Clink, clink, drink, drink, you are Pomona Bullets and I am Baruch Medusa and this is Top Shelf
High Jinks.
Let us begin.
Is a fast walker like myself, she doesn't walk slow so, oh yeah, I, I, and plus it was
hot, something like bitch, let's fucking walk.
Well, it wasn't as hot as it was.
I don't know what the fuck.
We're breaking records and Orion, but see, I'm not initially from Oregon, so they're
like in 1981, well, like fuck, okay, I was like one years old, so I don't fucking know
and I was in Southern California.
I didn't give a shit.
I mean, Southern Kelly, you're fucking bacon and you're not so pasty.
You got sun.
You got some fucking vitamin D, vitamin K, whatever the fuck the sun gives you.
Here, shit, you just-
Wolf spiders and Nutrias.
Look it up people.
Yes, look it up and wolf spiders don't spin webs.
They fucking jump on their prey.
Just letting you know.
I wanted to open my window in the bedroom last night and I'm like, you know what, I'm
not going to do that because something's going to crawl in and I'm going to be screaming.
Whoa.
At least it's the spare bedroom that you're at.
The screens are legit.
My daughter's screens on the other hand, my G.
You just can't.
Just don't.
Yeah, no, no, no, no, I kept it closed.
Plus, I'm appreciative that you keep the air or the thermostat at 68 degrees.
Perfect.
I'm still Kelly.
I still got Kelly.
Kelly just fucking running through my fucking veins, so I don't know.
And it's been six years.
So, yeah, I don't know.
That's why they hate me here.
Oh, by the way, I heard you're a stickler when it comes to your kids going to school,
which is fine.
But if there's a snow day, they need to stay home.
So G-Unit advised me that there was one day where her, I guess, her friend's dad, I want
to say, said there was a snow day, but Pomona Bullets here.
I was just like, no, there was no notification.
So you're walking to school.
And then G-Unit shows up at school and they're like, yeah, it's a snow day.
Well, somebody needs to call my fucking mom.
I guess my mom did pick her ass up before I went to fucking work and I fucking got her
home safely.
But they should have called Pomona Bullets or maybe you should have believed your daughter.
I don't know.
Maybe a little bit of half, half enough.
I mean, who believes their fucking 15-year-old fucking daughter?
Like that's the age where you're like, hmm, trying to pull a fast one, huh?
Like I don't know.
So yeah, my bad.
And I'll say this, you're a stellar parent because me and Pomona, well, I won't say Pomona
Bullets was bad and I wasn't bad, but you know, we tested the limits a lot and I didn't
know her in high school.
However, her son and daughter are like stellar angels.
And by angels, I mean, of course they get into trouble, but they're like fucking 4.0.
It's like the total weirdest thing ever.
It's like, huh.
I don't know.
You're blessed, bitch.
Well, I would like to thank you.
Pat yourself on the back.
Yes, I'm going to pat myself on the back, but I'm going to say there was a lot of work.
And I also want to say that when I would say to people, especially in the dating realm
of things at my age or, you know, let's just say 10 years back to current, I would try to
tell people like, I do have two children, but they're great.
But what mother doesn't say their kids are great.
And I honestly was like, no, fuck that.
My kids are fucking great because I fucking whooped them into shape and I have been conditioning
them to be active members of society and to have fucking manners and, and, you know,
respect and just geez, like, come on, clean yourself, clean your room, keep like, I don't
know.
I guess it's a lot of like military, like, like boom, boom, boom drill sergeant shit.
And thank you, dad.
I learned it from my dad.
But I, I am, I thank you.
Thank you, Medusa.
You're welcome.
Because I think my kids are pretty, they're pretty nerdy, but they're pretty cool.
Yeah, they got their shit together.
Yeah.
Have the fucking house clean before I get home from work.
She had her daughter clean everything before I showed up and I'm sorry, Pomona Bulls was
just like, is everything okay?
I'm like, bitch, stop worrying.
Everything is fine here.
I'm just here to chill.
I'm not here to judge.
And then we got drunk.
It's all we do here.
Okay.
So I can't think of anything else right now.
Do you have any rats?
Let's start with the rats and then we can go from there.
I'll let you rant first because you have a shit time.
I'm trying to like, there's just so many fucking rats.
So the God.
Oh my gosh.
I'm not going to rant about what I go through day to day because most of you listeners are
probably not going to understand like the fucking two lane highways and tractors and
fucking hay farmers and allergies and all this bullshit.
But I think I'm going to rant on, okay, this is what I'm really going to rant on.
Medusa can call me a bitch and I call her bitch or bitch and that's fine.
A rando off the street can't be like, it was all bitch.
Like, please don't because then like, no, like, like, no, no, that's like a fucking
bullet in the head.
I don't, I don't know.
It's not literally it's just figure of speech.
But if you don't know me and it's the same thing.
You come on.
Don't call me pa.
Like just don't call me pa.
Like just don't shorten it unless you're my fucking homie.
And I'm sure homies still are around because Medusa just told me that homies are still around.
It's just not the cholos.
But there are Edgers now.
According to my Kia Pomona salesman.
Absolutely.
I'm sorry.
I was taking a drink.
But yeah, my rant is just like, don't call me a bitch.
I am a bitch.
And I honestly take it as a call.
Is that your pronoun?
My pronoun is bitch and bitch.
What's yours?
This bitch and that bitch.
Yeah.
Yes.
I think that's kind of yeah.
And also my other rule, the bigger rant is fucking cover your food when you put it in
the microwave.
Let's start with that.
And then the people who, you know, like when you cook something in the microwave, even
if it's covered and then like it overflows or whatever.
So it ends up on the tray.
Yeah.
So that always ends up crusty because nobody likes to fucking wipe that up either.
Nobody wants to put that shit in the fucking dishwasher.
No.
Yeah.
Cover that shit up.
Fucking, I don't know.
I honestly think you don't really want your cheap ass Tupperware from the fucking Dollar
Tree or whatever in there because it's going to warp.
But cover that shit up.
Put some plastic wrap.
I think plastic wrap really works.
Or paper towels.
Or paper towels and tuck it under the plate, please.
And if it over spills or whatever.
And this is, I'm directing this to children, husbands, wives, whoever doesn't do this at
home.
And if you're using a communal microwave at work, thank you.
Don't act like you don't know that your shit just fucked up the microwave.
Fucking clean it.
That's my rant.
I fucking hate people.
I hate them.
Just fucking stop being lazy.
Come on.
Just like when you get a grocery cart, just don't put it right there so it doesn't roll
anymore.
Put it in the fucking, what is it called?
The cart keeper?
Fucking whatever.
Just put it where all the carts go.
So let me piggyback off working the microwave.
So at work, the girls bathroom, the soap dispenser, we manually, or we have to put, or like we
refill it ourselves, which is fine.
But I think I'm the only one who ever does it.
So it's annoying.
Because other people, like one person, they probably didn't realize because I buy the
soap.
So like I put it underneath the fucking sink.
Or a company credit card, right?
No, I just buy it myself because they buy the wrong one.
So I'm like, I need this fucking soap and it needs to be like this one, so I buy it.
I don't fucking care.
There's only four girls in there.
Okay.
Yeah, so it doesn't, it takes, it lasts forever.
But I was just like, I don't know who did it, but somebody, I want to say it was the
first time I refilled it or whatever it was empty.
They like put, I hate when people fucking put water in it.
You know what I'm talking about, right?
Yes.
So like when you're trying to dilute it, yeah.
And I'm just like, but it couldn't have been one of the girls that works with me because
they know I buy the soap and it's underneath this thing.
So I don't know who used the bathroom, but I was just like, bitch, it's underneath the
fucking sink.
Look where the sink is and refill it.
So that's, I guess that's not even a real rant, but no, it is a rant because motherfuckers
don't even fucking nobody.
I don't know.
Boomer's gonna boom.
Okay.
But guess what?
Millennials, what are you going to do when there's no soap?
What are you going to do when your microwave is so crusty and fucked up?
Nobody wants to clean it.
I didn't do it.
But you're still going to put your food in that shit.
Please don't.
Please just stop.
Look and think.
Would you want your food in that shit?
Like no, clean it.
That's like when the fire stop, drop and roll.
Yeah.
Stop, drop, shut it down, open up.
Okay.
So my main rant is now that I think about a rant is that fucking game we just played
that who's the faker.
So the game is called who's the faker.
I fucking hate that game.
Well, they're so because I misunderstood.
I misunderstood the concept concept.
I misunderstood the concept.
So I was guessing the wrong.
I was guessing the opposite of what it was supposed to be every fucking time.
So it was Jack.
You don't know Jack.
And of course, if anybody has played this game, I originally played it back in fucking
2006.
It's going to fucking really tell my age.
But if you guys listen to our podcast prior to this one, you're going to know because
my dosa says that.
But anyways, um, yeah, there's there's some games where I'm like, yeah, and my kids just
do this.
And yeah, it's a lot, especially if you are drinking and clanking.
Um, it's just kind of like, wait, slow down.
I'm a fucking like I as myself, I'm speaking on behalf of myself when my kids are like,
mama's play this.
And I'm like, fuck yeah, I'm just going to fucking have a drink and another drink and
another drink.
And I'm like, yeah, I'm going to have some kid time.
Fuck it.
And yeah, I was pissed.
I'm a poor sport.
Everybody in the world needs to know I'm a poor sport.
If I'm losing in checkers, I'm fucking flipping the table.
If I'm like, I did not know that about you, Pomona.
Well, that's shots fired.
Yeah.
Pew, pew.
If I win and I'm losing, then guess what?
Everybody's going down.
Who's sent my battleship, bitch?
Fuck that.
Especially the game of life.
I was so fucking tired of getting fucking, I'm landing on this fucking little space where
I get twins and twins and twins.
My fucking car can't even hold these motherfucking pegs.
I'm like, what?
I never liked the game of life either.
That game was wack.
Yeah.
And then I bought the game of life and it was like an updated version where you can use
a debit card.
And then you could take a college pass.
And, and all this bullshit.
And I still end up no matter what version of the game of life I'm playing.
I always end up with like a fucking minivan full of fucking kids.
But does the mini game or the minivan have spinners though?
Fuck, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make some.
I'm gonna make some next time.
But I'm fucking, I'm such a poor sport.
I'm just like, fuck it.
Even if I'm playing Jenga and I'm gonna drive this minivan off the cliff, bitch.
Fuck, fuck college, fuck this, fuck kids.
I'm taking another path and I always end up with a fucking car full of fucking kids.
Fertile murder.
I guess.
But I mean, I stopped bleeding a long time ago.
So I don't know.
The moonshine has kicked in from my girl Pomona bullets.
And the fucking, and the universe is next.
Oh shit.
Get out of here.
Yeah, I know.
But I, what was your rave for?
I mean, oh gosh, I know you don't have a rave.
You have more rants because Medusa, we haven't seen each other in like 12 years maybe?
Oh fuck.
Probably.
Maybe more.
Wait 12.
So 20, 23 minus 2011?
Maybe.
But I have to say one thing for bull fucking hot as fuck.
Maybe a little.
Yeah.
I sent a picture of me and Pomona bullets to my brother and he's like, oh yeah, what's
up, gin and juice?
And you know what?
We didn't do the whole little filters and we're not, we're not those bitches.
We don't do all that or try to fucking put it higher so we don't have a double chin or
whatever.
And you know what?
I don't think either.
Well, I might have a little one.
You don't.
You look fine.
I think I'm fucking pretty hot in person.
But my pitch, I'm a bad picture taker.
I was like, in person.
What do you mean?
Well, I mean like, I'm not photogenic.
Whatever.
Yeah, but you know, I claim, claim, think, think, think, think, dick, dick, dick, dick,
pick, pick.
Let's do this.
Dick, pick.
You know, I don't know if the Raiders won last night.
Do you know if the Chargers won?
You should look on your phone really quick.
And by the way, Pomona bullets is a Chargers fantasy.
We're both Invicta watch girls, right?
So I have my and I didn't realize you said you have the Invicta angels.
I didn't realize what the fuck you were talking about.
And then I look at my, I look.
So I have an Invicta angel with the white wristband.
I do the plastic wristband, I guess, or the silicone wristband.
And I look and I'm like, oh, it says angel.
I'm like, oh, that's what Pomona Bulls is talking about.
I have an Invicta angel watch.
Yes.
I fucking love this.
And I have the white wristband.
It has not gone dirty.
This is like three years old.
Yeah.
This is.
But so I'm complimenting on our motherfucking watch, right?
And I'm like, I like your fucking watch.
And then I look closer and I'm like, oh, fuck, it's a goddamn fucking charger at watch.
And she's like, yeah, girl.
And I'm like, whoa, shit.
Now I need to see if they had the Invicta Raiders watch for me.
No, no, no.
Well, no, you know, I'm just a Raider hater.
Yeah, of course you are.
So Raiders played Raiders was at the Rams last night.
I don't know who the Chargers played or maybe the Chargers play tomorrow.
Yeah, I think it is tomorrow or maybe today because it's preseason.
Hold on preseason.
Let's go.
We got we got bears and colts.
But last night's last night.
Let's go.
Let's keep going down.
We looking we looking.
OK, we have Cowboys and Seahawks.
We get a fuck about the chicken.
And the cowgirls go to our teams.
What about scores or is the scores at?
Oh, I can if I click on it.
Oh, I'm just going to see who's playing.
She is the NFL.
Yeah, I have the NFL app and I am encouraging Medusa to get it because you can just watch
it on the fly.
It's only like 49 bucks a year or 79 a year.
Oh, I thought you could just you could you could do all kinds of shit.
But anyways, OK, Saints and Chargers.
Oh, at 445.
That was oh, that's tomorrow.
So they play.
So the Chargers play tomorrow.
What about yesterday?
The Rams right there right there.
The Rams watch it.
Oh, no, but they already played.
They played last night.
So what was the score?
They should have.
So continue entertaining our gas while I find out.
Ah, OK, so I'm drinking coconut water and vodka.
I call that hydrating and libating.
Oh, and by the way, so I was.
Pomona blots had to work this morning, so I get up and her I guess fiance her significant
others downstairs. Hey, Medusa, you want coffee?
Of course I want coffee.
Yes, please.
Yes, sir.
Would you like sugar or creamer in your coffee?
And I'm like, no, bitch, I don't do that anymore.
It's been a long time, but you know, it goes great with black coffee.
And he's like, what?
I said vodka.
He's like, what?
I've never had vodka with coffee.
And now let me preface this was saying yesterday I was a really fucked up.
So when I get up this morning, I tell Pomona bullets because she's already at work.
I'm like, hey, I'm not going to drink till you get home and we start recording the podcast.
I will be a good girl.
And then vodka vodka and vodka vodka and coffee.
So he's like, that sounds interesting or whatever.
And I'm like, you know what?
Bring the vodka out.
So he pours it in and I'm like, you know what?
Fucking pour it in my in me too or poured in me, poured in my fucking glass.
And then you know what what her significant other does?
She's like, clink, clink bitch.
And I'm like, you know what?
Party time.
Let's go clink clink.
Well, first of all, nobody can take.
Well, I don't know.
I guess Medusa would.
I'm a nice person.
You know what?
I'm just going to shut up.
So I text, I text Pomona bullets.
I'm like, hey, this is what's going on.
So I've just converted.
I've successfully converted another person to black coffee with vodka.
No sugar, no cream.
That's all you fucking need.
And then I also told him like at night, my nightcap, like if I want to relax, like a
muscle relaxer for me is like peppermint tea, hot peppermint tea.
I brought tea bags, by the way, hot peppermint tea bag or a peppermint tea with vodka.
That's mama's.
I call it like mommy needs a nightcap.
This is mommy's quiet time before bedtime.
And then I can be comatose and he's like, oh, really, really?
And you know what Pomona bullets does when I tell her all this?
She texts her significant other and be like, hey, you need to behave.
Don't drink too much.
I fucking woke up and I'm going to I wake up at 4 a.m. to go to work and I'm trying to
like hustle and bustle so I can get home to my bestie, Medusa, because she came up here
for 36 motherfucking hours.
And I'm like, oh, fuck, I got to I got to get back home as soon as possible, but still
be responsible, but still do it.
And you know, I wake up and homies already fucking drink it.
So you know what?
Don't blame him.
That was me.
I know that was before the vodka at 4 in the morning.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Well, he you know what?
He left that part out.
What was he drinking?
Soco.
My so.
Oh my God, you guys are so nice.
It was my fucking little stash that I fucking have a little fucking pint.
It's right there under my fucking bed in case of emergencies.
And that next to your shotgun.
Yes, exactly.
If I have to kill or, you know, if somebody's gonna, I don't know, I'm a single mom pretty
much.
So it's just, you know, so it goes clink, clink, pew, pew.
Yes, pew, pew.
The anatomy of a pew.
You saw my shirt.
It's clink, clink, pew, pew.
It's angel dust.
Oh, the hair on is speaking.
It was so funny because I have all these stupid ass shirts and since I moved to Oregon, it's
kind of like, I don't know, everybody wears pajamas everywhere.
Nobody wears makeup.
Nobody gives a shit about their hair, especially in my town.
I'm a very, very small town.
So I have to like slow it down a notch because I'm from SoCal concrete jungle.
Like let's get going.
Get out of my way.
What do you mean?
The speed fucking limit is 30.
I don't get it.
And what do you mean that there's no such thing as J walking here?
If somebody just walked.
Well, that's one lane highway.
So why would, but in the town, if somebody's just like standing and they just want to walk,
but there's a fucking crosswalk like in California, if there's, you go to the fucking crosswalk,
you've got the right away, it says walk, stop, whatever.
But yeah, okay, go ahead.
Yeah, but these fucking assholes can just just walk out in the street and it's like,
I don't have a horse and a wagon, motherfucker.
I'm fucking going and no wonder why you want me to drive like golf cart speed.
Like fuck off.
Okay, so here's another thing about Oregon.
I know she said there was no tax, but I took her daughter out after the car show and we
went to the pizza place.
There is no tax on hot or on like restaurant food.
No, but there was no tax on hot food and they didn't include the Gratuit.
You know, like in SoCal, they include the Gratuit right away with the tax and it's just like
whatever.
I was just like, oh, this is so weird.
It's a $22.50.
Okay.
And then, you know, you obviously I slapped the tip on there, but I was just like, that's
just so weird to me.
We're in Amish land up here, people.
They will, I went to Carl's Jr. and I was like, okay, so if I just get a double, double
like cheeseburger or just like a minimal item, they're like, it's $1.99.
Guess what I pay $1.99.
It's not like California where you're like, oh, I'm paying $2.08 or whatever the fuck
it is.
It's just $1.99.
Like it's just, it's, it's real, it's, it's a blessing.
It's nice.
It's great.
It's like the movie Pleasantville up here, but with tractors and wool spiders and Nutria.
By the way, look up Nutria.
Look it up.
They're gross.
I fucking shot so many of them.
Well, not to kill.
Just like, like when you have one little stray cat, it just keeps, you know, it's in heat
and it's in your backyard and you just like get a BB gun.
I don't know if you guys are like me, but you just kind of pop it once or twice.
So they know not to be in your yard anymore.
It's the wild, wild best up here.
That's all I'm going to say.
I would rather deal with coyotes and skunks and bobcats because that's all I'm used to.
We have coyotes here.
The, the biggest rant that I have about just coming up here to Oregon and being liquors
only in the liquor stores and liquor stores are closed, I guess on the Sundays or whatever
the fuck like New Jersey.
It was so funny because my son coming from California, when I would go to the liquor
store in Southern California, my son would come inside and I said, go pick a little snack
or a treat.
And of course there's, there's Cheetos, there's chips, Lays, there's Starburst candy, whatever
the fuck you want.
You want a soda, whatever the fuck you want.
You just grab it.
And I would just go in straight and grab myself a bottle and it was the liquor store.
So my son knew the liquor store, but he knew like, oh shit, all right, well I can get an
ice cream or I could get whatever.
And as a, the, the great mother that I was, I always let him get a treat because I was
getting a treat.
Mama was getting a treat.
And your medicine.
I come here to Oregon and liquor stores.
There's only one liquor store in town.
And it has.
The liquor store?
It's, yeah, it's only liquor and they have specific hours.
And my son's like, where are you going?
I go to the liquor store and he goes, I want to go.
Guess what?
There's only liquor.
There's no show.
Yeah.
And, and anybody under the age 18 can't come in.
So guess what?
Oh really?
Yeah.
Oh shit.
So it's like the old porno shops.
Yeah.
It is like, I'm sorry son.
I'll go to the gas station and buy you some Starburst or Skittles after the fact.
Like it was just fucking Oregon.
But it honestly, I do appreciate the slower pace of life and it kind of helped me out
just to slow it down a little bit.
Took me about, well, it's still taking me time, but six years.
It's good.
And the fact that you can deal with snakes on the daily and I guess wolf spiders.
Well, the fact that you can deal with that.
I'm like, when she told me that, and then, oh, so last night I'm sitting on the couch
and her daughter was like, not too far from me, but all of a sudden she pops up, she grabs
a boot and she runs behind me and she smacks the fucking wall.
And I, when she gets ready to smack the wall, there's this big black mark on the wall because
I'm fucking blind.
I did not bring my prescriptions up here.
So I'm like, what the fuck and she's like, I just killed a big spider.
I'm just like, you know what?
I cannot deal with fucking this shit.
I'm like, I am in Australia, but it's Oregon.
Yeah.
It's, it's, it's super bad.
And I was telling my do's a check it out.
I almost crashed my car coming home from work because I was trying to put my sun visor
down and I kept seeing little, I don't know, webs and I just kept what the fuck.
I don't know how, what is it?
I don't know.
I have a fucking fairly new car, fairly new car and I wash it and I get it detailed, but
I guess these motherfucking spiders just like to live in your car and just so I put my windshield
or the sun visor down and a big asshole spiders there.
I'm like, I was gonna, I was like, I'm going to crash.
I don't even give a shit.
Like just, just take me out.
Take me out, God.
Take the wheel.
Jesus.
Take the motherfucking wheel.
I will fucking just drive off into a fucking hayfield that just been plowed.
I don't fucking care anymore.
I hate spiders.
And if you walk out of Pomona Bullets house, like she had to cut down a tree because there
were spiders there, but there's just webbing everywhere.
It's so disgusting.
I'm like, it's not spring.
It's spring, but I'm like, it's no, it's not close to Halloween, but it is.
So you don't need to have webbing all over your fucking house, bitch.
Listen to this.
Okay.
So true story.
I got that fake for Halloween.
Okay.
So I'm a big Halloween.
I'm all about Halloween.
I love the horror.
I love just like the pranks.
I love the key.
I just love Halloween.
I love to dress up.
I love to dress up my kids.
What do you want to do?
I go all out.
So I buy this, that fake spider web stuff and I put it on my house and I wake up the
next morning and guess how many real spiders were on there when you put the little fake
black spiders.
Oh, I had eggs and spiders.
I was like, fuck, fuck.
I mean, I guess like, I mean, if you want to go camping, just pitch a tent in my backyard.
Okay, so question, if I were to, if you were to live like in Portland or like, I guess
more in a more city as opposed to the rural, is it bad with spiders over there and I guess
the Nutria?
Probably not because it's not as, it's not as open and not landscape, more landscape.
It's more concrete, right?
I wouldn't really know because I, I hate Portland because it's kind of like a little
mini LA Hollywood.
I would say it's a mini Hollywood.
I don't even want to say LA.
It's a mini Hollywood because it's the main city, right?
It's Salem, Salem and Eugene.
I would think Eugene wouldn't be like that.
Or have you been to Eugene?
Yes, I have.
Shit.
I, Eugene's not that bad, but Salem is like, they shut down our mall to make it a homeless
shelter.
So I don't, I don't fucking know.
And it's like, that's where the capital is, Oregon.
And I don't know.
And I'm, I'm, I'm fairly close to Salem and Portland is like, oh shit.
I like Portland because I go there for concerts or whatever because you have to.
It's kind of like you're living in, you know, whatever, let's just say you're living in
Pomona and you have to go to a concert at the Garden Grove or whatever.
You take that drive, but it is just, it's insane.
Um, I think, well, you know, it's just pretty insane.
There's, there's, you guys are having a huge homeless crisis in SoCal, but you know what?
It's all the way up here as well.
There's just, I did see, I saw tent camps on the way up and I'm just like, oh, so it's
like LA or like California up here.
So it's the same.
It's the same everywhere, I guess.
Yeah.
Exactly.
I'm the offskirts and I live in this little like farm town and hey, ain't no shit going
down here because everybody gots their shotguns and I don't know.
And it's not that we're thinking they're going to come and rob us or anything like that.
It's, it's just like they're, if they panhandle, my town is so small.
They're not going to get much money.
They might as well stay in Salem or a bigger city or something like that.
So they don't, they don't come here.
And by the way, she's not exaggerated when she says farm town itself legit.
I'm not making an understatement at all or overstatement.
How reset?
Yeah.
Well, when I was telling you that there was hay in my backyard because there, there's a
bunch of hay farms and yeah, she, but it was like, okay.
And now she, she came to the fucking legit position.
This is what I'm talking about.
She's like, Oh shit, I'm like, look at my fucking hot tub.
I have a fucking legit hot tub in my backyard.
I'm like, look how, look how there's hay surrounded by her hot tub because of the,
I guess the landscape behind that.
And all the dust and all the bullshit.
It's just fucking crazy.
But I rather deal with hay and dust than SoCal.
Okay.
Well, I'd rather deal with SoCal.
I will, I won't adjust to this, but you got to deal with hurricane.
Yeah.
Okay.
And Hillary, let me, let me emphasize I better have my plane ride better be intact tomorrow.
No bitch.
I am not hanging out with Wolf spiders and Nutria.
Sorry.
My plane ride better be on time or thereabouts.
I need to get home.
I'm going to work on Monday and I will deal with the aftermath.
Oh, and by the way, shout out to prime shuttle.
So this is how Medusa rolls.
So Friday morning, I have my private driver prime shuttle prime shuttle LA.
I don't know.
I'll find the link and I'll put it in the description notes.
So this is how I travel.
I do not, I no longer ask for people to pick me up and drop me off from the airport because
I'm not 22.
I am going to be 50 and I'd like to travel and get to the, I don't like to depend on
somebody to pick me up or drop me off and be stressed out about that or have somebody
hate me because they're going to take me to the airport at 5am or pick me up at 5pm.
I ordered private service and so on prime on prime shuttle, whatever, private shuttle,
whatever the fuck, there's different tiers.
So the bottom tier is like, um, it's the least inexpensive.
I don't do that one.
That's the one where like you're the driver has multiple stops.
So they'll pick up to like maybe five different people or five different stops.
Right.
So I do the, the stop above that, which is it's just me in the car.
So you're going to make one stop.
You're picking me up.
You're dropping me off and we're fucking done.
Then they have all the other like the high end shit.
So that's what I did.
So he calls me or he's outside.
So I'm like, I'll be right out.
So I get out there and I'm in the way I dress.
I wear the same thing or how I showed up and he's like, you don't have any luggage.
I'm like, no bitch.
I'm like, I fucking ship.
I ship.
I ship my ship.
I'm only going to be up here for 36 hours.
So I'm going to be somewhere for 36 hours and it's going to be at somebody's house and
not like at a hotel.
I ship my shit in a box.
USPS flat rate.
The big box for 20 bucks.
I ship everything that can fit in there.
I ship it up four days prior.
I don't have to check anything in.
I showed up with a little tiny bag that had my travel size TSA approved shampoo bottles
full of vodka and tequila.
And that's how I fucking wrote.
Oh wait, so I don't know what's trying to go with this, but do I ship that back?
No, I'm going to see.
Here's the thing.
No, no, here's the thing.
I brought my bag and I brought my bag.
So I'm going to throw everything in my bag.
So anything that doesn't fit in there, like the big lotion, which only has this much in
there, you can either toss it or use it.
So anything that when I travel for 36 hours, I like, if I'm, if I'm sending all my liquids
up there, like, I don't, I'm not going to wash my hair up here, but my lotion, it's
always like the bottom of the lotion that I've been saving for the last three months.
Does that make sense?
Yes, it does because I fucking, I've fucking flew to Hawaii and shit and like I have my
makeup and it just all explodes.
Like, yeah.
Oh yeah.
Well, so, um, and speaking of, I guess, um, my daughter's like, you need to cancel your
trip to Maui.
So I'm glad I bought flight insurance.
Thank God.
Well, yeah.
I'm not going to call Hawaiian errands or air.
I'm kind of drunk.
Hawaiian Airlines emailed me on Friday and said, your flight has already changed for
November to Maui.
So they, I think the times were updated by an hour, like an hour out, but I need to call
them next week.
I'm like, I was too busy last week.
I'm going to call them next week and I guess I need to fucking cancel because I just, I
know they need to rebuild and then I, I just go to quiet.
Okay.
Well, I just need to cancel my Maui plans because I need to cancel that.
But then they're like, there's, there's the pros and the cons.
Like everybody's like, you need to cancel because, you know, whatever, which I totally
get.
They need to rebuild.
But then there's like the, the, the one, the couple of locals that are depending.
That's, I know the locals there that, um, there's two sides to every story.
So you know, the locals, they, they want their island.
They don't want it sold to developers.
I totally understand.
I fucking hate tourists.
I get that too, but then they also need the tourists, I guess for the, to boost the economy.
So like there's some small businesses that say, Hey, we still want you to come in because
this is how we make our money.
So I'm just like, Oh, I don't even know.
And I'm supposed to stay at a hostel.
So I need to see if the hostel's still there.
But I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm so like, it's not till November, but I was just like, let me, I don't know.
I'll call next week.
I'll talk to the hostel next week.
I don't know.
I don't know how it weighs out, but it's, it's just, I don't want to be part of the
problem.
I rather just wait.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I just, I just, you know, it, I know in the last episode, I was just like, Oh yeah, it's
this natural selection, but that, that's when we know that the, the, the volcanoes rumbling
you hear it for two weeks and blah, blah, blah.
And then a fucking ash comes up and then it's fucking hot as fuck.
And then, you know, it kind of burns, but we're not dumb.
I don't know really what the situation was.
My family's on Kauai.
My family's on the main island.
I'm like Eva beach and Pearl city.
And then I'm in Kauai and Princeville and don't get me wrong.
We will help and my family has a compound and everything like that.
And we will try to help as much as we can.
But yeah, um, the tourists doing all this and like, ah, I appreciate that.
And I'm sure my family more so would because I'm looking at it at another, on another fucking
level.
Um, but I just, it just sucks.
Everything sucks.
But, um, just, you don't rebuild an island.
The island rebuilds itself.
So you just, we just got to get off the island.
And this is something that has gone from generation to generation to generation.
We get off the island and we, and it rebuilds because there's going to come the rains and
this is going to come.
And the, the, it's honestly, if you're not an islander, you wouldn't understand this.
And it's kind of like, Hey, it happens every 10 years.
It happens every 20 years.
This, it happened 10 years ago, but we don't project it like all this little Doppler seven
or whatever the fuck you guys want to call it.
Like it just, it's, it's an island thing and it is very, very devastating.
It's very, very sad.
But um, it, this, like, I, I, I'm going to watch my words, but the island will rebuild
itself and you got to let it naturally heal.
That's where I'm going with this.
Like I want to cancel, but then well, I am going to cancel.
I just, they need time to heal.
So, and they need to heal on their own before they let, and I understand where they need
the tourists still to come in.
I just not as much because of the economy and they need, they depend on that money, but
they still, they need to heal first and build and be a, I shouldn't say be alone, but they
need to heal as a community.
But that's the way I see it.
So that's why I'm going to cancel.
And you can always go to their, and I'm not saying, Oh, we'll just forget Maui because
we're not going to forget Maui.
Maui is always there.
I'm, I'm offering Medusa to like, Hey, you know, my, if, if you have this time off at
work, let's go to my family's compound on Kauai, but it's still kind of like, but, but
we're not going to rebuild on ashes.
We let the island rebuild itself first.
So I just want to say as an Islander and my family and everybody, like just it's, it's
a devastating, it's horrible, but let, let it, let the island rebuild itself first.
It's, it, and then, then we rebuild, then we can all like, Hey, let's get some contractors.
Let's put this purse, this place back up with this, whatever, but let the island, it's
suffering, let it heal.
And then let's, let's go for it.
That's all I have to say.
Yeah.
On that note, we're on time.
So, um, uh, yeah.
Uh, any last words?
Pomona bullets.
I just need another drink.
Okay.
And on that note, I am Barak Medusa.
And again, she is Pomona bullets and we are at live in person and I'm tired of staring
at her and I know this is fucking weird.
We're all, the only thing that's separating us is my fucking phone that keeps going back
and forth on our, um, when we're talking.
So, uh, we see you soon out.
Bye.
Okay.
All right.
Let's go, okay.
You too.
All right, bye.
So, bye.
Okay.
Good, bye.
Bye.
Thank you.
You too.
I think we only had a winner, like maybe a week last year.
Whatever.
Well, you guys did have your hurricane. Oh, yeah, I survived Hillary hurricane Hillary
And then there was an earthquake. I didn't feel that shit. I don't know if I was on the plane or not
Whatever
All right, what are you drinking? Let's start up. Oh guys, I'm taking it easy this morning. I have a blue moon. Oh
Nice. Yeah, what the slice of orange, you know making it official
I haven't had that in the longest fucking time. I forgot about that beer. Yeah, it's pretty
Pretty tasty
Keeping it light right. I had way too much beer yesterday. So today I guess
Sapphire with lime sparkling ice lime because I can't do sapphire by itself anymore since I'm a fucking pussy
Yeah, you're still on that same bottle. Oh my god, it's the fucking the big it's a big fucking handle bitch
Oh, got it. Yeah, Costco one. Yeah, that's size. I don't know. I got it for a birthday gift like I
Was still working at Long Beach. That's how long ago
I'm like, I need to polish this bitch off eventually. So that's when I started with the podcast fancy that
Can't see that
So how was the fair yesterday? Oh my gosh, it was okay. I
right now I decided well
Breakfast of champions. I'm eating beef jerky and sipping a blue moon
Where's the unit I tell her to make you some her eggs are so fucking bomb
I haven't had scrambled eggs in forever cuz scrambled eggs is for toddlers, but she makes bomb fucking scrambled eggs, bitch
Yeah, I know courtesy of her mother teaching her how
Well, tell her to make you some I know I should like because I have fucking beef jerky stuck in my I've been flossing my fucking teeth
Yeah, I'm like geez I don't know cuz I'm at the fair let the kids run around do whatever and
Then you know everybody it was the fair was about to close
So it's all these deals. They're three bags beef jerky 30 bucks. I'm like fuck. Yeah. Oh
It's the homemade one. Yeah, okay good. I was gonna say cuz that fucking Slim Jim is fucking
That's not even beef jerky. I don't know what that is. I don't fucking know
That's it's like the meat from the talk or the what's the jack-in-the-box taco meat
Hey, then fucking tacos are bomb and I know but what is the meat since fucking college?
I used to love to fucking smoke weed and fucking eat those
There they are pretty fucking good. I mean who would have thought putting like American sandwich cheese and a fucking taco
People that's who fucking delicious
Okay, so let me tell you about after you dropped me off at the airport last week
Oh, I guess I'm gonna go into rants right away rants for pdx not pdx the people that are trying to go home with me
So we get ready to fucking board TSA everybody there. Everybody was cool. The TSA line went by really fucking quick. I
Go to I guess when I'm ready to not check in what's it called when we're ready to board
Why are there three people in front of me that don't have their boarding pass out on their phone or the actual boarding pass?
They get up to the front and they're like, oh, where's your boarding pass?
I'm like these fucking bitches and by bitches. They were all men. I'm like fucking guys
I don't know what the fuck is going on. They're like, oh, yeah, you're holding up the fucking line, bro
I want to go home to
Hurricane Hillary I want to be in the eye of the storm
Yeah, there was a little bit of I was expecting more turbulence. There wasn't that much turbulence. That's good. Yeah
There was a fucking shit ton of accidents on the way home though because you know, I had that private driver
Yeah, there was I counted there was like 12 fucking accidents all separate and I'm like fuck man people need to slow down
He's like, I'm gonna be driving 55 and I'm like, bro, you drive 45 if you need to it's fucking raining hard. Don't worry about it
Damn, I want to go home in peace or in one piece
Not he says
Fuck so it was raining when you got when you landed. Oh, yeah
It was fucking raining hard when I got to I guess the drop-off point. So
When you land like all the ubers and everything and I guess not the taxi so but like ubers the lifts and then the private drivers of the shuttles
You have to get bused to a separate location and get picked up from there. So I guess that alleviates the traffic congestion
Oh shit. What did you go to? Oh?
Yeah, well, I was gonna I was trying to fly out of Ontario
But I had to stop like in fucking Oakland before I got or San Jose and I'm like well
If I stop in Oakland, I'm just gonna stay in Oakland
The only direct flight was out of LA so I'm like, let me just do LA X. That's why I got the driver
Yeah, fuck
And I'm good. I'm glad I did that cuz M would have been like I'm not picking you up
No, that's fucking rain
Crazy and then one more thing about people on planes
So I always like I always sit towards the back of the plane. I don't know why I just fucking do that's my thing
So my thing is this if you have your carry on if you're bringing a carry on and you need to put it in the overhead bin if there is
Space at the beginning of the plane, you know like in row 12 throw your shit up there
Like why do you wait to you? Why do you drag it with you all the way down to 25 or at least that's what I do
Yeah, I don't know everybody's different, but that shit sets me off and oh one more thing
These fucking bitches get on before me obviously and there I guess they were wrote whatever row they were there like say row 20
Why did they were walk all the way to like row 22 and they're like, oh?
We weren't paying attention now that we all have to back up on the fucking one aisle plane
Because they have to get to row 20. Oh fuck. I'm like well these people are from LA clearly. Yeah, oh
Shit
How's your week been it's been pretty eventful just working and
And
Yeah, I finally like did a deep cleaning of my bathroom full the floors and shit and moved a fucking heavy-ass dresser
Get all the dresser or in your room. Yeah, my room. Did you go in my room?
No, because I wanted to see your neighbor's fucking yard. I forgot. Yes. I just didn't want to intrude since I
Guess the mister was there. Oh
Yeah, well no fuck that it's my room. It's my domain. It's my house
Yeah, I'm doing my my son of a bitch. I swear to God
I don't know what they are. They must be like half hippie half crash half fucking. I don't know
It's just
Their yard is just fucking disgusting
I know
Yeah, you're reorganizing your room though, or are you just oh no? I had to so I have this big ass
It's like a fucking antique
dresser
Because I wasn't gonna buy new furniture until I got the new house. So I knew what to fucking buy
Right. Oh, I'm rocking all this old shit that fuck. I don't know. I think I've had it since high school
Oh, okay, sit around so my grandmother gave me this fucking dresser. So it's like real real wood real heavy
Oh, it's not plywood or no
It's it's fucking wood so it's just just stays there and I can't really move it
Well, if I try and move it I'm going one in moving it two inches and I go the other side of it two inches
Yeah, well, I haven't moved in in about two years since I bought the fucking house
But I dropped a cable cord like I was plugging in the Xbox and the cord dropped behind it
I'm trying to grab him like what the fuck. Oh, yeah, so you had to move it together. Yeah, I'm like that's this is way too much fucking dust
second cheese
Yeah, I did a deep clean of my room today, too
But I don't want to get too much of a mess. I don't want to get too much of a mess. I don't want to get too much of a mess
I don't want to go to bed either. I don't want to go to bed either. So I was wondering if I could find a place for my mom
I don't want to do
Or this morning. There was a really fucking hot that's all blank. Let's start later because I want to get this done and not do any
Yeah, but next Monday we're off because of Labor Day.
Do you have to work next Monday?
Fuck, yeah, I do.
And it's, do you get time and a half then?
You probably get holiday pay, right?
I probably do.
Okay, I was just gonna say it's different,
I guess admin for retail, so.
I was kind of conflicted
because I do the scheduling and stuff
and they're like, so Labor Day, everybody's off, right?
Stores close, they're like, fuck no.
Labor Day's our biggest sale of the year.
Fuckin', I don't know,
I guess it's the biggest day for glow.
Yeah, I just figured the admin team though would be closed
or off or whatever,
because admin's different than, you know,
the actual customer service or whatever,
but what do I know?
Shit.
Yeah, you would think.
But no, I work.
But if I'm getting time and a half or holiday pay, I'm for it.
Yeah, that's true.
I really like your hair, so.
Oh, thank you.
You're getting this cut?
I don't know, I don't know.
I'm kind of thinking I want to go back to the way it was before.
Well, because what she used to do,
my stylist, she would just do the gray coverage
and then she would just pull up some highlights in it.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, and so I was used to that.
So if I put my hair in a ponytail or a bun, whatever,
I didn't see all those like little gray roots.
They would be covered at least for three weeks
until they start fucking growing out.
But she decided to not do the gray, the root coverage,
and just do this full on.
Bitch, I swear, I had like 100 motherfucking foils in my hair.
Yeah, when you sent me the picture, I'm like, holy shit,
she could fucking like dial in the fucking space with that shit.
Yeah, no aliens are going to read my mind.
Right?
I was just like, what the fuck?
And she's like, it's going to be great because while you
want to transition, I said, wait, wait, wait.
I don't know.
You're the one who wants to transition.
Not me.
I want my hair regular.
Yeah, I'm not going to fucking embrace
the fucking full on gray, hopefully for another fucking 10
plus years because, yeah, I just can't.
You have a lot of gray.
I don't have a lot of gray.
I mean, I'm graying, but I don't have like a lot of gray
for being, I guess, because I'm half Asian.
Thank God for my mom.
Otherwise, I'd be fucking looking like I'm
90 years old if I was full Austrian.
Yeah, thank God for my dad.
Right.
And the age, like, yeah, my skin and my fucking age
and pretty well, even I have a ridiculous lifestyle.
And but yeah, I think it's from my mom because and I was the only
one cursed with it, this premature fucking gray that I
started getting at 19 and shit.
Oh, that's like my sister in law.
She I guess when she was born or whatever her
she had like a patch of gray, like ever since she was born.
And it's like at the bottom of her head or whatever.
But I was like, oh, that's cool.
It's like a birthmark, but for your hair, I guess.
I don't know.
I don't fucking know.
I but I started, I remember I was about 19 and I would count.
I'm like, fuck, I have like 12 gray hairs.
And I wish it was 12 gray hairs.
Now fuck, no, it's I'm scared.
I am so I have fucking been dyeing my hair religiously.
And I when I see the roots coming out now, I'm just like, holy shit.
I'm like, downed off fucking.
Fuck that.
I know my pressure.
Fuck that.
So that's why I decided to go blonde, go lighter.
Uh-huh.
Because I was like, well, maybe it's not going to look so bad
because I was just like, well, I have dark brown hair.
I'll just start brown.
But when the fucking roots started growing out, holy shit.
No.
So I decided to go blonde and I'm still going to go lighter
and lighter and lighter until you can't until it blends those fucking grays.
Fuck that.
So disgusting.
I feel so old and I'm only like fucking 43.
So no, you're good.
Chill out, bitch.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm just I'm just like, thanks, mom.
The white side.
Yeah, thanks to the white side.
I got white hair.
So speaking of self-care, I don't know if you saw my forehead.
You know what Amelia is?
It's like the it's not pimples, but it's like under under the skin,
like buildup, I want to say.
I don't know what how to pronounce or how to describe it, but it's not your
actual pores that get, I guess that, you know, is a pimple, but it's called
Amelia.
Yes, my son gets that.
Okay.
So I've had that for the last year.
On my forehead, like it won't go away.
So my my original dermatologist is down in Newport Beach.
So I'm like, fuck, and my insurance now covers, or I guess I could go see her.
So I try to make an appointment up here in the six to six and this fucking
dermatologist told me I need to get I get laser, like they wanted to laser my
face.
And of course, my insurance doesn't cover it.
So I'm like, bitch, this don't sound right.
Even though I think I'm WebMD.
Said you got to get laser or whatever.
I'm like, let me go to my dermatologist in Newport Beach.
So I went on Friday and I told her what's going on.
She's like, your face isn't even that bad.
I'm like, you need to come closer.
You got to see my fucking part.
I'm like, even my, like right underneath my eyes on my nose and how familiar
they are to, and she's like, what type of sunblock?
She's like, you wear sunblock every day probably.
And I'm like, well, yeah, it's fucking so Cal.
Hello.
And she's like, well, you need to stop buying the, the, the store brand ones
because I was using new to Gina and then I switched to good molecules.
But she's like, that's what's causing all the milia and it's not going to go away.
So I'm like, well, the dermatologist and up by my house told me I need to get
laser treatment or laser treatment, whatever the fuck the laser thing is.
She's like, what?
No, you don't.
And she's like, insurance doesn't cover laser treatment.
I'm like, I fucking know.
She's like, no, no, no, no, no.
So she put me on, not hip hop, hooray, retina.
So she, I have retina.
Now that I got to put on three times a week and then she has her own skincare line.
So I've been always using her face wash.
That's, and it's in a big tube.
That's why I sent fucking packet for TSA.
Yeah.
Anyway.
So now I'm on her tented sunblock.
She's like, use my sunblock.
Your, your skin should clear up after the retina.
And she's like, the retina will help with wrinkles.
I'm like, okay, well, so what happens?
But I'm fucking tired of this milia.
I was just like, I don't know what this is.
And fucking laser treatment, that sounds painful.
I don't know.
It probably is.
Fuck.
No, it probably is because when I was getting some tattoos removed, they used that laser,
like little blast light thingy.
Oh, so do you get scar or do you have scarring from that?
Well, when it very first came out, they, I don't know, they had it, I guess, too high
and I scarred up on my fingers.
And, but they did give a nice little payout.
Yeah, they, why?
You sue them?
No, but I guess I could have and they just said, here you go.
We fucked up.
So here you go.
And I was like, oh, thank you.
But I, I don't know.
I was 20, 20 years old and I was getting them off because, yeah, what, what lovely looking
lady wants tattoos all over their fingers and shit that say put my finger on my finger
and shit that say Pomona and are you for real?
Yeah.
Fuck girl.
That is fucking staple fucking Pomona bullets.
I know.
Straight, straight.
Yeah.
Fuck that.
I grew up and then I was like, what the fuck?
I wanted to get the sun, moon and stars or just the moon and stars on my, I don't know
how I was going to do it.
I was talking to my daughter's best friend's boyfriend.
How crazy is that?
My daughter's best friend's boyfriend.
He's a tattoo artist since all my tattoo guys moved out of fucking remember the tattoo shop
that used to be up the street from you.
Yeah.
Maybe the local or whatever.
Yeah.
La Vida.
What was it called?
Oh, party.
No, party.
Yeah.
Close enough.
Yeah.
Fucking he dipped out to fucking Amsterdam and tattoos there now for like the last five,
six years.
Yeah.
He's like, fuck California and he fucking left.
He bounced.
Fuck.
Good for him.
Yeah.
That's what I said.
But anyways, there's nobody out here that I know of, I guess.
So I was talking to my daughter's best friend's boyfriend and I'm like, I want the sun or
I guess the moon and stars.
I explained it and then I'm like, oh, summer's coming around.
I'm going to be tanning.
I never started tanning.
I was going to.
So I'm like, well, let's hold off to the wintertime and I'm like, now and I'm like, yeah, I'm
not going to get that shit.
You're all sounded good.
But thank God, thank God, summer rolled around because otherwise I had my hands all marked
up.
No, man, I keep thinking I want to get some more work.
But I'm like, you know, well, if the Raiders ever win the fucking third Super Bowl, I will
get a fucking Raiders emblem tattoo, but I'm not going to just put one on me.
Yeah.
True.
I'll never get a lightning bolt ever.
I'll never get a fucking Christ.
Shit.
I guess prayer is good for something.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
So coming home from Newport Beach, I took the 57 North.
Okay.
You know, that's like, I do.
LeBrea, whatever.
Is it LeBrea?
Yes.
LeBrea.
So I didn't realize because I didn't take the 57 North or 57 South going to there.
I took the 605.
I'm taking the 57 North and all of a sudden it's like a dead standstill because people
don't know how to fucking drive.
Right?
Why the fuck?
Okay.
So on the 57 North by LeBrea, LeBrea Canyon, whatever, they are expanding the fucking
freeway.
No.
Yeah.
They're expanding it.
However, you know, when they're expanding it, they have to close the lane because they
have to, you know, for safety issues and whatnot.
So they can.
So every it's fucking bottleneck.
Right?
Anyways, where am I going with this?
I am total.
I don't know.
Are you for or against?
This is a two part question.
Maybe it's a one part question.
Are you for or against freeway expansion?
If it's just like for a part of the freeway?
Fuck no, I'm against it.
Thank you very much because guess what?
Even though you're going to have an open, you're going to have an additional fucking
lane, you're going to have now five, five lanes, because the carpool lane, I want to
say on both sides, north and south, that shit ends like, I want to say it ends before
the 91 or however they're fucking doing it doesn't go all the way down to where the 57
ends or where the 57, 5 and 22 merge.
So let's just fucking stupid.
And plus they're fucking doing this where the canyon is.
I'm like, you can't dig into the canyon, bitch.
Like what are you doing?
And then I am so against.
So Cal.
Yeah, because all the goddamn fucking, it's just going to bottleneck before and after
that it's going to, it just pisses me off.
People already can't merge when they're trying to get on the freeway.
So, and then you're like going five miles and then you got to fucking merge back to
a four lane highway.
Fuck.
Thank you.
And it's always fucked the 57 to, you know where the 57 and the 60 meet?
Yes.
Going north.
People still don't know how to fucking like get over because it's so weird that the 57,
I'm sorry, the 60 East.
I'm sorry, if you want to go 60 West, you got to get all the way to the right lane.
Yeah.
Hook over.
And then if you want to stay on the 60 or no, yeah, the 60 West East.
East.
Yeah.
So the 60 East, you got to stay to the left.
And if you want to, if you want to remain on the 57 North, then you got to get all the
way over to the right.
So everybody does.
Everybody doesn't know what the fuck to do.
I know, even though there's fucking signs and arrows.
I need to know.
I need some down.
I got my blood pressure is up right now.
About this.
And your ism.
Damn.
Who's old this bitch?
Complaining about the goddamn freeway on a Sunday.
No less.
Yeah.
That I hate it.
And then so Cal, it don't matter.
Cal trans, you motherfuckers just stand around.
You have five motherfuckers and two working like I don't know.
And it takes like 10 years to expand a freeway for five miles.
Thank you very much.
It's all about the overtime, bitch.
That's what I guess so.
And then they think if they do it at two in the morning, it's going to be any fucking
better.
Yeah, right.
That's when you should do it instead of during on a Friday at 11 o'clock in the afternoon
or in the morning.
I'm just saying.
Or do it on the weekend.
Yeah, for sure.
Whatever.
Or how about don't do it at all?
Yeah.
How about back in?
Yeah.
Just get a horse in a carriage.
How about we just back and get rid of freeway?
Thank you very much.
If we can just teleport, that'd be great.
Yeah.
Bullet train.
Shit.
Hey, do you guys still have that like Metro link thing?
Yeah.
And you know what?
We have the Metro now.
Or the Metro.
Yeah.
The Metro link is the main one, I guess, out of LA, but like they finally opened up
the Metro down here.
So it's like the shorts, I guess the short shortened version, I guess, or not the high
end version.
And the last time I was on it.
So I can take it like it's two miles from my place that I go and then I can take it
to Alvera Street.
And I did that like last summer, I want to say.
You know what's really sad?
You've been to Alvera Street, right?
Yes.
Okay.
So during lock, you know, because of lockdown, a lot of businesses fucking closed.
My favorite Mexican joint at Alvera Street that had the mariachi band and with the best,
what's it called?
Not whoever's rancheros.
Chilaquiles.
They fucking went out of business or they closed down.
Yes.
Alvera Street, they still have the little shops, but there's not really many restaurants
anymore.
They all just went under and I fucking, I was so pissed.
I guess I'm not coming back anymore, but I guess the crime rate is high.
My daughter gets all, don't go on the, I'm just like, you know what?
If you pay attention and you're vigilant and you stay to yourself, I don't think nobody
will fuck with you.
They're not gonna fuck with me.
I'll get all loud.
We're like the, the chat, like that's why we were never abducted as children.
They probably said this fucking brat, like get out, get out of the candy van now.
You know what?
Speaking of, you gotta watch, well, maybe don't watch, but do watch the movie, the black
font, the black font.
Oh, I did watch that.
I fucking, I can't believe I went because you know, I fucking love horror, right?
Yeah.
So I went to the movie theater and I cannot believe I didn't fucking walk out of the movie
theater.
I wasted like almost two hours of my time that I will never get back.
The minute that fucking little boy said, are those black balloons in your car?
Yeah.
And I was like this fucking idiot.
Of course they are.
You need to run.
I loved his fucking sister though.
His sister was hilarious and the serial killers brother that was all coped up.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Those two.
I was just like, this movie fucking sucks.
Why is everybody talking about, oh, it's so great.
Yeah.
And then, and why are you going to fucking answer the phone that rings and assignment
plus 10?
Right.
And the fact that the serial killer didn't realize that the boy was digging a hole or
whatever would hide it with a fucking with carpet.
Yeah.
Shit.
Okay.
Oh, yeah, that movie.
It was a disappointment, but it was like a train wreck.
I fucking continued to watch the whole thing.
I didn't.
Everybody, everybody in the movie theater was just so entranced and I'm like, okay, I guess
you guys are all, oh, you know what?
I guess they're all millennials.
I found out yesterday when I was hanging out with my, my old coworkers from when I worked
at Long Beach.
I am not a boomer.
I thought I was a boomer.
They told me I'm a Gen Xer.
Well, then boomer boomers are like in their mid fifties.
Like one of the guys there, he's, I want to say he was 58.
He's like, M, you are not a boomer.
So why is your daughter calling you or, you know, I'm always says boomer's going to boom.
Yeah.
That's what she always tells me.
And I'm like, oh, I guess, I don't know.
He's like, you're not a boomer.
That's me.
You're, he's like, you're not 50 or whatever, 55 plus.
I'm like, so, so I don't know what Gen Xers are, but they told me, well, he told me I'm
a Gen Xer.
There's a Gen X.
Generation X.
Yeah.
Oh, I heard that.
Yeah.
I'm sure you have to be too.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Whatever.
You know, my dad used to say he was a boomer.
So I kind of thought if I was a boomer, well, I guess I just fell somehow into that category.
No, I don't know.
But you know, Fred Durst, limp biscuit.
He's the same generation X and shit.
And I was like, oh, maybe we are Gen X.
I fucking forgot about Fred Durst.
I fucking hate limp biscuit.
I know.
He was like my future generation and Gen X and all that.
He's the fucking talk about that shit all the time.
Gen X.
And I'm like, I don't remember.
I just remember that stupid song.
I did it for the nookie.
I'm like, this is so fucking dumb.
There was only one song that I liked.
Well, I could stomach was the Roland song.
Oh, yeah.
That one.
Yeah.
I'll give you.
Yeah.
That one.
I actually like that song.
I ain't gonna lie.
I'm gonna go with the Gen Xers.
I actually like Kid Rock's first album.
So oh, yeah, I can get crucified for that.
I'm sure I'll get crucified for that.
But I like Kid Rock's first album.
That's about it, though.
Yeah.
I liked Kid Rock's first album, too.
Fucking I think I fucking probably bought the was it a cassette?
I don't fucking know.
No, I think it's no, no, it had to be a CD.
Yeah, I'm the CD.
It was right when those little MP3s were coming out.
I still didn't know I just had a fucking big old CD case in my car.
Right.
Oh, shit.
I remember I had some people they weren't I'm not gonna say friends just acquaintances.
They would break into cars and instead of taking their fucking radios that they used
to do back in the day, those little pullout radios.
Oh, I forgot about that.
Yeah.
Right.
Remember what was the brand?
I want to say they were Kenwoods.
Kenwoods and I think so many had a couple of them, I think.
But Kenwood was a big one.
I totally forgot about that.
We would always have to pull the face.
I never had that.
I had a stock radio, but I remember that's right.
Yeah.
We're all big.
I know.
Well, remember you had to pull the fucking radio out and then it turned to detachable
face and then you just pushed a little button.
The face would pop off and put in your purse or whatever.
Right.
Going to the mall.
Okay, so I'm on Wikipedia and so it says Generation X is the demographic cohort following the
baby boomer.
Oh.
I did not know that.
And preceding the millennials, of course we know that.
So it's the birth year.
Gen X is birth years, the late 70s to early 80s, but I was born in 74.
I was born in 80.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I guess we are Gen Xers.
Well, whatever.
You learn something new every day.
So I'm just going to tell my daughter the next time she acts up and says boomer is going
to boom into the reference to whatever the fuck I'm talking about.
Like, no bitch, I'm Gen X.
So I recognize.
Got to go.
Hang it up.
Bye.
So then what does that consist of?
We just, what?
We were like fucking overalls with one.
I guess.
And is that art?
It says here on Wikipedia as, sorry, as adolescents and young adults in the 1980s and 90s, Xers
were dubbed the MTV generation, sometimes being characterized as slackers, cynical and
disaffected.
Oh, that's me in a nutshell, I guess.
Yeah.
That was like, right?
Some of the many cultural influences on Gen X youth included a proliferation of musical
genres with strong social tribal identity, such as punk, post-punk and heavy metal.
Yeah.
It sounds like Teen Spirit now.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Okay.
Moving right along.
Wow.
Well, I'm glad I'm not a boomer.
So my daughter can cleanly fuck off.
Bitch, you're wrong.
Oh my God.
You're wrong.
Oh, geez.
Girl, do you have HBO?
Max or?
I always ask him.
I always forget.
Man, I had it, but fucking, I dish network.
They can't come to an agreement.
Oh, I forgot you actually have a, you have satellite or whatever.
Because before I, before I boarded the plane, I watched Tracy Morgan, you know how he got
hurt in the, he got, I don't know if you know Tracy.
Yeah.
He got hit by a fucking Walmart trucker.
I don't know.
He got hit by a Walmart delivery truck, I want to say.
One of those big ones.
If I'm not, yeah, it was like his tour bus got hit by one.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
There we go.
That's what it is.
And then it took a long time for him to recover, but he got fucking paid.
So he finally, I guess he made it back to stand up and I watched his stand up.
It was fucking great.
Really?
Watch it.
Yes.
Bitch.
Okay.
So I was like, well, I don't even know the password.
Well, it's since it's my daughter's HBO account.
I don't even know the password.
Otherwise I would give it to you.
But yeah, if you're able to watch it some way.
Well, because I downloaded the app to my phone and I was like, well then fuck this.
I don't give a shit.
And so I downloaded it to my phone.
I pay for it.
So I thought I could use it.
Oh, so yeah.
So you should be able to watch it on your phone then or whatever.
But it keeps telling me, well, who's your network?
And I'm like fucking dish.
And I'm like, no.
I'm like, well then fuck.
I don't know.
Fucking put that in.
Whatever.
Yeah.
I'll have to look into it.
They didn't get rid of Netflix anyway, since they fucking went up to like $22 a month now.
Really?
Yes.
I just looked at my, I hardly ever check my, my statements or online because you know,
I know how much I have or I don't have.
So it's rare that I check it.
And Netflix comes out automatically every month.
And I remember I used to pay like $9.99 and then it went up to $12 and then it went up
to $14.99.
And then I just looked this last fucking month or earlier this month, $22 fucking dollars.
Like what the fuck?
I got that free year membership for, I guess when I upgraded to an iPhone, alright, switched
out my Android for an iPhone with T-Mobile.
And I still can't log in with the instructions they gave me.
And I have yet to go to fucking T-Mobile.
Oh God.
I guess I could call T-Mobile so they can explain it, but I'm like, I'll get around to it eventually.
I don't fucking care.
I like, I'm more of a Hulu girl.
I didn't know it was that much.
It was costing $22 a month now.
Shit.
Yeah.
And they constantly fucking, they'll tell you, oh yeah, you, you, it was, the show was
on here, but it expired now and we don't have it anymore.
So it's like, what the fuck Netflix?
Jesus.
And now they're doing this whole thing.
Okay.
I get it.
They don't want you to just buy an account and give it to your friends and family and
everybody just uses one account.
So they are cracking down on it so bad that only five things can be linked.
Okay.
So, and so I'm like, what the fuck?
So my kids have, you know, my son will watch Netflix on the computer.
My daughter will watch it on her phone.
Shit.
I'll watch it on my phone when I'm at work on my lunch.
Right.
Cooked up to my TV.
That's already four.
So God forbid my son puts it on his Kindle and we're driving.
Right.
And then, then my sister, yeah, I gave her my account.
So when I'm watching.
You need to change the password so she can, she can't log in anymore.
I was like, yeah, you better give me $11.
That's half the fucking right subscription fee.
It's fucking crazy.
And I was like, okay, Netflix.
I'm getting rid of you and I'm getting two other different apps.
There you go.
Plus or some shit or another peacock one.
My daughter does it.
I think it's $5 a month, which isn't bad.
I can't believe it's that fucking cheap.
Nice.
Yeah.
But it's just so many fucking apps and I'm so fucking old.
And then, you know, they say you shouldn't make your password the same password for all
the fuck that I cannot remember all my work passwords, all my fucking personal fucking
password, right, they're all the same password, maybe with a little bit of a variance.
But that right is me off too, because I think it's the same.
And then I'm like, oh fuck, I forgot that was a capital.
And then I get locked out of my accounts and I get all pissed off like a grumpy old lady.
Welcome to my world.
Yeah, all these fucking passwords.
And for a long time, I used to have a, when you have those old school Rolodex.
Oh, God, yeah.
Yeah.
I had one of those and it was for work, actually.
And when I left one of the companies I worked for, I bought the Rolodex, so it was mine.
I took it with me.
Okay.
And I was like, oh fuck, it's all these work passwords that I don't need anymore.
Who gives a shit?
I don't know.
So this was about maybe 10 years ago or so.
I decided to just use it as my fucking password Rolodex because I had so many fucking passwords.
Also, you'd write your password and put it in your Rolodex?
Yeah.
So it would be like N, Netflix, username, password.
Oh, smart, smart, smart, smart.
Yeah.
Well, I thought it was smart and my daughter's all mom.
You know what?
She's all, if we ever got broken into like the house, she's all, people would just take
all your jewelry, all whatever, she's all, but they wouldn't even think to take a dusty
old Rolodex that has your whole life written down on it.
Right.
And I was like, hey, yeah, so I guess it is a good idea, but yeah, I don't keep up with
it anymore because it did kind of scare me to think like, well, what the fuck if they
did?
Do you have a safe?
I do.
Well, fucking lock it up in there.
That's what I do.
Just lock it up.
I'm not going to say I don't keep up with it anymore because they'll say it's time to update
your password.
And so all of them that I go and I'm like, did I fucking write the updated fucking password?
Right.
Honestly, I didn't.
And I don't fucking know anymore.
I'm just so grumpy.
So question then, let's get into Rant.
I already did my Rant.
What I guess specific rant do you have for this week?
Pomona.
Geez.
I was going to rant.
There's so much shit that I could rant about, but I don't know.
I think my biggest rant was again, going to the fair and just people.
It's just fucking people.
And it's a different demographic of people here in Oregon compared to Southern California
or anywhere else.
Yeah.
Patagonia and Columbia fucking gear, bro.
Yeah.
You're either one of them or your trash.
Your trash.
And I don't, so my rant is don't fucking mean mug me or look me up and down because
I'm dressed in jeans and a fucking t-shirt and took a shower and brushed my hair.
I posted you walking around and dirty ass crocs and fucking flannel pants and a fucking
like an orange or blue hair.
Looks like you dyed it with Kool-Aid and something I would have probably tried to do
in junior high and, and you're fucking fat, not fat shaming because, hey, rocket, whatever
body type you have, fucking rocket, just be clean and not smelly.
Yeah.
And, and fucking wear clothes that fit you.
I mean, just, you know, you just got to do that.
We don't need to see all your jet pack.
Like, I can, I don't know.
And even if those were jet packs, it would have picked your ass up off the ground more
than a foot.
Like, I don't know.
I don't know.
And I, and I hate that they feel that they have presidents.
They see me and I try to be nice.
Can you?
Yeah.
I try to be nice.
I smile or I'll say, excuse me.
And they'll just stand there like move or they'll walk and they'll just bump me with
their fucking shoulders and sit.
And it's like, what is going, what is wrong with you people?
I'm not only are you crash, you don't have manners.
You got broad shoulders, bitch.
Yeah.
Move out the way.
And then so I was walking.
Okay.
So I'm walking past, I guess the animal section.
This isn't like the LA County Fair animal section where it's like, ooh, a horse.
Oh, there's the pigs.
And you just walk through.
No, it's like, shit.
People are showing off their chickens and like, I mean, they're legit.
This is their lifestyle.
This is what they do.
It fucking stunk so bad.
So I put my like two fingers under my nose.
Walk through.
And everybody looked at me like if I was just straight fucking disrespecting them, like
get this bitch out.
She's like from around here.
Can we bring her mandate back?
Yeah.
Get this fucking.
She must be from California.
Like get her out of our country fair like fuck.
I was like, sorry, I didn't mean to be disrespectful, but shit, it's stuck like shit.
And I wasn't I wasn't even trying to go into the animal area.
I mean, animals are just every fucking where just everywhere.
Was the fair at the park?
No, this was the fair, the, the, the Salem fair.
So oh, you went to Salem.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Cause people were telling me, well, you got to go to that fair because it has rides and
those rides are all broken.
Don't go on those fucking rides.
I was like, what the fuck?
And they're they're like, you have to go on the Ferris wheel.
No, but I'll pass.
Hard pass.
I'm not going on the Ferris wheel next to the goddamn cows and that's what people say
who are born and raised in Oregon and where Patagonia or Columbia.
Yeah.
I'm just like, I don't know.
And my horrible, horrible self, which I'm working on, I'm working on.
I just look at them like, yeah, you may have a blue color job or a white color job, but
I don't know.
You're that smart.
Like I called common sense.
Yeah.
You lack in that area.
Yeah.
It's just, there's just no way.
There's just no way.
And then when I do talk to somebody who can hold an intelligent conversation, it's just
like, were you born here at nine out of 10 times?
They're like, no, I'm from Arizona or something.
I was like, we'll do it.
I fucking knew it.
Not from Oregon.
Yeah.
You were net-burning raised here.
I fucking knew it.
A little too smart for that.
But that's my rant.
My rant is I hate that.
Okay.
I'm also going to rant on myself because I do the same thing.
I judge people before I fucking really.
We all do that.
But it's just like, it sucks because how do you think you're better than me when you're
dirtier than me?
I just, that's just my rant because you can, you don't have to have as much money as me.
You don't have to fucking, you can live in a fucking trailer park.
I don't give a shit.
But take a shower and brush your teeth on your hair.
Don't fucking hate me because I'm clean.
That's exactly why they're hating you.
I'm assuming.
I would assume.
I don't know.
But who knows?
Maybe that's just their way of like greeting people.
It's just, they just want to step on your toes or give you, give you a flat tire.
Okay.
I'm tired of that shit.
Like how close you have to walk to somebody to cause, I think I got maybe four flat tires.
Like we don't know when people walk too close behind you and they step on your heel.
Oh, oh damn.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
And it's like, what the fuck is going on?
Oh, yeah.
I don't know.
I've never had four flat tires like shoe wise in one day.
In one day.
My kids used to do that shit to me at the grocery store.
I fucking hated it.
They had separation issues.
Yeah.
It's like, mommy, don't leave me it.
Don't tell me you're, I'm going to go to aisle two and then you leave and like abandon me.
Yeah.
They're just, I'm walking and I stop and they just, they're not looking and they just
keep fucking walking and boom.
I'm like, oh, you little shit.
Like, I hate that.
I hate that.
Fuck.
I only had one kid and then I got my two side.
I'm like, I am over this bullshit.
Yeah.
No fun.
So yeah, there, there you go.
I'll stop.
I'll stop there because I can just continue to rant about all the shit.
Then people are going to be like, come on a bullet is one grumpy fucking bitch.
Hey, we all are.
But because we're Gen Xers, but at least we're not boomers.
Yeah.
Exactly.
I don't wonder why I was telling you, I got the boomer cars for that trivial pursuit
game.
I was like, why?
Oh, that's right.
Fucking war.
Yeah.
Okay.
So there, I guess our parents generation.
I don't know.
Whatever.
I would have seen myself.
It's crazy.
All right.
Well, I think we should end on that note.
Okay.
Do you have any last words, ma'am, for the week?
I do not.
The liquor store is now officially open.
It's 12 o'clock.
So I'm about to partay.
Sweet.
By myself.
And my last word is you need to kick the can down the road.
I am kicking it.
All right.
I permanently not like on a temporary.
I'm kicking it and there's like a gutter right there.
All right.
Just kick it down to the next neighbor.
Yeah.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
Bye.
Welcome to our podcast, Top Shelf Hygienx.
You are Pomona Bullets and I am Baroque Medusa.
And we are here to clink, clink and drink, drink.
Let us begin.
Okay.