Guess what?
Feet Pose Maven, volume number three,
written by yours truly, Baruch Medusa,
is now available on Amazon Kindle and Kindle Unlimited.
Link is in the show notes,
so get to buy in, downloading, reading, and rating.
All right, are you happy or sad?
Which way, oh, I guess, oh, you're happy, and you are?
Come on, a bullet.
I guess I'm happy.
Oh, I'm always happy, bitch.
I am Baruch Medusa.
This is Top Show Hi, Janks,
and we clean clinking bitches.
Good afternoon, Bestie.
Oh, sorry about that.
Ding, dang, I guess, whatever.
Yeah, dang it.
How are you?
I'm doing fairly well this fun day, Sunday.
I had to work today.
Yeah, what the fuck?
I know, so it was a manager's meeting.
Okay.
So it's kind of like an all-store meeting, slash managers,
they all get together,
and we just talk about the new year
and what our goals are, and blomp, blomp, blomp, right?
Yeah, so I had to be there at 4 a.m.
What the fuck?
I know, and it's snowing here.
It's like, they couldn't fucking do a Zoom call
or whatever the fuck?
No, no, we have to pay everybody
if they wanna show up and...
Oh, so it wasn't mandatory?
No, it's not mandatory, but it's highly encouraged.
Jesus fucking Christ, on a Sunday, no fucking less.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly, I did not want to do it by all means, but...
I didn't.
You're admin, so you had to do it, I'm assuming.
Had to do it, and I was...
I was given the task to scramble eggs
because we were also serving breakfast.
And...
My goodness.
You guys use one of the camping stoves or...
Yeah, it was one of the big barbecues, I guess.
And yeah, I had to scramble the eggs,
I had to set up the folding chairs,
and there was a total of maybe 65 attendees.
Oh, well, that's a pretty good turnout.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I was also in charge of giving out the raffle tickets
because we had 10 fun prizes to give out.
And what were the prizes to tell?
So the prizes were...
Okay, I'm gonna go from the yucky...
I could go without to like, wow, I would like that.
So the first prize or a couple of them were
somewhere along the lines, it was a little
Lowe's type of set where you can get a tumbler type glass,
you got a little mug, and you got...
Nobody wants that shit.
Yeah, and you get a $20 Starbucks gift card or something.
And then the next one was you could get this little
Bluetooth speaker that's waterproof
that can actually suction onto your wall and your shower.
Okay.
And you can listen to music, I guess.
So these are these little prizes that they're giving out.
And then it came to the bigger prizes,
which was like a mini fridge, fully stocked,
but it's fully stocked with just Gatorade and Pop or whatever.
And another one was a patio set.
Okay, that's good.
Yeah, yeah.
So there were some good prizes out there.
Another one was a barbecue.
It was like a Coleman nice barbecue.
Okay.
Yeah, so there were some prizes out there.
So I'm giving out these raffle tickets and whatnot.
And the whole meeting starts and my boss tells me,
I'm gonna look at you because I have anxiety
talking in front of people,
and you're gonna be my little focal point.
You're gonna be the one.
Oh my God.
And I said, oh goodness, and she's telling me,
I want you to keep the energy vibrant.
When I say something, just whoo, and clap, and yeah.
And I didn't have any coffee
because I have a pulsar.
And I'm just like, oh my God.
Yeah, I was just, you know,
I was rolling with the punches this morning.
So she asked me too, did you put in a raffle ticket?
I said, I didn't know I could.
I thought we were excluded being management
and we're hosting this whole meeting.
She's like, no, put a raffle ticket.
I go, well, I don't fucking know why I'm gonna do it
because I'm not gonna win.
And I put my stupid raffle ticket in there.
How to put five in there?
I wanted to, I so wanted to.
Nobody would have known.
I was the one in charge of this whole gig
with the raffle tickets.
So I had a coworker standing next to me
and I was messing with her when they were doing the raffle.
I said, yeah, they better not pick my name
because I don't really want those tumblers.
I don't want that sweatshirt.
And I said, if I win, if they pick my name,
I'm gonna give it to you, okay?
And she's like, yeah, yeah,
you're gonna win Pomona Bullets, we know it.
And I said, yep, I'm gonna win.
I got this, I got this.
Thank goodness I didn't win.
And anybody who did win would just,
there was like that dead golf clap just like, hey.
Just kind of like nobody would get up from their seat.
Nobody ran to the stage and yeah, I won.
Nobody.
And there was just like, oh, there was a stage.
There's a stage at Lowe's?
Yeah, we put it all together.
We put it all together in this Jesus fucking Christ.
Yeah, and it had to be done
before the store actually opened to the public.
So that's why it was so effing early in the morning, you know?
What time do you guys open on Sundays?
I believe it's six, six p.m.?
Six a.m.
Or yes, I'm sorry, six a.m.
Yeah.
Okay.
Wow.
So finally, she would say,
who wants to win?
It was like a shower head,
but it was one of those pretty cool shower heads
that it rains down on you.
And then one like sprays you was like a couple,
I don't know, but it was pretty cool.
Yeah, I know what you're talking about.
Yeah, I would want one.
I'm not gonna spend my money on one,
but I would want one.
So she would, my mattress, like who wants one of these?
And I'm in the back.
And I'm raising my hand like a kid
that knows the answer in class.
Like me, me pick my name, pick my name.
And I never got picked.
So finally they're drawing a name
and the assistant store manager draws a name
and he goes, oh, we need to draw another name.
And he shows the ticket to my manager
and she looks at it and she goes,
we got a good one.
And I looked at my coworker next to me
and I said, it's me, it's Pomona bullets.
It's Pomona bullets.
And this is when she's big,
she's like, we're gonna bring out the big guns now.
It's the big prizes.
And she says, who wants a little tabletop fire pit?
And I was like, me, I want one.
I want one.
I wanna make s'mores in the spring in my backyard
with one of those little tabletop fire pits.
Um, yeah, guess who's name they called Pomona bullets?
Woo hoo!
Yeah.
Girl, I'm telling you, I ran down that aisle
like the price is right.
The price is right, yup.
And I was like, I've been $1 Bob, I've been $1.
I swear this isn't rigged.
I swear it's not rigged.
I was so excited.
She goes, not only do you win the fire pit,
you get a patio set.
Really?
Yes, girl.
Tell me why I was, I was so elated.
I was, wow, that woke me up.
And I was like, that's fucking right.
I knew it.
I was like, yeah, bring it, bring it.
I got a patio set.
It, I was, yeah.
I had all-
Congratulations.
You know what else you can grill up on your,
whatever that thing is, your tabletop.
You what?
Some Nutria, bitch.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, it'll make some snakes.
Some shish kebab.
It's good.
Girl, I was reading that shit too.
And I was like, how does it even work?
And it says it uses alcohol, like rubbing alcohol.
What?
Yeah.
And you plug it in?
Nope.
You just pour alcohol in this little,
and like in the center and you light it with a match.
It says light it with a match
or one of those lighters that have the long, you know.
Yeah.
And it, I don't know.
I guess that's just how it works.
And it was like, okay.
All right.
Well, I don't know if I want to roast marshmallows
with like alcohol, but okay.
Yeah.
That, yeah, that's kind of cool.
That's kind of weird.
Oh yeah.
It is kind of weird.
I was just like, oh, and then they have the little rocks
or the little, they look like little gems
or whatever they're in there.
And it's just like, okay.
So how are you supposed to turn it off?
Or how does, it just goes out on its own
once the alcohol evaporates?
I would assume so.
I haven't really read the terms, but yeah, I think so.
But all I know is my backyard is gonna get hooked up.
I'm gonna, I'm like, yes.
Way to go.
Well, I guess it's good that you actually showed up
for the meeting then.
I know, right?
And then they were like,
this has to be your third radio.
And I was like, no.
I'm saying that, bitch.
Yeah, it's my first,
because I actually did not wanna go to any other ones prior.
But yeah.
Yeah, so what, every month or what?
It's quarterly.
Oh, quarterly, okay.
Yeah.
But it was cool.
I got some cool swag.
All right, well, congratulations.
Oh, thank you.
I am so excited.
Like, I haven't been this happy in months.
I haven't been this happy in months, girl.
I'm telling you.
Oh, good.
I'm glad you, there's a term, you've turned a leaf.
Yeah, I sure did.
I was like, fuck yeah, Lowe's.
I love you.
I wish they would have gave me the mic.
I had a good speech and everything prepared.
Oh my fucking God.
You're like, don't forget to listen to my podcast
where I talk shit about Lowe's all day long.
Yeah, no, please don't listen to my podcast
or else I won't have a job no more.
I won't have a job no more.
Okay, so speaking of jobs, well, I sent you this earlier
in the week about the Super Bowl striker.
Yes.
Okay, so for the listeners who don't know,
or I guess that do know, but the Super Bowl striker,
there was a striker that I guess ran on the field
during Super Bowl.
Well, this motherfucker actually was smart,
but then I have to ask more on a bullet.
Was he that smart?
Okay, so the striker actually placed a bet.
And let me, I wrote this down.
Okay, so he placed a bet saying that somebody
would run out on the field and streak during the Super Bowl.
So he put down, I don't know how much he put down,
but he ended up winning $374,000 from the bet.
He had to pay a $1,000 fine.
That's it.
Now, A, genius.
Yeah.
B, is the Las Vegas mob and the casinos looking for him?
Like, is there a manhunt for him?
Because you know, he's probably gonna end up
with missing fingers or possible limbs
that are gonna be distorted or gonna be completely gone.
Motherfucker has cross hairs on him.
And I can guarantee they're gonna have to make an example
of him some way, somehow, because this is gonna happen
more frequently and I'm sure it's happened in the past,
but it wasn't publicized on social media the way this was.
It was merely a $1,000 fine?
That's what it said.
That's all he said was, yeah, well, clearly he had no priors.
Yeah, clearly.
But I'm sure I'm like, I guess I would think
the mob is looking for him.
You would think, well, where did he bet?
At the bookie, I'm assuming he bet at one of the casinos.
Yeah, so whatever casino that he bet at,
I'm sure those people are looking for him.
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's,
and they have his name and they probably have
a social security number because they paid out a big amount
because, you know, they have to do the IRS thing.
Yeah, I'm like, 10, 9 to 9.
I'm like, ooh, I don't know how genius that was, buddy.
I don't know, we'll see where you're at physically.
And if you're all in one piece within the next year.
Yeah, I mean, it sounds good,
but it'll probably cover your medical bills.
Right.
And you might want to change your name
and go into wit sec.
Yeah, yeah, go, go join.
Yeah.
Go and hiding.
I don't know.
That's insane.
I don't know.
It sounds good.
It sounds really good, but.
Don't talk with the mob.
Yeah.
Hello.
Yeah.
Yeah, this poor, this guy, geez.
I mean, I would have, I would have hired like,
like a friend or somebody, like check it out.
I'll go halves with you.
And I'll pay for the fine.
It's only a thousand dollars.
Yeah.
I'll bail you out of jail.
I'll pay for the fine.
Anything.
Anything that can help.
You know, a kimono bullets, maybe me
and you should do the next one.
Yeah, sure.
Kimpteen, right?
Shit.
Oh my gosh.
How's your week been?
It's been good.
Okay.
So I went to the dermatologist.
I'm.
Yes.
Oh, okay.
So last.
Did I talk about it last week on the podcast
how my eyes were just really dry and itchy.
Yes.
Okay, so that continued.
And then we go offline, Pomona Bullets is like,
hey, I use castor oil for my face,
I guess because when it's dry,
it moisturizes your face, right?
Right.
Well, I guess not for me.
So I put it on my eyes first and like,
immediately like I rubbed it into my eyes,
Pomona Bullets and within 10 seconds,
I'm just like, oh, this doesn't feel right.
And then like I put it on my face
because my entire face was dry too.
And I'm just like, oh no, no, no, no, no.
So I wash my face and then I,
because it was like really stuck on my skin already,
because I don't know, I guess castor oil,
at least the one that M gave me,
it's really thick and like molasses syrup.
Is that the way it's supposed to be?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, this shit was so fucking thick.
I'm like, okay, well, I guess I need to put
fucking toner on my face to make sure it removes
from my pores and that like just set everything off.
Oh my gosh, I feel so bad.
It's not your fault, all of the car oil.
It's disgusting it, but okay.
Yeah, so I mean, obviously I had an allergic reaction.
You don't have an allergic reaction,
so it's not your fucking fault.
And if it was, I would have probably came up there
to like do something to you.
I know, you would have been knocking
on the pounding out my door.
Right?
I go see the dermatologist and my insurance
doesn't cover or doesn't do the dermatology part,
whatever the fuck, right?
So I had to be out of pocket, fine.
He's like, so I'm gonna prescribe this cream for you.
You put it on your eyes or just as needed, right?
So I'm like, okay, that's cool.
Come on, Obelisk, I got a CVS.
I got a CV, I don't even go to CVS.
CVS says it'll be ready by six.
I call like at 430, I'm like, hey, what's the status
of this?
They're like, you know, your insurance doesn't cover it,
right?
I'm like, right.
So I'm like, I need to know how much it's costing.
She's like, it's $794.
Shut up.
I started laughing and I'm like, well,
that's not clearly gonna work.
I will talk to my dermatologist.
I call the dermatologist back and I'm like, you know what?
Because, I'll explain it later.
But I'm like, hey, so my insurance doesn't cover
this brand.
I'm like, and I, the dermat, I'm sorry.
CVS said it wasn't the generic brand.
It was like the name brand, right?
Because at the end of the day, the doctors get a cut.
They get a percentage from any, right?
So of course they're gonna prescribe the highest fucking
expensive one there is.
And then they work their way backwards to be like,
oh, I guess I'm not gonna get a cut after all.
So he's like, or I guess the dental assistant, no.
The medical assistant.
The medical assistant, she's like, well,
we have the generic brand, would $52 be okay?
I'm like, from $794?
Yes, bitch.
Like what the fuck in hell?
I think this, and then, so I pick it up.
And I only had to use it twice and I'm back to normal.
Thank God.
But the dermatologist, yeah, the dermatologist,
I was gonna say dentist.
The dermatologist, like I'm explaining my face
and how I'm like, I look like the elephant man.
He's like, no, he's like, you have contact dermatitis
or some bullshit like that.
I'm like, yeah, my mom says I have eczema.
He's like, yeah, that's what contact dermat,
whatever the term he used, the clinical term,
he's like, that's what eczema is.
And I'm like, bitch, do I look like a dermatologist?
Like just fucking say it's fucking eczema.
I'm like, whatever, I'm very glad I'm back to normal.
But at the same time, I was just like,
I still wanna rub my eyes
cause they're fucking dry as fuck.
Like my eyeballs because it's so,
and my nose is just like haywire with the seasonal allergies.
But I don't even wanna rub my eyes.
I'm like, I just need to put, I guess ice cubes on them
because I just don't want them ashy again.
Oh my God.
I don't want dandruff on my eyelids.
Well, thank God you don't have those fake lashes.
Jesus Christ, can you imagine?
Fuck man.
Fucking dandruff in my fucking eyelashes
or the tarantulas that are fucking my eyeballs
or my eye socket.
Can you imagine if I showed up with like the swollen eyelids
that I showed you the picture I sent you with the eyelashes
and I go to the fucking dermatologist
and I'm like, what's wrong with me?
Shit.
Oh my goodness.
Well, I'm glad you're back to your good old self.
Right?
But you know what's crazy is cause dermatologists,
you know, they do all the Botox
or they administer the Botox
and all the stuff for people's faces now.
That's where their money's,
that's where they're making the money at.
Oh yeah.
I honestly think so because the insurance doesn't cover it.
So people are paying out of pocket
for the people who do that.
Why were like three chicks in there,
the medical assistants or I don't know what they're called,
I guess for the dermatology,
but you know, they're the ones that they see to you
and then they, you know what I'm talking about.
Yeah.
Okay.
Medical, I'm calling them medical assistant.
I don't know if that's the right word.
I would think so too.
But you have to, they're all Botox.
I'm like, they're so fucking young.
And I'm like, why are your lips so fucking big bitch?
Like your lips don't need to be that big,
but I'm like, I'm not gonna do that.
I don't need to be that big, but I'm like,
whatever, you fucking you.
Oh my, yeah.
That's so weird.
You know what they do.
But I don't have that problem in neither do you
because we're half Islander.
Yeah, I know.
Be jealous people, my lips are all natural.
Yup.
That's right.
Don't hate us cause you ain't us.
Right.
But natural full lips.
That's right.
Well, actually I kind of have like hair waves.
I don't know.
You have what?
Like your lips.
I don't know.
I do have that little complex where it's like,
well, I guess I could have those like Kylie Jenner lips
or something.
I sometimes think about it, like just like the eyelashes.
Well, if you're going to be sucking dick 24 seven,
yeah, that would look great.
But I mean, you're not going to do that.
Yeah.
No, sorry.
Like wrong gal, wrong gal.
Sorry.
I love my dental hygiene in my teeth too much.
No.
And I like my jaw.
Yeah.
Sorry, I got lock jaw.
Can't do that.
You know.
Oh, shit.
Shit.
But I do know that Botox is actually,
I don't know if it's a loophole or if this is truth
because I don't get migraines.
I don't know if you do.
Do you get migraines?
No.
Okay.
I don't either, but I do feel bad for the people that do.
I was like, it's a fucking headache,
but apparently they're way worse than a headache.
So I don't know.
But I do know that people that do have migraines,
they get Botox injections and it helps with their migraines.
Oh, no shit.
Yeah.
I bet that's what originally it was probably intended for.
And then people caught on like that ozempic for people.
Like, have you heard of that?
Yes.
It's for diabetes, but then everybody else is using it now.
I guess they're curbed their appetite
or whatever the fuck so they can lose weight.
Yeah.
I think that's what it is.
If I'm saying that correctly.
I think that's what it is as well.
But yeah, it's just so crazy that they get,
they're like, hey, I noticed that my fucking bitch face,
fucking frown line is gone.
Now that I'm getting these Botox injections for my migraines.
Don't Crawford no more.
Shit.
I've never had a Botox injection.
Have you?
No, I haven't.
Yeah.
And after doing just the castor oil on my eyelids,
I don't even think I,
I probably have the worst allergic reaction
just from Botox, I'm assuming.
Fuck, my skin is so sensitive.
I'm like a little baby.
Girl, I remember I wanted to get a breast implants.
I'll say it with me,
but then you know what?
You have to get them removed like every 10 years
and get a new set.
And I'm just like, oh, I'm not doing that shit.
I'm glad I wasn't able to get them
unless I drove to Mexico or some shit, but.
But.
I fucking glad.
I could see you in the alley just like, yeah.
I need Botox.
Yeah.
Fucking shit.
I was just there like,
you know you have a hole in your heart.
And I was like, oh, fuck yeah, I do.
But you do?
Yeah.
That's why you're a heartless bitch.
I guess so.
Maybe I have a hole in my heart too.
I need to find out why I'm such a cold selfish bitch at times.
I was like, shit, I fucking know.
I know.
But I didn't think it was that bad
because the hole was smaller than the size of a dime.
That's a big fucking hole, bitch.
Yeah, I know, but they put a little sponge in there
and then they like, when I was a kid.
And so do they have to take that sponge out
every now and then or what?
I guess not.
I've been living fucking 43 years.
Fuck.
What the fuck?
That does not sound right.
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, I'm like, oh shit.
I have birth defects.
I don't fucking know.
But yeah, I'm still kicking.
So I guess I don't fucking know.
I don't have any problems, but who knows?
But they said they would not give me breast implants.
And I was because of the hole in your heart?
Yeah, and the wrist.
And I'm actually glad because back then it would have been,
what is it?
It was that silicone,
but now they do something different.
How?
I think it's saline.
Yeah, yeah, now it's saline.
But if I would have fucking got breast implants,
it would have been fucking silicone.
And back in the, I'll go ahead.
I'm just saying, like, yeah, that's really bad, right?
The fucking silicone.
And then back in the day, they used to,
like, are they used to cut off your nip or your areola?
Yeah, proper.
And then stick it in that way,
which, and then so you would have the anchor,
you would end up with an anchor, what's it called?
Like an anchor on the underneath of your nipple.
What's a scar?
Yeah.
But now they shoot it up through your fucking belly button.
Yeah, or your arm.
I would rather have it through the belly button
because if you do your underarm,
you're gonna have a fucking big ass scar there too, right?
Well, they just put a little tube
and they put the like balloon in there
and they just like, oh, just blow them up.
Yeah, fuck.
I mean, I looked into this shit
because I was really, really wanting them.
I was really wanting them, but then I was like,
you know what?
You know what?
I'm kickboxing and shit.
Like, last thing I needed is someone to just, like, yeah.
You know what?
I had a, I knew somebody that I guess that she would work,
or she was very active in working out.
And one of her boobs, boobs,
one of the silicone, not the silicone,
the saline sacs or whatever,
it busted because she was so active
with working out and everything.
And I'm just like, oh, damn.
Fuck, yeah.
You know what?
And that would just be my luck.
Right?
I mean, my body's gonna say,
you have a foreign object in you.
Exactly.
I'm just gonna, it would just be a nightmare.
So, yeah.
My body would reject it too.
Clat them over that little fucking phase
where I'm trying to look cute and shit.
Fuck that.
You still look cute?
I still look cute, yeah.
Now I own it. Hello.
I own it.
There you go.
I own it.
I'm like, I'm sorry,
you have a hard time finding a shirt that fits you
because I don't have that problem.
Oh my God, you're hilarious.
That's so crazy.
Speaking of body parts,
I was at the gym earlier this week
and there was a commercial for Secret.
Do you know that Secret deodorant?
They have a whole body spray?
What?
No.
That's what I said.
And why was the bitch on the fucking screen
for the commercial?
Why did she pick up?
It's like the aerosol spray.
Okay.
She has it.
Like she's getting ready to spray it,
Pomona Ballets.
Why did she open up her waistband on her sweats
and sprays it down there?
No.
And I'm like, excuse me,
A and B, take a bar of soap and wash your snatch.
I sure watched that bitch.
What kind of fucking commercial is that?
Like whole body spray
and you're going to spray your fucking snatch
or in your groin area, whatever.
Yeah.
You're going to spray your FUPA.
What the fuck?
And are you wearing undies or your commando?
Like what the fuck are you doing?
I don't know, man.
I was just like, what the?
I'm like, wow, I was not expecting that for a commercial.
You know what?
They're probably trying to like compete with that.
Was it Loomi?
That, that Loomi?
Oh, I saw that.
I saw that.
Yeah.
It's like a body deodorant lotion or something.
Yeah.
I want to say.
You fucking rub it on your FUPA.
You rub it on your pits.
You rub it like everywhere.
Your FASA.
Everywhere.
You just fucking rub it.
Rub it.
If I rub that on my fucking snatch,
it's not fucking soap or lotion.
It's aerosol spray.
What the fuck?
That is fucking crazy.
I, I don't know.
What is, like these commercials, these commercials, like, yeah, that is, I've never seen that
commercial, but secret.
Yeah.
You're going to watch when you see it now.
You'll be like, what the fuck?
Oh, I'm like, did I just see what I, did I just see what I saw or did I just saw what
I saw?
Harvey say it?
Yeah.
I'm like, girl.
And then they talk about, there's that other, I don't know if you've seen this commercial
where I think it's like some type of fucking, I don't know, herbal.
I don't know if it's a pill or something, but it's all about pooping.
And they're like, yes, girl, we all do it.
And they're like just sitting on toilets and shit.
Like, no, I haven't seen that one.
I don't even know what it's called.
I should have.
I bet I'll see it next week or next week at the gym when I'm.
We all do it.
Yeah, you do it.
I do it.
We all do it.
Yes.
Women do it.
And they're just sitting on a fucking toilet and they're talking about shit.
And it's like, what the fuck is going on?
What is going on?
I don't know.
I don't really watch too much TV.
I'm usually Netflixing something or whatever.
But right when I do, I'm just, what the fuck?
What the commercial?
Yeah.
What is going on?
I'm just superboring.
Is this really what's going on?
Fucking nuts.
It's nuts.
I don't get it.
I don't know.
This is, yeah, freaking crazy.
What?
I can't believe secret.
Dang it, secret.
I'm going to, and I use secret deodorant.
Yeah, I use Dove.
Oh, you know what?
I was using Dove for a while.
But I use Dove.
Yeah.
And, and, but the good thing about us Islanders is that we're not going to use it.
We're not going to use it.
Yeah.
And, and, and, but the good thing about us Islanders or us little, you know,
our little Asian persuasion, we, we don't like, I don't, I don't really,
I thank you.
To the heavens above. Like I don't really have to battle with body odor.
So much.
I just, oh, I, I don't, oh, I shouldn't say I do, but if I'm working out or
whatever, then I'm just like, Oh, I smell.
Yeah.
I'm not going to be working out or take a, like when I do a 5k or whatnot.
It's like, I know I smell, or it's just like, I just smell sweaty,
but it's not like that gross, like, oh yeah.
No. Yeah.
I agree. But then people probably like, you probably think your shit doesn't
stink. Well, guess what it does.
Yeah.
But I'm not doing a commercial sitting on the pot with everybody else.
Yeah. Exactly.
And I never like took off my shoes and it was just like, sour ranch,
like nasty.
I never understood that how like some people's feet would stink like that
when they take their shoes off.
Yeah. Like what?
And you know, we take our shoes off before we come into somebody's house or
what?
Yeah. And, but I'm just like, they must not wash their socks or their feet
or both.
Or they're like jumping in fucking puddles and just like letting that shit.
Oh, I don't know what the fuck is going on.
But yeah, that's that's I, I mean, I'm sorry if you have that problem.
And he listened to his butt.
But how did they get that problem?
That's what I never understood. Yeah. I don't know.
I don't know if it's like hygienic, like they're hygiene or if it's,
you know, DNA or just, I don't know, but.
Clearly there's bacteria somewhere to make that fucking smell stomp or
whatever.
Like, yeah, just that's, that's pretty horrid.
I don't know. I don't know. And I, yeah, I don't know.
And I've seen people with their shirts and their pits.
Like it's like that yellow.
Yeah, our black. Yes. What the fuck is that?
Like, I don't know. Like I've never had that.
I never have, but I have like when I used to wear white t-shirts,
like after, well, after so many washes, you know, if you don't use
bleach, like get all dingy or whatever, right?
Maybe that's because of that.
But why is it black sometimes? I don't know.
That's, I know.
I know. This is pretty like, I don't know.
I don't know what's going on there.
I think it's just like a different breed of humans.
Like I don't fucking know, but yeah.
Not me. Not me, not you, but that's just pretty good.
God, yeah. So gross.
You know, I'm glad. No, go ahead.
I was going to ask if you talked to your dad already today since
you talked to him last time.
I did because I told him the good news that I, I was like,
who can I share this shit with? I fucking won.
And it wasn't rigged. It wasn't rigged. It was legit.
I won. I fucking won.
And, and you know, I hate losing. So that's just like the cherry on
top of the cake.
That's right. Yeah. That's right. That's right. That's right.
I'm going to, I'm not going to put in my name and no raffle if
I'm going to lose because I'm going to go home all but hurt and
shit. My name flip over that, that patio.
Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to kick all these chairs.
I don't give a fuck.
I don't even come here. I hate my life. Right.
Yeah. So I had to call pops.
It was like, guess what? I won. He said, you know, you know what
pop says? Hey, that's great.
But he does that to me all the time.
Hey, that's great.
And he says it like a little song type fucking shit.
And I know he's just fucking with me.
He's just like, right, dad? Well, you can't sit on my new patio
chairs. If you ever come visit me, right?
You can hang out in the back with the new trio though. Yeah.
You can go on a lounge chair with the garter sakes and the fucking
new trio.
Yeah.
Yeah. It's just so fucking funny.
Fucking love him. Oh yeah. But God, I hope my family doesn't
do this. But my mom calls me.
She's like saying something to me.
I picked up the phone and I'm like, Hey, yeah.
And I'm trying to tell her the same thing.
Like, guess what? I fucking want to date.
She's up. Well, that's not nothing interesting to hear.
Your mom is such a hater. You need to stop talking to her.
I know that's the worst thing or advice to tell you because
that's your mom, but she really is Debbie Downer and she is just
not productive.
You know, and yes.
So I just said, well, you know, I'm very elated.
I'm very happy. And this is as happy as I've been in a few months.
Like my heart actually feels warm. I feel like my heart is smiling.
Like fuck, I don't give a fuck.
With the little tampon that's plugging the hole.
Yeah. Yes.
Bitch.
She's like, yeah, you remind me of your father.
That's right. And then I was just like, I hope you have room in your closet.
She's like, what? I'm like, cause you're going to need somewhere to hang this up.
Click.
See, I love you so much.
I love you too.
Yeah.
Look at me, look at me.
You're in there for that toxic environment.
I'd say goodbye.
Yeah, but that was fucking great.
I need to use that line, but I never really talked on the phone.
I'm just like bye bye bat like I'm not today.
You're gonna feel my thunder.
Shit.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, the winter's not really over yet and plus it's snowing so maybe in the next couple months
Oh, yeah for sure
I can't wait because you know I have a whole process
I have to pressure wash the patio and all that
I got to pressure wash the hot tub because I'm definitely not one of them to just go in the hot tub when it's snowing and
Some people say is therapeutic you get in there and then you like jump out and you freeze and get cold
Because it's like one of those shocking like like those. Yeah. Yeah, not me
I one drop of water on my fucking hair and it's over so I I spend too much time
Straightening it and so
No, not gonna is your patio set did it come with an umbrella?
No, it's more of a just it's more of a little like table with like a glass top and oh, okay
Yeah, it's just a little but that's fine because I'm planning remember
I don't know if I I think I told you but I had the whole blueprint for the patio that I want to just go over
Yeah, yeah, were you gonna get that done this summer though? I sure hope so
Okay, I sure hope so with inflation and the price of lumber
It's kind of like I could buy myself a fucking Mercedes, but you know
It's just crazy you think that there's so many fucking trees here in Oregon and it would be cheaper, but yeah
You need to have your son start chopping the wood. I know Jesus was a carpenter. Why can't you be one?
He's like no, that's haze is the garden
It was it was Joe Sue
right
And I use it call my fucking gardener Joe Sue and he's all by the way, it's whole sway well fuck
It's not on the fucking receipt
J O E S you eat. I was like this motherfucker
He stole somebody's fucking identity, but that's okay. I give him props
Remember what somebody stole your identity?
Yes
Are they still doing that or they stole like did you finally get that handle? Yeah, I fucking did that was fucking insane
That like took for fucking ever. I know yeah, so how did it get resolved then?
Man, that was that was some bullshit because that was like 20
years ago or that's when I first met you I want to say yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was like I know everybody wants to be me, but you just can't
Yeah, well, I totally forgot about that. Yeah, that was fucking insane
That was so they thought it fucked your credit up, right?
Well, it did but I I fought it because they were just using
everything to just
You know be me I guess and
Yeah, it was so horrible. I it was I had massive I
Had I think I paid over back then I paid over five grand
To just fucking fix everything and it took at least three fucking years to get it
Yeah, I was just gonna say it's such a long process. Yeah. Yeah, it was horrible
And I was just like and but that was back before there was like Facebook was super huge
It was back before, you know tick-tock and all that shit and social media
Yeah, there was no Venmo and PayPal and Apple pay. There was none of that. Thank God because I couldn't even imagine
The right I would have to go through if all that shit was available then it was horrible
It was horrible. Yeah. Yeah, it was fucking horrible and and I paid so much fucking money
I had to pay to get my shit removed from like Google and all these fucking sites and all this shit because you wait
Well, what was that on Google or what? Yeah, because they were doing like different like my space accounts like this
Guess oh my god. Yeah, right. Yeah, it was horrible and the bank was trying to like blacklist me and all kinds of
It was crazy
Thank you for reminding me
I just popped in my head when I don't even remember what you said that triggered it, but I was just like fuck
Yeah, that was it was that was a nightmare. I think I I think you fucking let me your shoulder a few times to fucking cry
Like yeah, I just remember you called and I was just like I was just like totally like what the fuck
Yeah
Fucking it was that was that was yeah, that's probably one of the worst fucking yeah
Shit or that goes yeah, that goes in the books
My book
Shit
Oh gosh, thank goodness and hence why I am NOT online anymore. I'm all scared and shit
Well, I mean you do have a point
Yeah, I'm just like because I'm not so tech savvy
so I will that's like why mess with it if I I
Don't know when people are like well you can put on private and you can do this with your settings and you're gotta like
Fuck and that's just way too much like I just feel like an old-ass bitch where I'm like, I don't I I don't I don't have time for that
I just don't.
I just, I'll just.
Well, that's what you have me for.
I just send you the links.
Yeah.
No.
Text you and just, Hey, Medusa.
So did you hear about something? Cause I heard about something.
And can you look it up online?
So speaking of social media, I didn't send it to you yet.
You know who Sean Strickland is from the UFC?
Yes.
Okay.
So I guess it was his birthday, like yesterday or maybe this past weekend.
I don't know how old the post is.
I need to find it.
So they have a surprise birthday party at his fucking house.
And you know, this guy, it just gets triggered for anything.
Yes.
I guess I fucking love him.
He walks into his fucking house and I guess they're getting ready to say
surprise and he fucking has a gun in his fucking waistband and he pulls it out.
Oh,
because he wasn't expecting all those people.
Oh, I think I saw that.
Yes.
I started, I started laughing so hard because I guess.
Whoever made, I guess put a song to it.
They're like, this is how dumb people die.
Yeah.
I'm like, yeah.
So, uh, yeah, he, I guess he was getting ready to.
You, you.
Girl, you know, that would be us. Like just like, one,
I hate surprise birthday parties. Like just please.
And I don't think I have enough friends to even fucking congregate and do that
for me.
So thank God, but everybody's safe.
Everybody's safe.
Just no, no 45 tours long here.
No, no, no.
Oh, I know.
And I was just buying, I was just buying, I was,
girl, I was just going and like going through all my ammo.
I'm like, what do I need? What do I need?
What do I need?
I was like, I need some more slugs,
like some shotgun for my judge.
And, and I'm actually going to freaking build this 1911.
I'm going to send you the site.
You sent me the, you sent me the, what's it called?
The web link.
For the 1911 where we can build it.
Yeah.
I want to say, yeah.
Girl, you could put, girl,
I just so want to make one just like a Nerf gun,
like type fucking look and just like the grips.
I, I customized it.
And it's like when you're buying a car online and you can customize it.
And yours is like, wow.
Well, I don't have 250,000.
I don't have a lot of money.
I don't have any.
Wow.
Well, I don't have 250,000, but.
That's.
That's a cheaper angler I want.
I do that with guns all day long.
I'm just like, you sound like my brother.
All right.
That's a, that I'm like, well, you know,
I don't really have 10 grand to just drop on you.
But on my whistlist.
There you go.
Add it to my cart.
It's like, I don't have a lot of money.
I don't have a lot of money.
I don't have enough money to just drop on you.
Like, let's just go with it.
That's there.
Right.
Yeah.
I still need to get my Raptor back from my dad.
Like kind of a monkey.
You're what?
The 1911, the Kimber Raptor.
Got it.
Okay.
What?
You left it with him when you moved up there or what?
Yeah.
Remember when he took all of the.
Oh, you took all of that.
And then.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Thanks, dad.
Yeah.
And he's like, you know what, honey?
A beautiful girl like you doesn't need all this.
What do you do with all this?
I'm like, shut up.
Don't add it to your collection.
I worked hard for all that.
Right.
What do you need all this for?
I'm like, for fucking stress therapy.
It's a sore loser.
Did you forget?
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't want to go to the fucking open range or the fucking
indoor range.
It helps.
Unless you want to buy me like a fucking punching bag or some
shit.
Like, I don't know.
Shit.
You're so cute.
Pomona.
I know.
No, no.
I'm just like, you know, innocent.
I guess there you go.
And so are you.
Yes.
I'm like, I don't know.
I don't know.
We'd throw punch or fly.
Oh girl.
Okay.
So thinking of the same.
Talking about throat punching.
So.
Again, I'm going to go back to work scenarios.
So I had to.
Put a few employees on this like mandatory little.
It's called town halls.
Town halls are when like the higher ups come.
And they just say, Hey,
this is what I don't like.
It's like free speech.
You don't get fired.
You don't get nothing like judged.
You can just say, Hey, I like this.
I think this is working. Hey, I think this.
You can say whatever. Hey, I don't like my department.
Superficio.
You just say whatever the hell you want. Right.
It's this town.
The whole town halls.
So I had to schedule.
I had to schedule.
So I had to schedule.
So I had to schedule a department.
For this town hall meeting.
And I did.
And there was one person that I didn't schedule.
Because why?
He was on vacation.
So why the fuck would I schedule him.
To come to this fucking meeting when he's on vacation.
Like, I don't know.
He might be in fucking Maui.
He might be in Fiji.
I don't, he might be in Jamaica.
I just made an executive decision to not fucking schedule him. No, it's called common sense
Right, you don't even need to make an executive decision. It's called common girl common sense
It's not common with people obviously so this fucking whale
comes to my office and
She's like I got your invite for the meeting blah blah blah. She goes, but I did realize that
You know Joe Smith is it on the invite?
Is there a reason first and foremost bitch? It ain't none of your goddamn business, but I
Just looked at her and I swear if I could punch her in the throat
I would but I couldn't because she had too many fucking chins like there's a
Seer I would I would punch you in the fucking throat for being a fucking tard the fuck out of my face, but
Yeah, I'm not I'm not a mean person, but shit
Just out of here and she's one of those
God bless the big ins, but just cheese. She's the one that's just
God, it's like honey boo boo's fucking mother. Oh, what did she say when you told did you tell her? Oh, I just said
One I go it's actually none of your business. Oh, I love you
And and to and I go into he's on vacation and she's up. Oh
Because I was just and then she does that laugh
Fucking schedule bitch. Yeah, you fucking
Blah
It was a day where I wasn't having it anyways, just get get out of here
Just get out of my face and I wish you didn't have so many goddamn
I it's like she's the bitch that eats a fucking burger and and catch up drops and it's like
Stained on her shirts like type shit like just
Just you can just tell it's like you have basically she uses a secret body spray
Yeah
Fucking using a
scrubber snatch
Yeah, you know your ass can't you can't fit you get your arms your fat fucking arm can't fucking you can't even wipe your ass
Like there's no way
I can get out of my face Jesus
Acting like you're all smart and shit
I know but but you know what I have a big smile on my face because this is my therapy. Yeah, you go
What's my therapy? I just I just have to say it to the world
There's just Jesus just people people people people just you know what if you just keep your fucking mouth shut
Nobody will know you're stupid
Nobody I would appreciate your silence. Yeah, they don't know if you're smart or stupid
They don't know just you know, it's just just just you know food for thought
Oh my god, I love you so fucking much
And I think we should end on that note because it's like 51 minutes. Oh damn. All right. Yeah
I guess we just ran to this whole one, but okay, that's right
But I did win I'm a winner today. So you're a winner today
I know patio tables were overthrown or thrown or tossed. Nope
Not none of that today
You have any last parting words pomenable? I do not I just hope that everybody has an awesome week coming up
I do the same. I wish the same and uh
So the people who want to use or
Think about use the secret body spray just fucking take a shower
Yeah
Yep, I don't know. Okay on that note. We are out. Peace. Peace