After your place, I hit his place up because I would hang out with him just to fucking hang out, right?
Yeah.
Did I tell you that we fucked that one?
Yes, you did! I was like, you fucking bitch!
I was so fucking jealous!
I was fucking...
I was like, you're getting some dick and I can't!
I'm like, damn!
You fucking...
I just made pancakes with me!
Did I tell you I- I pissed on the floor?
Happy Sunday, Bestie!
Happy Motherfucking Sunday!
What'd it do?
What'd it do, yo?
Um, shit.
Fuck.
Man, all I get, like I said, I'm gonna start with my rants.
That's a stupid NFL-
You know what? I'm fine by me, so it's not playing your game, I guess.
Well, my game doesn't start until a little bit later.
Oh.
Well, my team, the Chargers, GoBoltz, even though they suck, but, you know, I'm still gonna represent.
I'm still gonna represent.
I can't wear my watch.
I just- I hide it sometimes.
I'm like, Jackson Cleveland!
You know what? I really like the fucking quarterback at Jack- with Jacksonville?
What's his face?
That cute little blondie guy?
Fucking hot.
He's fucking- he's a hottie.
I like him.
Yeah, I don't know, I'm gonna have to look him up.
Yeah, I think he's like, what is he?
I don't know, I don't know, my glasses on.
He's like, number 16? 18? I don't know.
But he's hot.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, anyways, that's how my morning's going.
I'm relaxing. I actually got everything done for the most part before I logged on, so I'm feeling really good.
That's fucking amazing.
Yesterday, I tried to put up- yeah, okay, I'm late to the party.
I'm putting up my Christmas trees yesterday.
Okay.
The house- the house has been plural?
Plural.
The house is so big, and I'm such a minimalist.
So it's kind of like, let's just put this open space with a tree.
So where'd you put them at?
So when you walk in the house, there's a tree- you know that big mirror that I have when you just kind of walk in?
Yes.
Okay, so I have one right there.
Okay.
And then I have one in the living room, and that's like my Macy's tree that I spent like, I don't fucking know.
By the TV or by the sliding doors?
By the sliding doors, kind of like in between where that window is before the sliding door.
Got it.
Yeah.
Well, okay, Kim Kardashian with your multiple trees.
Yeah, you know.
Yeah, I just- you know, two units like, we're going to do this.
And I- so the trees are fake, obviously, and QVC sold me on- are you seeing them on?
Oh, dear God, you bought them from QVC.
Yeah, well, they were like selling these Macy trees 10 years ago.
Okay.
I'm on- I'm watching- okay, this is truth.
This is facts.
If I can't find my fucking remote, I don't know if I'm laying on it.
I don't know where the fuck it is.
I just watch whatever lands on my screen.
And it's always QVC or-
It happens to always be QVC, and I think they fucking know that this is- this is what-
This is what this old lady does, is she just fucking falls asleep TV, so let's try to sell her.
But that's how I got so many of my Invicta watches.
I'm like, what?
No way.
Yeah, you told me.
So, after we get off the call, you're going to have to educate me on how to fucking change the time since I- we didn't know how to undo it or I don't know what the proper term is.
How to change the time.
Yeah, and you're going to feel so shitty.
Like I did.
And to our listeners, I know how to change a fucking watch, the time on a watch, but these Invicta watches that both Pomona Bullets and I have, we have the same one.
There's a certain way or a certain technique to, I guess, unlocking it before you can change the time because quote unquote, it's an underwater watch for 100 meters according to the jeweler.
And that's why it has that certain dial.
Yeah.
And you can't just pull it out because if you pull it out, it's going to fucking break.
And that's what he says every time he doesn't want to pull out and just wants to explode.
They never want to pull out.
Shit.
Yeah, it, I, yeah, I can't wait.
So how did you figure it out?
You were just playing with it or what?
Yeah.
So, yeah, I just, I got off of work and I just was having a hard time.
I was having a little nightcap and I said, wait a second, it can't be that complicated.
It really is.
And I, I, yeah.
And I just, I was like, Oh, is that easy?
Shit.
What the fuck?
Okay.
Yeah.
And I was like, Bestie, I got your text.
I got your text.
But then I'm like, if I text her back now, I'm getting ready to go to bed.
And I'm like, she's going to call me and I'm like, it's just going to throw off my whole night.
So we're just going to have to table this until Sunday.
Cause I'm an old lady and I go to bed early.
So there.
Me too.
After I text you, I'm like, it was like my little nightcap.
Bestie, I figured it out.
I'm snoring.
That's how I was.
I'm like, fuck this shit.
She's going to have to wait.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll wait.
I got nothing but time at, at this point.
I'm like, You're so funny.
That's why I've had to.
Useless.
You're so funny.
You should take your, you should take your show on the road.
Lo's, is having this, um, talented loads has talent.
And I was like, so it's like standup or what?
Oh, shit. I mean, it has to be. I mean, maybe I don't play the drums,
But I.
I see.
We could carry our feet.
Yeah, fucking loads of talent.
It's $5,000 for the grand prize, but you know,
I think I heard the story.
Or is it for multiple locations?
It's for the whole nation.
So all this.
I was just gonna say, okay.
Well, fucking sign up, bitch.
Well, you have to send a video and then you get cool.
Oh God, whatever.
Do I upload a podcast?
Right?
But then I'm like, oh fuck, I can't
because if they go back and they hear all the shit I talk,
like nevermind.
Here's your $5,000, by the way, you're fired.
Yeah.
Pass all your stocks and your fucking holiday and vacation.
And your last check.
Mine is all that, yeah.
Yeah, last check, bitch.
Here's $3,000.
Right.
And that's before Uncle Sam takes his cut.
Yeah.
We all know fucking Uncle Sam.
So speaking of Uncle Sam, I want to say the Super Lotto
for California.
I think it was a Super Lotto last night.
Two people won from this.
And they purchased their tickets from the same gas station
in Encino, California.
How crazy is that?
No, I, OK.
Let's tell off that because I heard that that Powerball,
somebody lied.
What?
That they won.
They said somebody lied.
They said they had the winning ticket.
And they never came forward.
OK, so it's still good.
So I'm like, so is.
I'm waiting for somebody to claim.
But it's kind of like, this is the whole little DNA homicide
detective in me.
I'm just like, wait a second.
So it doesn't even matter if you say, oh, I'm the winner.
The system should say somebody bought a winning ticket.
No, that's the way it's supposed to be.
Right?
So you can't just say, oh, I won.
And let everybody think that, oh, you won the billion fucking
trillion, whatever.
No, it's the lottery that says, tells you if somebody actually
won the billion or the big jackpot or whatever.
Right.
You don't have a name, but you just know the location
and the number.
Yes.
And yeah, so I'm like, OK, Yahoo News, fuck you.
Like, is this clickbait?
Yeah, you fucking pump fake bitch.
Like, fuck this.
There's a fucking millionaire out there.
Then I need their address.
Right.
I'm going to send my dog and my kids and we're hungry.
I need another Christmas tree.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, my parlor needs another Christmas tree.
I don't know.
Parlor.
You're fucking parlor.
I love it.
Well, that's a bit of an Islander word, I guess.
And I mean, I know on the mainland,
so stop they call it the living room.
But there you go.
Yeah, yeah, shit.
I don't know.
Well, anyways, just point blank.
My house is too motherfucking big and I don't like to clean
and I hate everything.
So let's just start there.
You haven't had any power out just due to, I guess,
snow or anything like that.
Yeah, right?
OK, good.
Not yet, but it's about it.
It's heading this way.
I know it.
I know it is every year.
Oh, fuck yeah.
And last night, I just the rain.
It started the flurries were it's, I guess,
that's what they call it where it snows, but it doesn't stick.
And this is all terminology that I'm learning since I've
moved here.
I just like, oh, it's snowing.
They're like, no, it's flurries because it doesn't stick.
What do you mean it doesn't stick?
Well, when it's just a round mouth.
Oh, OK.
So it's not snowing.
It's flurries.
It's not cold enough for it to actually snow, I guess.
I don't know or stick or whatever.
Where's the fucking Dallas rains when we need them?
Hey, exactly.
Just like, what the fuck is going on?
Do we need chains?
I'm wearing a beanie and everyone thinks I'm crazy.
But why?
Because you're wearing a beanie.
Yeah, but I'm just trying to protect my naps like I don't wear.
They don't wear beanie.
They do when it's like under 30 degrees.
But when it's like 40 or 50.
Oh, I would be wearing one if it was 40.
Girl, I'm wearing a scarf, a jacket, a beanie.
I have an umbrella.
Don't don't come to Oregon and have an umbrella.
They'll shoot you.
They know that you ain't from here.
The only time I use an umbrella is if it's I use it
for the opposite because I'm Islander like you.
I use it if I'm out in the sun and I'm walking in the summertime
to block the sun from me.
That's the only time because I fucking hate using an umbrella
when it's rainy.
There's no it serves no purpose because with everything.
Yeah, with the wind and everything, the rain is slapping me in the face.
So what's the point of an umbrella when it's raining?
Well, I just try to protect my hair because I take like an hour
to straighten it. Right.
And it's like one fucking drop of water.
It just keeps it all up like the whole thing.
I even think about that.
I'm just like, shit.
But I bought this umbrella that's actually fucking.
I thought it was cool, but everybody in Oregon thinks if you have an umbrella,
you're a fucking loser and you can't just muscle out the weather.
But in my case, I'm protecting my naps.
OK, I'm right.
Truly trying to.
So there's this umbrella where when you get into your car
and you know how you're trying to like shake your umbrella and put it in,
it's all crazy.
So I was thank you.
QPC again.
QPC, if you want to sponsor me, if you want to sponsor
Top Shelf Hikings, please do because I'm great.
I love your products.
So I bought this umbrella and it's a reverse.
Reverse. So instead of it coming down and you shake it, it goes up.
Yeah, it goes up and then all the fucking water just pours out
and then you just bring it into your car.
No shit.
Yeah, it's fucking amazing.
I was like, what the fuck?
I need to.
I thought about that.
Like that was my idea.
But he actually put in the action.
Right.
Yeah, I don't have to check that out.
That sounds interesting because I'm not.
I can't see how the water drains if it goes up.
Well, it goes up.
So all the water.
So instead of closing it and then you're like shaking the umbrella
and just try to wrap it, it goes up and then you just pour it like.
Oh, got it.
OK, so you just turn it or whatever.
Yeah. And so it's like an opposite umbrella.
Right. But it was the best $18 I ever spent.
I fucking love it.
But then again, I swear, I have to.
I have to watch out for like laser fucking beams on my head.
Yeah. But yeah.
So since you shop on QVC all the time in HHS
and what's your most prized, I guess.
Purchase, if that's the proper term, I guess, or order.
Um, so I get a lot of luminous, which honestly, fuck that.
It's not a prize purchase.
I have to actually cancel it because it's just constantly keeps coming.
And is what is luminous?
It's some type of fucking airbrush makeup
or supposed to your supposed to be 10 years younger.
I don't you know what?
I bought that shit and I never fucking used it.
Now it's just like, fuck you, luminous.
But I'm not even going to update my fucking card.
It expired and I'm just they're like, hey,
canceled. I'm like, yes, yeah, just let it cancel.
But the main thing with QVC is.
Wow. I do a lot of I am.
Sheets and and pebbles.
Sheets and pillows. OK.
And oh, fuck, I just do so much stupid shit.
Like this is when, you know, you're getting fucking old
because I was like, I do need a wig.
I don't want to buy a wig. Yeah.
When do you use it? I never have.
I don't know. Oh, my fucking god, girl.
OK, you need to put that on and send me a fucking picture
because your hair is fucking long.
I thought I sent you the video when I told you.
You know, I need to see you in that fucking wig, bitch.
So girl, it's a big way.
It's a Karen wig.
I swear I just thought to myself, but.
I swear it's a Karen wig.
And I'm going to go out afterwards, bitch,
and put it on and send me a fucking picture.
You know, I never wore a wig ever in my life
and I have that island hair.
So I was like, oh, so I need.
I need a little hairnet. I need like thank you very much.
That's why I'm like, you didn't think this out.
No, I didn't. It was QVC.
Thank you, QVC. I still bought it.
Like I just thought I needed it.
I just thought I needed it.
The bitch said, you know, you wake up late.
You're trying to get to work.
Why don't you just throw this on?
It looks so natural.
I was like, fuck, yeah, I fucking need that.
I fucking I don't know.
And I'm just like, yeah, this is gonna work.
I'm like, Karen all day.
But I can't wait to be in the grocery store, put that bitch on.
But it wasn't me. I'm shaggy.
But it wasn't me.
Fucking Karen, I'm gonna fucking I'm gonna yell at everybody.
Why is there a line open?
Why do I have I have more than 15 items?
Why do I have to be in the self checkout?
Fuck this shit.
I'm gonna fucking squirt some goddamn fucking something
on the floor. I'm gonna slip.
I'm gonna I'm gonna do all that with this Karen wig.
I swear.
Oh, my God.
Fucking tears.
I'm gonna tear my face.
I'm gonna sue everybody.
I'm gonna sue everybody with this wig on.
But this is a fucking god.
This fucking insane.
I'm gonna I'm gonna put it on when we face time after this episode.
Please do.
I'm gonna show you the picture.
Why was there was Karen a way?
There was something I didn't think through yesterday,
but not to the extent of what you just did.
I'm serious. This is my life, people.
This is welcome to my life, and I'm glad to share it with everybody in the world.
OK, so here's what happened to me yesterday.
Yesterday morning, I get I wake up, I do my chores,
and then I get on Instagram and I'm like,
the Hello Kitty mobile truck is going to be at the West Covina Mall
from 10 to 7.
Sweet. I'm fucking going because I love Hello Kitty.
That's the girl in me.
Carrie, Carrie, OK.
Exactly.
And I'm bad bats maroo for me.
And I tell my daughter, I'm like, babe, I'm gonna,
I'm going to go to the mall.
Do you want to go with me?
Hello Kitty, the mobile truck is there.
And she looked at me like I'm a fucking idiot.
She's like, no.
So I'm like, fun, I'm fucking going.
Girl, I get there at 10 fucking 45.
There is a line wrapped around the abandoned sears.
And I'm like, no.
Yes, I was in my fucking car and I'm like,
well, I'm just going to keep on rolling home.
Bitch, I would have been like a band and suit.
I would put a fucking little
name tag or something on your chest and just be like, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
Like, yeah, put on some scrubs from Walmart.
You just like, excuse me, excuse me.
Somebody needs some help and just cut in line.
I should have did that fucking line wrapped around the sears building.
And I'm like, and I come home and my daughter's like,
so how'd it go?
I'm like, there was a line wrapped around sears.
And she's like, yeah, that's what I thought.
I'm like, well, you know, I didn't think this through.
That would have been great if you fucking told me that.
Like there would be a long line, mom.
Well, you know, I just start kicking tents and shit.
And I'm just like, excuse me, man.
I'm part of me, somebody needs CPR.
And I just stand in line in front of them, like, fuck you.
Jesus. And I did not think that.
Sears, that is funny as fuck.
I'm sorry. All the malls are well, that's fine.
I don't care. I don't even think Sears is in business anymore.
I don't know. I thought Bed Bath and Beyond went out, but I'm still getting like,
hello, we're back.
And it's like, what the fuck?
I'm getting these emails.
Oh, they're back. Oh, maybe just online.
I thought they closed their store.
That's what I thought, but they're like, hello, we're back.
We're back.
Pomona bullets. I'm like, oh, you bitch, motherfuckers.
Like, God, you were my fucking.
Oh, kryptonite.
He's.
Oh, my God, those salty tears that came rolling down my face now are stinging my skin.
God damn it, Pomona bullets.
You're so hilarious.
Oh, shit, I'm here all night.
Right.
OK, I have a question.
Do you possess?
Do you own a lot of hoodies like me?
Yeah, yes, I do. Yes, ma'am.
OK, do they just hang up in your fucking closet or how do you store them?
Yeah, I hang them in my closet and because it's the hood, you know, right from the hood.
I have like a certain section where it's just nothing but fucking hoodies
because that's how I roll.
Yeah, that's how I am to when I do it.
My thing is this, because, you know, when you stick them on the hangers,
it has the hanger hook or like when you take it off the hanger.
Yeah, like it still has the hanger indent.
I fucking hate that shit.
Oh, so what I do is I put
the hood inside.
Inside, like kind of like inside like, oh, I don't know.
I can't explain it.
Geez, but I will you can show me on FaceTime later.
OK, so I put the hood inside like almost like it's a sweater.
OK, and.
But I do have I can't use those Walmart fucking, you know,
10 hangers for fucking five bucks.
Yeah, I don't I don't do that shit because I don't know how many of those
fucking hangers I broke when I'm just trying to like be lazy
and pull one of the hoodies off and it's like right breaks.
So I have to have a little bit of a sturdier hanger,
but I do put my hood inside because OK, sometimes
when it's like the summer, I'm just like, what the fuck?
How did my clothes get dust on it?
Especially I just hang it in the closet.
Yeah, I'm just like, what the fuck is going on?
Or again, or maybe maybe it's not just organ.
I don't I don't know.
I don't know. No, that's how it is here, too.
But so I have a recliner in the in my daughter's office
since you work from home and I have like at least 12 hoodies
and they're all just fucking sitting on the fucking recliner
and I on the recliner recliner back because I don't like the stupid
hanger in dense on the shoulder.
I fucking hung them all up yesterday.
I'm like, this is ridiculous.
I have a closet.
They just I just need to suck it up and I hung them up and I'm like, God damn it.
Well, they're going to have all hangers in dance again.
So that's my thing is that's one of my ramp is those goddamn hanger in dance.
Well, do you have those hangers that have that little like
if you like one of those little nice T-shirts and they have those little fucking
silk straps and you put it in that little in their invention type shit.
No. So like you, I don't do the I do the plastic hangers,
those 10 for a dollar or whatever.
But I do that for like shirts or whatever.
But when it comes to hoodies, I do the velvet.
You know what the velvet hangers are?
Oh, yes, I have some.
Yeah. Yeah.
I have velvet hangers.
So I put them on that and I guess it lessens the indent, but it's still there.
It's just in a different spot.
Well, I want to tell you that I don't I now I don't put
certain shirts or hoodies on the hanger, like how you would typically put
a hanger on just and hang it.
I actually fold the shit.
I was just going to say, do you fold it the way like the department stores do?
Well, yeah. OK, there you are.
I thought you cut out. Oh, no. I.
Girl, I'm going to show you.
I can't wait.
And I wish I could share this to the world because these are like two life hacks.
I have a system and it it works.
It works. It works.
There's no more fucking hanger and lines and dance.
And yeah, I hate that.
All right. Yeah. OK.
Because it was ridiculous.
I'm like, I need to get this off the recliner because I'm not a messy person.
It just looks messy and unorganized when they're all when you got 20 or I don't know.
I'm exaggerating when you have 15 stacked on there, not 20.
I probably have about 15 hoodies, but they're all just stacked on there.
And I go through them to figure out which one I'm going to wear for the day.
By the way, I am not wearing my top shelf.
Hi, Jen's podcast hoodie today. I'm wearing my TVK hoodie.
You know, I'm wearing a fucking car.
Heart is cold here. So yeah.
Shit, I know.
But I did wash our top shelf.
Hi, Jen, hoodie.
And if you throw it in the dryer, I don't know.
I know. I was scared.
I was like, yeah, same with me because it was it was it's a heat transfer.
It's not the actual self screen.
Yeah. I'm fucking I'm grown.
I know. Like fuck.
And plus it's black. So anything that's black,
I don't fucking throw in the dryer if I can help it.
Yeah, I was just like, you know what?
Here's some extra fucking downy and I'm going to hang it up.
I don't. I can't get up.
I don't do fabric softener anymore.
I got lazy like maybe 10 years ago.
I guess I need to start back with that. I don't know.
You know what I do?
I fuck fabric softener.
I mean, I have spray and wash.
And that's stain remover, isn't it?
Yeah, but I do it for the bottom of socks, I guess.
That's pretty much by black socks.
I mean, that eliminates the brainwashing.
Well, it's for the kids.
And then and then when I cook dinner or food or whatever to feed these minions,
I don't like getting popped by grease.
So I'm always putting on a hoodie.
Oh, got it.
Okay, I just like fuck that. I mean, I bruise easily.
I don't know. Am I in the make?
Do I need like iron pills?
I don't fucking like just a pop of grease and just like, oh, shit.
So I wear long sleeves and right.
And my poor hoodies.
Fuck. I'm like, fuck you, grease canola oil.
Speaking of bruises, I picked up a pizza before we got we logged on.
And I was half asleep.
I put it in the back of my my key.
What the fuck do I have the key of soul?
Come on, bullets.
I go to pull to pull down the fucking hatch.
And I'm not paying attention.
This thing doesn't pull all the way down and I fucking walk my pelvis into the
goddamn fucking hatch and I'm just like, well, that's gonna bruise.
My God, I was so fucking pissed.
I'm like, you know what?
I'm so fucking tired today.
So I haven't looked, but I'm sure there's going to be a one long line bruise.
Girl, you're gonna fucking wake up tomorrow.
Just be like, booze, bruise.
What?
No, I'm telling you, you know, in case I forget, I'm not.
That's why I'm telling you, you feel like, I'm like, what happened?
What happened to my fucking pelvis?
They're like my where my my hip is hit the hip and I'm just like, God damn it.
Oh, yeah.
And hit the bone.
I'm like, monkey, whatever.
That's what I get for not paying attention.
No, that's what we get for being old.
That's who.
But yeah, I bruise easy too.
And it's just like, I take my vitamins, I fucking eat pretty much clean for
the most part or whatever.
So why the fuck am I bruising?
Girl, I got.
Okay, so I have bruises on my feet and I'm on the bottom of your feet.
No, the top and I'm okay.
I'm thinking what the fuck?
Like, how is this really fucking happening?
Is it my shoes are okay?
I mean, I have Dr. Scholls.
I don't fucking know.
But I started this new little workout.
Okay.
And so basically I just have so it's called like a straight.
Like a rebot mine in specific as a Reebok stepper.
So it's like the step or the platform.
Yeah, but I have so many fucking steps in my house and I kind of was like iffy
of buying it.
So I was like, maybe I can do this shit because I have all these steps in my
house, but and I honestly thought maybe I could just.
Well, there's no phone books anymore.
So right.
So I just like, so I just like, I just like, I just like, I just like, I just
don't, I don't have any stuff.
And I was just like, I don't even know, I swear that it's just give you pretty
big connect.
And I put it on Donald Trump, I don't know how many of you know, he
built this.
PeopleAll탄ium.com is like, Oh, we don't have any
single thing, so what am I gonna do, that's like, if I'm like, you know,
it's not going to work out.
So I just want to, first of all I need this room.
With this Sunaway house, all the residents and the self affordable
and all the systems and everything that they do找ные
I get USA.
Like this is all me.
This is what I need to do because I need to keep moving.
I need, I mean, it was my yoga.
I used to do yoga in the morning and just try to tighten shit up and stretch.
But like my favorite pose is the corpse.
Is that just laying down on your back?
I see you.
I feel you girl.
I'm just like, wait, wait, it does do some type of purpose.
And I just sound like, oh, shit.
And then my alarm goes off, the little fucking snooze button.
I'm like, yes, I'm getting up going to work.
But that was the greatest yoga fucking event that I've ever fucking did.
Um, because I'm just like wobbly.
My core isn't that great.
I'm just I lie and I tell people I'm fucking happy.
Like it's just crazy.
Girl, you need to like just do some planks for your core.
You know how to do planks.
Just hold it for like 15 seconds and build your way up for your core.
And then just.
Yeah, I think I need to work on my core because like my calves are on fucking
sleek, they pop and shit.
And I'm like, yeah, I don't have tangles.
Like fuck yeah, I'm just like, hmm, I can do flutter pics.
Like a big like you are hilarious.
Yeah, it's just this fucking like I need my core.
So I started doing this.
It's called stepper stepper ton stepper ton.
OK, now this guy is like crazy.
He just you just put on some music and it kind of makes me feel what my
grandmother rest in peace used to do.
She's do fucking dancing.
What was his name?
That little guy, Richard.
Richard Simmons.
Yes.
My grandma used to try to do that shit.
Can you imagine a little Filipina just like.
I know.
And you know what?
I respect that.
So I'm like, OK, grandma rest in peace.
I'm doing stepper tron and or tawn.
Excuse me.
It's not Tron.
And I'm doing these little but shit.
You just think just going up and down and up and down and these little steps.
Like half a foot.
I don't know. But steps are there.
It's only one.
Oh, OK.
We've got steps.
So I thought there was more.
Well, you have to keep going up and down on this little half foot of a step.
And then you turn and then you you they do these little moves.
It's kind of like a tick tock type shit.
I don't know. I fuck is subscribed.
Um.
Yeah, I'm hurting like I feel like I got hit by a bus and shit.
And I just was going up and down the step.
Oh, I'm looking at I'm looking at Amazon right now.
The stepper ton. OK.
OK, that's not that's like a box box.
Yeah, but.
Yeah, but the guy gives you all these moves and he says you got to turn
and you go down and you go up and you go down and then you do it to music
to make it fun and engaging, I guess.
Yeah, I was just going to say, you don't want to do it without music.
You probably be bored off your ass.
And I'm just like, OK, Justin Timberlake, I'm a crummy.
A river, crummy river.
And I'm doing all this shit.
But damn.
Fuck, I fucking hurt.
Oh, Jesus Christ, come on, a bullet.
No, it's why I'm fucking single.
Oh, OK, God, I know.
No.
Fucking thank God.
Nobody knows.
I'm too rough around the edges.
No. Well, you know what?
That's a good thing.
Fuck yeah.
Nobody means you're a diamond.
You're precious.
I'm a diamond in the rough.
That's right, bitch.
Yeah, I don't give a shit.
You fuck.
I'll give a fuck.
That's right.
Hey, did you work yesterday or was your day off?
I can't keep up with you.
I fucking worked yesterday.
Is it getting more crazy?
Because it's getting, I guess now it's like the month of Christmas.
Or is it just normal or what?
For a lose.
I wanted to text you so bad, so bad yesterday, just like help.
Like SOS, please.
I thought you just need to mentally decompress
every fucking everything.
But so my life.
All right, so I go to work.
I know I have to close payroll, do all this and this mat, blah, blah, blah.
And then I get an employee that comes in.
Going to be Santa at Santa's workshop.
And I'm thinking to myself, is this another fucking level of responsibilities
that nobody told me that I was supposed to be responsible for?
OK, I said, OK.
And I said, he's and you're going to be Santa's little helper.
I said, well, god damn it.
Back the truck up.
Draw the line here and I will literally walk off the job.
Like I'm not going to be Santa's little helper is 30 degrees outside.
What is the outfit?
No.
And where are you supposed to be?
Like, what the fuck?
Did he explain what's going on?
He's like, I don't know.
I got called in.
It's my day off and I go on to his time card.
I'm like, holy fuck.
I'm like, why did you fucking agree to this?
Why? He's like, why?
Just, you know, I don't know.
They call me.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that was like, holy fuck.
I'm like, all right, dude.
Santa, it is so I'm helping him and I'm putting I'm trying to help.
But he has clothes like legit.
I guess you would say what thermals or long johns or OK and stuff.
So it's and I'm trying to put the Santa suit on.
I'm stuffing the fucking belly in there.
I'm just like, wow.
And he's like, so are you going to be Santa's little helper?
I'm like, no, like, honestly,
I didn't get the memo.
So like, I'm not going to be fucking.
And I was like, we're Santa's little helper's outfit.
I'm like, that's like a Kelly style outfit.
And it's like 30 fucking eight degrees.
I am not going to know.
That's against dress code.
So did did he do that to like hang out with the customers or what was?
Yes.
So it was like a Santa's little workshop type deal.
And poor guy.
Yeah, he was out there, but I made sure there was a bunch of heating lamps.
And I put some coloring sheets for the kids and I and he was building little like
I don't fucking know what the shit was, but he was building stuff.
And I just felt so bad for him.
And he's like, but I need a Santa's little helper.
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I would if it was Kelly style and the weather was good.
I would just be like, right, I'll bring in customers.
Like, yeah, yeah, because I'm cute.
I could do it, but no, I'm not doing that.
If I could miss me with that shit, I felt that.
I'm not ignoring you, Pomona Bullets.
I'm on my Twitter feed right now because you know, I love Raider Nation.
OK, so the football scout just tweeted about 25 minutes ago.
Derek Carr yelled at his off at his O line after taking a sack and things got
heated between him and the one and one of his linemen.
And my boy, one of Raider Nation, replies, Sissy boy, Derek Carr getting checked fire.
Oh, my gosh, that's why I don't like raiders.
You guys are so brutal.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, yeah, that's because you know, we're aggressive.
I know you guys throw.
Back in.
You guys, they're bottles at my head.
Fuck. And I'm a fucking charger family.
Stop, I don't want to fight.
Shit, fuck. You won.
Why are you trying to fucking slash my tires?
Like.
You guys are crazy.
Yeah, I'm going to choke on my fucking water here, bitch.
Aquafina for days.
I don't even know we're fucking playing today.
We had a buy last week, I believe.
I don't know we're playing today.
And I'm assuming we're playing at one because there's no type of feed whatsoever.
Or there's no yeah, my feet saying that.
Oh, we're probably playing at home today.
That's probably what we're playing.
And speaking of our main topic, Chad Ocho Sinko, our boy, him and his
wife, or I guess, say she posted a picture of them hanging out in a waterfall.
I fucking love those two.
He finally met his match.
And you know, she her name is Charelle Rosado.
So she's a high end real estate or realtor, I guess you should work for her.
You're an underwriter.
Girl, I was like, why the fuck did I not know?
But that's because that's the whole fucking downside of not being online.
Yeah, I never knew.
I didn't know anything about her.
But so they started dating because her one of her kids ran track with one of his kids.
And so she saw she was seeing she kept seeing them.
I want to say if I'm saying this right, she kept seeing Ocho Sinko.
And I want to say it was his daughter at what at the track meets,
because her kid was running track, too.
And so they I guess they started talking or whatever, but she slid into his DMs.
And then from there, the rest is history.
And I'm like, and you know, she used to be in the army and she would jump
or she would parachute out of fucking planes.
And I'm like, oh, he fucking met his match.
When I read that, I'm like, oh, she for real.
Oh, and then there was a disco ball.
Yes. Yes.
And I know what I don't know what, like, God bless that fucking matrimony.
Like I just I love Ocho Sinko.
Did you watch Ultimate Catch?
Did I watch Ultimate Catch?
Yes. Ocho Sinko?
No, I don't think so.
And it was like a bachelor type deal.
Oh, no, I know.
I never I didn't even know that was a show.
I'm like, what is that? Oh, shit, girl.
I was like, oh, no.
Oh, please.
Oh, OK. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, he's I just think he's so fucking handsome.
And the fact that he finally met his match and the fucking chick that I guess
I'm like, if she jumps out of planes, was in the military.
And now she has her own real estate firm after the military.
And it's maybe I can work for her.
Do you have an Netflix?
I do. She has a show on there.
It's like, I don't know.
I'll find out what it's called, but it's a reality show for her real estate firm.
Oh, you know what?
God bless little Ocho Sinko.
He's my little cocoa. I I I love his teeth.
I love his smile. I love his fucking swag.
He is amazing.
I am that boy running on three legs.
Oh, yeah. When you sent me that, I'm like, I've known that.
But that's because you're not on Twitter.
Like, he talks about that all the fucking time on the way to the party all the day.
All day long, late to the party.
I'm actually considering trying to sign
thinking about signing up for a goddamn YouTube subscription
just so I can not have the fucking commercials because that Shannon Sharp.
I really like the Shannon Sharp YouTube series that's going on.
I don't know if you listen to it, but you know how you sent me that snippet?
Yeah, from. Yeah, I swear to God, there is a fucking commercial every 90 seconds.
Or every two minutes for his fucking show that doesn't that never happened for like
that doesn't happen for all the other shows.
I guess I listen to our podcast.
I listen to on YouTube, but for some reason his does.
And I'm like, God damn it, he has all the best people on there,
especially when he had March on Lynch.
And I was just like, why are you at commercial again?
You were just that commercial 30 seconds ago and here we are with another fucking.
And you have to get like that YouTube premium.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
That's what it's called. And it's $12 a month.
And I'm like, well, it's cheaper than Netflix.
Yeah, I'll do it. Yeah, you're like, fuck you, Netflix. Bye.
I can't believe what are I think you told me.
And then somebody else on Twitter was complaining, great or nation, of course.
They're like, Netflix is $23 a month now.
And I'm like, I canceled Netflix a long time ago. So I don't know.
I know. I'm still like, I know I secretly have your code for Hulu.
And I'm like, yeah, do it.
Well, but my daughter was so mad in the beginning
because I used to sign up for the there was two versions of Hulu
back in the, I don't know, like maybe 10 years ago.
So I signed up for the version that had no commercials.
So it was like, I want to say it was like $100 more a year.
Fuck. Yeah. So I'm like, cool.
I don't want fucking commercials.
But then they emailed me and offered they're like,
if you want, and it was only good for one year, but they're like,
if you sign up for Hulu with commercials or with ads involved,
that's only $50 for the year. And I'm like, sold.
And we've we've been on fucking with the ads ever since.
And I'm like, it's just obviously regular.
We can't you fast forward the ads? No, you can't.
I know. That's what.
But but I'm just like, who cares?
And I'm like, it's well, that's what I'm pointing another drink
or having a potty break. Right.
And plus I have press.
I have obviously it's Hulu, so you can pause it or whatever if I do need to get up.
But yeah, I don't even know if they offer without ads anymore.
But it's like about $100 for the year.
So it's not bad. OK.
Well, I haven't used your your code yet, but I just dumped dish network.
OK, well, good.
Yeah, I was kind of like, OK, what type of ads do I want?
And I'm really doing my research about like, do I want Paramount Plus?
Do I want Hulu?
Because I work six days a week.
I never fucking home.
It's just kind of like I am.
I just kind of wind down and I want to see what I want to see.
So I'm trying to figure out what should I really invest in?
I just use my login.
Yeah, OK. Well, just just know when you see it, like a little.
It's going to ask.
There's going to be two users on there when you log in.
Just log in as me. OK.
Is it all like, are you are you Medusa or Medusa's daughter?
Just do Medusa. Yeah, for sure.
I haven't I haven't even touched your login, though, by the way.
OK, well, just saying.
But I still have it.
It hasn't changed. It's been the same.
All you know, like, you know, we are one.
Right.
Oh, shit.
Speaking of watching TV, I don't really watch TV at home.
I watch TV when I'm at work.
And this fucking last work week was the work week from how I'm.
I don't really want to get into it.
Other than my supervisor got laid off, that set me off.
And then the person, the person.
The person, I guess, who's taking over for him, I guess.
I don't know if you want to call it that.
A replacement or whatever. Yeah, whatever.
She walks in last week.
The last two weeks. Yeah.
She walks in the last.
This I think was two weeks ago when for right before they laid them off.
She walks in and you know, I have those giant
headphones for my yeah, for my yeah, I don't do those little earbuds.
They fucking pissed. They just make me mad.
So I have them on and I can hear what the fuck she's saying.
Because I know she's there and I'm just like, God damn it.
I can't watch fucking TV.
I have to listen to a podcast today.
So I have them on and she's she's talking to my co-worker.
It's only me and AJ in the front, right?
So me and AJ.
And so she's like, AJ, is Emma in training when she's like, no.
Why she got those big headphones on?
She's like, oh, she's listening to our podcast.
And I'm like, yeah.
So I hear everything right now.
So you're out mute.
Yeah.
And then so she's like, hey,
what are you listening to?
And I'm like a podcast.
I fucking can't stand this bitch.
And she's like, OK, what are you listening to?
I should have fucking said something like just to test her to say,
like nobody likes Joe Rogan unless you're a fucking guy.
Especially little like when you're younger women,
the younger the younger generations,
regardless of the gender pronoun, they don't like Joe Rogan.
So I should have fucking said Joe Rogan just to see what her fucking
facial reactions would have been.
Sure. But I'm like, oh, I'm listening to Bears in one Cave.
Oh, and she's like, what is that?
I'm like, oh, it's two comedians.
And she's like, oh, OK.
Whatever.
Oh, my gosh, I have to hide our shit sometimes.
I'm like, oh, what the fuck did I say?
So everyone's like, you're going to podcast?
I'm like, yeah.
Oh, OK. So speaking up.
Yeah. So I do this.
Oh, I see what you're saying, but you hide about that.
I hide and they're like, what's your link?
I'm like, no, yeah, no, yeah, no.
You're like, I'll tell you after I leave this.
Yeah, for sure, bitch.
Like for sure.
But this past week, Pomona Bullets, so this past week,
I listened to Joe Rogan. He had his he had a comic on there.
His name was Staros.
I don't know what the last name is.
He looks like the fat guy from Jurassic Park
that gets eaten by the dinosaur.
Let's OK. So he looks like that, right?
I have I have peers rolling down my face, Pomona Bullets,
and they're like, what the fuck are you listening to?
I'm like, I'm listening to a podcast.
Like, what are you? What are they talking about?
Like, I can't tell you. I'm like in trouble.
This motherfucker, he's like, hey, Joe.
So just imagine the guy from Jurassic Park,
the fat guy that gets eaten by a dinosaur.
He kind of resembles him.
He's like, it gets better.
He's like, hey, Joe, have you ever fucked a girl
that had that had a BBL?
And he's like, no.
So he goes into the whole fucking thing.
So I'm like, this is he's talking about fucking this girl
that has a BBL.
The first thing is like the Brazilian butt lift.
So she got the fake butt.
OK, thank you.
OK. Yeah.
OK, I'm sorry.
So he's like, Joe, the first thing is,
if you hook up with a girl with a BBL,
you have to get with her right after it heals.
Like, don't get with it while it's healing.
Don't get with it a year later.
Like four months after it heals is the best prime time
to be with her.
And Joe's like, OK.
And then he says, yeah, so then I try to fuck.
And then he's like, I try to fuck her from the back.
So she has this big, you know, the BBL.
She's got the BBL going on.
He's like, I don't have a big dick.
So like it was really fucking hard to fuck her.
Have you heard of a strap on?
Right.
So I was just like, that's what prompted me to be like,
you know what, because do you use Spotify or you don't use
Spotify?
Girl, for your music.
I do not.
I just do Apple.
That's fine.
So on Spotify, excuse me, because Joe Rogan is now on Spotify
exclusively.
So if, if you have Spotify or you use Spotify,
you have the option just to listen or you can like,
if you have your phone on or like the screen is on,
you can watch the actual video because it's video.
Oh shit.
My son does that.
My son.
Yeah.
Spotify.
And I let him because he's a music genius and just do you like,
I was, I, yeah, I don't know, but I, I'm just like,
I'm that old fucking grumpy ass bitch that just doesn't,
I don't fucking have anything.
Well, but then I always reach out.
I'm like, Hey, bestie.
You have Instagram.
Oh, hey, son.
Send me that.
Right.
Well, that's how I send you the links or whatever.
But, um, so that's what prompted me dumb.
Like, cause I wasn't watching the,
I wasn't watching the podcast.
I was only listening.
I have fucking tears rolling down my face.
I'm like, who the fuck is this guy?
Like, I've never heard of this comic before.
I need to see what this motherfucker looks like.
If he's talking about, he has a tiny dick and he has problems
fucking a girl from behind with the BBL.
I look at the fucking video.
I'm like, Oh God, he looks like the guy from Jurassic Park.
No.
Wow.
And then, and then the other thing that had me fucking crying at
work, he's like, Joe, you ever been with a girl that squirted?
It was like, no.
He's like, he's like, well, I have.
And Joe's like, okay, are you going to, you know, he asked him
to tell him about it.
And he's like, yeah, it was the most weird experience ever.
Like she fucking squirted and it was the most rancid fucking
smell.
Okay.
Wait, let's pause on that because like I squirt and I, I used
to think it was piss.
I was like, is it piss?
No, I honestly think it's, I guess they're signed to the guy
or the, the comic, Stavros, whatever his last name says,
there's scientific research that says, I guess squirting is an
actual thing if it's clear.
Yeah.
And I'm like, I don't know.
Because like I legit go on the toilet and I push all the piss
out and then it's just like, where is this coming from?
I will say I've never squirted.
So I mean, I guess I haven't.
I can't, I can't be like, I can't like aim it in a cup or
anything.
I just, I mean, we're not a guy.
Yeah.
I just kind of like, what the fuck did I just piss myself?
Like, I don't, I don't know what's going on.
And I put like, like a shower curtain.
I guess, yeah.
Let's just, well, we'll do it.
Okay.
So, you know what?
I just remembered.
So remember that one time I went to your place and we were
hanging out and I was fucking drunk.
And then I'm like, Hey, I think I texted you or what,
remember when the tattoo shop, um, my tattoo guy was,
yeah, street for me.
I think I told you this.
Maybe I told you this, but like after your place,
I hit his place up because I would hang out with him just to
fucking hang out.
Right?
Yeah.
Did I tell you that we fucked that one?
Yes, you did.
I was like, you fucking bitch.
I was so fucking jealous.
I was like, you're getting some dick and I can't like,
damn, you're fucking pancakes with me.
Did I tell you, I, I pissed on the floor.
You, you did.
I was like, maybe.
Oh, did I tell you that?
Yeah.
You're just like, oh, okay.
But I was like, maybe you're squinted.
Like who knows?
Or maybe he hit the bladder and I just, who knows?
I don't know.
I just remember, um, cause we were going at it and I'm like,
Hey, I really have to, we got to stop.
I got to go to the bathroom.
He's like, no, you don't.
I'm like, yes, I fucking do.
And he's like, no, you don't.
I'm like, oh, maybe I don't write.
So we get fucking done.
Mr. T.
I fucking, I'm not going to say his name, but Jesus.
I used to, I used to fucking kind of hate you.
You come over to make breakfast with me.
And we're drinking.
And we're making beer.
And then you're like, bye, bitch.
And then I'm like, oh man.
And, oh.
So, um, all I remember is like, we get done and I'm just like,
I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,
I remember like we get done and I'm just like,
I'm putting my shoes or my slippers back or my sandals back on.
I'm like, what the fuck?
I'm like, why the floor wet?
And he's like, what?
He's like, what the fuck?
The floor is wet.
And, and then we fucking feel, he's like, oh,
remember when you said you had a pee and I'm like, fuck.
You're like, nah, bitch.
That wasn't pee.
That was, that was cause that's like squirt.
Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt.
Fucking no.
I don't know.
So, from one of us, he's like, hey,
was, um, peeing during sex ever on your, um,
on your fucking bucket list?
I'm like, no.
Was it on yours?
He's like, no.
I'm like, he's like, how about we write it in and like check it
off right away?
I'm like, hi-five, bro.
Oh, he was fucking amazing.
I can't believe you fucked him.
I wanted to fuck him, but you got him first.
No, you gotta fuck him.
I don't care.
I didn't put dibs or I didn't put a like,
like claim on that you could have fucking.
Nah, I'm not going to mop up my squirt.
Okay.
That's the sound bite we need to use for the intro.
Damn, I've known, um, I've known him since, uh,
19.
Yeah.
Way back.
Like honestly, great guy.
He used to be a classic tattoo.
I want to, I don't even know if classic tattoo is still in
upland.
No, it's not.
Like a fucking matchers.
Remember the matchers company just kind of, yeah.
And Annie's hubcap.
Yeah.
Shit.
I wonder if Annie's hubcaps are still there.
Probably not.
It's probably this a fucking, I'm not going to,
you know what?
I'm going to just not say nothing.
It's probably all mattresses.
There you go.
Cause that's all the nine on nine is good.
Yeah.
Money laundry, but it's all good.
I'm going to stick that in there.
Okay.
Do you have any other ranks?
Oh girl, please.
We would go on and on for days.
So we are going to, yeah.
My rants aren't just, I am too.
I'm not going to go on and on for days.
But I'm going to go on and on for days.
So I'm going to, yeah, my rants are just,
I am just super excited that we're finally getting back on our,
like groove.
We're going to do our Sundays.
Yes.
To everybody who wants to listen.
We miss everybody and we thank you.
But I'm good.
Yeah.
I'm good too.
I think we should set some 2024 goals for the podcast.
I think we should set some goals for the podcast.
We're going to do the podcast.
The podcast.
I think we should set some goals for the podcast.
We're going to do a video podcast with your daughter.
You guys should do a video podcast.
So it's just like how we would be in front of our computers the way.
Uncle Shannon Sharp and that Ocho Cinco is that would be cool if we
could do it that way.
But I don't know.
Yeah.
I think it would be nice if they could all see our,
I have some fucking my girl is like legit.
You could wear your wig.
Yeah. Yes.
I can wear my hair and wig.
You can wear your fucking wig.
Okay. So, uh, 2024 goals, um, listeners,
we're going to get Pomona bullets to be online in person
because she doesn't want to have a social online social presence.
Sorry guys. Sorry.
But that's no, that's that's your thing.
I respect it.
But you know, if you have that fucking wig,
you can put some glasses on and we could totally fucking do this.
Yeah.
For sure.
It's like you bought that wig and we're going to put it to fucking you.
We will.
That bitch off.
For sure.
I love you guys.
All right. Everybody who's listening.
Thank you.
That's right.
Thank you. Thank you.
OK, so have a good week, everybody,
and we will see you next week, next Sunday.
Yes. Listen to us next week, please.
That's right.
Bye. Bye.