What's up, clink clink gang?
Hey really quick, before we get into the podcast, my next e-book, the immaculately obscene
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Pick it up, January 5th.
Good day, Bestie.
Happy Christmas, fucking Eve.
Happy fucking Christmas, bitch.
I'm so glad your power is back on.
God damn it's been a long fucking two weeks since I've talked to you.
I know.
Fuck you, Oregon.
I know.
And then I had a friend of mine tell me, like, what the fuck, Pomona Bullets, did you, like,
kill somebody in your previous life?
Like, why is it all bad right now?
Like, I don't know.
I probably fucking took out a small army.
I don't know.
Why did they tell you that or ask you that?
Oh, just because it was just shit after shit after shit after shit.
Like it was just rolling downhill.
And it's one of those, um, or you explain to somebody, like, hey, I'm running late.
And they're like, okay, you know, you get a pass.
And then it's like, hey, I got a flat tire.
Hey, I fucking hit a deer.
Hey, now I have a bloody nose.
Oh, hey.
And my fucking son is calling the powers out and it just, it just doesn't, it just seems
like unbelievable.
Like you lying bitch, just say you don't want to come or go to the party or whatever.
So basically the spaceship that you saw like three episodes ago, maybe it should have just
beamed you up.
I, yeah.
There was no special fucking powers that gave me.
It was like, here you go, bitch.
Boom.
Fucking die.
Well, I hope you're doing better now.
I'm trying to, and it's so funny because they're talking about, it was a plane crash.
Uh, that caused the power outage?
Yeah.
What?
And I do live by a small cable airport.
And I was like, okay.
And then all of a sudden they refused to let the power company fix our power lines that
it actually crashed into and destroyed.
And we had to wait on a government issued contractor to come in.
And I don't know if that's like part of the ATF or I don't know if that's their rules
or laws or, you know, an investigation or I don't know, but it was a nightmare.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I didn't realize.
I thought it was just from snow or whatever.
I didn't realize it was a goddamn fucking plane that doesn't know how to, they should
test the pilot and see if he was coped up.
Well, he's dead.
Three people.
Oh, three people.
Three people.
God damn it.
I know.
And then they said the plane was actually stolen, but then they keep, what the fuck?
Yeah.
And then they're mixing it up like, well, maybe it wasn't stolen, but it wasn't registered
to the, to the pilot or, and it was super foggy.
I shouldn't have even been in the air.
Okay.
Yeah.
And it ended up after it crashed.
This isn't funny, but I mean, there's nothing I can do but laugh about all this shit now.
Okay.
When it crashed, it also started a fire and it's like 38 degrees here.
So you're kind of, I'm thinking to myself, oh, it's nice and warm.
Yeah.
But how long can a fire last in like 30 degree weather?
Um, obviously days.
I guess.
I guess it, and then my pops is telling me, he's like, well, who knows?
Maybe it was the gasoline from the, I don't know.
I was like, well, I guess that makes sense.
I don't know.
Yeah, that makes sense.
I guess.
Thanks, dad.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
Thanks for giving me a little common sense on this situation.
Um, it's horrible.
Yeah.
Wow.
I was not expecting any or all of that as a matter of fact.
I thought it was just fucking snow.
No.
God damn.
Yeah.
I still have like a brutal, I have PTSD from it.
I really think I do.
So the power was out for two days?
Uh, three days.
Oh shit.
Yeah.
So I kept getting, um, alerts saying, uh, estimated time for the power to come back
on is that this time?
And then an hour later, like psych, it's going to be tomorrow.
Psych is going to be at midnight.
It was just horrible.
Oh, those power people wanted to rake in, or rake in, yeah, rake in the, um, the overtime.
That's what it was.
Yeah, probably.
And then you would think that the power company would try to like reimburse or, or, or give
us a little bit of a stipend.
Yeah.
I mean, shit.
How about give me a, a grocery gift card as well for all my fucking food that spoiled
when I asked you.
Sorry to meet you.
And just being retarded, I finally think, Oh, you know what?
It's pretty fucking cold outside.
Why don't I just take the milk, the eggs, the shit that I did and just put it out fucking
side.
Yeah.
I did that.
And then my luck, it turns 67 degrees the next fucking day.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Clearly you were meant to starve.
I got like boo.
Yeah.
I, I just, I don't know.
It's horrible.
Horrible, but we made it through it.
And oh, oh wait to boot.
Fuck.
Okay.
Everybody's, I'm typically on point when it comes to power outages and having batteries
for my flashlights and sufficient candles or propane tanks to freaking cook or whatever.
Okay.
Well, I've been lagging this season.
I don't know.
Maybe suffering from a little depression.
I don't know.
But I'm just like, it wasn't at the top of my list, my to do the list.
Okay.
Which I regret because my son and I, we get all the flashlights we can find and we're
trying to hang these little flashlights from the ceiling fans and turn them on or, or in
the bathroom when we're using the restroom, stuff like that.
All of the batteries start going out.
And, and I have those stupid flashlights where it's, they use what these are those big.
Oh yeah.
You got the big old mag light.
Yeah.
And it's like, whoa.
So the next day, my son and I decide we're going to go and buy some batteries.
Tell me why it is so important to carry cash or have cash on hand because wait.
So the power was out for the entire city.
Yeah.
Oh Jesus Christ.
I thought it was just like your fucking neighborhood.
Oh no.
No.
Wow.
They're like, you, you want batteries?
That's nice.
Like four over some cashola.
Fucking debit cards, credit cards done.
Wow.
So it was like so embarrassing.
I was like, well, shit.
I don't know.
So did you do a smash and grab or loot the store?
I really wanted to because I know that's pretty much legal these days, but.
Oh, right?
God damn.
But I did it.
I just said, all right, son, let's just go home and suck it up.
Yes.
Who knows?
Wow.
I mean, I had so many freaking scented candles.
You're like, what's this?
I don't know.
It's all of them.
I'm like, just go.
I had like a winter pine candle going.
I had some like, I don't know, a margarita tropical something going.
I had an apple crisp little, everybody keeps giving me these scented candles from what is
it?
Bed, bed, bed or whatever.
Yeah.
These Yankee candles and it's like spice.
And so my whole house just was, it was giving me a headache.
I was, was G unit already home from school for Christmas break or she came, but then
she ended up going with her friends and then she ended up going to visit family.
So she wasn't here during all this drama.
Oh, got it.
Okay.
Yeah.
Lucky her.
And did you have to go to.
So how did it go with work?
You went to work or was, was this during your days?
Oh, I went to work and everybody goes off Pomona bullets.
Did you sleep well last night?
How about fuck no?
Do you watch the news?
Do you see how I look?
I put my makeup on in the dark bitch with one candle.
I heart.
Yeah, I know.
I have like a mascara all over.
I don't know.
And, and they had to turn off my gas because of the fire or what?
Yeah.
So you didn't have any heated water now is what you're telling me.
Yeah.
Baby wipes it is.
And my, my bless my son's heart.
And he says to me, we can just warm up pots of water and put it in
the back to like we used to back in the day.
Remember when our Peter went out and this, I said, yeah, but guess what son?
The gas is out.
Yeah.
The electricity is out and we have an electric stove.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah.
Electric.
Yeah.
Hello.
You never realized really what you depend on.
So check this.
I'm so retarded.
I'm like, I'm going to just make a bagel.
I don't care.
I grab a bagel from the pantry.
I put it in my fucking toaster and it doesn't stick.
It doesn't go down.
It keeps popping.
Why did you put it in the toaster?
If the electricity is out?
I know.
And I was like, what the fuck's wrong with my toaster?
I'm up.
No power.
Shit.
Next stop buying a generator.
Yeah.
I'm just going to ask, I don't know if they're pricey,
but I think you should invest in that since it seems like every
winter you have that issue going on.
Yeah.
Every, I have friends tell me, well, I have a generator,
but it only generates the refrigerator.
So it saves your food.
Okay.
And you can charge your phone or your tablet.
Yeah.
That's the necessities.
You can't do the whole house.
Well, fuck, you know what?
In my neighborhood, I was like that motherfucker right there with
the Christmas lights on still.
Oh, he's got a job going on.
We need to go loop that house.
And it wasn't your next door neighbor with all the Halloween
Oh, no, no.
That, that dude was making bonfires in the back and I don't
know, probably grilling some new Tia.
Yeah.
Hopefully he sees in the, or brine them.
So, so how have you been?
I've been okay.
I guess. Yeah.
Sure.
Why not?
I've been good.
How about you?
Nice.
Fuck.
I'm barely recovering from everything that's been happening.
Well, I'm glad you're on the mend.
Yeah, I am.
You know what I did as a matter of fact, I have stockings.
And so there's one for my daughter, one for my son, one for me.
Okay.
I.
I was like, I just secretly took that shit down.
My son barely recognized that I took it down.
He's like, where's your stocking?
I'm like, why were you going to put something in it?
Who gives a fuck.
Cares. I was cold. It's on my foot.
Shit. You know, we are out of electricity right now.
Son.
Yeah.
And no, the dog doesn't get a stocking this year.
I'm.
Oh yeah.
Done.
Can't wait. What is it tomorrow?
Tomorrow's Christmas. Good. Yeah.
It feels weird that it's Christmas Eve today. I don't know.
I know, right?
It's like, what's going on?
I'm like, what's the deal?
I'm like, I'm not sure.
I'm just going to go to the store.
Just hurry up and get over with.
I know.
So you're off tomorrow, right?
The store is closed. Yes.
Oh, thank God.
I'm like, I hope it's fucking closed.
Yeah.
But I go.
Brighten early the day after.
So.
Oh, the, oh, you have to get there probably earlier than usual.
Mm hmm.
Okay. Well, at least that's probably the last day you got it going
super early.
I would hope so because I just checked my schedule before I left
and I'm actually scheduled on New Year's fucking day.
Well, you should better get time and a half for that shit or
double pay or whatever.
They don't, they don't do that.
They have to.
Isn't that a holiday?
You would think they said that you that my company only
is three holidays and that's Christmas Thanksgiving and Easter.
But they do the days you're fucking closed.
Those are.
Yeah.
Those are the only Jesus Christ.
That's America in a nutshell when it comes to capitalism for sure.
I'm all Easter.
What the hell?
I don't do shit for Easter.
Like, I mean, yeah, why don't you close New Year's Day where I'm
going to be hungover and I don't want to go to work.
Crazy.
And who's going to, who's going to want to just wake up on New
Year's Day and say, yeah, let's go buy a barbecue and a chainsaw.
This ain't fucking best buy.
We're not trying to get the Super Bowl or the Rose Bowl giant TV.
Yeah.
The hell is crazy.
I don't know.
But yeah, me, I have a job.
That's that's how I look at it.
Yeah, raw.
Yeah.
Okay.
So speaking of Santa and Christmas, I saw the best, I guess,
you know, I'm on Instagram and Twitter all day long.
Yeah.
I saw the best Instagram post yesterday and it got me to thinking,
you know what, I think this one is the winner for Instagram this
week.
It's sad Pomona bullets.
Let the kids believe in Santa.
After all, you believed in your first marriage.
And I'm like, you know what, winner, winner for Instagram for
the rest of the year.
Yes.
Wow.
Oh, Santa, I love you so much.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, it's it's Christmas.
Christmas.
Yeah.
Chris Kringle, which her little cherry red nose.
Right.
Oh, gosh.
The hell.
What are we teaching our kids?
Did you already make cookies with your son?
Um, was that later on?
Yeah.
So we did that, but okay.
Don't get me wrong.
I don't bake.
So it's just that pills.
Barry just cut that.
Pre made dough.
I was going to ask what kind you made.
So chocolate chip.
Yeah, fucking I love sugar cookies. Those are the devil. Yeah, I was like, oh and then I and then I decided I was trying
to be a little festive I am far from
One of those
What do they call it Pinterest little bakers like look what I made look how cute this is like no no
So I decided to put a little those little red Hots. You remember red Hots?
Oh, yeah, yeah, are there buttons or whatever I guess. Yeah, like the little I just well
Or did you make gingerbread man? Is that what you're saying? No, they're just it's in a tube and it's just a
sugar cookie
Those berry dough boy. You just I don't know cut you're supposed to cut it cut those circles
Yeah, I did that and I decided to put some green
Sprinkles and then I decided to put a little red hot and my son told me like why are you putting the red hot at the top of the
tree
And I was like well cuz it's
Well, I guess yeah, you're right
No, that all goes down the same
Whatever however, it says when you when people don't like to mix their food when they eat like it all ends up in the same place
I'm just like and we are making tamales and oh
Yeah, I'm so jelly. I know what kind I'm making red pork which I made the meat last night
So it's all ready and we're making cheese
Just the moderate jack cheese with a little bit of those mild green chili or whatever
Yes, those are so good with some either chicken beef or even fucking eggs in the morning
Mm-hmm. Yep or by that self of course, but like fucking handsome chicken or that sounds so good
I know and I told I told my son and you know we nobody it's just me and him and the dog right now
Screw it. Let's just make tamales. So he's ready. I mean, I'm talking to you right now with a apron on
I've never made tamales. I just know it's a tedious process. How long does it fucking take because you got to steam them, right?
Yeah, well, I steam them my
sister the other day told me that she uses a
Instapot I okay, so I'm not okay all
To that level. I'm like old-school. I steam them. I have this big steamer and boo. So how many are you making?
probably about four dozen
Damn, I know well, I guess I'm gonna free some of those and just write
Or eat them all at once. I would yeah my son loves them and I did all the meat yesterday, which is so tedious
so tedious and
shout outs to all the
Hispanic friends and
mothers in Southern California that actually allowed me to watch them make these things and
Give me their little recipes and of course I tweet them to my liking
Of course, but yeah, it's it's tedious. It's so tedious
and it's like no wonder why you need an assembly line and
right, it's because
Gosh just to put one and I'm not fast. I'm not fast. I can't
Know you can't rush that though because then it's gonna come out all like much
Yeah, and I'm trying to put I don't like it when there's more masa than like the filling. I don't like that
Okay, so you like equal amounts. Yeah, I like thin layer of masa just enough
So it's a tamale and then I pack it with either cheese or meat or whatever
Um, okay, but then I also have to I make the masa. I just don't leave it just I
I'm adding the juice from the meat into the masa to just yeah. Oh, that sounds good
Yeah, because then it would really add the flavor, right? Yeah
I mean, okay, I think they're pretty good, but I don't need people knocking at my door or telling me like heard you making
I'm like, oh that would be me. I'm like, where's my fucking for doesn't it?
It's like, oh my gosh, but yeah, I'm pretty happy I guess it's gonna keep my son and I busy for the day
And that's about it. That's that's what we're doing today. I'm not doing really anything. I'm just hanging out
I got the game on I'm watching Seattle, Tennessee. Oh gosh is Tennessee still up less? That's no now Seattle's 13
Tennessee 10
Is Russell Wilson still on this? No, he's on the Broncos now, right? Yeah. I can't stand that guy. He gets on my fucking nerves. Oh
my god, well
um
Shout out to like San Francisco fire department. They just like
Were they ran into Cafferty?
Like oh, they were they ran into Cafferty. Oh
Yeah, I got a picture and it sends my phone like oh even though I don't like
The 49ers, but hey, right I can be positive during the holidays
Just a little bit
Okay, so um, I'm looking at my notes right now
So remember, I don't know what episode I would told you but remember when I said you because you mentioned San Francisco
So this is where I'm going with San Francisco
Remember when I told you that there was a restaurant in San Francisco or nor I'm gonna say it was San Francisco that
they started
Charging vomit fees when it came to bottomless mimosa. Yes
Okay, so another restaurant in Brooklyn this time did something a little bit I guess similar
So Phil's crummy corner in Brooklyn now raised the
Drinking age limit to 25 years old and the reason Pomona bullets is because young people are annoying
Like you know what goes back to the day the biblical text say it says that
I was just like, you know what I think she would have Pomona bullets would appreciate this too
I don't know. I guess they're really annoying in Brooklyn
Under 25. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I
30 and under annoying
We're talking to you millennial. Yeah, that's right
Or I guess that's Gen Z. I don't even know because my daughter's millennial and she's 31 so maybe not
I don't know whatever
It's so funny because when I do these new hire
Orientations at work. Are they all younger? Fuck? Yeah, they're boring like 2005 and I
Think 2005 holy shit. Yeah, I know right
Okay, and then I'll I'll get a calculator and I'm because they have to be 18 to work with us, right?
And I'm like 2005. Is that is not even 18? I guess it is like
I'm just like
It doesn't seem like it is but I guess so shit 2005. Wow
Wow, I well, yeah, that's when
Junit was born so I I guess
Fucking 18
Wow crazy
2005 can you imagine?
Damn, I'm old. I know I'm all thinking of the year I graduated high school
I graduated in 92 and I'm just like shit. That's even um fucking even Amazon older than fucking 2005. God damn
I know right and then okay. Have you seen?
That Amazon commercial, I don't know if they I've come to realize that they play different commercials in different sectors of the nation
Yeah, to say whatever but have you seen the?
Amazon commercial where there's three old ladies and they're sitting and they're watching all these kids go down this
Snow hill like on sleds
and then
The one of the old ladies decides to buy these seat cushions from Amazon
Uh-huh. She gives one to each of the old ladies and
They put it on their sled and they go down
And they put it on their sled and they go down
the hill and then they kind of switch it over to that's what they used to do when they were younger
But now the old ladies because of Amazon were able to go down the fucking
No, I have not seen that
Oh my god
Were they drinking like a cocktail on the way down? I don't know but I was just thinking like damn
That's probably gonna be me
And
That should have been you last fucking week when the power was out. I know my back is all hurting
I think I have gout like I don't even know like I'm falling apart
That would have been me fucking being all I would have been paralyzed down after going down the hill
It's too cold. I wouldn't even be sitting on the fucking park bench that age. They look like they were in their 80s
I don't know
But I guess, you know, they were still moving and they obviously know how to work um online and
They're you know, order their amazon shit. They're tech savvy
Right
Where's my fucking two-day primad bitch speaking of amazon so our microwave went out
I think it was on Wednesday or Thursday our microwave went out. So I'm like, I'm too lazy to go to walmart. I fucking
I'm like, oh amazon um
We'll deliver one of those
Amazon um, we'll deliver one in two days. So they said
Friday rolls around. I'm like, um, okay. No fucking um, it's said by 10 o'clock, but I told my daughter
I'm like, hey, um, I'm going to bed. So if it shows up, just bring it in. Don't leave it out there on the doorstep
I wake up the next morning. Pomona bullets. It says it's still in transit. I'm like, excuse me. What?
Yeah, so um, Friday
It was supposed to arrive Friday. So yesterday, um, they email me and they say look if if you don't receive it by the
28th, I'm like, I was supposed to receive it on the 20 fucking third
whoa
Come back on the 28th you can get a refund and I'm like or you can cancel it now
I'm like fucking cancel and then I fucking placed an order with walmart because I refuse to go inside a walmart the day before christmas eve
Fucking yeah, so I just that's what I should do in the first place. But whatever I'm like
I'm we have a microwave again. I'm very depressed or not depressed. I'm very disappointed. Excuse me
with amazon and amazon prime
I I don't I don't get it. It's supposed to be overnight shipping. I don't I hardly ever or two days or whatever
i hardly I hardly ever get that and
They keep emailing me saying hey, come on bullets
You haven't been you're missing out on all your perks because you're a prime member
You have music you have movies I decide
last night to watch a movie.
I go on Amazon Prime, but you know what?
You're right, Amazon.
I am missing out on my perks.
I pay a fucking $100 a fucking year.
And you're not delivering my shit on time.
Right, so I mine as well.
You know, just watch a freaking movie
that's included with Prime members.
I pick a movie.
Tell me why every movie I decide to pick
has commercials.
Oh, some of them have commercials on Amazon Prime
and some of them don't.
I didn't even just like, what is going on?
This movie's free, included with your Prime membership.
I said, okay, cocaine bear, let's watch you.
And that movie was great, by the way.
That movie, I was like, is this supposed to be funny?
Or it's a true story.
Yeah, but I heard that there was a bear, but it died.
Like it ate it and it died.
Like it sure did.
It fucking was a copious amount of cocaine.
I hope it fucking died.
I'm just like, what is he doing?
Sniffing Coke off of a mulled leg.
I'm just like, Lisa wasn't a stripper's croc.
And why does in that movie, everybody who fell
just falls into a kilo of coke?
Like, right, their face right there.
I'm like, that must be nice.
I need to go hiking.
Right?
No, no, I'm a good girl.
But just, I've never done cocaine either.
I was like, I don't even like, okay, finish your story.
And then remind me about coffee afterwards.
No, finish your story.
No, my story's over.
It was just kind of like Amazon Prime.
Why am I, why am I getting these stupid?
I mean, it wasn't constant.
It was just like in the middle, maybe 20 minutes
of the movie would play and then it would say, but still.
Oh, Amazon Prime and it would do like some other,
like a trailer to another fucking movie.
That's what is this?
What is going on here?
I don't know.
So that was just like a little rant that I had,
but tell me about the coffee.
Oh, okay.
So you know how you said,
I would love to do cocaine.
And I said, I've never done cocaine
because I would be up all night or for years or whatever.
So last Friday, this past Friday, I think it was Friday.
Yeah, whatever day it was.
No, I was off Friday.
So I guess it was Thursday.
They go for coffee like three times a week.
They pick it up from Starbucks.
And I have my coffee's come on a ball
as soon as I wake up in the morning.
That's my thing.
I can't have more than one cup
because then I'll be up all fucking night.
Yeah.
Anyways, they're like, you want coffee?
They always ask.
And I'm like, you know what today?
Yeah, I'll do a coffee.
They're like, what?
So I get my standard black coffee
from goddamn fucking Starbucks.
I fall asleep around nine o'clock
as I was fucking tired.
And why am I up at midnight wide awake?
I'm just like, god damn it.
This fucking coffee.
I don't get how people can fucking drink coffee all day long
and be able to have a solid night of sleep
because I'm the opposite.
I wish I could drink coffee all day long.
I love coffee, but I can't have a solid sleep cycle.
I believe in my little head
that it does a reverse effect
if you are consistently your tolerance level
for caffeine or coffee.
It might do a reverse effect because like,
that's it.
Because my mom can drink coffee before she goes to bed.
That's what a lot of people do.
And I'm like, fuck, I wish I could do that.
I can't.
Yeah, I'm like, is that decaf?
Are you just doing it for the flavor
or like you're legit drinking coffee?
That's crazy because when I drink coffee
and I'm not a big, big, I like coffee.
But if I'm going for the things at work,
we're doing a coffee run, you want something?
I always go big or go home.
Like I need, so we have a place called Dutch Brothers here.
And my sister actually told me
that Dutch Brothers is popping up in SoCal here and there.
I see, I've been hearing about them.
So I don't know, I haven't seen them around here,
but I hear about them a lot.
So I'm assuming they're already showing up.
Yeah, they're popping up, they're expanding.
So I always get a cold brew annihilator.
Oh, that sounds good.
It is good, but is it black?
Yeah, because it's nitro, right?
Okay.
And then they put this annihilator,
which I don't know, I think it's equivalent to like
six espresso shots or some shit in there.
I don't know.
But usually I feel like a crack head
because I'm talking about, I'm trying to write
and I'm all like, I have Parkinson's,
I'm just, can't even write, can't even hold my pen.
Michael J. Fox, calm down.
It's crazy.
I don't even know where the day goes.
I'm like, oh shit, hey, Pymoribus,
you working late today?
I'm like, what time is it?
You should've been off at three.
I'm like, oh shit, it's fine.
Fuck it out of here.
Oh shit.
It's fucking, oh my gosh, it's crazy.
I don't know.
Okay, well I'm glad I'm not the only one
that's really sensitive to coffee.
Yeah, it's pretty brutal for me.
So do you drink it in the morning before you go to work?
I do, but I have, what I do,
it's either the little French press
and I just have one of those little travel mugs
and it's just a cup.
And that pretty much just gets me through the morning
and usually around my lunch break,
I take a nap in my car and everything's normal.
But there's times where, like I said,
I'll get those annihilators, ooh, crazy.
And then there's times where I don't have,
I don't have French press mode in me for the morning.
So I just have the crew egg
and I have these little Kona coffee, dark roast.
Oh, can I just make one of those,
throw it in my to-go cup and head off to work?
Hope.
So are you able to skip coffee?
Are you, like you have to have it in the morning
or your whole day, like you just end up groggy
or disoriented?
Oh no, I totally skip coffee.
Oh God, see, that's my thing.
I didn't start drinking coffee,
Pumona Bullets until I think I was 30,
I started drinking it and then I used to drink it
with the cream or in the sugar and all that bullshit.
I got rid of that.
Yeah.
But I can only drink one cup a day
and then well, maybe it's because I fucking like it strong.
I like four heaping teaspoons to one little tiny cup.
Oh yeah.
Coffee.
Oh yeah.
So maybe that's probably my issue is,
it has to be really strong,
but if I don't have coffee, then like my whole day is fucked.
Like I'm just disoriented.
I feel like I'm hungover.
So yeah.
I don't know.
I guess I'm addicted or like everybody says
that caffeine is an addiction,
which I guess obviously for me it is,
but I can't have more than that.
One cup, otherwise I'm fucked,
but then I can drink soda all day long, which isn't good,
but I can drink soda and it won't keep me up
or I can have like tea and it won't keep me up.
But I don't know.
I guess there's just more caffeine and coffee.
I don't know.
I think it's kind of like a placebo for me
because there's times where I'm just like,
I can't believe I was running late.
I didn't even make a couple of damn coffee.
And I guess I'm in a funk.
Then I go and I buy one of those, not Red Bull.
Sometimes I'll grab a monster.
Oh, the monster?
Or there's this new drink that I've been getting.
Delcius.
I don't know.
It kind of looks like a transformer type of face on it.
And they have rainbow sherbet flavor
and orange cream flavor.
Ew, that sounds disgusting.
Oh my gosh.
It's pretty good.
And you're just like beaming.
Oh my gosh.
I could, I'm mopping, typing, writing on the phone.
I'm just like multitasking at its best.
And then I don't finish anything
because I'm just starting everything.
And it's crazy.
But I was looking at the can the other day
and it said, warning, not recommended for people under 21.
I said, is that awkward?
Why?
And why is it not recommended?
Yeah.
I said, 21.
Why couldn't it say 18?
I get it.
A kid.
So did you love to see if it had alcohol?
It doesn't have alcohol.
It just has all this, like, what is it called?
The torene levels are insane.
I don't know what that is.
I'm assuming it's a chemical.
Yeah.
I'm assuming it's the same shit
that gave me pancreatitis and ulcer.
Oh, okay.
Well, maybe you shouldn't fucking be drinking that then.
I drink like three of them a day.
Oh, shit.
What the fuck?
I don't know.
Yeah.
And then after like a year.
So I thought you'd do that right now.
Oh, I'm like, no.
Now, yeah, the doctors take, come on bullets.
Your system is trash.
I go from monsters, from Red Bull.
Fuck.
I didn't drink it with vodka.
I drank it by the side.
Yeah, I know.
I didn't even fuck.
Like, and yeah, I had a GERD.
It messed up my esophagus and messed up my, I had,
Holy shit.
Yeah.
Peptic ulcers, like holes in my stomach.
It was bad.
Then I had pancreatitis.
I thought I was going to die in these septumonoblets.
You cannot drink caffeine point point period.
Like you should stop.
You just need to stop.
Stop.
If you could see me right now,
my jaw is just like open, like hung like,
what the fuck?
I know.
And I really thought I was going to die.
Bitch, I thought I was going to die.
It was horrible.
It's horrible.
And then after about six months, I felt better.
It healed.
Oh, okay.
And then it gets what I did.
You went back on yourself.
I need my fix, bitch.
But I was so scared.
I would just maybe drink one red bull a week.
One.
Okay.
Well, yeah, just not three.
Let's not do three a day.
Yeah.
I can't do that.
No, I'm old.
Too old for that.
Shit.
Speaking of old,
John Claude Van Damme still looks good.
And he can still do his roundhouse kicks.
And he's very flexible and limber.
Hey, look at that motherfucker.
Love.
John Claude.
The original kickboxer.
That's right.
Blood sport.
Yeah, exactly.
Now why me and Pomona Bullets are talking about
John Claude Van Damme is because last night
he showed up on my Instagram feed,
doing what he does best.
His roundhouse kicks and drinking alcohol
and just kick an ass.
It was so amazing.
And Medusa sends this to me and I watch it and I'm in awe.
Right?
I'm just in awe.
He aged very well.
He's still as hot as he could possibly be.
He's in great shape.
But Medusa also sent me.
Oh, that's right.
Let's go ahead and explain.
Or do that.
So Medusa sends me a clip,
oh, maybe three, four days prior to the John Claude Van Damme
clip that I got yesterday.
And I'm watching it.
And it's Cisco, the thong song.
He's obviously 45 years young.
Doesn't look.
I don't know about young.
Yeah, doesn't look like that after watching that video.
He wasn't in great shape.
I'm dying.
I'm watching this video, but Medusa sends me.
He can't do his little kick.
I think he did pull off a flip though, right?
Yeah, that's what the Twitter feed is like.
At least he pulled off the flip.
And I was just like, dude, like he was out of breath.
I thought he was going to pass out.
And I thought I was going to have to like get on stage
and give him mouth to mouth.
Like, bitch.
Cardiac arrest.
Where's the ambulance?
It was breathing so heavy.
The thong, the thong, the thong, thong.
Yeah.
I was just like, oh, baby boy.
Oh, I'm like, it's okay.
It's okay.
Oh, here's some water.
I know, right?
Let's take a breather.
We need an intermission.
And his backup did.
His backup did.
They were like, put it under shame.
Just like, let it go.
They were great.
They're like, let me help you.
I'm going to have to, because I texted it to you.
I'll put the link in the show notes.
So everybody who hasn't seen the, now it's viral,
but if you guys haven't seen it, it'll be in the show notes.
So you need to check the link out there.
Gosh, it was hilarious.
So I told Medusa, this is Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Can still do his brown house kicks.
And he's wet.
I mean, he could be Cisco's daddy probably.
Right?
Still looking good.
You know, he used to have a reality show.
I didn't know that.
Joe Rogan was talking about it,
like maybe 300 episodes ago
on the Joe Rogan podcast.
I'm like, what the fuck?
But yeah, he had a reality show.
It didn't last long.
Really?
That's what I said.
I'll have to look it up and see if it's on YouTube.
I'll send you the link.
Well, I mean, I'm sure it wasn't like,
Ocho, Cinco, like, you're trying to find love or anything.
No, it was just like, I don't know.
I guess he was just, I don't know.
I could have sworn Joe Rogan was talking about it.
He was like on cocaine half the time or whatever.
I could be wrong though.
But I was just like, no wonder.
Maybe that's why he looks still good and he's still cut.
He probably still does cocaine and alcohol on the regular.
It preserves you, like, you know, right?
Yeah. I mean, it could.
Speaking of cocaine,
Charlie Sheehan's in the news like two weeks ago,
I guess he made up with the producer of Two and a Half Men
and they're doing a new series together.
But he's been sober six years.
And I'm like, I did not see that ever happening.
Six years?
That's what I fucking said.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Huh?
Because he's been Mr.
Party Animal since I would think high school.
Oh, yeah, since Ferris Bueller's Day off.
Exactly.
He was great Ferris Bueller's Day off, by the way.
Good. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, and speaking of all this news and, you know, I'm not on.
Any of the feeds or any of anything. Right.
Did you hear about the Dixie chick?
I saw that on my on my news feed, I guess one of them died.
Yeah, it was like a car accident.
She's 65.
Oh, I didn't realize the Dixie chicks were that old.
Neither did I. I mean, I never don't get me wrong.
I never I could never get into that fucking music.
I'm not country girl, unless it's Johnny Cash.
That's about it. Yeah, for sure.
But yeah, I saw that.
I want to say I saw that yesterday.
Yeah, I was just my more Yahoo will email me sometimes.
And they're like, hey, Dixie chick, L passed away.
And I was like, 65 because it just seems like.
I thought they'd be like in their late 50s or whatever, or mid 50s, but not 65.
It's just like it just doesn't it seem like are the human's life span is just
shorter and shorter and it could be from all the time.
Oh, forever. Who knows?
I don't either.
And I I stand by what my pop says.
My dad's like, you know, the don't ever change my diaper.
He's like, I'll just put a 45 in my own head.
That's right. I'm the same fucking way.
Yeah, I don't like 79 is a good age for me.
I already picked my number 79 or 81.
Like, let me go then. Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
I was like, that's long enough.
It's long enough in this planet like your dad says, when are you going to cash
in your cash? Yeah, I'm in now.
I'm in. Yep.
First, five, bitch. Yeah.
See you never.
Or I'll save you in hell.
Shit.
Oh, my gosh.
I know everybody who believes in all that, I'm sorry, but it's I am.
Yeah, just cash in your chips.
I always I used to tell my my children, I'm like, when you die,
it shouldn't be a bad thing.
You're just going to the next level like a video game.
Right.
I'm just sign off and call it a day.
Yeah.
So imagine you'd be floating and doing whatever you could haunt houses, scare people.
Like.
And there you have it.
Yeah, there you have it.
There you have it.
Freakin' merry, freaking Christmas tomorrow.
Yeah, I was just going to say, is Santa showing up tonight for you?
I don't care if he shows up for me.
You know, whatever.
Yeah, I highly doubt it.
I know that there was some dude that was at the library that looked like Santa.
He obviously skipped my house.
I don't know.
I don't fuck you then.
You know, I don't know.
This must be bad.
There's a part of me every year where I act like I don't give a shit.
I don't I don't ever get a Christmas gift.
I'm granted I got a Christmas gift from my bestie.
Thank you.
In September, September, but I'll take it.
I take it all day long.
I should have wrapped it and put it under the tree just so I could wake up in the morning.
Don't do that shit.
You'll be like, I got a gift.
But I didn't.
I didn't.
But there's always just a small part of me that thinks, you know what, someone,
someone, other than my true bestie, who actually gives a fuck like just somebody
just can't somebody just say, hey, promoter bullets.
Here's a fucking Christmas card.
Here is a fucking Amazon gift card or just whatever.
I just kind of think there's there's a few select people that are on this list
that I have in my head where it's like, hmm, let's see.
I always get disappointed every year.
It never happened.
It never.
Well, girl, that's why you need to start treating yourself.
That's what I know.
I'll treat yourself.
Nobody gets to all these just me and my son.
That's right, bitch.
And Travis Kelsey is on some commercial I'm watching right now.
I don't know what the commercial is, but did you see the Twitter post I sent you?
You're not Taylor Swift.
Taylor Swift gave Travis Kelsey a stupid fucking hickey.
And I'm like, what are we in fucking junior high?
Well, yeah.
And don't you know how to get rid of it?
Get the lipstick cap out or the cold spoon.
Like, what the hell?
Put your fucking fancy makeup on.
Fucking hide that shit.
Like, OK, I'm like, I guess we're little kids.
So there you have it.
She how old is she?
I don't know.
But she's just I don't understand why people like her so much.
I don't understand at all.
But I'm not a basic white bitch either.
So I'm basic.
No curves.
But I just remember seeing that gray either.
I don't think so either.
But I just know G unit.
She's like, no, Auntie, I do not listen to her.
I'm like, oh, thank fucking God, because I would have to disown her.
Oh, my gosh, I know.
Thank goodness she does it.
My son is just I think it's just he's just one of those boys growing up.
He's like, oh, take, take.
Yeah. Oh, she's she's cute.
I'm like, yeah, because she looks like a fucking 14 year old with her flat ass.
You know what?
No, she does look 14.
I wonder how old she is.
She's got to be obviously she's older.
She's fucking dating a goddamn fucking NFL person.
Oh, maybe.
I don't know. I mean, she has to be.
All I remember was she she has to be at least 30, I would think.
Was she an American Idol?
I don't even know how she got famous.
I want to say it was American Idol.
I could be wrong. I want to say that, too.
But maybe I'm thinking of Kelly Clarkson or some shit.
I don't know. But.
I thought she had that little glitter guitar and she was like an American Idol,
but maybe not. She did.
OK, Taylor Swift is thirty four.
I'm sorry, thirty four years old.
And she I guess she just had a birthday December 13th.
Yeah.
That explains it.
She's a fucking Sagittarius.
She's a fire sign that that totally explains everything.
Yeah, her fucking music and all her ex-boyfriends and her talking shit
about them and all her fucking songs thereafter.
Oh, my gosh. Whatever.
Yeah, overrated.
Yeah, I was listening.
I think I don't know if I mentioned this on our previous podcast.
It seems like forever since my power went out
and I missed last week. But I know it seems longer than two weeks,
but it's only been two weeks.
Yeah, it's just they were saying that.
Well, there was like a forum where just people were saying that not only does,
you know, Travis Kelsey, he's with or whatever.
Kelsey's Travis Kelsey.
I know there's two Kelsey brothers, but the do that's with Taylor
and that they keep every time he makes a score, he does something.
They always zoom in and pan in on Taylor.
And the dudes in this forum were saying
more than half of the NFL players have some hot ass wives, girlfriends, etc.
OK, why can't we just like pan in on all of theirs?
Like there were no, that's totally valid.
Instead of fucking Taylor. Yeah, why can't we get a variety
instead of just fucking saying Taylor cares?
And Taylor, I'm sorry, not Taylor.
What's his name? Travis Kelsey's ex-girlfriend.
I don't know if she was whatever she was.
She's a lot fucking hotter than God.
I'm like, you landed that like he looks like a basic white boy.
Like I don't even I would put his fucking maybe at five and a half.
Like I wouldn't even give him a fucking six on a scale of one to ten.
Yeah. And then because he's a fucking white boy.
But I was just like, and now you're with Taylor Swift.
I'm like, I know you weren't hitting that.
Like, I want to say the girl is mixed, the girl that is his previous ex-girlfriend.
I'm like, she probably did all the work in the bed. Yeah, of course. Yeah.
I can't I I don't know.
I think Kelsey's like kind of becoming a sellout.
Maybe this is a stunt publicity thingy because now you're getting double
vaxed and you're you're getting your flu shot and shit.
Like get off of the TV.
Oh, just talk about that all the time or something.
I don't pay attention.
Yeah, he has this commercial where he's like, oh, brother.
That's all you had to say was commercial about it. OK.
And then and he's like now he's like state farm and I don't know.
But it's like, stop it already.
Are you or Lisa? Go ahead.
I'm sorry. I'm just like, it's like he's trying to retire already.
And oh, I don't even know how long has he been in the game for.
I don't think he's been in that long.
But I don't know.
I keep cutting you. No, I'm like, I don't know.
Well, you know what?
If I was getting he I guess he's playing the card because I'd have been like,
Taylor, let's get married and I don't have to work anymore.
Fucking you write your fucking songs, bitch.
Let me live off your fucking money.
For sure. I mean, she has.
They can definitely both fucking retire and live. OK.
Media. Media.
They can live in the KELVAS or wherever all the fucking Kardashians and everybody live.
Right.
Shit.
I'm just jealous.
I'm just hating.
Well, I know your fucking chargers.
I didn't watch the game last night, but I saw that you guys lost by two.
Yeah, and I'm kind of like thinking to myself, why are they even showing the game?
It doesn't even.
We went or left.
Oh, so did they show the game up there?
No, I had to watch it on Peacock.
OK, well, at least they at least you were able to watch it there.
We play tomorrow. We fucking I can't fucking wait.
Did I send you the Max Crosby for Raiders?
How he talks? He was talking shit about wasn't talking shit.
But he was confirming that him and Patrick Mahones, also known as darling Connor from
Roseanne fucking have a beat.
He's like, oh, yeah, he's like, he's like, I hunt him down.
I'm a fucking dog.
I'm like, that's right, Bart, bitch, let's go for tomorrow.
Yes.
10 a.m. So I'm going to definitely watch it better be fucking on TV down here.
Shit.
It should be or I don't know.
It's Christmas Day and it's a Monday.
So I'm assuming it's going to be on regular TV and not like a certain mark.
You know how like how you said it's like not in your market.
It better be in every fucking market.
It's Christmas Day.
I hate that.
I drove to the store today, too, and I was flipping through the radio.
They're all Seahawks radio.
Seahawks fucking radio.
That's a fuck.
God.
Marks on Lynch ain't playing, then I don't want to hear about the Seahawks.
I fucking see chickens.
I'm just hating on everybody.
Now I'm like, oh, gosh, I don't even wear my watch anymore.
Well, you can wear it after February.
I will.
I'm going to start throwing some positive vibes out for 2024.
I'm sure Raiders will finish last and you guys will be like, so there's what?
Four in the division.
So you'll be we'll be number four.
You'll be number three for AFC West.
You will be last.
The Raiders will be gosh.
At least you guys have some bragging rights.
I think that last game you demolished us.
But by the way, oh my God, that was absolutely ridiculous.
But they fired the head coach and I know like, yes, please.
But I don't even know how that fix fixes the problem.
What fixes the problem is Herbert gets peeled and gets back on the field.
There you go.
But yeah, OK.
It's a long way to February.
I know.
I'm just going to make a shrine and I'm going to pray every day.
Yeah, for sure.
If there's one thing I'm praying about, I come on.
This is our this is our season to our 24.
Shit.
Oh my gosh.
Now I have a hand.
Oh, Pomona bullets.
I love you.
So let's go to Rance.
Do you have any like specific rants?
Did you want that you wanted to mention for today?
Oh my gosh.
I think I just blurred them all out out of turn earlier in our episode.
I gosh, my rants are I hate with the whole debit card and.
Cash, I just I'm telling you people.
You do need to have some fucking cash.
I don't know.
I wish I could.
My rant is can I trade?
Can I trade some silver?
Like for some batteries.
Like what if I had some silver coins?
What if I there's no there's no trading system anymore?
It's just it's either freaking cash or debit.
Right.
Or debit and my biggest rant is Wells Fargo.
Oh, that's right.
Tell everybody.
I guess Wells Fargo can go fly a freaking kite.
I am so sick of them.
And I don't understand why.
Supposedly my account was compromising and granted.
This is my main main account.
This is where my paychecks get the paychecks.
This is where all the important things get taken out such as mortgage payments,
car insurance payments, car note, everything.
It gets compromised.
I go to get gas and they tell me your account's frozen.
Your account's frozen.
I have to call Wells Fargo.
They're like, oh yeah, we shut it down three days ago.
Thank you.
Thank you for the call.
Thank you.
Thank you for letting me know.
I was just going to say they could have notified you.
Yeah.
Why not?
Why can't you just like say, hey, I checked my account probably once a day.
I go into the little app.
Just try to make sure like, Hey, did bills get taken out?
What do I have this?
Whatever.
I'm really good with my finances.
You would think they would have some type of alert.
That said, check it out.
Pomona bullets.
It's frozen.
We're sending you a new card.
I don't, I don't know.
So Wells Fargo can go suck a fat one.
I hate them.
And now I'm transitioning to find another bank, which is a fucking hassle because I had to
make a list.
Okay.
Netflix comes up.
My like, I have to make sure I capture every percent.
Percent or company that takes money out of my account every month.
So it's, it's a lot of work.
It's almost like, you know, trying to change your last name back to your main name after
you get divorced.
Fucking hassle.
Speaking of, now that you said that shit, I just got my new, are you know how like when
your card like expires and they send you the new one?
Yeah.
Thank you for the reminder.
I guess I need to call the cable company and they got to call some place.
I'm like, Hey, here's the new expiration date, bitch.
Yeah, you do.
Damn it.
Yeah.
Everybody, everybody's like, sorry.
You, and then, and then you get charged a reactivation fee and shit for the people you forget.
Like, Oh, I'm sorry.
Hulu, I forgot you.
I forgot you.
Exactly.
That's always just like, I need to get on that really fucking quick because I don't know
when, um, shit.
Yeah.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
You're the real one.
Shit.
Yeah.
It's truth.
Nothing but truth.
Truth, truth, truth.
Okay.
I have a fucking rant.
I have one rant.
YouTube.
I love you.
I signed back up for the subscription, even though you guys want a ridiculous amount,
which is $18 a month.
That used to be $12 a month.
That is not my fucking rant.
My rant is this.
YouTube has been around since what, the 1990s?
How the fuck, how, how the fuck do you guys not have a fast forward button in 15 or 30
second increments?
Like you can either like forward it with your fucking finger and drag it across the screen
or if you hit next, it goes to the next fucking video on your fucking playlist.
I just don't want this fucking, oh, 50 second or 30 second increments, especially when I'm
listening to podcasts or commentary on the, like when I'm listening to clubs,
there's certain things that I don't want to listen to.
Like if he's still rambling about whatever, I'm like, let's talk about the next topic.
Can I just like 15 seconds would be great if I can just forward it by 15 or 30 seconds.
But no, YouTube, you suck in that department.
We're going into 2024.
Figure it out, bitch.
Oh my gosh.
Our listeners say they want to fast forward us.
They couldn't if they're listening on YouTube.
Um, no, they couldn't, but they could if they listen on Spotify and 15 separate increments.
Because when Joe Rogan has his goddamn fucking thing and all of a sudden he cuts to commercial,
I'm like, oh, guess what we're going to do?
We're going to fast forward through this bullshit route fucking quick.
Oh my gosh.
That is there.
We have it.
Yeah, I don't know.
Well, that's the same.
Oh my gosh.
Well, that's what like dish.
I'm going to dovetail off of that dish network.
That's what I have.
That's my cable provider.
Um, it's always so they, they make it seem like it's just the best thing ever, which
don't get me wrong.
I like the fact that I could download dish and on my phone and when I'm at work, I can
record shows and watch it on my phone, blah, blah, blah.
But how can I can't read?
I can't fast forward fucking commercials.
If I'm recording a show.
Oh, you should be able to think they those motherfuckers don't let you.
That is rude.
They won't let you fast forward on your phone with my little app, but I can fast forward
on my TV.
But that's rude.
Yeah, I think it's rude for a hundred and fucking $30 a month.
I think it's very fucking rude.
Fucking uncalled for, to be honest.
Yeah.
I don't even watch that much fucking TV.
I think, I don't know.
I listened to more podcasts.
I'm actually watching TV is at work and I'm what obviously I'm watching while I'm working,
but I like during the days like when I come home from work, I'm like, I got shit to do.
So that's in it.
It just TV just interrupts me because then I'm going to sit down and watch it and then
I don't get my shit done.
Exactly.
Oh, and well, shit.
This is what I found out as well.
Um, so dish was telling me it keeps every time I turn on my TV, it's kind of you have to
like say start the TV, but it'll give you these little like pop ups of, oh, this now has the
Yulag or dish now you can enjoy the Yulag.
You can enjoy this.
You can enjoy it like these stupid channels, which is basically a Yulag or and they play
Christmas music or whatnot.
I ended up one night.
I turned on the TV and it was called dish scapes.
Okay.
It was just a stupid digital fucking picture of a cabin and there was snow and you would
hear Santa Claus and his reindeer ho ho ho going across.
And but it was like on this loop, but I thought that was going to be very therapeutic.
I put my timer on my TV for two hours.
I was going to go to sleep to that shit.
Tell me why the fuck I got charged 599 on my bill for five.
Oh, hell no.
Exactly.
Like fuck that.
Wow.
I know.
I'm all fun 99.
I know it's like people are probably saying come on a bullet's come on you cheap ass bitch.
It was five.
No, but they should have fucking disclosed that they were going to charge you six.
That's right.
That's why I know your piss or that's where I was.
Yeah.
I know.
You didn't fucking disclose that when I decided to fucking listen to this bullshit.
And now you're charging me and the time it takes for me to call dish and say,
listen,
I think my dog sat on the remote and it went on the stupid channel.
And just to get 599 credited back to my account and this two hours.
That's why they know that.
Yeah, they're just like six dollars worth.
Sorry, you can go and you can watch a movie.
Go watch Megan or whatever the fucking I fucking love Megan.
Have you seen I did all like bitch.
I need a doll like that.
I fucking fucking need a doll like that.
Please fucking kill everybody.
Push them right.
Please, please let a car.
And when that fucking the goodie are not the goodie to shoot the
fucking world.
What's the word called them the spoiled little boy and we like you Holly.
Yeah.
And Holly's his mom.
Yeah.
Yep.
I was like Megan.
Yeah, do it.
I, I.
That's what I'm talking about.
No more Furby's no more nothing.
We need Megan's.
Yeah, we need Megan's to rule the fucking world.
Yeah, please do.
I need a Megan.
I need like three of them in my house.
Like, right.
I need a Megan.
I need one to clean one to cook and one to keep the lights on when
the power's out.
Yep.
And one to kick ass.
That's right.
Be your fucking personal bodyguard.
Yeah.
Yep.
Oh Megan.
Yeah.
It was like that's and she didn't even die.
It was almost like a Chuckie scene.
Remember when Chuckie was like in the fireplace and his head and he
still talk.
Oh yeah.
For sure.
Did you ever watch the talking Tina episode with telly Savala?
Oh yes.
Okay.
So that's what it reminded me.
I don't know if it was based off of that, but that's what I'm talking
Tina and I'm going to kill you.
And then she pushes telly Savala's down the steps.
Yes.
Go Jack goes down.
So freaking awesome.
You know what that used to be.
I'm going to go down.
I was watching my Christmas like rituals and was watching the
Twilight Zone.
That and the outer limits.
Yeah.
One day would do the,
I guess the marathons or whatever.
Yeah.
But Twilight Zone will always be my favorite because it's just
sci-fi and I'm just like,
how computers are going to rule the world one day.
And sure enough, look where we are now.
Yup.
Boom.
And you'll face.
They were trying to tell us for years.
And they were like,
Oh, it's called the Twilight Zone.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
Do you remember the one where they were like pigs?
Yeah.
With the pig face.
Okay.
So what's your favorite Twilight Zone episode?
Oh, wait.
Okay.
Oh, I have so many, but I think my most.
Okay.
So you're in top three because I have three.
So my top, what are your top three?
Okay.
So the first one is going to be the Gremlin one where the guy was
on the airplane and the little green one.
Why don't I remember that one?
Oh my gosh.
Yes.
I keep talking.
Let me see if I,
if I have a dog's mind memory.
Okay.
So this guy's going like out of town to another state.
He's in an airplane and they're,
they're having turbulence and this and that.
And there's something going on.
An engine goes out and he opens his little window because he has a
window seat and that little Gremlin.
There was a little Gremlin and just like,
Oh, on the way.
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay.
I remember.
That is,
that's your number one.
That's my number one.
I do.
Do, do.
Absolutely love talking Tina.
Talking Tina was one of my.
Yes.
That's the number two, I guess.
And my number two.
And then my number three.
Oh, there's so many, but there was the.
There was one where.
I remember the,
the one where I was on the airplane.
And then there was one where.
It was like the pigs, the pigs.
The pig face.
It was like, they were like doctors,
but then they would pull up their, yeah,
and there were pigs.
Yeah.
And then, and then the, I guess the patient,
she just wanted a normal face.
Yeah.
She ends up with a normal face.
And then.
Okay.
Got it.
Yeah.
Those are my top three.
Okay.
So let me see my top three.
My first one is the ninth.
Floor.
I don't know if that's the name of the,
or I guess the title of the episode,
but it's where.
So they're in a department store and this lady.
That's in the department store.
They keep, she keeps in her head.
Like she's, she's shopping around and then in her head,
she's like, I have to go to the ninth floor.
And every time somebody would go into elevator,
like she would like watch it go up to see if it goes to nine.
She finally gets to the ninth floor.
Like she's like, okay, I have to go up there.
She finally goes up there.
It's just the entire floor is filled with mannequins.
So she's like, what the fuck?
And they're like, no, like she can hear these voices in her head.
Like you need to stay here.
It's not your turn.
Your time is up.
It's, it's my turn now.
It comes to find out she's a fucking mannequin.
And like, I remember that one.
That's my favorite fucking one.
I'm like, dude, like those voices in your head.
Like you kind of have to listen to them in a sort of certain kind of way.
Right.
So that's my first one is the ninth floor.
The second one obviously is talking Tina.
Yes.
I fucking love cojack and cojack went down cause he's an asshole.
Yes.
And then the third one, I don't know what the title is called,
but I don't know if you remember, um,
there was these two kids and they would always go swimming.
In the swimming pool.
And like when they entered the swimming pool,
they were able to enter another world.
Oh, was it a square or a lake?
I want to say it was a, well, maybe it was a lake.
I want to say it was a swimming pool though.
They come up out of the swimming pool or the lake and they end up like on this
ranch or whatever, like this open land.
And they would call, I guess, whoever the lady was aunt TT aunt TT.
I gotta let that one.
Yeah.
Like they would always go out like they would, like they would, um,
go between two worlds, like, I guess whatever,
but that swimming pool or the lake was their entrance to the,
the better part, I guess.
Oh my God. But we're talking about like the black and white.
Yes.
I've only ever watched the black and white Twilight zones.
Is there a color?
Yeah.
They try to do a newer version of them.
I never watched them.
No, I, it has to be with Rod Sterling.
Oh yeah.
Oh my gosh.
I'm going to, you know what?
That's going to be my, I'm going to,
I'm going to keep that Christmas tradition going strong.
Starting this year.
If you log into my Hulu, um,
my Hulu,
I think Hulu still has, um, Twilight zone because they've always had
Twilight zone.
So it should be on there the whole entire fucking all their seasons.
I can't wait.
I'm going to look for the Gremlin one.
I might start that tonight now that you said that I'll do that while
I'm doing my writing or whatever, because I just fucking love.
That's what made me fall in love with sci-fi is, um,
Twilight zone.
I love Twilight zone.
And it was like, I was always so scared as a kid,
but I was just so intriguing.
Yeah.
Because he,
Rod Sterling made it fucking very interesting and just made it.
He was very engaging, especially with him as a narrator.
Oh yeah.
At least for me.
I don't know.
I can't speak for everybody.
Well, he was for me as well.
And then just like back then the male species, um,
just had those prominent.
Like male features.
Yes.
And it's just like,
manly features.
Yeah.
And what happened?
You look at a dude now and just like, what the fuck?
They're all like,
just all sludgy and pudgy.
I was actually looking at my father's yearbook,
high school yearbook.
And your father still has his yearbooks.
No, I have it.
Oh Jesus Christ.
Why?
I don't, I don't know.
I think my grandma must have gave it to me and was just like,
you know, your dad's going through a divorce and, uh,
here's his yearbook.
Um, and it was just so interesting because all the seniors,
all the guys are wearing like a tie and, and,
and they just, there are features.
Just they had that chiseled masculine.
Yeah.
They have mustaches.
They're just at 18.
Exactly.
I'm like, what the fuck?
You were actually, uh, at Pomona High and look at a fucking your
book now.
Look at the seniors.
Yeah.
A whole bunch of them.
Yeah.
It's like what they're trying to, they have some peach fuzz.
Like, I don't even know.
They just look like kids.
They're not even mad.
But not even close.
I was just like, shit.
Wow.
These like,
these,
this dude looks like my boss.
Like,
he's like,
yeah,
I'm like,
yeah,
I'm like,
yeah,
I'm like,
yeah,
I'm like,
yeah,
I'm like,
shit.
He was barely 18 years old.
I'm looking him all chiseled and shit.
Yeah.
He's got the clap.
Ken.
Like looking like what's his name?
Jay Leno.
Prominent chin.
I was like,
I'm like,
yeah,
I'm like,
yeah,
and the Clark.
Oh,
yeah,
little greaser type like just man,
just on point,
just,
they look like they all smelled good.
They look like they were just like,
hi karate.
Yeah,
there's just men in the making like,
wow,
now you look at these fucking garbage little kids and,
It's only two days.
He drive Miss Pomona bullets around please.
So I don't drive.
I want a permanent chauffeur and I'm not talking Uber.
I mean a permanent like Lincoln town car chauffeur.
Yeah, I must speak that into existence.
Let's do let's do this.
I'm going to be like, you know what?
Yes.
Um, Clayton is going to drive me to Southern California.
Exactly.
I'm just going to say three.
I'm bitch. Let's go.
Drive me to fucking independence Oregon.
Yep.
We're like, we got to rescue my bestie.
She has no power right now.
I'll be like drive slow.
It saves gas.
Yeah.
All right.
On that note, I think we should end this tomorrow.
Yes.
I'm with everybody, including my bestie, a very, very fucking Christmas.
Merry, Merry Christmas.
All right, guys, we are out.
We will see you next week before the New Year.
Yes. All right.
All right.
Be safe.