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What up guys just a reminder I have two new ebooks out the first one the

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immaculately obscene next scene that one's getting great reviews it's got a

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couple of thumbs down as well but you know what I'm not everybody's cup of

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tea I get it I'm obscene just like next scene also last week feet pose maven a

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foot model's diary is out now as well that's getting great reviews for all the

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foot lovers out there Amazon links for both are in the show notes so get to

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click in and get to buy in and get to read in all right let's get this episode

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started it is a two-part series so here is part one

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why does it look like there are tarantulas on my fucking eyeballs and

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they're fucking my eyeball I'm like this looks so ridiculous okay trim them

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or no I'm not Hollywood good morning mademoiselle good afternoon happy

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Sunday bitch happy fun day Sunday so it's fucking snowing in Oregon it may

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look like snow but it's ice oh shit yeah so we had this severe ice storm come

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and hit us pretty bad we got down to I would say 16 degrees okay so fill me in

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an ice storm it comes down directly as ice it doesn't come down a snow yeah so

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it's like freezing rain they call it freezing rain holy shit it they're

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anticipating snow as well but first it was flurries and flurries are the little

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tiny snowflakes it comes down as rain and it gets it's so cold as it gets

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closer to the surface of you know the earth or whatever it turns into little

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snowflakes and it doesn't stick it'll just immediately melt so those are

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very easy I learned all this by the way since I've moved here to Oregon so those

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are called flurries snow the snowflakes you can see them falling and they stick

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and then you can make a snowman do all okay okay okay so freezing rain it's

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rain but it freezes so it's not hail it's just little freezing rain and it

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just oh sorry oh it sticks isn't snow fucking rain though technically and then

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it comes down to snow or no I don't know I'm gonna have to look all this but

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yeah I don't know I have no freezing rain I have no idea but it's so cold here

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it's freezing temperatures that the freezing rain once it fits the ground

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it's just sticking and it's just becoming a sleet of ice yeah it's pretty

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bad so how many days has it been going on like that for about two days now so

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you're not safe to drive to work your well nope they keep telling us on the

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news don't if you don't have to leave your house do not because you're slipping

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and sliding there's no track right it's ice it looks like snow but you're

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sliding all over the place damn so no work tomorrow then or I would hope they

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would close down but I'm going so they would actually close down I was

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wondering how that works yeah a lot of the restaurants and small shops around

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here are closing down I know yesterday Portland was having that Lion King

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performance here in town or in Portland okay they shut that down they shut down

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the Moda Center which is a venue kind of like the Staples Center okay that down

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and all the events going on there yeah it's pretty bad I went outside this

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morning and I figured well if I'm gonna go to work tomorrow I better try to get

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some of this ice off of my car oh shit my it looked like a helmet was just on my

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car

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oh my god yeah so me and my son go out there chipping away at the ice I shit

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you not how much was on top of your car it was about three to four inches thick

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oh were you able to unlock your door and all that or eventually after I chipped

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away the ice oh shit yeah and then obviously you had to shovel snow or I

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guess shovel ice or yeah no my car is still legit just in stuck in ice on my

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driving fucking shit yeah oh my gosh I don't even know what to oh wow okay so I

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sent you that video of the dog yeah you she sent me a video of her dog Janie

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she's outside if she's walking but she's literally walking on about four inches

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five inches of ice all that poor thing what am I supposed to do

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slipping and sliding everywhere but then she went to where I start laughing in

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that video because she found a section where it was obviously thinner right and

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she fell in it I know for Janie sorry I let her right back in

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she did hurry up and go exactly holy shit yeah so obviously don't send your son

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to school tomorrow even if you don't hear about snow day oh right but luckily

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for him it says three-day weekend smart new thing oh that's right okay okay well

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good at least hopefully and what's the forecast call for like how much more of

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this it's just supposed to be freezing temperatures till the end of the week

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and then it it gets up to maybe 25 30 degrees which is so freezing but not as

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bad as 16 degrees right so the ice is gonna stick around all week probably

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wow girl you're a trooper I'd been like fuck you Oregon goodbye I know I was so

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close but guess even if I wanted to a I couldn't drive anywhere to get right

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out of here and be the airport was just flights canceled left and right

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flights being delayed people stuck at the airport so right pretty much stuck is

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G unit back from yeah still on spring or I guess winter break or whatever yeah

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she's back she's back in the oh okay cuz I'm like how's her flight gonna be

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affected okay yep she's back in the dorms okay so yeah okay well I kind of

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watched the Kansas City dolphins game last night and that was until they showed

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Andy Reed's fucking frozen mustache I'm like this guy I'm like this guy is

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disgusting I mean he's a great coach but he's health-wise he's gross and the fact

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that I have to see icicles on his fucking walrus goddamn mustache I'm like

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fuck this game goodbye turned it off so gross I'm like can we talk and then the

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entire fucking time I think I watched the first two or the first half the entire

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time every five minutes the fucking newscaster or whatever you want to call

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sportscaster had to mention the goddamn temperature I'm like you guys are

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getting paid millions to be out there shut the fuck up you guys signed up for

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this you know it happens all the fucking time it's cold deal with it

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my dad texts me every time it's football a game is on or what not and he's like oh

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so cold he's giving me a little bit of like support because you're up there

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oh it's like

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you're this close

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God is his mother-in-law better from the COVID yet yes okay so he they were able

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to I guess go back home no she never left home she's a hundred and nine or

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hundred no but your your your dad was able to go back to his place oh yeah

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yeah yeah okay yeah she's still here still kicking

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both legs shit oh my gosh yeah so girl I have a question it's totally the 360

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but we've been talking about I guess long intro so I was seeing online like the

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magnetic false eyelashes and they looked interesting I'm like huh like you just

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like set them on your eyes and they're supposedly they're magnetic they fucking

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stay there you can take them off right how do they how I don't I don't know

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whatever right supposedly self-adhesive says magnetic it's called fucking I

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guess the self-adhesive glue you don't have to apply glue so my genius I've

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never done fake eyelashes before I'm like oh this might um this might work out

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whatever I don't have to do my fucking mascara and all that crap yeah I fucking

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order this shit oh no so have you ever used fake eyelashes um in high school I

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tried those with the glue and yeah but it was a worse experience I didn't even

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know what the hell I was doing it was that was it okay well yeah I have only

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done it once and that was like I don't know probably 30 years ago I don't

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remember how to do it whatever the fuck I fucking get these kimono bullets and I

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don't know about up in Oregon because it's not Los Angeles or Hollywood but

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everybody has fucking fake eyelashes the eyelash transplants or whatever the

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fuck they're called yeah we have a lot of eyelash salons down here so you can

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get them I guess put on or I don't know I don't know what the proper term is but

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there's plenty of eyelash salons down here not sure about up there anyways I

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fucking order a set and I'm like let me throw these on girl why does it look

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like there are tarantulas on my fucking eyeballs and they're fucking my eyeball

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my eye socket I'm like this looks so ridiculous but can you trim them or no I

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fucking throw them off and I'm like what I am not Hollywood I'm like all these

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bitches in the fucking hanging out in the last long so I'm like I don't get it

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let me try and I'm just like I look like a fucking looks so ridiculous if you

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blink fast enough you fly away yes and you know what there was three the three

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different types there was normal I guess or I guess just to make your eyelashes

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look fuller and then the one that I got was in the middle so it wasn't like over

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the top and then there was the over the top ones right I get the middle one I'm

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just like well maybe I should have tried the fucking normal

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damn it I should have taken a picture I was so pissed it should have I fucking had

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tarantulas fucking my eye socket

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but were they pretty secured did the magnet work I yeah I guess it did but

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it didn't land on my eye on my eye line right I don't even know if I'm saying

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that correctly I don't know I was I was just like you know I guess if I could

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try it a couple more times I tried it twice and I'm like I'm done I look

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ridiculous are they just like one time use and then toss them or no I guess you

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can use them until they stop sticking to your eyelid I don't know

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right you're laughing I was just like I can't believe I spent 20 bucks on this

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shit but at least it was 20 bucks I don't know bitches go to the the lash salon I

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don't even know how much they charge hundreds hundreds and then they and then

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they have to keep going back because obviously they fall out right so I was

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just like um yeah I'm so glad I didn't fucking sign up for that shit oh it's

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just like it's a form of extensions or what like price yeah I guess extensions

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yeah I don't know whatever but I thought you get a kick out of that you know they

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they have that here too but I guess it's not as prominent you have to go down

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here I have to go to the city they had to drive to Portland on frozen ice if you

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need to yeah exactly I did right and these girls just look I guess it's the

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new it's the thing I don't know yeah it's the thing down here too and I thought

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I'd try it but just not the legit way I guess I don't know that for the people

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who do use them that's cool it's just totally not me at all well I'm glad you

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voiced that because I was on the fence about it I think I look ridiculous I

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don't know people might say that it looked okay but I was just like this is

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just not me so here we are well I heard a horror story from a gal here in

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Oregon and she told me that she got mice you know what I read an article on that

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I guess like for the last look if you get to like the last salon or the

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extensions or whatever there's a somebody might I guess might is it but I don't

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want to say what's called crabs but lights oh my I guess I want to say was

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a life I could be wrong maybe it's mice but I guess that's because they they

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stay on your eyelids or did she say how she got it or whatever yeah I I guess she

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was so she wasn't properly cleaning them oh he didn't know that she had to clean

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them and so I asked her I said well did you use makeup remover do you put

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mascara on the fake lashes yeah and how does that work yeah she's like no no no

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I don't put mascara you just have the lashes and it's supposed to eliminate

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the need for the mascara okay and she said that she had them on she would just

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wash her face like normal but she didn't know that there was a proper technique

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to take care of them did she leave them on the in are like all time or yeah would

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you take them on nope there were those I don't like you said I don't know how I

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think they glue them or like with the permanent glue but it's not okay

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permanent yeah yeah yeah fall out and whatever over time so she said she had

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them for about two months okay and she got mice and how did she is it just itchy

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yeah she said it was scary yeah and first when she said she got mites I'm

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thinking lice you know bugs yeah or like where you could see him crawling or

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their eggs and all but you can't know it's oh you think about it there's dust

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mites do we see them like oh I didn't even think about that you're right yeah so

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I'm assuming they were pretty microscopic or small oh what happened did she go to

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the doctor or she figured out that it was the eyelashes yeah she figured it out

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because she went to the doctor her eyes were itching really bad to the point where

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she thought at first it was allergies oh no and so she was just taking you know

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a suit of bed and Claritin right and then it got worse and her eyes were eye lids

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puffed up and they were itching so bad she thought maybe she had pink eye oh

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damn she went to the doctor for that to just get whatever the drops or whatever

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they prescribe you for pink eye okay and they said this is a pink eye bitch oh god

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damn yeah but she said two days after she removed the lashes and everything was

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fine put the little topical whatever the doctor gave her yeah uh-huh fine

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swelling went down the redness went away no more my yeah and the curling iron or

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the little crimper the eyelash curler or whatever it's called it is doing it oh

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my god okay well good to know I will totally not do I think I'm too old for

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them anyways right well I if you're all that I'm totally archaic no I don't know

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I'm just too if there's too much upkeep for something I can't I pass I'm good well

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the I guess there's no really upkeep I guess if you go to the lash along except

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you just need to make sure you sanitize them yeah I guess it's a certain little

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oil or or a stringent that you're supposed yeah it's almost like when you

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get hair extensions they want you to take care of that hair with certain little

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right oils or whatever the hell I never had extensions I wouldn't know but I hear

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stories just wash your eyelids out with rubbing alcohol

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blow dry them on hot oh my goodness so I thought there was a game on now I'm

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going back and forth I thought there was a football game on right now but there's

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no football on maybe till tonight or did it get canceled was the game supposed to

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be today but it got canceled for the bills or whatever yeah I think the bills

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got canceled due to inclement weather now yeah okay so there because I thought oh

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go ahead I'm sorry I was just saying so they're playing a rerun or something oh

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that's okay so on Instagram because I don't know if you heard but the bills I

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guess the New York bills stadium they offered people $20 an hour and to shovel

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the snow so of course you know bills mafia you know right there's a greater

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nation but bills mafia like takes everything to like the fucking utmost

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level I have nothing but respect for bills mafia I don't give a fuck what

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people say there's motherfuckers out there fucking shoveling snow shirt top

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list the guys and I'm like you know what that's a real man I guess because that

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would never be me you guys are like below whatever I guess obviously their

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weather is a little bit worse than you yours yeah on a bullet but I was just

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like wow got it that motherfuckers are crazy mad respect because I was outside

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I was outside for five minutes I came back inside when I was chipping this ice

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up of my car right I gotta I gotta defrost like my fingernails are gonna

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right well you can't even feel on so speaking of ice no power issues right

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no knock on wood thank God okay but on the news it said there was a hundred and

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twenty thousand customers without power well as long as it's not you guys because

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you guys already had your fucking thing I know but I'm ready this time good I'm

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glad never now

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crazy and I know you sent me that are you told me about your neighbor with the

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Christmas decor that was gonna be one of my um tidbits for today as well there's

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people here pomeon a bullet set still have the Christmas shit up as well and

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I'm like it's Martin Luther King's birthday this weekend can you guys take

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it down so your neighbor is not the only one like I'm just like are you guys

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like in a time warp we're into January mid January the thing with my neighbor is

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that 18 foot skeleton is year-round I can't believe you guys need a real H.O.A.

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I swear to God and he he advanced because he had that a little one that

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looked like it would be in like a classroom or something when you're

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right and he had one of those hanging in front of his house and everybody would

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bitch and complain like hey Halloween's over can you take that down now so he

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came up with this marvelous plan to just dress the skeleton according to the

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holiday yeah so it was a fest what's he gonna do for Valentine's Day is he gonna

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dress it up as Cupid oh my gosh he dressed the little one up in a red

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tutu and those little yes yes okay well I was joking but and then for um maybe

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for Easter he could put a cross behind it and then just fucking nail him to the

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cross that one I would be down for even better even fucking better

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shit now he advanced he got that 18 foot one in his fuck man he got that one

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ridiculous Halloween last year so I thought oh he's just it's gonna be

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Halloween please please just be for Halloween no no that's why I sent you

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that picture I'm like this dude but Christmas lights to show he has a heart

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I guess whatever sir I'm surprised nobody in the neighborhood's like tried to

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or does he he probably has yeah he has okay because I'm like I'm surprised

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nobody's tried to take it down and like remove it like when you know the sun

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goes down I actually was gonna pay a neighbor kid $40 you're like please

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just take take one for the team take one for the street okay and then he comes

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back a week later I see him he's like I can't do it so where's some heels or

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something to throw off your height

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horrible I don't I don't know I don't know what's going on with that guy

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fucking loser I guess I don't know maybe I shouldn't say loser I don't know what

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the proper term is but he needs to get over it yeah how about that

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the tombstones you know how people put oh my god he still has those up yeah he's

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keeping those up it seems like he's he's on a winning streak now so it's it's

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gonna be February soon so the tombstones are still up yeah yeah that's I don't

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know he's bringing down the value of my house yeah and for the whole entire

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fucking neighborhood I'm gonna start a petition oh so you're you have a hot

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tub so the water's frozen inside the hot tub right no I would assume mm-hmm nope

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how does it stay what are you like it has a heater then or how does that stay

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yeah the hot tub stays plugged in your round and oh the jets go on periodically

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just to keep the water circulating so oh okay so that I guess but it doesn't

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freeze when it's not on nope because it's heated the water stays heated otherwise

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oh it stays heated got it okay and then I have the lid on it right and I did

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notice though that I guess I don't the scientific terms I don't know but there

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was icicles huge ice cold hanging from the lip of the lid also it overflowed I

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guess I don't know I don't know if it was maybe it was just it's hot and so when

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the ice would fall on top of it maybe it started melting it you know what that's

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probably I don't know looking like Andy Reed's musta shit oh my gosh I know it's

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just been at first I woke up and I was thinking oh it's snowed snow I slip right

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my driveway oh and I hope you didn't land on your tailbone no no I managed to

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grab my car before I like completely hit the ground okay so now I have a question

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but what are your hours to Merle for work that are you back to your regular

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hours since it's no longer Christmas yeah I'll be well seven to four okay so

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what time are you do you have to start digging that your car out of the fucking ice

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then or whatever I'm thinking four o'clock and I'm gonna have all right

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fucking god maybe two hours do you have a really long extension cord you're gonna

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take your hair dryer okay well you might want to do that I don't know if that

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will help I don't know I don't know the tricks of the trade either but when I

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was watching the news which I never do but I was they kept emergency news

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report whether and they kept interrupting anything I was watching on TV and

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they were saying what you should not do that are common mistakes and one of them

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which before I saw this on TV I was thinking to do exactly what they just

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told me not to do they said number one do not pour hot water oh yeah yeah no

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because you'll crack your windshield your windshield crack mm-hmm I was like

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shit you can do regular water from the hose though that'll help hmm but it's

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oh I don't know if it worked for me down here but I don't have like four inches

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of fucking goddamn ice stuck to my windshield either like a thin layer

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and the freezing ice it's it's like hail but they're just super small super

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right and pellets yeah I call it pellets or whatever yeah and they just fall

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and they hit you and it stings your face yes I'm just I'm over it I'm over it

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shit it'll be spring time soon I swear and then the nutria will be back yep and

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all the allergies and the frogs oh yeah goddamn um any more spiders or wolf

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spiders going on or they hibernate during this time of year to hopefully I

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believe they hibernate because I have okay god anything sweet yeah fucking

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living on wildlife goddamn or gone

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oh don't remind me I have a great idea oh move north mmm crazy but I've been

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drinking a lot of water lately and I came across some information which I

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don't know if it's true but you know how they say everybody should drink at

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least eight glasses of water a day yeah okay so I came across some information

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where this doctor was saying a glass of water is tip a typical glass of water is

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eight ounces okay so if you're gonna drink eight glasses of water a day you're

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drinking 64 ounces of water that's half a gallon and he said that's false so and

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you wonder why you're gaining weight he said to stay hydrated and to lose weight

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or whatever you whatever it is that you need to weigh yourself divide it in half

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and then that's not many ounces of water you should be drinking a day well how

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about stop eating junk drink a gallon of water a day and get some movement in

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and lift some fucking weights and then you can eat whatever the fuck you want

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at the end of the day and you won't put weight on how about that doctor Jesus

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Christ I was like huh if I wasn't gonna go by it but I wanted to do my

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calculations and I said to myself it doesn't seem right I'm not an internet

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doctor but that does not seem right I'll just stick with my eight glasses right

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in front day yeah I often drink more than that but I'm just glad you're not

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drinking three red bowls a day anymore oh you're like I would but I value my

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life right shit as much as you may not think I do enjoy waking up in the morning

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waking up to go to work or trying to do the fucking nice bullshit yeah okay so

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here's another question now that because I've never lived in well I was born in

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Canada but I moved when I was five so that doesn't really count so if your

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store were to be closed for I guess snow day or whatever the proper term is for

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that they would call you like how far in advance or they have like a call-in the

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hotline or whatever that you need to call to check if you you're supposed to

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show up to work the next day I don't know oh no I well where I currently am

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working nobody's told me anything about that so are you gonna call tomorrow

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yeah if the roads aren't safe for okay because shit where I used to work at the

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the credit union they gave you this little card and it was your inclement

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weather emergency line and they would you can call it and they would just give

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you updates like we're gonna still be open but if your shift right this day

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we're opening up late or yeah that's what they need to do for your current job I

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would think I don't know yeah you would think but I don't I don't know because I

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am not gonna risk it just to exactly I'm actually I have I have some anxiety

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building up a little bit I'm trying to nip it in the bud but right but I don't

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so yesterday my son tells me mom mom mom look out the window look look look look

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look so I ran over to the office where I can look out the bedroom the office

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windows to see in the street okay one of the neighbors is pulling out of their

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driveway and and they're going slow but the minute they got on the street their

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car just started sliding and turning oh no spinning and it was spinning it was

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going pretty slow picked up speed and it hit a parked car oh god damn it and I

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just thought to myself yeah we're not going anywhere anywhere there's no way

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it's not even safe to be like like I'll order door-dash no because they're

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probably not driving either because hello exactly shit and it's not like

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chains are gonna work chains can give you extra traction for snow or but not for

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ice not for ice fuck you need a fucking hovercraft I need some ice cakes right

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a mechanical sled god damn okay well I just yeah I know you're smart so hopefully

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if I if it's not safe to drive tomorrow then just call out yep gonna have to I

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don't have any sick time but oh well I'm not alive I can't eat I will never be

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sick and you know what you're hilarious

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so I want now that that poses another question so like say like the neighbor

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that you said that you saw it like when it picked up speed it hit hit a parked

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car he's his insurance has to pay the other people's car even though right I

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would because it is that fault yeah absolutely absolutely see don't go to

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work tomorrow it's like that I don't know what happened I guess I lost

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connection because all of a sudden it just went dead so sorry about that no

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worries well we can pick that we left off yeah so what I was saying I don't

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know if you heard it I think I was already cut off or it ended or whatever

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but you're giving me anxiety just thinking about all the possible scenarios

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so just be safe tomorrow yeah I'm just I was I don't even know how I guess

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nobody actually even left the neighborhood well a couple but I'm I don't

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know why maybe they were gonna try to get to work I don't know but right part

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when I was outside this morning and all the cars were just still it's the same

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right there but then again you if it's ice you don't really see the tire yeah

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anything so black black ice right um term or no I think so I think

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I don't want no comments below saying black eyes that's called sweet

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it's blurry flavor that was snow that was flurries yeah I don't know it just

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all of a sudden I start stressing out about it shit I know okay well but just

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wish me luck bestie I am wishing you luck I want you to be safe and I want the

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universe to keep you protected and your car so you don't have to deal with any

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of that shit yes

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god damn okay yeah well yeah I'm trying not to see now I'm all my heart

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starting to race it's like oh my god okay I'm all fidgeting now I'm sorry

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all right girl well I know we just got back on but I'm looking at the time

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because I have that appointment so I need to call it a day on my end is there

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anything else that you wanted to speak of me and our podcast today the only

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thing I'm gonna do is just make sure all my gadgets phones and everything is

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charged just a yes and I'm and you have all your batteries ready to go oh yeah

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your flashlights and I guess your emergency food supplies yep I'm ready

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I'm ready this time you're ready okay well I hope you have a good week and I

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will keep you in my thoughts all week with your ice and hopefully it'll start

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melting yes all right have a good week have a good week too bye guys bye