Welcome to the nonsense bitches.
Let us begin.
Happy Cinco de Drinco.
Yes, them.
Happy Cinco de Drinco.
I just put it on Twitter.
I'm like podcasting in Don Julio 70.
No, we do not do margaritas because we are adults,
we have mature pallets and we don't add sugar or
just shit or alcohol.
Yeah, we don't eat clatchel.
That's right.
So no sugar, no corn syrup bitch.
Get straight to the fucking point.
Right.
How are you?
I'm fucking fabulous.
How are you?
Yay, I'm doing good too.
Shit, so did you pour DJ 70?
That's right.
I haven't had DJ 70 in a while.
And you know what?
Ever since, you know how I told you I like lightened up
and I went sober for a little bit and then I lightened up
with the alcohol since my Maui trip.
I don't know, my body processes alcohol differently now.
It's just like, like I just had a shot and I'm just like,
oh, I haven't had, well, I had a truly yesterday.
I went to Universal Studios and I had a truly,
yeah, I had a truly on the fucking tram or I bought a truly can,
I guess I don't even want to call it.
You know what I'm talking about truly.
Yeah, I just bought one and I had it when I was on the tram.
But yeah, it's just like, I guess I
could have like five more tequila because I'm not
feeling anything.
Wait, so I'm going to just put tram to the park itself or the.
No, the tram tour, I'm sorry.
Oh, OK.
So where Jaws comes up, do they still have Jaws?
Yes, they still do.
And you know what?
Did I tell you that?
So it's the 60th year anniversary and that's the only reason
why I renewed my pass because I'm going to move sometime
soon, but that's why I didn't want to remove or I didn't want
to renew my pass because I'm not going to be up here.
But so Universal Studios Hollywood from this past week
until I guess mid August, they're allowing the tram tour.
When you're on the tram tour, they stop at Bates Motel
and you get off the fucking tram.
So you shut up.
Yes, you check out the hotel and then behind the hotel,
you walk behind it and they have the fast and the furious
car rides. So I took a picture with Paul Walker's Nissan
Skyline and then the actual Jaws, I guess,
that they used to have in the park.
What?
Yes.
And then so my daughter's just like, you're getting the tram
tour just for that.
Or I'm not the tram tour.
You're getting the renewal just for that.
And I said, yes.
So what happened was last Monday, it wasn't going yet.
It was just like for the annual pass members,
if I'm saying the annual pass member holders,
they had a preview for uncertain days.
And of course, I'm like, well, I can get off.
I get off work at 430.
I'll be there at 6.
And so I got there a little bit early.
And then they closed the tram tour down.
Like for everybody.
The only people who were allowed on the tram tour
were the people who had their fucking pass,
I guess that reserved it.
So it was less people.
Well, shit.
Yeah.
So wait, so they don't have the guy come out and the bait?
But Norman Bates?
No, he came out.
And I wanted to take a picture with him.
But everybody's like, I want to take a picture with Norman Bates.
I'm like, it's not even really Norman Bates.
So I'm like, whatever, I'm not going to take a picture with them.
I'll send you the pictures.
Like I guess I was fan-girling.
And the original, I guess, how do I want to say it?
The original trams that they had back in the day, I guess,
with the red and white banners and all that shit,
they did half of the buses like that or trams like that.
Whoa.
Yeah.
So I'm kind of gay for that shit.
I was just loving universal.
And you didn't even let me know.
You know what?
You didn't even let me pictures?
You know what?
There's a lot of things I don't tell you
because I don't write them down and I forget.
And then I'm like, we get off the podcast
and I don't talk to you till the following Sunday.
And I'm just like, oh, I've got to tell her this.
This is the best.
What the fuck?
What kind of bestie?
I'm sorry.
No, that's fucking amazing.
Shit.
And I'm going to just back the truck up.
You're moving to Oregon?
No.
I knew it.
I knew it because you love me so much.
I fucking knew it.
Bestie.
I haven't told anybody yet.
I told Darce, obviously, because she's
been helping me mentally.
And then I guess, you know, I'm just.
Wait, you're going to Oregon with me?
No.
Boston.
Don't say Boston.
No.
Orange County.
Everybody's like, you're going back to Orange County.
I haven't told my family yet.
I told them.
And Emma asked me.
She's like, I'm going to buy something for the house.
I hope you don't mind.
And I'm like, I don't fucking care.
I'm not going to be here in two months or whatever I told her.
Right.
And I'm like, what are you trying to buy?
And she's like, I want to get a bidet.
I'm like, I don't fucking care.
You can burn the house down.
I'm late.
Bye.
Do whatever you want.
You're all in guess what?
Get the cable and the yo name.
Yeah.
No, that's my problem.
It's going to happen.
We're going to have to transfer it to her fucking name.
Exactly what we're doing.
It's like I'm invisible up here.
Like they only talk to me when they need something.
So I was like, well, not really.
But I don't know.
You know what?
I'm kind of, you know, we haven't done rants and raves
because we're always ranting.
But I feel very happy today.
Good.
I'm glad.
It's about time.
I'm sorry.
I don't. Well, actually, I'm just going to say I feel happy.
I'm going to manifest my happiness today.
There you go.
Yeah, because I actually had just some spring cleaning.
I started doing that.
Oh, God.
All those Amazon boxes.
Bitch, I'm telling you.
Yeah, I got told like what the fuck are you?
What are you?
I don't know.
I fucking, yeah, whatever.
So I bought one of those or I'm sorry,
I rented one of those garbage fucking.
Oh, the bins.
Yeah, the bin.
That's the best thing to do because then you can just throw
everything in there and you don't have to worry about like,
oh, is this going to fit in my car?
Or do I really want to get rid of this?
No, bitch, I bought the bin.
I'm throwing it away.
Yeah.
Oh, like, when am I going to have a fucking yard sale?
Like, I'm never going to.
I always think I'm going to.
Right.
Yeah, fuck that.
It's too much work.
Like really to just make like.
So how much 50 bucks?
How much do you got?
You got a lot of stuff taken out.
I was just like, I'll do the one point five yard bin.
I don't know how big that is, but I'm sure it's.
Oh, when is it going to arrive?
It already.
Oh, it already arrived.
Oh, yeah.
It needed it.
It fitted all your stuff then.
Ah, shit.
I had to get a saw and shit and like just.
Oh, yeah.
Fucking cut shit down. Yeah.
Oh, because you can't have it hanging out of there.
Right. Because it will be 2999.
Oh, OK.
Well, look at you going all lumberjack.
Shit. Well, you know, it takes a village.
Well, I'm glad you freed up your space.
Good. No more clutter.
No, it's actually amazing.
And I'm getting it ready for, you know,
some backyard tattoos.
Well, actually, some grush.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah.
So what is that going to start up?
I'm hoping the next two to three weeks.
Yeah, I know.
So what specifically did you get rid of?
I'm trying to remember what I saw in your garage.
I know I saw a bike.
I saw a bunch of Amazon boxes.
Yeah, well, remember it was a bunch of Amazon boxes.
Oh, OK.
No, it was and then just like some
just some shit that just doesn't belong to me.
Bye. Like, oh, got it.
And then I don't know there.
But there was a lot of shit that was mislabeled.
I would like to say that I am falling
way short of my OCD and I need something in place
and it needs to be a certain way.
So what was mislabeled or girl?
There was a box and it said Christmas or X mass.
OK, it was a box in it.
Yeah, they opened it up.
Was it a fucking bunch of books that I read my kids when they were.
OK, most definitely not X mass.
Yeah, I was just like, what the fuck?
I don't even know what I was doing.
It's like I was trying to get out of town in a quickness.
And I just had like boxes and just put shit in there
and duct taped it up and just OK.
I held it in my garage. I don't know.
So wait, hold on.
When you moved up to Oregon, did you do a you haul or you had a moving company?
Oh, I fucking you all.
And I came I went up and down like three fucking times.
So three times two. Yes.
Oh, hell, girl, what the fuck?
I know I threw. I you know what?
You're never moving back this way.
Yeah, I'm just like fuck this shit.
Like I'm a minimalist now.
I'm just like, I don't give a fuck.
Am I going to be here long?
I don't know.
Like knowing me.
I'm a rock that keeps rolling.
Don't like no fucking mold or moss.
Whatever. Are you like the rock that rolled away when Jesus?
Girl, put on his jetpack.
Yes.
You know where I'm going with this and that's why I fucking love you.
You know. Yeah.
Let's all us and I have some jet packs.
Let's all.
This is the end.
Instead of clink clink clink clink angle, let's all ascend.
Fuck.
Well, clink clink.
And then you just ring a bell.
There you go.
Calgon, take me away.
Yeah, girl. So I don't know.
I'm just like, I can't believe I was telling my buddy who.
OK, so this is like insane.
He you sent me that little.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Because I'm like, that's what she should do for her friend that wants the dog tattoo.
Yeah. And I was just in the garage cleaning, doing all kinds of shit.
And I didn't have my phone pinned to my, you know, hip.
So when I finally saw it, I was like, oh, shit.
Medusa sent me this cool little thing.
Why at 7am this morning, I get the same thing like this is cool.
And I'm like, oh, yeah.
And I was just like, what the fuck, you guys?
Wow, it's crazy.
It's crazy.
It's nuts.
But I am so at like a crazy weight girl, girl, girl.
I don't know.
I just want this tattoo gig to be legit.
Just a side little gig.
And it's just well, that's what we want to do.
We want to do this because it is so insane now.
It is so insane.
Oh, did you see the new tattoo that I that?
Yes, I sent you that.
That artist is so fucking good.
I want to say he's in Japan.
Right. Yeah.
He is just phenomenal with his work.
But see, that's the thing.
You do think he's printed out on his little stupid little fucking.
Oh, no, he's no.
No, school. Yes.
Old school, like real art work.
Like, yes, an artist that you love their work and they just deliver
and their their book 18 months out.
So you got to wait.
Thank you. Or maybe. Yeah, exactly.
But it's like these people just I want this little hello kitty.
And then they send you a picture and I print it out and I just put a little
like and I just it's like I'm just fucking coloring like I'm a fucking five year old.
Just tracing the lines.
It's I just I don't know.
I don't know. But I get it.
I mean, I guess I have to work with the masses, but I ain't going to work with the fucking masses.
You know, you got to do it your way.
Yep. I'm going to do it my way.
But I do get the fact of you want it exact.
No, I understand that, too.
Like if you want your dogs print the little stamp or your child's little foot,
you know, how a lot of people want that little.
Yeah. Yeah. All that.
If you want that exact, I get it.
Maybe I should just print that while the fucker out and just put it on your fucking skin
and just connect the dots.
But it just kind of like it's kind of like not reading the map and just using GPS.
There's just I don't know.
It's just weird.
I don't know. I'm feeling really ranty about that.
I'm just old and I just want to deliver my work, my art.
And that's what I want to hear from you.
Yeah, it's just kind of it's kind of weird because you know what?
You can give me something and I can make it bigger or I can make it smaller
with my own mind.
Right.
And work.
And it looks hella good.
I don't know.
So that's why I was like, womp.
Fuck.
I'll get the stupid little fucking 3D fucking whatever printer.
When all the people say, I just want this little thing on me.
Yeah.
And then I just fucking print that shit.
And just it's like a coloring book.
I'm going to feel like I'm five years old again.
I don't know.
But anyways, I'm super fucking excited.
The freaking I'm going to show you the shark lounge.
I'm going to have to give you some pics.
Oh, is that what you named it? Oh, yeah.
The shark.
OK, that's what I thought because you named it.
Yeah, before.
Yeah.
Well, I was like the shark lounge.
Well, the shark lounge needs to move to Portland because I'm never coming
to fucking Independence, Oregon ever again.
Why is so peaceful?
Oh, God damn.
No, it's not calm.
Your skeleton next door.
I started to fucking saw that shit and put it in my fucking bin.
Right. You know what? You should have.
I know, but my band was already full and I was like, God dang it.
I was just throwing away everything.
I was just like, new me.
There you go.
So I haven't told you.
I have two things to tell you.
OK, so and I wanted to wait.
Well, I told everybody on Instagram, not that I have a lot of followers.
Well, yeah, but last week I told them after it happened
because I didn't want to do it before.
But last Monday I got.
All right, it was like last Friday.
So it's been like seven, like 10 days, 10 days ago.
I got confirmation that I'll be a blogger.
I'll be a writer for Edm House Network.
So I interviewed I interviewed with them.
I guess doing they they had me send them right writing samples.
So they're like, write us.
Right. They gave me right.
How do I say this?
They they sent me writing samples and they say replicate this for whatever.
Right. So I wrote two writing samples and that was in the beginning of fucking April.
I didn't hear from them.
And then I checked in with them like three weeks ago.
I'm like, I'm just wanting to see if you guys are still looking or not looking.
But if you guys are still, I guess, interviewing people, whatever the fuck.
And they're like, oh, no, you know what?
We're just on the final rounds or whatever.
But we we've accepted you, I guess, or they offered it to me.
Yes. And I was so fucking excited.
And they're like, you do.
Thank you.
But they're like, you do understand this is not a paying job.
And I'm like, yeah, I've read the fine print and I still applied.
So they're like, OK, they told me three fucking times.
And I'm like, yes, I understand it's not paying job.
I want to listen.
Motherfucker, I'm trying to build my resume.
OK, I'm like, I fucking love house and I love house music.
And I want to fucking write for you guys.
And so he's like, so what are your summer plans?
And I'm like, why did you want to send me to EDC next month in Vegas?
And he was like, no, I already have two writers going.
I'm like, of course you do.
But I'm not getting paid.
Remember, I was just like, oh, OK, no worries.
But so I'm waiting for them to, I guess, I'm just waiting to hear back from them,
I guess, from my first writing assignment.
That's amazing, best day.
Thank you. Fucking congratulations.
And who gives a shit?
That's right. You just put that shit on your resume.
You just check it off the bucket list.
You got this.
It's fucking amazing.
Thank you.
That's like then.
So somebody I think I might have nominated myself, I think.
It was either that or somebody nominated nominated me for Bull Journey magazine.
They're an online magazine and I did an interview with them.
I think it was like last month and it finally dropped.
I think it dropped yesterday or they sent me an email yesterday with the web link.
So I'll send it to you.
Boom.
So I'm like, it's happening.
That's right.
That's what's supposed to happen.
What's supposed to happen is now happening.
That's right.
Yes.
Excuse me.
Man, excuse me.
Let's clink clink to that.
Clink clink clink clink.
Biot.
I am so fucking proud of you.
That's amazing news.
And I'm glad you could share that with your bestie online with everybody else.
Yes.
It's amazing.
I'm fucking proud of you.
Sorry, I'm sipping on water.
Thank you.
I'm proud of you too.
Well, you know what?
Let's be some proud ass old bitches.
Bitches.
Girl, shit.
Yeah, these are some old ass bitches.
You know what?
So when I was cleaning up the shark lounge and stuff, I was throwing darts.
I just was like, I'm just going to throw some darts.
I threw some darts and I was like, man, I'm fucking hella good.
I need to go back into.
You've always been good with darts.
I need to like hustle again.
Just like, oh my God, I don't know.
I'll try.
And then like fucking bet like 100 bucks and double or nothing.
There you go.
And just freaking like knock it out.
But I think they know where I live in this little town.
Well, it is a little town.
Yeah.
So shit.
And the gas prices for me to drive out of town.
What is the gas price up there now?
Actually, it's not too, too bad, but I did premium.
And it was four sixty nine four dollars and sixty nine cents.
OK, that's not bad.
So I went to Sam's.
Yes, I think it was yesterday to pick up my order and I get gas.
It was four seventy nine for eighty seven.
OK, shit. OK.
Right. Well, eighty seven gas everywhere else besides Sam's is like over five dollars.
And I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
I guess because it's about to be Memorial Day.
Are you serious?
Yeah, I don't pay attention to gas because I maybe gas up once every three weeks now.
But I was just like four seventy nine for gas.
OK, that's OK.
That's acceptable.
But when I pulled up to like a mobile like at the lights, I'm like five twenty nine.
Are you fucking out of your mind?
Where's Memorial Weekend?
Right.
I thought you're selling Cinco de Mayo, right?
I was just like shit.
What is it?
Is that just California?
Um, probably because or maybe it is California,
too, because we were at three dollars.
Now we're at four.
I don't know.
It's fucking crazy.
Really? That's what I mean.
It makes sense.
Yeah, whatever.
Right. Yeah.
I mean, if I was like go ahead, I'm sorry.
Go ahead. No, no.
I was in California, you know, who our governor is, right?
I guess he put online.
He's like, hey, we want to make a new coin or I guess whatever.
Like nobody uses coins anymore.
A B he put out.
If I'm saying this correctly, he asked for suggestions for like, you know,
what should be on the coin?
Everybody came back with homeless encampments.
Shut the door according to Instagram, because, you know,
I don't watch the fucking news.
Fuck the news.
Oh, fucking.
You're just mad.
Tents and fishing poles and everybody wants to camp.
Right. Well, there you go.
Yeah. Yeah.
So I'm like, huh, Merca.
I started laughing.
It's like, oh, his, I guess his not his plan, but his question
or whatever his when he asked for help, it backfired on him.
I'm like, well, yeah.
I just, girl.
We would keep it.
No politics or religion, because I have so much to say.
You call me after this podcast.
We'll keep that on the table.
Right.
Love everybody.
Hi. Hi.
Fuck.
Yeah.
It's fucking amazing.
Life is amazing.
I am so amazed that life is amazing.
Somebody told me.
Fasty.
This is what did I tell you?
I know.
Check this.
Check this out.
They tried to tell me.
Because everybody says good morning.
Permanent bullets.
And I always reply with, what's so good about the morning?
You're hilarious.
Yeah, I do because I am not a morning person.
I am not.
I'm not.
Are you a morning person?
Oh, I'm most definitely a morning person by 11 a.m.
I'm the opposite.
I'm like, don't fucking talk to me.
I'm done for the day.
Like, don't talk to me.
It's the sun is already down at 11 a.m. for Emma or for
for Medusa.
Oh, I'm just like, I'm done.
Don't talk to me.
Yeah, we'll see.
But I know when you're just like, I'm getting up at four.
I'm going to hit the gym.
I'm doing this.
I'm doing that.
Then I'm going to work and I'm like, fuck.
You know what?
I push snooze until I'm just like 15 minutes.
Like just I just need to brush my teeth, wash my face and like
put my hair in a ponytail and some clothes.
Like, I don't know.
I fucking hate the mornings.
I hate them. I don't know.
So, yes, I always say what's so good about the morning?
Bob, what do you say?
What do you say?
No, and then they say what?
Oh, they just look at me.
They're like, you're right.
I was like, I know.
I know I'm fucking right.
Yeah, don't ever.
So now everybody that ever like whoever met me or whatever,
they're just like, yo, or hey, how's it?
Like, they don't even say good nothing.
It's not a good afternoon.
It's not a good night.
It's not a good morning.
Definitely.
Like, I'm just like this raging fucking mean person.
Like, I just hate the mornings though.
I hate them.
It's nothing good about it.
And don't tell me good night.
When I have to.
I take that back.
I hate the mornings if people are talking to me nonstop.
Right.
Right. But that doesn't happen a lot anymore.
Thank God.
So there's that.
I know.
Yeah, these people, I know these people.
That's right.
As I asked, gosh, ding it.
I just watched all my tells.
Oh, I got my laundry is done in the dryer.
That's the last thing I actually like podcasting later in the day.
I hope you do too.
Just because.
Yeah, I try to do my chores during the week.
But this week was so busy with work and so I couldn't get them done
during work hours.
Yeah.
So I was just like, fuck, now I got to do them all now.
But at least everything's done.
I just need to fold my laundry.
That's the last thing I need to do.
I know I'm folding F and tells right now, which I like folding.
So I want to fold.
And it's all those fucking tells that are in your kitchen, like the hand tells.
Oh, those ones.
Okay.
Yeah, I suppose nasty little fuckers that I mean, I fucking hate it.
It's like folding little newborn socks.
I I hate it.
So swiped full this shit.
Did you throw it?
No, I never fold.
I don't fold socks.
Well, did you ever fold?
Ems.
Like when she's a little tiny, be for a little tiny fold them in half or whatever.
I used to. Yeah.
But then Michael, they're so cute.
Little fucking walnut fucking piece of fucking shit.
Yeah.
And yeah, fucking hate.
I hate that shit.
I just I.
Yeah, if it's not like a bath towel, I don't know.
You just have this little weird fucking thing in me or is this like fuck?
I have those little like washcloths, but they're not washcloths.
It's for like cleaning like when you're cleaning the bathroom or the kitchen
or whatever you know, talking about.
Yep.
So I go through a bunch of those during the week because I'm always wiping
down the bathroom counter after I wash my hands because, you know, any time
because the water gets all splashed on the counter.
I fight that shit.
I have to fold so many of those and I do laundry twice a week
and it's so fucking annoying.
I know it's just for those for me.
Yeah, so fucking tedious.
It's just fuck and the only person that uses these motherfuckers are probably you.
Like nobody else is cleaning.
Right.
I'll just call this little bullshit.
I don't know.
That's my rant, though.
I just fucking hate people.
And I hate little tales.
Yeah, I'm the same.
But honestly.
I was told that every day is a gift.
If you live in the present, then it's a gift.
Oh, my God.
I know.
Can you believe how shitty that was when I had to smile and say that's amazing?
Yeah, that's great.
I'm going to tell myself that every day when I wake up and before I go to bed.
I can you know what it was like a throat punch kind of day.
Like I liked your new hoodie, by the way.
Right.
Isn't that fucking amazing?
Where'd you get that from?
I'm a friend.
OK, well, I liked that.
Dad, you know what, biatch Pomona Bullet?
This reminded me of you and fucking happy birthday.
That was like that's the best.
And you know what?
I was like, you know what, you you my ninja, you my ninja now, like you are part of my club.
What's your name again?
I just can't know.
Right. No, it's just it was it was like it was a fucking solid gift.
I was like, that is amazing.
Thank you.
And can I can can I please get a birthday cake?
No, I'm scared. I fucking hate cake.
I am I used to be a cake person, but like I said, I'm addicted to sugar.
So if I start eating cake, I will eat the whole fucking cake.
You know what? I'll eat a whole cheesecake.
Oh, my God, I used to be a cheesecake person like maybe 20 years ago.
And for some reason, that's just stuff doesn't sit well with me anymore.
I was just like, no, I can't do it.
That goddamn dairy.
I guess that's probably what it is.
And knowing that I'm like, oh, I just ate a break of cream cheese.
So what happens when you don't fucking cheesecake?
You're a cram cracker.
The crust, the New York cheesecake.
Girl, yeah.
I will eat a cheesecake.
I will not eat a cake.
I hate cake.
And you know what? I hate chocolate cake.
I have an ice ice cream cake girl.
Do you like ice cream cake?
I do like Carvel, Carvel ice cream cake.
I can eat the whole fucking cake.
Yeah, I ain't going to fucking lie.
Girl, yes, ice cream cake is yeah.
Man, June it ice for her birthday.
I always got her this.
It was that strawberry shortcake, you know, the Hagen Daz strawberry shortcake
little bar. It was kind of like a strawberry shortcake.
It's the Hagen Daz. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK, so it's a cake, but it's exactly a Hagen Daz strawberry shortcake.
Fucking cake ice cream.
I used to get that for your unit every birthday.
She loved it.
Yeah, she was not good.
I used to eat that.
She'd go to bed after her birthday.
And you're like, oh, happy birthday.
It's mom appreciation day.
Where's my birthday cake?
I ate it.
You went to bed.
You put out the candle.
You had a piece.
I ate that shit.
It was so delicious.
Yeah.
But yeah, don't give me no goddamn cake.
I got a freaking cupcake from work.
I remember back in the day, because I would just.
I was still living at home.
I went to Ralph's and I picked up.
I went to the bakery and I picked up like the round cakes.
Does that make sense?
You know, the cakes.
So it was two layer and it was a belt, a red velvet cake.
And I I go to get it ringed up and they're like, oh, whose birthday is it?
Or what's a special occasion?
I'm like, bro, I just want fucking cake.
They're like, what?
I like this cake is expensive.
And I'm like, I'll give a fucking cake day for this bitch.
I don't care.
And then I realize that's why you my bitch.
That's why you my bitch.
I wish I could not be addicted to sugar.
So I'm sorry, I'm on a bullet.
But if I can, if I could just, I don't understand how people can just have one
fucking donut.
I don't understand.
Like.
I don't understand how somebody could just have one chip.
Like whoever the fuck said, I bet you can't just eat one.
Like, yeah, I could not.
Of course, right now, you can't have one slice.
You know what?
I'm the one that's like you.
Here's your slice.
And this is for me, like the whole the rest of the fucking cake.
Like that's for the fight.
Fuck that. Exactly.
I fucking I fucking hate asking people when people are at your house or if
you're whatever and you see that there's one last slice of pizza in the box.
Everybody.
Oh, no, that doesn't happen.
I fucking eat that shit.
Okay.
Do you, but do you ask like, does anybody want this last slice because I'm
about to get it?
Do you know I do ask.
And yeah, if it's been sitting there and it's cold, obviously they don't want
it, but I'm right.
I'm going to take this and I'm going to eat it right now.
So.
Okay.
So what if somebody said, you know what?
I would like to have the last slice when you ask, has that ever happened to you?
No, it's not happened.
And I probably would just eat it in front of their face.
It's like when I go to McDonald's, I get, you know, I get my protein, right?
I get my quarter pounder with cheese and my 10 piece nuggets and my daughter
comes home one day and she's like, Oh, can I have some nuggets?
I'm like, Oh, no, no, no, no, I don't share.
You know that these are there was two nuggets left and I purposely stuffed
them in my mouth and I'm like, I don't share my food.
Well, I especially don't share my protein.
How about that?
There you go.
You know, all your more gallons and protein from making Mickey these.
Fuck.
Okay.
So like, yeah, I always said the same shit.
Does anybody want the last chase?
Maybe I said it under my breath or mumbled it.
It's like I said it.
Yes.
About the piece of pizza.
Yes.
So, uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
Yeah.
And yeah, I'm, I'm usually a fish like you, like just kind of like just what the
fuck if it's cold, I don't fucking care.
There's like fucking eight other empty boxes.
Like I found the last piece and I'm going to announce it to these hungry fucking
drunken idiots.
Like who wants the last?
Does anybody want this?
No.
So I, but I always did.
I'm like, well, if anybody wanted it, I'm eating the last.
No, I would announce I'm eating the last piece.
I'm eating the last piece.
I didn't ask if anybody wanted it.
And I realized that that wasn't the proper thing to do.
So I asked one time.
Does anybody want the last piece?
Why the fuck does somebody say I do?
Well, you should have fucking ate it before I asked because now it's mine.
And I'm just like, oh, really?
Catch.
Go wide.
Catch, bitch.
Okay.
It'll be right here in the sink.
Yeah.
It's just.
You see in the sink.
I wash my hands and wash my hands and shit.
There you go.
You sheeple.
Yeah, it was just fucking weird.
Like, damn, it's one of those things where you just ask, but it's like, you
really don't want to know the answer because it doesn't matter.
Your answer is invalid.
I'm just going to slice, slice the pizza.
And by the way, I'm going to go ahead and say, I'm going to go ahead and
say this is invalid. I'm just going to slice, slice the pizza.
And by the way, I had today was leg day, so I did red bearing pizza in the oven.
And I fucking ate three quarters of it.
My mom comes home and I'm like, Hey, you can have the, I made pizza, you're
going to have the last part I ate three quarters of it.
She's like, what the fuck?
She'd say, what the fuck?
But I was just like, dude, I was fucking hungry.
Okay.
Don't worry about me.
Yeah, sure.
Like, mom, don't worry.
So good.
It's all good.
You can have that if you want
And don't worry about it. That's why I tell my my son's like just what I don't know mom
He said you want to eat my food, but you don't want to eat my food. I said that's not what I said, dude
I was like
I was like common sense is so common, but
what I tell my kid is
if you don't want to finish your dinner
Because I'm a fat ass. This is what I tell him
It's okay. I was like, it's okay. Just try to eat as much as you can. How about that and then just leave your plate there
I want to eat it. There you go
Sometimes I'm just like hey just scrape that shit onto my plate and
Yeah, then wash the dishes and do whatever but I try not to
Make my kids feel like I'm a fat ass or anything
But I do like their kids are fucking like sticks. What are you talking about? I know
right, but I'm
Well, I
Keep in shape as much as I can
You know, like fucking small ass arms and legs
Wait, what are you talking about like my arms. Oh your arms. I thought you meant your kids. I'm like, no, they're tiny
Yeah, and me too. Yeah, you're my arms all of us. We're like fucking we have the smallest fucking arms ever
Fucking like the formity
No, yeah girl, you see who freaking I told you I
Consider myself like a potato and this like just toothpicks like for arms and legs
That's my whole body
It's weird. I hate how small my arms are
Okay, well, you know, you can lift up some dumbbells and like one you're watching TV or whatever when you're in the shark lounge
Good, you know what?
12 ounce fucking curls. Don't cut it
I can't believe we're in May I'm on my Twitter feed and like everybody's in their goddamn graduation
Uniforms and I'm like what the fuck is going on?
I know well, we just said it was freaking single to mile. I know it's fucking crazy
God didn't get me some goddamn tacos. We have
I know I had pizza. Well, this I had tequila. There you go
Well, I
am so I just want to
Tell the world and tell you how excited I am to hear all the good news
with
Everything that's just manifesting in your life
Well, I'm glad to hear that you're finally on the up and up as well my lady and that you're finally
Doing what you do best and that's drawing and getting back into it
That's why we're besties because that's right. That's right
Yep, because we know
You're amazing
I
Little fucking I'm gonna be all like freakin. I don't I won't say it
I won't be offensive, but this is not a friend to anybody who's listening
But I don't want to sound all gay, but um, I
Have this freaking little collage that I'm making
Okay, girl. I'm gonna send that shit to you
And it's just gonna I'm gonna make it sound like all like
Wait, you're making a remember times
That's why you're making a collage like a poster board or like no, it's just no it's a little um like uh,
Like I could put it I can email it to you or whatever. It's a little okay. Yeah of all the fucking pictures that I have of us
I
Can't wait to see that then I know
It's so cute, but I'm gonna yeah
And it's just like if it's not us in the picture of course because we didn't fucking take selfies
We I've never fucking took a selfie. Oh
Maybe I took a selfie with you when we were at the airport
That was about it. We don't have a lot of pictures together. That's why I'm like I can't wait to see yeah
It is gonna be amazing
Well, you know, let's just be old and knitting and rocking in a fucking rocking chair
Do you know how to knit now that you're saying knitting okay neither do I yeah, do we need to learn I
I try to learn it's not something I guess it's
Coordination skills and I'm not coordinated like that might like my mom knits all the time
And she taught my daughter and they're fucking knitting away and I'm like I'm just not coordinated like that like it doesn't compute in my brain
I wish it would
How when you have arthritis like my my fucking hands my fingers hurt from typing drawing
Pick like my fingers hurt my hands hurt. I couldn't even fucking imagine knitting
I don't know my daughter picked it up like I thought they were both on the couch
I want to say it was like three weeks ago and I'm like, oh these two are gonna be old
That's like I swear to God my mom. I'm sorry. My daughter is the daughter my mom never had
Those two are like a pee in the pod. How do you say two peas in a pod?
Yep, too. And I'm just like I just am exactly like my dad like I have nothing to do with that
I'm just like I feel like I'm adopted here. I'm like
I'm having a I'm having an outer body. You know, yeah, you are like they just like you're you're the weird one
I'm just gonna keep to myself and keep my thoughts to myself
I
Change times
people
Sheepal fucking sheepal
That's so cute though, that's nice nice that people could have a nice little fucking life
Nice memories I guess
It's gonna make you weak though listeners and you have everything right
You don't have to work for it makes you weak
Shit oh
Anyways, God dang it and you know what I would like to say one thing before
I don't even know if you were gonna wrap this up or what?
Yeah, we should wrap it up shortly, but I can still go yeah, I would just like to say
nobody buy towels
from Wayfair
Like bath towel. I've never bought anything from there, but I keep seeing ads for them. Do they have decent stuff?
They do I actually like Wayfair, but these fucking towels that I bought are I put them in the fucking
Wachter ones and they're already frayed like okay, so don't bite what else have you bought in from there?
What else have you bought from there? I can't even talk
I'm like shit. Okay when I was sober. I remember buying
Oh, it's just like QVC like you just place orders on you know, I just I just I just need everything
I'm just like why
What?
Yeah, I'm a fucking infomercial fucking
Like really is it really gonna do that? Let me just buy some and find out
and I
I always get fucking
Yeah, none of it works. It's all garbage. Oh
Okay, but yeah, I
I fucking go on Wayfair and I have bought many things I do I have bought plants house plants like real house plants living house
even though I kill them but
It's still why I'm alive
Wayfair delivered them alive and shit and it was nice like Wayfair was cool like I liked Wayfair I bought
I bought some like cute little I don't know, you know, I don't decorate
But I bought little whatever sticks and faces
Yeah, Wayfair was freaking amazing and then I was like, okay Wayfair I need fucking hand towels and
I bought like
fucking hand towels
No
They're fucking so shitty. Oh, okay. Well, I'm not gonna buy well. I've been seeing all their furniture and like their
Like their beds and all that that's what I was checking out was like their furniture part. Oh, yeah
I bought any furniture from yeah, I had my coffee table from Wayfair
Okay, and you like it. It's I guess good quality or yeah quality I guess. Yeah, it's amazing. Okay
One thousand percent like Wayfair is pretty cool
Well good to know so I will keep them in mind
All right, I guess we can wrap this up like you said you have any parting words for our listeners for this week I
just
Hey, it's May. Sorry May
Right gonna blink and it's gonna be freaking Christmas
Okay, but yeah
All right, well, um parting words for me, I guess everybody have a good week and
Drink up I guess and don't dilute your tequila with shit. I
Don't know what else to say
All right, peace peace