1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,600
Good day, Miss.

2
00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:04,600
Good afternoon.

3
00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:10,000
Or maybe I should just be like, yo, what the fuck is up?

4
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,000
It's Sunday, bitch.

5
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,000
Yeah, fucking Sunday funding.

6
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,000
Sunday morning coming down.

7
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:22,000
Okay, so what the fuck with your finger?

8
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,000
Let's start there.

9
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:27,000
Okay, well, let's just start.

10
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,000
Hello?

11
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:38,000
Yeah, that was me and my little G unit were doing a little song together.

12
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And I have, yeah.

13
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So, and that goes towards my broken finger.

14
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:49,000
Guess what my son likes to do?

15
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Slam motherfucking fingers in the fucking car door.

16
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:57,000
Oh fuck.

17
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,000
Oh, this happened this morning or when?

18
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,000
Oh, no, it happened about two days ago.

19
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:06,000
Yeah, I, I'm a righty.

20
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:10,000
So I'm like, okay, okay, you little fucking asshole.

21
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You fucking slammed it on my left hand.

22
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My pinky and my, I guess you would say the ring finger.

23
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You know, when, when, when, when a motherfucker wants to give you a fucking ring and say,

24
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,000
I'm going to marry you.

25
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:36,000
Yeah, so it's just a little motherfucking tips.

26
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The tips, you know, the tips you use when you know you have enough water and rice type tips.

27
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So you can't suck the tip.

28
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Yeah, you know what?

29
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Hey, that whole fucking saying just the tip.

30
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:56,000
Yeah, you fuck you.

31
00:01:56,000 --> 00:02:02,000
Well, just the tips of my fingers are fucking broken and just the tip is not entering.

32
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Yeah.

33
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:08,000
Yeah, I've never broken fingers knock on wood.

34
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Oh, or you just have to let it heal on its own, I guess.

35
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:16,000
Well, I went to the doctor and they give me these little splints.

36
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Oh, yeah.

37
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And then they kind of fucking healed on themselves and they're just like, it looks like I have like, I mean, I have to watch my words.

38
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I don't know, like Parkinson's.

39
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Parkinson's disease.

40
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Fuck.

41
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I'm just like, oh.

42
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Yeah, yeah, I'll send you a fucking text of the fucking fingers.

43
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They suck.

44
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:59,000
It's so bad. And I'm trying. I just blended my new job. So they're like, can you type 40 words per minute?

45
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,000
I'm like, well, I mother fucking split.

46
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,000
Yeah, if I didn't have if I fucking had these.

47
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,000
Yeah.

48
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:17,000
Fucking insane. Fucking you gotta you kids either love them, you fucking have to hate them.

49
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:23,000
They ruin your life or they make your life that much enjoyable depends on the day. Yeah.

50
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:31,000
And the mood and the day that my fucking fingers were slammed into my door.

51
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And I'm telling my son, can you open the fucking door?

52
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He's like, he has these little earbuds.

53
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He can't fucking hear me.

54
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:49,000
Now what those earbuds would have gone fucking flying to the moon, bitch.

55
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I swear.

56
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,000
Well, we can't do that these days.

57
00:03:54,000 --> 00:04:01,000
And you know, that's that's child endangerment and we can't we can't fucking.

58
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,000
Yeah, but you know what?

59
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:11,000
Let's just keep this between us and who's listening. I will fuck and punch somebody in the throat.

60
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,000
Like, no, bitch.

61
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,000
Yep. Throw punch.

62
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,000
It's either clean, clean or bang bang.

63
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:23,000
And or I'm going to say punch punch.

64
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:27,000
The good thing is I would fucking kick you in the fucking chin.

65
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That was my thing.

66
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:35,000
That's because my son is in karate and roundhouse kick.

67
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:39,000
Roundhouse kick motherfucker to the chin.

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Open the fucking door.

69
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:44,000
My fucking fingers are breaking.

70
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,000
Oh my God.

71
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,000
So the door was like completely closed.

72
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,000
Yes.

73
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,000
Oh my God.

74
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:53,000
I would have motherfucking died.

75
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,000
Yeah.

76
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,000
Yeah.

77
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No words.

78
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:03,000
You know, I'm just, you don't know, you don't know.

79
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:10,000
I'm going to stop saying, you know, to everybody listening because I say that a lot and it doesn't

80
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:13,000
make any sense because nobody knows.

81
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:21,000
And nobody knows what it feels like to have two fingers shut in a door.

82
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,000
Well, at least it's not your middle finger, bitch.

83
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,000
Yeah.

84
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,000
Yeah, I can still fucking flip somebody off.

85
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,000
It's my left hand.

86
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,000
So I'm like, well, you know, doesn't matter.

87
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:37,000
Do you give me, I just said, you know, but do you give your guy, if you give your guy

88
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:43,000
handies, hopefully it's not the left.

89
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:47,000
I'm a right hander.

90
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:51,000
You're like, bitch, you're going to get the okay sign and that's how I'm going to do it.

91
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,000
Boom.

92
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,000
That's what it is.

93
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,000
I got your tip right here.

94
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,000
Yeah.

95
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,000
Fucking just the tip.

96
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:05,000
How about just a tip and a fucking door fucking.

97
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:10,000
But anyways, good, good, good afternoon.

98
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,000
Good afternoon.

99
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,000
So how's the, I guess the song going.

100
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,000
I fucking have these.

101
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:20,000
I don't give two facts.

102
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,000
Do you guys have that?

103
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,000
It's like going around right here.

104
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,000
I got to order one for work.

105
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:29,000
Those karaoke, karaoke, um, mice that are Bluetooth and you can like sync them up.

106
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,000
You know what I'm talking about.

107
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Oh yeah.

108
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,000
I know it's a good thing.

109
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,000
I do not have one.

110
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,000
Okay.

111
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,000
I might have to order you one and then we can fucking go off when I go up there

112
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,000
because I got to order one for work.

113
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,000
Cause we just, all we do all day at work is fuck up.

114
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Oh, I mean, we do our work, but you know, I'm just like,

115
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:50,000
we need a karaoke fucking microphone so we can just go off while we're fucking

116
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working.

117
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,000
Wait, wait, wait.

118
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So let's the karaoke thing carry.

119
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Okay.

120
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Whatever.

121
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:59,000
Um, I like that, but it's because I'm not a good person.

122
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,000
Um, I like that, but it's because I'm.

123
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I wonder.

124
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,000
Yeah.

125
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:09,000
Is it, is it, is it, is do people really like that?

126
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,000
Karaoke.

127
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,000
Yeah.

128
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Yeah man.

129
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It's all about the alcohol bitch.

130
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So speaking of work, uh, my coworkers are younger than me.

131
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They're fucking millennials, which is totally fine.

132
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I don't mean that in a bad way when I say fucking millennials, they're just fucking

133
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millennials anyways.

134
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They're like, uh, I guess the supervisor, he's like, uh, we need to do a team

135
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building day and I'm like, all right, as long as it's during work hours,

136
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cause I'm not doing the shit after work bitch, do not do it on my personal

137
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fucking time.

138
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So he's like, what does everybody want to do?

139
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,000
And so, uh, I don't know.

140
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:43,000
Somebody said miniature golf and somebody said, uh, somebody said

141
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,000
karaoke and then I don't know, somebody said something.

142
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:50,000
I'm like, dude, can we just fucking like hit the day club and fucking just

143
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:54,000
get fucked up and they're like, you know what, that sounds perfect.

144
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:58,000
Now let's see if they actually scheduled this shit.

145
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,000
And I'm like, I will show you how to drink professionally.

146
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:04,000
So you won't be all fucking dehydrated and you can start early in the morning,

147
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,000
bitch.

148
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,000
Yeah, I'm a pro.

149
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:12,000
I can afford my habit.

150
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:18,000
Bitch, so can I.

151
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:21,000
Yeah, that's, that's, that's what it takes.

152
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:25,000
It's not hair on now.

153
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:30,000
I'm not living under a fucking bush and a fucking tent and, and going to the,

154
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:36,000
well, I mean, I, I, I, well, yeah, I'll just stop there.

155
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:42,000
I have never, the only like drugs I've ever done was marijuana and, uh,

156
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,000
did I tell you this story?

157
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:48,000
So, uh, when I was in college, my college boyfriend was the fucking,

158
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:52,000
um, the marijuana dealer for like the entire fucking score.

159
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:58,000
Anyway, so, um, after college, I got fucking fat cause, uh,

160
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,000
munchies.

161
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,000
Yeah.

162
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,000
And my dad, God bless him.

163
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:06,000
And for all the people who think fat shaming is like bad, you know,

164
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,000
like go fuck yourselves.

165
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,000
You need to fucking get healthy and fucking do your fucking job when it

166
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,000
comes to your health.

167
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,000
Anyways, I was fucking fat.

168
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,000
My dad's like, guess what?

169
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,000
I need to talk to you.

170
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,000
And I'm like, okay.

171
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,000
And he's like, I don't know what the fuck is going on,

172
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,000
but you have a fat ass.

173
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,000
You're fucking insane.

174
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,000
And I don't know.

175
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:30,000
He's like, I did not come to America to have a lazy fat fucking daughter.

176
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:33,000
You need to figure it out and you need to fucking like slim down

177
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,000
because this, this shit ain't going on in my house.

178
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,000
And I'm like, sir, yes, sir.

179
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:40,000
So the very next day was the last day I smoked marijuana and I got

180
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,000
my act together and I've had my act together ever since.

181
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,000
So thank you, Papa, fat shaming this lazy bitch.

182
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,000
Yes.

183
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,000
Thank you, Papa.

184
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,000
I Pete, thank you, Papa.

185
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,000
I know you're listening.

186
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,000
Um, shit.

187
00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:01,000
Well, I don't know if I should even interject.

188
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:05,000
Interject bitch.

189
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,000
Do you?

190
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:11,000
Um, so yeah, I am.

191
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:17,000
Yeah, I, well, my first interaction being an Islander, it was,

192
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:22,000
it was honestly when I was in Hawaii, um, Kauai.

193
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:26,000
I, uh, it was like a, it was a family thing.

194
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:32,000
You just take a couple puffs of the little splint or the joint or whatever

195
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:38,000
people call it because everybody, what Ems, and it was always after dinner.

196
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,000
So everybody could relax.

197
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,000
I guess I was like, I fucking like this.

198
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:52,000
Um, and then I come to the mainland or the States.

199
00:10:52,000 --> 00:11:01,000
Um, I'm in California and I just remember watching these, um,

200
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:05,000
people or men.

201
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:10,000
I don't say they're whatever, but they were, they were brown,

202
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:13,000
but they were kicking a ball around.

203
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,000
Oh my fucking.

204
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,000
And I kept seeing this dude.

205
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,000
I'm in the bleachers.

206
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:26,000
I'm like fucking 10 years old and I see this dude, the older man,

207
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,000
older, gentle man.

208
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,000
How about that?

209
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:34,000
And he keeps going to the bushes and, and he keeps, and then he

210
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,000
kicks his little soccer ball around and people are coming around.

211
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:43,000
I'm like, Hey, something looks suspicious.

212
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,000
Stranger danger.

213
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,000
Yeah.

214
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:51,000
I was like, Hey, I was just trying to go to the pool and whatever.

215
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,000
I'm sitting on the bleachers.

216
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,000
I'm fucking recognizing this.

217
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:59,000
And you have to remember that my dad was a homicide detective.

218
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,000
Um, everything like that.

219
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:05,000
I was like, I'm not gonna be a, uh,

220
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,000
Vietnam vet. So.

221
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,000
Yeah.

222
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:14,000
I was kind of raised to be a little suspicious and I.

223
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:19,000
10 years old and they go over to the bushes.

224
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:23,000
But I'm, I'm doing that little like done, done, done, done, done, done.

225
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,000
Like.

226
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,000
Creeping.

227
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:29,000
Please don't because I don't want to be killed because my dad used to tell

228
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,000
me to be killed if you do the X, Y, Z.

229
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,000
Shit.

230
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,000
This fucking.

231
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,000
No.

232
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:41,000
So I go behind the bushes.

233
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:44,000
I move the leaves.

234
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,000
I find almost.

235
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:52,000
Three pounds of cannabis.

236
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,000
Oh, guess what I did?

237
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:59,000
I was like, I'm gonna put it on my fucking in my backpack and I fucking

238
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,000
ran off and I was just like, what do we do?

239
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,000
I saw that shit.

240
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:08,000
What a cool new toy.

241
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:11,000
Obviously people want this. Is it worth money?

242
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,000
I don't know.

243
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,000
Yeah.

244
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,000
And so what happened to the three pounds?

245
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,000
What'd you do?

246
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:23,000
Um, so it was, it was, it was, it's kind of funny because, um,

247
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:30,000
I totally learned how to roll a split.

248
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,000
Never do that.

249
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,000
That shit would piss me off.

250
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,000
I can't even fucking roll an egg roll and I'm fucking.

251
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,000
That's how Austrian I am.

252
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,000
I can't even roll a motherfucking egg roll.

253
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,000
I know.

254
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:48,000
It took a while and I just kept, and I just kept using this shit.

255
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,000
Like, I don't fucking care.

256
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:54,000
I was just trying, trying like, um, that, and I put in trash,

257
00:13:54,000 --> 00:14:00,000
putting trash money, but, or prison.

258
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,000
Right.

259
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,000
Yeah.

260
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,000
Or your dad.

261
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,000
Huh?

262
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,000
Where did you hide that shit since your dad was a fucking homicide

263
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:12,000
detective and he could probably smell that shit and you're fucking 10 years

264
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,000
old.

265
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,000
Yeah.

266
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,000
I was so, my dad had a brother.

267
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:21,000
So we had a little compound of, it was just family owned houses.

268
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:25,000
And, um, I knew that my uncle.

269
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,000
Yeah.

270
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,000
I knew he was a little crazy.

271
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:32,000
He was like clinking and banging on fucking cars at two in the morning

272
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,000
and shit.

273
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,000
He was a little crazy.

274
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,000
Your dad's brother.

275
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,000
Yup.

276
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,000
Younger brother.

277
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,000
And I said, Hey,

278
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,000
Guess what?

279
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,000
Guess what I found.

280
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:46,000
And he said, what the hell?

281
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:50,000
He's like, you know how much money you have in here?

282
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,000
I said, can I get a Nintendo?

283
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,000
Please.

284
00:14:53,000 --> 00:15:00,000
If I give you this bag, can I get, can you buy me a fucking Nintendo from

285
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,000
the pawn shop or whatever the fuck you do?

286
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,000
Right.

287
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,000
Yeah.

288
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,000
Yeah.

289
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,000
I'll buy you 10 fucking Nintendo's bitch.

290
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,000
Yeah.

291
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,000
I was like, um, how much, but, but I'm 10 years old.

292
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,000
I don't fucking know how much that shit's worth.

293
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,000
Right.

294
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,000
And it's illegal.

295
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:24,000
And I know my dad's a cop and I know his, his brother is my uncle is a

296
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,000
convict and I don't, I don't know.

297
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,000
I don't know.

298
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:33,000
But it was just the best time of my life.

299
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,000
I miss those guys.

300
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,000
I know.

301
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:39,000
And I never got a fucking Nintendo and I gave him all that fucking

302
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:44,000
weed and I fucking stole it probably from the cartels.

303
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,000
Okay.

304
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,000
You know what?

305
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,000
You need to lighten up on the movie watching bitch.

306
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,000
No, I'm serious.

307
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,000
Well, it's three pounds.

308
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,000
So yeah, I would say that.

309
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,000
Well, I mean, shit, I don't know.

310
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,000
I mean,

311
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,000
three pounds ain't shit anymore these days.

312
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,000
Exactly.

313
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:10,000
But back then, that was like, I, I, they could have fucking put a bullet in

314
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,000
the back of my fucking head.

315
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,000
You know what?

316
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,000
I'm just going to call you Griselba block over now.

317
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:21,000
This and clink, clink, clink, clink, clink.

318
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,000
And let me tell you this.

319
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,000
I am fucking dehydrated as fuck.

320
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,000
I'm drinking.

321
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,000
I still have sapphire.

322
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,000
I got sapphire and sparkling ice going on.

323
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,000
But last night yesterday was the longest fucking Saturday.

324
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,000
Let me tell you this.

325
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,000
My fridge went out.

326
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,000
My fridge.

327
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,000
So the new fridge didn't get delivered till yesterday,

328
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,000
which fucking throws off my fucking routine because I meal prep on

329
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,000
Saturdays.

330
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,000
I hate meal prepping on Sunday.

331
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,000
Everybody fucking meal preps on Sundays.

332
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:50,000
I hate meal prepping on Sundays because that I just want to fucking relax on

333
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,000
Sundays.

334
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,000
Well, guess who's meal prepping today because the fucking fridge just

335
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,000
showed up yesterday.

336
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,000
This bitch.

337
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,000
That's why I'm running late.

338
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,000
And I'm like, I'm running late.

339
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,000
So what you meal prep?

340
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:06,000
Oh, so last night, I, I'm like, let me just fuck off for the rest of the day.

341
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,000
I got my hair done in the morning.

342
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,000
You know, that's like at least four hours when you get your roots done.

343
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,000
Right.

344
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,000
And then the fridge got delivered.

345
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:16,000
And then me and me and M went to go see tariff fire.

346
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,000
Cause I fucking love horns.

347
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,000
So does she, but we saw that.

348
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:26,000
But before that we went to the, have you ever been out back?

349
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,000
Yes, I have.

350
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:30,000
I love the blooming onion or whatever.

351
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,000
Okay.

352
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:36,000
Well, the last time I've been to outback was when I was still living here.

353
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:40,000
And I'm going to say M was probably like maybe 12.

354
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:45,000
So like 20 years ago, 20 years has passed somewhere around there.

355
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,000
Stop saying our age.

356
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:52,000
So I'll say 20 years has passed, maybe a little bit more that since I,

357
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,000
since both of us have been to the outback.

358
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,000
So I'm looking at the menu online when I'm at the hair salon and I'm like,

359
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,000
Hey, I'm going to get this.

360
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,000
And she's like, Oh, I'm going to get this.

361
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,000
Cool.

362
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,000
They no longer have the port.

363
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,000
They used to have a porter house steak.

364
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,000
And it was one pound.

365
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,000
And I would eat the entire motherfucking thing in one sitting.

366
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,000
They no longer have that a B.

367
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:17,000
I ordered a New York, the New York strip or whatever the print.

368
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,000
It's not whatever.

369
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,000
Yeah.

370
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,000
You know, I like marbling on a steak.

371
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,000
Let's get the marble cause it's going to have fat and it'll be good.

372
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:28,000
So the first thing that comes out is my fucking Caesar salad and.

373
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,000
No crook.

374
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:34,000
Girl, I took three bites of that fucking salad and I'm like,

375
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,000
this salad is fucking trash.

376
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,000
No, was there croutons?

377
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,000
I'm going to say no.

378
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,000
Son of a bitch.

379
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,000
It was trash.

380
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:44,000
Well, yeah.

381
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,000
So we're sitting at the bar.

382
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,000
Of course we're sitting at the bar because I've refused to sit in a booth.

383
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,000
So we're going to get served quicker at the bar.

384
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,000
Thank you.

385
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,000
So I'm going to get the bar.

386
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,000
I'm going to get the bar.

387
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,000
I'm going to get the bar.

388
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,000
You can serve quicker at the bar.

389
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,000
Thank you.

390
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,000
So the bartender is like, oh, you don't like it.

391
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,000
Or, you know, what's wrong with the salad?

392
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,000
Cause I put it away. All right. You know, I gave it to her to give away.

393
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:10,000
And I'm like, this salad is trash. And Marissa's like, she's like, do not.

394
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,000
She's like, don't go into it, mom. I wasn't going to complain.

395
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,000
I'm just saying it's trash, right? Like I'm not going to fucking eat this.

396
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,000
Dude, I took three bites.

397
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,000
I'm not going to waste my fucking time.

398
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,000
I don't need trash anymore.

399
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,000
News flash.

400
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:25,000
Unless it has croutons.

401
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,000
It's just that I'm a fucking drunk.

402
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,000
So the bartender's trying to make it right.

403
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,000
I'm like, I'm not complaining. Don't worry about it.

404
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,000
I just don't want it in my face. Just fucking throw it out.

405
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,000
So my state comes in where M's.

406
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:41,000
Um, she got a blooming onion hamburger, I guess.

407
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,000
Oh, yummy.

408
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,000
Yeah.

409
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,000
I know.

410
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,000
M's my type of girl.

411
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:49,000
She always has been since eight year old.

412
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:55,000
She's like, mom, this burger is not fucking seasoned. I'm like, okay.

413
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:58,000
Yeah, it's not seasoned, but she has all this fucking shit on it.

414
00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,000
Yeah.

415
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,000
And then, but, um, before they brought out the food,

416
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,000
they gave us our own salt and pepper grinder.

417
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,000
So I'm like, I guess you got to fucking do that thing, right?

418
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,000
Whatever.

419
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:10,000
I get my fucking, I, I, I ate my entire fucking steak.

420
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,000
Like I'm good with the steak.

421
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:16,000
I'm good with the fucking mashed potatoes or I got the mash or the garlic or the

422
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:20,000
loaded, the loaded mashed potatoes.

423
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:23,000
But the steak, I guess I should have put more like seasoning on it.

424
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:27,000
They didn't really season it, but I was just like, we get to the movies and I'm

425
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:31,000
like, yeah, I'm like, what was your food?

426
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,000
Like whatever, like mediocre.

427
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,000
And she's like, yeah.

428
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,000
And I'm like, same with mine.

429
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:40,000
And I'm like, so then I start thinking, I'm like, has outback steakhouse always

430
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:44,000
been mediocre, but we thought it was that fucking shit like 20 years ago.

431
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,000
That's probably what it was cause it's a fucking chain restaurant.

432
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:52,000
That's when you're coming up and you, you fucking move from Applebee's and

433
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,000
Chili's to outback.

434
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,000
I can't believe people fucking eat up Applebee's.

435
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,000
I've ate their once.

436
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,000
I'm like, that shit is the, that's fucking trash, trash.

437
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,000
Okay.

438
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:05,000
Like I will eat McDonald's before fucking Applebee's.

439
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,000
The thing is you're watching TV.

440
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:13,000
If you're not just on, you know, Netflix or you're whatever, if you're watching

441
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:17,000
TV and you see those fucking commercials and you're just like, damn

442
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,000
Applebee's, what are you doing?

443
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,000
Damn Chili's still doing those big back ribs.

444
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:26,000
I want to go there and it always sucks ass.

445
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:30,000
The only place that is fucking always good is fuck.

446
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:34,000
The only franchise, um, the franchise franchise restaurants that me and

447
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:37,000
M life that are totally approved as fucking Chili's.

448
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:41,000
They're, they're fajitas are always fucking good.

449
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,000
They have the worst and also outbacked.

450
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,000
They have the worst beer selection for draft beer.

451
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:53,000
So we had to get, um, we got, um, not like, we got, we got Laganitas.

452
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:56,000
It's little something ill or whatever the fuck the day, the day,

453
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,000
the day, uh, god damn it.

454
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,000
The day, the day drinking IPA, not the Laganitas.

455
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,000
Does that make sense?

456
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,000
Yes, of course.

457
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:07,000
Because we used to do Chili's and Laverne all the time.

458
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,000
Oh my fucking God.

459
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:13,000
I fucking miss that Chili's and Laverne and the fucking, the fucking, um,

460
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:17,000
um, I don't know what the fuck, you know what?

461
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,000
I know you want to know what it's my fucking iPhone.

462
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,000
You know what?

463
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,000
It's not your iPhone.

464
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,000
Don't discriminate.

465
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,000
It was, um,

466
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:33,000
We can start with the motherfucking ranch because my iPhone,

467
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:36,000
like bang, bang iPhone gang, everybody.

468
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,000
Yes.

469
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,000
Bang, bang iPhone.

470
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:44,000
And I'm still like this shit is fucking dumb, yo.

471
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,000
No.

472
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:50,000
And then it gets your, it gets to be your best friend once you learn how to use

473
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,000
it.

474
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:54,000
My fucking, um, my, you and all the other iPhone gang, gang,

475
00:22:54,000 --> 00:23:00,000
bang, bang, bang, bangers can go fuck yourselves.

476
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,000
So you learn it.

477
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:06,000
You're like, bitch, did you know how to, you could do this?

478
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,000
Did you know you could do that?

479
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:09,000
You know you can do this.

480
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,000
Somebody fucking called me and I'm like, wait a second.

481
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,000
I'm trying to do my podcast.

482
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,000
What the fuck?

483
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,000
Yeah.

484
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,000
I'm talking and I'm like, hello.

485
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,000
And I'm like, what the fuck ended?

486
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:24,000
I'm like, did this fucking time out because of this goddamn fucking iPhone?

487
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,000
No, it was because somebody fucking called me.

488
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:28,000
Yeah.

489
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,000
Okay.

490
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:33,000
I try to say ignore and then I accidentally hung up.

491
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:34,000
So yeah.

492
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaking of, I forgot to put do not disturb on or do not disturb.

493
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,000
So I need to do that the next time we report.

494
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:41,000
Yeah.

495
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,000
Well, we're learning.

496
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,000
Yeah.

497
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,000
Thank you for everybody who's, um,

498
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,000
Learning with us.

499
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,000
Right.

500
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:53,000
Um, so what were we talking about before your phone call?

501
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:54,000
Fuck.

502
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:59,000
I don't fucking know, but you told me we're going to, we're going to fucking

503
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,000
go off of ransom raise.

504
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,000
We're doing.

505
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,000
We're talking about.

506
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,000
Was it still about your 10 pounds of weed?

507
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,000
No, we, we, um,

508
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:08,000
No.

509
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,000
Can you stop saying that?

510
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,000
You're the one who brought the fucking story.

511
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,000
They could rewind and hear that shit.

512
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,000
Like, I don't know.

513
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,000
We were going to do our ransom raise.

514
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,000
We were going to do our ransom raise.

515
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:24,000
Let's go from there.

516
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,000
Ransom raise.

517
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:26,000
Okay.

518
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,000
Do you want to start or we can toggle off of each other.

519
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:32,000
I got plenty of rants this fucking week. Cause guess what?

520
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,000
Technology and I'm fuck.

521
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,000
I'm just so glad I'm 40 fucking nine and I'm like halfway done with,

522
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,000
I'm more than halfway done with my life.

523
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,000
I want to be dead by 81 because my number is nine.

524
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:47,000
So I have to be dead by 72 or 81 to be, to call it a fucking

525
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,000
day. I don't want, like people want to fucking live to be a hundred.

526
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,000
Like my mom is, was listening to a podcast.

527
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,000
How do we have to be 125?

528
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,000
I'm like, bitch, why the fuck did I move home to help your ass?

529
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,000
If you want to live in the 125.

530
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,000
Like who the fuck does that shit?

531
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,000
Hey.

532
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,000
My, my great grandmother is going to be 108 this December.

533
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,000
I don't fucking care.

534
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,000
I want to be dead by 72 or 81.

535
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,000
I don't want to be dead by 72 or 81.

536
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,000
I don't want to be dead by 72 or 81.

537
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,000
I don't want to be dead by 72 or 81.

538
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,000
I don't want to be dead by 72 or 81 and be done.

539
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,000
Like fuck this shit.

540
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:25,000
I'm sleeping with the 45 under my fucking pillow after the age of fucking 75.

541
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:32,000
I'm just going to sleep with the 40, a 40 ounce bitch.

542
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:37,000
A 40 and a fucking 44 or maybe a 22.

543
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,000
It doesn't matter.

544
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:42,000
Whatever does the job, but I just don't want to fucking do it and then be like,

545
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,000
oops, I'm still alive.

546
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:48,000
No, I don't want to be dead by 78.

547
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,000
I don't want to be dead by 79.

548
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,000
Nobody's fucking wiping my ass.

549
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,000
I'm going to sleep with a gun under my pillow.

550
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:59,000
It would probably be a 38 because it's like a snub nose because there

551
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,000
It's going to be a fucking revolver.

552
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,000
Right.

553
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,000
Fuck. Yeah, you know what?

554
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,000
I fucking just bought a brand new judge.

555
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:07,000
It's called the judge.

556
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:10,000
I'm like, yeah, I should have been a judge in life as a profession

557
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,000
because I feel like I should judge everybody's fucking life.

558
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:21,660
motherfucker this motherfucker has fucking 45 longs and I'm just like wow and

559
00:26:21,660 --> 00:26:29,220
fucking shotgun shells like fuck yeah thank you Oregon fucking love you let's

560
00:26:29,220 --> 00:26:34,740
talk about like I guess ex-boyfriends oh yeah I was like I was um I was with this

561
00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:40,220
guy and my ex-boyfriend I guess if you want to call him that um he's like have

562
00:26:40,220 --> 00:26:44,840
you seen the movie Sicario and I'm like no and he's like watch this fucking

563
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:48,500
movie you will fucking love this movie this movie like is your totally fucking

564
00:26:48,500 --> 00:26:53,880
movie have you seen this movie I have not so we're gonna Sicario yeah I came

565
00:26:53,880 --> 00:27:00,920
out like in 2015 I want to say it has Josh Brolin Emily Blunt and the

566
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:06,760
mercenary what's his fucking name Benito del Toro

567
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:15,340
oh yes I'm here I'm just trying to I'm just trying to okay so the mercenary

568
00:27:15,340 --> 00:27:22,060
is Benito del Toro Emily Blunt is FBI and she goes black ops the black I

569
00:27:22,060 --> 00:27:27,360
want to call I call it black ops black ops leader is Josh Brolin and the

570
00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:30,900
premise I'm not gonna give everything away because you're gonna have to watch

571
00:27:30,900 --> 00:27:35,140
with me because I know you fucking love fucking guns like I do so the premise is

572
00:27:35,140 --> 00:27:41,380
Benito del Toro's family got killed by a drug lord so he's going to back to pay

573
00:27:41,380 --> 00:27:45,760
revenge they give Emily Blunt oh now give him the story way they give Emily Blunt

574
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:50,540
um they give her like a false pretense so she's under the assumption like

575
00:27:50,540 --> 00:27:54,920
whatever the story is but it's really to go after the drug lord does that make

576
00:27:54,920 --> 00:28:01,780
sense yes okay of course so the opening scene I want to say is in Arizona and I'm

577
00:28:01,780 --> 00:28:06,660
fucking watching this movie with my ex and the opening scene they do a raid

578
00:28:06,660 --> 00:28:13,260
okay so the raid they come into the house and they're all with fucking

579
00:28:13,260 --> 00:28:20,740
rifles they're they're all rifled up with two two threes so they show up with

580
00:28:20,740 --> 00:28:25,980
two two threes and I'm like my ex didn't know anything about guns so I'm like oh

581
00:28:25,980 --> 00:28:31,820
shit and cuz I was fucking drunk so I'm like are those two two threes or three two

582
00:28:31,820 --> 00:28:36,180
threes and he's like what the fuck are you talking about I'm like the fucking

583
00:28:36,180 --> 00:28:40,140
rifle bro is I'm gonna give it a three two three or two two three and he's like

584
00:28:40,140 --> 00:28:44,340
now you're scaring me I'm like fuck you I'm gonna call my brother up let me call

585
00:28:44,340 --> 00:28:47,620
my brother my brother I'm like have you seen Sakario he's like yes and I'm like

586
00:28:47,620 --> 00:28:50,780
is that a three two three or a two two three he's like bitch three two three is an

587
00:28:50,780 --> 00:28:58,140
area code so two two three yeah like okay it's a two two three fucking sweet so

588
00:28:58,140 --> 00:29:02,260
all I'm gonna say is this and we'll leave it alone so um they shoot up the

589
00:29:02,260 --> 00:29:07,100
fucking house and when they shoot up the house like a bullet goes our two two

590
00:29:07,100 --> 00:29:13,220
three um goes through the goddamn um it goes through the house wall right so um

591
00:29:13,220 --> 00:29:20,180
the next scene you see um I guess the FBI guy he looks into the fucking like the

592
00:29:20,180 --> 00:29:25,620
wall you know the drywall and then he's like what the fuck so he starts pulling

593
00:29:25,620 --> 00:29:31,060
away from the drywall he starts pulling the drywall away right girl why I don't

594
00:29:31,060 --> 00:29:36,740
know who wrote this fucking movie dead bodies yeah oh wait I think I fucking

595
00:29:36,740 --> 00:29:41,860
seen this I'm just kind of just being hilarious because you well maybe it's

596
00:29:41,860 --> 00:29:47,260
because your dad's a homicide or ex-harmist detective why were the bodies

597
00:29:47,260 --> 00:29:51,100
stacked in the entire fucking house wall you know I'm talking about like from

598
00:29:51,100 --> 00:29:55,500
yeah start to finish there was so many bodies stacked like one two three four

599
00:29:55,500 --> 00:29:59,580
five six seven and I'm like bro and he's like what I'm like who wrote this

600
00:29:59,580 --> 00:30:03,980
fucking living like they they're reading my fucking mind because I'm like if I

601
00:30:03,980 --> 00:30:08,660
was a serial killer I would fucking vacuum seal these fucking bodies up and

602
00:30:08,660 --> 00:30:15,060
I would store all that wine and so I get all hot and bothered so I'm like hey

603
00:30:15,060 --> 00:30:19,780
we should fuck and he's like what he's like he's like I don't understand your

604
00:30:19,780 --> 00:30:23,500
fucking mind you're fucking out of your mind no we're not gonna fuck we're gonna

605
00:30:23,500 --> 00:30:29,300
just watch the movie and I'm like bro okay whatever you're lame

606
00:30:29,300 --> 00:30:33,500
and then I watched the rest of the movie I've watched that movie at least 20 fucking 20

607
00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:38,940
wait wasn't it a sitcom or was it no it was a movie oh and you know there's a

608
00:30:38,940 --> 00:30:44,020
second one coming out yeah no that one came out and my brother went to go see it

609
00:30:44,020 --> 00:30:49,420
when it the weekend it opened he's like he texts me like yo do not watch this

610
00:30:49,420 --> 00:30:53,860
fucking movie in the movie theater I can't believe I wasted my motherfucking time

611
00:30:53,860 --> 00:30:57,580
if it comes out wait for it to stream and I still haven't seen he's like there's a

612
00:30:57,580 --> 00:31:01,820
waste of fucking time and I'm like okay so but that fucking movie I was just

613
00:31:01,820 --> 00:31:05,740
like somebody read my mind and like we're talking about guns but the guy I was

614
00:31:05,740 --> 00:31:09,380
with he's like you scare me I don't know what the fuck you're talking about I'm

615
00:31:09,380 --> 00:31:16,500
like well three two threes in area code it's two three three two three two

616
00:31:16,500 --> 00:31:25,940
four three four three and he's from the five six two so you know at least he

617
00:31:25,940 --> 00:31:30,620
wasn't a nine on nine or well nine on nineers would know their caliber as well

618
00:31:30,620 --> 00:31:36,580
though that's right sis that's what I'm talking about and that's okay so that

619
00:31:36,580 --> 00:31:40,380
we're trying to go on ranch well I thought we were going on ramps but I

620
00:31:40,380 --> 00:31:43,980
guess you're ranting about I'm ranting about people not knowing they're goddamn

621
00:31:43,980 --> 00:31:51,420
tired I do the thing area code just a reminder I do the same I think I watched

622
00:31:51,420 --> 00:31:57,060
a movie and it was like bird bird man or I don't I don't fucking know it was

623
00:31:57,060 --> 00:32:12,980
years ago and I was like wait a second that's not a fucking nine yeah so I can

624
00:32:12,980 --> 00:32:16,460
just put myself out because I don't want nobody wiping my ass and fucking putting

625
00:32:16,460 --> 00:32:20,100
me in the home and shit like it just I just want to die I don't I don't want to

626
00:32:20,100 --> 00:32:26,900
live to be after 75 I guess that was our

627
00:32:26,900 --> 00:32:36,100
our complete rants do you have anything to rave about you know what I do have a

628
00:32:36,100 --> 00:32:40,100
rave my co-workers this is the first job that actually like everybody and I

629
00:32:40,100 --> 00:32:45,460
fucking like my job fucking finally I'm 40 fucking nine so you know how the lot

630
00:32:45,460 --> 00:32:50,300
will happen last week and fucking somebody yeah but anyways the day before

631
00:32:50,300 --> 00:32:55,180
when we we all put put in that work and fucking my supervisor he's like so what's

632
00:32:55,180 --> 00:32:59,900
everybody gonna buy the first thing they're gonna buy if we win the lotto

633
00:32:59,900 --> 00:33:05,380
and he's like I'll go first he's like I will pay off Medusa's brand new car note

634
00:33:05,380 --> 00:33:10,060
because she deserves to not have a car note and I'm like you good people who

635
00:33:10,060 --> 00:33:13,900
fucking who would fucking do that other than I guess him and you because you've

636
00:33:13,900 --> 00:33:23,860
paid me off with your lotto oh well I well I gave you a chunk but I thought I

637
00:33:23,860 --> 00:33:30,020
paid totally grateful for it so yeah you're welcome yeah you're good people I

638
00:33:30,020 --> 00:33:34,620
knew it but that is my rage so I work with good people and they're good-hearted

639
00:33:34,620 --> 00:33:39,220
and we can just curse and fucking as long as we get our work done right you get

640
00:33:39,220 --> 00:33:43,700
your work done but we all we all can just fucking have a good time and not have to

641
00:33:43,700 --> 00:33:47,420
worry about people backstabbing each other like at all my other fucking jobs

642
00:33:47,420 --> 00:33:56,060
especially at the city of filled fill in the blank yeah you know I just hate

643
00:33:56,060 --> 00:34:02,420
people but I love people but I hate them especially when they just try to act

644
00:34:02,420 --> 00:34:08,380
like they need to be you know part of society like fuck that shit just be you

645
00:34:08,380 --> 00:34:14,380
do what the fuck you want and be and be truthful so any that's really hard for

646
00:34:14,380 --> 00:34:21,980
people to do these days but yeah yeah get off your phone but then again stay on

647
00:34:21,980 --> 00:34:32,460
your phone and listen to our podcast um yeah well shit my raves it's really

648
00:34:32,460 --> 00:34:40,380
hard for me to rave about something because yeah but I would like to rave

649
00:34:40,380 --> 00:34:49,940
about I'm actually gonna rave about bamboo plants oh okay no and I would just

650
00:34:49,940 --> 00:34:57,740
like to say I try to have I just bought my house two years ago I I'm trying to do

651
00:34:57,740 --> 00:35:07,940
this little DIY do it yourself I'm trying I don't know how to decorate I'm so bad

652
00:35:07,940 --> 00:35:15,260
at being that that would look cute that would look nice um but I just want my

653
00:35:15,260 --> 00:35:22,140
house to look alive so I thought plants okay yeah I killed them all I don't even

654
00:35:22,140 --> 00:35:26,260
fucking know what the fuck I'm doing I just thought water the motherfuckers right

655
00:35:26,260 --> 00:35:31,300
so there's some plants that I know how to take care of so I'll when I go up

656
00:35:31,300 --> 00:35:34,540
there I'll show you the plants you can even fucking just put them in a base of

657
00:35:34,540 --> 00:35:39,420
water and they fucking grow like you don't need soil thank you and I didn't

658
00:35:39,420 --> 00:35:45,380
even realize when you buy a plant and it has that little plate underneath the the

659
00:35:45,380 --> 00:35:51,620
whatever the pot I didn't know that you just fucking pour the goddamn water and

660
00:35:51,620 --> 00:36:05,820
the little plate and so the roots yeah I don't have a green thumb but my raves

661
00:36:05,820 --> 00:36:12,780
are bamboos because I can miss watering them for fucking a week and they're

662
00:36:12,780 --> 00:36:19,180
still alive and they're so beautiful so the money tree or whatever yeah of course

663
00:36:19,180 --> 00:36:25,700
yeah yeah fucking kill that shit it just keeps going it's got a dust in a

664
00:36:25,700 --> 00:36:32,540
little bit and it's all good like I love you bamboo I I'm learning how to take

665
00:36:32,540 --> 00:36:38,740
care of other plants how about that but my rave is bamboo thank you bamboo yeah

666
00:36:38,740 --> 00:36:43,940
money tree thank you for keep spinning thank you for the little everything that

667
00:36:43,940 --> 00:36:49,220
I have thank you for the little elephant yeah I just I love it thank you bamboo I

668
00:36:49,220 --> 00:36:55,140
don't have to fucking water you that's my rave well if I forget to water you

669
00:36:55,140 --> 00:36:58,980
but you know I'll put a fucking water you know you were there with the little

670
00:36:58,980 --> 00:37:04,620
fucking rocks and shit like it's alright I'll clean your roots once a fucking

671
00:37:04,620 --> 00:37:10,260
year like thank you bamboo you don't you don't need any attention next to a

672
00:37:10,260 --> 00:37:16,220
cactus and I don't want cactus I rather have a family boring yeah fucking

673
00:37:16,220 --> 00:37:22,580
stupid cactus guy here I'm fucking Islander bamboo and this is a lucky

674
00:37:22,580 --> 00:37:29,820
bamboo and I'm lucky to have you too so that's my race um what are you drinking

675
00:37:29,820 --> 00:37:35,340
did we go over this already yeah that was like earlier I know but what are you

676
00:37:35,340 --> 00:37:40,820
drinking I don't remember what you told me I just said I was drinking vodka I don't

677
00:37:40,820 --> 00:37:50,340
know wonder but you are on a tirade today and I fucking love it but I can I can

678
00:37:50,340 --> 00:37:55,700
do some more I actually try not to I'm trying to I'm trying to make this

679
00:37:55,700 --> 00:38:01,020
podcast sound great you know what I bet if you dip your fucking broken fingers

680
00:38:01,020 --> 00:38:08,180
in that vodka your fingers will come back tonight bitch I'm trying I'm you know

681
00:38:08,180 --> 00:38:16,020
what I'm gonna just punch my son in the throat with my broken fingers so when

682
00:38:16,020 --> 00:38:19,220
they delivered my fucking fridge yesterday is fucking a hundred degree or

683
00:38:19,220 --> 00:38:25,440
no I'm exaggerating wasn't a hundred degrees yesterday with 95 I'm sorry they

684
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:31,540
want to deliver my fridge is best buy order through best buy so it's too little

685
00:38:31,540 --> 00:38:38,580
I call it worse by worse by delivered my fucking garage I wish my fucking fridge

686
00:38:38,580 --> 00:38:45,180
and there I'm like oh you guys say to you so fucking much you guys want a beer

687
00:38:45,180 --> 00:38:51,540
and they're like what and I'm like anytime like like we had the cable

688
00:38:51,540 --> 00:38:55,780
guy I'm not the cable guy the internet guy come out whatever and it's fucking

689
00:38:55,780 --> 00:38:58,940
hot I'm like here's a beer I'm like don't drink so I give him the beer and

690
00:38:58,940 --> 00:39:05,900
he's like it's the the kid I call it kiggles the kiggles summer kiggles and

691
00:39:05,900 --> 00:39:10,060
he's like this ain't bear am I trust me it's fucking bear bitch and I'm like

692
00:39:10,060 --> 00:39:14,940
thank you very much don't drink this when you're fucking driving the goddamn

693
00:39:14,940 --> 00:39:19,540
worst buy fucking truck you get you wait to get home and enjoy your fucking

694
00:39:19,540 --> 00:39:22,660
beer and you need to tell all the other customers you're dropping fridges off to

695
00:39:22,660 --> 00:39:28,580
to fucking give you a beer to these motherfuckers are like okay bless you thank

696
00:39:28,580 --> 00:39:32,740
you like by the way you're gonna get a survey on email I guess so if you can

697
00:39:32,740 --> 00:39:35,500
fill it out I'm like bitch I gave you beer don't worry about it you're gonna

698
00:39:35,500 --> 00:39:40,580
get five fucking stars you're all now I'm gonna say he was drunk on the job

699
00:39:40,580 --> 00:39:45,500
why would I don't worry about it because if I'm if I'm giving you beer

700
00:39:45,500 --> 00:39:49,940
obviously you're gonna get fucking matched out with stars bitch

701
00:39:49,940 --> 00:40:02,980
fucking guys I and yeah I and shout out to home the best not ever I fucking hate

702
00:40:02,980 --> 00:40:11,900
home Depot it's all about those all about those right about now it's all about

703
00:40:11,900 --> 00:40:18,220
those mm-hmm yeah everybody go to Lowe's what happened about home Depot though

704
00:40:18,220 --> 00:40:27,300
um they they gave me so I bought a dishwasher a brand new dishwasher they

705
00:40:27,300 --> 00:40:36,900
had some I don't know what they do they they contract people to come out yeah and

706
00:40:36,900 --> 00:40:44,180
they install it and guess what my whole fucking kitchen floods they didn't

707
00:40:44,180 --> 00:40:49,500
install it properly I could they check us because that's with my mom's with my

708
00:40:49,500 --> 00:40:53,100
mom's place right I was gonna get a dishwasher and like the plumbing

709
00:40:53,100 --> 00:40:57,700
underneath so you might need to check the plumber I don't know if it's the

710
00:40:57,700 --> 00:41:03,620
installation was wrong or maybe your your plumbing underneath the house for the

711
00:41:03,620 --> 00:41:09,460
god damn it for the water the pipe that the water comes out of that might be

712
00:41:09,460 --> 00:41:15,620
clogged or it might be broken well it was it was nice because I I fucking and

713
00:41:15,620 --> 00:41:22,460
like everything was working properly until I don't really want to say it was

714
00:41:22,460 --> 00:41:29,180
home Depot I whoever they contracted with that came out to my my little town

715
00:41:29,180 --> 00:41:37,060
right they just didn't do something properly so my whole kitchen flooded

716
00:41:37,060 --> 00:41:42,660
and that's because I make my kids just like dude if I'm gonna cook you're gonna

717
00:41:42,660 --> 00:41:48,380
clean that's I gotta give you props I'm not gonna call you a helicopter parent

718
00:41:48,380 --> 00:41:51,980
but you're a fucking good parent when it comes to responsibility with your kids

719
00:41:51,980 --> 00:41:57,300
cuz even I was fucking lazy doing that shit with with M growing up so kudos to

720
00:41:57,300 --> 00:42:02,700
you bitch clink clink on that I'm like hey motherfuckers if there's dishes in

721
00:42:02,700 --> 00:42:06,980
the sink then I'm not cooking and you're not eating or you're gonna eat feed

722
00:42:06,980 --> 00:42:13,580
yourself so if they want a meal so the kids were packing the dishwasher and it

723
00:42:13,580 --> 00:42:22,100
was brand new dishwasher just installed home Depot the contractor it flooded my

724
00:42:22,100 --> 00:42:31,460
whole kitchen it flooded my whole kitchen it buckled my island yeah and

725
00:42:31,460 --> 00:42:39,660
they say it's not our problem that's what fucking home Depot said what uh-huh

726
00:42:39,660 --> 00:42:43,700
and so I had to call my now you gotta call somebody to come out and fucking

727
00:42:43,700 --> 00:42:52,380
fix the I did I called my I honestly I'm a new first-time homebuyer right and

728
00:42:52,380 --> 00:42:57,100
I was like well I guess I have home insurance if you if you crash your car

729
00:42:57,100 --> 00:43:04,380
you call your car insurance people I will call my home insurance people okay

730
00:43:04,380 --> 00:43:11,700
and how did that go nation-wide is not on your side and I fucking last time I

731
00:43:11,700 --> 00:43:15,260
checked we're in America and it's called capitalism and it's never about the

732
00:43:15,260 --> 00:43:20,260
person paying out it's about the person accepting the money and they will never

733
00:43:20,260 --> 00:43:29,820
give it back yeah now I was like well fuck it I I thought my shit to Geico but I

734
00:43:29,820 --> 00:43:36,500
also had to hire just people to coming out just making sure there wasn't black

735
00:43:36,500 --> 00:43:41,380
mold making sure like whatever and yeah it was just fucking it was a fucking

736
00:43:41,380 --> 00:43:49,220
disaster it was a fucking disaster call it like $5,000 later at a good fuck yeah

737
00:43:49,220 --> 00:43:55,140
oh so is it fixed now or no oh it's fixed now but I'm saying so does the

738
00:43:55,140 --> 00:43:59,020
dishwasher actually work oh yeah yeah I got it I got a fucking dishwasher

739
00:43:59,020 --> 00:44:02,420
that's working and the plumber came out and everybody and you better bullshit

740
00:44:02,420 --> 00:44:06,660
you know what I don't talk shit on online but you need to fucking like I guess

741
00:44:06,660 --> 00:44:12,860
yelp and give me a fucking review I want to but I'm just like guess guess what

742
00:44:12,860 --> 00:44:18,100
I'm working for now Lowe's fuck you Home Depot and your contractors and your

743
00:44:18,100 --> 00:44:24,060
fucking shitty service and you know what I would file because I'm old school and

744
00:44:24,060 --> 00:44:27,100
you're old like me I don't know if it still exists but the better business

745
00:44:27,100 --> 00:44:36,300
bureau the triple B I would file a complaint with them yeah there's a little

746
00:44:36,300 --> 00:44:51,700
farm rule farm town yeah roll y'all roll y'all my fucking stupid ass

747
00:44:51,700 --> 00:44:57,300
refrigerator that I bought from fucking Home Depot and all of a sudden stop the

748
00:44:57,300 --> 00:45:04,900
ice maker stop working it's a Samsung it's one of those nice little yeah

749
00:45:04,900 --> 00:45:13,300
$3,000 thank you but guess what I bought like just a regular one I didn't buy

750
00:45:13,300 --> 00:45:19,980
like the fancy one and was fucking $400 for like it's just first I wish you could

751
00:45:19,980 --> 00:45:25,580
come to my mom's house you would see how fucking ridiculous you know what I need

752
00:45:25,580 --> 00:45:29,820
to have like a separate podcast where I just like fucking spill on my god I have

753
00:45:29,820 --> 00:45:35,700
so many mental issues moving back home you guys don't ever move like oh my god

754
00:45:35,700 --> 00:45:41,140
okay anyways I'm sorry keep interrupting you go bitch my stupid

755
00:45:41,140 --> 00:45:46,780
fucking fridge it was so nice and I was like oh this sounds like fucking

756
00:45:46,780 --> 00:45:53,940
amazing and then I don't know it's like four months later the ice stops working

757
00:45:53,940 --> 00:46:03,220
and I don't know I call yeah oh I got a fucking five-year warranty they offered

758
00:46:03,220 --> 00:46:09,940
me the two and I was like you know what I'm a single mom I think I might need a

759
00:46:09,940 --> 00:46:18,100
fucking five-year I will pay the extra yeah fucking can you do it just a lot

760
00:46:18,100 --> 00:46:25,940
I don't know and it was actually one of the nicest refrigerators I've ever

761
00:46:25,940 --> 00:46:31,820
owned I I don't know about the refrigerators that have the freezers on

762
00:46:31,820 --> 00:46:40,820
the bottom with drawers and my brother bought my mom that one yeah it opens up

763
00:46:40,820 --> 00:46:45,740
on the bottom yeah it's kind of like I don't know so I said give me give me at

764
00:46:45,740 --> 00:46:50,220
least a five-year warranty and what they say like oh fuck we're gonna have to do

765
00:46:50,220 --> 00:46:55,540
with it for five fucking years bitch fuckers I'm all fuck you Samsung fuck you

766
00:46:55,540 --> 00:47:03,820
home Depot fuck you they try I told them that my freezer or the ice little maker

767
00:47:03,820 --> 00:47:09,380
because there's a little thing where you can put water I crushed you can change

768
00:47:09,380 --> 00:47:15,420
all this digital it's supposed to be all fancy my brother has the same fridge as

769
00:47:15,420 --> 00:47:23,860
you it sounds like I was like you Samsung and fuck this shit and I'm going

770
00:47:23,860 --> 00:47:29,340
through my manual and just like how the fuck what is going on it just seems like

771
00:47:29,340 --> 00:47:38,740
my ice I guess maker is just kind of broken and over freezing because I can

772
00:47:38,740 --> 00:47:44,980
chip that shit off like a fucking glacier and oh okay go ahead anyways yeah

773
00:47:44,980 --> 00:47:51,580
and I'm just like this is and so I call for help and they say guess what we

774
00:47:51,580 --> 00:47:57,100
don't have anybody in your area at this time and you can just you can take your

775
00:47:57,100 --> 00:48:04,300
fridge back and that's not how this fucking works like no this is not how

776
00:48:04,300 --> 00:48:09,820
this fucking works I bought a warranty you come out and fix it or you come out

777
00:48:09,820 --> 00:48:15,340
and pick the fucking thing up bitch and replace it with a brand new one no

778
00:48:15,340 --> 00:48:22,260
same fucking time it didn't happen so that's why I'm like fuck you you home

779
00:48:22,260 --> 00:48:29,140
depot right now and fuck you Samsung no yeah and I just bought a little fucking

780
00:48:29,140 --> 00:48:34,260
ice maker that makes ice like 10 minutes so I plugged in right next to the fridge

781
00:48:34,260 --> 00:48:39,180
it's it's fine but like I'm like fuck this shit how the fuck am I gonna take

782
00:48:39,180 --> 00:48:50,940
the fridge back and get stood credit yeah

783
00:48:50,940 --> 00:49:00,420
huh I'm like well at least I don't fuck it what if I just made a bad purchase I

784
00:49:00,420 --> 00:49:11,460
guess bad no it's fuck you Samsung you got me all fucking worked up yeah it

785
00:49:11,460 --> 00:49:17,820
sucks so we're gonna have ice when I come up there though right oh yeah I bought a

786
00:49:17,820 --> 00:49:24,300
fucking ice maker and I fucking love me some ice you know I'm making my own

787
00:49:24,300 --> 00:49:29,540
motherfucking ice I'm all fuck you I don't have a fucking truck I'm not renting

788
00:49:29,540 --> 00:49:34,980
a you-haul I'm not I don't know any fucking man out here to fucking help me

789
00:49:34,980 --> 00:49:42,020
load it in and actually to get the motherfucking fridge into my house they had

790
00:49:42,020 --> 00:49:47,500
to have the doors yeah I know what you're fucking talking about so here's my

791
00:49:47,500 --> 00:49:53,140
thing my fridge is a little tiny I guess it's a one-person fridge it's not like

792
00:49:53,140 --> 00:49:57,380
the little mini fridges that fit under a desk or whatever so I fucking measured

793
00:49:57,380 --> 00:50:02,500
the fucking door and I'm like oh it's gonna fit through my dad's old bedroom

794
00:50:02,500 --> 00:50:09,260
which was my bedroom but I'm growing up but I'm like I try to remove the door

795
00:50:09,260 --> 00:50:16,700
yesterday and I'm like oh god not this far has not been removed like you WD48

796
00:50:16,700 --> 00:50:20,940
you fucking take the screwdriver in the fucking hammer and I'm just like fuck

797
00:50:20,940 --> 00:50:26,500
this shit so I didn't remove the door but luckily it fit through because I'm

798
00:50:26,500 --> 00:50:31,260
like I would have made those two little Bubees a little Oopalooba's fucking do

799
00:50:31,260 --> 00:50:35,580
it because that's what I fucking paid I paid extra so you guys can fucking move

800
00:50:35,580 --> 00:50:43,020
this shit like whatever hopefully wasn't like fucking Home Depot well they told

801
00:50:43,020 --> 00:50:47,980
me I have 30 days if something goes wrong and I'm like is that Home Depot no

802
00:50:47,980 --> 00:50:57,780
it's um bet worst buy oh good hopefully yeah I guess cuz it's not a legit it's

803
00:50:57,780 --> 00:51:02,580
not an actual fridge that would be to our I guess store food for a family they

804
00:51:02,580 --> 00:51:07,180
didn't offer me a fucking warranty on that shit when I ordered online hmm

805
00:51:07,180 --> 00:51:13,140
whatever should at least got like a 90-day warranty

806
00:51:13,140 --> 00:51:20,780
whatever you get will you get that on a fucking game council a game council or a

807
00:51:20,780 --> 00:51:29,620
game console you know I am still so fucking mad just thinking about my

808
00:51:29,620 --> 00:51:37,060
fucking fridge right now just talking about the whole thing shit fuck

809
00:51:37,060 --> 00:51:46,140
fucking mad I need I need to just find my little Zen spot yeah well I haven't

810
00:51:46,140 --> 00:51:53,420
found my Zen spot I'm all god damn it's not even fucking 12 a.m. that's good

811
00:51:53,420 --> 00:52:02,260
shit oh I don't even know what I'm gonna tell you oh so I got my Kia Soul okay so

812
00:52:02,260 --> 00:52:08,460
let me talk about my Kia this is gonna be a really long podcast I'll give a fuck

813
00:52:08,460 --> 00:52:15,180
let's do this so the last car I had was a 2014 Chevy Sonic so I still had my key

814
00:52:15,180 --> 00:52:20,100
where you can stick it into the ignition and you can fucking turn it up or

815
00:52:20,100 --> 00:52:28,620
whatever and you start your fucking car cool so this Kia like the Kia dealer the

816
00:52:28,620 --> 00:52:34,180
salesperson picked me up on last Sunday because I'm like I don't have a car you

817
00:52:34,180 --> 00:52:37,780
need to come pick me up are you gonna fucking pay for my Uber cuz I'm not

818
00:52:37,780 --> 00:52:42,740
paying for this shit like if you want this fucking sale let's go Kia Pomona I

819
00:52:42,740 --> 00:52:49,220
fucking love you guys you guys are the only one out of Alhambra, Gwendale and

820
00:52:49,220 --> 00:52:53,540
Garden Grove was that like real Rancho Road Kia Pomona

821
00:52:53,540 --> 00:53:05,380
yeah yeah Pomona bullets fucking love you bitches so they picked me up and a

822
00:53:05,380 --> 00:53:11,860
homegirl that was driving was check this out so she's like was it loud on your

823
00:53:11,860 --> 00:53:16,860
street the night or Saturday night so she picked me up last last Sunday she

824
00:53:16,860 --> 00:53:21,460
picked me up she's like wasn't loud on your street the night before and I'm

825
00:53:21,460 --> 00:53:29,380
like I don't know I fucking went to bed early and the AC the AC was cranking

826
00:53:29,380 --> 00:53:33,460
even though my mom likes it at 80 degrees which I totally get because you

827
00:53:33,460 --> 00:53:36,900
know whatever it's fucking hot

828
00:53:38,340 --> 00:53:41,340
cheers

829
00:53:42,660 --> 00:53:48,780
anyways I finally my oh by the way my air conditioner for my room broke so I

830
00:53:48,780 --> 00:53:57,980
replacement yesterday so I was fucking die my room is at 60 so whatever the

831
00:53:57,980 --> 00:54:02,540
fuck now that I have my air conditioner anyways homegirl from Kia Pomona

832
00:54:02,540 --> 00:54:07,060
she's like was it loud on your street last night I'm like I don't know I didn't

833
00:54:07,060 --> 00:54:14,260
hear anything fucking my air conditioner my I was at the house I was at the house

834
00:54:14,260 --> 00:54:17,580
on the other side of the street two houses down for a birthday party I'm

835
00:54:17,580 --> 00:54:21,940
like oh at Daniel and Emmanuel's house she's like yeah and like we fucking went

836
00:54:21,940 --> 00:54:26,460
to 1 a.m. and like she's like your neighbors are gonna complain the cops

837
00:54:26,460 --> 00:54:30,020
are gonna show up they'll be fine

838
00:54:30,020 --> 00:54:37,540
so I'm like that that was the first sign I'm like I I know Pomona bullets I know

839
00:54:37,540 --> 00:54:41,460
you're like me when it comes to signs right so oh yeah when she told me that

840
00:54:41,460 --> 00:54:46,380
and I'm just like okay it's a sign it's a positive sign that I'm I'm working

841
00:54:46,380 --> 00:54:51,620
with Kia Pomona because I was on my street last night fucking partying

842
00:54:51,620 --> 00:55:02,460
right you got the car though I got the car oh I'm trying to do my my rant

843
00:55:02,460 --> 00:55:07,100
about the car so on the way to Pomona so I can sign the paperwork because I

844
00:55:07,100 --> 00:55:10,900
did everything over the fucking phone and online right because I'm like I don't

845
00:55:10,900 --> 00:55:14,860
like I shouldn't have to do this like in person like I have all the fucking shit

846
00:55:14,860 --> 00:55:19,860
here she tells me because she has the same car that I do I think I'm the same

847
00:55:19,860 --> 00:55:25,420
year right so the Kia Soul she's like yo I'm gonna let you know right now that

848
00:55:25,420 --> 00:55:31,180
the the car talks to you a lot and I'm like okay I don't know what the fuck

849
00:55:31,180 --> 00:55:35,500
you're talking about and she's like let me tell you this if you fuck like it

850
00:55:35,500 --> 00:55:41,180
it's gonna drive you fucking nuts and I'm like okay so Pomona bullets I get my

851
00:55:41,180 --> 00:55:48,500
fucking car I fucking like the car when I'm at the stop light cuz I'm sure

852
00:55:48,500 --> 00:55:53,240
yours does but you're at 2020 so let me ask you this for your Jeep Cherokee does

853
00:55:53,240 --> 00:55:58,740
the um does the car stop when you're at a stoplight

854
00:55:58,740 --> 00:56:06,020
oh you know what yeah it's like a gas saving type of fuck yeah I turn that

855
00:56:06,020 --> 00:56:11,180
fucking shit off so and I'm just like you know what I was like I'll pay for it

856
00:56:11,180 --> 00:56:17,420
just saying stop stop thinking I fucking have a dead battery like right I am not a

857
00:56:17,420 --> 00:56:22,860
gearhead by any means like my other best friend Darcy she's a fucking gearhead

858
00:56:22,860 --> 00:56:29,140
but I will tell you this I'm like that means if my car turns off at a motherfucking

859
00:56:29,140 --> 00:56:33,980
stoplight every time you're fucking idling and it turns off a first of all

860
00:56:33,980 --> 00:56:38,780
it's a hundred degrees outside so my air conditioning shuts off that's fucking

861
00:56:38,780 --> 00:56:44,860
stupid and be who cares if you're saving fucking gas your starter is going to go

862
00:56:44,860 --> 00:56:51,940
out like you know what I'm talking about and I'm just like what's the shelf life of

863
00:56:51,940 --> 00:56:56,260
the starter on a fucking car now because you're sitting at a stoplight and it

864
00:56:56,260 --> 00:57:00,980
turns off and then like 30 seconds later it's it cuts back on the shelf life of

865
00:57:00,980 --> 00:57:05,260
the starter on a new car is probably gonna be shit so you're gonna have to

866
00:57:05,260 --> 00:57:11,020
replace your motherfucking starter and I'm sorry if I'm yelling I'm so fucking

867
00:57:11,020 --> 00:57:16,700
worked up okay so that happens I fucking tell her what I'm doing the test

868
00:57:16,700 --> 00:57:19,520
drive I'm like I want to test drive the shit they make me test drive it I'm

869
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:25,420
like okay we need this disabled because I'm fucking leasing the car

870
00:57:25,420 --> 00:57:31,340
promotable issues like we can't disable us you're not you can't disable it bitch

871
00:57:31,340 --> 00:57:38,620
I'm like this fuck this shit is fucking dumb yeah so I'm not trying to like I

872
00:57:38,620 --> 00:57:42,100
don't know like fucking global warming is already happening like what the fuck

873
00:57:42,100 --> 00:57:48,620
am I gonna do right fucking keep my car my car engine on please out of fucking

874
00:57:48,620 --> 00:57:53,140
red light so now I have to like and she's like you have to do it every time

875
00:57:53,140 --> 00:57:57,940
you're at a light and I'm like damn it but um it turns out I only have to do it

876
00:57:57,940 --> 00:58:02,580
once I guess but I haven't driven like long distance no so yeah all you have to

877
00:58:02,580 --> 00:58:09,020
do is just keep your foot on the gas pedal and and just stop if it is a red

878
00:58:09,020 --> 00:58:18,340
light just stop about maybe five feet from the and then yeah I'm just I hit the

879
00:58:18,340 --> 00:58:21,740
light now because I'm just like this or the button or whatever but here's the

880
00:58:21,740 --> 00:58:27,660
other thing when I get out of this fucking car it tells me to check the rear

881
00:58:27,660 --> 00:58:31,980
seat to make sure I didn't leave any people in the backseat and I'm like you

882
00:58:31,980 --> 00:58:39,700
know what I know people are fucking dumb and people got so much dumber and

883
00:58:39,700 --> 00:58:44,900
lazier since the lockdown but this shit tops the motherfucking cake I'm like

884
00:58:44,900 --> 00:58:48,900
fucking seriously don't fucking tell me that shit and they told me when I signed

885
00:58:48,900 --> 00:58:53,220
the paperwork they're like this is not an automatic driving car you need to

886
00:58:53,220 --> 00:58:56,740
manually drive it I'm like look I know you're trying to tell me this because of

887
00:58:56,740 --> 00:59:01,540
liability reasons but I'm not a stupid bitch like this is not a Tesla and fuck

888
00:59:01,540 --> 00:59:08,460
Tesla fuck Elon Musk I don't give a fuck about that fucking car company and him

889
00:59:08,460 --> 00:59:15,580
so I'm going to moon I'm going down street exactly and don't fucking go to

890
00:59:15,580 --> 00:59:21,140
Mars leave Mars alone like Mars is there for a reason and oh I fucking hate the

891
00:59:21,140 --> 00:59:25,500
human race that's my fucking rant and this fucking technology is making people

892
00:59:25,500 --> 00:59:32,100
more dumber and stupider no and stupider is not even a word girls you know what

893
00:59:32,100 --> 00:59:36,820
it's a new word we're playing it in the fucking dictionary stupider stupider

894
00:59:36,820 --> 00:59:45,300
must read a map stupider you can't read a fucking map like

895
00:59:45,300 --> 00:59:49,460
yeah you just can't read a fucking map you're stupider

896
00:59:49,460 --> 00:59:54,940
begin of maps so I got my fucking iPhone and for those that don't know I

897
00:59:54,940 --> 01:00:00,100
transferred finally over from Samsung or I guess from Android to fucking iPhone

898
01:00:00,100 --> 01:00:05,380
so I fucking downloaded all my fucking Google shit right so I Google Google

899
01:00:05,380 --> 01:00:09,860
Maps and I guess Apple has their own fucking map system and I don't give a

900
01:00:09,860 --> 01:00:13,700
fuck I'm still Google girl at the end of the day so I will listen to Google maps

901
01:00:13,700 --> 01:00:21,900
before I listen to fucking Siri fuck that dumb bitch's name is like a village

902
01:00:21,900 --> 01:00:29,060
bicycles everybody rides fucking Siri bitch yeah fucking Siri well Siri fuck

903
01:00:29,060 --> 01:00:37,380
you she goes I won't answer to that but she'll answer the slut but and she'll

904
01:00:37,380 --> 01:00:42,460
also answer where do you bury the body she'll fucking answer that but she won't

905
01:00:42,460 --> 01:00:48,100
answer to Siri fuck off stupid Siri I don't even know how to activate Siri on

906
01:00:48,100 --> 01:00:55,300
my phone you just hold the power button until the little stupid goes up on the

907
01:00:55,300 --> 01:01:01,580
bottom and then you just say whatever the fuck you want what's the weather what's

908
01:01:01,580 --> 01:01:07,780
time how do you spell this how do you do that it's she's your fucking absolute

909
01:01:07,780 --> 01:01:11,900
I'm gonna fucking help you be a motherfucking retard for the rest of

910
01:01:11,900 --> 01:01:15,740
your fucking life here on earth

911
01:01:19,340 --> 01:01:26,780
I love you Pomona bullets love you too I think we better end this and I got a

912
01:01:26,780 --> 01:01:31,820
merge both episodes together or I guess both yeah because you know friend was so

913
01:01:31,820 --> 01:01:37,700
rude and interrupted by calling now fucking episode session

914
01:01:37,700 --> 01:01:47,940
I see I always say Jesus and and actually I'm atheist but um but I heard

915
01:01:47,940 --> 01:01:52,300
that's the name you call when you're you know you're getting a car accident or

916
01:01:52,300 --> 01:01:59,180
some shit we call sweet James down here do you know who sweet James is oh is

917
01:01:59,180 --> 01:02:04,260
that who I need to call he's like the new Larry H Parker and let me fucking tell

918
01:02:04,260 --> 01:02:08,260
you this you need to fucking Google sweet James okay when I was working for

919
01:02:08,260 --> 01:02:13,740
the city of Long Beach I told my buddy one of my good friends I'm like you see

920
01:02:13,740 --> 01:02:19,660
those billboards are fucking all over the 605 they're all over right no I'm

921
01:02:19,660 --> 01:02:24,460
just like he looks like and even I told him this I'm like this motherfucker looks

922
01:02:24,460 --> 01:02:30,940
like he will like buy one of those cheap prostitutes and he'll hook up with them

923
01:02:30,940 --> 01:02:39,140
in like a motel hit me up on my fucking Instagram that's right I'm like he'll

924
01:02:39,140 --> 01:02:44,700
buy three of those cheap um what's it called prostitutes and tell them to meet

925
01:02:44,700 --> 01:02:49,740
them at the motel six I'm like yeah baby I'll pay you after I fuck you and then

926
01:02:49,740 --> 01:02:54,900
he's the type of guy that would wash his dick in the fucking sink yeah what's

927
01:02:54,900 --> 01:02:59,780
that a lot because I'm a graphic bitch my daughter was just like what the fuck

928
01:02:59,780 --> 01:03:03,180
mom I'm like that's the type of person he is like he wouldn't even like do a

929
01:03:03,180 --> 01:03:08,660
proper cleaning like he would even jump in the fuck shower right I just washed

930
01:03:08,660 --> 01:03:13,220
it in the sink and I'm like who the fuck does that yeah people like sweet James

931
01:03:13,220 --> 01:03:19,780
I'm gonna have to Google that shit I don't I don't know but I know California is

932
01:03:19,780 --> 01:03:24,260
fucking crazy I will Google sweet James billboards and I will send it to you

933
01:03:24,260 --> 01:03:30,380
like yeah he washes his dick in the sink the cheapy prostitutes that off a

934
01:03:30,380 --> 01:03:36,420
skid row like oh okay you're high in dollar and like no you're not no you're

935
01:03:36,420 --> 01:03:40,260
paying $40 like

936
01:03:40,260 --> 01:03:43,900
like

937
01:03:43,900 --> 01:03:49,700
oh shit well it was good chatting to

938
01:03:49,700 --> 01:04:00,780
you later clink clink clink clink bye bitches bye