What up, Clint, Clint gang? Guess what? March 1st is this coming Friday, which means
Feet Pose Maven, a foot model's diary, volume number 3, drops on Amazon for Kindle and Kindle Unlimited.
Link is in the description.
Best day, happy Sunday.
Non-football Sunday.
I know.
Back to the grind.
Confession. I got back into NBA basketball this year, I guess, or when my brother had the YouTube, the TV pass or whatever for NFL.
I'm like, oh, fuck, I've missed basketball. So I don't know. I looked at the NBA pass. It's $80 for the year. And I'm like, oh, maybe I'll do that. But maybe I won't. Have I done it yet? No.
Okay. Okay.
Well, I'm there with you. I mean, my screen saver on my phone is 24. But RIP Bryant.
Right. Who are you? Are you Laker?
Because I'm an old head. I'm 1980s pistons and then the 90s bulls.
All right. Everybody's like, what the fuck? I'm like, bitch, I'm 50. I don't know anything about these newbies.
All I know is, fuck the Celtics.
But I do like their Kelly Green fucking jerseys, though. That's my color green that I like that they wear all the time.
St. Patrick's green, I guess. I don't know what color green that is, but I like that color green. But yeah, fuck the Celtics.
So what's up?
Well, I don't know about you when it comes to Janie, but Fenway, she normally gets her teeth cleaned once a year at the vet, right? So the vet charges astronomical only because they give her anesthesia so they can put her to sleep or she goes to sleep.
I don't know what the proper term is so that they can properly scale her teeth and scaling is like they fucking, I don't know what they take a blade, I want to say, and they scale her teeth instead of brushing her teeth.
So you only do it once a year.
Harby's yet.
$800. That's what I've been paying for the last 12 fucking years this year. I'm like, let me try the dog wash that I take her to to get her spa days done because once a month on a Sunday or on Sundays once a month, the teeth cleaning lady comes.
And I'm like, okay, let's try this. I'm like, this is what's going on. She's always had anesthesia. This will be the first time. So hopefully she doesn't like, I don't know how you guys do it, but hopefully she behaves. I don't know.
Girl, she fucking behave $200. I'm like, I saved $600.
What?
Yes.
Fenway, you get treats all day long for mama.
You're all ox tail bone for you, Fenway.
No, Tata, her teeth are pearly white again. She's good for another 10 months.
That's right.
Yeah, Jenny don't get spoiled like that. She just gets her nails.
Her nails did.
Yeah, Fenway's breath was starting to stink and I was just like, it's about time. I'm like, yeah, it's 11 months. So she's do.
I give her those dog dental sticks, but you know, that only does so much.
Right. Yeah. And I've tried to brush her teeth. That's not happening.
Is there like doggie toothpaste or you just use like a doggy toothpaste and I guess a toothbrush or you can use your, your finger or whatever, but I'm like, yeah, that's just not working.
Oh, shit. I didn't know that.
Yeah. So here we are.
Hey, mama's day. Girl, it was 74 degrees here yesterday. I don't know what's going on, but and my eyes are back to being scratchy and dry because it was so windy yesterday.
Like my eyes are just like, have you ever watched SpongeBob, an episode where he can't sleep? I don't know what episode it is. Probably all of them.
And you know how his eyes look all red and everything and I'm like, that's how mine feel right fucking now. Just like, if I blink, you can hear the squeak, squeak.
I'm so glad you said that because I was just told by somebody that I was the only person that ever had the squeaky eye problem.
Nope, that's me too. And everybody's like, you need to use, I guess the eye drops, but that just irritates my eyes more like the viscine. So I refuse to use them because the one time I did it just made it worse.
And I'm like, I'll just have a squeaky fucking.
I was using those Sistine. I think if that's how you say it, eye drops and you put them in the fridge and they were they worked when it's allergy time or what not.
Then I got a whole shit ton of this Zidra from my doctor.
I don't know. It's like, it's almost like one of those emergency I little stations when you got something in your eye or whatever you have to go and okay, the doctors. Yeah, looks kind of like that fluid and you, I don't know, I have a shit ton of them.
I haven't even.
Does it work.
Um, yeah, if you use them.
I'm not sure if it works. I'm not sure if it works.
Am I the only one that hears this squeaking or is it, is it can somebody if you were sitting next to somebody, do they hear it.
I don't know. They haven't said anything yet, but I guess that eventually they might.
I guess it's like just thick, I guess, because I guess my skin is dry because I keep rubbing my eyes and then like I keep tearing even though they're dry tears, I guess I don't know if that makes any sense.
So like the salt tears is messing with my dry eyelid skin so like now it's just like whatever first world problems but
anyways, how's your skin? Oh man, it's all fucking yuck.
I'm because it's so cold here and windy and it just gets I've never had this problem and Kelly or anywhere else. It's just what the fuck I feel like one of those just old ladies now I just carry the little hand cream that's like
same girl just putting it on my my hands all the time and it's just shit. I'm not ready for the summer even though the summer is not big here. I mean we might have maybe two months of 8090 degrees.
But that one time when I was up there last year wasn't it like 100 degrees or was I wrong on that.
It was warm. Yeah, I think it did hit 100 they're like record highs everybody's freaking out and shit.
Yeah, you can move to Cali it's hot.
It's so funny. I think I mentioned it before in a previous podcast but that show Portlandia.
Oh yeah, yeah, they did an episode or a skit on one of them where the girl goes to California to find her dude. He was the barista guy and he's like I'm going to Kelly.
And actually it was Justin Timberlake who was playing the barista guy.
Oh, I'm sorry he wasn't a barista he was a mixologist because they don't call them bartenders here unless you're at a dive bar.
Wow, okay. And they go to California. They're like, it's so hot.
Seriously it is. And they're all walking down the 605.
That's their car overheated.
Oh well yeah that happens a lot down here. Turn on the heater. Right.
So crazy. But yeah, my skin I don't know it's I bought some more dove intense body wash.
The intense. Yeah, the dryness. Yeah.
Just yeah look like a powdered donut.
That's what my eyelids look like.
Did you wash your face you got sleep all over your eyes. No dead skin. Dead skin and salt.
From crying. Yeah.
So this morning, I get a phone call from my pops.
I'm always so nervous when he calls me so early because I think he's going to deliver some bad news.
What time did he call?
I think around 10. Okay. Yeah.
Which is which is barely early.
I guess. Yeah, because he's barely getting his drink on and you know, okay, usually he calls me around one.
Got it. He calls me.
And I'm nervous I answer.
He's just like, Hey, and he just needed to rant.
You know, and it was funny because I could tell you already had a couple steps and which is which was nice.
He was making me laugh.
So bad.
I'm just like, I guess I actually know now I, I understand why I'm so fucking crazy because this man raised me and like a fucking Apple don't fall too far from the tree.
He is just talking so shit. I guess he after he's talking shit, he's making me laugh. He's getting a pizza, one of those frozen pizzas he put one in the oven.
Okay, he's getting it out. He's talking to me and he here is.
Fuck.
He dropped it.
But see, I know my dad and I know he tried to pull that shit out with no.
Yeah.
He drops the pizza. I've just complete silent.
He's all motherfuckers off. It's face down on the floor.
And I was like, Oh shit, he's off.
But the fuck he's like, I can't, I can't save. I can't save any of it. I can't save these pineapples.
I can't save. Well, it had pineapples on that pop. So it should be face down and in the trash. Yeah.
I was like, that's right. And he's like, Oh, we gotta go just sell the church. You can.
Hey, throw some. I got back in hot pepper flakes and some parm on it.
And then my stops and he goes and nobody will even know the difference.
He starts busting up and I'm laughing. It's a little too early to be fucking gut busting that early.
I was like, Oh my God, my dad's so fucking funny.
He's all fucking pineapple. Fucking Hawaiian pizza. What the fuck?
And it was so insane because I was just talking to my cousin Dennis and we were talking about Hawaiian pizza.
And it was like, what the fuck do the mainlanders call it Hawaiian anything if there's a fucking pineapple on it or a mango or a fucking pineapple.
Put pineapple on it. We'll call it Hawaiian. Why?
He has a point.
Just because a pineapple.
And now you'd need a GTS it and see who invented the pineapple or the Hawaiian pizza. I bet you wasn't even Hawaiian.
No.
And so my cousin, I was talking to her. He's like, you know what? If we were to make a real Hawaiian pizza. I was like, man, we should put some Kahlua pork on that bitch.
Yeah.
Yeah, you saw some Kahlua pork.
So we were inventing in our conversation, just all the Hawaiian pizzas we could possibly fucking make. I was like, you know, if we put some ground beef on that shit, some brown gravy, it'd be like a locomoco pizza.
There you go and wrap it up. It could be a taco.
Yeah, put some span on that bitch fucking Hawaiian pizza.
Hawaiian pizza all day. And if you ate it with chopsticks, you could say it's Japanese infused.
There you go. There you go. Put a little poke on there.
There you go. Fucking Hawaiian pizza. Boom.
Bitch.
Yup. Fuck your pineapple.
So did your dad serve the bent over pizza to, I guess, the family or what did he do with it?
Oh, no, he was by himself.
So that's the only time he can.
He reminds me of that one skit. I don't know if you ever seen it from key and pill where they're like, bitch.
Have you ever seen that key and pill?
No, I haven't. No, I'm trying to fit. I'm going to say no. I'll just say no, because it doesn't ring a bell.
Oh my gosh.
I'm going to send it to you after it. It's about these two dudes. They have their friends. They bring over their wifeies. They're like going to have a little whatever. They're just hanging out at a house.
The girls go off the wives. Oh, look at my new washer. Let me show you. It's in the basement. The guys are talking.
You know, what she did today.
I told her, are you ready? And she's like, give me 30 more minutes and what I go in the car. Why was I waiting in the car for an hour?
And his friends all, what? Well, no, what did you say? He goes, I told her, bitch, but he's looking around making sure she wasn't listening.
And he's all, no, you said it. He's like, I sure did. I sure did. So they're doing this whole skit where they're calling their ladies back holder.
Bitch, please. But they're trying to hide it so bad. They're trying to hide it so bad.
I have not seen that skit. And now you need to send me that for sure. I will. It's fucking hilarious. And that's my dad. It reminds me of my dad.
He talks all this shit. He's like a minute his wife left in the door. He's like, hi honey. Okay. Well, it was nice talking to you.
I hope you have a good day. I'll talk to you later.
The joys of being married. Oh gosh, I know. He's so crazy. He's so funny. I'm not going to say some of the shit he said, but he always, oh my pops, he always reverts back to some crazy ass shit.
I can no matter what I mentioned to him, just he just always goes back to the past. Well, don't you remember that happened one day. Do you remember.
So I'm going to give you a prime example. He was asking me if I talked to my sisters and whatnot. And I was like, nah, here and there, not really.
And then I told him that the last time I talked to one of my sisters, she had a gopher issue. And this cover was just tearing the shit out of her lawn.
We have that problem here up and down the street. Really bad. Yeah. And like Fenway will actually end up stepping in the gopher holes as when she's looking to go potty and it's just like, these fucking gopher is neat.
There's fucking caddy shack, the movie caddy shack on fucking crack, dude. I'm like, shit. What those gopher's don't fuck around. There's holes everywhere and everybody's lawns here.
And do they make those piles of dirt in there? Yes. And you see it's like on the on like on the curb and then it ends up in the street because it's in the gutter and it's ridiculous.
I was just like these fucking rodents. I don't know. I yeah, they're the marauding. But anyways, yeah, okay. So the gopher. Yeah, my my sister was telling me she had a gopher and she tried to get me to gopher.
And she tried all of the little tactics that my dad used to use back in the day where he would put a garden hose in one of the holes and just oh yeah I used to see that did that actually work. Yeah, if you catch them and in time before they make a like a city of fucking
babies, tunnels and shit. But yeah, it'll flood them out and they pop up on on another end and then my dad would get his baby gun and just pop like shoot him.
That's right. Yeah, yeah, it was it was it was crazy. And he would also let us to just sit and wait.
There you go with it. That would work. Once in a while. And then we did try the poison. I guess you get some poison kind of throw it down one of the gopher holes or tunnels.
Okay. And but my dad didn't like using that because we had a cat probably. Yeah, you don't want to get the other things.
Yeah, yeah. So my sister tried doing all that. So she decides to finally get a gopher trap and so I was telling my dad a little bit. He's like, did you get one of those fucking traps that keep it alive.
I don't think so because she sent me a video and it looked like they were pulling a pole out of the ground and the gopher was like pinned. I don't know this like a nail just went straight into the back of its neck.
Huh. Yeah, okay. I mean, yeah. And they pulled this pull out fucking gopher look like almost like a small cat and it was pretty fucking big. Oh damn. Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know but I told my dad that and he's he's always like, well, did she do this? I don't fucking know. I don't know. Why don't you call her? I don't know.
She don't answer my calls. Well, fuck, I don't know. Don't don't shoot the fucking messenger. I'm just fucking talking. And the next time you just be like, no, I haven't talked to my sisters at all. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
And then so pops, like, he fucking segues off and he's all remember the time we shot that fucking rat in your house.
Oh, I need to hear this fucking story.
So I don't fucking know what happened but I the house in Pomona, the house in Montclair, the Montclair one, the, the, the house was never there.
The word the haunted house where we used to make our beer pancakes.
No, that's not Montclair. It was on the borderline. I try to act like I moved up and moved up in the world.
Okay, so that's the definition of bougie. Yeah, yeah. Um, excuse me. If I cross the street, then I'm in Pomona. I moved out of Pomona.
By five steps. Why don't you look at the street signs.
It's green with white lettering and in Pomona, it's blue with white lettering. See, you can tell you're in a different city when you look at the street sign.
I love you so much.
Thanks, dad. He taught me that too. But I never even fucking noticed the fucking I never noticed.
Go to Laverne. I'm like, Oh, yeah, it is brown with white lettering.
But anyhow, so there is I thought I had gopher's in the backyard. Do you know how big the backyard was because it was a corner lot.
Yeah. And I don't know. I think they were something like, what did the neighbor tell me?
They were ground rats or more. No, Tria mole rats or small rats or I don't I can't. Yeah, I don't want to sound stupid.
Oh, yeah, moles. We used to have moles growing up to in the backyard. That is so weird. Nasty. I was like, Oh, gosh.
And for some reason, some fucking, there was rat. I don't know how it got in my house. I don't even know. But this fucking rat got in my house.
And I knew there was something there was a rodent and it was I don't know if there was a bunch of them because I never heard any of the scraping on the walls or right like that.
But there was something in the house or whatever where my son had one of those little you know, one of those little bouncy things you put your kid in and they just kind of bounce and they just sit on the floor and the little yes.
Okay, well, it had these little rubber freaking things on the bottom. So if you put it on whatever your your tile or whatnot, it doesn't scratch or doesn't move.
And one day I just it was all they were all eaten up and you can just tell it was like two freaking teeth just just that shit up.
I was like, what the fuck. I'm telling you, there's all the signs, all the signs. My, my daughter would color and you know those big crayons that you get your kids.
Yeah, the teeth marks. Yeah, yeah, fucking teeth marks and shit like taking. I was like, there's something in this fucking house but I couldn't find shit.
It turns but nothing so I was like, so I decided to put poison everywhere or whatever those little guy con little pellets. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And of course pops is telling me well you better be careful because if it's like a family of shit they died on your walls they stink and all this crap, whatever so one day.
It's a weekend. I fucking see I come into the kitchen. I'm going to make some coffee and a pot of rice, like always. And there's this fucking huge fucking rat in the middle of my kitchen floor just there.
It's just there. And it was, it was so big to the point where the tail. It was like the tail was just long and pink just ugly.
Oh, fucking gross. And I screamed, of course, but I was by myself so I scream and I was like what the fuck do I do. I thought it was alive. I thought it was it was alive, but it must have ate some poison and it was just dying.
It was like, just kind of look it wouldn't you're like died big. Yeah, right. You ate the fucking poison that I put out because you're a stupid sucker. Yeah, it was just so fucking big.
And so I call my dad and of course my dad was at that time living just maybe a hop skip and a jump from me. And okay, he says, what is it in a trap.
Like, no, this fucking rat sounding like it was his to go. God damn it. And I had a little cat at the time. And it was a baby kitten and I threw the cat and like, and the cat like a little rabbit.
Yeah, it jumped like a rabbit was like, fuck no and it went up my curtain and it just held on to the top my parents like, I'm not doing this. So I tried to get a shovel. And I was like, well, it's, I don't know, I'm gonna just were you going to beat bad it with the shovel I guess.
Yeah, but it was in my kitchen.
I was like, I don't know, maybe get a bucket, like put in a bucket. So I'm kind of like scampering it's not moving so fast. And then when I get the shovel, and I get a bucket, but again, as gangster as I may be.
Not when it comes to right now. Thank you. Like please.
Please. No, please. No, yeah, hard fucking pass. So I'm just kind of like, oh, so and I get the shovel. This bitch, what does it do fucking runs.
Oh, God damn it. But it stops. And it just like, huh, just went maybe like, yeah, like maybe two feet and it's just there. And you can see the nose twitching and shit and I called my dad.
And this was before I got my shovel and shackles and fucking right. I think it's dead is done. He's like, it's in the kitchen because what the poison does it hydrates them and they look for water.
And they just hydrate so he's in. How does your dad know all this?
Man, because he's fucking Marie. Yeah, because he's a Marine. Yeah, I see it all done at all. Fucking knows it all. I don't know. Fucking crazy. So my dad shows up anyway.
He's fucking so funny. He comes into my house and he has a bath towel like from your bathroom, a bath towel wrapped around something and he's coming in with a long shit.
And I was like, what is it? It was like a movie. He drops the bath towel and it's like.
But it's one of those air pump right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking solid. I mean, it's like, how do you wrap it in a towel? So he comes in, he's all, where is it? And he's all, oh shit.
And tell me why I go all the way back to the wall. And I was like, oh my gosh, my dad fucking shoots the fucking rat. He shoots it. And what happens to it? The fucking bullet or the BB pellet, whatever you want to call it, goes straight through the fucking rat's neck out the other side.
And it lodges into my fucking tile. Well, it's vinyl. It was that vinyl T-Bass tile. Right.
We need to see if I, we have a crime scene investigation going on. There's blood splatter everywhere.
I'm saying blood splatter from the fucking rat. I did not. What the fuck just happened?
And my dad's like, fuck yeah. Oh shit. He's all, look at that bitch. And he like picks it up by the tail. It's so good. He tosses it in my trash can.
Oh, excuse me? Yeah. I was like, okay, maggots. I don't know. Not my indoor trash can. He went outside in the outdoor one.
Oh, okay. I thought you meant your kitchen trash can. I'm like, I was just about to throw up. No, but, and then my dad goes back and he's like, wow, look at that blood splatter.
He's like, I honestly put, he's all, usually I only do 10 pumps for this rifle. He's all, but I did 12.
I was like, what the fuck just happened? I'm glad he said.
Pop, you should have did 20. You could have rat brain splatter. Yeah. Rat apple pie. Apple pie all over.
But that little fucking pellet stuck in my vinyl forever. I would mop and I just see that little pellet. I kept trying to take it out. I'm like, yeah, it's in there.
That's my dad. Yeah.
It's a fucking pellet. So I changed the goddamn flooring, but shit. Yeah.
My dad for you.
And that was the end of the rat thing. Oh yeah. Well, no, but okay, hopefully no babies were, I guess, yeah, looking for, I guess the mom or the dad.
Yeah, it was over. It was over. I think it was just like some fucking Templeton from fucking Charlottes Webb was just chilling in my house.
I'm like, I don't know. It was crazy. Oh my God.
So yeah, I know. I know. Have I dead laffy? He's telling me this story early in the morning. I was like, yes, I remember the fucking rat. I remember.
He's on your stoop a little cat.
And it was probably smaller than the rat was actually. It was. Oh, it was. Yeah. I hate cats. It was, it was. I don't remember. I remember when I used to come over, I'm like, bitch, I'm allergic to pussy.
So you would have to put the cat in the fucking bedroom and close the door. Yeah, I hated that fucking cat. Remember.
Fuck is done. You got it because of the unit. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that's what it was because I was just like, I can't hang out with you if you have your cat here. It's like, it has to be somewhere else.
Yeah, fuck this cat. And then it would just put his paws under the door.
Remember.
Yeah.
Help me out. Help me.
Oh, my God. Yeah, this is so crazy. So yeah, we just kind of went down like a little bit of a rabbit hole. My dad is so crazy. And then he was, and then he just like goes off and says things.
Gosh. So I don't know. Did you ever see that?
Um, it was a YouTube little like video. Oh, shit. It was back in the days because I think your bro actually sent it to me. So it was back in the days. And it was about, you don't know, or meet Jack shit.
No, I don't remember that if I see the video, I'll probably it might ring a bell, but like just you mentioning it, it doesn't ring a bell.
And it was this little video where it was like a little cartoon. And it was like, when somebody tells you, you don't know jack shit, or you don't know jack.
Let me formally introduce you to jack shit so you can, you know, say you do.
And they talk about jack shit had married no shit and no shit.
Oh, yeah.
Okay. Okay. So my dad was telling me about that.
And he tells me I have another video and it's about ass. I said ass.
It's all about the fucking American English language where it's, it's tough.
I feel bad for the people that try to learn it. I guess. And then my dad kind of segues and says, like all the shit you and your sisters used to say growing up.
I are tubular or duh.
And he's still say duh.
That's all. What was that other word you girls used to say, not.
Oh, yeah. I used to say that too. You did. Yeah.
I remember saying that in psych.
Yeah.
That was the stupidest word ever psych. Was that short for psychology. I don't even know what it was short for or what it stood for.
But what it meant like just kidding, right? Yeah, just kidding. Yeah.
But I was just like, was that short for psychology? Like, did we spell it PSYCH?
I probably not. If I was writing a note in the class and passing it to my friend.
I used to spell it PSYCH like bike.
Okay.
S I K E. I don't know how I never had to write it down. Just, I would just say it. So I'm like, how do you even fucking spell that shit?
Did you ever used to say later?
Yeah. Did you ever that likes totally like 1980s or whatever when that movie fast times that Ridgemont High came out with Sean Penn?
Oh, yeah.
And you know how they they chopped it down and people started saying late.
Yes, I hated that.
Yeah.
Late.
Did you ever say chill out?
Or yes.
So did I.
I still say that kind of me too or not. Now I tell people to re fucking lax.
Yeah.
Or take a chill pill. I never said that. But I used to be like chill.
Yeah.
Chill out. Chill out.
I never said righteous.
I don't think I did either.
That's like an old white boy.
Yeah.
Right.
I never said.
Yeah.
I guess if you were saying that when you're working at raging waters, I mean,
I see you there.
Yeah.
For sure.
Or whatever that place was called with the waves and the lazy river.
Yes.
Oh shit. Oh yeah. Or that waves. Yeah.
Right.
He caught a righteous wave.
I never said that shit.
I was telling my dad about shit.
Or no, we were saying we were talking about.
Oh yeah, we were talking about shit.
And I said, I go, well, and he goes, I used to call you, you kids dip shits.
And I said, yeah, yeah, you did.
I said, but it, the word shit, you can only use it so many ways,
but it does mean different shit.
Cause I used to be like, oh shit.
Like that meant.
Yeah.
And that's like the word fuck.
You can use fuck as like a noun and verb and adjective.
Yeah.
I mean, you can say the same with shit.
Yeah.
Fuck that shit.
Exactly.
Look and look at you using both words in one fucking sentence.
That's why you're my fucking girl.
I'm not as dumb as I look.
Yeah.
So that was, that was my morning.
It was, it was pretty cool.
My dad.
Yay.
I'm glad you still have father daughter time.
I wish I had that.
Oh, I know.
Oh well.
Anyways.
Okay.
So I have a question for you.
Okay.
Now that we're talking about, I guess fathers, this has nothing to do with the ads,
by the way, but I read this fucking news article and I started laughing.
I'm like, I don't know.
I guess since I'm a tomboy, I will always side with my dad as opposed to my mom,
even if she's right.
I'm like, you know what?
You're wrong.
Yeah.
Okay.
So.
Hi, but, or I guess this is an act.
This actually happens.
So I don't, I don't want to say it's a hypothetical question, but question.
If your man decided to split the chores with you, how would you feel?
Amazing.
Okay.
I'm going to have several questions.
So you'll feel amazing.
The next question then is, if you found out he hired a cleaning lady to do his half of
the chores, how would you feel about that?
And in regards to your half of the chores that you have to manually do.
Fuck that shit.
Like, no, no, no, no.
Okay.
Now, third question.
If he paid 75% of the rent, would that affect your emotional health?
If he paid 75% of the rent, would that affect your emotional state when it came to reasoning
on why or why not you like or disprove disapprove of him hiring a maid for his half of the chores?
No, no, it wouldn't make a difference.
Like, if you love me, you're going to fucking pay extra to have my half too done.
Like, yeah.
Okay.
So you would side with like, that would be, I wouldn't say that would be something my
mom would say, but I'm siding with the guy in this fucking scenario because, um, A, he's
paying 75% of the rent.
So, um, maybe she should fucking clean the entire fucking house.
Let's start there.
And if you're crying about, now this is crying about the woman part, the, I guess the significant
other is complaining.
This is the news article was she was complaining that she's wasting all her personal time doing
her half of the chores.
And now granted, she's only doing half of the chores.
She's not doing all of the chores.
Right.
Hmm.
And he's paying 75% of the rent.
So my thing is this, shut the fuck up or maybe, uh, pay for your half of the fucking cleaning
and have the cleaning lady do the entire fucking house.
Fuck yeah.
I would stop the cleaning lady, bake her some cookies and say, um, how much for the whole
house?
And please, please watch these dishes.
And the news article said that he still washes the dishes.
I guess if there's dishes in the sink, like he won't wash them all the time, but he, he'll
still wash the dishes and take out the trash.
I'm like, wow, you're actually a good man.
You know, actually if he's going to get the job done, however he gets it done, it's getting
done.
I guess you can't really complain.
I mean, right.
Cause he's paying 75% of the fucking rent bitch.
Yeah.
I was just like, it's not, the math is not mapping on her fucking whining part.
Like shut the fuck up.
Exactly.
Yeah.
I mean, I see it now.
I can totally fucking see that, but she's going to divvy up the chores.
Hmm.
I get her point, but, um, I think she like personally, I'm like, I would just be mad that
he, he found a genius way to not, or to get the chores done, but not do it himself.
Right.
Because I'm thinking like if he's only has to do whatever he hired that lady specific
or man or whatever gender the cleaning person is.
Yeah.
Um, he hired that person to do specifically his chores.
So he can't be paying for a full house to be cleaned.
I'm assuming I could be wrong.
I don't know.
Maybe he didn't want to.
It's fair.
Exactly.
So I was like, hmm, can't be mad at him.
He's fucking genius.
You know what?
I would take that over, over the fact where somebody, um, not me, but, um, pretend that
they don't know, or they, they just, you know, you just wash the dishes really shitty.
People would say, why is it, was this fork washers still food?
Oh, who washes dishes?
Come on a bullet.
Oh, fuck God.
Don't ever have him on bullets.
Wash dishes.
She does the shittiest job ever.
And it's like, I tried.
You're like, no, you didn't, you did it that way.
Just so the impersonal.
Yeah, exactly.
And they just got that up with me and said, fuck it.
We'll do it.
I'm like, yeah, what's, how's that saying go if you want the job done, right?
You're doing yourself.
Yes.
So, okay.
Yeah.
I side with you on that as well.
Yeah.
But I think that's genius.
Yeah.
Of course.
Yeah.
But you also have to take into all these like factors and me digging into it.
It's like, well, did they have kids get those kids a fucking clean or, um, yeah.
Well, they didn't say that in the article, but I totally agree with you.
Like give the kids the tour so they can learn responsibility.
Yeah.
But I will tell you this.
Um, so I, I, when, um, we did, or when M was growing up, I'm like, I'll do the laundry.
You just need to fucking fold.
And this is where it comes in with the dishes where you're like, I'll just fucking do it
myself.
Yeah.
She would fold my towels the opposite of the way I folded them.
And because I'm a January Capricorn, I'm like, you can't fold the towels like this.
You fold it like you fall.
You're, she kept folding them lengthwise.
I'm like, you fold them from, you fold them with why?
No.
She would fold them width wise and I'm like lengthwise length, you fold them together.
She would do it the opposite.
She would do the wit.
And then she looked at me and I'm just like, you know what?
She's actually fucking right.
She's like, you know, there's no wrong way to, to, um, fold a towel.
Right.
And I'm like, well, I'll just fucking do it myself.
You don't have to fold laundry any fucking more.
And she's like, Oh, perfect.
Yeah.
When, when, when, when, when, when, but she made a valid point.
She's like, there is no wrong way to fold a towel.
And I'm just like, in my book, there is.
So I used to tell my kids the same thing.
I'm like, yes, they're fucking is because how are they going to fit in the towel closet?
They have to be folded a certain way.
Like you fucking make fucking idiots.
Like, no, God, so mad.
Even when I would have my kids make the bed, make your bed, make your bed, make your bed.
They would make it.
And I made my book.
I would look.
Hmm.
Doesn't look made to me.
And they and then I would always end up remaking their fucking beds because it was just that,
that tourists.
Freakin.
Yeah.
No, it's because we want to be in control.
And I'm like, like, how are you going to fucking fuck fuck?
And I, yeah, there's so many things where I hate.
I also hate if a towel is not hung properly.
I don't give a shit if it's a towel that's on the stove or whatever, a little dish towel.
Right.
If it's just on there, it's like that pisses me off so bad.
Like, I don't know.
Yeah, I've learned in the last six months, I'm like, I just let that shit go now because
otherwise it just gets me mad and I'm not going to be here that much longer.
That's all I'm going to say.
So I'm like, you guys can do whatever the fuck you want when I fucking leave.
Like, don't fucking call me for shit.
That's right out.
Fucking out.
I'm not even going to haunt you because I don't want to see the fucking towels and.
Right.
I hate it.
I fold.
Well, folding is is something big with me.
I fold.
I hate folding laundry.
I hate it too.
But I fucking hate it.
But what I hate even worse is when somebody folds my fucking laundry the way I don't
like it.
Right now, I don't fold my socks that way.
I don't fucking I don't fold.
I don't even fold my socks.
Do you fold your socks?
I will.
I pair them up.
Oh, I don't even pair them up.
I throw them like, you know, like those little cloth, like the square boxes, like I don't
even have a dresser.
So those, I guess, like if you had like, I call it a cubby, like the cubby system or
the cubby bookshelf with those cloth drawers.
So I just I have one of those cloth drawers.
I just fucking throw all my socks in there because they're all anklets or I have like
the crew, the crew socks with like the cartoon action figures or whatever on them for my
when I go to the gym and I don't even roll those up.
I was just like, what are I'm too lazy for that shit?
Yeah.
Well, you know, I don't know why I do that either because all my fucking socks are black
and they're all the ankle socks.
Like they're all the same and the same brand.
So I'm like, you don't have to pair them up or at least because I'm lazy.
Maybe that's why I don't know.
I just at least are clean.
Yeah, exactly.
That's true.
But somebody actually told me because I would, I would, if I would take off my, my socks
from after a day of work or whatever, and I would take off my socks and I would fold
them like not fold them, but put them together.
You know how you put one sock inside the other kind of like, yes, I would toss them
into my hamper.
And I was asked one day, why the fuck do you fold your dirty laundry?
And I said, fold it.
It's just so that I know that a fucking pair of socks went in the fucking washer and I'm,
I should have a fucking pair coming out.
But they don't get clean that way.
No, well, I would take them out.
I would take them out.
Oh, okay.
When I would do laundry, I would undo them, but I knew I had two pairs, like a pair of
socks, a pair.
Right.
I would take them out to now.
Okay.
And it would go in.
And then of course, if, if they were white, I used the spray and wash on the bottom or
whatever, which just, right.
Yeah.
So yeah, I would unfold it, but I would always fold them when going in.
Yeah.
Just so I knew that there was two fucking, because I, I go crazy when I'm like, how the
fuck do I have one straggler?
There's like, no, I get so mad.
I get so fucking mad.
You know, my socks always get stuck inside.
Like if I wash my, well, I wash them once a week, like your bedding or whatever, your
sheets or what that fitted sheets.
So it always gets stuck in the elastic of the fitted sheet.
And it's so annoying because then when you take it out of the dryer, your socks are
still wet because there's all it fucking mixed into your fucking sheet.
No.
Right.
Oh, world problems.
I know.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
Life is tough.
Right.
Cry me a river.
Yeah.
I've also, I've been working on myself a lot.
Okay.
Yeah.
Good.
I'm glad to hear.
Yes.
I'm trying to just, you know, I'm going to say go into depth if you want to, if not,
don't worry about it.
I'm just saying when I feel like I'm down and people keep kicking me or just, it's just
a fucking like a shit avalanche.
And sometimes I just want to curl up in a fetal position and just lay there and just
say, take me God.
I'm like, put it out.
But I have to, my personality, who I am, I'm just like, I hate losing.
I'm not, I don't know.
I, you know what?
I never knew this until we started doing the podcast.
I did not know you were a sore loser until you admitted it.
And then just the things you tell me offline, I'm like, oh my God, she fucking is.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
I'm bad.
I'm so bad and I'm not proud of it, but at least you admit it.
Yeah.
Half the time people don't admit it and that's where the problem is.
So at least you're aware of that.
Oh yeah.
I'm like, it could be a board game or it could be the true game of life.
It's like, I know, no.
And I have this whole, like, don't tell me what the fuck to do.
I, I, I hate it, but I'm trying to just, okay, I'll listen.
I'll listen or just act, or just act like you're listening and then just be like, all
right, I got to go by.
Yeah.
That's what I started doing.
Oh, yeah.
Like, oh, well, well, thank you for your concerns.
And I, I, I'm even better.
Yeah.
Thank you for your fucking concerns and go, I hope you don't, you know, fucking go, go
fly a kite.
How about that?
That's, that's, I don't fucking care.
I, I hate it.
It's just like, I don't know, but I've been really trying to just work on myself as far
as, um, yeah, just learning to not worry about the shit that I fucking can not, can
have no control over it.
You know what, I've been doing the same thing and I have a confession now.
I guess, um, I have not been drinking like a lot, like since the Hawaii trip or the Maui
trip.
I haven't told you, but like, I just had a, like a one and a half serving of vodka in
my crystal light, but I like last week, and that's probably why the podcast on my half
fucking sucks because I'm not funny.
I don't really drink anymore.
I was just like, I don't, I have way too much shit going on, I guess.
And then like, well, I take that back last week.
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
So last week we did our podcast, right?
Right.
I'm like, I'm gonna have tequila.
I had a shot of tequila and then I had one and a half vodka or vodka in my crystal light.
I'm like, cause I don't have to work the next day because it was president's day.
Oh, right.
I woke up and I was so fucking hungover because I haven't like, and that wasn't even, you
know, even fucking drinking for me, but like normally that's like, just like my breakfast.
Yeah.
So I was fucking hungover the entire day.
I log into work Tuesday morning.
Why do I have 181 new fucking emails?
You want to know fucking why?
There was no fucking holiday.
Oh, no.
So I'm like, my boss gets online because we're all remote.
So I'm like, Hey, I got 181 new emails like, and they're all from yesterday.
Like during normal working hours, like was I supposed to log in?
Cause you told me on Friday that she's like, Medusa, because who I work for now, they're
they all combined into one company.
So her, her part of the company was originally vacant or I guess paid holiday.
So that's why she told me no, no, no work.
It's a paid holiday.
She's like, I thought the same thing.
That's why I told you don't fucking log in.
It's a paid holiday until I've got to the, she had blood work and she had a doctor's
appointment.
So she's like, I'm in my city and my doctor's appointment and all of a sudden my phone starts
ringing and talking about why aren't you on this conference call?
And she's like, well, today's a holiday.
They're like, no, it's not because we merged and the merger says there's it's, and I'm
like, why didn't you call me?
I was fucking home.
Like I would have logged on.
She's like, no, I already told you that it was a holiday.
Don't worry about it.
Just put eight hours down.
You're going to get paid.
I'm like, are you sure?
She's like, yeah.
And I'm like, score.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
Thank you universe.
Yeah.
You're like finally, finally.
I was so hungover and I'm just like, I just, I just, it's not me anymore.
I don't know.
I guess I'm turning a new leaf.
Yeah.
That's, that's, that's good.
Yeah, I guess.
I mean, like the week before that, or so the week before that I met up with Darcy and
Newport, cause I haven't seen her since fucking August.
I saw her for her birthday.
All right.
I saw her the week before I went to come see you.
Okay.
And then I told her I'll come see her in October.
I never did.
So I'm like, oh shit, we're in February.
I gotta make a trip down.
So we hung out in Newport.
I had four pints of beer and I'm like, dude, I'm like, I really don't drink anymore.
She's like, what?
And I'm like, yeah, well, I need to fucking bounce.
Or she, she kept me to my time.
I'm like, I need to leave by 3pm because I need to take Fenway out.
Yeah.
This fucking dog, I swear.
Why does she have to pee in poop?
Running my life.
So and then the before that was four weeks before that my, my CLB, um, homie, um, Fabian,
he took me out for lunch for my belated birthday the end of January and I only had two pints
of Guinness and he was like, you don't want more.
I'm like, no, bro, I don't really drink anymore.
And tomorrow's leg day.
He's like, this is not.
He's like, he's like, when I first met you, I can't believe like, he's like, you drank
like six to seven pints of beer and then like, is she okay to drive home?
This bitch, this bitch isn't even slurring and she's fucking is walking straight.
Like she's fucking straight.
Like what the fuck?
So I don't know, Pomona, but let's hopefully the next time I see you, I'll be back on my
alcohol cake.
Well, I mean, I'm kind of right there with you.
I think we were kind of like, I don't know.
It was almost like the same when people are, what are you drinking or are you hungover?
It's like nah, nah, I'm straight.
I'm straight and everybody just, what are you okay?
Like, I don't know.
And it kind of made me a little more embarrassed.
Like, hmm, is this what just everybody I'm just known to just drink motherfuckers under
the table.
Right.
Exactly.
That's kind of like, boom, damn.
Okay.
I just got like fucking, wow, rude awakening.
The last time I got slosh, slosh was when I flew up to see you, but that was a nightmare
just trying to drive or try to be in that plane with everybody with Columbia and Patagonia
gear on.
I'm just like, we're going to fucking crash.
We're going to Ghana.
Somebody's serving me purple drink.
I need to die.
Yeah.
I've been, I've been well behaved actually.
And it was kind of tough in the beginning, but it's actually, I think it's actually good.
At least I'm not doing one of those fucking sober October motherfucking things.
Like, oh, I did that three times or two, twice.
I did it once girl.
I did the first time was during lockdown.
I did it.
I did it for 89 fucking days.
I'm like, oh, I did it.
And then like everybody's like, why are you stopping?
Like, I'm going to a rave.
They're like, there's a lockdown going on.
I'm like, well, I'm going to the rave anyways, and I need to start drinking a week in advance
for my up my tolerance.
Yeah.
For sure.
I would do this so well October and I would tell myself, see, see Pomona bullets, you
an alcoholic.
You did well.
Who knows?
You did well.
Now you did your time.
Yeah.
Now go get a drink.
There you go.
Now go relax.
You deserve it.
Like, okay.
Yeah.
Fucking headache.
Fucking body aches.
If I meet up with friends, I'll probably like when I met up with Darce, I had four pints
of beer and that's it.
So I'm like, I'll drink then.
But like at home, like at least I'm saving money and I'm not trying to save money when
it comes to alcohol.
But I'm just like, I've had the same fucking handle of fucking vodka.
Like that fucking big ass handle will probably last normally last me like maybe five weeks.
Oh yeah.
I've had it for like two and a half months now.
See, we're moving up in the world.
Fuck yeah.
I guess man.
Fucking old ages.
I know right.
I can't hang anymore.
It's just like I got shit to do and I don't want that fucking hangover man.
I can't even eat fucking ice cream anymore.
Like dairy.
Fucking not.
You know what?
I don't eat that either just because the sugar high and then the next day will just give
me gas.
Yeah.
I'm just like, ow.
My tummy hurts.
Like fuck it.
I can't do this.
Like I love ice cream.
But I guess not no more.
No more ice cream for me.
Do you eat berries still or drink dairy?
Hardly ever.
I mean, if I'm making mashed potatoes, I'll put a little there, a little milk.
Oh, okay.
But yeah.
No.
I mean, it's like cheese and then like Greek yogurt.
That's about it.
Yeah.
I'm the same way.
I love Greek yogurt.
I'll eat some cottage cheese here and there.
Yeah.
That's rare for me too.
I used to eat that all the time, but then all of a sudden, like when I turned 35, I
would get the worst.
I guess people call it, I call it acid or they call it acid reflux because I'm an old
hit.
I call it heartburn.
I had the worst heartburn and then like, I don't know.
I guess maybe they're fake cows or fake cottage cheese.
I never had that problem until 35.
And then all of a sudden I had heartburn like no more cottage cheese for me.
Yeah.
I used to cheese up my pizza extra cheese and I'm like, nah, give me that block.
Yeah.
I need extra cheese for cheese.
I owe all the cheese down.
Yeah.
Light on the cheese.
How about no cheese?
Same.
Can't do it.
Fuck me.
Get the flatbread pizza or whatever it's fucking called.
All that has like the less cheese.
Yeah.
It doesn't even have marinara sauce anymore.
It's like, I'll take it.
I'll take it.
It's good with pesto.
Yeah.
The pesto fuck yeah.
Or the olive garlic confused.
Yes.
The yeah.
I'm just like, yeah, I'm fucking old now.
I can't even do this shit no more street tacos.
I'm like, yeah.
Okay.
I have another admission.
I guess this is admission or confession for Baruch Medusa Sunday.
I'm back on McDonald's.
Thanks to Ocho Cinco.
I know Ocho Cinco eats that shit all day long.
He used to work there.
What?
Yes.
Like he he'll post on Twitter between that and because his I don't know if he's married
yet to Charelle, but his baby mama.
He will.
She will always order him McDonald's and it would always be DoorDash that or Dunkin Donuts
or is it Dunkin Donuts?
No, I'm sorry.
Krispy Kreme's like he'll eat the whole 12 pack and I'm like, God damn it.
I fucking love you.
Yeah.
So what are you ordering at McDonald's?
And everybody's just like, why do you order this?
Quarter pounder with cheese and 10 piece nuggets are like what?
And I'm like, that's 50 grams of protein.
You don't need to eat the fucking fries.
If you want fries, eat the chicken nuggets and the nuggets have protein.
So that's an easy 50 grams right there.
And that's I'm all about protein.
So there.
Nice.
Yeah.
And plus the McDonald's app.
So I gain all these points.
Oh yeah.
Exactly.
They're like, you like that you like that combo?
We'll give it to you for the next month for $6.
And I'm like $6 and 60 cents for a quarter pounder with cheese and 10 piece nuggets.
I get that twice a week.
Wow.
Well, hey, you know, you only live life once.
I guess, right?
And DRock has limited food restaurants or whatever.
So that's the closest one to me is that.
Yeah.
I would get something else.
That's all I have here too.
Fucking McDonald and Carl's Jr.
Yeah.
The Carl's Jr. like, you know how you ate that button?
Yeah.
Like I had mentioned on that episode where you said you accidentally bit into a button,
by the way, what the fuck?
Yeah, their foods, I don't know.
It used to be good and it's not really good anymore, at least or maybe my taste buds changed.
So I'm on the McDonald's Ocho Cinco diet.
Nice.
I still like their cheeseburgers.
I can still eat McDonald's cheeseburger.
I do.
I just, and their pickles with the onions.
Yeah.
Makes it taste so good.
Give me all that sodium.
Yeah, for sure.
Shit.
Oh, okay.
So we haven't done rants lately.
Do you have any rants?
I guess.
Yeah, it's, we're coming up on an hour, so I just wanted to, looking at the time.
My rant, no, I think I pretty much just kind of, I was just, my rant was just, I was, I
just came, I had an epiphany, which I always truly try to ignore those.
Because they're so boring.
Yeah, I was like, what?
No, but my rant is on myself.
I'm just like, I can't believe that it fucking took me so damn long in life to just finally
say, throw in the towel and say, all right, let me, let me just, let me just work on myself.
Well, yeah.
That's a good thing though.
And when you're throwing in the towel, you also mentioned that you're trying, you're
trying not to control everything.
So that's a good thing as well, because that's something I'm working on as well.
It's just like my mom and my daughter, you can do whatever the fuck you want.
But it comes down.
Yeah.
So my rant is like, God damn it, Mona bullets.
How come you took so many fucking years to just not breathe and just say, hey, life
is life.
Like just do you.
Right.
Took me, took me fucking 40 years.
Well, hey, better late than never.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying at least for me.
Yep.
So now I'm about to believe my best life.
That's right, bitch.
That's what you need to fucking do.
Yeah.
What's your rant?
Do you have a good rant?
I mean, well, this is a nerd rant, I guess, because I haven't wrote down rants in a while.
But so Microsoft, I don't, you probably don't use office or Microsoft office, Microsoft
Word at work.
Because I know you do other stuff.
You don't.
Do you use that?
I do because I have to make flyers for the store.
Okay.
Well, I'm an old head.
So my rant is this, originally back in like 1990s, Microsoft Word's default font was Times
Roman numerals.
Oh, I fucking like that.
Right.
I like that because I'm an old head and then it evolved to aerial.
I like that as well.
As of 2020, the default was Calibre.
If I'm saying that, I'm sorry.
I don't know, that was the default font.
I finally got used to that because in the beginning of 2020, I'm like, what the fuck
is this?
I would automatically make, I would change everything.
I'm typing into aerial because I fucking hated Calibre.
If I'm saying that correctly.
Right.
As of the last, maybe 45 days, they updated the default font to Aptos, APTOS.
I fucking hate that font, Pomona.
Let's bring back aerial or times Roman numeral.
Like the old heads don't like this new shit.
No, I agree.
I, I have to, I, and the worst part about that is I have to go into my fucking settings.
And when I'm typing emails, doing anything, I'm like, fucking the primary fucking font
needs to be aerial.
Yeah.
Thank you.
And that's across the board.
That's for Excel.
That's for PowerPoint.
That's for, like you said, emails.
And I'm just like this, I'm like this fucking bitch, like who's the fucking, I'm assuming
is a Gen Xer.
I'm like, who's changing, making this default font?
And now that I'm saying this all, I need a YouTube it.
I bet I can find a way to make the default or set the default to be times Roman numeral
aerial.
And if there is such a thing, Pomona Bullets, I will send the instructions to you.
Thank you.
Because I am so not tech savvy and I, I, I can't keep up.
I'm so old.
I'm just like, what the fuck?
My fucking phone updated again last night.
Like what are new emojis?
Wow.
And you know, I know you mentioned this like a while ago.
So like, I'm going to say two software updates ago, at least for T-Mobile for me.
It said, like it went from like, you know how like when we text message each other, like
the gifts would be on the front, I guess, or I guess the first part, but now it's not
like I have to hit the plus button.
Then it scrolls and then it's like on the second page.
Yeah, it's all vertically on the second page.
And I'm just like, who the fuck decided this?
Because everybody replies in fucking gifts.
So this should be like the first under photos.
That should be the second option when you're trying to reply without text.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
It's a fucking cruel world.
Like what the fuck?
And now I need to keel out or bring down my blood pressure.
Clink, clink, clink, clink, bitch.
We're going to have to think of a new term instead of clink, clink, since we've dried
up on the album.
I know.
We're like, think, think, think again.
Just kidding.
Or pink, pink, blank, blank.
Yes.
You win.
You always win.
Good.
Because I'm a force for it.
Oh yeah.
I don't need you flipping the table.
Yeah.
I don't feel like breaking my TV today.
I'm poor.
Okay.
I'm bad.
No, we are.
Yes.
And you are.
I'm on a bullet.
And we are besties.
I love you.
We'll both see you next week.
Yes.
Peace.
Okay.