What up, bitch?
What did you?
Oh, by the way, we are both fucked up right now.
And I said, you know what?
Today is a good day to record a podcast.
Yeah, you just woke me up from my booze news.
What are best friends for that fucking right bitch?
So booze news.
What were you boozing on before you snoozed out?
Well, for breakfast, I had some soco.
And then you went to work.
Yeah, well, yeah.
And then for lunch.
I could drink for lunch.
Maybe some more soco.
And now I'm.
You remember.
I'm laughing because I'm totally fucked.
But now I'm drinking some moonshine and son of a bitch.
This is quite tasty.
Wait, what do you all the moons?
Did you make sure what the coconut was?
Yes.
Okay.
So you're hydrating and libating.
I know.
I got to make it down the stairs.
You cook the kids dinner.
You know what?
Your kids are grown.
They can make their own fucking.
That's right, bitch.
Okay.
So you know where I'm going with this?
Um, I had Don Julio 1942 at a bar earlier.
And that's why I'm like, we need to record this shit.
So I've never had Don Julio 1942 and all today's rappers.
Brave about it.
Well, you know what?
Today's rappers are fucking trash because they are millennials.
They are not almost 50 like myself and you're 43.
So you're no, you're not anywhere close to being 50.
But I will tell you this.
Don Julio 70 is where you need to be or higher.
You need to be here on the fucking charts.
So fuck Don Julio 1940 fucking to.
I would rather have normal trust generations or Don Julio or any
fucking reposado because that's what it fucking tastes like.
Like why the fuck is this so special?
It's not extra filtrated or filtered.
No, it's not.
It's trash.
Straight trash.
Oh fuck.
All right.
Roll it out to the curb.
That's right.
Roll it to the curb.
Goodbye.
Never again.
So now I'm having I'm at home hydrating because I'm going to
try and make leg day at the gym tomorrow.
I don't think it's going to happen, but Terry Bundy with like three
shots of vodka.
Sounds great.
Great.
You know, oh my gosh.
I'm going to be in the gym and hydrate the way you do because
that's what we do.
That's right.
On a Saturday.
In the afternoon.
Good afternoon.
Bitch.
Fucking day.
I think I slept off the day away.
It's like six.
Because you work the craziest fucking shift.
So I'm glad you slept the whole day.
I'm glad you slept the whole day.
I didn't.
I took the kids to the goddamn fair.
Oh God.
So is that the equivalent of the LA County fair at Pomona?
Fuck no.
It's like the pinky finger.
Fucking LA County fair.
I just remember when you told me like back in the day when,
I guess.
When you were.
When you were living a.
What was it called?
John's incredible pizza place.
Oh yeah.
What's that place fucking called?
John's incredible pizza. Yeah.
Okay.
And you're like, that's more like, um, so.
I'm sorry.
It's a Pomona bullets fucking incredible nightmare.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
It was like, it was not incredible pizza place.
You're like, it's an incredible nightmare.
Like what the fuck.
And I'm like, I never want to be there.
I'm like here.
I want to be there.
Okay.
And then I.
It's like to the whole.
Big step because my daughter was was born in 19 and the early
1990s and.
Yeah.
I don't know what the fucking tail. Yeah.
It was.
Incredibly fucking retarded and there's nothing incredible about
the pizza.
And it was.
Son of a bitch.
It was like.
There was a bowling alley miniature golf. It was just huge. Oh my god. I went okay. Well, I'm glad that oh
I thought it was just like a play land or whatever the ball pit like they had it fucking in the tubes like the slides or whatever like
Chonoh, he's had no they had that and
Some and some and some more it was too many fucking
Brats running around. I don't know I have kids, but I hate kids like please
Just like shit, I'm trying to have fucking dinner. I don't need your fucking kids screaming and crying
I'm just trying to use this gift card and max it out bit. Yeah for sure. I was like my life
Like
These are the moments you're gonna cherish no fuck no
I got my tubes tied. Yeah
Yeah, I know I got mine burnt seared. No, I want to pull out my fucking uterus burns there. Did you get a reverse seared?
No, there's no way doing that. I'm not playing no clamp. Well done bitch
Yeah, I ain't pro creating no more fucking tards like no
Dear God
Anyways
You have Amazon Prime, right? Oh fuck. Yeah. Okay. Have you watched
Goliath with Billy Bob Thornton? No
Oh, okay. I watched it like there's four seasons. I watched it two years ago
And I'm doing a rewatch it is a phenomenal fucking show and all I'm gonna say about Billy Bob Thornton is I love him as a
As what?
Yeah, no. Yeah, yes a
Sling blade and I love him as a functioning alcoholic. That's the only character he can play and in my eyes
And he plays it so fucking well, so
I'm like I'll be up there next weekend, but I'm up there for a very short time
So like if we can sneak in one episode and you'll see and you're like, oh, I'm fucking hooked
You can watch four seasons and this fucking shit is
Ridiculous like he's a functioning alcoholic, but he's a lawyer and he's so fucking bored
Because he's so fucking smart as a lawyer is he's just like I'm just gonna fuck off all the time and then I'll show up to court
But there's so there's so many dimensions with the characters and the fourth seasons and I'm on the second season
I'm watching it right now. It's on mute, but I'm just like oh my fucking God this fucking
All of these people should have won awards and I don't watch the award shows because they're trash
Just like Don Julio seven or 1942
Get in the trash bin with Don Julio
1942 1942 not don Julio 70
Oh, what so what else did you do today besides take a boost news? Oh
I took the kids to the fair and
Yeah, so my daughter is your daughter trying to like already like be like I don't want to do this because I'm getting
Weed to leave for college and yeah, I'm moving out. No actually she wanted to go
So usually my kids are just like I didn't nobody wanted to go. I didn't want to go my son didn't want to go
My daughter wanted to go and reason being was the original actor
Who wore the Michelangelo ninja turtles suit and then ninja turtles movie back in the 90s?
It was gonna be there with the fucking
Turtle van he had he has a van
It's all dead nice and she wanted to she wanted to take a picture with them
She wanted to see him and he was actually gonna be in the suit
I was like this there's no way this guy's gonna be in a
Hold up. Was this the guy that you um drew for the painting? Yeah
Okay, that's what I thought yeah, and my daughter just she loves
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and I it's my fault because I used to like it and I kind of
Told that my kids you want to watch some real fucking shit. This is what you watch
How are the duck god damn it
Howard the duck
Fuck I know
This is this is this is real shit. This is what real people watch
Okay, so good news when I get up there next weekend
It's supposed to be like maybe 15 to 20 degrees cooler than it is today up there. Oh, thank goodness. I
Don't know what happens everybody over here. You watch this fucking news. I'm not a big news person
I don't I'm not either because my mom watches it 24 fucking seven. I think all like old people do they
Think they do just because they have nothing else better to do that or the Jesus channel
Yeah, my mom did the same fucking shit she told me do you watch that she says this name
Do you ever watch him? I said no, I go why would I I go why what what is he is he a news reporter?
What the fuck is he and she's like, oh no, he's a pastor like what the fuck would I watch that shit?
My mom watches all that fucking shit and you know, what's funny when I used to live in HB
And I would drive down the 405 to Irvine to work
The Trinity broadcasting network, I don't know if you remember or if you ever watch the oh, yes
Well that place was alive and thriving and off the 405
South on the right. Oh, yeah
Yeah, and then the granddaughter claimed that somebody who sexually molested her or I guess sexually assaulted her, right?
I want to in that context and I guess the two I don't know what the fucking husband and wife's name was
but they denied it and then all of a sudden he came out and that place shut down and
I'm like, oh well was that the crystal cathedral shit?
No, no, oh my god. I've been there
That's an orange but
The TBN is off the 405 south on the right side before Irvine. So I don't know what that that city is
Yeah, I don't know Orange County's fucking white
But guess what I'll move down there
I'll move back down there eventually because of tax purposes. Oh, yeah, and you know, there's clean air down there
Yeah, I'm like here in the six to six because it's all fucking dirt and fucking smog
I don't even smoke and have emphysema. That's right. You know what else is trashed don Julio 1942
That's all you need to know thank you for saving me $30
I'm not gonna stop for a stupid fucking shot. Right?
Where's Jeff at? Clink clink
He's on the curb with the trash
Well trash stays coming around so yeah, I'm gonna wait. What? It's Saturday. He's on the curb
I
Am your I your Islander family are they in Maui? No, thank God
Maui's on fire. I'm like, okay
I don't know how the wildfires happen, but that's fucking sad a and be I don't know
I'm supposed to go there in November. So fuck Maui. I okay. Yes, I'm Islander and my family
We're we're Kawhi and
Okay, so not not trying to brag but you know, we're from the best island out there, but
Um, and and the big island I have family on the big island too and okay, but Maui is so
well actually all the islands are
tourist
go-tos and
It's just I I
Feel bad, but check it out. We we all know because well like me and my family
Jesus that's why we have fucking boats. That's why we're surrounded by water
Like we hear rumbling like get the fuck off the island
ASAP and it rumbles for two weeks prior so
I
I'm going with this so like I read the report like I guess the
The Maui the government system with the I guess the bells and whistles like they're supposed to alert everybody
You know, I'm talking about like yeah, and yeah, like what every week they have like
Like the stupid fucking
Sirens because they're testing it in case of a tsunami. I'm like there will never be a tsunami in HB
And if there is thank God, please take me
I don't want to be after the fact because then I have to rebuild
Yeah
but I guess that shit didn't sound off in Maui and I'm just like well I
Don't want to be I don't want to be a doomsday scroller or whatever the negative term is but I'm like, of course
It didn't because it's fucking hell. It's Maui and
The government's only gonna do something if a natural a disaster happens and obviously now they will which is so fucking sad
but
Here we are
2023 so
Whatever hopefully you're I'm just hoping your family's okay. Yeah, I hope that's where I'm going with this. I'm sorry. No, thank you
Thank you. Yeah, they're they're safe
Good, but um, I do feel bad, but it's feel bad too. It's just like the entire fucking islands burnt down
Yeah, and I think the tourists are even more fucking sad. We're gonna rebuild you're not gonna rebuild an island bitch
This is this is what happens. This is mother nature
Cleansing the population. Yeah, it's called natural selection. Yeah
This is like, oh my god, my favorite hotel burnt down
like
Second when I go in November my hostel because I stay at hostel so the hostel better be open
I won't I will go away rebuild the house. I
Will totally rebuild the hostel. I guess or help build it whatever. I don't know. We'll see what happens
You got you got to go to Kauai. I got a cottage. My family has a Airbnb
cottage
a compound with
Six little cottages and it's pretty fucking awesome. So cool out. God. I don't know my G my geography
Geography is Kauai on Maui or the main island? No, it's a separate island
Yeah
Maybe we mean you should go there. Okay, so we can figure it out. We'll figure it out in the next couple years. Okay, cool. Yeah
My god, I know my eyes keep watering
Oh, my gosh, what's going on? So I went so yesterday I
went to a
Concert wall where it's music in the park. That's what okay. That's what they call it. So I'm literally about a mile
from the Willamette River
And so there's this park and it's called the Riverfront Park and they do music in the park in the summers
on Fridays, so
yesterday was
Journey it's a cover band
But I would hope so but dude the fucking
The was the singer he's fucking Asian just like it's like the real deal and he fucking can't say
Yes, and I was like
Next Friday, I believe is 80s
Well, guess what you're gonna bring your fucking mind
Oh, by the way, I'm staring at the box that I need to fucking mail out
I need a fucking box to you with all my fucking shit because you know
I'm not fucking boarding a plane with my fucking shit. This is how Baroque Medusa travels
If you're gonna travel and you're only gonna be there for like a solid 36 hours of partying you don't board
With your fucking shit you send your shit up there a week prior like your clothes your fuck. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm gonna do
Monday because I've slacked off for the last week. Oh my gosh
I will send it out on Monday so that way I can just board the plane with my purse and like I guess my
Backpack
No, no, not even a backpack. I'm gonna board with like my shampoo three ounce. You know I'm talking about the shampoo
But it's gonna be with vodka and tequila so I can put in my fucking coffee
I'm just asked for a coffee
When I'm in the fucking play
And then you can add your creamer
After the fact and by creamer I mean more tequila or buck
This is my my mouth spray
that bonacca shit
Oh shit, you know what I'm sure kids these days don't know what bonacca is
Really?
Goddamn it. I need to fucking watch what I say. Let me get by the way. I told the kids at work
I'm like, have you heard the song groove is in the groove is in the heart. They're like, no
I'm like if you hear it, you would know what I'm fucking talking about but my girl Pomona bullets thought
I fucking time and tell she fuck I finally got her the fucking karaoke Mike. She's like
They're like what I'm like
Well, if you hear groove is in the heart you'll be like, oh, yeah, I know what the fuck you're talking about you dumb bitch
And I'm like, yeah, well guess what dumb bitch?
That's what I'm fucking talking about bitch
in the park
Call bullshit in the trash and by bullshit in the trash. I mean don Julio
So there's not a song where you just sing the wrong lyrics, but they fit
You know, you can't recall one song or you're like, I know I can recall many songs
But I don't remember what I made up for those songs
Rose in the park is the best fucking thing I can ever remember
I will never forget that when I have all-timers or
Or like I need your
Tourist 45 long to fuck me in the head because I'm not gonna have anybody take care of me at the end of the day
Girl, I got you
You can see my
You want and we can sleep with our little baby under our pillow and the next time we shit our
Diaper no, no, yeah
Cuz I used to think I'm gonna use my 22. No, no, no, cuz I don't
22 won't won't it's not gonna do the job. It's gonna fucking I will leave on
But here's the thing about the 22s though. I'm sure you I'm sure you've watched. Oh, yeah
Retired homicide detective. Yeah girl. I'm a fucking marine
And I'm sure
You're well aware. Oh, you probably watched many of forensic files or CSI whatever the fuck crime
Whatever the 22
can
The episodes I've watched I've researched the 22 does not exit your fucking brain
Yeah, or the dome if you if you get shot in the head with the 22 it doesn't exit your fucking dome
So
Where am I trying to go with this?
So it'll just be lodged in your brain and it'll just travel
But there's no way there's when it comes to forensics like they can't pinpoint it at least 15 years ago
I don't know about now
But there's something where the 22 like they can't prove it in court at least 15 to 20 years ago
I could be wrong, you know times have fucking changed
You know what AI and you know what is so fucking hilarious when I work for the city of Long Beach when I first started working there in
2014 I still cannot wrap my head around
3d printers. You know what those are? I
I yeah, I print a fucking house. You can print like a phone. You can print whatever the fuck I
Cannot wrap my head around 3d printers and I still to this day because
You're older, but you're not as old as me
on a bullets
So I grew up
loving and understanding I guess
the AI quote-unquote version of
um
Twilight Zone
Yeah, that shit, right? Yeah. Yeah, I totally understand AI in that context, but like today's AI. I'm just like dude
I'm so glad I'm about to be 50 and I'm fucking about to bow out and be dead and about another third
I'll be dead in 30 years
Let's go there
I'm just like all these like my youngest nephew and like anybody who's younger like I guess
Your younger son. God bless them. They're gonna have to go through a lot of fucking shit
They they fucking know as a matter of fact that 3d printing shit
I heard that they they make they can do they make guns and shit with that
They can make anything and everything like I'm pretty yeah, I can make like babies and my
My daughter actually came home from school one day and she she's trying to play a joke on me because I'm constantly
Pranking her so I deserve it
And she's not good at doing
Pranks or jokes she tries and I always catch I'm like fuck thanks all for that shit
but um she comes and she has
some Oreos and
She's like would you like an Oreo?
Sure, so I grab like an idiot. I grabbed the first Oreo and the little tray
It looks like a motherfucking Oreo
I swear I swear and I try to bite it and I'm like almost hit the tooth
And you know what if I broke a fucking tooth I would have knocked her out. I'm like oh god
I'm from my dental bill bitch. Yeah, like what the fuck is she?
It's a 3d printer Oreo
It looked
Exactly like a fucking Oreo. I mean now that I
Think about it. I mean it didn't crumble or anything and it was yeah, but it was just a perfect fucking Oreo
Looked just like it. I don't know how the fuck they did it. I don't know
Yeah, it's fucking crazy. I'm not and my son has well he had I don't I don't think it works anymore
I don't know what the fuck happened, but he had one of those virtual reality things
Shit that was crazy. Have you watched have you watched the movie X my Kena?
Yes, okay, so everybody thought I was crazy because I fucking love that movie
I don't know if you like that movie. I love that movie because I'm like this is where the human race is going. Yeah
And they're like you're fucking wrong
I'm like, oh no, it's been predicted since like the Twilight fucking zone like have you watched the Twilight zone and we are so fucking
They're right like every like that was the precipice if I'm using the right fucking word
The press and like I'm just like, you know what I'm glad I'm gonna be 50 and I'm gonna bow out soon
Because I can't I can no longer do this shit. So
According to my daughter boomer's gonna boom mom. Yeah, I'm a fucking boomer and I'm gonna fucking boom bitch
A little bit and kudos to you you try to fucking make it in this fucking bullshit
Yeah, well, I guess what I can read a map
I don't need I don't need fucking Siri to tell me where to go
I can't write in cursive boomers gonna bloom
Boomer's gonna be dirty and not dirty, but they're I guess I
Don't know the way they the way that people say boomers are gonna boom though like they think of it negatively and I'm just like
I'm just gonna be like
Okay, well once we once the boomers die off and you have the millennials and everybody else
Well, good luck to you guys. I don't have to be here for this shit so
I'm already playing fallout
I know I know what's gonna happen
I'm gonna take my don Julio 1970 and bow out about that
Oh shit, hey, you know, I was playing
Trivial pursuit with my kids the other day and I have an old was that game still around fuck. No, it's all
Had to blow off the dust like it was a
Ain't you have like you actually still have the the card game or whatever? Yeah. Yeah, I think I love you more
We're in there there probably no like current day questions
Exactly so my my dad I guess it was his game and he just decided hey you want this game. I'm like
Because the little cheese
Yeah, yeah, so I took the game I don't know so we're playing games because sometimes in Oregon
We get the power outages because it's snowing a tree falls on a power line or whatever, but it's not
106 degrees or 115 degrees like in so Cal and they want to regulate your fucking electricity
Even though there's enough electricity on the grid. Oh
Yeah, no, that's not you. Okay. Just yeah, fuck so Cal Edison by the way. Yeah
Yeah, and I heard your guys deal went up to some fucking always going up. We won't go there, but yeah
Oh, and the state of California and Gavin Newsom. Okay. Anyway
My dad, you know, I guess he bought like different cards
That didn't come with the game so you could buy additional cards and there was one
That he bought and it said baby boomers. Oh
Oh, and I said what and so I pulled that one out, but holy fuck. I don't know how old this game is
That game is fucking old. I I haven't heard about triple pursuit in like years until you just said it
and the baby
Or whatever I grabbed the cars. I'm like, I'm gonna do baby boomers like okay, and it was nothing but war
all about war oh
Dear god
Or the actual or actual wars like wars like civil war, you know, Vietnam all the shit
I'm like God don't know what
oranges
I'm a what is agent orange and my daughter's all
Mom, this isn't Keppity and I was like, well, I keep answering all the questions. What is
What is I don't fucking know like I
I I don't know the game went on for like an hour and the kids are like this sucks
Know what it really does
Fine and then we say this game called um, oh
You don't know Jack
You don't know Jack is that a game. Yeah, so so the kids are like fuck this trivial pursuit this
Fucking shit that you're trying to make us play
And so my daughter is telling me you want to play a trivial game
I have the game for you and she gets her I think she has it on the Xbox or Nintendo switch
I don't I don't know okay, there's this game and she goes you use your cell phone to answer
I said I use my cell phone. Okay, I'm talking to it or what no it
Basically, it gives you a code and you go to this website
And then you punch in your code and you just connect to the to the fucking game
I guess and okay, so your cell phone is basically like your little
Your little joystick. Yeah, or your are you?
Yeah, yeah, and this game is fucking hilarious
It's fucking hilarious. You don't know Jack and it's
Fucking hilarious 1000% I
My kids had me fucking dying. I swear I was just like what the fuck and it also
Opened my eyes to the little fucking humans that I raised. I'm like you are my fucking
I would have never thought about that like there was a question
You need to show me this next week when I come. Oh, yeah, we're fucking playing bitch like we're doing this
We are doing this because there is this you you basic
There was there's a bunch of different games and in different ways you can play and different like I don't know
So we played this one where it's like guess who or something like that
so basically they ask a question and then you enter your your answer and
Then you have to prove it like who said this who said that you vote for the best or the funniest answer
so the question was
Who's the boss and then my kids are like
And I think somebody put mom and it was I
Oh God, and then another kid said
You know Trump or some shit like
And then I put Tony Danza
Or um, you know, you know
And then the kids
Exactly this is still alive. I'm sure no I gotta fucking Google that shit like you know, I'm the mom on
Um, did you ever watch soap operas? Yes, okay, so Judith light used to be on one life to live. Okay. Oh
Did you ever watch that? I I was a days of our lives. Okay, so your channel for NBC
so
Channel seven and then did you ever watch the TV show like in?
What was it? Maybe the early 2000s ugly Betty. Oh, yeah
I
Yeah, so Judith light was the mom of
The mom of the executives
Whatever, but she was on there
But I fucking love Judith light cuz she was on one life to live and then fucking who's the boss. Oh
I I love who's the boss. I love Charles in charge
Yeah, okay, so remember the remember the grandma or a Judith lights mom on
One life to live. Oh, yes, Mona. Yes hair. Yeah, you ever watch the TV show soap
Yes, yeah, she was on there. I fucking love that show from like the early 1980s. I
Love so oh
That's showing
Ridiculous, I love it and I missed the 1980s TV shows period and like it now that we're talking about this they remade um
Because my daughter subscribed to peacock they remade um fucking Magnum PI. I never was a magnet. Oh girl. I was
You know what? I am not a magnet PI person. You ever watch Matt Houston?
Yeah, I remember that Houston. I guess I met Houston and the Vegas show like where um, I
Want to say was Robert Wagner as the the star and like he would drive his fucking
1960s or 70s Corvette
Into his fucking garage and the garage would take the elevator up to his fucking sweet
Yes
Because you and I fucking love cars and then you would have all the chicks up there with this fucking Corvette
I'm like, I would have fucking chicks or dudes up there, too. Yeah, guess what?
That shit is fucking hot. It was fucking I
And Matt Houston over Magnum PI, but Magnum PI. I guess they have a remake and there's
What I started watching and I'm like, okay, I guess it's cool. Not really
I
Just used to like
Magnum PI I liked it
Only because I was on a field trip and like third grade and I went to the alley County fair and
I got Linda Blair's autograph and Tom Selleck's autograph
Excuse me, Linda Blair was on that fucking yeah, I was like, whoo, but I I was scared to get her fucking autograph
Because I was like her head's gonna spin. That's all I knew her as
That's all I knew her as
That's all I knew her as because I was watching the exorcist, you know with my hands over my face and my fingers kind of spread
But then closed and I was scared so fucking scared shit. I was scared of Chuckie. I was fucking scared
I was scared. I was a scary cat
Speaking of the LA County fair, I decided to be one of those PTA moms when my daughter was in fourth grade and I'm like
She's like mom and you know what I am not a PTA mom
You don't fucking say you're not a PTA mom
Well, guess what I signed up so I signed up. She's like begging me because I never show up
I was never a PTA mom, so I don't show up to any of her fucking field trips or whatever
I signed up for this fucking shit. I had to be responsible. I don't know for maybe five kids or
I had to be on a school bus
We fucking take the fucking school bus
to fucking Pomona
Fucking hood by the way
What what I
Don't know what the fuck we did. We saw the fucking animals. We fucking walked around it was stressful because I had to reel them in
I never
I swear to fucking God. I think after that is when I scheduled my tubes to be fucking tired
Fuck that shit. Oh my god, that should as stressful as fuck, you know, it's more stressful getting married
Oh, yeah, I would assume bright zillows and
That's right, but
Good, I mean gonna have to fucking go. I don't know that was the most stressful time ever because I had just watched the kids
And
I don't know whatever. I'm just glad I made it home and nobody yelled. How about that?
I would tell myself
man
After I'm a single mom and I had two I was like when you're outnumbered like fuck this
I'm outnumbered by two. I don't know how these bitches just keep popping them out like fucking cookies and shit from the oven
No
If I
I have two arms
and two hands
So that's about it. I'm gonna grab you both by the fucking collars
Just walk
You're gonna get run over by a fucking car. Oh my gosh. I I fucking
I did the same shit. I was at pta, but I did the same shit
I signed up to volunteer
Um at my son's school and he's going to this little and it's here in organ. So we're going
They call it the enchanted forest. I was like, okay same shit. I had to be
Are you liking mushrooms or what's going on with the enchanted forest?
So it's like a little theme park
in the fucking forest and
uh, it kind of reminded me of like
Bullwinkles or bullwinkles. Oh, yeah, by the way, that's still in mont clare by the way. I just they fucking re-op
I thought that was the family fun center. No, it's still there, bitch. Oh, fuck if it's bullwinkles, whatever the fuck it is
It's still fucking there. Geez. Okay. Well, they had like the little
Boats and or whatever the fuck bumper boats. They had like, um
Little roller coasters, but they were just little shit like that. They had this little fountain that would
And crap and I don't know they had these little tunnels that the kids could fucking crawl in like legit under the I don't
That's where you by the way, that's where you would get going from is crawling in the tunnels
Yeah, like being in all the balls and dirt because you know your balls deep
Yeah
Lap it up, bitch
So they give me I think it was like four they gave me five kids, but thank god
One didn't come to school that day
Um, so I had four
Oh god bless. Yeah, fucking mom. Yes. I was like, thank you. You're a saint. Um
So I had four kids one being my son. So I you know, I'll pinch the shit out of him if he acts the fool, but
I had so I had three more
Oh, shit. Why did they give me all I don't know? I'm just saying but why did they give me the kids on like that have ADHD or some
Oh my god. Thank you very much. That's where I'm going. Yeah. Thank you same
Same and just and they fucking run amok and I'm like, you know what?
I'm like, you know, I'm running amok because I
I would smack her and like everybody else needs to get smacked and I could not smack them because they're not my fucking kids
Exactly. How about like Jason? You're gonna be an example to these little fuckers and I I'm thinking this in my head
And but my son is just being so stellar because he's fucking trained
Like I wonder why yeah, yeah, he don't act the fool because you know, that's right, bitch
But these kids are just like, I'm like, excuse you. No, no, please cut get off that. No, we don't do that and I
It was the worst fucking day of my life
Like I and my son's like, I'm so glad you came. Yeah. Oh, yeah shit
Fuck so speaking of that. So that was my daughter. I want to say that was like maybe third or
I want to say that was third grade where we did the the fucking
Pomona fair
I want to say fourth or fifth grade. I decided to sign up one more time and be an actual pta mom
Never fucking again
Anyways, um fuck the pta and fuck
them
Them making me try to be this way anyways
Do you know the long beach aquarium?
Yes. Yeah. Okay. So I signed up to be a fucking shaperone for that fucking bullshit
Same fucking shit girl
Everybody's running amok and I'm just like
I don't know
Whatever the fuck on the way home. I was talking to I guess there was another mom that was shaperoning
So me and her were talking the entire time on the way home and like versus like you're talking to that mom that mom is
Fucking like whatever because I guess the mom's
Son was popular. I want to say in person. I'm popular
Whatever the fuck but then like
Or I'm sorry on the way there
So I'm like, yeah, well, I'm like I need a fucking adult to talk to I don't want to fucking talk to you
Yeah
On the way home. I was so fucking spent from all these fucking kids
I fell asleep
On the fucking breast right home and I don't know I don't remember where the fell asleep
I don't know who sat next to me, but I was so fucking knocked out but
I was made fun of after the fact and I'm like, you know what I'm so glad I got my kids tied
Fuck all you kids. Fuck that mom. Fuck the bus driver. Fuck everybody. Like just have one kid
You don't need to have more more than one
Yeah, whatever
Shit you can make fun of me all you want. Yeah, I had a really great nap. Maybe you should have taken a nap and shoved the fuck up
No, you want to know what tops that I did it for the second time
one for my son and then I was like never again and
My daughter g-unit
She's going on this trip and it's an it's an overnight two nights as a matter of fact to
Where fucking nights we were going to bend so bend is across the state kind of like closer to Idaho the little
I don't know. It's it's
Eastern Oregon where I'm in western Oregon. Okay, so it was a fucking I don't know six hour bus trip
to these volcanic tubes and
We were gonna like it was her
Going to junior high so it was her like that the field trip an overnight field trip. So
Okay, so I go and shit. Oh my god. I hear the hesitation and you're well
We don't sleep in a hotel and shit for two nights some some school
offered us their gym
And we they so boys were on one side dads sons whatever right one side and girls mothers
Whoever on the other side. Okay, you're sleeping on
The fucking wooden floor, of course. It's a gym. Yeah, and but I I brought a pillow and a sleeping bag
I thought I don't fuck. I didn't even know what to expect
Okay, it's and oh son of a bitch and then my daughter guess what happens?
He fucking starts your fucking period like those are first
Oh, I'm not even fucking prepared. I have like tampons in my purse
You're like use this bitch. I'm just like, you know what we're gonna do
We're just gonna wrap your fucking hand with toilet papers a thousand times
I'm so right. I know I can know and then I had this other little girl that I'm chaperoning
Oh fuck and then she starts hers
Oh dear. What the fuck? Okay. That's um, that's traumatic for myself. So I'm like, you know what I'm gonna go home
Yeah, I was like, I can't do this shit
And then I'm on a bus and it's a six hour drive and we're hiking and we're climbing and lava
Caves and tunnels and shit and I and no lava cakes whatsoever
I'm like, okay. These two girls are already full of lava and I gotta go
Can I please fucking get an uber home all of us need to go we all need to go home
This is like
And then we went on this fucking hike
There's some type the sisters three sisters or some type of fucking mountain. I don't know and I'm walking and
I something just
and
Like it just plops like falls and I'm walking on the top of you. Yes, and I'm like, what the fuck?
And I just kind of like what is that and June it's like
mom
They're falling run. I go what's fucking falling and we're we start running
It's for these fucking caterpillars and they're huge
They're fucking huge
I am not fuck. Yeah, I was like, I I'm not born to do this shit
Like what the fuck do they just wait for a fucking human to combine like there's one like are they leeches? No, they're
Ew, they're just these huge fucking caterpillars just falling from the trees and they're just you know what?
I am never moving to orion ever
Yeah, because you get spiders and you're fucking rig like I I don't know the other day
I saw something that was like kind of reflecting. I was like, is that a second spider web?
And my passenger side driving home from work
And I just kind of you know, if you just see a single little web, I just kind of use my finger and just whatever
and I'm driving and
A fucking I'm gonna put my
sun visor down
And this fucking spider is just there and then it just like oh
No, no, no, no, no, no
Yeah, they get in your fucking car bitch like I I don't even fucking know and
I'm living in a forest. No, but you I guess Oregon is then is like Australia
Oh
I will I will fucking crash into whoever I don't give a fuck like just please like
I don't fucking I don't do spiders. I do not
Do you know what I was telling Darce when I met up with her earlier? I'm like I keep having these dreams about spiders
Like last month like at least I had three dreams and the fourth dream
I was killing the spiders and I look I look up the meaning of spiders. You have an or
um
spiders in a dream
represents an overbearing mother figure and I'm like, huh, no fucking shit
Yeah, or the fact that you're coming to Oregon
I know overbearing mother figure at my fucking place. So yeah, okay. Gotta go
Oh, I hate spiders. There's these wolf spiders here. I
Oh, I shit you not they're fucking but you know what here's my thing like my daughter is so scared to kill them or whatever
Like I have to kill them. I'm like bitch. You don't pay rent here. So I will fucking kill you with a vengeance. Yeah
Yeah, but have that be a fucking roach like
Oh, there there was like like if I walk my dog out like at 2 a.m. In the morning, like there's giant roaches like just hanging out
Like those water but yeah on the main street and I'm just like
I cannot step on you with my fucking shoes because that shit is fucking gross
Oh, you know, I'm talking about you'll hear that crunch and I'm just like I'm just gonna walk away from you
I fucking hate those things. Yeah, they're disgusting. Oh, and they can get so big
Yeah, I remember when David I would see those and they'd be on the wall one or whatever and
I had an apartment in SoCal
and
I thought it was water bug or whatever the fuck you could want to call him
But they're fucking huge and they're gross. They're gross and I would
put like a fucking cup
If they were on the wall, I'd put a cup over it and I would just slide it so I could be in the cup
Oh my gosh, and that's what my best friend Darce would do and like she would move it to where they make it like they can leave
Oh, I don't move it. I would put a fucking like match in there spray
I would like to torture it even better because I'm like, you know what?
I'm like, it's a fucking roach or whatever water bug and I'm like, I can't deal with this shit like goodbye
I would I would I would totally torture it put some like fucking hair spray on it until it would freeze
Because you know, I got that aqua net cha cha net
Cha cha uh the blue can yeah
The blue or the maroon can that's what I would buy
And when those the blue or the maroon can was out I would buy I guess the purple can
You know what it it came out with a white cam with some pink little
Oh, I remember that. I'm sure that that was like the that was the solid solid one
Where it says like you can make a beehive
And it wouldn't fucking nothing would fucking phase that shit. You have to wash your hair like
Three times to get the fucking shit out
But you would still have dandruff or like yeah
Yeah, it looked like you had
Dandruff in your hair that little white crap and shit. Yep
Fuck oh my god, but that's the best bug spray ever because
period
Done spray that shit and they just freeze in motion
Forever
Yeah, like take a polaroid picture. Yeah
And on that note, um
Do you have a rant for today because you know, we're gonna hook up again tomorrow, but do you have a rant for today?
Oh, fuck
Yeah, I do
I have plenty of rant, but what's your rant ma'am. Well
My rant is
You know what I have so many
I I have to I'm it's in my head
I have to fucking go for it. So I want you to start because I'm gonna pick the best one
Okay, so you start with your rants because I have like five right now
So my main uh rant is
To anybody who goes to um not a gym
To a barn like I'm gonna live it up and I'm gonna order Don Julio 1942
Do not order Don Julio
Don Julio 1942
Clearly
You are a millennial and you're listening to today's
Trash that's also um a facade called wrap
And maybe you should up your game to Don Julio 70
Drink your Don Julio 70 at home because they don't carry that at the bar
and um
Be more classy
Stop being trash. That's my fucking rant, bitch. What's your number one?
I'll have more rants tomorrow, but what's your rant for today?
Like I am sloshed, but you know what what's really
What really pissed me off today is motherfucker saying
Tatch up is spicy like oh my god. You know what?
any but
Catch it's spicy like if you're still eating cat cat sup
There you go. And you're like over maybe nine years old
Maybe you should rethink your goddamn fucking palette and your palette is trash like
Cats up should not be
On your menu or I guess your condiments menu
Period
After elementary school. Yeah, and I
And the only reason why I'm saying this is because we were at the fair
My son is getting a hot dog and it's it's
They're they made their own the hot dogs and it was nice. It was an eight dollar hot dog
But the people in front of us were like, no we no catch up, but that's too spicy
Too spicy bitch like I I don't get me wrong
I was at the grocery store the other day and I did see
Heinz has a sriracha
uh
catch up thing
Yeah, but you know what they're only doing that to buy into the people who
They're only doing that because um people no longer like cats up unless they're two years old
Yeah, and I'm just like what the I always if I go to carl's junior. I'm like minus the cats up
I'll get a hamburger minus the cats up. Thank you very much
I don't or bna
And uh, I will eat my burger plain if they don't have that or like the what's it called the
I lines are the secret. Yeah
No cats up. So, um, I will eat a hot dog plain or with relish
Yeah, my rent is talk the people that eat cats up like I
I and like you said unless you're fucking 10 years old and younger
Go for it all day long
but
Fuck
And it's and it's not spicy. So it's not it's totally disgusting and it's sugar
1942 I'm pretty sure the people who think don julio 1942 is like the topist of top shelf
Probably love cats up. How about yeah?
And you know what they can all sit on the curb because it's not day to get curb stomped. How about that?
Yeah, fuck. Yeah
Get curb stomped. You guys need a better palette. Yeah fucking cats up and don julio
was it?
I got you 42
My mom was born in 1941. So, um, I don't know why it's 1942. How about don julio 70 y'all need to fucking get educated and no cats up
Yeah, no cats up and fuck you hanks. Like I don't give a shit. I hate it. I hate it and I hate the people that
Think it's spicy. It's not fucking spicy. It's nothing but fucking sugar
Sugar and vinegar together. Yeah, like it's like a douche. It's like a fucking summer's eve, but
extra sugar
Yeah, that's my rent. Let me just sugar up until you fucking snatch, bitch
Yeah, it's like in cats up. Fuck off. Fuck the people that like the cats up. I don't like it. My sugar walls are natural
I don't need no spritz up in my walls
No, thank you
Close down the shop a long time ago
Ah, no, okay. And on that note you are
I'm on a bullets and I'm harassment dissent and we out bitches
Bitches late late