Guess what?
Feet Pose Maven, Volume Number 3, written by yours truly, Baruch Medusa, is now available
on Amazon Kindle and Kindle Unlimited.
Link is in the show notes, so get to buy in, downloading, reading, and rating.
Alright are you happy or sad?
Which way?
Oh I guess.
Oh you're happy!
And you are?
Pomona Bullet.
I guess I'm happy.
Oh I'm always happy bitch!
I am Baruch Medusa, this is Top Shelf Hi Jinks and we clink clinkin bitches!
Good afternoon bitch!
Good afternoon bestie!
Happy Sunday!
Yeah happy Sunday.
Happy Sunday.
Happy yeah.
I heard you're not a fan of Daylight Savings Time.
I'm over the time change any, if it's Daylight Savings Time or regular.
Let's just keep it on one fucking time.
How about that?
You know Touche, I am with you.
Okay and this is funny because I was actually being a productive Pomona Bullet today and
for this episode in particular because you know I kind of feel like I've been slacking
on my end and it's like let me just bring some something nice to the podcast, something
that people could all enjoy and just you know just a little sprinkle of me on it and yeah
so Daylight Savings.
I looked it up, I really wish I didn't.
Oh shit.
So one, you know how I just think I know the lyrics to a song and it's just not it, right?
So this whole time I've been saying Daylight Savings Time.
Did you know it's Daylight Savings Time?
There's no S on Savings?
What the fuck?
No.
I know.
So boom.
Fucking strike one for Pomona Bullets.
Oh Jesus fucking Christ.
That's the last time you GTS okay?
Yeah.
No.
Fuck.
The FML because I GTSed it and I'm just down a rabbit hole.
It's like okay question, Madissa.
Yes.
I know why.
We like what's the point?
Do you do what was the theory?
What was told to you?
Do you know why?
Supposedly it was so I guess we would save on electricity but then people end up using
more electricity as is always the case because anytime the government tells you to ration
something it goes the opposite.
There's toilet paper doing the planned demic.
I'm under the impression and I don't know where I heard this from.
I don't know.
Maybe a textbook in the library back in that day.
I thought it was like for farmers and harvest and there's I guess savings.
Oh.
Yeah.
That too I guess.
Yeah.
I guess.
Sounds legit.
I guess.
Whatever.
Let's fuck with everybody's fucking life because we all need to eat.
I don't know.
Okay.
I also thought that only the United States of America did this.
No.
I know Europe doesn't.
Yeah.
Like what the...
So what's the reasoning then?
Is it for the electricity or what?
Well everybody has a different fucking reason.
Like oh I don't know.
Mexico was just like fuck this.
Our kids need to go to school when the sun's out.
And then I have just read all this shit.
So Egypt.
Egypt is the only fucking country that stands out in the African nation to say fuck daylight
saving.
We don't need you.
Did they create the sundials with the pyramids and all that?
Well Egypt and Africa.
It's our south side.
Well good for Egypt.
Yeah.
And you know what?
No wonder why everybody's like you're on Hawaiian time.
You want to know why bitch?
Because we don't fuck with our clocks.
We don't fuck with our time.
That's why.
So I decided to take it upon myself to look up through the Philippines.
Observe daylight saving.
Do they?
Fuck no.
Not since 1978.
They were late to the party because Hawaii was like fuck this shit.
1967.
Boom.
Not doing it.
Why?
Because it don't make sense.
Bitch.
And then you know Philippines were like you know what?
Yeah fuck you.
We're doing it.
I was going to say something about it and now I totally fucking forgot.
Like I'm so fucking forgetful these days.
What the fuck was I going to say?
God damn it.
I didn't want to interrupt you.
I should have interrupted you.
Yeah you should have.
Like we always do.
Right?
God damn it.
Okay.
Well I'm just like whatevs.
Whatevs because March 10th is just like a big day for me and I don't know.
Why?
I kind of fell down a rabbit hole.
I was like are you effing kidding me?
So why is it a big day or is it?
Okay well March 10th not only is it fucking daylight saving.
Skip that ass bitch.
Yeah.
Lose an hour of sleep right?
Right.
And change your fucking microwaves and all the other shit that like just forget it.
But so you're well you've never really been a gamer right?
Like a video game.
Video gamer.
Tetris is my fucking jam.
That's about it.
So you're like in Pong.
I'm old school.
I'm Pong in Pac-Man.
Okay so you're Atari Nintendo.
Yeah.
Legend of Zelda the original fucking one.
Yeah with those cartridges where you put them under your blowing them.
Yeah.
Okay me too.
So with that being said I'm a big Mario brothers.
Right.
I'm trying to select that.
Yeah of course.
And today March 10th is Mario day.
It legit is Dean Mario day.
Mario.
Why the fuck has in Universal Studios put that on their goddamn Instagram or Twitter
feed because I follow both of their feeds and they have yet to post that on there.
Girl they're slacking.
They are and you know what I'm slacking because I you know I live under a rock.
I barely turn on my laptop.
I'm like oh shit the world's on fire.
Like I am.
By the way I remember what I was going to say so finish when you're done remind me.
Oh you better say it now because I'm going to forget.
I remember.
Okay.
So it's Mario day and I was just reading online that if you have a Nintendo switch
which my kids do and there is a world tourney a world tourney going on for Mario Kart.
Oh did you tell your son.
I did.
And he's like FNA on it.
And I was like yeah but your drifting skills aren't going to compare to the dudes in Japan
I'm sure.
I'm sure of it.
But my son says why is it March 10th.
When did this happen.
When did this come into play.
So I looked at it.
I GPS'd it.
Right.
If you abbreviate March what do you M.A.R. right.
Start from Mario I guess.
And then 10.
Oh that's fucking smart.
I know.
I was like just like fracking what's that Star Wars made the fourth made the fourth with
you.
Yes.
I get it.
I get it too.
Now that's genius.
Yeah you motherfuckers always thinking.
Always thinking.
Right.
Okay.
So you can just proceed my story.
Okay.
So it has to do with I guess daylight savings time.
So when M. moved back home to finish her last two years or whatever year at Cal State
LA she's like my dad was still alive obviously she's like Papa what's up with the clocks
like they're like I guess it was like during you know it's like it's one hour off or whatever
and he's like he's like yeah we he's like I stopped changing the clocks he's like we
don't honor daylight savings time in the fucking house.
And I'm like she tells me this I start laughing I'm like a that's my fucking dad and be hold
the lights when once you're retired like there is no time like when you're retired you're
like who needs a fucking clock bitch like it's daylight savings time for you.
Right.
I'm retired.
My pop said the same shit.
He said tell me time is an illusion.
I was like no it's not because you're late you can get fired from a job.
Right.
Like time is it's here it is.
I was like the fucking sun rises and sets like the fucking you can't put a time on that it
does but it's right.
And my mom has like maybe three or four wall clocks all throughout the house and they're
all fucking different times I'm like oh I guess we're doing like at the airport for
London Japan United States Hawaii.
It's world is the world right.
And don't get me started on the microwave because I reset it like at least twice and
then I don't know what happens when when I guess my daughter or my mom uses it but it
ends up being a different time every time so I'm like fuck this shit the only one I
change the time on is the oven because nobody fucks the time up on that one but the microwave
for some reason always gets fucked up I'm like I'm done.
You know you want to know why and I am guilty of it when I'm using my microwave sometimes
I don't know just a dipshit I push clock instead of timer or yeah that's probably what I'm
probably guilty of it as well but I only see I'm lazy I only ever hit the 30 second button
and I hit that like four times in like two minutes let's go.
I'm trying to put this slice of pizza needs exactly one minute and 15 fucking seconds
and then I push clock and all of a sudden it's 115.
It's 115 yeah yeah and I'm just on the afternoon.
I don't know yeah whatever right my son will fix it he's tech savvy there you go.
Oh geez well I have some news about Jay Paul I don't know if you heard about his next match
coming up.
Oh yeah that's on my fucking list for you.
Oh shit I'm ready girl let's do this July 20th for those who don't know what we're talking
about July 20th.
Jake Paul will be fighting Mike Tyson at the Dallas Cowboy Stadium and all I'm going to
say on this Kamona Bullets is this this better be a legit fucking fight and none of the manzy
pansy bullshit that they keep playing for this Jake Paul guy and then that way he can
finally shut the fuck up because Mike Tyson will pulverize him don't fucking like do this
all this like lay back on lay back on this person and all that because that's what they're
going to do and it's all because this is influencer and social media bullshit and he's a YouTube
guy yeah I understand Jake Paul's a fighter but he's not in the fucking Mike Tyson caliber
or any other guys he fucking did well maybe he is on some of them.
And he's a former Disney Channel star like what the fuck is he like fucking over I don't
I don't know but I was just like I'm fucking over knock him out and let's be done with
it but everybody keeps feeding into this Jake Paul guy is it Jake Paul yes yes yes ma'am
yeah everybody keeps feeding into him and his fucking brother and they getting paid
millions of dollars that's fine but I'm like if we stop feeding into him he won't get
paid and he won't be showing up to be fighting whoever the fuck now.
You know I'm I'm with it I took some massive notes on this bitch because I was like wait
a second I'm like okay Mr. Jake Paul I don't even know if I should call you Mr. because
you're still wet behind the ears at the age of fucking 27.
He's just his hair is just so annoying to me yeah I don't know.
You know I kind of I'm like hey I kind of respect what you're doing bringing back boxing
but then again bring it back in a respectful way but how can I say it's not in a respectful
way when motherfucking Mike Thompson.
Right.
Okay so Tyson how old are you 58 years old.
Exactly.
Tyson still kicking it hard.
Duh girl.
Tyson retired as a pro boxer in 2005 and you know how old Jake Paul was?
Eight.
Doing his little Disney fucking whatever the fuck he was doing and now you're gonna fucking
ask on to get in the ring like this better be a real fucking legit show and I really
hope well are they even in the same weight division because I bet they're not they're
not Jake Paul never fights in the same weight division like he fucking fought Nate Diaz
and I'm like you guys are day and night yeah which is why I'm like I knew that Nate Diaz
wasn't gonna win if there was gonna be a legit fight because he's like fucking like 30 pounds
lighter than fucking Jake Paul yeah and and Nate likes to fucking put you in a chokehold
but you can't do that in boxing.
Right.
Thank you very much.
Whatever.
I don't I'm just thinking to myself okay Tyson I mean you're probably getting a pretty
penny as well for this but this is supposed to be a eight round bout.
Oh how many rounds is it gonna be?
Eight.
Well that's what's supposed to be that's what I read online.
Okay.
And it's gonna be streamed exclusively on Netflix.
Netflix please.
Yes.
Okay.
Really?
Yeah.
Well guess what I'm still not gonna buy Netflix just to watch that.
I haven't watched any of his fucking fights or refused to watch somebody that's an influencer
I know he's a fighter but I refuse to watch his shit.
I'm not paying into that bullshit.
I fell off the ladder on that one.
I didn't.
Well you already have Netflix.
I already have Netflix.
That would be different but I don't have Netflix and I'm not gonna buy it just for to watch
Jake Paul and Mike Tyson.
Sorry.
Well Jake Paul his last fight.
Oh god I don't we were talking about it on the previous episode but I did download this
Danzen app and I paid like a hundred bucks to freaking watch that shit.
I don't know.
I just wanted to see if he was really bringing it back boxing because I really respect boxing.
So what'd you think same?
So what'd you think when you watched it?
Um you know I really thought to myself that Jake Paul was legit maybe but we're just you
know how they do the bios or just like yeah yeah and they just talk like the fighters
and stuff.
I really didn't know Jake Paul.
I don't know him as a YouTuber influencer.
I don't I'm not online.
I don't know all that shit but I just seemed that he was really putting his whole effort
in trying to become a boxer.
Because he have leg room and the girth and all the fucking followers to make it possible
and like all the hype.
Yes I guess but I just wanted to see how respectfully he was actually bringing boxing back because
boxing did fall out after MMA and all that other stuff you know.
Yeah.
Nobody wants to fucking put your duke up anymore like I want to fucking choke you out.
Bap out bitch like fucking I'm gonna kill you.
Nobody wants to box.
I watched it and I was actually rooting for him.
You know what wait was I?
I don't even know.
I was probably you know.
I don't know.
But I spent a lot of time.
Yeah I know he's a fighter so a boxer I mean I'm not knocking him on that but I just
fucking hate the YouTube and the influencer aspect and he's always just fucking thirst
trapping and I don't know what the proper term is.
Yeah I think it's thirst trap.
Is it thirst trap or clod chasing or whatever the fuck the Gen Zers are using today for
trying to chase their 15 minutes of fame.
I don't know.
Yeah and I didn't like the whole thing.
Boxing is a true sport.
Yeah if you just have to keep your dukes up and your stamina and box and just use your
fists yeah it's a sport.
Why call out fools and like my boy and ideas?
Why?
Why you call them out?
Yeah because it's an easy payday.
And you know what then why don't you meet my boy Nate Diaz and the octagon.
See what happens there.
I don't think I think that's because Dana White doesn't want that and I'm not a fan
of Dana White but I'm like Dana White I think I love you.
Yeah Dana White you got my vote.
Like yeah today or that day.
Yeah if I'm not mistaken Dana White's not I shouldn't say not a fan of Jake Paul but
he's not down for that I guess the UFC part or to host a UFC with that or whatever so.
Because that all that drama and all that stupid shit is just gonna yeah here he has too much
on his plate like yeah bye sorry we too privy over here.
Just if you get like beat the fuck up like you're gonna be done son.
I mean he's gonna have he could probably get sued because yeah Jake Paul would just yeah
no matter who he goes in the octagon with he wouldn't win.
So speaking of I guess working out and boxing every day after work because it's not too hot
yet I'll I put on my 40 pound vest and I walk up the next street which is a hill so I walk
up for a mile right.
Okay I think it was it was last week or two weeks ago maybe it was two weeks ago.
I don't live on the main street the main street there's a family that lives on the main street
and I say hi to the family all the time.
So the fucking wife is like hey Matusa do you want to know what my husband calls you
and I'm like sure he's like there goes G.I. Jane do not fuck with her.
What and they don't even all you all you say is hi yeah we talk or whatever we talk about
football or whatever if I'm walking by if he's out or whatever but he's like she's like
anytime he sees you with your vest on he's like oh there goes G.I. Jane don't fuck with
her.
I'm like okay well that's cool.
Yeah you're like yeah I'm glad glad you recognize.
That's right I gotta tax my cardiovascular system bitch I'm walking up that hill.
G.I. Jane she's like she's like that is a weighted vest right I'm like I get that all the time
I'm like yeah any civilian would think it's a bulletproof vest but no it is totally a
weighted vest ma'am.
I'm pretty concerned do not call 911.
I have some like camo outfits right yeah and then people just where'd you serve.
Where's my 1911 app.
Oh that's right it's in my holster.
Yeah I'm sorry my MOS let me let me look it up I forgot what my MOS was but it looks like
it was 211.
211.
1911.
1974.
Yeah.
Shit.
Oh my god.
Yeah so I got a good laugh I don't know I thought it was funny.
You know that's that's great that's honestly that's a little bit you take it as a compliment
right.
I just don't call the cops on me thinking it's a fucking bulletproof vest because we're
gonna have a problem.
So you think he honestly called you G.I. Jane because of your vest.
Well what if it's your hiking and I can see I can see if I have my head was shaved because
I think of Demi Moore when I have you watched G.I. Jane.
I fucking have yes yeah okay yeah when she shaved her head and I'm just like oh well
I don't have my head shaved anymore so it's not because of that so it has to be because
of the vest I don't remember I'm assuming she wore a vest I don't remember.
I fucking hated that movie but yeah I don't remember it either I mean I don't even know
if she yeah but yeah go Demi like I don't know yeah exactly but so the fact maybe he's
just thinking your routine like your your routine every what Thursday every whatever
day yeah well every day every day that I can after work um I guess I'll ask him when I
see him the next time like I heard your what I heard you call me with G.I. Jane why is
that no no don't ask him I would just I would just let that title fucking sit on my fucking
head like a crown and just don't even ask okay I will do that yep yep and then you
can fucking skip by his house next time you're like this G.I. Jane skip girl it finally it
took me a little bit but um because I can't wear that 40 pound vest like in the summertime
it's too fucking hot yeah so it's just like between uh December or maybe November to like
April or May I can wear it and just walk around like I'm strutting my shit but you know that's
what we gotta do that's what we gotta do and I think just because we're a little bit disciplined
that you and I in our lives when it comes to just our health or things we just we we
know we need to do like move get off our asses and fucking do something get some air whatever
freaking yeah like nah that people are not disciplined these days they don't get two
shits I like how you talked into the phone like that I'm like wait a second I'm gonna
tell you secret let me tell you secret everybody common sense isn't that common there you go
yeah no way and you know as a matter of fact I was just told hmm okay this is gonna be a
rant oh I'm just gonna rant to the people and hopefully I get good feedback because
I need some help guys so I had a co-worker and they were telling me like this is why
nobody messes with you because everybody's playing little pranks and jokes in the office
right doing little things and so I'm just on my toes and I'm kind of like oh yeah like
like a stupid dog like you have a fucking tennis ball like and I'm just like I'm waiting
for my turn like who's gonna fucking do it because I'm gonna fuck you up when you do
like just I don't like surprises I don't like surprise birthday parties but I'm I'm kind
of on my toes when it I'm just waiting just like right who's gonna fuck with me and I
get to see all these pranks on everybody and they're just like well you know it's been
six months I'm fucking oh shit when is I'm like is it the calm before the storm and
I'm just I'm just doing all this in my head and I got told that nobody wants to fuck with
me well good but I but yes I was like fucking right motherfuckers I'm glad you could smell
that like fucking yeah fucking your tires be slashed and you wouldn't go home like I don't
know I know your schedule like right but I was just kind of thinking like can I be part
of the group who's gonna prank me like nothing nobody wants to fuck with you and I said nobody
wants to fuck with me I go why and this is why I'm so concerned like why because I do
that stupid little work fucking Pomona bullets fucking mode I'm just smiling good morning
hi how's your day haven't had enough caffeine yet like just I'm doing all this bullshit
that's just fucking not me I'm here I'm Karen that's what they call you behind your back
girl maybe I don't know but I asked I asked her I said why why does anybody want to like
you know have fun joke around with me she's like I don't know she's like there's just
everybody's just saying that there's just something about you like we just don't want to mess with
you well good I'm glad the boundaries have been established well and that's that's I
was thankful but I'm also just like what the fuck so all these fucking fake smiles and
fucking hellos and buying people coffee and shit to be be a nice fucking person like
and everybody's still scared you could have told me that six months ago no more coffee
for you yeah nobody's getting coffee you fucking tell me good morning what's so fucking good
about the morning start dropping the f-bomb I'm just gonna fucking slam my door like
you said you guys are you scared of me bitch you're scared of me when I'm all smiling and
shit and I'm trying to if I can yeah I care about your fucking dog yeah oh my goodness
what I actually care more about your dog than you know that's what you need to tell him
you know and you know now that is like she just opened the floodgates and I was like well
I don't know I don't know how to take it should I a just say hmm interesting should I be fucking
investigate like why the fuck does everybody fucking why are you so scared when I'm so fucking
smiling and being so fake on purpose and nice on purpose and I don't want to be or should
I see just run with it and just you should just be yourself at work you don't have to
be fake don't fucking say good morning if you don't want to don't buy coffee if you don't
want to but you know what I wanted people to like me and they're still fucking you still
want to tell me your they're not gonna like you if you're being fake obviously they smell
that come on a ball ups how okay you know how my smile just lights up a room right you
mean the resting bitch face yes I am the same way well whatever people want me on their
team that's all I gotta say so there you go I process your time sheets you better be fucking
nice yeah that's all you need to tell him yeah weird cuz I try to be nice I really feel
like I'm a grumpy old bitch like I do it's like okay I recognize that and I'm gonna change
that I'm going to listen to fucking retards talk about shit and just say you know yeah
as much as I enjoyed listening about your life and stuff I kind of gotta go to work
sorry but bye I'm trying I don't want to go to anger management ever again like no so
I'm just like I'm good but sometimes an angry bitch really gets the job done so they normally
do yeah yeah the fucking Karen's and shit of the well not the Karen's but yeah sometimes
you just like don't fuck with me save that shit for a second yeah don't write a check
can't cash there's so many I was just thinking about all the little fucking sayings that
I say that pointed out I don't say that I don't say that they're like yeah you always
say you always say you know that motherfucker you go just go fly kite oh I just do I say
like I heard you say it once and you actually said it once on a podcast arm one of the episodes
maybe like two episodes ago hmm but you don't say it frequent or at least I don't hear it
frequently but I've heard it at least once I guess I say that and I guess I say you could
take a long walk off a short bridge because I don't give a fuck like they're like you
say that long walk off a short bridge I was like I don't fucking say that because that's
like a dad joke or something shit like that's because we're old they don't get it because
they're Gen X or Gen Zers I don't know and then when I'm trying to be polite I say shut
the front door yeah and people just instead of shut the fuck off like shut the front
door are you serious and that was brought to my attention you say that I say that maybe
here and there but like no you really got a lot I do yes well that means shut the fuck
up you know what though that means come on a bullet is trying to be a better person there
you go you're trying to be more woman like I guess I guess I guess yeah but shut the
fuck up let me get my last word it yeah that's it okay question so are you the type of person
if somebody cuts you off you're gonna like roll up on them driving wise yeah oh yes
okay that's what I thought because yesterday yesterday Pomona bullets this app I was doing
my thing and then I'm like oh that's Pomona bullets calling me a bitch and then the driver's
seat then right next door all right next and the next lane so what happened was I got off
um where'd I get I got off on Arrow Highway on the 57 because I wanted to hit to pick up
my order from Sam's and Glendora so I'm like let me do Arrow Highway I fucking hate Auto
Center Drive well Lone Hill is the street that Sam's is on and it always creeps up on
me too fucking fast so of course it's a three it's three lanes heading east west right Arrow
Highway Arrow Highway yes runs east west yeah so I'm in the middle lane and I'm like oh shit
Lone Hill's right here and so I put my blinker on this bitch doesn't let me in that's fine
and I'm like you know what fuck this shit I'm gonna use this middle lane because I didn't
feel like turning around so all right yeah turning around so I take the middle lane I'm
in the middle lane and the Lone Hill is two lanes so I do the when I turn right I'm in
the outer left lane this bitch fucking and she's she's gonna be making a right into the
you know the the closer lane the first lane I don't know yeah yeah like hugging the yeah
she fucking honks her horn at me and I'm like bitch I was not even gonna hit you a and b
you were not going to go into my lane because you saw what I was fucking doing so I get
up to Lone Hill Drive and I fucking stop because of the lights red I'm not paying attention
I start looking at my phone I'm bringing up the Sam's app because I want my I want to
bring it up and put the parking late parking lot number I parked in so they can drop my
order off right why the fuck did she roll up on me and she honks her horn at me and
she's like bitch and I look up and I looked at her like she was crazy I shrugged my shoulders
and I look back down on my phone like I don't have time for you bitch yeah and I'm like that's
come on a bullet's right there yeah yeah for sure I'm like you feel better that you fucking
that I'm waiting for the light to turn green I'm sure if I was in the parking lot you would
have fucking walked up on me but I was just like really bitch I'm like I didn't fucking
hit you you saw what I was doing like call it a fucking day bitch and fucking just roll
but I just show I fucking laugh because I just shrugged my shoulders I'm like I'm like
I could have been having a gun in my car and I could have blasted you you need to watch
your fucking mouth okay not to be racist but what was the race from a visual yeah I'm
not gonna answer it yeah exactly got it got it fucking 10 for that I already know male
usual fuck people monobullet yelling at me right now
how somebody honks at me I'm just kind of like oh shit my bad like I don't know was I
see I was like I don't know was I looking at my I don't know I I'm I calm down a lot
but thank God yeah I know the world is a fucking peaceful place when I just the beast is at
sleep I'm serious oh no I'm crazy keep the lumber going yeah you just keep it I'm fucking
in hibernation it's every 10 years guys every 10 years but yeah I just know fuck that well
yeah well there was an incident there was an incident where I just came to Oregon and
it's snowing and I can drive in snow I get it but there was freeways a little bit I don't
fucking know so I'm being very cautious right cautious why not be cautious this bitch this
bitch I'm on the freeway I'm trying to get to PDX the airport and I have my m my mama
my mom yeah my mother she was trying to drop her ass off and this fucking little beater
beater beater beater just fucking beater driving all stupid probably some young guys I don't
know she freaking cuts me off she's just and then she's honking and like fuck you and she
throws a fucking I think it was a water bottle what yeah it's snowing this cold and shit
and then we just came up because somebody crashed so everybody had to stop so guess what I did
oh shit I was like I'm gonna fucking follow this little fucking bitch and guess what you're
missing your flight yeah I'm sorry mom fucking start walking get out you're almost there like
fuck fuck that jump in the fucking driver's seat and put my shit on fucking you know long
stay fucking parking so I don't know if I'm going to jail on this one fuck this like I
was I was like this whole problem me you're fucking crazy and and and the freeways have
a stop okay I know I know but ever since that one I have been wait so you're leaving
us all hanging what happened oh no no it was it was it was a dead stop so I fucking get
out of my car here's your water fucking bottle fucking did you lose this bitch like fucking
roll down your window fucking scared as fuck and then fucking then just like yeah you're
stupid little fucking beater ass fucking Toyota Corolla fucking 1980 fucking missing
a fucking bumper like yeah you stupid bitch keep and I just said all I said was just keep
driving like that but it made me feel better at my level at that point in time which I'm
I'm better now listeners I'm better but at that point in time I was very angry mad person
and yeah I just was like here's your fucking water bottle because I picked up stay hydrated
bitch you might need this when your fucking car overheats fucking just oh my god I just
sometimes I'm sorry I didn't mean to bring up all the anger again I know I'm always just
like fucking honk at me a fucking honk at you like I mm-hmm now now no but I kind of
miss that adrenaline rush and Kelly I totally don't I want a permanent driver and I do not
mean uber I need to be I need a driver on my beck and call 24 7 let's go I tell my son
that I said I can't wait so you get your license boy I'll buy you whatever car you want you
just drive you right you can even drop out of school dude like I'll pay you I will pay
you I will pay you room and board I'll give you some fucking cash don't tell the daughter
yeah oh my goodness so bad so speaking of driving you know me and em both work from
home now right yes okay so you you've heard like when the Amazon or I guess any commercial
truck when they back up or they hit reverse they goes beep beep beep yes okay so this past
Friday we hear that both me and em and I had my bedroom door open I work in my bedroom
we hear it not once Pomona bolts I thought it was the Amazon truck it's not the Amazon
truck we heard it four times possibly five times by the fourth fucking time em is like
who the fuck is outside fucking Austin powers with the fucking whatever that thing remember
when he was trying to reverse a little golf cart yeah I got all cars like get your shit
together and fucking reverse and just fucking go nothing was so fucking loud it was my next
door neighbor I guess em he has a visitor over like you know one of those big camping
vans that people like they live at they live in or they live out of like those like drive
all over the United States or wherever oh like like a Winnipego like one of those RVs
um not an RV but like like a van oh gotcha yeah I know that one yeah it was one of those
and he could not obviously reverse into the driveway for shit four or five fucking times
of that fucking shit I swear to god it was a good three minutes and me and my daughter
were just I'm like fuck we were both trying to get done with work and I'm like I just
want to fucking log out like this thing is fucking annoying me and oh my goodness fucking
it's just like when she just fucking yell out she's like who the fuck is driving that
thing Austin powers I would have just walked out walked out like that angry little bitch
I've been like excuse me you know what I I come on a bus I should have gone outside and
be like can I reverse it for you I'm excellent at reverse drop reverse they are backing into
a fucking spot bitch boom like microphone drop like get the fuck out get out let me
see if I can show you how it's done you are ruining my then sir beeping sound reminds
me of my fucking alarm clock stop I'm already been away I okay well I'll let you finish
your story if that was it okay okay here here comes a good one so this is the other day
I am going to leave my house I'm gonna go grocery store whatever the hell I'm doing
you know just being a adult teen right I have this guy he's parked and you see my street
it's just kind of it's not too wide but everybody just parks on the street and it's just kind
of like oh god shit it's just a horrible mess so I'm gonna pull out this guy stops me and
I see that he has like a it's a landscaping like truck or something I was like oh shit
okay did I did I ask you to landscape my house because I hate cutting my glass but I could
have I could have just been pissed and I don't know but he says do you know excuse me ma'am
ma'am do you know whose car this is it's a right across the street from my house and
I know that that house is nothing but college students renting I know that house is a cookie
cutter house of my house so there's four fucking bedrooms right okay you there's a bunch of
cars you're they're all college they go right yeah and I said I don't know who that I go
I don't know I go I don't even know who I don't know like I was just not in the mood I don't
know he's like well because I need to cut the tree down in the car and I keep knocking
and I don't know are they college students there they maybe maybe they're asleep maybe
they're asleep and I said dude I said I don't know who it is I said but have you tried lifting
up the fucking handle the door handle he's on why I'm gonna set off the fucking alarm
if they had a lot of alarm wake up that and he's all oh and it was like a light bulb over
it fucking ghetto girl I fucking love it I would have never thought to do that either
girl I do that all the time like get the fuck out of my fucking way like I don't know where
you live but I know your fucking car is gonna alert you that oh wait somebody's just tell
it or whatever just fucking I'm just setting off the alarm that's it and he's like oh no
I haven't I said how many times I bang on the door and this old little guy and he has
his little crew and they're trying to fucking cut this tree I was like just I was like like
would you want me to do it like I was just over it like right yes please all right obviously
you didn't want to get deported back to Mexico probably girl I was just like fuck it okay
well pardon me Josue let me just I know but I just fucking lifted the damn thing and it's
all the car the fucking door actually opened but I pushed it back like I'm not trying to
steal shit I'm just right wake the fuck up the tree's gonna fucking land on your fucking
car if you don't wake up I don't know but I I just can't I went to the grocery store
I went on I went on my daily duties but shit like hmm I just wanted to give myself a pat
on the back that that is a fucking I never thought to do that but I will know to do that
moving forward yeah I mean you just be be real and you're not trying to do anything
just like hey I don't know where the fuck what house you went to but your car is in
my fucking spot or right and yeah it's gonna have a tree on top of it if you don't fucking
move yeah I'm sorry you must have partied too hard last night but the fucking tree people
are here you gotta go move your tree officially gone I guess yeah it's gone and I don't know
I apparently whoever the car belong to they obviously moved it you're welcome if you're
listening shit jeez I had a rant for today but I don't remember I didn't write it down
and I was just so I'm like I'll remember it of course I don't remember the rent because
you want to know why you don't remember the rent why because you get so happy every time
we talk that's right bitch yeah I guess the rent was the stupid Amazon truck next door
neighbor with the beeping that had to be it I guess I don't know whatever I used to do
this I used to have this little habit back out of any like a parking space or just backing
up every time I'm in reverse it didn't even matter I could be in little drill prism or
fucking a hammer it didn't matter I always tap the horn twice like bump up like thinking
motherfuckers would know what that means nobody knows what that fucking means totally a fucking
marine kid but also what I'm what I'm driving and I know that I'm going 70 and I just see
nothing but brake lights ahead I'm like fuck and so I would just tell the motherfucker who's
tailgating me like I would tap my fucking break just like yeah I'm gonna slow down I'm
just not gonna like we're slowing down there's a fucking jam ahead but that nobody fucking
nobody cares either so I gave up on them like well fuck if nobody fucking nobody knows what
that fucking means I know because everybody's looking at their phones like how I was in a
complete stop on the fucking 605 freeway and I still got rear-ended because motherfucker
was playing on his phone shit motherfuckers they be and when they're on their phone they
just walk into poles if there's even walking on a sidewalk and shit you know what I almost
walked into a bench so I'm not gonna know I gotta hear it what happened were you on
your phone of course I was on my phone I'm a monkey but all the time like you feel like
you feel like there's something there and you look up and like oh shit could call him
oh fuck well at least didn't get that fucking horrible bruise on your god right fuck I did
that today I was like oh that's gonna be a fucking bruise thank God it's not summer yet
right oh my goodness yeah I don't even fucking look at my phone when I'm like when I'm walking
because I already trip over the fucking obvious and you know okay question have you ever found
money on the street just walking maybe your dog or just walking to the mailbox or just
walking in the store just have you ever just found money on the floor actually once it
happened when I was living in HB I was throwing out the trash and I guess it fell out of somebody's
pocket there was like I want to say was like seven bucks it wasn't a lot but there was actual
money on the fly on arm like I guess that's mine thank you very much there was nobody
outside so I can't say hey was this your seven dollars so that that was the biggest yes but
are you constantly scanning if you're walking like say you're walking your pup or whatever
are you constantly scanning and just looking for shit to pick up like money no I'm looking
to make sure I'm not stepping in shit though if I'm in the grass you know yeah yeah you
want to so I'm gonna let all you know my fucking story I was at a fucking motel six
a motel six keep right I went to the little vending machine I'm just trying to get some
fucking Doritos like that was it like I just wanted some Doritos and it kept spitting out
my dollar and I was like I'm trying to strain it it falls on the floor I never found money
I mean a fucking penny I don't pick up pennies it's no good luck for me I fucking don't do
that so if all my dollar falls on the floor I go down to fucking pick it up what why did
I see like a fucking what a fucking cash in a fucking rubber band just shoved under the
the vending machine when I was just trying to get my dollar you know that probably fell
out of the vending machine guys pocket or he probably fell out of his basket when he
was reloading the snacks I bet when he emptied when he emptied the vending machine I bet
I don't know why would it be in a row and why would there be rubber bands on it I'm
like is this present just gonna know I just can't he probably had to take it out of the
vending machine he fuck fucking rubber banded in his dumbass dropped it I don't know it
was like legit wedge under there like it was meant for somebody or something oh okay well
how much did you leave it I left some of it you left the rubber band I did I fucking put
it back exactly like it was supposed to be I was like somebody's gonna die today that's
the drug dealer you're fucking short 300 bucks like no I honestly that's that's that's just
a joke I did it I was just like whoa wow that's great the fucking one time I fucking see money
and I'm just like yeah you know I don't know there was a time though I was walking to work
and I worked at Mrs. Fields I was in high school I was going to Montclair Plaza and
I was walking and there was a purse in the street and cars were just going by and money
like it was just kind of flying out I don't know what yeah like the car cars were just
hitting it and shit and it was just like where was the person's where was the lady or whoever's
the person's okay so I run the scenarios and I was like somebody must have put their purse
on the top of their fucking rig and you know what that's probably what they yeah that's
what made most sense to me I don't know for a fact but it made most sense so that's my
true shit wow so all these dollar pills are just flying out flying out and cars are just
hitting it and I'm walking I was like oh shit not today like I'm getting this shit I'm
gonna fucking get this shit I'm gonna get this shit grabbed well yeah I I think I swooped
up maybe 80 bucks nice yeah and the purse was ugly and all and I was like oh if there
was an ID in there I would have shipped it all back to her like maybe you're gonna ask
if the ID or her wallet was in there I guess I guess not well I wasn't really concerned
about the purse I thought it got ran over so many times I was just after the money I was
like in one of those like those ticket boots for the money just trying to grab it yeah
but I did feel bad I did feel bad I grabbed the purse was like oh man cuz I ran the scenarios
and it's like that's probably some old lady put her purse on top she didn't even fucking
remember and this that's sad but whatever social security cards in there and shit right
thank you for $80 I will gladly ship you for fucking purse back I will gladly do that
um but I don't know but thank you for the 80 bucks because it did buy me lunch and a
belt at Macy's nice all right I think we should end this because we're running up on an hour
what are your parting words for this week come on a bullets my parting words are you guys
with this whole hour change I don't know if you're like me but let's just breathe namaste
we got this don't look at it as losing an hour just look at it as hey we're waking up
again for another day I sent sarcasm in that tone of yours now that's legit that's legit
got it and on my part for my parting words it's that it's daylight saving time singular
not plural thank you Pomona bullets for educating us one and all you know it all right we will
see you guys next week bye guys