Hey hey and welcome to the Forties Formula, your go-to place for insightful discussions
on navigating the forties and thriving in this transformative decade.
We're your hosts, Jasmine and Amanda, two women that are passionate about exploring
the challenges and adventures that come with turning 40 and what lies ahead.
Before we begin today's conversation, I want to point out that today's discussion touches
on a sensitive and challenging topic, infacility.
If you or someone you know is facing infacility, we want you to know that we're here today
with empathy, understanding and the intention to offer hope.
Our guest today is Tina Padia, a life and infatility coach.
Tina's story begins with the heartache of struggling to conceive but shines through
with the promise of hope.
Her journey to motherhood wasn't an easy one.
Tina's personal experience includes four grueling years of IVF treatments, surgeries,
hundreds of injections and the emotional toll that often comes with the territory.
Today's conversation might be a little tough for some as we delve into the challenges of
infertility, but it's a conversation that's important, empathetic and filled with hope.
We want you to know that you're not alone in this journey.
So whether you're personally affected by infertility, supporting someone who is or simply curious
about the profound impacts of this journey, we invite you to listen to this episode with
an open heart.
Hi, Tina.
Thank you for joining us today and sharing your incredible journey.
I know it couldn't have been easy what you went through, but do you mind sharing with
us your story and the emotions you went through while you were trying to conceive?
Thank you for having me.
Yeah, so my journey was a four-year journey, a four-year IVF journey.
So my husband and I moved to Singapore about seven years ago and we thought we'd just try
naturally and see how we get on.
And we thought, okay, why not just, we were trying for six months and nothing was happening.
We weren't too worried, but we thought why don't we just get some routine fertility test
on and just see what's going on.
So we got those done and mine all came back fine.
And then I called my husband and he went really quiet and I thought, okay, what's going on
here?
And at that point, we both had an appointment to see a gynaecologist, also an IVF specialist
at the time that we didn't know.
And she basically read the report and said, guys, I've got some really bad news for you.
Your husband has really low sperm number and sperm quality.
And we were like, okay, what does that mean?
And she was like, well, your chances of conceiving naturally are pretty much zero.
So you have to start IVF treatment kind of as soon as possible.
And we both were really numb and just completely shocked because it came out of nowhere.
We thought she was going to say everything's fine, just carry on doing what you're doing.
And that was the start of our roller coaster journey.
I like to call it a roller coaster of emotions because there's highs, really high highs,
you know, when everything is going well.
And the lows are like you literally hit rock bottom when treatment isn't working.
So I describe it as an emotional roller coaster.
And the emotions that you go through are just so complex.
So you go through anger, bitterness, resent, you know, resent sort of other people that
are around you that are, what it looks like to you are getting pregnant really easily.
So you feel like, you know, you're just emotions everywhere.
Hormones are obviously all over the place because you're taking so many hormone injections.
But that's all mixed in with like hope, excitement and joy.
So it's just, you just don't know what you're going to get.
Every day is going to be different.
I think Amanda and I had this discussion earlier that we, I was younger, I think you were a
bit older, but when I started trying to conceive, I was 32 and it took me nine months to chemical
pregnancies.
And that, that, that exactly what you described there was exactly how I felt.
But I don't know, I felt like I had, I don't know, a little bit more time.
You were older, you were, how old were you?
I started treatment when I was 37.
Yeah, I got married later in life at 36 and then started trying after that.
So I started treatment around 37.
At 37, did you feel like, oh shit, you know, what if this doesn't happen or this doesn't
work and, or did you feel like, you know, quite positive about being able to go through
the IVF?
I think it's a mix of emotions that you do.
Like you start, you go through, you start the journey completely naively.
Like you think, okay, one cycle.
So IVF, we talk about it in cycles, like treatment cycles, and we thought, okay, one cycle, we'll
be fine, we'll get pregnant, everything's going to be fine.
But little do you know that it does not, like it does not work out like that.
And you know, unfortunately, so many couples have to have multiple rounds of IVF cycle.
One just doesn't work, unfortunately.
So we went in very naively thinking it was just going to happen very quickly for us,
but it didn't.
And that was the biggest shock, I think, because we didn't know what to expect.
And we had no one around us that we could talk to.
So it was literally like a slap in the face because we were just like, oh my god, what
the hell is going on?
And that's why I describe it as getting on this roller coaster journey, because you're
like, how long is this going to take?
When are we going to get off?
Like what's around the corner?
Because at every stage of the journey, you think everything's going well, and then only
to get like bad news, okay, this part of the treatment's failed, and you've got no, you
know, we're talking about viable embryos, which are embryos that you can then transfer,
which ultimately can turn into a baby.
So you know, you get that call to say, no viable embryos, we have to start all over
again.
And then you're just like, oh my god, your heart drops.
It's just, you're devastated, you're heartbroken because you don't know where this is going
to go.
Like for me, it was like every day I would question, you know, is this going to work?
Am I ever going to be a mother?
When is this journey going to stop?
And is, you know, what's going on?
You know, you question everything that you do.
Am I doing the right thing?
Am I eating the right thing?
Am I doing everything that I need to do?
Am I taking care of my emotional well-being, my mental well-being?
So you question yourself.
I would say you question yourself daily, and you're tortured daily by it, because it's
all you think about every day.
Like from the moment you go to bed to the minute you wake up, it's all consuming.
Yeah.
And four years of IVF you had.
Yeah, that's right.
800 plus injections.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was four long and grueling years.
So 800 plus injections, most of those I did myself.
Now I think about it, I don't even know how I did it.
I'm just getting needles and I can't imagine how you would...
I know, you just become so numb to it.
And you know, you're all doing, it's all in your stomach area.
So you can imagine the state of my stomach.
It was like black and blue.
The really, really painful ones are in your bum and they're awful.
They're the progesterone ones.
And I had to have them daily.
As you know, once I got positive pregnancy, I had to have them daily for three months.
Yeah.
And I had surgery done.
I had a six-hour operation done.
I had endometriosis and adenomyosis, which we found out later on down the line.
My doctor thought it would be a good idea just to remove some of that so that if, you
know, when the embryo does implant and I do get pregnant, there's no risk factors involved.
Yeah.
And my husband actually also, because of his nature of our fertility challenges were male
infertility predominantly.
He also...
And people don't know this, but he also took injections.
So he had progesterone injections and testosterone injections at the beginning.
He did them in his stomach too.
And he also had two surgeries.
So yeah, we went through a lot.
Yeah.
And I'm really glad that you brought up your husband's struggles as well, because what
my husband and I do, we run a medical clinic called Lyft Clinic.
And we do talk to men with infertility issues.
And a lot of times there's so much guilt and pressure on the woman, on the partner that
is the child bearer.
And it's a little bit of a forgotten conversation to talk about what men can do to empower their
fertility and what they can do in support of women who are experiencing infertility.
So I think it's a really great conversation that you have offered here to include your
husband in the conversation.
So Gal, I was balancing the books on our family budget the other day and I realized...
You're spending too much on workout clothes.
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And now back to our chat.
Yeah, absolutely.
And people don't realize, okay, so one in six couples globally are affected by infertility.
And that, when you say infertility, it means you've been trying for a year and you haven't
been successful.
You are then put in that category of having infertility challenges.
Now 30% of those cases are male due to male infertility, 30% women and then 30% are known
and 10% other issues like PCOS.
So male infertility accounts for quite a large number of the percentage of infertility challenges
and people don't talk about it, especially in the Asian community.
It's kind of like they always make the assumption, you're older, it's to do with the quality
of your eggs.
And probably, yes, but it was actually for us, the thing that drove the treatment was
actually my husband's infertility challenges and sperm quality and number of sperm.
So yeah.
Yeah, it's important to hear.
And that number, one in six people, that just sounds incredibly high.
But yeah, like you said, there's not as much awareness about this.
So what can we do to raise awareness about people who are struggling with conceiving?
Well, I think what you're doing now, which is having a podcast is amazing.
We try and reach as many people as we can.
So number one thing I would say is talk about it.
So when we found out we had to go through IVF, we were very open about our journey and
sharing it because we felt like we've got nothing to be ashamed of.
This is what's happened to us.
This is a journey we're on and we're dealing with it.
We're going through the emotions, but we want to talk about it because we want other people
to feel like they're not alone if they are going through it.
And actually by opening up and talking to people, I've had so many women come up to
me and say, do you know what?
That boy over there, that girl over there, I can see through IVF.
And they just open up to you.
And it's just amazing because they might say, you know, I've not told many people about
this.
And here I am talking to someone they just barely know about their journey and what they've
been through because they feel like it's a safe place.
And obviously I've talked about it too and I've shared my experiences.
I think sharing, talking about it is just, you know, it's so powerful to help other people
feel that they're not alone.
During your sort of struggles while you were trying to conceive and also going through
IVF, what sort of challenges did you and your husband face as a couple?
Because I can imagine, you know, that would have been quite a tough period for both of
you emotionally.
Yeah, it was incredibly tough.
So as part of, so we went through so many different challenges.
So IVF and any sort of fertility treatment, the pressure it puts on the couple is so intense,
right?
You have the pressures of life and now you've got this on top of it.
And it does lead to so many marriages breaking down because, you know, communication breaks
down, intimacy breaks, it affects so many different things.
So I would say like we had the challenges around just the pressure and also the financial
pressure.
Like people don't talk about it.
Like we had to pay for it here and the financial pressure is crippling for a lot of couples.
Like you'd be shocked if I told you how much we spent on it.
It was hundreds of thousands of dollars, right?
You would fall off your chair if I gave you the exact number, but people don't realize.
So that financial pressure is, you know, it's just, it's really, really hard to bear sometimes.
During COVID, that was a particularly tough time for us because my husband actually got
made redundant and I was doing my fertility coaching training.
So essentially we were both like not working and all our embryos were in Singapore and
we basically had six months, well, he had six months to find something.
So that was really, really tough for us.
And actually at that time we found a fertility coach to help us because even with all my
training it was just all getting overbearing and just overwhelming and just so much going
on and the anxiety and stress levels were just through the roof.
I think that was where we really, really hit rock bottom, but we had the help and support
of a fertility coach.
She's actually based in the UK because at the time there wasn't many people here.
There wasn't anyone actually.
And she was amazing because she went through the journey herself.
So she, I just felt like she helped lift some of that weight that we were carrying around
and she was incredible.
So what was the turning point for you that made you want to start being a fertility coach
yourself?
So I actually have been previously career in digital marketing over 15 years.
I did that in London.
I did that when I first got here.
Then we started IVF and I was working at the time and it was crazy.
I was like running into the toilet, giving myself injections, running to the doctors,
taking client calls.
So it became very stressful.
But naturally the company that I was working at were just moving teams around and they
wanted to move me into a different team because the team essentially I was in got retrenched.
And at that point my husband said, look, why don't you just take time out?
I've always wanted to do something different.
And he said, take the time out now.
It's a good opportunity while we're going through the treatment, focus on the treatment.
I actually had some coaching sessions myself from a career coach.
She's also a counselor, career coach, everything rolled into one.
And through talking to her, and I've done, you know, I've looked into coaching myself
before that, but she basically helped me navigate through all of that and work out the fact
that I actually wanted to be a coach myself and help support others.
And because I was going through the IVF journey, I said to her, look, the emotions that you
go through, people don't understand and you know, you need help and support.
What I say is women and couples should not be going through this alone and you need the
guidance and support of someone else outside of like your friends.
And that basically was motivated me to start training.
So I did all my coaching training here in Singapore whilst I was going through the journey,
in fact, you know, so the same thing I was like going because it was all classroom based
and I was running into sessions, running into the doctors, you know, getting injections,
doing injections in the toilet, all of that.
So I did it all at the same time.
But I think learning.
So I did NLP training first, which is neuro linguistic programming, which is essentially
training your brain to trust yourself and to talk to yourself differently.
That changes our narrative that you tell yourself every day and learning how to process information
differently so that you get a different outcome.
Because what they say is, you know, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting a different result.
So NLP teaches you ways to be able to circumvent that and coping strategies, visualisation
tools, so many things I learned that were invaluable.
So I use those to help me get through and I realised that this is needed.
This coaching I'm doing is needed because so many women and couples are suffering alone
and they don't even know a fertility coach existed.
So for me, it was like my passion, my calling, this is it.
This is what I want to do.
So you were 42 when you conceived your rainbow baby.
I was, no, I gave birth at 42.
Oh, 42.
OK.
Yeah.
What, like when you got, obviously, I don't know how it works with IVF, but do you do
like a pregnancy, take a blood test, right?
Yeah.
So you do like what they call a frozen embryo transfer.
So they get the frozen.
So he was a frozen embryo for two years.
He'd been in the freezer for two years.
And then they put that inside you, it's a transfer, it's called transfer.
And then two weeks later, you do a pregnancy test.
Yeah.
And what went through your mind at that point when you were given the positive?
It was, it was always just, it was unbelievable, basically.
So me and my husband were at the clinic because they called us in, but they told us over the
phone because then you need to go in and take more injections.
And we just broke down and we were crying and we just couldn't believe it.
But what I say is that you, what I describe is you're quietly celebrating because you
know this is just the start and you've got all the, so you have your pregnancy test,
but then you have another one because they need to check that the HCG levels, which is
a hormone, is increasing.
So once you have the first one, you then have to do it every few days to make sure.
So we were ecstatic, we were over the moon, we couldn't believe, I couldn't believe it
was happening.
But at the same time I was like, oh my God, like we've got all these different things
to ahead of us.
And that was quite scary too.
Yeah.
And the only thing I can relate that to is someone who hasn't undergone IVF, but someone
who has suffered a miscarriage.
Absolutely.
Is I didn't, you know, I had easy pregnancies in my first two and then after my second,
I had a miscarriage.
And that was the first time that I experienced the transition from seeing my pregnancy test
and just being overwhelmed with joy and seeing my pregnancy test and being overwhelmed with
fear.
Yeah.
And I think that what's common about our journeys is that that first period of that, the first
trimester and really up to 12 weeks, right?
And really 14, you know, if we're talking about women over 40 and on our pregnancy, our
unique pregnancy risks.
I think that what you get with IVF is an extension of the fearful period.
Absolutely.
And not so much a relief as you would get from a natural conceived pregnancy.
I think only women who have undergone those types of treatments or have had a miscarriage
can really relate to that seeing the pregnancy test and it's not exactly a celebration.
Yeah, exactly.
Because you know that you've got a long journey ahead of you and you just can't help but all
those anxieties and questions that, you know, is everything going to be okay?
Am I going to get through this?
Is the baby going to be healthy?
Those fears and anxieties are only heightened because of what you've gone through.
Yeah.
And when you conceive naturally and you're not quite sure exactly when it happens, it's
like you're almost saved from a few weeks of wondering, you know, because until you
miss your period, you're like, okay, now I can start worrying and wondering.
Whereas with IVF, you know the moment it happens.
And so the worry starts then.
Yeah.
The worry started from four years ago, but it just gets even worse, right?
It just gets even worse.
Yeah.
Yeah, I can totally relate to that in that sense because I think when I was trying to
conceive my first child, that just, I felt like it went on for so long.
Nine months, I said, prior to that I had two chemical pregnancies.
And then every time you get that positive pregnancy test, you'd be like, shit, is this
one going to be the one that sticks?
You know?
So yeah, those feelings, you know, there's obviously happiness, fear, anxiety, you know,
you go through the works, don't you?
You really don't.
Look, it's just us three in this room and we've all had experiences, loss and different
difficulties conceiving.
And imagine like how many other women out there are going through the same journey or
experiencing loss, difficulties, you know, it's just, it's more common than we think,
but not often talked about.
Yeah, I remember sort of being out and I'm Indian and, you know, I'd be in England and
people are like, oh, you've been married so long now, you should try and have a baby.
And I think I just got to the point where I was like, I am trying.
And then they'd go quiet because I think, you know, they just think, oh, you know, here
you are, you should have a baby now.
I think sometimes they don't realise that it's not that easy, especially as you get
older.
Yeah, exactly.
So the pressure that you get from the Asian culture and, you know, the pressure that we're
under is even more because, you know, you're getting older and people are, you know, families
are asking or putting the pressure on.
I think from day one, we wanted to be very open about our journey because I didn't want
to go back to London and have those conversations and deal with that because what we were going
through was painful enough without other people reminding us of what we're going through.
So I think if you're open and honest about your journey with family, they can be more
compassionate and empathetic towards everything you're going through and a bit more mindful
about what they say.
And you mentioned earlier about kind of how it felt that everyone around you was getting
pregnant so easily or, you know, seemingly so easily.
And again, I do interact in circles, obviously, again, being a mom over 40 of women who are
struggling with infertility.
And I do feel a level of guilt when I'm like, oh, here's another pregnancy.
Oh, here's another baby.
How do you advise women like myself that are in circles with women that are going through
infertility journeys?
How can we best support women that are going through IVF, surrogacy, IUI, all sorts of
different options?
Yeah, I think it is a tough one because everyone's different and everyone reacts differently to
pregnancies and women around them pregnant.
I actually just put some content out the other day about how to deal with people that are
pregnant or announcing pregnancies.
And what I say is, you know, it's OK, so you said you were feeling guilty and you don't
know how to maybe react.
But I think listening is the first thing, like listening to, you know, maybe saying
to the person or friend, I really don't understand what you're going through.
But if you want to share your journey, I'm here.
I want, you know, I'd like to know more about it.
I'm here to listen.
I also understand if you find it too painful to spend time with me at the moment, you know,
I value our friendship.
And if you need some time to process everything, then I completely get it.
And I'm here for you when you're ready to talk.
So it's just giving them the space so they can feel what they feel because we don't know
what they're feeling, right?
So it's just like giving them that space and breathe them, but letting them also know that
you're there and you want to understand what they're going through.
You don't understand because you've not been there, but you'd like to understand and you're
here as a friend.
And I think that's all you can do.
And just try to avoid, I mean, you know, as long as it's like most people have some level
of emotional intelligence, just try to avoid saying things that could trigger them like,
oh, you know, why don't you just, you know, classic, why don't you relax?
It will happen if you relax or just take some time out and it will happen.
You know, all the classic is the story of I know someone who knows someone who stopped
trying IVF and they went on holiday and they got pregnant.
We don't want to hear stories like that because that just pisses us off.
So yeah, avoid saying things like that that could trigger the other person.
Yeah, that is really helpful.
Approach with empathy, right?
Always.
Yeah.
And put yourself in their shoes.
Just try and understand some of the emotions that they're going through.
Did you at any point feel like I've had enough now?
I don't want to go through this experience when you were going through the IVF.
And were you thinking about other things like maybe adopting or anything like that?
Yeah, we did because of my age and the quality of eggs do diminish as you get older.
Like, let's not, you know, be around the bush.
That is a reality.
It's science that proves it.
We were thinking about looking at other options and just talking about them and saying, OK,
what are the other options?
It's egg donors, sperm donors, embryo donors, like surrogacy, adoption.
You know, you talk about it all.
But you don't want to, it's very weird because you talk about it, but you don't want to talk
about it too much because you don't almost want to jinx it.
So you're like, OK, here are the options and you lay them out.
But you then take your energy and your focus and you focus on what you're doing right now.
And you think, OK, for now, we're on this journey and we're going to focus on this.
And if it starts to look like it's really not going to happen for us, then we can open
up the conversation and talk about the other options that we have.
So when you went through the four years of the IVF treatment, where were you on your
journey?
Like, how long would you have continued on the IVF path?
Well for me and for a lot of women, you do.
So for me, I did all my IVF cycles first and that's where you retrieve the eggs.
So I did all of those first and then I had a bank of embryos.
So for me, it was like, OK, this is a bank of embryos we've got because I'm not going
through all of that again because, like I said, the older you get, your eggs quality
start diminishing.
And we've done so much to get there.
It's like, this is the number of eggs we've got.
We've got six embryos.
We're going to go through those embryos and then we will decide if we want to do any more.
But for us, it's like, OK, these are the numbers we've got.
We'll just go through those first and then we make a call.
And what number did you get to?
So Ishan, my baby boy now, who's two, we put in two.
So we put in embryo number four and five.
So we don't know which one he was, but it was either four or five.
So we have one left, essentially.
Amazing.
And when you put in the two, was it one male, one female?
Or was it just whatever you didn't know?
You don't know, yeah.
So you can't find out here in Singapore.
Oh, that's right.
In Singapore you can't.
You can't get genetic testing or find out.
So we didn't know.
We just, it just took me a while.
So it's like two stages, I like to call it.
You do the banking of the eggs and getting the eggs out and then fertilizing them.
And then you do all the transfers where they put them back into you.
But for that part, you have to, it's not as easy as just putting them in.
You have to get your body ready and your lining ready.
And I think my lining just took so long to get ready that the doctor was like, OK, we've
got it to a point.
Let's just put two in because we don't know how long it's going to take until we get it
to this optimal state again.
So we put two in.
And you know, it's not encouraged because twin pregnancies are very high risk.
But it was just because it took so long to get to that point that our doctor encouraged
to put two in.
Double or nothing.
Yeah, exactly.
And it worked, right?
You know, he's our miracle because the quality of embryos diminish as you go down.
So we start with the best one.
So four and five essentially are the kind of lower quality ones.
And I always say to women, don't get too hung up on the quality when the doctor says to
you, this is the best quality, this is the poor quality.
Because for us, it worked and he was lower down the chain.
Amazing.
What sort of advice or words of encouragement would you offer to couples who are going through
infertility sort of based on your experience?
OK, I would say as a couple, because you go through so much and you both experience it
very differently.
So for the guy, you know, like you said earlier, they feel kind of, you know, responsible potentially
or feel helpless that they can't do anything more than they're already doing.
And for the woman who's going through it physically, you know, mentally, physically, emotionally,
she is exhausted and your confidence takes a real battering, your self-worth, your confidence,
everything, you know, it just gets shattered.
So I would say, first thing, talk openly with each other about what you're going through
and how you're feeling and what support you need from each other, because you need to
do it as a team, because the minute you start feeling like you're alone, the journey becomes
so much harder.
So talk to each other, dedicate a day in the week that you sit down and say, OK, how has
the week been for you?
What do you need from me?
What appointments do you want me to come to?
So, you know, work that out as a couple and just be on the same page.
Just talk openly to like, you might not want to tell everyone, which is completely, you
know, like acceptable, and it's completely personal and up to you.
But find people that you can trust, whether it's family or friends, one or two people
and just talk to them about what you're going through so that you don't feel alone.
For women, there are support groups out there for men, you know, look at support groups,
join the support groups, talk to people, like minded people that are going through the journey.
I also encourage people to talk to a specialist, whether it's a coach, a therapist, a psychotherapist,
counsellors, you know, there's so many people out there that can help you and that can talk
to you and help you manage some of the emotions that you're going through.
Yeah, I think those are some of the things.
I think the other thing I would say is advocate for yourself with your doctor.
Like your doctor has your best interests at heart, but you know yourself and your body
better than anyone.
So if you feel like you need a break, you feel like you need some time out or you've
got some questions that you might be a bit too scared to ask, ask it.
Like the doctor's not going to like shut you down because you're asking these questions.
You need to know what's going on every stage in your journey and you know your body better.
So really, really advocate for yourself.
Yeah, and you had mentioned about how it's so important to have your partner on your
team, right?
But at the end of the day, it is you that's giving yourself the injections and taking
that pain and it is you that's going to carry that pregnancy.
If the pregnancy isn't successful, that's going to kind of carry the weight of that
loss.
So when I'm working with clients, so I'm a fitness and nutrition coach and I see a lot
of women that are coming to me for weight loss that's related to weight gain from their
IVF journeys.
And how do you kind of help women through the physical, deeply physical and personal
changes that happen in their bodies during this process?
Yeah, so I focus a lot on the emotions, but I feel like it's all linked, right?
Your mind and body are linked.
So when you're overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings that you just can't process, I help
process some of that.
I like to call it unpacking the layers and unpacking the bags that you've been carrying
around.
So layer by layer, we take out some of the emotions that you've been feeling so that
you can start to feel lighter, you start to have clarity around what you want to do next
or decisions that you're making.
And ultimately some of the emotions that we talk about and I help, I basically teach them
coping strategies and tools, visualisations, affirmations, journaling, emotional freedom
technique which is tapping, mood in tapping.
And that let's go or some of the blocks, blocked emotions that you've got.
So I'm a very big believer in holistic therapy.
I did a lot of holistic therapy through my treatment.
And so I believe that there's a lot of blocked emotions that you're not even aware of and
you don't understand how they affect your body.
So it's all linked, right?
So once you get clarity and you release some of the emotions, you then realise actually
that emotion I was holding was stored in my stomach.
I was getting gastric issues, I was getting cramps.
And once you release some of that and you let them feel lighter and they feel like a
weight's been taken off, they can then focus on the physical side.
And I don't focus mainly on the physical side.
For me it's more emotions, but once they get through some of that pain, they then look
at focusing on themselves physically.
So there's people that do yoga, fertility yoga that help you kind of get back, get some
of your strength back, physio.
There's so many other people like yourself that can help you bounce back from everything
that you've been through.
Yeah, exactly.
I definitely think like we would have a synergy.
Yeah, of course.
And like I really hear you because I'm on my journey now to try and get some of that
fitness and strength back because all through my journey I was told you can't do HIIT training,
you can't do running, all the things I love I couldn't do because of the pressure it would
put on my uterus.
That must have been tough, like, you know, having to almost like give up yourself.
You do.
To, you know, go through the pregnancy.
You give up a lot.
Yeah, as much as your partner is there for support, your partner is not giving up.
Your partner can still go to the HIIT class if he wants.
So it is kind of that really lonely journey.
It is.
Funny you said that because I was a very active person before I went through this and, you
know, I'd be like, OK, well, I can go on my walk, which is still fun, but, you know, it's
not running.
And my husband would be going to his boxing class and I love boxing.
He'd be going to his boxing classes every other day.
And at one point I was like, it's not fair.
Like it's not fair.
I want to do all these things.
I don't want to have to give up who I am.
But, you know, you do for the phase that you're going through.
For that part of my journey, my life, I did.
But then I always, you know, reframed it and helped myself and said, look, it's only a
chapter in my life that I'm going through.
It's not going to be forever.
For now, this is my focus.
These are the things I'm having to.
And if you tell yourself you're not giving them up, you're just putting it on pause,
that's a better way of looking at it because it helps you then because you're putting it
on pause.
And as soon as you've got through this, you're going to, you know, you're going to get back
to everything you love and enjoy.
And it's so cheesy to say it, but once you do have a successful pregnancy and once you
do have that baby, you realize how minute missing that boxing class was.
Exactly.
It puts everything into perspective.
Yes, it sure does.
It sure does.
And we wish that for everybody.
Tina, it has been wonderful having you here.
Thank you for sharing your inspiring story with us.
But before we finish, we do have a question that we do like to ask all of our guests,
and that is, what is your forties formula?
And I guess for you, it's what kind of advice or wisdom would you like to share with our
listeners, especially those that are facing some type of adversity?
Okay.
I think I would say don't give up on so don't give up on your body or your mind.
Okay.
You know yourself and your body better than anyone.
I was determined to be a mother, whether that meant giving birth at 42.
I didn't care.
I didn't listen to anyone because for me, I knew and I reminded myself every day that
this is going to happen for me.
And I made sure that that was my focus the whole time.
I didn't let anyone or anything derail that.
And I think part of that is because I was in my forties.
So in your forties, you're smarter, you're braver, you're more resilient.
Okay.
And you don't let other people's words or behavior stick to you.
You're better at understanding, okay, this person is not serving me positively anymore,
and I'm happy with that.
Okay.
So you learn to let go of toxic relationships that aren't serving you.
And I think you do that because in your forties, you know what you want out of friendships
and you know what is working for you.
You're also more mindful of the importance, the sheer importance of mental well-being
and you prioritize that.
So in your forties, you know that the most important thing you can do is prioritize your
emotional well-being and your mental well-being.
And you realize that that doesn't make you a selfish person because it makes you be a
better person for yourself and for everyone else around you.
So yeah, I think that's probably what I would say.
That's incredible.
Thank you so much.
I feel like the forties is the no-shits given decade, don't you think?
I think it really is.
You don't.
I wasn't sure if I was allowed to swear, but you are allowed to.
Don't give a shit in your forties because you are so confident.
And I think the other thing I would say is you've learned to love yourself again, right?
You go through twenties and thirties, you're a bit like, hmm, am I, you know, the limiting
beliefs of self-worth, the confidence.
But in your forties, you're like, nope, this is me, this is who I am.
I love myself and I couldn't care less what other people think or say about me.
Yeah, that's what we get what we want in our forties.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Thank you so much, Tina.
It was absolutely wonderful having you here.
Oh, thank you so much.
Thank you.
This is Paul, our editor.
He's a 25-year-old unmarried Singaporean guy listening to the ramblings of 12 older
women on everything from menopause to weightlifting to sex.
Paul, what's your thoughts on today's conversation?
Hey, hey, hello once again.
So I have a confession to make actually.
So this isn't actually my era of interest or expertise because at least for me and my
partner, we aren't exactly planning on having kids or interested in having kids in the current
foreseeable future.
Neither do I have friends in this decision life who are actively trying for kids in their
twenties, I guess.
So yeah, it's a bit, I guess it doesn't fit exactly with my current decision life.
But anyways, it's quite an interesting, you know, informational topic to be able to hear
a story and you know, what Tina was sharing about his struggles and pain in order to conceive.
So if you're trying for kids, don't give up guys.
All right.
Anyway, catch you guys next time.
See you all.
Bye bye.
Hey guys, did you know that you can leave us questions and comments on FanList?
That's right on FanList.com slash the 40s formula.
You can leave us a voice note where you can ask us anything, leave us your feedback or
just say hi.
Nikola 777 reached out to us and had this to say, so I've just listened to the first
two podcasts and I absolutely love them.
I enjoyed the content about real women and real issues to be facing our 40s.
I love the flow of them.
Some very helpful insights and tips.
Well done.
I can't wait for the next one.
I feel like I need more now.
Lol.
I'm trying to work out.
I was like, I wonder what she is going to say there.
I was like, I'm not sure what I would say.
The 40s formula is proud to be your source for that realness, Nikola.
Thanks for listening.
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Bye.
After I had my eldest son, I used to try and have a smoothie in the morning and they got
to a point where if I had a smoothie first thing, as in, you know, as in my fast breaker,
I would throw up and I don't know what it was.
And I was like, this is so weird.
I don't know if it was just the concentration of all the, you know, shit, but it wouldn't
actually make me yack.
Which is really, really strange.
So since then I've been off smoothies.
Yeah, it's been about eight years and I'm like, can't do smoothies anymore.
I used to do like everything.
I'd put spinach in there.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, just cannot do it.
Spinach and apple or banana and almond butter.
I like that combo.
Yeah, they're the go to.
They are good for loungewear.
Yeah they're great for loungewear.