Use coconut oil use olive oil use petroleum jelly nice awesome cheap stuff
Yeah, but if you have olive oil coconut oil just make sure it's not the cooking coconut oil the cooking olive oil
You know, it's more the topical for skin type. Okay, and those are absolutely safety. In fact, they're recommended. It's good to know
Yeah, I was hoping coconut oil that seems to fix everything. Yeah. Yeah
I mean, I'm I use coconut oil on my face, you know, and I feel like a lot of the things you've said there
It's like, you know, it's good for your face. It should be good for down there. Yeah
Hello and welcome to the 40s formula your go-to place for insightful discussions on navigating your 40s and thriving in this transformative decade
We're your hosts Amanda and Jasmine two women that are passionate about exploring the challenges and adventures that come with turning 40 and what lies ahead
Dr. Jess Shirin-Sidhu actively incorporates the positive aspects of sexuality into her practice as part of an effort to decrease the stigma associated with sexual health
Dr. Jess also keeps herself updated with latest treatment options and technology to help her patients restore maintain or improve optimal sexual health
She is a regular participant in international sexual health means organized by the International Society of Sexual Medicine
She is also well versed in aesthetic gynecology with certification from different procedural courses attended with the European Society of Aesthetic Gynecology
Dr. Jess has acquired the only available
Certification for sexual medicine the fellow of the European Committee of Sexual Medicine
She has a special interest in menopause being a member of the Australasian Menopause Society
She is a mother of two who divides her time between her kids her husband her clinic and her outreach work
Today on the 40s formula. We are so excited to welcome. Dr. Jess Shirin-Sidhu here. So welcome
Oh, thank you. I'm glad I'm here. No, we're so glad to have you. So Dr. Jess
We often hear that as women enter their 40s, they start to experience perimenopausal symptoms
and sometimes they face unexpected changes in their sexual health and
Sometimes this can feel a bit isolating confusing and a lot of people don't openly discuss these changes
So giving you experience as a GP who specializes in sexual health
What would you say are the most important things women in their 40s need to know about sexual health?
as they approach this time and how can they feel empowered to
Make changes rather than feel concerned about what's going on
It's such an interesting phase of your life, right?
Because a woman we go through so many milestones and then when you hit your 40s is yet another milestone that you're dealing with
and I often like to think of perimenopause like
A light bulb that's about to dim itself out
So you've got the huge glow in your 20s and your 30s and then come your 40s
This flicker starts to happen and sometimes the flicker goes on for quite a while before the light bulb goes
Gone, and that's when the menopause sort of kicks in and I suppose because the change can happen across such a long period of time
And so many of the symptoms can be so subtle that we choose to ignore it
And by general socialization messaging women are meant to deal with so much, you know
We're the caregivers. So it's always others first me last
So one of the things that I encourage women to do is, you know, even if you have symptoms like fatigue
Body aches don't just accept it
Just have this click moment or a light bulb moment if you might and go maybe this is this is perimenopause
Maybe this is something because I can't in my 40s suddenly start to feel this
Without a good acceptable reason there always is something to explain what i'm experiencing
And I suppose many people do think that perimenopause is the hot flashes
You know, it's got to be the hot flashes and if I don't have them then it's not
perimenopause but there's such a
broad spectrum of symptoms that women go through and the reason why i'm bringing up things like fatigue it's because
Sexual health is not just things that happens in the department of the genitals
It's all these other things and sex is complex and so interesting that way that biological factors social factors
Interpersonal factors relationship factors intra-psychic factors how you feel about yourself
Sociocultural factors all influence how you have
Sex so if you're tired, you don't quite feel like it and you're frustrated with your partner
It does impact your sexual life and those sort of symptoms mood disturbances all kick in a hell of a lot
During that perimenopause period and in fact the genital symptoms don't kick in so much in the early perimenopause period
It might happen a little bit later
And mood factors influences also things like lubrication down in the genitalia
So we go fine tune how you think about perimenopause
Don't ignore the symptoms because this can then lead up to a sexual health concern
And we all want to engage in some sort of sexual intimacy and it's only because
It creates that sense of grounding for us the desire that i'm wanted i'm desired someone wants to hold me
Someone wants to touch me and just keeps us humbled. It keeps us well into the experience that we're safe
It creates a safety fencing for us
And that's why the sexual health or sex is so important to then generate that sense of emotional intimacy and also gives us
Clues us in into the idea that you know, we're still very much youthful. We're not aging. We're not out to pasture yet
you know, I never really thought of the
the
Safety element with sex, you know, you do think of you know, the the desire the the basically the need to be wanted
but the
The whole safety thing actually makes sense, you know, like when you're hugging someone and and you're just you're
You do feel secure and it's something I never would have thought of in a sort of you know, in a normal circumstance
So you mentioned that obviously there's different
aspects you've got the biological and the physiological when it comes to sex and how that can really sort of
Make a difference in your desire
So when you get to your 40s, I say as opposed to when you're in your 20s and your 30s
is
Is it more physiological versus biological? Is there?
I don't know equal amounts. Like how do you know what it is? Is it your mind? Is it your body?
How would you know and how would you then go ahead and I guess fix those if it's a way that you can do that?
It's it's so it's so interesting because we get asked this question
Every time by every person who walks in whether it's the woman who's asking this question whether it's a partner has gone
No, i'm convinced it's in her mind. She's thinking about it. She's just obsessing over it and i'm going what is this fixation of us?
trying to figure out whether it's biological or
physiological because
Just like our gut health, you know our gut and microbiome in our gut
The the amount of it we have the type of it that we have this constant signaling back up to the brain
And it influences things like our mood
So it is inevitable that these two things
Co-influence each other. So it's never a situation of whether it is more biological or whether it's more
Psychological it is an interplay of both but often we go okay, which one's the weakest link?
You know, what can I work on first?
It actually doesn't matter what you work on first
If you work and let's say if you work on the biological element
It's going to have an impact on the psychological element
And if let's say the psychological element was your weakest link you then become more motivated to go. Okay now
I think I want to work on this part of it. It's it's how i'm seeing sex is my attitude towards sex
It's how I feel about myself. Maybe I don't have such a good reflection of my own body image
Maybe that's what's holding me back. I don't have vaginal dryness. I don't have pain when I have sex
But why is it I don't want it?
so then these are the
This is the way I often tell women
It doesn't matter where you start start somewhere because you will then auto identify
Which one is your weakest link and then you will naturally veer towards
Going down that path of trying to fix that more and sometimes we just need to find that weakest link so that we just get
To just under that threshold such that we don't feel the symptoms anymore
Are there any
tips or
suggestions that you can give to women who are
Unsure as to whether it is physical or whether it's um psychological whatever it is
Certain things maybe whether it's a lifestyle changes or whether it's a diet or exercise that you think can help women
feel more
Intimate or ready to be intimate. I think women are quite intuitive
And generally when we are trying to suss out is it more physical is it more?
Um psychological I think the the the base where you can start with is to ask yourself
All right, let's go with something which is so simple very simplified when i'm having uh
Intercourse or when i'm having sex regardless of whether it's intercourse out of course
What do I feel down in those areas? You know, do I feel something negative?
Is there is there pain is there discomfort? I don't exactly have pain
But I just feel i'm not lubricating like I should it's kind of dry
Or when i'm being touched in other parts of my body, I realize that my arousal is not quite there
I don't get aroused the way I used to
So once you sort of identify that no, I don't think i've got any of this
But then it's a lot about my state of mind. I don't know why I can't explain why there's no other better reason
I just don't feel like it and then we've got to go down and go. All right. Why don't I feel like it?
Let's pull it back to general life. Am I motivated? Am I very stressed? Am I constantly anxious?
Do I have a can I say shit?
Yeah
Do I have a shitload of things to do?
Am I caring for kids in this part of my life and many of us have got very young children in our 40s?
The caregiver role is not due until two more decades down the road and then you're thrown into perimenopause
You're having this flicker light bulb moment and your hormones are not functioning the way it should it's kind of an unfair platform
To raise kids on then some women are having an emptiness syndrome, you know, they might have had kids very early
Then the idea here is what is my role now? What do I do?
I'm done with these things that i've done over the last 20 years
I don't know what to do
Then you get a second lease of life and then again you're thrown into this depleted state of hormones and you go. Uh-oh
Now I feel like I can live again, but I don't know how to live again
So these are the the things women can go through
Or can can sort of um tune into to figure out what's going on whether it's more physiological
Whether it's more psychological
Lifestyle changes are a big big thing because
With the hormone depletion what then happens is that the way your body metabolizes things the way your body utilizes nutrients
Changes big time it changes big time. So getting into exercise and it doesn't have to be something so vigorous
like you know, just just some some sort of uh, um
Aerobic exercise just twice a week has been the recommended thing and strength training
And that's particularly important because the shape of the body changes and then how you feel about your body changes
And then when you have this new lease of life, particularly for empty nesters, they feel really lousy about themselves
So strength training is really one of those things we tell people to get into and really it doesn't have to be very frequent
You know three times a week something very minimal is actually good enough to get women going
And generally exercise has been shown to motivate people especially when you're exercising without an intended goal
You're just exercising. It's like for the beauty of it
You're not like I need to get to some sort of a purpose or some sort of a place with this
Then it becomes work and stress oriented and for some people the choice of exercise can be very much anxiety venting
Anger venting frustration venting
Boxing, you know those sort of things are some are things that some women enjoy getting into in their midlife
And it just allows them to just de-stress through a physical element
So yeah, these are the these are the things that women have to pay attention to I mean food diet
That's the sort of thing we tell people, you know, you do that from the get-go regardless of what part of your life you're in and
We generally say, you know eat a variety of things, you know, don't calorie count, but maybe count what you're eating
types of plants types of just variety of things
And when you have so much variety, you can't possibly do one thing in a great quantity
You're doing little bits when you have variety. So we go, you know get that into get that
Make that a habitual thing from the get-go. So it's sustainable right through midlife
And that's where it's going to be most useful because your body's more vulnerable at that point
Your body's going to take quite a lot in your 20s and it's able to manage
But once you're in your 40s and 50s, you're not going to be managing so well anymore
Yeah, and I think I love that you said, you know
Basically, there's not too much different that you would do in taking care of yourself
It through menopause that you wouldn't do otherwise, right? It's not like oh, there's this magical menopause exercise that you must do
There's this magical menopause exercise that you must do
There's this magical menopause diet that you must do
It's like, no, the fundamentals that work in your 20s and 30s still apply in your 40s
It's simply that you need to be consistent with them
And I think, you know, I work with a lot of women in this age group, right? In my practice
And it's like, I see this, they're always like, oh, when I was 20 and 30, I could lose those 5 kgs so easily
And now they're stuck around my midsection
I hear you, right? I definitely hear you
But you also have to be realistic with what's changed in your life otherwise, right?
Are you as consistent with your exercise?
Are you as focused on your diet?
Or is it perhaps that these demands that you've been talking about so beautifully are actually piling up and those habits are sliding?
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And now, back to the show
You know, so sometimes I think there's a kind of perception issue
In addition to the obvious physiological issue of menopause
Yeah
You mentioned a couple of times one of the physiological changes that can happen is vaginal dryness
Can you explain what is going on and how that can impact comfort and pleasure
And what can women do if they are experiencing vaginal dryness?
Yikes, when you pull estrogen away from the vulva
It's like this key thing that gels everything together
And when that starts to dwindle in the perimenopause space
It's not completely gone
You know, it's like on off, on off, on off
I choose to come to work when I want to come to work
I love that metaphor
When I want to
And when it starts to behave that way
What then happens is that you actually start to thin out
The walls of the vagina, the glands that are there
They're still there, but they just don't work so well anymore
And the whole environment within the vagina starts to alter itself
And when we speak about vagina, you're actually talking about the canal
But what a lot of women experience is the dryness on the outside
Which is actually the vulva
So women are recognizing changes there
And interestingly enough, there is what we call an autoimmune process
A process in the body where the body makes faulty antibodies
And it starts to sort of attack the skin a little bit more
It tends to happen in this midlife phase
And women start to thicken up the skin, dry out the skin
And vaginal dryness or just sensitivity in the area becomes quite a profound issue
In fact, I have to make it very clear that vaginal dryness is not a concern in just midlife
A lot of young women experience it too
And things that can be done when you experience vaginal dryness is
Number one, just admit that it's there
Right?
It's there, right?
And stop being so resistive to lubricants
It's something we got to naturally lubricate
And a lot of us who engage in sexual intimacy, sexual intercourse
We don't have sex like animals
Where it's just quick, fast, get the job done and then you're off
You're making love in that process
You're romancing each other in that process
There's a lot more demand on natural lubrication
So using lubricants
And then we have a group of women who say, oh look, I've used lubricants
It's not working
I still feel dry
And yes, the lubricants give you like a slip and slide sort of sensation
Just takes off that friction at the surface
But dryness is skin deep
What about that feeling I get like, you know, things are stretching and it's just uncomfortable
What do I do about that?
Then we got, ah, do you moisturize your skin on a regular basis?
Do you moisturize your face on a daily basis?
Perhaps twice a day you do that
Why do you do that?
It's because our body's demanding that hydration
That we're not otherwise going to make through that aging process
So why aren't we being smart about it?
Look into vaginal moisturizers
Things that you use on a daily basis, not just before sex
And people then ask us, okay, so many lubricant on the shelves
Yeah
How do I go about doing that?
That was going to be my question
So how would you even know what's safe?
So, ah, generally most lubricants on the shelves are safe
But if you want to look at long-term safety
You want products that don't have a lot of parabens in it
Because parabens have been associated with things like breast cancers, glycerin as well
So those sort of things you want to reduce the doses in them
Or you want to pick products that are parabens and glycerin free
So they're made on moisturizers that are based on plant cellulose
So those are the sort of things that are safer
If you're walking into a standard supermarket like in Singapore
You might not get a lot of that product
Yeah
That's get online
Okay
Get online and you will find no parabens, no glycerin
And then you go bang, that's the one I want
And for women who are engaging in intercourse still very comfortably
They're going to go, okay, lubricants are a pain in the ass
Because I got to keep reapplying them
And I go, how about you go for lubricants that are water-based
But meant for the back passage
Oh, interesting
In a lubricant
Oh, interesting
Because they're thicker
The anus is not designed for intercourse
And therefore they have very specialized much thicker longer lasting water-based lubricants for that
Use that
Use that for the vaginal area
Or silicon lubricants
Now the downside of silicon is that it does stain bedsheets
If you've got expensive bedsheets, oh my god, that's a bummer
But then try anal lubricants
Because then they're a good alternative
They last long
You don't have to keep reapplying them every time
It's not interruptive thin
Other things that can be done
When it comes to vaginal dryness
Then you're going into slightly more novel territory
Then you're going to something more medical
So if we spoke about estrogen causing the problem, the lack of it
Let's dump estrogen back
You know
Or let's dump what estrogen makes
Which is hyaluronic acids
You have so much in the aesthetic world
People are injecting all sorts of things
Like hyaluronic acid
People
But these hyaluronic acids are not in the form of fillers
Not occupiers of space, right
They're not filling up gaps
But they're hyaluronic acids that just increase hydration
So hyaluronic acid are stuff that drags water molecules to the area
So you dump the thing in there
The hyaluronic acids that drags water
And they have got vaginal hyaluronic acids in the market
So how are they applied?
Is this a dumb question?
Is it topical?
Yes
So you apply it on the vulva
And then it's not injectable
It's on the vulva
And then it gets absorbed
And also in the vagina
But there are formulations that can be injected into the vulva
So that's then done at a clinic level, right
The doctors will have to inject it for you
I don't know how I feel about that
I like I hate injections
Regardless
Just fill up an injection down there
Could be tricky
But I've never heard that before
So you don't really feel
But I suppose the thought is
Yes, the thought is for yeah
Okay, speaking of topicals and moisture and vaginas
HRT application down below
So then that's the
If you don't have the estrogen or if it's depleting
And you don't have to test it to confirm that you're depleting estrogen
It's very much a clinical diagnosis, right
You know, oh, I'm having dryness
There is no harm in using topical estrogens
In fact, topical testosterone as well
Down at the level of the vulva
So many of us go
I didn't know that was a thing
So our vulvas respond not to just estrogen
It is also very responsive to testosterone
And these two hormones are in fact required
To maintain a good sense of hydration in that area
So you don't have that sticky dry feeling
And that's what a lot of women want
In fact, a lot of younger women on birth control pills
And they're not even perimenopausal yet
But what birth control pills do is that they deplete estrogen
And testosterone at the level of the vulva
And they'll say I'm on birth control
I need it
I don't want to get pregnant
But I'm really dry
And then we go, haha, all right
Let's just replace
I wonder if that also reduces desire as well then
If it does
Yeah, that's interesting
And because birth control increases a certain protein in the body
And when that protein levels are quite high
It binds testosterone
So testosterone becomes unavailable
Because it's all stuck to this protein, right?
And then I've got no free floating testosterone
Yeah, and that's your libido, right?
I need my testosterone to keep me
Yeah, to keep my libido up
And then that's what happens in perimenopause as well
So the drop in the libido doesn't help
Other things that we do do besides the hormones
Are going to real novel territory here
You're talking about lasers
So we do play with quite a lot of lasers
Lasers?
Vaginal lasers
Wow
So vaginal lasers is becoming a territory that's
More and more explored now
Particularly in women who are thrown into menopause
Because of things like breast cancers or cancer treatment
So for them, it kicks in very prematurely
And the thought of using hormones
Although there's many studies that has been shown
That topical estrogens are safe
But I think a lot of doctors are still falling quite backwards
It's the idea of survivorship
You know, I've gotten cancer
I've gotten through it
I survived it
But I'm too scared to even try anything
Although the data says it's okay
I feel it's not robust enough to go ahead and use it
So it's actually very underprescribed
Topical estrogens in our breast cancer survivors
Which makes a very sad situation
Because many of them are on medications
That actually depletes the estrogen
And they are extremely dry
And in a dire state when it comes to their sexual lifestyles
So lasers are a nice alternative
For these group of patients as well
This is not excluding other patients
Who want to try things like lasers
But we use carbon dioxide lasers
We use erbium YAG lasers
These are the two approved lasers
And they actually remodel the collagen
And force hydration to be formed in the skin layers
They don't affect your pelvic floor in any way
It doesn't reach muscles
But that's the layer it works at
Okay, I have another question
You just brought this memory up to mind
I get cupping quite regularly
Oxygen cupping from my back
My therapist was talking about using cupping for vaginal rejuvenation basically
Have you ever heard of this?
I haven't exactly heard about it
But if you think back as to how it works
It's actually tissue regeneration
It's forced tissue regeneration
And this is what the aesthetic field is all about now
Applying, causing controlled damage
To induced forced healing
So like when a laser is applied
You leave some healthy tissue in between the laser
And then you force your body to repair
Your body wouldn't otherwise repair at that rate
And cupping is kind of like this
All of these techniques are forcing repair
And therefore creating regeneration
So it's all regenerative technology
People have been doing it from a long time ago
Like vaginal steaming
What's that?
That's heat therapy to force regeneration
So that's been going on for ages
It's just that we are fine tuning it now
And I'm guessing people shouldn't be doing this at home on their own
I wouldn't advise
Yeah, says UW
Right, so let's say you know
The kids have gone out
And you're at home with your partner
Things are getting steamy
You haven't had a chance to go and buy some lubrication
Or do any of these things
Is there anything at home you can use?
Coconut oil, olive oil, petroleum jelly
I don't know
Any of these safe?
Or anything we should definitely be avoiding?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
Use coconut oil, use olive oil
Use petroleum jelly
Nice, awesome, cheap stuff
Yeah, yeah, household items
It's easy
It's easy, yeah, but if you have olive oil, coconut oil
Just make sure it's not the cooking coconut oil
The cooking olive oil
You know, it's more the topical for skin type
And those are absolutely safety
In fact, they're recommended
Oh, good
It's good to know
Yeah, I was hoping coconut oil
That seems to fix everything
Yeah, yeah, I mean I use coconut oil on my face
You know, and I feel like a lot of the things you've said there
It's like, you know, it's good for your face
It should be good for down there
Yeah, that's what it sounds like
I've interestingly had a patient who told me that she was using ghee
Wow
Which is the clarified butter
But I can't make a recommendation on ghee
So if anyone's got tins of ghee at home
I can't make that recommendation
But for now, coconut and olive oil agree
Yeah
So you mentioned testosterone
Now, I think a lot of people when they think of testosterone
They think of it as a male hormone
But how does testosterone apply to women?
And, you know, like can we use this to help increase our desire?
Absolutely
Testosterone, you know, just like men have estrogen
Women have testosterone
Of course, the quantities in which we have them are far more minuscule
Compared to what men have
So in general, when we do prescribe things like testosterone
It's still considered off-label
And the only reason is that we till this day have not formulated
A form of FDA approved testosterone that can be applied on the skin
So that women, particularly postmenopause
And there's lots of studies
Testosterone use in postmenopause is now approved
But we don't have a packet that says this is testosterone formulated by women
Squeeze the contents out and just rub it on yourself
So the formulations that we have to use are from compounded pharmacies
Now, compounded pharmacies, the drugs there, are not FDA approved
Because when you compound drugs
There can be variability in the doses just with each bottle that you manufacture
And it's something a pharmacist is just sitting there and preparing
Based on a prescription that a doctor gives them
So it's not as well studied
So then you go, okay, it's questionable
I think I'm applying this much of the dose
But how much of it is actually getting into me
And getting into my system to help with libido
It does help
Then the current recommendations from the menopause societies are saying
How about we use the male formulations
They come in little sachets or little pumps
But we pump out one-tenth
And then I am, as a doctor, I'm going, how in the world am I going to pump out one-tenth?
It's like cutting pills, right?
It's like one-fourth of this pill
What do you think I have at home to make one-fourth of a pill?
Do you know how I'm doing it?
Because that's exactly what I'm doing
So I've got the male version
And one sachet is five milliliters, is that right?
Five grams?
Very, very small quantity
Yeah, whatever it is
And so I bought a five milliliter pump tube
And then I was first using a syringe to figure out how much, you know, half a milliliter
Or whatever it is the dosage is
And then I eyeballed it
I'm like, okay, it looks like it's about a pea-sized amount
So I'm putting in this pump thing
And then I pump it out
It's like two or three pumps
I'm like, aha, and this lasts me like 10 days
So I've figured it out now
I know how to get
But think of the level of work you just described to do that
I've got to tell you, it's messy when you're first putting it in
Just can someone please invent
Actually, that's a business idea
Yeah, yes
You should get into that
An easy dispense
An easy dispense for, yeah, for testosterone
Because it would take off, really
Because many, many, many women describe having a low libido
And then of course so many other factors influencing that libido
But hypoactive sexual desire syndrome is a real problem
That one third of women in menopause experience
Or midlife, forget menopause
In your 40s already, you're starting to experience that
That's just, so what you've just said
Hypoactive sexual desire disorder
I mean, that's like, it's a clinical term
It's a proper diagnosis
And I just would have thought, oh, this is a normal thing that happens
But actually, is it normal?
I mean, I don't know, like
As humans, we're in the habit of labeling things, right?
So we always want to give something a name
And it gives us a sense of security
All right, it's been labeled, this is what it is
Because it gives us an idea
I can now do something about it
Show me the data
What's the evidence
If I have this, what can I do?
So again, sense of safety that comes with labeling
And the problem comes with mislabeling things
So when you've been given a diagnosis
Like hypoactive sexual desire disorder
It's really a condition that's been there for weeks
You know, it's been there for weeks
And there's no better explanation for this lowered desire
It cannot be explained by a relationship issue
Meaning it's not situational
I feel sexual desire with this other person
But not with my partner
Then that's not hypoactive sexual desire disorder, right?
That's something's going on with that relationship
And there's no other better explanation
Like a medical condition
Like a skin problem
Like there's no other better explanation
Other than for the impact of perimenopause or menopause
Causing this problem
And it's a real issue
One third of women experience it
But how many women actually come and speak about it?
Many of us normalize it
And the worst part is we might normalize it
But when we approach our doctors about it
It's number one difficult to speak about
And when we do, it might be trivialized
Right?
And then they go
No, it's quite normal for you to feel this way
In this part of your life
And then you go, hold on
I'm at the peak of my life now
Do I really need to feel this way at this point in my life?
Because sex and just being sexually intimate with my partner
Is something that I actually rely on
It fills my intimate bank
It fills up my emotional bank
And I'm currently running on empty
And that's why sex is important
It's not the act or the mechanics of sex
It's the reward system at the end of it
And we are reward seeking beings
We would do something because it's rewarded us
We would dine at that same restaurant
Because the food's good
And it triggers off good hormones in us
I like it, I'm coming back
If I like sex, I'm coming back too
But if I don't like it, I'm not gonna want it
And if you don't want it, that's it
It's like, you know, the whole purpose of humans is to procreate
And you know, like it's kind of, yeah, it makes sense
Totally makes sense
Never would have put it in like that whole, you know, put it together
But it totally does make sense
We have loved your conversation with us today
I think you've given us a lot of food for thought
A lot of things to think about when it comes to women in their 40s and sexual desire
But we do have one last question for you
And that is, what's your 40s formula?
What would you say to women who are in this phase of their life?
What can they do to make them feel like they're living their best life within the 40s?
Is there some kind of advice or mantra you'd like to share with us?
I would normally say don't take the shit that's being thrown at you, you know
And go, okay, so I've got rubbish being thrown at me
Maybe I should get a better bag to catch that
So don't let it just hit you and just go, you know, okay
This is what I'm experiencing
Just get into the acceptance mode and go, I'm experiencing this
But I'm not taking it
Can I do something about it?
So just don't normalize it
You know, a lot of people come to us, is this normal?
No, it's not normal
It's common, but it's not normal
Common doesn't make something normal
And that's what I tell my women, you know
And then sometimes we find comfort in the fact that things are common
And that's because then we don't feel alone
But again, not normal
Common, but not normal
So that's the advice I'd give women
I'd say, you know, that's the one thing you can do
Just that acceptance
And then with acceptance comes a potential proper labeling of what you're experiencing
And then going, how can I make it better?
Because then you can go down the therapeutic route
Whether it's something medical or non-medical
There is a route, there is a formula from that point
Yeah, get shit done
But don't take shit
Thank you so much, Dr. Jess
It's been wonderful having you here
Thank you guys
Thank you very, very much
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This is Paul, our editor
He's a 25-year-old unmarried Singaporean guy
Listening to the ramblings of 12 older women on everything
From menopause to weightlifting to sex
So Paul, what's your thoughts on today's conversation?
Sex, sex and sex, plenty of sex
It's probably one of those aspects in our lives
Which we often overlook
Especially for you guys in probably the 40s bracket
With different various bodily changes
There's no shame in using some lube, you know
And of course, stay healthy, stay hydrated, eat healthily
And I'll see you guys in the next one
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Bye
Thank you.
Awesome.
That was amazing.
Thank you so much.
No worries.
You know, like, I feel like we've had people talk about sex before, but this was like really
specific and really to the point.
And I feel like it's given a lot of great information.
Yeah.
Especially about the lubricants.
I had no idea that you could use, you know, I don't want to say anything.
Obviously there's like a limit, but you know, just, yeah, coconut oil, whatever you got in
hand.
And again, parabens and glycerin.
Glycerin, yeah.
Those are the two things to avoid.
Yeah.
Amazing.
Very, very helpful.
Thank you so much.
No worries.
Awesome.