000
i asked him and he was like you were singing

00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:37.539
i was like i wasn't singing i was saying you

00:26:37.539 --> 00:26:41.660
fucking bitch it's crazy though so weird but

00:26:41.660 --> 00:26:44.480
I knew in my dream it was a dream but I was almost

00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:47.519
paralyzed and I couldn't move and that's what

00:26:47.519 --> 00:26:49.779
it feels like does it yeah yeah yeah and I guess

00:26:49.779 --> 00:26:52.720
the thought of being in like a scary situation

00:26:52.720 --> 00:26:55.359
like yeah like and I tell people I don't have

00:26:55.359 --> 00:26:57.660
a lot of fears I don't fear that thing I just

00:26:57.660 --> 00:27:01.000
jump into whatever yeah but I felt true terror

00:27:01.000 --> 00:27:05.150
and then at that point I was like oh simple to

00:27:05.150 --> 00:27:07.410
get out of this pain, I can just kill myself.

00:27:07.589 --> 00:27:11.009
And that's during the trip? Yeah, in the trip.

00:27:11.250 --> 00:27:13.990
Your friend that was there. is he were you aware

00:27:13.990 --> 00:27:17.049
can you see him or he's just not so you don't

00:27:17.049 --> 00:27:19.369
even okay okay so i mean i can hear him if he

00:27:19.369 --> 00:27:21.529
talks to me but but you can't but it's not what

00:27:21.529 --> 00:27:23.670
does that feel like for you then oh obviously

00:27:23.670 --> 00:27:26.069
it's just you're just in your head like you're

00:27:26.069 --> 00:27:28.670
you're seeing these images you feel whatever

00:27:28.670 --> 00:27:31.869
the sensation is yeah so at the time i felt excruciating

00:27:31.869 --> 00:27:34.670
pain and then so i told myself like i can end

00:27:34.670 --> 00:27:37.230
it by killing myself but this voice then came

00:27:37.230 --> 00:27:41.359
and said no sarah okay this is eternal and that

00:27:41.359 --> 00:27:47.099
despair of no way out, that got me to such the

00:27:47.099 --> 00:27:49.700
darkest place I've ever thought I could be in.

00:27:49.799 --> 00:27:52.319
And then another voice came in, and it was Mother

00:27:52.319 --> 00:27:55.839
Earth. I know this sounds really strange, but

00:27:55.839 --> 00:27:58.660
honestly, it was a female voice, and she said,

00:27:58.759 --> 00:28:00.720
the amount of pain you're in is the amount of

00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:02.880
pain I'm in. And I was like, oh, okay. She's

00:28:02.880 --> 00:28:05.440
like, help me. And I was like, how? I want to.

00:28:05.579 --> 00:28:07.859
I was born on April 22nd, which is International

00:28:07.859 --> 00:28:12.720
Earth Day. And so I do feel compelled to help

00:28:12.720 --> 00:28:15.200
somehow. I just don't know how. And I said, please

00:28:15.200 --> 00:28:17.180
give me some reprieve so I can help you because

00:28:17.180 --> 00:28:20.019
right now I'm just laying in bed all day. And

00:28:20.019 --> 00:28:25.019
she only says, be loud. And I said, how? And

00:28:25.019 --> 00:28:27.480
then she disappeared. And in my mind I was thinking,

00:28:27.579 --> 00:28:30.920
be loud. Okay, I am vocal. I do express myself

00:28:30.920 --> 00:28:32.980
a lot. But like maybe Instagram, I don't know,

00:28:33.039 --> 00:28:35.680
you know. I finally put it up. I looked at the

00:28:35.680 --> 00:28:38.799
wall. It was like, wah, like rainbows, like wah,

00:28:38.960 --> 00:28:42.319
wah. And I stumbled over to the bathroom, peed,

00:28:42.319 --> 00:28:45.079
got up, and I was washing my hands, and the window

00:28:45.079 --> 00:28:48.420
is sun coming through it. And it was bright,

00:28:48.460 --> 00:28:51.039
and I was like, what the hell? How long has it

00:28:51.039 --> 00:28:53.839
been? And then I was like, and it sounds really

00:28:53.839 --> 00:28:57.940
cheesy, but at that exact moment, like I said,

00:28:58.059 --> 00:29:01.579
when you're in the darkest place on earth, just

00:29:01.579 --> 00:29:05.250
seek the light. Not just the light, it's the

00:29:05.250 --> 00:29:08.490
act of seeking for it. When you're in the dark,

00:29:08.549 --> 00:29:11.569
all you want to do is lay down. You want to have

00:29:11.569 --> 00:29:14.470
a self -pity party. It's very hard when you're

00:29:14.470 --> 00:29:17.769
in a dark place and you're depressed, despair,

00:29:18.009 --> 00:29:20.509
and you feel like there's no answers and no one

00:29:20.509 --> 00:29:23.569
to help you. You just want to lay down. But if

00:29:23.569 --> 00:29:26.650
you want to get out of it and you feel like that's

00:29:26.650 --> 00:29:28.440
what you want to do. You want to make the effort.

00:29:28.819 --> 00:29:32.519
Then remember to seek the light. And people ask

00:29:32.519 --> 00:29:34.160
me, what's the light? I'm like, well, physical

00:29:34.160 --> 00:29:41.700
light, easy, the sun. Or you write happy memories,

00:29:41.819 --> 00:29:45.059
some things that bring you joy. There's actually

00:29:45.059 --> 00:29:48.539
a chart by Dr. Joe Dispenza that I love because

00:29:48.539 --> 00:29:52.319
as a scientist, he measured the frequency or

00:29:52.319 --> 00:29:55.539
the vibration of each emotion. So at the top,

00:29:55.539 --> 00:29:58.319
you have bliss. Which is very hard to get to,

00:29:58.359 --> 00:30:00.380
actually, unless you're eating like an amazing,

00:30:00.519 --> 00:30:03.599
like crispy cream donut or something. I don't

00:30:03.599 --> 00:30:07.980
know. Or like, you know, orgasms. There could

00:30:07.980 --> 00:30:09.839
be other ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's not

00:30:09.839 --> 00:30:11.960
as very frequent, but that's the highest vibration.

00:30:12.380 --> 00:30:16.759
And then there's joy, gratitude, love, you know,

00:30:16.759 --> 00:30:20.720
and at the bottom you have. guilt revenge despair

00:30:20.720 --> 00:30:24.180
despair yes to be honest when you meditate and

00:30:24.180 --> 00:30:26.339
you bring your vibration up towards those higher

00:30:26.339 --> 00:30:30.819
vibrations your cells in your body so as a scientist

00:30:30.819 --> 00:30:34.940
now your cells in your body they vibrate optimally

00:30:34.940 --> 00:30:37.960
at those higher vibrations if they're at the

00:30:37.960 --> 00:30:42.859
low vibration it's chaotic it goes so if you

00:30:42.859 --> 00:30:45.720
want that kind of proof to motivate you to motive

00:30:45.720 --> 00:30:50.579
like meditate And so one more thing is the earth

00:30:50.579 --> 00:30:54.339
vibrates at 7 .83 hertz. It's called the Schumann's

00:30:54.339 --> 00:30:57.619
resonance. This is the science part of me. And

00:30:57.619 --> 00:31:02.339
the average vibration of a human body is 5 hertz.

00:31:02.980 --> 00:31:05.559
If we meditate and bring the vibration up to

00:31:05.559 --> 00:31:07.660
be more congruent with earth, don't we want to

00:31:07.660 --> 00:31:11.779
vibrate with earth in synchrony? So it brings

00:31:11.779 --> 00:31:15.279
our health. to an optimal state i have to say

00:31:15.279 --> 00:31:17.160
what something that my husband is so we work

00:31:17.160 --> 00:31:19.440
in health practice and something that we always

00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:21.400
say to our patients like this is so hard it's

00:31:21.400 --> 00:31:23.619
so complicated there's so many moving parts we're

00:31:23.619 --> 00:31:28.700
like think of just being an optimal human yes

00:31:28.700 --> 00:31:31.759
meaning go outside when it's light and go to

00:31:31.759 --> 00:31:34.940
sleep when it's dark yes Eat an omnivorous diet

00:31:34.940 --> 00:31:38.759
that matches the energy that you need to fuel

00:31:38.759 --> 00:31:41.420
your day. It is actually not that complicated.

00:31:41.559 --> 00:31:45.140
If you can just be more human, it actually pays

00:31:45.140 --> 00:31:47.119
off in spades. And I think that's very similar

00:31:47.119 --> 00:31:48.759
to what you're talking about. And I think right

00:31:48.759 --> 00:31:51.240
now we're at the age where there's so much shared

00:31:51.240 --> 00:31:54.440
online and so much content. Clutter. You don't

00:31:54.440 --> 00:31:56.940
know who to believe and who to follow. And even

00:31:56.940 --> 00:31:59.829
me. I don't know. The listeners, like, I'm not

00:31:59.829 --> 00:32:02.529
an expert. I'm just sharing my experience. If

00:32:02.529 --> 00:32:04.809
it works for you, great. And in the future, I'm

00:32:04.809 --> 00:32:06.829
only explaining what the spiritual different

00:32:06.829 --> 00:32:09.990
modalities are scientifically so that maybe you'll

00:32:09.990 --> 00:32:12.029
try because maybe it'll make sense to you. Yeah,

00:32:12.029 --> 00:32:13.910
exactly. Maybe this is the way that you'll find

00:32:13.910 --> 00:32:15.630
the path. Yeah, like why does a certain way of

00:32:15.630 --> 00:32:18.049
breathing help your body? It's like, duh, we

00:32:18.049 --> 00:32:20.210
breathe. No, but actually there's different methods

00:32:20.210 --> 00:32:22.109
that will actually encourage different energy.

00:32:22.880 --> 00:32:24.799
and vibrations in our body what's your thoughts

00:32:24.799 --> 00:32:26.960
on then things like grounding can that sort of

00:32:26.960 --> 00:32:30.420
like going outside with barefooted can that help

00:32:30.420 --> 00:32:34.119
you know bring you back to i walk around my condo

00:32:34.119 --> 00:32:37.730
barefoot everywhere we live near holland village

00:32:37.730 --> 00:32:40.289
and we i can walk to holland village and i walk

00:32:40.289 --> 00:32:42.349
barefoot there i'm gonna keep an eye out yeah

00:32:42.349 --> 00:32:45.650
yeah well i think we're always in holland i think

00:32:45.650 --> 00:32:47.430
if you ask the people around there they're like

00:32:47.430 --> 00:32:50.950
oh yeah that's a barefoot girl yeah yeah especially

00:32:50.950 --> 00:32:53.549
in the rain i walk barefoot because i feel like

00:32:53.549 --> 00:32:56.849
i trust my feet more than my shoes oh i totally

00:32:56.849 --> 00:32:59.740
understand it's weird because One day, my husband

00:32:59.740 --> 00:33:01.740
and I were like, we're going to do some grounding.

00:33:01.920 --> 00:33:03.420
We're going to wake up early. We're going to

00:33:03.420 --> 00:33:04.779
go out for a walk, but we're not going to wear

00:33:04.779 --> 00:33:06.839
our shoes. I was a little bit self -conscious.

00:33:06.900 --> 00:33:08.319
I was like, fuck, we're going to be walking outside

00:33:08.319 --> 00:33:10.539
with no shoes on. We did it. Ended up in a park.

00:33:10.839 --> 00:33:12.539
And we were like, right, what do we do now? And

00:33:12.539 --> 00:33:13.900
he's like, do you want to hug a tree? I'm like,

00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:16.819
really? Your husband and I will get along. I'm

00:33:16.819 --> 00:33:18.200
a tree hugger. I mean, he said to me, do you

00:33:18.200 --> 00:33:19.700
want to hug a tree? And I was like, do I want

00:33:19.700 --> 00:33:20.880
to hug a tree? I'm going to be like some kind

00:33:20.880 --> 00:33:23.299
of weirdo hippie. Yeah, yeah. But then we just

00:33:23.299 --> 00:33:27.079
sat by the tree instead. But yeah, we did it

00:33:27.079 --> 00:33:30.019
once. my feet were so filthy and it was like,

00:33:30.099 --> 00:33:32.480
fuck, now it's just like, clean them before you

00:33:32.480 --> 00:33:35.720
get inside. So honestly, the grounding is the

00:33:35.720 --> 00:33:38.380
best for clearing your chakras, your energy centers.

00:33:38.859 --> 00:33:43.099
So over time now with practicing, I can see people's

00:33:43.099 --> 00:33:47.440
auras. Auras are just energy fields. I can see

00:33:47.440 --> 00:33:50.819
yours and yours. I hope it's not as black as

00:33:50.819 --> 00:33:53.039
my soul. No, no. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. If

00:33:53.039 --> 00:33:55.599
you do see black, it means that that area is

00:33:55.599 --> 00:33:59.240
diseased. Yeah. And so one time in Venice Beach,

00:33:59.299 --> 00:34:01.259
like a long time ago before kids, I was walking

00:34:01.259 --> 00:34:03.779
to a hair appointment and this random guy ran

00:34:03.779 --> 00:34:07.700
up to me and he's like, your back is black. Oh,

00:34:07.740 --> 00:34:09.539
my God. And he's like, let me help you. Let me

00:34:09.539 --> 00:34:12.659
help you. And I was like, no, dude, I don't know

00:34:12.659 --> 00:34:16.659
who you are. So I kept walking. It was like 2010.

00:34:17.980 --> 00:34:21.000
Oh, wow. So before any of the tumors. I was before

00:34:21.000 --> 00:34:23.289
kids. It was like a long time ago. I had back

00:34:23.289 --> 00:34:26.489
pain. Now I know as a person of energy that,

00:34:26.550 --> 00:34:28.769
and I understand what each chakra and what it

00:34:28.769 --> 00:34:33.449
means, is I was very like confused about my career.

00:34:33.610 --> 00:34:36.550
It was just before I switched to fashion. And

00:34:36.550 --> 00:34:39.289
that area is your root chakra, which is your

00:34:39.289 --> 00:34:42.630
sense of like security and sense of survival

00:34:42.630 --> 00:34:47.369
and financial security. It makes sense now. Can

00:34:47.369 --> 00:34:49.170
we talk about the switch to fashion? Because

00:34:49.170 --> 00:34:54.030
how intimidating it is to be a woman in science,

00:34:54.269 --> 00:34:57.110
right? Achieving the level of PhD at one of the

00:34:57.110 --> 00:34:59.329
most prestigious institutions in the United States.

00:34:59.750 --> 00:35:03.809
And then to say. actually, plot twist, I'm going

00:35:03.809 --> 00:35:06.590
to go to FITM with the 19 -year -olds and study.

00:35:06.750 --> 00:35:08.030
And FITM, by the way, is the Fashion Institute

00:35:08.030 --> 00:35:10.610
of Design and Merchandising. It's a highly prestigious

00:35:10.610 --> 00:35:13.789
fashion institute in Los Angeles. And say, I'm

00:35:13.789 --> 00:35:16.309
going to do fashion design. And again, there's

00:35:16.309 --> 00:35:17.789
the whole trope about disappointing your Asian

00:35:17.789 --> 00:35:19.750
parents, and you can touch on that if you'd like.

00:35:19.829 --> 00:35:22.190
But more so as the woman, as the person going

00:35:22.190 --> 00:35:25.469
through it, how dare she abandon this conventional

00:35:25.469 --> 00:35:28.710
model of success for something so feminine and

00:35:28.710 --> 00:35:30.699
below her? That's a very good question. It's

00:35:30.699 --> 00:35:33.559
like, what is the motivation to actually do it?

00:35:33.579 --> 00:35:36.000
And how do you get through? You know people are

00:35:36.000 --> 00:35:37.340
thinking that. Let's put it that way. You know

00:35:37.340 --> 00:35:38.400
people are thinking that. Not only were they

00:35:38.400 --> 00:35:40.900
thinking that, they told me. Oh, yeah. I'm sure

00:35:40.900 --> 00:35:43.179
people said it. No, I totally told a couple of

00:35:43.179 --> 00:35:45.559
friends. And one of them specifically said, Sarah,

00:35:45.960 --> 00:35:48.440
I don't think you should switch. You have a PhD.

00:35:48.579 --> 00:35:51.199
You worked hard for it. And then my mom, I told

00:35:51.199 --> 00:35:53.900
her. And she said, you're going to throw away

00:35:53.900 --> 00:35:57.530
your PhD. You're a doctor now. I'm like. Mom,

00:35:57.610 --> 00:36:00.469
I'm always going to have my PhD. I'm not throwing

00:36:00.469 --> 00:36:03.010
it away. You don't forfeit it. No, I don't forfeit

00:36:03.010 --> 00:36:05.090
it. It's going to be permanently on my record,

00:36:05.210 --> 00:36:07.849
whether I like it or not. First tried to have

00:36:07.849 --> 00:36:11.210
a job after fashion school. I thought I should

00:36:11.210 --> 00:36:14.909
go to retail, so I went for an interview at Express.

00:36:15.599 --> 00:36:18.599
It doesn't exist anymore, right? No, it does

00:36:18.599 --> 00:36:21.340
not exist. You are in deep millennial America

00:36:21.340 --> 00:36:25.300
right now. Express equals life. I wish I knew

00:36:25.300 --> 00:36:26.980
the British equivalent to make this so relevant.

00:36:27.119 --> 00:36:31.960
Express is like you shop there. Is it closed?

00:36:32.679 --> 00:36:36.099
It's closed. We're going to do an off air. First

00:36:36.099 --> 00:36:37.400
of all, in the show notes, we're going to include

00:36:37.400 --> 00:36:41.239
a link to Express. I'm going to show you what

00:36:41.239 --> 00:36:43.699
Express was. It was the quintessential millennial

00:36:43.699 --> 00:36:46.039
fashion spot. the men's version was structure

00:36:46.039 --> 00:36:49.059
yes and then the women oh it's in my soul right

00:36:49.059 --> 00:36:52.099
now sarah okay so you apply to express as a retail

00:36:52.099 --> 00:36:54.340
person as a retail assistant yeah yeah yeah with

00:36:54.340 --> 00:36:58.179
your with your phd so i had to that's why that's

00:36:58.179 --> 00:37:00.400
i'm saying like on my resume i actually deleted

00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:03.320
it i omitted it because i was too overqualified

00:37:03.320 --> 00:37:05.320
yeah yeah they wouldn't hire me absolutely not

00:37:05.320 --> 00:37:07.500
yeah she's she's doing this as a research project

00:37:07.500 --> 00:37:12.079
yeah yeah so i went and then i did a um one hour

00:37:12.079 --> 00:37:17.960
like employee video and i quit i was like i was

00:37:17.960 --> 00:37:19.679
saying well this is ridiculous i don't need to

00:37:19.679 --> 00:37:22.280
go into retail to be in fashion design yeah i

00:37:22.280 --> 00:37:25.000
would say retail is kind of the the less glam

00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:27.340
part of fashion because i thought that would

00:37:27.340 --> 00:37:30.679
be like my you know playing my dude yes yes yes

00:37:30.679 --> 00:37:32.460
totally getting the experience but yeah it's

00:37:32.460 --> 00:37:33.920
like washing dishes in the restaurant right yeah

00:37:33.920 --> 00:37:36.440
exactly to become a chef yeah i picked up another

00:37:36.440 --> 00:37:40.320
job as a a fashion show dresser. Oh, that sounds

00:37:40.320 --> 00:37:44.019
fun. Yeah, especially because my first job was

00:37:44.019 --> 00:37:47.280
for Guess. Because Guess is in LA. I know Guess.

00:37:47.360 --> 00:37:49.820
I do know Guess. Okay, Guess is relevant. And

00:37:49.820 --> 00:37:53.800
that event was catered by Wolfgang Puck. Oh.

00:37:54.000 --> 00:37:55.739
He lives in LA too. This is the most LA event

00:37:55.739 --> 00:37:58.219
that ever LA'd. Go on. It was my first job. I

00:37:58.219 --> 00:38:00.280
had no idea. No one preps you on how to be the

00:38:00.280 --> 00:38:02.400
dresser. I just kind of lied that I said I know

00:38:02.400 --> 00:38:05.079
how to do it to get the job. Yeah. Okay, by the

00:38:05.079 --> 00:38:06.659
way, this is kind of a theme in my life. I just

00:38:06.659 --> 00:38:08.909
kind of lie to get whatever i want i mean just

00:38:08.909 --> 00:38:12.389
you know whatever thank you i did that it's a

00:38:12.389 --> 00:38:14.730
fit i mean it doesn't hurt anybody so i went

00:38:14.730 --> 00:38:17.829
and i told my male model because this one had

00:38:17.829 --> 00:38:20.030
male models and female but i had a male model

00:38:20.030 --> 00:38:23.150
and he like we got along so well he proposed

00:38:23.150 --> 00:38:25.670
to me that's insane but i was like it wasn't

00:38:25.670 --> 00:38:29.119
dean was it no what's the plot twist again And

00:38:29.119 --> 00:38:32.019
I was like, no, I'm married. And then and then

00:38:32.019 --> 00:38:33.579
I was like, this is my first day. And he's like,

00:38:33.619 --> 00:38:35.980
really? And then so you're supposed to have a

00:38:35.980 --> 00:38:38.679
first look and then second look. Right. But I

00:38:38.679 --> 00:38:40.920
put him in the second look first because I didn't

00:38:40.920 --> 00:38:42.900
know that there was a sequence. Tragedy. And

00:38:42.900 --> 00:38:44.920
so he went to the stylist and got sent back.

00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:47.139
And he's like, oh, it really is your first day.

00:38:48.820 --> 00:38:50.980
And I was like, OK, take off your clothes and

00:38:50.980 --> 00:38:53.960
give it to me. But yeah, the fashion thing. Yeah,

00:38:54.039 --> 00:38:56.860
I think like the transition. Yeah, exactly. How

00:38:56.860 --> 00:38:58.829
do you manage that transition? To be honest,

00:38:58.989 --> 00:39:02.389
I think something in you knows that this is your

00:39:02.389 --> 00:39:06.210
truest self. The other popular story online that

00:39:06.210 --> 00:39:08.630
you'll see is that my brother got into a motorcycle

00:39:08.630 --> 00:39:11.889
accident. He was riding Sunset Boulevard in LA.

00:39:12.090 --> 00:39:15.269
It's very squiggly. Before nightfall, they come

00:39:15.269 --> 00:39:17.369
back home, but then he hit an unmarked pothole

00:39:17.369 --> 00:39:21.150
and lost control of his motorcycle and went to

00:39:21.150 --> 00:39:23.809
the other side of the road. An oncoming SUV hit

00:39:23.809 --> 00:39:27.699
his head. Slammed it into the, but it was helmeted.

00:39:27.739 --> 00:39:31.019
Oh, thank God. And as a neuroscientist who actually

00:39:31.019 --> 00:39:33.619
studies spinal cord injuries and paralysis, I

00:39:33.619 --> 00:39:36.320
gave him a spine guard because I knew he, he

00:39:36.320 --> 00:39:37.519
wouldn't tell my parents that he had a motorcycle,

00:39:37.599 --> 00:39:40.260
but I bought him that because he told me. And

00:39:40.260 --> 00:39:43.820
then, so he was sent to UCLA. He had eight hour

00:39:43.820 --> 00:39:45.800
surgery. We didn't know he was going to live.

00:39:45.860 --> 00:39:50.079
I was in Chicago as a postdoc in Northwestern

00:39:50.079 --> 00:39:52.460
University. I flew over and I didn't know he

00:39:52.460 --> 00:39:54.599
was going to be alive or not. Next two years,

00:39:55.099 --> 00:39:59.139
i'm his caregiver i'm his decision maker i have

00:39:59.139 --> 00:40:01.840
the i signed the power of attorney wow because

00:40:01.840 --> 00:40:04.599
my parents don't speak the english like the medical

00:40:04.599 --> 00:40:07.260
english that i do some of the clinical trials

00:40:07.260 --> 00:40:11.119
were done by my phd um committee members yeah

00:40:11.119 --> 00:40:13.079
one of them came in the professor came in and

00:40:13.079 --> 00:40:15.800
was like sarah what are you doing here he's like

00:40:16.480 --> 00:40:19.440
is this your brother i was like yeah so and his

00:40:19.440 --> 00:40:21.960
head was the size of a watermelon oh my god so

00:40:21.960 --> 00:40:24.719
you take out a part of the bone so that the swelling

00:40:24.719 --> 00:40:26.639
of the brain can have some space otherwise they'll

00:40:26.639 --> 00:40:29.440
continue to continually push push and become

00:40:29.440 --> 00:40:32.000
a contusion oh my god and i'll further do brain

00:40:32.000 --> 00:40:34.780
damage anyway that was two years and actually

00:40:34.780 --> 00:40:38.659
after that i said nope i'm gonna live my life

00:40:38.659 --> 00:40:41.099
and what i wanted i want to be fashion designer

00:40:41.099 --> 00:40:45.190
why because i was obsessed with clothes And most

00:40:45.190 --> 00:40:48.710
obsessions as adults come from a place of deprivation,

00:40:48.769 --> 00:40:52.269
maybe from childhood. My dad was in the US Army.

00:40:52.469 --> 00:40:54.690
They immigrated from Korea to the States. We

00:40:54.690 --> 00:40:56.969
didn't have much money. They always said, save,

00:40:56.989 --> 00:40:59.489
save, save. Never got to buy anything. All my

00:40:59.489 --> 00:41:01.849
clothes were hand -me -downs from cousins in

00:41:01.849 --> 00:41:04.869
New York. So as an adult, I was obsessed with

00:41:04.869 --> 00:41:08.789
clothes. And I was very good at drawing. So then

00:41:08.789 --> 00:41:11.650
I... Translated the drawing and the art skills

00:41:11.650 --> 00:41:13.690
into fashion because I wanted it to be something

00:41:13.690 --> 00:41:16.469
that was actually lucrative Yeah, something that

00:41:16.469 --> 00:41:18.989
I can make money with and so I went to fit them

00:41:18.989 --> 00:41:22.710
with a bunch of 17 year olds and High -heeled

00:41:22.710 --> 00:41:25.389
shoes and we go to industrial sewing class and

00:41:25.389 --> 00:41:27.650
industrial sewing machines are not your typical

00:41:27.650 --> 00:41:31.590
machines at home They are a car when you turn

00:41:31.590 --> 00:41:35.230
it on it goes And then when you start sewing

00:41:35.230 --> 00:41:39.179
it's like I only learned that from Project Runway.

00:41:39.239 --> 00:41:41.960
I did not learn that from real life. So as I

00:41:41.960 --> 00:41:44.320
was progressing, I quit because I want to go

00:41:44.320 --> 00:41:46.880
to Parsons. And because of that, I had all this

00:41:46.880 --> 00:41:48.960
time. I had no more homework to do. So I went

00:41:48.960 --> 00:41:55.539
on the scholarship page and I submitted a design

00:41:55.539 --> 00:42:00.019
for this contest called... designed the little

00:42:00.019 --> 00:42:03.079
black dress by laundry seagull laundry seagull

00:42:03.079 --> 00:42:05.139
is a big brand back then but it's probably gone

00:42:05.139 --> 00:42:09.300
now too and um so i just drew one and sent it

00:42:09.300 --> 00:42:12.019
in then i don't want anything i don't want any

00:42:12.019 --> 00:42:14.739
contest i'll just let's just send it in so i

00:42:14.739 --> 00:42:18.179
did that months later i'm in australia with dean

00:42:18.179 --> 00:42:21.340
and i get this email and i think it's junk about

00:42:21.340 --> 00:42:23.900
to delete it but i was like oh you're the grand

00:42:23.900 --> 00:42:28.070
prize winner wow so then my dress got produced

00:42:28.070 --> 00:42:31.469
and sold at all the majors. Majors are called

00:42:31.469 --> 00:42:34.329
the department stores versus the minors, like

00:42:34.329 --> 00:42:37.610
the little boutiques. So it was at Macy's, Dillard's.

00:42:37.610 --> 00:42:39.130
Do those names ring a bell or no? Macy's, yes.

00:42:39.929 --> 00:42:42.630
Dillard's is a Texas thing. Because I think the

00:42:42.630 --> 00:42:46.269
New York ones I would know. Nordstrom? Yes, I

00:42:46.269 --> 00:42:48.869
do know. And it was called the Sarah Dress. Oh

00:42:48.869 --> 00:42:53.550
my gosh. So that kind of propelled me. into fashion

00:42:53.550 --> 00:42:57.329
yeah um or gave me like confidence yeah but in

00:42:57.329 --> 00:42:59.610
the meantime though i had this condo in downtown

00:42:59.610 --> 00:43:02.250
l .a right across the street from fiddham my

00:43:02.250 --> 00:43:04.630
school i could see it from my living room like

00:43:04.630 --> 00:43:07.010
a roll out of bed and go to school yeah i designed

00:43:07.010 --> 00:43:09.750
it i loved it so much i loved interior design

00:43:09.750 --> 00:43:12.630
so i was like huh so maybe i should apply for

00:43:12.630 --> 00:43:15.150
interior design in parsons did you move to new

00:43:15.150 --> 00:43:17.349
york though you never know i grabbed everything

00:43:17.349 --> 00:43:20.469
to go and i gave up my apartment and didn't go

00:43:21.289 --> 00:43:23.150
Because I was going to say, I've read your bio

00:43:23.150 --> 00:43:25.150
up, down, and sideways. I never saw New York

00:43:25.150 --> 00:43:27.550
in there. I was trying to go, but I never went.

00:43:27.889 --> 00:43:30.710
And because in the middle, I went to go work

00:43:30.710 --> 00:43:33.849
for Kelly Wurstler. She's a famous celebrity

00:43:33.849 --> 00:43:36.369
interior designer. She does all the Viceroy hotels

00:43:36.369 --> 00:43:42.250
in the world. She married a hotelier. And working

00:43:42.250 --> 00:43:44.869
for her, if you think about a lot of people,

00:43:44.929 --> 00:43:49.110
like minimalist style, she is maximalist. And

00:43:49.110 --> 00:43:53.409
it's gorgeous and opulent. And oh, my God. Have

00:43:53.409 --> 00:43:56.010
you been inside of Viceroy? I haven't. I think

00:43:56.010 --> 00:43:58.309
I might have done. Yeah, just the one in Hollywood

00:43:58.309 --> 00:44:00.429
is what I'm obviously most familiar with. There's

00:44:00.429 --> 00:44:03.429
Hollywood and there's one in Santa Monica. It's

00:44:03.429 --> 00:44:06.869
gorgeous. Then during that experience, that experience

00:44:06.869 --> 00:44:10.530
was interesting. I learned a lot. The first day,

00:44:10.570 --> 00:44:13.909
okay, the first day, I'm a 29 -year -old PhD

00:44:13.909 --> 00:44:19.130
freedom dropout. And I lied also on my resume

00:44:19.130 --> 00:44:22.909
and told them I know how to do CAD. Because interior

00:44:22.909 --> 00:44:25.849
design, you know how to do a CAD, computer -aided

00:44:25.849 --> 00:44:28.789
design. Oh, my. Okay, before I started my first

00:44:28.789 --> 00:44:32.530
day, my architect friend came over and gave me

00:44:32.530 --> 00:44:34.010
a one -hour tour. I was going to say, did you

00:44:34.010 --> 00:44:35.730
have to get the book, like, CAD for Dummies?

00:44:35.809 --> 00:44:40.050
Exactly. Learn it overnight. Exactly. But that's

00:44:40.050 --> 00:44:42.849
all I did to prep for that job. So first day.

00:44:43.389 --> 00:44:45.650
The project manager comes in and she tells me,

00:44:45.690 --> 00:44:48.909
okay, so you have these two piles. You have this

00:44:48.909 --> 00:44:51.730
invoice on one side that's one and this envelope

00:44:51.730 --> 00:44:54.150
that's one. You put it together and you put it

00:44:54.150 --> 00:44:56.829
here. Then you see invoice two and envelope two

00:44:56.829 --> 00:44:58.670
and put it together and put it over here. I was

00:44:58.670 --> 00:45:01.929
like, are you fucking kidding me? Does she know

00:45:01.929 --> 00:45:04.030
I have a PhD? No, she doesn't. Okay, so then

00:45:04.030 --> 00:45:06.809
I go and do it five minutes and I come back and

00:45:06.809 --> 00:45:09.989
she gives me another menial job. And I go do

00:45:09.989 --> 00:45:13.179
it and then I go to the bathroom and I cry. because

00:45:13.179 --> 00:45:15.900
my husband and dean is in chicago still because

00:45:15.900 --> 00:45:18.639
he's a professor there i left to do this fucking

00:45:18.639 --> 00:45:21.800
job yeah yeah and fashion school and then like

00:45:21.800 --> 00:45:25.059
delayed it because i can do this and then i came

00:45:25.059 --> 00:45:26.719
back and i was and then she's like obviously

00:45:26.719 --> 00:45:29.360
now annoyed because i'm doing it so fast so she's

00:45:29.360 --> 00:45:34.000
like okay so cameron wants these bathroom mirrors

00:45:34.000 --> 00:45:36.639
options so why don't you give me some couple

00:45:36.639 --> 00:45:39.139
of options of that on cat i was like okay sure

00:45:39.659 --> 00:45:42.159
I run over to my desk and I look at my computer.

00:45:42.239 --> 00:45:47.519
I'm like, how do I draw a line? Oh, no. And I'm

00:45:47.519 --> 00:45:49.119
sweating because I'm like, you can't take too

00:45:49.119 --> 00:45:51.400
long, right? Because it should be simple. I was

00:45:51.400 --> 00:45:52.980
just going to say, it should sound pretty simple

00:45:52.980 --> 00:45:54.340
to someone who knows what that is. So I was like,

00:45:54.380 --> 00:45:55.739
oh, my God, control L. I don't know. I don't

00:45:55.739 --> 00:45:59.980
know. Okay. Is there a mirror button? So then

00:45:59.980 --> 00:46:02.639
I did a couple and I. brought it over and she

00:46:02.639 --> 00:46:04.380
said, okay, these look good, but she wants it

00:46:04.380 --> 00:46:05.739
a little bit more intricate. I was like, of course

00:46:05.739 --> 00:46:09.360
she does. Of course this person does. And I was

00:46:09.360 --> 00:46:11.500
like, I'm sorry, you talk about Cameron as if

00:46:11.500 --> 00:46:14.460
I should know this person. And she's like, oh,

00:46:14.500 --> 00:46:17.519
it's Cameron Diaz. Oh my gosh. I was like, oh,

00:46:17.760 --> 00:46:21.000
I will be right back. Yeah, give me a hot minute

00:46:21.000 --> 00:46:23.360
for that. Yeah, I'll be right back. Oh my gosh.

00:46:23.380 --> 00:46:25.599
Yeah, so then that same day, I actually got to

00:46:25.599 --> 00:46:28.690
sit down with Kelly Whistler. And my project

00:46:28.690 --> 00:46:31.550
manager, she let me sit with her. Usually you

00:46:31.550 --> 00:46:34.269
don't really talk to the god, you know, the goddess.

00:46:34.710 --> 00:46:39.610
And we're designing the walk -in closets of Gwen

00:46:39.610 --> 00:46:42.309
Stefani. Oh, my God. That sounds like the dream

00:46:42.309 --> 00:46:45.030
job. And I look and there's like a whole area

00:46:45.030 --> 00:46:48.030
for belts, a whole area for hats. Okay, that

00:46:48.030 --> 00:46:50.429
sounds like a dream closet. Yeah, I could sleep

00:46:50.429 --> 00:46:53.369
there. I had these fake black rimmed glasses.

00:46:54.219 --> 00:46:56.260
By the way, all my glasses, I don't need glasses.

00:46:56.840 --> 00:46:59.639
I have 20 -20 vision. Don't hate me. Yeah, no,

00:46:59.679 --> 00:47:01.599
I do, but go on. And then I just wear this for

00:47:01.599 --> 00:47:03.500
fashion. So I wore these black rimmed glasses

00:47:03.500 --> 00:47:05.219
and she was like, she took it off and she was

00:47:05.219 --> 00:47:07.380
like, oh, I like this. And I'm like, you look

00:47:07.380 --> 00:47:10.159
good in it. Did you keep them? No, no, no. If

00:47:10.159 --> 00:47:11.880
she wanted it, I would. Yeah, I was going to

00:47:11.880 --> 00:47:13.320
say, I was like, that's very cool. I think I

00:47:13.320 --> 00:47:16.719
actually bought them from Daiso. Be like, they're

00:47:16.719 --> 00:47:18.500
yours now. They're really high end. Yeah, yeah.

00:47:18.579 --> 00:47:20.460
So I gave it to her. But yeah, that was my first

00:47:20.460 --> 00:47:24.469
day. i mean honestly i feel like in life for

00:47:24.469 --> 00:47:28.510
me i wasn't scared people ask about the pivot

00:47:28.510 --> 00:47:32.409
yeah but honestly like i don't know what it is

00:47:32.409 --> 00:47:34.530
about me but i just jump in like in high school

00:47:34.530 --> 00:47:36.789
you're talking about other moments of pivot in

00:47:36.789 --> 00:47:38.909
high school i didn't know how to play soccer

00:47:38.909 --> 00:47:42.360
but in high school i really wanted to huh Football.

00:47:42.480 --> 00:47:45.159
Yeah, she's translated. And my son actually says

00:47:45.159 --> 00:47:47.860
football and we argue about that. Is it a stake

00:47:47.860 --> 00:47:50.079
in your heart every time? It is. I'm like, you're

00:47:50.079 --> 00:47:53.760
an American boy. That's a sport that exists and

00:47:53.760 --> 00:47:56.679
it's better. So, you know. I do. No, but I do

00:47:56.679 --> 00:47:58.780
actually say to my boys whenever they have an

00:47:58.780 --> 00:48:02.699
Americanism, I'm like, we're English. Reminding

00:48:02.699 --> 00:48:04.800
them, reminding them. Like in high school, so

00:48:04.800 --> 00:48:07.179
I didn't know how to play soccer, but I just

00:48:07.179 --> 00:48:09.440
tried out for the JV team. I was a freshman.

00:48:10.349 --> 00:48:12.730
I didn't get into the JV team. What's JV? Sorry,

00:48:12.769 --> 00:48:15.250
that's in the university. It's like the, you

00:48:15.250 --> 00:48:18.510
know, the entry level team. So there's two levels,

00:48:18.690 --> 00:48:21.989
JV and varsity. So I was like 14, right? And

00:48:21.989 --> 00:48:24.489
then, so then I was like, okay, whatever. It

00:48:24.489 --> 00:48:25.530
makes sense because I don't know how to play

00:48:25.530 --> 00:48:27.909
soccer, right? But then they decided to make

00:48:27.909 --> 00:48:30.650
two JV teams. So then I was like, they're like,

00:48:30.710 --> 00:48:33.309
everybody comes. So this time I took my mom to

00:48:33.309 --> 00:48:37.130
Itaewon in Korea, Seoul, and got the shin guards,

00:48:37.409 --> 00:48:41.239
the socks, the shoes. and to get all the proper

00:48:41.239 --> 00:48:44.059
equipment, and then I showed up. And by the end

00:48:44.059 --> 00:48:46.280
of the season, because I worked my ass off, maybe

00:48:46.280 --> 00:48:48.920
there's some inner drive in me, I got invited

00:48:48.920 --> 00:48:51.579
to be on the varsity team. Yay! As a freshman.

00:48:51.840 --> 00:48:54.000
Wow. And then the next year, I tried out and

00:48:54.000 --> 00:48:56.340
got to be varsity. So that's my first story.

00:48:56.400 --> 00:48:58.340
And I tell my kids about this too, like try.

00:48:58.559 --> 00:49:02.300
Yeah. If you're driven enough, you can get what

00:49:02.300 --> 00:49:04.059
you want. Yeah. I think honestly, Sarah, you

00:49:04.059 --> 00:49:05.900
know, Jasmine said it previously and it's like,

00:49:05.900 --> 00:49:08.539
you are the epitome of fake it till you make

00:49:08.539 --> 00:49:10.780
it. And while, by the way, by the way, you know,

00:49:10.820 --> 00:49:12.699
sometimes that will backfire to a small extent.

00:49:12.739 --> 00:49:14.360
So your example with the CAD, right? It's like,

00:49:14.360 --> 00:49:16.699
it's like you didn't really have that skill.

00:49:17.179 --> 00:49:19.699
But in the end, you were actually able to make

00:49:19.699 --> 00:49:21.099
it work, right? You were able to make it happen.

00:49:21.179 --> 00:49:23.239
And then if you look retrospectively back at

00:49:23.239 --> 00:49:25.320
that, had you gone to school for two years to

00:49:25.320 --> 00:49:26.920
learn CAD, it wouldn't have changed the outcome

00:49:26.920 --> 00:49:29.760
that much. And I think that that's the story

00:49:29.760 --> 00:49:32.059
that women need to really grasp onto is, you

00:49:32.059 --> 00:49:34.719
know, what is the opposite of imposter syndrome?

00:49:34.880 --> 00:49:38.119
It is Dr. Sarah Namian, okay? It's like, you

00:49:38.119 --> 00:49:40.659
know, like I am fully an imposter, but I won't

00:49:40.659 --> 00:49:43.239
be once I am in this world, right? It's like,

00:49:43.239 --> 00:49:45.340
so once I step into this world, then in fact,

00:49:45.360 --> 00:49:48.079
I can master it. And I think that is such a powerful

00:49:48.079 --> 00:49:50.300
message that it doesn't have to be the other

00:49:50.300 --> 00:49:52.079
way around. You don't have to earn it every single

00:49:52.079 --> 00:49:54.460
time. You can actually learn it. I think most

00:49:54.460 --> 00:49:57.599
things, if you're passionate about it, you can

00:49:57.599 --> 00:50:00.400
learn on the job. and you can master it yeah

00:50:00.400 --> 00:50:03.739
if your obsession is that you will learn everything

00:50:03.739 --> 00:50:06.460
about it if that makes brings you joy you will

00:50:06.460 --> 00:50:08.179
remember and that's how like certain schools

00:50:08.179 --> 00:50:11.980
are called reggio reggio and that's the school

00:50:11.980 --> 00:50:14.000
that i pick for my kids because it's joy -based

00:50:14.000 --> 00:50:16.280
yeah and and you don't have to memorize because

00:50:16.280 --> 00:50:19.440
if you had the joy of baking chocolate chip cookies

00:50:19.440 --> 00:50:22.219
you won't have to look at the recipe recipe you

00:50:22.219 --> 00:50:24.079
remember it you're so right it's like when i

00:50:24.079 --> 00:50:26.300
you know when i was the first a personal trainer

00:50:26.300 --> 00:50:28.159
and people were like how do you remember all

00:50:28.159 --> 00:50:29.159
the different workouts for all the different

00:50:29.159 --> 00:50:31.719
clients and i was like because it's i i don't

00:50:31.719 --> 00:50:33.280
even have to think about it i just i just know

00:50:33.280 --> 00:50:35.420
i know what they need it's not a struggle for

00:50:35.420 --> 00:50:37.960
you it's not at all like i it's not an issue

00:50:37.960 --> 00:50:39.920
of remembering because it's already there exactly

00:50:39.920 --> 00:50:42.000
in your soul and then you look at the patient

00:50:42.000 --> 00:50:44.619
and you're like oh are your client like oh they're

00:50:44.619 --> 00:50:46.619
struggling here and then you know the exercise

00:50:46.619 --> 00:50:48.820
to help that correct And it's like, yeah, it

00:50:48.820 --> 00:50:52.980
just flows. And even when you do qualify with

00:50:52.980 --> 00:50:56.079
whatever you're doing, at no point in time while

00:50:56.079 --> 00:50:58.860
I was doing my degree or my studies, did I ever

00:50:58.860 --> 00:51:01.440
use what I learned while I was working. I agree.

00:51:01.960 --> 00:51:03.940
It was completely different. I was like, well,

00:51:04.000 --> 00:51:07.420
I just spent like four years at university. never

00:51:07.420 --> 00:51:10.400
used any of it yeah i tell people like an undergrad

00:51:10.400 --> 00:51:12.360
and learning thing my grades were kind of bad

00:51:12.360 --> 00:51:15.079
yeah and then grad school i kind of figured out

00:51:15.079 --> 00:51:18.300
how actually studying works yeah and then um

00:51:18.300 --> 00:51:20.260
by the way in grad school i was a cadaver teacher

00:51:20.260 --> 00:51:23.199
yeah with like human bodies yes for permitted

00:51:23.199 --> 00:51:26.079
students anyways on my second pivot story though

00:51:26.079 --> 00:51:29.739
are kind of a crazy story is um i was i don't

00:51:29.739 --> 00:51:32.559
know how to swim okay oh god And I wanted to

00:51:32.559 --> 00:51:34.860
become a lifeguard. Wow. OK. Because I was at

00:51:34.860 --> 00:51:37.079
the pool every day in the summer to get a tan

00:51:37.079 --> 00:51:39.039
because I made you look thinner. This was in

00:51:39.039 --> 00:51:40.820
LA, right? This was actually in Korea. Oh, this

00:51:40.820 --> 00:51:43.179
was in Korea? Oh, OK. Wow. I was like, well,

00:51:43.300 --> 00:51:44.920
if I'm at the pool every day during the summer,

00:51:45.059 --> 00:51:47.579
I want to make money doing it. You know, so I

00:51:47.579 --> 00:51:49.780
was like, maybe I'll become a lifeguard. And

00:51:49.780 --> 00:51:55.280
so in Korea. On base or the school, they had

00:51:55.280 --> 00:52:00.380
American Red Cross, had CPR and lifeguard training.

00:52:00.820 --> 00:52:03.980
So I did it. The swimming part, the requirement

00:52:03.980 --> 00:52:06.059
was you just need to get from one side of the

00:52:06.059 --> 00:52:07.840
pool to the other. Yes. Easy. I remember that

00:52:07.840 --> 00:52:09.619
because I went through lifeguard training. Oh,

00:52:09.619 --> 00:52:11.480
you did? Yeah. But you probably swam. I mean,

00:52:11.500 --> 00:52:14.980
I was a pretty decent swimmer. I walked across

00:52:14.980 --> 00:52:19.239
in the shallow end. And they gave it to me. Wow.

00:52:19.800 --> 00:52:23.119
I'm a good test taker. They were desperate for

00:52:23.119 --> 00:52:25.039
lifeguards. And that is the letter of the law.

00:52:25.320 --> 00:52:27.380
So you gave it to the other side. So I took that

00:52:27.380 --> 00:52:29.960
and I went to Texas because my dad was then stationed

00:52:29.960 --> 00:52:32.400
in Texas. And I wanted to be a lifeguard in the

00:52:32.400 --> 00:52:35.219
summer. So I applied there. I interviewed very

00:52:35.219 --> 00:52:38.380
well with this woman named Leslie. She's lovely,

00:52:38.619 --> 00:52:43.139
very tall. And I am very professional. i'm a

00:52:43.139 --> 00:52:46.199
16 year old talking very professionally so she

00:52:46.199 --> 00:52:48.119
hires me on the spot i was like great she's like

00:52:48.119 --> 00:52:50.300
okay she'll show up in a week for the training

00:52:50.300 --> 00:52:52.719
class or you know the groups you can meet the

00:52:52.719 --> 00:52:54.760
other lifeguards i was like great i showed up

00:52:54.760 --> 00:53:00.780
first exercise is a 1500 meter swim oh no under

00:53:00.780 --> 00:53:05.280
15 minutes oh gosh the whistle goes and everyone

00:53:05.280 --> 00:53:08.659
starts they all gracefully dive in and then they

00:53:08.659 --> 00:53:11.969
swim freestyle right For me, I plop in. I have

00:53:11.969 --> 00:53:16.190
no cap. I have no goggles. I plop in. And I don't

00:53:16.190 --> 00:53:18.610
know what I'm doing. But in the end, everyone's

00:53:18.610 --> 00:53:22.530
done. And I finish later elementary backstroke.

00:53:22.550 --> 00:53:23.969
You know what that is? That's not even backstroke.

00:53:24.130 --> 00:53:29.210
It's this. Oh, yeah. Yep. Yeah. It's like waving

00:53:29.210 --> 00:53:30.849
yourself through the water. You're like a squid.

00:53:31.010 --> 00:53:34.530
Yes. I got across. But again, you made it. I

00:53:34.530 --> 00:53:37.710
came out. Yeah. And she stared down at me like

00:53:37.710 --> 00:53:40.800
towering height. And she goes, Sarah. i'm like

00:53:40.800 --> 00:53:44.460
oh but i wasn't even scared she was just like

00:53:44.460 --> 00:53:46.480
she didn't get mad she's just like you're coming

00:53:46.480 --> 00:53:49.219
in every day you have no bathroom duties you're

00:53:49.219 --> 00:53:52.380
swimming you're swimming every day i was like

00:53:52.380 --> 00:53:54.840
okay so by the end of the summer i was the second

00:53:54.840 --> 00:53:58.239
fastest wow on that team wow and then they asked

00:53:58.239 --> 00:54:00.739
me to become on the lifeguard team yeah our first

00:54:01.329 --> 00:54:03.750
contest with um hurricane harper it's kind of

00:54:03.750 --> 00:54:06.510
like wild here okay yeah anyway so that's my

00:54:06.510 --> 00:54:09.889
other story of of trying to literally jump in

00:54:09.889 --> 00:54:13.309
the deep end and learn how to swim oh man well

00:54:13.309 --> 00:54:15.590
girl we are coming into our last minute on the

00:54:15.590 --> 00:54:17.809
podcast so i want to ask you the question that

00:54:17.809 --> 00:54:19.690
we ask every single guest sitting in this chair

00:54:19.690 --> 00:54:22.550
right in you know one to two sentences What is

00:54:22.550 --> 00:54:25.489
your 40s formula? What do you tell women that

00:54:25.489 --> 00:54:27.670
are looking to thrive in this decade? Yeah, and

00:54:27.670 --> 00:54:31.190
I think about that a lot. And for me, with every

00:54:31.190 --> 00:54:35.590
day, my mantra is I look for the light. I look

00:54:35.590 --> 00:54:38.469
towards the light. And the light means positive

00:54:38.469 --> 00:54:41.969
thoughts. And I never say bad things about people.

00:54:42.329 --> 00:54:45.449
Why dirty your own energy? Just stay positive.

00:54:45.989 --> 00:54:50.530
Love. Love for everyone. You look great. You

00:54:50.530 --> 00:54:53.260
look beautiful. Oh, wow. Thank you so much. You

00:54:53.260 --> 00:54:56.320
know, like hold the door open. Kindness. Honestly,

00:54:56.380 --> 00:54:59.440
it spreads and then multiplies. And it's not

00:54:59.440 --> 00:55:02.400
that hard to do. I've been to darkest place,

00:55:02.420 --> 00:55:06.440
but to be in the bright, it's better. To be in

00:55:06.440 --> 00:55:08.440
the light is better. You said it, girl. Like

00:55:08.440 --> 00:55:12.719
you said earlier, it's simple. Eat right or eat.

00:55:13.230 --> 00:55:16.070
what you need exercise move your body moving

00:55:16.070 --> 00:55:18.550
your body is definitely a need yeah in the 40s

00:55:18.550 --> 00:55:20.730
which i didn't i just kind of took for granted

00:55:20.730 --> 00:55:24.110
in my 30s and 20s but honestly it's just to keep

00:55:24.110 --> 00:55:28.610
positive yeah yeah seek the light i know it just

00:55:28.610 --> 00:55:31.250
sounds a little woo -woo but it's honestly just

00:55:31.250 --> 00:55:34.420
the best And it will change your life if you

00:55:34.420 --> 00:55:36.940
practice it. It works, girl. Thank you so much

00:55:36.940 --> 00:55:38.539
for being with us today and sharing your story

00:55:38.539 --> 00:55:40.440
so candidly, Sarah. We really appreciate it.

00:55:40.460 --> 00:55:43.280
Thank you. Guys, you know we love coffee. And

00:55:43.280 --> 00:55:44.699
if you want to show us some love, you know you

00:55:44.699 --> 00:55:47.380
can always get us one. Just visit buymeacoffee

00:55:47.380 --> 00:55:52.300
.com slash the 40s formula. Cheers. Before we

00:55:52.300 --> 00:55:55.000
go, please remember to hit subscribe and take

00:55:55.000 --> 00:55:57.280
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00:56:22.409 --> 00:56:24.349
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00:56:24.349 --> 00:56:26.230
and we'll be back next week for more empowering

00:56:26.230 --> 00:57:12.000
conversations with inspiring guests. Bye. So

00:57:12.000 --> 00:57:15.179
good. My God. It is a burger place from the heavens.

00:57:15.679 --> 00:57:18.599
Okay. They put a slab of butter on the burger.

00:57:18.699 --> 00:57:19.539
Oh, is that what it is? And it's called a butter

00:57:19.539 --> 00:57:22.199
burger. Yes, girl. And it's so good. And it's

00:57:22.199 --> 00:57:25.000
juicy. It's a new Baru. I'm not wearing. So he's

00:57:25.000 --> 00:57:26.500
going to go and get it and bring it home. Oh,

00:57:26.500 --> 00:57:29.260
okay. Because I want to eat the greasy burger

00:57:29.260 --> 00:57:32.300
in sweats. Yes. I'm not going to be looking like

00:57:32.300 --> 00:57:36.219
this at home. I'm really now hungry. Like it

00:57:36.219 --> 00:57:37.820
literally just hit it for me. I do have to say,

00:57:37.880 --> 00:57:39.699
I did hear your stomach rumble. Yeah. No, like

00:57:39.699 --> 00:57:43.320
I, it's just like. encompassed my need for food.

00:57:43.340 --> 00:57:44.639
I will eat my snacks after this.