What up everybody? It's Baruch Medusa and next Sunday, August 18th, my new nonfiction
book, Animals on a Carousel, is dropping exclusively on Amazon in paperback. This book is pretty
much diary entries written as erotic of poetry paired with provocative imagery. And I will
be taking you on a raw and very unapologetic graphic ride with triple X moments between
me and my vanilla gorilla. Just think of it like a porn star movie, but in a more animalistic,
but personal type way. August 18th, check it out on Amazon.
Alright, are you happy or sad? Which way? Oh, I guess...oh, you're happy! And you are?
Come on a bullet. I guess I'm happy. Oh, I'm always happy, bitch! I am Baruch Medusa.
This is Top Shelf Hijinks and we clink clinkin', bitches!
Good day, bitch. Good afternoon, Bestie. Um, yeah, your sister's a fuckin' liar. It's
warm. It's not 110 degrees. I don't know how hot it is. Maybe it's about 95 already.
I haven't been outside, but it's warm, so I don't know what the fuck your sister's
on. Damn! I'm just like, I don't know. I don't know what's going on. Global warming?
Fuck, I don't know. It's raining here. It's hot here. It's humid here. I don't fucking
care. I'm just gonna roll with the punches at this point. Right? Um, yeah, I was talking
to one of my friends earlier this week and I'm like, bro, I am so fucking ready for
hoodie weather. I just want to be in my fucking sweats with no tones. Girl, I'm legit. I'm
doing the same thing. I have all my hoodies. They're nice. They're clean. They're hung up.
Yeah, they're ready to go! Yeah, they're ready to go. They are ready to go. Let me get my
hoodies back on. I hate this shit. Question. What color are all your colors? I'm sorry,
all your hoodies black like mine. You know what? A lot of them are, but now that I work
for Lowe's and stuff, I've been getting a lot of Carhartt hoodies, which you know.
Oh, okay. Yeah, so I have like some maroon in there. Okay. I don't go all out like lavishly
like a hot pink hoodie. I don't do that shit. Fuck that. I don't do that. Oh, I would. I
don't have a hot pink one, though, if it matched my shoes, if it matched my AHA ones. I do
have like a blue hoodie and like an, I guess an oatmeal color hoodie, but that's because
it's an Adidas jogger set. It's a jogger set, so it's not, I guess, just a hoodie. So I
don't know if that matters or not, but all my other hoodies are black that don't have,
I guess, matching pants. They're all black for the hoodies. But did they all have a,
I mean, like it's a throat punch kind of day hoodie that I have. That's an olive green.
I have a lot of olive green. I don't know. I like olive green. So do I. I think it matches
my olive skin tone. Yeah, exactly. Camo green for this bitch. Yup. Yeah. Try to find me
with my ghillie suit on. I don't know. I don't know. I like olive green. I rock olive green
a lot. I have, so yeah, you know what? But yeah, I look at my hoodies now that you mentioned
it. They're just black and olive green. I have some, I have a couple dark blue ones.
So a couple maroon. Do you have any crop hoodies? I have, I have like three crop hoodies. You
know what? I was blessed with a couple crop hoodies from a certain individual and I was
like, you know what? I don't know about that, but I'll take it. I'll rock them. I don't give
a fuck. Girl, you know what? Rock crop hoodies. And I, my favorite one is the one from Nate
Diaz's line represent. That is the oldest fucking hoodie and I, I wear it and I'm like,
I can't wash it all the time because he never renewed them and I'm like, I want this to
last forever. Yeah. Bitch. Oh my God. I can't believe you have one of those. Like, I, I,
but Camo, why it's still on his website. And by the way, whoever run, whoever runs Nick
Diaz's, I'm sorry, Nate Diaz's website for represent.com. When an item sells out, just
fucking remove it from the website. Don't put sold out with a sticker on top of it.
Like, we understand if you're not going to restock it, then fucking remove it from the
website. I bought that hoodie like maybe four years ago and it's still on there saying sold
out. I'm like, yeah, no shit. Yeah. You fucking administrators.
Right. You can pay for what? Like, stop. You're going to make us cry. Right. You're going
to make us cry like, fuck, I wish, I wish. Like, shit. And so speaking of fighters,
Pomona bullets. This past week, you know, it's the Olympics and all that fucking is
it Paul Logan or Logan Paul guy, you know, home talking. Yeah. Yeah. He says this motherfucker
is so delusional. He said he's going to, I guess, be in the next 2028 Olympics at the
boxer on Instagram. Everybody just fucking rolled in on the best comments were like,
he does, he know he's going to get tested for steroids. A, B, he's going to have to
fight legit foxers, foxers, legit boxers. And like those were the two main ones. And
I'm just like, bro, like shut up. And I'm like, I guess I can put up with him for four
more years of him talking shit. If he can finally just get smacked the fuck out and
just be like, okay, you know what, maybe I should shut the fuck up. Yeah. Oh my God,
this guy, I was just like, whatever. I don't know. I think, you know, Jake Paul and
the, you guys are trying to pay your fucking mortgage and good, good, good effort. Yeah,
exactly. I don't know. And that's so funny that you're saying this because I have been
working my ass off and I hate it, but yeah, maybe you just be like the him and I guess
do the next I don't know. I'm just like, okay, well, I guess I got a fucking clock in and
clock out. I don't know. I'm, I'm, I'm looking at my second, well, my kids need insurance.
So, you know, I got to stick to this job. I don't know. Anyways, so you sent me that
Instagram and the gal, because I was, we were talking previously about how we were kind
of excited, like, okay, break dance, even being in the Olympics. I didn't even watch
it and the United States didn't fucking win that. I want to say a girl from Thailand
one. Of course Thailand's gonna fucking. I want to say it was Thailand, but I could
be wrong, but it wasn't the United States. And I'm like, ain't that a fucking bitch?
Well, so this is my thing. Is it just like, don't they have like different like sets?
Like, I don't know. I didn't actually fucking know because I'm not watching shit either.
And everyone's like, are you watching the break dancing? It is sick. And then you sent
me that bitch from Australia. And I was like, does she like Australia bitch that one? I
don't know. It just wasn't the United States. I was like, they're like, he'll tell whoever
the commentator was on that clip. You sent me. I was just like, wow, he's like cardiac
arrest. This and that. Yeah, I was just like, you know what, that's like me slipping down
my driveway when it's all. Yeah, like, can I make it to the Olympics? No, it's just the
world has gone mad, I think. And I'm not even keeping up with the Olympics. I don't even
know. I don't even know what's going on. And then you sent me snoop dogs. Like, oh, I love
snoop. Right. Okay. So my question is this, when it comes to the Olympics, I think we
talked about the Olympics the last time we were on the podcast or whatever. But you know,
I had him and I have you ever watched that cooking show with him and Martha Stewart? Because
I never have. I guess it's probably on YouTube. I should see if it's on YouTube or on Hulu
because I really want to check that out because they they are best friends. Like they weren't
they didn't even like we're friends before beforehand. Well, you know what, this is a
thing. So I did my little research and you know, I am not to the world. I am not tech
savvy. I am not like Medusa. I don't have Instagram. I don't know. I'm like an ostrich
with the head and the sand. I don't I don't know what's going on. But when I do peek
my head out of the sand, I found out that yeah, Martha Stewart is not only a botanist,
she makes she grows all her veggies and her and she grows her herbs per se. And yeah,
yeah, so Snoop was like, Hey, hook it up, Martha. And you know, she used to be a model
when she was younger. I was telling you this girl, she was fucking hot. I mean, she still
looks good. She's fucking 80. But she was look up Martha Stewart and the people who
don't know that are listening Google Martha Stewart when she was like in her early, I
guess not early teens, like in her early twenties, that bitch was fucking hot. She was a model
and I'm like, get it girl. And she never snitched and did her fucking time. Let's go there
home. Yeah, you know what? I'm a Martha stew. I'm an advocate for Martha. That's right,
Martha. Get it girl. You're good. Like 80. Mm hmm. Okay, I might be wrong. I guess Google
it. I want to say she's 80. Okay, well, we get just segue right into where I was going
from. My son, there's Eminem came out with his new song. I mean, it's not new. I mean,
his album or his song, his new song Eminem came back. Okay. I don't know. That was my
song probably. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I was like, that's new. I don't know. It kind of
sounds like the same shit that I used to listen to when I was a fucking yeah, he had a new
album drop like last month. Yeah. And I'm like, okay. And my son's like, yeah, he's like,
you know, he's 51. Oh, my God, Eminem is 51. Yeah, he's like my age. Yeah. Yeah. And
I was like, okay. So I did a whole thing and I'm like, so how old is Snoop? He's all 52.
And I said how old is Dr. Dre? Like Dre. He's 55. I think he's 60. I want to say 59. Oh,
he's all 60. But I was like how old 50 cent? He's 55. No, he's 49. Actually, this, this,
this guy's, yeah, I know he's a fucking young buck. I don't know. And then I'm like, okay,
how old is Ice Cube? 55. Yeah, 55, but he's still looking. And I was like, and Buster
Rhimes, he's 55, between 55 and 60, I want to say 52. Yeah, they're all my age. Yeah.
They're all my age. I mean, you're a lot younger than me. So, well, you know, I'm only 36. So
there you go. I've been, I've been 36 for like the past five years. There you go. Sounds good
to me. Yeah. Yeah. Just crazy. Whatever. I don't know. So did you so you obviously didn't
watch the breakdown scene? No, I watched the weightlifting. I was with the gorilla on Friday
night and we were watching the weightlifting. I guess there, I don't know the United States
never won or hasn't won a gold since fucking Munich for weightlifting for women and we
finally won one. So the last time we won, I want to say a gold for the women's weightlifting
was in 1972, if I'm not mistaken, the Munich, whenever the Munich games were, that's what
they are. So we finally won. I'm like, damn, a homegirl is 21 from Chattanooga, Tennessee.
I'm like, get it, girl. Yeah, get it. Get it. I don't know. I don't know if I'm just old
and grumpy and I'm just like, I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm like, fuck it. Like fucking
now breakdown scenes in the Olympics. I mean, why wasn't it in the Olympics when in the
90s? I could have joined. Well, I didn't know they took softball out. That's what, um,
gorilla told me. I'm like, and then remember when I didn't realize that, um, I guess a
horse equestrian because I watched it like the first week it was on, I guess it was on
when or I guess the replays were on when I was getting ready for work. And I'm like,
oh, I guess horseback riding would be didn't I never thought of that. But I'm like, yeah,
that's an outside sport. That's fucking summer. Is it? Yeah, it's one of the Olympic equestrian
or whatever the fuck it was called. Yeah. Yeah, I know, but like who gives a fuck? I
don't care either. I'm just like, I just want to fuck your own horses. And I'm like, can
you get out of my way so I can go to work? Like come in a car. You know, you guys host
us on week one, right? I already looked at the schedule. Raiders are coming to, um,
we're weak and I was just like, that's normally week three or week four. So they totally change
the schedule up. So we are in LA at SoFi Stadium on week one, September eight, I want to say
one. Girl, I don't even want to think about it because I was watching the summer games
last night, my pops and my dad's like, yeah, it's going to be, it doesn't mean anything.
He's all but chargers play the fucking Seahawks. I'm like, oh my God, let me watch this shit.
I know I don't mean anything. It's the summer game. Yeah, it's the summer games. And we're
going to figure out who we weed out and shit. I'm like, weed out everybody. Everybody. We
were in, we were in, we were in Minnesota yesterday. I want to say we won because when
I was looking at, I want to say we were up 20 to seven when the, I thought I didn't watch
it. I didn't watch it. I didn't watch it. So girl, I get all these alerts on my phone.
I'm just like, no, and I'm watching it. I'm like, I, we fucking lost to the Seahawks on
the summer.
So he has a third string went on the field. It's only the first string. Higher Pomona
bullets. I'm going to get in there for special teams. Like I just want to be there for special
teams. Just be like, no, not today, not tomorrow, not never. This is what we're going to do.
I don't know. I don't think six. Yeah, girl. I mean, I talk so much shit, but yeah, I can't
even run around the block. So I don't know. You guys are doing great. You guys are doing
great. There you go. There you go. So I was going to ask you one thing and I think that
the world should probably just hear this. How many hours of sleep? This is I'm straight
going to left field. How many hours of sleep do you need a night? Or do you even aim for
that many hours of sleep to have a restful night so you can be motivated and charged
up for the next day? I need six and then like a 20 minute nap on my lunch and I'm good.
So six. Yep. Okay. And do you have a regimen where you sleep like, oh my gosh, it's already
11. I need to just shut it down and 11pm. Excuse me. You're hilarious. I'm already in
like the second REM mode. I'm in the second the second round of REM at 11pm. I'm in bed
at 815. So you do get REM sleep. Oh hell yeah, girl. I sleep fucking hard. Okay. But
is that is that something crucial to you being productive for the next day? Of course. Well,
then I'm fucked. You know what? You don't you don't have a bedtime? Girl, no. I think
you need to start a bedtime. Well, I try to and I've been gearing more towards some help
as far as herbal and it's only to sleep. But then I wake up late for work because it's
like I slept I sleep through. So I'm trying to find this happy medium. I don't know. But
I just up. I can't sleep. I don't sleep and I have been honestly going off of four hours
of sleep for the past year. Yeah, I know. Okay. I know. I know. Well, I know you don't
want to hear this but if you start lifting weights, you'd be really fucking tired. Oh,
yeah. I'm so tired. But like I'm so aggressive as far as I want like I want my me time.
Right. Because I feel like I'm just giving giving giving giving to everything. Everybody,
my kids, my job, right, just doing everything. And so like I'm relaxing but I want that me
time. So I'll stay up and I'll watch garbage TV or I'll watch whatever and it's just like
I want to have maybe a little, you know, nightcap. But it does affect the fact that I am not
getting that sleep. I should probably just sleep. Yeah, well, you know what my me time
is when I'm at the fucking gym and I'm in the I'm at the gym at least three hours a
day and I go three times a week and then on Sundays is my my long day. So I'm at the gym
for four hours and that's my me time with no fucking dog and not my mom or my daughter
or anybody. It's just me by myself with my headphones on and I fucking zone out and have
a good fucking time. I think that's great that you have that routine and I'm just like
my routine is saying I'm like work, work, work, work, work, work. And then I'm just like
fuck off to everybody. I'm like a fucking see you next Tuesday all day long. And then
I just I don't know and I'm like this is why I'm like single because like, yeah, because
I don't know. And then I fucking work off of five, four hours of sleep and it's not
even REM sleep because I'm constantly your brain doesn't shut off. No, girl, I'm like
why are the leaves green and and the spring and why are they brown and like my fucking
brain just keeps going and going and going and going and going and I can't I don't know
and there was like there's a pill for that. Yeah, it's called lifting weights get off
your ass and lift something heavy. Pomona bullets and I swear to God you will sleep
good like don't do the five pound dumbbells like 15 or 20. We got to get you like moving
moving. I know I think I'm begging for help. I'm begging for help. Like I don't even know
what's going on. I'm just like on autopilot. I feel like I wake up or I don't even fucking
wake up because I never even fucking slept in a REM. Oh my God, are you in a fight club
status? I'm just like you're on the verge of Tyler Durden. I love it. Girl, I was like
I think I have to have a side call with Medusa and just say can you help me? Like I don't
know. Does Lowe's offer like a discount if you like what's it called like I know most
jobs they offer like a discount or they I guess they reimburse you if you have a gym
membership if you show them that you or I guess if you show them like if you've checked
into your gym and worked out like five or what they give you some kind of number and
they're like, Oh, we'll reimburse you or stipend your fucking. Yeah, like 10% off of select
gyms or whatever. But I live in the sticks. So it's not like there's not like a planet
fitness or I guess the other one or a crunch or whatever like a 24 hours or orange theory.
I mean, I would have to drive like an hour to get an orange theory. There's a theory
is whack. I don't I shouldn't say they're whack, but they're not a gym. I don't I think
they only do Pilates or do they have like actual stuff? Because I was at Orange theory
when I was working in Corvallis and it was they were just like on it and these were like
having me row. I was doing that row machine and their heart rate is on the fucking screen.
So everybody knows how fucked up you are. And yeah, it was just like, wow, I don't know.
Okay, well, I can't believe there's not one in your town. I mean, just one. You know my
town. Yeah, but still not one. We have something called ABC Fitness, but don't fret. I have
my sister that's moved out of state. She gave me her fob to the apartment complex. Well,
go there then. Girl, I have been. I'm going to illegal outlaw. Well, keep doing that and
just be like, Oh yeah, my neighbor or I'm staying with a girl in 202 or something. No,
they're about to boot me out. They're just like, Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Like why are you here?
And it's like, Okay, I'm honestly, I made the choice to just the conscious choice to
just say, Okay, I'll just get a fucking, I don't know, membership at the YMCA or whatever.
I don't I don't even know. And it's not that it's just the fact that I want some whites.
I want I want to do something like you said, I want to do more than just my yoga, my Pilates,
my like, you know, I don't know. I just, I think I need to like get some muscle memory
back in my, there you go. Like, I don't know, but I just haven't been sleeping. I haven't
been sleeping. It's been an issue. And I don't know what to do. Are you drinking coffee like
nonstop too? Or no, I actually can't do that. Okay, much as I want to. Right. Okay, well,
good. At least that's not being factored in like you're always hyped up on caffeine or
whatever. Yeah, I can't as much as I want to. I'm just like, I want to just like boost
up but I can't because I have other issues. So I can't do that. Right. I have GERD for
the people out there. I have GERD and it sucks. But I'm just like really stressing on my sleep.
Like I can't, I don't know. I can't do it. And I was like, I got to talk to Medusa about
this. Yeah, I would just suggest exercising more. And then by exercising, I know you're
doing yoga and Pilates, but start with the weights. You got to do heavier weights. Okay.
Yeah, because I'm like, and I take away my fucking Peloton after how you have. So you
got a Peloton? I had one, but I gave it away after UFC and I was like, yeah, I was on that
boat. I was like, you know what, whatever. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. Got it. My storage.
I gave it away and everyone like I have a lot of friends who are like, are we racing today?
I was like, fuck no, no, we're not racing. Do you do you understand? I'm just like such
a fucking yeah, I'm a horrible person, I guess. I don't know. I'm just like such I'm so needy,
I guess. I don't know. Well, I don't know what to say. I know. I'm like America. Yeah, I'm
going to lift some fucking weights. I'm going to put some people on the throat. I'm just
going to go out there. I'm just going to be like Jackie Chan, like this fucking boom.
Speaking of 80, I want to say he's 80. He might be older than 80. Girl, I've been looking
up people. I'm just like, how are they so old?
Oh, I want to got my teeth cleaned yesterday at the dental always go on Saturdays. And
he had a new fucking dental assistant. He's like, guess how old she is. And I'm like,
this motherfucker, every fucking time there's somebody new in his office. Guess how old
Emma is? Or I guess Medusa is. And they're like, um, why? And he's like, just fucking
guess. Like 32. And I'm like, God bless you. He's like, yeah, fucking 50. God bless your
soul girl. God bless you. God bless. I have so many people come up to me. They're like,
you're so funny. Come on, bullets. And they're like, there's no way. There's no way you have
a kid in college. Because I'm 36. I'm gonna fucking hang on to 36.
There you go. For a minute. For a minute. Yeah.
You just need to accept her age. I don't know why you why people are like that. Like, I'm
the total opposite of you. Like, I fucking say I'm fucking 50 and I'm fucking proud of
that shit.
Girl, because you're fucking hot as fuck. And you know what, Christ, you know, it's so
are you. You need to fucking own it. Okay. We'll do video. Yeah, I don't know. I just
feel like, I don't know. Be proud of your age, girl. I am proud. Well, I'm not proud of my
age. I'm not and I'm not proud of anything. I just need to get like, do you get your nails
done?
Hell, remember we had this conversation. I'm like, no more manicures. I only get pedicures
now fuck getting my hands done because they just eat up my fucking cuticle or my cuticles
are just retarded when they fuck with them.
So our hairls I get all those hangnails because of how they do fucking manicures now.
And I'm like, I can't type as fast if I have those fucking stupid ass nails or good when
you have them.
I see these bitches. They're so young and they have these cute ass nails and right.
My cuticles are all fucking on fire. I fucking start bleeding. I need a bandaid. I don't know.
I feel so old. I'm just like, damn, am I giving up?
No, don't get up.
I'm not going to get a line. Well, maybe just a manicure. Maybe just go and just say, Hey,
can you just clean up all this shit and put some nice lotion on them or something? I don't
know.
Don't put those fake ass back in nails on me. Like, I'm not doing that shit. That was like
when I was like 15 and stuff. I used to have girls, you know, I was still doing that until
like maybe two years ago and then I was just like, you know what, I just told myself every
fucking morning I'd wake up and I'm like, I love you hands. You guys are beautiful without
nails on even though I'd be like, even though you look like guy hands without fucking nails
on. But now I fucking love my hands and they look great and I actually don't have to waste
four hours at the nail shop every three weeks. That's what was killing me. I didn't care about
spending the money. It was that four fucking hours that I will never get back.
Right.
Fucking fuck the nail shop when it comes to that. Now it's $5 for a pedicure. That's all
I do. And then plus tip, obviously, Madusa, I'm telling you, we, you need to do like,
um, just tell them I just want shellac. Have you done that?
No. Okay.
What is that? That's like clear nail polish?
No, it's like, it's not that stupid ass fake ass shit that they glue and they, all that
crap and they cut it down. Like, is that your size? Is this your size? No, it's just they
utilize your nail and then they just put this like little clear hard coat and it's called
shellac.
Yeah, that's not me. But you know, I know, but you know what? I never, you know what?
This is a fucking fucked up thing. I, I don't like like, I'm just gonna, um, I'm wearing
green today or blue today and match my nails. I don't do all that shit. I just say, I do
the French tip like always. Oh, it's so classy. I mean, well, you know what? Is that classy
or is it old? Because I know what I'm all this when you get the square tip. Like my
daughter would always make fun of me that I would still get the square nail and she's
like, people don't do that anymore. I'm like, bitches that are old do and the bitches that
are in old school East coast hip hop. We do. I don't do that. The ballerina or coffin.
That was just ridiculous.
Yeah, I don't do that pointy ass shit like a little cat. Like, yeah, no, I mean, it looks
good on the other. I guess the younger generations, but for me, I'm just square.
Yeah, me too. I just like, just, I just ask the people, I'm like, can you just, um, well,
I haven't in a while, but I just say, can I get some shellac and they just use utilize
my nails and I take vitamins and stuff where it's like hair, skin, you know, yeah. Yeah.
And so my nails grow and they'll cut them and it's just, it's cute. It looks nice and
they clear up the fucking cuticles. Yeah. Yeah. That's my problem. But can you give me some
shellac and then I end up peeling that shit off too. Like a fucking idiot. Like this is
ugly. I just get it off me. Get it off me. I don't like it. I don't like, we don't like
the little eyelashes. Right. I mean, we like it. We are like, good, but not me. Like, oh,
you have a cat. Good. I like cats as long as it doesn't belong to me. Right. I don't
want those eyelashes. I don't want any of that. It's just insane. But we're not, I'm
not complaining America. I'm not complaining. I'm just saying I just can't, I don't know,
can't keep up with that shit. Yeah, that's a time waster. That's why. And so how hot
is it there? I'm sorry. I want to say it's probably 95. I don't know. I'm not going to
look at my phone right now. It just pissed me off. You know what? I just want to be,
um, yeah, I don't know. Everyone was like, why? Pomona bullets. Why do you keep your
fucking AC on 69? Well, that's because they're jealous that they don't have an AC because
yeah, they would understand why. Yeah. Of course. Like when because I can. Right. Because
69 is a nice number. There you go. All right, girl, I think we should wrap this up because
I need to turn my fan on. I know. Now that we're talking about the hit. Right. So do
you have any parting words for our listeners? I just want everybody wherever you are. Stay
cool. Stay 69. There you go. That's it. Yeah, that's it. Because I, you know, I feel like
I just want you guys to just like bring in the love, bring in the love. There you go.
So I guess that was a good segue 69, by the way. So, um, everybody have a good week next
Sunday. My book animals on a carousel nonfiction erotica poetry based on dietary dietary diary
entries about me and my girl of fucking drops next Sunday on paperback exclusive. That is
all I have to say and it'll be available on Amazon. Purchase it. There we go. Epic. Yes.
All right. And on that note, I say good day. Good night. I guess. Good evening. I don't
know. Have a good week. No, it's always good morning. Good morning. Good morning, guys.
Peace out. We'll see you guys in two weeks. We're doing podcasting every other week now.
Just so I guess we should have mentioned that. So, but you know what? Thank you guys. Peace
out. Peace. We are doing it every other week. Late.