1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:20,640 Hey hey and welcome to the Forties Formula, your go-to place for insightful discussions 2 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:24,840 on navigating the forties and thriving in this transformative decade. 3 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:28,800 We're your hosts, Jasmin and Amanda, two women that are passionate about exploring 4 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:41,400 the challenges and adventures that come with turning 40 and what lies ahead. 5 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:45,400 Our guest today is Shireena Shirff-Manchharam, a dynamic and highly experienced coach with 6 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,240 Sheen's Image Consulting. 7 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:52,400 Sharina holds certification in image consulting, life coaching and positive psychology. 8 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:56,400 She's the founder of Getting to Happy, a mental health movement dedicated to promoting 9 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,160 happier and more mindful lives. 10 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:02,440 Her global perspective, diverse background and passion for helping others shines through 11 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:04,080 in her work. 12 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:08,240 Shireena is also a mentor and advocate for mental wellbeing, making a difference in the 13 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:12,200 lives of young people and corporate women transitioning into motherhood. 14 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:15,840 Today she joins us to explore the pursuit of happiness and what it truly means to be 15 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:16,840 happy. 16 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:20,240 Welcome Shireena, it's so great to have you here, I'm really excited. 17 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:21,240 Thank you for having me. 18 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:22,240 It's our pleasure. 19 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,280 But firstly I want to say I absolutely love the name Getting to Happy. 20 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:29,680 I feel like it resonates with so many people, you know, who doesn't want to be happy? 21 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:31,560 Everybody wants to get to that point. 22 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:36,920 So how can someone get to happy? 23 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:41,000 Well I think when we talk about happiness it's such a vague concept, it's something 24 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,280 that we all want but how do we get there? 25 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:49,480 We just have to firstly realise that it is within our control to be happy every day. 26 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:54,000 I think when we're younger or I think the, you know, the old way of thinking is I'm happy 27 00:01:54,000 --> 00:02:00,880 if I get this or I'm happy if I have a baby or if I find the right partner or if I get 28 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:06,320 a promotion or if I make more money or I get this house and I think as we become older 29 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:11,680 and realise what's truly important and what brings happiness to our lives that it is the 30 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:14,720 small things every day that we can do that make us happy. 31 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:19,880 So the first thing is probably acknowledging that it's within our control to be happy. 32 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:20,880 I love that. 33 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:21,880 I think it's really important. 34 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:25,560 I think a lot of the times we always put it on, you know, that it's something else that's 35 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:26,560 going to make us happy. 36 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:27,560 Exactly. 37 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:28,560 Or someone else. 38 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:29,560 Yeah, someone else. 39 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,920 But the fact that you're saying it's us, you know, we can only make ourselves happy. 40 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:32,920 Absolutely. 41 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:38,840 Was there a moment in your sort of past or something that got you to a point of transition? 42 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:43,880 Like was there a point where you felt, hold on a minute, something needs to change, there's 43 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:48,320 something that triggered this journey of getting to happy? 44 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,400 Yeah, that's a good question. 45 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,280 People ask me that all the time. 46 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,280 Well, funnily, my name means joyful and happy. 47 00:02:55,280 --> 00:03:00,080 And I definitely was not a joyful and happy person when I was young. 48 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,840 As a young person, absolutely not. 49 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:07,120 No, you know, very little confidence, couldn't even say my name in a group. 50 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:13,160 You know, peer pressure, just not understanding that happiness was anywhere near me or that 51 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:18,200 I even deserved it or that I could have it or get it. 52 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:21,160 So it definitely wasn't that person. 53 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:26,880 And then as I became older, I became, you know, I certified as a life coach, which I 54 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:31,480 think changed a lot of ways in which I thought about things. 55 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:35,040 And then when I had children, well, getting pregnant was very difficult for me. 56 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,360 I think it was probably started at that time. 57 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,440 Getting pregnant was really tough for me. 58 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,800 I found out in my early 20s, I could never get pregnant naturally. 59 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:42,800 I had to do IVF. 60 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:48,400 I had to topic pregnancies, miscarriages, and finally blessed with two unknowingly wonderful 61 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,560 children. 62 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:54,720 And I think it was at that time trying to see the silver lining in being able to do 63 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:58,240 something like IVF instead of feeling sorry for myself. 64 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,360 So changing that mindset of I get to do IVF. 65 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,120 I don't have to do it. 66 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:04,320 I get to do it. 67 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,560 I'm super duper duper lucky. 68 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:13,800 And I think it was that first big challenge in my life of changing mindset. 69 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:18,660 And then obviously that made me develop as a person, I think, be more grateful for things 70 00:04:18,660 --> 00:04:22,120 and then really moving into this as a life coach. 71 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:27,040 And then during COVID, of course, right at that time was when I launched Getting to Happy 72 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:31,680 because I realized when I was working with my clients, corporate clients mostly, and 73 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,520 they would tell me, okay, Shri, now let's talk about this today. 74 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:34,520 And can you give this workshop? 75 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,640 I'm like, no, no, no, no. 76 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:40,660 You need to teach people how to be happier because only when they're happy, can they 77 00:04:40,660 --> 00:04:45,080 be good employees, can they work or even as a student, you know, forget about getting 78 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,080 the right grades. 79 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,960 If you're happy, you'll try. 80 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:51,060 If you're happy and you've got friends, you'll be all right as a student. 81 00:04:51,060 --> 00:04:53,520 But if you're not happy, nothing works. 82 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:57,080 So happiness again is a very broad thing, what is happy. 83 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:03,240 But that's the point that you've got to work and put all these things together to be a 84 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,240 happier person. 85 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,520 So that was during the COVID time. 86 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,960 And I love what you said, Sharina, about if you're happy, you'll try. 87 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:14,240 Because I think there's an element of fear of failure that holds people back from being 88 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:15,600 happier people. 89 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:21,000 And I think that truly happy people can fail and realize that that's not something that 90 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,160 makes you unhappy. 91 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:26,080 That's something that actually moves you into more happiness because you tried. 92 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,080 Totally. 93 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:28,760 And I was such a fearful person. 94 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,040 I wouldn't do anything. 95 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:32,880 Like I was such a scaredy poke. 96 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,300 I can't even tell you. 97 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:35,300 And that's exactly it. 98 00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,880 And now I realize that I'll do anything. 99 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:38,880 I'll say anything. 100 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,480 I'm not afraid. 101 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:41,480 And that's happiness. 102 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,920 Like knowing you can stand back up is happiness. 103 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,840 So people ask me, happiness means you're happy every day. 104 00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:47,680 I'm like, oh, hells no. 105 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:48,680 Definitely not happy every day. 106 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:52,440 Yeah, happiness and toxic positivity need to be distinguished. 107 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:55,360 It's not just seeing the bright side in everything. 108 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:57,680 It's being able to persist through times that are trying, I think. 109 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,160 Yes, it's when you're down. 110 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:00,600 Can you stand back up? 111 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:01,600 Absolutely. 112 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:02,600 I love that. 113 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:07,000 I found when I was pregnant with the twins, I found out firstly I was having twins and 114 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,800 then I was having two boys. 115 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:14,120 And I went into this weird point in my life because I was desperate for a daughter. 116 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:17,200 And then when I found out it was two boys, every time somebody picked it, like mentioned 117 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:23,680 it, I would start crying because I felt like my life wasn't going to be how I had imagined 118 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:24,680 it. 119 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,120 I had this great relationship with my mom and I wanted that. 120 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:31,360 And I saw that my husband came from a family of all boys and I was like, God, I'm going 121 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,280 to be in the kitchen and the boy is going to be watching TV. 122 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:35,920 I'm going to be excluded. 123 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:40,280 And then I think I was like, just I hooked onto that concept of I need a daughter, I 124 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:41,360 need a daughter. 125 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:46,600 And then sort of the whole time I was fixated on having a daughter, I was not really thinking 126 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,000 about my boys. 127 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,520 And then one day it just occurred to me, it was in my mind like, shit, what am I doing? 128 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:56,560 I've got these three amazing boys who are absolutely healthy. 129 00:06:56,560 --> 00:07:02,280 And I'm thinking about this concept of something that may never happen or if I did have a daughter, 130 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,760 is she even going to like me? 131 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,640 Because that can happen, you might not even have a relationship. 132 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:12,360 So it was just like a switch that went off in my head and it just changed everything. 133 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:19,720 And from that moment, I felt content, content with what I had and content with my situation. 134 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:24,120 And I feel like, is that something that a lot of people kind of need to distinguish, 135 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:27,680 the difference between being content and being happy? 136 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,240 Well can I just take a step back to what you were thinking about? 137 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:35,000 You know, when we have a situation but we dream about a situation that could be or something 138 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:38,280 in the future and that's really scary. 139 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:43,680 You know, if we allow ourselves to think what if or for the future, I mean, our brains can 140 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:47,040 wander into such a vast, scary space. 141 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:51,360 So what I do say about being happy is just today, just focus on today. 142 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:56,000 And I think before, like when we were younger, we went to school or even in our early careers, 143 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,920 it was all, what's your five-year plan and your 10-year vision? 144 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,040 And you're like, I have no idea. 145 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,640 And COVID kind of taught us that it's just today. 146 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:09,440 So you know, being pregnant with twins, twin boys, I mean, that's a beautifully scary at 147 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,080 the same time thought. 148 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:14,040 But if you thought about it in the moment and like, I'm so lucky. 149 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:16,680 I don't have one, I have two. 150 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:17,680 Too healthy? 151 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:18,680 Sounds better than nothing. 152 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:19,680 Yeah, 100%. 153 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:24,240 Versus the future and that's what I tend to see what people, you know, talking about, 154 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:27,000 you know, happiness is it's not tomorrow. 155 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,240 It's not the day after and it's not yesterday. 156 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:30,760 It's right now. 157 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:35,640 So I think that's another way that we can just be just very present and increase happiness 158 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:36,640 like that. 159 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:37,640 I think that's great. 160 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:41,720 You know, and I think most people do always sort of visualize how they want their life 161 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:45,120 to be, but then they miss what's actually happening now. 162 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,120 Yes. 163 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:51,520 So for women who are sort of, you know, in their 40s, how does or does the concept of 164 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,400 happiness change for them, like compared to their younger years? 165 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,760 I can only speak from experience. 166 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,000 I just entered this decade. 167 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,280 Well for you then, how does it feel? 168 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:05,880 So how has your sort of concept changed from how you were, say, in your 20s and your 30s 169 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:08,120 to how it is now? 170 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,280 I think it's about purpose. 171 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:15,040 I think, you know, purpose and meaning of life and all that is not, wasn't very important 172 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,040 to me in my 20s and 30s. 173 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:24,000 I was really thinking about starting my family, diapers, play dates, school, raising children 174 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:29,700 that were, you know, studying hard and happy and my home, building a home. 175 00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:33,120 So I think those were my priorities when I was younger. 176 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:36,760 And I think moving into, and I was talking to my husband about this this morning, I said, 177 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:40,080 really, for him, he's 45 and for myself, I'm 40. 178 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,560 I said, now it's purpose. 179 00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:44,400 And I literally was, I didn't know this question. 180 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:48,040 You were going to ask this, but it was due to him and I were just talking about it because 181 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,400 he's had some life changes now recently too. 182 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,440 And I'm like, this is when we can think about purpose. 183 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:53,440 We're lucky now. 184 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:57,220 It's not about like, okay, our home is there, the kids are there. 185 00:09:57,220 --> 00:09:58,220 Now it's purpose. 186 00:09:58,220 --> 00:09:59,500 Like, what am I doing every day? 187 00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:05,120 So I think that the 40s, 50s is about what I can do based on the resources that I have. 188 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:10,240 It's not about, you know, I felt like 20s was hustling, 30s was babies and getting all 189 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:11,640 that together. 190 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:15,360 And now it's purpose, meaning what can I do with my life? 191 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:16,480 What's important to me? 192 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:17,760 What makes me happy? 193 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:18,760 Where can I say no? 194 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,200 Where should I say yes to? 195 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:24,520 And it's funny you say that because I think after I had kids, I went through this point 196 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:25,520 in my life. 197 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:26,520 I was like, what am I doing? 198 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:31,720 You know, I'd see women who were being moms and then working hard and they were like, 199 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:32,720 they were doing everything. 200 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,960 And I was just like, what am I doing with my life? 201 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,600 Like, where am I? 202 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:41,600 And you know, I think finding that purpose, like what is it that drives you is so important. 203 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,560 And it took me a while to get there. 204 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:47,760 And now that I feel like I'm there, and I don't know if it's coincidental that I've 205 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:53,040 sort of got there, you know, as I got into my 40s, but I feel like, you know, my life 206 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,720 is how I want it to be. 207 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,880 You know, I don't feel like, oh, I wish I had that. 208 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:57,880 I wish I had that. 209 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:01,280 It's just, you know, I'm happy with what I've got now. 210 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:05,480 And I think just appreciating what you have is quite important. 211 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:09,280 You know, as obviously as women, a lot of women have so many different roles, you know, 212 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:13,320 their moms, their working, their sisters, their wives. 213 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:19,360 How does somebody sort of juggle everything and maintain that sort of contentment and 214 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:20,360 purpose in their life? 215 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,580 I think that is purpose. 216 00:11:22,580 --> 00:11:25,320 Having all those things is your purpose. 217 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:30,900 And you're supposed to be busy and feel all out of place and that there's not enough hours 218 00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:31,900 in a day. 219 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:32,900 There aren't. 220 00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:35,640 But how lucky are you to have so much on your plate that there aren't enough hours in the 221 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:36,640 day? 222 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:37,640 I love that. 223 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:38,640 I love that you've flipped it, you know. 224 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:39,640 And that's the thing. 225 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:40,640 It's all sort of mindset, isn't it? 226 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:41,640 It's everything. 227 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:42,640 It is. 228 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:43,640 It's how you look at something. 229 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:44,640 It is. 230 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:50,320 And when times are hard or when we're younger and it's not, I mean, in your 20s, if I met 231 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:53,720 someone who was like, you know, what's my purpose, I'd say, just forget about it. 232 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,200 Let's just, just don't think about it. 233 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,120 You're not supposed to have a purpose in your 20s. 234 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,040 It's all right if you don't know. 235 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:00,160 Don't worry. 236 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,720 It'll come at the right time. 237 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:05,160 Yeah, I think, you know, it really hit me when you said about your purpose. 238 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:08,360 And one of our previous guests was talking about her identity kind of solidifying in 239 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:09,360 her 40s. 240 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:15,040 And I think those two things to have in common is this freedom from expectation in your 40s 241 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,200 and this freedom from uncertainty. 242 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,680 You know, what you said, Jasmine, it's like you have your family. 243 00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:20,680 It's finished. 244 00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:21,680 You have your partner. 245 00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:22,680 It's finished. 246 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:26,960 You don't have to have that knowing uncertainty and what if and wonder that you have in your 247 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:27,960 20s. 248 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,560 And again, that's what's great about your 20s is that potential is endless. 249 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:32,560 Possibilities could be anything. 250 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:33,560 Correct. 251 00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:37,280 But what's kind of reassuring in your 40s is that you know the answers. 252 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,680 There is no more what if how many kids will I find a partner. 253 00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:45,080 Now it's like you get to explore these parts of yourself that you might not have had access 254 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,520 to in your 20s and 30s because you were too full of what ifs. 255 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:53,880 So it sounds to me and correct me if I'm wrong, that women may be a position to reach happiness 256 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:57,520 levels in their 40s that they maybe couldn't even get to in their 20s and 30s. 257 00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:58,920 Do you find that that's possible? 258 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:01,880 Well, I think you could you still happy in your 20s and 30s. 259 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:05,560 But it's a different kind of it's not a yeah. 260 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:07,200 I like what you just said. 261 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:08,200 That's true. 262 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:11,920 Like was I as happy as I am now in my 20s and 30s? 263 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:12,920 No. 264 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:15,200 But I also feel like that's that's OK. 265 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:19,320 I'm glad I didn't have it already and set then. 266 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,200 Maybe you're very blessed if you figure it all out quite early. 267 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:27,120 But I think it's the building blocks in the 20s and 30s like building foundation, making 268 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:34,160 mistakes, trying different things in your career or with your children or your partner, 269 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:35,160 figuring it all out. 270 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:36,160 Make mistakes. 271 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,800 Go to the end and come back. 272 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:41,880 And then maybe 40s and 50s is solidifying all the things that are important. 273 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,480 Yeah, maybe I love that message, though. 274 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,920 So if we do have listeners that are under 40, make mistakes and live your life. 275 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:48,920 Yes. 276 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:53,720 It's such power in those words and then allowing younger women to do that. 277 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:58,200 We're so afraid of not stepping on toes, not messing up, not disappointing someone, not 278 00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,200 trying. 279 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,200 True story. 280 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:05,400 So I say to my boys, I always say you either win or you learn like there's no losing here. 281 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:09,000 If you don't get what you want out of it, you'll learn from it and you'll do better 282 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,000 next time. 283 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:14,320 I think my boys are at the point where they get worried like, oh, what if I lose? 284 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,320 I don't want to lose. 285 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,680 And I'm like, there's never losing. 286 00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:17,680 It's just learning. 287 00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:18,680 That's awesome. 288 00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:19,680 I love that. 289 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:20,680 Oh, thank you. 290 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:25,120 I feel like I have to somehow coach my kids sometimes. 291 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:29,560 What would you say to a woman who's in that point in her life, maybe a transitional period, 292 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:35,680 whether it's going back to work after having a baby or getting into her 40s and they're 293 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:42,560 feeling unsettled, how would you try to sort of make her realize what her purpose is during 294 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:46,200 a transitional period in her life? 295 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:53,880 I think the conceptualization of that purpose will come to anyone at their specific time. 296 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,240 Everything falls into place at the right time for you. 297 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,200 Maybe your purpose only comes at 50. 298 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,040 Maybe it comes at 20. 299 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:05,080 So I think it's just being patient, leaving things up to the universe to being able to 300 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:06,080 see that too. 301 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:11,040 So I do believe that there is some power that puts the stars aligned for you at the right 302 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,680 time, but it's also faith in that. 303 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:17,080 So even if things don't go your way, this is meant to be. 304 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,920 I'm learning from it. 305 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:21,440 So I always say, what's the silver lining? 306 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:22,800 What are you learning from this situation? 307 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:27,600 You haven't lost your learning, which is what you just said, Jasmine. 308 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:28,760 But just trust in the process. 309 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:29,880 It will come at the right time. 310 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:32,640 And ask yourself, is my brain in the right place? 311 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,520 Am I thinking about this in the right way? 312 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:39,240 So if you start feeling frustrated, just give yourself some time. 313 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:44,560 And do you find that clients come to you as a coach during certain recurrent types of 314 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:45,560 periods? 315 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:49,640 Do you see women coming to you at X time, going through a divorce, let's say, or just 316 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:50,760 having had a baby, let's say? 317 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:55,640 Or do you find that there's a recurrent theme of needing happiness that you see with your 318 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:56,640 clientele? 319 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,320 Well, I'm a maternity coach as well. 320 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:02,920 So I work with women who are mostly in corporate who get pregnant. 321 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,920 I handhold them during their leave. 322 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,560 And I help them reintegrate back into the workforce. 323 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,020 So that's the majority of my clients. 324 00:16:09,020 --> 00:16:10,760 And I love that phase. 325 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:13,440 And it's a tough phase. 326 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:17,240 Having gone through difficulty getting pregnant and having my kids, I think that that's one 327 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:20,760 of the biggest group of women that are coming to me and asking for advice. 328 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:24,280 And it's so unfair because so much of it is our bodies. 329 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:29,440 And both of you are experts in this versus myself when it comes to things that you cannot 330 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,320 control in your body after you give birth. 331 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:37,760 I mean, you can do a million things and go for a walk and be outdoors and practice gratitude 332 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:41,040 and be mindful and meditate. 333 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,240 But there are things that are just happening within you that you can't control. 334 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,440 But you still have a four-finger separation in your abdominal. 335 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,960 So what's it going to do? 336 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:48,960 Exactly. 337 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:49,960 Yeah, I hear you. 338 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,280 So I feel like there's control and out of control. 339 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,360 And yes, you can do things that are within your control. 340 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:57,760 But after you give birth, there are things that are happening to your body. 341 00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,140 And it sucks. 342 00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:00,580 You can't control it. 343 00:17:00,580 --> 00:17:03,760 And then you have to work and you have to stay up late and do calls and travel and go. 344 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:07,200 And that, I find, is a really hard place for women. 345 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,600 So yeah, I'm sure you guys have advice on that as well. 346 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:11,600 Yeah. 347 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:12,600 And again, I am that woman, right? 348 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:13,600 I'm in that moment. 349 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:18,080 I am with child now looking down my third postpartum journey. 350 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:22,720 So I definitely can empathize with how women in this exact stage of life are struggling 351 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,200 to find that happiness. 352 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,000 So Shrinny, you've got two kids. 353 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:32,120 And obviously, when a parent is talking to their kids, it's always in through one ear, 354 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,120 out through the other. 355 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:39,640 How do you show your kids, how can you teach them, how can they be happy without them being, 356 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,440 oh, mom, here she goes again? 357 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:42,440 How do you- 358 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:43,440 My kids do that. 359 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:44,440 Yeah. 360 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:49,880 So how can you show your kids without, obviously, specifically telling them, you should be happy 361 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:51,560 and can tell me what you got? 362 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:52,560 I love that question. 363 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:53,560 Awesome. 364 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:56,720 So I think with happiness or anything that you want to do in your life and make changes, 365 00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:57,960 you have to be consistent. 366 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,480 You both know that with your clients, if you're going to go to the gym once a week or once 367 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,280 a month, ain't nothing going to happen to you. 368 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:04,280 Ain't gonna happen. 369 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:05,280 Yeah. 370 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:06,280 You're not going to come out a fit person. 371 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:07,280 No. 372 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:08,560 So happiness is the same. 373 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:13,680 So tools that we do every day as a family, also on the other side is there are so many 374 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,880 parents who come to me and say, you know, I do so much for my kid. 375 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:16,880 They're so ungrateful. 376 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:17,880 Teach them to be grateful. 377 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:21,480 I'm like, what do you do in your family every day? 378 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,960 Or parents who want their kids to lose weight or be more fit. 379 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,240 I'm like, as a parent, what do you do? 380 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:27,840 What example do you show? 381 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:31,320 So happiness is the same thing or mental well-being is the same thing. 382 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:34,200 So in our family, we have consistent things that we do. 383 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:38,200 So always going outside for exercise, like being outdoors. 384 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,920 We don't use a lot of tech in the house. 385 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,260 I don't really watch very much TV. 386 00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:44,260 And it kind of filters down. 387 00:18:44,260 --> 00:18:48,360 My kids love to watch TV, but they just have things that they've implemented. 388 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,120 Like the TV is never on in the daytime. 389 00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:52,960 Sony on it maybe at night on the weekends. 390 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,440 So we're examples of that. 391 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:55,440 What else? 392 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:56,920 Gratitude is a huge one. 393 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:57,920 That's life changing. 394 00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,080 It's the best thing ever. 395 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:00,880 So if you can practice gratitude with your kids. 396 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:08,160 So as soon as my kids were born, Lara's almost 14, the day she was born, you know, not the 397 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:11,680 day she was born, when she came home, putting her to bed at night, I would say in her baby 398 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,560 voice, oh, I'm grateful that I slept through the night. 399 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,760 I'm grateful that I'd finished my bottle of milk. 400 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:20,360 And then I would say it as a mom, I'm grateful that I get to hold you in my arms because 401 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,440 I waited for you. 402 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:27,520 Or I'm grateful that I bought a muffin and it was delicious today. 403 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:32,560 Something small, because if you're looking at the day, I mean, there's a bazillion things, 404 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,600 but there are wonderful things every day. 405 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:38,840 So I would say it and as my kids learn to speak, they say it as part of their bedtime 406 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,680 routine after their prayers. 407 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:45,200 They say three things and what it does is no matter how crappy a day you've had, there 408 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,240 are still things that you can be grateful for. 409 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:49,240 What does that do? 410 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:50,240 It builds resilience. 411 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:54,320 You know, we have growth mindset, positive mindset. 412 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:55,460 That's what we want. 413 00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:57,720 So happiness is that, right? 414 00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:58,720 It's learning those things. 415 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:03,040 You can still have bad days, but being able to see the silver lining, being strong about 416 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:07,540 it, trying your best, not being scared, being brave, all those things. 417 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:11,520 Always getting to happy, the reason why I made it into cards as well with a stand is 418 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:15,960 that I thought that all the things that increase well-being and happiness, we know them. 419 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,920 They're not my science, you guys. 420 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,080 It's all out there. 421 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:21,080 I'm not claiming it. 422 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,080 Oh, damn it. 423 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,080 Here I was thinking. 424 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,080 That's a magic pill. 425 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:25,080 Yeah. 426 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:28,160 So it's all there, but we forget what to do. 427 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:32,680 So going back to with my kids, the kids card set, you take one card, you put it up on a 428 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,680 stand, you look at it, maybe it's, you know, write a letter. 429 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:40,680 Yesterday, my daughter wrote a letter to the horse that she rides, which was, you know, 430 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,800 being very naughty with her. 431 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,640 And she was angry, frustrated. 432 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:48,000 And she wrote a letter to him and she was bawling her eyes out about how grateful she 433 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:52,600 was that she had him teaching her all these life lessons and resilience because, you know, 434 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,120 kept throwing her off and being awful. 435 00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:58,240 So write a letter is a card. 436 00:20:58,240 --> 00:20:59,960 Practicing gratitude daily is a card. 437 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,920 Exercising, getting fresh air. 438 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,440 And we don't say meditating in the kids set, we say take a breath. 439 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:05,760 I love that. 440 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,680 We don't need to do such big scary things. 441 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:11,440 We can just remind them that there are small things they can do every day. 442 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:12,440 Cleaning up your room. 443 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:16,160 If you don't tell a kid why, you know, science can show you that when your room is clean 444 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:18,520 before you go to bed, you sleep better, et cetera. 445 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,160 Well, they don't want to do it. 446 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:21,800 Mom, stop telling me to clean my room. 447 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:22,800 Clean up your room. 448 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:23,800 I don't want to clean my room. 449 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:24,800 But why when you go to sleep? 450 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:25,800 Do you want better sleep? 451 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:26,800 Do you want to be better tomorrow morning? 452 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:30,960 Do you want to, you know, do better in school and, you know, have better conversations and 453 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:31,960 make better choices? 454 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,840 Well, clean up your room so you get good sleep and all that will happen. 455 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:35,840 So small things like that. 456 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:36,840 I love that. 457 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:41,240 So what I started implementing with my eldest son, who unfortunately has got a bit of a 458 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:47,040 fixed mindset, but I'm trying to show him that, you know, it's not you can change. 459 00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,520 You can you can grow. 460 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,200 You can you don't have to be where you are. 461 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,440 You can improve on whatever you're doing. 462 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:59,640 And we started sending out a prayer to the universe because although I was born into 463 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,240 a Sikh family, I'm not particularly religious. 464 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:07,520 So I thought what I'll do is I'll do like this universe prayer with him in a dear universe. 465 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,640 I'm thankful for what I'm thankful for. 466 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:15,840 You know, my family, my my kids, my husband, my parents, you know, send another prayer 467 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:17,040 to somebody who needs it. 468 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,360 So at the time, my son had a bit of an injury. 469 00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:25,840 So I'd say I'd like to send some love and thoughts to Kyan so that he recovers faster. 470 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,200 And then also just send out there. 471 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:29,200 What do I want? 472 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,200 What I'd like to achieve? 473 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,040 And it's not I want a new video game or I want this toy. 474 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:38,680 But you know, I would like to improve on my piano playing just so that it's on the forefront 475 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:39,680 of his mind. 476 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:43,520 So he's thinking about, you know, if I'm sending out to the universe, I will get better at 477 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:44,520 the piano. 478 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,120 But that also requires me to practice and and stuff. 479 00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:50,080 And, you know, it took him a while to sort of get his head around it because, you know, 480 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,680 we would be like, I want this Pokemon game or I want this. 481 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,760 But I would then go back and like, no, it's what do you want to achieve? 482 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,200 And then, you know, he enjoyed that. 483 00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:00,640 And it'd be times where if I forgot and he'd say to me, Mommy, are we going to pray today? 484 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:01,880 I'm like, oh, I love it. 485 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:05,560 I love the fact that he has bought it up himself consistency for it. 486 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:06,560 Right. 487 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:07,560 Yeah. 488 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:08,560 Yeah. 489 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,280 And I love that in what both of you are saying, you know, my kids are the youngest, I think, 490 00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:11,280 of the three of us here. 491 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:16,000 And so, you know, when I think of happiness for them, it's so inherent, you know, like 492 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,620 their whole spirit is happiness. 493 00:23:18,620 --> 00:23:23,600 So the idea that we want to start practicing happiness, I think is amazing because I think 494 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,040 I'm taking it a bit for granted now that they just wake up happy because they're two years 495 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,400 old and, you know, they have Spider-Man sheets. 496 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:34,240 Whereas I think the act of practicing happiness is something that we definitely need as we 497 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:35,240 get older. 498 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,000 So why not start it at this age? 499 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,280 And like what you said is say something out loud and have them repeat it. 500 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:41,280 I love that. 501 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:45,560 Or have a ritual that is connected to bedtime that then they have to look forward to every 502 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:46,560 day. 503 00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:49,880 I think that's something that as a mom of small kids, I can definitely start doing now. 504 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,200 So I really appreciate that. 505 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:52,200 Yeah. 506 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:53,200 That's so sweet. 507 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:58,160 I think also we have to also and as your kids are young, but as they become older too, we 508 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:02,760 have to teach them why doing this will help them. 509 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:07,680 Like we know when we talk about like meditation, for example, nobody tells you the science 510 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,840 of how your brain actually changes. 511 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:14,040 Well, if you knew that, we'd all be meditating. 512 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:15,360 It's incredibly powerful. 513 00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:19,560 But we always say like, oh, I got to be in my lulu lemons doing yoga and then I'll meditate. 514 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:20,720 You don't. 515 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:25,040 But it's education, it's actually putting in the effort, understanding why. 516 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,840 So as the kids become older, I think that's, you know, that's important. 517 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,240 And Jasmin, back to your point about, you know, your kids doing a prayer out to the 518 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:33,240 universe. 519 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,960 And one of the cards we have is goal of the day, which is similar. 520 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:40,400 So parents use it in the morning before school, the cards there and it's like, okay, just 521 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:41,600 think about one thing today. 522 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:46,200 Make, you know, be a better friend to X person or appreciate the school lunch because you 523 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:47,200 get to get school lunch. 524 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,200 Otherwise, I'm going to give you some broccoli from the house. 525 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,920 Exactly. 526 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:55,640 You know, there's a goal of the day and an intention setting for adults. 527 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:59,400 Like when I wake up in the morning, I do the exact same thing as you do with your son. 528 00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:02,720 Before I touch my phone, I just think about my day. 529 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,880 It could be a personal thing, a professional thing. 530 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:09,100 And I just say, okay, I'm going to give my intention is to, you know, have an awesome 531 00:25:09,100 --> 00:25:11,600 podcast session with you guys was my intention this morning. 532 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:15,680 Or it's, you know, finish my meeting early so I can watch my daughter horse ride today 533 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,080 or enjoy my night out with my girlfriends. 534 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,200 Setting an intention, same thing, but what does it do? 535 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,120 It actually increases motivation. 536 00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:24,240 You feel a rush of endorphins when you create a goal. 537 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:25,800 So it's a great way to start their day too. 538 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:26,800 Yeah. 539 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,560 And I love that your intentions and goals are already positive, right? 540 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,360 It's like, I'm going to have an awesome podcast. 541 00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:33,560 Not like I hope I do well on that podcast. 542 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:38,180 You know, it's like you have already mastered the art of positive intention. 543 00:25:38,180 --> 00:25:42,780 And I think that that is something that so many people struggle with, you know, that 544 00:25:42,780 --> 00:25:45,360 the act of happiness is an action. 545 00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:48,360 You know, it's something that you choose to, you know, in your words and your thoughts 546 00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:53,080 and your actions, because obviously, so I consider myself a cognitive behavioral coach, 547 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:54,080 right? 548 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:58,240 So I'm all about taking action and a little bit of fake it till you make it. 549 00:25:58,240 --> 00:25:59,240 Totally. 550 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:04,000 There is power in choosing words that are more positive, even if you don't feel that 551 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:07,140 way, or even something like where there is a level of uncertainty. 552 00:26:07,140 --> 00:26:08,140 Will I do well today? 553 00:26:08,140 --> 00:26:10,440 I don't know, but I will do well today. 554 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:12,040 That's how you express that. 555 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,840 You know, you get through that uncertainty by faking it a bit. 556 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,480 And I think that is so, so powerful. 557 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:17,640 Were you always like that, Amanda? 558 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:18,640 I think so. 559 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:19,640 I was not. 560 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:20,640 I think I was. 561 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:24,800 I think it takes, I mean, for those people out there who think, well, you know, maybe 562 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,200 Amanda was born like that. 563 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:27,200 She's super lucky. 564 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,760 It's like, well, you might not be born like that, but it takes effort. 565 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:32,760 Yeah, it still takes effort, though. 566 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:33,760 It still takes effort. 567 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:38,760 And I think there is, as like a lifelong happy person, I think there is almost like an expectation, 568 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,680 like Amanda could never be sad because Amanda is always happy. 569 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,400 So there's, you know, there's that kind of different journey as well. 570 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:51,680 How would you say, or how could you help women who are sort of in a relationship, strengthen 571 00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:57,880 their relationships to ensure that they are able to feel happy within their, whether it's, 572 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:01,120 you know, with their partner, with their parents, with their kids, even their sort of social 573 00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:02,120 network. 574 00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:06,320 So how important are these relationships in contributing to your happiness, I guess? 575 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:08,040 I mean, we're social creatures. 576 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,040 We need the community around us. 577 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:14,320 I think it's surrounding yourself, number one, with the right kind of people that keep 578 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:15,320 you positive. 579 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:18,680 Number two, accepting that maybe sometimes you can't choose the relationships that you're 580 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:22,360 in, parents, siblings, that kind of thing. 581 00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:25,920 And then spinning it and saying, well, am I lucky I just have them? 582 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:28,600 Because maybe I wouldn't, maybe I don't have them. 583 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:31,240 And what would my life be like? 584 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:34,680 So being present in that moment and saying, you know, what if I didn't have it? 585 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,800 So I'm grateful I do have it. 586 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:40,160 And the other one is not taking advantage of the relationships that you do have. 587 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:44,480 So I love this card that I have in this set called relationship repair. 588 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:47,440 And it's not about just repairing broken relationships. 589 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:48,800 It's literally going through your phone. 590 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:49,920 And this is what I do. 591 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:53,680 I want to pick up my phone and I, you know, want to try to use it less, but I'm going 592 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:54,760 to pick it up anyways. 593 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,680 I think, what can I do with it? 594 00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:58,200 What can I do that's important for me? 595 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:02,080 So I literally go through WhatsApp and I reach out to people that I haven't messaged for 596 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:03,080 a long time. 597 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:04,840 And I'm like, hey, how are you? 598 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:06,880 And someone goes, I just had a really bad day. 599 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:07,880 Thanks for just saying that. 600 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:09,720 Or, oh, I'd love to meet you. 601 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:11,760 It's been ages since I've had a coffee. 602 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,800 And it's, or I saw on Instagram that your kid did this. 603 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,360 How sweet or genuine comments. 604 00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:21,880 Doesn't have to be a paragraph, but it's relationship connection, relationship repair, not taking 605 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:22,880 advantage of those. 606 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:25,840 And I think when we're younger too, we're like, oh my God, so I'm so busy. 607 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:26,840 Well, everyone's busy. 608 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:28,680 You're not the only one. 609 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:32,480 Reach out, make the time and strengthen the relationships that you do have. 610 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:33,480 100%. 611 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:37,080 I also find that, you know, like when someone says, oh, I find it so annoying when my husband 612 00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:41,800 does this, is it what your husband is doing or is it you? 613 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:44,120 Is it, you know, it's coming from within you. 614 00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:47,040 It's not so much them because it doesn't bother them. 615 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:48,040 It bothers you, right? 616 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,640 So, so how do you deal with that situation? 617 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:54,240 You know, when something that, you know, your husband does or your kids do and you find 618 00:28:54,240 --> 00:29:01,160 it annoying, how can you deal with that to sort of not let it, I guess, irritate you? 619 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,080 Maybe except that it does irritate you. 620 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:07,600 I mean, this is a very sad situation. 621 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:12,080 I mean, sad example, but someone said that their husband's snoring used to drive them 622 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:14,880 crazy and they didn't sleep for like years. 623 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:15,880 And their husband passed away. 624 00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:18,240 He was a friend of someone, someone. 625 00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:22,720 And she was like, I wish that just didn't annoy me as much as it did because I'd rather 626 00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:25,060 have it than not have him at all. 627 00:29:25,060 --> 00:29:28,880 So that's the extreme situations where you could sometimes take yourself out of and say, 628 00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:30,280 okay, why am I so annoyed? 629 00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:31,280 What can I do? 630 00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:33,200 I mean, you can't help your spouse from snoring. 631 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,320 I mean, get medication, get nose clip. 632 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:37,160 I don't know, do what you gotta do. 633 00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:41,280 But also, is it really a bigger deal, this bigger deal? 634 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:44,920 And what, how else can I spend my time thinking about what's annoying me? 635 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:45,920 Yeah. 636 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,100 I definitely always think about when I'm complaining about my wonderful husband, because he is 637 00:29:49,100 --> 00:29:51,080 wonderful in so many ways. 638 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,800 It's like, okay, exactly what you said. 639 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:58,660 All the great things he does, they dwarf this one little thing that drives me crazy. 640 00:29:58,660 --> 00:30:02,140 And I have to remember that, that it's not, these are not all on equal footing, right? 641 00:30:02,140 --> 00:30:05,960 His flaws and his amazing benefits are not equal. 642 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,120 The flaws are tiny, the benefits are many. 643 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:13,620 And I have to remember that the scale of what makes me upset or unhappy is so small compared 644 00:30:13,620 --> 00:30:15,800 to what makes me happy and secure. 645 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:16,800 Correct. 646 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,320 Obviously, a healthy mind is a happy mind. 647 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:25,520 So what sort of techniques or strategies do you use to sort of keep your mind and your 648 00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:28,160 body fit? 649 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:32,000 For the mind, I think it's that daily intention before getting out of bed, is gratitude every 650 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:33,000 night. 651 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:36,240 It's meditation, exercise, daily exercise. 652 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:37,240 I love to exercise. 653 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:42,440 I mean, I hate it when I'm in the gym, but I love it after. 654 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:43,440 Feeling fit, yeah. 655 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:47,680 So the meditation and the exercise, I always struggle, I think, with my body. 656 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:52,180 I think, Amanda, I talked to you about this a while ago, that relationship with my body. 657 00:30:52,180 --> 00:30:55,720 But I think entering the 40s, I've got what I've got. 658 00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:56,720 I'm healthy. 659 00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:58,360 I'm healthy. 660 00:30:58,360 --> 00:30:59,360 Blood work is great. 661 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,240 All that's, again, what's most important. 662 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:06,320 So I think the relationship with my body has to also change in my 40s. 663 00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:10,240 I'm doing the things that I know are good, exercise, meditation, eating as well as I 664 00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:11,240 can. 665 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:14,520 I'm being more mindful about my relationship with food. 666 00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:15,520 That's an interesting one. 667 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:18,760 I mean, you guys are experts in this. 668 00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:22,320 But yeah, taking time to eat more mindfully, think about what I'm putting in my body, how 669 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:25,800 much alcohol I'm consuming, caffeine, things like that, which weren't as important in my 670 00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:27,480 20s and 30s. 671 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:31,360 And I love that you put exercise in the mental health bin, right? 672 00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:35,000 We don't separate out exercises only something that contributes to our physical health. 673 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:38,920 That exercise, and you mentioned with your kids, exercising outdoors, that's a huge family 674 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:40,240 value for us as well. 675 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,920 We get our kids outdoors and active every single day. 676 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,560 Not a day goes by. 677 00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:47,400 And even if it's a rainy day, we dance in the rain. 678 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:50,560 And that's what we do in our backyard. 679 00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:52,600 It's not very glamorous, but they love it. 680 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:54,640 My son's in a bucket. 681 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:59,360 But yeah, I think that exercise as a mental health practice needs a little bit more PR. 682 00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:02,280 You're so right. 683 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:08,800 The six pack ripping abs got a lot of headlines, but the mental health benefits of it get none. 684 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:10,760 Because that's science. 685 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:11,760 We only see what we see. 686 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:13,280 You go to the gym and you're going to be skinny. 687 00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:14,280 Oh, I want to be skinny. 688 00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:15,280 I want to lose weight. 689 00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:18,320 But no one says, if you exercise, this is a science. 690 00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:21,400 This is what's happening internally in your brain. 691 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:25,840 If we did that, we'd be much more inclined to go to the gym, not just for a physical 692 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:26,840 appearance. 693 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:27,840 Yeah. 694 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,840 The most powerful and most underutilized antidepressant is exercise. 695 00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:31,920 And that's science, guys. 696 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:32,920 Check that one. 697 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:33,920 Yeah, totally. 698 00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:34,920 That checked me. 699 00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:38,360 Shareena, it has been absolutely wonderful to have you here. 700 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:42,280 Before we wrap up the conversation today, we do want to ask you one last question. 701 00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:44,800 And that is, what is your 40s formula? 702 00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:50,800 What sort of advice or mantra, philosophy, whatever it is, would you like to give our 703 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:57,240 listeners about being in your 40s and owning it, I guess? 704 00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:00,680 I thought about this question, which you did ask prior. 705 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:03,180 And I just thought about this quote. 706 00:33:03,180 --> 00:33:06,600 So it's, you get what you work for, not what you wish for. 707 00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:07,600 I love that. 708 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:10,280 It speaks to me, girl. 709 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,840 Which is what I heard on another podcast. 710 00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:13,840 And I've stolen it. 711 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,080 I say it all the time. 712 00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:21,080 And it's true that when we're young, we wish for so many things. 713 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:22,680 We wish for that perfect thing. 714 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:24,000 And we wish and we want. 715 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:28,480 And our kids blow candles out on a birthday cake wishing for things or going to bed at 716 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:29,480 night wishing. 717 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:31,240 And I'm like, it's not that, guys. 718 00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:32,240 It's not that anymore. 719 00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:35,560 You're not going to get anything by wishing and praying and hoping. 720 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:39,440 But you will get it if you work for it. 721 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:44,340 The grade in school, to be happier, the promotion. 722 00:33:44,340 --> 00:33:45,920 You will if you work. 723 00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,160 So you get what you work for, not what you wish for. 724 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:54,600 And as I transition to the next phase, your 40s, 50s, 60s, hopefully on and on, you can 725 00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:59,880 give more effort and more intention and more mindfulness to the things that you want. 726 00:33:59,880 --> 00:34:06,560 It's harder when you're giving birth, worrying about schools and all that kind of stuff. 727 00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:10,720 You can give more priority to it, I think, at this stage in life. 728 00:34:10,720 --> 00:34:14,280 So you get what you work for, not what you wish for. 729 00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:18,840 You'll put in the effort, whether it's to be happier, be more fit, strengthen relationships 730 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,080 within your family, whatever it may be. 731 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:22,560 You'll get it if you work for it. 732 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:23,560 That's amazing. 733 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:24,560 That's such great advice. 734 00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:29,520 And hopefully we'll all take that on board and sort of work towards what we want and 735 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,120 just go out there and get it. 736 00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:32,360 So thank you so much again, Shireena. 737 00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:33,360 It has been incredible. 738 00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:34,360 It's my pleasure. 739 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:35,840 Thank you for having me. 740 00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:36,840 Thank you. 741 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,960 This is Paul, our editor. 742 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:44,920 He's a 25 year old unmarried Singaporean guy listening to the ramblings of 12 older women 743 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:48,120 on everything from menopause to weightlifting to sex. 744 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:51,400 Paul, what's your thoughts on today's conversation? 745 00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:54,200 I'm naturally a pessimist when it comes to thinking about outcomes. 746 00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:59,480 So I'm currently in my mid-20s and hell, I don't actually know what exactly I'll be doing 747 00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:00,600 in life as a whole. 748 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:04,520 But hey, thanks for the reminder that it's important to stay healthy. 749 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:08,440 And I love your quote where you mentioned, if you're happy, you'll try. 750 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:11,160 So thank you for the reminder. 751 00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:14,160 Please live and I'll catch you guys at the next one. 752 00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:15,160 See y'all. 753 00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:21,400 Before we go, please remember to hit subscribe and take a moment to support the 40s Formula 754 00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:24,840 by leaving a review on your favourite podcast platform. 755 00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:28,640 Your reviews will help us to reach more people and allow us to continue to bring valuable 756 00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:29,640 content. 757 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:32,720 It should only take a moment and it's a free way for you to support the show. 758 00:35:32,720 --> 00:35:38,360 You can also stay updated with the 40s Formula by following us on Instagram at the 40s Formula. 759 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:39,720 All one word. 760 00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:43,280 We share behind the scenes insights, episode updates and much more. 761 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:45,960 So please be sure to hit that follow button. 762 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:47,560 We appreciate your time and support. 763 00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,800 Thank you for being part of this community and we'll be back next week for more empowering 764 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,160 conversations with inspiring guests. 765 00:35:53,160 --> 00:36:18,640 Bye. 766 00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:38,640 My parents are American. 767 00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:42,800 They don't understand that like here, because you know Americans drink like drip coffee, 768 00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:43,800 right? 769 00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:44,840 And we drink coffee with cream. 770 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,120 That's like kind of how it's done. 771 00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:49,860 And they like can't understand why they go anywhere here and they order a coffee with 772 00:36:49,860 --> 00:36:53,080 cream and the person's like, a long black, a flat white. 773 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:55,480 And they're like, no, I don't even know what those words are. 774 00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:56,480 I just want a cup of coffee. 775 00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:59,480 And then they get the coffee and it's like this big. 776 00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:03,160 Because Americans are like, we're used to like 20 mls coffee. 777 00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:04,960 So I said, mom, I'm like, just go to Starbucks. 778 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:05,960 Yeah, exactly. 779 00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:06,960 They're going to have the thing you need. 780 00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:11,960 They're like, the coffee you gave us was this big and it was $7.50. 781 00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:13,960 And I was like, I know. 782 00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:14,960 Yeah, that's Singapore. 783 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:15,960 $7.50 for a small little coffee. 784 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:16,960 Yeah. 785 00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:17,960 And it's an espresso. 786 00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:21,080 So it's got like 50 milligrams of caffeine. 787 00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:24,080 And then your mom's like getting ready for the Hyrox with you. 788 00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:25,080 Yeah, exactly. 789 00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:26,080 She's like, this is amazing. 790 00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:52,540 When you're in New York that can burn down 1,000 homes. 791 00:37:52,540 --> 00:37:56,020 Hyrox are the best.